Little Evil HD
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Short filmTranscript
00:01:00What are you doing out here?
00:01:29Where is your stepfather?
00:01:30That's it!
00:01:31Time out, young man!
00:01:32Time out!
00:01:33Gary!
00:01:34Jesus Christ!
00:01:35Oh!
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00:01:58Oh my God, Gary!
00:01:59Are you OK?
00:02:00Say something!
00:02:01Please say something!
00:02:02I...
00:02:03Want...
00:02:04A divorce!
00:02:05Gary!
00:02:06Gary!
00:02:07Gary!
00:02:08Gary!
00:02:09Oh!
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00:02:27I can't believe you're moving in with her.
00:02:40I know, man, but I'm all crazy up in her shit, man.
00:02:45There ain't nothing I can do.
00:02:46Shit, man.
00:02:47That's for real.
00:02:48You're moving in with her?
00:03:06Yes, I am.
00:03:07In fact, I am all crazy up in her shit.
00:03:08Damn, old boy!
00:03:09Lock it down!
00:03:10Jerry!
00:03:11Jerry!
00:03:12Hey, man.
00:03:13Hey.
00:03:14I'm so excited to hear you're late.
00:03:15I worry that you got killed somehow.
00:03:16Nope.
00:03:17Still alive.
00:03:18Yo, yo, bad boy.
00:03:19What do you want there?
00:03:20What's up, Duane?
00:03:21You guys can just put that in the garage.
00:03:22Got it.
00:03:23Thanks.
00:03:24Thanks, kids.
00:03:25Made some friends, huh?
00:03:26Yeah, yeah.
00:03:27Those guys are great.
00:03:28Hey, where's Lucas?
00:03:29I got him a little something.
00:03:30I want to grease the wheels a bit, you know?
00:03:31Gary, you don't have to grease his wheels.
00:03:32He is going to love you for it.
00:03:33I know.
00:03:34I know.
00:03:35I know.
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00:04:39I know.
00:04:40I know.
00:04:41You know.
00:04:42Don't get discouraged.
00:04:43It's just going to take him a little more time and that's all.
00:04:49You know Lucas is very particular.
00:04:52No.
00:04:53I know he's particular.
00:04:54I love that about him.
00:04:55Ya.
00:04:56Ya.
00:04:57I'm sorry I didn't let you get to know him more.
00:04:59I just I really wanted to be sure.
00:05:01Well you can be sure now.
00:05:04Oh gosh.
00:05:06What?
00:05:07I just.
00:05:09This is what I always wanted.
00:05:11You know, a family, a real family.
00:05:13Me too.
00:05:14I swear, I feel like the luckiest man alive.
00:05:18Don't say that, all right?
00:05:20It's not luck.
00:05:22You're the one.
00:05:24Come here.
00:05:28The ice caps are melting.
00:05:29The seas are rising.
00:05:31And in the past year, there's been a spike
00:05:33in global temperature that even scientists cannot explain.
00:05:36Some people believe the prophecy of the end
00:05:38is becoming all too real, and the end times could be near.
00:05:42You like chocolate chip pancakes or smiley faces?
00:05:44To tell us about how the end will come.
00:05:46Reverend Gospel, thanks for coming in.
00:05:48Thank you for having me.
00:05:49Hey, Gary, I'm meeting with the C-L-O-W-N today,
00:05:52and I was hoping that maybe you could take Lucas to school.
00:05:56You're meeting with a clown?
00:06:00Oh, for Lucas's birthday.
00:06:03Sorry, got it.
00:06:05Sure, Russ.
00:06:06We've made some calculations, and we
00:06:08are now quite certain that the end will come
00:06:10at 6 PM on the 6th of June.
00:06:13What are you watching?
00:06:14It's just the morning news.
00:06:16Ratings must really be in the S-H-I-T-T-E-R, the shitter.
00:06:21Sorry.
00:06:32Hey, you don't have to call me dad if you don't want to.
00:06:35No?
00:06:36Call me Gary, awesome Gary, super gayer, whatever.
00:06:43No pressure.
00:06:48Oh, and if you want to sign up for baseball,
00:06:51like, I would totally be your coach or whatever if you're.
00:06:55I mean, I was a pretty serious baseball
00:06:57player when I was a kid, so.
00:06:59If you just want to toss the old ball around, anytime, I'm in.
00:07:07I'm in.
00:07:13This is Gary.
00:07:13Hi, Gary.
00:07:14This is your wedding videographer, Carl.
00:07:16Carl, hi.
00:07:17Yes, I've been meaning to call you.
00:07:18No, I figured you guys needed some time after everything.
00:07:21Listen, Samantha and I really appreciate
00:07:24you doing everything you did under the conditions and all,
00:07:27but I think we're going to have to pass on the video.
00:07:31I really think that you need to see something.
00:07:33We both decided it's better to move on,
00:07:35so if you could destroy the tapes.
00:07:37Mr. Bloom, there is something very unusual.
00:07:40Well, we know it's unusual, Carl,
00:07:42but we're going to keep our eyes on the road ahead,
00:07:45not dwell on the past, all right?
00:07:46No, but I really think that you need to.
00:07:47Thanks for the call.
00:07:48Mr. Bloom.
00:07:49All right, here we are.
00:07:53You want me to walk you in?
00:07:58Good talking to you, buddy.
00:08:00Hey, bro.
00:08:01Hey, Al.
00:08:02What's up?
00:08:02Heard about the wedding, man.
00:08:03That sucks, dude.
00:08:05Sounds horrible.
00:08:06So glad I didn't come.
00:08:07Hey, thanks for your gift, though.
00:08:09We're really hoping for a ceramic Woody Woodpecker
00:08:11statuette.
00:08:12Really? You like that thing?
00:08:13Oh, yeah.
00:08:14Oh, man, it means a lot.
00:08:15It's got some serious sentimental value, bro.
00:08:17You know, I smuggled a half kilo of Oaxacan
00:08:19sense of me in that thing.
00:08:21Wow, that's ambitious.
00:08:24I smoked it all in like three weeks,
00:08:25didn't I?
00:08:26That's ambitious.
00:08:28I smoked it all in like three weeks, too, man.
00:08:30So I hear you joined the ranks.
00:08:32The, um, I'm sorry?
00:08:34Yeah, you're a stepdad now, man.
00:08:36That sucks, bro.
00:08:37Welcome to the club.
00:08:38Oh, you're a step-
00:08:40Dad.
00:08:41Dad?
00:08:41Yeah, man.
00:08:42Right.
00:08:43I'm in therapy, too, big time.
00:08:45You can come if you want.
00:08:46It's like a group thing.
00:08:47It's pretty chill.
00:08:48Come with you to your therapy?
00:08:50Yeah.
00:08:51No, I really don't want to.
00:08:52OK, man, suit yourself.
00:08:54Whatever feels good.
00:08:56What you working on?
00:08:57Oh, nothing.
00:08:57Oh, you got a mark?
00:08:58Well, it's not a mark exactly.
00:09:00It's a client.
00:09:01Well, somebody wants to buy that
00:09:03freaky old nunnery, man?
00:09:04No way!
00:09:06You think they're going to make it into, like,
00:09:07a sex dungeon or something?
00:09:08A sex dungeon?
00:09:09Mm-hmm.
00:09:11This is Gary.
00:09:12Give it to me, you dirty little nun.
00:09:13Wow, that was fast.
00:09:14Give it to me, you dirty little nun.
00:09:16Yeah, it's still available today.
00:09:17Oh, hey, Rick, what's up, man?
00:09:18Oh, hey, yo.
00:09:18Pay that rent!
00:09:19That's-
00:09:20Pay that rent!
00:09:20That's great.
00:09:21I will see you there.
00:09:21Pay that rent!
00:09:22Great, thanks.
00:09:22Pay it!
00:09:26Sorry I'm late.
00:09:30I'm Gary Bloom.
00:09:32You are forgiven.
00:09:33I'm Reverend J.D. Gospel.
00:09:35Yeah, from, uh, from TV.
00:09:37I just saw you this morning.
00:09:38Oh, yes, the press does love their doom and gloom.
00:09:41Good point.
00:09:42Shall we have a look inside?
00:09:43Please.
00:09:44One sec.
00:09:45Yeah.
00:09:46There's plenty of room.
00:09:47Uh, do you have a large family, Mr. Gospel?
00:09:49Yes.
00:09:50Yes, I do.
00:09:51Well, uh, you kick off their shoes here,
00:09:54and I'm sure they'll enjoy the 15 extra rooms.
00:09:57There's a chapel.
00:09:58There's a basement that can be turned into a game room
00:10:00or a man cave.
00:10:01Ah, I just love the smell of an old-fashioned nunnery.
00:10:05Oh, yeah?
00:10:06Oh, yeah.
00:10:07Oh, yeah.
00:10:08Oh, yeah.
00:10:09Oh, yeah.
00:10:10Oh, yeah.
00:10:11Oh, yeah.
00:10:12Oh, yeah.
00:10:13Oh, yeah.
00:10:14Oh, yeah.
00:10:15You love the nunnery, don't you?
00:10:17Yeah.
00:10:20May I see the chapel?
00:10:22Sure, yeah.
00:10:23Right this way.
00:10:24Yeah, I mean, as you can see, it's a bit of a fixer-upper,
00:10:27but, you know, with the right touch.
00:10:29Oh.
00:10:30Oh.
00:10:31Oh.
00:10:32Oh.
00:10:33Oh.
00:10:34Oh.
00:10:35Oh.
00:10:36Oh.
00:10:37Oh.
00:10:38Oh.
00:10:39Oh.
00:10:40Oh.
00:10:41Oh.
00:10:42Oh.
00:10:43Oh.
00:10:45What do you think, Gary?
00:10:46The best offer?
00:10:49Mm-hmm.
00:10:50Just, you know, there's another couple who's very interested.
00:10:53You're kidding me.
00:10:54Who?
00:10:55Well, it's a very wealthy couple,
00:10:56just, like, dot-com money, always wanted to retire
00:10:59in a nunnery.
00:11:00Same old story.
00:11:01I shouldn't even be showing it to you.
00:11:02I'll beat their price.
00:11:03Whatever they're offering, I'll offer more.
00:11:06Really?
00:11:08The end is coming, Gary.
00:11:11and crows will darken the sky the oceans will boil over money truly is no object
00:11:19well that's fantastic I mean not not the blood boiling and and the sky and stuff
00:11:25but that you want to buy it I'm sorry just one sec
00:11:30yeah what kind of trouble our little buddy yeah yeah yeah I can make it down
00:11:38there right now okay yeah yeah love you too
00:11:42sorry my stepson got into a little trouble at school probably just throw on
00:11:46spitballs or something the Lord will never give you more than you can handle
00:11:50got it so it's a deal then yeah absolutely we have a deal
00:12:08hi I'm here to pick up my stepson
00:12:21Lucas you okay what happened
00:12:28you're Lucas's father yeah or I mean I'm his stepfather please come in
00:12:39have a seat mr. you can call me Gary mr. Gary I'm principal Chandler and this
00:12:46is school psychiatrist dr. Farrow okay mm-hmm how long have you been the
00:12:55child's stepfather well his mother and I just recently got married mm-hmm mr.
00:13:02Gary have you noticed any odd behavior from Lucas no I mean he's been a little
00:13:09withdrawn since the wedding mm-hmm I'm sorry why do you keep mm-hmm
00:13:16mr. Gary do you believe in corporal punishment no were you neglected as a
00:13:22child no not entirely maybe a little what was your relationship with your own
00:13:30father I didn't know my father I see do you mind telling me what this is all
00:13:36about what did Lucas do I'm afraid he spoke out of turn in class well this is
00:13:42quite the response he told his science teacher mrs. Dieter to go to hell oh
00:13:47okay well yeah that is pretty bad then she poured lye on her face and hucked
00:13:53herself out of a third-story window speared herself on the fence outside
00:14:01now we're not blaming Lucas but we've gone through his file and he seems to
00:14:13have a habit of pushing people over the edge we're gonna have to suspend him for
00:14:18a week are you sure that's necessary I'm afraid so and we want him to see a
00:14:24counselor I'm gonna recommend group therapy for you as well somewhere where
00:14:28you can work out some of your own father issues honestly I don't have any
00:14:32father as you can work that out in group
00:14:47that's terrible I know it's really tragic I mean with the way they're paying
00:14:54teachers nowadays I'm really not surprised I just can't imagine what she
00:14:57must have been going through you know shoot I just really hoping that Lucas
00:15:02would make some new friends in this school and now nobody's gonna come to
00:15:04his birthday party sure that should be your biggest concern huh I met with a
00:15:08clown today Gary a clown do you know how hard it is to have a conversation with a
00:15:13fully grown man in a clown suit okay I'm sorry I forgot about that how'd that go
00:15:18terribly he's double booked on Saturday he can't do it doesn't matter now just
00:15:24I'm sure people will still come and I can help you find another clown if it
00:15:28means that much it's not fair that they singled out Lucas I mean if she's that
00:15:33fragile then she shouldn't be teaching right I mean did you tell them that no I
00:15:37tried but no they were really focused on the fact that I'm sort of a new figure
00:15:41in the house you know and they were acting like it was my fault or
00:15:44something they were yeah and they want me to see a
00:15:48therapist isn't that weird what you think I should I just I mean you're not
00:15:56exactly having the easiest time communicating okay but this isn't about
00:15:59me Sam this is about Lucas what if there's something really wrong with him
00:16:04there is nothing wrong with Lucas why is everything always blamed on the child
00:16:19hey honey I am sorry it's not fair you know I mean he's already been through
00:16:27so much he's a good kid Gary he just he needs a positive male role model and
00:16:35every time I think I found the perfect guy he winds up turning against him and
00:16:43going crazy or dying in a horrible mulching accident. What? Hey, hey come here I am so sorry I didn't know that you can't deal with any more rejection Gary
00:16:59alright you you have to be on his side I am on his side you're just saying that I'm not Sam I
00:17:07love you okay and I didn't just make a commitment to you I made a commitment to
00:17:12him do you understand I'm gonna go up there I'm gonna have a heart-to-heart
00:17:18with him you know turn this into a bonding thing okay hey Gary you're gonna
00:17:31be a great dad
00:17:42hey Lucas can I come in? Hey pal, how are you feeling?
00:18:01is the cable out or? well TV sucks anyway it's kind of cool to just use your
00:18:09imagination right
00:18:21listen Lucas I'm sure it seems like we've been moving really fast but I'm
00:18:28your stepfather now yeah okay we'll just talk later or whenever you want okay
00:18:40how'd it go? oh he just told me he went some alone time through his goat puppet
00:18:51oh yeah that's his friend Reroy. Reroy? he loves playing with them good well I'll
00:18:59just let him have a little Reroy time and check in with him later okay you
00:19:07know what pisses me off? kids nowadays they don't even know what's rad when they see a man
00:19:11when I was that age all I wanted was a 72 Chevrolet El Camino monster truck
00:19:17mounted on top of some 66 inch Goodyear tires with an alcohol fuel injected
00:19:22turbo engine now that I got one I got a stepkid and all he wants to do is
00:19:28watch Pitch Perfect. Pitch Perfect 1, Pitch Perfect 2, Pitch Perfect 3, I mean
00:19:31this is Jimmy man let's put on some Rush put your hand on a speaker and your head
00:19:36on your heart and see if you can feel something so what are you feeling he
00:19:39said nothing that's America he didn't get it so that's kind of where I'm at right now
00:19:47thank you for sharing Al. good job nice work okay we got a new guy everybody
00:19:53please welcome Gary. Hi Gary. Gary can you share a little about what you're going
00:20:01through? oh no thank you I'm just here to watch. No, you're not here to watch, you're here to participate.
00:20:08okay well my wife and I just recently got married and you know I'm having a
00:20:18little tiny bit of trouble bonding with my new stepson Lucas. and how old is he?
00:20:23he's about to turn six yeah we're actually having a party for him on
00:20:27Saturday his real birthday is next Wednesday. it's a great age he's still
00:20:31very malleable and how is it with his mother? oh it's going great there I mean
00:20:36she's just amazing in so many ways. but the fact that you don't get along with
00:20:44her son is putting a strain on the marriage. no not really. it will your mom's
00:20:52always gonna have side with the son. can you tell us a little more about Lucas?
00:20:56well I mean he never really looks me in the eye doesn't talk much except when he
00:21:05tells his teachers to go to hell or yells at me to get out of his room using
00:21:11this weird little goat puppet thing and I just I get this sense that he's that
00:21:19he's evil incarnate. yeah. well you're lucky man I got girls twins and they
00:21:27wake up every morning literally plotting ways to torture me. this morning they
00:21:31replaced my toothpaste with my wife's Vagisil. really? yeah. Vagisil. that ain't
00:21:37shit. yesterday my stepson asked me when I was gonna die. I told him listen I
00:21:43don't know that. that's up to God. he said well when God does take you can I
00:21:49have your van? he's five. well at least he likes trucks. fuck that. Jeremy pissed on my
00:21:55khakis man. my kids worse. my son shit in my sock drawer. I stand corrected. this is
00:22:00the top drawer. so he blamed it on the cat but I know it wasn't the cat because
00:22:06there were jujubes in this shit after I looked in it. you know I'm talking about
00:22:10malleable and that means that he crawled up onto the fucking dresser
00:22:16turned around grabbed onto the mirror and then fucking opened the top drawer
00:22:20and then shit into the top drawer. in the mirror he was he was looking at himself
00:22:25knowing what he was doing shitting in my sock drawer and if you think I won't
00:22:29shit in his backpack now you got another thing coming. Wayne. I have it actually in
00:22:34the trunk and I'm not saying we all have to do it but. I'm gonna pencil you in for
00:22:37twice a week. thanks. and as for you Gary birthdays are a very special time for
00:22:43kids. if you step up on this it could be a great breakthrough for both of you.
00:22:49if you're happy and you know it clap your hands.
00:22:54if you're happy and you know it clap your hands.
00:22:57if you're happy and you know it clap your hands.
00:23:01oh honestly it's like Lord of the Flies. it's very cool.
00:23:10everybody good? honey this is amazing. yeah. thank you so much for helping out.
00:23:17yeah. where did you find the clown? no I had my connections. hey do you think Lucas
00:23:23is enjoying himself? yeah. of course he is. nice catch buddy. this is a great party you guys got
00:23:35going on here. thank you. do you guys know my wife Wendy? hi. nice to meet you. I'm Samantha. this is Gary. and is that your boy Lucas?
00:23:43yeah. birthday boy. he's so cute. Gary you want another drink man? I make a killer
00:23:48mantini bro. come on let's go get gross. okay. come on. go have fun. he's a real dad. he's a total
00:23:59fucking loser. sits at home all day long smoking pot just to keep himself from
00:24:03freaking out man. honestly that's no way to raise a kid. you got to stay sharp if
00:24:06you want to raise a kid. oh we got to be ready at a moment's call. you never know
00:24:09what's gonna happen. in some ways we're kind of like first responders. that's
00:24:12real. kids are getting hammered and staying sharp. all right. cheers brothers. dude where did you find this clown? oh yeah your clown's
00:24:23kind of blowing it bro. oh he's supposed to be good. so what's up with Lucas's
00:24:27real dad? you have to deal with him much? no actually Samantha doesn't even like
00:24:30talking about him. consider yourself lucky. one thing I hate more than anything
00:24:33is taking the kids to their real dad's house. they come home with stories like
00:24:37oh my god he's so awesome. he let us play Minecraft for like 17 hours straight and
00:24:42then I got to deal with their rage. you know. I don't know man if I were you I'd
00:24:45really find out about the kid's dad because that DNA stuff can be really
00:24:49wicked. you got to find out if he's got DNA dude. no we all have DNA guys. oh I'm
00:24:54not sure we do. I thought it was the DNA. no DNA. it's like your it's your genes.
00:24:59the kid has it. he's definitely got it bro. no it's not a it's not a it's not a
00:25:03disease. yeah you don't want it. no we all have DNA. I do? I don't know.
00:25:11never mind. that clown is fucking awesome.
00:25:23looks like it kind of couldn't have worked out better. yeah. is that part of his act?
00:25:29I am so so sorry about all this. you know what? here's a little something extra for you.
00:25:36I'm so sorry. the child. he did this to me. he made me do it. he made me.
00:25:45hey.
00:25:54Wanda come on. hey Derek. great party. thanks for raising the bar. now all the kids are
00:26:02gonna want a burning clown for their birthday. yeah who's there? oh hi it's
00:26:09Gary Bloom from the wedding. did you come alone? yeah I came alone. were you followed?
00:26:17no. come on up third floor.
00:26:39hello?
00:26:43hello?
00:26:46Carl?
00:26:53hello?
00:26:58huh. oh my. Gary thank you for coming. you need to see this.
00:27:09check out this shot right here. it's amazing right? the way the sunlight bangs up against
00:27:15the lens like that. yeah sorry what why is the camera like swinging all over the place? were
00:27:21you not able to afford a tripod with the money we gave you or? a tripod? yeah. let me ask you
00:27:27something. did uh Scorsese ever use a tripod? Fellini? Cassavetes? I don't know. I mean this
00:27:35isn't good fellas. this is our wedding video. well geez thank you very much Leonard Maltin.
00:27:40your review will be taken into very serious consideration. I gotta ask you something. did
00:27:45your film win best short doc at the Orinda film festival last year? mine. did it? no. because
00:27:52mine did. that's correct. anyway I think we have bigger fish to fry here than your apparent lack
00:27:59of knowledge about cinema don't you? sure. see I thought that it was strange when the preacher at
00:28:07your wedding started speaking in tongues. oh sorry no that was latin. no no no I thought it was latin
00:28:12initially too because I have a very keen ear for language as a filmmaker but I put those words into
00:28:16google translations and nothing. what? no known language. and that's google man. listen you have
00:28:24to listen to this. listen carefully. open your ears. it does not sound like latin.
00:28:31so I slowed down the footage and I played it in reverse.
00:28:45okay why are you playing my wedding video in reverse? I think the more important question here
00:28:51is why is the preacher at your wedding asking you to vow to protect the child
00:28:56in reverse? yeah that's a little odd too. you bet your ass it's odd. when the tornado first
00:29:02struck at your wedding I thought that was really really just rotten luck but the more I thought
00:29:06about it the more I realized it was a chance that ruined your wedding. it was satan. okay um
00:29:14I think I'm gonna get no no no no Gary hold on wait wait just watch watch this watch watch
00:29:22oh my god uncle scott I didn't even know he made it
00:29:28oh no no no pay him no mind what you need to be paying attention to is right there in the
00:29:34background those winds were hitting at 150 miles per hour yet not one hair on his head is moving
00:29:48why? he's wearing a lot of hair joe. there's a barn being ripped to shreds directly behind him in
00:29:59frame and look at him that is not normal does that seem normal to you?
00:30:10I did some research because I fucking love researching things
00:30:19here it is there is a religious group or a doomsday cult what have you they believe that a
00:30:27child will rise up from hell to rule mankind and to bring on the end of the world as we know it
00:30:35I think we found that child
00:30:40he has risen from the bowels of hell and now you're his stepdad
00:30:48you I know you need to
00:30:57to use your tripod no it's fucking cinema verite man we're gonna pass no no wait wait
00:31:03everyone your wife ever dated is dead look at this look look lightning strike a heart attack at 32
00:31:13a freak mulching accident what did you just say they're all dead all of them all except for one
00:31:31Gabriel Winthorpe
00:31:34I found his address on the internet okay we need to go talk to him
00:31:43you think about it gary you call me when you come to your senses
00:31:50I have all the equipment all right we can use the tripod gare
00:31:56so
00:32:10hey buddy what's up what are you what are you doing you just you coloring in the uh in the dark
00:32:16cool
00:32:26isn't it uh past your bedtime
00:32:37want me to turn off the light or
00:32:46yeah thank you thank you so much Wendy I really appreciate it
00:32:50okay I know I know I hope Jeremy's nightmares aren't too bad tonight too
00:32:59okay I know yeah okay I'll see you then bye-bye
00:33:06child protective services called apparently they had calls from parents saying that we had a
00:33:12dangerous clown at our party now their children are gonna be in therapy for the rest of their
00:33:16lives Gary where did you find that clown on the internet I don't know sweetie you can't just pick
00:33:22any clown off the internet come on you're a parent now you have to hope for the best but
00:33:27you prepare for the worst that's a good point hon I'll stick to that from now on
00:33:34they're sending someone here tomorrow Wendy said she would come and she would help support
00:33:41but Gary you need to be there too okay sweetie yeah yeah I'll be there really Gary yeah
00:33:54I will be there
00:34:01you know today I met with our wedding videographer
00:34:05wow I thought we agreed we weren't gonna relive that yeah no I know but
00:34:10just want to see if we could salvage it and we can't
00:34:17could you remember the preacher when he started speaking latin
00:34:22such a romantic language yeah well as it turns out he wasn't speaking latin he was speaking in english
00:34:28backwards
00:34:34okay gare what was he saying he made me vow to protect the child come hellfire or brimstone
00:34:41I'm serious Sam well at least he made a good point in reverse why would he make his point
00:34:46in reverse I don't know Gary I mean I'm sure people make points in reverse all the time
00:34:52I'm pretty sure they don't I mean maybe Ozzy Osbourne but that's it
00:35:07so gare what are you saying I don't know I'm just sort of
00:35:13look I'm wondering again about Lucas's biological father what does that have anything to do with
00:35:18anything you're his father now well yeah I told you parenting would be hard and
00:35:23you said you were up for it I did you can't say that so you just need to take all this stress
00:35:29and crumple it in a little ball and throw it away maybe you're right of course I'm right
00:35:36and I will give you a massage and then we'll take it from there shouldn't we put Lucas to bed
00:35:44I talked to him an hour ago
00:35:53oh man that feels so good
00:35:55baby listen I know that we're an unconventional family I mean we're not totally normal
00:36:03and the way Lucas was conceived wasn't exactly ideal but at least we're together right
00:36:13yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
00:36:25I agree 100% hey remind me again how Lucas was conceived promise you won't judge
00:36:33oh of course not oh man that's that's the spot right there okay well you remember when I told
00:36:40you about that crazy time in my 20s where I dropped out of school and then I joined that
00:36:45sort of like cult uh no I don't think you told me about that well I guess they were
00:36:54pretty shocked to find out that I was a virgin still and so they threw this huge ceremony for
00:37:00me where they all got dressed up in these long flowy black robes and they wore these
00:37:05elaborate masks and there were all kinds of herbs lots of herbs okay anyway they were chanting and
00:37:15then they put me in this star and they covered me in this warm red body paint
00:37:24and then I don't really know I must have blacked out because I had this terrible nightmare
00:37:32but when I woke up I left and I never looked back
00:37:38what I told you it wasn't ideal you said you wouldn't judge I'm not judging I'm just saying
00:37:46maybe this is the sort of thing we talk about before we get married I was young and maybe I
00:37:51was a little naive right but care I wouldn't change anything even if I could because now I have
00:38:00even if I could because now I have Lucas hi honey hey buddy are you okay honey
00:38:10are you still upset about that clown Gary hired yeah you want to sleep with us tonight
00:38:17um don't you think never mind come on in buddy let's have a sleepover
00:38:23all right snuggle up get cozy ain't no burning clowns in your dream
00:38:38tomorrow's a new day
00:38:53so
00:39:01so
00:39:18uh
00:39:31so
00:39:39uh
00:39:57she said he was conceived out of a nightmare during some satanic cult ritual she's probably
00:40:02young I need the money it doesn't mean anything okay what about the clown do you think that was
00:40:06normal no no that was definitely an unusual clown okay well this is gonna sound nuts but
00:40:12I think there's a chance that maybe he caused a tornado at my wedding who the clown no dude
00:40:18Lucas yeah right yeah that freaky little kid definitely caused a tornado at the party listen
00:40:24to me I had worms coming out of my nose last night Jesus it's like a serious hygiene issue
00:40:31well maybe it was a dream I don't know still you should probably get that looked at this must be it
00:40:37you sure you want to do this man I hate meeting my wife's exes
00:40:46oh
00:41:00hey yo excuse me hey she has begun to cry tears of blood is that right
00:41:12hey we're looking for a guy named Gabriel do you know him Gabriel cannot be disturbed
00:41:22okay uh well he used to know my wife I just have a few questions for him
00:41:27mostly about my weird little steps on Lucas follow me speak no words okay
00:41:58ah Gabriel you have guests
00:42:07um
00:42:11hey hi I'm Gary um this is my friend Al and uh you know we're well we're stepdads
00:42:22anyway uh you I think maybe you used to know um my wife Samantha my my little stepson Lucas
00:42:32God forgive me for I have sinned
00:42:37this is why I'm happy we're in therapy this is the kind of shit that happens when you don't
00:42:41talk stuff out the end is near oh lord please do not blame me for what cannot be stopped
00:42:46I think maybe we should just go you must travel to the old marketplace
00:42:50in the city of Bethlehem seek out the demon hunter goes now only he can help you now
00:42:57and they that dwell upon the earth did wonder seeing the beast that it was a thing
00:43:04and is not and yet now is I'm not following revelation chapter 17
00:43:11the child he is the antichrist okay okay thanks and uh thank you for welcoming us
00:43:26into your beautiful home and uh we're gonna let you get back to your stuff you know
00:43:42I gotta tell you I'm feeling so much better about Jeremy right now
00:43:45I mean he's spoiled little shit but at least he's not the fucking antichrist
00:43:49seriously seriously
00:43:56wasn't there like a sign or or anything when you were dating I mean it only moved so fast
00:44:02I figured he'd warm up to me at some point yeah but you must have had some kind of indication
00:44:06that kid's like pure fucking evil yeah Al all the time but you told me that was normal that
00:44:11all kids are dicks that's true kids are dicks man but this is a different level he's like
00:44:16top of the dick chain bro you could get a divorce I don't want a divorce Al
00:44:26okay Samantha's perfect she's everything I ever wanted well she comes with some pretty
00:44:29hefty fucking bag Al it is not an option okay
00:44:36and the world followers of infamous cult leader JD gospel have begun stocking up on canned goods
00:44:42rice beans that's the guy that bought the mineral when is the end actually coming hey
00:44:48I think maybe we should go find this guy Gozamel maybe he could help us out yeah look man I don't
00:44:55know if I told you this but I'm coaching Jeremy's little baseball team so for me
00:44:59getting to Bethlehem Israel is just a little out of the question just right now is not a good time
00:45:02I get it it's not a good time well there you have it I'm Jane Hernandez reporting live from
00:45:07Bethlehem Pennsylvania excuse me um we're looking for a guy named Gozamel he's busy oh that's great
00:45:25he's here um we really really need to see him yeah we're on a mission from God
00:45:31Gozamel to Cashier Gozamel to Cashier
00:45:41um Gozamel I'm Gozamel you guys are looking for me
00:45:48so what makes you think your stepson is the spawn of Satan well he's just this really
00:45:52weird little kid super weird dude and he has these beady little eyes that like bore into your
00:45:57soul very beady little eyes and he manipulates people into doing stuff that they don't want to
00:46:01do yeah like jumping out of buildings lighting themselves on fire yeah talking backwards
00:46:05sounds like your average devil child to me this is me when's his birthday well we just
00:46:11had his birthday party but his real birthday is the 6th of June how old is he turning six
00:46:16oh shit it's him it's him you want some help no no I've got
00:46:29I got it thank you so much young man let's go but hold on we drove it's the end of the world
00:46:37we'll drop you off afterward come on I'm good with that come on buddy let's go save the world
00:46:47I have been prepping for this my entire life that's great news man yeah we're really glad
00:47:02we found you thanks uh hey I got some donuts and beer in the cooler if you guys want me
00:47:06no way yeah score Gozamel you're the best my brother thank you hey uh is there a seat belt
00:47:12back here seat belt you don't have a seat belt this is the end of the world there are no rules
00:47:17no rules man still kind of like to have a seat belt when I was a kid my father told me I have
00:47:22a destiny my destiny is to save the world that must have been a pretty heavy talk fuck yeah
00:47:28it was heavy man because he was dying in my arms but then he bequeathed onto me the ninth destiny
00:47:34and he told me you take that little antichrist fuck up to hallowed ground you stab him right
00:47:38in the chest I'm sorry what you gotta do it by 6 p.m. on June the 6th man I was getting worried
00:47:45I didn't think it was gonna happen no wait what did you say about a knife not the destiny yeah
00:47:49it's uh in the little chest of drawers that I built it on the side I want to make sure it was
00:47:53next to me at all times yeah that's it that knife will kill anybody no we are not stabbing my step
00:48:01son in the chest yeah dude his wife's already pretty upset they're not getting along around
00:48:05the house I don't think that's gonna help anything all right well we'll burn him alive
00:48:09or drown him as long as it's on hallowed ground what no we're not doing any of those things but
00:48:14what'd you think I was gonna do play footsie with him I don't know exercise him you can't exercise
00:48:19the antichrist bro let's sacrifice a goat something like that yeah a goat why would you
00:48:24want to hurt an innocent goat I'm just brainstorming all right well there is this myth about someone
00:48:31called the key master and that he could save the world without having to kill the kid
00:48:35way to bury the lead man yeah let's go find the key master there's no fucking key master
00:48:43I made it up from ghostbusters remember here hand me that thing ghostbusters you make it up
00:48:49don't worry guys I've been prepping for this my entire life there's literally nothing that
00:48:53can happen
00:49:12holy crap you okay I think I'm all right it's a good thing you're wearing your seatbelt
00:49:19oh holy shit
00:49:32over here
00:49:35oh
00:49:44I'm sorry I let you down I'm sorry I let you down daddy buddy you didn't let your dad down
00:49:53you're the stepfather his destiny is in your hands now when the time is night
00:50:05you'll get a sign from above
00:50:09look for the
00:50:17cousin that's your buddy good I told you we should have fucking caravan okay then how's
00:50:26that that might have been a better idea god this is crazy oh my god this is so crazy bro
00:50:31you gotta relax man how can I relax we're in a cornfield so what good thing has ever
00:50:36happened in a cornfield al well I don't know field of dreams is pretty cool
00:50:43okay all right all right all right we're not that far we're gonna we're gonna walk home
00:50:50well are we just gonna leave him here
00:50:53god give me the knife give me the knife I'm coming bro all I wanted was to get
00:51:01married to be happy but a normal life nobody has a normal life man no I know but like
00:51:08in the realm of normal there's there's a realm so your stepkid's a little evil it's not like
00:51:13it's the end of the world okay wait maybe in this case it actually is but I'm a stepdad too
00:51:18you know what that means I would never leave you on the battlefield brother
00:51:22I wouldn't do it you know can we just try walking in silence the rest of the way oh yeah man no
00:51:27problem was it talking too much total silence no problem house is right up here oh we made it
00:51:34home
00:51:42but that's not him is it yeah he loves to swing okay
00:51:49all right look brother I gotta get out of here we'll catch you tomorrow right cool wait what
00:51:55happened to not leaving a soldier on the battlefield I'm not leaving you man I'm not
00:51:59leaving you like forever right now it's getting kind of late it's past my bedtime I gotta get my
00:52:06snoozies in because I get real fucking cranky you don't want to see me cranky do you man
00:52:10take this take it take it the hell am I gonna do with this I don't know man he's just a kid
00:52:16and you're a fucking warrior I gotta go I gotta do crosswalk
00:52:38you know Gary really is just the kindest man he is so good to us
00:52:44he's totally got the parenting thing Gary yeah Gary hi come in please you remember
00:52:51Wendy right from the party and this is Mrs. Shaylock from Child Protective Services
00:52:57oh hi hello very nice to meet you I am so sorry for being late I was racing home from work
00:53:05you work in a cornfield no no no no I'm in real estate oh and I go walking in cornfields at night
00:53:14sometimes to gather my thoughts well then I would love for you to share them with us right now
00:53:20Mr. Bloom please have a seat come on okay can I just I'm sorry um I was just telling Miss Shaylock
00:53:28how you are trying Gary yeah how you are trying so hard to reach out to Lucas that's right yeah
00:53:36yeah I'm uh I am trying it's always so hard for stepdads tell me Mr. Bloom all the things that
00:53:44you do with the dear boys uh well I uh I'm taking them to school school and uh I tried talking to
00:53:53a bunch of times you know Gary helped plan Lucas's birthday party the one with the burning clown that
00:54:00traumatized all the children Lucas really looks up to Gary I mean like just tonight he told me that
00:54:05he didn't want to go to sleep until Gary tucked him in but I just saw him outside on the swing
00:54:10Gary don't be silly he is upstairs in his bedroom you know who's the sweetest thing he said in his
00:54:15little angel voice can daddy please tuck me in he called me daddy what an angel yeah fallen
00:54:21asleep angel which I am way too bushed to put down tonight just go tuck your son in he's probably
00:54:27already asleep actually he's probably awake and waiting up for you to talk that's very scary all
00:54:31right little reluctant to talk you don't need to write that down I won't be the judge of that
00:54:45all right
00:54:51hey the the lights are burned out up here there's a flashlight on the wall
00:54:59this is bullshit
00:55:04here we go just a fucking five-year-old kid nothing to be afraid of
00:55:14all right
00:55:15all right
00:55:20shit marry a beautiful woman all hell breaks loose
00:55:27all right
00:55:28so
00:55:41hey uh lucas you want me to tuck you in buddy
00:55:49lucas in here
00:55:54jesus
00:55:58lucas
00:56:14not right me not right now
00:56:23told you don't want to play
00:56:28lions wanna play
00:56:44why is it so hard for men you have to demand more from him
00:56:51try reading him a book you soccer shit
00:56:58uh
00:57:06no
00:57:27so
00:57:35so
00:57:54oh
00:58:04oh let me tell you whatever a child is going through emotionally it's natural for them to
00:58:13act out in physical ways please remember it is never the child's fault no matter what happens
00:58:21it is never the child's fault
00:58:34oh
00:58:39it was very nice to meet you mrs bloom of course you know i'm going to keep a very
00:58:43close eye on you and your family of course it's fine it's very nice to meet you too
00:58:49oh wendy windy yeah i think you're parked in front of me oh i'll be right out
00:58:59what the hell is going on with that idiot husband of yours no idea i am
00:59:03so angry right now i could scream oh it's him he must be too scared to come downstairs
00:59:10wendy thank you so much for your support i could not have done it without you tonight
00:59:20gary what on earth are you doing
00:59:25gary stop yelling okay you know i can't understand you when evil fucking son
00:59:33oh
00:59:42lucas honey
00:59:49so creative
00:59:53gary where is lucas okay okay i'm sorry that i yelled before it's probably because i'm getting
00:59:57a little oxygen deprived where are you i'm in the backyard bring a shovel and come as fast as
01:00:02you can or i'm gonna die
01:00:20that's it
01:00:33oh my god gary gary say something are you okay say something i want a divorce
01:00:41don't say that get out of there gary oh can i thanks
01:00:49gary please don't overreact okay i know he didn't mean to he didn't mean to
01:00:55just wanted you to read him a book i'm pretty sure that's not what he wanted i should have
01:01:00insisted that you two spend more time together before we got married oh yeah that would have
01:01:04been great getting to know him a little bit better you've really outdone yourself gary
01:01:09congratulations i tried reaching out you tried you drove him to school you tried talking to him
01:01:15a few times excuse me if i didn't buy you a dad of the year month he married me alive sam children
01:01:20act out because they don't know how to express their emotions you're the adult you were supposed
01:01:25to help him but you won't even look at my son because he's not yours that is not why then why
01:01:31because he's the fucking antichrist sam that's why
01:01:41listen to me no sam
01:01:48come on lucas
01:01:48oh great now it's raining blood sam not cool lucas not cool
01:02:12it was awful it was just the whole thing
01:02:15indescribably awful i know what you mean man we've all been there no you haven't come on
01:02:21jeremy on the ball let's go that's okay that's okay buddy there you go look i hate to say it
01:02:27man i think you might actually have to kill the kid no i can't do it dude gregory pecked it in
01:02:33the omen no he didn't he got shot before he could do it and i'm pretty sure that everyone thought
01:02:38he was an awful father after that well we already think that about you son what yes who said that
01:02:45this is my wife and all her friends what a school boy okay okay all right look man i didn't want to
01:02:52tell you this okay because i don't want to get jealous but i won the dad ball this morning
01:02:58what isn't that awesome
01:03:03man that's awesome you made me realize that there's a lot to live for you know and a lot
01:03:09innocent people are going to go to hell i know a lot of people maybe not totally innocent but
01:03:13people man that's not cool right you don't have to make it look like you did it you could just
01:03:21take him to king willie's water park get him some floaties fill him with sand push him down that big
01:03:26ass slide nature's gonna take his course that shit happens all the time that place is a real
01:03:32safety hazard it has to be on hallowed ground dude i'm pretty sure that king willie's water
01:03:36park is hallowed ground okay the pope blessed that place sam's never gonna let me near him
01:03:40go over there bring me some flowers man and tell your side that you called her kid the antichrist
01:03:46i do that shit all the time sometimes he deserves it
01:04:05hey hey
01:04:06i am really sorry about what i said but you said some really awful things gare
01:04:12awful things i want to turn this around sam i really do i want to be the man the father that
01:04:17i know i can be look i know it's his birthday today and i'd love if i could just have a little
01:04:22father-son time with him maybe teach him to swim
01:04:36so
01:04:51lucas doesn't know how to swim
01:04:55well uh that's what we're here for reroy teach lucas how to swim ready to go up that big one
01:05:01there okay well how about this how about we uh we just go play around work up our courage
01:05:07sound good reroy all right don't worry buddy we're gonna have a blast okay let's go i can see
01:05:15clearly now the rain is gone i can see all obstacles in my way
01:05:26me
01:05:36it's gonna be a bright bright bright sunshine
01:05:44it's gonna be bright
01:05:57oh my god are you laughing i don't think i've ever seen you laugh before
01:06:07oh you and your son look really cute together
01:06:11do you want me to take a picture oh no that's all right really it's no problem sure yeah why not
01:06:18there we go okay lean in a little closer a little closer
01:06:28great there you go thanks
01:06:38so
01:06:45lucas is ready for the big side now are you sure uh you know what we actually don't
01:07:08so
01:07:15all right listen lucas these uh these are gonna help you float
01:07:18hurry it up we're just gonna be one minute it's his first time okay
01:07:23i know that these feel heavy lucas but once they hit the water that they're
01:07:26just gonna get much lighter okay
01:07:32listen to me you don't have to do this come on already i told you
01:07:37he's not ready do you understand
01:07:43oh no oh my god what the hell am i doing oh what the hell okay god i don't know if you're
01:07:47real or not if you are you probably fucking hate me but you gotta give me a sign here
01:07:51you gotta give me a sign you gotta give me a sign give me a sign please
01:08:00oh my god that's it that's it that's it
01:08:03it is a pretty sweet water slide
01:08:33so
01:08:41oh my god lucas oh my god oh my god
01:08:46oh i've never taken my eyes off you okay okay i promise oh my god are you okay
01:08:56sorry we lost reroy evil goat puppet we'll find you another one all right
01:09:09gary
01:09:13yeah that's a little bit better
01:09:15we'll find you another one all right
01:09:20gary
01:09:24yes lucas i'm sorry i buried you in the backyard
01:09:30no it's all right i get it sorry i put sand in your floaties that's okay i get it
01:09:38i guess i haven't been a very good stepdad have i you're still here
01:09:51lucas can i tell you something something i've never told anyone did you know that i never
01:09:58knew my father growing up he split on me when i was just a baby so when i was 20 years old
01:10:06i decided to go find him and when i finally did he told me that i was a worthless loser
01:10:14who would never do anything with his life
01:10:19you know what i decided i didn't have to listen to my dad
01:10:26you know lucas i don't care who your real dad is or you were spawned from a cult ritual you are you
01:10:34and you can be whoever you want to be okay
01:10:42daddy
01:10:45yeah lucas i don't want you to die anymore i don't want you to die anymore either
01:10:51and you're right my real dad isn't a really good influence on me no i don't think he is
01:10:58i don't think he is
01:11:01hold on do you know your real dad well sometimes he talks to me through my toys and the tv
01:11:09it's a really good reason to limit your tv time and he said he wants full custody
01:11:17do you know what that means yeah yeah it's not good listen
01:11:22your mom and i will never let that happen do you understand i promise
01:11:29it's an amber alert
01:11:33but that's my license
01:11:37shit uh lucas why don't you finish your ice cream black you gotta go
01:11:44hands in the air okay okay what did i do keep them off you can't go too far
01:11:50don't say that to the officers we're working on manners which arms behind you okay officer i think
01:11:54there's a mistake here because i'm a stiff ow what are you doing oh my my my my what a scene
01:12:03what a scene thank you officers job very well done the boy is safe now what are you doing here
01:12:09we told you we were going to keep an eye on you oh mr blue you disappointed us we thought you were
01:12:15we who's we you come with me now sweet pea the reverend will be so glad to see you i don't want
01:12:23to the reverend no you can't take him he's just a child oh sure he is and i'm just a sweet little
01:12:29old lady who evolved from an amoeba no you can't do this
01:12:33all right back up come on back it up holy fuck
01:13:04oh
01:13:15hi gare hey it's me they took lucas
01:13:21who took lucas the cps lady but it's not my fault i swear now look she said she's taking him to the
01:13:28reverend who i think is a cult leader okay and they think that lucas is evil which may or may
01:13:33not be true because let's face it in life he's gonna make his own choices no matter who his
01:13:37father is gary you don't know what you're talking about i'm talking about free will sam and i'm
01:13:43talking about him being able to be whoever he wants to be now look i need you to call
01:13:47the police and settle just a minor little amber alert hello my dear time to go i'm not going
01:13:56anywhere with you
01:14:09she's feisty find the knife it's here somewhere damn shit
01:14:17hey hey you no no i can't be quiet you have to come here open this door right now come on
01:14:34hey you gotta open this door okay my son's in trouble i have to save him
01:14:39come on open the door right now please
01:14:41oh shit thank you
01:14:50i gotta go but uh i owe you one okay
01:14:56save the child he is our only hope
01:15:11oh
01:15:21so
01:15:36hey hey hi jeremy what's up uh is your dad around by any chance
01:15:41no my dad left a good bang hot woman and get high okay how about your stepdad thanks buddy
01:15:46hey gary what's up good to see you um listen you know he saw these up they're
01:15:52super uncomfortable yeah i didn't need to talk to you anyway let's hit the man cave pronto
01:16:03all right check this out it seems to say that the evil child is not satan himself but a portal to
01:16:09satan and that by killing him that portal will open and the real satan can then enter his body
01:16:16and the end of the world will ensue that's what he was saying about his real father wanting full
01:16:21custody shit dude that's never good right those guys gossamel and the reverend they wanted me to
01:16:27kill lucas right to bring on the apocalypse but now that you dropped that ball they're gonna do
01:16:31it themselves okay but they have to do it on hallowed ground yeah i mean if we knew where
01:16:37that was maybe we can the nunnery out the nunnery that's why the reverend he bought the nunnery he's
01:16:41gonna have like a blowout party sacrifice lucas and open up the doors of hell doesn't parenting
01:16:48suck yes the place is basically a fortress there's no way we're gonna be able to get in there
01:16:56what are you doing it takes a village you know but how are we gonna get in there
01:17:01they say there's a reason for everything don't they i think i found my reason
01:17:05so
01:17:27oh that's a big truck no it's a small truck with big tires is this vehicle equipped with airbags
01:17:34just
01:17:43oh can you go any faster
01:18:05so
01:18:28this is your destiny
01:18:35the end is our destiny
01:18:46turn off the vehicle come out with your hands in the air what the shit is that okay there may be a
01:18:53bit of an amber alert out on me but it's a mistake i swear can i just say at this point i think i
01:18:58think we might be doing something wrong we're not doing anything wrong okay and lucas he's not satan
01:19:03he's just a portal to satan and good parenting it's about keeping that portal shut man that's so
01:19:09true yeah yeah those guys they can't stop us nobody can stop us you know why because this is
01:19:17my destiny i'm with you 100 man yeah me too so you're absolutely sure we're doing the right thing
01:19:23yes yes we are let's go blow up that nunnery
01:19:26yeah yeah you think we can make it are you kidding me bro
01:19:54brothers and sisters
01:19:57the time has come to revel in the glory of the rapture
01:20:01behold he who knows no bounds to evil
01:20:05the one the only the antichrist
01:20:18don't stop keep going
01:20:20you don't have to stop it for anything man
01:20:30we don't have much time
01:20:32it has to happen by six we've got five minutes
01:20:38it's locked guys
01:20:40there's a window we can break it and then go through it
01:20:42come on
01:20:44i got you get out of there
01:20:46come on
01:20:48all right
01:20:50guys i have a key
01:20:52guys i'm a real estate agent
01:20:54i have the key
01:20:56i'm the key master
01:20:58open the door
01:21:00okay
01:21:04okay
01:21:06let's go
01:21:08go go go
01:21:10go go
01:21:12you were never meant to be the one
01:21:16nice punch gary
01:21:18yeah you really laid out that very tiny woman
01:21:20yeah maybe take it easy on the old ladies huh
01:21:22big guy might be watching
01:21:24should i do
01:21:30or not
01:21:38guys
01:21:46who are
01:21:56yours is the greatest sacrifice
01:22:00you are but a vessel for greatness
01:22:16We're here to save you guys.
01:22:40The time has come.
01:22:41They're going to kill you.
01:22:42It's all up to you now, buddy.
01:22:43The time has come to open the gates of hell!
01:22:44There he is!
01:22:45Go!
01:22:46Go!
01:22:47Go!
01:22:48Go!
01:22:49Go!
01:22:50Go!
01:22:51Go!
01:22:52Go!
01:22:53Go!
01:22:54Go!
01:22:55Go!
01:22:56Go!
01:22:57Go!
01:22:58Go!
01:22:59Go!
01:23:00Go!
01:23:01Go!
01:23:02Go!
01:23:03Go!
01:23:04Go!
01:23:05Go!
01:23:06Go!
01:23:07Go!
01:23:08Go!
01:23:09Oh.
01:23:10Get away from me!
01:23:11No.
01:23:12No.
01:23:13Look.
01:23:14Look.
01:23:15Look.
01:23:16Look.
01:23:17Look.
01:23:18You met at the party.
01:23:19You guys had a great party.
01:23:20Ow, it's awesome.
01:23:21We met, it was like a Tuesday.
01:23:22Are you messing with my boy?
01:23:23Did you mess with my boy?
01:23:24You messed with me.
01:23:25As for the rest of you, you should be ashamed of yourselves.
01:23:28Really all of you, I think you need to do some real soul searching.
01:23:35Look yourselves in the mirror and say,
01:23:37is this who I really want to be?
01:23:44Oh, shit.
01:23:46Yeah, Lucas?
01:23:48You okay, buddy?
01:23:53Oh, shit!
01:23:55Oh, shit!
01:23:56Oh, shit!
01:23:57Oh, shit!
01:23:58Oh, shit!
01:23:58Oh, shit!
01:23:59Oh, shit!
01:24:00Oh, shit!
01:24:01Oh, shit!
01:24:02Oh, shit!
01:24:03Oh, shit!
01:24:03Oh, shit!
01:24:04Oh, shit!
01:24:08Lucas!
01:24:12Lucas!
01:24:19I got you, buddy.
01:24:20I got you.
01:24:22Let me go!
01:24:24No.
01:24:25You must let me go!
01:24:27No!
01:24:28I won't!
01:24:31Daddy?
01:24:33Yes, Lucas?
01:24:35I'm scared.
01:24:37Don't be scared, sweetie.
01:24:39I got you.
01:24:52Okay, maybe a little fear is totally justified,
01:24:55but I'm not letting you go.
01:24:56I'm never letting go, buddy.
01:24:58Why?
01:24:59Because I'm your father,
01:25:01and I love you!
01:25:03Lucas, shut up.
01:25:16I'm not leaving you!
01:25:30Oh, my God.
01:25:32Oh, my God.
01:25:33Oh, my God.
01:25:34Gary.
01:25:35Gary.
01:25:36Gary.
01:25:43Lucas!
01:25:45Gary.
01:25:49I'm so sorry.
01:25:50I'm so sorry.
01:25:53I love you.
01:25:56I love you so much.
01:26:01Oh, my God!
01:26:01Oh, my God!
01:26:03Come on!
01:26:04Help me up!
01:26:05Come on!
01:26:06Help me up!
01:26:10Let him breathe, let him breathe.
01:26:12Some Indiana Jones shit, dog.
01:26:15Holy shit.
01:26:17Oh, my God.
01:26:17He's probably got minor scrapes, but, you know.
01:26:20It's because of us.
01:26:21It's because of us.
01:26:22They're good.
01:26:23Hey, hon.
01:26:24You told me when you're a parent,
01:26:26you hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.
01:26:29Yeah.
01:26:30Please tell me that was it.
01:26:33You did it.
01:26:35You really came through for us.
01:26:37You're the one, baby.
01:26:39You're always the one.
01:26:41I love you.
01:26:46I love you, too.
01:26:50I wish I had a bonding moment like this with my son.
01:26:54I mean, not exactly like this.
01:26:55Right.
01:26:56A little shake would be strong.
01:26:57No, I know.
01:26:57A little league game, like a ball game or something.
01:26:59I mean, there was fucking fire.
01:27:00The child must die!
01:27:03Go on, Toto!
01:27:06Oh, shit!
01:27:09Don't ever fuck with my kid again.
01:27:12Okay.
01:27:13That's badass.
01:27:14They both punch really well.
01:27:15Like when people run up to them in churches.
01:27:17Listen, can we get out of here?
01:27:18I just want to get out of here.
01:27:20Yeah.
01:27:21I think we go.
01:27:22Okay, let's go.
01:27:23Let's go.
01:27:24Let's go, guys.
01:27:25Hey, guys.
01:27:25Come on.
01:27:26Tomorrow's a new day.
01:27:27Yeah.
01:27:28Oh, boy.
01:27:29You know, this might sound weird,
01:27:30but I think maybe we should go get some ice cream.
01:27:34You know, I still have my kid's backpack in my trunk.
01:27:36We'll go get ice cream and then all shit in it.
01:27:38I could shit in his backpack right now.
01:27:40Yeah, sure, why not?
01:27:41Okay.
01:27:42Oh, I already shit my pants, though.
01:27:43I don't know if I have any left.
01:27:45Hey!
01:27:45Hey!
01:27:46Hey!
01:27:47Hey!
01:27:48Hey!
01:27:49Hey!
01:27:50Hey!
01:27:50Hey!
01:27:51Hey!
01:27:52Hey!
01:27:53Hey!
01:27:54Hey!
01:27:55Hey!
01:27:55Hey!
01:27:56Hey!
01:27:57Hey!
01:27:58Hey!
01:27:59Hey!
01:28:00You guys are up next.
01:28:01No, no, no, no.
01:28:01We're not ready.
01:28:02Yes, we are.
01:28:03Dad, we're fine.
01:28:04Okay, best of luck to both you guys.
01:28:06Lucas, we are not ready yet.
01:28:08I haven't adjusted the steering column, the brakes.
01:28:10Stop worrying, okay?
01:28:12Okay.
01:28:13All right.
01:28:14You just have to trust me.
01:28:15I trust you.
01:28:17And I'm driving.
01:28:18What?
01:28:19No, no, no.
01:28:20You can't drive.
01:28:21You're six.
01:28:21All right, just don't turn too hard in either direction.
01:28:25Okay?
01:28:26Just try to keep it steady.
01:28:27Yeah!
01:28:29Look, look at the cool design of that one.
01:28:31I'm not gonna lie, man.
01:28:33That's pretty fucking rad, bro.
01:28:35There they go.
01:28:35Let's go, let's go.
01:28:37Hey, who wants it more, baby?
01:28:38Go, defense!
01:28:40Go, Gary!
01:28:41Go, Lucas!
01:28:43Well, not too much.
01:28:44Back the other way.
01:28:46Hang on, Dad.
01:28:47Things are just about to get interesting.
01:28:50Lucas!
01:28:51Yeah!
01:28:51Let's go!
01:28:57♪ Walk right in, all you sinners and saints ♪
01:29:03♪ Tonight's the night we're gonna take all these shades off ♪
01:29:07♪ The moon, the man, the man ♪
01:29:15♪ It came with a warning, now we're all out of time ♪
01:29:19♪ This romance with ignorance has left us behind ♪
01:29:23♪ So sit back, relax, begin ♪
01:29:31♪ It's too early for surrender, too late for a prayer ♪
01:29:35♪ We can't go to hell if we're already there ♪
01:29:39♪ They say the end is coming and I need to prepare ♪
01:29:43♪ We can't go to hell if we're already there ♪
01:29:54♪ It's no mystery, what can I say, we're blind by design ♪
01:29:59♪ And history keeps getting paid to change its mind ♪
01:30:03♪ The moon, the man, the man ♪
01:30:11♪ Divided by deception, but together we must rise ♪
01:30:15♪ Deafened by the naive, while we silence the wise ♪
01:30:19♪ So sit back, relax, begin ♪
01:30:27♪ It's too early for surrender, too late for a prayer ♪
01:30:31♪ We can't go to hell if we're already there ♪
01:30:35♪ They say the end is coming and I need to prepare ♪
01:30:39♪ We can't go to hell if we're already there ♪
01:30:49♪♪
01:30:59♪♪
01:31:09♪♪
01:31:19♪♪
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