برنامج الدحيح : الزواج السعيد
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00:00In the name of God
00:02In the name of God
00:04What's wrong with you?
00:06Are you going to put a microphone in my mouth?
00:08So I can hear what's going on?
00:10I understand, so that the reflection doesn't reflect on the camera
00:12So it looks like we're filming
00:14Can we just clean the floor?
00:16Sumaya and I have been married for about 25 years
00:18A calm and beautiful marriage
00:20It's a marriage built on his head
00:22The truth is that we participate in all the chores at home
00:24That's right
00:26He cleans and I clean
00:28Wait a second
00:30I remember one time
00:32I swear
00:34I opened the fridge to drink water
00:36I closed the fridge behind me
00:38Of course, parenting should be a part of it
00:40Of course
00:42Of course it should be a part of it
00:44Sumaya, you're saying this about me?
00:46Yes
00:48Lulu, am I going to be afraid or will I be afraid?
00:50I can't believe she can say something like this
00:52He's going to do it himself at home
00:54Listen to me
00:56Sometimes I'm not at home
00:58I'm not at home
01:00And he's like
01:02Don't tell me
01:04I swear
01:06I know
01:08He's going to tell you
01:10It's a lot of work
01:12If he didn't tell you, I would
01:14He's been married for 3 years
01:16I'm actually married
01:18You know who he's married to?
01:20You won't believe it
01:22Classic
01:24By the way, I don't want to spoil it
01:26They were in school together
01:28They were close
01:30They were like brothers
01:32That's why I liked her
01:34Shaham thinks of me
01:36He said that?
01:38Yes, he thinks of me
01:40Every time I look at Shaham
01:42I think of Sumaya
01:44I consider my marriage
01:46A chance
01:48To fix what happened
01:50He really said that?
01:52He's been married for 3 years
01:54You know who he's married to?
01:56Classic
02:06Hello and welcome to a new episode
02:08From the show Al Daheeh
02:10This episode is not only for couples
02:12But it's also for the emotional and
02:14Differential motherhood
02:16With spouses
02:18I want you to stay up all night
02:20To watch this episode
02:22So this marriage can continue
02:24Get ready, get ready
02:26On a sunny morning in Seattle
02:28We find two couples, Mark and Janice
02:30Who haven't been married for a few months
02:32They're having breakfast
02:34Like two happy canaries
02:36In front of them is a beautiful view
02:38To a clear lake
02:40Mark is reading
02:42While Janice is finishing her breakfast
02:44And starts a long conversation
02:46With her mother
02:48It's so natural
02:50For a married couple
02:52You feel like you're in a picture
02:54Of Mustafa Fahmy
02:56You realize that there's something
02:58Unusual going on
03:00Something very important
03:02If you look closely
03:04You'll find 3 cameras
03:06Sticking to the wall
03:08If you look at their phones
03:10You'll find microphones
03:12Sticking to the wall
03:14What's wrong with you?
03:16I'm sorry, I don't understand
03:18Stay with me
03:20Focus on the view
03:22This is not a real picture
03:24This is the Gottman Love Lab
03:26Founded by John Gottman and Robert Levinson
03:28In Washington University
03:30In Seattle
03:32In 1986
03:34To study marriage
03:36And why married couples
03:38Get divorced
03:40These scientists designed the lab
03:42To look like a normal apartment
03:44Just like your house
03:46I have an air fryer
03:48Why don't they have an air fryer?
03:50This normal house
03:52Will ask the couple
03:54To bring the tools
03:56And the newspapers
03:58And the things they use
04:00On weekends
04:02And ask them to act
04:04As natural as possible
04:06Under surveillance
04:08From 9am to 9pm
04:10In all parts of the apartment
04:12It will take 2 days
04:14And that's it
04:16This study takes many years
04:18Gottman will study
04:20The behavior of the couple
04:22And their actions
04:24This experiment was very useful
04:26Let's blow up the air fryer
04:28With a big surprise
04:30The Gottman team
04:32Was able to predict
04:3491% accuracy
04:36Of 3 different studies
04:389 out of 10
04:40Will they get divorced?
04:42Or will they continue?
04:44What's new?
04:4650% of divorce rate
04:48Is true
04:50But it's limited to 40%
04:52Gottman's experiment
04:54Predicts divorce
04:56In 7 years
04:58Can't we go to my wife
05:00And see if we got divorced
05:02Because of someone?
05:04No!
05:06But this accuracy
05:08Is based on behavior
05:10If there's a lie
05:12The body will never lie
05:14Do you remember the heart monitor?
05:16Gottman will measure the blood pressure
05:18Of the couple
05:20And their relationship
05:22In Ohio University
05:24He measured the level of
05:26ADRENALINE
05:28And ACTH
05:30For newly married couples
05:32And compared their physiological state
05:34After 10 years of marriage
05:36During the discussion
05:38Their relationship ended with divorce
05:40Compared to those who got divorced
05:42So if you find people
05:44With high ADRENALINE
05:46You can say
05:48They will probably get divorced
05:50The level of ADRENALINE
05:52Can be an indicator
05:54Of whether they will get divorced
05:56This is related to physiological results
05:58And the possibility of divorce
06:00During a certain period
06:02Gottman and his lab
06:04Don't have any details to monitor the couples
06:06Don't embarrass me
06:08I think this guy is a bit stupid
06:10He got a flat, a mattress, cameras, and a heart monitor
06:12To teach the couple
06:14How to treat people with diseases
06:16What's the point of getting married
06:18If you're young
06:20But you know that getting married
06:22Can kill you like any disease
06:24And it can also be the medicine
06:26That will save you from the disease
06:28This is not an emotional statement
06:30And not under any threat
06:32The average life expectancy
06:34Of a married couple
06:36Is 35%
06:38While the average life expectancy
06:40Of a married couple
06:42Is 4-8 years
06:44This is because the person
06:46Who gets married
06:48Suffers from anxiety
06:50On a physical and emotional level
06:52This makes him susceptible
06:54To psychological problems
06:56Like depression
06:58If you go to the happy side
07:00You'll feel responsible for your mood
07:02Your mood, your health, and your body
07:04In his book
07:06Gottman says
07:08If you spend 10% of your time at the gym
07:10To improve your relationship with your wife
07:12This will give you
07:143 times the health benefits
07:16That you'll get if you work at the gym
07:18I mean, I pay for the couples therapy
07:20I don't pay for going to the gym
07:22According to this study
07:24How does Gottman's lab answer this question?
07:26Good or bad?
07:28There's another important question
07:30That we need to ask
07:32How does marriage start?
07:34Marriage, my dear
07:36Is a partnership
07:38In most cases
07:40This partnership starts
07:42With your ideas and opinions
07:44For a long time
07:46Relationships and partnerships
07:48Were based on opinions
07:50Not a specific scientific method
07:52To draw the path of these relationships
07:54And try to study
07:56According to Gottman
07:58In the 90's
08:00Books like
08:02Men from the West and Women from the East
08:04Will start to appear
08:06This book is a self-help book
08:08With 15 million copies
08:10Translated into more than 40 languages
08:12This book is based on one idea
08:14That every couple
08:16Comes from a different planet
08:18The book starts with a series of books
08:20Confirming the idea
08:22That men and women have catalogs
08:24Women are clums
08:26Women are crowbars
08:28Although many of these things
08:30Have no scientific basis
08:32They will be based on the consciousness of the two sexes
08:34Who are the children
08:36They will also control their choices
08:38Expectations of each other
08:40Imagine Gottman studying for years
08:42To find out the divorce rate
08:44An unscientific book
08:46Can change a whole culture
08:48And determine that marriage
08:50Starts and ends on its own
08:52What is the first thing that comes to your mind
08:54When you hear the word woman or man
08:56Men are treacherous and their eyes are blurred
08:58And women are negative
09:00Isn't this a scientific fact?
09:02Let's see
09:04If we analyze the idea
09:06That men are creatures
09:08Who prefer freedom and isolation
09:10And stay away from the rules of marital life
09:12And are inclined to betrayal
09:14We will find Dr. Aresha Oukar
09:16In her book Chasing Masculinity
09:18She found that the first feeling
09:20Is the feeling of insecurity
09:22And insecurity
09:24Maybe because he doesn't pay enough attention
09:26According to the samples
09:28Many men consider betrayal
09:30An attempt to get used to these feelings
09:32From the outside
09:34Without reaching the point of love
09:36Through divorce
09:38On the contrary, my dear
09:40In the media, you always find
09:42That the woman wants to get married
09:44And the women are happier
09:46Actually, married men
09:48Are seen in the studies
09:50And unmarried men
09:52Are the most miserable
09:54And the most violent
09:56Dr. Aresha Oukar's words
09:58Are a bit toxic
10:00But he confirms that betrayal
10:02Is not a biological thing
10:04Dr. Aresha Oukar's studies
10:06Continue to explain
10:08That betrayal
10:10Does not depend on sex
10:12It depends on whether it is a male or a female
10:14When a male betrays, he betrays with a female
10:16It's a different story, but listen to me
10:18Betrayal, according to her words
10:20Depends on the opportunity, the context
10:22We find that the high rate of betrayal
10:24Is equal to the rate of increasing the number of women
10:26At work
10:28Betrayal is an opportunity that appears to a person
10:30He has an emotional problem, he feels hungry
10:32He has a hunger for appreciation
10:34According to the studies
10:3680% of wives
10:38Said that betrayal itself
10:40Was not the reason for the divorce
10:42And that I was the result of this divorce
10:44But betrayal happened because the divorce was winning
10:46But Abu Hamid, just a second
10:48Men betray their wives
10:50Yes my dear, calm down please
10:52We see the stereotypical ideas
10:54Which of course have something to do with health
10:56But not all of them are right
10:58Just wait for the next round
11:00And the next stereotype
11:02Let's see this claim too
11:04We will find that according to Dr. Catherine McKinley
11:06Men and women experience the same feelings
11:08Like anger, grief and sadness
11:10The difference is that according to her words
11:12Men are not allowed
11:14And this is not a biological thing
11:16But according to Dr. Catherine
11:18There are so-called gender roles
11:20And society distributes them to us
11:22As if we are actors in a play
11:24They say to men, you are strong men
11:26You have no emotions
11:28Unemotional, there is no man who cries
11:30He goes to women and tells them
11:32You are allowed to express yourself
11:34It is normal here that women will be brave
11:36To open up to their friends
11:38Without fearing that their feelings will be revealed
11:40And as usual, when discussing these topics
11:42You will find a man sitting with you at a coffee shop
11:44You ask him what's up
11:46And he will say, pray for me
11:48And then he will say, God
11:50That's it
11:52According to her words, these are social roles
11:54So we find that men and women
11:56Appreciate each other
11:58On the other hand, women tell men
12:00That they are cold and have no blood
12:02By the way, when a man expresses his feelings
12:04These feelings don't go anywhere
12:06They go back to his body
12:08A man's heart beats faster than his wife's
12:10His heart beats faster and fiercer
12:12And this lasts longer than his wife's
12:14Let me tell you, dear husband
12:16If your heart beats more than 100 times per minute
12:18You won't be able to understand your wife
12:20No matter how hard you try
12:22Because you will be in a state called
12:24Goatman's self-loathing
12:26To the extent that you won't be able to focus on what you are saying
12:28Or that after all of this
12:30You will be able to respond rationally
12:32And this is not the only tax for gender roles
12:34Society imposed
12:36When a man says what he said
12:38And the gender role believes him
12:40When he gets involved in a discussion
12:42He tends to think about winning
12:44And this is a big pressure
12:46However, according to him
12:48The wife is better at calming herself
12:50Than her husband
12:52Because she is accepting of her feelings
12:54And she talks a lot about her feelings
12:56So she is able to control her feelings
12:58She is not afraid to express her feelings
13:00If the husband is angry
13:02She tends to calm him down
13:04If the wife's voice is loud
13:06The husband's voice will be louder
13:08Goatman thinks that women
13:10Have a better understanding of emotions
13:12Than men
13:14Even if these women are not necessarily
13:16Stronger than men
13:18This is not a biological program
13:20This comes from childhood
13:22And after many years of training
13:24If we look at how boys and girls play together
13:26You will see that boys focus on winning
13:28And winning
13:30And men play soccer
13:32If you don't know how to play
13:34You can compete with your age friend
13:36If he plays in front of you
13:38So you can win
13:40Meanwhile, girls focus on emotions
13:42If a girl says to the other
13:44We are not friends anymore
13:46He will stop
13:48Imagine a man and a woman
13:50Getting married
13:52And their expectations are all stereotypes
13:54They act as if they are different people
13:56They don't live the roles that society put them in
13:58And they think that this is their nature
14:00And that these roles
14:02Are supposed to be played by them
14:04Sometimes society doesn't just impose its roles on men and women
14:06But it also imposes its economic and social conditions
14:08According to the press
14:10Lita Hong Fincher
14:12Who studied marriage and gender in a society like China
14:14She found that the idea of marriage
14:16Was summarized by a girl from Shanghai in one sentence
14:18Marriage in China is living hell
14:20The marriage there is not limited to one of the two
14:22But the whole society marries
14:24Fathers, sons, grandfathers, and a state
14:26One year, Mohammed, is this a marriage in China?
14:28Yes, but we are talking about China
14:30According to the Hukou system
14:32The girl from 2012, in order to have a residence in Shanghai
14:34She must be married
14:36Many Chinese rejected the marriage
14:38As a reaction to the pressure of society
14:40To the extent that the age of the girl's marriage
14:42Was 24 years and 9 out of 10 years
14:44It reached 27.95 in 2022
14:46Which is almost 3 years
14:48According to a study called
14:50Marriage and Divorce in Egypt
14:52Financial Costs and Political Struggles
14:54Something like a marriage is essential in the Middle East and Egypt
14:56This is the way the society can take you seriously
14:58Are you a father or a mother?
15:00If you are married, you are a young man
15:02But as a result of the economic pressure on the man
15:04Before he can get married
15:06He reaches the age of 31
15:08The average age of the girl's marriage is about 23
15:10Of course, dear, the pressure of the economy
15:12And social pressure does not end after the marriage
15:14On the contrary, this increases
15:16The pressure on the unmarried increases
15:18To the extent that the demand rate reaches 65%
15:20And this is in the first year
15:2265% means that only those who will continue
15:24In the first year, we are here in a society
15:26That has nothing to do with people themselves
15:28But this pressure makes the marriage
15:30And more importantly, the process of preserving it
15:32Much more difficult. Dear, maybe the marriage
15:34Is not affected by the planet you came from
15:36It's not Mars and Venus
15:38But the marriage may be affected by the country you came from
15:40Our expectations towards others and society
15:42Not only is this the problem of marriage
15:44Sometimes our expectations towards the project itself
15:46Are the most important problem in the subject
15:48Specifically, the expected imaginations
15:50Of a happy marriage
15:52A happy marriage is not a problem
15:54As we see on Instagram
15:56They do this all day
15:58According to a study published in 2016
16:00A study followed 135 years ago
16:02Over four years and compared their expectations
16:04Before marriage to the idea of marriage
16:06In their opinion, in marriage after marriage
16:08The study found that the husbands
16:10Whose expectations were logical from the beginning
16:12They were the ones who were able to continue their relationship
16:14While all the expectations that were ideal
16:16This included the marriage above us above them
16:18They are more depressed and their problems are more
16:20Dear, Warren Buffett is the best politician in the world
16:22When he was asked if he would choose
16:24Only one character in his life
16:26He said
16:28If I want to live in a happy marriage
16:30I must have low expectations from the one in front of me
16:32And the one in front of me has low expectations from me
16:34So when we do normal, they are surprised and happy
16:36And when they do normal, we are surprised and happy
16:38So we are both surprised and happy
16:40If we leave the problems of marriage to two types
16:42We will find a type before the solution
16:44And this is usually related to the situation in his eyes
16:46A blind relationship
16:48And the expectations that we expect from each other
16:50We will tell him later when it happens and he will solve it
16:52But dear, the other type is difficult to solve
16:54And this continues
16:56This issue usually has a physical reason
16:58Behind other hidden reasons
17:00And as a result, the numbers become a problem
17:02So the argument is, why didn't you take out the trash
17:04But in reality, the argument is, why do you forget to help me
17:06As if the house is my only responsibility
17:08Unfortunately, dear, 69% of the problems between husbands
17:10From this other type
17:12Because the husbands face their expectations
17:14About the idea of marriage itself
17:16Each one of us not only has characteristics and advantages
17:18But we also have problems
17:20Coming from the formation of our personalities before we have a partner
17:22In his book, After Honeymoon
17:24The expert Dan Weil says
17:26When you choose your life partner, you choose a group of problems
17:28So it's best, dear, that you choose the type of problems
17:30You can live with
17:32A happy marriage is a marriage in which the couple
17:34They deal with the problems that can be solved
17:36Before it turns into problems
17:38And they talk about their problems first
17:40They might even insult them
17:42They insult their problems, not other people's problems
17:44The important thing is that they don't reach what Gottman calls
17:46Algemony
17:48And this is what happens when the two or one of them
17:50Feel that they are oppressed or victims
17:52At the same time, listen to this and write on your Twitter
17:54That the sad partner is a victim of his expectations
17:56And not of his doubts
18:00Stop it, Abu Ahmed, you're a little arrogant
18:02And because of the marriage, do I have to deal with Dr. Carl Jung
18:04Or do I have to sit for years in Gottman's lab
18:06To play with him?
18:08Don't you think it's logical, uncle?
18:10He said, leave the marriage, then we'll go to the psychologist
18:12I don't want to surprise you
18:14But in the end, according to the clients
18:16The specialists who received the worst reviews
18:18Are the psychotherapists for couples
18:20This is the job
18:22That their clients are not happy about
18:24The problem with marriage, as I explained to you
18:26Is that there are expectations of each gender
18:28And their expectations are from the project itself
18:30Many specialists fell into the same problem
18:32And expected that marriage could be limited to their style
18:34A relationship between a doctor and a patient
18:36In the way of I can't fix him, I can't fix her
18:38Who doesn't get any good from behind
18:40The way to treat couples
18:42Was invented by psychologist Carl Roger
18:44In the 60s
18:46His goal was to train psychiatrists
18:48To respond to what they hear from their patients
18:50Without giving them any judgment
18:52To make the patient feel as much empathy
18:54As possible with what he's going through
18:56And since it's supposed in the happy marriage
18:58That each party can act on their nature
19:00And the other party can feel and accept it
19:02With its advantages and disadvantages
19:04And the sounds it makes all the time
19:06So it was normal for specialists to train couples
19:08The same way called active listening
19:10How does it happen?
19:12It happens by giving advice
19:14For example, you start talking to the speaker
19:16Not the interlocutor, don't say
19:18You annoyed me when you left me alone
19:20But you tell her, I'm annoyed that I felt
19:22That I was alone on a day like this
19:24Here, the other party will repeat what they heard
19:26In a way that appreciates the person's feelings
19:28Who said this, not that I'm defending myself
19:30The initial reaction won't be
19:32I wasn't empty, I was tired
19:34And see what you're doing
19:36It's not an accusation, it's a hurtful person
19:38A sad person, so the initial reaction
19:40Will be, oh no
19:42What's the problem?
19:44It's not like that, my dear
19:46People succeed in a logical way
19:48Even in self-assessment
19:50From 35% to 50%
19:52And I'm not giving you an example of self-assessment
19:54I'm talking about someone like Neil Jacobson
19:56Who wrote important books on marital relations
19:58But didn't have a successful marriage
20:00That's not all, at least half of the couples
20:02Who got cured and got married
20:04Except for John Gottman
20:06There's a huge difference between discussing
20:08A patient and a doctor in a comfortable environment
20:10Without accumulations of problems
20:12Or previous arguments
20:14And discussing with your life partner
20:16Who never studied psychology
20:18So it's hard to hear a part of the complaint
20:20And accept it as a doctor
20:22She's his wife, not his therapist
20:24Let me tell you that even in normal psychotherapy
20:26The doctor tries not to have a personal relationship with the patient
20:28And if the discussion between them is personal
20:30The therapist is supposed to move the subject
20:32And this doesn't mean that active communication skills
20:34Don't play a role in a successful marriage
20:36But of course, it's not enough to save the marriage
20:38I don't get it, Abu Ahmed
20:40I mean, the expectations of each sex
20:42For each other, and our expectations of marriage
20:44For us, and maybe this too
20:46Could come to us in hard economic circumstances
20:48And I wish this too could come to me
20:50In the doctor or in the therapist
20:52Who pays him 800 pounds per hour to cure me
20:54So what do I do? Who do I go to?
20:56I don't want to die a sinner, or single
20:58Or like that, or frustrated
21:00Dear, don't worry, please
21:02I'm not going to die in the end
21:04Dear, do you think I'm going to leave you like this?
21:06I'm going to lock you up from all sides
21:08So you can stay until the end of the episode
21:10And see all the ads
21:12I'm going to get you, I promise
21:14After I get my money
21:16The truth is that men are not from Mars
21:18They might be from Damascus
21:20And women are not from the flower
21:22They might be from the Kingdom of Siblings
21:24The truth is that the word of secret in a marital help
21:26Is something common and present in everyone
21:28There is only one sentence
21:30The quality of friendship between the two sides
21:32And what I mean by friendship is mutual respect
21:34Mutual respect and fun
21:36Each side discovers the other
21:38And knows what they like, and what they don't
21:40And the crazy life of each side
21:42Their hopes and dreams
21:44In a friendship like this, your wife might leave you
21:46To know that you love her more than your chest
21:48And the husband might spend a lot of time with his wife
21:50Despite the fact that he doesn't prefer family reunions
21:52Nor does he prefer his wife's story
21:54All of this happens because he owns and cares
21:56He feels that he is forced to do something
21:58Honestly, Abu Ahmed, I feel like you are saying this
22:00On Facebook, on Twitter, in books
22:02People say it as slogans
22:04But not on the ground
22:06On the ground, we need people from the Red Cross
22:08To come and solve the armed conflicts
22:10We are in a cold war and on the brink of a nuclear war
22:12All of this is advice, even the plane after the honeymoon
22:14Honestly, dear Khalil Mutafiquen
22:16When you see a program that talks about football
22:18This program will never teach you how to play football
22:20The application is what will help you learn and implement
22:22But you need a theoretical background
22:24To be able to walk
22:26The friendship that Mr. Gootman is talking about
22:28Is supposed to be the beginning of the relationship
22:30Not the end, we are not going to be friends
22:32No, if we become friends, we can be partners
22:34Because it leads to what Robert Wise calls
22:36The victory of positive emotions
22:38In a relationship like this, once there is a fight
22:40It is easy for the parties to assume a good intention
22:42And to look at it as a bad time
22:44In a solid relationship, like a captain's game
22:46The parties' time, even in the presence of problems
22:48Is positive, on the contrary, if the negative emotions
22:50Are the winning ones, we will be sitting
22:52And when I break the code, we are sitting together
22:54What did he mean when he looked at me? What did he mean when I walked?
22:56And every small mistake will be interpreted as a very big problem
22:58And every attempt to reconcile during the fight
23:00No matter how good the person who started the reconciliation
23:02Is in communication skills
23:04And listens well, in his attempts
23:06You will not hear that you did not understand wrong
23:08Do you say I'm sorry? Do you take me for a fool?
23:10Do you say what is this? Do you think I'm crazy? Do I pull my hair?
23:12And this is one of the reasons that makes
23:14Traditional marital therapy not very effective
23:16In cases of winning negative emotions
23:18This is a very important thing, if there was no confidence
23:20That our intention is good
23:22What is the relationship now?
23:24It was not the case that the relationship is fast
23:26Because there will be no trust
23:28So we will not be able to take any positive things
23:30From that person, and we will not be able to sell
23:32For a positive thing, and increase the relationship
23:34Make sure your intention is good
23:36And that you have good feelings for each other
23:38It's true, dear, bad feelings like money
23:40They do not last, and it is impossible to succeed in a relationship
23:42Alone, because our good feeling does not prevent us
23:44From asking for support or presenting it
23:46Gutman considers that the feelings are renewed
23:48In the response of each party to something he calls
23:50BIDZ
23:52And it means the attempts that each party makes
23:54To tell the other party that he needs it
23:56My dear, in the successful marriage
23:58Each party supports the other party 86% of the cases
24:00Abu Ahmed, my number was 83
24:02Is there a high level?
24:04Reducing this blood is the reason for your failure in relationships
24:06Anyway, if we compare
24:08Happy marriages with marriages that ended with divorce
24:10The percentage of response to support requests
24:12It was 33%, the percentage of support
24:14Much less than happy marriages
24:16Which is 80% and 30%
24:18And this support can be in simple things
24:20Like a glass of water while you're in the kitchen
24:22Or you can take your plate while you're standing
24:24Or you can put my cell phone in the drawer
24:26Simple things, this is also included
24:28It can also be a big thing
24:30Like the participation in the care of one of the spouses
24:32Or one of the spouses
24:34According to Gutman, the most important aspect in a romantic relationship
24:36Not an expensive trip to a luxurious place on the beach
24:38Or a date in a fancy restaurant
24:40But the most important aspect in a romantic relationship
24:42Is the response to simple support requests
24:44The things that happen during the day
24:46Which accumulates positive feedback
24:48Allows the relationship to resist problems when they happen
24:50As long as you know how to handle them
24:52Gutman, the ladies who follow them
24:54Saw that the man who helps them at home
24:56Not only does he look good
24:58And does positive things
25:00He's also a real sexual attractor
25:02Here, the wife sees the husband
25:04Focusing on her daily routine
25:06And helping her, and she also sees
25:08That he's trying to comfort her, not because she's tired
25:10Or in a hurry, but because he's trying to please her
25:12According to Gutman, this moves the focus
25:14On how each one will comfort the other
25:16Instead of the over-focusing on who did what
25:18And this is what Gutman sees
25:20As a sign of a problem between the spouses
25:22Because no one is supposed to think of the other
25:24And as much as the daily routine is an important activity
25:26Sometimes going out on a routine
25:28Is important and enjoyable
25:30According to the researcher Arthur Aron
25:32One of the ways to renew any marriage
25:34Is the exciting activities
25:36New activities that the spouses discover for each other
25:38According to the book Normal Bar
25:40New small gestures
25:42You don't have to go skydiving in Dubai
25:44Or try to escape from a skip room in Arkan
25:46Simple initiatives
25:48Like a kiss on the cheek
25:50Or a few messages
25:52Or watching a movie or a series
25:54Simple activities
25:56You don't have to be tired or busy
25:58Or even have time
26:00Just send her a text message or an emoji
26:02And that's it!
26:04Friendship, in short, you'll find its way
26:06No matter your economic or social situation
26:08Mohamed, let me ask you a question
26:10As a university professor
26:12Do women and men have best friends?
26:14According to a study by Stanford University
26:16Which is a very expensive university
26:18Boys and girls in childhood can be best friends
26:20In 35% of cases
26:22Up to 7 years
26:24But after that, this ratio is almost zero
26:26At adulthood, these friendships
26:28Are considered normal between the two sexes
26:30Because at that time, girls accept
26:32The influence of boys and girls
26:34And boys accept the influence
26:36More than boys who are like them
26:38The influence here is in the form of consultation
26:40Or participation
26:42And the influence of second opinion in a decision
26:44And respect for feelings and opinions
26:46That's why girls from 5 to 7 years
26:48Get bored of this situation and stop playing with boys
26:50But no, what you're saying, Mohamed
26:52Can't there be friendship between boys and girls
26:54You started your episode now on the basis of this
26:56Let me tell you, my dear
26:58Despite everything I told you
27:00Friendship, with the existence of positive feelings
27:02And the demand for support and clarity between the two sides
27:04Their roles are different
27:06And according to Gottman
27:08In fights in families that have different effects
27:10Meaning they influence each other
27:12They listen to each other, they understand each other
27:14Their fights are less severe than the other fights
27:16And the possibility of the marriage being successful is higher
27:18In the end, my dear
27:20The marriage is a relationship between two different people
27:22And their ideas are certainly different from each other
27:24Two people, society imposes certain roles on them
27:26And despite all the problems, they chose to commit to life together
27:28And all the time they have to fight
27:30And fighting here means positive
27:32And fighting here means negative
27:34Reaching the middle ground is not a compromise
27:36And the most important communication skills in this case
27:38Is that the two couples remain friends
27:40There is no friendship between two people
27:42They don't know each other much
27:44They don't talk to each other, they don't understand each other
27:46And although, my dear, you don't necessarily fix anyone
27:48But you can know him, you can get to know him
27:50And you can discover him, even while he is changing
27:52In the end, my dear, the marriage can last for tens of years
27:54It's normal that the people we met at times
27:56Won't stay the same
27:58And we won't stay the same
28:00We won't say that we are done, we are done
28:02We understood each other, we became friends
28:04No, we keep changing
28:06And we need to keep following ourselves
28:08And following the other side
28:10To be able to maintain this marriage
28:12To see what the other side wants
28:14What can I help with, what bothers me
28:16And how can I reduce this
28:18In the end, my dear, there is no mathematical equation
28:20That guarantees all this success
28:22And let me give you a clue in the ring
28:24Or in humanity, or in civilization
28:26Or in the foundation of marriage, or in everything
28:28The door is not locked, the door is not locked
28:30That's it, my dear
28:32If you haven't watched the previous episode, watch the next one
28:34If we are on YouTube, subscribe to the channel
28:36Let me tell you, my dear, at the end of the episode
28:38It's very similar to marriage
28:40It's like a big barrel, the first one is 5 cm of honey
28:42And the rest is not honey
28:44What is this?
28:46The second one is Abu Hamed
28:48It looks like I opened the barrel with a pen
28:58Subscribe to the channel