Gogglebox NZ S1E04 (2024)
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TV ve DiziDöküm
00:00Let's all see who Mercy will go to.
00:03No wait, there has to be a rule, you're not allowed to touch her.
00:06Mercy! Mercy! Mercy!
00:10I found you. I was the one stepping out here.
00:14Remember my name? Mercy Chicken. Remember my name? Mercy.
00:18She's looking everywhere.
00:20I can't wait. We start one person at a time.
00:23Mercy!
00:25Traitor.
00:31Every evening in New Zealand,
00:35over two million of us spend the night on the couch in front of the TV.
00:39Who's this one?
00:41He's just a contestant.
00:45We're going behind closed doors.
00:47Hello.
00:49Oh my God. What?
00:51To find out what Kiwis thought about what was on TV in the last seven days.
00:56In the week that NASA turned 60 years old,
00:59Cass threatened to spill the beans on The Bachelor.
01:02Don't. Don't. Don't tell him.
01:07We got the dirt on a new documentary series.
01:10You're kidding.
01:12Oh my giddy aunt.
01:14I'm hungry.
01:16And a rock legend rocked some very tight leggings.
01:19And there he is, Jared, the Goblin King.
01:22He's the Goblin King.
01:24He's the Goblin King.
01:29He's the Bachelor.
01:31On Wednesday night, the Honey Badger was back on Bravo.
01:36I was in The Bachelor.
01:38Yes! This is my show.
01:41Here we go. This will be a fun one.
01:43He looks like a Tinder date I went on.
01:46Does he really?
01:48Yeah. He does.
01:50In this episode, there were only four girls on the show.
01:53And they all had the same hair.
01:57In this episode, there were only four girls left.
02:00And Nick had got to know them all quite well.
02:05That was a tushy.
02:07That was a peachy.
02:11Is this something that you feel should be on TV?
02:16What are you talking about?
02:18The intimacy of this.
02:20Don't you think they should be doing anything like that?
02:24They've got to test the waters, don't they?
02:27I mean, this is only a testing the waters type of situation.
02:33This is the episode where Nick visits all the girls' families.
02:37As much as I'm excited to meet the families,
02:39it also comes with a roasting or two.
02:42Did you know that they had a past?
02:44I think so.
02:46They played the Wiggly Woo.
02:48I didn't realise it was so recent.
02:50How did you feel when you met my family too?
02:53Good, actually.
02:55They like me.
02:56They like me more than you, I think.
03:02Nick, how was seeing Cass arriving on The Bachelor?
03:06Cass' mum had a lot invested in her daughter's future.
03:09Have you made any decisions yet?
03:11I know you've got another couple.
03:13I can ask. I'm the mum.
03:15Jesus, mum, why don't you just auction her off?
03:18But at the end of the day, one of them is going to get hurt.
03:21And I hope it's not Cass.
03:23She's not letting it go.
03:24I hope you're not porking the rest of the moles in the house.
03:26I hope you're just saving it for my daughter.
03:28But she was so happy.
03:30Cass' sister took Nick aside to ask some hard questions.
03:34I can see that she really, really likes you.
03:37But do you feel the same way?
03:41Ooh, ooh, ooh.
03:43I mean, you can't ask that question
03:45because you've got three other girls to go through yet.
03:47He's not going to tell you.
03:49If he's not told your sister, he's not telling you.
03:52Exactly, mate.
03:53Did any of Jaina's family do that to you, Taranee?
03:56Probably her older sister.
03:58Oh, really?
03:59Yeah.
04:00Cos we wag school.
04:02She caught us.
04:06I want to tell him now so he knows.
04:08It's really scary from here on in.
04:13Um, I don't know.
04:15I feel like I've pretty much tried to put my whole heart on the line.
04:18Stage 5 clinger.
04:20This is so awkward.
04:21I'm going to tell you everything
04:22because I don't want to walk away from you having any regrets
04:24and not having said everything.
04:26Um...
04:28Don't.
04:29Don't.
04:32Don't tell him.
04:38I love you.
04:40Should we not...
04:42Should we not say that?
04:44I really want to tell Nick that I'm falling in love with him.
04:48Oh!
04:50Fuck, he's going to run like a frightened stag.
04:53But I'm kind of scared to admit it.
04:59Shut the front door.
05:01HE CHUCKLES
05:04What is shut the front door?
05:06Like shut up.
05:08Shut the front door.
05:09Like shut up.
05:10Oh, really?
05:11Yeah.
05:12SCREAMS
05:13Next up, Nick meet Britt's family.
05:17Come on over and help me, I want to have a bit of a yard day.
05:20Tony, the old man, he didn't waste a second.
05:23When Dad's got a ponytail.
05:25Oh, my God.
05:26You know, I don't have a great deal of respect for football players.
05:30Because footballers used to be hell of a rough...
05:32Yeah.
05:33And carry on outside the...
05:34They don't have a very good reputation.
05:36Well, they don't.
05:37They've got a reputation for loving and leaving.
05:40He's telling him that he's going to physically harm him
05:43if he hurts his...
05:46Well, no wonder he...
05:48Shh!
05:50Have you kissed? Was there anything?
05:53Yeah.
05:54Britt really wanted more detail about Cass and Nick's previous relationship.
05:59How many times we caught up.
06:02Three or so times.
06:04Caught up.
06:06Yeah, we caught up.
06:08SHE LAUGHS
06:11At the cocktail party, Britt had more questions for Cass.
06:16Get ready to rumble.
06:18She's going to derby you.
06:19That was an awkward pause, wasn't it?
06:21Don't know what they were expecting there.
06:24Oh, this is not good.
06:26I would not have allowed them to have any glass.
06:30I've been bullshitting and it's been nothing, just a few sly roots.
06:34Oh, get over it.
06:36Yeah, build a bridge and I can see your undies from here.
06:39Yeah.
06:42The rose ceremony was very tense.
06:47Who's it going to be, honey?
06:49Cassie.
06:50Who's going to choose Cassie?
06:52Her heart will be completely shattered.
06:56Yep.
06:58I reckon Cassie's gone.
07:00Oh, my God.
07:02They're both gone.
07:06Oh.
07:08Here it comes.
07:13But don't you think it's a bit degrading for the woman?
07:16It's very degrading. We already know that, though.
07:19Brittany.
07:28Brittany what?
07:30She's got a rose!
07:31She wins.
07:32I thought it was going to be a big speech, you're lying.
07:39Slap him.
07:41Slap him.
07:43You naughty boy.
07:45Look what you've done, smuggler.
07:49Boy, I never saw that coming.
07:51You glad you watched that, honey?
07:53Awkward, awkward, awkward.
07:56That's just awful.
07:58Like, is it always that bad?
08:00Like, that's worse than, like, Survivor when they think they have alliances.
08:05Like, do you know what I mean?
08:07Yeah.
08:08You know, similar.
08:15Oh, the news is on, great. I'd like to hear the news.
08:18On Wednesday, a news story about the removal of a controversial icon,
08:22the Captain Cook statue in Gisborne.
08:25The council has made the decision to move the statue from mountain to museum
08:28after ongoing protests and vandalism.
08:31Captain Cook's time atop the sacred Mount Titirangi,
08:34also known as Kaiti Hill, is over.
08:37That's Captain Cook.
08:39Did a pop behind the kitchen door.
08:41That's a Kaiti Hill.
08:43Rat came up and bit his arse and made him do some more.
08:45Did he discover New Zealand, or was it the...
08:47No, he discovered New Zealand on the Endeavour,
08:50and then he went out, and I think he came back.
08:52He died in the Hawaiian Islands.
08:54They ate him.
08:56Did they eat him?
08:57Yeah, they ate him.
08:58They kill him and then eat him?
08:59You don't know.
09:00No, they cooked him.
09:03They cooked him.
09:05Oh, that's a joke.
09:06Erected without iwi consultation and has been repeatedly defaced.
09:11Here he is in a bikini.
09:13Hey!
09:15Woo!
09:17And here he is looking rather red-faced about it all.
09:20If you had something in history with your family,
09:25you would like to be asked, wouldn't you?
09:27Yes.
09:28If you could put so-and-so there.
09:30When was it they didn't ask?
09:32Where was he before that?
09:34I don't think he was anywhere.
09:35I think he was just...
09:36Well, he must have been somewhere,
09:38and to be able to be put there, he must have been over there.
09:43Cook didn't have an association with the mountain.
09:46He only landed at the base of it.
09:48Why don't we just put him on the base?
09:50Yeah, that's what I was just thinking.
09:51Give the base a bit of attention.
09:53Put him wherever...
09:54The base.
09:55Put him in the base where he landed.
09:56He landed at the base, put him in the base.
09:58Yeah.
09:59And while a new design is in the works,
10:01locals today were clinging to the old.
10:04Why is he clinging to that triangle?
10:07He's just finished a game of pool.
10:09LAUGHTER
10:12Set it up, lad, next game.
10:15Rack it up, rack it up!
10:16He put a $2 coin on the side of the table.
10:19That should be part of those settlements,
10:21the Treaty settlements.
10:22It has not been reconciled.
10:23It's allowing these things to remain,
10:26not put them away in a...
10:28Locking them up in a museum is going to change anything.
10:31It doesn't change our history.
10:33An icon that, like it or not,
10:35is trading in his graffiti-filled nights atop the maunga
10:38for a quieter life in the local museum.
10:41To be fair, no-one's going to a museum in Gisborne, are they?
10:45No.
10:46Like, that's not exactly a fun day out.
10:48No.
10:49He's not going to get a lot of attention.
10:50Well, no, I'm not going to go to Gisborne
10:52just to hang out with old Cook.
10:53No, certainly not.
10:54I mean, if he was on a mountain, I'd consider it.
10:56Would you, though?
10:57No.
10:58LAUGHTER
11:17Oh, I've got to get rid of that fly!
11:19Stupid goddamn fly!
11:21Oops.
11:22Where is it?
11:23It's only one amount up there.
11:25Is it?
11:27It's buzzing.
11:28Not over the food.
11:31I can actually hear that fly.
11:33I can, I can hear it.
11:35If it doesn't go away soon,
11:37we won't be able to watch TV.
11:39Give it some time to...
11:41I think everything, insects in the house is now dead.
11:44I think it's enough now.
11:46I think everything's dead.
11:47Oh, I think it's down here.
11:49I think the flowers are wilting now.
11:52Ha-ha!
11:53One shot!
11:54Wow!
11:55That's huge!
11:56Look!
11:57Oh, perfect!
11:59This week,
12:00TVNZ2 premiered a local version
12:02of a successful international format.
12:05Welcome to the very first season
12:07of Project Runway New Zealand.
12:09Hello!
12:10Over the coming weeks...
12:11Oh!
12:13The Project Runway!
12:17We met 14 aspiring fashion designers,
12:19including Lenon from Temaru.
12:22Hey!
12:24I don't think Temaru
12:27would know what hit it with old Lenon.
12:30Wow!
12:31I know, right?
12:32It's really breaking my regional stereotypes.
12:34Totally!
12:35Like, where is your circle in Temaru?
12:37Yeah!
12:38How many people live in Temaru?
12:40The New Zealand host
12:41was Victoria's Secret's model, Georgia Fowler.
12:44Congratulations, designers,
12:46on making it to New Zealand's very own version
12:49of Project Runway.
12:51Is she somebody?
12:52Not to me.
12:53OK, good.
12:54I mean, I don't know her either,
12:55but I was just double-checking.
12:56I'd like to introduce to you
12:58your mentor, Andreas Michailis.
13:00I love him.
13:02That's a cool beard as well.
13:03It is a cool beard,
13:04and also rocking glasses.
13:06Creative challenges.
13:07Mate, you need to get rid of that beard.
13:09You can talk!
13:10You can talk!
13:11Man, that's class!
13:13Your challenge starts right now.
13:18The challenge was to create a cocktail dress.
13:22Look at that!
13:23Oh my god!
13:25I'm very excited about mannequins.
13:28Personalised mannequins.
13:30It's just a name tag on it.
13:34This isn't really your kind of warehouse for the show, is it?
13:37I love it.
13:38The three of us will all go into it.
13:41There's no Liverpool shirts over there, is there?
13:43You can watch something else.
13:45Nonsense.
13:46The detail that I'm adding onto it
13:48is kind of like this frilly,
13:50clear fabric that goes around just the top.
13:52That's the area you might want to think about
13:54where it sits around the bust as well.
13:57Exactly, because we don't like
13:59a bloody shelf of frills going off the breasticles.
14:02Make us look like Ringling Brothers Circus.
14:05Your models are here.
14:07You've got ten minutes with them.
14:10Hi, how are you?
14:12Very slender bodies.
14:18That's probably why they're models.
14:20Do you know why they're skinny models?
14:22Because they don't take up as much fabric.
14:24Yeah.
14:25So Isabella comes in, she tries on my dress,
14:27everything fits her perfectly.
14:29It didn't take long for the claws to come out.
14:32I don't know about Kerry.
14:34It doesn't matter how good a pattern maker you are
14:36or anything,
14:38but you know at the end of the day you can't learn taste.
14:41Hey!
14:43Hater! Hater! Hater!
14:47Oh, for God's sake.
14:49That's a wee bit bitchy.
14:51He's got it bloody all over you.
14:53How long have we been going?
14:55He's got the bitchy pants out already.
15:02Shopping bag.
15:04Yeah, it does look like a shopping bag.
15:06Well, that's a good dress because you could put
15:08all your snacks in those pockets.
15:10That's tacky, man.
15:12She looks like she's wearing a rubbish bag.
15:14Oh, sorry Misty, I love you.
15:16Well, the model's not even modelling it properly.
15:18She's all frowning. Look at her.
15:20That's how you're supposed to smile.
15:22No, models don't smile.
15:24It's sexy but it's different
15:26and it's out of my comfort zone.
15:28That's nasty.
15:30She can't even move.
15:32Watching my model walk down the runway was pretty cool.
15:34It was great to see that I was able to complete a look.
15:37That is the most God awful thing I've ever seen.
15:40Benjamin,
15:42your design was effortless
15:44and bold at the same time.
15:46Congratulations.
15:48You're the winner of this challenge.
15:50What?
15:52Are you kidding me?
15:54What's he won?
15:56He won the challenge.
15:58Really?
16:00Massey, Nicole,
16:02one of you will be out.
16:04Who would you kick out?
16:06A whole lot.
16:08Start again.
16:10Football jerseys.
16:14Get rid of the lot.
16:16Massey.
16:22You're in.
16:24You can leave the runway.
16:26Did you enjoy that show, Dylan,
16:28now that you've seen the end?
16:30I don't feel confident to go to a store like Benjamin.
16:32It's not like a Louis or Tom type guy.
16:34He wouldn't go to a store
16:36wanting to spend thousands on his...
16:38Louis Vitton.
16:40How do you say it?
16:42Louis Vitton.
16:44It's L-O-U-I-S, isn't it?
16:46Louis Vitton.
16:48Louis Vitton.
16:50That's rubbish.
16:58This week, more property managers
17:00were on the warpath on TVNZ2.
17:04In New Zealand, one in three households
17:06are rentals.
17:10I like these shows.
17:12I feel like a doctor going into surgery.
17:14I've watched this before.
17:16It's disgusting.
17:18Get out the mind bleach.
17:20You're gonna need it.
17:26In the programme, property manager Prue
17:28was up in arms over a messy rental.
17:30General manager Prue Morrell
17:32knows the key strategy is doing right.
17:34You couldn't lose her in the dark.
17:36Nah.
17:38Is it a wig?
17:40You know what that colour is?
17:42It's called confusion.
17:48A little treat in store.
17:50The worst job ever.
17:52That's why she wears all those beautiful
17:54colourful clothes.
17:56This is vile.
17:58That makes me really angry.
18:00I just don't know how people can live like that.
18:02Lovely urine-stoked
18:04duvet.
18:10Guns and roses. Welcome to the jungle.
18:14This is what it looks like at teenagers' houses
18:16who have parties.
18:18We've got various items
18:20of underwear here.
18:22Do not breathe in.
18:24I'm telling you.
18:26Oh my god.
18:28Oh my god.
18:32The film crew also followed
18:34property manager Jared in Waikanae.
18:36Box trailer.
18:38Remember that game?
18:40You like your box trailers.
18:42I love it. You've got to kick someone every time you see a box trailer.
18:44Jesus.
18:46Trust property manager Jared
18:48has collected belongings left at a rental
18:50by a former tenant who has disappeared.
18:54What do you reckon it is? Bits?
18:56Bits?
18:58Yeah. No. What do you reckon it is? Let's put on bits.
19:00Something in here that's of value to the tenant.
19:04Are we going to just thumb stuff? I don't think it's books.
19:06What do you think it is?
19:08A million bucks.
19:10Pictures. Underwear.
19:12It's Elvis Presley DVDs.
19:20Oh shit.
19:22My money's on porn.
19:24Yeah, I can tell.
19:26The suitcase is literally stuffed with digital
19:28video discs or DVDs.
19:30At first blush, these DVDs
19:32look quite wholesome.
19:34Can I see cream?
19:36Can you see cream?
19:38Oh yeah. Moisty?
19:40Does that say moist?
19:42It does.
19:44Honestly.
19:46That is a suitcase of porn.
19:48That is a suitcase of porn.
19:52Bust. Lust.
19:54Bust. Lust. That's what I said too.
19:56Blue Limit.
19:58What's that?
20:00Blue One.
20:04They're pornos.
20:06On closer inspection, those titles
20:08read R. Sventura
20:10and Forrest Hump.
20:12That is a lot of porn.
20:14Bloody why can I?
20:16Porn Hub of New Zealand.
20:18Not much to do up there.
20:20Except tug the pud.
20:22I feel like we need to research some of these titles.
20:24This one might not be porn.
20:28It's nice to see that they do have
20:30a variety of movies.
20:32Titty Titty Bang Bang.
20:34Titty Titty Bang Bang. That's pretty cool.
20:36Saving Ryan's privates.
20:38Get it? Instead of saving Private Ryan.
20:40You know what they were like
20:4240 years ago?
20:44Can you imagine the bushes
20:46on these birds?
20:48There was no Brazilians in those days.
20:50Oh no. Pure German forest.
20:52One week later,
20:54Prue returned to check out the
20:56freshly scrubbed rental.
20:58It's certainly
21:00looking a bit
21:02better in here.
21:04David Bowie would be quite proud that
21:06somebody's carrying on his legacy.
21:08Oh!
21:10Wow! Next level.
21:12She looks like a pimp.
21:14Doesn't she?
21:16Could you get too orange like her hair
21:18and her jacket and her car?
21:20She needs to talk to turners
21:22and growers and get some sort of orange sponsor.
21:26Two weeks and two days later,
21:28there's a knock at the door
21:30of Trust Property Management.
21:32No!
21:34No! No! No!
21:36Oh mother!
21:38Hey, so we've had your
21:40stuff in storage downstairs.
21:42Great that you've come in to pick it up.
21:44We'll go downstairs, you can grab it, take it away
21:46and you can go enjoy yourself.
21:48Enjoy yourself, alright?
21:50Oh!
21:52Oh!
21:54Oh!
21:56Go on.
21:58This reminds me of the time I saw that
22:00really, really, the first time I ever saw a
22:02porn film at Debbie Wunderlich's
22:04house. It's an unfortunate name.
22:06Yeah, it was unfortunate porn.
22:08Never look an eel again.
22:18What happened to your eyes?
22:20I'm trying to figure out, buddy, Instagram.
22:22How do you, buddy,
22:24how do I send something out?
22:26You mean how do you put a picture up?
22:28Yeah.
22:30The box in the middle.
22:32At the bottom.
22:34Oh, there.
22:36Yeah, and then it goes to your gallery
22:38or you take a photo.
22:40Oh!
22:42Yeah, and then it goes to your gallery
22:44or you take a photo.
22:46Oh!
22:48And then you follow your nose the whole way through.
22:50Oh, so then I can like put that up.
22:52Yep, and then you hashtag something
22:54because that's the done thing.
22:56You hashtag a million times,
22:58a million hashtags in it.
23:00And then add whatever you want.
23:02You could hashtag a hashtag.
23:04Hashtag a hashtag? Yep.
23:06On Tuesday night, we watched a confronting
23:08new documentary series which focused
23:10on a cure for obesity.
23:12These New Zealand scientists
23:14think they might have found one
23:16and it's all natural.
23:18But their solution is not for the faint-hearted
23:20or the weak-stomached.
23:22I'm going to go and do a poo.
23:24They're going to take fit people's poo
23:26and give it to obese people
23:28to see if it makes them lose weight.
23:30No! No!
23:32No, no, no, no.
23:34Oh, jeez.
23:36I can't watch it.
23:38I just can't watch it.
23:40I'm going to be ill.
23:42My giddy aunt,
23:44liquid poo
23:46and pills.
23:48Welcome to the hidden world
23:50of human poo trials.
23:54Good shit.
23:58The medical team found
24:00four young volunteers to trial the pills.
24:02You're kidding.
24:04No. You're eating...
24:06Oh, that's gross.
24:08When they
24:10explained that the captures came
24:12virtually from fit people's
24:14poo wasn't
24:16the best selling point.
24:18Would you eat it?
24:20Sign me up, man. Sign me up.
24:22I would. No.
24:24I would not.
24:26That's disgusting.
24:28But they filter it a lot. It's not pure poo.
24:30It'll give you a lot of improvement.
24:32LAUGHTER
24:34But Wayne
24:36and his team aren't just searching for obese
24:38teens to take the treatment.
24:40They're also hunting for people to donate
24:42the raw ingredients.
24:44We're after not just donors. We call them super donors.
24:46And that reflects the level of screening.
24:48I mean, they're going to be very rigorously assessed.
24:50No, you couldn't pay
24:52me enough to do that.
24:54Mum, look, I'm willing
24:56to do this
24:58for you as your son.
25:00No. No, Navajo.
25:02You do this for family.
25:04It's called sacrifice.
25:06What's your superpower?
25:08I'm a donor.
25:10I'm a super donor.
25:12Have you given a kidney?
25:14No, I just shit in a bucket.
25:16They'll be in popular demand,
25:18won't they? For their poo.
25:20They'll need to watch out
25:22when they're walking around
25:24that people don't mug them,
25:26render them unconscious
25:28and steal their poo.
25:30Jim, will you donate your healthy gut shit
25:32for me to lose weight?
25:34Then you could feel like you were
25:36contributing to my diminishing size.
25:38I mean, you don't have to
25:40shit in my mouth.
25:42We'll get it processed.
25:44PhD student Thalini
25:46has the job of distilling the poo.
25:48The first day,
25:50I didn't eat at all.
25:52I always wanted to spit
25:54because it was
25:56very unpleasant,
25:58to be honest.
26:00And even an ice cream scoop?
26:02Imagine that.
26:04How was your day, dear?
26:06Don't talk to me.
26:08I've started this experiment at work.
26:10We're not allowed to talk about it
26:12at all.
26:14Why are you using an ice cream scoop?
26:16That's disgusting.
26:18Always got to be the brown person
26:20to go scoop it up.
26:22Hey,
26:24always the brown one, okay?
26:26Oh, like ice cream.
26:28Oh!
26:30Get out of it, you mug.
26:32Chocolate ice cream.
26:34Get out of it. Would you go and have that?
26:36Yeah, chocolate ice cream.
26:38All right, just save some for this one.
26:42Ah!
26:44No, they're not blending it.
26:46When you get your blender
26:48mixed up, oh, I'm just making a smoothie
26:50in this one.
26:52Don't use the work one.
26:54Don't use the work smoothie maker.
26:56It should be crunchy
26:58and the contents are still frozen.
27:00But why would a skinny person want to take the pill?
27:02Why would a fat person want to take it?
27:04Because it's helping them get skinny.
27:06But you're eating shit.
27:08Are you listening to this?
27:10I'm trying to.
27:12After months of intense
27:14research, it's time for the volunteers
27:16to swallow the poo pills.
27:18Easier than I thought, to be honest.
27:20I thought they were going to be bigger.
27:22Just don't burp.
27:24Or, here, take this pill.
27:26Was I meant to chew that? No, you were not meant to chew that.
27:28I thought so.
27:30It's bad enough when you have garlic
27:32reflux. That'll be ten times worse.
27:34It's a farty burp.
27:36Nobody wants to be the farty burper at a party.
27:38I'm hungry.
27:46The pill-taking volunteer's progress
27:48will be closely monitored over the coming weeks.
27:52Okay, what would you rather do?
27:54Go to the German trailer's wait, or would you have this pill?
27:56I can't go to the Sunday market
27:58and eat chicken off the bloody
28:00stool, let alone eat shit out of a tablet.
28:02Anyway, I don't think I would
28:04ever, no matter how desperate I get,
28:06I'd never take these pills.
28:08No, don't tell lies.
28:10If they offered you a million dollars, you'd...
28:12Oh, right.
28:14I totally would.
28:16If they offered me a billion dollars,
28:18I wouldn't take it.
28:20Don't lie.
28:22If they offered me a thousand dollars,
28:24I'd take it.
28:26If they offered me ten dollars, I'd take it.
28:40Let me check your tonsillitis.
28:42Uh-oh.
28:44They look like they're going to implode
28:46into the back of your head.
28:48You don't even have tonsils.
28:50Yes, I have tonsils.
28:52Where are your tonsils?
28:58I have big tonsils.
29:00On Thursday night, a surprise guest
29:02featured in a popular segment on a local chat show.
29:08All right, Jono and Ben.
29:10Bring it on.
29:12Oh, I love Jono and Ben.
29:14I know you do.
29:16They're a funny pair of buggers, these two.
29:18Jacinda was making news
29:20over in America.
29:22We thought it was only fair to give opposition leader
29:24Simon Bridges some attention on our show.
29:28Today we're at Countdown for Next Actor.
29:30Next Actor is this random Countdown employee
29:32that looks a lot like Simon Bridges from the National Party.
29:38He actually...
29:40He makes a great
29:42grocery boy.
29:44Good on him to get on this show.
29:46I think he's great.
29:48No, is party vote national?
29:50No way.
29:52You ain't going into politics.
29:54No, you leave the politics out.
29:58I know who he is. What party?
30:00National.
30:02Who is he then, Max?
30:04Who is he?
30:10Ask if you can talk to the person on the phone, Simon.
30:12Do you want me to talk to them?
30:14Ryan,
30:16look, your mum's very busy at the moment.
30:18You call her back when she's gone.
30:20Sounds like she's with a gigolo.
30:22Oh my god.
30:24Okay, I'm sorry.
30:26If you want to lead our country,
30:28what are you doing?
30:30This guy's a fucking idiot.
30:32Simon, we want you to serve this next customer
30:34without using your hands, just your mouth.
30:36So we're just going to...
30:38This is so good.
30:40Sing!
30:42Yes!
30:44Simon Bridges
30:46at Countdown Supermarket
30:48is the highlight of my week.
30:50So far.
30:52I still wouldn't vote for him.
30:54You're not talking politics.
30:56No politics.
30:58You wouldn't be able to wrap your mouth
31:00around that big thing?
31:02I mean...
31:04and stick it through the till?
31:06All acting.
31:08How do you know what I can do?
31:10Go far ahead and see if you can bend over.
31:12See if you can bend over
31:14and get a becky.
31:16The gift cards, why don't you just replace those
31:18with National Party pamphlets for her?
31:20Thanks very much, you have a good day. Do you want your receipt?
31:22Please.
31:24LAUGHTER
31:26Is this to try and get
31:28the young person vote?
31:30And do they think that young people are stupid?
31:32Because they're quite switched on.
31:34And they know what's happening here.
31:36I can't believe
31:38that anybody in National's PR
31:40thought this was a good idea.
31:42This was a literal
31:44just
31:46capitulation.
31:48Simon, see if you can have a big sip out of that milk.
31:50Um, I should try this.
31:52Sorry?
31:54Well, there's been a milk scare lately.
31:56Can I go and get a new one?
31:58I don't really want that one.
32:00That's good milk.
32:02Look at the look on her face.
32:04What would you say?
32:06I'd say, Simon, don't drink my milk.
32:08Ay, Simon.
32:10Ay, Simon Bridges.
32:12APPLAUSE
32:14That's a wrap.
32:16Well done.
32:18Keep him on, bring him back.
32:20In fact, I'd quite like to see
32:22Jono just taken out and Simon Bridges put in.
32:24Oh.
32:28Simon Bridges and Ben.
32:30Bridges and Ben.
32:32LAUGHTER
32:34MUSIC
32:38Monday night,
32:40the Discovery Channel screened an illuminating special.
32:42MUSIC
32:46The great UFO
32:48conspiracy.
32:50You like this sort of shit?
32:52I do. Is that why I think it's shit?
32:54If you type UFO into a search engine,
32:56you get 144 million hits.
32:58There's no such thing.
33:00Well, I believe in UFOs.
33:02UFOs?
33:04Why the hell would you do that?
33:06Dad Nice
33:08saw one in Orange.
33:10This show was hosted by comedian
33:12Dan Schreiber.
33:14It looks like Paul Rudd and Seth Rogen
33:16if they had a baby.
33:18Why do you always have to make comparisons?
33:20Because he does.
33:22I mean, some surveys suggest
33:24that more people believe in aliens than they do God.
33:26There's even a helpline you can call
33:28if you think you've been abducted by aliens.
33:30Before we go any further with this,
33:32what do you reckon?
33:36I don't know.
33:38It is too far-fetched
33:40to believe
33:42that we are that much of a fluke.
33:44Do you believe in alien stuff?
33:46Yeah, but not, like,
33:48in the stereotypical ones.
33:50But, like, my thing is just, like,
33:52the world's so big, there's got to be something else.
33:54Dan, the comedian,
33:56headed to Wiltshire in England
33:58to attend an alien conference.
34:00The event is organised by a man called
34:02Miles Johnston.
34:04Miles runs the UK's most popular online UFO channel
34:06and he's rumoured to have attended
34:08more alien conferences than anyone else
34:10on the planet.
34:12He looks like he's got his head screwed on, doesn't he?
34:14But it's like a starter kit.
34:16I want to be someone eccentric.
34:18OK.
34:20Tweed jacket.
34:22Static electricity stored in my hair.
34:24Yeah.
34:26This is a real commonality here.
34:28People that you wouldn't want to sit next to on the bus
34:30giving their opinion.
34:32So don't look up,
34:34look right in front of you.
34:36Are you a cyborg?
34:38Are you?
34:40Prove you're not a cyborg.
34:44There could be aliens amongst us,
34:46we don't even know that.
34:48Well, if they don't hurt us,
34:50it's OK.
34:52How would I do that?
34:54How would I do that?
34:56I don't know!
34:58We go up the road to meet Matthew Williams
35:00who's been making hoax crop circles
35:02for years, but now says he's surprised
35:04that they're attracting strange lights
35:06and mysterious phenomena in the area.
35:08They used a guy
35:10who openly
35:12makes crop circles
35:14to try
35:16and give them evidence of the fact
35:18that aliens exist.
35:20They see balls of light military helicopters
35:22apparently chasing them.
35:24I've seen this myself.
35:26It did look to me like this thing was playing games
35:28with a helicopter.
35:30And people think they're getting scammed
35:32when they buy a bag of chips and 60% of it's air.
35:34Wait until you see this guy's business.
35:36He's a professional hacker.
35:38He's advertising that he did it for a lull
35:40and people still want to come check it out.
35:42Like, I love this!
35:44And what more comforting thought
35:46could there be
35:48than the certain knowledge
35:51What a crock of shit.
35:55It's all the government's fault
35:57to send her out here.
36:01It's surreal
36:03I think more than real.
36:05But I mean
36:07you can't prove
36:09that we are alone
36:11and you can't disprove it.
36:13It all depends on what your brain thinks of it.
36:15And if your brain
36:17is agreeing with it
36:19then you must be loopy.
36:49Ah!
36:51Ah!
36:53Ah!
36:55There you go.
36:57I'm not even drunk.
36:59Oh God.
37:01On Saturday night
37:03TVNZ2 screened a cult classic
37:05straight out of the archives.
37:11That's an old movie.
37:13Dirty Dancing.
37:15Um
37:17That future one.
37:19Lucasfilm. Star Wars.
37:21I hope it's not the Titanic
37:23otherwise Dad's going to cry.
37:25Jim Henson.
37:27It's the Muppets.
37:29Eyes.
37:31I can read.
37:33Oh, sorry Max.
37:35This looks a bit too old for me.
37:37Yes, no, you've seen this.
37:39We've watched this recently together.
37:41No we haven't.
37:43We have.
37:45Were you not there? You were away.
37:47Oh God. I'm so sorry for what's about to happen.
37:53Oh yes!
37:55Labyrinth.
37:57Rated R for pirates.
37:59What's a labyrinth?
38:01It's a maze.
38:03Oh.
38:05It's also a complex structure
38:07in the inner ear.
38:09I hate you.
38:11The movie began with Sarah
38:13getting annoyed babysitting her half-brother
38:15Toby.
38:19Poor Papa.
38:23He's just hungry.
38:25Give him a feed, babe.
38:27When baby had been particularly cruel
38:29to her
38:31she called on the goblins for help.
38:33Is she giving it away?
38:35She's frustrated.
38:37She's a step-mum.
38:39She doesn't get on with her.
38:41They've had another kid.
38:43It's when the blended family first started
38:45before it was a massive thing.
38:47I wish the goblins would take it away.
38:49Goblin King!
38:51Wherever you may be
38:53take this child of mine far away from me.
38:57When I watched this back in the day
38:59it was all very suspenseful.
39:01Back in the day, brother.
39:03Back in my day we rode our horses to the film.
39:09Oh, there's going to be a jump scare.
39:11I'm ready for it.
39:13Ready for it.
39:15Get your hand away from me, Dad.
39:27David Bowie?
39:29What?
39:31And there he is, Jared.
39:33The Goblin King.
39:35He's the Goblin King?
39:37You're him, aren't you?
39:39You're the Goblin King.
39:41David Bowie, the Goblin King.
39:43All fancy.
39:45Big hair, got the makeup.
39:47His name's Jared.
39:53Jared had some serious dance moves.
40:07My baby blue
40:11Nobody knew
40:13God, he's hung like a donkey.
40:15A couple of socks
40:17stuffed in there, honey.
40:23Crikey dick.
40:27Literally, crikey dick.
40:29Oh dear, those pants.
40:31Oh dear.
40:33Children, do not look at those pants.
40:35That's David Bowie.
40:37That's an incredibly large codpiece you've got there.
40:41You were born in the era of this garbage?
40:43Yeah.
40:45You poor bastard.
40:47Do you want to know what the hit song of my birth year was?
40:49Boom bop?
40:51Nah, Jay.
40:53It was the Makarena.
40:55So how does it go?
40:57Go on, since it's...
40:59Makarena
41:01Makarena
41:03Makarena
41:09Sarah made her way through a series of obstacles in the maze.
41:15Hey Max
41:17It's just like your bedroom.
41:19You should go look at it.
41:21Yeah, the eternal slime pit.
41:23Go have a look.
41:25No, it's winter.
41:27Who comes up with the idea
41:29of crossing a farty river?
41:31What drugs are they on?
41:33This is really weird.
41:37This is sad.
41:39Whoever put this together was on LSD.
41:41Your bedroom's actually clean for once.
41:43Dad.
41:45Did mummy pay somebody to clean it?
41:47No, I did it.
41:49Oh, you did it yourself?
41:51It was vacuumed for me.
41:53There's a surprise.
41:55In the final scenes, Sarah had a showdown with the Goblin King.
41:58Give me the child.
42:00Why do you like it so much?
42:02I mean, this came out in 1986.
42:04I was a kid.
42:06It was what I grew up with.
42:08I can quote this movie.
42:10It's got David Bowie in it.
42:12This movie just was my childhood.
42:14I wanted to be Jennifer Connelly.
42:16You have no power over me.
42:20You have no power over me.
42:28This movie's so weird.
42:30I'm so confused.
42:32What's the underlying message here?
42:34Why...
42:36Who made this and why?
42:40Toby?
42:48It's all just a bad dream.
42:50It was a shit of a night's sleep, mum.
42:52Yeah.
42:54I had a weird dream
42:56about some bloody long-headed prick with a codfish
42:58singing weird songs.
43:04I just can't even explain how much I love that movie.
43:07I feel like I know you better after watching that together.
43:09I just love it.
43:11Every part of it.
43:13Look at your happy little face.
43:15I'm just so happy.
43:17It just makes me so happy, that movie.
43:19It's just ridiculous how happy that movie makes me.
43:24It's just ridiculous how happy that movie makes me.
43:26It's just ridiculous how happy that movie makes me.
43:28It's just ridiculous how happy that movie makes me.
43:30It's just ridiculous how happy that movie makes me.
43:32It's just ridiculous how happy that movie makes me.
43:34It's just ridiculous how happy that movie makes me.
43:36It's just ridiculous how happy that movie makes me.
43:38It's just ridiculous how happy that movie makes me.
43:40It's just ridiculous how happy that movie makes me.
43:42It's just ridiculous how happy that movie makes me.
43:44It's just ridiculous how happy that movie makes me.
43:46It's just ridiculous how happy that movie makes me.
43:48It's just ridiculous how happy that movie makes me.
43:50It's just ridiculous how happy that movie makes me.
43:52It's just ridiculous how happy that movie makes me.