Etiquette Expert Answers Etiquette Questions From Twitter

WIRED

Etiquette expert William Hanson joins WIRED to answer the internet’s burning questions about proper manners and polite behavior. Why is “no elbows on the table” a rule? Is there a proper way to stir tea? Or cut a piece of cheese from a charcuterie board? Who decides what proper table etiquette is? Why should we even care about etiquette in the first place? Etiquette expert William Hanson answers these questions and many more on Etiquette Support.  Director: Anna O'Donohue Director of Photography: James Fox Editor: Richard Trammell Expert: William Hanson Line Producer: Joseph Buscemi Associate Producer: Isabel Fraser Production Manager: Peter Brunette Production Coordinator: Rhyan Lark Talent Booker: Nicholas Sawyer Camera Operator: Stephen Ley Sound Mixer: Mark Cheffins Production Assistant: Jack Haynes Post Production Supervisor: Christian Olguin Post Production Coordinator: Ian Bryant Supervising Editor: Doug Larsen Additional Editor: Paul Tael; JC Scruggs Assistant Editor: Andy Morell

Transcript

00:00I'm William Hanson, an etiquette coach, and I'm here to answer the internet's

00:03burning etiquette questions. This is Etiquette Support.

00:12At Dolly Marole asks, I always do my best to have good table etiquette, but I still

00:18genuinely do not understand the no elbows on the table rule. Why is that important?

00:22Three exclamation marks. The no elbows on the table rule goes back to the medieval times

00:28in Europe where they were eating from trestle tables. They would put these benches out with

00:34sheets of wood on top. If you put your elbows on the table, the table would tip and the food

00:39would go everywhere, and obviously that's not very good etiquette. And so it became the etiquette

00:42and not to put your elbows on the table. We do really still abide by the no elbows on the table

00:46rule because I think it looks really ugly. At Quellings is saying, what's the proper way to

00:52stir the tea? Clockwise or anti-clockwise? Great question, and the answer is neither. Instead,

00:58we stir in a back and forth 6-12, 6-12 motion, gently flicking the teaspoon at the top of the

01:04cup, not banging around like that. Thank you very much. Set it back in line with the handle and

01:10enjoy. R.G. Meister is asking, actually, f*** this site. I'm learning how to cut cheese for

01:16charcuterie. Well, you live life on the edge. Here comes our cheese selection. Thank you.

01:21You don't want to take the best bit of the cheese for yourself, and the best bit of the cheese,

01:27cheeses that are made in the round, is the nose of the cheese. And on this blue cheese here, that

01:31would be this bit. So we wouldn't cut like so because you'd be taking the creamiest bit for

01:36yourself, and that's not good manners. Instead, we are going to cut down, keeping the original shape,

01:42and then we would place that cheese on our individual plate. We have a question now from

01:47Joe P.E. Haley. How do you eat your peas? Excellent question. Cue the peas. Thank you so

01:53much. Just ordered this plate of peas from the nearest available tin. What we don't do is scoop

01:59like this. In really casual dining, that might be permissible, but in more formal dining, we're

02:04going to use both the fork and the knife. Some people do this. I think this is more difficult

02:10to keep those peas balanced. You see, there we go. One's gone. It's much better to just spear them

02:17onto the tines of your fork and eat like so. At The Etiquette Man is asking, is cheersing or

02:23clinking your glass on the table proper etiquette? So many people do it, but it's not actually

02:29correct. In formal dining, you're drinking from fine glassware that's expensively made, and if you

02:34do start smashing your glasses together, you're going to hear the clink of glass all over the

02:38floor, and that'll somewhat ruin the meal. We have a tweet from At Shelley Leahy. No, but why should

02:45we care about etiquette? Like, who the **** cares about which fork goes where? Why does it matter?

02:52They've put in blunt capitals. Clearly have strong opinions on this. Etiquette is important to

02:57everybody. If you are a user of earth, then you need etiquette and manners. No one is exempt

03:03from that. Predominantly, what I'm focusing on today is Western British American etiquette.

03:09At Droovy Modi 10 is saying, who even decides table etiquette? Like, I'll keep the fork however

03:15I want without giving some secret message on whether I like the food or not. Okay, so there

03:20is some etiquette fake news that does the rounds on social media. There is a graphic showing the

03:26different positions to put your cutlery in based on whether you liked the food or not, whether

03:31you're ready for a second plate. It's a load of rubbish. The only positions you put your cutlery

03:36in when they're not being held in your hand is to indicate that you are resting or if you are

03:40finished. When we're resting, the cutlery goes like so. When we're finished, in Britain, we would put

03:47the cutlery together. But in other parts of the world, that might be at a slight angle. And in

03:52France, the fork might be turned over. That is what the waiting staff are looking for. At Waseem

03:58NYC is asking, is it ever okay to interrupt someone in a conversation? Short answer, no. And if it is

04:04okay, which it isn't, when is it an appropriate time? I mean, look, if they're on fire, then you

04:09might perhaps need to say, I'll just stop you there. Your trousers are a light. But other than that,

04:14let them finish. But notice to everyone else, a conversation is meant to be like a game of

04:18tennis. You're not meant to hold the ball and not let it go. At Virgin Radio Toronto are asking,

04:24is it wrong to taste a bottle of wine at a restaurant and then send it back because you

04:28don't like it? Well, the restaurant are going to love you because you're going to be paying for

04:32the first bottle and the second bottle. The only reason, thank you, that you can send something

04:37back is because there is a problem with the wine because it is caught. And that's where there's

04:42been a problem in the storage process. And by the time you get the wine to about here, you will know

04:47that it is caught. It will stink. This is from B1 Acker. How TF do you eat a big ass burger in a

04:53non grotesque way? Well, that's an excellent question. Thank you. Now this burger, this is

04:58huge. Nobody's got a mouth that big. So instead, you're going to deconstruct it first with your

05:03knife and fork. Take the top of the bun off and then cut a little bit and then eat like so.

05:11At Richard Bicknays is asking, what fork etiquette do you use? I'm sure I'd get roasted in Europe for

05:17my very American knife and fork etiquette. Well, yes, there are some differences. In Britain,

05:23when we're using a knife and fork together, they are both held at the same time. The knife stays

05:30low. We obviously don't put the knife anywhere near our mouth and the food is conveyed via the

05:34fork. And in Britain, the tines of the fork, the prongs always face downwards. Now in America,

05:41they will start like this, cut a little bit of food, place the knife down on the edge of the

05:46plate, turn the fork over, stab and eat, pick up the knife, cut another little bit of food.

05:51This is an aerobic exercise. This is not relaxing in any way. So we don't suggest

05:56eating like that in Britain. But of course, in America, it's perfectly correct if that's how

06:00they wish to eat. Mr. Rickson is saying that according to etiquette expert Emily Post,

06:07there are three proper ways to eat spaghetti. How do you do it? Thank you. Looks so appetizing.

06:15Well, Emily Post wrote her book in America at the turn of the 20th century. Now I don't know

06:19about the etiquette back then, but I didn't think there were three ways to eat spaghetti. But today

06:23there is only one way. You are not going to cut your pasta. It's very bad form. It is just eaten

06:29with the fork upturned in the dominant hand. And you go in from the edge of your spaghetti,

06:34twist and make a neat little parcel and then eat like so. At LOL, it's Lawrence,

06:41says what is the worst etiquette sin ever? If you do not say please, thank you and sorry,

06:47as a human being walking on this earth, then you should be put into etiquette room 101 and the key

06:54should be thrown away. Those are the absolute basic fundamental things of being a human being.

07:00This one is from at sassy Frenchie. Do they know the etiquette in France is to arrive 15 minutes

07:06late at the host's house so they can prepare on time? This is a really interesting one. And I

07:12think one that is changing with different generations. So in Britain and in France,

07:16and several other countries, it did used to be the etiquette that you never arrived on time to

07:22someone's house for a dinner. So if I said to you come for 7.30, you would turn up at 7.40,

07:27maybe 7.45. However, I think millennials and Gen Z now are slightly panicked if their guests are not

07:34there at the time they have said. So I would say really, if someone now says to you 7.30,

07:39probably go for 7.35. As a host, it's really nice to have those 10-15 minutes just to have a

07:44breather, do those final preparations, have a gin and tonic. And generally the friends that don't

07:50get the 15 minutes, 10-15 minute late rule, generally the ones that don't host.

07:55At Kay Habing is asking, I'm absolutely shocked that so many people think it's shitty to recline

08:00your airplane seat. That's why it's there. So you can recline. I've never not reclined my seat.

08:08My seat stays reclined. Always. Well, I think the cabin crew have got something to say at

08:14takeoff and landing about that because you're not meant to have it reclined then. Oh yes,

08:17they're from Austin, Texas, which explains so much. I would suggest that if you are going

08:24to recline your seat, and you are right at Kay Habing, if you want to recline your seat, you can,

08:28but don't do it during the meal service. Do make sure you just sort of slightly check behind you

08:34the signal that you are going to do it and you do it slowly. Don't do it violently.

08:38At Ms. Robot Butler says, help, this girl is telling me about horoscopes and I've

08:43literally no interest in it. I don't know how to get out of this conversation. Try and pair them

08:49off with someone else. Say to them, oh, I've just seen someone over there. I must go and

08:53chat to before they go. But have you met Anna? No. I'm going to introduce this person with Anna

08:58and off you go. It's much nicer than just going, I've got to go. Bye. And then walking off.

09:03At Brave RK9 is asking, it feels like unless I hunt down the waiter that we want the check

09:09or bill, we could be there for hours. Is this a thing? The way to get a waiter's attention is

09:14purely body language. We don't want any clicking, any clapping or any flapping about. Instead,

09:19sort of sit back from the table, make yourself a little bit taller and try and catch their eye.

09:24As they go past, keep the hand at the level of the eye. And then when they come over,

09:29please may I have the bill? That's all you need to say.

09:32At Ed Azumi is asking, I need a crash course on how to properly address royals. Well,

09:37I'm going to take the British royal family. The king and queen are referred to as their majesty,

09:42but direct conversation, you would say your majesty, and then you would call the king,

09:46sir, thereafter. And Queen Camilla would be ma'am, and that's ma'am as in ham, not ma'am as in farm.

09:50And every other member of the royal family, if they have an HRH title, would be your royal highness,

09:56followed by sir or ma'am, according to their gender.

09:58At Salt Cheek is asking, I'm having an internal debacle right now. A lady is standing in front

10:04of me in the train. She looks pregnant, but not really. Do I ask? Do I offer my seat? There is

10:11always that slight jeopardy that of course you might offend somebody, but the good news is you're

10:15probably never seeing them ever again. If you wish to offer your seat to anybody who looks like they

10:21need that seat more than you, then yes, you can do that.

10:24At Sean Cummins is saying, I hold the door open for anyone always, but I would like some

10:30clarification on the optimum distance at which it is acceptable to let the door close instead of

10:36enduring that awkward long-ish wait and forcing them to break into that slightly embarrassed

10:42half jog. At 2.4 meters. No, that's a joke. There's no correct distance for me to give you.

10:48It's just what feels right. But at least glance behind and check.

10:53At bday1961 is asking, how do you get rid of house guests that overstay their welcome?

11:01I have various different tactics. First of all, I might say to them, have you got a very busy day

11:05tomorrow? Or I might say to people, can I get anyone anything else? Which again is another

11:10passive aggressive piece of British etiquette to mean, please leave. If all of that fails,

11:15you can just flick the lights and hope they get the message like a nightclub.

11:19Well, those are all of the burning etiquette questions we've got time for today.

11:23Thank you very much indeed for watching Etiquette Support.

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