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Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire.
00:04And I am Ted E. Logan.
00:07Together, we are World Stallions.
00:11Greetings, excellent ones.
00:14That can be all you want it to be.
00:17When you follow your dreams.
00:21Join a team and always believe.
00:24And soon your dreams will be reality.
00:30Whoa!
00:35Whoa!
00:38It's Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventures.
00:41A most audacious, courageous team.
00:45They'll stay together.
00:48Friends forever.
00:50It's Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventures.
00:53A most audacious, courageous team.
00:56Cruising in their time.
01:00Party on, dudes.
01:02Excellent!
01:21Ted, my esteemed colleague,
01:23thus ends another stirring episode of
01:26The Equivalentizer.
01:28They say he gave me food for thought.
01:30I must say, he gave me thought for food, Bill.
01:39Ted, shall we pursue this most resplendent life ourselves?
01:43You are right, my friend.
01:45The Equivalentizer is a most non-non-non-heinous dude.
01:48He helps innocent victims for free.
01:51And he speaks with the most authentic English accent.
01:55Mmm.
02:00Scoot the hour.
02:03Right. It's time for...
02:05Vamps and Amps!
02:15We misspoke, Ted.
02:17Vamps and Amps isn't on for another 30 minutes.
02:21No, wait!
02:23I like this episode.
02:25I've seen it 35 times.
02:27I've seen it 36.
02:29One time I fell asleep.
02:31That counts.
02:34Badger, hurry up.
02:36You'll be late for school.
02:38Gee, Mom, I don't think he hears you.
02:40He's just sitting on his bed staring out the window.
02:43Bored. I'm worried about the Badger.
02:46I'll have a little talk with him
02:48when I get home after work, dear.
02:50A talk won't help, Dad.
02:52Badger's in love with Mary Jane Smedley.
02:55Maybe you should tell Mary Jane how you feel, dear.
02:58Aw, gee, Mom.
03:00What if she laughs at me?
03:02She will laugh at him, Ted.
03:04Reruns are most egregiously predictable.
03:07Look!
03:08It's the heinous jetty rascal,
03:10Dolly's untrustworthy bud.
03:12He will advise Badger to impress Mary Jane
03:14by claiming to be an agent with the FBI.
03:18We think he's in love, Ted.
03:20If only it could turn out differently, Bill.
03:22Yes, Ted.
03:23If only jetty could be thwarted most non-heinously.
03:28Excellent!
03:29This is our chance to be the Equivalentizer.
03:32Our first client,
03:34Badger Kadger himself.
03:43You sure your father will not object to what we've done?
03:46We'll be back before he finds out.
03:48Besides, does the Equivalentizer ask his dad, Bill?
03:51Most certainly, probably not, Ted.
03:57Hey!
03:58Whoa!
03:59Whoa!
04:06This is it!
04:08Kadger country!
04:10It must be.
04:12I feel so normal.
04:14But, dude, we have lost all our resplendent color.
04:18Just tell her you like her, Badger.
04:20Aw, gee, Mom.
04:22What if she laughs at me?
04:24We are too early, Ted.
04:25Let us skip ahead.
04:31Hey, fellas.
04:33Ready for school?
04:34Hi, Jetty.
04:35Good morning, Mrs. Kadger.
04:37What seems to be vexing young Alexander here?
04:40We think he's in love, Jetty.
04:42Bye, boys.
04:49This is where things get most non-triumphant, Ted.
04:52Let's listen in.
04:54Just tell Mary Jane Smedley that you're an FBI agent.
04:57But she won't believe it, Jetty.
04:59Unless maybe I caught a crook.
05:01Well, how about if I pretend to be an escaped criminal
05:04and let Mary Jane see you capture me?
05:07That's a swell idea, Jetty.
05:09Let's do it after school.
05:11Time to suit up, Ted.
05:14Now.
05:16Equivalent ties on, dudes.
05:20I don't believe you, Badger Kadger.
05:22If you're working for the FBI,
05:24how come you're wearing your usual stupid clothes instead of a suit?
05:28Only grown-ups wear suits, Mary Jane.
05:31FBI kids dress like kids.
05:34Hey, wait a minute.
05:36What's that?
05:39Hey, aren't you, uh, Lefty McLefty, the escaped criminal?
05:45You're under arrest.
05:47Oh, I'm Badger, whatever do you mean?
05:50I'm Jetty Rascal, your brother Golly's best friend.
05:54See? I knew you were fibbing, Badger.
05:59Not so fast, McLefty.
06:01FBI boys and girls, you are coming with us, son.
06:05Consider yourself equivalent-ized.
06:07Good work, Special Agent Badger.
06:10We'll take you from here.
06:12Your girlfriend must be triumphantly impressed.
06:14Huh?
06:15Gee, Badger, I really am impressed.
06:18I'm gonna go to the mall shop to tell my friends.
06:20Huh?
06:21This is a freak.
06:23Help! Police!
06:25Run!
06:27Hey, guys, wait for me!
06:30Who are those guys?
06:33Badger, go home, dude.
06:35You will be okay.
06:37Are you guys really with the FBI?
06:44Dude, we must return these uniforms
06:46before my dad notices they are gone.
06:48Agreed, my friend.
06:50You know, I am most favorably impressed
06:52by the world of this television show.
06:54Whoa!
06:56Uh, Bill?
07:01Bogus!
07:05Oh.
07:12So then those two guys showed up
07:14and said that Jetty really was a crook.
07:16But I don't know who they were.
07:18Honest.
07:20Badger, I think you and your father
07:22should have a little talk about this.
07:24Honey, could you come here a moment?
07:26These officers say that Badger and two hooligans
07:29were harassing Jetty Rascal.
07:31I told them we would make sure it didn't happen again.
07:34We'll have a little talk with the Badger.
07:37Our work is almost done, Ted.
07:39Whenever they have a little talk,
07:41it means the show is over.
07:46Uh, Golly, what happens
07:48after Badge has his little talk each week?
07:51The show ends and we all just kind of disappear.
07:54Ted, we are in desperate danger.
07:56Once this episode ends, everyone will disappear.
07:59Including us.
08:01Badger family, open up!
08:10Badger, I hope you've learned a lesson
08:12from this little episode.
08:14Stop! No lessons!
08:16All little talks are canceled until further notice.
08:19Oh, uh, hi, guys.
08:21Badger, are these your hooligan friends?
08:24Uh, yes.
08:26Come on, Badge, time to hooligan down.
08:30What?
08:32Hey, you guys, wait up!
08:35Bill, we've stopped the little talk
08:37so the show cannot end.
08:39But now what?
08:40I have a most excellent scheme, Ted.
08:42Let us take these Badger brothers back to our time
08:45and give them an anti-dork makeover
08:47to enhance their overall excellence.
08:49Excellent! Let's go, dudes.
08:56Gee, who are we calling, guys?
08:58It's not who, it's when.
09:04Party on, dudes!
09:13Wow, this must be Moon Base 3000.
09:17Try San Dimas 1991, dude.
09:20It's in color.
09:22Just like the Sunday funnies.
09:25Gosh, guys, do you have personal rocket backpacks
09:29and computerized bathrooms?
09:31No, but I have a digital watch.
09:34Wow!
09:36Bill, something's wrong with this TV.
09:38It won't change channels.
09:40All it gets is this dumb rerun.
09:44Uh, gee, most bogus.
09:47Missy, uh, this is, uh, Gilbert and Alexander.
09:52Dudes, this is Missy, I mean Mom.
09:55Get out of here!
09:57Ma'am, how can you be Bill's mom
10:00when you're, like, a girl?
10:02I'm Bill's stepmother.
10:04You two look very familiar.
10:07Uh, Bill, strange things are afoot in the Kadger household.
10:14Oh, Mrs. Kadger, is Golly at home?
10:18Is Golly at home?
10:20Gee, look, Golly, it's Jetty.
10:23Gosh, maybe he conned somebody into giving him his own show.
10:27But that's our house.
10:29Golly?
10:30Kadger?
10:34Isn't anybody gonna say,
10:36Wow, Jetty, you have some nerve showing your face here.
10:42This is riveting spine-tingling television.
10:45Not!
10:47Say, Jetty, how about a snack?
10:50Hey, thanks, don't mind if I do.
10:52Look, dudes, instead of watching Jetty eat milk and cookies,
10:55why don't we go out like we discussed?
10:57We'll show you the mall.
10:59The mall?
11:01Oh, I get it, Bill.
11:03A mall is an indoor shopping center.
11:05Wow, what a tiny little television set.
11:09And look at all those channels to choose from.
11:11That's neat.
11:13My young friend, those are computers.
11:16They're for playing games.
11:21The uniforms!
11:23My dad's police uniforms, Bill.
11:25We left them back, you know, back there.
11:28No problem, Dad.
11:30We'll give these dudes an excellence makeover,
11:32go home and watch vamps and amps,
11:34and then return them to their correct time and place.
11:40Well, Kadger brothers, what do you think?
11:43It's okay, I guess.
11:46Come on, Badge, that's not what you're supposed to say.
11:49You're supposed to say,
11:51most non-heinously triumphant, dude.
11:54Excellent!
12:02Missy, is something wrong?
12:04You're reading a book.
12:07Okay, if no one's here, I'm taking over.
12:10Why not? I've got lots more talent than that little creep.
12:13From now on, it's leave it to Jetty.
12:17Wow.
12:19Jetty has become a mental case.
12:23Bumpy, it's about time.
12:26Let's go outside.
12:28Ted, as long as Golly and the Badger are here with us,
12:31this show will never end.
12:33And unless it does end,
12:35vamps and amps can't come on next.
12:38Bonus!
12:40We have to do two things.
12:42First, we have to hide these.
12:44The uniforms!
12:46How'd he get them?
12:48Ted, we've got to get these young men back
12:51to their TV show most expeditiously.
12:53Kadger dudes, it's time to go back.
12:56One more thing.
12:58Stick around in case Golly and Badger come back.
13:00Hey, wait. Listen.
13:02This is my show now,
13:04and if those two strangers show up,
13:06I'll take care of them.
13:08No way!
13:14Guys, does everybody in the future
13:16have one of these nifty time machines?
13:18There's certainly not, Golly.
13:20Only Ted and I can use this
13:22as our destiny to be the world's greatest gig.
13:30Uh, anybody see Jetty and his friend?
13:33Nah, they probably went home.
13:35Come on, Badge.
13:37Mom and Dad will be wondering where we are.
13:39Okay, Golly.
13:41Bill, Ted, thanks a lot for showing us your world
13:43and everything like that.
13:45Badger and Golly, be excellent to each other.
13:48Yeah, anyway, thanks. So long.
13:54Ted, my friend, look around.
13:56Our Leave it to Badger experience
13:58is about to start the final chorus.
14:00Soon, Board will give Badger
14:02the world-famous little talk,
14:04and...
14:08You know something, Bumpy?
14:10I think I'm going to fire Board and Jane.
14:12I don't need any little talks.
14:14I'll leave it to Jetty.
14:16Uh, hi, Jetty.
14:18Uh, Badge!
14:20Golly!
14:22You know, you were gone a pretty long time,
14:24so I...
14:26So you stole all our milk and cookies, right?
14:29I... I... I borrowed them.
14:32Um, beat it, Jetty.
14:34This is Badger's show.
14:36Without him, you wouldn't even be here.
14:38Come on, Bumpy.
14:42They should be right around here, Bill.
14:45Most triumphant.
14:47You two!
14:49If you hadn't come back, this show would be mine.
14:51Bumpy, get him!
14:53Ah!
14:58Wait!
15:00This is theirs, huh?
15:05Yeah!
15:07Bogus!
15:09Gee, golly.
15:11I hope Mom and Dad aren't mad that we were gone so long.
15:14Yeah, plus, wait till they see these clothes.
15:16Badger, your father has been waiting
15:18to have a little talk with you.
15:20Ten, my colleague.
15:22I have just had a most disquieting thought.
15:24Once Badger's little talk with his dad is over,
15:27the show will end.
15:29Since our time booth is most heinously destroyed,
15:31we are stuck here.
15:33And like everybody else,
15:35we will disappear.
15:38Now, let's finish the job.
15:40Bill, I earnestly suggest
15:42that we start disappearing immediately.
15:45Yo!
15:47Because, you see, Badger,
15:49sometimes when we do things,
15:51we don't know what will happen when we finish doing them,
15:54both to ourselves and to others.
15:56Wow, Dad, I know what you mean.
15:59I think.
16:01Whoa!
16:03No way!
16:05Thank you.
16:07I think these will come in handy in future episodes.
16:10Bill, if we disappear,
16:12will we be back in future episodes?
16:15I don't know.
16:17We may just be one-time only guest stars.
16:21Badger, I hope you learned a lesson today.
16:24I sure did, Mom.
16:26I learned that I don't want to be an FBI agent
16:29or Mary Jane's boyfriend or anything like that.
16:32I just want to be what I am,
16:34a dumb kid with the best family in the whole wide world.
16:38Milk and cookies, everyone?
16:40Excellent!
16:42Hold him there, Bumpy.
16:44He caused me to lose my own show.
16:46And now they're gonna pay.
16:49Ugh!
16:51Aw, heck!
16:54Bill, it's a miracle.
16:56What happened?
16:58It is the theme music for the show.
17:01Badger and his dad had that little talk.
17:03The show is over.
17:05We are saved.
17:08Bill, we were both previously not saved.
17:11We are dead.
17:13Everything is starting to disappear.
17:16Ugh!
17:20It is the end of the world!
17:24No, wait!
17:25It is not the end of the world.
17:27It is...
17:28Rufus!
17:30What's that?
17:31Gentlemen, we seem to be in something of a pickle, don't we?
17:34Who is this guy?
17:36Rufus, we are rapidly approaching a state of complete disappearance
17:40and our booth is most grievously horizontal.
17:43How do you know the booth won't work?
17:45Have you tried it?
17:51I have the most triumphant dial tone.
17:53There.
17:55Now get back home and be excellent to each other.
18:01Chad, let's go.
18:03Come on, Jetty.
18:05If I don't return those uniforms, my father will be most displeased.
18:09Hey, tough newbies, pal.
18:11Chad!
18:17Whoa!
18:21Chad, my friend, is it not most triumphant to be home again?
18:25Ask me later, Bill.
18:27Look!
18:28Oh, no!
18:29Where have you been?
18:31Oh, you know, Dad, around.
18:34I'll bet.
18:36Where'd you get those, son?
18:38Oh, they're mine, sir.
18:40You've inspired the police force so much, I have my own uniforms.
18:44No kidding, so do I.
18:46And these are them.
18:48Let's go.
18:49Hey, you can't do this.
18:51Call the police.
18:53Son?
18:54Oh, no!
19:00Excellent!
19:03Last stop, Jetty.
19:05Your lucky Ted's dad let you off with a warning.
19:08Later, dude.
19:11Gosh, Jetty, where were you?
19:13We were waiting for you to say your lines so we could end the show.
19:16Say it, Jetty.
19:18It's leave me alone, you guys.
19:21Oh, leave me alone, you guys.
19:23Thanks.
19:24Another outstanding mission accomplished for the Equivalentizer.
19:28Thanks.
19:29Another outstanding mission accomplished for the Equivalentizer, Bill.
19:33And yet, friend Ted, another mission awaits us.
19:36Coming up next...
19:38Vamps and Amps!
19:40Excellent!
19:58Vamps and Amps!
20:28Think!