Nobody Knows Anything Full Movie
Nobody Knows Anything Full Movie
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00You
00:00:30How to explain the things that nobody knows
00:00:35People these days they play and act like they know
00:00:39But nobody, not even you or me
00:00:43Who are you to tell me what's new and what's not
00:00:46What's happening now and what you've got
00:00:48This here real life, I'm a Tupac
00:00:50Been around the block and got the block on lock
00:00:52Stop, don't wanna hear another word
00:00:54Show me the money or you'll get to burn
00:00:56It's like it is when I promise you the world
00:00:57I'll make you a star more like Megma Earl
00:01:00Holler back when the contract's right
00:01:02You better best believe I'm looking out for mines
00:01:05I'm feeding on steak and wine
00:01:07Struggles of an artist pays off in time
00:01:09Cause nobody knows what the future holds
00:01:11Nobody knows anything till it goes
00:01:13And takes off to the next level of the game
00:01:15Until then you don't know a damn thing
00:01:17Sometimes in life there's questions nobody knows
00:01:22I need to grab him in the first minute
00:01:26Behind these walls lay the broken dreams
00:01:29Of men who are now confined
00:01:31Nah, too depressing
00:01:33Fade in, on a tree-lined street
00:01:36Two good-looking, attractive guys
00:01:38Are good-looking? Attractive?
00:01:41Well, that's the same thing
00:01:43Why not tall, unshort guys?
00:01:46Nah
00:01:50Give him something they've never seen before
00:01:52Edgy
00:01:54Ow
00:01:56Different
00:01:58Ow
00:02:01It's the action-packed, true story
00:02:05Of how the search for the American dream
00:02:07Goes dangerously awry
00:02:10I have one dream on rye with a pickle to go
00:02:13Hmm, not bad
00:02:15Gotta grab him in the first minute
00:02:18Hmm, maybe a little salty
00:02:20Hmm, maybe a little sex
00:02:24Nah, too obvious
00:02:31Cosmo says red is the power color for women
00:02:34But it makes me look like a fire truck
00:02:37Hollywood
00:02:39That's me, Sarah Wilder
00:02:42I just graduated from film school
00:02:44And now I'm in the real world
00:02:46Well, L.A., which may be real or unreal
00:02:48Depending on who you are
00:02:50Fortunately, I know a real person
00:02:52My Uncle Lou
00:02:54Who was once a big-time Hollywood writer
00:02:58Yeah, it's open
00:03:00Yeah, so how did they do yesterday?
00:03:03Oh, good, good
00:03:05Oh, Phil, I'll talk to you later, bye
00:03:08So?
00:03:12Sarah Wilder, your niece
00:03:15I know that, sit down
00:03:16Sit down
00:03:20For me
00:03:22Oh, how nice
00:03:25So, what made you want to get into the movie business?
00:03:28Why did you pick a profession with dignity, like begging?
00:03:31Okay, Uncle Lou, you're just like Mom
00:03:33You think the movie business is populated with terrible people
00:03:35No, no, no, believe me, believe me
00:03:37I'm not like your mother
00:03:39But in this instance, she's right
00:03:41The world is full of terrible people
00:03:43Why not the movie business?
00:03:44Speaking of which, how is your mother?
00:03:47And that Lummix she married?
00:03:49She and Dad are great, they're doing the Florida thing
00:03:51You know, get a condo on the beach and play golf and tennis
00:03:54So what's this movie about that you want to make?
00:03:56Jimmy, Cousin Jimmy
00:03:58On your father's side?
00:04:00The same
00:04:02But why? He's a bum
00:04:04I know him, and like my film teacher always said
00:04:06Film what you know
00:04:08Uh-huh, so the story is all about Jimmy's problems, huh?
00:04:12What audience is going to sit down and watch a movie
00:04:14About a schmuck like that?
00:04:16I don't know
00:04:18He's a sweet guy
00:04:20And I think I want to explore the why of it all
00:04:24The why of it all?
00:04:26Uh-huh
00:04:28You know, I don't understand the movies they're making today
00:04:31Did you see something about Mary?
00:04:33Laughed my ass off
00:04:35Could I make a movie like that?
00:04:37Never, never in a million years
00:04:39I want to tell you something
00:04:40I still know a lot of people in this town
00:04:44I called in a lot of favors
00:04:47I don't know why I'm doing this
00:04:50But I set up some pitch meetings for you
00:04:53All right, now stay focused
00:04:55And remember, nobody knows anything
00:04:59Today I have my first pitch meeting at a big studio
00:05:04Hello
00:05:06Oh, I can't talk right now
00:05:07No, I'm meeting Connor Fulton at 9.30
00:05:09I'll talk to you later
00:05:12Hello
00:05:21Wait, wait, wait, all right
00:05:23Hold on, Connor is talking now, okay?
00:05:25All right, now listen, you are five million dollars over budget
00:05:28Hold on one second
00:05:30Miss Winston
00:05:32Wilder
00:05:34That's right, hold on, okay
00:05:35Now listen, you're five million dollars over budget
00:05:37So either we're going to stop paying you
00:05:39Or we stop beating the cast and the crew
00:05:41It's your decision
00:05:43So
00:05:45You're new in town
00:05:47And you got a story to tell
00:05:50Well, nobody ever said that Connor Fulton
00:05:52Didn't give new town a break
00:05:54Ain't that right?
00:05:57See, everyone knows
00:05:59That's George, he's my assistant
00:06:01He's my eyes and my ears
00:06:03You can see the big picture
00:06:06So shoot
00:06:08I got a ten o'clock's coming in early
00:06:10You got five minutes
00:06:12Any good story can be told in five minutes
00:06:14Ain't that right?
00:06:16See?
00:06:18Give me your best shot
00:06:20It's the action-packed true story
00:06:22Of how the search for the American dream
00:06:24Goes ominously awry
00:06:32Kind of like a modern James Dean
00:06:33But during his quest for the American dream
00:06:35Jimmy committed armed robbery
00:06:37A felony
00:06:39But he's my cousin
00:06:41I mean, I sat next to him at the kids' table
00:06:43At every holiday dinner
00:06:45But what made him do it?
00:06:47Here's the twist
00:06:49You see, I shot interviews
00:06:51With every family member
00:06:53And eyewitnesses to the actual crime
00:06:55For a historic docudrama
00:06:57Kind of like Reds
00:06:59But without the communists
00:07:01And we'll cut back to them ever so often
00:07:03To give you some background
00:07:05And to help uncover Jimmy's motivations
00:07:07The diet pills are working
00:07:09Oh, thank you!
00:07:11Are those canned?
00:07:13Oh, of course they're canned
00:07:15Are you nervous, Beatrice?
00:07:17No, I'm very relaxed
00:07:19You're going to be wonderful, Uncle Sid
00:07:21You're going to be brilliant
00:07:23I like that apathetic thing you've got going on
00:07:25And it's all about glamour over here, isn't it?
00:07:27Oh, how do I look?
00:07:29Wonderful
00:07:31Good, I look right in there?
00:07:33Disfunction
00:07:35Okay, okay, good
00:07:37What do you want me to talk about?
00:07:39Tell me about my cousin Jimmy
00:07:41And Uncle Sid, you look marvelous
00:07:43Oh
00:07:45Jimmy is our son
00:07:47We love him
00:07:49He's a very good boy
00:07:51A very good boy
00:07:53You know what rotten is?
00:07:55He's rotten to the core
00:07:57Oh, but he's a very good boy, you know
00:07:59Thank God he's got my genes
00:08:00You know, he takes after my side of the family
00:08:03Your side of the family
00:08:05Your side of the family is crazy
00:08:07You know, all this bad stuff with Jimmy
00:08:10It's your fault
00:08:12My fault?
00:08:14I ought to sue you
00:08:16I ought to sue you and your family, you know that?
00:08:18For what?
00:08:20Because when I married you, they passed you off as sane
00:08:22You're fucking crazy
00:08:24This is good
00:08:26This is good
00:08:30You used fucking properly
00:08:33I have a mother and a father too
00:08:35Most people do, that's very identifiable
00:08:41I'm a basket case until my second day
00:08:43You don't want to know what he does
00:08:45At the grocery store?
00:08:47Jesus Christ, she's going to bring up
00:08:49The candy bin thing again
00:08:51He steals little pieces of candy
00:08:53From the candy bin at the grocery store
00:08:55Jimmy loves to see him do it
00:08:57Like father, like son
00:08:58Like father, like son
00:09:00You know, Jimmy used to be a very sweet boy
00:09:02My husband here corrupted him
00:09:05Okay, so maybe Jimmy didn't grow up
00:09:07In the best environment
00:09:09But it's not like he was so different
00:09:11Than any other kid
00:09:13I can't do homework
00:09:15Because they told me to do homework
00:09:17I can't work under these conditions
00:09:19Right, but there was always a constant
00:09:21In Jimmy's life, his love
00:09:23No, no, his obsession for Miranda
00:09:25Even when they were kids
00:09:26Miranda, I love you
00:09:29Best thing that ever happened
00:09:31To Jimmy was Miranda
00:09:33But even when they were kids
00:09:35It wasn't always roses
00:09:37I told you, Jimmy, get the fuck out of here
00:09:39I'm serious
00:09:41By the time they got married
00:09:43She'd been kicking him out for years
00:09:45Just leave
00:09:47See, things haven't changed much
00:09:49But unfortunately, every time
00:09:51Jimmy and Miranda fought
00:09:53He'd always go to his best friend
00:09:54Unfortunately, his best friend is virus
00:09:57His partner in crime, so to speak
00:09:59A rocket scientist, virus isn't
00:10:01But Jimmy still considered him a friend
00:10:03Don't even ask me why
00:10:05Connor, darling, the love of my life
00:10:07The vein of my existence
00:10:09Great baby
00:10:11George, see any good movies lately?
00:10:13So good to see you
00:10:15How are you doing?
00:10:17What brings you to the salt mines?
00:10:19It's about Bruce, Connor, dear, who else?
00:10:21Listen, I just saw those dailies
00:10:22Huh?
00:10:24Huh? That fight inside, what is that?
00:10:26Is that a volcano?
00:10:28Of course
00:10:30It's incredible, it's incredible
00:10:32Did I say that was incredible?
00:10:34I said that, I said that
00:10:36I'm so happy you're happy
00:10:38Happy, happy, I am ecstatic here, all right?
00:10:40I am delirious, I'm about to lose control of my bladder
00:10:42Well, I have something else you can piss on then
00:10:44Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho
00:10:46Here, I hope you don't mind
00:10:48Looking at the list of requests Bruce has
00:10:50What is it?
00:10:52Wet, not dry
00:10:54Not dry, not dry, George, remind me
00:10:56And what's his new stand-in at $4,000 a week?
00:10:58Don't you think Bruce's brother would be perfect?
00:11:00Okay, what's his driver at $3,000 a week?
00:11:02His nephew
00:11:04Personal trainer, $2,000
00:11:06His cousin, coincidentally
00:11:08You're killing me here, this $14,000 a week
00:11:10Why don't we just rent his whole family here?
00:11:12You are, Connor, darling
00:11:14You're renting the whole goddamn family
00:11:16He's honest, he's honest
00:11:18It's an $80 million movie
00:11:20They'll need lots of asses in those seats to see profits
00:11:22Bruce can put them there
00:11:24Ciao, George
00:11:26Love what you're wearing
00:11:30Thank you, Craig, thank you
00:11:32Hey, listen, you take care, all right?
00:11:34Tell Bruce I'll see him at the fight
00:11:36I will
00:11:38This is some fucking business
00:11:40What?
00:11:42Would they run General Electric like this?
00:11:44No, no, you're damn right they wouldn't
00:11:46Get me Jack Brown
00:11:48I'm sorry about this
00:11:50They said he went to an early lunch
00:11:52What's happening?
00:11:54Get me the other producer on his film
00:11:56Bruce's film, whatever his name is, I don't know
00:11:58Call him
00:12:00This is a crazy business
00:12:02It is crazy, I tell you
00:12:04Stars that make $14 million a picture
00:12:07And then they nickel and dime you
00:12:09For every perk they can think of
00:12:11Producers go to a 10.45 lunch
00:12:13Shit!
00:12:15I mean, most producers don't even come in till 11 o'clock, huh?
00:12:17Am I right?
00:12:19What?
00:12:21Connor Fulton here
00:12:23Hi, I want you to measure Bruce's trailer for a sauna
00:12:26And then I want you to tell him every day
00:12:28That it is being specially made
00:12:30I want you to tell him
00:12:32We're having trouble getting a green card
00:12:34For his French chef
00:12:36I want you to bullshit him about his stand-in
00:12:38I want you to bullshit him about his driver
00:12:40I want you to bullshit him about his trainer
00:12:42Tell him, tell him
00:12:44Teamsters, tell him
00:12:46Tell him we're having a problem with the teamsters
00:12:48They want their men in place
00:12:50I want you to tell him
00:12:52There's nothing worse than his family
00:12:54Is going to be sleeping with the fishes, okay?
00:12:56And then you tell him to go to hell
00:13:04Where were we?
00:13:08What Jimmy and Virus needed was a direction
00:13:10A goal
00:13:12Get a job, get a job
00:13:14Why don't you get a job?
00:13:16I'd like to get a job
00:13:18Why don't you get a job?
00:13:20I don't know what to do
00:13:22And I can't work under those conditions
00:13:24Remember, when Jimmy was a kid
00:13:26He didn't like taking orders
00:13:28He's no different now
00:13:30Hey fellas, let's go, huh?
00:13:32We got a house to paint
00:13:34Rapido, rapido
00:13:36For the daylight
00:13:38You like some guy clapping at you?
00:13:40Come on, have some self-respect
00:13:42You gotta be your own boss
00:13:44I am my own boss and I've got self-respect
00:13:46No, what you got is some guy telling you what to do
00:13:48Nobody tells me what to do
00:13:50You paint?
00:13:52No, I thought it was coming over while you paint
00:13:54I don't paint
00:13:56I'm not a painter
00:13:58Anyway, I gotta go pick up my check
00:14:00Disability
00:14:02Think about what he said
00:14:04When I said they needed a goal
00:14:06I really meant they needed money
00:14:08Because all they were capable of doing
00:14:10Was painting houses
00:14:12All the fixtures you see are original
00:14:14They were installed when the house was first built
00:14:16In 1946
00:14:18Now, nine years ago
00:14:20Mississippi Blue Smoke Jones
00:14:22Had all of the fixtures removed
00:14:24Sent back to Germany
00:14:26Where they were originally manufactured
00:14:28In 1928
00:14:30The Mississippi Blue Smoke Jones?
00:14:32The harmonica player?
00:14:34Yes
00:14:36Wow
00:14:38Nice house, Blue Smoke
00:14:40How do you know Blue Smoke?
00:14:42I don't, I know of him
00:14:44Not done yet
00:14:46All of the fixtures were cleaned
00:14:48Restored, updated
00:14:50By the original manufacturer
00:14:52Minscher van der Klieger
00:14:54Now if that name rings a bell
00:14:56It should
00:14:58Because we still use Klieg lights today
00:15:00This way
00:15:03Does he know we're here to paint?
00:15:05As you can see
00:15:07As you can see
00:15:09The kitchen has been updated as well
00:15:11With technology of tomorrow
00:15:13With the hardwood floors of yesterday
00:15:15I think that's pretty cool
00:15:17Speaking of cool
00:15:18This refrigerator
00:15:20Has the shell
00:15:22Of its mother model
00:15:24The Frieze Captain 627
00:15:26With the entrails
00:15:28Of the Captain Frost
00:15:30Master Whiz fridge
00:15:32A lovely piece of machinery
00:15:34Ha ha ha ha
00:15:36I believe this is yours
00:15:38Take a look at this
00:15:40Is this beautiful?
00:15:42Look at this with the trees
00:15:44And the sun
00:15:46Look at this view
00:15:48I would lay her down right here
00:15:50Right now
00:15:52And give her the love
00:15:54Oh my god
00:15:56Oh my god
00:15:58Oh god
00:16:00I am so god damn tired
00:16:02Of showing houses all day long
00:16:04You couldn't give this piece of shit away
00:16:06This shit
00:16:08It's been on the market
00:16:10For six years now
00:16:12Oh god
00:16:14Oh god
00:16:16Did you ever lie in bed at night
00:16:18You know I came to the fork in the road
00:16:20I veered left
00:16:22You know you should veer right
00:16:24You know it but it's too late
00:16:26It's too late
00:16:28I shit where I sleep
00:16:30Oh god
00:16:32I wish I had a back porch
00:16:34It's too late
00:16:36You guys
00:16:38You seem like nice guys
00:16:40Really
00:16:42And you're young
00:16:44You should get away
00:16:46Run away now
00:16:48I really need to be alone
00:16:50Oh god
00:16:58Oh god
00:17:00Wow
00:17:02Can you believe that?
00:17:04Blue Smoke's house has been on the market for six years
00:17:06It's beautiful
00:17:08Wait wait wait wait
00:17:10Two guys
00:17:12Strike that
00:17:14Two morons
00:17:16Who can't paint
00:17:18I thought this was about an armed robbery
00:17:20It is
00:17:22So?
00:17:24Where is it?
00:17:26How far are we into the picture now?
00:17:28Ten minutes maybe
00:17:30Ten minutes
00:17:32Ten minutes is a lifetime
00:17:34See George knows
00:17:36In Indiana Jones he has already been chased
00:17:38By a boulder by now
00:17:40In Jaws we've seen a girl get naked
00:17:42Make out with some guy
00:17:44Hop in the water and get eaten by a shark
00:17:46That's the goal
00:17:48I wanted to build up the motivation
00:17:50To their committing the robbery
00:17:52Wrong answer
00:17:55My dear you must be visual
00:17:57You have to show this
00:17:59You got to show some guns
00:18:01Some violence
00:18:03A little blood
00:18:05I don't know wait
00:18:07They they let's say they
00:18:09They witness a robbery
00:18:11They witness a robbery and that inspires them
00:18:13That's good isn't it?
00:18:15That's good
00:18:16You want me to change what I have?
00:18:18Change what actually happened
00:18:20Change the truth
00:18:23The truth
00:18:25What do you think this is church?
00:18:27Yes yes change the truth
00:18:29Add the bit about the robbery
00:18:31And then continue
00:18:34Okay
00:18:36Let's see
00:18:38As Uncle Lou said
00:18:40Nobody knows anything
00:18:42So I might as well give it a try
00:18:44Why can't Miranda just be nice to me
00:18:46Is that it fellas?
00:18:48Yeah
00:18:50Alright let's see
00:18:52Pepsi fruit pie
00:18:54265
00:18:56We got 2
00:18:58We got 50
00:19:0061
00:19:0262
00:19:0463
00:19:0664
00:19:08264
00:19:10264
00:19:12Alright fine
00:19:16Miranda's just complicated
00:19:18You know you guys
00:19:19Give me a talk more
00:19:20Let's stay calm
00:19:21We just want the cash
00:19:22Let's go move
00:19:23You two spread out
00:19:24Spread out
00:19:25See some money out of you two
00:19:26Come on
00:19:27Come on I'm not fooling around here
00:19:28Let's open the pot
00:19:29See some cash
00:19:31Nothing
00:19:33Totally cash
00:19:34Give me the change
00:19:36Keep the hands up
00:19:37Clean that's it
00:19:38Let's go
00:19:40Clean that's it
00:19:41Let's go
00:19:50How hairy was that?
00:19:52How about shit?
00:19:53Did you bow shit?
00:19:54How about shit?
00:19:56You see me I throw it
00:19:58Hey man
00:20:00You're really cool
00:20:01Yeah it's cause I don't give a shit
00:20:02It happens every other week
00:20:04I'm not gonna get my ass shot up
00:20:05For you know 200 bucks
00:20:06It's not even mine
00:20:07You were really cool
00:20:08I should have put a cap in the ass
00:20:10That's what I should have did
00:20:11But I don't have a gun
00:20:17Hey
00:20:18Yeah yeah go ahead
00:20:19You sure?
00:20:20You sure?
00:20:22Thanks a lot
00:20:23Sure
00:20:25Jimmy needed to feel worthy in Miranda's eyes
00:20:28To prove himself to her
00:20:30On his own terms
00:20:32But he didn't know how
00:20:34Witnessing the robbery
00:20:35Witnessing the robbery
00:20:36Was both shocking and exciting to them
00:20:38A total adrenaline rush
00:20:39To Jimmy and Virus
00:20:40This was all the inspiration they needed
00:20:42If you had to give a description
00:20:43To the cops right now
00:20:44What would you tell them?
00:20:46I'd say there were two of them
00:20:48And that they were bigger than us
00:20:49And white
00:20:51Hey
00:20:52You don't catch guys like that
00:20:53You know
00:20:55They knew exactly what they were doing
00:20:56They were professionals
00:20:57You heard the cashier
00:20:58That shit happens all the time
00:20:59I like this much better now
00:21:00I like it
00:21:01This is good
00:21:03Come on
00:21:04Jimmy moved in with Virus
00:21:05The wheels were now in motion
00:21:06That would lead them
00:21:07To their eventual destiny
00:21:08Come on
00:21:09Get the door open
00:21:12Phone's ringing
00:21:13Hello
00:21:14Oh no hey Miranda
00:21:15How are you?
00:21:16No actually
00:21:17We just walked in
00:21:18It's Miranda
00:21:19Really?
00:21:20No that
00:21:21Yeah
00:21:22No I will
00:21:23Yeah that's sweet
00:21:24I will
00:21:25Absolutely I will
00:21:26Huh?
00:21:29You look like Joe Perry
00:21:30From Harold Smith right now
00:21:31In that light
00:21:32It's weird
00:21:33Your nose
00:21:34Huh?
00:21:35What are you saying?
00:21:36No that
00:21:37Okay cool
00:21:38Absolutely
00:21:39I will
00:21:40Yeah he's right here
00:21:41Hold on one second
00:21:42She wants to talk to you
00:21:43Now to Jimmy
00:21:44His life may have been crap
00:21:45But
00:21:46The one thing he did have
00:21:47Was Miranda
00:21:49Actually he didn't
00:21:50But
00:21:51That's Jimmy
00:21:52Hello
00:21:53Yeah no
00:21:54It's me and Virus
00:21:56Hey how did you know
00:21:57I was here anyway?
00:21:58No
00:21:59Just no
00:22:00No
00:22:01Now see I think
00:22:02You do want to fight about it
00:22:03As a matter of fact
00:22:04I think you want nothing more
00:22:05Than to fight about it
00:22:06Hang on a second there Puddin
00:22:07You're the one who asked me to
00:22:09Pudds
00:22:10I even asked a psychiatrist
00:22:11Why Miranda would call
00:22:13It's called separation anxiety
00:22:15You see
00:22:16Jimmy was obsessed with Miranda
00:22:17Yet
00:22:18She was rejecting him
00:22:19Quite often when people are awake
00:22:21This sort of thing happens
00:22:22Yeah yeah yeah
00:22:23That's exactly what happened to me
00:22:24When I was on a stakeout
00:22:25For two months
00:22:26Yeah
00:22:27Damn it
00:22:29Day in and day out
00:22:30My wife and I
00:22:31Well we were separated
00:22:32For some time
00:22:33And uh
00:22:34Well we had arguments
00:22:35And you know
00:22:36Separation is very painful
00:22:38And stressful
00:22:39Oh it's terrible
00:22:40He was not on a stakeout
00:22:42He's disturbed
00:22:44He thinks he's Joe Mannix
00:22:45From the television show
00:22:46You were not on a stakeout
00:22:47Yeah I tried to call her
00:22:48From every discreet telephone
00:22:49I could find
00:22:50But there just wasn't
00:22:51Any telephones around
00:22:52I was desperate
00:22:53Desperate to talk to her
00:22:55I even had my secretary
00:22:56Peggy
00:22:57Mr Peggy
00:22:58You remember Peggy
00:22:59Peggy
00:23:00I said you gotta get in touch with her
00:23:01Nothing
00:23:02Nothing
00:23:03You're not a private eye
00:23:04Mr O'Hanion
00:23:05You're
00:23:06Wait wait a minute
00:23:07What do you mean Shrinko
00:23:08Of course I'm a private eye
00:23:09Joe Mannix
00:23:10What are you talking about
00:23:11I went undercover
00:23:12With my contacts
00:23:13At the police force
00:23:14Lieutenant Tobias
00:23:15Remember Lieutenant Tobias
00:23:16Yes
00:23:17Yeah well
00:23:18I was out of pocket
00:23:19For six months with that
00:23:20You did not go undercover
00:23:21Your name is not Joe Mannix
00:23:22Mr O'Hanion
00:23:23It's Kreekor O'Hanion
00:23:24You live in Fresno
00:23:25And you make cheap white wine
00:23:26You said it was gonna be like Reds
00:23:29What part does Warren Beatty play
00:23:33No
00:23:34He's not in it
00:23:36But I'm using eyewitnesses
00:23:38Like in the movie Reds
00:23:42You get me Warren Beatty
00:23:43As an eyewitness
00:23:45We got a movie
00:23:50You have any other casting in place
00:23:51You talk to George
00:23:52He's my eyes and my ears
00:23:56Is he coming back
00:24:05How did you put a blind guy
00:24:06In the movie business
00:24:07It's an advantage
00:24:09First of all
00:24:10Nobody reads scripts anymore
00:24:11They get these kids from UCLA
00:24:13To do that
00:24:14Secondly
00:24:15If he can't see
00:24:16There's little chance
00:24:17To take his boss's job
00:24:19Though
00:24:21On the other hand
00:24:23If he was also deaf
00:24:25His chances could improve
00:24:27Does everyone have a yes man
00:24:30Some have no men
00:24:32Most have
00:24:33We'll get back to you man
00:24:34Here
00:24:35Let me give you this guy's number
00:24:37I used to know him
00:24:38He's okay
00:24:39I gave him his first shot
00:24:41You just call him alright
00:24:43Lou Bracken
00:24:45Is he still alive
00:24:47He called you didn't he
00:24:52Comes from Cuba
00:24:54The whole movie
00:24:55For the price of five of those
00:24:56Is that legal
00:24:59Cuba Gooding
00:25:01It's all made of money baby
00:25:06So
00:25:08Where were we
00:25:09Let's see
00:25:10Your cousin Jimmy
00:25:11Jimmy was spending his days
00:25:12Watching TV
00:25:13And bemoaning Miranda
00:25:15You're right
00:25:16We should be separate
00:25:17You know I'm better off
00:25:18Out of that house
00:25:19Than still living with that
00:25:20Emotional carnival freak
00:25:21She's a side show
00:25:23It's a really nice house though
00:25:28I'm an idiot but I still dig it
00:25:31Check it out
00:25:32Turn it up
00:25:33Try it
00:25:34After being convicted
00:25:35Of the grisly murder
00:25:37Of his 69 year old grandmother
00:25:39Sally Gag
00:25:41McClintock's Peach
00:25:43They can't be beat
00:25:44You'll say that's neat
00:25:45The best on peach
00:25:46I could ever eat
00:25:47So we don't mean to preach
00:25:48But we do entreat you
00:25:50To try one
00:25:51McClintock's Peach
00:25:52Once they saw the commercial
00:25:53They decided to target McClintock's
00:25:56Okay this is Karen
00:25:57Alright
00:25:58She's a friend of mine
00:25:59Karen used to work at McClintock's
00:26:00Why she quit
00:26:01That's not important either
00:26:02Okay
00:26:03Alright
00:26:04Here's the candy
00:26:05Karen says they deposit the money
00:26:06To the bank
00:26:07Every Monday afternoon
00:26:08No
00:26:09Yeah
00:26:10So I figure we go in there
00:26:11On a Monday morning
00:26:12That's a week's worth of business
00:26:13In that register
00:26:14How hard can this be
00:26:15Register full of cash
00:26:16No security
00:26:17I figure we walk in
00:26:18Grab the money
00:26:19Walk out
00:26:20Just like those guys did
00:26:21Even as Jimmy and Virus
00:26:22Plotted the robbery
00:26:23It seemed that their feelings
00:26:24Against McClintock's
00:26:25Had found some public support
00:26:27How dare the McClintocks
00:26:28Invoke God to sell their peaches
00:26:31They are the most self-righteous
00:26:33Pretentious con artists
00:26:34This town has ever seen
00:26:35I could spit on them
00:26:37McClintock's Peaches
00:26:39Taste like my mom's
00:26:41Totally the same
00:26:43These eyewitnesses
00:26:44You shot them already right
00:26:46Oh yeah
00:26:47In the can
00:26:48And there's a lot more
00:26:49Than what you've heard
00:26:52So uh
00:26:54Who do you see
00:26:56As the peach expert
00:26:58Oh
00:26:59The real peach expert himself
00:27:01The real one I already
00:27:02Shot in the film
00:27:04Okay let's get this straight
00:27:05Everyone
00:27:06I don't care who they are
00:27:08Wants to get their hands
00:27:09On some of these peaches
00:27:10Especially if they've ever
00:27:11Tasted McClintock's peach
00:27:13I mean everyone
00:27:14Okay
00:27:16Oh
00:27:17Messy boat
00:27:21Euro trash
00:27:23Sunscreen
00:27:26I think
00:27:27I think perhaps you should
00:27:29Think younger
00:27:31Maybe
00:27:33Ben Stiller
00:27:35As the peach expert
00:27:39Well
00:27:40Whatever happened to authenticity
00:27:42Authenticity is for CNN
00:27:45Ben Stiller
00:27:46Is for movies
00:27:48Cheers
00:27:49Maybe you're right
00:27:51Maybe
00:27:57Well think about it
00:28:00Okay
00:28:01Think about Ben
00:28:02Okay get this straight
00:28:03Everybody
00:28:04I don't care who it is
00:28:05Wants to get their hands
00:28:06On some of those peaches
00:28:07If they've ever tasted
00:28:08McClintock's peach okay
00:28:11Ben Stiller
00:28:12Hmm
00:28:15Okay get this straight
00:28:16Everybody
00:28:17I don't care who it is
00:28:18Wants to get their hands
00:28:19On some of those peaches
00:28:20If they've ever tasted
00:28:21McClintock's peach okay
00:28:24Ben Stiller
00:28:25Okay get this straight
00:28:26Everybody
00:28:27I don't care who it is
00:28:28Wants to get their hands
00:28:29On some of those peaches
00:28:30If they've ever tasted
00:28:31McClintock's peach okay
00:28:33Much better
00:28:34Now continue
00:28:36Well
00:28:38The sea for Robbie McClintock's
00:28:39Was planted
00:28:40But Jimmy was
00:28:41Torn
00:28:42Confused
00:28:44Just
00:28:45Between his unrequited
00:28:46Love for Miranda
00:28:47And
00:28:48The adrenaline rush
00:28:49From the robbery
00:28:50Jimmy was
00:28:51An emotional
00:28:52Vulnerable
00:28:54Incredibly
00:28:56Hurt boy
00:28:58He was riding a manic
00:28:59Depressive roller coaster
00:29:01At very
00:29:02Deep
00:29:04Deep
00:29:05Lows
00:29:08And manic
00:29:10Sexy highs
00:29:13Very manic highs
00:29:15Excuse me
00:29:16I'm just gonna put this over here
00:29:20Virus wasn't any help
00:29:21He was always testing Jimmy
00:29:23With ridiculous
00:29:24Hypothetical questions
00:29:25You were their camp counselor
00:29:27I certainly was
00:29:28And I'm here to say
00:29:29That these boys
00:29:30Were not evil or vicious
00:29:32Oh they weren't geniuses
00:29:33To be sure
00:29:34But they had convictions
00:29:35They had values
00:29:37Hey I got one for you
00:29:38If you had to blow some guy
00:29:39Who would it be
00:29:40Excuse me
00:29:41Say you had to blow some guy
00:29:42Who would you pick
00:29:43I don't have to blow some guy
00:29:45Yeah I know you don't have to
00:29:46But if you did
00:29:47Who would it be
00:29:48I try not to entertain that thought
00:29:50And I don't think it's healthy
00:29:51When you do it
00:29:52Come on entertain me for a second
00:29:53They got a gun to your head
00:29:57Well if they got a gun to my head
00:29:59Odds are I'll be blowing one of them
00:30:01You're missing my point
00:30:02Your point
00:30:03I didn't realize there was a point
00:30:04Forget about it
00:30:05Alright
00:30:06Alright who are they
00:30:07Friends of yours
00:30:08No
00:30:09This doesn't make any sense
00:30:10I don't know look
00:30:11They're just guys alright
00:30:12They're like bored frat guys
00:30:13They're out on a drinking binge
00:30:15Looking for something to do
00:30:16Somebody gave him a gun
00:30:18I give up
00:30:19Who do I want to blow
00:30:20I don't know
00:30:21See neither do I
00:30:22You see that was an essential part of their relationship
00:30:25The conflict between fantasy and reality
00:30:29Yeah well blow jobs are great
00:30:31But not between two guys
00:30:33This isn't about sex
00:30:34That's not the point
00:30:36Wrong
00:30:38That is the point
00:30:40Sex
00:30:42You gotta have sex
00:30:44Real sex
00:30:46Sexy sex
00:30:48What sex between a guy and a gal
00:30:53Real sex
00:30:55Yeah like
00:30:56Baywatch
00:31:00Baywatch
00:31:01That's it
00:31:02Make it all happen at the beach
00:31:05The whole picture
00:31:07You reshoot all the witnesses
00:31:09At the beach
00:31:10You change the robbery
00:31:12To the beach
00:31:13Then you make Miranda a sexy sexy lifeguard
00:31:18And you send it to me
00:31:20Sealed with a kiss
00:31:22And I'll give it to you
00:31:24All he wanted was sex
00:31:26Sex
00:31:27Sex
00:31:28Really
00:31:30That's three sexes
00:31:32I always knew he was ambitious
00:31:33This is very discouraging
00:31:35Why come on you ready to give up already
00:31:37I thought you were a toughie
00:31:39I thought you had crust like me
00:31:40That's what I always liked about you
00:31:42That's not exactly what I expected
00:31:44What did you expect
00:31:45Somebody the first time you meet them
00:31:46They're gonna give you money
00:31:47To make you fuck up your little movie
00:31:51Come here
00:31:52Come here
00:31:53Come on
00:31:55Look this is a tough town
00:31:57You gotta pay your dues
00:31:58Sweetheart sit down
00:32:06It just seems like everyone wants to make a different movie
00:32:09Than the one that I want to make
00:32:11So what
00:32:12That's the town
00:32:13Everybody is a critic
00:32:14They go to screenings
00:32:16And they say
00:32:17Why wasn't so and so in that part
00:32:19Why can't the ending be different
00:32:21Come here
00:32:23I'm gonna set you up with Gus Schnuck
00:32:25The king of schlock
00:32:26He's not quite right for your picture
00:32:28But he's not a critic
00:32:29He wouldn't even pretend to know good from bad
00:32:31Come on in
00:32:32Come on in
00:32:33What do you mean you never heard of a topless toga
00:32:36What difference does it make
00:32:37That woman's knackers are so big
00:32:39You couldn't cover them anyway
00:32:41How you touch
00:32:42Look Harry
00:32:43I'm sorry
00:32:44We're gonna have to talk about this later
00:32:46I got a meeting now
00:32:47Yeah okay bye
00:32:49Have a seat please
00:32:50Sit down
00:32:51Meet my assistant
00:32:52Okay
00:32:53He started one of my worst pictures
00:32:55Fuck you
00:32:57You watch your mouth you little shit
00:32:59The picture was terrible
00:33:00But it made a fortune
00:33:01He thinks he should get all the money
00:33:03I'm a star
00:33:04I'm a star
00:33:05Shut up
00:33:07That's a beautiful bird
00:33:08Thank you
00:33:09So pick up where you left off
00:33:11You're making this movie now about an armed robbery
00:33:13The American dream
00:33:14Your cousin Jimmy
00:33:15Around that time
00:33:16Almost everyone was talking about McClintock's peach
00:33:19Peaches are good for you
00:33:20They're healthy
00:33:21Go to any health food store
00:33:22They'll tell you
00:33:23Peaches are number one
00:33:24And these
00:33:25Kissed by God
00:33:26I hate peaches
00:33:28Not just McClintock's peaches
00:33:29But all peaches
00:33:31After all
00:33:32If there weren't any peaches
00:33:34Dwayne Allman would be alive today
00:33:37The whole town had the fruit syndrome
00:33:40That infected everyone
00:33:41Particularly
00:33:42Jimmy and Virus
00:33:44You could say that
00:33:45Virus caught a virus
00:33:51Excuse me young lady
00:33:52Is the owner in?
00:33:54Oh
00:33:55Good Lord
00:33:56Broke the mold with you two
00:33:59Well
00:34:00I'll just put in
00:34:02A French loaf
00:34:04And
00:34:07A couple muffins for you
00:34:13Miranda was in earlier
00:34:15Huh
00:34:16Why don't you just quit your fussing and marry that girl
00:34:20I did
00:34:22Oh
00:34:24And you
00:34:25You ought to get yourself a steady
00:34:28Cause you're gonna catch something that won't wash off
00:34:32You don't want to grow old alone
00:34:34No ma'am
00:34:363.35
00:34:46When I lost Walter
00:34:48My life went into a tailspin
00:34:51I really do miss that man
00:34:53You know we did such good business here
00:34:56Before McClintock's opened
00:34:58Can't compete with that
00:35:00God-kissed peach
00:35:02Hi
00:35:03McClintock's
00:35:04Well
00:35:05McClintock's is really the
00:35:07Lifeblood of this town
00:35:09You know in large part that's because of
00:35:11Of these peaches
00:35:12These are some of the best peaches in the world
00:35:14They're really kind of
00:35:16God-kissed
00:35:17You know
00:35:18Listen
00:35:19They pump the revenue right into this city
00:35:22You see
00:35:23The thing is
00:35:24Every city
00:35:25Every major city has that
00:35:26That one special attraction
00:35:27You know New York has the Statue of Liberty
00:35:29And San Antonio has the
00:35:31You know the Alamo
00:35:33We have
00:35:34Peaches
00:35:35Now this peach
00:35:37Did you get that?
00:35:38Are we in frame?
00:35:39This peach
00:35:40Was eaten by President
00:35:42Ronald Reagan
00:35:45He came to this city
00:35:46Just for the peaches
00:35:49Actually
00:35:50Well
00:35:51I think actually he was lost
00:35:52But the point is that
00:35:54He took one bite of that peach
00:35:57And
00:35:58Well he had to leave
00:35:59But I was fortunate
00:36:00Because I grabbed that peach
00:36:01Before he left
00:36:03And
00:36:05It's a little rotted now
00:36:06You can probably see
00:36:07But those are his actual teeth marks
00:36:11I'm pretty sure that
00:36:12They were his real teeth
00:36:14Excuse me Sarah
00:36:15Who do you see as a peach expert?
00:36:17Frank Stiller
00:36:18What?
00:36:19What are you a casting director?
00:36:20That's exactly who I saw
00:36:22Really?
00:36:23Really
00:36:24Go on
00:36:25Frank Stiller
00:36:26Frank Stiller
00:36:27Not you, you dummy
00:36:28Her
00:36:29Please
00:36:30Fuck you
00:36:31I'm a star
00:36:32Frank Stiller
00:36:33I'm warning you
00:36:34You're right on the edge
00:36:35You're gonna get it
00:36:36I'm sorry
00:36:37Please go ahead
00:36:39As I was saying
00:36:40By now
00:36:41Jimmy and Byrus
00:36:42Had zeroed in on McClintock's
00:36:43But they were still afraid of getting caught
00:36:45I feel really good about the plan
00:36:49I really, you know
00:36:50Feel good about the whole thing
00:36:51But I also feel like
00:36:52I'm gonna get caught
00:36:53No, do not do that
00:36:54Do not do that
00:36:55Look, I feel like
00:36:56I'm serious
00:36:57Don't think that way
00:36:58Look, I'm just saying
00:37:01No
00:37:02I know
00:37:03You really don't get it, do you?
00:37:04Listen up skater
00:37:05I'm gonna tell you once
00:37:06If you think it
00:37:07It will happen
00:37:08Well now this Jimmy
00:37:09Could he go psycho
00:37:10Like De Niro did
00:37:11At the end of Taxi Driver?
00:37:12You know, I mean
00:37:13That's something I could sell
00:37:14Uh, no
00:37:15But he could
00:37:16But he didn't
00:37:17But you're writing it
00:37:18So he could
00:37:19But it's a true story
00:37:20So he didn't
00:37:21Watch it, watch it
00:37:22Fuck you
00:37:23Fuck me
00:37:24Fuck you
00:37:25Teach him one bad word
00:37:26And he goes nuts
00:37:27Now what about music?
00:37:28This virus
00:37:29He could be a musician
00:37:30You know, kids love music
00:37:31I mean, soundtracks
00:37:32Can put a movie into black
00:37:33Even if it's a turkey
00:37:34You know
00:37:35Turkey
00:37:37I got the music in me
00:37:39I can feel it
00:37:40I just gotta find it
00:37:42We all do
00:37:44No, we all don't
00:37:46What you're feeling
00:37:47You see, there's a euphoria
00:37:48That comes along with
00:37:49Believing your own bullshit
00:37:50That's what you're feeling
00:37:51Not the music in you
00:37:53Well
00:37:55We mock
00:37:56What we don't understand
00:37:59You see, because
00:38:00The music
00:38:01She's my lady
00:38:02She's my muse
00:38:06But she's got a whole
00:38:07Lot of mean up
00:38:08Under that skirt of hers
00:38:11She taunts me
00:38:12Sits at the end of the bar
00:38:13And just before we lock eyes
00:38:14She's gone
00:38:16She's like a cold
00:38:17Cup of coffee
00:38:19Sweet, sweet music
00:38:22Jimmy and Byers
00:38:23Had meticulously planned
00:38:24The robbery with detail
00:38:25And precision
00:38:26Asking all the tough questions
00:38:28What does a professional
00:38:29Robber need for a robbery?
00:38:30You need a car
00:38:31And you need guns
00:38:32That's about it
00:38:33Mayonnaise?
00:38:34Mushrooms?
00:38:35I can get a car
00:38:36But what about guns?
00:38:37Pepsi?
00:38:38Please
00:38:39I get guns
00:38:40You can get guns
00:38:41I get guns
00:38:42You can get a car
00:38:43I'll get guns
00:38:44You can get a car
00:38:45I can get guns
00:38:46Then we get a car
00:38:47Guns
00:38:48Sandwich?
00:38:50Car
00:38:51Guns
00:38:53Masks
00:38:54Masks
00:39:01This is your idea
00:39:02For getting a car?
00:39:04What's your problem?
00:39:05I can rent a car
00:39:06And get guns, alright?
00:39:07Can you get guns, Nathan?
00:39:10Don't talk about guns
00:39:14Sorry
00:39:15You don't have to be sorry
00:39:17Don't talk about guns
00:39:18You know
00:39:19It's been hard
00:39:20I mean, I would have been
00:39:21In jail too sometimes
00:39:22Because she's a liar
00:39:23Because some people lie
00:39:24And she said
00:39:25First issue
00:39:26You remember when she was gone?
00:39:27She said she had Jersey
00:39:28She
00:39:29Bitch was in Hawaii
00:39:30I know she was
00:39:31Because she came back
00:39:32With a can
00:39:33And she was not
00:39:34Taking cigarettes
00:39:35She was smoking weed
00:39:36Because I know
00:39:37What weed smells like
00:39:38Weed
00:39:39No, that's not the point
00:39:40Weed
00:39:41Smells like
00:39:42No, weed
00:39:43It's kind of like
00:39:44Kind of like sour apple
00:39:45And it's also
00:39:46Kind of like
00:39:47Butter
00:39:48Kind of like butter
00:39:49And pine
00:39:50You don't like pine?
00:39:51No, not pine
00:39:52Pine
00:39:53The point is
00:39:54You don't smoke weed at work
00:39:55You can smoke weed
00:39:56Anywhere
00:39:57You don't smoke
00:39:58You smoke it on your time
00:39:59You don't smoke weed on my time
00:40:00You don't smoke weed
00:40:01Oh, I'm sorry
00:40:02I'm sorry
00:40:03I'm sorry
00:40:04I got it
00:40:05I'll call you back
00:40:07How sorry?
00:40:08Can I help you?
00:40:09Ah, yes
00:40:10Good afternoon
00:40:11We were quite taken
00:40:12With the cap and amonti
00:40:13We saw outside
00:40:14Is that considered
00:40:15A midsize?
00:40:26I know how it's spelled
00:40:28Of course you do
00:40:34Which car?
00:40:35Driver's license
00:40:36Yes
00:40:37Not on me
00:40:39You're gonna rent a car
00:40:41It's so funny to me
00:40:42How's that funny?
00:40:43We can't rent
00:40:44We don't have money to rent
00:40:45You don't need money to rent
00:40:46You pay when you return
00:40:48What if we don't get money?
00:40:49Then we don't return
00:40:50That's what they got insurance for
00:40:52Insurance is bullshit
00:40:53Good hands
00:40:54Hand job
00:40:55Reach around
00:40:56Bullshit
00:40:58I still don't see
00:40:59How renting is funny
00:41:00Well, it's not funny
00:41:01It's cheating
00:41:02Funny and cheating
00:41:03Are synonyms
00:41:04Whatever
00:41:05Whatever
00:41:06Good response
00:41:07I guess you win
00:41:09I'll just get Miranda's car
00:41:10No, no, no
00:41:12I'll just get Miranda's car
00:41:13She's pissed at you
00:41:15We need a car
00:41:16Why don't they steal a car?
00:41:17I mean, all they do is talk
00:41:19Not enough action
00:41:20Too much talk
00:41:23I warned you
00:41:24You shut up now
00:41:25Look, where's the action?
00:41:26The car chases
00:41:27The boards
00:41:30I told you never
00:41:31Never to mention that
00:41:35All right, that's it
00:41:36Now I'm gonna get you
00:41:42Miss me, miss me
00:41:43Parrot's got his number
00:41:46The parrot picture made him big money
00:41:49So he's afraid the parrot's gonna rat him out to the IRS
00:41:51But he can't kill him
00:41:52Because he needs him for the sequel
00:41:54Is everybody in this town nuts?
00:41:56Ninety percent
00:41:59I got a new strategy for us
00:42:02This lady
00:42:03Gave me my last job, right?
00:42:04She's now
00:42:05Big executive networks
00:42:07I don't know
00:42:09Maybe
00:42:10This could work
00:42:11As a movie of the week docudrama
00:42:14Darling, I can't make it a moment before nine
00:42:17Okay
00:42:19Go on
00:42:20With Jimmy and Virus only days away from the robbery
00:42:23It was clear there was only one thing they could do to stop them
00:42:26Themselves
00:42:27Stop right there
00:42:30Do you have any stars attached?
00:42:32No
00:42:34Then you're going to need a strong female lead
00:42:37This woman
00:42:38Is she more than just a run-of-the-mill wife, girlfriend, mistress
00:42:41Hooker with a heart of gold?
00:42:42You want a chick flick?
00:42:43I'll give you a chick flick
00:42:45Oh, she's strong, all right
00:42:47And there's a lot more where that came from
00:42:49I told you, Jimmy, get the fuck out of here
00:42:52I'm serious
00:42:54Get out
00:42:55So she's strong
00:42:58What about love?
00:42:59Is she in love?
00:43:01Oh, there's love
00:43:02I got robbed the other day
00:43:04Good, you deserve it
00:43:05Now just get out
00:43:06No, you're right, I promise
00:43:07I'm going to change Puddin
00:43:08I promise
00:43:09Wait, what did you just call me?
00:43:10Puddin
00:43:11Puddin?
00:43:12No, no, no
00:43:13You don't have the right to call me Puddin
00:43:14No more Puddin
00:43:16Okay, it used to be cute
00:43:17It's not cute anymore, Jimmy
00:43:19What's not cute about Puddin?
00:43:20Puddin
00:43:21That's cute
00:43:22Puddin
00:43:23Shut up
00:43:25All right, look
00:43:26Jimmy, I can't take this anymore, okay?
00:43:28It's been like a year, right?
00:43:30You watch videos all night
00:43:31You sleep all day
00:43:32Then you hang out with Virus
00:43:33I need more, you know that?
00:43:35So just leave me be, okay?
00:43:37Do us both a favor
00:43:38Just get out of my life
00:43:43I need to borrow the car
00:43:46What?
00:43:47I need to borrow the car
00:43:49Well, no
00:43:51You can't borrow my car
00:43:53Your car?
00:43:54Yeah, my car
00:43:55The car
00:43:57You're so fucking gangly
00:43:59Oh
00:44:00You are so beautiful
00:44:02Oh, Jesus Christ
00:44:04What are you doing?
00:44:05Get away
00:44:06I've missed you so much
00:44:07I don't give a fuck
00:44:08I have somebody over here
00:44:10You can't come in
00:44:11Don't touch me
00:44:13Makes me want to puke when you touch me
00:44:15Get the fuck off me
00:44:26They're star-crossed lovers
00:44:28And they're sex
00:44:31Fuck
00:44:47So, can I get those guns now?
00:44:56I hope Jennifer told you
00:44:57I don't deal in any of that
00:44:58Saturday night special nonsense
00:45:00I've got clean, out-of-state
00:45:04Barely-been-used product
00:45:07High resale value
00:45:11Now
00:45:12Yeah
00:45:13They might seem a little big
00:45:14But they're not
00:45:17You show me some patience
00:45:18I get you a Smith & Wesson .38
00:45:20Basically, snub-nosed service revolvers
00:45:22Get the job done
00:45:23.38s are not as big as these
00:45:28Yeah
00:45:30Hello, ladies
00:45:40You laughing at me, huh?
00:45:41You laughing at me?
00:45:42What am I, a clown?
00:45:43Do I amuse you?
00:45:44I'm funny now, huh?
00:45:45You must be laughing at me
00:45:46I don't see anybody else around here
00:45:47You're mixing your movies, dipshit
00:45:49What?
00:45:50You're mixing your movies
00:45:52Oh, no
00:45:53How the fuck do I amuse you, huh?
00:45:56That's Joe Pesci
00:45:57Joe Pesci wouldn't text a driver
00:45:59That's what I'm saying
00:46:00You're mixing your movies
00:46:02No, I'm not
00:46:04Whatever
00:46:05Whatever
00:46:06Good response
00:46:07I guess you win
00:46:08You know
00:46:10Jennifer said you'd have 32 revolvers
00:46:13What?
00:46:15Jennifer told me earlier
00:46:16That you have 32 revolvers
00:46:18Jennifer told me earlier
00:46:19You'd have 32 revolvers
00:46:20Jennifer told me earlier
00:46:21You'd have 32 revolvers
00:46:22Well, guess what, assface
00:46:23I'm doing you a favor
00:46:25I could get rid of these guns
00:46:26For at least 300 dollars apiece
00:46:28Tonight
00:46:31You know what?
00:46:32I'll take those
00:46:33Yeah, yeah, you will
00:46:34600 bucks, first of the month
00:46:35Don't make me come looking for you
00:46:36Kiss
00:46:38Great
00:46:39I'm keeping the jacket
00:46:40You're gonna keep the jacket, great
00:46:42Go on, get out of here
00:46:44I got work to do
00:46:47So
00:46:48We have sex
00:46:50Love
00:46:51A felony
00:46:53And guns
00:46:56I love guns
00:46:59But I'm not sure I buy the bit about
00:47:01Getting the guns from the girlfriend
00:47:04Oh, well
00:47:05I interviewed a gun expert
00:47:08Oh
00:47:10I'm all ears
00:47:11Tell me more
00:47:13You should buy
00:47:14From a licensed dealer
00:47:15Like me
00:47:16But you can get guns anyway
00:47:19You wanna feel one?
00:47:22Well
00:47:23If you don't have cold steel relaxer
00:47:25Against the fleshy part of your finger
00:47:28Then you just ain't alive
00:47:30It's hard, shiny
00:47:32And has beautiful curls
00:47:35And it won't yell at you when you're bad
00:47:37And it won't spank you for talking back
00:47:39No
00:47:41And it's your friend
00:47:43Your best friend
00:47:45You wanna hold one?
00:47:49You know, guns
00:47:50Are what made this country great
00:47:53Don't you agree?
00:47:56Come on
00:47:57Feel it
00:47:58Well, I'd rather not
00:47:59I don't believe in guns
00:48:02Well, you know
00:48:03You don't know what it's like until you
00:48:05You touch the love shaft
00:48:07Of Mr. Smith
00:48:08Or Mr. West
00:48:10Actually, being a girl
00:48:12It's alright for me not to be into guns
00:48:14What do you mean, being a girl?
00:48:16That's all the more reason you need one
00:48:18All these crazies in the streets
00:48:20You wanna be raped?
00:48:21No
00:48:22You carry a gun
00:48:24And you hold it in your arms
00:48:26And you suck on the barrel
00:48:28Like it's your mama's titty
00:48:30I really don't wanna do this
00:48:32Watch out!
00:48:35Oh
00:48:38That must have been heaven
00:48:42What?
00:48:43Feeling the gun and actually
00:48:45Having it go off
00:48:48In your hand
00:48:50Well
00:48:51Actually, it scared me to death
00:48:55You mean you don't like guns?
00:49:03Does that mean you don't want me to continue?
00:49:10Eight
00:49:11Did I mention I saw Ben Stiller as the peach expert?
00:49:14Love you too, darling
00:49:16Bye
00:49:17Bye
00:49:22Maybe we should go the indie route
00:49:24You can't get a studio picture made these days
00:49:26Without big stars
00:49:27Yet, that has nothing to do with whether the film makes money or loses money
00:49:30It's all about keeping your job
00:49:32What do you mean?
00:49:33Well, let's say
00:49:34You got a terrific script, right?
00:49:36But you put two morons, Jimmy and Virus in it, right?
00:49:39No studio's gonna go for that
00:49:40Why?
00:49:41Because if the film loses money
00:49:42Then the executive who gave it the green light
00:49:44Is gonna lose his job
00:49:45On the other hand
00:49:46You get Tom Hanks
00:49:47Or whoever else is the flavor of the money
00:49:49Then, the film tanks
00:49:50It's Tom Hanks' fault
00:49:51Or, even better yet, the director
00:49:54I've got Ben Stiller
00:49:55Oh
00:49:57Very nice, that's good
00:49:58That's a start
00:49:59So, what do I do?
00:50:00Hold on
00:50:03Yeah
00:50:05Oh, Phil, yeah, listen
00:50:06I got my
00:50:08No, no, no, I know we got business
00:50:11Phil, hold on for a second, okay?
00:50:13Listen, this is a long shot
00:50:15Yeah, I'll call you right back
00:50:17Just stay where you are
00:50:18Don't move, okay?
00:50:19Bye
00:50:23I don't know why I didn't think about this before
00:50:25That's my bookie
00:50:26He's got a network
00:50:27He puts money in a lot of independent movies
00:50:29Your bookie?
00:50:30Uh-huh
00:50:31Well, he books for all the writers
00:50:33A good friend of mine
00:50:34Couldn't pay him, right?
00:50:35So he gave him his script
00:50:36The picture became a huge hit
00:50:38The guy is now hooked on movies
00:50:42Hi, I'm Sarah Wilder
00:50:44I'm here to see Phil Phillips
00:50:47Hey, Phil!
00:50:48A Miss Sarah Wilder here to see you
00:50:50Send her in
00:50:51Go ahead
00:51:00Sarah Wilder
00:51:01Any friend of Lou's is a friend of mine
00:51:03Actually, I'm his niece
00:51:04I know that
00:51:05So Lou told me a little bit about this picture
00:51:07Are there any cars in it?
00:51:09Yes
00:51:12Yeah, you did
00:51:15You know, Blue Smoke played with the Griffgrans boys
00:51:17Really?
00:51:18I mean, he could've
00:51:19He's got amazing
00:51:22Somebody's got the music in him
00:51:26Not anymore
00:51:27Let's see him
00:51:29Just drive
00:51:30I'm doing stuff over here you couldn't even comprehend
00:51:33Beretta 9mm?
00:51:36This makes it official
00:51:37Oh, yeah
00:51:38For crooks
00:51:39That's cool
00:51:40Forty-five?
00:51:41Lucky
00:51:42That's an expensive gun
00:51:44Only two things nicer than an expensive gun
00:51:46That'd be your Swiss watch and your pretty girl
00:51:48What's that pretty girl's name?
00:51:49Is it pretty?
00:51:50Is it pretty?
00:51:51Yeah, jolly
00:51:52Yeah, jolly
00:51:53Down the ditch, jolly
00:51:54Jolly, down the ditch
00:51:55Now, jolly
00:51:58That never happens again
00:52:01Never
00:52:06We live and die by the risk of dying
00:52:09We live and die by the risk of the heist
00:52:10What?
00:52:11We live and die by the risk of the heist
00:52:13What does that mean?
00:52:15Right now, nothing
00:52:19How'd they get this car?
00:52:20It was Miranda's car, Jimmy's wife
00:52:23They didn't steal it or jack it?
00:52:25No
00:52:27Let me get this straight
00:52:28They're planning a robbery
00:52:30And they're gonna use a car that belongs to his wife?
00:52:32What are they, idiots?
00:52:34They aren't the two brightest guys in the world
00:52:37Hero
00:52:38Okay, good one
00:52:39Uh, we get in there and there's a dumb guy who wants to be a hero
00:52:42Okay, how dumb are we talking?
00:52:43Alright, everything's going as planned, right?
00:52:45Smooth as silk, just like clockwork
00:52:47All of a sudden, some guy hops up off the floor and figures
00:52:50Hey, this is a good time to get in the newspapers
00:52:52I'll foil this robbery
00:52:53Yeah, I'm a hero, I'm a hero, react
00:52:55Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, yeah
00:52:57Alright, you better just dial it down, alright?
00:52:59Just dial it down, numbnuts
00:53:01Before Mr. Thundermaker starts shittin' some bullets
00:53:07Don't worry, take another one
00:53:09Okay
00:53:10This is going great
00:53:11Thanks, man
00:53:12You're doing well
00:53:13Thank you
00:53:14Pregnant woman's water poops
00:53:15Pops
00:53:16Pops
00:53:17Pops
00:53:18Pops
00:53:19Pops
00:53:20Pops
00:53:21Pops
00:53:22Pops
00:53:23Pops
00:53:24Pops
00:53:25Pops
00:53:26Pops
00:53:27Pops
00:53:28Pops
00:53:29Pops
00:53:30Pops
00:53:31Pops
00:53:32Pops
00:53:33Pops
00:53:34Pops
00:53:36Yes
00:53:40Morons, this picture is about two morons
00:53:44Jimmy and Virus had practiced and rehearsed the robbery for days
00:53:48It was the hardest work they'd done since, well, ever
00:53:51There was no turning back
00:53:53This was it, their moment of truth
00:53:55We just parked the car, we walked... Blocked the location, we walked slow
00:53:58We're just two guys walking
00:53:59What if we see cops?
00:54:00It doesn't matter, we're just two guys walking
00:54:01Or just two guys that happen to be walking
00:54:03We determine the area's secure
00:54:04Then we move forward. We're at the entrance, we pull out the guns, we run in, we grab the money, we run out.
00:54:08How long are we gonna be there?
00:54:09Two minutes.
00:54:10Two minutes tops. Not two and a half, not three. Two minutes.
00:54:13Let's try one.
00:54:30You ready?
00:54:31Candy from a baby.
00:54:32On your mark.
00:54:34Get set.
00:54:36Go.
00:54:41What's the name of this store, please?
00:54:44McClintock's Grocery.
00:54:47Thank you.
00:54:48We're here. Just done some remodeling.
00:54:50That's nice.
00:54:51AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
00:54:52That's not necessary.
00:54:53Alright, listen up people. This is a robbery.
00:54:57We don't want any trouble.
00:54:59So if you want to be stupid, let's do it now and get it over with.
00:55:04Look, nobody plays tough guy but me, all right?
00:55:08We have a gun and we got a car, okay?
00:55:11So we live and die by the risk of the heist.
00:55:13Hey, fellas, there's no need for all the shouting.
00:55:17If you're here for the peaches,
00:55:19I'm sure we can work something out.
00:55:21I think I'm speaking for the group
00:55:23when I say nobody here wants to take a bullet.
00:55:26I know I don't.
00:55:28Hey, you need to do some shopping?
00:55:30Great time.
00:55:33Look, he's cool. Let's go, huh?
00:55:35Just like we planned.
00:55:37Look, wipe that Curly Joe smile off your stupid melon
00:55:39and just open the register.
00:55:41You don't have to take that, Lawrence.
00:55:43Shut up, you apron-wearing, fake-toothed, pie-baked...
00:55:46Hey, hey, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, come on.
00:55:48You don't have to be mean. They'll do what we say.
00:55:50We got guns.
00:55:52Back off, you beanpole, Ichabod cream motherfucker.
00:55:55I don't remember rehearsing this part.
00:55:57This whole thing was your idea,
00:55:59so if I don't meet your expectations
00:56:02I'd like to take this time to apologize
00:56:04in front of all the fine folks here at McClintock's.
00:56:06Hey, everybody!
00:56:08Peaches on me!
00:56:12Hey, uh...
00:56:14Well, we're a little behind,
00:56:16but we're still professionals.
00:56:18We deserve better than this.
00:56:20No, you don't.
00:56:22But you know what does?
00:56:24This cow!
00:56:26This cow deserves better than this.
00:56:28You and your big McClintock's market.
00:56:30I got raw meat, and I am crazy,
00:56:32so let's make for that cash and coin, Colonel Tom.
00:56:34I'd do it. He ain't right.
00:56:36Come on, all of it. Say two.
00:56:38You want to pitch in and help out with this?
00:56:40All right, now, see, this is why I wanted you to go to the...
00:56:42There's no time for that, dear, now.
00:56:44These fellas seem to be in a hurry.
00:56:46No, you had to watch the dogs here.
00:56:48Let's all pitch in. Come on, please, come on.
00:56:50There's a few more dollars we're gonna save to give to the church,
00:56:53but you might as well take the whole thing.
00:56:55Thank you, ma'am.
00:56:58Take us home.
00:57:00Clean, that's it!
00:57:02Let's go.
00:57:04Now!
00:57:06Thanks a lot. Appreciate it.
00:57:08Morons.
00:57:10These are the two dumbest guys I ever heard of.
00:57:12It appeared that Jimmy and Virus had actually pulled off
00:57:15a successful robbery without getting caught.
00:57:17Anything to do with McClintock's was a big story in town.
00:57:21So, tell us, were you at the robbery or not?
00:57:24Yeah.
00:57:27Yeah, I was there, OK? Is that what you want to hear?
00:57:30I was there in the store when the three guys burst in
00:57:33wearing ski masks, pointing guns and shouting, OK?
00:57:36We were there and, uh, I didn't see a lot.
00:57:39Did you see a lot?
00:57:41No, I didn't really see a lot. No.
00:57:43Well, I thought they were after the missus at first.
00:57:45I didn't know what was going on.
00:57:47My first thought, of course, was the peaches.
00:57:49And then I thought the missus,
00:57:51because you never know what two men like this,
00:57:53desperate, are going to do with a beautiful young woman like this.
00:57:56You didn't get a good, uh, see him, you know,
00:57:58a good eyeball of him, if you will,
00:58:00you know, on account of, uh...
00:58:02Circumstances. Circumstances.
00:58:04Yeah.
00:58:05Who am I kidding the eye?
00:58:07Let's talk turkey, I'm a freak.
00:58:09Well, I remember them.
00:58:11I remember that day was really a bad day for me
00:58:13because I was here by myself
00:58:16because somebody else wasn't here with me,
00:58:19so it was all different.
00:58:21So I remember that day was really distinctly...
00:58:23I'd stick the peaches up my ass if it would do something, sir.
00:58:26Uh-huh.
00:58:28I'd have a whole crate up my rectal vault
00:58:31if I admit that I didn't have this freaking eye!
00:58:35Okay, I stole five peaches.
00:58:37Is that it? Is that what you want to hear?
00:58:39I stole five peaches, all right?
00:58:41What did you want me to do?
00:58:43They were rolling around the floor like a bunch of alleys.
00:58:45What was I supposed to do? Everybody was taking them.
00:58:48The Samoan took three.
00:58:51Yeah, there was a Samoan.
00:58:53Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
00:58:55Or a really big Filipino.
00:58:59Excuse me.
00:59:01Mm-hmm.
00:59:02Jack, yeah.
00:59:04Mm-hmm.
00:59:05Mm-hmm.
00:59:06Mm-hmm.
00:59:07Big Sky Gym in the fourth.
00:59:09Mm-hmm.
00:59:10Something fishy.
00:59:12Okay.
00:59:13No more action in the fourth!
00:59:16Excuse me.
00:59:18Anyway, the initial 48 hours after the robbery were crucial.
00:59:21How Jimmy and Byrus would act
00:59:23would either mean a successful getaway or prison.
00:59:27Do what?
00:59:28Yeah, being pulled Ichabod Crane motherfucker.
00:59:35Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that
00:59:39because we should definitely discuss that.
00:59:41Yeah.
00:59:42Because I got really swept up in the moment,
00:59:46and I'm not proud of it,
00:59:48but the guy in that store standing on that counter
00:59:52and just shouting, berating you,
00:59:55and the guy sitting on this counter talking to you
01:00:01are two different guys.
01:00:04Where's the fella who done all the hollering?
01:00:06Loved to have a little chinwag with him.
01:00:10Well, he asked me to tell you that he's sorry
01:00:14and that he won't be coming around here anymore.
01:00:16I know that much.
01:00:18That you can...
01:00:21And he also asked me...
01:00:26To give you this.
01:00:29No, but that.
01:00:30That's what he was...
01:00:38Maybe you shouldn't tell him thank you.
01:00:41I definitely will.
01:00:43And I would also like to take you out to dinner
01:00:46or something like that, you know?
01:00:49I can't believe we're having this conversation.
01:00:51Look me in the eye and tell me.
01:00:54I've never, ever slept with Miranda.
01:00:58I don't believe you.
01:01:01I give up.
01:01:02You give up because you know I'm right.
01:01:04Do you honestly think that if I'd ever had sex with her,
01:01:07even before we met, I wouldn't have brought it up?
01:01:14That sucks.
01:01:15Let's talk about something else.
01:01:17No, no, not now.
01:01:19Stop it.
01:01:20Just put it out of your mind.
01:01:22And think about Kennedy taking a bullet to the back of the head.
01:01:25It's science.
01:01:26Valid science.
01:01:27It's been proven.
01:01:28You're a dick.
01:01:29I'm a dick.
01:01:30You're a dick.
01:01:31Then you're my balls.
01:01:32Sunshine, can we get an ashtray?
01:01:36Thank you.
01:01:38Sean Connery.
01:01:39Why Sean Connery?
01:01:40It's the only answer.
01:01:41How do you fit here?
01:01:44Okay.
01:01:47You're out at some abandoned warehouse, right?
01:01:50And these guys have got a gun to your head because you've got to blow one of them.
01:01:53Bring me Sean Connery.
01:01:55Then, before you begin the actual blow,
01:01:58you look up at Sean like,
01:01:59Okay, Sean, I'm going to give you the signal.
01:02:02We drop these guys and get the hell out of here.
01:02:05It's foolproof.
01:02:07Now, what if Sean's not with you?
01:02:14At least you're blowing one of the grapes, huh?
01:02:16This is a fucked up conversation.
01:02:18Hey, Phil!
01:02:19Somebody's here to see you.
01:02:21Who?
01:02:22Frankie C.
01:02:23Frankie C?
01:02:24Jesus Christ, send her back.
01:02:26Frankie, you son of a bitch.
01:02:28There you go.
01:02:29That was a great one.
01:02:32Say hello to Sarah.
01:02:34I was just leaving.
01:02:35No, no.
01:02:36You stay.
01:02:38She's telling me about this movie.
01:02:40She's got this movie idea.
01:02:41You know, she's Lou's niece.
01:02:42You remember Lou?
01:02:43Nice guy.
01:02:44Anyway, she's telling me this story about her idiot cousin.
01:02:47Go ahead.
01:02:48Tell them.
01:02:49They just knocked off a peach store.
01:02:51Actually, it's a grocery store that specialized in peaches.
01:02:54Whatever, whatever.
01:02:55Go ahead.
01:03:02You can't tell me you don't think about getting caught.
01:03:05What are you doing?
01:03:06I asked you not to do that.
01:03:08You can't tell me you don't think about it.
01:03:10That's great.
01:03:11Thanks a lot.
01:03:12You jinxed us.
01:03:13That's...
01:03:14Sorry.
01:03:15Don't touch me.
01:03:25Where are you going?
01:03:26I'm leaving.
01:03:27You tainted the roof.
01:03:28Now I can never come up here again.
01:03:29And I paid my rent.
01:03:32We're not jinxed.
01:03:35Turn to the right.
01:03:41When I first heard Jimmy was involved,
01:03:44I didn't want to believe it.
01:03:47I don't even know what you guys are doing here
01:03:49because Jimmy and I are completely done.
01:03:51We were totally separated,
01:03:52so I don't really have anything to tell you.
01:04:00Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
01:04:02So you're going to send those pictures to the cops?
01:04:05Yeah, Jimmy's going to love this.
01:04:06What, are you kidding me?
01:04:08The cops are looking all over for me, right?
01:04:10So by sending them pictures, it shows I'm not scared.
01:04:13It's the risk of the hunt, baby.
01:04:14Do not baby me.
01:04:16Are you insane?
01:04:17They see the photos with me and you,
01:04:19and they're going to put two and two together.
01:04:21It's me they're after.
01:04:22That's right.
01:04:23I don't even know you.
01:04:24That's right, you don't know me.
01:04:25Why are you advertising our affiliation?
01:04:29Patty, Patty, sweet, innocent Patty.
01:04:32Look, I want you to know that no matter what happens to me,
01:04:35I'm not going to forget about you.
01:04:38Where are you from?
01:04:39What are you not understanding?
01:04:41They see the photos with me on your lap.
01:04:44God, I know this is tough for you.
01:04:47You know, but I need you to stand tall and be strong and know
01:04:50that no matter what happens, all right,
01:04:51when a tear runs down your face, it's not a tear.
01:04:54Okay, it's me just saying I love you.
01:04:56Do you understand what I'm saying?
01:04:57Okay, yeah, I think I get it now.
01:04:58Great.
01:04:59Okay, well, I got to run.
01:05:02Pretty face.
01:05:18Hello?
01:05:19Yes, who am I speaking with, please?
01:05:21Well, hello, Officer Sturgis.
01:05:23This is Dick Tanglin.
01:05:24I need you to do me a favor if you could.
01:05:27Come and find me, you fat, donut-eating,
01:05:29wife-beating, sad excuse for a cop.
01:05:3010-4, 10-4, 10-4.
01:05:35Take off the glasses.
01:05:44Excuse me, but this guy Cyrus.
01:05:48Virus.
01:05:49His name's Virus.
01:05:50Yeah, Virus Cyrus.
01:05:51You say he went to the cops?
01:05:53Morons, I told you.
01:05:54Well, not exactly.
01:05:55Everyone had their own opinion on that.
01:05:57Feats of courage combined with nobility of purpose,
01:06:01that's what these boys are about.
01:06:03You, you, they don't sit there in judgment
01:06:06judging other people's idiosyncrasies.
01:06:09They're confident.
01:06:10You, what do you do?
01:06:11You ask questions.
01:06:12They don't ask questions.
01:06:13They give answers.
01:06:15They do something.
01:06:16You would do well to be more like them.
01:06:19That boy just wasn't right in the head.
01:06:22He used to come in here all the time
01:06:24and just be, you know, handling the bread.
01:06:29Of course, when he was little,
01:06:30he sure did fall down a lot when his daddy was home.
01:06:33Virus.
01:06:35I know him.
01:06:37So what do you think motivated him to rob McClintock's?
01:06:40I said I know him.
01:06:41I'm not his mama.
01:06:43You know, Virus and I have this really special connection
01:06:46that, um, that Jimmy just, he can't understand it.
01:06:50You know what I mean?
01:06:51He's so lost.
01:06:55You know, this place wouldn't be so depressing
01:06:57if you guys just chose a different color scheme.
01:07:00Maybe get away from your pastels
01:07:01because a dark color in a dark place,
01:07:03that equals, equals dark.
01:07:08You guys need to get brighter.
01:07:12Your yellows, burst of orange, your blues.
01:07:16Make a man's day go quicker.
01:07:17You know, Truman, I'd be willing to sit down
01:07:19with your commanding officer and discuss it with him
01:07:21if you think it would help move things along a bit.
01:07:23Whatever.
01:07:24Whatever, good response.
01:07:25I guess you win, right?
01:07:44Got your letter.
01:07:46I see you met Truman.
01:07:49You asshole, you got us caught.
01:07:51You got us caught, you jinxed us.
01:07:53As your attorney, I should tell you that this is my first case
01:07:57and I'm at a loss for words.
01:07:59I have no idea what to do and that worries me.
01:08:03Is everybody in this picture an idiot?
01:08:06I was just trying to tell the story like how it happened.
01:08:08Nobody could be that stupid.
01:08:10Well, you had to know him, especially Jimmy.
01:08:12That's his nature.
01:08:13You see, they're very good people.
01:08:15They got in trouble for the wrong reasons
01:08:17and that's the point I want to make in the film.
01:08:20If this goes to trial, we'll need to create some doubt.
01:08:23We need people to speak on your behalf
01:08:25and no one's willing to do that.
01:08:27Oh, there's going to be somebody.
01:08:29They're wondered, they're mentioned.
01:08:31You know what a mention is?
01:08:32That's what those boys are.
01:08:33You would do well to be more like them.
01:08:36You're boring.
01:08:37You, they're on the roof.
01:08:38What?
01:08:39What are you saying?
01:08:40You're on the roof.
01:08:41We need you to come down now.
01:08:44Are you my 3 o'clock?
01:08:45I'm sorry, I think it's my 3 o'clock.
01:08:47Are you the Goodmans?
01:08:48Yes, we're the Goodmans.
01:08:50I'm Sarah, this is my husband Lester.
01:08:52Now please, come down off the roof.
01:08:55I'm sorry, that's my 3 o'clock.
01:08:57Okay, I'll be there in a jiffy, okay?
01:09:00See, either you got it or you don't got it.
01:09:04And this kid Virus, he sure don't got it.
01:09:07You know, Jimmy pretty much did the whole thing to impress me.
01:09:11I mean, he's just sort of driven by his love for me.
01:09:15And he's so gangly, you know?
01:09:17He's like a little thin, I don't know, anyway.
01:09:21McClintocks are well respected in the community,
01:09:23and you two have pissed off that community.
01:09:27Those God-kissed peaches put this city on the map.
01:09:30They said, let's have everything in the safe.
01:09:33Well, I handed it to them, they were out the door,
01:09:35and I wanted to say, I let you down.
01:09:37I didn't give you everything I had in the safe.
01:09:40And I was going to run after them, and the missus said,
01:09:42no, they made their bed, let them lie in it.
01:09:45No, we added that to the insurance.
01:09:49Gentlemen, I've gone over your case almost 3 times.
01:09:54And I'm sorry to say, but I don't see any loopholes.
01:09:57There's no way around this evidence.
01:09:59You're going to be in here for a while.
01:10:01Either you were born with the gift or you're not.
01:10:04I hate to break it to you, you were born without the gift.
01:10:09Oh, sinner man, can't you hear me say?
01:10:16Oh, God.
01:10:19Oh.
01:10:20So you're jealous.
01:10:21Yeah.
01:10:22You're jealous because I unleashed the music in me.
01:10:26Kill me.
01:10:28Somebody, anybody, please kill me.
01:10:32All right, lights out.
01:10:35Me too.
01:10:37Oh, and whose bright idea was it to send those photographs to the police?
01:10:46They knew you were mocking them.
01:10:49Yes, I know virus.
01:10:52Yes, we slept together.
01:10:54I got it lit.
01:10:55Great.
01:10:56And yes, that may be me in the picture with him.
01:10:59But the money I was counting is my money,
01:11:01money I busted my ass.
01:11:02Quit it.
01:11:03The money I busted my ass to get.
01:11:06I'm not going to bullshit you.
01:11:07Quit it.
01:11:08I'm sorry.
01:11:09You're not sorry.
01:11:10You always fucking keep at me and at me, picking at me.
01:11:14I wanted to touch you.
01:11:15Just shut up, you fucking retard.
01:11:18I'm not retarded.
01:11:19Look, you are retarded.
01:11:20No, I'm not.
01:11:21You are retarded.
01:11:22I've got some schooling.
01:11:25I've got some schooling.
01:11:27Don't lose hope, fellas.
01:11:29Because, listen, from what I've heard,
01:11:31there's a judge in the Fifth Circuit Court who can maybe get you a lighter sentence.
01:11:35Maybe as little as eight years.
01:11:40Jimmy and Virus tried to make the best of their incarceration.
01:11:43They started a congenial con policy and tried to meet at least one new felon a day.
01:11:48With this new approach, they met arsonists, armed robbers, and even some interesting murderers.
01:11:53Are you Harold Gay?
01:11:56Who wants to know?
01:11:58My name's Jimmy.
01:12:00You and your buddy Robin Clintocks.
01:12:03Yeah.
01:12:04That took balls.
01:12:06Yeah.
01:12:09Say, Harold, what if I ask you a question?
01:12:13No.
01:12:15I didn't kill my grandma.
01:12:17I know I talked a lot about it.
01:12:19I even write about it in my journal, but that's because that's what I am,
01:12:23a writer, not a killer.
01:12:26Now that I'm in here, I can write all I want.
01:12:29Pass the time, I do a bit of reading, too.
01:12:32I read.
01:12:34I'm a reader.
01:12:39You look like Joe Perry from Aerosmith.
01:12:45Uh, what kind of stuff you read?
01:12:48You know, I like to read a lot of books about, you know, leadership and free thinking.
01:12:53You know, to realize just what I am, you know?
01:12:56Yeah, I do know.
01:12:57Yeah?
01:12:58I mean, it's your life.
01:12:59You want to live it on your terms, right?
01:13:00Yeah, I think of myself as a sure thinker, you know, a leader, you know?
01:13:05My grandma, though, man, she was always telling me what to do, you know?
01:13:08I hated that.
01:13:09I don't like people telling me what to do.
01:13:10I'm the same way.
01:13:11Finally, I meet somebody who gets it.
01:13:13Yeah, because I'm a leader, not a follower.
01:13:15I don't follow.
01:13:16I don't follow.
01:13:17I lead.
01:13:18I'm the same way.
01:13:20Did I kill my grandma?
01:13:23No, I didn't kill her, man.
01:13:25Oh, man, but sometimes she just wouldn't let up, you know?
01:13:29Followed me around the house like a parrot on my shoulder, you know?
01:13:33Into my ear every five minutes, you know?
01:13:35Don't forget to dot your I's.
01:13:36Don't forget to cross your T's, you know?
01:13:38She'd jump on a vein and suck it dry, you know what I'm saying?
01:13:42Over and over.
01:13:44Tomato dumplings, man.
01:13:47Why would any woman get up in the morning and decide that I like tomato dumplings?
01:13:53What's up with that?
01:13:54I never even knew what one was until it showed up on my plate, huh?
01:13:57What kind of sick game is she playing, huh?
01:14:00No, I didn't kill her.
01:14:02You know what?
01:14:03Whoever did kill her, man, they were right on, man.
01:14:06This journal?
01:14:07This journal's my escape.
01:14:09This journal's my way out, huh?
01:14:11The only way to keep my head clear is to write short stories about corking up her mouth hole, huh?
01:14:25What are you working on now?
01:14:26Oh, it's a short story about my brother's wife.
01:14:29It's called You and Your Goddamn Pies.
01:14:32Okay, I'm gonna step off for a minute.
01:14:35I gotta get going.
01:14:36Harold, I want you to have a very nice day.
01:14:39It's supposed to rain.
01:14:40Hey.
01:14:42You know, Hitler was a leader.
01:14:46Okay.
01:14:48Are we rolling?
01:14:49Okay, uh, hey, Jimmy.
01:14:51Jimmy.
01:14:53Pay attention, okay?
01:14:54I want to ask you a question.
01:14:56What?
01:14:57What were you thinking?
01:15:00What are you...
01:15:01Look, you know, we weren't waiting around for any handouts, if that's what you mean.
01:15:06You know, we saw what we wanted, and we went out and took it.
01:15:09That's what makes America, America.
01:15:11You see something you want, and you figure out how to get it.
01:15:14And I did what I did.
01:15:17I didn't like people telling me what to do.
01:15:19Hey, Jimmy, break's over.
01:15:21You got a prison to paint, let's go.
01:15:24Well, you know, looking back on it now, I suppose...
01:15:29I suppose I do some things differently.
01:15:33You know, I don't even know if I'd do it again.
01:15:39Hey.
01:15:55What do you want?
01:15:58Well, I wanted to see you.
01:15:59And I figured you'd want to see me too.
01:16:01Why would I want to see you?
01:16:05Because, uh, you know, you told me to get my shit together, and I have.
01:16:08You've been here five months, you're in jail.
01:16:10I don't call that getting your shit together.
01:16:14I'm a professional.
01:16:17And I wrote you a poem.
01:16:20Oh, no, don't. You're not going to read it, are you?
01:16:22Jimmy, Jimmy, you have sunk to new depths, Jimmy.
01:16:25Jimmy, if you read that, we are both going to be so embarrassed, okay?
01:16:30No, we won't.
01:16:31Yes, I will.
01:16:32So, if you want to give me something, just make me a license plate or something.
01:16:38My Miranda.
01:16:40My Jimmy Cookie.
01:16:44Poor sweet thing.
01:16:46I've put you through so much.
01:16:48I want nothing more than just to feel your touch.
01:16:51Okay, please don't do this, Jimmy.
01:16:52Jimmy, please.
01:16:53When I'm thinking of you and my heart is breaking,
01:16:57they tell me to shut up, get back to raking.
01:17:00Oh, God.
01:17:03So, for the state in my filth I've wallowed,
01:17:07and for you, my love, my pride, I've swallowed.
01:17:12Okay, that's, that's just darling.
01:17:14I think this can't be true.
01:17:16I shouldn't be here.
01:17:18I should be at home.
01:17:20Protecting you.
01:17:24But I'm not.
01:17:26Oh, my God, I've got to get out of here.
01:17:28Clark, thanks for listening and making the long drive.
01:17:31I really appreciate it.
01:17:33Careful on the drive home.
01:17:35People are nuts out there.
01:17:38Okay.
01:17:40I love you.
01:17:42This summer, Virus comes over,
01:17:43and he's, like, helping me paint the kitchen, right?
01:17:45And Jimmy gets in his head that I want to sleep with Virus,
01:17:50which would fucking kill Virus, right?
01:17:52I mean, he, he's just so pathetic.
01:17:59Hey, Virus.
01:18:00Virus, can you help me out here?
01:18:02There's something I'm not clear on.
01:18:04Let's hear it.
01:18:06Was that me that was always thinking about us getting caught?
01:18:08Or was I the one who said, if you think it, it'll happen?
01:18:12See, because I remember hearing it.
01:18:15I just don't remember if that was me saying it to you
01:18:17or you saying it to me.
01:18:19Oh, right, right.
01:18:20Now I remember.
01:18:21Right, right.
01:18:22I was the one who said, if you think it, it'll happen.
01:18:24See, because I remember hearing it.
01:18:26I just don't remember if that was me saying it to you
01:18:28or you saying it to me.
01:18:29Right, right.
01:18:30I was the one who said, nothing exists.
01:18:32Thinking makes it so.
01:18:33You were the one who kept willing us to get caught.
01:18:37That's right.
01:18:38Now I got it, right.
01:18:40And did we get caught?
01:18:42I forget.
01:18:44Sure, sure we did.
01:18:46Right.
01:18:47We're, we're raking because we have to,
01:18:50not because we enjoy it.
01:18:52Right.
01:18:53We're in prison right now.
01:18:54That's right.
01:18:55So I was right and you got us caught, right?
01:19:00That's right.
01:19:01Okay.
01:19:02Right.
01:19:04Hey, Virus, do me a favor, would you?
01:19:06Do not think about us dying a slow, painful death in prison, okay?
01:19:11And above all, don't think about what's in your heart of hearts.
01:19:15Your heart of hearts.
01:19:16Because that's where us getting caught lives.
01:19:19Admit it, Rockstar, you got us caught.
01:19:22Yeah, I guess so.
01:19:25Oh, what's that, son?
01:19:27I can't hear you.
01:19:28What are you deaf, son?
01:19:30No, I'm not deaf.
01:19:31I was just thinking.
01:19:33About fucking Miranda.
01:19:35You asshole.
01:19:37I'm kidding.
01:19:38I'm kidding.
01:19:39I'm kidding.
01:19:40I'm kidding.
01:19:44That's right.
01:19:45The only thing that kept Jimmy going was blaming Virus for jinxing them.
01:19:49And to get out by any means possible.
01:19:51Escape, if necessary.
01:19:53Just a couple of cons.
01:19:54A sweeping.
01:19:55Don't want no trouble here, boss, because I'm just a sweeper.
01:19:58Look at all the trash.
01:20:01You ready?
01:20:02I'm ready.
01:20:04On your mark.
01:20:07Get set.
01:20:09Go.
01:20:10On your mark.
01:20:12Get set.
01:20:14Go.
01:20:34You...
01:20:36You said ...
01:20:37Dr. Froude?
01:20:39I was kidding.
01:20:41I was kidding.
01:20:43No!
01:20:45No!
01:20:50I'm not gonna bullshit you.
01:20:52I don't have the time, and if you fucking touch me,
01:20:55and you don't have the film,
01:20:57but if you need some, I can hook you up.
01:21:01Not good film, though.
01:21:03Really cheap film.
01:21:04Yeah, take it from a retard.
01:21:06Cheap.
01:21:06You don't know shit about film quality.
01:21:08I do.
01:21:10I'm a savant.
01:21:12You're not gonna laugh at me.
01:21:13There you go, make a wish.
01:21:18Nah, I still got the fucking eye.
01:21:20Yeah, I was there.
01:21:21I'm really glad those guys robbed McClintock's.
01:21:24As far as I'm concerned,
01:21:25those boys did a service to the community.
01:21:27Those boys are heroes.
01:21:30Jimmy and Virus' big day finally arrived.
01:21:32Their first meeting in front of the parole board.
01:21:35Well, I hope you've learned a few things
01:21:37while you've been here in the last six months.
01:21:40Absolutely, sure did.
01:21:43All right, I'll take that as a yes.
01:21:45Yes.
01:21:46Okay.
01:21:48And since neither of you actually used any live ammo,
01:21:53I suppose we have no choice but to reluctantly
01:21:57return you to society.
01:22:00We never intended to harm anyone.
01:22:04We respect that and appreciate your honesty.
01:22:07Now, once you go through that door to the outside,
01:22:10I don't want to see you back in here again.
01:22:13Not while I'm here, and I'm going to be here.
01:22:17All right, that's all.
01:22:20Get up.
01:22:22Goodbye.
01:22:24Thank you.
01:22:31What if they can't find Sean Connery?
01:22:33Then it's considered a forfeit.
01:22:35Come on, that doesn't make any sense.
01:22:37And I'd pick Churchill, you know?
01:22:40Everybody picks some guy they know they can't get.
01:22:42That's cheating.
01:22:44You're making up these rules as you go along, I think.
01:22:47That's your opinion.
01:22:49Come on, you're making up the rules.
01:22:50Opinion?
01:22:52Can I ask you a little something-something?
01:22:53What?
01:22:55Thanks.
01:22:56Wow, a Mississippi Blue Smoker Lodeca.
01:23:01Yeah.
01:23:01That's your commemoratives.
01:23:02They only made a million of these.
01:23:05I was able to track one down.
01:23:07I'm going to head in, let her know I'm home,
01:23:10show her this.
01:23:12Oh, she's going to love that.
01:23:14I get a feeling she is, yeah.
01:23:16I'll get, all right, take care.
01:23:32This is the right thing?
01:23:33You be strong.
01:23:35See you, man.
01:23:36Yeah, seriously, it's been fun.
01:23:37Had a blast.
01:23:39Right back at you.
01:23:41Take it easy.
01:23:42You too.
01:23:43You know we'll do it again.
01:23:52Good luck.
01:23:54Thank you.
01:24:02Come on.
01:24:20I told you, Jimmy, get the fuck out of here!
01:24:24I'm serious!
01:24:25Get out!
01:24:31Oh, I'm just going to look over here.
01:24:52I like it.
01:24:53So, that's how it got made.
01:24:54It might not be the best film in the world, but it's my first film and I can't wait to
01:25:01see it.
01:25:02It's my first film and I got it made.
01:25:03I love Frankie and Phil for giving me a chance, and of course, my Uncle Lou.
01:25:08So, if you're someone like me who wants to make a movie, find an Uncle Lou.
01:25:12Or better yet, find a bookie who has an oddly-paired shop who loves the movie.
01:25:18Uncle Lou!
01:25:20We did it.
01:25:22Sweetheart, you did it.
01:25:25Remember, nobody knows.
01:25:32You're killing me here, Phil.
01:25:34Uncle Lou, you're like a bank.
01:25:36You always pay off.
01:25:37Ha ha ha ha.
01:25:38You're killing me.
01:25:39You know that?
01:25:40You're busting my balls.
01:25:41Get a good count.
01:25:42Get a good count.
01:25:43I've got the big rush coming, don't worry about it.
01:25:44It's alright.
01:25:45I love you anyway.
01:25:46Don't touch.
01:25:47It's all there.
01:25:50It's all there.
01:25:51It's waving.
01:25:52It's waving.
01:25:53It's waving.
01:25:54It's waving.
01:25:55It's waving.
01:25:56It's waving.
01:25:57It's waving.
01:25:58It's waving.
01:25:59It's waving.
01:26:00It's waving.
01:26:01It's waving.
01:26:02It's waving.
01:26:03It's waving.
01:26:04It's waving.
01:26:05It's waving.
01:26:06It's waving.
01:26:07It's waving.
01:26:08It's waving.
01:26:09It's waving.
01:26:10It's waving.
01:26:11It's waving.
01:26:12It's waving.
01:26:13It's waving.
01:26:14It's waving.
01:26:15It's waving.
01:26:16It's waving.
01:26:17It's waving.
01:26:18It's waving.
01:26:19It's waving.
01:26:20It's waving.
01:26:21It's waving.
01:26:22It's waving.
01:26:23It's waving.
01:26:24It's waving.
01:26:25It's waving.
01:26:26It's waving.
01:26:27It's waving.
01:26:28It's waving.
01:26:29It's waving.
01:26:30It's waving.
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01:26:33It's waving.
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01:26:39It's waving.
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01:28:23It's waving.
01:28:24It's waving.