Farce: Two business partners and their hardworking wives become heroes when they capture some fifth columnists.
Source: IMDB
Source: IMDB
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00© BF-WATCH TV 2021
00:00:30© BF-WATCH TV 2021
00:01:00© BF-WATCH TV 2021
00:01:30© BF-WATCH TV 2021
00:01:43© BF-WATCH TV 2021
00:02:00endeavor to keep our moderns away from our chambers.
00:02:04Mr. Poppe, something must be done about this.
00:02:13Oh, yes, for sure, yes, I'll go and do it at once.
00:02:19No, no, I don't feel it.
00:02:27It's not right for me.
00:02:28What's the matter with it?
00:02:29Oh, it's not what I want.
00:02:30Haven't you got something that's got...
00:02:31Well, something that's got something.
00:02:32Something with a...
00:02:33Oomph.
00:02:34That's it.
00:02:35Oomph.
00:02:36A bangle.
00:02:37Well, what is it?
00:02:38This noise is completely breaking up my chamber party.
00:02:39What?
00:02:40There's trouble in my department.
00:02:41Well, don't worry me.
00:02:42Go and have it seen to.
00:02:43We are too close together here.
00:02:44I know we are.
00:02:45Go away.
00:02:46I think I'll go, too.
00:02:47Why, what's the matter, Frankie?
00:02:48She wants something with oomph.
00:02:49Oomph.
00:02:50You wouldn't know what that means.
00:02:51Oh, but indeed I do.
00:02:52I've read about it.
00:02:53Really?
00:02:54Yes, as a matter of fact, I've tried to express it.
00:02:55Ha, who will?
00:02:56I mean, I've tried to express it with music.
00:02:57But this is marvellous.
00:02:58Where is it?
00:02:59Well, as a matter of fact, I've just had it orchestrated.
00:03:00Give it to me.
00:03:01I don't say it's good, but it's got something about it, you know.
00:03:02Well, I'll go and have it seen to.
00:03:03I know we are.
00:03:04Go away.
00:03:05I think I'll go, too.
00:03:06Why, what's the matter, Frankie?
00:03:07She wants something with oomph.
00:03:08Oomph.
00:03:09You wouldn't know what that means.
00:03:10Oh, but indeed I do.
00:03:11But this is marvellous.
00:03:12Where is it?
00:03:13Well, as a matter of fact, I've just had it orchestrated.
00:03:14Give it to me.
00:03:15I don't say it's good, but it's got something about it, you know.
00:03:16Come on, boys.
00:03:17Let's have a shot at this.
00:03:18This is going to be good.
00:03:19Yes.
00:03:20Answer that, will you?
00:03:21Hello?
00:03:22Oh, yes, Mrs. Bandle.
00:03:23Listen, Mr. Bandle.
00:03:24Yes.
00:03:25Yes.
00:03:26Yes.
00:03:27Yes.
00:03:28Yes.
00:03:29Yes.
00:03:30Yes.
00:03:31Yes.
00:03:32Yes.
00:03:33Yes.
00:03:34Yes.
00:03:35Yes.
00:03:36Yes.
00:03:37Yes.
00:03:38Yes.
00:03:39Yes.
00:03:40Come on, boys.
00:03:41Listen, Mr. Pompdale.
00:03:42Our leave is up at 8.30, so we must catch the 7.45 train.
00:03:45Would you tell Alfred not to be late?
00:03:48Very well.
00:03:49Very good.
00:03:50Quite.
00:03:51What did you say?
00:03:55I said it sounded very like that Frankie woman's voice.
00:03:59Oh, no, no, no, no.
00:04:02No, it's only an old record we're trying over.
00:04:05Oh, very well, I will.
00:04:08Yes.
00:04:10Goodbye, Mrs. Bandle.
00:04:12What was she phoning about?
00:04:14The farewell dinner.
00:04:14She doesn't want you to be late.
00:04:16Farewell dinner?
00:04:17I wouldn't miss it for words.
00:04:19Mrs. Poppe, Alfred's with that girl again.
00:04:21Oh, Mrs. Bandle, I don't know how you stand it.
00:04:23Well, I don't intend to much longer.
00:04:25If you ask me, all this office business is just a cloak.
00:04:28They both get up to something.
00:04:29You're not including Wilma, surely?
00:04:31And why not?
00:04:32Wilma never gets up to anything.
00:04:33Not by himself, perhaps.
00:04:35But at the moment, he happens to be with my husband.
00:04:38And because of so, I don't miss that.
00:04:43Gee, that's terrific.
00:04:45What are you doing, Don?
00:04:46Wood alcohol?
00:04:47No, it just happens.
00:04:49Suddenly, a sort of surge comes over me.
00:04:52In the quiet of the night, as a rule.
00:04:54I'm rather worried about it, really.
00:04:56Please don't tell Mrs. Poppe.
00:04:58I'd like to spend the afternoon on this.
00:05:00Do you mind?
00:05:01Of course not.
00:05:01Go ahead.
00:05:02I'll wait for you.
00:05:04No, Bank, no.
00:05:05You must come along with me.
00:05:06You know there'll be trouble if we're late.
00:05:07I've got to give Frankie a lift back, haven't I?
00:05:09Isn't she one of our most important clients?
00:05:12Yes, but she lives eight miles from your place.
00:05:14Seven and a half.
00:05:15Much too near her.
00:05:16There's been trouble already over Frankie's proximity.
00:05:19You leave Frankie's proximity alone.
00:05:32I'll never forgive him for this, as long as I live.
00:05:35Our last evening together, and he just ignores it.
00:05:37It's more than I'd stand from Wilma.
00:05:39He hasn't even bothered to phone.
00:05:41He may not have had the right change for the call box.
00:05:44I've often been caught without a penny.
00:05:46That'll do, Wilma.
00:05:49What was he doing when you left?
00:05:52Well, as far as I can remember, he was looking forward
00:05:54to coming back.
00:05:56Why didn't he leave when you did?
00:05:57Well, I really don't know that he didn't.
00:05:59You see, I always go out the back way.
00:06:01He might have changed his mind and beaten me to it.
00:06:03Changed his mind about what?
00:06:04Well, staying.
00:06:06Oh, so he wanted to stay.
00:06:08Well, you know what Alfred is.
00:06:09Once he settles down to anything he's keen on,
00:06:11he settles down.
00:06:13And what was he keen on?
00:06:14Oh, just the usual.
00:06:17He lives for his work, you know.
00:06:23Now, don't tell me this is where the car breaks down.
00:06:26Don't be silly, darling.
00:06:26I'm, I want a cigarette.
00:06:28Well, Jack wouldn't understand.
00:06:30He doesn't smoke.
00:06:32Why worry about your husband?
00:06:33After all, our friendship is perfectly innocent.
00:06:36Oh, yeah?
00:06:37Well, what do you call innocent?
00:06:39Well, it's rather, rather harder to find, I mean.
00:06:41You're telling me.
00:06:43You see, Frankie, I'm a very lonely man.
00:06:46And when a lonely man gets really lonely.
00:06:48Listen, hadn't you better get a move on?
00:06:50Do you know you're nearly an hour
00:06:51late for that dinner already?
00:06:52What?
00:06:53I thought you'd lost touch a bit.
00:06:55This will mean trouble.
00:06:56Duck as you pass my place.
00:06:57OK.
00:06:58Mm.
00:07:00I might have known this would happen.
00:07:02Who was he with when you left the office, Mr. Poppeday?
00:07:04I think he was with me.
00:07:06Yes, that's right.
00:07:07He was with me when I left him.
00:07:09I mean, he was with me until I left him.
00:07:11Then, of course, I wasn't with him.
00:07:13Oh.
00:07:13Filmer, here he comes.
00:07:15Oh.
00:07:23I mean, there he goes.
00:07:27And that singing person's with him.
00:07:29I knew it.
00:07:30So it was her voice I heard on the phone,
00:07:32and not a record, Mr. Poppeday.
00:07:34Well, now I come to think of it,
00:07:35I believe she was somewhere about in the office.
00:07:37I wasn't too certain, really.
00:07:38Actually, I was changing the needle when you telephoned.
00:07:41Indeed?
00:07:42And what was he doing?
00:07:43Well, as a matter of fact, he was, uh.
00:07:46What was he doing?
00:07:48Well, if you must know, he was trying
00:07:49to find something with oomph.
00:07:52And what, may I ask, is oomph?
00:07:54Oomph?
00:07:55Oh, oomph is, oh, oh, heaven only knows.
00:08:00Out you get, darling, quick.
00:08:08Let me know if there's any trouble.
00:08:10Give me a ring tomorrow.
00:08:11I'll be on my own.
00:08:12OK.
00:08:20Just a minute, sir.
00:08:21Here she is.
00:08:22Who is it?
00:08:23Your husband, madam.
00:08:24He's been phoning since 3 o'clock.
00:08:25Oh.
00:08:26Oh.
00:08:26Oh.
00:08:27Oh.
00:08:27Oh.
00:08:28Oh.
00:08:29Hello?
00:08:30Oh, hello, darling.
00:08:32Listen, sweetheart, I'm getting 48 hours leave.
00:08:35Oh, Jack, darling, how lovely.
00:08:38But what a surprise.
00:08:40I know.
00:08:41I didn't expect it myself.
00:08:42Isn't it great?
00:08:43Now cut out all appointments or rehearsals after tomorrow.
00:08:46I want every single minute with you.
00:08:48When am I to expect you?
00:08:50Uh, day after tomorrow, sometime in the morning.
00:08:53All right, darling.
00:08:54I'll be here.
00:08:56Goodbye.
00:08:57Goodbye.
00:08:58Goodbye.
00:08:59Goodbye, darling.
00:09:12But tell me, my love, don't you trust me?
00:09:14No, I do not.
00:09:15But I tell you, I have to meet that woman on business.
00:09:17Yes, and I can imagine the kind of business.
00:09:19Very well, then.
00:09:20Now we know where we are.
00:09:21Accepting flowers from a woman like that.
00:09:23She's not a woman like that.
00:09:24And I didn't accept flowers from her.
00:09:26Like an idiot, I bought them for you.
00:09:27Then you must have had something on your conscience.
00:09:29But Thelma...
00:09:30And don't Thelma me.
00:09:31Oh, dear, this is most embarrassing.
00:09:33Do let's have a little charity.
00:09:34Be quiet.
00:09:36I suppose you're quite looking forward to my going away.
00:09:39Well, we can all do with a change, dear, you know.
00:09:42Yes.
00:09:43Well, now you just listen to me.
00:09:45If I catch you with that girl again, I'll divorce you.
00:09:48Oh, steady, Mrs. Bandle.
00:09:50Get on with your soup.
00:09:52And what's more, I'll take my money out of the business.
00:09:55Then where will you be?
00:09:57Don't answer me back.
00:10:02Where are you going?
00:10:03Well, if you must know, I'm going to put the car away.
00:10:06You needn't bother.
00:10:07This time, Alfred Bandle, I'm taking it with me.
00:10:10To use in the service.
00:10:13And how do I get to London?
00:10:14In Mr. Poppeday's car.
00:10:16And you come back in Mr. Poppeday's car.
00:10:18And you have your evening meals with Mr. Poppeday.
00:10:23You wouldn't like me to live with Mr. Poppeday, would you?
00:10:25That won't be necessary.
00:10:26Mr. Poppeday is going to live with you.
00:10:30What?
00:10:31I think we'll have some fun together.
00:10:33I know some rather amusing stories.
00:10:45Remember, Wilmar, Mrs. Featherstone is to air your underwear.
00:10:49Very well, my dear.
00:10:50And don't forget the nightly telegram.
00:10:52No, I won't, my dear.
00:10:53Well, are we all ready?
00:10:54Yes, all aboard.
00:10:56Alfred.
00:10:57Yes, dear?
00:10:58You may kiss me.
00:10:59Thank you, dear.
00:11:02I don't want to divorce you, Alfred.
00:11:03No, dear.
00:11:04But there's a limit to everything, and I've reached that limit.
00:11:06Yes, dear.
00:11:07Very well, then remember.
00:11:08I will, dear.
00:11:18It's a funny thing, Bandle.
00:11:19I always feel depressed when Elizabeth goes away.
00:11:21I feel depressed when Thelma goes away.
00:11:23Do you really?
00:11:24Yes, I know she's got to come back.
00:11:25Oh, I see what you mean.
00:11:26I didn't think you would.
00:11:32By the way, what was that nightly telegram business?
00:11:35Oh, that's an old established custom.
00:11:37Whenever Elizabeth's away, I always send her a nightly telegram just to let her know what I'm doing.
00:11:41Well, don't let her know what I'm doing.
00:11:43No, I don't suppose they'd accept that in a telegram anyway.
00:11:47I'll put your things in the spare room, Mr. Poppeday.
00:11:51Thank you, Mrs. Featherstone.
00:11:55I don't know what you're going to do about the cooking, sir.
00:11:57I won't be able to manage it.
00:11:58I've three other families to do for beside this house.
00:12:01I bet you've made a nice little packet for yourself.
00:12:04I'm just keeping body and soul together, and that's about all.
00:12:07You shan't be sorry when I retire, I give you my word.
00:12:10Soon as I've saved up enough for an operation and a set of teeth, you won't see me again.
00:12:16Oh, don't worry about the food department, Alfred.
00:12:18I'm pretty snippy at running up something snappy.
00:12:20As a matter of fact, I shall enjoy looking after your meals.
00:12:22Don't worry about my meals.
00:12:24I can pour them out myself.
00:12:25No, no, no, Bandle.
00:12:26No, you haven't had anything to eat yet.
00:12:29Don't start that.
00:12:30What do you mean, don't start it?
00:12:31This has been going on for years.
00:12:33Oh, very well, just a small one, eh?
00:12:35Let me portion it for you.
00:12:36What do you call a portion?
00:12:41How's that?
00:12:43Now, listen.
00:12:44I haven't got too thick.
00:12:46I want a drink.
00:12:47Oh, very well.
00:12:48Pour it out yourself.
00:12:50Oh!
00:12:57I'll never forgive you for that as long as I live.
00:12:59It took me three months to get that.
00:13:01I'm sorry, Bandle.
00:13:02How much money have you got on you?
00:13:04Oh, about three pounds.
00:13:06Where's your appalling car?
00:13:08In the garage.
00:13:09Get it out and tell me when it's ready.
00:13:11Why, where are we going?
00:13:12To the farmer's boy.
00:13:13No, no, Bandle, no.
00:13:14I promised Elizabeth I wouldn't go there while she was away.
00:13:17You're coming with me.
00:13:19I absolutely refuse.
00:13:29Well, off we go.
00:13:30I should like my change first, Bandle.
00:13:32What change?
00:13:33The change for my three pounds.
00:13:34Don't be silly.
00:13:35You owe me that for waste of time.
00:13:36Oh, ridiculous.
00:13:37If it comes to a showdown,
00:13:38I should charge you for the use of my Virginia.
00:13:40Your what?
00:13:42My runabout.
00:13:43That isn't a runabout.
00:13:44It's a runamuck.
00:13:45Go on, start the damn thing.
00:13:49And this time, keep on the right pavement.
00:14:11Hold it.
00:14:19Oh, Bandle, it's broken.
00:14:23Of all the...
00:14:49I'm afraid he's billeted on you.
00:14:51I told the woman who brought him
00:14:52there'd be nobody here to look after him,
00:14:54and she said he'd have to stay here for the night anyhow.
00:14:56His name's Bertie.
00:14:57The woman at his last place has been taken ill.
00:15:19Go on, say it.
00:15:22Say what?
00:15:23An Englishman owed Mrs. Castle.
00:15:25Yes, I don't think.
00:15:28Don't you feel cold without an hat?
00:15:31Is that poor woman really ill,
00:15:32where you've been staying?
00:15:33That's right.
00:15:34I made her ill.
00:15:35You know, I don't think I'm going to like you.
00:15:37You'd better.
00:15:38My old man's a boxer.
00:15:40He knocked out Tiger Thompson,
00:15:41and he knocked out Bashing Bradford.
00:15:43I'm sure you'll like him.
00:15:45I'm sure you'll like him.
00:15:48And he knocked out Bashing Bradford.
00:15:50And if you annoy me,
00:15:52Bashing will knock you out.
00:15:56Not yet.
00:15:58No.
00:15:59Not yet.
00:16:18Oh, come along, Bantle.
00:16:19He's only a lad, you know.
00:16:21We must have a little give and take.
00:16:27That's it.
00:16:28He'll give it, and you take it.
00:16:31Don't forget your omelet, Mr. Popdy.
00:16:33Oh, lordy me.
00:16:34I bet he nearly did.
00:16:36You little rat.
00:16:38I'll break your neck.
00:16:39And what will my old man do to you?
00:16:41Your old man?
00:16:42I'm not fond of your old man.
00:16:43I don't believe you've ever had one.
00:16:45Oh, no?
00:16:46Well, take a look at that.
00:16:53Hmph.
00:16:54That's it.
00:16:55That's it.
00:16:56That's it.
00:16:57That's it.
00:16:58That's it.
00:16:59That's it.
00:17:00That's it.
00:17:01That's it.
00:17:02That's it.
00:17:03That's it.
00:17:04That's it.
00:17:05Quite a nice man, isn't he?
00:17:07Yes.
00:17:08Not as old as I thought.
00:17:13There we are.
00:17:14Omelet au paysan.
00:17:15Au what?
00:17:16Au paysan.
00:17:17Well, I'm hungry.
00:17:19Made without an egg, of course.
00:17:21But there are lots of bits and pieces in it.
00:17:23I think you'll find it tasty.
00:17:28Aren't you heavy, innit?
00:17:29No, no.
00:17:30Cooking robs the appetite.
00:17:31But I shall enjoy watching you eat it.
00:17:35I can't even cut the thing.
00:17:37What have you made it with, elastic?
00:17:39There's a little bit worked loose.
00:17:41There.
00:17:42I do wish you'd just try it.
00:17:54Please.
00:17:57Please.
00:17:58Please.
00:17:59Please.
00:18:00Please.
00:18:01Please.
00:18:02Please.
00:18:03Please.
00:18:05Please.
00:18:12Enjoy it.
00:18:14Well, of course, you're eating it on an empty stomach.
00:18:18It isn't really a fair test.
00:18:20Ah, can't take it, eh?
00:18:23Now, little you.
00:18:25Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:18:27Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:18:29Well, I'll be getting along now, Mr. Bandle.
00:18:31Good heavens, what you done to yourself?
00:18:33Never seen anyone look so sickly.
00:18:37Mrs. Featherstone, you wouldn't care to take the boy to your place, would you?
00:18:40No, I would not.
00:18:41Good evening, all.
00:18:43Good, uh, evening.
00:18:46Come along now, buddy.
00:18:48Off to bed.
00:18:49You're in a hurry, aren't you?
00:18:50Sending me to bed won't give you no peace.
00:18:52I have screaming nightmares.
00:18:54He'll have to sleep with you.
00:18:55Yes.
00:18:56No.
00:18:57Well, I'm not going to sleep by myself, I can tell you that.
00:18:59I'll throw myself out of the wind if you try and make me.
00:19:02Take him away, will you?
00:19:03Before I knock his block off.
00:19:09Hello?
00:19:10Is that Captain Bandle?
00:19:12Yes, speaking.
00:19:13Good, glad I've got hold of you.
00:19:15Gaunt here.
00:19:16Hello, Major.
00:19:17Listen, we've got manoeuvres tomorrow.
00:19:19Camouflage stuff.
00:19:20You'll be coming along, of course.
00:19:22Well, it's a bit sudden.
00:19:24But I suppose I must.
00:19:25Good.
00:19:26Now, what about the boy?
00:19:27Private Popday, isn't it?
00:19:29Can you get hold of him?
00:19:30Oh, he's staying here with me.
00:19:32Yes, I'll tell him.
00:19:33Good.
00:19:34Well, we assemble at nine hours.
00:19:37Thanks, old man.
00:19:38Goodbye.
00:19:39I'll keep track out here.
00:19:43What is it?
00:19:44Home guard manoeuvres.
00:19:45Good heavens.
00:19:46When do we start?
00:19:47Tomorrow morning.
00:19:48Oh, splendid.
00:19:49Anything special?
00:19:50Camouflage exercises.
00:19:51Oh.
00:19:52You can stay as you are.
00:19:55Get out of it, will you?
00:19:58Oh.
00:19:59What can we do with him?
00:20:00Have you got your rifle there?
00:20:01Yes, Father.
00:20:02I've brought all my kit round with me.
00:20:04Take him out and shoot him.
00:20:06Very well.
00:20:07Oh, no bandle.
00:20:08We can't do that.
00:20:10Can we?
00:20:11No, I'm tired.
00:20:12I want to go to bed.
00:20:13Oh, go to bed.
00:20:14Not by myself.
00:20:15I'm waiting up for Mr. Popday.
00:20:17Oh.
00:20:18Oh.
00:20:19Oh.
00:20:20Oh.
00:20:21Oh.
00:20:22Oh.
00:20:23Oh.
00:20:24You can stay here, Mr. Popday.
00:20:26Go on, you go to bed with him.
00:20:28Oh, don't be ridiculous, bandle.
00:20:30I can't go to bed in daylight.
00:20:32But I'm not going to bed without Mr. Popday.
00:20:34If he stays here another five minutes,
00:20:36I shall go stark staring mad.
00:20:38Take him to bed.
00:20:39Oh, come along then, buddy.
00:20:41But you're going to bed too, aren't you?
00:20:43Oh, no, buddy.
00:20:44It's too early for me to go to bed.
00:20:46Oh, well, I'm not going if you're not going.
00:20:48Oh, bandle.
00:20:49What on earth are we going to do?
00:20:51Well, why don't you go to bed yourself.
00:20:53I will not go to bed at this absurd hour.
00:20:56Will you do it for me as a favor?
00:20:59No, I will not.
00:21:02Very well, Bob Day. You leave me no alternative.
00:21:07As your superior officer, I command you to go to bed.
00:21:11That's a dirty trick, Bandle.
00:21:14No insubordination, Bob Day. Properly at ease.
00:21:18Company! Wait for it, wait for it.
00:21:21Company!
00:21:24Mark time!
00:21:28To bed!
00:21:31Quick march!
00:21:33Left, left, left, left.
00:21:36Pick them up, pick them up, pick them up!
00:21:38Left, left, right turn!
00:21:52Oh, we didn't care a button if the odds were on the foe
00:21:58Ten, twenty, thirty, forty, fifty years ago
00:22:07Going fishing.
00:22:11Good morning, Mr. Bandle.
00:22:12Good morning.
00:22:14How did you get on with the boy?
00:22:16Let me forget it, will you?
00:22:18Let me forget it, will you?
00:22:20I'm not staying here another night. I've been bored stiff.
00:22:23Oh.
00:22:24I do wish you'd take him over to your place, Mrs. Featherstone.
00:22:26Oh, I don't see how I can do that.
00:22:28I'll throw myself out of the window if you don't.
00:22:30Very well, then only you'll have to behave yourself, Jeremy.
00:22:32I like you.
00:22:34Go on, get along.
00:22:38I believe I've treated him too kindly, Bandle.
00:22:41Of course you have. Rough stuff. Nothing like it.
00:22:45Get on with it!
00:22:49Night's work, Major. You wouldn't think there was a soul about, would you?
00:22:52No, sir. Captain Bandle's made a fine job of it.
00:22:55I'd like the brigadier to see this.
00:22:57I'll get him, sir.
00:23:05Go away!
00:23:10I'll get him, sir.
00:23:13Go away!
00:23:22Keep still. What are you wiggling about for?
00:23:25There's a rabbit in my camouflage.
00:23:27Well, shove it in your pocket.
00:23:31Shut up!
00:23:33It's tickling me.
00:23:35You'll spoil the whole show in a minute.
00:23:37Well, you're not helping much.
00:23:39You shouldn't be smoking, Bandle.
00:23:41Listen, when you correct a superior officer, address him as sir.
00:23:45Do you understand?
00:23:46Oh, very well. You shouldn't be smoking, sir.
00:23:53I'm not smoking.
00:23:57Bandle!
00:23:59Have you still got that cigarette?
00:24:01I can smell something very funny.
00:24:03Must be your rabbit.
00:24:06Bandle! It's getting infernally hot in here!
00:24:11Bandle! Bandle!
00:24:13I'm on fire!
00:24:15Help! Help! Help!
00:24:17Oh, Bandle!
00:24:21Oh, dear!
00:24:23Please, help me! Help me!
00:24:25No, no, no! Stay where you are!
00:24:28Oh, dear!
00:24:31Put me out, someone, please!
00:24:33Go back! Go back!
00:24:37I'm on fire!
00:24:39Well, how's it going?
00:24:41Very well, sir. Have a look at this.
00:24:53I'll discuss this with you later.
00:25:06Stop! Stop!
00:25:10Disgraceful exhibition!
00:25:12We'll find out who's the bottom of this.
00:25:14Call the company together.
00:25:34Company! Stop!
00:25:40I'm very sorry that the otherwise successful manoeuvres
00:25:43were marred by this company.
00:25:45I can only hope there'll be no repetition of such stupidity tomorrow.
00:25:48Who's responsible for it?
00:25:51Private Popdey!
00:25:53Two faces forward, march!
00:26:02I'm disappointed in you, Popdey. Very disappointed.
00:26:04Yes, sir.
00:26:06I spoke to him about smoking.
00:26:08I spoke to him about smoking, sir, just before it happened.
00:26:10Nothing of the sort.
00:26:12These manoeuvres are meant to be taken seriously, you understand?
00:26:14Yes, sir.
00:26:16Very seriously.
00:26:18Yes, sir.
00:26:20What's the matter with the man?
00:26:22I've no idea, sir.
00:26:24Tell me, what does he do in private life?
00:26:26He publishes music, sir.
00:26:28Oh, that sort of fellow.
00:26:30He wrote a very fine hot number the other day, sir.
00:26:32Did he really? Well, well, well.
00:26:34You think he's writing another one now?
00:26:36I think he's on the way, sir.
00:27:02What are you going to have?
00:27:04I'm not drinking with you, Bantle, thank you.
00:27:06You're not cross with me, are you?
00:27:08Have a cigarette.
00:27:10Oh, of course not. You don't smoke, do you?
00:27:12Give me a large whisky.
00:27:14No large, sir.
00:27:16Well, give me five small, then.
00:27:18I'm not making a session of this, Bantle.
00:27:20I'm going to get to bed early tonight.
00:27:22I'm absolutely fed up.
00:27:24Why don't you keep quiet?
00:27:26Haven't you caused enough trouble for one day?
00:27:28A lemonade, please.
00:27:30No lemonade.
00:27:32I'll say we have.
00:27:34Shut up, men. Oh, she's all right?
00:27:36Of course I am.
00:27:38Yes, everybody's all right.
00:27:40Anyway, it's careless talk.
00:27:42No offence to you, miss.
00:27:44No, of course not.
00:27:52Small whisky, please.
00:27:54Hello, Bantle.
00:27:56Hello, Gaunt.
00:27:58Had a good day?
00:28:00It's been better.
00:28:02Oh, yes. Look here, I'm trying to fix up
00:28:04a sort of scratch concert for the boys tonight.
00:28:06What do you say? Could you help us out?
00:28:08Sorry, old man, not in my line.
00:28:10What about you, pub day?
00:28:12Oh, well, sir, if you'll excuse me,
00:28:14I rather wanted to turn in early tonight.
00:28:16I'm not very popular just now.
00:28:18What's the matter, short of artists?
00:28:20We've plenty of local talent, but nothing outstanding.
00:28:22Oh, wait a minute.
00:28:24What about Frankie Delane?
00:28:26How would she do for you?
00:28:28She's terrific, but can you get her?
00:28:30Oh, you leave that to me. I'm pretty friendly with her.
00:28:32I'll give her a ring.
00:28:34Good. Let me know. Thank you very much.
00:28:36I knew she'd turn up sooner or later.
00:28:38Mind your own business.
00:28:40Give me a lime juice.
00:28:42No lime juice.
00:28:44Very well, then. Give me a whisky.
00:28:46No more whisky.
00:28:58© BF-WATCH TV 2021
00:29:28© BF-WATCH TV 2021
00:29:58© BF-WATCH TV 2021
00:30:28By the way, Private Popday's activities this morning
00:30:30almost amounted to fifth-column stuff.
00:30:32Have a drink.
00:30:34No, thank you, sir. I'll never touch it.
00:30:36Cigarette. Thank you, sir.
00:30:38As a matter of fact, he gave me something of an idea,
00:30:40and that's what I want to talk to you about.
00:30:42You probably know
00:30:44that tomorrow's operations are centered
00:30:46around the Causeway Bridge.
00:30:48Now, the North Army may try to cross the bridge
00:30:50and the South Army defend,
00:30:52or the South Army may undertake the crossing and the North defend.
00:30:54Exactly, sir.
00:30:56I'd be extremely interested to note the reaction
00:30:58of the opposing commanders
00:31:00to a sudden disruption of their plans.
00:31:02In what way, sir?
00:31:04I want you and Popday to act as fifth-columnists
00:31:06and blow up the bridge.
00:31:08Blow it up, sir? Oh, just as a smoke bomb, of course.
00:31:10Oh, I see. That's got to make sense.
00:31:12Now, here are your instructions. Two special classes.
00:31:14The regular centralists expect you there
00:31:16punctually at 12 hours.
00:31:18I understand, sir.
00:31:20I'll be over there. Good.
00:31:26Special orders for us tomorrow.
00:31:28Have a look at that.
00:31:34But we are not really going to blow up the Causeway Bridge,
00:31:36are we, Bandle?
00:31:38Of course not. It's part of the maneuvers.
00:31:40They're going to use a smoke bomb.
00:31:42We're supposed to be two fifth-columnists.
00:31:44Are these our passes?
00:31:46Shh!
00:31:48No careless talk.
00:31:50It's a secret between me and the colonel.
00:31:56And now, to wind up the evening,
00:31:58we have a very special treat.
00:32:00None other than Frankie Delane.
00:32:12I understand that we are going to have the privilege
00:32:14of hearing, for the first time in public,
00:32:16Frankie Delane.
00:32:18Thank you, sir.
00:32:20Thank you, sir.
00:32:22Thank you, sir.
00:32:24We are going to have the privilege of hearing,
00:32:26for the first time in public, a new number,
00:32:28especially written for her
00:32:30by one of our own men.
00:32:32Private Popday.
00:32:38Ladies and gentlemen,
00:32:40Frankie Delane.
00:32:54Just like the game the children play
00:32:56Till love affairs begin
00:33:00I know that you'd like butter
00:33:02From the color up above
00:33:04But how can I tell
00:33:08If you like my kind of love
00:33:14Are you the type that likes my kind of loving
00:33:16Do I do something underneath your skin
00:33:20And when I kiss you so
00:33:22Do all your scruples go
00:33:24Because if not, let's leave off before we begin
00:33:28Are you the type that likes my kind of hugging
00:33:30Do I play rumbo rhythms down your spine
00:33:34And when I hold you tight
00:33:36Do you have dreams all night
00:33:38Because if not, it's your fault, not mine
00:33:40My love's like the breezes sobbing
00:33:44Where the tropical waters roll
00:33:48My love's like the endless throbbing
00:33:50Of a jungle song in my soul
00:33:54Are you the type that likes my kind of kissing
00:33:58Do I set tom-toms beating in your heart
00:34:00And when I hold your hand
00:34:02Do your ideas expand
00:34:04Because if so, why don't we start
00:34:16Are you the type that likes my kind of loving
00:34:18Can you sit still and let me make a pass
00:34:22As over you I bend
00:34:24Does your hair stand on end
00:34:26Because if not, how could it
00:34:28Well look in the glass
00:34:30Are you the type that likes my kind of hugging
00:34:32Or does your conscience whisper
00:34:34Fire or fire
00:34:36And do I seem to be
00:34:38Your own sweet cup of tea
00:34:40Because if not, just stir me
00:34:42My love's like the passion sighing
00:34:44For a gypsy violin
00:34:48My love's like a voice replying
00:34:52When you hear sweet music begin
00:34:54Are you the type that likes my kind of kissing
00:34:58Do I set roses blooming at your feet
00:35:02And when I'm in your arms
00:35:04Do you feel nervous pangs
00:35:06Because if so, my love
00:35:08I think we'll make a goal, my love
00:35:10I know you're going to find my love
00:35:12Find my love
00:35:14Find my love for you
00:35:32Disgraceful!
00:35:34I've never heard such rubbish in my life
00:35:36You must have been drinking when you wrote that, Mr. Poppeday
00:35:38As a matter of fact, I was in bed with my wife
00:35:42Excuse me
00:35:44But I must tell you how much I enjoyed your song
00:35:46Is it published?
00:35:48No, not yet
00:35:50But I'm afraid it will be
00:35:52Well, if I buy a copy and send it to you
00:35:54Would you autograph it for me?
00:35:56Why, I'd love to
00:35:58Well, may I have your address?
00:36:00Oh, delighted. Here's my card
00:36:02But temporarily I'm staying at Bandle's place
00:36:04You know, the love nest
00:36:06Four miles down the road, near a tree
00:36:08Thank you so much
00:36:10Not at all
00:36:12Cut that out!
00:36:13Well, I was only having a word with her, Bandle
00:36:15I know, but we've got no time for that
00:36:16We're driving Frankie home in your car
00:36:18Well, that isn't fair
00:36:19You know I won't be able to take my eyes off the road
00:36:21Well, that's the whole idea
00:36:41What a place this is to get to
00:36:46I don't live here for fun, you know
00:36:48Well, have you heard anything?
00:36:50The Causeway Bridge
00:36:52Are you interested?
00:36:54Causeway Bridge? Of course I'm interested, Karen
00:36:56Go on
00:36:57Well, the Home Guard are going on manoeuvres tomorrow
00:36:59And two of them are to act as fifth columnists
00:37:01Fifth columnists? Well, how do you mean?
00:37:03Well, they're going to pretend to blow up the bridge
00:37:06Using a smoke bomb
00:37:08They've got special passes
00:37:10Have you met these two men?
00:37:12Obviously
00:37:14Well, it seems to me you'll have to meet them again
00:37:16Well, that shouldn't be difficult
00:37:18I've got their address
00:37:20Causeway Bridge
00:37:22Vital transport link
00:37:24It's always guarded by regulars, isn't it?
00:37:26It's not going to be too easy
00:37:28It's true, with two special passes
00:37:30Yes, it seems to me, Karen, you've got something there
00:37:33I think nothing of the sort
00:37:35I mean it
00:37:36I think nothing of the sort
00:37:38I merely promised to give the girl my autograph
00:37:40And what's that going to lead to?
00:37:42Absolutely nothing at all
00:37:43This is outrageous, Bandle
00:37:45You're merely throwing a smokescreen to cover your own disgraceful behaviour
00:37:47What are you talking about?
00:37:49In my car
00:37:51Panky-panky with Fanky
00:37:53On his soire qui valait pence
00:37:55That's exactly what I mean
00:37:57What have you got in there?
00:37:59Oh, nothing
00:38:00Well, stop fiddling about
00:38:01Get me something to eat, I'm hungry
00:38:03Oh, very well
00:38:04Not another omelette?
00:38:05No, I'll open a tin
00:38:16The little basket
00:38:17He's wolfed the lot
00:38:19Now what are we going to do?
00:38:20There's nothing we can do
00:38:21We'll have to buckle our belts, that's all
00:38:23But I'm famished
00:38:24I'm sorry, but there's just nothing to eat
00:38:27No, Bandle, you're not touching that
00:38:30Rabbit pie
00:38:35Popty
00:38:36Give me that rabbit
00:38:38No, I'd rather die
00:38:41I don't wish to take advantage of my rank again, Popty
00:38:45I don't care if you do
00:38:46I'll face court-martial or a firing squad
00:38:48But I will not give you my rabbit
00:38:50Then I'll have to commandeer it
00:39:06Rabbit, rabbit, rabbit, rabbit
00:39:07Come and have a little treaty pie
00:39:08No, stay where you are
00:39:13Got him
00:39:36No, no
00:39:41Bandle, I'll never speak to you again as long as I live
00:39:50If you do, Bandle, I'll never forgive you
00:40:02Oh, here
00:40:03What was it?
00:40:06Bandle, Bandle
00:40:08Something's happened
00:40:15Oh, hello
00:40:16I'm sorry to burst in like this
00:40:18Good heavens, what's the matter?
00:40:19I just smashed my car up
00:40:21Oh, my dear
00:40:22Are you all right?
00:40:23I think so
00:40:24I just bruised a bit
00:40:25Why, what happened?
00:40:26Was there a skid?
00:40:27No, some fool left a tin box outside
00:40:29and I went slapping to it
00:40:31Oh, lordy me, my car
00:40:32Oh
00:40:34Oh, don't do that at a moment like this
00:40:36Oh, it's all so confusing
00:40:38Bandle, Bandle
00:40:39I'm busy
00:40:41There's a girl here
00:40:43I'll be right down
00:40:45Yes, I thought you would
00:40:46Oh, dear
00:40:52Good heavens
00:40:56Take her over, Bandle, will you?
00:40:57Take her over where?
00:40:58No, no, I mean attend to her
00:41:00Oh, with pleasure, yes
00:41:01Oh, with pleasure, yes
00:41:24Oh, my Virginia
00:41:25What have they done to you?
00:41:27Oh, calamity
00:41:32Oh, calamity
00:41:41I'm afraid she's finished
00:41:42Nonsense, but she's absolutely fat in the front
00:41:46What are you talking about?
00:41:47My car
00:41:48Never mind your wretched car
00:41:49Give me a hand here
00:41:50Oh, yes, rather
00:41:51This is the girl I met at the concert, Bandle
00:41:53I know that
00:41:54See what happens when you give girls your autograph?
00:41:56I didn't give her anything
00:41:57Come on, let's get her upstairs
00:41:59Oh, very well
00:42:01Now, you take this in
00:42:04Muddle and maze
00:42:11This is a pretty business
00:42:13Yes, she's not at all bad looking
00:42:15I was not referring to her looks
00:42:17Do keep your mind on the fundamentals, Bandle
00:42:19I didn't know she had any
00:42:24Wait a minute, wait a minute
00:42:32Her dress is wringing wet
00:42:33She must have fallen in the road
00:42:34She may get pneumonia if she keeps these clothes on
00:42:36Well, there's only one thing to do
00:42:37What's that?
00:42:38Stop her getting pneumonia
00:42:40You go and read a good book
00:42:41But there aren't any good books
00:42:42Go to the pictures
00:42:43Oh, no, Bandle
00:42:44Get out, get out, get out
00:42:55I'm still here, Bandle
00:42:57And I'm most uneasy
00:42:58I'm still here, Bandle
00:43:00And I'm most uneasy
00:43:13You wouldn't understand
00:43:21Yes, I can manage the rest myself, thank you
00:43:25Are you sure?
00:43:26You must be feeling very weak, you know
00:43:27Yes, but not as weak as all that
00:43:30Yes, I was afraid so
00:43:38Oh, please do, my dear
00:43:40It's most urgent
00:43:42We've nobody else to turn to
00:43:44Oh, splendid
00:43:46I'll do as much for you one day
00:43:48Who was that you were telephoning to?
00:43:50Frankie
00:43:51Frankie?
00:43:53Wait, Scotchie can't come here
00:43:54We must have another woman with us
00:43:56Aren't you ever satisfied?
00:43:58We don't want any scandal, Bandle
00:44:00And where one woman can mean danger
00:44:02Two women can mean safety
00:44:04Oh, you tell that to Mrs. Popdey
00:44:06Oh, that reminds me
00:44:07I haven't sent my telegram yet
00:44:09Don't mention me
00:44:10Oh, no, of course not
00:44:11Hello, give me telegrams, please
00:44:12And don't mention that girl
00:44:14Why not?
00:44:15It's all perfectly innocent
00:44:16My wife doesn't know the meaning of that word
00:44:19Hello
00:44:20This is Midway4326
00:44:22I want to send a telegram to Commonton Popdey
00:44:25No, Popdey
00:44:27P for pneumonia
00:44:30ATS headquarters, McGills Bay
00:44:33Everything all right?
00:44:34Everything all right
00:44:35With Frankie coming here
00:44:37Do you want me to be divorced?
00:44:39I'm sorry
00:44:40But I simply had to have another woman here
00:44:43All my love, darling
00:44:44Wilma
00:44:45Thank you
00:44:47Well, at any rate
00:44:48That'll satisfy Elizabeth
00:44:50That'll be a change
00:44:56Oh, look, there it is, over there
00:44:57Right you are, miss
00:44:59You're lucky it isn't half an hour later
00:45:01You wouldn't have found a van on the road
00:45:03Well, thanks for the lift, anyway
00:45:04You're welcome
00:45:22Oh, who goes there?
00:45:23Who do you think?
00:45:25Oh, it's you
00:45:26Come in, my dear
00:45:30Oh, Frankie, you are a sweet girl
00:45:32Now, listen, you two
00:45:33I'm not staying more than five minutes in this place
00:45:35What's the trouble?
00:45:36Popdey's got caught up with a woman
00:45:38I have not
00:45:39She's upstairs on the bed
00:45:40Well, what's he complaining about?
00:45:42Frankie, please
00:45:44She was in a car crash
00:45:46Oh, where is she?
00:45:47First on the right, on the left
00:45:53The things I do for you, Alfred
00:45:54I had to come over in a meat van
00:45:56Why?
00:45:57No petrol
00:46:00Oh, Bandle
00:46:01What's the matter?
00:46:02Both the cars are smashed
00:46:04How are we going to get these two girls away?
00:46:08What have you done to me?
00:46:10Steady, Bandle
00:46:11It's only a matter of conveyance
00:46:14I've got it
00:46:15Old Whiskers is at the station
00:46:17He'll run them back
00:46:20Hello
00:46:21I'm sure he'll help us if he can
00:46:22Old Whiskers is rather partial to the fair sex
00:46:24Hello, hello, hello
00:46:26What's the matter?
00:46:27She's gone dead
00:46:28There's no sign at all
00:46:29Well, it was all right when I sent my telegram
00:46:31Well, it's no good now
00:46:32Oh, dear, what will Frankie say?
00:46:34What will Frankie's husband say?
00:46:39But of all the idiots
00:46:40To land me here with no way of getting back
00:46:42Why didn't you tell me both the cars were smashed?
00:46:44I'm sorry, I didn't stop to think
00:46:46It seemed a matter of life or death
00:46:48Life or death, my foot
00:46:50Try that phone again
00:46:51I've tried it 20 times
00:46:53The line's dead, I tell you
00:46:56Seven miles to my place
00:46:58What am I going to do?
00:47:00Well, don't just sit there
00:47:01Suggest something
00:47:03Well, what about walking it?
00:47:04What, in this storm?
00:47:06Well, I'm afraid you'll have to
00:47:08I can't possibly go out in that
00:47:10You can't?
00:47:11No, I can't
00:47:13Then there's only one alternative
00:47:15What's that?
00:47:16You'll have to stay here
00:47:18Well, I tell you, I don't stay here
00:47:20Well, try another meat fair
00:47:22No, I can't
00:47:23I can't
00:47:24I can't
00:47:25I can't
00:47:26I can't
00:47:27I can't
00:47:28I can't
00:47:29I can't
00:47:30I can't
00:47:31I can't
00:47:32I can't
00:47:33I can't
00:47:34I can't
00:47:35I can't
00:47:36Well, try another meat fair
00:47:38A dangerous area, Bandle
00:47:39No traffic after 11, you know
00:47:48Now, don't worry, darling
00:47:50I'll get you away first thing in the morning
00:47:52And you'd better
00:47:54If I'm not back in time to meet my husband
00:47:56It's curtains for you, Alfred Bandle
00:48:03Just arrived, ma'am
00:48:06It's Wilma's nightly telegram
00:48:08But, darling, he's never let me down yet
00:48:10Rather a waste of money, don't you think?
00:48:12Oh, no, Mrs. Bandle
00:48:14I only wish your husband could send you the same happy message
00:48:20Oh!
00:48:22Look!
00:48:24Everything all right
00:48:26I'm sorry I simply had to have another woman here
00:48:30All my love, darling Wilma
00:48:37Oh!
00:48:38Good morning, Mrs. Featherstone
00:48:40Good morning, Mr. Popdye
00:48:43Did you have a good night?
00:48:45No, I didn't
00:48:46That wretched Bertie kept on having nightmares
00:48:48He must have eaten something
00:48:50What are you looking for?
00:48:52My clothes
00:48:53I left them on that chair
00:48:54Are you sure you took them off?
00:48:56Of course I took them off
00:48:57I remember distinctly
00:48:59Why have you been sleeping down here?
00:49:01Well, I had to sleep down here
00:49:03All the other women were sleeping
00:49:04Oh, boy
00:49:05Well, the two girls had to stay the night
00:49:07The girls?
00:49:08Oh, yes, everything above board
00:49:10We just simply couldn't get them a lift last night
00:49:12They're going in a moment
00:49:13It can all be explained
00:49:14If anyone's willing to listen
00:49:16Yes, I know Mr. Bandle's parties
00:49:18But there was no party
00:49:19I sat up half the night and worried
00:49:21No use worrying when it's too late
00:49:23You should have thought of that before you did it
00:49:25Before I did what?
00:49:26What you're worrying about
00:49:28I say!
00:49:29Who's been fooling about with my clothes?
00:49:30What, have yours gone too?
00:49:32Mrs. Featherstone, I told you never to touch my things
00:49:34Now what have you done with them?
00:49:35The last time I saw your clothes
00:49:36they was on your person
00:49:37I haven't set eyes on them since
00:49:39Even our uniforms have been taken
00:49:40What?
00:49:41The other time you lost your trousers
00:49:43you've been playing strip poker
00:49:44Perhaps you'd better think back a bit
00:49:46You can normally work, you silly old bird
00:49:48Don't tell me what to do
00:49:50Bandle, there's something afoot here
00:49:52Alfred!
00:49:55I know, I know
00:49:57I know, I know
00:49:59I know, I know
00:50:00All your clothes have been taken
00:50:02Everything's been taken
00:50:03Even the wardrobes are empty
00:50:05Now look here
00:50:06I'm not standing for any of your fooling
00:50:08What are you talking about?
00:50:09I haven't touched your clothes
00:50:11You know what I told you about getting back
00:50:16Well if you ask me
00:50:17I think the old lot of you
00:50:18should put your cards on the table
00:50:20and just tell the truth
00:50:21Get in the kitchen
00:50:22Mind your own business
00:50:23Yes
00:50:24There's more in this
00:50:25than will go through the eye of a needle
00:50:26I know
00:50:27What do you mean?
00:50:29Oh dear, oh dear
00:50:30Now there's going to be some tittle tattle
00:50:32Shut up
00:50:33Mr. Popdey
00:50:36What have you done with my things?
00:50:40I think I'm going to have a vapour
00:50:46There aren't any things
00:50:47They've all been taken
00:50:48We've been cleaned out from top to bottom
00:50:50You mean they've been stolen?
00:50:51We don't know yet
00:50:52It's a mystery
00:50:53Well would you mind doing me a favour?
00:50:54It's a mystery
00:50:55Well would you mind doing something about it?
00:50:57Oh what can we do?
00:50:58Well phone the police
00:51:00The phone's out of order
00:51:01Listen, I've got to get up to London
00:51:03And I've got to meet my husband
00:51:05Oh hawk and buzzard
00:51:09Thank goodness the wives are away
00:51:11If they ever find out about this
00:51:13Now listen
00:51:14If they haven't found out
00:51:15they needn't find out
00:51:16And if you keep your mouth shut
00:51:17they will find out
00:51:20Do hurry my dear
00:51:21We can't get there too soon
00:51:22Well if Alfred's had anything to do with it
00:51:23we're too late already
00:51:26Now first of all
00:51:27we've got to get some clothes for you
00:51:29Then we've got to get some clothes for you
00:51:30And then we've got to get some clothes for me
00:51:33And I think that's all that matters
00:51:34Well make it snappy will you?
00:51:38Well I suppose I'd better go back to bed
00:51:40That's all right by me
00:51:42What time would you like to be called?
00:51:44Well I'm meeting my husband at twelve
00:51:46Your husband?
00:51:49Oh dear
00:51:50Are you married?
00:51:51Yes
00:51:52But we don't get on very well together
00:51:54No?
00:51:55No, he's always trying to find an excuse to divorce me
00:51:59Trying to find an excuse to divorce her?
00:52:01Vandal, what does that mean?
00:52:03It means he's got a good one now
00:52:05Oh heavens above
00:52:06Why did she ever come here?
00:52:08Mrs. Ferriston!
00:52:10Well, what do you want?
00:52:12That was quick
00:52:13Very
00:52:16Now listen darling
00:52:17You've worked for me for a long time haven't you?
00:52:19Well on and off
00:52:20I've worked in round for nearly seven years
00:52:22And we've never had a cross word
00:52:24Oh we understand one another
00:52:25You little charmer
00:52:26I've no time for that now Mr. Vandal
00:52:31Oh do let's go to it
00:52:32Don't beat about the bush
00:52:33Can't you see I'm trying to wean on the old crow?
00:52:41Listen Ducks
00:52:42I want you to get us all some clothes
00:52:44Where from?
00:52:45Haven't you any things at your place?
00:52:47That's two miles away
00:52:48Well you've got your bike
00:52:49Sweetheart
00:52:50If you do this for me
00:52:51I'll buy you a nice new one
00:52:53I get all the pleasure I want from my old one
00:52:55Thank you Mr. Vandal
00:52:56I've sat on it for 15 years
00:52:58And it's become more than a friend to me
00:53:00You funny little thing
00:53:02You little
00:53:03Oh go away with you Mr. Vandal
00:53:05Oh please
00:53:07Oh very well
00:53:08I may be able to fix you two up with something
00:53:10But I can't do anything about your bits of fluff
00:53:12If you go out and get us something
00:53:14We might be able to go out and get them something
00:53:16Well I do my best
00:53:17More than that do I cannot
00:53:19Anything will do Mrs. Featherstone
00:53:21I'm afraid it'll have to
00:53:22Thanks
00:53:48I don't think the rose is in the best of taste
00:53:49If the rose is in the best of taste, it looks too striving for effect.
00:53:53It just so happens I can't get the blasted thing off.
00:53:55It was made with a suit.
00:53:57Personally, I think you look better in your pyjamas.
00:54:00Have you seen yourself lately?
00:54:02You look as if you're trying to avoid military service.
00:54:05Well, at least we can get to headquarters now and report the loss of our uniforms.
00:54:09Get to headquarters? What are you talking about?
00:54:11That's five miles away.
00:54:12And I couldn't walk more than 100 yards in these britches.
00:54:14Well, what are we going to do? We've got to be at that bridge by 12 o'clock.
00:54:20Mrs. Featherstone?
00:54:23What is it now?
00:54:24Look what you've done to us.
00:54:25Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Bandler. I couldn't manage anything else.
00:54:28As it is, you're wearing the squire's old suit.
00:54:30And I had to put Bertie back to bed to get his clothes for you.
00:54:33And I don't matter, I suppose.
00:54:36What do you think my cottage is, a general store?
00:54:38Apart from what I'm standing up in, I've nothing else but my Sunday best.
00:54:41And I'm not lending that to nobody.
00:54:44I'll deal with this. Now, look here, Mrs. Featherstone.
00:54:47What's going to happen if Jack comes here and finds me like this?
00:54:50Tell him we've lost your coupons.
00:54:51Don't worry. I'll tell him plenty.
00:54:56Come on, we'd better walk it.
00:54:57Yes, but what about the girls?
00:54:59What about the bridge?
00:55:00Oh, yes, duty first.
00:55:04Hey!
00:55:06Where are you going?
00:55:08Oh, well, only just popping out for a moment, my dear.
00:55:10What, dressed like that?
00:55:12Well, it's a sort of makeshift, you know.
00:55:14Yes, we're going to get you something to wear.
00:55:15Oh, no. You don't leave me here like this.
00:55:24Now, come, come, dear. Don't be awkward.
00:55:25Well, I'm not going to stay here all by myself.
00:55:28I'm not going to let you leave me.
00:55:30I know.
00:55:37Yours, I think. Yes, rather.
00:55:41There, there, my dear. You're being very silly.
00:55:43It's always darkest before the storm.
00:55:45Most of the things we worry about happen sooner or later.
00:55:48Yes, but what will my husband say?
00:55:50What will he think?
00:55:51What does he usually say and think?
00:55:52Nothing like this has ever happened to me before.
00:55:55Yes, and I'm worried about your wives.
00:55:57Don't you worry your head about my wife.
00:55:59Yes, but why did you take my clothes away from me?
00:56:02Where are they?
00:56:05There, there.
00:56:07Don't worry about your clothes.
00:56:09I'll accept full responsibility for your condition.
00:56:13Wilma!
00:56:15Alfred!
00:56:20Oh, no, it can't be true.
00:56:21I didn't. I mean, I haven't.
00:56:23I was only trying to be a sister to her.
00:56:25This is the end of everything.
00:56:26Not content with infidelity, you actually dress up for it.
00:56:30Throw that woman out at once.
00:56:31Don't you call me that woman.
00:56:32I haven't called you anything yet.
00:56:34Get out before I throw you out myself.
00:56:36Oh, yes?
00:56:37Well, let me tell you something.
00:56:38I happen to be married.
00:56:40Not before it's time.
00:56:42I happen to be very happily married.
00:56:44And if you think I would demean myself
00:56:46by trying to bring a little pleasure
00:56:47into the miserable lives of your pathetic husbands,
00:56:51all I can say is you flatter them considerably.
00:56:54Exactly.
00:56:57Whatever brought you back here, darling?
00:56:58This.
00:57:02Everything all right?
00:57:04I'm sorry, I simply had to have another woman here.
00:57:07All my love, darling Wilma.
00:57:09Oh, no. Oh, yes, you mutt.
00:57:12Oh, Elizabeth, I didn't mean to tell you that.
00:57:14I'm quite sure you didn't.
00:57:16Where are you going?
00:57:18I want a glass of water, dear.
00:57:20To my knowledge, in the whole of your life,
00:57:21you've only had four glasses of water.
00:57:23And on each occasion, I caught you in circumstances
00:57:25similar to this.
00:57:26Wilma, you're not actually suggesting.
00:57:28I'm not suggesting anything, I know.
00:57:30Oh, this is ridiculous.
00:57:31It can all be explained.
00:57:32Be quiet.
00:57:33You've broken my heart, that's what you've done.
00:57:36You've never given me any reason
00:57:38to think you were like other men.
00:57:41When did that woman arrive here?
00:57:42My dear, she's nothing to do with me.
00:57:44Ask him.
00:57:45The whole thing was absolutely unforeseen.
00:57:47She had a car crash.
00:57:48In my husband's pyjamas?
00:57:50Oh, no, we got her into those when she arrived.
00:57:52I mean, she got into them.
00:57:54That's right, that's right.
00:57:55Yes, yes, we were down here reading a good book.
00:57:57And then she stayed the night?
00:57:59No, yes.
00:58:00Elizabeth, there was no alternative.
00:58:03You've forgotten the dangerous area.
00:58:04Oh, no, I haven't.
00:58:06Why didn't you send for help?
00:58:07Oh, we did.
00:58:08Oh, we didn't?
00:58:09Oh, Fangle, you know we did.
00:58:13Oh, of course, dear.
00:58:15We sent for the district nurse.
00:58:17You know, the one with the little black bag.
00:58:19Oh?
00:58:20And where is the little black bag?
00:58:23Well, that's the whole point, you see.
00:58:25She left it behind, and now she's going back to fetch it.
00:58:28She's in a frightful hurry.
00:58:34Pretty woman.
00:58:43Good day, nurse.
00:58:44Good day.
00:58:45You twerp.
00:58:47Yes, I do hope it's a boy.
00:58:51Mrs. Potty, it's that actress.
00:58:52Frankie Delaney.
00:58:54Oh, my dear.
00:58:55Oh, Fangle, I don't want to go on living much longer.
00:58:57Don't worry, you won't.
00:59:06Even Mrs. Featherstone.
00:59:09You mean even Mrs. Featherstone.
00:59:12I never thought you'd behave like this.
00:59:14I haven't behaved at all.
00:59:16You don't think I took my clothes off for fun, do you?
00:59:19If you call such debauchery fun, I do.
00:59:23You'll oblige me by keeping your insinuendos to yourself,
00:59:26Mrs. Bandsall.
00:59:27I only divested myself to get that poor girl out of trouble.
00:59:32Oh, so she was in trouble, was she?
00:59:33She certainly was.
00:59:35None of them had any clothes at all
00:59:36when I got here this morning.
00:59:38No.
00:59:39Oh.
00:59:41You Caffenover.
00:59:43Oh!
00:59:44Don't be silly.
00:59:45His voice hasn't broken yet.
00:59:49Come along, Mrs. Popty.
00:59:51Where are you going?
00:59:52I'm going to the nearest lawyer at once.
00:59:54So am I.
00:59:55What?
00:59:56But not in our uniforms, dear.
00:59:57At least we'll spare the service that disgrace.
00:59:59You're quite right, Mrs. Popty.
01:00:00We'll get our suitcases.
01:00:07Fangle, we must do something.
01:00:11Oh, much too late.
01:00:13Let's weedle them.
01:00:14What?
01:00:15Weedle them.
01:00:15Oh, yes, yes.
01:00:29It's unbelievable.
01:00:30I've never been unfaithful in the whole of my life.
01:00:32Not even by so much as a sidelong glance.
01:00:34Well, it's no good regretting things now.
01:00:36Well, when you two finish thinking about yourselves,
01:00:39perhaps you'll tell me how I'm to get away from here.
01:00:41I can't walk down the village like this, can I?
01:00:43Why not?
01:00:45I never ask me neighbors wondering if I'm as I was.
01:00:53Oh, Jack, dear, do be reasonable.
01:00:55I don't feel reasonable.
01:00:56You stayed there all last night,
01:00:58and those two fellas stayed with you.
01:00:59Well, there was another girl there.
01:01:01Anyway, there's nothing else I could do.
01:01:02I couldn't get a lift.
01:01:03Why didn't you cycle home?
01:01:05You were trying to just now, weren't you?
01:01:06There was a storm last night.
01:01:07There's going to be a storm.
01:01:09There's going to be another one when we get to Bandles.
01:01:11Oh, Jack, I think you're being beastly.
01:01:13Don't worry. I haven't started yet.
01:01:18Now they're touching me for a ride.
01:01:27All thing upon thing.
01:01:32Too much is more than enough, and this is more than too much.
01:01:35Don't look now. I think there's a bit more coming.
01:01:38What?
01:01:39Stop! Stop!
01:01:45Go on. Get out.
01:01:53Frankie's husband.
01:01:54That's right. The commando.
01:01:58Now, listen, Jack.
01:01:59All this rough stuff doesn't frighten me,
01:02:00and I'm quite sure it won't frighten them.
01:02:02No.
01:02:05No. They're tough, too.
01:02:06They can take it.
01:02:08That's fine. They're going to get it.
01:02:16Where are they?
01:02:17Jack, don't be so stupid.
01:02:18Oh, you keep out of this.
01:02:35What have you done?
01:02:36Nothing yet.
01:02:37Oh, Jack, not with a poker.
01:02:39This is nothing.
01:02:41I'm just getting warmed up.
01:02:46Now, now, Jack, do be reasonable.
01:02:48That fellow Bandle had a row with his wife about you two days ago.
01:02:52He gave me a lift in his car, that was all.
01:02:54I heard differently.
01:02:55One always hears differently around here.
01:02:57Oh, Jack, don't you trust me?
01:02:59I trust you all right, but I don't trust them.
01:03:05My dear, cosmetics are getting simply impossible now.
01:03:09I always sift my powder through a piece of muttoncloth.
01:03:12Really? I find cleansing very good for that.
01:03:15My dear, before my operation...
01:03:17You wouldn't like to see my operation, would you, dear?
01:03:20No, thank you, dear. Not before lunch, surely.
01:03:22I never used powder.
01:03:23No?
01:03:25No, I had quite a bloom of my own.
01:03:26A bloom? Where, dear?
01:03:28Well, dear, it never stayed in one place for long.
01:03:32Oh, no, dear, it was most elusive.
01:03:35Oh.
01:03:36Oh, my dear, I believe you've dropped one.
01:03:38Oh, dear, thank you, dear.
01:03:40Oh, my dear, there's a man here.
01:03:42A man?
01:03:43Oh, good heavens.
01:03:45I beg your pardon?
01:03:46Well, really.
01:03:47Bursting into a lady's boudoir without even a cooie at the keyhole.
01:03:51How dare you, sir?
01:03:53I'm awfully sorry.
01:03:54I'm looking for a couple of fellows, Bandle and Pockday.
01:03:58They live here, I believe.
01:04:00Lizzie, darling, he's not referring to our husbands by any chance, is he?
01:04:03I think he must be. I don't know of any other men living here.
01:04:07Well, I'm afraid they are wetting their whistles at the moment.
01:04:09You know, having a couple of quick ones at the farmer's boy.
01:04:12Thanks so much.
01:04:14Good-bye.
01:04:16Good-bye.
01:04:21Phew! That was a near one.
01:04:23But he fell for it. Do you really think he did?
01:04:30From the look of his wife, I don't blame...
01:04:32Listen, what's so funny about all this?
01:04:34Well, the whole thing's so absurd.
01:04:36Is it? You won't think so when we get to the farmer's boy.
01:04:38Okay, let's go to the farmer's boy.
01:04:41Come on.
01:04:44Who are you?
01:04:47Who are you?
01:04:48My boys, Billy, did you hear? This is Bandle's place, ain't it?
01:04:50Yes. He isn't in at the moment.
01:04:52I've been looking for him myself.
01:04:54Uh, Mrs. Bandle's here.
01:04:56She'll do.
01:04:57She'll do what?
01:04:58Here, here.
01:05:05It's all right, mate. It's all right.
01:05:07It's all right.
01:05:09Come on, get in.
01:05:29Who are you?
01:05:32Well? Didn't hear what I said.
01:05:35I'm private... I mean, privately, I'm Mrs. Poppe.
01:05:39I mean, no, no, I'm Mrs. Featherston,
01:05:42Commonton Featherston of the Rains.
01:05:44I mean, the apts.
01:05:45Oh, I thought you were Mrs. Bandle.
01:05:47Oh, better still.
01:05:49Perfectly correct. I'm Mrs. Bandle.
01:05:51You're getting into a bit of a clinch, aren't you?
01:05:54Oh, I often do that. It's a pleasure to meet you.
01:05:56Oh, I often do that. It's the weather.
01:05:59Well, I'm the boy's father.
01:06:01The boy's father?
01:06:02Bertie's father.
01:06:03Bertie's father?
01:06:04Oh, of course, Bertie's father. How do you do?
01:06:08Put it there.
01:06:09Oh, yes.
01:06:12Blimey, Bertie's a lucky boy.
01:06:15You know, I wouldn't mind being billeted on you.
01:06:18Oh, I'm sorry. I'm afraid we're two in a bed already.
01:06:23Those are yours, I think.
01:06:25And where is the boy?
01:06:26Oh, I think he's out birds nesting at the moment.
01:06:28Oh, he loves anything to do with family life, he does.
01:06:31And how's he been behaving himself?
01:06:33Oh, perfectly. A charming little fellow.
01:06:34You know, it's funny to think that you're his mother now.
01:06:37Only metaphorically.
01:06:39Yeah, yes, of course, but that still leaves me his father, don't it?
01:06:41Yes, I suppose it does.
01:06:42Well, if I'm his father and you're his mother, so to speak,
01:06:46don't you think we ought to be getting a bit more matey?
01:06:49Well, I expect that'll come along in time.
01:06:51Blimey, I'd like to have you behind me in my corner in the ring,
01:06:54cheering me on, kissing me when I win, kissing me when I lose.
01:06:58You're a little bitch of a lightweight, you are.
01:07:02Oh, if you'll excuse me, I'll just go and cut you a few flowers.
01:07:04I know, I know. Roses red, violets blue,
01:07:07sugar is sweet, and I love you.
01:07:11Steady. Careful.
01:07:21Steady.
01:07:36Who's she?
01:07:37My sister. She's getting quite a big girl now.
01:07:41Eating too much rice, I expect.
01:07:42Yeah, she certainly is an hefty bit of stuff, ain't she?
01:07:45She's a little rough on the outside, but she's quite a nice girl underneath.
01:07:48Underneath? Underneath what?
01:07:50Underneath the outside.
01:08:02Here, what's she doing that for?
01:08:04Oh, just excitement. The time of year, I expect.
01:08:07Ah, the mating season, eh?
01:08:20I think I'd better go and have a look in there.
01:08:23I believe she's holding something over me.
01:08:30Yoo-hoo!
01:08:34This is a knockout.
01:08:37This is a knockout.
01:08:52Is he hot? Well, he's not complaining.
01:08:55We're still not out of the wood bangle. How do we get to the bridge?
01:08:59There's only one thing to do. What's that?
01:09:01Hitchhike. Come on.
01:09:06Here comes a car.
01:09:08All right, smile.
01:09:17Oh, dear.
01:09:21Here comes another one. Don't you smile this time. Leave it to me.
01:09:37He's stopped. Good.
01:09:39Wait a minute, wait a minute. There may only be room for one.
01:09:50Have you possibly got room for two? Sure.
01:09:52Oh, fine.
01:09:56Do you go anywhere near the crossway road?
01:09:59Near enough. One of you have to get in the back.
01:10:01Oh, that'll be my little girlfriend.
01:10:03This kind boy is going to give us a lift.
01:10:05Oh, thank you so much. We are obliged to you.
01:10:08Blimey!
01:10:33May I assist you?
01:10:35Oh, that'll be faithfully maith of you.
01:10:37Not at all. Not at all.
01:10:39Come along, my dears. In you get.
01:10:41Of course, there's room for one in front with me.
01:10:43That'll be you, darling.
01:10:45Oh, thank you so much.
01:10:47Oh, thank you so much.
01:10:49Oh, thank you so much.
01:10:51Oh, thank you so much.
01:10:53Oh, thank you so much.
01:10:56Oh, thank you so much.
01:10:58Oh, thank you so much.
01:11:00Oh, thank you so much.
01:11:02Thank you, darling. I'll sit in the back.
01:11:07Dear lady, have you hurt yourself?
01:11:09Oh, but slightly. I've hardly had time to ascertain.
01:11:11Let me help you to your feet.
01:11:13Oh, thank you so much.
01:11:15Oh, you great strong beast.
01:11:17Oh, please, we can't fiddle about here.
01:11:19Perfectly right. Into the front.
01:11:51What's the matter?
01:11:54Oh, nonsense. Get in the car.
01:11:56No, I'd rather walk.
01:11:58All right, then, walk.
01:12:02Come on.
01:12:17Would you believe it? The saucy monkey.
01:12:20Of course, Bandel, I might have misunderstood him.
01:12:22I didn't. Come on.
01:12:25Well, there you are, Jefferson.
01:12:27There won't be much left of that bridge when this goes off.
01:12:29Not exactly a safe job, is it?
01:12:31The fuse is set to allow you time to get away.
01:12:33There's a certain amount of risk, of course.
01:12:35But there's no allowance for delay.
01:12:38Where's Bolton?
01:12:40Waiting in the car.
01:12:46What's anything wrong?
01:12:48I couldn't get away before. Their wires turned up.
01:12:50Well, you've got the passes.
01:12:52Yes, but they're for 12 o'clock.
01:12:54You'll make it. You're quite sure those fellows can't get away?
01:12:56Quite. I've hidden all their clothes behind the garage.
01:12:58Good. Well, come on, get going. I'll give you a hand to the car.
01:13:05Look! Here's Bertie.
01:13:10On a bike, too. The very thing.
01:13:15Hello, Bertie.
01:13:17How are you?
01:13:19Why, Mr Bandel and Mr Popp, they don't you remember?
01:13:21Cool. You'll get six months dressing like that.
01:13:23Well, you leave that alone.
01:13:25Do it.
01:13:27Look, Bandel, another car.
01:13:39Did you see who that was?
01:13:41Your girl from the concert. And dressed to?
01:13:43Hopped that she's phony. The stolen clothes. Telephone wire cut.
01:13:45Yes, but what did she want with our uniforms?
01:13:48Those men. Good heavens.
01:13:50She might have pinched our passes.
01:13:52What does that mean? They're probably spies.
01:13:54Oh, what can we do? Get to the bridge. On there.
01:13:56What? Up on there.
01:13:58Oh, this is ridiculous. I'll tell my father.
01:14:00He won't hear a word.
01:14:22Sit back a bit. I can't see a thing.
01:14:24This isn't a seat, you know. It's a basket.
01:14:27You're telling me.
01:14:30Look out, Bandel. There's a hill.
01:14:32Put on the brakes.
01:14:34I am on. Oh, good.
01:14:36Oh, dear. Steady. Steady.
01:14:41Oh, dear.
01:14:43Oh, I can't stand this much longer.
01:14:45Oh!
01:14:47Oh!
01:14:49Oh!
01:14:52Stop it, Bandel!
01:14:54You'll have me over in a minute. Stop it!
01:14:56I can't!
01:15:00Oh, help!
01:15:02Look out!
01:15:06Oh, that was a near one.
01:15:08I can't stand any more. Let me get off.
01:15:10Not likely.
01:15:21Beep, beep.
01:15:51Hang it? That's twice they've misunderstood me.
01:16:21Oh, very good, sir.
01:16:52Halt. Two men in uniform go through here?
01:16:54Yes. What's that got to do with you?
01:16:56They're spies.
01:16:58Supposed to be. That's part of the manoeuvres.
01:17:00Who told you? We're Bandel and Popty.
01:17:02Oh, Mrs Bandel and Popty, what are you talking about?
01:17:04Those men pitched the passes.
01:17:06Don't waste time. They're real spies. Look.
01:17:16Stay where you are, you two.
01:17:18Halt, or I'll fire!
01:17:21Halt!
01:17:41Popty, come back here!
01:17:45That looks suspicious.
01:17:47See what it's here.
01:17:51Bandel, it's a bomb. Look, it's smoking.
01:17:54It'll go off in a moment.
01:17:56Then you won't want me.
01:17:58Oh.
01:18:02Oh, why did I?
01:18:04Captain Bandel, I'm about to blow up all by myself.
01:18:08In that case, I'll give you a hand.
01:18:10Quick, up the river.
01:18:13One, two, three!
01:18:18Bandel, my phone!
01:18:20Help! Help! I'll give you a hand.
01:18:22Get up there, clumsy idiot.
01:18:24Help! Help!
01:18:30Quick, through here.
01:18:34Oh! Oh!
01:18:36Oh!
01:18:38Oh! Oh!
01:18:41Oh! What's happened?
01:18:43I can't move my head.
01:18:45It's a fence.
01:18:48If the bomb will go off in a minute, I know it will.
01:18:53We've been blown to pieces. What are we going to do?
01:19:10Oh!
01:19:12Isn't that lucky?
01:19:15I never actually thought they'd take the credit.
01:19:18No, but they did.
01:19:20And we've got them there for the rest of our lives.
01:19:25Yes, every morning at 11, I'm going to have a large whisky.
01:19:28Are you? I'm going to have a bottle.
01:19:34Wilma, my lamb.
01:19:36Hello, my dear.
01:19:38And how is my darling this morning?
01:19:40I'm extremely happy, dear.
01:19:42I'm so glad.
01:19:58What's that?
01:20:00The Home Guard van, dear.
01:20:02The Home Guard? What are they doing here?
01:20:04Good heavens, do they know about us?
01:20:06I mean, do they know about the bridge?
01:20:08Yes, dear, and the colonel knows, too.
01:20:10We told him everything.
01:20:12What a pity.
01:20:14They insisted on sending the van to play in your honour.
01:20:18I asked them to choose something particularly appropriate.
01:20:20Listen, dear.
01:20:38Stupid officers.
01:20:40Oh, don't forget your surprise, Mrs. Popdey.
01:20:42My dear, I very nearly did.
01:20:44There you are, Wilma.
01:20:46Oh, the darling.
01:20:49Oh, bless you. Hello, little fellow.
01:20:53He's been running wild in the garden for days.
01:20:55Something must have frightened him.
01:20:57Vandal, look what I've got.
01:21:00I'm sorry if there isn't anything for you.
01:21:03Oh, but there is.
01:21:05Something that I hope will bind us together
01:21:07through all the years to come.
01:21:11This is going to be good.
01:21:14I've adopted him.
01:21:18Daddy.
01:21:37Daddy.