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00:00I want you to look for the words reveal, pretend and love in your readers tonight.
00:17I want you to be able to spell them on Monday.
00:19Awww.
00:46Oh, so grumpy.
00:48I'll tell you what, if everyone does well in their spellings, we might have a DVD next week.
00:53Yes!
01:10Are you OK, Ardell?
01:18OK.
01:32Oh, Ardell, that's lovely.
01:34I used a week's pocket money.
01:36Oh, wow, that's far too much. You didn't have to.
01:38I did. It's important that you know how I feel about you.
01:43Well, this is very special and I'll treasure it always.
01:47Hmm. Does this mean we're engaged?
01:51Er, well, I haven't thought about it.
01:54If you want to, I suppose.
01:59Well, that's very sweet and I'll certainly give it some thought.
02:03You have a good weekend, OK?
02:05Yes, Miss, I definitely will.
02:17So, how was everyone's day?
02:19You're a horse.
02:21Screaming at some kid with a crossbow?
02:23No.
02:24Yeah. We shite was off his head and glue and trying to rob a newsagent.
02:28Had to go ahead to shoot and everything.
02:30Oh, God, did you waste him?
02:32It's not cool, Ardell.
02:34No more cowboy films.
02:36No. He backed down in the end, thank God.
02:38Otherwise, I'd be sitting here with a bag of shit.
02:42Where are these kids' parents?
02:46Mum, what age can a person get married at?
02:49Erm, I think it's 16.
02:51Why? Have you got some news for us?
02:53No, well, not yet.
02:57I'll keep you posted.
03:00Mum, what age can a person get married at?
03:0216.
03:04Why? Have you got some news for us?
03:06No, well, not yet.
03:10I'll keep you posted.
03:30CLICKS
03:43Come on, Ardell.
03:45You're dawdling.
03:52Hello, Ardell.
03:55Bought anything nice?
03:57Boots.
03:59Oh, lovely. They make you look very smart.
04:01They're cowboy boots.
04:03Wow, very cool. I got something special myself.
04:06Hello, Miss Purdy.
04:08Oh, my goodness. Someone's a lucky girl.
04:11That's gorgeous.
04:13Thanks, Mrs Travis. This is my...
04:15Oh, my fiancé, Pierce.
04:17This is Ardell, one of my second-classers, and his mum.
04:19Congratulations. Yeah, cheers.
04:21Cat, are we done here yet? The match is starting in ten minutes.
04:24Well, I thought we'd get a celebratory lunch.
04:26You've pleased me enough today as it is.
04:28Come on, I don't want to miss kick-off.
04:30OK, bye, Ardell. Bye, Mrs Travis. Bye.
04:34CRUNCHES
04:56CRUNCHES
05:12BELL RINGS
05:14Now, remember your spellings, please.
05:16Bye.
05:18Bye, Ardell.
05:22Ardell Travis, come here, please.
05:27What's up, Ardell?
05:29I see you're wearing his ring and not mine.
05:34Oh.
05:36It's complicated, Ardell. Someday you'll...
05:38How is it complicated?
05:40He's no good for you, Miss.
05:42I'm sorry, pet. Go on.
05:44It's all right. You'll see anyway.
05:47What do you mean?
05:49Nothing. You'll just see that I'm the one that loves you.
05:52Ardell, I know you do, and you're very special to me too.
05:55Sometimes grown-ups, we have to...
05:57I have to go home, Miss. Bye.
06:08I would have taken you for lunch.
06:10What?
06:12I would have missed the football and taken you for lunch.
06:23Come on, woman.
06:25Always the frigging last.
06:41Well, hello there. What can I do for you?
06:44Don't marry Miss Purdy.
06:46Come again?
06:48I'm telling you, you're not to marry Miss Purdy.
06:50And why is that, then?
06:52Because she's mine.
06:54Well, that is a dilemma.
06:56Don't laugh at me.
06:58Sorry, pal, but, you know, all's fair in love and war.
07:01See, she told me you were just too short.
07:05She never said that.
07:07And that you weren't financially stable enough to cater for her needs.
07:10She's a high-maintenance lady, you know.
07:12I don't know what that means.
07:15You will, mate. You will.
07:17Well, now, don't be getting on.
07:19Meet me in a drill.
07:21A what?
07:23A drill, just you and me.
07:25We're in the handball court.
07:27Tomorrow, after school.
07:29To the death.
07:31LAUGHTER
07:33OK.
07:35So, er, what are we fighting with?
07:37Swords? Pistols? Conkers?
07:39Pistols.
07:41By Jove, it's a deadly weapon.
07:44Pistols.
07:46By Jove, it's a date, sir.
07:48See you there.
07:52And may the best man or boy win.
07:59LAUGHTER
08:01What's tickled you?
08:03Oh, you've got to hear this.
08:09BELL TOLLS
08:14BELL TOLLS
08:28Come on!
08:38Oh, wait.
08:40You've got to see this.
08:42What?
08:44I have an appointment with death, remember?
08:46Oh, leave it. Don't be mean to him.
08:48Come on, I just want to see.
08:50You can stay here if you like.
09:12BELL TOLLS
09:24I was beginning to think you wouldn't show.
09:28Where's your gun?
09:33Ah, I think I've forgotten it.
09:36Silly me, eh?
09:38That's not my problem.
09:42I suppose not.
09:44So, then...
09:46where's your...
09:48gun?
09:53HE CHUCKLES
09:55That's not real.
09:57Yes, it is.
10:03What's the point?
10:05Arlo, what are you doing?
10:07That's not...
10:10Now, don't point.
10:15It's not real. It's a toy, isn't it, son?
10:17It's not a toy.
10:20Arlo, put that down now.
10:24And where would you get a real...?
10:26My dad's a guarder.
10:32Hang on. Guards aren't armed.
10:34The emergency response unit are.
10:40You couldn't have told me about this.
10:43Jesus, now...
10:45Now, be careful, wee man.
10:47Don't marry a teacher.
10:49Just put that thing down and we can talk about it.
10:51Say you won't marry Miss Purdy. You don't deserve her.
10:54Why...?
10:56You don't even know me.
10:58I know you're not good enough for her.
11:00Why? Because you're a dickhead.
11:02Arlo Travis! Sorry, miss.
11:10Are you just going to stand there
11:12and watch one of your second-classers blow my head off?
11:14He won't. Have you not seen Sadie yet?
11:16God, get a fucking cop or something!
11:18Stay there, miss.
11:25Arlo, please, put it down.
11:29I'm going to have to put it on your report.
11:31What will your mum and dad say?
11:33I told you it'd show you, miss.
11:36Now, listen to your teacher, son.
11:38Tell her you won't marry her.
11:40I'm not going to tell her that.
11:42Tell her!
11:44Oh, for fuck's sake.
11:46Just hold on there.
11:48Don't...
11:50OK, OK, you can have her!
11:52I never wanted to marry her anyway.
11:54Excuse me? She moaned constantly about it.
11:56She did my head in.
11:58I thought putting a ring in her finger would shut her up for a while.
12:01I don't want to be married.
12:04Please. Please.
12:06Arlo. Arlo.
12:08Please don't shoot me.
12:10Please.
12:12Get someone, you stupid bitch!
12:35PHONE BEEPS
12:49See you, miss.
12:57You dickhead.
13:00You little bastard!
13:02If you come anywhere near him,
13:04I'll tell everyone that you're a kitty fiddler.
13:07Come on, Arlo.
13:19Will this go on my report, miss?
13:21Maybe we'll keep this between ourselves.
13:24But maybe you should give me that for safekeeping.
13:27Oh, God, it's very realistic.
13:29Where did you get it?
13:31My dad is hiding it in his wardrobe for my birthday.
13:34Nice, isn't it?
13:36It's certainly very pretty.
13:38I'll just pop it in here for safekeeping.
13:43Oh.
13:45What's this?
13:47It's all right, miss. I've decided not to marry you after all.
13:50Oh, why's that?
13:52I'm not financially stable enough to cater for all your needs.
13:56And someone as nice as you should have everything she wants.
14:04Someday, some girl's going to be very lucky.
14:07Nah, girls are stupid.
14:09Well, we certainly can be.
14:11Come on, Romeo, I'll get you home.
14:13I'll see you later.
14:43That's what I'll do, and keep a spreadsheet for you
14:53I follow in vain around your crumbling beauty
15:03Has a bridge been burned that draws the way home for me?
15:14My horse of joy turned out, where love lies out of bounds
15:26I'll still wait there, that's what I'll do, and keep a spreadsheet for you
15:43I'll still wait there, that's what I'll do, and keep a spreadsheet for you