Zany collection of misfits led by aging military man (Terry-Thomas) go on a spree of robbing mink coats. An unlikely trio of women (Athene Seyler, Hattie Jacques, and Elspeth Duxbury) find new reasons to live ... until their housekeeper (Billie Whitelaw), an ex-con is suspected of the robberies.
Source: IMDB
Source: IMDB
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00What do you think, I'm a mink.
00:00:29Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do,
00:00:36do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do,
00:00:40do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do,
00:00:43do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do,
00:00:46do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do,
00:00:55do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do,
00:00:57do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do,
00:00:58do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do,
00:00:59do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do
00:01:29make mine, make, make, make, make
00:01:59make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make
00:02:29just a jiff pinky yes did I hear Dame Beatrice come in now if you're going to be a debutante you must get that
00:02:49curtsy right who's in there is that you miss Pinkerton yes and please stop rattling major it's 1831 hours you are scheduled to evacuate the
00:03:14ablutions at 1830 precisely surely you could wait 20 minutes no it's the schedule time for my tub you know the roster sabotage now look what you made me do
00:03:32what's going on how can I expect to instruct a debutante with this din but the major's just attacked Miss Pinkerton in her bath
00:03:53that'll get us sorted just keep the door open by accident go grief silly bark at the poor beast 1830 is my scheduled bath time no what's happened Miss Parade nothing Miss Golding nothing with an accent like that how can she hope to come out successfully she's halfway out already same time tomorrow Miss Golding meantime read that little book of etiquette practice refinement and above all that curtsy righto
00:04:23absolutely intolerable something will have to be done about Miss Pinkerton in the bathroom no discipline you can have too much of that you know nonsense as my old chief Monty used to say discipline underlies civilian life in the same way as it is the basis of military life
00:04:49was Monty your old chief I thought you were in the mobile bath unit well even so I bet he was allowed to have a good old soak in without you breaking in mobile bath unit we did a perfectly splendid job we kept the army clean oh I know you won the war with soap and water let me tell you we were often in the thick of it but it was a long time ago now major why do you keep harking back on it
00:05:19I'll tell you why because they were the happiest years of my life six years of doing something being somebody look at me now hold up here with a lot of dotty females no job no future nothing to look forward to right lodges out of the drawing room please Dame will be back soon and she'll be tired Lily Dame Beatrice has particularly asked you not to refer to us as lodgers well guests if you don't mind lodgers squatters guests I don't care so long as the rooms cleared and evacuated if you know what I mean major
00:05:50that'll be the Dame
00:06:11Lily come and help me up with some things right okay
00:06:17off you go scram back to your quarters
00:06:24why does she walk like that can't think
00:06:46thank you
00:07:08your name's Lily isn't it that's right
00:07:10you work for that old crackpot next door don't you I'll tell you what the wife and I are looking for a new girl I'll pay a couple of quid a week more than she gives you oh now wait a minute you don't want to decide too quickly there might be other perks if we get on well together
00:07:31I don't think we would Mr Spanninger and I'd rather work for Dame Beatrice for nothing than you for 40 pounds a week now will you kindly get away from that door before I use my knee
00:07:55Dora
00:07:56here
00:08:00how was Birmingham business was fair I've bought you a little present breath of spring mink first quality
00:08:17thanks
00:08:23you gone crazy what'd you do that for Birmingham and business you mean bright and unfunny business
00:08:28oh Dora
00:08:29now take it back I don't want any conscience presents
00:08:31conscience presents this cost a thousand quid
00:08:33oh money all you ever think about is money well you can't buy me back
00:08:36oh come on Dora put it on your
00:08:38take it away give it to your bright and date
00:08:40I'd rather throw the damn thing away
00:08:41well then throw it away
00:08:42oh right I ruddy well will
00:08:51that unsatisfied now say all I care about is money
00:08:54all I care about is money
00:09:01oh Lily
00:09:05oh you do look down in the dump stain do you
00:09:08I feel old and useless
00:09:10useless
00:09:12with all the good you do
00:09:14did
00:09:15I finished with charity work this afternoon
00:09:18you scrimp and save and beg and borrow and where does half the money go
00:09:22down the throats of the organizing committee
00:09:24no I'm through I'm finished
00:09:28but I did enjoy it so
00:09:30and I've got nothing to look forward to
00:09:33getting as old and moth-eaten as this wretched thing
00:09:36Lily
00:09:44never mind Dave
00:09:46you never know what's around the corner do you
00:09:48Dora
00:09:49Dora there's nothing to get excited about
00:09:51me get excited
00:09:53well I'm not excited
00:09:56I thought you could buy me back with a blasted fur
00:09:58well I've chucked the ruddy thing away haven't I
00:10:00well I'm chucking you away I'm leaving you
00:10:02oh sweetie be reasonable
00:10:06Dora
00:10:24Dame Beatrice I wish to lodge a complaint
00:10:26again
00:10:27that girl Lily's been in my fishing rod
00:10:29oh rubbish Major
00:10:31that Lily should go fishing in a London flat
00:10:33I mean what could she catch
00:10:35I caught her putting it back
00:10:40now my girl perhaps you'll
00:10:42all right Major thank you
00:10:43leave Lily to me
00:10:49now
00:10:50I don't know what you've been doing with Major's fishing rod
00:10:53and I don't want to know but don't do it again
00:10:56all right I won't
00:11:01what's this
00:11:02a present
00:11:04from you
00:11:06from me and
00:11:07Providence
00:11:09oh Lily
00:11:11do you know why you
00:11:15I've always wanted to give you something really good
00:11:17but why
00:11:19you were the only person to give me a break when I came out of jail
00:11:22well it made no difference to me that
00:11:25that your last post was with Her Majesty
00:11:30what's this
00:11:32where did this come from
00:11:34never you mind where you just be glad it come
00:11:36but you can't just produce a valuable mink
00:11:39and say it doesn't matter where it came from
00:11:42well the
00:11:43the lady it was given to didn't want it so
00:11:46so and so gave it to her threw it away
00:11:48Lily did you steal this
00:11:51no
00:11:53no I just retrieved it that's all
00:11:56oh Lily Lily
00:12:00better to the police without doubt the police
00:12:04I'll answer it
00:12:09Dame Beatrice Appleby
00:12:11yes
00:12:12no
00:12:14well yes she's in there
00:12:21well may I
00:12:24excuse me
00:12:26thank you
00:12:30Dame Beatrice Appleby
00:12:33yes but it was an unfortunate accident
00:12:36but it's been going on for some time
00:12:38oh no
00:12:40well you are the owner of car number EPB863
00:12:44well I don't know I haven't looked at it for some time
00:12:47but what has that got to do
00:12:49well it's been involved in a series of what you might call
00:12:52avoidable mishaps lately
00:12:54nothing serious mind you just you know a hit here and a scratch there
00:12:57oh oh I see
00:13:00oh
00:13:07your fur
00:13:09no
00:13:11oh yes thank you so much
00:13:13well won't you come in
00:13:15how clever of you to have run me to earth
00:13:27but you don't deny that you've hit a few vehicles well in passing so to speak
00:13:31oh no no I'm sure you're right
00:13:33I have sometimes detected slight scraping noises
00:13:37particularly when I was parking
00:13:44I do hope I haven't left a trail of damage behind me
00:13:47oh no that's putting it a bit strong
00:13:49but I'm afraid I have to ask you to come down to the station tomorrow and bring your license
00:13:52oh but I shall be delighted to call
00:13:54but I can't promise to bring my license I haven't seen it for years
00:13:59well so nice of you to have come
00:14:06Lily
00:14:08show the inspector out
00:14:10thank you so much
00:14:12Lily I shall want to see you in a moment
00:14:16thank you
00:14:18what a charming lady
00:14:20dame
00:14:21person
00:14:23this will seem a little odd
00:14:26odd
00:14:27well sudden
00:14:28you see you've heard of police balls well there's one next month
00:14:30and I've got a couple of tickets and I wondered if
00:14:33if well if you'd like to
00:14:36come with me
00:14:38I'm afraid I can't
00:14:40if well if you'd like to
00:14:43come with me
00:14:47that's funny
00:14:48I know it's an awful cheat but you see I don't know many people
00:14:54well I'll call you tomorrow evening the name's Benham
00:14:57good day
00:15:11I hope that brought you to your senses
00:15:14well where did you get it
00:15:16the Spaniard's
00:15:18I yanked it off their balcony with a major's fishing rod
00:15:21I'm going to tell Dame Beatrice
00:15:23I'm terribly sorry to disturb you Dame Beatrice but I must speak to you most urgently
00:15:27this is not a happy moment
00:15:29the major's just ruined one of my customers teapots
00:15:32I merely turned the oven up to number 10 to heat up my macaroni cheese
00:15:35you knew I had China baking
00:15:37just look at the scorches along my joints
00:15:39I mean China mending is my living
00:15:42and I do think I ought to be allowed to
00:15:44stop stop
00:15:45as if I hadn't enough trouble already
00:15:47now look what you've done
00:15:49just leave me in peace all of you
00:15:51absolutely forget all about it
00:15:53oh what a lovely fur is it yours
00:15:56oh
00:15:57I say Lily's howling her head off poor beast what's happened
00:16:00oh it's dreadful
00:16:02she had a kind of seizure
00:16:04dreadful
00:16:05she had a kind of seizure
00:16:07and stole Mrs. Spaniard's stole
00:16:11you mean she's reverted
00:16:13only momentarily
00:16:15not at all
00:16:17she's been at my flies too
00:16:19look
00:16:21one of my salmon flies is missing
00:16:24I warned you about employing this girl
00:16:26that doesn't help me now
00:16:28I suppose you'll have to inform the police
00:16:30oh no no
00:16:32she did it for me
00:16:34a mad idea to give me a present
00:16:36oh that's different
00:16:38if they find out it'll mean jail for her again
00:16:41oh we can't allow that
00:16:43no I suppose not
00:16:45no
00:16:47we must arrange a set of circumstances
00:16:50and get the Spaniards out of their flat
00:16:52and the front door open
00:16:54yes that's possible
00:16:56assuming of course that they haven't nested yet
00:16:58yes this could be rather fun
00:17:00but first of all she'll have to work out a campaign
00:17:02on proper military lines
00:17:04oh crikey must we
00:17:05certainly
00:17:06now what are the headings
00:17:07information
00:17:08enemy mobilized in flat 36
00:17:11enemy strength
00:17:13how many
00:17:14just two
00:17:15Mr. and Mrs. Spaniard
00:17:16secrecy is absolutely essential
00:17:18we must send Lily on an errand
00:17:20what for
00:17:21oh something ordinary and without suspicion
00:17:25a tin of rice pudding
00:17:28perhaps somebody will think of something sensible
00:17:33how on earth are we going to set about it
00:17:35we could light a fire in the passage
00:17:37and then shout for help through their letterbox
00:17:40what about the lift
00:17:42the lift
00:17:43yes that's a possibility
00:17:45yes it's always going wrong
00:17:47the lift
00:17:48the lift
00:17:55a spot of rum before going into action is always permissible
00:17:58Mrs. Brandy
00:17:59same effect
00:18:00you
00:18:01oh no
00:18:02no thank you
00:18:03some of this
00:18:04nerve tonic
00:18:09field's clear
00:18:10right action stations
00:18:12please must you be so loud
00:18:14what do you mean for Lily
00:18:15ah
00:18:16just thought of something
00:18:17if the deaf porter's on duty we're all right
00:18:19if a short-sighted one's there
00:18:21he'll hear the screams and might wreck everything
00:18:23hell
00:18:24then we must dispose of him
00:18:26plain Beatrice
00:18:28I don't mean bump him off
00:18:30don't worry
00:18:31leave the porter to Miss Perry and me
00:18:34ah Lily
00:18:36yes
00:18:37I'm going to bed Lily
00:18:38but I shouldn't get a wink
00:18:40and you know why
00:18:41pop round to Mrs. Richardson's
00:18:43and get one of her special sleeping pills
00:18:45if you're going to bed why are you wearing a hat
00:18:49don't ask silly questions Lily
00:18:51run along
00:18:53what about the um
00:18:55you know what
00:18:57you can leave the you know what to me
00:19:04right any questions
00:19:06yes
00:19:07how will we know when you've got the first safety back
00:19:10the signal you mentioned
00:19:11oh really
00:19:12why didn't somebody remind me
00:19:15I just did
00:19:16a police whistle
00:19:18where the dickens are we going to find a police whistle at this hour
00:19:21of all the eating
00:19:22oh wait
00:19:44I keep it in case of night intruders
00:19:47night intruders
00:19:48some hope
00:19:49oh however thanks
00:19:51I'll give a penetrating blast when I return safely
00:19:57Lily
00:20:01Lily's gone
00:20:02good
00:20:03right the egg timer
00:20:05thirty seconds to go
00:20:09everybody ready
00:20:15one moment
00:20:16I don't think I'm quite ready
00:20:19no definitely not
00:20:20oh Pinky the whole thing won't take longer than five minutes
00:20:23no I must
00:20:25it can't be a moment it's just
00:20:29if anyone is going to mess it up she is
00:20:31right stand by
00:20:35right first wave in
00:20:36good hunting
00:20:37good hunting
00:20:38good hunting
00:20:39good hunting
00:20:40good hunting
00:20:41good hunting
00:20:42good hunting
00:20:43good hunting
00:20:45sting on
00:20:48I'd show this to my like old times
00:21:06oh they've gone
00:21:07my heart's pumping terribly
00:21:09I'll never go through with this
00:21:14oh
00:21:19I say steady on the top not the lot
00:21:31it's all right it's deaf one
00:21:37my throat's gone dry
00:21:39shall I be able to make a sound
00:21:40never mind about the scream
00:21:42my department
00:21:43press the red knob
00:21:45open the gates
00:21:54ready
00:21:55yes
00:21:56help
00:22:00help
00:22:01over the top
00:22:04help
00:22:07help
00:22:08disaster
00:22:10all right all right
00:22:13oh come quickly
00:22:14terrible tragedy
00:22:15dead mattress wrapped like a dread in the lift
00:22:17what are you talking
00:22:18quickly please
00:22:19help
00:22:25lock the staircase and faint if anything goes wrong
00:22:27go on push
00:22:37where's the fire
00:22:38where's the fire
00:22:40blast
00:22:42blaster please
00:22:44we're sunk
00:23:01good evening young man
00:23:04are you the gentleman about the cistern
00:23:08yes
00:23:26what shall I do
00:23:27oh yes
00:23:29oh
00:23:31oh
00:23:32oh
00:23:37right ho
00:23:38oh
00:23:39here we are
00:23:40thank you
00:23:41a most pleasant experience
00:23:46oh that's a million
00:23:47beastly contraption
00:23:48shall be condemned
00:23:50what happened
00:23:51why did you open the gates
00:23:52don't ask me
00:23:53the whole thing's a blur
00:23:54but I shall never forget your gallantry
00:23:59oh
00:24:00success
00:24:01magnificent
00:24:02major your plan
00:24:03it was a flop
00:24:04we failed
00:24:05failed
00:24:06yes
00:24:07it caught red handed
00:24:08old woman in flat
00:24:09ran slap into her
00:24:10oh yes that would be Mrs. Fanniger's mother
00:24:12she's staying a few days
00:24:14you clot
00:24:16you clot
00:24:17you clot
00:24:18you clot
00:24:19you clot
00:24:20you clot
00:24:21you clot
00:24:22you clot
00:24:23you clot
00:24:24you clot
00:24:25you clot
00:24:26you clot
00:24:28why didn't you tell me before
00:24:30well I forgot
00:24:31well you never asked me
00:24:33oh
00:24:34only one course of action
00:24:36clean breast
00:24:38throw ourselves on their mercy
00:24:46I wonder if I could have a tiny sip of this brandy
00:24:49I feel rather faint
00:24:58yes
00:24:59yes
00:25:01well I've come to make a confession
00:25:03actually
00:25:04eh
00:25:05oh you better come inside
00:25:08thank you
00:25:09well
00:25:10it's like this
00:25:11good evening
00:25:13aren't you the gentleman from the water works
00:25:16no mother
00:25:18why don't you leave things where you're running
00:25:20we'll find them
00:25:22oh
00:25:23yes
00:25:24why don't you leave things where you're running
00:25:25we'll find them
00:25:27my eh
00:25:28mother-in-law
00:25:29what's going on now
00:25:34that fur
00:25:35you haven't seen it
00:25:36I can assure you
00:25:37you haven't seen it
00:25:38he's come about the system again
00:25:41wants a new ball cock
00:25:43that's what it wants
00:25:44why don't you put her to sleep
00:25:47I mean take her to bed
00:25:50come along dear
00:25:51Betty buys
00:25:54sorry about my mother-in-law
00:25:55she imagines things
00:25:57does she
00:25:58she's a bit balmy
00:26:00oh is she
00:26:02what's this about a confession
00:26:05confession
00:26:06now you're imagining things
00:26:08came to apologise for the confusion
00:26:10everybody frightfully wait for
00:26:13thank you
00:26:18bye
00:26:25no
00:26:26I think we've all had enough
00:26:27oh have we
00:26:33you can relax
00:26:34everything's settled and they haven't a clue
00:26:35majors are a marvel
00:26:36what did you do
00:26:37ah successful commanders never reveal their strategy
00:26:40just be thankful you have me around eh
00:26:42oh we are
00:26:43three cheers for the major
00:26:44hip hip hip
00:26:45hurray
00:26:46what a sheer job
00:26:48I've never done anything so exciting in all my life
00:26:50all right
00:26:51I feel as if I've given a thousand pounds to my favourite charity
00:26:54I feel re-enlisted
00:26:56oh God I fancy going back to mending chip china after this
00:27:00or teaching manners to morons
00:27:02and the dullness of the tea time of life
00:27:07well I wouldn't mind doing the whole thing again
00:27:09I don't mind telling you that
00:27:10and we'd make a better job of it now that we've had our baptism of fire
00:27:13what a gang we'd make
00:27:15I say
00:27:16what about pinching furs instead of putting them back
00:27:20by Jove
00:27:21what a wizard idea
00:27:23a specialised task force run on military lines
00:27:26under your command major
00:27:28yes
00:27:29and the proceeds from my charities
00:27:51so madam this is a wonderful bargain
00:27:54sable dyed Russian kolinsky with mink workings
00:27:58you see the narrow paneling
00:28:01five hundred pounds
00:28:03five hundred pounds for that
00:28:05it's daylight robbery
00:28:07yes
00:28:08you see
00:28:09you see
00:28:10you see
00:28:11you see
00:28:12you see
00:28:13you see
00:28:14you see
00:28:15you see
00:28:16you see
00:28:17you see
00:28:18you see
00:28:20I don't know what madam wants
00:28:22I have been showing everything
00:28:24the best what it gives
00:28:25from three hundred to three thousand guineas inclusive
00:28:29what is it you want
00:28:31well
00:28:33I was wondering if you had anything around the three guinea mark
00:28:36three guineas
00:28:37what kind of a place do you take me for
00:28:39a chain shop
00:28:40goodbye please
00:28:42goodbye please to you
00:28:43so spokes
00:28:45so clear this stock of a girl throat please
00:28:48don't just standing there
00:28:50just getting on my feet
00:28:58pong here
00:28:59pong here
00:29:00return to base via yellow route and rendezvous soonest
00:29:04so spokes what do you want
00:29:19hello
00:29:20hello
00:29:24I'm sorry I'm late
00:29:27and I've got some bad news
00:29:29you see several of the chaps are sick
00:29:31and they shoved me on duty this afternoon
00:29:33oh well never mind
00:29:36I've got the tickets for the dance
00:29:40something's the matter
00:29:43something's the matter
00:29:46I don't think I'll be able to come to the dance Jim
00:29:50and I think it'll be very much better if we don't see each other anymore
00:29:56why
00:29:57I've got my reason
00:30:00or is it someone else
00:30:02oh no
00:30:03or what then
00:30:06I just don't think I'm the right sort of person for you
00:30:09well can't I be the judge of that
00:30:11you've been better judges than you Jim
00:30:14not so nice perhaps but better
00:30:17well I'm not giving you up until I know the reason
00:30:23all right
00:30:25you've got your career to think about and I wouldn't help it
00:30:28no let me go on Jim
00:30:30I've got a record Jim
00:30:32I've been inside
00:30:34yes
00:30:36yes
00:30:40is that all you've got to say
00:30:42well is that all you've got to say
00:30:44I know about your record
00:30:46you do
00:30:47mm-hmm
00:30:52look
00:30:53when I was a kid
00:30:55I pinched a bicycle bell from a shop
00:30:58only I was lucky
00:31:00I didn't get caught
00:31:06you
00:31:14oh come on
00:31:15that's in the past
00:31:17we're both on the straight and narrow now
00:31:20oh Jim I'm so lucky
00:31:22it was Dame Bee who gave me my chance
00:31:25she's the sweetest, kindest, most honest person in the whole world
00:31:30but how shall we steal it
00:31:32capture Dame Bee not steal
00:31:34here here
00:31:36intention to capture one Kalinsky fur coat from Madame Spelinski's shop here
00:31:41wait a minute why not two
00:31:43because I've planned the whole operation on the basis of one
00:31:46besides who could capture the second
00:31:48Pinky
00:31:49oh no
00:31:50oh no
00:31:51there you are she doesn't want to do it
00:31:53oh yes I'd do it
00:31:54it's just that I'm not sure whether I could
00:31:57but if you use her bang goes our mobile reserve
00:32:02I don't want to be the mobile reserve
00:32:04that was just your way of giving me nothing to do
00:32:06very well but remember it was your idea
00:32:09no point in going through all these headings half of them will be changed anyhow
00:32:12method, admin, medical, veterinary
00:32:15veterinary
00:32:16horse transport not applicable
00:32:18dress
00:32:19yes we better discuss dress, disguise is essential
00:32:22Dame Bee have you started this point
00:32:24yes give me half a minute and I'll show you
00:32:29I've got a gorgeous idea I'll have to be disguised too
00:32:32oh I'm so thrilled to be in the shock troops again
00:32:37who's going to get the shock I wonder
00:32:39don't be too much of a die hard major
00:32:41she'll show her paces with a bit of training
00:32:43you talk as though she was a horse instead of an ass
00:32:59take no notice of the waste paper basket
00:33:02it indicates a rather flowery head
00:33:20how's that
00:33:22how's that
00:33:23out
00:33:25how's that
00:33:26out
00:33:29where'd you get that patch
00:33:31out of a cracker
00:33:32crackers is the word
00:33:34and you hunchback of Notre Dame
00:33:36but I only thought
00:33:37but this isn't a fancy dress dance
00:33:39now we have two main enemies to deceive
00:33:41Madame Spelinski who's no fool and her assistant Gertrude
00:33:44who's a half wit
00:33:45well even a half wit would smell a rat here
00:33:48now it's absolutely essential that neither of them can give an accurate description of you
00:33:53Madame Notre Dame
00:33:54you wear an exaggerated hat and lorgnette
00:33:56and you Pinkerton you have a veil and um
00:34:00here's a false bosom
00:34:02oh how dare you discuss
00:34:07am I interrupting anything
00:34:09Gertrude what are you doing here
00:34:11the name is Lily if you remember
00:34:13well of course I remember don't be impertinent
00:34:15why aren't you having your half day on
00:34:18off
00:34:19oh no my boyfriend was busy
00:34:21no excuse for creeping in on us while we're
00:34:24while we're playing charades
00:34:26go and make us tea
00:34:29yes all right
00:34:33I say that was a dicey do
00:34:35I was quick thinking about the charades
00:34:37let's hope her boyfriend isn't busy next Thursday
00:34:39otherwise we should be probably in the fertilizer
00:34:47I think we're off
00:34:52go away
00:34:54was it that young guardsman
00:34:56no new fellow in civvies
00:34:57shifty looking customer I thought
00:34:59do hope she's not getting into dishonest company again
00:35:10right
00:35:11where on earth's Pinkerton
00:35:22now we're all here we'll have a final check of equipment
00:35:25white handkerchief for signalling
00:35:27sure
00:35:28heel card
00:35:29here
00:35:30pennies for telephone
00:35:31here
00:35:32well that reminds me if you have any final little jobs to do
00:35:35now's the time
00:35:36no I think I'm all right
00:35:38good
00:35:39enjoying action stop fiddling with that of yours
00:35:42I'm so uncomfortable
00:35:43nonsense it's a vast improvement
00:35:45right proceed to action station via railroad
00:35:47goodbye good luck
00:35:51wish I had more confidence in Pinkerton
00:35:53oh she'll be all right
00:35:54polished off a bottle and a half of nerve tonic before lunch
00:35:58big time
00:36:18oh dear my mind's a blank
00:36:20I can't remember our false names or anything
00:36:22now relax
00:36:24I can't remember which coat I've got to collect
00:36:26or whether I'm Mrs Kilweed or the Duchess of Pilverton
00:36:29for the umpteenth time you are Mrs Kilweed
00:36:32you're collecting a wild mink
00:36:33mine will be a kolinsky
00:36:35you remember we decided I look just the teeniest bit more like a duchess than you do
00:36:39yes
00:36:40you're confusing
00:36:41oh it's too late now get out and watch the show
00:36:44oh over there get on
00:36:59Mongrel
00:37:04Gertrude
00:37:05ten minutes you're late
00:37:07I'm late
00:37:08I'm late
00:37:09I'm late
00:37:10I'm late
00:37:11Gertrude
00:37:12ten minutes you have been arranging this coat in the window
00:37:15and that is all you have achieved
00:37:17a five hundred guinea oscar lot looks like a sloppy joe
00:37:20oh and this telephone
00:37:22always when one wants to go to lunch
00:37:24and don't scramble the coat up like that
00:37:27the lining will get squinched
00:37:28hello
00:37:29hello
00:37:30hello
00:37:32it's soldier Major Ockers here
00:37:34of the bomb disposal squad
00:37:35is that Madame Spolinski
00:37:37Spolinski
00:37:38Madame Spolinski
00:37:40we have found an unexploded bomb underneath your domicile
00:37:43my god
00:37:44sixteen years the war has been over
00:37:46and just under my house they must find a bomb
00:37:49tell me please how did it get there this bomb
00:37:52we know we don't know how it got there
00:37:54we just get rid of them
00:37:56we don't put them there
00:37:57so all right I shall be with you immediately
00:38:00Gertrude get my coat and hat
00:38:02hello
00:38:03I shall be with you in twenty minutes
00:38:05my god
00:38:11taxi
00:38:12taxi
00:38:13taxi
00:38:14hello
00:38:15come here
00:38:16don't stop here
00:38:17I've come to you
00:38:18Montague house
00:38:19Montague road
00:38:20this way
00:38:31red group to HQ
00:38:33bongo
00:38:34fox out of cover
00:38:36four ten
00:38:37ten
00:38:38fox out of cover
00:38:39four ten
00:38:40ten four not four ten
00:38:42however good show
00:38:43bongo it out
00:38:44everything going to plan
00:38:45phase three coming up
00:38:46over to you
00:38:51hello Gertrude
00:38:52it is Madame Spolinski
00:38:54Spolinski
00:39:01numbers engaged
00:39:02last
00:39:03if Pinkerton goes in before you phone
00:39:05we are sunk
00:39:09now the old cow's out
00:39:11or something about a bomb in her cellar
00:39:14I hope it don't go off till she gets there
00:39:17oh well
00:39:39customer
00:39:40must go
00:39:41bye bye
00:39:48good afternoon
00:39:50good afternoon
00:39:52I am the Duchess of Filverton
00:39:54and I've called to collect my Spolinski coat
00:39:57Spolinski
00:39:58I'm Kolinsky
00:40:00so sorry
00:40:01the name's so confusing
00:40:03you know
00:40:04no I don't
00:40:06and Madame isn't here
00:40:08I know that
00:40:09I mean really
00:40:11but she telephoned didn't she
00:40:13to say I could take it
00:40:15no
00:40:16oh but she must have
00:40:18I saw you answer it
00:40:20I mean the major
00:40:22well it's all arranged
00:40:24I mean I
00:40:25I didn't know
00:40:26I didn't know
00:40:27I didn't know
00:40:28I didn't know
00:40:29I didn't know
00:40:30I didn't know
00:40:31it's all arranged
00:40:32I mean I
00:40:33I mean
00:40:35excuse me
00:40:40hello
00:40:41it is Madame Spolinski
00:40:43are you with me Gertrude
00:40:45oh yes
00:40:47in my rushing
00:40:48I'm forgetting two things
00:40:50are coming to the shop
00:40:52two very important clients
00:40:54one
00:40:55the Duchess from Filverton
00:40:57and the other
00:40:58Mrs Kilweed
00:41:00one for the Kolinsky
00:41:02and the other
00:41:03for the wild mink
00:41:05they may want to take this stuff away
00:41:08just get the receipts
00:41:09I've got it
00:41:10one of them's here now
00:41:12it's all right
00:41:14that was Madame
00:41:17thank goodness
00:41:18this'll be the one
00:41:19it's our only Kolinsky
00:41:20oh yes no need to wrap it up
00:41:21I'll eat it here
00:41:23take it here
00:41:24I mean where
00:41:25if you'll just sign a receipt
00:41:27yes of course
00:41:30thank you
00:41:46good afternoon
00:41:47good afternoon
00:41:49where is Madame Spolinski
00:41:51she had to go out
00:41:52oh how tiresome
00:41:54well at least she left a message for me
00:41:56I am the Duchess of Filverton
00:41:59and I've come to collect my Kolinsky coat
00:42:02what?
00:42:03well when you say what girl
00:42:05do I make myself quite clear
00:42:07but she's just been in and took it
00:42:10oh the fool
00:42:12oh how foolish of me
00:42:14well I shall forget my own name next
00:42:17in fact I did
00:42:20it was meeting the Duchess in the doorway
00:42:23we're old school friends
00:42:24no no
00:42:25I am Mrs Kilweed
00:42:27and I have come to collect my wild mink
00:42:30oh
00:42:31oh I think this must be it
00:42:34oh yes undoubtedly this is it
00:42:36now don't trouble to do it up
00:42:39I shall wear it ready
00:42:41yes
00:42:42Duchess you'd like a receipt
00:42:44one can't be too careful these days
00:42:50yes thank you m'lady
00:42:52Madame I can't
00:42:55I don't understand
00:42:58what?
00:43:00you said that was the Duchess of Filverton didn't you?
00:43:03yes
00:43:04well she's gone and signed herself in your name
00:43:06Kilweed
00:43:07really
00:43:09she's a most dreadful practical joke
00:43:12just wait till I get home
00:43:14she knew I was coming in of course
00:43:17well I'll tell you what I'll do
00:43:18I'll sign as the Duchess of Filverton
00:43:20and then your records will be straight
00:43:22but that's not
00:43:23my child if Madame Spelinski blows you up I'll explain
00:43:29well I don't know
00:43:38Pinkleton's overdue
00:43:40three minutes overdue
00:43:41traffic
00:43:42no we allowed for that
00:43:44then she must have stopped off for the usual reasons
00:43:47she ought to see a doctor
00:43:49oh good there she is
00:43:52Day B
00:43:53where is she?
00:43:54where is she?
00:43:55I'm going to strangle her
00:43:56she's not back
00:43:57not back?
00:43:58what happened?
00:43:59she's got everything upside down
00:44:00it's a miracle we're not in jail
00:44:01well she is for a cert
00:44:07the return of the warrior
00:44:10what happened to you?
00:44:11the taxi got stuck in a traffic jam
00:44:14so I slipped out without the driver seeing me
00:44:17I left the fare on the seat
00:44:19never mind the fare where's the fur?
00:44:23I left that on the seat too
00:44:31this is very civil of you Day B
00:44:34well here's to crime
00:44:35good luck Major
00:44:36I say you'll have to forgive the poor beast
00:44:38or none of us will get a wink of sleep
00:44:40there hear that catterwalling?
00:44:42poor old trout
00:44:43all right tell her to report to me immediately
00:44:46must I put it quite like that?
00:44:47put it any way you like
00:45:07Major wants you to report
00:45:10not do I
00:45:19I warned you she'd mess the whole thing up
00:45:21poor Pinky she's so fond of you too
00:45:23sees you as a sort of Robin Hood
00:45:25as long as she doesn't see herself as Maid Marian
00:45:30she's coming
00:45:31hello sopping
00:45:40well Pinkerton
00:45:42you put up a stinking show this afternoon
00:45:44absolutely stinking Major
00:45:46however it was largely my fault for allowing you to do it at all
00:45:50so come and have a glass of fizz and cheer up yeah?
00:45:52oh thank you so kind
00:45:55I just want to say dreadfully sorry
00:45:57I seem to forget everything
00:45:59there's never any excuse to forget anything
00:46:02here here
00:46:04Major I'm sure you've thought of it
00:46:07Major I'm sure you've thought of it
00:46:09you can't just go and sell a fur anywhere
00:46:11criminals have their means but
00:46:13where did you plan to sell it?
00:46:15I uh
00:46:17well I
00:46:18ah you forgot that didn't you Major?
00:46:21I didn't forget dame I didn't think about it
00:46:24don't criminals have a thing called a hedge or something?
00:46:28oh you mean a fence
00:46:30that's it yes a fence
00:46:32we better find one sharpish
00:46:37good night
00:46:38good night
00:46:41Lily
00:46:43security action
00:46:58and there on the windowsill the sweetest little pair of Jenny Bagans
00:47:02cheep cheep
00:47:04ah Lily
00:47:05do you want anything before I go to bed?
00:47:07no no thank you
00:47:08have a nice day
00:47:09yes thank you
00:47:11well um
00:47:12good night all
00:47:13good night
00:47:14good night dear
00:47:15go on about those vultures on your windowsill
00:47:21that girl's becoming a ruddy menace
00:47:23wait
00:47:24Lily just a minute
00:47:25she can help she's been inside
00:47:28I've had an idea and I want to speak to Lily alone
00:47:30so off you go to bed
00:47:32and dame Bee
00:47:33I may have to borrow your pearls
00:47:35why?
00:47:36never mind
00:47:37Miss Parry tell Lily to come in here and see me
00:47:46do you want me?
00:47:47come in Lily
00:47:51close the door
00:47:53boss champagne
00:47:55no thank you
00:47:57what's going on? where is everybody?
00:48:00never mind the others
00:48:01Lily I wanted to get you alone
00:48:04Lily
00:48:06I have a surprise for you
00:48:08look Major please I mean don't rush me you know
00:48:11Lily
00:48:12I want to take you into my confidence
00:48:14and what is it?
00:48:15I want to take you into my confidence
00:48:17and what is it?
00:48:18I want to take you into my confidence
00:48:20and what is it?
00:48:21I want to take you into my confidence
00:48:22oh yeah I've heard that one before
00:48:25tell me aren't you cold?
00:48:26hmm?
00:48:31I'm writing a book
00:48:33you are?
00:48:34yes I was a teenage delinquent
00:48:36oh you weren't
00:48:38no of course I wasn't
00:48:39no no it's purely fictional
00:48:40but I've run into some technical difficulties
00:48:42and I was wondering if you could help me
00:48:44now suppose someone stole something
00:48:46and they wanted to sell it to somebody
00:48:47a fence yeah?
00:48:48yes yes yes
00:48:49well how would you go about that?
00:48:51well I wasn't really a professional crook you know
00:48:54oh of course you weren't
00:48:55but you know there used to be a place down by the docks
00:48:58a cafe where the boys used to go to make contact with fences
00:49:01you don't remember what it was called do you?
00:49:03oh um Shanghai Harris
00:49:05Shanghai?
00:49:06thank you so much Lily
00:49:08if there's anything I can ever do for you
00:49:10yeah well there is one thing
00:49:11yes?
00:49:12you could let me have my hand back
00:49:14you're
00:49:16so sorry
00:49:17thank you
00:49:19Shanghai Harris
00:49:49Shanghai Harris
00:49:50Shanghai Harris
00:49:51Shanghai Harris
00:49:52Shanghai Harris
00:49:53Shanghai Harris
00:49:54Shanghai Harris
00:49:55Shanghai Harris
00:49:56Shanghai Harris
00:49:57Shanghai Harris
00:49:58Shanghai Harris
00:49:59Shanghai Harris
00:50:00Shanghai Harris
00:50:01Shanghai Harris
00:50:02Shanghai Harris
00:50:03Shanghai Harris
00:50:04Shanghai Harris
00:50:05Shanghai Harris
00:50:06Shanghai Harris
00:50:07Shanghai Harris
00:50:08Shanghai Harris
00:50:09Shanghai Harris
00:50:10Shanghai Harris
00:50:11Shanghai Harris
00:50:12Shanghai Harris
00:50:13Shanghai Harris
00:50:14Shanghai Harris
00:50:15Shanghai Harris
00:50:16Shanghai Harris
00:50:17Shanghai Harris
00:50:18Shanghai Harris
00:50:19Shanghai Harris
00:50:20Shanghai Harris
00:50:21Shanghai Harris
00:50:22Shanghai Harris
00:50:23Shanghai Harris
00:50:24Shanghai Harris
00:50:25Shanghai Harris
00:50:26Shanghai Harris
00:50:27Shanghai Harris
00:50:28Shanghai Harris
00:50:29Shanghai Harris
00:50:30Shanghai Harris
00:50:31Shanghai Harris
00:50:32Shanghai Harris
00:50:33Shanghai Harris
00:50:34Shanghai Harris
00:50:35Shanghai Harris
00:50:36Shanghai Harris
00:50:37Shanghai Harris
00:50:38Shanghai Harris
00:50:39Shanghai Harris
00:50:40Shanghai Harris
00:50:41Shanghai Harris
00:50:42Shanghai Harris
00:50:43Shanghai Harris
00:50:44Shanghai Harris
00:50:45Shanghai Harris
00:50:46Shanghai Harris
00:50:47Shanghai Harris
00:50:48Shanghai Harris
00:50:49Shanghai Harris
00:50:50Shanghai Harris
00:50:51Shanghai Harris
00:50:52Shanghai Harris
00:50:53Shanghai Harris
00:50:54Shanghai Harris
00:50:55Shanghai Harris
00:50:56Shanghai Harris
00:50:57Shanghai Harris
00:50:58Shanghai Harris
00:50:59Shanghai Harris
00:51:00Shanghai Harris
00:51:01Shanghai Harris
00:51:02Shanghai Harris
00:51:03Shanghai Harris
00:51:04Shanghai Harris
00:51:05Shanghai Harris
00:51:06Shanghai Harris
00:51:07Shanghai Harris
00:51:08Shanghai Harris
00:51:09Shanghai Harris
00:51:10Shanghai Harris
00:51:11Shanghai Harris
00:51:12Shanghai Harris
00:51:13Shanghai Harris
00:51:14Shanghai Harris
00:51:15Shanghai Harris
00:51:16Shanghai Harris
00:51:35Got a light gun?
00:51:46Interested?
00:51:48What in?
00:51:50Fencing.
00:51:52What, swords and such like?
00:51:59That was quick thinking. I didn't see him coming.
00:52:01Congratulations.
00:52:03I'm interested in a fence.
00:52:05Buying or selling?
00:52:07Selling, naturally.
00:52:09Well?
00:52:11You're wasting your time, mate.
00:52:13Nobody around here's got a garden.
00:52:15Garden?
00:52:17You're not that kind.
00:52:19Silly cloth.
00:52:36Sir, pass the sausage sauce, please.
00:52:38Do you speak English?
00:52:40He said, would you pass the Worcester sauce, please.
00:52:43Would I?
00:52:46Thank you.
00:52:48Take it.
00:52:50Yeah.
00:53:14Oh.
00:53:16Let's take your hat off.
00:53:33I got it. I got it.
00:53:40Are you in the Salvation Army?
00:53:42Yes.
00:53:44Well, where's your ratty bonnet?
00:54:12Help!
00:54:14Help!
00:54:16Help!
00:54:18Help!
00:54:20Help!
00:54:22Help!
00:54:24What are you doing, mate?
00:54:26Honest, I won't hurt you. It's all right.
00:54:28Help!
00:54:30Oh, there's a man under my bed.
00:54:32A man under your bed?
00:54:34Whoa!
00:54:36Gotcha! Keep calm, everybody.
00:54:38Somebody get my revolver, bedside table drawer.
00:54:40What do you think you're doing?
00:54:42Oh, no violence intended, sir.
00:54:44Oh, nothing like that.
00:54:46I'm a pre-war burglar, I am.
00:54:48I would never have touched the lady.
00:54:50I can well believe that.
00:54:58Oh! Steady on. It's loaded.
00:55:00Go out of the way, then.
00:55:02Put your hands up.
00:55:04One false move and I'll fill you full of lead.
00:55:07Split you all over the room.
00:55:09Oh, the thing might go off.
00:55:11Phone the police. Hold it.
00:55:13All right, Lily. Back to your room.
00:55:15Now, then, rat.
00:55:17Please give me another chance.
00:55:19We'll give you a chance on one condition.
00:55:23I need you, ma'am. I need you.
00:55:25We want the address of a nice, honest fence.
00:55:40I hope that bearded wanderer didn't let us down.
00:55:44Do you think a fence would hang out in a respectable place like this?
00:55:47Well, I can't but try. Give me the box.
00:55:49All right, but don't rush your fences.
00:56:03Will you be a long...
00:56:05About six months.
00:56:07Six minutes, I'm sorry. We shan't be long.
00:56:23Good morning.
00:56:27I brought some stamps to be valued.
00:56:33Lady to see you about some stamps.
00:56:35Yes.
00:56:37No. Somewhat unusual tape.
00:56:40Great.
00:56:47Would you go in, please?
00:57:06Good morning.
00:57:11Good grief, Aunt Bea.
00:57:13Freddie.
00:57:15Freddie Warrington.
00:57:17I didn't expect to find you here.
00:57:19What did you expect to find, Aunt Bea?
00:57:22Well, I heard there was a stamp dealer here,
00:57:24and as I thought of selling my collection...
00:57:26Pretty bulky one. May I have a deco?
00:57:28No, I changed my mind.
00:57:30Ah, well, this is a nice surprise.
00:57:33Give my kind regards to your dear father.
00:57:35He's well, I hope.
00:57:37He's flourishing, thanks.
00:57:39The door's locked. A precautionary measure, Aunt Bea.
00:57:42Is that customary in stamp dealing?
00:57:44I don't deal in stamps.
00:57:46Stamps happens to be the password for this week.
00:57:48How did you get it, Aunt Bea?
00:57:50Don't you want to be me?
00:57:52A boy I'd dandle on my knee, a commoner or garden fence.
00:57:55The son of one of my oldest, closest...
00:57:57Yes. I often wondered about you and Dad.
00:58:00And I shall write to him about it.
00:58:02Better than the circumstances, is it?
00:58:04What have you been up to, you naughty old dame?
00:58:07Open this door at once!
00:58:11Well, well.
00:58:13Congratulations.
00:58:15Very nice, too.
00:58:17I say, I shall have to tell you everything.
00:58:20Yes. Yes, you must.
00:58:23Tell me everything.
00:58:25Take your time.
00:58:27Well, you see, a friend of mine has gambling debts,
00:58:30and she's terrified lest her husband should find out.
00:58:33Now, this coat was originally smuggled in from Italy,
00:58:35so, of course, it's difficult to sell.
00:58:37I don't believe it.
00:58:38Well, I know it sounds incredible, but...
00:58:40What have you got there?
00:58:42Daring robbery. Confidence tricksters. Hoax furrier.
00:58:45That has nothing to do with me.
00:58:47Come off it, Auntie. I'd recognize that fur from its description.
00:58:50Well, since I've got myself into this embarrassing situation,
00:58:54perhaps we'd better proceed.
00:58:56How much? 500.
00:58:58Ridiculous. That coat's selling for 3,500.
00:59:01I shall take my custom elsewhere.
00:59:03Righty-ho. Want some addresses?
00:59:05I'll lay you 10 to 1 in 5 as no one offers you more than 4.
00:59:07But don't you make special terms for regular clients?
00:59:10You mean...
00:59:12I intend to keep up my donations to charity by hook or by crook.
00:59:15All right. A 10% bonus.
00:59:17Done.
00:59:18One, two, three,
00:59:21four, 500,
00:59:23and 50 nikka.
00:59:25One, two, three, four,
00:59:28550 nikkas.
00:59:30In pounds, madame.
00:59:32I hope it's over the start.
00:59:34Dame Beatrice, I don't know what to say.
00:59:36This is manna from heaven.
00:59:38Oh, please don't say that.
00:59:40Children, our orphanage has been saved
00:59:43through the kindness and generosity
00:59:45of Dame Beatrice Appleby
00:59:47and her little band of angels.
00:59:50Cynthia?
00:59:56Oh, thank you.
01:00:07Thank you, darling.
01:00:12Now, hip-hip-hooray!
01:00:15Hip-hip-hooray!
01:00:18Hip-hip-hooray!
01:00:21Hip-hip-hooray!
01:00:24Hip-hip-hooray!
01:00:27Now then, children, all together.
01:00:30For they are jolly good fellows.
01:00:33For they are jolly good fellows.
01:00:36For they are jolly good fellows.
01:00:40And so say all of us.
01:00:43And so say all of us.
01:00:45It's really worthwhile, isn't it?
01:00:47Yes, but no resting on our laurels, Major.
01:00:50These aren't the only ones.
01:00:52Oh, my God.
01:01:07Calling all cars in area B.
01:01:09Calling all cars in area B.
01:01:11The Apex Cold Storage Depot in Monkhall Street
01:01:13has just been raided.
01:01:15The thieves have made a getaway with many valuable files.
01:01:17Repeat, the Apex Cold Storage Depot.
01:01:22Ah!
01:01:27Trust Pinkerton to trap us in a deep breeze.
01:01:31She couldn't help letting the door slam.
01:01:38She won't thaw. I'm frightened of her cracking.
01:01:41Oh, burn her in front of the fire.
01:01:44Righty-ho.
01:01:47Oh.
01:01:55Three hours of frozen misery
01:01:57all because of that abominable snow woman.
01:02:00Yes, and we'd have still been there
01:02:02if I hadn't squeezed through the air duct.
01:02:17Oh.
01:02:41This is a ranch, Mink Madam.
01:02:43Oh, that is beautiful.
01:02:45And so warm for this cold country.
01:02:48It's rather expensive, of course.
01:02:50Oh, the price does not influence me at all.
01:02:52My husband is rolling in rupees.
01:02:54Bongo.
01:03:07Can I help you, Madam?
01:03:09Yeah. Yeah, thank you.
01:03:11Just looking round for the moment.
01:03:15Thank you.
01:03:38This is a pastel, Mink Madam,
01:03:40and we've reduced it a little in price.
01:03:42Oh, it's lovely. Bongo.
01:03:45Come here.
01:03:50It is a lovely fur.
01:03:52Yes, I'll say it is.
01:03:54Bongo.
01:04:09Fire!
01:04:11Fire!
01:04:13Oh, a fire!
01:04:16Better call the fire brigade.
01:04:19We must save all these lovely furs.
01:04:24Officer, take these. I'll get some more.
01:04:26Thank you.
01:04:43Fire!
01:04:59Bongo, get cracking.
01:05:13Fire!
01:05:26Hey, Sergeant.
01:05:28Are you trying to commit suicide?
01:05:30Sorry, I didn't see you.
01:05:32Wait.
01:05:34Me?
01:05:36Yes, you. What division are you from?
01:05:38The 3rd. I mean, C.
01:05:41They went that way.
01:05:44Something funny there.
01:05:46After him.
01:06:11Fire!
01:06:19Hey!
01:06:22Keep a lookout for a chap around here dressed like the sergeant.
01:06:41What are you doing here on your afternoon off?
01:06:44My boyfriend can't meet me till late.
01:06:46Really, Lily, you should change to something more reliable.
01:06:53Shh, be quiet.
01:06:55It's you?
01:06:57Yes, it's me.
01:06:59It's me.
01:07:01It's me.
01:07:03It's me.
01:07:05It's me.
01:07:07It's me.
01:07:09It's you?
01:07:11Of course it's me.
01:07:18Oh, Lily.
01:07:20All right, really.
01:07:22Really.
01:07:39It's me.
01:07:53Another dicey duel.
01:08:05Bon clair.
01:08:10Right.
01:08:12As chairman, I should like to open this first quarterly meeting of ours
01:08:16by paying tribute to your loyal services.
01:08:18Ah.
01:08:20There have been mistakes.
01:08:22But I think we can say we've had jolly good hunting and knocked the enemy for six.
01:08:26Yeah, yeah.
01:08:28However, there is one aspect of our activities which has been neglected,
01:08:31and that is the use of S.A.
01:08:33Sex appeal?
01:08:35Certainly not. Spontaneous action.
01:08:38Targets of fleeting opportunity.
01:08:40Oh. You mean we can steal a spur on the further moment?
01:08:44Yes, yes, yes.
01:08:46We have to be very careful, especially you, Pinkerton.
01:08:48Right. Any complaints?
01:08:51Yes, please.
01:08:53I don't want to have to do any more trailing after dark in Piccadilly.
01:08:57Why not?
01:08:59I've had some unpleasant experiences.
01:09:03Funny. I never have.
01:09:05Well, that's simple. A man can take over night duties.
01:09:07Oh, thank you.
01:09:09Anything else?
01:09:11No?
01:09:13Oh! Ah!
01:09:15Oh, Dame Bee, I wonder if you put these two furs in your bedroom.
01:09:18The ottoman's absolutely chocker.
01:09:32Lily! With a man!
01:09:34Curse that girl! Action stations at the double!
01:09:36Oh, where am I to go?
01:09:38Put them behind her.
01:09:56Bongo, subterfuge commence.
01:10:00Don't try that voucher, Lark. You've overdone it.
01:10:03Come in.
01:10:07And there in the grass was a teeny wee little crocus peeping up at me.
01:10:14I'm sorry to keep popping in like this, but I've got a bit of news for you.
01:10:19Yes, Lily. Good evening.
01:10:22This is Jim Benham and we're going to get married.
01:10:26Oh, this is a nice surprise.
01:10:29Oh, congratulations. Good show.
01:10:31You lucky girl. And what do you do?
01:10:34I'm a policeman, miss.
01:10:36Oh, and he knows about everything.
01:10:38What? What's that?
01:10:40Oh, my past. There's no need to look so worried.
01:10:43Oh. I think I'll sit down. I feel a little faint.
01:10:47I'd like a little brandy, please, Major.
01:10:49Oh, so would I.
01:10:51Oh, we all ought to have one. Make yourself comfortable.
01:10:53Put your coat down here.
01:10:54Oh, thank you, sir.
01:10:57Hello, hello.
01:10:59What's this?
01:11:01On the floor?
01:11:07That's no way to treat a couple of nice coats like these.
01:11:12I always seem to be picking up your smart furs.
01:11:14Yes. Thank you. They must have slipped down.
01:11:17Have a drink, old man.
01:11:19No, thank you. Jim doesn't drink.
01:11:21I'll give you a cup of tea in the kitchen.
01:11:23If you're gone ahead, I'll join you later.
01:11:25Yes, well, right-o.
01:11:27Well, good night, everyone, and good night.
01:11:33So that's it.
01:11:34That's what, Lily?
01:11:36Do you deny that you're this mad old gang
01:11:38who's been stealing furs all over London?
01:11:42We've been working for charity. We're not real criminals.
01:11:46You're telling me you're not. You're a bunch of blooming amateurs.
01:11:49Amateurs? What?
01:11:51Yeah, it's a wonder you're not all inside.
01:11:54Now, look, I've known experts who've studied it all.
01:11:57Fingerprints, dogs, burglar alarms,
01:12:00keys, locks, telephones,
01:12:02habits, hobbies, holidays,
01:12:04who's courting who, who's sleeping where,
01:12:06and even they get caught.
01:12:08What chance do you think you've got?
01:12:10She's right. She's right.
01:12:12Then, look, please, stop it now, for the love of Mike.
01:12:15Yes, we will. We will.
01:12:17Yes, we will.
01:12:19Especially now you've found out.
01:12:21We don't want you mixed up in this.
01:12:23All right.
01:12:25Now, you'd better get rid of all these furs, pronto.
01:12:34I was a teenage delinquent.
01:12:45Thank you.
01:12:49My word, you do all look down in the dumps today.
01:12:52Do we, Lily?
01:12:54Yes, we do.
01:12:56I've got to go.
01:12:58Bye-bye.
01:13:00Bye-bye.
01:13:02Bye-bye.
01:13:04Bye-bye.
01:13:06Bye-bye.
01:13:08Bye-bye.
01:13:10Bye-bye.
01:13:12Bye-bye.
01:13:14Do we, Lily?
01:13:16I think you enjoyed the thrill of it all, didn't you, you old devils?
01:13:20The fact that we have pasts now, as well as you, Lily,
01:13:23doesn't permit you to call us old devils.
01:13:26PHONE RINGS
01:13:34I'm afraid your past is going to catch up with you.
01:13:39Yes, hello?
01:13:41Who's calling?
01:13:43Just one moment, please.
01:13:45All right, you can relax. It's a Mr Caldwell.
01:13:54Hello? Dame Beatrice speaking.
01:13:56We've been badly let down over the promise of some funds,
01:14:01and I wondered if...
01:14:03Oh, dear, and I just decided to cease operation,
01:14:07to retire from charitable work.
01:14:11Hello? Are you there?
01:14:13Yes, yes, yes, I'm still here.
01:14:15Well, I'll ring you back in about half an hour.
01:14:19A most moving appeal from the underprivileged children's home.
01:14:23Oh, but we gave our word to Lily that we...
01:14:26Oh, I know, but can we in all conscience neglect our moral obligations?
01:14:32I suggest that we all take an immediate vote
01:14:36as to whether we shall make one last effort.
01:14:40Well spoken, Dame Beat.
01:14:42Hear, hear.
01:14:44Then will you all signify your approval in the usual way?
01:15:09Dame B?
01:15:11Dame B?
01:15:13Dame B, where are you?
01:15:15Dame B? Dame B, I've got it.
01:15:17What? Our next operation.
01:15:19See that? An invitation to one of those shady gambling parties.
01:15:22You know, a thousand pounds on the turn of a card.
01:15:24Dozens of expensive fur coats, or I'll eat my hat.
01:15:26Oh, sorry.
01:15:28I think you've got something here, I mean.
01:15:30Nature, what do you think?
01:15:32You've been accosted again.
01:15:34I've done a spontaneous action.
01:15:36You've done... Oh, yes?
01:15:38I went into the pink parakeet to have an egg flip,
01:15:40and there on the chair beside me was this cape.
01:15:43Mole.
01:15:45Oh, no, it isn't mink, but it was my first solo effort.
01:15:48And a ratty waste of time.
01:15:50But very brave of you, Pinky dear.
01:15:52Yes, congratulations.
01:15:54Ah, hello, Nan. How's your Aunt Lettie?
01:15:56God boils. Miserable day.
01:15:58Had me fur cape stolen into the bargain.
01:16:00I didn't know you had one.
01:16:02I hadn't. Aunt Lettie gave me hers just this afternoon.
01:16:04Oh, what rotten luck. Where did you lose it?
01:16:06Of all places, the pink parakeet.
01:16:08Is this it?
01:16:10Yes. What the blazes?
01:16:12She stole it.
01:16:16Oh, well. Cheer up. No harm done.
01:16:19You must have been pretty quick.
01:16:21I was only away from the table two minutes.
01:16:23Makes me feel such a jockeys.
01:16:25Well, never mind that. I've got a plan that's absolutely foolproof.
01:16:27Nan, lock the door.
01:16:29And the bank is standing at 250 pounds.
01:16:32Who will say banco?
01:16:34Hello.
01:16:53Is this where they had the illegal gambling?
01:16:58Yes, madam.
01:17:00Care to leave your wrap in there?
01:17:04Thank you.
01:17:06Thank you.
01:17:08Thank you.
01:17:33And the bank is standing at 500 pounds.
01:17:36Who says banco?
01:17:38What exactly does banco mean?
01:17:40Well, anyone who says banco is betting to win all that's in the bank.
01:17:48Hello, darling.
01:17:50Have we met?
01:17:52I don't think so. This is my first visit.
01:17:54Lovely to see you, darling.
01:17:56There's still a place.
01:17:58No, I think I'll just watch. Thank you.
01:18:00I wonder if I might use the telephone in the bedroom.
01:18:02Afraid not, darling. The extension's out of order.
01:18:04But you can use the one over there.
01:18:06Oh, yes. Thank you.
01:18:11And the bank is now standing at 1,000 pounds.
01:18:15Who says banco?
01:18:17Who says they're betting the top?
01:18:21Hello.
01:18:25Snake to HQ.
01:18:27Five good fish.
01:18:30Ten four.
01:18:32Roger. Stand by to synchronize watches.
01:18:35Fast.
01:18:39When I say bongo, it will be 2345.
01:18:44The bank now stands at 1,900 pounds.
01:18:47Who says banco?
01:18:49Bongo.
01:18:51Bongo.
01:18:53Ah, the lady with the blue feather says banco, huh?
01:18:55Blue mother...
01:18:58Voilà , madame, les cartes.
01:19:00Oh, no, thank you. No, I don't quite understand...
01:19:02Just take them, take them, take them.
01:19:04That's it. Turn them over.
01:19:06Nine! Carpe Buit!
01:19:09Deux-neuf.
01:19:11Contre les sept.
01:19:13Bon, Philippe, bon.
01:19:19Fondue.
01:19:21Save the lollies, take it. It's that banco, isn't it?
01:19:23Oh, no, no. I didn't... I...
01:19:26How much is there there?
01:19:281,900, madame.
01:19:30Pounds?
01:19:32Yes, madame.
01:19:341,900 pounds?
01:19:36Yes, well, then we needn't...
01:19:38I mean, it's more when we...
01:19:42Thank you so much.
01:19:51This is the police raid. Take me to the gambling room.
01:19:53There must be some mistake.
01:19:55We'll soon see about that.
01:19:57Mario McCork, stay on duty here.
01:19:59Come on, man, jump to it.
01:20:03I say, lovely grub.
01:20:05You want the money, darling, or shall I give you a check?
01:20:07This is the police raid. Stay where you are, everybody.
01:20:09Now, look here, Inspector.
01:20:11This is a private party of my personal friends.
01:20:13Oh, we'll see about that later.
01:20:15The building is surrounded, so no attempt shall be made to escape.
01:20:17Uh, Inspector, might I have a word with you?
01:20:19Don't worry.
01:20:21Later.
01:20:23Madame.
01:20:25Terribly sorry, folks.
01:20:27The game's a wash-up. No wins, no losses.
01:20:29Oh, but what about this?
01:20:31So sorry, darling. House rules.
01:20:33Well, you deserve everything that's coming to you.
01:20:37Oh.
01:20:39Best hall yet. Shall we go?
01:20:41What's that?
01:20:43More customers. I hadn't bargained for them.
01:20:45Oh, what?
01:20:47Don't panic, woman. I'll bang them in the cage with the rest. Hang on here.
01:20:51Ah!
01:20:55Where do you come from?
01:20:57I, uh...
01:20:59Save it. Wait till we hear. Come on.
01:21:07It's a real raid.
01:21:09What spanking bad luck.
01:21:15Have a look in the kitchen, will you? I think I smell gas.
01:21:17Why orders her to stay here, sir?
01:21:19That's right. Always obey orders.
01:21:21Oh, well.
01:21:23Emergency action. Calling General Retreat.
01:21:25O.C. returning to base.
01:21:27Every man for himself. Out.
01:21:29Are you all right, sir? Mm-hmm.
01:21:31I think I'll get some fresh air.
01:21:35Every man for himself.
01:21:39You will be asked to turn out
01:21:41the contents of your pockets and handbags
01:21:43and give your names and addresses.
01:21:45And then you will be required to come to the station to be formally charged.
01:21:47Does that mean we shall be detained in jail?
01:21:49No, madam. After the charges have been made,
01:21:51you may go home.
01:21:59Now, where's that inspector gone?
01:22:01Just went out, sir. Behaving very strange, too.
01:22:03I distinctly ordered him to...
01:22:05Come on. Come on.
01:22:07Hey, where did you spring from?
01:22:09Up the fire escape.
01:22:11Cause of trying to jump out of the window.
01:22:13Hysterical type.
01:22:15Come on.
01:22:45It was I
01:22:47who led
01:22:49these foolish women
01:22:51into
01:22:53the path
01:22:55of crime.
01:22:57It is I alone
01:22:59who should
01:23:01be punished,
01:23:03and I now
01:23:05take
01:23:07the law...
01:23:09Into my
01:23:11own
01:23:13hands
01:23:15for the last
01:23:17time.
01:23:19Albert
01:23:21Rain,
01:23:23madame.
01:23:25Deceased.
01:23:27Deceased.
01:23:43Oh, no.
01:23:57Oh, no.
01:24:15Who goes there?
01:24:21You. You.
01:24:23You escaped.
01:24:25No, you abandoned us.
01:24:27Left us to our fate.
01:24:29Shame on you.
01:24:31Shame.
01:24:33And you even got away with three.
01:24:35I say, good show.
01:24:37Don't suck up to us.
01:24:39You're yellow, a coward,
01:24:41and a deserter.
01:24:43Come along, Pinky. I think we deserve a drink.
01:24:47Well, what else could I do?
01:24:49It's laid down in army orders.
01:24:51When all is lost, an O.C. saves himself.
01:24:53Honestly,
01:24:55it's not like the Navy.
01:25:09Poor beast.
01:25:11Bet he never got nearer a battle
01:25:13than the bottom of a bath.
01:25:15Nan,
01:25:17look.
01:25:19Nan, Pinky, you're safe.
01:25:21Must stop the Major shooting himself.
01:25:23Yes, of course. What?
01:25:25Major.
01:25:27Major.
01:25:35Oh, thank heavens.
01:25:39Oh, sorry
01:25:41and all that.
01:25:43Write your note.
01:25:45Would you care to join us for a celebration drink?
01:25:47Oh, kind of.
01:25:49Well, we're all safe,
01:25:51though it was a narrow streak.
01:25:53Much narrower than you think.
01:25:55Who took the cartridges out of this revolver?
01:25:57I did.
01:25:59All five of them.
01:26:01Five? Only six.
01:26:05Silly cloth.
01:26:13You've been at it again.
01:26:15Uh, Lily,
01:26:17we, uh, I don't want to hear any excuses.
01:26:19I'll leave in the morning
01:26:21and that's final.
01:26:37None of the papers connected with us.
01:26:39Not yet.
01:26:41Let's keep our fingers crossed.
01:26:43That was our last coup, wasn't it?
01:26:45Fair enough, yeah?
01:26:53I've come to say goodbye.
01:26:55Oh, Lily.
01:27:03I'm not going to answer it.
01:27:07I've left.
01:27:09Well, come on, Pinkerton.
01:27:11Answer the telephone.
01:27:15Hello?
01:27:17Detective Inspector Pinkerton.
01:27:19What is it?
01:27:21What's the matter?
01:27:23Police.
01:27:29Dame Beatrice speaking.
01:27:31What do you want?
01:27:33There's been a complaint about a lost fur.
01:27:35Fur? What fur?
01:27:37I made no complaint.
01:27:39I'll be round in five minutes.
01:27:41Thank you, Dame Beatrice.
01:27:43He's coming here.
01:27:45He knows.
01:27:49Oh, I think you'd better go, Lily.
01:27:51We don't want you involved in this.
01:28:03I suppose the only course
01:28:05is to make a clean breast of it.
01:28:07Yes, yes.
01:28:09I shall plead guilty but insane.
01:28:13It's far better
01:28:15that one of us takes the blame
01:28:17and it should be me.
01:28:19It's no good.
01:28:21I can't leave you in the lurch.
01:28:23It's like leaving a lot of drowning kids.
01:28:25Now, Lily, I will not...
01:28:27I'll try and help you but on one condition.
01:28:29A solemn promise from each of you
01:28:31not to touch so much as one mink tail again.
01:28:33Yes, yes, I swear I can.
01:28:35I'll do it.
01:28:37I'll do it.
01:28:39I'll do it.
01:28:41Not one mink tail again.
01:28:43Yes, yes, I swear, I swear.
01:28:45Cross my heart.
01:28:47You have my word as an officer and a gentleman.
01:28:49All right.
01:28:51But how can you help?
01:28:53The main thing is that you don't know how much they know
01:28:55so pretend to be old or dumb
01:28:57or stupid.
01:28:59That shouldn't be very difficult.
01:29:01But don't blab.
01:29:03What about the furs?
01:29:05What furs?
01:29:07These three from last night.
01:29:11Oh.
01:29:29It's a police car
01:29:31with a big bubble on top.
01:29:33Give me the furs and I'll try and hide them
01:29:35while you're in here talking to them.
01:29:37Wait. I don't see why you should
01:29:39stick your neck out.
01:29:41Don't you?
01:30:03Good morning.
01:30:05Dame Beatrice is expecting me. Inspector Pape.
01:30:07Would you like to come in?
01:30:15Care to come this way?
01:30:31Inspector Pape and...
01:30:33Good morning.
01:30:37Good morning.
01:30:47Dame Beatrice?
01:30:53That...
01:30:57All right, Benham, leave this to me.
01:30:59Careful!
01:31:01My old war wound.
01:31:03What did you say?
01:31:05Fella hit me bad leg.
01:31:07Oh, bad egg?
01:31:09Oh, how terrible.
01:31:11Looks quite nice.
01:31:13Dame Beatrice, the police...
01:31:15Ah!
01:31:17That's well, boy.
01:31:23Oh!
01:31:29Our investigations have led us to...
01:31:31Oh, I... I say...
01:31:33Are you one of the Shropshire Papes?
01:31:35No, sir. I'm from Scotland Yard.
01:31:37Oh!
01:31:39You don't look Scottish at all.
01:31:41I once knew a dustman in Paddington called Pape.
01:31:43Any relation?
01:31:45How do you spell the name?
01:31:47P-A...
01:31:49The police are very...
01:31:51You'll have to speak up, you know.
01:31:53The old Garza's deaf as a best.
01:31:55Oh...
01:31:57I have come to see you because...
01:31:59Oh, how very, very kind of you.
01:32:01Yes, we don't have many visitors here.
01:32:03This is not a social call.
01:32:05Ah!
01:32:07It's him! It's that man!
01:32:09Take him away! Take him away!
01:32:11It's all right, miss. He won't hurt you.
01:32:13He's a brute who attacked me in the park.
01:32:15Yes, he...
01:32:17Madam, I assure you...
01:32:19Oh, no!
01:32:21What speaky laughing!
01:32:23It must be a splendid joke.
01:32:25He came up behind me and pounced.
01:32:27I have never pounced on anyone,
01:32:29it's a duty.
01:32:31You call that duty?
01:32:33What regiment are you in?
01:32:35I am in the police.
01:32:37I have always been in the police.
01:32:39What, even during the war?
01:32:41Benham, tell them who I am.
01:32:43There, you see? He tried to strike me.
01:32:45Oh, for heaven's sake, for one minute, please.
01:32:47I've, um...
01:32:49I've done everything you asked, Dame.
01:32:51Is there anything else you wanted?
01:32:55Just a moment, please.
01:32:57I'm having great trouble here.
01:32:59You seem to be a sensible girl. Perhaps you can help me.
01:33:01Me?
01:33:03There have been a number of fur robberies lately
01:33:05of a most unusual kind,
01:33:07carried out, we think, by one gang.
01:33:09Having been given this address in connection with a missing fur...
01:33:11Oh!
01:33:13Oh, he knows!
01:33:15Would you be the lady concerned?
01:33:17Oh, I can't go on.
01:33:19I did my best.
01:33:21I'm only sent for mending Crack China.
01:33:23Crack China?
01:33:25Oh, I can't bear this cat and mouse any longer.
01:33:27Go on, tell him the truth. Get it over.
01:33:29All right.
01:33:31Inspector, I am the one to be charged.
01:33:33No, I won't allow it. I am.
01:33:35Oh, no, we're all to blame.
01:33:37That's torn it up.
01:33:39One at a time, please. Just answer my questions.
01:33:41Which is the lady who reported
01:33:43the theft of a fur from the Pink Parakeet Tea Room yesterday,
01:33:45a mole rat lined with coffee grape?
01:33:47Oh!
01:33:49That was me.
01:33:51But it wasn't stolen.
01:33:53Miss Pinkerton found it.
01:33:55I suppose I ought to have told you, really.
01:33:59It would have helped, yes.
01:34:01But is that what you've come about?
01:34:03That's what I've been trying to say.
01:34:05Oh, why the...
01:34:07Why didn't you say it?
01:34:09Good morning.
01:34:11Oh, thank goodness. We were afraid you thought we were that gang of fur thieves.
01:34:13Fur thieves.
01:34:15The police aren't quite so stupid, you know.
01:34:17No, I'm sure.
01:34:19I mean, yes.
01:34:21Good morning.
01:34:23Come on, Denham.
01:34:25Uh, excuse me, sir.
01:34:27Before we go, would you mind if I had a private word with Dame Beatrice?
01:34:29You're welcome.
01:34:31And the best of luck.
01:34:33Thank you.
01:34:35Uh, Dame Beatrice,
01:34:37on the quiet, I've heard a great deal about what you do,
01:34:39from Lily.
01:34:41Oh, dear.
01:34:43Well, for charity, you know, and...
01:34:45Well, the police orphanage is in very low water for funds at the moment,
01:34:47and with Christmas coming on, any help...
01:34:49Oh, don't worry about me, dear boy.
01:34:51Well, we'll all be very grateful.
01:34:53Don't you worry. Goodbye.
01:34:55Goodbye, and thanks.
01:34:59Well, we can't let an appeal like that go unanswered.
01:35:03But Dame Beatrice...
01:35:05Just a minute.
01:35:07We gave our solemn pledge we wouldn't touch another fur.
01:35:09Yes.
01:35:11But, Major, there are other things besides furs.
01:35:19It takes your breath away, doesn't it?
01:35:21No, not mine, it doesn't.
01:35:23Do you know, I'd rather have this
01:35:25than all those crown jewels put together.
01:35:27Oh, Jim, I'm so happy.
01:35:29Shall I tell you something?
01:35:31I'm never going to laugh at fairy stories again.
01:35:33They really do come true.
01:35:50What's the matter?
01:35:52I could have sworn that...
01:36:01It couldn't be.
01:36:03Let's go and have some tea.
01:36:19Oh, good snout.
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