A soldier comes home from the war expecting a warm welcome, but he finds that his wife had taken in a lodger during his absence, and now she and his somewhat dingy daughter seem to be paying much more attention to the lodger than to him.
Source: IMDB
Source: IMDB
Category
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00My wife's lodger each morning, and my wife's lodger every night.
00:00:25I'm always the scapegoat when anything goes wrong, but everything that Roger does is right.
00:00:33Now I've no time for Roger the lodger, I trust him just as far as I could reach.
00:00:40He's a dodger, a bodger, a crappy kind of dodger, that's Roger the lodger, the leech.
00:00:56♪♪♪
00:01:06♪♪♪
00:01:16♪♪♪
00:01:26♪♪♪
00:01:36Pass, pass, pass. How do lads?
00:01:44Is anyone sitting here? Yes, the invisible man.
00:01:48No, no, I mean, can I sit here? I don't know, try it and see.
00:02:00It's grand to be back home again. Glad you think so.
00:02:05Yeah, those handcuffs. No, we was born like this, we're Siamese twins.
00:02:12Nice day. I said it was a nice day. Yes, yes, I can see it is.
00:02:20Playing cards? No, association football.
00:02:25Solo? Pass. Abundance? Reserve.
00:02:30Yeah, wait a minute, who goes what? I passed. So did I.
00:02:35Call a game? Solo? Pass. Abundance? Reserve.
00:02:41Here, what's the game? Someone caught twice. Not me. I went abundance. I went solo.
00:02:46Who said reserve? I did. Well, keep your blooming trap shut. Deal again.
00:02:51Here, what's the game? I'm going to show a bundle here, pick them up. Well, it was his fault. Pick them up, pick them up.
00:02:56Oh, dear, no seats in here either. That's all right, missus, you can have mine.
00:03:01Oh, thank you so much.
00:03:05But, Mama, I want to sit down. Now, Vernon, be a good boy, and perhaps the nice, kind sergeant will let you sit on his knee.
00:03:13But I don't want to sit on his knee. I'm very glad to hear it, because you ain't going to sit on the nice sergeant's knee.
00:03:20Yes, sergeant, he looks a nice little lad. Here, you keep out of it, I've had enough of you. Aye, sergeant.
00:03:27What a game. Well, I'll call him. I'm not a blinking camel. Come on, then.
00:03:39What a funny-looking man. Vernon, don't be rude to the gentleman.
00:03:43Oh, that's all right, missus. I think he's a very well-behaved little lad.
00:03:47Yes, he's no trouble. Just a teeny-weeny bit playful.
00:03:51Aye, well, all kids are, aren't they? They wouldn't be human if they weren't.
00:03:55You've got children of your own? Aye, I have that too. A little lad and a little lass.
00:04:01I can't wait until I see them again.
00:04:04Been away long? Six years.
00:04:06Oh, that's a long time, isn't it?
00:04:09There they are.
00:04:10Oh, what nice kids.
00:04:12What a funny-looking man.
00:04:15That's not a man, that's my mother-in-law.
00:04:21You like my tie? Aye, it's very nice, isn't it?
00:04:31Oh, you clumsy thing. Now, look what you've done. You've knocked my wool on the floor.
00:04:35Oh, sorry, love. It was a mistake.
00:04:37Oh, sorry, love. It was a mistake.
00:04:39Oh, sorry, love. It was a mistake.
00:04:41Oh, sorry, love. It was a mistake.
00:04:43Oh, sorry, love. It was a mistake.
00:04:49Oh, I'm sorry I'm pushing you.
00:04:50Oh, I'm sorry I'm pushing you.
00:04:51Now, look what you've done. You've knocked my wool on the floor.
00:04:53Oh, sorry, love. It was an accident. I'll find him for you.
00:04:57Blimey, what's you again? What are you doing down there?
00:05:00If you say get out, I'll slap you round the ook.
00:05:04I don't have any peace.
00:05:06Get out of there.
00:05:07Move up then.
00:05:11That would make happy families.
00:05:13If you don't keep quiet, there'll be a very unhappy family, and you won't know how unhappy they are.
00:05:17Can't you keep this little scorpion quiet?
00:05:19Keep quiet, Vernon.
00:05:20Chance are there.
00:05:22He's no trouble at all, is he?
00:05:24He's not usually like this.
00:05:26I can't think what's come over the little fellow today.
00:05:29He must be overtired.
00:05:32Adam, can't you make that wretched child behave?
00:05:35Vernon, behave!
00:05:37That's handy little gadget. Let's have a look at him.
00:05:42What is this, a lunatic asylum?
00:05:44Haven't you grown up yet?
00:05:47Don't you hit my Vernon!
00:05:50Vernon, say you're sorry to the nice kind sergeant.
00:05:53Sorry, sir.
00:05:54It's all right, son, but don't do it again, that's all.
00:05:56Why don't you give the gentleman his seats?
00:05:58I've got some Turkish delights. Got one dish?
00:06:00Yes.
00:06:01How about you, Tosh?
00:06:04You, Tosh?
00:06:12Blimey! It's Shope!
00:06:15Excuse me, madam.
00:06:20Good heavens! Smallpox!
00:06:22Oh!
00:06:23Oh!
00:06:24My poor boy!
00:06:25You must be something about my time!
00:06:28Oh, my poor boy!
00:06:30Doctor, you must do something for my child!
00:06:51Oh, my poor boy!
00:06:53Doctor, you must do something for my child!
00:06:55Leave him, my child! Please!
00:06:57You've got the wrong case!
00:06:59My case!
00:07:01My case!
00:07:03My case!
00:07:05My case!
00:07:07My case!
00:07:09Is Mrs. Barton going into number nine?
00:07:26She don't look long for this world.
00:07:28Proper ragged she looks.
00:07:30I suppose it's worrying over her husband going overseas.
00:07:33Well, my husband's been overseas for six years.
00:07:37But I haven't worried myself into the grave over it.
00:07:40Oh, him! He's different.
00:07:44There's that Mrs. Emmett going up the road.
00:07:47That's just got married.
00:07:50Oh, she made a lovely bride.
00:07:53She did look happy.
00:07:55Happy? I wouldn't say she looked happy.
00:07:58Relieved, you might say.
00:08:01Not happy.
00:08:04Mum!
00:08:06Hello, son. What is it? You're back early.
00:08:08Aye. I've got some wonderful news for you.
00:08:11Oh, what is it?
00:08:12I've got the sack. I'm fired.
00:08:14Now I can go to dogs every day.
00:08:16This is my lucky day. That's what it is.
00:08:19It's not fair. If he can get the sack, so can I.
00:08:22Why should I have to work?
00:08:24Be quiet, the pair of you.
00:08:26All you think about is going to dogs, fellas and pictures.
00:08:28Why, I stay at home scrubbing and slaving for you.
00:08:32What for, I'd like to know. What have I got?
00:08:35Roger.
00:08:36The lodger.
00:08:37Eh, Mum, look at Rita.
00:08:40Did you ever go out with boys when you were a girl?
00:08:43Don't be so daft. I did once.
00:08:46And did you suffer for it?
00:08:48I married your father, didn't I?
00:08:52Don't bother to set a place for me, Mother.
00:08:54Why not, love?
00:08:56I'm going to Pally with Charlie Farley.
00:08:58Oh, have a bit of something before you go, won't you?
00:09:00No, I haven't time.
00:09:02Horseman.
00:09:03Oh, if it's anything for me, don't open it. It's private.
00:09:05Ah, private's right.
00:09:07It's from Private Diggumbutton.
00:09:09Oh, I bet he'll be wanting something or he wouldn't be writing.
00:09:14My dear Maggie Anne, open your in the pink as it leaves me the same.
00:09:19I have had a long dose of C.B., which is very catching, but I'm all right now.
00:09:24I'm coming home on leave. Isn't it smashing?
00:09:28I haven't changed much as the laundry's very difficult.
00:09:31I'm still wearing the same socks you knitted me when I went away.
00:09:35And I've become quite attached to them.
00:09:37Love to you and the kids and the old war horse.
00:09:42If she's still with you, I hope not.
00:09:45Yours has been for Willie.
00:09:47P.S., if I get home before this letter, don't bother to read it.
00:09:52Well, your father's on his way home.
00:09:56Well, I'm on my way out. I've got a date with Clarice Harris.
00:10:00Don't you want any tea either?
00:10:02No, thanks, Ma.
00:10:57How do you like that? Now you're going off.
00:11:10How are you, love?
00:11:12Hello.
00:11:14It's Willie again, Blotchem.
00:11:27Anybody at home?
00:11:33I've come back.
00:11:41Oh, so it's you, is it?
00:11:50Hello, Maggie, and here I am at last.
00:11:53I heard you blowing your own trumpet.
00:11:57Aren't you glad to see me?
00:11:59Well, I don't rightly know.
00:12:01Well, give us a kiss while you think it over.
00:12:03Oh, aye.
00:12:05Ye have waited six years for that.
00:12:07You've been drinking.
00:12:09I just had one or two with the lads to celebrate.
00:12:11I don't see any flags out here.
00:12:13We've got no flags. Besides, we didn't know you were coming back.
00:12:16Why, didn't you get my letter?
00:12:18Five minutes ago. You haven't changed much.
00:12:21Oh, neither have you.
00:12:23Why, you're just as lovely as you were when I went away.
00:12:26I wish you meant it.
00:12:28I do mean it. You do look nice, really, you do.
00:12:31After knocking about all over the world
00:12:33and seeing different sorts of women,
00:12:35you know, yellow women and black women.
00:12:37Oh, so you've been messing about with black women, have you?
00:12:40I haven't been messing about with black women.
00:12:43Oh, yes, you have. You've just said so.
00:12:45Oh, you're starting already, are you?
00:12:47I'm not starting anything,
00:12:49I'm going to be compared with black women, and that's that.
00:12:51I didn't mean it.
00:12:53Eee! What's all the noise about?
00:12:56Nothing, Mother, nothing.
00:12:58Listen, love, don't let's start quarrelling the minute I get back.
00:13:01I don't want to quarrel, I'm sure.
00:13:03Oh, neither do I.
00:13:05All I want's a bit of peace and quiet.
00:13:07There goes Mrs Jepson.
00:13:09She's going to have a baby, according to Mrs Harris.
00:13:13Going to have a baby?
00:13:16Well?
00:13:18Well, don't look at me.
00:13:21I've been away for six years.
00:13:23Disgraceful, I call it.
00:13:25Having a baby, and her husband's been overseas two and a half years.
00:13:29Well, there's nothing in that.
00:13:31There's two and a half years between our Eunice and our Norman.
00:13:35I think the sun's got to your head.
00:13:40Well, Mum, what about it?
00:13:42Well, I never...
00:13:43Are you going to a funeral?
00:13:45Take no notice, it's only your father.
00:13:48Why, it's right...
00:13:51Smart.
00:13:52Hello, stranger.
00:13:53Been making a bit of a career for yourself in Korea?
00:13:57No, I just committed suicide on the suicide.
00:14:01Oh, right, good dad, right, snappy.
00:14:04Well, yes, you're growing quite a big lad.
00:14:07Are you working, or is that a rude question?
00:14:10Well, not at moment.
00:14:12Just looking out for good opening.
00:14:14That's what the rabbit said to the greyhound.
00:14:17I don't get it.
00:14:18Too snappy for you.
00:14:20Well, sorry I can't stop.
00:14:22Where are you going, lad?
00:14:24Round to Clarissa's.
00:14:26They're all in a big party tonight.
00:14:28Her dad's just come back from overseas.
00:14:34It must be nice when their dad's come back from overseas.
00:14:39Oh, Alton, dear.
00:14:41Do you know what happens to a girl who wears woolen stockings?
00:14:44No, what?
00:14:45Nothing!
00:14:59Mother!
00:15:01How do I look?
00:15:02It's most becoming.
00:15:05It's most becoming.
00:15:07It'll be coming off in a minute.
00:15:09Oh, is your dad back?
00:15:10Hello, dad.
00:15:11Where are you going, lass?
00:15:12I'm going out.
00:15:13I didn't think you were going to crawl up the chimney.
00:15:16Hey, does she have to put all this muck on her face?
00:15:18She's grown up now, you know, you can't treat her like a kid.
00:15:21I've a right to know where me own daughter's going to, haven't I?
00:15:23She's not 21 yet.
00:15:25He asked me last night, mother.
00:15:27Who did?
00:15:28Charlie Fowley.
00:15:29Asked you what?
00:15:30To marry him, of course.
00:15:32What do you think?
00:15:33Well, I never did.
00:15:34And will you?
00:15:36I think so.
00:15:38Hey, wait a minute.
00:15:40He'll have to keep you, he knows that, I suppose.
00:15:42Aye, he wants to.
00:15:43He must be crackers.
00:15:45Hey, don't I get consulted about this?
00:15:47About what?
00:15:48About our Eunice getting wed.
00:15:49I don't see why you should.
00:15:51She's known Charlie Fowley a long time now, haven't you, love?
00:15:54Aye, six weeks.
00:15:56Hey, hey, hey, who is this Charlie Fowley?
00:15:58That's what I want to know.
00:15:59A chap.
00:16:00I know he's a chap.
00:16:01You don't think I thought he was a greyhound, do you?
00:16:03Oh, that's his job.
00:16:04What is?
00:16:05Greyhounds, the dog track.
00:16:06Aye, he works at a dog track, does he?
00:16:08And what does he do at the dog track?
00:16:11Goes round with a brush and shovel, I suppose.
00:16:14No, he doesn't.
00:16:15He's got a good job.
00:16:17Why isn't he in the army?
00:16:18He's graded.
00:16:20He's got a fatty heart and flat feet.
00:16:23But he's ever so nice.
00:16:26He's got a fatty heart and flat feet.
00:16:31But he's ever so nice.
00:16:35That settles it.
00:16:36I'm not having any daughter of mine getting married to a fella with a flat heart and fatty feet that works at a dog track.
00:16:44What you want and what I want are very different things.
00:16:47I've been running the family while you've been away and I'm not having you interfering now you've come back.
00:16:52I don't see why I shouldn't marry Charlie Fowley.
00:16:55I shall have to marry someone, I suppose, and he's as good as anybody.
00:16:59Anyway, he's got ambitions.
00:17:01Oh, has he?
00:17:02He wants to marry me and have a big family.
00:17:04Oh, does he?
00:17:06Well, she can get that idea right out of her head.
00:17:09I'm not going to be cluttered up for the rest of my life with a lot of little Charlie Fowleys running around with fatty hearts and flat feet.
00:17:18And furthermore, you haven't told me where you're going yet, dressed up like that.
00:17:23Well, if you must know, I'm going to meet him at the Palais.
00:17:26At what?
00:17:27At the Palais.
00:17:28I saw one once.
00:17:30Saw what, Mother?
00:17:32A ballet.
00:17:33It was at the old Theatre Royal in the pantomime.
00:17:38He had a lovely transformation scene too.
00:17:42Nobody's talking about ballets.
00:17:45Our Eunice is going to the Palais, the dance hall.
00:17:49Why don't you speak plain English?
00:17:52Nobody's talking to you any, Rhode.
00:17:54Don't you talk to my mother like that.
00:17:56Well, let her keep out of this.
00:17:58Hey, what's this Palais you're going to anyway?
00:18:00The Palais de Danse. I work there.
00:18:03What that?
00:18:04Jitterbuggin.
00:18:05Jitter-what-in?
00:18:06Jitterbuggin.
00:18:07What-a-buggin?
00:18:08Jitterbuggin.
00:18:09What horrible language.
00:18:13What the blazes is jitterbuggin?
00:18:26What the blazes is jitterbuggin?
00:18:57We are interrupting our programme of dance music for a special announcement.
00:19:02A case belonging to a doctor and containing 20 files of phenyl barbitone was taken by mistake.
00:19:12Ta-ta, love. Don't be late home and don't smoke too many cigarettes.
00:19:16It'll give you a bad colour.
00:19:18One more colour on her face wouldn't make much difference.
00:19:21So you smoke cigarettes now, do you?
00:19:24Yes, I do. So what?
00:19:26So what? So what what?
00:19:28So what nothing. I just said so what?
00:19:31I know you did. What are you talking about?
00:19:33You can't say so what nothing. You're asking a question, aren't you?
00:19:37Where's your grammar?
00:19:39You're a proper little devil getting, aren't you?
00:19:42Making up and smoking cigarettes you'll be drinking next.
00:19:45Aye, I do that too.
00:19:47And I shall probably have a couple of small ports with Charlie Farley tonight.
00:19:51Well, TTFN.
00:19:53TTFN? What's that?
00:19:55Ta-ta for now.
00:20:02Well, DGQD.
00:20:04What's DGQD?
00:20:06Don't go quite daft.
00:20:08Give my love to Roger, Ma.
00:20:10OK, darling. Don't be late.
00:20:13Who's Roger?
00:20:14The lodger.
00:20:15Aye, the lodger. What's he like, Maggie?
00:20:18He's a fine man, that's what he is. Works out and earns good money.
00:20:22What do in?
00:20:23Big business. He's a key man.
00:20:26Give us one from under the carter, Joe.
00:20:33Here, Roger.
00:20:35You know that youngest lad of ours, young Sammy?
00:20:38He's a bright lad, he is. You ought to get him in the business.
00:20:41To the day he said to me,
00:20:43Dad, what's the letter on the back of the car?
00:20:46The letter L.
00:20:48I said, it's for Lerner.
00:20:50To the day he says, that car with the L on the back now, it's got GB on it.
00:20:55Does that mean the driver's getting better?
00:21:01GB, getting better.
00:21:05He's a bright lad, isn't he, Sammy?
00:21:07Very good. Very good indeed.
00:21:09Checked up on that lorry for you, Gov.
00:21:11Leaves the factory at three, passes you about 4.30.
00:21:14Thanks.
00:21:23Thanks, Dad.
00:21:24Here's your cut on the nylons, Joe.
00:21:26Oh, thanks.
00:21:28You don't waste much time, do you?
00:21:31That's chicken feed. Chicken feed.
00:21:34That's business.
00:21:35Booming.
00:21:36As a matter of fact, I've got something really big coming off soon.
00:21:40Fags. Billions of fags.
00:21:43Can you drive a lorry, Joe?
00:21:44Drive anything on four wheels.
00:21:46That's my boy. Now, look, I'll give you the lowdown later.
00:21:48I mean, I'm taking my landlady to the pictures tonight.
00:21:51I don't know why you hang out up to her.
00:21:53She ain't got no dough, is she?
00:21:55She's got plenty of ray meat.
00:21:57Besides, give me a nice respectable background.
00:22:00All right, all right.
00:22:01You don't mind, do you, Joe?
00:22:03No, it's all right.
00:22:04Good night, mate.
00:22:05Good night.
00:22:11Oh, Willie, you're in my way.
00:22:13Come out of it.
00:22:16Sit down while I get Roger's tea.
00:22:20You can have yours later.
00:22:22After Roger's finished.
00:22:24That's right.
00:22:25If there's any left.
00:22:26That's right.
00:22:27I expect he'll be hungry.
00:22:29Why, does he work in the Ministry of Food?
00:22:31No, he's in rearmament.
00:22:33In rearmament.
00:22:34I'll bet he is.
00:22:36Oh, he wants his tea early tonight.
00:22:38He's going to the flicks.
00:22:39I do wish he'd come in.
00:22:41I'll never get washed up in time.
00:22:43Well, there's no worry.
00:22:44You've got all night, haven't you?
00:22:46That is, unless Roger's taking you with him to the flicks.
00:22:49That's exactly what he is doing.
00:22:52Ah.
00:22:53What?
00:22:55You don't mean to say you go out to the pictures with Roger in the lodger, do you?
00:22:59There's no harm in a gentleman taking a lady to the flicks.
00:23:03There's no harm in a gentleman taking a lady to the pictures, are you?
00:23:07No, I suppose not, as long as it stops at that.
00:23:11What do you care what I do?
00:23:13You've been away for six years.
00:23:15And I don't suppose you've even brought me back a present.
00:23:19Ah.
00:23:21That's where you're wrong.
00:23:22Just what I have done.
00:23:23What have you brought me?
00:23:25A brand new dress.
00:23:27A new dress?
00:23:29Aye.
00:23:30Away from the glamorous East.
00:23:32Here it is.
00:23:34You wear the flowers to cover your top and the skirt to cover the rest of you.
00:23:42Am I supposed to go around in a thing like that?
00:23:45Why not?
00:23:46It's latest fashion in Bonga Wonga.
00:23:48This isn't Bonga Wonga.
00:23:49Expecting me to go around in a grass skirt and a ring of roses?
00:23:52Well, Eve only had a fig leaf and she didn't grumble.
00:23:55She had Adam.
00:23:56Aye.
00:23:57And you've got Willie Iggingbottom.
00:23:59And a couple of kids you seem to have forgotten.
00:24:02Oh, no, I haven't.
00:24:03I've got presents for them and all.
00:24:30Have you brought those back for our kids?
00:24:43Aye.
00:24:44I didn't realise they'd grown so big.
00:24:51Well, you didn't suppose they'd grow any smaller, did you?
00:24:56It didn't occur to me.
00:25:00Aye.
00:25:01It shoots muck out at back.
00:25:05Look.
00:25:06What do you think you're doing?
00:25:15I wish there were no presents.
00:25:18I do.
00:25:19I do.
00:25:20I do.
00:25:21I do.
00:25:22I do.
00:25:23I do.
00:25:24I do.
00:25:25I do.
00:25:26I do.
00:25:27I do.
00:25:28I do.
00:25:29I do.
00:25:30I do.
00:25:31I do.
00:25:32I do.
00:25:33I do.
00:25:34I do.
00:25:35I do.
00:25:36I do.
00:25:37I do.
00:25:38I do.
00:25:39I do.
00:25:40I do.
00:25:41I do.
00:25:42I do.
00:25:43I do.
00:25:44I do.
00:25:45I do.
00:25:46I do.
00:25:47I do.
00:25:48I do.
00:25:50Feeling peckish Roger?
00:25:54I'm always ready for a bit of your cooking Maggie.
00:25:55You know, I always say if you haven't tasted Maggie's tripe you don't know what tripe is.
00:26:01You're talking a lot of tripe, I know that.
00:26:03Sit down Roger, I won't be a minute.
00:26:05I'm just brewing tea.
00:26:16Get up Willie.
00:26:18You're on Roger's chair!
00:26:20Well, I'll be...
00:26:22Get up, Willie. Roger's tired.
00:26:25Sit down, Roger. I won't be a minute.
00:26:31Make yourself at home.
00:26:33I am at home.
00:26:35You've been working pretty hard, I suppose.
00:26:48Well, we keep on doing our bit, you know.
00:26:51Still got to keep the lads in Korea going.
00:26:53Oh, aye, you got to keep them going.
00:26:55And you're taking my wife to the pictures tonight.
00:26:58Yes.
00:27:00You don't mind, do you, old man?
00:27:01No, no, no, no, no.
00:27:03When you've been working hard all day, you feel like a bit of relaxation in the evening.
00:27:06Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
00:27:08No good knocking yourself up now, is it?
00:27:09Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
00:27:10All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, you know.
00:27:13Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
00:27:14Of course, I wanted to join the army, but they wouldn't let me go.
00:27:18Wouldn't they?
00:27:19Nah. I'm in a reserved occupation.
00:27:22Oh, aye.
00:27:23You know, it's one of the...
00:27:24One of the biggest regrets of my life that I wasn't over there knocking the stuffing out of them Nazis.
00:27:28You'd have loved it.
00:27:30Well, somebody's got to do the work, old man.
00:27:32Somebody's got to turn out the armaments.
00:27:33Aye.
00:27:34Otherwise, you wouldn't be able to have any more nice wars, would you?
00:27:37What do you mean?
00:27:38Come and get your tea, Roger.
00:27:40You're having your usual cup of chow with me, aren't you?
00:27:42Oh, I'll have a cup to keep you company.
00:27:44But I've had a good lunch.
00:27:45I had a smashing lunch, too.
00:27:47I never had any lunch at all.
00:27:49Two egg and bubble, four a-drippin', sultana put, and two cups of rosy leek.
00:27:53Tasty.
00:27:54We had a couple of faggots, Mum and I, with some fried potatoes and tinned peas.
00:27:58Lovely.
00:27:59I had a meat pie with no meat in it.
00:28:01Lousy.
00:28:02How are the sausages, Roger?
00:28:04Ah, fellow Brit, it's not my idea of a tea, you know.
00:28:06If there's one thing I like more than another, it's a nice bit of cold ham.
00:28:09Oh, aye, but look at the price.
00:28:11Oh, I'm not blaming you.
00:28:12I think you do very well here, considering.
00:28:14You don't do so badly yourself, do you?
00:28:16What the devil do you think you're playing at?
00:28:17I'm sorry.
00:28:18Did I splash you?
00:28:19Of course you did.
00:28:20Now, you might be down a sport.
00:28:21Don't do that.
00:28:22I've got to eat those.
00:28:23Go on.
00:28:24I've never seen anything like it in my life, you faggot.
00:28:30Oh, what a shame.
00:28:34Cat won't eat it now.
00:28:36I'll get my hat and coat or we'll be late for the pictures.
00:28:43What are you looking so miserable about?
00:28:45You don't mind my going to the pictures with Roger, do you?
00:28:48No, I suppose not.
00:28:50I just thought that as it was my first night back home, you might have liked to stop them for a bit.
00:28:56Or else come out with me, love.
00:28:58Oh, well, we made our arrangements now.
00:29:01You don't want me to disappoint Roger, do you?
00:29:05You must be tired after your long journey, old man.
00:29:08You take it easy.
00:29:09I'll tell you what.
00:29:10You can have my chair if you like.
00:29:12Oh, thanks very much.
00:29:14Till I come home.
00:29:15Ready, mate?
00:29:17Clear Roger's tea things away and wash up and don't break anything.
00:29:21Hey, what about my tea?
00:29:23Oh, there's some corned beef in the larder.
00:29:25You can have that.
00:29:28Thanks.
00:30:29Scram!
00:30:42Hey, have a shot of this.
00:30:44What's that?
00:30:45Baby, one shot of that and you'll spit in the eye of a tiger.
00:30:48Oh, no, I couldn't.
00:30:50Oh, come on.
00:30:51No, I don't like whiskey.
00:30:53But you gotta have something.
00:30:54I can't drink on my own.
00:30:56Well, I don't know what to have.
00:30:58I'm so hot.
00:31:00Baby, you sure said it.
00:31:03Well, I think I'll have a nice, long, cool drink.
00:31:06Yeah, I know.
00:31:07Something long and cold and...
00:31:09Take my wife.
00:31:11Baby, when you look at me like that, I get goose pimples on my goose pimples.
00:31:15Oh, go on.
00:31:16You Americans are all like that.
00:31:19Well, we all got two things in common.
00:31:21And, well, one of them's drink.
00:31:24Well, one of them's drink.
00:31:27What's the other?
00:31:31Baby, you got me coming and going.
00:31:34Let's dance again, shall we?
00:31:36No.
00:31:37No, the weather's too rough.
00:31:39I gotta go.
00:31:41Well, I don't want to go yet.
00:31:43You stay here, baby.
00:31:45I'm on a secret mission.
00:31:46Man about a dog.
00:31:49Well, can't I go with you to see the man about the dog?
00:31:52I'm sorry, baby.
00:31:53The dog might bite you.
00:31:55So long, beauty.
00:31:56I'll be seeing you.
00:32:00Oh, I like that.
00:32:05Cinderella, that's me.
00:32:08Cinderella.
00:32:11The ugly sisters have gone to the blinking ball and left me to do the fiddling, washing up.
00:32:19And I don't see any flippin' fairy godmother.
00:32:40Hey!
00:32:41Hey, you know the woman that got yourself bitten, Adam?
00:32:45Who?
00:32:47Button-hagger.
00:32:50Oh!
00:32:51You mean Iggy and Bottom.
00:32:53That's what I said, friend.
00:32:55Button-hagger.
00:32:57Aye, that's his house there.
00:33:00Aw, thanks, pal.
00:33:03Oh, that's all right.
00:33:05Don't stand on ceremony with Willy, Iggy and Bottom.
00:33:09Just open the door and walk out.
00:33:12Just open the door and walk in.
00:33:16Oh, hey, brother.
00:33:19We've been driving through the jungle in Corriella.
00:33:22Scootin' at gorillas far and near.
00:33:25We have chased them from the border.
00:33:27We stand law and order.
00:33:29Hiya, pal.
00:33:30How do?
00:33:31Hey, anybody in?
00:33:33No.
00:33:34Can I do anything for you?
00:33:36Yeah, reckon you can.
00:33:37Yeah, but I don't remember what it is.
00:33:39Hey, you're not Charlie Farley by any chance?
00:33:42No.
00:33:43No, I guess I ain't.
00:33:44Pal, just call me Texas.
00:33:45That's where I come from.
00:33:46Good old Texas, the Lone Star State.
00:33:50We stand law and order.
00:33:52Chasing from the border.
00:33:54We stand law and order.
00:33:56We stand law and order.
00:33:58Hey, turn it up, turn it up.
00:34:00You wake the old bloomin' straight up.
00:34:02Oh, I'm sorry, pal.
00:34:04I just feel kind of happy, that's all.
00:34:06I just got back from Korea.
00:34:08Have you?
00:34:09That's funny.
00:34:10I just got back from abroad myself.
00:34:12Yeah, don't say.
00:34:14Well, now, if that ain't a coincidence,
00:34:16this calls for a little celebration.
00:34:19Do you like rye?
00:34:21Ah, good.
00:34:22Got any glasses?
00:34:24I'll get some.
00:34:26We stand law and order.
00:34:28We stand law and order.
00:34:30We stand law and order.
00:34:32We stand law and order.
00:34:33We stand law and order.
00:34:36Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
00:34:38We've got to be very quiet about this, you see.
00:34:41Me mother-in-law's poorly.
00:34:43Oh, I'm sorry, pal.
00:34:45Hey, would the old girl like a shot of this?
00:34:47This'll put her to sleep alright.
00:34:49No.
00:34:51No, let's leave her out of it.
00:34:53Between you and me, she's a bit of a nagger.
00:34:56I get you, pal.
00:34:58I've had a few mothers-in-law myself.
00:35:01Well, here's how.
00:35:03Cereal.
00:35:29Sort of takes your part, doesn't it?
00:35:32This is what we used to call leopard sweat.
00:35:38Oh, it's my wife's lodger every morning.
00:35:42What's that?
00:35:44It's my wife's lodger every morning.
00:35:47And my wife's lodger every night.
00:35:50Stop that noise!
00:35:52Hey, that reminds me.
00:35:54My old woman's gone off to the pictures with Roger.
00:35:56Who's he?
00:35:57The lodger.
00:35:58I'm always in trouble when anything goes wrong.
00:36:02Goes wrong.
00:36:04But everything that Roger does is right.
00:36:06Is right.
00:36:08Everything...
00:36:17Now tell me, when did you get back?
00:36:19Only today. Have a nice trip?
00:36:21No, terrible.
00:36:23The ship was too uncomfortable.
00:36:25Uncomfortable.
00:36:27Too full of...
00:36:30Hey, 350 junior officers on board,
00:36:34and 11 nursing sisters.
00:36:38Never have so few
00:36:41been chased by so many
00:36:44for so long, for so little.
00:36:47Okay, pal, so you had a tough time.
00:36:50Did I ever tell you about the time
00:36:53I captured an enemy bunker
00:36:56single-handed?
00:36:58No, tell me.
00:37:00We're attacking through the jungle, see?
00:37:02I get separated from my section.
00:37:04What do I do?
00:37:07I don't know.
00:37:09Well, I'll tell you.
00:37:11I crawl out of a patch of scrub, see?
00:37:14And there, right in front of me is the bunker.
00:37:17So I grab my gun,
00:37:19and I give him a short burst.
00:37:23Then I give him another burst.
00:37:26And now he's been to the bunker,
00:37:28and I give him all I got left.
00:37:45Hey, hey.
00:37:57Now I've no time for Roger the lodger.
00:38:01The lodger.
00:38:03I trust him just as far as I could reach.
00:38:06I could reach.
00:38:08He's a codger.
00:38:10Stop that noise down there.
00:38:12The kind of lodger
00:38:14is Roger the lodger, the leech.
00:38:19Hey, take my daughter.
00:38:22French power is jitter-biggie.
00:38:24What's that?
00:38:26So you fangled kind of Dutch.
00:38:28You ain't pergy-woogie.
00:38:30Pergy-woogie? Is that it?
00:38:32Yeah, pergy-woogie.
00:38:34Something about cats and heps.
00:38:36We're shooting guys from Idaho.
00:38:40We're shooting all the pirates as we go.
00:38:44From U.S. to Yokohama.
00:38:47We're making them hammer.
00:38:49We're shooting all the pirates as we go.
00:38:51As we go.
00:38:52As we go.
00:38:57What's that?
00:38:59Mice with clogs on.
00:39:01It's me mother-in-law.
00:39:04Tell her to go chase herself, friend.
00:39:06Are you a man or a mouse?
00:39:08I'm a man, Bayard.
00:39:10I'm a man.
00:39:18Tell her to take a piss.
00:39:20Tell her to take a piss.
00:39:22Tell her to take a piss.
00:39:28I'm about martyred.
00:39:44I settled her.
00:39:46Swell boy, keep it up.
00:39:48Don't you stand in front of that baloney from Annabelle.
00:39:50Tell him all to scram.
00:39:52I think I will, boy.
00:39:55And as for Roger the Lodger.
00:39:58Do you know what I do about him?
00:40:04And as for the washing up.
00:40:07Do you know what I do about the washing up?
00:40:09I chuck the whole darn lot out of the window.
00:40:15I never thought of that.
00:40:21What are we waiting for?
00:40:23Let's go, brother.
00:40:51You can't do that.
00:40:53Can't, huh?
00:40:55And the best one's home is his cat.
00:41:21Who could conjure a scene more beautiful than these enchanting Hawaiian girls
00:41:27dancing to the strains of native guitar
00:41:30as those surf-covered breakers forever keep rolling in
00:41:35onto those coral-studded beaches.
00:41:38Ices, cigarettes, chocolates.
00:41:40Would you like an ice, Peggy?
00:41:42I don't mind if I do.
00:41:44One, please.
00:41:46Ices, cigarettes, chocolates.
00:41:48Now with this thought in our minds,
00:41:51we say farewell to lovely Waikiki
00:41:55where men are men
00:41:57and the women are constantly reminding them of it.
00:42:03Oh, give over, Roger.
00:42:05Shh.
00:42:07Turn it up.
00:42:09What's the matter with you?
00:42:11I don't think I should have left Willie all on his own.
00:42:13I don't think I should have left Willie all on his own tonight, you know.
00:42:16After all, it is his first night home.
00:42:19Anyway, let's hope it's getting on with washing up.
00:42:22You've got to be bossing your own house.
00:42:25Get me?
00:42:27Get you.
00:42:29You don't want to stay and bring that baloney from your wife or the kids.
00:42:32Get me?
00:42:34Get you.
00:42:36Get me?
00:42:38Get you.
00:42:40Oh, dear, oh, dear.
00:42:49Willie, let's you and me go out and get another bottle of rye.
00:42:54Aye, that's a good idea.
00:42:56I'm getting to like this rye.
00:42:59I'm getting a craving for it.
00:43:02We're rooting, shooting guys from Idaho.
00:43:06Be quiet down there!
00:43:37Why don't you divorce him, honey, and marry me?
00:43:40Bud, I must have time to think it over.
00:43:44I'm crazy about you.
00:43:46Give me a kiss.
00:43:48Give over, Rocha.
00:43:50Gee, baby, you're swell.
00:43:52I'm crazy about every little thing about you.
00:43:54Your hair, your eyes, your neck.
00:43:57Give over, Rocha.
00:43:59I can't stand this any longer.
00:44:01Leave him, baby, and come away with me.
00:44:03No, I can't.
00:44:04Why can't you?
00:44:06Oh, I'm afraid, Bud.
00:44:08He's only a wrestler, ain't he?
00:44:10Yeah, Bud, but a Russian wrestler, and he's so big and strong.
00:44:14Oh, forget it.
00:44:16Come away now.
00:44:18Gee, I don't know.
00:44:20Say you will, baby.
00:44:22Say you will, Maggie.
00:44:24Okay, Bud, I'll come.
00:44:26There you are, Maggie.
00:44:28My husband!
00:44:30Who the hell are you?
00:44:31I'm Raminat, the Russian wrestler.
00:44:34Who are you?
00:44:36I'm Popanov, the American sprinter.
00:44:38Good night.
00:44:40Oh, Bud!
00:44:42He shot him!
00:44:44Nip it in the bud again.
00:44:46Give over, Rocha.
00:44:48What's the matter with you?
00:44:50Let's go, let's go.
00:44:53Let's go get a glass of wine.
00:44:55Oh, will you, Bud?
00:44:57You're waiting on me.
00:44:59Give over, Rocha.
00:45:01Give over.
00:45:10You know, pal, it's kind of cozy here with us.
00:45:14Hey, friend, do you live here?
00:45:16No, I'm on holiday.
00:45:19You spend your holidays here?
00:45:22Aye.
00:45:24I haven't had a holiday in five years.
00:45:26I wrote to council and they told me to take my holidays at my own convenience.
00:45:31Why?
00:45:36Because it's my holiday!
00:45:44Well?
00:45:46What's been going on, mother?
00:45:48It's murder, that's what it is.
00:45:50They've been smashing plates up between them.
00:45:52Who has?
00:45:54Willie and another drunk.
00:45:56I thought it was them coming back.
00:45:58They tried to shoot me.
00:45:59They tried to follow me up the stairs.
00:46:01Oh, they didn't get into your bedroom, did they, mother?
00:46:04No, I wouldn't let them.
00:46:06The lustful hounds.
00:46:08Oh, never mind, mother.
00:46:10Go back to bed, love.
00:46:12I'll take care of Willie when he comes in.
00:46:21This is a nice old carry-on, I must say.
00:46:24Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.
00:46:26Whiskey.
00:46:28Empty.
00:46:30After all I've done for him.
00:46:33Slaved myself for the ball.
00:46:35Kept the house nice and clean for him to come back to.
00:46:38Brought his children up.
00:46:40This is what I get in return.
00:46:42You know, Maggie, I've been thinking.
00:46:44What about?
00:46:46About you and me and him.
00:46:48What about us?
00:46:50He's no good to you, Maggie.
00:46:52Cut him right out of your life, you know, like they've done at the pictures.
00:46:54Get rid of him once and for all.
00:46:56Oh, you don't mean divorce?
00:46:58Why not?
00:47:00Then you and me could get spliced.
00:47:02Oh, I don't know what to think.
00:47:04You like me, don't you?
00:47:06I'm very fond of you, Roger, but...
00:47:08I knew it.
00:47:10And I get on all right with that old... with your mother, don't I?
00:47:12Ah, you do.
00:47:14Well, what about it?
00:47:16You've quite took my breath away.
00:47:18Oh, no, girl, you can't come that tail with me, you know.
00:47:20I don't know what you mean.
00:47:22You've been nice to me and I've appreciated it.
00:47:23You can't say I've ever let you make love to me.
00:47:25No, I suppose you haven't, really.
00:47:27You can't say I've ever given you any encouragement, I'm sure.
00:47:29No, you have been a bit cold, I must say.
00:47:31Anyhow, what about it?
00:47:33Oh, it's not as easy as all that.
00:47:38You see, I've been married to Willie now for nearly 20 years.
00:47:44He's become a sort of abbot.
00:47:46That's just it, a bad abbot.
00:47:48You want to break yourself off him.
00:47:50Oh, you can't decide things like that all in a minute.
00:47:53But you don't love him, do you?
00:47:57Sometimes I think I do.
00:47:59He's so pathetic, like an overgrown school lad.
00:48:03Sometimes I feel so sorry for him.
00:48:06And then he goes to me heads like he's done tonight.
00:48:09Oh, I could throttle him.
00:48:12And another thing, Roger.
00:48:14I don't know much about you, do I?
00:48:17You haven't told me anything about yourself, have you?
00:48:21Such as?
00:48:23Whether you've been married, for one thing.
00:48:26No, I've never been married.
00:48:28I don't know why.
00:48:30It's not that I'm not the marrying kind.
00:48:32It's, well, I suppose I've never met the right girl.
00:48:35Until now.
00:48:37You don't seem to get any letters, do you?
00:48:40No, no, I don't, do I?
00:48:42I'm just one of these lonely blokes.
00:48:44I don't make many friends.
00:48:46Just go jogging along.
00:48:49But we don't want to get over-sentimental, do we?
00:48:50Oh, no.
00:48:52Good night, Roger.
00:48:57Then I take it you've turned me down?
00:49:00Well, no, Roger, I wouldn't say that exactly.
00:49:03It'll take a lot of thinking over.
00:49:05But before anything can happen,
00:49:07I've got to have it out with Willie about this here carry-on tonight.
00:49:10Look here, my Aunt Fanny's best vase, broken.
00:49:13Anyway, think over what I've said, eh?
00:49:15And give us a kiss to be going on with.
00:49:17Not now, Roger, not now.
00:49:18Come on, Maggie, just once, for the love of...
00:49:20Give over, Roger.
00:49:22Maggie, listen.
00:49:35Who's that?
00:49:37Me, Mum.
00:49:39You're back early from Pally.
00:49:44I'm fed up.
00:49:46So am I.
00:49:48I met the most wonderful American soldier.
00:49:50I knew it.
00:49:52Tell me the worst.
00:49:54Well, he was tall and handsome,
00:49:56and oh, what eyes.
00:49:58He'd only got a look at you with those eyes.
00:50:00Well, what else would he look at you with, girl?
00:50:02His teeth?
00:50:04I could tell by the way he was looking at me
00:50:06just what he was thinking about.
00:50:08I could tell what he was thinking about without looking.
00:50:10Why are you back so early?
00:50:12Well, he gave me the brush off
00:50:14and left me with Charlie Farley.
00:50:16Oh, well, get to your bed
00:50:18and go and talk to your soldiers.
00:50:20Oh, but this one's different.
00:50:22Oh, why, they're all different in uniform.
00:50:24But see them without it, they all look much the same,
00:50:26only some look worse than others.
00:50:28You've never been in love, have you?
00:50:30That's not the right question for a girl to ask her mother.
00:50:32Well, how could anyone ever have been in love with Dad?
00:50:34Don't be daft.
00:50:36Get to your bed and don't talk a lot of rubbish.
00:50:39Poor Ma.
00:50:41You know, I feel sorry for you.
00:50:43You don't know what it's like being in love.
00:50:45It's beautiful.
00:50:49Love.
00:50:51He's a dodger, a dodger, a gravity cast.
00:50:57Shh, shh.
00:51:00Well, oh, okay, brother.
00:51:05Must have woken my mother-in-law.
00:51:08What's the matter, is she sick?
00:51:10She may be a death star.
00:51:12Don't worry, pal, we'll pour through.
00:51:19Slut.
00:51:21Are you going to stand for that?
00:51:23What?
00:51:25Locked out by a lousy lodger.
00:51:27Am I?
00:51:29Sure you are.
00:51:31And here's where you show them who's boss, pal.
00:51:33Aye, I will.
00:51:35Open the door, it's the boss.
00:51:38Open the door, it's the boss.
00:51:41We're rooting, shooting knives from Idaho, Idaho.
00:51:47Sweepin' all the places we go.
00:51:51From West Point to Yokohama, we'll make a bed.
00:51:57You're going to be sorry for this, will you, Gimbottom?
00:52:00You understood this hooligan you picked up?
00:52:03Well, that's my pal.
00:52:05He's in Texas, he's not a oodle-doodle-oodle liar, pal.
00:52:09Ma'am, your husband's a hero.
00:52:12Yeah, I'll hero him.
00:52:14Come on, get him out of this.
00:52:16How's he stand for all that stuff?
00:52:19Tell her where she gets off.
00:52:21This is where you get off. Stop the bus.
00:52:23Willie Gimbottom, what's come over you?
00:52:26Listen, I'm going to be mastering me own house, see?
00:52:29And I'm not going to stand for any more old buck from you.
00:52:33Or from rumbling Roger.
00:52:36Or from the kids.
00:52:38Or from that old haybag, your mother, upstairs.
00:52:41Leave my mother out of this.
00:52:43I won't leave her out of it. I'm fed up with your family.
00:52:46Your father was just as bad.
00:52:48My father? You're starting on him now, are you?
00:52:50Aye, your father, what a man he was.
00:52:52All oompty-doompty.
00:52:54Never did a stroke of work in his life.
00:52:57Did he try to join the army?
00:52:59I know he did, and what did they tell him?
00:53:01Told him they wanted soldiers for France, not camels for Egypt.
00:53:05Hello, boy, hello.
00:53:07Get out of it.
00:53:09Give her the works.
00:53:11Give her the works? I'll give her the old blooming factory.
00:53:13You're in no fit condition to talk tonight.
00:53:14We'll have this out with you in the morning.
00:53:16We'll have nothing out in the morning.
00:53:18We'll have it out here and now.
00:53:20While I'm in the mood.
00:53:22Now then, now then, now then.
00:53:24What's going on down here?
00:53:26What's all the row about, eh? What's all the row about?
00:53:28Oh, Roger, this horrible man, he's made our Willie drunk.
00:53:31He has? I'll soon settle him. Stand back.
00:53:34Now look, you don't want me to start getting tough now, do you?
00:53:37Now look.
00:53:39Yeah, sure, set him out, poor brother.
00:53:42No, kid.
00:53:44What do you think you're doing?
00:53:46Stand it up.
00:53:49Ah!
00:53:51Roger!
00:53:54I think she's drunk.
00:53:56I think she's drunk.
00:53:58I think she's drunk.
00:54:00I think she's drunk.
00:54:02I think she's fainted.
00:54:08Eight, nine, out.
00:54:18You'll pay for this. You'll pay for this.
00:54:21It's just one wonderful party round the house, Miss Allison.
00:54:25I know. You've been drinking with Charlie Fowler.
00:54:28You don't look well, son. You'd better get up to your bed.
00:54:31Oh, well, me foot. He's drunk, that's what he is.
00:54:34How dare you say it? Our Norman's never been drunk in his life.
00:54:37Hasn't he? Well, he's started now.
00:54:39Drunk? Who says I'm drunk? Soberest man at the party?
00:54:43No.
00:54:45Aye. While all others was under the table, I...
00:54:49Well?
00:54:51I was swinging out of the chandelier.
00:54:53There you are.
00:54:55It's, it's, it's just come through Aunt Poiris.
00:54:59What has?
00:55:01They've taken up our tram lines in Manchester.
00:55:04What for?
00:55:06They were in the road.
00:55:09What I'll do to that lad.
00:55:12You'll do nothing with him. I'll deal with you in mourning.
00:55:15I'm going to bed.
00:55:17Aye, lass, let's go to bed.
00:55:24Good night.
00:55:30Well, I haven't slept in days, have I?
00:55:33And a-ho! And a-ho!
00:55:52What happens to the girl that wears woollen tram lines?
00:56:04Wrong number!
00:56:27Looks like rain.
00:56:29Aye.
00:56:30But you still charge a shilling a quart for it, though.
00:57:01Hiya.
00:57:03Hiya.
00:57:05Hiya.
00:57:07What are you doing here?
00:57:09Listen, sweetie pie, I'll ask the questions.
00:57:12Tell me, what joint is this?
00:57:15Joint?
00:57:17Well, you know, address.
00:57:19Oh, 13 Meriwether Street.
00:57:2213 Meriwether Street.
00:57:24Well, that seems to ring a bell.
00:57:26Oh, my head.
00:57:27What's the matter? Are you ill?
00:57:29No, I think something must have hit me.
00:57:33Something has hit me.
00:57:41What do you think you're playing at?
00:57:43Mum, look, it's him.
00:57:47Nothing would surprise me. Go and get dressed.
00:57:50But how did he get in here?
00:57:52Go and get dressed.
00:57:54What's he doing here?
00:57:55Go and get dressed.
00:57:57Well?
00:57:59No.
00:58:01Ah, so you've come too, have you?
00:58:03Aye, I am.
00:58:05Feeling a bit sorry for yourself, no doubt.
00:58:07Aye, I am.
00:58:09Well, I thought you might be.
00:58:11I don't know what I'm going to do with you, Willie Igginbottom.
00:58:14You make me very sick.
00:58:16You don't seem to care for me at all.
00:58:18I don't know what I'm going to do with you, Willie Igginbottom.
00:58:21You make me very sick.
00:58:23You don't seem to care for me at all.
00:58:25You dance on me grave, that's what you do.
00:58:28Eh, love, you know I can't dance.
00:58:30Don't try and be funny.
00:58:32How did he get in here?
00:58:34I don't know.
00:58:36He's been out shooting guys or something.
00:58:38Well, he can shoot himself right out of here, I'm quick.
00:58:42Put that glove on the table.
00:58:48I can.
00:58:50Well, what is it now?
00:58:51I'm very sorry about last night.
00:58:53Oh, you're sorry, are you?
00:58:55I suppose I'm very glad.
00:58:57It's more like a bloody ground shower.
00:58:59Language!
00:59:01Oh, don't be nasty, love.
00:59:03I didn't mean to upset you, really, I didn't.
00:59:05No?
00:59:07I just wanted to tell you how it happened.
00:59:09It all come about through me being a bit hurt.
00:59:11Oh, you were a bit hurt, were you?
00:59:13Aye, well, it was only natural.
00:59:15I come back home here after all that time abroad
00:59:17and don't know what to do.
00:59:18I come back home here after all that time abroad
00:59:20and you don't seem to bother with me.
00:59:22You know, don't care whether I've come back or not.
00:59:24And then on top of it all,
00:59:26on my first night home,
00:59:28you go off to the pictures with Roger the Lodger.
00:59:30Well, it proper upset me.
00:59:33And another thing, Maggie,
00:59:35I'm always ordering of me about.
00:59:37I don't like it.
00:59:39No.
00:59:41I know you always used to do it in the old days
00:59:43and I didn't seem to mind it so much then,
00:59:45but, you know,
00:59:46when a chap's been in the army
00:59:48and not about the world a bit,
00:59:50he gets a bit independent like
00:59:52and it doesn't come very acceptable.
00:59:54Oh, doesn't it?
00:59:56I'm not seeing this to start any more bother, love.
00:59:58I'm not seeing this to start any more bother, love.
01:00:00We had enough of that last night, didn't we?
01:00:02We had enough of that last night, didn't we?
01:00:04We had enough of that last night, didn't we?
01:00:09I'm just telling you how I feel.
01:00:11I think you were right to know.
01:00:13I'm just telling you how I feel.
01:00:14I think you were right to know.
01:00:16Oh, that's very kind of you, I'm sure.
01:00:18You see, I...
01:00:20I love you, Maggie Ann.
01:00:22I love you very much.
01:00:24I love you very much.
01:00:26I suppose you do.
01:00:28But when you start saying put that cloth on
01:00:30and go and do the washing up,
01:00:32it goes against the grain
01:00:34and I get a bit obstinate like.
01:00:36and I get a bit obstinate like.
01:00:38Well, I suppose I have been a bit hard on you,
01:00:40but have you ever stopped to consider my point of view?
01:00:42but have you ever stopped to consider my point of view?
01:00:44You've got one.
01:00:46I have that.
01:00:48When war started,
01:00:50we'd been married nearly 15 years.
01:00:52When we got wed,
01:00:54I was looking forward to us getting on.
01:00:56I thought maybe we'd save a bit of money
01:00:58and buy a car
01:01:00or perhaps move into a bigger house
01:01:02with a nice garden.
01:01:04But what happened?
01:01:06We never moved an inch.
01:01:08When the war broke out,
01:01:10you were still earning the same money.
01:01:12Why, even the furniture,
01:01:14what have you provided?
01:01:16Well, there's...
01:01:18there's that china dog
01:01:20on bedroom mantelpiece
01:01:22and picture of love locked out in...
01:01:24You won those at Hoopla
01:01:26in the fairground at Blackpool.
01:01:28Oh, no.
01:01:30It's the same in civilian life
01:01:32as in the army.
01:01:34Do you get on?
01:01:36No, you're still a private.
01:01:38No, love, I would have got promotion, only...
01:01:40Well...
01:01:42Officer was a bit jealous of me.
01:01:44No good making excuses,
01:01:46will he, lad?
01:01:48Roger doesn't make excuses.
01:01:50I was wondering when he was going
01:01:52to get dragged into it.
01:01:54Look here.
01:01:56You didn't fall in love with him,
01:01:58did you, Maggie Ann?
01:02:00Well, what I like about him,
01:02:02he's a go-getter.
01:02:04He'll get somewhere.
01:02:06Ah, he'll get somewhere.
01:02:08My guess is Dartmoor.
01:02:10He's a better man than you,
01:02:12will he, again, Doctor?
01:02:14What?
01:02:16Understand one thing, once and for all.
01:02:18As long as I'm here,
01:02:20I'm going to be master, see?
01:02:22Morning, love.
01:02:24Oh, hello, Roger.
01:02:26You're in time for breakfast.
01:02:28Do you fancy fried fish?
01:02:30He looks like boiled cod.
01:02:32I'm afraid I'm too busy.
01:02:34I've got to get to work.
01:02:36I've a lot of business ahead of me this morning.
01:02:38Key man, that's me.
01:02:40Oh, a key man, eh?
01:02:42Well, go and pick a few logs.
01:02:44I wouldn't know.
01:02:46You haven't for six years.
01:02:48Well, you've had my army allowance.
01:02:50Oh, you don't suppose that was going to keep all of us,
01:02:52do you?
01:02:54Oh, I'm fed up with the whole thing.
01:02:56Aye, so am I. I'm clearing out.
01:02:58You're doing what?
01:03:00I'm clearing out.
01:03:02That's what I'm doing.
01:03:04I come back home here after six years
01:03:06and what do I find?
01:03:08I don't matter to any of you.
01:03:10I'm just in everybody's way.
01:03:12Well, I'm not going to be
01:03:14what's dropping off.
01:03:24I do feel awful.
01:03:27You look terrible.
01:03:29Come here, lad.
01:03:31What?
01:03:33My shirts haven't come back from the laundry this week.
01:03:36Why not?
01:03:38Because I didn't send any.
01:03:45Well, I'll be a prairie oyster
01:03:47if it isn't my little gal from the valley.
01:03:49No, Mr. Boar,
01:03:51I was telling you about last night.
01:03:53You know, it's my hero.
01:03:55You're welcome.
01:03:59It is you.
01:04:01Yes.
01:04:03Gee, baby.
01:04:09I'm sorry.
01:04:11It's all right.
01:04:13Boy,
01:04:15what a break for me, you being here.
01:04:17What made you come here?
01:04:19I'm looking for some guy called Higgin-something.
01:04:21Higgin-bottom?
01:04:23Yeah, yeah, Higgin-something.
01:04:25Only I forgot the bottom part.
01:04:28Hey, your dad's name's Higgin-bottom.
01:04:30That's right.
01:04:32Holy mackerel!
01:04:34We got to get him back.
01:04:36I remember now, I got an important letter for him.
01:04:38Oh, well, he can leave it here and go.
01:04:40If I know where he come from, he'll soon be back.
01:04:42Well, will they talk about his Uncle Elias?
01:04:44Why, he was one of the richest men in Texas.
01:04:46I know, I worked for him.
01:04:48What's that got to do with our Willie?
01:04:50Well, you see, Uncle Elias, he died,
01:04:52and he's left Willie his ranch.
01:04:54What's that? A ranch?
01:04:56What's it worth?
01:04:58About 40,000 pounds English, I guess.
01:05:0040,000 pounds?
01:05:02And he's run away?
01:05:04But where do you come in?
01:05:06Well, I was like this.
01:05:08You see, before I joined the army,
01:05:10I worked in this old guy's ranch.
01:05:12And I found him on his deathbed.
01:05:14He sent to me texts, he said,
01:05:16when you get to the old country,
01:05:18I want you to go and I want you to look up my nephew,
01:05:20Willie Higginbottom.
01:05:22Tell him he's the only relative I've got left in the world.
01:05:24I give a damn about him.
01:05:26When I'm gone, he's getting everything I've got.
01:05:28Well, just before I sailed, he died,
01:05:30and the attorneys asked me to come along
01:05:32and give Willie this letter.
01:05:34Then Dad gets all that money!
01:05:36Oh, that's wonderful!
01:05:38Well, I ain't so sure about that, baby.
01:05:40How do you mean?
01:05:42I'm not going to marry him.
01:05:44You mean, you're asking me to marry you?
01:05:47That's the rough idea.
01:05:49Well, we're not certain yet whether Dad is rich.
01:05:52Rich or poor, baby, I don't care.
01:05:55Oh, Tex!
01:05:57Never mind that. What's in the letter?
01:06:06Dear Mr. Higginbottom,
01:06:08we regret to have to inform you
01:06:10of the death of your uncle, Elias Higginbottom,
01:06:12at the Bar H Ranch, Tuffle Creek, Texas.
01:06:16In accordance with the deceased's will,
01:06:18you are the sole legatee...
01:06:20Oh, that means we get the money!
01:06:22Oh, will you kindly take the opportunity
01:06:24of communicating with us
01:06:26and putting us in touch with your solicitors?
01:06:29We've got no solicitors!
01:06:32So that the legal formalities
01:06:34of establishing your claim may be dealt with.
01:06:36Yours faithfully,
01:06:38steer, steer, effort and steer.
01:06:40Which one signed it?
01:06:42Bullock.
01:06:44Then this means we're really rich.
01:06:46Not yet, sweet baby.
01:06:48What do you mean?
01:06:50Not till you find Willie.
01:06:52Oh, we've got to find him.
01:06:54You help us, Tex.
01:06:56Not till you promise to marry me.
01:06:58Find Dad and I will.
01:07:00Attagirl, we're on the trail.
01:07:02Willie Higginbottom, here I come.
01:07:12Willie Higginbottom.
01:07:43Private Willie Higginbottom live here?
01:07:45He did.
01:07:47Don't tell me he's wanted by the police.
01:07:49He certainly is.
01:07:51Well, I want him more than the police.
01:07:53If you can ever find him...
01:07:55Don't worry, missus.
01:07:57We'll find him.
01:08:00I bet he was after your Willie.
01:08:02I wonder what could have happened to me mother.
01:08:05Eh, I don't know.
01:08:07I'm hoping for the worst.
01:08:09I'm worrying what's happened to our Eunice.
01:08:10Oh, she's all right.
01:08:12She's out with Tex looking for Willie.
01:08:14She's all right.
01:08:16She's safe enough.
01:08:18Safe? With an American soldier?
01:08:20I wouldn't feel safe myself.
01:08:23Oh, we shouldn't be doing this, Tex.
01:08:25We didn't come here for this.
01:08:27Speak for yourself, baby.
01:08:29Well, don't you think we'd better start looking for Dad?
01:08:31You never know.
01:08:33He might pass this way any minute.
01:08:35Oh, Tex, no more, please.
01:08:36What is this feeling round my heart?
01:08:39Like champagne starting to fill?
01:08:42Can it be love?
01:08:44It can.
01:08:46I think it is.
01:08:48And what are these strange vibrations?
01:08:51Like G-string on a guitar.
01:08:54Can they be thrills?
01:08:56They can.
01:08:58My gosh, they are.
01:09:00Now I mustn't forget
01:09:02that this kind of sight
01:09:03must always contain that line
01:09:05about unfamiliar reactions
01:09:07in the navel of the spine.
01:09:09And why do I sigh
01:09:11and think of you
01:09:13and think of you
01:09:15and then sigh?
01:09:17Can it be love?
01:09:19What do you think?
01:09:21I think it can.
01:09:23So do I.
01:09:28Can it be love?
01:09:30What do you think?
01:09:32Maybe.
01:09:34I think we'd better find your dad.
01:09:49Sit down here.
01:09:52Waiter.
01:09:56Didn't you hear me calling you, waiter?
01:09:57Good morning, sir.
01:09:59Three large scotches.
01:10:01Oui, oui.
01:10:03Terrible service, you know.
01:10:05The coffee's full of damn foreigners.
01:10:07Better make the driver sleep for a fortnight.
01:10:09You're telling me.
01:10:11Now, this is the drill, Joe.
01:10:13The lorry leaves the tobacco factory at three,
01:10:15loaded to the roof with cigarettes and tobacco
01:10:17and gets to your place about 4.30.
01:10:19Now, the driver comes in for a cup of char
01:10:21and we're waiting to give him a mickey fin out of this flask.
01:10:23As soon as he's out, we drive off with the lorry,
01:10:25unload it to Larry's garage,
01:10:27wait a minute.
01:10:28Waiter, soda.
01:10:30Garçon.
01:10:32Soda.
01:10:45Before he gets that flask full of love,
01:10:47boil him in his own spaghetti.
01:10:49Ah, spaghetti.
01:10:51Let's get cracking to my place
01:10:53and we'll do the lorry drive.
01:10:57Let's go.
01:11:23Hey!
01:11:25Drop the knife!
01:11:28Drop the knife!
01:11:35Drop the knife!
01:11:39We understand there's a William Higginbottom working here.
01:11:51Well, I'm going to the foot of my stage.
01:11:54Of all the horrible, unsociable, disembodied...
01:12:03Joe's Cafe, quick.
01:12:05Oh, I'll be...
01:12:06Hey, Willie boy.
01:12:07Hey, pal, we got news for you.
01:12:09Daddy, we're rich.
01:12:10Tell him, Tex.
01:12:11Yeah, you see, friend, it's like this...
01:12:13Never mind about that now.
01:12:14Do you know Joe's Cafe?
01:12:16Yeah.
01:12:17Well, get waving.
01:12:18Who are we after?
01:12:19Roger the legend.
01:12:20I'm going to death.
01:12:25You're going far.
01:12:28Far enough we don't load outside.
01:12:30Oh, you can do with another livener then.
01:12:33Thank you, mate.
01:12:34This is good stuff.
01:12:35Oh, smash it.
01:12:36What are you carrying?
01:12:42Back here.
01:12:43And cigarettes.
01:12:44Millions of them.
01:12:47I'm going to die.
01:12:49I'm going to die.
01:12:50I'm going to die.
01:12:51I'm going to die.
01:12:52I'm going to die.
01:12:54Makes a sense, doesn't it?
01:12:57It certainly does.
01:12:58Good boy.
01:13:05Hey, hey, stop.
01:13:14Hey, do you want any help, pal?
01:13:15No, this is a private night.
01:13:18Okay.
01:13:19Okay.
01:13:22Hey, is that your lorry outside?
01:13:25Well, you've been got at.
01:13:35Drive it.
01:13:45Hey, stop the train.
01:13:46Stop the train.
01:13:50Stop the train.
01:13:56I'll show up in a minute.
01:13:57Where are you going?
01:13:58Round to my lodgings to pick up a bag.
01:14:00Give him my love.
01:14:02I'll see you round to Danny's garage.
01:14:03So long.
01:14:06You're wanting your supper.
01:14:07You're going to be unlucky because it's not ready.
01:14:10I don't want any supper.
01:14:11I'm packing up.
01:14:12Packing up?
01:14:13What for?
01:14:14Is he joining minstrel shows?
01:14:15Yes.
01:14:16Where are you going?
01:14:17As far as I can get away from this dump.
01:14:19Packing up, is he?
01:14:20I don't want him pinching me knick-knacks.
01:14:23If you're bluffing, you're for it.
01:14:27Oh, Willie, you've come home.
01:14:29You've come back to me.
01:14:30What have you done?
01:14:31Police are after you.
01:14:34So you're private, William Igginbottom?
01:14:36What of it?
01:14:37Is this your case?
01:14:38I think so.
01:14:39You're not a doctor, are you?
01:14:41Eee, I must have left mine in train.
01:14:44There are 20 files of phenol barbitone in here.
01:14:46Whatever's that?
01:14:47A dangerous drug, madam.
01:14:49Oh, Dad, you are careless.
01:14:51We might all have been blown up.
01:14:54I thought I recognised that face.
01:14:56Just a minute.
01:15:12What's that half-time?
01:15:20Well, if it isn't Slippery Jake,
01:15:22alias Silky Sam, alias Johnny the Bluffer.
01:15:25Alias Roger the Lodger.
01:15:27All right, I'll go quietly.
01:15:31I'll give you a bit of private information, Mrs Igginbottom.
01:15:33Your husband's been demobbed.
01:15:35Discharged from the army with a first-rate character.
01:15:40Lovely.
01:15:41Good luck to you, Igginbottom.
01:15:43Hey, thanks for all your trouble.
01:15:45Take good care of Roger.
01:15:47Don't put him in a damp cell, he's got cold feet.
01:15:50His wife and kids will be glad to hear he's torn up.
01:15:52Wife and kids?
01:15:54Hey, give my love to Mrs Haley and all the little alibis.
01:15:58Ah, shut up, you elongated toe-rag.
01:16:10What's upset you, lass?
01:16:12Zoe was married.
01:16:14Well, that shouldn't make you miserable.
01:16:17No, I'm not miserable.
01:16:19You're crying.
01:16:21I'm not crying.
01:16:23It's all over now.
01:16:27I'm so happy.
01:16:28Well, if you get much happier, you'll die of grief.
01:16:31I'm so ashamed of the way I behaved about Roger.
01:16:35Oh, you have nothing to be ashamed of, love.
01:16:39No.
01:16:41Of course you haven't.
01:16:43Or have you?
01:16:45Well, here again, Bottom.
01:16:47What are you insinuating?
01:16:49Nothing, love, nothing.
01:16:51What I mean is, I don't really blame Roger.
01:16:54Why, I could fall for you myself if your husband wasn't about.
01:16:58Do you mean it?
01:17:00Course I mean it.
01:17:02And I wouldn't take no for an answer.
01:17:04What, with your husband thousands of miles overseas,
01:17:07I'd be a moke to miss a chance like that.
01:17:10But my husband isn't thousands of miles overseas.
01:17:13My husband's come back.
01:17:15Oh, I see.
01:17:17That makes things a bit awkward, doesn't it?
01:17:20Awkward? Why?
01:17:22Huh?
01:17:24Oh, I see what you mean.
01:17:28Of course I was forgetting.
01:17:31I am your husband, aren't I?
01:17:34Oh, Willie.
01:17:36You'll have to tie me round your little finger.
01:17:39And I will.
01:17:42Now here we are in Texas on the range.
01:17:46For folks from Lancashire, it's very strange.
01:17:50Try for onions, we're forsaken.
01:17:52We'll be eating beans and bacon.
01:17:54We are here in Texas on the range.
01:17:57Here we are in Texas on the range.
01:18:00On the range.
01:18:01For folks from Lancashire, it's very strange.
01:18:04Try for onions, we're forsaken.
01:18:06We'll be eating beans and bacon.
01:18:08We are here in Texas on the range.
01:18:23My wife's lodger each morning.
01:18:27And my wife's lodger every night.
01:18:31I'm always the scapegoat when anything goes wrong.
01:18:35But everything that Roger does is right.
01:18:38Now I've no time for Roger the lodger.
01:18:42I trust him just as far as I could reach.
01:18:46He's a dodger, a mudger, a crappy kind of dodger.
01:18:50That's Roger the lodger, the leech.