The Sherry Vine Variety Show S3 Episode 1
The Sherry Vine Variety Show S3 Episode 1
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00:00Oh, Jean-Marc, hi.
00:03How are you?
00:04Hey, have you heard anything about season two yet
00:06from OutTV?
00:08Feedback?
00:09I know as much as you.
00:11Let's hope for season three.
00:14Fingers crossed.
00:16Fingers crossed.
00:17Yes.
00:18I'm going to manifest it.
00:19Okay, you manifest it.
00:20I'm going to manifest it.
00:22All right, Sherry.
00:23I'm going to make it happen.
00:24All right, Sherry.
00:25I'm manifesting.
00:27All right, Sherry.
00:28I'm manifesting.
00:32♪♪
00:42♪♪
00:52Okay, let's work.
00:53Okay, okay, okay.
00:56Oh.
00:58Okay, come on.
01:00Season three, season three.
01:05Oh, napods, napods, napods, my way home.
01:07Oh, okay, okay.
01:09Oh, my God.
01:12Mirror, mirror, hanging on the wall,
01:15who do I have to sleep with to get season three,
01:18damn it all?
01:22Okay, Sherry, first of all,
01:24please remember me, Inceptionary Reader.
01:27I mean, that's the way it's been done, like, always,
01:31like, for the last thousands of years.
01:33September who what?
01:35No, septenary.
01:36That means seven syllables per line.
01:38Like, mirror, mirror, on the wall.
01:41Seven.
01:42Like, you got it?
01:44Got it.
01:45Because you were just creeping all over the place,
01:47and I'm not going to answer that anymore.
01:49I ain't got time for this shit.
01:50Copy that.
01:51And rhyming wall with damn it all?
01:55Now, I just think...
01:56Loud and clear.
01:57And you don't have to sleep with anybody,
01:59because, quite frankly, nobody wants to fuck you,
02:01so stop asking, please.
02:03Well, it is the number one show on Out TV.
02:05Is it?
02:06It's one of the top comedies on Out TV.
02:09I mean, who said that?
02:10I mean, can you prove it?
02:11It's my gay uncle's 11th favorite show on Out TV.
02:14Okay.
02:16Oh, yes, oh, yes, I see it now.
02:19Yes, yes.
02:20Season three of the Sherry Vaughan variety show
02:23is coming to fruition in the near future.
02:27Oh, thank you, mirror.
02:29Oh, sorry.
02:30Thank you, thank you, mirror wall.
02:34You don't have to do them.
02:35You signed off.
02:37And, good Lord, next time you call me,
02:39can you please clean this damn glass,
02:41because there's enough residual coke on here
02:43for an eight ball.
02:44Yeah!
02:48Ooh.
02:49Oh, season three.
02:52Season three.
02:53Oh, I knew if I had a vision board and manifested,
02:57it would happen.
02:59So much to do, so much to do.
03:02But first, horny.
03:06I don't care what the mirror says.
03:08Somebody out there wants to fuck me.
03:11Okay, I gotta write.
03:13I gotta come up with some songs, some looks.
03:15So much to do.
03:17But first, I'm gonna get me some beer.
03:23It's the Sherry Vine Variety Show.
03:27Starring Sherry Vine.
03:32Jackie Beat.
03:36Monet X Jane.
03:40Alaska Thunderfuck.
03:43And now, your host, Sherry Vine!
03:57When I was a little girl
03:59I liked to sing and dance
04:03That was my chance to shine
04:09Now when I feel those bright lights hit my face
04:15The whole world becomes mine
04:24I'm just a showgirl
04:28That's what I do
04:30I'm a showgirl
04:33Let me entertain you
04:36Feathers and sequins
04:38Rhinestones galore
04:40High heels and glamour
04:43I'm a showgirl
04:45Let me entertain you
04:48Feathers and sequins
04:50Rhinestones galore
04:52High heels and glamour
04:54Baby, I've got more
04:56If you are feeling down
04:58We'll lift your spirits high
05:01Right, boys?
05:02Yeah, yeah!
05:05Come on, take off with me
05:07We'll fly across the sky
05:10Right, boys?
05:11Yeah, yeah!
05:13This touch is true
05:16All through and through
05:18I'm a showgirl
05:27I'm just a showgirl
05:30Everyone knows
05:32I'm a showgirl
05:34From my head to my toes
05:37Step, step, kick, kick
05:39Shoulder, now spin
05:42If you're real nice
05:43I'll show you some skin
05:46I'll start a fire with my
05:48Ba-ba-ba-boom!
05:50Right, boys?
05:51Yeah, yeah!
05:55When I hit the stage
05:57Stand back, kaboom!
05:59Right, boys?
06:00Yeah, yeah!
06:03So give me one night
06:06Turn on the spotlight
06:09And I'll knock you right out of your seat
06:15Hey, world
06:17Look at me
06:20I'm a showgirl
06:26Meow
06:34Uh, Sherry, could I see you for a moment?
06:37Do you need me to shave your back again?
06:39No, I want to discuss something with you
06:42Um, listen, I sent you an email
06:45And I haven't heard anything back yet
06:47Well, I was scared to open it
06:48Because the last one you sent had a virus
06:51Now you're worried about viruses?
06:53What's that supposed to mean?
06:54Listen, I sent you a bunch of online reviews
06:57And comments from the first two seasons of your show
07:00And how can I say this in a non-offensive and sensitive way?
07:04Have someone else say it?
07:06People love me
07:07I am clearly the breakout star of the show
07:10And as such, I have some demands
07:14Demands?
07:15Demands
07:16First of all, I'll be needing my own dressing room
07:18This is a must
07:20And 100% non-negotiable
07:22Not gonna happen
07:23Fine
07:24But I will need this dressing room that we share to be painted
07:28And according to my professional color draper
07:31I'm a spring
07:32And this particular shade is the most complimentary to my skin tone
07:37It's called salmon mousse
07:39Because you smell like a salmon and are built like a mousse?
07:43Oh, Sherry!
07:44Sherry, Sherry, Sherry!
07:46Why can't you be this funny when the cameras are rolling?
07:49Because you're the breakout star, but enough about your skin
07:52Anything else?
07:54Yes, I will need a fully catered, healthy, kosher meal every day
07:58You're not Jewish
07:59It's not about the food, Sherry
08:01It's a gesture
08:02So is this
08:04I'll get you some granola bars at Walmart, okay?
08:07Shalom
08:09Anything else?
08:11Yes, working with you is very stressful
08:14I will need a full body massage every day
08:16Full body?
08:17That sounds very lengthy and expensive
08:20Ah, body shaming, Sherry!
08:23You know, other than those chicken legs
08:24The only thing you really have going for you
08:26Is the fact that you're supposedly the nice one
08:29How about I massage your face with my hand?
08:32Oh, she just threatened me with physical violence
08:35Thank goodness I am recording this
08:37Fake news, fake news!
08:39Listen, Sherry
08:40Now either you meet all my demands by midnight tonight
08:44Or this hits the internet and I publicly drag you
08:49Honey, look in the mirror
08:53You can't even drag yourself
08:57Wait a minute
08:58Where are you going?
09:00I still need you to shave my back
09:10Hi, welcome to Cape
09:13Every space has a voice waiting to be heard
09:17Longing to breathe
09:19Our ethereal mist room deodorizer isn't just a scent
09:24It's an invitation
09:27Bottled in the back room of a New York City leather bar
09:30This deodorizer captures the very essence
09:33Of a steamy 3 a.m. gangbang
09:36Mingled with the soft, subtle notes
09:39Of unwashed jockstrap and man-ass
09:43Using a base from distilled wine barrels
09:46Cedar and amyl nitrate
09:48Ethereal mist transports you to a place
09:51Where time lingers and the soul finds its song
10:08With Cape, we don't just offer experiences
10:11We offer moments that invite you to relax
10:14Release and receive
10:18Embrace the beauty of being
10:22And open up that fuckhole, pig
10:27In 1973, something terrible happened
10:30To a little girl behind this door
10:33Something so shocking
10:35It broke the spirits of everyone involved
10:39But it also broke box office records
10:44Hey, assholes
10:46Drag race monster, Anita Exorcism
10:49As you've never seen her before
10:51In a strange bed, with my legs in the air
10:54Screaming obscenities
10:56No, anyone with a Wi-Fi connection has seen that
10:59Fair enough
11:01In a dramatic role so disturbing
11:03So confusing, so hideous
11:06It will make your head spin
11:10Also starring the legendary Sherry Vine
11:13As Anita's desperate mother
11:15Your drag mother does brunch in hell
11:20And the iconic Jackie Beat
11:23As a non-denominational
11:24God loves everyone type of spiritual advisor
11:27Who is questioning their own faith
11:30I'm sorry, but I really don't think I can help your daughter
11:34As a matter of fact
11:36After all the horrible things I've seen
11:39I'm afraid I don't believe in God
11:42In God?
11:44In drag
11:46Why will you do this to me, Jackie?
11:49It's RuPaul meets Pazuzu
11:52In the twisted mashup we didn't know we needed
11:56Why are her lips so chapped?
11:58It turns out that dry lips are a telltale sign
12:02Of demonic possession
12:05Well, what is that all about?
12:07I mean, does she need an exorcism or just some chapstick?
12:10Right?
12:14Please, you've got to help
12:16She peed on the rug
12:18She threw Ross Matthews out of a second story window
12:21And you don't even want to know what she did with my live, laugh, love sign
12:25It's in here
12:28We get it, son
12:30Listen, your daughter doesn't just think she's some hunty from hell
12:35She says she's Miss Thing herself
12:38Okurrrrr
12:40Booked and blessed
12:43The time has come for you to levitate for your life
12:53Please
12:55I need you to use your cuteness, unicorniness, nudity and tantrums
13:00To throw this succubus under the bus
13:03Okurrr, yes
13:05I think I can make it work and slay this sickening demon
13:10Ok, a little bit of that goes a long way
13:13Look, I need to take a break
13:15This has been incredibly stressful
13:17Give me a little bit of me time
13:19What?
13:23You in danger, squirrel
13:25The power of Carson Kressley compels you
13:29It burns
13:30The power of Carson Kressley compels you
13:33It burns
13:34What is this crap? Read for filth
13:37Available now on alaskathunderfuck.com
13:41Shameless whore
13:43It's the exorcist as you've never seen it before
13:48Painted for the gods and tucked flatter than Sherry's singing voice
13:53I heard that
13:55I'm not tucked
13:57Tuck me, tuck me, tuck me
14:00Anita, shantay you stay, Satan sashay away
14:06The exorcist in drag
14:10Not today, Satan
14:13Actually, today works pretty good for me
14:15I have a pedicure at 2.30, so let's put a fire under this
15:01So it turns out I embarrassed myself for nothing
15:05It was just a woman who looked like Jane Fonda
15:08Fascinating
15:10Oh, good morning, Lady Captain
15:12What's our next assignment?
15:14Wait, wait, wait, wait just a minute
15:16What are you even doing here?
15:17I thought you got your own spin-off
15:19I did
15:20Actually, this is my new show
15:22And in the pilot episode, you two play a couple of ugly old nasty haggard hookers
15:28With no lines
15:35Yeah, we can't hear you, bitch
15:37What's that?
15:39I can't hear you
15:45Hello?
15:47Oh my god, it's the sandwich
15:50Hello? Somebody better be dead
15:52Yeah, I'm afraid it's our careers
15:54Farrah? What are you talking about?
15:57Was our show canceled or do we have to go to work today?
16:00Of course we have to go to work today
16:02Our show will never be canceled, honey
16:04It's the mid to late 80s
16:06There's only like three TV channels
16:08Lady Cops is gonna run forever, okay?
16:10So just go back to sleep
16:12And I will see you at 9 a.m.
16:20Congrats on the spin-off
16:24Hey, how was 54?
16:26Huh?
16:27Studio 54?
16:29I bet you don't even remember last night
16:32Dancing with Liza
16:34Doing coke with Halston
16:36Getting barebacked in the balcony by a bisexual barback
16:40What are you talking about?
16:42I stayed home with the kids last night
16:45We watched the Muppets take Manhattan
16:48Two thumbs up
16:50And I made us all English muffin pizzas
16:53And I was in bed by nine
16:55What?
16:56Alone
16:57Honey, I am officially done with men
17:01No!
17:07This better be good because the sex you just interrupted was great
17:11Do you have kids?
17:12God, no
17:13Are you drunk or high right now?
17:15Both
17:16Are you alone?
17:17No, I'm with...
17:20Sorry, what was your name?
17:22Whatever
17:25What's your name, honey?
17:26Pablo
17:29I'm with Pablo and Vladimir
17:31The bisexual busboys from Studio 54
17:34Every hole filled, if you know what I mean
17:38For your information, the phrase every hole filled
17:41Is not really open to interpretation
17:44I get it
17:45See you in a few hours, slut
17:48Can you believe she called me a slut?
17:55Oh...
17:58Oh, thank God
18:03Good morning, Pepper
18:05Good morning, Farrah
18:07Did you have a good time last night?
18:09Am I walking with a limp?
18:11Yeah
18:12And I had a good time
18:14What's new with you?
18:16Well, I'm a vegetarian now
18:18Oh, you're working with sick animals
18:21No, that's a veterinarian
18:24A vegetarian is somebody who only eats vegetables
18:28Obviously, this is another one of those nightmares
18:31What?
18:32Snap out of it!
18:35This is not a dream, you fucking bitch
18:39Oh, great
18:41Now I can't even eat vegetables
18:43Pepper, Farrah
18:45Now that we got that incredibly long, way too cheesy
18:48Multiple dream sequence out of the way
18:51I think I have what could be your most dangerous
18:54And challenging case ever
18:57Unfortunately, we're all out of time
19:00What?
19:02So I'm very sad to say this is...
19:05Oh...
19:09Oh, honey
19:15I don't like it
19:18Oh, stop
19:20Where did you get hugs?
19:22Where did you get hugs?
19:26I don't know what it means
19:28I don't know what it means
19:32What are you doing here, bitch?
19:34I would never say that
19:36I wouldn't say that
19:37It's a family show, right?
19:39So it turns out it was just a woman who looked like Jane Fonda
19:44I'm sorry
19:46I can't scream
19:49I can't do it
19:50What is going on? I can't scream
19:53You can't even not talk when you're not supposed to talk
19:57I know, I know
19:59It's compulsive