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FunTranscript
00:00I spent this entire month gathering incredibly good TikToks.
00:03You scroll your For You page, there's so much garbage.
00:06Forget that, these TikToks are actually incredible.
00:18He really wanted to sell those beans.
00:20A lot of commitment went into this TikTok.
00:22I don't know if I should laugh.
00:24I can't tell if it's funny or if they're just mentally ill.
00:28What's gonna go wrong here?
00:30Sorry, what?
00:34That's like getting emoted on in real life.
00:36Someone just shot me down outside Tilted Towers,
00:40starts hitting me with the default dance.
00:43Why are you crying?
00:48What kind of horror movie bullshit situation are you in?
00:52Nah, the crying makes sense.
00:53I would cry as well.
00:55Sup, buddies at the beach?
00:58Holy shit!
00:59The damn dugong!
01:00What the goddamn hell?
01:02Some countries practice seal clubbing.
01:04I normally think that is like inappropriate.
01:07They're gonna charge at you like that.
01:08Maybe the clubbing's in self-defense.
01:10Look at these little bananas.
01:12They're so cute.
01:13Look, they're not even as big as my hand.
01:14Wow.
01:16Those look pretty big to me.
01:18Above average.
01:20Yeah, it's okay, buddy.
01:21They're enormous.
01:22They look massive to me too, man.
01:24And it doesn't even matter.
01:26It's more about how you consume the banana.
01:29My life couldn't get worse.
01:30Got a grilled cheese.
01:32Don't drop it.
01:33Oh, you fucked that up.
01:35There is some experiences that for some reason all humans share.
01:38And trying to balance a grilled sandwich on a damn knife.
01:42We've all done it.
01:43Why are we all so goddamn stupid?
01:45This is your sign to chop your hair off.
01:51A cow just enjoying life.
01:53The first person to discover milk.
01:59I have long wondered about this.
02:01How the fuck was milk discovered?
02:04Who was down bad enough that they went up to the local dairy cow and sucked on its teeth?
02:09I mean, I like milk now, so maybe I can't judge.
02:12Insane fight at West Edmonton Mall.
02:14Oh, what's happening here?
02:16Oh, they're fighting.
02:19Well, it's good to see that they are.
02:20They made up after fighting.
02:22Make love, not war and all that.
02:24It's vegan because it's strawberry milk and not like cow milk.
02:27You know what I mean?
02:28Yeah.
02:30Show me the tit on a strawberry.
02:33Where did they go wrong with that guy?
02:35Like the education link.
02:41No!
02:42Was your dad a man and your mama a snake?
02:45Was he born with that or did he chop his tongue in half?
02:48Because if he's born with that, I apologize for all of my comments.
02:50But if he did that intentionally, fuck you for traumatizing me.
02:53How do I know when the passenger is ready?
02:55Um, you just throw it at the wall and see if it sticks.
03:02The fuck?
03:03That felt like a weird trip.
03:05I just was confused the whole time.
03:06When you fall asleep watching YouTube and then laser beam comes on.
03:10The giant horse cock weighs over 11 pounds.
03:14The fucking what?
03:15Yeah, look, that stuff's got to infiltrate your dreams.
03:18Like you're going to be sitting there dreaming of a meadow.
03:21And then all of a sudden, gigantic horse cock.
03:24People have told me they fall asleep to my videos, which sounds insulting.
03:27But I like to think that they just put laser beam channel on.
03:30And then there's just this 27 year old man screaming yeet in their dreams.
03:34I switch these M&Ms with a hot dog.
03:42That is a cruel prank.
03:45He might have learned something about himself that day.
03:49What the fuck is this?
03:51No, no, fuck off.
03:53No, no, no.
03:55You know, I'm all for living life how you want to live, but fuck off.
04:02Farting under a thermal camera.
04:06Holy shit.
04:07I never even thought about that ever in my entire life.
04:11But now I'm curious.
04:12I want to buy like a thermal scope and just watch people.
04:15It's probably a crime.
04:16I'd like to watch my own farts though.
04:18This was the ultimate cooperation.
04:24Wait, he's got like four at home systems and you can just tell them to fart?
04:29People in the 1950s thought we'd be living on the moon by now.
04:33Hey Siri, fart.
04:37I need to get the upgraded version.
04:39I thought we're friends.
04:44Hold his hand.
04:45Nope.
04:47I think I would combust from cringe.
04:50Hey Quincy, we need to get your nuts chopped off today.
04:52What do you think?
04:58Seems like it worked.
04:59If you told another human you're going to chop their balls off, they'd probably attack you.
05:05What are you doing here?
05:07This is going to go.
05:07Oh my god.
05:08You knew it was going to go catastrophically wrong.
05:11Oh, these TikToks are great.
05:12Make sure you subscribe.
05:14Actually, this morning we are very sad.
05:16We woke up with a surprising news.
05:18One of our own Stephen was shot dead with a knife.
05:22With a knife?
05:23That's very sad.
05:24He's laying there very peacefully though.
05:28It's Tommy with the weather.
05:29Today we'll be expecting heavy northeastern winds due to the tropical weather down in the south,
05:34as well as heavy precipitation in the southern part of Florida.
05:38Back to you, Bill.
05:39See, I was going to say it reminded me of the farts.
05:42So who's been farting on a head?
05:43My cat's got good defense.
05:48It's like the insanity defense.
05:49Just act like a goddamn weirdo so no one touches you.
05:52I'm going to do my impression of a spider because none of my skincare videos blow up.
05:59Why is that fucking accurate?
06:00Why is that exactly what a spider looks like?
06:02She's a shapeshifter.
06:04Some of these are some incredibly great TikToks,
06:05but I think they've sprinkled in some traumatizing content.
06:08There are some TikToks here that will live with me for the rest of my days.
06:13Yes, they do get quite saggy when you get older.
06:23Don't laugh, gentlemen, because the same thing happens to us if you know what I mean.
06:27I was making a TikTok and The Rock was behind me.
06:32You are standing next to Dwayne The Rock Johnson, that guy from Fortnite.
06:38That's the TikTok you make?
06:39The Rock should have turned around and smacked you on the head.
06:42How cool is it?
06:43Me and The Rock are both guys from Fortnite.
06:45We're friends.
06:46If you want to hang out, Dwayne, just let me know.
06:48When I have like a Fortnite meetup,
06:49I can get some other icon skins and we can all hang out and have a brunch.
06:55That was too smooth.
06:57You might not like it, but this is what the peak male athletic form looks like
07:01and there ain't a fucking thing you can do about it.
07:03I don't want to do anything about it.
07:04Oh no, what were you trying to do?
07:17You trying to like pretend to be your mother?
07:19You're standing in cups, I mean.
07:21They'll teach you to mock the hard work of your mother.
07:23I bought him today.
07:27Is that a dog?
07:28Maybe send him back.
07:29You got a receipt?
07:30You know, you could probably get a refund for that one.
07:35Same.
07:38What are you- you're swinging a samurai sword in your backyard.
07:41What do you think's gonna happen?
07:42It's controversial, but I don't think children should play with samurai swords.
07:46I know.
07:52That is really cool.
07:53That was goddamn incredible.
07:55These TikToks slap.
07:56Jerry, stop it!
07:57Jerry, stop it!
07:59Come on, Jerry.
07:59Jerry, stop throwing the plate!
08:02Clean it up!
08:04Did not expect to see Jerry to be a duck.
08:06Good news is, if Jerry's enough of an arsehole, you can just eat him.
08:10Sorry, I forgot the blankets.
08:13Oh, they're already asleep.
08:16They're improvising.
08:17Yeah, that's a good one.
08:19The dog's a smart one.
08:20The fireplace.
08:21But yeah, we've all been there.
08:22Sleepover, improvising.
08:25My go-to was uh, my friend's mother.
08:27Well, he's too young to be on drugs, but something's wrong with this kid.
08:31We haven't figured it out yet, Peter.
08:33Hey, he's just taking his time.
08:35I mean, he's enjoying the moment.
08:36He probably just smacked the home run.
08:38It's funny that his shirt says Trojan, because he could be considered a Trojan ad,
08:42uh, about not wanting kids, because they could end up like this.
08:45That's a good one.
08:48I don't want this bitch-ass cake anyway, because I got another one.
08:54That's dumb, man.
08:54You could have had your cake and eat it too.
08:56Oh, this is like a VR chair thing.
09:00Oh my god.
09:01That's a hell of a VR experience.
09:04Maybe that was part of the design.
09:05Maybe it's like a plane crash simulator.
09:07I forgot to do an outro.
09:09Uh, sorry.
09:10Please subscribe for this, uh, production value.