Barstool Sports Lasertag Extravaganza
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00:00:00Bienvenidos, Konichiwa, Bonjour, and welcome live from Bolero at Chelsea Piers.
00:00:19This is Barstool's laser tag extravaganza.
00:00:23I'm Adam Ferron, joined as always by my esteemed colleague, Francis Ellis.
00:00:28A pleasure to be here with you, Roan.
00:00:30I can't wait to watch our unbelievably unathletic comrades compete in something that doesn't
00:00:34make any sense.
00:00:35It's going to be ugly and it's going to be disgusting.
00:00:38Let's get into the teams right now.
00:00:40Team one, Vibs KFC, Keegs Gia, and John Rich.
00:00:45Francis, who stands out?
00:00:46Well, I'm going to go with Gia.
00:00:49Gia is a surprise dark horse of an athlete.
00:00:52I don't know if you've ever seen her throw a shot put, but she'll beat the shit out of
00:00:56you.
00:00:57She'll knock you to death with a shot put ball and stab you with the javelin after the
00:01:01fact.
00:01:02Team two, Fights Ainsley, Caroline, Ken Jack, and Robbie Fox.
00:01:07What are you seeing?
00:01:08I'm seeing a lot of moodiness, a lot of angst.
00:01:12You know, Fights at the top is going to bring the positivity and the rest of them are going
00:01:15to bring the mood down.
00:01:17And then team three, speaking of bringing the mood down, it's Frank the Tank, Tommy
00:01:21Smokes, Clemmer, Jackie, and Kareem.
00:01:24Yeah, it sort of feels like one of those reverse evolution charts.
00:01:27A lot of different body types on this track.
00:01:29Yeah, it's very interesting stuff coming and let's go through the rules very quickly.
00:01:35Two hands must remain on the blaster in order for it to work.
00:01:40Teams will get a point for tagging or shooting players and more points for tagging their
00:01:44bases.
00:01:45If bases are hit three times in a row, the base will be temporarily destroyed and a large
00:01:49point bonus will be given to the new team.
00:01:52After a base has been destroyed five times, it will be permanently disabled and the team
00:01:56with the most points at the end of the round will actually win.
00:01:59Wow.
00:02:00Yeah.
00:02:01And then we're going to do a three game round robin tournament, which also sounds fun.
00:02:05Each team will play each other once and then teams with the lowest aggregate score at the
00:02:10end of the round robin tournament will be eliminated and the final two teams will face
00:02:13off in the championship round.
00:02:15Does that all make sense, Francis?
00:02:16It sure does.
00:02:17And I think we'll get the hang of the thing as we go along here.
00:02:21So well done.
00:02:22First off, we have game one.
00:02:25Game one.
00:02:26It's Team Vibs against Team Fights.
00:02:28Do you have a favorite as we leap into this competition?
00:02:31Well, I know Vibs.
00:02:33He likes to scurry.
00:02:34He stays low to the ground and he can run for days.
00:02:36Like a vole.
00:02:37Yes.
00:02:38A vole.
00:02:39So hopefully that prediction feels right and I like the Vibs team.
00:02:46Let's throw it down to the teams to see how they're feeling and to see what their strategies
00:02:50are.
00:02:51Uh, winning?
00:02:52Any sort of plans?
00:02:53Are you going to rush into it?
00:02:54Are you going to be nervous?
00:02:55Nervous about it?
00:02:56I'm definitely going to win.
00:02:57I feel like I'm going to let the two guys who came in cam out.
00:02:58I feel like the white hats.
00:02:59Let them come in.
00:03:00I agree with that.
00:03:01It's going to throw up at me.
00:03:02I'm going to take it off.
00:03:03All right.
00:03:04For the team.
00:03:05I just got fucked.
00:03:06I'm John Mason.
00:03:07For the sake of the team.
00:03:08This is my fucking team.
00:03:09Yeah.
00:03:10I'm getting as full as I can get.
00:03:12I think one more person at the base and the rest go out?
00:03:13Yeah.
00:03:14Let's talk strategy.
00:03:15Kill.
00:03:16No.
00:03:17I think you want to be a capture the flag guy.
00:03:18Yeah.
00:03:19Yeah.
00:03:20Yeah.
00:03:21Yeah.
00:03:22But we need people to stay at the base too and protect our flag.
00:03:23When we get shot.
00:03:24When we get shot.
00:03:25What happens?
00:03:26We're just like disabled for a couple of seconds?
00:03:27Yeah.
00:03:28Yeah.
00:03:29Is there room for everyone?
00:03:30Yeah.
00:03:31Yeah.
00:03:32Yeah.
00:03:33Yeah.
00:03:34Yeah.
00:03:35Yeah.
00:03:36Yeah.
00:03:37Yeah.
00:03:38Yeah.
00:03:39Yeah.
00:03:40Yeah.
00:03:41Yeah.
00:03:42Yeah.
00:03:43Yeah.
00:03:44Yeah.
00:03:45Yeah.
00:03:46Yeah.
00:03:47That's their weakest link.
00:03:48That's what I'm saying.
00:03:49I have to go look.
00:03:50The correct answer is yes.
00:03:51All of the above.
00:03:52And I don't want to say.
00:03:53I don't want to say.
00:03:54Why?
00:03:55Because it's a girl?
00:03:56It's not a girl.
00:03:57It's Gia.
00:03:58Gia is the most athletic person in this company.
00:03:59I thought that was my answer.
00:04:00Who do you think?
00:04:01I think we would be fine.
00:04:02Gia is really athletic.
00:04:03I think Kevin.
00:04:04I suspect Kevin.
00:04:05I don't have a lot of laser tag faith in him.
00:04:06Oh.
00:04:07That's fine.
00:04:08That's fine.
00:04:09party once at DC Discovery Zone where we got to do it for all of about four
00:04:14minutes and then our budget was up. Yeah it's usually a four-minute time you
00:04:17you're always left wanting more except for in this case we got a long one for
00:04:21you today. Strap in, enjoy yourself, it's time to do some laser tag!
00:04:27This is very clear to your team, do whatever you want, the game has to be, you can do it.
00:04:33Ainsley being industrialized. Oh and it's begun and nobody knew.
00:04:38Robby looks confused off the gate, so does Feidelberg, but that's a
00:04:44permanent look of confusion and our Robby Foxcam, our first look as Robby
00:04:47heads for the Sniper Skyway. Oh there goes KFC to meet him from the other
00:04:50entrance and we're off. A little bit of combativeness as the red team and the
00:04:57blue team butting heads. KFC is making a move on the blue base already, looks like
00:05:04KFC shot Robby. And then Robby leaves after hitting KFC. KFC destroys the
00:05:09blue base and we're off to the races. Ken Jack fights attack red from
00:05:15the Bowery. And Feidelberg's legs are looking strong. Oh a little tip-to-tip,
00:05:21dare I say a docking. Absolute chaos now in the arena but that's what they signed
00:05:28up for, the red base being protected and meanwhile KFC vibs are attacking the
00:05:34blue base. You were right about that scuttling and there's Ainsley. So let's
00:05:38cut to the chase, is Ainsley gonna get hired full-time? After this performance
00:05:42it's hard to say, she's peeking around the corner as KFC tags her again.
00:05:45Meanwhile Keegs sneaks in and takes aim at the blue base. I feel like it's
00:05:49important for the women to stick together, not in the game as much but in
00:05:52life and within barstool. The more you can get in with the ladies, the farther
00:05:56you'll go. You don't want to be, oh Bob Fox is, oh look at it, he's defending his
00:06:00base right there. But you want to make sure that you're in strong with the
00:06:04ladies. There goes Spice making a move. That is a great, that is a great thing in
00:06:08theory but personally I much prefer it when women like to subscribe to that
00:06:12theory and then immediately turn on each other and and talk shit. It's important
00:06:17to say you're subscribing to the theory. Oh it looks like the red base just got
00:06:20destroyed but then in reality, in practice, it's a whole different thing. Oh
00:06:24it looks like the red base is under attack. KFC, Keegs and Vimbs are going to
00:06:28go, they're gonna have a threesome of protection there at the base and looks
00:06:33like they are truly, oh man, KFC. Spice is sneaking around the back. It's hard to know, I guess
00:06:39people are really, it seems like people have realized it's more
00:06:42advantageous to shoot someone in the back than it is to shoot them in the
00:06:45front. Yes, which historically, did that happen a lot? Brutus? The blue base is
00:06:51left unprotected and KFC attacking it once again, lighting it up. He is really
00:06:57obsessed with that base. Oh yeah, taking it to the base and no trouble for him at
00:07:02all as Caroline seeks out from behind. You know, if I were hanging out with KFC
00:07:06right now, I'd say, you know, you don't have to spend so much time on the base.
00:07:09Let's spread the love around to the tip a little bit. Yeah, maybe the balls.
00:07:13Sure. Back in the blue base, Caroline is defending against a red attack, it seems,
00:07:17and she's really holding it down. Look at John Rich leaning out of that porthole
00:07:22there. I bet you he snuck through some smaller spaces than that to find some
00:07:26of those drugs he used to enjoy. He used to love drugs and he's open about it. This is not
00:07:29us talking out of class. That's his story that he, we're just spreading oral
00:07:35tradition. Spreading awareness, really, is what it's about. About him. And Caroline, still
00:07:40doing some good protecting, is Gia. Athletic run. Ainsley's right there on
00:07:44her tail. Can she, can she nail her? Seems like she did. Are you playing? Are you on the team?
00:07:51Oh, I'm on the Malayote team, you got me.
00:07:55Ken Jack dressed like a 1970s burglar. He looks like he's been sent in early to
00:08:00disable the smoke alarms. Yeah, it looks like he's off to shoot Batman's parents.
00:08:07It's me and Vince, basically, because he's protecting this whole flank.
00:08:09Ainsley, uh, ooh, she's sneaking around there.
00:08:13That's a sneak attack! That's pussy shit!
00:08:18And Kelly Keegs, some women on women violence.
00:08:20Francis loves to see it, I hate it. Blue team is over here defending the base. Blue team is
00:08:25trying to defend the base, and there's Robbie Fox, violent and charming
00:08:29simultaneously. He is running it up on KFC's back end right there. He's doing the
00:08:34old shake-the-gun maneuver, which doesn't really tend to add a lot of efficacy.
00:08:38Ooh, there's Fikes making a move at the red base, and it seems like we have
00:08:44absolute chaos unfolding. I gotta have the record for getting shot the most. I've gotten shot 10 million times.
00:08:49How long did you go for?
00:08:51John Feidelberg, never, never a dull moment, never too shy to turn to the camera and let them know
00:08:56something probably about how lovely his hair is. Now he's on the ground. Oh, let's
00:09:00look at this. We have a John Feidelberg, John Rich, Ken Jack, whose real name is
00:09:04Jack Kennedy, but Jack is another word for John. John, John, John, like a
00:09:09prostitute's dream. What a spiderweb of names. Yes, it truly is unimaginative.
00:09:15Now Ken Jack, Fikes, and Robbie are storming the other team's base. And then there's Ken Jack
00:09:20taking aim at the red base from a distance. He actually seems to be the most
00:09:24strategic player that I've seen among the group so far. Yeah, sometimes there's
00:09:27chaos that you need, but sometimes you need to kind of just sit back. But will
00:09:32it count for points for the blue team? That's really what we're trying to
00:09:36figure out. Vives, as we look at him, a ton of action, and it seems like it has
00:09:41been creating a ton of points on his end. And I think that Kelly Keeks has been
00:09:46pretty, pretty active as well. But will that translate? Meanwhile, every time we
00:09:52cut to Ken Jack, I'm telling you, this guy seems to have the game figured out.
00:09:55He's got the steadiest trigger finger. He's not moving much. When he's discovered,
00:09:59he will move. But now he's in a cockfight. The cockfight is a little bit, it's
00:10:06interesting. But we have another standoff between KFC and Caroline right here. Oh,
00:10:10there it is. But it seems like there's a lot of, you're touching your gun to
00:10:14another person's gun, trying to shoot around their gun to hit their, it's an
00:10:18odd dance that you only see in laser tag. That's exactly right. It reminds me a
00:10:23little bit of middle school dances, actually, where you get very close to
00:10:26someone but don't quite touch. Right, and look, room for the Holy Spirit. That's what we
00:10:30call it in Catholic school. I was always that guy who never really wanted anyone to touch me
00:10:33because I didn't want them to realize that my pants were wet. Your pants were
00:10:36soaked, and the eczema, too, was acting up at the time. Now you've moved past your
00:10:41days of psoriasis and eczema, and your skin is buttery soft. Yeah, thanks in no
00:10:46small part to the fact that Robbie Fox is really shaking that gun like he's
00:10:50trying to get something out of it. Oh, I know. It really seems like he's trying to
00:10:54empty the clip right there at the red base. Meanwhile, Ainsley is attacked from
00:10:58behind. Oh, is that how you treat an intern? Tennis skirts. What are our
00:11:03thoughts on them? I like them for tennis, but for laser tag, it's totally
00:11:08inappropriate. And meanwhile, whoever's wearing a white shirt, a white
00:11:12skirt, it's more visible underneath the blue lights. We learned this from the
00:11:16show Room Raiders. Yes. As everyone's cummy beds were suddenly unearthed anytime
00:11:22the blue light... That is an advantage, certainly, to Ken Jack and the fact that
00:11:26he foresaw to wear all black. Wouldn't you know that if you're gonna be on Room
00:11:31Raiders to stop cumming on your sheets for a fucking week? It's the only thing
00:11:35they do on the show. It's one of those things where, yeah, I would have
00:11:39thought, or if anything, I would have made sure that every inch of my bed was
00:11:42covered in cum so that it all looked the same to you, and thus no one would
00:11:46have known. Are we to believe that everybody, and there goes the red team
00:11:50successfully chasing everyone out, are we to believe... And then meanwhile, KFC's
00:11:53at the blue base with KFC and Fights and Bob Fox... Fights and Bob Fox going against
00:11:58KFC, basically, is what's happening there. But are the... Bob Fox off-screen in the
00:12:02corner over there, sneaking around, and KFC goes for Bob Fox, doesn't see Fights
00:12:06right behind him. Bam! KFC partnership going awry right there with the shot in
00:12:12the back. Is this the end of KFC radio? Some are saying. Are they really just
00:12:16cumming on the sheets like that without any type of cleanup? Use a paper towel! Use
00:12:21some Kleenex! It doesn't make any sense. I don't understand it. Or are they planting
00:12:25cum on these MTV shows like Room Raiders? I really can't get to the bottom of it
00:12:30mentally. You know what you really need to do is you need to take your sheets
00:12:33and bring them to one of those rivers in a third-world country. Yes. Those ladies
00:12:37seem to know how to clean things better. They're geniuses.
00:12:43Now Ainsley's going rogue, going after everyone. I don't know if it's a way to make
00:12:48friends, but it's a way to win a laser tag.
00:13:00Oh, there goes Ainsley, lighting up Vibs. Vibs has been active, but he takes one in
00:13:05the back right there. Gia, looking like she's ready to put up 22 points as
00:13:11shooting guard right now. Even her mannerisms are that of a basketball
00:13:15player. And she won't take that personally. She keeps asking to be
00:13:18included in all manner of basketball games. Exactly. No, she's a basketball
00:13:21player. She's a Hooper's Hooper. That's right. And I know that because I have a
00:13:24basketball podcast. I can recognize them. There's Ken, Jack, and Keeves. There's a
00:13:31lot of jabbing and stabbing of the guns. It's as if they're trying to throw the
00:13:35bullets out of the gun at the person they're shooting at. Meanwhile, over at
00:13:39the blue base, seems like Gia's hitting cross-legged, crisscross applesauce. Gia's
00:13:44attempting to sneak attack from the battery. Oh, there it is. Seems like Gia
00:13:50got a shot in on fights and keeps it moving in true Call of Duty style.
00:13:55There's Caroline behind on KFC. Fights. See, if I were shooting, I would kind of
00:14:02hold the gun in front of my chest because it makes it harder for them to
00:14:07hit the chest plates as opposed to holding it by my eyes so I could see
00:14:11better. Everybody knows the first order of protection is your gun. Nothing stops
00:14:15a gun like another gun. And as they say in the military, this is my rifle, this
00:14:20is my gun, this is for fighting, this is for fun. One fish, two fish, red fish, blue
00:14:25fish. Right, of course. The old marching order sent by one Dr. Seuss. General Dr.
00:14:32Seuss. Who apparently, I've been told, had a bit of a checkered past and I spelled
00:14:37that C-H-E-Q-U-E-R-E-D. Right. And there's KFC regrouping in the battery. So what
00:14:44was he, a philanderer? I thought it was a Nazi sympathizer. Really? I could be making
00:14:49it up. Well, at least he wasn't a philanderer. No. I would have hated to see him be a
00:14:56philanderer. Right, right. Well, a Nazi sympathizer, that's a whole
00:15:01different thing. And you know what's crazy? People heard that, there's KFC
00:15:04calling for backup, people would hear that about him and they would start to
00:15:08put the same smut on Mr. Rogers' name. They would say, oh, Dr. Seuss, XYZ, and then
00:15:14they would want to disparage Mr. Rogers. And if you watch any of the good movies
00:15:19about Mr. Fred Rogers, there's no smut that you can put on his name, no mustard
00:15:24you can put on that man's jacket. He was infallible. Yes, pristine and righteous
00:15:29and all the right ways. If he was South American, I think that Mr. Rogers would
00:15:34be a saint. If he were from a Spanish-speaking country and more
00:15:37involved with the church, I think that they would give Mr. Rogers sainthood.
00:15:41Senor Rodrigo. Rodrigo. Fred Rogers. And see, I like that move by Caroline, just
00:15:48kind of covering the tip of the gun as Bob Fox is trying to advance on red
00:15:52from Broadway. I'll tag Robbie through the porthole. I think that Vibs is
00:15:58putting up absolute numbers. And honestly, so is KFC. Every time he's
00:16:02camped out at the base, I feel like that's a good way to get a ton of stats.
00:16:06I think the chaotic players that we're seeing are going to be the more
00:16:09successful players that we're seeing so far, as Vibs running around a lot. Ainsley
00:16:16running around a lot. Really nice turn. Caroline running around a lot. KFC being very active.
00:16:21Oh, an unusual move there from Ken Jack. He tried to use his free hand to
00:16:25lower the muzzle of his opponent's gun. I'm surprised this hasn't gone to
00:16:31fisticuffs more often, because if it were me out there, I'd be cheating and I'd be
00:16:36getting frustrated. I would start to cry. I'd probably kick a wall or two. I would kick a
00:16:40wall. There's Rob Fox. Throws a grenade. Fake grenade, but man, that looked fun.
00:16:48How many times does he have to shoot this fucking thing?
00:16:51So here goes KFC.
00:16:56There's Ainsley. She's discovered Gia, who once again is just hiding.
00:17:03Some cowardly gameplay here from Gia overall, I would have to say.
00:17:07Yeah, unfortunate stuff. We hate to see any cowardice, but I guess it's the name of the game somehow.
00:17:12Sometimes the coward, remember Saving Private Ryan? That one coward, he doesn't
00:17:16necessarily die as his comrade. Up him. Yes. That's who it is. Are we done? Looks like we're done.
00:17:25I'm dripping sweat. I'm dripping. That's war. That's what war is. It's not pretty.
00:17:32I don't have a clue what the scores are going to be, but I think I might have a nice win.
00:17:37Tally up the points right now. It looks like the blue team, team two, racked up 42,550 points,
00:17:45but the red team victorious with 48,301 points. That's the number I had in my head.
00:17:53If you look at the box score, Vibs, his activeness proved to be the high score of the game as he
00:18:01almost doubled up the high score on the blue team with 19,750 points on his own.
00:18:08Well, Ainsley, intern Ainsley, proved to be industrious, leading the blue team with 11,800 points,
00:18:15but it was not enough. No. And of course, Gia brought up the absolute rear with the fewest
00:18:21amount of points, 3,750. Pretty disappointing in a performance from her. Bob Fox, the low man
00:18:27on the totem pole for team blue. Let's throw it down to the teams to see how they are feeling.
00:18:33It was great. First of all, we beat the other team. That's fantastic. Vibs, like,
00:18:36took the whole team on his back. Insane. Yeah. Blue team just got introduced to Napalm.
00:18:42That's me, brother. Top score. All right. I thought we killed them,
00:18:46and I thought I was, like, the best player in history. I was not. Guys. Okay. Okay.
00:18:53Fuck the base. Don't shoot the base. Shooting the base is hideous. We hit it 800 times,
00:18:58zero score. We're, like, second to last. That's crazy. Guys, you have to shoot the
00:19:02ball, and then just follow them and keep shooting. They were hating it, but I was,
00:19:07like, I was following KFC. I was like, oh, my God. I was like, hi. It was me and Kevin,
00:19:13five inches from each other, just going at each other. And then, like, when you actually get it,
00:19:16they run away and hide. Like, I was, like, blocking behind, like, windows and shit.
00:19:22Ainsley kept going to shoot me, and then just, like, chasing me. Ainsley was just, like,
00:19:26shooting me. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm like, all right, let's just get her.
00:19:29I swear, it worked when she was there. Yeah, I know.
00:19:33Interesting stuff from the interviews there. It seems like Ainsley's pissing people off,
00:19:37and she knows it. Yeah. John Rich was fed up. He's had it up to here. He also took a tumble,
00:19:43and meanwhile, KFC Caroline went head to head throughout the entire match.
00:19:47Little lover's quarrel. Oh, very interesting, but that's what you come to Lasertag to see,
00:19:54and that's why you're still here watching, because you love this shit the same way I do. You're a
00:19:58junkie, a Lasertag junkie, so let's get you another fix. Game two. It's going to be team
00:20:03one against team number three. That's right. We're back with the red team being Vibs, KFC,
00:20:08Keegs, Gia, John Rich again. Introducing the blue team, it's Frank, Tommy, Clemmer, Jackie,
00:20:14and Kareem. Interested to see how Frank the Tank is going to move. He has been walking a lot. Will
00:20:19he be able to run? Well, let's put it this way. He's certainly in the best shape that he has been
00:20:24in for Lasertag. Yeah. No, this is the best time to catch him for Lasertag, and woe betide the red
00:20:30team, because they are going to be seeing peak Frank the Tank, and well, let's go down and see
00:20:38what they're thinking before the game. We're talking more strategy than I would imagine any
00:20:43team has ever talked before. Did you hear our strategy with Clemmer? It's like, okay,
00:20:48Clemmer gets down in a ball. We could put him behind us. He shoots at the base. I can walk,
00:20:58but not super fast. I can do this. The second you turn, someone's just going to...
00:21:09More things in your back. Yeah, it's huge. Yeah, the front's just like a small plate.
00:21:14The back is... Should we go like back to back?
00:21:18That's not the hardest idea. Yeah. And it looks cool as well.
00:21:32Nobody's going to be more prepared than us. Yes. We might not be any good. Yeah, we don't win. I
00:21:37don't know. We need to do the research. Napalm, you ready, bruh? Brother, brother, to the gates
00:21:42of Valhalla we shall storm. But yeah, no, Indie Excite, two stories of Lasertag, it was heaven
00:21:49unearthed. Unlimited Games, there's a guy there, he was 40 years old, Pony Man, he wore a pony t-shirt,
00:21:55and he'd like climb up on shit and shoot you. I'm now Pony Man. I'm an old man playing Lasertag
00:22:00in his own universe. All right, we've heard from the competitors. Let's get into this second game.
00:22:06Why don't I count it down? Three, two, one, let's freaking do it.
00:22:11That's the siren, the telltale sign that the round has begun.
00:22:16This is so scary, oh my god. Oh, it looks like they don't even know their match has started,
00:22:21so it seems like the red team will definitely have an advantage because they've just played.
00:22:28They want Frank to guard the base, which is kind of like when
00:22:31you put the big guy in goalie in soccer.
00:22:36Remember that movie, The Big Green? Oh, that's great.
00:22:40They made the fat kid play goalie in that one.
00:22:43Crazy, the secret to success in that movie was just finding the two or three Mexican kids.
00:22:51Oh yeah, I'm not shocked. Our secret weapon, immigrants.
00:22:55And pretending that people are zombies or some shit.
00:22:59Were they Mexican or were they Brazilian? I can't remember. They might have been Spanish.
00:23:04At that time, I don't think we differentiated as a culture. No, that was Pangea.
00:23:10Gia finally realizing she's not good at this and just ganging up on Frank.
00:23:16Will Gia be in the basement of her team this game? This is the one thing that we are looking at.
00:23:21KFC seems like he's figured it out a bit. KFC-Frank shootout, which has to be something
00:23:29that KFC's fantasized about. He's frustrated with Frank's mistakes. And this is 90s movie
00:23:37quintessential shootout shit. Like a die hard or lethal weapon type of shootout.
00:23:44Oh, the red base is under attack.
00:23:46Good god almighty. You can hear the communication coming from the blue team.
00:23:52It's really good communication. They're all just standing there shooting the base.
00:23:56Oh, a clever Vibs standoff. About 200 pounds between them.
00:24:04Would you be upset if Frank the Tank scored more points than you?
00:24:17In laser tag? No. In basketball? Yes.
00:24:25Glamour. Vibs. Vibs. Glamour.
00:24:27Glamour's cheating. Mr. Morales is cheating.
00:24:31Glamour were just to stand sideways.
00:24:33I was thinking exactly that. Why would you ever square up to a gun?
00:24:37Is he using himself as a human shield for Jackie there? That was pretty well played.
00:24:41A little bit of white knighting on his part. Blue team getting chased out as KFC is taking
00:24:45position on the Sniper Skyway. If he can set up there, he should be setting himself up for
00:24:51some future success. Frank waddles into position. KFC looking like he's played a bunch of Golden
00:25:01Eye. Ducking behind that pillar. And he is ready to go. Nice to see Kevin caring so much about this.
00:25:10Vibs shooting through a portal again. And Jackie is struck. Disappointed so far by
00:25:17Jackie's performance. Doesn't seem like she has a lot of focus. And I'd like to see more. Doesn't
00:25:24seem like she's scoring a lot of points. There's a lot of running back to base and trying to figure
00:25:28out what's going on. Yeah she seems like someone whose parents told her as long as you had fun
00:25:32that's all that matters. Which is not true. No. Freaking trophy generation you know. Yeah those
00:25:38are the types of people who make up the middle class. Luckily she'll be buoyed into the middle
00:25:47class though and won't sink to lower class unless she gets into John Rich's stash. Oh
00:25:53the old middle class stash. That's right. Vibs lighting up Tommy from behind.
00:26:00Just head-to-head warfare. Not a lot of evasive tactics going on. No. Back to the base for Tommy.
00:26:11Seems like it's hard for people to know whether or not they should focus on the base or focus
00:26:15on shooting other people. It was hard for Meghan Trainor. And there's Gia just sitting down having
00:26:21the time of her life. Look at the smiles on these children's faces. Tommy gives up after getting
00:26:26tagged 14 times in 90 seconds. I think I'm doing a good job guarding his base. Meanwhile Frank is
00:26:33back there protecting the blue base in a role that is well suited for him. Just stay in your
00:26:38turret and light people up as they come by. A little defense never hurt a nobody. In fact that's
00:26:44how you win championships in laser tag. Oh a Lee Harvey Oswald call out there. I think that that's
00:26:54a nice historic allusion to make. No and nor accurate because he's not on a hill and nobody
00:26:59here has any sort of status. Unless he's saying that he actually didn't do it and he's blaming
00:27:05the two CIA agents. Deep cut. Which is what actually happened despite what Arlen Specter said.
00:27:14In the fucking Zapruder film. How could a bullet bounce back like that? It just doesn't make any
00:27:20sense. Vibs you've been compared to Chris Kyle. He's an American legend. I can't help you be
00:27:26an American legend. Fuck you just said to me. Don't talk to me over the battlefield. This isn't a game.
00:27:37Team one is really, I don't mean this any way, having their way. Seems like they've been tagging
00:27:42Jackie a lot. Oh and there they are just going head to head. That's a little anticlimactic and
00:27:49in some ways feel sexual. This reminds me of when two young children get together and say I'll show
00:27:54you yours if you show me mine. There's a little bit of a perverse genital swapping that's going
00:27:59on right now. Move around and run away please. It's too face to face. Oh god. They're just a
00:28:08Why don't we all just get in the middle? That's really what it is. Why don't we all just stand
00:28:13dead center and you know at least Vibs is moving around and I think that's why we saw him as a
00:28:18leading scorer last time. That's why he's gotten so many points this time. Kind of embarrassed
00:28:23smiles on everyone's faces. Like they shouldn't be enjoying this this much. These are grown adults
00:28:29and this is a work day for them. Look at this embarrassed smile on Tommy Smoke's face. Meanwhile
00:28:36Frank is giving up on playing defense and he's making a move to the red base. Will this be a
00:28:40turning point for them? Can he create enough offense or should he have manned the attack?
00:28:46She and John Rich attack the defenseless base because Frank has vacated.
00:28:54And there's a way that you know Jackie could continue to defend the base but she has moved on.
00:28:59It's almost like when little kids are playing soccer and they don't know that they're supposed
00:29:03to play defense. They just chase the ball. Chase the ball. It gets stuck against someone's foot and
00:29:08they start kicking it but it doesn't go anywhere. Frank launching an attack on the red base. Will it
00:29:13be fruitful for him? The skinnier Frank gets the shorter he gets. I've noticed that. When someone's
00:29:22really big you don't realize if they're short or not. Now he's thin. He's just a little guy. Right.
00:29:29Just kind of a little guy. I'm at a point where I think he needs to put on some weight. Yep you and
00:29:34me are on the same page brother. We have to shield each other and go for the base. All right we need
00:29:39somebody to stay back. Frank's just standing in front of me. Oh so now they're everybody is pointing
00:29:46at each other on the blue team saying we need Frank to do this we need Frank to do that.
00:29:51Frank does what the fuck he wants with the enablement of Mikey Betts and Jenks. Okay I
00:29:56think I already got the base. Did it go off? Did you hit it two times and make a noise? Yeah but he made like a bad noise.
00:30:02Then you didn't get it. You lost twice. Okay okay. Ready? I'm gonna shoot you.
00:30:06Bad posture by Clemmer. I didn't like it. Clemmer really taking on the human shield role
00:30:13it seems in order to spring Jackie free to another spot.
00:30:19And there's Tommy Smokes. A soldier soldier. A man's man. Lights lighting up in colors.
00:30:25Running away with his arms flopping.
00:30:29There goes Gia to attack the defenseless blue base.
00:30:33And running up the score is Gia. Destruction of the base. Well done Gia. Flexing too. Red team is
00:30:41actually developing some strategy as you could tell. The fact that they're destroying the bases
00:30:45but they're also shooting people.
00:30:52And at least Keegs is moving through. I've seen enough of these tip-to-tip battles.
00:30:58There's another tip-to-tip battle. And we turn around there's another tip-to-tip battle.
00:31:03Someone keeps yelling dead every time they shoot someone. That would drive me crazy. It's Vids.
00:31:09Chaos proving to be very successful. Everyone seems absolutely exhausted. No giddy up and go
00:31:15for these teams as in the first match we saw people on the balls of their feet and now people
00:31:20are dragging by the balls. Yeah well for the red team this is their second game in a row.
00:31:25None of these people other than Vids really are probably in very good shape.
00:31:29That has to be true. No no that has to be true. Well maybe Gia.
00:31:33Freaks on my tail. And on the other team I mean the blue team a complete vacuum of athleticism
00:31:42and I can say that because I'm I'm a bad athlete myself. That's not true. And it takes one to know
00:31:48one. I don't think that's true. Well comparatively I'm probably an Olympian but in the in the spectrum
00:31:57of the real world. Not a good athlete but at Barstool Sports I might be able to go pro.
00:32:09Jack is attempting to make a move against the entire red team.
00:32:12Wow running around freewheeling shooting indiscriminately.
00:32:18KFC in the all black and this was this a strategic move or does he use all black in the same way I do
00:32:23to kind of cover up the titties. I'm sick of beating you Jackie. I'm sick of shooting you.
00:32:28Dude I'm so bad at this. Jackie admits that she's bad at it and she gets shot directly by Gia.
00:32:38Oh and there goes Clemmer down again. The blue team it's an absolute massacre it seems.
00:32:44The blue team has nothing to bring to the table. Are they even in the same stratosphere?
00:32:49Trying to scare the daylights out of me. And the daylights have just been scared out of Gia.
00:32:54What an outdated phrase that is. Are those feet up on that box?
00:33:00I think those were feet. Someone being hanged? Someone trying to kick out a block?
00:33:08This isn't the time or the place to hang yourself.
00:33:10This isn't the time or the place to hang yourself. Is that a weird
00:33:14decorative abstraction from the laser tag people? Or is Chris Castellani there?
00:33:30And that's the end of the round right there. I mean I think we might have won
00:33:34just how many times?
00:33:54Interesting stuff from the red team and the blue team. Let's tally up the scores. And just as we
00:33:59predicted an absolute massacre. The blue team with 36,802 points. The red team with 64,801
00:34:08points. They've almost doubled up their importance. They've more than doubled. Yeah I thought about
00:34:12that. And the red team has three players. They've not more than doubled. I was gonna let you get
00:34:19away with it. You're so nice. That's embarrassing Matt. No don't worry about it. It's hard to keep
00:34:25up in these dark times. Right now double would have been 73,604. See? Francis is back. I had to
00:34:34do it to prove that I can. He can, Matt. He can add. And the blue team could have added a couple
00:34:41more scorers to their team if they wanted to even be in the same stratosphere. Three players on the
00:34:47red team that outscored the blue team. Let's go down to these interviews to hear what they have
00:34:53to say. All right second best player on my team. That's all that matters baby. Second best player
00:35:01on my team. That is the most Tommy moment of all time. Team didn't do well. I did okay. Not even he
00:35:09did the best. I did okay so it's a win. Let's go. Did we just go down to compare like the best laser
00:35:19team in the country? Oh we got pumped. 36? What the fuck? Wait 63 to 26? To 36. The other team got 41.
00:35:31You know what it is? Vince is here. Vince is a machine. Vince is terrifying. Vince should have
00:35:36been a sniper. Vince should have been a fucking sniper. You know what it is? I'll tell you what
00:35:44happened. I'm the second best scorer on the team. I'm the second best scorer on the team.
00:35:48Interesting stuff. It looks like we will launch into game three of this round robin tournament.
00:35:54And as we are coming into the last game, team two and team three are separated by a mere 6,000
00:36:01points with team two at 42,000 and change and team three at 36,802. So it's going to be a tight one.
00:36:11It's going to be a close one. Team three will have to win by over 6,000 points in order to
00:36:17advance to the championship. This is very much in the balance going into this last game. We'll see
00:36:24if team two can knock off some of the rust. Yeah you know 6,000 points is really not that much to
00:36:30make up as we've seen. We've seen bigger margins of victory certainly and a big performance from
00:36:39someone like I don't know Kareem or maybe Robbie Fox could tilt the balance in the favor. Let's go
00:36:46down and see what their thoughts are before this match kicks off. I'm feeling like we're gonna get
00:36:53easy W right now. Way better. And we had a good rest. Could be the best. Kareem's good. Kareem?
00:37:00What about Tommy? Tommy, I don't know. He must be sneaky. Tommy, I'll say this. You're gonna shoot
00:37:07Tommy at some point and he's gonna do something really funny. And then he's gonna do a somersault.
00:37:10Like you're gonna shoot him and Tommy's like natural reaction to victory.
00:37:21I'm putting uh pump up music. Let's make sure we can hear each other.
00:37:25Bodies. Bodies hit the floor. Let the bodies hit the floor. Yeah that's a good one. War Machine.
00:37:31Kill them all by Metallica. Interesting stuff from the folks down there but hey this isn't
00:37:37settled by talking and it's not settled up here in the booth. This is settled in the arena. So
00:37:43let's get down and see who's gonna mark their spot in the final against team one. Let's play some
00:37:50laser tag. There's that familiar siren and off we go. Game start in one second. Game has begun.
00:37:58Where's Tommy? Oh shit. Oh my god. It already on us. Jesus Christ. Yeah I got your ass you fucking bitch.
00:38:10Oh bitch. I'm sorry not you.
00:38:15There goes Tommy making a move for the red base as he's chased by a big Caroline. Now one of the
00:38:20things we've learned from the past couple of games is that the base strategy is hard because nobody
00:38:26truly knows when the bases are hit. It's really hard to follow a little bit. Luckily we are here
00:38:33as your anchors in the booth as Fights and Tommy square off in Ambush Alley. How are you doing?
00:38:41If these boys just kissed I think it would be less sexual. It reminds me of those Russian
00:38:45videos that sometimes pop up on my screen where two men are placed into a literal phone booth
00:38:50given license to beat the absolute piss out of each other. Oh and look at this an interesting
00:38:55daft by Klemmer. You need to have two hands on the blaster for it to shoot. He's going up like he's
00:39:00damn John Wick. Got it. Yeah. Tommy defending himself. And the blue base all alone. General
00:39:14Huster has his last stand. Tommy's guarding the base. He's a little bitch boy. This is something
00:39:21I have to know. But Frank will not let that happen as Frank goes back into his defensive stance.
00:39:29Frank's patented giggle.
00:39:37Fights picking people off.
00:39:42Ow. Ow. That's my team. They're just. Oh Kareem talking in gamer talk and my skin is crawling.
00:39:49So awkward. Next thing you know he'll be talking to the chat.
00:39:56Robby attacks an unprotected blue base.
00:40:01The fuck was that? Just hit me with a womp womp.
00:40:07Look at these idiots. They're not even guarding the base. Robby destroys the blue base.
00:40:13Pretty bad form from the blue team just not even trying to defend it.
00:40:19Clemmer making himself big which is impossible for him.
00:40:22The praying mantis type of technique.
00:40:27And he's looking to bite the head off of the person he's going into combat with.
00:40:37Watching Clemmer walk reminds me of a woman walking in stilettos across a soft wooden floor.
00:40:43Yes. It almost surprises me that he doesn't sink into the ground.
00:40:47Yeah it's like wearing high heels to the beach every time that he walks.
00:40:51Flamingo.
00:40:54A flamingo doing a flamenco.
00:40:59Okay. I respect Andrew's technique. I'm running around
00:41:02kind of getting behind except it's face-to-face combat. I've had enough of it.
00:41:07There's Tommy going after the base. Ken Jack strikes him. Tommy hitting Ken Jack back. Ken Jack
00:41:14getting ganged up on. Ganged up on. But has Jackie scored at all? I'm truly curious if
00:41:22Jackie has scored at all. She kind of just will shoot once and kind of get out of there.
00:41:26You can shoot multiple times.
00:41:35Good team building though. It seems like this is good team building.
00:41:37The ropes course must have been closed this day.
00:41:43Ken Jack, Clemmer, Clemmer, Ken Jack.
00:41:49Ken Jack Clemmer, Clemmer KenJack!
00:41:52Ken Jack Tommy! Tommy, Ken Jack Clemmer! Clemmer, Ken Jack Tommy! Tommy!
00:41:58Ken Jack Clemmer. Clemmer, Ken Jack.
00:42:01Interesting defense by Clemmer. Is it working?
00:42:05Doesn't seem like it. Doesn't seem like it at all. The red team looks like they have a bit of a lead.
00:42:13but they can't know.
00:42:14They just have to be active the entire time.
00:42:16Can the blue team do enough to overcome the red team here?
00:42:21I like this strategy that Tommy and Clemmer have developed
00:42:24where Clemmer will guard Tommy while he takes on the base.
00:42:29It actually proves a little bit of a metal
00:42:32to the game that Clemmer is playing,
00:42:38that Clemmer is playing,
00:42:39that he wasn't just white-knighting for Jackie earlier.
00:42:44He's white-knighting for everyone.
00:42:46He's a true white knight at his core.
00:42:53Just had the thought,
00:42:54if you went to an incredibly wealthy party somewhere
00:42:57and they wheeled out Clemmer covered in sushi,
00:43:01would you eat it?
00:43:03It would probably fall between the cracks.
00:43:05The sushi could scarcely perch on his leg bones.
00:43:10I think you're right.
00:43:11There's fight seeking back to the unprotected blue base.
00:43:13Let's see if this can be, ooh, very stealthy of him.
00:43:16Would I eat the sushi?
00:43:17Yes, but it would have to be laid out.
00:43:19It wouldn't be wrapped.
00:43:20It would just have to be thin slices of fish laid out.
00:43:23Exactly.
00:43:24I'm talking some bluefin toro in between each rib.
00:43:28Yeah.
00:43:29Some sushi across his face.
00:43:31He'd look like a little Hello Clerry sack.
00:43:36The thin slices, of course.
00:43:38So mokase.
00:43:40One slice at a time.
00:43:42Wheel him out, bring him back in.
00:43:45There he is again.
00:43:45What are we, what is this?
00:43:47What is this?
00:43:52Robbie, you underestimate the powers of the dark side.
00:43:55No I didn't, no I didn't.
00:44:01Franked out for blood.
00:44:02There goes Frank the Tank.
00:44:05You're sprinting, damn near.
00:44:14Futterberg.
00:44:14Looking absolutely jacked.
00:44:16I mean, at what point will there be
00:44:20no more clothes for him to wear?
00:44:22Yeah, and I don't see him posting personal trainer videos,
00:44:26but you have to think there's one in the picture.
00:44:29If he's doing that on his own, I want to know his macros.
00:44:32Agreed.
00:44:33If he's doing this on his own,
00:44:34I need to know his splits.
00:44:36I need to know if he's free weights,
00:44:40Smith machines combination.
00:44:42If he's paying for a gym membership.
00:44:44He has to be, he has to be.
00:44:47Meanwhile, at the red base.
00:44:51As you can see, a little more defense here from the reds.
00:44:55Chris Clower not afraid to mix it up.
00:44:58Playing a little defense on his own.
00:45:00But will that translate to points?
00:45:03And Jack seems like he's racking up
00:45:06a bunch of points on his own.
00:45:08And Clower keeps on taking a hand off the gun.
00:45:10That will prove to be fewer points on his part.
00:45:14He thinks that he's some kind of damned cowboy.
00:45:16Thinks he's Wyatt Earp.
00:45:20Jackie one shot misses, one shot misses,
00:45:22and then gets shot and has to run back to the base.
00:45:24She cannot be scoring any points.
00:45:26I am damn sure of it.
00:45:27She's probably racked up more steps than points.
00:45:29Fights and Caroline have been standing under the base,
00:45:33taking pot shots at it for the better part of five minutes.
00:45:41Game over.
00:45:44I felt like we had just begun.
00:45:46And then suddenly the game is over.
00:45:49Seems like everything is finished.
00:45:51Let's go ahead and rack up the scores.
00:45:54And it seems like the red team beats the blue team.
00:45:59But was it by enough?
00:46:02And yes, it was.
00:46:03Because they just had to win.
00:46:06Their team three would have had to win by 6,000 points.
00:46:08But meanwhile, team two wins by almost 6,000
00:46:12of their own points as it's 29,951 to 24,151.
00:46:18Kareem, the high scorer on the blue team.
00:46:20But I mean, just a pitiful low scoring match
00:46:22across the board.
00:46:23Yeah, it's a difference of, I believe, 5,800 points.
00:46:28Right on the nose.
00:46:29I think that Jackie wound up with 1,500 points,
00:46:33which, let's not mince words, that's embarrassing.
00:46:38She might as well not have even been there.
00:46:40Honestly, I think-
00:46:41Why did she go?
00:46:42Why wasn't she at the office doing her actual job?
00:46:45There's probably a video that's unedited somewhere.
00:46:48Yeah.
00:46:49And, you know, Vibs, meanwhile,
00:46:51could have scored that in about two seconds
00:46:53if he were playing.
00:46:54Exactly.
00:46:55She could have just sat still the entire time
00:46:58and just closed her eyes and waved the gun around.
00:47:01And I wouldn't be surprised if it scored
00:47:03more than 1,500 points.
00:47:04But low scoring across the board.
00:47:06Ken Jack leads the red team to a victory.
00:47:09Let's get down to see what the teams had to say
00:47:13in some post-match interviews.
00:47:15We destroyed them.
00:47:17Hit Tommy 100 times, hit Frank 100 times,
00:47:19hit Jackie.
00:47:20I felt much better about that one.
00:47:21I think we destroyed them.
00:47:22I mean, we just stood in their face
00:47:24and shot it a million times.
00:47:26No one was there.
00:47:28I don't know how the scoring works,
00:47:29but I would be pretty shocked if it wasn't a bloodbath.
00:47:31Although I thought that last time,
00:47:32last time I thought the CIA was gonna be waiting out there
00:47:34to like, serve your country in the air.
00:47:36You know, our team sucks.
00:47:38Not on me.
00:47:39Second highest score on the team both games.
00:47:41Second highest accurate percentage in the first game.
00:47:43Highest accurate percentage in the second game.
00:47:46I can only give so much.
00:47:47I just saw this from behind.
00:47:49I didn't see the cameraman.
00:47:51I thought you were telling a kid this.
00:47:52I thought Tommy just cornered a kid in New York
00:47:54and was like, I'm the second highest.
00:47:56That was sick.
00:47:57You should have seen that.
00:48:00I just think we were outgunned.
00:48:01We got the John Rambo bibs over there.
00:48:06Who knows what's gonna happen in the final,
00:48:07but the bibs is gonna win probably.
00:48:11But my team sucks.
00:48:13Clemer, he did all this research
00:48:14and he's maybe the worst laser tag player ever.
00:48:17I'm having a devastating day.
00:48:18So laser tag team, I did terrible.
00:48:20You know, I woke up today feeling good,
00:48:22sun shining, had a nice walk on the water,
00:48:25playing music, singing, having a good old time.
00:48:27Get here, I'll fall some more.
00:48:29It's all right.
00:48:30You know what you do?
00:48:31You know why you fall?
00:48:33So you pick yourself back up.
00:48:34The same way that John thought that
00:48:37he was gonna come out and be recruited by the CAA,
00:48:39I was like, I'm for sure not getting drafted.
00:48:42I knew when I was in there how bad I was doing.
00:48:44I could never shoot.
00:48:45I don't know what happened.
00:48:46It just really fell apart the second it started for me.
00:48:52And here it is, the championship match,
00:48:55team one versus team two.
00:48:57A rematch of our very first matchup.
00:49:00And while we were working in the aggregate before,
00:49:03everybody's slates have been wiped clean.
00:49:05What happens here determines who goes home
00:49:09with the $15,000 prize of who is winning.
00:49:15Are you shocked to hear that?
00:49:16Is that really the amount of money?
00:49:18$15,000.
00:49:19As if the fake job that people have here is not enough,
00:49:23the winning team gets 15,000 each.
00:49:26So that's-
00:49:27Where were we?
00:49:28Why were we not there?
00:49:29$75,000 in prizes on the line right now.
00:49:33It's gonna be team one versus team two.
00:49:37And let's see if the red team
00:49:39can repeat their victory before,
00:49:42or if the blue team can build on the momentum
00:49:44of their win in the last match.
00:49:46Let's go down to some pre-game championship interviews.
00:49:53Bro, I'm locked in right now.
00:49:55You can't tap me like that.
00:49:56Here, what are you listening to first?
00:49:59Bodies.
00:50:01Zoned in.
00:50:02Guarantee a championship.
00:50:04I think-
00:50:06Fibs.
00:50:07Fibs is an issue.
00:50:08We love this issue.
00:50:09I don't know if he's cheating.
00:50:10I don't know if he's-
00:50:11Well, that's, I think,
00:50:13I think we're kind of dead in the water already
00:50:15because I think they found something out
00:50:17about the red color.
00:50:18Because they were very stern and very real
00:50:20that they will not play if they have to be blue.
00:50:22The red team is whatever not.
00:50:25They were like, it was like,
00:50:26I will not, it was very serious.
00:50:28I will not play for blue.
00:50:29Even though we already had them on.
00:50:31Wearing the reds, it made us take them off.
00:50:32So I think there's something going on there.
00:50:34But even if there is, I'm here to kick ass.
00:50:37Okay, so the plan?
00:50:40Exactly the same thing we've been doing.
00:50:41Watch out for him.
00:50:44I'll give it a loan.
00:50:45Get out of there.
00:50:45Yeah, yeah.
00:50:46Just shoot him.
00:50:47I shot for her.
00:50:48Don, Don's pretty good with the shot.
00:50:50If they're headhunting, I might-
00:50:52Yeah, you know,
00:50:52we're not, we're not-
00:50:53That happens to me.
00:50:54It seems as if the blue team
00:50:57thinks that there's some skulldudgery going on.
00:51:00I guess team three thinks that there's a little bit of
00:51:04playfulness afoot in that maybe the red team
00:51:08has a weighted gun vest.
00:51:12I don't know what the situation is here.
00:51:13Yeah, the red equipment may be a little bit more effective
00:51:18than the blue gear.
00:51:19Let's see if that's actually the case
00:51:20because the red team has been winning a bunch.
00:51:22Meanwhile, Vibs has guaranteed a victory before this match.
00:51:26Tall words, but I think he's earned the right
00:51:29to have such a big mouth.
00:51:30Vibs, the leading scorer after the first two games
00:51:33that he played.
00:51:34We're gonna need to see Yeoman's work from the blue team.
00:51:38Absolute Yeoman's work is on the docket
00:51:41if the blue team, a.k.a. team three,
00:51:44will be able to take care of business.
00:51:46Enough yapping, let's get to zapping.
00:51:49The blue team is about to head off to a booze peg.
00:51:52Boo!
00:51:55I'm thinking we have to go like man on man.
00:51:58Man on man.
00:51:58Man on man type of game.
00:52:00I'd say woman on woman, but...
00:52:07Golly golly.
00:52:11Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
00:52:16I've got a fucking gas stop now.
00:52:18I'm gonna go punch someone in the face.
00:52:19They're shitting their pants.
00:52:24And the game begins.
00:52:26Wow, there's definitely much more hype here
00:52:28for the final than in any other match we've seen so far.
00:52:31Well, $75,000 is on the line.
00:52:33They can smell that 83 grand and it is absolutely close.
00:52:39And that's post-tax.
00:52:41It's amazing how these games all start out
00:52:43with so much careful maneuvering
00:52:48and then within short order,
00:52:50it devolves into an absolute bunch of fuck.
00:52:53That's that red, that's that fucking red bullshit!
00:52:59I just shot John Rich down and fucking got him.
00:53:02King Ghidorah, listen, King Ghidorah!
00:53:04Oh, you got him!
00:53:06Kenja, it's behind the wall.
00:53:08Snipes John Rich down ambush alley.
00:53:10Kenja is really good.
00:53:12Yeah, I know, it's pissing me off.
00:53:13Kenja is very good.
00:53:15Red team is watching their first attack.
00:53:22Kenja was the leading scorer in his last game,
00:53:24which was a win.
00:53:26Seems like he figured something out after the first game
00:53:28where he was the fourth leading scorer on his team.
00:53:31Caroline Ainsley working together.
00:53:33The blue team seems like they have strategy anew.
00:53:36Ainsley is fearless, I have to say credit to her.
00:53:39And into that tennis skirt,
00:53:40I have the feeling she would make
00:53:42for an excellent ball girl at the US Open.
00:53:45Yes, and you have to be fearless.
00:53:46She tends to scurry low and quick.
00:53:49And those players get ornery if you scurry too high.
00:53:52And there goes Caroline, racking up points from behind KFC.
00:53:54Meanwhile, at the red base,
00:53:55Bibbs is taking care of business.
00:54:00Robbie's coming!
00:54:01That sound must be a soothing,
00:54:04familiar sound to Robbie Fox, a Star Wars acolyte.
00:54:08Bibbs just like curved a bullet like wanted.
00:54:11KFC, Vice, or Kenja,
00:54:13do they even see each other around the corner from one another?
00:54:18And there's Kenja peeking around the corner.
00:54:20He sees Kevin, knows exactly where he is,
00:54:22but he's trying to-
00:54:23But he's hiding behind Chris Clemmer.
00:54:24No, that's a pull.
00:54:30Caroline shooting, ducking.
00:54:32Shooting, ducking.
00:54:34Shooting again.
00:54:35There goes KFC off into the night.
00:54:37He walks in to four blue team players.
00:54:41Ooh, that's gotta be tough.
00:54:42That's like returning home to find a gang bang
00:54:44in your own apartment.
00:54:45Not that I'd know.
00:54:48You live in a house.
00:54:50Robbie snipes Bibbs from across the mat.
00:54:54Ainsley and Caroline attack the red base.
00:54:56That's not good.
00:55:00Caroline, Bibbs, he's
00:55:04a Bacchanal of gun violence.
00:55:06Bibbs, I swear to God.
00:55:08Bibbs racking up points.
00:55:14Ow!
00:55:16I haven't even seen John Rich.
00:55:17He's a stupid ass-
00:55:18He's right down this hallway.
00:55:19He's right down this hallway.
00:55:20Look out.
00:55:22Well, the third time we're seeing the grenade from-
00:55:25I like that move from Bob Fox.
00:55:26Great move.
00:55:27You have to run that one back a couple of times.
00:55:29Sort of his signature at this point.
00:55:30And it's nice to have a signature move.
00:55:32He's getting low.
00:55:34Oh, yeah.
00:55:38Walked right into it.
00:55:39John Rich.
00:55:40Gia running over to assist.
00:55:44Caroline, Gia, Gia, Caroline.
00:55:46I've seen them in TikToks together,
00:55:47but now they're on the other side of the coin
00:55:49fighting one another.
00:55:50The heads and the tails of it all.
00:55:52And she's out.
00:55:53Clears in, clears out.
00:55:54Sort of reminds me of her work day.
00:55:58That's true.
00:55:59That's true.
00:56:00No one really works that hard if there's nobody.
00:56:02And there's Ken Jack behind KFC.
00:56:04But did he get shot at?
00:56:06I don't know,
00:56:06but he does seem to have a unique ability
00:56:09to appear out of nowhere
00:56:10and then sneak right back behind a pillar.
00:56:14Damn it, Vince!
00:56:15I swear to God!
00:56:16No one really been able to attack a base so far,
00:56:19as far as I can tell.
00:56:20Much more defense being played against the bases.
00:56:24Oh, finally!
00:56:24Sound legwork from Vibs.
00:56:28Caroline around the corner.
00:56:31And it seems like the blue team
00:56:33was wrong about the defective equipment
00:56:35because they have been scoring a bunch of points.
00:56:38Vice gets into it with Keegs a little bit,
00:56:41but the blue team is holding their own at least.
00:56:44It should be a pretty even match so far.
00:56:45Pace has really picked up.
00:56:47These people are really into it now.
00:56:48Everyone can sense the clock winding down.
00:56:52Vibs hopping around,
00:56:53and it seems as if there's $110,000 on the line.
00:56:57You're gonna play a little bit harder.
00:56:58It just keeps growing and growing,
00:57:00and nobody actually knows what the limit is.
00:57:02It's much like that movie, Squid Game.
00:57:04It's like Squid Game.
00:57:05She is attacking the blue base.
00:57:06But shout out to Dave Portnoy
00:57:08for putting up all this money,
00:57:09and I wonder how the people
00:57:11will get paid the money afterwards.
00:57:13We're going to escrow.
00:57:15There's a tax freeze,
00:57:16a lump sum,
00:57:17this is cash.
00:57:18Welcome to your paycheck.
00:57:19Are you getting it in an annuity?
00:57:21Or will it be like that Jackie Moon thing
00:57:24where he had the giant paper paycheck
00:57:27that didn't actually represent any real money?
00:57:29It might just be big checks.
00:57:30And you'll never see a dime of it.
00:57:33Big checks.
00:57:34Speaking of, KFC's got his Nikes moving
00:57:37as he sprints across the room,
00:57:38but there's Gia racking up a couple more shots.
00:57:41Gia to Bob Fox,
00:57:42Bob Fox to Gia.
00:57:45Screamed epithets,
00:57:46Gia over KFC,
00:57:48destroy the blue base!
00:57:49Oh!
00:57:53So maybe the red team is taking a little bit of a lead.
00:57:55Blue team is launching a full attack now.
00:57:57It's all or nothing.
00:57:58It's time to just run in and scream.
00:58:01That sounds strategy.
00:58:02They need to rack up points right now.
00:58:04If they're going to get a taste of this 130K.
00:58:07Keep seeing those feet up there.
00:58:08I guess that person is alive.
00:58:11Well, cause their feet have moved.
00:58:12Unless the wind is just shaking the corpse.
00:58:15Like, you know that hidden scene
00:58:16in the Wizard of Oz,
00:58:18where they purport that a little person
00:58:20has done themselves in?
00:58:24Yes, I do remember hearing about that.
00:58:26Fight seems gas over here,
00:58:28but Robbie's giving him some cover.
00:58:32KFC bragging that he's not tired,
00:58:33but Fight's is.
00:58:34Maybe KFC is the true African KFC radio.
00:58:38Again, again!
00:58:39There's a free over here!
00:58:41Again!
00:58:44Fight's bibs, Bob Fox, all exchanging some gunfire.
00:58:48Fight's with a proud chest.
00:58:49This is where the bench pressing is not helping him.
00:58:51He's making a bigger target.
00:58:55Is that Fight's again?
00:58:56Is he going to throw up?
00:58:57Fight's doubled over.
00:58:59This man needs to throw up.
00:59:00I guess they are moving a lot.
00:59:02Everyone's sweating pretty profusely.
00:59:04You can see it through their shirts.
00:59:06Yes, they are perspiring.
00:59:09Oh, that's a cool view.
00:59:10Where is that view?
00:59:12We've been, it's like when you find out
00:59:14the fourth quarter of an NFL game
00:59:15that they had a SkyCam the entire time.
00:59:17When you find out that the Airbnb you've been renting
00:59:19has had a shower camera.
00:59:22Check the lamps and tape over the people in the door, folks.
00:59:26There's perverts out there.
00:59:28John Rich and Fight's.
00:59:32Isn't it a shame that Jake Marsh is leaving Barstool
00:59:35and that we're left to be the commentary?
00:59:37Sure is.
00:59:38We're left to be the color commentators?
00:59:40Makes you appreciate him.
00:59:41I did see him on the sidelines of a PLL game recently.
00:59:44Yes, wow.
00:59:46I saw him, I heard he's going to be doing BBL
00:59:48this summer too.
00:59:49Wow, good for him.
00:59:51That should move the needle.
00:59:53British Basketball League, minds out of the gutter.
00:59:55Wow.
01:00:03Oh, there's a second wind from Fight's.
01:00:06Jay and Fight's, look at his teeth shining
01:00:08in the black light.
01:00:09Beautiful teeth on a man who's
01:00:10patched his mouth and forced it back open.
01:00:13I'm gonna kill you!
01:00:14I will kill you!
01:00:15That's right, Paul Skeem's on the ball team.
01:00:19And it's no small thing.
01:00:21Oh, Keegs with the middle finger
01:00:23and Chia can't get enough of it.
01:00:27Keegs versus Robbie in Ambush Alley.
01:00:30And this is the kind of gunplay that you live for
01:00:33if you're a lifelong watcher of laser tag.
01:00:43Oh, 360 by Robbie Fox.
01:00:45This guy's got the moves.
01:00:48He's got the moves.
01:00:51He's got blue team.
01:00:53Blue team is up 2,000 points with only a few minutes to go.
01:00:57Oh, wow, we're setting ourselves up
01:00:58for an upset right here.
01:01:01Interesting stuff.
01:01:01The red team's gonna need to turn it up
01:01:03to see if they can really take care of business.
01:01:05But Ken Jack is proving his worth.
01:01:07Where is Bibbs when you need him?
01:01:09Bibbs is guaranteed to win.
01:01:11Now he's running all over the place
01:01:12but he gets shot from a sniper's perch.
01:01:19If you're the blue team now,
01:01:20if you continue to rack up points,
01:01:21you go into defense with just a couple minutes left.
01:01:24Oh, I think you've gotta keep pressing.
01:01:26Everybody knows that once you start packing it back in,
01:01:28that's when you open yourself up to counterattacks.
01:01:31That's right, the counterattacks will get you killed.
01:01:33And that's literally, not just in the game of laser tag,
01:01:36you will literally die.
01:01:41I know I said that last time,
01:01:43but this time I'm gonna guess.
01:01:46They have to be winded, they have to be gassed,
01:01:48but this is where you empty out the tank.
01:01:51If you love laser tag like I do,
01:01:52you know that they are dying to get this 250K.
01:01:56KFC is claiming that Ken Jack's pack is not on.
01:02:01That would be a good usage.
01:02:03Technological doping there.
01:02:04At the same time though, KFC's part of the team one
01:02:07that was desperate to get these red packs.
01:02:10So if there's any technological foibles going on,
01:02:14well, it's only their own fault.
01:02:17Red sends their whole team to go and attack the blue.
01:02:20This seems to be their last ditch effort.
01:02:21Can they play any defense over on the blue squad
01:02:23or will it be a red wave?
01:02:26Rowan, aren't you surprised that there's been really
01:02:28no shooting of bases in this game?
01:02:31Yeah, it really has been a base light game.
01:02:35Kind of like a men's choir of all eunuchs.
01:02:39Baseless indeed.
01:02:42What the fuck?
01:02:45Only half of Ken Jack's pack is working.
01:02:48Really, half your pack isn't working.
01:02:50Look at that, half his lights are on.
01:02:51Get that on camera.
01:02:52What the fuck?
01:02:53Get that on camera.
01:02:55Double kill.
01:02:55Out of battery, they're saying that Ken Jack
01:02:57might be out of battery.
01:02:57Ainsley racking up some late minute points.
01:03:01Ken Jack and Ainsley have really been
01:03:02carrying this team so far.
01:03:06Kelly Keegs trying to do her best
01:03:08to bring the red team back into it.
01:03:10Robbie's attacking a defenseless red base.
01:03:12It seems like he's gonna be racking up
01:03:13some points right now.
01:03:14The best defense in the game.
01:03:17The base is open after all this time.
01:03:21I believe this is the first attack we've seen on a base.
01:03:25And it seems like Robbie Fox has destroyed the red base.
01:03:28That's a lot of points right there for Robbie Fox.
01:03:30Came into their house, took a dump, nobody knows.
01:03:33And it seems like their decision to stay on the offensives
01:03:36has really been fruitful.
01:03:37Meanwhile, Ken Jack has the right posture
01:03:40and formation so that he can get shots off
01:03:42and not get hit.
01:03:44I mean, this is as exciting as it gets.
01:03:46I'm on the front of my seat.
01:03:48I'm on the front of your seat too.
01:03:52Oh, a couple of jumps from Robbie Fox.
01:03:55Way harder to hit if he's moving like that.
01:03:58Robbie Fox has the moves of the day.
01:03:59He is in the early running for my MVP of the day.
01:04:03If his team can pull it off.
01:04:05His joie de vivre is really carrying him.
01:04:09Oh, and there it is!
01:04:11Unbelievable stuff.
01:04:13Really close game.
01:04:15Let's go to the scores and see who has won this match.
01:04:19The red team, 54,851 points.
01:04:25But the winner, in an upset, the blue team
01:04:29with 59,303 points.
01:04:32And it's all on the strength of Ken Jack.
01:04:36What a move there by Ken Jack.
01:04:38It seems like he really took care of business.
01:04:40And let's not sleep on Ainsley who put up 13,000 points.
01:04:45Absolutely putting the team on her back.
01:04:47An intern in name, but a seasoned veteran in game.
01:04:51Let's go down to the interviews
01:04:52to see what the champions had to say
01:04:55about what they did.
01:04:56Team three, what's it gonna be?
01:04:59It's embarrassing how good it feels.
01:05:01They played a good fight.
01:05:02They played great.
01:05:03They did.
01:05:04We had a brick wall walking back there.
01:05:05Yeah, they played a good fight.
01:05:06But remember, you don't watch laser tag
01:05:08just for the red team.
01:05:09You also watch laser tag for the blue team.
01:05:11And you know what?
01:05:12They weren't having as much fun as we were.
01:05:14Yeah, we were.
01:05:15I was doing 360s.
01:05:16I was jumping around.
01:05:17He was jumping.
01:05:18I was having a blast out there.
01:05:19They were just trying to play tactically.
01:05:21It's laser tag.
01:05:22Yeah.
01:05:23You gotta have fun.
01:05:23Exactly.
01:05:24I feel like we let our boys down.
01:05:26No, no.
01:05:27I feel like that too.
01:05:28They switched up their strategy.
01:05:29They weren't doing offense as much.
01:05:29They were staying on defense.
01:05:31I mean, they won.
01:05:33But Ken Jack's back only half working.
01:05:35I mean, if he would have been fully working.
01:05:36Yeah, he was also an all black when we were told he was white.
01:05:40Yeah, well, John Kelly, I'm fighting John Kelly after this.
01:05:44I'm gonna kill Ainsley.
01:05:45I'm gonna kill Ainsley.
01:05:46I got really upset about that.
01:05:47How much did we lose?
01:05:48I'm afraid I said something to you about that.
01:05:49At the end, I just came up with it.
01:05:50Honestly, I don't know what the debate is.
01:05:52I don't know.
01:05:53Can you address the pack allegations?
01:05:54I don't, believe it or not,
01:05:55I don't make my own laser tag pack.
01:05:57So, I don't think I can.
01:05:58They have the option.
01:05:59We warned in red.
01:06:00We warned how to opt out.
01:06:01They chose to pick that pack.
01:06:02Yeah, we were trying to take it from them.
01:06:04So, that's on them.
01:06:05Yeah.
01:06:05Yeah.
01:06:06How much did we lose by?
01:06:078,000, I think.
01:06:088,000?
01:06:09Yeah.
01:06:11Yeah, I don't know if the pack would have switched that.
01:06:13I think their strategy saved them.
01:06:14I know.
01:06:15I was gonna be sure I had way less points.
01:06:17Yeah, I definitely do.
01:06:18I got shot more times than you.
01:06:19I got shot a lot.
01:06:19Like, constantly shot.
01:06:21Yeah, I didn't have waves of people coming at me,
01:06:23so I couldn't really.
01:06:24Yeah.
01:06:25We should have just had you go out.
01:06:26Yeah.
01:06:27I kinda, yeah, I should have gone over there more, but yeah.
01:06:30Vibs was Jeremy Lin.
01:06:31He had a great run.
01:06:32Yeah.
01:06:33Great run.
01:06:34It was a short run.
01:06:34But, like, he's not going to championship.
01:06:36And, I mean, complaining about the pack setting,
01:06:37that's just bad form.
01:06:38Yeah.
01:06:39It's bad.
01:06:41Yeah.
01:06:41All right.
01:06:42Hey, shout out to NBA.
01:06:43Most value Ainsley getting us through that first match.
01:06:45Yeah.
01:06:46Guys, more like Ainsley, am I right?
01:06:48Oh, Ainsley.
01:06:49Ainsley.
01:06:50Ainsley.
01:06:51If I said any mean things about Ainsley
01:06:53during the taping of that round, I'd call him out.
01:06:55Yeah, I'd take it back, too.
01:06:56I think I'll come back.
01:06:57I think I may have said something bad.
01:06:58Funny person.
01:06:59Ainsley, I almost smacked his face.
01:07:00No, I really almost killed her.
01:07:01I really almost hit her face.
01:07:02When she kills you, she goes, eh.
01:07:04No, I can't do it.
01:07:05She laughs.
01:07:06She laughs.
01:07:07And I will kill him.
01:07:08What's funny?
01:07:09She's like a doll animal.
01:07:10Yeah.
01:07:12I gave her the finger at one point.
01:07:13I was like.
01:07:15Nice.
01:07:16She's a warrior.
01:07:17She's a warrior.
01:07:18Pretty good strategy.
01:07:19It's battle.
01:07:19None of us wanted to do it.
01:07:20We could have done that flat.
01:07:22Wow.
01:07:23Spicy stuff from those two teams.
01:07:25Obviously, they're a little bit upset over what team won,
01:07:28but they didn't want the packs that wound up not working,
01:07:32and they were dead by their own design.
01:07:35But that's what you get when you're watching
01:07:38a little bit of laser tag.
01:07:40Now, look, I was very impressed with Vibs, I have to say,
01:07:43but the blue team just seemed to have
01:07:46the better cohesion in the end,
01:07:47and they came together and brought it home.
01:07:49It's really about who's the hottest at the end of the day,
01:07:52who is up there bagging them,
01:07:55and who is up there tagging them.
01:07:56And congrats on the $1.3 million prize to the blue team.
01:08:02Not sure how they're gonna divvy that up.
01:08:03But it's a testament to Dave.
01:08:05He's won a lot of bets,
01:08:06and he will be distributing that money on his own,
01:08:10and that's why he's a great boss.
01:08:12We do no work, and he just shovels money down our gullets.
01:08:17Salute to him.
01:08:18Salute to our winners on team three, the blue team.
01:08:21And salute to you for making it to the end of the video.
01:08:24Fantastic stuff.
01:08:25I'm Adam Ferone.
01:08:27I'm Francis Ellis.
01:08:28And we are very happy that you watched this.
01:08:36I'm mad at all of you.
01:08:37Not you.
01:08:38You were staying back.
01:08:39I'm mad at you.
01:08:40You were in the middle.
01:08:41You were in the way.
01:08:41You were in the way.
01:08:42Who do you think you are out there?
01:08:44What, what?
01:08:44You're in my way.
01:08:45I know, but they were using me as a blockade.
01:08:48Well, you gotta get out of the way.
01:08:50You gotta be better.
01:08:50You gotta shuffle your feet.
01:08:51You weren't shuffling your feet.
01:08:53You were just standing there.
01:08:53At one point I went down.
01:08:54I tried to help you out.
01:08:56You gotta shuffle.
01:08:56At one point I ducked.