Kapil sharma show
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TVTranscript
00:00Don't you know that when someone comes to you, you should say hi to them?
00:05Hello.
00:06I said hi. Your English is so weak. Which school did you go to?
00:10Come on.
00:11Why are you getting a clean cue?
00:13I think you're forgetting something, Ragini.
00:15Hi, Kapil.
00:17Are you sure it was her?
00:19I'm forgetting something.
00:21I think you're forgetting something, Ragini.
00:23You're forgetting something.
00:25Lipstick is okay.
00:26Costume is fine. Hair is fine.
00:28I mean, I remember everything.
00:29Do one thing.
00:30Reduce your food intake and increase your salad intake.
00:35Okay.
00:36Eat some cucumber.
00:37Okay.
00:38It will give you some fiber.
00:39Do you girls know all this?
00:41The cucumber that grows in our area has fiber.
00:43Please.
00:45By the way, I'm thinking...
00:47You're forgetting something.
00:48Why am I giving you a cue? You're not getting it.
00:50Why aren't you studying prompter?
00:52I've never studied prompter before I was born.
00:55I don't study prompter.
00:58Yes, Manish.
00:59You can understand my feelings, brother.
01:03You don't know that a handsome man has come.
01:06Please praise him.
01:09Okay, fine.
01:10Send it directly to my face.
01:11How are you, Mr. Bedi?
01:12Hi, Kapil.
01:13Yes.
01:14Ladies and gentlemen,
01:16let's welcome the king of comedy, the best host Kapil Sharma.
01:27You didn't show me your leg. Very bad.
01:29Thank you, Ragini.
01:30Thank you for praising me.
01:31Let me tell my viewers that when an artist praises another artist in our industry,
01:36he is either a fan of the artist or he has written it in the script.
01:43And trust me, you read it very well, Ragini.
01:47Is English mind-blowing or not?
01:51Yeah.
01:53Even Mr. Obama says the same thing.
01:55Actually, my English is superb, like Superman.
01:57It comes from the public.
01:59Not everyone understands it.
02:00Anyway, it's okay.
02:01You started it as soon as you came here.
02:03I started it when I came to this world.
02:06Now, the attention is diverted.
02:09Especially, all the men present here at the award function.
02:12A good function is going on.
02:14When a beautiful girl enters, everyone's faces become like this.
02:18Our girl is looking good too.
02:19The one we have personally created here.
02:21I saw Ragini walking normally.
02:23Usually, she walks like this.
02:25But when she has to enter the award function,
02:27I don't know what happens to everyone.
02:28They pick up a lehenga and...
02:34You guys should have made her walk a little lower.
02:36Why do you make her wear long lehengas?
02:38Kapil, show me how to walk. I'll learn from you.
02:40Show me how to catwalk. Come on.
02:42Sorry, I can't do catwalk.
02:44Come on, guys. Give it up for Kapil.
02:47Thank you very much and get lost.
02:50You never know how to compliment a girl, right?
02:53Have you ever told anyone that you're hot or beautiful?
02:55I don't know how to say hot.
02:57Yesterday, I told a girl.
02:59She was a little weak in English like you.
03:00Oh.
03:01She was very low in English.
03:02I told her that yesterday, your temperature is very high.
03:06And she said, I'm normal.
03:07She got to know that I'm calling her hot.
03:10What can I do?
03:11Do you have any thoughts about me?
03:14Normally, you're 98, actually.
03:15But you maybe go behind the 101 degree, actually.
03:20Maybe, by the time the function is over,
03:22you'll become like a pizza.
03:24Somebody can make a pizza on your forehead.
03:26And you're just beautiful, man.
03:29Amazing.
03:30Thank you, Kapil.
03:31You seriously started complimenting me.
03:33I was just joking.
03:35Okay, so you're the one who's joking.
03:36Am I here to eat vada pav?
03:38She's going to do all the jokes now.
03:43As far as I know...
03:44People in India guess a lot.
03:46You're here to host.
03:48Yes, it's going on.
03:49Look at him.
03:50Okay, look at him.
03:51Is she your daughter?
03:53Huh?
03:54Why don't you get your wife married?
03:56Look at this married man.
03:58He's giving water to the baby on Diwali.
04:00And his wife...
04:01I've seen it.
04:02She takes care of the baby for a year or two.
04:03And then she puts the baby in her husband's lap.
04:05You're also involved in this conspiracy.
04:10Anyways, we were talking about guessing.
04:11In India, people guess a lot.
04:14There are a lot of clocks in the house.
04:16But still, we were thinking...
04:18It's 9.30.
04:19I think the Diyar party is over.
04:21I can hear people laughing.
04:22I think comedy nights with Kapil have started.
04:27When no one else promotes,
04:29we believe in promoting ourselves.
04:30Thank you so much for your love and support.
04:34I can guess that Kapil has a talent.
04:37But this talent doesn't work in one place.
04:40And that's in quiz shows.
04:41I love quiz shows, actually.
04:42My general knowledge is so solid.
04:44If I go to a quiz show, I'll win for sure.
04:46I promise you that.
04:48Okay, so I want to test your general knowledge.
04:50Yes.
04:51How many fights did you have in Panipat?
04:53Four.
04:55That's so bad.
04:56There were three fights in Panipat.
04:58When my uncle's wedding was held in Panipat,
05:00we had a fight after drinking.
05:01Who will count the fourth fight?
05:04It's always the bookworms.
05:06After that, it got bigger.
05:08After that, the vegetable vendors started selling on the streets.
05:10The police came and told them to remove it.
05:11After that, they fought again.
05:12I haven't told you about the fifth fight yet.
05:14The fights got bigger.
05:16Only an Aflatoon quiz anchor can handle a guest like you.