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Short filmTranscript
01:00And tomorrow he'll let me into his house.
01:24Will he really let me in?
01:27Maybe I didn't pay any bill?
01:30And they want to check me.
01:32Did I pay the bill or did I pay them?
01:34They want to cheat me.
01:37Did I pay the bill or did I pay them?
01:39No, I paid.
01:41I paid for everything.
01:42For two years, month by month.
01:44I always pay.
01:45Without cheating.
01:46In the end, he's my husband.
01:49Fine, I'll check.
01:54Or I'll check later.
01:57But what's there to check?
01:59I always pay and always on time.
02:01Why should I check something I'm sure of?
02:05Fine, I'll check only later.
02:08Now I'll check what's raining.
02:10What's raining?
02:11A hail?
02:13No, it's rain.
02:14But it's so big.
02:17Fine, I'll check.
02:18But it's a lot of checking for two years.
02:48But what's there to check?
02:58After all, everything is paid.
03:00After all, for these two years, it was the only sign that I'm a married woman.
03:04The only way my husband was present in my life.
03:08My beloved,
03:10absent, detached husband.
03:12After all, it was a monthly celebration.
03:16A monthly renewal of the marriage vow, something like that.
03:20How could I miss it or give it up?
03:26So, I'll check.
03:56Maybe they don't check it.
04:19After all, I don't even know if he's still alive.
04:23I haven't seen him for two years.
04:26Maybe he's long dead.
04:29Or maybe he lived only until yesterday.
04:32And what did I do yesterday?
04:34Yesterday, I did the same as always, for two years.
04:38The same as always, for two years, until yesterday.
04:42I was there, being here.
04:44I was with the children, being with him.
04:48Now he's dead.
04:50They called me.
04:51Because maybe they think that I didn't come as soon as he was alive.
04:56Maybe they think that I didn't come.
05:21But if he's dead, why do they want me to come so soon?
05:39Because it's July?
05:42July is a good reason to go to the dead, right?
05:46It makes sense.
05:50But if you haven't seen the dead man for two years,
05:58it's very difficult to hurry now.
06:20I'll check it well.
06:32I'll check what kind of bill it was.
06:40Oh.
06:42Oh.
06:43Where did it come from?
06:47My diary.
06:49Our wedding diary.
06:52Robert's idea.
06:54What did they have with all those diaries?
06:58First father, then Robert.
07:01First father wrote my diary for me.
07:05Since I was five years old, he wrote my diary for me.
07:09He wrote it like Clara.
07:20Like Clara?
07:22I was born in Znak Panny, September 13, 1800-something.
07:28I was born from my father.
07:30Profession, learned theologian. Profession, performed musician, manager.
07:34And from my mother, an artist.
07:38And then he wrote, since my parents were too busy,
07:41they sent me to raise a servant.
07:45I remember that without a diary.
07:49The other thing is, I don't know if if I didn't have a diary in the house,
07:52I would remember that too.
07:54Well, but you can't check it anymore.
07:58Father wrote it in my diary,
08:00and even if the wolves set me up to raise this servant,
08:03I wouldn't find out anyway.
08:20She was a very quiet servant.
08:23She couldn't speak, so she couldn't teach me how to speak.
08:28But she was only a servant, and no one led her diary.
08:32So my father wrote it.
08:36Like Clara.
08:38Like Clara, for a long time I couldn't pronounce words correctly.
08:44Like Clara, for a long time I didn't know too many words,
08:49which I pronounced wrong anyway.
08:52Like Clara, for a long time I didn't understand too many words,
08:57which I pronounced wrong anyway.
09:02But before I learned to speak, I learned to play.
09:07And I wrote it, Clara.
09:27My father was a learned theologian.
09:30He learned music on his own.
09:32He didn't teach me music,
09:34but instead of theology, he taught me how to write, read,
09:38and bow in English and French.
09:41My mother also taught music.
09:43Even after the wedding,
09:45although the music lessons usually end after the wedding.
09:48In any case, we didn't need to go to school.
09:51We didn't need to go to school.
09:55In any case, we didn't need to go to school.
09:58In our marriage, my mother and father,
10:01even though it didn't seem like much,
10:06my mother was a live advertisement for my father.
10:10She would be an even better live advertisement
10:13if she went out to people more often.
10:16But she didn't want to appear in front of people.
10:21There was a rebellion.
10:24But there was a rebellion.
10:27I remember that rebellion.
10:31I was five years old and I didn't know many words
10:35when my mother demanded a divorce.
10:39When I learned the word divorce,
10:41my father, mother, and rebellion.
10:44Divorce.
10:46It's a pity that my relationship with my mother
10:49was so occasional, like now with Robert in the hospital.
10:54Like now with Robert in the hospital.
10:57But there was no rebellion here.
11:00Or was there?
11:02And if there was, who rebelled?
11:04I rebelled, he rebelled, I don't know.
11:07In any case, I really liked the idea of loving Robert.
11:11With one hand.
11:14He had a weak one hand.
11:16He wanted to be a virtuoso, like me.
11:20Well, the Lord appointed a different cup for him.
11:25A vocation.
11:30A vocation of a woman.
11:32A marriage.
11:34We discussed it thoroughly with Robert.
11:37As you can see, he said it.
11:39Because I see it, he said it as he sees it.
11:41And then he said that everyone sees it like that.
11:44And that if I love him with his hand and art,
11:48I should see it like that too.
11:51Well, I looked and I saw it like that.
12:14I was the first composer
12:17to meet a woman like her.
12:20I was the first woman to meet a woman like her.
12:23I was the first woman to meet a woman like her.
12:26I was the first woman to meet a woman like her.
12:29I was the first woman to meet a woman like her.
12:32I was the first woman to meet a woman like her.
12:35I was the first woman to meet a woman like her.
12:38I was the first woman to meet a woman like her.
12:42I was the first woman to meet a woman like her.
12:46Incredible.
12:49But I didn't have a period yet,
12:51and my father was already teaching me composition.
12:54My father was doing everything in advance.
12:58Even before I was born,
13:00I was supposed to be a pianist.
13:02A great one.
13:04Pianists are rare.
13:06I was supposed to be a great, rare pianist.
13:09Pianists are even rarer,
13:11but my father didn't expect me to be a composer.
13:14He wanted me to invest in popularity,
13:16but not in madness.
13:18I was supposed to turn around.
13:21Anyway,
13:23people react badly to composers.
13:27Once, when I was young
13:30and they were playing my concert,
13:33one of them wrote that everything was beautiful,
13:36but there can't be any reasonable criticism
13:39when it comes to a woman's work.
13:45Robert didn't believe in the existence of women composers at all.
13:50You're a composer?
13:53Incredible.
13:55Incredible.
13:57But do you know that this is not a woman's vocation?
14:01Of course it is.
14:07It was similar with my parents.
14:11My father also met my mother when she was a child
14:15and he took her to the edge of madness,
14:18teaching her music.
14:22And I was so happy
14:26that Robert took me to the edge of madness.
14:30Until my father said,
14:34I'll shoot him.
14:38So he won't give me back.
14:42But then he said,
14:45you'll look idiotic with this wheelchair.
14:52Robert probably thought that for a woman,
14:55a wheelchair was a small piano.
14:58It's quite possible that for some time
15:02until one day
15:07I understood that this madness,
15:10to which I wanted to be led,
15:13Robert reserved only for himself.
15:18And I wanted him too.
15:22Madness.
15:24Not Robert.
15:27Madness.
15:30Madness.
15:57Piano music
16:28My cosmic clarity was supposed to be 100% controlled by him.
16:37I named my children Robert.
16:42Emil, Maria, Elisa, Julia,
16:47Ludwig, Ferdinand,
16:52Eugenia and Felix.
16:55I don't know if I'm planning a career for them,
16:58although I don't.
17:01I'm planning, I want them to survive.
17:06Only Emil didn't survive.
17:13But for Emil not to survive,
17:16we had to go against dad to court.
17:20Me and Robert.
17:25Me and a stranger who fought for my rights
17:28from my father.
17:31He fought for my rights from another stranger.
17:35He took over my father's investments.
17:39And it wasn't a friendly takeover.
17:43The judge asked me about something, but he could as well not ask.
17:46I was asked a lot of questions in my life,
17:49but maybe four of them didn't have a pure formality.
17:53Even Robert's testimony was a formality.
17:58After all, it was obvious from the top what I would say.
18:06I regret, however, that the judge didn't ask Robert
18:10if he would know how to deal with this investment,
18:14which on the way to court I take from Mr. Wick
18:17in an unfriendly way.
18:22I regret, however, that the judge didn't ask Robert
18:25if he would know how to deal with this investment,
18:28which on the way to court I take from Mr. Wick
18:31in an unfriendly way.
18:36We got married the day before my birthday.
18:42A gift.
18:48Wonderful.
18:51Family life.
18:55Delightful.
18:58If you haven't experienced the happiness of family life,
19:01you have no idea what happiness is.
19:07Two wonderful pianos.
19:11We had two wonderful pianos.
19:15And thin walls so that we could both practice at the same time.
19:21And there are these two wonderful pianos
19:25and I don't even have an hour, an hour in the whole long day.
19:30I say to Robert, Robert, and I...
19:33And he says, I'm sorry, I'm in a state of emergency.
19:37Women don't compose.
19:50And I say, I'm sorry, I'm in a state of emergency.
19:55And I say, I'm sorry, I'm in a state of emergency.
20:17You seem to love someone and he loves you too.
20:20But he loves something else, his work, his art.
20:24It's like you have a good hand, but in the end, it's up to you to love the bad one.
20:30So he loves his art, and you go down his path,
20:35when he goes behind the thin wall, to love his art,
20:39until one day he comes to you and says that it's not art,
20:43what he prefers to love instead of you.
20:46What does he prefer to love instead of you?
20:49He loves himself more than you do.
20:51He loves himself behind the thin wall,
20:54he prefers to love himself behind the wall.
20:57It's like you're listening to a piano, but it doesn't work.
21:02He loves himself more than you do.
21:06He prefers himself over me.
21:09He loves himself more than me.
21:13Which makes sense.
21:16I love him more than I love myself.
21:35Once before Christmas, Robert says,
21:38you compose something for the star.
21:41I sat down and wrote three songs.
21:44If they're bad, Robert will appreciate that I fulfilled his request,
21:48as I usually do.
21:50And he usually appreciates it.
21:52They were good. He liked them.
21:55So they were good.
21:57Then they were released with Robert's songs,
22:00and people couldn't tell which were mine and which were his.
22:03They had to be very good.
22:09When I can work, I feel...
22:13free.
22:15Clear.
22:17Everything is brighter.
22:19And I walk around the house, so brighter.
22:22And freer.
22:24And suddenly I look, and Robert writes in our diary,
22:26Clara is developing,
22:28but having children and a husband who lives in the world of imagination,
22:32it doesn't play along with composing in the world of imagination.
22:38Well.
22:41He was unglued.
22:45And then he writes,
22:47Fortunately, Clara knows that her main occupation is to be a wife and a mother.
22:52It reassured me that I know where my happiness lies,
22:55and that I have someone who systematically confirms me in this.
23:03But seriously, I'm grateful
23:08for all the difficulties of everyday life,
23:11for these stupid critics,
23:13thin walls,
23:15bills.
23:17Because I don't know if I could handle a real challenge.
23:20I don't know if I could handle it if not for these bills,
23:23thin walls,
23:25stupid critics.
23:27I don't know if I could face all these questions.
23:38With what questions?
23:41With questions I don't have time for.
23:44For example, did my father hurt me?
23:47Actually, the rest of these questions is just a variation on this one question.
23:52Did my mother leave me?
23:57In other words, did 100% of my parents disappoint me?
24:02Did 100% of my parents disappoint me?
24:07Am I mentally and emotionally underdeveloped?
24:10I think I have to.
24:12I have to be mentally and emotionally underdeveloped,
24:15since my father hurt me, my mother left me.
24:18But how did it happen?
24:20Since I'm mentally and emotionally underdeveloped,
24:24how did it happen that I have so many children?
24:27Can mentally and emotionally underdeveloped people have so many children?
24:31Doesn't anyone feel it?
24:34But all my children are alive and well.
24:40No, not all of them.
24:43Emil is not well.
24:46He's not well at all.
24:48But the rest is well.
24:51He's alive and he's doing the career I planned for him,
24:56so the rest is well.
24:58So either someone feels it,
25:01or my father didn't hurt me and my mother didn't leave me.
25:07Is it possible that only I feel for my children?
25:11God, why did you let me give birth to so many of them?
25:21Robert doesn't have this barrier.
25:24He doesn't pay the bills, he doesn't take care of the children.
25:27He faces these questions face to face.
25:31What questions?
25:33These questions.
25:35Did I hurt Klara more than her father?
25:38Does Klara know that I hurt her?
25:40Did I get hurt myself?
25:42And by whom?
25:43And does God still love me?
25:44And why not?
25:46I'm not God, I think I went too far.
25:48This is so feminine.
25:50But that's where his illness comes from.
25:52Let me put it this way.
25:54He doesn't have this protective barrier, really.
25:57Really.
25:58I should be grateful for all these questions,
26:02this everyday fuss.
26:04To whom? How many?
26:06Dictionary? Really?
26:08I'm going to be late again.
26:11Poor Robert, poor Robert, he doesn't have it.
26:15But something happened to him.
26:19I'm writing in our diary, he's writing in our diary, so I know.
26:24He's writing.
26:26I feel bad
26:28that Klara can't compose because of me.
26:30But...
26:32And I'm writing.
26:34My best years are passing.
26:36I'm more tired than I have the courage to admit it.
26:40And now I think I shouldn't have written this.
26:44He really felt bad.
26:47But he couldn't change anything.
26:50He had no influence on it.
26:52This man had no influence on anything at all.
26:55Oh!
26:56Such an influence!
26:58Once, when he was half-pregnant,
27:02he said,
27:04Such an influence!
27:06Once, when he was half-pregnant,
27:10he started writing about Klara's death.
27:16Before that, he wrote about our happiness,
27:19and now...
27:21about Klara's death.
27:24I'm telling you,
27:26he was glued to it.
27:34I'm telling you, he was glued to it.
27:56And then he was so glued to it,
27:58that he fell into the arena.
28:01It's a miracle they didn't tell me to pay
28:03for catching my husband out of the arena.
28:06Our country pays for catching composers out of the arena.
28:10I love our country.
28:12A country that allows women to work,
28:14to have a husband and children,
28:16to have more children,
28:18to be able to work.
28:20This is a good country.
28:22A nice country. I love our country.
28:25Thank you, my country,
28:27for catching my husband out of the arena.
28:30And I'm so sorry,
28:32that he even jumped into that arena!
29:00piano plays softly
29:30piano plays softly
30:00piano plays softly
30:30I looked around and wondered
30:33how those same notebooks used to print Robert's works
30:36could look so terribly feminine
30:39when I printed my work with them.
30:42A man's violin key,
30:44a woman's violin key.
30:46Are they any different?
30:48No, they're not.
30:50And I swear,
30:52they were different.
30:54My trio started with a woman's violin key.
30:59It took away all the joy from my work.
31:02piano plays softly
31:05piano plays softly
31:08piano plays softly
31:11piano plays softly
31:14They were so disgustingly feminine.
31:17piano plays softly
31:20I was a bit impatient with the time in this trio.
31:23That's also true.
31:25I probably gave birth to too many children.
31:28I took a lot of Clara's worries for myself.
31:33Robert was caught out of the arena.
31:36He also generated immeasurable costs.
31:38But on the other hand,
31:39it was a time when walls could be made of paper.
31:42When they couldn't be there at all.
31:44And I could still work.
31:47I had to make use of it.
31:50Even if I was racing against time
31:52as if wolves were chasing me.
31:55piano plays softly
31:58piano plays softly
32:01piano plays softly
32:04piano plays softly
32:07piano plays softly
32:10piano plays softly
32:13piano plays softly
32:16piano plays softly
32:19piano plays softly
32:22piano plays softly
32:25piano plays softly
32:28piano plays softly
32:31piano plays softly
32:34piano plays softly
32:37piano plays softly
32:40piano plays softly
32:43piano plays softly
32:46piano plays softly
32:49piano plays softly
32:52piano plays softly
32:55piano plays softly
32:58piano plays softly
33:01piano plays softly
33:04piano plays softly
33:07piano plays softly
33:10piano plays softly
33:13piano plays softly
33:17I have to pay for Robert's treatment
33:21but I can't check if he's being treated.
33:27They treat Robert without letting me in.
33:31And are they sure that Robert is being treated
33:35if they don't let me in?
33:39If it's Robert's treatment,
33:41how can it be effective without me?
33:46I don't know.
33:49Is this the purpose of Robert's treatment?
33:52To keep me away from him?
33:59Do I pay for it?
34:02I pay for keeping us away from each other.
34:07Because it's his treatment.
34:16I don't know.
34:46I don't know.
35:16Who said that the night of July is short?
35:20When I gave birth to Robert's children, it was the same.
35:24I was sitting alone and wondering if dawn would come.
35:28Will it come?
35:30And who will come with him?
35:32They came.
35:34Emil, Maria, Elisa, Julia, Ludwig, Ferdinand, Eugenia and Felix.
35:40They came.
35:42Who now?
35:44It will come.
35:47Who will be born?
35:51What life will he have?
35:54What music will he play on the bed of death?
36:14Why did I say that this trio is so feminine?
36:43After all, I should have said,
36:45the job is done and it seems that it will not bring me shame.
36:49They don't let me in.
37:12What is so reflective in me?
37:20It must be something in my way of being.
37:25But what am I doing so often that I don't notice it myself?
37:32Is it about being able to devote myself?
37:36Is it so disgusting?
37:40Yes, I can devote myself.
37:44There must be something wrong with being able to devote myself.
37:49There is something wrong with not loving my art more than my children.
37:58There is something very wrong with not loving my art more than my life.
38:09There is something very wrong with not loving my art more than my children.
38:19There is something very wrong with not loving my art more than my life.
38:27There is something very wrong with not loving my art more than my life.
38:48No, he won't die.
38:50We will only check the accounts with the administration.
38:57But let's assume he dies.
39:03Will I be able to compose then?
39:09When he is dead, will I finally be able to compose?
39:14This is my question in case of his death.
39:18Will I shine like the sun after his death?
39:24My best years are passing.
39:27This is what I wrote in our diary.
39:30Where did I get these worse and better years?
39:34All of them are the best.
39:36And the loss of every minute is the same when you lose it and then count it.
39:41How could I think that I am losing minutes, that I am losing months, years, time?
39:47When he was with me.
39:49When I gave birth to children of a man I loved.
40:17When I gave birth to children of a man I loved.
40:22When I gave birth to children of a man I loved.
40:28When I gave birth to children of a man I loved.
40:34When I gave birth to children of a man I loved.
40:46A disease. His disease.
40:50Yes, I don't understand this disease.
40:53And this is the best thing I can do.
40:56Not to understand it.
40:58Or at least pretend that I don't understand it.
41:03If I understood this disease, I would take my children out today.
41:08If I gave birth to this disease with understanding,
41:12it would drive me out on the street.
41:15This disease has no mercy for women.
41:20Did I really think that I wanted this disease too?
41:25That I envied him?
41:31Yes.
41:34I envied him.
41:36But his disease was tied to the transaction.
41:40He got his madness, and with this madness he got me.
41:50Maybe he was so desperate about me, because he knew he was sick.
41:57That he will be sick.
41:59That he wants to be sick.
42:03Clara, I need you very much.
42:10I would not have any Clara to serve my madness.
42:16I, Clara.
42:19Clara.
42:31Rain.
42:34This water is cold and heavy and hard.
42:42And then you say so nicely on it.
42:46Rain.
42:49Rain.
42:53Yes, he is dead.
42:59Even if he is still not dead.
43:12I will not need these bills anymore.
43:20Now Robert will die.
43:25How much will it be of me?
43:29How much of me will die tomorrow?
43:35And what will this part of me do, which will remain?
43:41And what will this part of me do, which will remain?
43:45And what will this part of me do, which will remain?
43:51Robert will die.
43:53And what will it teach me?
43:56He said, I will not give advice and he did not give advice.
44:00Every time I say, I will not give advice and I give advice.
44:06Everyone likes it more that he kept his word.
44:11I do not keep him.
44:16Will this teach me the death of Robert?
44:21No, no.
44:23God, make it not that.
44:26Make me never learn to give up.
44:33To deserve this madness, you have to give up everything.
44:39I saw Robert giving up everything.
44:43And in the first place us.
44:46Me, Eliza, Maria, Julia, Ludwika, Ferdinand, Eugenia and Felix.
44:55He gave us up and went behind thin walls.
45:04I gave up, but Clara will never give up.
45:08And this is my wife, so it's like I did not give up myself.
45:12At the same time, taking all the gains from this betrayal.
45:17Look, I ate a cake and I have a cake.
45:26My, my beloved.
45:29Uncovered, poor husband and his cake.
45:42But he is not alive.
45:45He is not alive, even if he is still not dead.
46:12The End
46:36What about the world?
46:39What about the world?
46:42It will be or it won't be.
46:45Yeah.
46:48Or maybe I'll give up this dawn.
46:52I'll try.
46:54I'll say it as a test.
46:59It doesn't matter.
47:02It doesn't matter if it's dawn or not.
47:12I can't.
47:16I can't.
47:19Please, dawn.
47:43I can't.
47:45I can't.
47:47I can't.
47:49I can't.
47:51I can't.
47:53I can't.
47:55I can't.
47:57I can't.
47:59I can't.
48:01I can't.
48:03I can't.
48:05I can't.
48:07I can't.
48:09I can't.
48:10I can't.
48:12I can't.
48:14I can't.
48:16I can't.
48:18I can't.
48:20I can't.
48:22I can't.
48:24I can't.
48:26I can't.
48:28I can't.
48:30I can't.
48:32I can't.
48:34I can't.
48:36I can't.
48:38I can't.
48:40I can't.
48:42I can't.
48:44I can't.
48:46I can't.
48:48I can't.
48:50I can't.
48:52I can't.
48:54I can't.
48:56I can't.
48:58I can't.
49:00I can't.
49:02I can't.
49:04I can't.
49:06I can't.
49:08I can't.
49:10I can't.
49:12I can't.
49:14I can't.
49:16I can't.
49:18I can't.
49:20I can't.
49:22I can't.
49:24I can't.
49:26I can't.