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Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00I had been selected for a most important journey.
00:05I was to help fulfill the destiny of the two great ones, Bill and Ted.
00:10Wild stallions rule!
00:13Whenever time stands still and trouble moves too fast
00:20To save the future, we must learn about the past
00:26Whoa!
00:31Whoa!
00:34Excellent!
00:36Bill and Ted!
00:37Bogus!
00:38Bill and Ted's most outstanding every day
00:43It's outrageous, so bodacious
00:46Help is always on the way
00:49Bill and Ted's excellent adventures
00:53It's a party, that's for sure
00:56Bill and Ted's most excellent adventures
01:01Most Triumphant!
01:13I don't believe this!
01:15Do you have any idea what you're doing?
01:17Most assuredly, respected father figure.
01:20I'm enjoying this surprise-filled driving lesson in your most macho squad car.
01:26Maybe we should go back to the basics.
01:28The turn signal is that lever over there.
01:30Indeed.
01:31Excellent!
01:32You cop dudes have the most colorful way to signal a turn.
01:35No!
01:36That lever.
01:37No problemo.
01:39What's going on?
01:40So early in the morning?
01:41What noise?
01:42What's that racket?
01:44I'm gonna get the law on you.
01:46Oh, it is the law.
01:49Give me that!
01:50Ted, maybe we better get off the streets.
01:53Utmost total agreement.
01:54Which way to the freeway?
01:56Forget it.
01:57We're going home before I become a nervous wreck.
01:59And the car is just plain wrecked.
02:01Excellent.
02:02I'll spend the rest of the day practicing my parallel parking.
02:04Ted, let me make myself perfectly clear.
02:07Your driving lesson is over today, tomorrow, forever.
02:11Multiple happiness.
02:13I'm that good.
02:15Looks like Ted finished another driving lesson.
02:17Safe to go out again.
02:18What a momentous occasion.
02:20Soon the Bill Ampersand-Ted duo will acquire something we have been sorely lacking.
02:24What's that?
02:25Brains?
02:26Obnoxious youth, I'm referring to wheels.
02:33Hell, driving lesson number 41 went most outstandingly, as I knew it would Ted.
02:38And we must waste no time and drive to Abdul's record store to purchase the new Iron Maiden CD before it's sold out.
02:44A true emergency.
02:45But we are lacking a vehicle and Abdul's is too far to walk.
02:49It's only five blocks.
02:50Ah, but Deacon, these are new sneakers and we do not want to wear them out.
02:57Well, there's always Blue Betty.
03:00A most outstanding and notable suggestion.
03:03Not.
03:04Ted, what is the reason for not?
03:06It's a classic 1973 Plymouth Duster.
03:09No one drives it except Dad.
03:11If the merest scratch could be seen in its over-waxed surface,
03:16I will be most heinously deported to Green Military Academy in Alaska.
03:20But you're an expert motorist, Ted, with over 40 driver's lessons.
03:24True.
03:25However, I possess a mere learner's permit, requiring the presence of a licensed adult type in the car.
03:33Hi, guys.
03:34Sorry to bust in like this, but the important people slipped me an extra gig.
03:37Rufus!
03:38Am I correct to assume from your slightly wrinkled bod that you're over 21?
03:42That's a safe assumption.
03:44Anyhoo, I gotta take your phone booth back to the factory for its 20,000 year checkup.
03:48So...
03:49Our adult!
03:50Sort of.
03:52Bill and I are most appreciative that you're going to help us out.
03:55Yes, Rufus.
03:56Abdul's opens in nine and a half minutes.
03:58Okay, but let's get a move on.
04:00I got mucho stuff to do today.
04:03Rufus!
04:04Your advice is needed before we reach the moment of impact.
04:07My advice is to bail!
04:11Don't pause!
04:12You're blocking traffic!
04:14I would say I am driving most superbly in Giro Numero Uno,
04:18especially with the parking brake activated.
04:20Absolutely, Ted.
04:22We should open the windows so we can better hear the cheering of the other drivers.
04:25An outstanding suggestion.
04:27Ted, it appears we are no longer progressing in a forward direction.
04:31Perhaps Rufus can impart some wisdom in this situation.
04:34Sure, it's right here in the owner's manual index under P for PANIC!
04:39Get out of here!
04:40What's the problem, you pony?
04:42Don't you know how to drive?
04:46Ted, this is the ultimate bogusness.
04:48Au contraire, Bill.
04:50Somehow I have a feeling things are about to get bogus-er.
05:02Ted, which one of those hundreds of gizmos would you say
05:05is not operating in the proper factory-authorized way?
05:08I do not know.
05:10But I feel certain that Rufus, being supremely knowledgeable,
05:13can tell us what's wrong with our engine.
05:15What's an engine?
05:17This is Mobile 8.
05:18We got reports coming in about some bonehead
05:20who has traffic tied up in front of a cozy corner.
05:22Can you send a unit?
05:24I'll handle it.
05:25Nothing makes my blood boil more than a bonehead that ties up traffic.
05:29Here, watch this.
05:36I'll just take a stab at it. Let's see.
05:38Eeny, meeny, curly, moe.
05:41Ted?
05:43After you!
05:44I insist.
05:45It appears we cannot depend on Rufus's knowledge
05:47to fix my high-strung father's precious vehicle.
05:50And therefore...
05:51My thoughts precisely, Ted.
05:52Perhaps we might get help from history.
05:56Excellent!
06:00Go ahead, but be careful.
06:01That booth's check-up is way overdue.
06:03You guys are on borrowed time.
06:05It might act up if it's not serviced.
06:07In the affirmative, Rufus!
06:09Ted, the Plymouth needs major servicing as well.
06:11Hombre, check out repair-type places in the Circuits of Time directory.
06:15Pastas, periscopes, Passover...
06:17Plymouth!
06:29Hoodeth your backs to your paddling pilgrims!
06:32The new land is upon us!
06:34We are already uponeth the land!
06:40Gadzooks!
06:41I stump my toeth on that dumb rock!
06:52Bill, would you say we have arrived at a car repair place?
06:56Ted, I have some serious doubts.
06:59Looketh! Uncivilized heathens!
07:03Greetings!
07:04Say, can any of you doer dudes in black and white fix a car?
07:07Huh?
07:08I am not a dude, whatever that is.
07:10I am mild standish.
07:12Whoeth are youeth?
07:14And what are you doing on our beach?
07:17We were hoping one of you could deconk our Plymouth.
07:20Pray tell, what's a Plymouth?
07:22Well, it's about as big as that exceedingly splendid rock over there.
07:26Excellent analogy, Ted.
07:28Plus, like the rock, the Plymouth is not going anyplace.
07:32Oh, such inspiration!
07:35That giveth me an idea what to nameth this place.
07:38Excellent Rock.
07:40You were never any goodeth at naming rocks, Priscilla.
07:42Since I'm in charge, I'll make that decision.
07:45We'll call it Plymouth Rock.
07:48Oh, right. You must be the pilgrims.
07:51Yes.
07:52And boy, are we hungry.
07:54A truly exceptional segue.
07:56You'd be hungry too if you spent 65 days on a leaky ship
08:00with nothing to eat but English muffins.
08:03Muffins? Savory!
08:05Hey, may I ask where you came from?
08:07Well, it's a long story.
08:09You see, we are people with strange customs.
08:12But we're just as normal as you.
08:14We left England becauseth of prejudice.
08:17People misunderstood our beliefs.
08:19So we wenteth to Holland.
08:21But the people of Holland didn't understand us either.
08:25Why's that?
08:27Because we couldn't speak Hollandese.
08:32But now, in the new world,
08:34at last we are free from hate and prejudice.
08:38Ah! Natives!
08:41Peas!
08:42Aborigines!
08:44But we wish to welcome you.
08:47See, we bring you blankets, jewelry, and much soap
08:50because, frankly, you stink.
08:53Oh, yeah!
08:54You got some nerve. We were here first.
08:56Well, we were here second.
08:58And two is a bigger number than one.
09:00This continent not big enough for all of us.
09:02They are surely getting off to a most unfriendly start.
09:06True, Ted.
09:07Unless they become dudes and dudettes,
09:09there will be no America as we know it.
09:11Meaning no car repair shops.
09:13I never forget her face.
09:15But in your case, I'll make an exception.
09:18You have a very striking face.
09:20How many times you've been struck there?
09:22Whoa, whoa, chill out, dudes.
09:24There are better things to do than trading insults.
09:27Like eating.
09:28My partner and I will prepare you a feast.
09:31A feast!
09:33Let us puteth our differences aside.
09:37Yes, perhaps sharing bread at same table
09:39will show that under our skins we are truly equals.
09:42Equals?
09:44Here, cook this thingeth.
09:46But that is a baby turkey.
09:49I know. We're hungry.
09:52But turkeys are tasteless and stringy.
09:54And plus, there's not much meat on this one.
09:56Stop stalling.
09:58Take this turkey, stuff it, and cook it.
10:01We want food! We want turkey!
10:04We want food! We want turkey!
10:08Happy campers,
10:10Ted and I wish to give this dinner a special name.
10:13An occasion exceedingly sacred to Bill and myself,
10:16for it is a day we get off from school.
10:19Thanksgiving!
10:21I'm famished. Where's the turkey?
10:24We will start with the dessert.
10:26Frosty slushes.
10:28Cherry, cranberry, corn, squash, and trout.
10:37No more delays. I want the turkey.
10:40Pilgrims, Indians,
10:42this is better than eating a scrawny little turkey.
10:45Yes, Chicago-style pizza
10:48with mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce.
10:52Grab these troublemakers and lock them in the stocks.
10:56Bill, I'd say we are in a humongous jam.
11:00Ted, my incarcerated compadre,
11:02I am in complete agreement with you.
11:04Plus, by the time we get to Abdul's record store,
11:07the new Iron Maiden CD will most certainly be all sold out.
11:10Bummer.
11:12I'll set you loose if you give me your frosty slush recipe.
11:16Simple. Just ice and fish,
11:18and put it in a blender, and voila,
11:20trout frosty slush.
11:22Awesome.
11:27Thanks, fine-feathered dude.
11:31It behooves us to get Blue Betty fixed
11:33before my father finds out.
11:35Do not fret, Ted.
11:36I shall call Rufus, who will direct us
11:38to a most righteous repair shop.
11:43Whoa, we're out of control.
11:46I believe that the warranty on our food has just run out.
11:51Smile anywhere, dude. We must bail.
12:06Whoa, it's free candy now.
12:08Whoa!
12:12Avast, ye mateys.
12:13Craft them, they must be spies.
12:15False.
12:16We are simply Bill S. Preston, Esquire,
12:18and Ted Theodore Logan.
12:20But together, we are
12:22Wild Shadows!
12:25But right now, we are in serious need
12:27of having Dad's Blue Betty fixed.
12:29But if you're not spies,
12:31What are you doing in the middle of ye English channel?
12:33Bogus, Bill.
12:35It's the BBC.
12:37Educational television.
12:39Slap the scoundrels in irons.
12:41They'll rue the day they ran a pound of Sir Francis Drake.
12:54Don't scare me like that, ye scallywags.
12:58Don't scare me like that, ye scallywags.
13:00Captain, what are we waiting for?
13:02Let's blow O'Malley's ship out of ye bridie.
13:05We will.
13:06I have a little trick up my sleeve.
13:10You have misinterpreted our intentions, Mr. Drake.
13:13That's Sir Francis to you, scurvy spies.
13:17You'll be me prisoners for the rest of ye scummy lives.
13:21That will most definitely put a crimp in our summer vacation plans.
13:24True, Ted.
13:25Unless we get back our resplendent phone booth.
13:28Perhaps the other ship will defeat Mr. Drake and rescue us.
13:31Yeah.
13:32Perfect, mateys.
13:34We'll lay in wait for O'Malley's ship and take him by surprise.
13:38We must find a way to signal O'Malley's ship, Ted.
13:40We could build a fire.
13:42Or if there was a blizzard, we could write S.O.S. in the snow.
13:46While those are truly exemplary examples of ideas, Ted,
13:49I have something that will make me reach Brainiac status.
13:52They're almost upon us.
13:54Prepare to fire.
13:56Yo, dudes on O'Malley's ship.
13:58Mr. Drake's ship is in the fog.
14:01I knew you were spies.
14:03Not true, Mr. Drake.
14:05That's Sir Francis Drake.
14:07And I should throw ye to Davy Jones' locker.
14:09Ted, is there a Davy Jones at San Dimas High?
14:12Perhaps, Bill, but I don't think we would both fit inside his locker.
14:19We're being boarded.
14:22Excellent. O'Malley's gonna rescue us.
14:25Rescue you? You must be daft.
14:27O'Malley's ye meanest pirate in ye seven seas.
14:31Pirate?
14:34Bill!
14:36Surrender, ye bilge rats.
14:38I'm taking over this rickety scow.
14:41Ye lily-livered cowards.
14:43Your captain would be ashamed of ye.
14:46Genuine surrender flags.
14:48Get them while they're hot.
14:50Lock them all up.
14:52Drake, too.
14:54You two landlubbers don't look like sailors.
14:57Because we're not.
14:59Then you don't look like a pirate.
15:01Why not? Because I'm a beautiful woman?
15:03No, because you do not have a parrot on your shoulder.
15:06Parrots? I've never met up with a pirate with a parrot.
15:09Then you will be the first.
15:14Can you say, Polly wanna cracker?
15:17Polly wanna cracker?
15:20How can I ever repay ye?
15:23Well, we would be most outstandingly in your debt
15:26if you would get our phone booth down from up there.
15:29No problemo.
15:31Hit it, Blackbeard.
15:38Ted, we better bail before she changes her mind.
15:41Bill, I think she has other things on her mind.
15:43Scope that out.
15:45I surrender. I surrender even.
15:47Don't have a cow, sir.
15:49I never wanted to battle ye.
15:51See, these are bowling balls.
15:54I wanted ye to join my bowling league.
15:57Well, shiver my timbers.
16:00I had misunderstood ye all these years.
16:06Bill, I believe the war is over.
16:08No, my most valued friend.
16:10I believe it's just about to begin. Let's vamoose.
16:15Now what, Ted?
16:17We'd best check out how Rufus is proceeding.
16:19And let us hope the booth does not mess up this time.
16:24Bummer.
16:26I removed all the non-functioning parts
16:28and it still won't work.
16:30We made it, Ted.
16:32However, too late.
16:34I would recognize that siren anywhere.
16:36It's my father.
16:38My Blue Betty.
16:40Freeze. What do you think you're doing?
16:42Frankly, I have no idea.
16:45My mint condition steering wheel.
16:54Give me your first and last name.
16:56Rufus.
16:58Actually, that's my middle name.
17:00We don't have first and last names anymore.
17:02Playing tough, huh?
17:04Okay, how old are you?
17:06Actually, I haven't been born yet.
17:08Okay, smart guy, you're coming with me to the station.
17:11But, man, I gotta get this car back together.
17:14A likely story.
17:16It would take a Henry Ford to put it back together.
17:22Tow it to the impound garage.
17:27Be gentle.
17:29Bill, who's Henry Ford?
17:31I think I saw his name on a multiple-choice test once.
17:35Did you get it right?
17:37What kind of question is that, Ted? Of course I didn't get it right.
17:39Wait a minute. There he is. Henry Ford, 1903.
17:46I got it.
17:48We'll tie balloons to the fender.
17:50A genius idea. Terrific.
17:53What's that?
17:57What in the world is that weird thing?
18:00It is our phone booth.
18:02Unfortunately, as you can see, it is badly in need of a tune-up.
18:04But that is not why we're here.
18:06Correct, Ted, my valued companion.
18:08Say, which of you two dudes is Henry Ford?
18:10Never heard of him.
18:12Isn't this Detroit in 1903?
18:14It's 1903, of course, but this is Dayton, Ohio.
18:17We're the Wright Brothers.
18:19Bogus. We went to the right time and right brothers, but the wrong place.
18:23Fascinating, huh, Orville?
18:25The way it stays up in the air that way.
18:27I was false when I should have trued on a question about these dudes.
18:31Didn't you invent the 747?
18:33Or cough drops?
18:35I don't know what you're talking about.
18:37Spicicles.
18:38Yes, we are trying to figure out a way to make this bike go faster
18:41so we can enter the first Stuart D. Fry and Spicicle race.
18:44If I brought you my 10-speed, could you fix it?
18:47What's a 10-speed?
18:49Ted, we'd better get back to our booth so we can find Henry Ford.
18:52However, and unfortunately, the booth is beyond our reach.
18:55Mr. Wright Brothers, may we bore your unlikely-looking contraption?
18:59You want to ride it all the way to Detroit?
19:01Nah, we merely want to use it to fly to our booth.
19:04Fly? Where do these yokels come from?
19:07Oh, sure, go ahead. It's your skin.
19:10Fly!
19:13Most triumphant.
19:15Did you see that, Wilbur? Amazing.
19:18I just had a brainstorm.
19:20So did I, Orville.
19:22Quick, Ted, time to bed.
19:24Wilbur, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
19:26More than likely, Orville.
19:28Let's forget about bicycles.
19:31We could go there and build a phone booth!
19:34Get a move on!
19:36It's one and preppy!
19:40Dear me, get off that.
19:42Come on, you're always doing this to me.
19:47Excuse me, sir. Would you know where Henry Ford is?
19:50Right here. Are you angry with me, too?
19:53Of course not, Mr. Ford.
19:55Would you mind stepping into our phone booth?
19:57Gracious, but what in the world for?
19:59On second thought, okay!
20:01My dad said only you can put Blue Betty back together.
20:04Who's Blue Betty?
20:06It's a car.
20:07What's a car?
20:09Can you let me have three 8x10s and a dozen of the wallet size?
20:12We're finished booking you. You're allowed to make one phone call.
20:15Hey, great, thanks.
20:19Hello?
20:21You!
20:22Your father's ready to lock me up and throw away the key.
20:25But I can't let him know that I know you.
20:27Do not panic to the extreme, Rufus.
20:29We've brought Mr. Henry Ford to take care of everything.
20:33I will?
20:34You expect me to fix this?
20:37Without a doubt.
20:38After all, like we told you, Mr. Ford, you invented it.
20:41You sure you haven't mixed me up with somebody else?
20:43You are presently our main man, dude.
20:46Well, I'll give it a try.
20:49Is this a car?
20:51Henry, it is not even close, dude.
20:54Best two out of three?
20:59Excellent!
21:02That was fun.
21:04Bill, Ted, I think I've finally found a direction in my life.
21:08I'm gonna build Blue Bettys.
21:11Or better yet, I'll build a car and name it after you.
21:15Us?
21:16Right. I'm gonna call it a Model B&T.
21:20I don't know, dude. That sounds an awful lot like a sandwich.
21:23Okay, I'll flip a coin.
21:27Model T, it is.
21:29For Ted?
21:30No, for Tails.
21:32And so, most benevolent father figure,
21:35even though I know you will ground me most heinously,
21:38I confess to boring Blue Betty.
21:41And Rufus, I mean this total stranger who I have never seen before in my short and consequential life,
21:46was merely an innocent bystander who tried to help.
21:49Well, in that case, you're free to go.
21:52Well, I guess that explains everything.
21:54Except who you are.
21:56I'm Henry Ford.
21:57Come on, Mr. Ford, I'll give you a ride home.
22:00And while we're at it, guys, I'll take your booth in for its 20,000-year checkup.
22:04You know, it even looks better than new.
22:07Mobile 8, gridlock in front of the cozy corner.
22:09A truck spilled a load of Iron Maiden CDs.
22:14We gotta find a way to clean up this mess fast.
22:17Yeah, dude. I've got only one choice.
22:19If you do help us clean this up, we'll give you a free CD.
22:23Excellent. Gridlock, Bill, my most respected compatriot.
22:27Indeed, and most assuredly, Ted, my most honored colleague.