A motley group of soldiers are set loose in swinging London in an initiative test to collect a selection of esoteric items.
Source: IMDB
Source: IMDB
Category
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Short filmTranscript
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00:08:41Thank you, sir.
00:08:42Well, chaps.
00:08:43Gentlemen.
00:08:44Not the balsa. Allow me.
00:08:46I'd like to see that not tested for initiative.
00:08:48They must be joking.
00:08:49Royal Huntway, too.
00:08:50What a bore.
00:08:51I want you to imagine that the whole country has been devastated.
00:08:55Pulverized.
00:08:56Not one blade of grass standing.
00:08:58And it's up to you chaps to penetrate this enemy-held territory
00:09:02and rescue a few symbols of the British way of life
00:09:05to be buried for posterity.
00:09:07Britain.
00:09:09England.
00:09:10What magic this word conjures up.
00:09:13I've got your right, sir.
00:09:14Shakespeare.
00:09:15Tennyson.
00:09:16Rupert Brooke.
00:09:17Rupert Brooke.
00:09:18Ah, yet stands the village clerk at ten to three.
00:09:22Is there honey still for tea?
00:09:24Do get on with it, Foskett.
00:09:26Oh, so sorry.
00:09:27Well now, chaps.
00:09:28Down to work.
00:09:29Now, you're all being handed out a list of objects
00:09:31which I very carefully selected as representative of the British way of life
00:09:35in its broadest terms, of course.
00:09:37Well now, the first object which you will find is a silver lady emblem
00:09:41from a Rolls-Royce Mezca.
00:09:43You see one here.
00:09:44Matter of fact, I took it from General Lockwood's Mezca.
00:09:46What's that?
00:09:47Just in case you chaps thought of whipping it.
00:09:49Now, secondly, uh...
00:09:52Secondly, a blushing harbinger in spring.
00:09:56Lady Frances MacDonald.
00:09:58I'll leave it to you to parcel that one out for yourself.
00:10:00Lady Frances MacDonald.
00:10:02Thirdly, an electric hair from a Greyhound race track.
00:10:06Electric hair.
00:10:08Fourthly, a flight of those plaster ducks.
00:10:11Plaster ducks.
00:10:12Or ducks on tiles would do her.
00:10:14They're all rather out of fashion.
00:10:16But I'm sure you'll find them if you look hard enough.
00:10:18And fifthly, a lock of hair from that rather gorgeous French pop singer Sylvie Tarnay.
00:10:25Sylvie Tarnay.
00:10:26Oh, by the way, just in case, we'd rather like to know that it is her hair
00:10:31so we'll want her autograph as well.
00:10:34Well, so far you have five objects.
00:10:37The sixth is a secret.
00:10:39But you'll find out what it is when you collect your sealed orders
00:10:42from the desk at Tweedle's Club in London tomorrow
00:10:45between 15 and 1600 hours.
00:10:48You have to collect all these objects.
00:10:50Don't spend too much time on any one
00:10:52and be back here in 48 hours.
00:10:54That is, 1000 hours the day after tomorrow.
00:10:57Now, any questions?
00:11:00Permission to speak, please, sir.
00:11:02Carry on, sir.
00:11:03Well, sir, I think there's the possibility of a misprint
00:11:07because I distinctly heard you say Lady MacDonald
00:11:10but here it says Lady MacDonagh.
00:11:13Yes, yes, yes. Well, you can spell it either way.
00:11:15I understand that you know what it means.
00:11:17Oh, yes, sir. I know what it means, all right.
00:11:20Thanks, sir.
00:11:23Uh, this Lady MacDonagh, how far do we go?
00:11:26No holds barred?
00:11:27You heard what the general said on that score.
00:11:30If you're ready, perhaps you'll change into your civilian clothes
00:11:33and I'll show you to the starting point.
00:11:35Oh, just, just, just one point.
00:11:37Please leave all your ready cash with me.
00:11:40You remember that the banks have been devastated
00:11:42and that means, of course, checkbooks as well.
00:11:44Come on, mister.
00:11:45Take him to the starting line, will you please, Proskitt?
00:11:48I've got a little bit of business to attend to.
00:11:50Good luck to you all.
00:11:52Thank you, sir.
00:11:54Now, chaps, this is a maze,
00:11:56a snare that you have got to find your way out of.
00:11:59Now, your starting point is the centre.
00:12:01Oh.
00:12:02Now, after you've found your way out,
00:12:05if we catch you within a radius of one mile,
00:12:07we're going to bring you right back here to square one.
00:12:10In fact, we shall be looking for you for that first mile.
00:12:12It should be rather fun, actually.
00:12:14All right, Cecil, will you take them away?
00:12:16Righto, chaps. Come along, follow me.
00:12:18Bye-bye, sir.
00:12:19Bye, Keg.
00:12:24Good-bye, Captain.
00:12:26I'm now going to direct you to the start.
00:12:29So follow my instructions very carefully.
00:12:32Make your way to the centre.
00:12:34To your right, Lieutenant Morton.
00:12:36That's it.
00:12:37Follow Sergeant Major McGregor.
00:12:39Now to your left, Sergeant Major.
00:12:41Sergeant Clegg, straight on.
00:12:44And now to your right.
00:12:46No, right.
00:12:49Well done.
00:12:51It's ten o'clock exactly,
00:12:53so you have 48 hours to get out,
00:12:55find your objects and return here.
00:12:57All right?
00:12:59On your marks, get set...
00:13:14It's no good that way.
00:13:16There's a gap. There's a gap.
00:13:18I'm out. I'm out. I'm out.
00:13:20I'm in. I've got a start in.
00:13:23You're staying, I see, sir.
00:13:25I think I'll carry on if you don't mind.
00:13:31This is crazy. Just crazy.
00:13:33And it doesn't help to have them sitting up there watching either.
00:13:36Not to worry, old boy.
00:13:37If I know my fellow officers,
00:13:39they won't stay out in the cold for long.
00:13:41Who are you writing to?
00:13:43Just a letter to an old friend.
00:13:46Oh!
00:13:51Well, it's time for a cup of tea, I think.
00:13:53Tea! Oh, very important, yes.
00:13:59Hawk! Mahoon!
00:14:01Stroller glamour!
00:14:16What on earth are you looking at?
00:14:18Put that objectionable object down.
00:14:20Instead of staying, it's better.
00:14:22There you are. I told you.
00:14:24We'll have a see how that helps.
00:14:26Time for action.
00:14:28I see you there.
00:14:30Wake up, man. Over here.
00:14:34Get this delivered as quick as you can.
00:14:36Right, sir.
00:14:38That's a double, fellow.
00:14:40Come back here.
00:14:42Weren't you taught to salute an officer?
00:14:44Oh, sorry, sir.
00:14:47Can't have the fellow slacking, wasting a taxpayer's money.
00:14:50Let's wander back to the middle.
00:14:52We wait, my dear fellow. That's all. Just wait.
00:14:58Oh!
00:15:00Oh, Al.
00:15:07Dig, me?
00:15:09I'm a married man.
00:15:15We're not getting anywhere this way.
00:15:17Have you got a plan, my dear fellow?
00:15:19Anything's better than just sitting here.
00:15:21Hey, what's that?
00:15:23Yes, that'll be Binky.
00:15:27Binky?
00:15:29That chap I was at school with.
00:15:31Hey, over here! Come on!
00:15:33Man, this is great!
00:15:35Spare your breath, Mr. Morton.
00:15:37Binky may not be too bright, but he knows exactly where to come.
00:15:45Oh, no!
00:15:56Come back!
00:15:58No!
00:16:00No!
00:16:12I say, sir, there's an initiative for you.
00:16:31Aah!
00:16:36Right, everyone! Forward!
00:16:41Come on! Come along!
00:16:44Foskett will bring them back alive.
00:16:48That fellow Foskett's right in the head.
00:16:51Clear fish, these psychology fellows.
00:16:56Lunatic!
00:16:58Pilot might have killed us.
00:17:00Well, nobody asked you to come, Sergeant.
00:17:02Shit!
00:17:09They've come off. They must be in those woods over there.
00:17:12Come on, let's catch them and put them back in the maze.
00:17:14Hurry! Come on!
00:17:19Come on, then! Faster! Faster!
00:17:21What now?
00:17:23I'll do as you please. Personally, I'm going to see about a spur of lunch.
00:17:26Good day to you both. Lunch?
00:17:28What's he going to do, stab a grouse with his umbrella?
00:17:30A grouse?
00:17:32Uh-oh! The hunt's on!
00:17:34Get lost!
00:17:49Faster! Faster!
00:17:56Get away! This is my truck!
00:17:58What do you mean? He jerked me!
00:18:00Go on! Go somewhere else!
00:18:02Couldn't we share it?
00:18:04Yeah, come on.
00:18:06Hold it!
00:18:12Right, lads! Cally-ho!
00:18:14Here he goes!
00:18:16Don't let him get away!
00:18:20There he is!
00:18:22Cally-ho!
00:18:26By God, there he is!
00:18:28After him, lads!
00:18:50Stop!
00:18:56Stop!
00:19:15Get these dogs out of the way!
00:19:17The American felons got away!
00:19:19Get out of here, you chaps! Get out!
00:19:21Look, can't you get out of the way? You're spoiling our farm!
00:19:27You oaf!
00:19:29What are you doing in there?
00:19:31It doesn't look like I'm doing nothing. I'm sweating.
00:19:36We made it with all your clothes on.
00:19:39Well, it's very cold in there.
00:19:48It won't keep me in here.
00:19:50I'll get you out of here.
00:19:52I'll get you out of here.
00:19:54Get in here.
00:19:56Arnold Clegg.
00:19:58World-famous escapist.
00:20:00Human mole.
00:20:02That's what I'm going to become.
00:20:04I'll show that fosket.
00:20:06Oh!
00:20:07Hey, now cut that out.
00:20:21Stop that, you little...
00:20:29Ow!
00:20:30Mom, Sunblocks pinched Dad's trousers.
00:20:34Oh, Freddie, you must stop telling stories.
00:20:37PHONE RINGS
00:20:40Hello?
00:20:41Annabelle, it's me.
00:20:43Timmy, what happened to you last night?
00:20:45Where were you?
00:20:46Never mind that. This is serious.
00:20:48The whole country's been devastated.
00:20:50Are you sure about that, darling?
00:20:52Seems all right here.
00:20:53We've still got the Hilton Hotel and Buckingham Palace.
00:20:56Now, listen to me, honey.
00:20:58I've got to go out and collect a few souvenirs
00:21:00so they can be buried for posterity.
00:21:02You sound as though you need help.
00:21:04I need some clothes.
00:21:05Can you bring me that coat I left at your place last weekend?
00:21:08Yes. Anything else?
00:21:09Annabelle, who the heck is Lady Frances McDonagh?
00:21:12Lady Frances McDonagh?
00:21:14Look, where are you now?
00:21:16At the Red Lion Hotel.
00:21:17Stay put, Timmy, darling. I'm coming round to get you.
00:21:23An initiative test. How simply marvellous.
00:21:25It's terribly mean.
00:21:27I'm not supposed to have any help, you know.
00:21:29Oh, what fun.
00:21:30Besides, it means promotion.
00:21:32You're always saying how tough it is on a lieutenant pay.
00:21:35Annabelle, have you got all those debutante parties?
00:21:39Doesn't Lady Frances McDonagh ring a bell?
00:21:41No.
00:21:42But here's a library.
00:21:44You can look it up in that book that has all the lords and ladies in it.
00:21:49What's the number?
00:21:51Who knows who that telex is?
00:21:53Disgraceful young people.
00:22:31Excuse me, uh...
00:22:32Shh.
00:22:33Oh, I'm looking for...
00:22:34Ask him.
00:22:41Uh, excuse me, uh, do you have a copy of The Brett's Peerage?
00:22:46Uh, it's a book. There's all the aristocracy there.
00:22:49Only the British.
00:22:51The Americans have to import their own.
00:22:53You see, I want to look up a Lady Frances McDonagh.
00:22:56Rose...
00:22:57No, no, no. Frances McDonagh.
00:22:59I said it very loud and clear.
00:23:00There must be something wrong with your hearing.
00:23:03It's a rose.
00:23:04What's a rose?
00:23:05Lady Frances McDonagh.
00:23:07Rather an unusual variety.
00:23:09You're kidding.
00:23:10Young man, it is our function here to combat ignorance.
00:23:15Unhappily, there are occasions when we seem unable to communicate.
00:23:19Shall I start all over again?
00:23:21No, no, that's fine.
00:23:23It's a rose, huh?
00:23:24In that case, we may consider this a minor victory.
00:23:28He stole my father's clothes!
00:23:30Hey, you! You take those pants off!
00:23:33Madam, you are not at home now.
00:23:34Thank you, pardon me.
00:23:35You know what I mean. Take those clothes off.
00:23:37I have that effect on them. I don't know why.
00:23:39Stop! Take those clothes off!
00:23:40Madam, try to restrain yourself.
00:23:42This is a library, not a public park.
00:23:43But you don't understand. He's wearing my husband's clothes.
00:23:45He's wearing...
00:23:46Madam, I'm not interested.
00:23:52Oh, don't you...
00:23:53They want you to do something.
00:23:54They want you to...
00:23:55What's up with her?
00:23:56She wants my clothes.
00:23:57Her?
00:23:58They belong to her husband.
00:23:59I told you, mine got wet.
00:24:01Oh, I'm sure.
00:24:02Did you get a chance to look up the Lady McDonagh?
00:24:04Yes.
00:24:05She's a rose.
00:24:06A what?
00:24:07It's the name of a rare rose.
00:24:09It's a flower.
00:24:10Oh, of course.
00:24:11I know just where you can find one.
00:24:13Hang on, darling.
00:24:15Hey, look out!
00:24:16Hey!
00:24:20Come back!
00:24:21Come in, drivers!
00:24:24Oh, Mr. Clark, sir.
00:24:27Good morning.
00:24:29Good day, sir.
00:24:30They're fine cars, these.
00:24:32They deserve every attention.
00:24:34All those emblems firmly fixed on, are they?
00:24:36Well, of course.
00:24:37Because the one on my governor's car fell off.
00:24:39Did you say your governor's name?
00:24:41Oh, yeah.
00:24:42General Lockwood.
00:24:43You'll have heard of him.
00:24:44So what he said to me, he said,
00:24:45nip down to the showroom's chop-chop, cop another one.
00:24:47Those were his very words.
00:24:49Nip down and cop.
00:24:51A very distressing occurrence it must have been for the old gentleman.
00:24:55Would you come this way, if you'd indulge me?
00:24:57Thank you.
00:24:59Mr. Clark, a word with you.
00:25:01This gentleman says his royal emblem fell off,
00:25:05or possibly got knocked off.
00:25:07Knocked off, sir.
00:25:09Well, got any more going, then?
00:25:11Oh, yes, most certainly, sir.
00:25:13We always keep a stock.
00:25:15Ah, that's more like it.
00:25:17Will that be cash or cheque, sir?
00:25:19Oh, better than cash.
00:25:20Army requisition.
00:25:21But that's not proper, I doubt.
00:25:23Here we are, then.
00:25:24Signed by me,
00:25:25countersigned by General Lockwood himself.
00:25:27Yes, sir, but I'm not...
00:25:28You can understand how the general feels.
00:25:29He'll appreciate this.
00:25:30Quite, quite.
00:25:31Cheers, then.
00:25:32Cheers, sir, cheers.
00:25:36Oh, what fun.
00:25:38I haven't been here since I was taken by a nanny.
00:25:41I remember I bit one of the keepers.
00:25:43You might have to do it again if they give us any trouble.
00:25:45Now, how do you know there's a rose in there?
00:25:47I just do.
00:25:52I think you're right, look.
00:25:53What?
00:25:54There, McGregor.
00:25:56Come on.
00:25:57Who's McGregor?
00:25:58Well, he's a sergeant major.
00:25:59He's on this test, too.
00:26:00He would get here first.
00:26:04And back here, of course,
00:26:05we have the giant South African notepad.
00:26:09Got this little fella here a couple of years now.
00:26:11There he is.
00:26:12Coming along very well indeed, it is, too.
00:26:14Now, just one moment, please, sir.
00:26:17That way around.
00:26:18There are no trees here over two years old.
00:26:20We take them out, then.
00:26:22We simply have them fruiting the once.
00:26:24Just once, eh?
00:26:26I see.
00:26:27That's fascinating.
00:26:28Tell me, does that apply to all the varieties,
00:26:30including that one?
00:26:32Oh, yes, sir, all the varieties.
00:26:34We simply let them fruit the once.
00:26:36Oh.
00:26:37You've been most informative.
00:26:38Thank you very much.
00:26:39Not at all, sir.
00:26:40Oh.
00:26:41Excuse me, madam.
00:26:42Excuse me.
00:26:47It's gone, the fink.
00:26:49And it was the only one.
00:26:51Maybe there's another flower around that looks like it.
00:26:54Shh.
00:26:55Is anything wrong, sir?
00:26:56Oh, no, no, no.
00:26:57Everything's just fine.
00:26:58There's a super.
00:26:59Bananas growing up there.
00:27:01Oh.
00:27:02Oh.
00:27:03Oh.
00:27:04Oh.
00:27:05Oh.
00:27:06Oh.
00:27:07Oh.
00:27:08Oh.
00:27:09Oh.
00:27:10They're growing up there.
00:27:11Who eats them?
00:27:12I mean, do any of you people take them home?
00:27:14No, madam.
00:27:15In certain cases, the rest from my just.
00:27:18Oh, darling.
00:27:19This heat, really.
00:27:20Another minute and I'll simply have to rip off
00:27:21every single one of my clothes.
00:27:27Look.
00:27:28There he goes.
00:27:29I'll get her off of him by force if I have to.
00:27:32Oh, rot.
00:27:33Didn't you see his great muscular legs?
00:27:35You better leave this to me.
00:27:37What?
00:27:38I'll charm it out of his kilt in no time.
00:27:40You get on with the next object.
00:27:42But you couldn't get his kilt off.
00:27:44Annabelle, where could you take him?
00:27:47I mean, you can't use your parents' place.
00:27:50My uncle's got an apartment, and he's away.
00:27:53OK, I'm going to go change my clothes first.
00:27:56I'll meet you outside the hilt at 3 o'clock,
00:27:58and I'll bring the ducks.
00:28:00Rudolph!
00:28:01Rudolph!
00:28:05I say, steady on, madam.
00:28:06Rudolph, it's been years.
00:28:09Oh, my gosh, you're not.
00:28:12I'm terribly sorry.
00:28:13You must think I'm absolutely loose.
00:28:15Oh, it's all right.
00:28:17I do these things all the time.
00:28:19It's my eyes, they're terrible.
00:28:21I should wear my glasses.
00:28:22Don't worry, it was quite pleasant, actually.
00:28:25You must have been petrified with embarrassment.
00:28:28What can I do to make it up for you?
00:28:30Could I give you a lift if you're just leaving?
00:28:32Which way are you going?
00:28:33Well, I was going to London.
00:28:34Oh, then I must certainly give you a lift.
00:28:36Now, the gate out is.
00:28:39Oh, it's straight ahead.
00:28:40And I had a little red car somewhere.
00:28:42Well, this is it.
00:28:43Oh, yes.
00:28:45What about your glasses?
00:28:46Oh, I don't need them for driving.
00:29:00Ah!
00:29:02I must be miles from the main gate now.
00:29:05I'll see you on.
00:29:06I'll win it.
00:29:13Sergeant Foster!
00:29:16Hard luck, mate.
00:29:18Come on, back to the maze.
00:29:19No!
00:29:26Ah, Captain DeBasco, sir.
00:29:28Morning, corporal.
00:29:30Morning, corporal.
00:29:31Pay this fellow, will you?
00:29:32And then I, uh, I want to see you in my suite.
00:29:34Very good, sir.
00:29:36I trust everything's to your satisfaction, Captain.
00:29:39We sent for your clothes, as you asked.
00:29:40They're in the dressing room.
00:29:41Excellent.
00:29:42Now, by the way, has Miss Pennington arrived yet?
00:29:45Not Miss Poppy Pennington.
00:29:47Oh, I do hope she doesn't dance in our ornamental fish pool
00:29:49again.
00:29:50The fish are quite nervous ever since.
00:29:51Missy, darling, how lovely.
00:29:54About time they let you out again.
00:29:56Well, if that's all, sir.
00:29:58Oh, yes, waiter.
00:29:59I'd like to see the menu, please.
00:30:02I think some, uh, mussels and mustard soup to start with.
00:30:06Unless you prefer caviar.
00:30:07Oh, yes, perfect.
00:30:08Iranian caviar it is, with blinis.
00:30:11After that, I fancy something really rather simple.
00:30:13Breast of wild duck, perhaps, with chestnuts and port wine.
00:30:17Oh, divine.
00:30:18Topped off with a fresh tangerine souffle.
00:30:19Sure.
00:30:20And a T-bone for my friend.
00:30:22And give us half an hour, will you, waiter?
00:30:23Certainly, sir.
00:30:25Poppy, darling, you look wonderful.
00:30:28And now, I've got a little job I want you to do.
00:30:30A job?
00:30:31Now?
00:30:32It won't take a moment.
00:30:33I want you to pop over to your father's office
00:30:34and bring me the Silver Lady emblem from Israel's Royce.
00:30:37But, darling, why?
00:30:38Off you go.
00:30:40And remember, ask no questions and you'll hear no lies.
00:30:43Lunch will be ready when you come back.
00:30:45Oh, Fitzy, darling, you are the end.
00:30:46Woof!
00:30:47Woof, woof!
00:30:49Good morning, Miss Bennington.
00:30:50Good morning, Robert.
00:30:51Ah, Corporal, there you are.
00:30:54Now, there are one or two things I want you to organize.
00:30:57Ah, you can rely on me, sir.
00:30:59The army's up to its old tricks again.
00:31:02So it's better than that campaign in the Western Desert.
00:31:04Yeah.
00:31:13Now, you must come up and have a drink.
00:31:15Well, I really have got an awful lot to do, you know.
00:31:17Oh, but I need you to help me carry something.
00:31:19Well, I'll give you a hand, of course.
00:31:22Is this it?
00:31:23Yes.
00:31:24Listen, you're not going to leave the car like that, are you?
00:31:26Oh, it doesn't mind.
00:31:28It doesn't mind.
00:31:31Here we are.
00:31:33Oh, I say, highly tasteful.
00:31:37We'll, uh, put that in the kitchen, shall we?
00:31:39Right.
00:31:42I insist that you let me give you a drink.
00:31:43Well, I don't really think I've got enough time.
00:31:47Well, perhaps just a quick one.
00:31:49Follow me.
00:31:50Right.
00:31:52You must tell me all about the initiative test.
00:31:55Sit down, put your feet up.
00:31:57You've a long way to go.
00:31:58Now, what'll it be?
00:32:00Scotch for you, of course.
00:32:02Oh, well, uh, yeah, perhaps just a wee one.
00:32:04Here's to both of us, Sidney.
00:32:07I must say, it's a very nice place you've got here, Hilda.
00:32:10Would you like to look around?
00:32:11Oh, that'd be fabulous.
00:32:12It's heavenly when you get used to it.
00:32:13Thanks.
00:32:16Well, this is the hall.
00:32:18Oh, yes.
00:32:18And, uh, this is a bedroom.
00:32:23Oh, and this is, uh, another bedroom.
00:32:25Oh.
00:32:27I know.
00:32:28Why don't I cook you something?
00:32:29Well, I'm not really very hungry.
00:32:31Wait till you see.
00:32:32You don't know my cooking.
00:32:33I tell you what, I'm somewhat messy.
00:32:36I wonder if I could have a wee rinse.
00:32:39Why don't you have a shower?
00:32:41That would be very nice.
00:32:42Yes, thank you.
00:32:43Don't take too long.
00:32:44You'll find everything you want in there.
00:32:47I'll see you very soon.
00:32:50Oh, right.
00:32:51Right.
00:32:54By yon bonnie boat, and by yon bonnie bridge,
00:32:57oh, when the sun shines bright on Loch Lomond,
00:33:01for me, I'm looking for a soaping prize.
00:33:05Oh, that smarts.
00:33:06Oh, that smarts.
00:33:07Tall, reserved.
00:33:09That's better.
00:33:12Thanks for carrying mine.
00:33:15I can't do everything at once.
00:33:17Bring what you can.
00:33:18I'll come back for the rest.
00:33:19No consideration.
00:33:20You smoke and swear the whole way home.
00:33:21Is it my fault it's raining all the time?
00:33:23You wouldn't wait till next week, would you?
00:33:25No.
00:33:26No.
00:33:26No.
00:33:27No.
00:33:28No.
00:33:29No.
00:33:30No.
00:33:30No.
00:33:31No.
00:33:32No.
00:33:33No.
00:33:34No.
00:33:34No.
00:33:36Yes.
00:33:36There's somebody here.
00:33:37No nonsense, my dear.
00:33:38I told you not to leave the key under the mat.
00:33:40I'll kill her.
00:33:41Have you got a chisel?
00:33:42Ah!
00:33:44What is it, Horvitz?
00:33:46Don't just stand there.
00:33:47Hit him.
00:33:48I'll phone the police.
00:33:49Who are you?
00:33:50I mean, this is Hilda's flat.
00:33:51Hilda?
00:33:52Who's Hilda?
00:33:53Just a minute.
00:33:55I think I can explain.
00:33:56Just a minute.
00:34:02That's gone.
00:34:04That's that girl, Hilda.
00:34:06I'll cook you something.
00:34:08That's one bedroom.
00:34:09And that's another bedroom.
00:34:10Is that the police?
00:34:11I've got a mad scoundrel in my flat.
00:34:13Ah, you stay away from me.
00:34:14That has been the most terrible mistake.
00:34:16I've been gone.
00:34:17What?
00:34:19He's wearing a moustache and a blue towel.
00:34:28What a man.
00:34:30Don't take any notice, children.
00:34:50You after money, boy?
00:34:52I say, are you knocking there for money?
00:34:54No.
00:34:55Because you won't get any.
00:34:57She don't pay anyone.
00:34:58She don't.
00:34:59I don't want money.
00:35:00Oh, well, then you're lucky, then,
00:35:02because you won't get any.
00:35:04You can ask old Nosy over there.
00:35:07She'll tell you.
00:35:09Well, if you're not after money, what are you after?
00:35:12Well, I'm from the Peace Corps, ma'am.
00:35:14I collect things for underdeveloped countries,
00:35:15for the starving peoples of the world.
00:35:17Oh, starvation, eh?
00:35:19Is that a good cause, then?
00:35:21Is it?
00:35:23Yes.
00:35:24What kinds of things are you collecting, then?
00:35:27Anything, everything.
00:35:28Household goods, old clothes, flights of plaster ducks.
00:35:30Oh, what would a man want with a flight of plaster ducks?
00:35:35You are a scream.
00:35:37We sell them.
00:35:38Oh, well, we haven't got any duck stock.
00:35:41We got a rabbit.
00:35:42My hubby got that.
00:35:43Very economical to keep, rabbits are.
00:35:47Oh, bye-bye.
00:36:00Yes?
00:36:02What is it?
00:36:05You see, I'm from the Peace Corps, ma'am.
00:36:06And actually, what I came for.
00:36:08Would you like to come inside for a moment?
00:36:11Yes, thanks.
00:36:12It's safer standing out there all the time.
00:36:15Would you like to bring a snack in?
00:36:18Be better.
00:36:27Now, can I get you something?
00:36:30Cup of tea?
00:36:31Oh, thank you.
00:36:32Very kind of you.
00:36:35Won't be a minute.
00:36:37The kettle's on the boil.
00:36:39It's nice meeting new people, isn't it?
00:36:44Nice view you have here.
00:36:46Yes, it is nice.
00:36:47It's cozy, too.
00:36:53Two lumps?
00:36:55Mm, uh, please.
00:36:59I love your decorations.
00:37:01Beautiful ducks.
00:37:02They were a present.
00:37:04Not that they were wanted.
00:37:06Why don't you sit down for a minute?
00:37:08Go on.
00:37:10Relax.
00:37:11I could take them off your hands for you.
00:37:13Spoon?
00:37:14My chair?
00:37:16Make you a good offer.
00:37:20Charming.
00:37:23All right, ducks.
00:37:25It's me, Ralph.
00:37:26Come in.
00:37:26I've come back to take you out to lunch.
00:37:29You been at it again?
00:37:31No, I've not.
00:37:33Just having a nice cup of tea, eh?
00:37:36Who's this, then?
00:37:37Who?
00:37:38I'm from the Peace Corps.
00:37:39Shut your mouth.
00:37:41Who's your friend?
00:37:42Oh, why don't you ask him?
00:37:44Because I'm asking you.
00:37:45They was only your ducks I wanted.
00:37:47My what?
00:37:49You have been at it again.
00:37:51Oh, drop dead.
00:37:53Right.
00:37:54Right.
00:37:55I'll show you just how much I care.
00:37:59Oh, that was a present for my mum, Ted Walters,
00:38:02and you know it.
00:38:05I bought that, you rotten little.
00:38:08Yes, and you bought this and all.
00:38:12It's a chew.
00:38:15Right.
00:38:18Here.
00:38:19Here.
00:38:20Here.
00:38:21Here.
00:38:22Ooh.
00:38:23You.
00:38:24Now, go keep that.
00:38:27You can say goodbye to another of your mother's
00:38:29rotten presents.
00:38:30Oh.
00:38:31Ah.
00:38:32Oh.
00:38:33Oh.
00:38:34Ah.
00:38:34Ah.
00:38:35No, no, no.
00:38:36Stop it, please.
00:38:37You keep out of this.
00:38:38It's got nothing to do with you.
00:38:41Oh!
00:38:42Ah!
00:38:43Yes!
00:38:44Ah!
00:38:45Here come the rest of them!
00:38:46Oh!
00:38:47Oh!
00:38:48Ah!
00:38:49Ah!
00:38:50You get your jacks now, boy.
00:38:53Oh, you get jacks with everything.
00:38:55What do I tell you?
00:38:56Only got to have a bit of that way, then the whole thing
00:38:59starts up again.
00:39:00Ah!
00:39:01Ah!
00:39:02I'll give you something to scream about.
00:39:04Right.
00:39:05Ah!
00:39:06Look at him.
00:39:07Ah!
00:39:08Come on, now.
00:39:09Now, where's your mother?
00:39:10She can go and get it.
00:39:11Come on.
00:39:12Where is she?
00:39:13Memoirs of a Man of Action, chapter five.
00:39:14Oh!
00:39:15Oh!
00:39:16Oh, my goodness.
00:39:17Am I sitting on a wasp nest?
00:39:18Were you doing the drains down there?
00:39:19Sir, I didn't mean to disturb you, sir.
00:39:20Have you lost your way?
00:39:21Don't, don't send me back down there, sir.
00:39:22Please don't.
00:39:23Why not?
00:39:24Who's down there?
00:39:25What's your name?
00:39:26I'm Sergeant Clegg, sir.
00:39:27Royal Engineers.
00:39:28Oh, Clegg, Royal Engineers.
00:39:29Nice to meet you.
00:39:30Let me give you a little hand.
00:39:31Ah!
00:39:32Ah!
00:39:33Ah!
00:39:34Ah!
00:39:35Ah!
00:39:36Ah!
00:39:37Ah!
00:39:38Let me give you a little drink.
00:39:39Sit yourself down.
00:39:40It isn't often you get a chance to discuss matters with the ranks, if you forgive the
00:39:44expression.
00:39:45Sit down.
00:39:46Make yourself at home.
00:39:47Tell me, do you think the army of today is all we claim in the advertisements?
00:39:51Oh, definitely.
00:39:52Yeah, well, I mean, it gives you fine opportunities, sir.
00:39:55Well, for things like this, sir.
00:39:57I think that fellow Foskett's on the right line.
00:40:00Oh, yes.
00:40:01Ah!
00:40:02There he is!
00:40:03Come on, chap.
00:40:04Yee!
00:40:05Ah!
00:40:07Ah!
00:40:08I thought you got away, Clegg.
00:40:09Jolly bad luck.
00:40:10Yes, I'm coming, sir.
00:40:11Goodbye, Greg.
00:40:12Enjoyed our little chat?
00:40:13Thank you.
00:40:14Thank you for everything, sir.
00:40:15It's great, isn't it?
00:40:16Very good.
00:40:17Most imaginatively made.
00:40:18Yes, I'll take it.
00:40:19What's your account number, then?
00:40:21What firm are you from?
00:40:22Oh, the army will see you're paid promptly.
00:40:24You want one for the army?
00:40:26Satisfied?
00:40:27Genuine army requisition form.
00:40:28Watermark and all.
00:40:29What's the army want an electric air for, then?
00:40:32Target practice?
00:40:33Ah, that's not for me to say.
00:40:35Lots of things go on in the army.
00:40:36Anyway, that's General Lockwood's signature.
00:40:38Here, will you hang on there a minute?
00:40:40Here, Jim.
00:40:47What's all this, then?
00:40:48Well, it's a suitcase.
00:40:49You've seen a suitcase before?
00:40:51What, with a rose mascot and a flight of ducks?
00:40:53And now you want an electric air?
00:40:54Yeah, that's right.
00:40:55Well, it's unusual.
00:40:56Very unusual.
00:40:57You wait here.
00:40:58You wait here.
00:41:03I'm sorry, sir, but I must ask you to...
00:41:04Blimey, he's gone!
00:41:05Yeah, and he's taken the electric air.
00:41:07I'm going to call the law.
00:41:08Right.
00:41:09Hello, hello?
00:41:10Hello!
00:41:21I thought it was loose.
00:41:23Well, it never was, Royce.
00:41:24No, it couldn't be.
00:41:25Fixed them nowadays, you can't budge them.
00:41:27So many used to be nicked.
00:41:31Timmy, look what I've got.
00:41:33Good, I got the ducks.
00:41:35You have?
00:41:36Then we'll go and get the rose silver lady.
00:41:38Well, it's not that simple.
00:41:39They're screwed on very tight nowadays.
00:41:41There has to be an old model.
00:41:42We'll find one.
00:41:58There's one.
00:42:07Hey, that bird's pinching our mascot.
00:42:17Come on, let's go.
00:42:22Hey!
00:42:23You're under arrest!
00:42:24Get him!
00:42:25Get him!
00:42:26Get him!
00:42:28Get him!
00:42:29Come on!
00:42:32Hey!
00:42:33Get him!
00:42:34Come on!
00:42:36Hey!
00:42:37Come on, Sheila!
00:42:56Super, they've had it. Serves them right.
00:43:15What shall we get next, Tim?
00:43:16Something to eat. I'm starving.
00:43:17Oh gosh, I couldn't eat. I'm too excited.
00:43:18And the next object is an electric hare.
00:43:19Let's go to a greyhound track.
00:43:20What we need is a plan of action.
00:43:43There are the greyhounds. Let's see what happens.
00:43:58Be a good fellow and take over for a moment, will you?
00:44:00I'm somewhat overcome. Thank you.
00:44:01Let's go down to the track and see what they do with a hare.
00:44:02How can I steal a hare with all these people around?
00:44:03Oh come on, we can manage.
00:44:04I guess that's the hare, huh?
00:44:26There's a man there mending it or something.
00:44:31It's that mad Scotsman.
00:44:33Not again.
00:44:34Who's that down by the hare?
00:44:35I don't know. Perhaps there's something wrong.
00:44:36Come on, let's see.
00:44:37He's knocked off the hare. I don't believe it.
00:44:38Hey you, come back here.
00:44:39Don't worry about that. Let's get another one quick.
00:44:40The race mustn't be delayed.
00:44:41Did you hear that? Now's our chance.
00:44:42Follow them, Tim, and see where the hares are.
00:44:43Oh dear.
00:44:44Oh dear.
00:44:45Oh dear.
00:44:46Oh dear.
00:44:47Oh dear.
00:44:48Oh dear.
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00:47:28Poppy!
00:47:29What a beautiful dress!
00:47:30Oh Fitzie darling, you are doing well!
00:47:32We try, we try.
00:47:33Would you?
00:47:34What a darling bunny.
00:47:37Yes, it won the second rain at Wembley.
00:47:39Did it?
00:47:40Well, what do we have tonight, waiter?
00:47:41Beans on toast is it?
00:47:42Avocado pastastata stuffed with fresh prawns.
00:47:45Sulliver and eat fuller.
00:47:47Lovely.
00:47:48Then we'll have some of your d'Ocray, sallot, creme.
00:47:49And a bottle of Chateaubriand, rostral on $19.29.
00:47:51Very good, sir.
00:47:52Do hurry up.
00:47:53I'm starving.
00:47:54Here, I have one small sure for you before we dine.
00:47:56It won't take you more than half an hour.
00:47:58Oh, but I'm so hungry, Fitzy.
00:48:00I missed lunch altogether, and I had to slip Dawson the Earth
00:48:02to get him to hack that silver lady off the motorcar.
00:48:04This is elementary, my dear Poppy.
00:48:06Now, you know that mad aunt of yours, the Lady Clotilda, whatever,
00:48:09the one with green fingers, well, she's got a flower that I want.
00:48:12Flowers? Aren't you meant to send me flowers?
00:48:15No, no, this is a rather special kind of rose.
00:48:19It's called the Lady Frances McDonagh.
00:48:22Come in.
00:48:41Oh, it's you, Clegg.
00:48:43Oh, wonderful, how you do stick at it.
00:48:45Stay where you are, Clegg, and I'll go and get some chaff
00:48:47to help you back to the centre of the maze.
00:48:49Oh, uh, Pigsaw, come here a second, will you?
00:48:53No, don't, sir, please.
00:48:56No, take me back, sir, please.
00:48:59Take me safely back to the centre of the maze.
00:49:02What, the centre? Let me start down the road, sir.
00:49:04Give me the chaff. Give me the chaff.
00:49:07Just the leg, of course. Keep it up, Clegg.
00:49:20A good morning now to Mrs Gilbert
00:49:22of Sheldrake Place, London, Westgate,
00:49:24and you've asked for Going Steady,
00:49:26and here it is, played by the Stan Reynolds Orchestra.
00:49:32Good morning, Samantha. How's it coming?
00:49:35It's all moot.
00:49:36I must feel how a duck must feel
00:49:38if it's made of clay instead of feathers.
00:49:40Well, Charlie, good luck to you.
00:49:41Well, when it all happens, I'll be back.
00:49:43I'll be back.
00:49:44I'll be back.
00:49:45I'll be back.
00:49:46I'll be back.
00:49:47Charlie, good luck to you.
00:49:48Well, when it all happens,
00:49:49you'll need baking with the chef standing by.
00:49:51It's only the first approach.
00:49:54Must have been the claret.
00:49:57Ah, Brekkers.
00:49:59Good morning, Captain. I hope all goes well.
00:50:02The staff are really excited about your mission.
00:50:04They all wish you the very best of luck, sir.
00:50:06Oh, allow me, sir.
00:50:09Ducks, sweet birds of youth.
00:50:12The last relics of a bygone age.
00:50:15I'll take it for you.
00:50:19Captain DeBasco's suite?
00:50:21Who?
00:50:22It's a Mr. Morris.
00:50:24I believe you asked the switchboard to get him for you, sir.
00:50:26Oh, yes.
00:50:27A very good morning to you, my dear fellow.
00:50:30Look, I've got rather an unusual request.
00:50:32Yes? What is it?
00:50:33I believe you look after this singer, Miss...
00:50:35...Sylvie Tarnay.
00:50:36Well, my nephew refuses to eat
00:50:38unless he's got a lock of her hair
00:50:40and a signed photograph.
00:50:41Well, it's not an unusual request.
00:50:43We get hundreds, all from nephews.
00:50:45Sylvie has that effect on them.
00:50:46Look, send it round by special messenger
00:50:48to the Mayfair Hotel, will you?
00:50:50My name's DeBasco.
00:50:52We'll get it round to you.
00:50:54Sandra?
00:50:55Yes, sir?
00:50:56Get me a Sylvie Tarnay hair sample.
00:50:58Right away, Mr. Morris.
00:51:07You busy tonight, Sandra?
00:51:08All I want is a Sylvie Tarnay hair sample, that's all.
00:51:11You're in luck.
00:51:12I'm all out.
00:51:13Why don't you order some more?
00:51:15Will you do this one, Miss Wick?
00:51:16I'm not on Sylvie, dear.
00:51:17Will you do me a Sylvie signature?
00:51:19I'm not doing Sylvie now.
00:51:20I'm on Tony and the boys.
00:51:22They're getting very popular, you know.
00:51:24I even do the cavemen sometimes.
00:51:26You never do the cavemen, Miss Osmond.
00:51:28The cavemen are mine exclusively.
00:51:30You come to me, dear, if you want the cavemen, not her.
00:51:33Look, Barry's asked for the signed.
00:51:34I'm sure he doesn't care who does it.
00:51:36Well, I'm not doing Sylvie's signature.
00:51:37That's Miss Hartman's job.
00:51:38She'd be furious.
00:51:39Look where she is.
00:51:40What is it, Sandra?
00:51:41Want a Sylvie, do you?
00:51:42Yes, please, Miss Hartman.
00:51:53You don't get a thank you today, do you?
00:51:57Is that the Sylvie Tarnay hair and photo?
00:51:58Yes.
00:51:59Barry wants me to take it over to the Mayfair right away.
00:52:01Put a Sylvie Tarnay on, will you?
00:52:03She's expected in any minute.
00:52:05Wherever you want to go.
00:52:08Morning, Miss Tarnay.
00:52:09Bonjour.
00:52:10Bonjour.
00:52:13Hello, my dear.
00:52:14Hello, Miss Hutton.
00:52:15How's it going?
00:52:16Wonderful, dear.
00:52:17Just wonderful.
00:52:18Yesterday, I did nearly 300.
00:52:21A lot from girls as well.
00:52:23Thank you, Miss Hutton.
00:52:24We do appreciate it, but Sylvie has to see Mr. Morris now.
00:52:30Oh, Sylvie, good, it's you.
00:52:32Oh, take it, will you, darling?
00:52:33Take it.
00:52:34Hold on a minute, please.
00:52:35Now, look, darling, you're late.
00:52:36We've got to be in the TV studio in half an hour.
00:52:37Now, I'm coming with you.
00:52:38The cavemen are on too.
00:52:39Barry, I want to talk to you.
00:52:40Yes, in the car, darling.
00:52:41Barry, you said they could have a holiday.
00:52:43Yes, I know, darling, but look, the business is falling to pieces, darling.
00:52:45You've got to make this record on another day.
00:52:46Name, please?
00:52:47McGregor.
00:52:48McGregor.
00:52:49A lock of hair.
00:52:50A lock of hair.
00:52:51I'm afraid there'll be a delay on that, Mr. McGregor, if you'd like to write in.
00:52:53The point is this.
00:52:54It's for my little nephew, actually, you see.
00:52:57He's a very intelligent little chap.
00:52:59He's very bright.
00:53:00He's only four.
00:53:01Now, he'll not go to sleep at night unless we put on one of Miss Sylvie Tarnay's records.
00:53:07Wouldn't anything else satisfy him, Mr. McGregor?
00:53:09It's a lock of hair or nothing.
00:53:12Listen, there's only way in which I can get in touch with this Miss Tarnet personally.
00:53:17Miss Tarnay's recording a TV show today.
00:53:19Oh, yes.
00:53:20Where would that be?
00:53:21We don't give addresses, Mr. McGregor.
00:53:23Well, we'll soon get round that, my dear.
00:53:26Coming to camera four.
00:53:56And every single day I used to hear him say,
00:54:00I'll be true to you, baby.
00:54:04Oh, it's not good anyway.
00:54:06Because for the dancing, I should be there.
00:54:08And I'm only here.
00:54:10You will have to walk faster, won't you, Sylvie, while you're singing your song.
00:54:13She's a singer, not a racehorse.
00:54:15Now, go out there and fix it.
00:54:17I've got a lot of money tied up in this girl.
00:54:18I want her to look good.
00:54:20I'm coming down, Sylvie, darling.
00:54:21We'll work something out.
00:54:23Um, where's this dancer fella, Norman Stone?
00:54:25I haven't seen him for a quarter of an hour.
00:54:27I don't know where he's gone.
00:54:28Well, he's meant to be here.
00:54:29Get him.
00:54:30I don't know why you can't keep these small fire people where they should be.
00:54:32Right away.
00:54:33I'm sorry, Peter.
00:54:34Have you seen that Norman Stone?
00:54:35No, not for a while.
00:54:36Typical.
00:54:37He'd lose himself anyway.
00:54:38Miserable little man.
00:54:40The producer said to me, you're a star.
00:54:42A star, not just a dancer.
00:54:43In fact, he said, Norman, you're very, very versatile.
00:54:46He really said that?
00:54:47No, what he actually said was, there must be something else you can do.
00:54:53Watch him.
00:54:54There's a wild Scotsman on the loose.
00:54:55Will you go and sit down here?
00:54:57I'll deal with it.
00:54:58Right.
00:54:59Good morning, Sergeant.
00:55:00I've an appointment with Miss Sylvie Tarnant.
00:55:02Which way do I go, please?
00:55:03Will you go and sit down here?
00:55:04Otherwise, out you go.
00:55:05No, no, no, no, no.
00:55:06No doubt, sir, you think I'm making this up.
00:55:08Rather like that fellow over there.
00:55:09Yes, I do.
00:55:10I've had dealings with you foreigners before.
00:55:12You ended my experiences.
00:55:13But we can't have every oyferloy come barging in here.
00:55:16I'll tell you something.
00:55:17I'll tell you something.
00:55:18Actually, it's for my little nephew.
00:55:20Huh?
00:55:21You'd love him.
00:55:22Yeah, I'm very fond of children.
00:55:23How kind nature I have.
00:55:24You see, you can't fight human nature.
00:55:26But I have my duty to do.
00:55:28So sit down there, please.
00:55:30The little boy is in hospital.
00:55:32He's pining away.
00:55:33Come on, Mac.
00:55:34Wait your turn.
00:55:35All right.
00:55:36But remember.
00:55:37I'll come here.
00:55:38Go ahead.
00:55:39Yeah.
00:55:40Hi.
00:55:41Listen, these flowers are for Miss Tarnant.
00:55:43OK?
00:55:44Up, up, up, up, up.
00:55:45I've got to tell you something, sir.
00:55:46Miss Tarnant can't take flowers.
00:55:48They give a terrible hay fever.
00:55:50She gets all pollinated.
00:55:51So we have to nick him straight off to the hospital, sir.
00:55:53Now, you sit down next to this foreign gentleman.
00:55:56He's nicking off to the hospital.
00:55:58He's got the nephew in terrible pain.
00:56:00Ain't that right, sir?
00:56:01Kelly.
00:56:02Right.
00:56:03Kelly, when you were in the bar just now,
00:56:05was Norman Stone there?
00:56:06The bar, sir?
00:56:07I looked like neither right nor left, sir.
00:56:09I was straight in and out, sir, seeing as I was on duty, sir.
00:56:11You know who I mean?
00:56:12Norman Stone, the dancer?
00:56:13I let him out for 10 minutes.
00:56:14He said he had to have a drink, and now I can't find him.
00:56:17I saw neither sight nor sound of him, sir,
00:56:19during the whole half hour when I was there, sir.
00:56:21It all happens to me.
00:56:23Ah!
00:56:24The caveman!
00:56:25Ah!
00:56:26Ah!
00:56:27Ah!
00:56:28Ah!
00:56:29Ah!
00:56:30Ah!
00:56:31Ah!
00:56:32Ah!
00:56:33Ah!
00:56:34Ah!
00:56:35Ah!
00:56:36Ah!
00:56:37Ah!
00:56:38Ah!
00:56:39Ah!
00:56:40Ah!
00:56:41Ah!
00:56:42Ah!
00:56:43Ah!
00:56:44Ah!
00:56:45Ah!
00:56:46Ah!
00:56:47Ah!
00:56:49Our ex-madam!
00:56:50Ah!
00:56:51Yes!
00:56:56Who's next, bloke?
00:56:57Ah, who's next?
00:56:58Who's next?
00:56:59Ah, well, I came for the hosiery.
00:57:05Excuse me, aren't you Norman Stone?
00:57:06Of course.
00:57:07People ask me all the time, I'm Norman Stone, the well known.
00:57:08What's your name, sir?
00:57:09Tim.
00:57:10Tim.
00:57:11Best wishes, Norman Stone.
00:57:12There you are, keep it.
00:57:13Very good.
00:57:14You dance with Sylvie Tornette, don't you?
00:57:15Who else, baby?
00:57:16Who else?
00:57:17I love that!
00:57:19We can make this one!
00:57:20Yeah!
00:57:21We went for it!
00:57:23The band came over, the brass was playing.
00:57:25We heard it!
00:57:26The band!
00:57:39Who are you?
00:57:41I'm, uh, Norman Stone's, uh, understudy.
00:57:44Understudy?
00:57:46Yes, uh, you see, Norman was taken ill in a pub over the road, uh,
00:57:49and I was having a drink with him, and, you see,
00:57:51Norman and I, we used to dance together,
00:57:53and he said I should come over and help him out.
00:57:55That's all I need.
00:57:56Okay, follow me.
00:57:58Isn't it about time for the run-through, Peter?
00:58:00Well, how can I run through without Stone?
00:58:03Well, where is he?
00:58:04He doesn't feel too well, Peter, but this is, um...
00:58:06Uh, Tim. Tim Morton.
00:58:07He's a dancer. He'll do it.
00:58:09Now, look, I'm not gonna have Sue be gone with some amateur.
00:58:11Oh, give him a chance, Barry.
00:58:12He cannot be worse than Stone.
00:58:15All right. Give him a chance.
00:58:17But if he's no good, he's out.
00:58:19Well, come over here. You come too, Sylvie.
00:58:21I'll show you what to do.
00:58:23Now, you'll start here,
00:58:25and, uh, we're miming to I'll be true to you, baby.
00:58:29Do you know it?
00:58:30Oh!
00:58:31Good.
00:58:32Now, you come in on the tenth bar.
00:58:34Yeah, you two gentlemen are keen on this turning, aren't you?
00:58:37Well, I'm gonna do you a good turn.
00:58:39You can see her.
00:58:40I'll let you see her.
00:58:42On this.
00:58:44That's what they call a closed circuit, that is.
00:58:55It's a fair piece, that.
00:58:57A fair piece.
00:58:58Scott's blood there, all right.
00:59:06The dance is not bad either, look.
00:59:08For boys, for boys.
00:59:09On you two.
00:59:13Every single day I used to hear him say
00:59:16I'll be true to you, baby
00:59:19It's not a dancer.
00:59:20It's a floor dancer.
00:59:21It's an American.
00:59:22He's gonna be stopped.
00:59:26Now, what's this?
00:59:27It's an old commando thing.
00:59:29Lang, me and Marie.
00:59:31And till that very day I used to hear him say
00:59:34I'll be true to you, baby
00:59:39I'll be true to you, baby
00:59:41Very careful.
00:59:42Oh, how I wish he could see
00:59:47I know that you'll never love him like me
00:59:53Baby!
00:59:54Oh, they love my baby so well
01:00:00But I can't say
01:00:03Help!
01:00:04Some day you're gonna hear him say
01:00:08I'll be true to you, baby
01:00:11I'll be true to you, baby
01:00:15Oh.
01:00:17Where did you learn to dance?
01:00:19Well, I didn't really.
01:00:21I used to do some shows in college and everything.
01:00:23Well, that takes him fine.
01:00:25May do one more.
01:00:26What did you think, Barry?
01:00:27Not bad.
01:00:28In fact, he's better than Stone.
01:00:29Let's go and see him.
01:00:31Tell me about yourself.
01:00:32I mean, how did you start singing?
01:00:34Oh, I sang because I liked it.
01:00:36That was when I started.
01:00:38But now it's just a business.
01:00:39Yeah, you know, I'm not really.
01:00:41What I mean is...
01:00:45I'm sorry to disturb you two creative artists
01:00:48at a time like this.
01:00:49But I just wanted to tell you how charming
01:00:52I thought that song was that you were singing just now.
01:00:54It's charming.
01:00:55And you say you did quite a talented little dance.
01:00:58I don't want to trouble you,
01:01:01but I wonder if I could possibly have your autograph.
01:01:04It's for my wee nephew.
01:01:05Oh, of course.
01:01:06Thank you.
01:01:07And while you're at it,
01:01:08how about a lock of your hair?
01:01:16Come on, come on.
01:01:17It's like a murder out there.
01:01:18Come on.
01:01:19Who are you?
01:01:20I'm a visitor.
01:01:21Get him out of here.
01:01:22I beg your pardon.
01:01:23It's amazing.
01:01:24When you're watching television at home,
01:01:25it all looks so organized.
01:01:26I had no idea there was such confusion.
01:01:28Oh, hello, madam.
01:01:29Would you have a picture?
01:01:30I don't rap, so that's what it is.
01:01:33Hey, where do you live?
01:01:34Quicker.
01:01:35What's your address?
01:01:36Every close.
01:01:3718.
01:01:38If you ever need a humbler, call me.
01:01:40I'm the one who does the dancing.
01:01:42I'm the one who does the dancing.
01:01:44I'm the one who does the dancing.
01:01:49Remember me?
01:01:50Hi, Annabelle.
01:01:51Is that all you can say?
01:01:52I've been looking for you since last night.
01:01:55Well, I was locked in the storeroom all night.
01:01:57All day, too?
01:01:59No, I was after that pop singer.
01:02:01Oh, did you get her?
01:02:02Hair, I mean.
01:02:03No, but I got her address.
01:02:0518 Elk Tree Close.
01:02:07You'd better go and get our secret orders.
01:02:09All right.
01:02:10Come on.
01:02:11I can't go to Tweedles.
01:02:12I'm a girl.
01:02:13So what?
01:02:14Live dangerously.
01:02:15They'll probably love you.
01:02:17It's a ghastly place, this.
01:02:19You can't join unless you're over 70.
01:02:21My uncle joined when he was 68.
01:02:24And they still call him Young Robeson.
01:02:29That is not a musical instrument, sir.
01:02:32Well, it's there to be rung, isn't it?
01:02:34To be rung, yes.
01:02:35But not to play tunes on.
01:02:37My name is Lieutenant Timothy Morton, U.S. Air Force.
01:02:40I've come for a letter.
01:02:41Very well, sir.
01:02:42Would the lady wait outside?
01:02:44What are you talking about?
01:02:46Spockins!
01:02:47Spockins!
01:02:48What on earth's that?
01:02:49It's a girl, sir.
01:02:51I know that.
01:02:52What's she doing in here?
01:02:53This club's been running 200 years, Spockins, without females?
01:02:56It's an outrage!
01:02:57Get her out!
01:02:58Get her out!
01:02:59Oh, yes, sir.
01:03:00I do apologize, sir.
01:03:01Madam, who am I?
01:03:02Leave me.
01:03:03Leave me.
01:03:04Please.
01:03:05Reeves.
01:03:06Bring down Lieutenant Morton's letter at once.
01:03:08Right away, sir.
01:03:11There we are, sir.
01:03:16Watch your language, please, sir.
01:03:18We've had complaints from some of the members.
01:03:20When the others have...
01:03:21Yes, sir, I am.
01:03:23I am here.
01:03:25I am here.
01:03:26I'm here.
01:03:27I'm here.
01:03:29I'm here.
01:03:30I'm here.
01:03:31I'm here.
01:03:32I'm here.
01:03:33I'm here.
01:03:34I'm here.
01:03:35I'm here.
01:03:36I'm here.
01:03:37I'm here.
01:03:38I'm here.
01:03:39members when the others opened theirs.
01:03:42Oh, quite fantastic!
01:03:50Well, what is it?
01:03:52How can anyone get that?
01:03:54The Lutein bell.
01:03:56What on earth's the Lutein bell?
01:03:59The Lutein bell, mounted above the caller's rostrum,
01:04:02is famed throughout the world as the symbol of Lloyd's of London.
01:04:06The bell was brought up from the wreck of the frigate Lutein
01:04:09more than a hundred years ago,
01:04:11when they were salvaging her million-pound cargo of gold.
01:04:14That was in 1799,
01:04:17and her cargo is insured here at Lloyd's of London,
01:04:20ladies and gentlemen.
01:04:22Today, over 160 years later,
01:04:25we insure the majority of the world's shipping
01:04:28through a number of independent syndicates and brokers.
01:04:31Will they ring it?
01:04:33Ah, well, sir, the bell is traditionally rung
01:04:35whenever a ship is presumed lost at sea
01:04:37and then found to be safe.
01:04:39Now, if you look below here,
01:04:41you can see the underwriters' boxes,
01:04:43where the brokers contact the underwriters
01:04:46to get their risks accepted,
01:04:48often for many millions of pounds.
01:04:54Telephone for you, Mr Butler-Rakio.
01:04:57Hello, Butler-Rakio.
01:04:59Hello, Bill, this is Fitzroy.
01:05:01How is Lloyd's of London treating you these days?
01:05:03It's all right.
01:05:04Look, Fitzroy, I can't talk now.
01:05:06I'll call you back sometime.
01:05:07You're going to come and see me, Bill?
01:05:09Why, that should be my guest this evening.
01:05:11Well, actually, I'm rather tied up this evening.
01:05:14Then you must untie yourself, mustn't you, Bill?
01:05:16Has I got a little job for you?
01:05:18No, thank you, Fitzroy.
01:05:20Bill, you remember that weekend in Brighton
01:05:22we had last summer with those two delightful girls?
01:05:25They've come to see us, Bill.
01:05:28And Leslie...
01:05:30You remember Leslie, don't you, Bill?
01:05:32Well, she's brought some lovely oysters
01:05:34just for your dindins.
01:05:36Look, you know I'm engaged now to Clarissa Penfold.
01:05:40You were at the engagement party.
01:05:42Oh, I know, Bill, but this will only take an evening.
01:05:44And you wouldn't want me to tell Clarissa or her father
01:05:46about our weekend, would you?
01:05:48You wouldn't.
01:05:49Of course not, old chap.
01:05:51As long as you bring something along with you to dinner tonight.
01:05:53You can probably see it from where you're sitting.
01:05:55You can't miss it, in fact.
01:05:57It's, um... It's the Lotine Bell.
01:06:03Out here in the gallery,
01:06:05non-marine insurance handles almost anything.
01:06:08Film stars' legs, for example.
01:06:10And fashion being what it is,
01:06:12other parts of the anatomy...
01:06:14I'll never be able to get in here. It's impossible.
01:06:16We can do it.
01:06:25Thank you.
01:06:26How will they manage this, Foskett, eh?
01:06:29Pretty good, pretty good.
01:06:31That's enough.
01:06:32What's that, sir?
01:06:34Well, the Lotine Bell. It'll make them sit up.
01:06:36Just one of those happy thoughts, sir.
01:06:39Very good. You take responsibility.
01:06:42Responsibility? Me?
01:06:44You did give me car plants, sir.
01:06:46Don't you remember?
01:06:47Foskett, you must be out of your mind!
01:06:50There'll be the devil of a row.
01:06:51Do you really think I'm going to risk not getting a nightgown
01:06:53just to cover up for you?
01:06:55Oh, no, my boy, this is your baby.
01:06:57Your baby entirely.
01:06:59Sir, I can see the difficulty.
01:07:01I mean, if nobody gets it, there's no problem.
01:07:03If somebody does, we'll send it back anonymously.
01:07:05Send it back? What are you talking about?
01:07:07It must weigh a ton. It's impossible.
01:07:09Oh, no, sir, no. It weighs 106 pounds.
01:07:11Well...
01:07:12That's about the average weight of a gal they achieve.
01:07:14Difficult, but I know it'll be impossible.
01:07:17What?
01:07:21Oh, hello. That's my friend Craig, isn't it?
01:07:25I lost him in the rhododendron, sir.
01:07:27Oh, hard cheese, Craig.
01:07:29I'm fine, sir.
01:07:30He gives me great encouragement.
01:07:32That's the spirit.
01:07:33Good.
01:07:34If you'll excuse me, I'll just go and see if he gets back here.
01:07:36Certainly. Look after him.
01:07:38Well done.
01:07:40No!
01:07:56Oh!
01:07:58Come on, Bill. Give us the story.
01:08:00How on earth did you get it?
01:08:02Now, don't be shy. We won't tell.
01:08:05I've mortgaged my entire career for this nonsense.
01:08:09Oh, it's all our big secret.
01:08:11It's all in the syndicate.
01:08:12For whom the bell tells, I give you Lloyds of London.
01:08:26There's luck for you.
01:08:28It'll be easy without scaffolding up.
01:08:31What about the burglar alarms?
01:08:33That's why I brought this.
01:08:35Oh, what's this?
01:08:37It's a pressure gun filled with rubber cement.
01:08:39One blast into the alarm and then wait 30 seconds.
01:08:42Where'd you get it?
01:08:43I saw it in an absolutely super film.
01:08:46Now, hurry up.
01:08:56Good evening, Constable.
01:08:57You all right?
01:08:58Yes.
01:08:59It's dead end, that street.
01:09:00Well, I know now. Silly of me.
01:09:26Oh, scaffolding.
01:09:31Oh, Sidney, that's very lucky.
01:09:50Oh, no.
01:09:51Do you mind leaving this route?
01:09:53I was here first.
01:09:55Now, wait a minute.
01:09:56As your superior officer,
01:09:57I order you to take your great hairy hands
01:09:59off of this skylight.
01:10:01Drop dead.
01:10:05Okay, okay.
01:10:06Now, hold it, huh?
01:10:08Look, neither of us are gonna win this way.
01:10:10They got a burglar alarm fitted right there.
01:10:12Oh, that's an easy one.
01:10:13I can fix that one right.
01:10:14Who says I'm gonna let you?
01:10:15How do you mean?
01:10:17Well, how would you like it if I set off another one?
01:10:19Brought the cops up here.
01:10:21Wouldn't do you much good now, would it?
01:10:23Look.
01:10:24You've got the rope.
01:10:26Right.
01:10:27Let's make a deal, hmm?
01:10:29I'll fix the alarm.
01:10:30You go down on the rope, get the bell.
01:10:32And then we can toss a coin
01:10:33to see who can take the bell away.
01:10:35How's that?
01:10:37Okay, it's a deal.
01:10:39Right.
01:10:40Well, what are we gonna use to kill the alarm?
01:10:43Pressure gun.
01:10:44Loaded with cement.
01:10:53Barbs.
01:10:54Just wee barbs.
01:10:56Find a life out of them.
01:11:04How you doing down there?
01:11:06Swinging, just swinging.
01:11:08Happy landings.
01:11:13Hard luck, Yank?
01:11:14You...
01:11:15You wait.
01:11:16You just wait.
01:11:17I'll get even with you.
01:11:18You better luck next time.
01:11:23I'll get even with you.
01:11:39Mack the Knife, eh?
01:11:41Bonnie Prince Charlie, I presume.
01:11:44What's this, then?
01:11:46Do I understand that you did this to a senior American officer?
01:11:49What's it to you, jock?
01:11:51Jock?
01:11:52Have you completely taken leave of your senses?
01:11:54Is that the way that you normally address a regimental sergeant major
01:11:57and instantly hold yourself up when I'm talking to you?
01:11:59Oh, why don't you go and jump in, Loch Lomond?
01:12:01Oh, no, just a minute, little fellow.
01:12:02Little cockney lad.
01:12:03Just a minute.
01:12:04Just let me see that a moment.
01:12:05Now, you see, that's exactly as I thought, you see.
01:12:07Now, that is Army property.
01:12:08That knife belongs to the Army.
01:12:10What do you think I'm in, then?
01:12:11A Swiss Navy?
01:12:13I know what you're in.
01:12:14You're in the Army Corps of Transport.
01:12:16Knives like this are issued exclusively to the commandos.
01:12:20You copped it, didn't you?
01:12:21Don't.
01:12:22You've been nicking Army property, haven't you?
01:12:23Don't.
01:12:24Haven't you?
01:12:25Don't push me.
01:12:26No?
01:12:29No.
01:12:31Oh, now, you see, now, I saw that.
01:12:33You deliberately struck a senior officer there.
01:12:36You're on a charge.
01:12:41Am I?
01:12:42Yes.
01:12:43You're on a charge?
01:12:44You're on a charge.
01:12:45Well, in that case, I'll have my money's worth.
01:12:48Oh, that's marvelous.
01:12:50Stand by.
01:12:52What's the matter with you?
01:12:59Blimey, what do we do now?
01:13:00I have a fine idea.
01:13:01What?
01:13:02Run!
01:13:19Oh.
01:13:24This way.
01:13:27Just a minute.
01:13:28Just a minute, just a minute.
01:13:29Wait in there.
01:13:30Yeah.
01:13:31Wait in there.
01:13:32Yeah.
01:13:33Follow me.
01:13:34Now.
01:13:43Go back.
01:13:44Come on in.
01:13:45Come on in.
01:13:46Come on in. Come on in.
01:13:56Over here. Hurry up.
01:14:03I got it. Weighs a ton, too.
01:14:16Hold tight to me, darling.
01:14:19Hey, Annabelle, come back. You forgot me.
01:14:22Gosh, I'm hungry. Let's get something to eat, huh?
01:14:25Oh, yes. Why don't you cook me something?
01:14:28McGregor! Stop it!
01:14:31Stop it!
01:14:35Stop it!
01:14:48Give me back my floor!
01:14:53Here. Watch it. Watch it!
01:14:56Hey, it's him, Lottie. The one we had a description of.
01:14:59Stolen property.
01:15:01What? A car emblem and an electronic rabbit?
01:15:04Not just that. We've got a list as long as you're on.
01:15:07All right. Come on.
01:15:34Stop!
01:15:50Where'd he go? He can't just disappear.
01:15:52Four men this way. Four men that way.
01:15:54Come on, now. Step it up here.
01:15:58Oh, thank goodness you've come in time.
01:16:00There's this mad Scotsman chasing me.
01:16:02A what, madam? A Scotsman.
01:16:04I think he's up for a football game or something, but I'm sure he's drunk.
01:16:07Scotsman, eh? Got a cute on, I suppose.
01:16:09Yes. A McGregor tartan.
01:16:11Jo, you don't suppose he's one of the Lloyds gang?
01:16:14Where is he, madam?
01:16:16There he is.
01:16:19Oh, please help me.
01:16:28Ah! Oh!
01:16:31Right here!
01:16:34Look out below!
01:16:37Look out!
01:16:58Oh!
01:17:04Get out of here!
01:17:07Get out of here!
01:17:27Get out of here!
01:17:38Into the river, eh?
01:17:40Now, then, there must be about three phallums.
01:17:44You're right.
01:17:58Have you any idea where I could get hold of a diving suit?
01:18:06Well, I only asked.
01:18:09Good-night, officer.
01:18:28Dog! Dog!
01:18:35Puppy darling, where have you been?
01:18:38You missed dinner last night.
01:18:40What have you been doing?
01:18:42You should know. I was getting you these.
01:18:44Puppy, you're sensational.
01:18:47You know Carol and Leslie?
01:18:49They're friends of Bill's.
01:18:51What do you know, Bill?
01:18:53Want some puffy chips?
01:18:58I'm quite sure you do.
01:19:00It must have been those wonderful oysters you brought.
01:19:02I must have got a bad one.
01:19:05Oh, do something. Get help.
01:19:07Help! Help!
01:19:09A dog!
01:19:11Never mind, Fitzy. I'll stick by you. You'll be all right.
01:19:16I told you not to trust those foreign oysters, sir.
01:19:19This is Captain de Vasco, sweets.
01:19:21Immediately.
01:19:25Well, Fitzy, I must say, you really do deserve it.
01:19:28You really do.
01:19:30It really is funny.
01:19:36It really is terribly funny.
01:19:52Oh!
01:19:54It's only me, Tim.
01:19:57You remember, I danced with you at the TV studio.
01:20:01Tim?
01:20:03It's 3 o'clock in the morning.
01:20:06Oh, I mean, you keep turning up everywhere.
01:20:10I'm not dreaming, am I?
01:20:12I'm just fake dreaming.
01:20:15Breaks into houses and gets chased all over town.
01:20:18Oh, I don't understand.
01:20:21Would you like a cup of tea?
01:20:23Some coffee?
01:20:27Oh, you'll sleep soon enough.
01:20:35Oh! It's a...
01:20:37Oh!
01:20:39It's a cave-in!
01:20:41Kill that fosket.
01:20:43I'll kill him.
01:20:45Oh!
01:20:51The replica's gone, too.
01:20:53We can't even use that.
01:20:55Who's responsible for things like this?
01:20:58If it comes down to maintenance and decoration, me.
01:21:02Then you'd better get something done, hadn't you?
01:21:05Well, what are you going to do?
01:21:07I suppose it was insured.
01:21:12Well, was it?
01:21:15The world's leading insurance organisation.
01:21:18We haven't covered our most cherished and historic possession.
01:21:26One French-cooked English breakfast.
01:21:28One? What about you?
01:21:30Oh, I love the English breakfast.
01:21:32But it makes me fat.
01:21:34Don't you have anyone to cook for you?
01:21:36I mean, you're a star.
01:21:38I'm a French girl.
01:21:40All French girls cook.
01:21:42So now you go back to the army like a good boy doing your test.
01:21:46Look, baby, you're up at seven to fly to Amsterdam.
01:21:49I guess we both have to do a few things we don't like.
01:21:52Oh, I should like to take a plane.
01:21:54But not to Amsterdam. To Nice.
01:21:56And then on to Valais.
01:21:58It's so lovely there.
01:22:00Tell me, the army, you like it?
01:22:02My father likes it.
01:22:04He's a general.
01:22:06That's the only reason I like to win this test, really.
01:22:09He'd like it, and then I can quit while he's ahead.
01:22:12Oh, then you must win.
01:22:14You need a little team bell for that.
01:22:16Like I said earlier, it's at the bottom of the Thames River.
01:22:19But the Thames is out in the morning.
01:22:21It is, how you say, out with the tide.
01:22:24And your precious bell will be sitting in the mud.
01:22:39There's no one in. She's gone to Ireland.
01:22:41Oh. Was there a young man here?
01:22:43An American.
01:22:44I don't know. I've just got here, ain't I?
01:22:46But he can't have forgotten. He's due at the finish line at 10 o'clock.
01:22:54Oi, hold it!
01:22:59Thank you, Mrs. Nash.
01:23:01Sorry to have troubled you so early.
01:23:03What did she say?
01:23:05Oh, that was Annabelle's mother.
01:23:07She said Annabelle left the house at 7.30 with my sack of objects
01:23:09to go get your hair and a photo.
01:23:11Hey, it's 8.30. I've only got an hour and a half to get back to camp.
01:23:14I'll only just make it.
01:23:15Okay. Let's go.
01:23:26I can still make it.
01:23:28I'm sure I can.
01:23:30I'm sure.
01:23:32You look it up. I'll get you.
01:23:34I'll show them.
01:23:42We've just been overtaken by a woman driver.
01:23:44Look, lie down, mate. You're ill.
01:23:46I'd ride him if I were you, darling.
01:23:48Good idea. Here's £10.
01:23:50For heaven's sake, get on with it, fellow. Overtake her.
01:23:58Of course, you're under no obligation to make a further statement unless you want to.
01:24:01Yeah.
01:24:02But what about this, then?
01:24:03What's that?
01:24:04200 dozen cases of strawberry jam.
01:24:06That was for General Lockwood, too.
01:24:08His wife wanted to donate to a church bazaar.
01:24:10Mm-hm.
01:24:11And then there was another voucher last year.
01:24:13Why should General Lockwood want a requisition of three motor cars?
01:24:16Ah, teaching his daughter to drive.
01:24:18You know what these girls are.
01:24:20No, I'll tell you. Who'd think it's me?
01:24:22But I'm just their tool.
01:24:24They're all in it, especially General Lockwood.
01:24:33Hey, you!
01:24:35Hey, you! You thieving Scotch gig!
01:24:38Bring that flower back here!
01:24:57Sydney!
01:24:59It can't be.
01:25:01Sydney McGregor!
01:25:03Suez! Suez Canal, remember?
01:25:06Suez Canal. Suez Canal.
01:25:08Yeah, Harry Perkins. Paratroopers.
01:25:10Who comes first, the fraud be first!
01:25:12Ha-ha-ha-ha!
01:25:14Oh, darling. All these years here. Come on, we can have a drink.
01:25:17Oh, Harry, that's very nice of you, but I happen to be on duty, actually.
01:25:20You were always too regimental, Sid, eh?
01:25:23Look.
01:25:24I'll never forget what you did for me, eh?
01:25:26Remember that little Egyptian dancer you introduced me to, eh?
01:25:29Yes, well, of course, a lot of water has flown down the Suez Canal since those days.
01:25:33I'm a respectable man now.
01:25:34You always were respectful, Sid.
01:25:36That's why it made it a little bit, you know, different.
01:25:39But I've always been very, very grateful for what you did.
01:25:42Oh, good. Well, there is a small favour you might like to do in return.
01:25:46I was wondering, do you intend going up today?
01:25:49Do you want to join us?
01:25:51Of course you can come up with us, Sid Lovey.
01:25:53You can come up and watch.
01:25:55No, as a matter of fact, I was wondering whether you'd like to drop me off somewhere.
01:25:58We're ready to go up now, Harry.
01:26:00We're all ready to go up.
01:26:02This is Sid McGregor of the 41st.
01:26:05And he's going up with us.
01:26:12Sidney, this could be a big mistake.
01:26:18Ah, Foskett. Twelve minutes to final deadline, eh?
01:26:22Is that right?
01:26:23Eleven, sir.
01:26:24Eleven, is it? Interesting to see who wins.
01:26:26Interesting to see who wins. He might find himself with a bell on his hands.
01:26:30Right, sir. Right.
01:26:32Marking's going to be a bit tricky.
01:26:33Marking, what's that?
01:26:34Think I've worked it out, though.
01:26:35See, now, if we have two competitors for the same time on four objects each,
01:26:39I've worked out a logarithmic scale...
01:26:41Oh, don't bother about that. Any tea? Any tea laid on?
01:26:43Oh, in the tent, sir.
01:26:44Good. Come along. Let's have a cup of tea. Just time. Just time. Come on.
01:26:50I hope you are right about your girlfriend.
01:26:52My ex-girlfriend.
01:26:53Don't worry about her. She'll be there at the camp with the things.
01:26:55Good.
01:26:57Hello, Sylvie?
01:26:58Yes, Barry?
01:26:59Aren't you in Amsterdam?
01:27:00No, I'm not in Amsterdam.
01:27:01I'm getting a later plane.
01:27:03And you can cancel the recording session tomorrow night.
01:27:06I'm going on holiday.
01:27:08No, no, four.
01:27:09Oh, as long as it takes.
01:27:10You can't do this to me.
01:27:11All right, Barry. Two weeks.
01:27:13I want you to tell him that for a year.
01:27:24Come on, Willie.
01:27:26Come on, Willie.
01:27:27Perhaps they've met with some disaster.
01:27:29Up to you to inform the next of kin, remember?
01:27:32They'll come back, sir, probably.
01:27:34I say so. There's an aeroplane up there.
01:27:37A group of young swanees
01:27:40One night on a cave
01:27:43Sing up, Sid
01:27:45We're choking on sweet old sad
01:27:48This is life, eh, Sid?
01:27:50This is life, eh, Sid?
01:27:52Quiet, quiet. Yes, that's the life.
01:27:54Tell me, what do you do these days?
01:27:56Is it much of a living?
01:27:57Well, the only publicity you get is if you croak.
01:28:00If you croak?
01:28:02Right, that's it.
01:28:04What are you doing? What are you doing?
01:28:05I'm not jumping unless for certain.
01:28:06Sid!
01:28:07What?
01:28:08After all you've done for me,
01:28:09this is the least I can do for you.
01:28:11Don't get off the line!
01:28:12See what I do with that guy?
01:28:14I'm not going to let him go!
01:28:16Sid, pull the chain!
01:28:18Pull the chain, Sid!
01:28:22Good show, whoever it is.
01:28:25Watch out below!
01:28:27Oh, it's quite pleasant, actually.
01:28:29By your bonnie bangs
01:28:32And by your bonnie berets
01:28:35Very good, very good.
01:28:37What's that noise? Sounds like an ambulance.
01:28:41Hello!
01:28:43Oh!
01:28:53You come along, fellows.
01:28:54Vicki must be first.
01:28:55Come on, then.
01:28:56Here we go.
01:28:57Come on.
01:28:58Here's the fence, here.
01:28:59Go on.
01:29:00This is a race, look.
01:29:01Hurry up.
01:29:02Get over there by the tent.
01:29:03Come on.
01:29:04Come back and get up along.
01:29:06Come on.
01:29:15Surely good.
01:29:16Wonderful landing, eh?
01:29:30Right here.
01:29:31Come on.
01:29:32After him!
01:29:33After him!
01:29:37Victory is mine!
01:29:40Great!
01:29:52Careful now, you'll get the trifle.
01:29:54There goes the beautiful tea party.
01:29:57My friend Greg, he must think he's a mole.
01:30:00He's always coming out of the ground.
01:30:02I've got it!
01:30:03I've got it, sir!
01:30:04I've done it!
01:30:05I've done it!
01:30:06I've won it!
01:30:07Look, I've got the electric horse,
01:30:08and I've got that road, that lady back there.
01:30:11I've done it!
01:30:12Take him away.
01:30:13Get him out of here.
01:30:14Get him out of here.
01:30:15Get him out of here.
01:30:16Get him out of here.
01:30:17Take him away.
01:30:18He was on the wall.
01:30:19I'd like to line up with him.
01:30:21No, I've won it!
01:30:22Give me your blouse.
01:30:23Give me your blouse.
01:30:24I've done it!
01:30:26No, I've won it!
01:30:27I've won it!
01:30:28All right, chaps, get in line.
01:30:29That's right.
01:30:30I've won it!
01:30:31Come along.
01:30:32Stand over there.
01:30:33Right, everybody.
01:30:34Now, settle down, will you?
01:30:35Sorry.
01:30:36Nice to see you, Regiment Sergeant Major.
01:30:37What's that?
01:30:38What's that, Sarge?
01:30:39Admiral.
01:30:40Very nice of you to come.
01:30:41Hello.
01:30:42Have a good time.
01:30:43Oh, another one.
01:30:44Oh, there.
01:30:45You've got it, Admiral.
01:30:46Well done.
01:30:47Ready for inspection, sir.
01:30:48Right, men.
01:30:49Atten-hut!
01:30:54What are you doing down there?
01:30:55He's in my tunnel!
01:30:56Stop collapsing!
01:30:57Yes, he got back!
01:30:58They're all in my tunnel!
01:30:59Sir!
01:31:05Oh!
01:31:16You'd better get the objects handed in.
01:31:20A fiasco.
01:31:21Complete disaster.
01:31:22It's your fault.
01:31:23No, it's not my fault.
01:31:24It's theirs.
01:31:25They're an absolute show-off, sir.
01:31:27Look, you can see...
01:31:28Well, sir...
01:31:29Mortoners.
01:31:30It is Mortoners.
01:31:31Well, here they are.
01:31:32Every one of them.
01:31:33Thank you.
01:31:34Even the lutein bell.
01:31:35Ah, you've won.
01:31:36Right-o, then.
01:31:37Morton, you're the winner.
01:31:38Congratulations.
01:31:39What's this?
01:31:40That's my resignation, sir.
01:31:41Could you please see that that gets to my Air Force general?
01:31:42Resignation?
01:31:43What do you think you're doing?
01:31:44You can't resign.
01:31:45I'm sorry, sir.
01:31:46I just did.
01:31:47Well, I have a plane to catch.
01:31:49Amsterdam first, then Nice, I think.
01:31:51If you ever have a war, though, please let me know who wins.
01:31:56See, sir?
01:31:57What a jester.
01:31:58Jester?
01:31:59More like mutiny to me, my boy.
01:32:00Ho, ho, ho.
01:32:01General Lockwood?
01:32:02Oh, now we've got people in bowler hats.
01:32:05Ministry of Defence.
01:32:06Acting on information received by the civil police,
01:32:08I have a warrant for your arrest.
01:32:10Arrest?
01:32:11Misappropriation of military and other equipment
01:32:13over a period of several years.
01:32:15I always warned you it couldn't last, didn't I, sir?
01:32:17What are you talking about?
01:32:18All those requisitions you signed.
01:32:19I went down on my knees to him many a time.
01:32:21Sir, I said, you know it can't last.
01:32:23They're bound to catch up with you.
01:32:25Oh, sir, how could you?
01:32:27That's enough now.
01:32:28I want a long statement from you.
01:32:29Pleasure.
01:32:30I must do what's right.
01:32:31Ready, sir?
01:32:32I most certainly am not.
01:32:33Take your hands off me.
01:32:35He must have had a difficult childhood.
01:32:38I'd love to get the case history.
01:32:40I hope you're sure of your facts, my man.
01:32:42You're making a big mistake.
01:32:44Come on, puppy.
01:32:45If we leave all this rubbish, I'll call a taxi.
01:32:47When we get back to London,
01:32:48do you think I could have something to eat?
01:32:50Quick as you can, lads.
01:32:51I want to send this back by the afternoon mail.
01:32:55Oh, I say.
01:33:00Major Foskett?
01:33:01Yes?
01:33:02Are you responsible for this bell being here?
01:33:04Bell?
01:33:05What bell?
01:33:06I'm arresting you for conspiracy to steal
01:33:08and for certain other charges to be investigated.
01:33:10What?
01:33:11But, uh, uh, Captain.
01:33:13No, but, Lurie, it wasn't my fault, you see.
01:33:15It was this man who came round to my school.
01:33:17And they said the army needed a psychiatrist,
01:33:19and I believed him.
01:33:20Timmy.
01:33:21You can't just go.
01:33:22What's going to happen to me?
01:33:23Believe me, Annabelle,
01:33:24what I'm doing is for your own good.
01:33:26After all we've been through together.
01:33:29Oh, he must lead his own life, you know.
01:33:32Look what happens when he does.
01:33:35She'll never look after you when you're old.
01:33:38I thought you'd get away with it, did you, Mike?
01:33:40Don't you worry.
01:33:41We'll soon get this result properly re-adjudicated.
01:33:43Well, that's nice, isn't it?
01:33:45We've all gone, all lots of them.
01:33:47Not so much as a thank you.
01:33:49Gone?
01:33:50Yeah.
01:33:51Oh, no.
01:33:53That is not fair.
01:33:55That's not the spirit of the army.
01:33:57No.
01:33:59It's my neck collecting these objects.
01:34:01As far as I'm concerned,
01:34:02you know what you can do with the army, don't you?
01:34:04A lot of jumped-up parasites, that's what they are.
01:34:06What did you say to us there?
01:34:07Keeping me away from the wife all this time.
01:34:09Before that, what did you say?
01:34:10I said you know what you can do with the army.
01:34:12I know what I can do with the army.
01:34:14I said you know what you can do with the army.
01:34:16I know what I can do with the army.
01:34:18You've completely taken leave of your senses.
01:34:20Stand up.
01:34:21Come here.
01:34:22Stand up.
01:34:25You must remember that you're a soldier.
01:34:27Take yourself off.
01:34:28Yes, sir.
01:34:29Do your time.
01:34:30Yes, sir.
01:34:31Stay down.
01:34:32Yes, sir.
01:34:33Hey!
01:34:35Atten-tion!
01:34:38Arm out!
01:34:39Halt!
01:34:41Quick march!
01:34:45Let's fight!
01:34:46Let's fight!
01:34:47Let's fight now!
01:34:48Remember, you're a soldier!
01:34:50What are you?
01:34:51I'm a soldier!
01:34:52And I'll kill you!
01:34:53What are you?
01:34:54I'm a soldier!
01:34:56I'm a soldier!
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