Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em - 104 [couchtripper][U]
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FunTranscript
00:00Music
00:27Laughter
00:29Quick!
00:37Do hurry up!
00:43Frank!
00:49Betty! Betty!
00:51No Frank!
00:52Wait for me!
00:53No!
00:54Why?
00:55Let me in!
00:58Hold on!
01:07Oh come on then!
01:11Frank!
01:13Stop the train! Stop the train I'm gonna take him!
01:18Betty!
01:19Let go will you!
01:23What are you doing here?
01:26No Frank you'll break your leg!
01:27But my wife!
01:28Never mind your wife!
01:29Betty!
01:30You'll kill yourself!
01:31Betty!
01:32No!
01:33You don't want Mrs there!
01:37You don't want an idiot!
01:42Frank!
01:43Is this gentleman with you?
01:45Well he hasn't been for the last three hours I'm sorry if he's been any trouble
01:49I suggest you go to the gents before you leave home
01:53Just chill
01:56A fine start to our second honeymoon isn't it?
01:59Travelling in different carriages
02:01I've said I'm sorry
02:02That's what you've said after the first honeymoon we weren't even on the same train then
02:06That sounds mixed up
02:08That was a lovely wedding night with me in Torquay and you in Shrewsbury
02:12I know
02:13At last
02:19Looks a nice hotel though doesn't it?
02:22Nothing wrong with that anyway
02:24Let's hope it stays that way
02:30Good evening sir
02:31Good evening
02:33Booked a room for the weekend
02:35Mr Spencer
02:36Spencer
02:37And Mrs
02:39Oh yes I forgot
02:41And Mrs
02:43We're together
02:45Well if you would be so kind as to sign the register sir
02:48Yes
02:54Shall I put Mr and Mrs
02:57Yes well it is customary under the circumstances
03:03I haven't done this before
03:06I've been away from home too
03:09Room number five sir
03:11Just at the top of the landing
03:12Thank you
03:16I say
03:18I'm just having a look round
03:20I've got a nice room
03:21Yours is alright
03:24We just started our second honeymoon
03:26Have you?
03:28I haven't done much today
03:32The manager's name is Mr Bedford
03:34I think he's alright
03:36I'm just going to have a look in the kitchen
03:38You can't be too careful can you?
03:40No
03:45Mr Bedford
03:47Would you mind if I could have a look in your kitchen?
03:59Right now legs apart
04:01Frank why didn't you just tell him we wanted a double bed?
04:05I didn't want to make a fuss
04:07Not after the way he looked at me
04:09All we have to do is move the two beds together
04:19What is it?
04:20It's alright don't worry
04:22It's just a bit long I know that's all
04:24Oh Frank I told you not to mess about didn't I?
04:27Oh well it's alright
04:28I'll cover it over
04:29Give me that mat Betty
04:33Oh Frank look
04:37They should have had carpet in here then we wouldn't have had this worry
04:40Perhaps they took it out when they saw us coming
04:42It's alright I can use the mat under the wardrobe
04:48Frank
04:49It's alright don't worry
04:52Now what have I got?
04:55Mine I've torn twice
04:57One good mat one torn mat
05:00I'll tell you what I'll put the torn mat behind the door and I can take it out in the morning
05:04Now what have I got?
05:07One good mat lino torn twice
05:09No we only tore it once they can't blame us for that hole
05:12That was covered over wasn't it?
05:14If they see that they're bound to think it was us
05:16And look if I pull this lino over towards the bed that would cover this hole completely
05:21Then this bit would be spare then
05:23What will you do with the spare bit?
05:25Put it in the corner and take it out in the morning
05:29Now what have I got?
05:30One hole and a good mat
05:32So I shall take the good mat and place it over the good hole
05:37Now that'll be better all round because when I bring the lino nearer the hole will be nearer the bed
05:43With the good mat over it?
05:44With the good mat over it so you'll have something warm to jump over onto in the morning won't you?
05:48But what about the other side of the room when you move the lino over?
05:51I'll just come into that
05:53There will of course be a few inches of bare boards over here
05:56So what I shall do is I shall move the wardrobe over there
06:01The other side of the wash basin to cover the bare boards
06:04But listen what about the torn mat?
06:06Forget about the torn mat that goes out with the torn lino
06:09In the morning?
06:11In the morning?
06:12In the morning
06:13Now what I shall then have is a corner full of good lino here, a whole corner full
06:20Yes but no wardrobe
06:22The good wardrobe will be covering the good bare boards won't it?
06:26Now I've got to get this lino with a straight edge so I can bring that over
06:32Well I can't do it like this
06:35Have you got a lino knife?
06:39I am a silly, I forgot to pack one
06:43Well I'll go downstairs and see if I can find one, they must have a knife somewhere
06:46No you can't go down like that Frank
06:48It's alright I'll only be in a minute, no one will see me
06:51Now don't do anything while I'm gone
06:54Well I can hardly start without you can I?
06:58Same things like that
07:01I've been in the kitchen, haven't seen the bathroom yet but it should be alright, goodnight
07:08Funny
07:17Knife, knife
07:25Oh nice
07:39Can I get you something sir?
07:44I'll have a double brandy please
07:50You didn't hear anything did you sir?
07:54About who?
07:56I thought I heard a rather strange noise coming from your room sir
08:00Oh the floorboards, good boards, they are good lords, these are boards floors
08:09Thank you
08:17Better drink this before it gets cold
08:25Phew
08:29That's nice
08:33Excuse me
08:36Do you mind if I come round?
08:39Round where?
08:41You know in there with you
08:45Just I feel a bit conspicuous out here
08:49I've got my pyjamas on
08:51Really sir
08:52Thank you
08:55Ah that's better
08:58It's nice in here isn't it?
09:00If you say so sir
09:02Well it's more private
09:04They can't see what you're doing in here can they?
09:08I never mind people seeing what I'm doing sir
09:11No neither do I
09:25What are you looking at?
09:28The time sir, it is getting very late
09:30Have you been here long?
09:32Yes I took over from my brother about a couple of years ago
09:35Oh
09:39I'm an only child
09:41Yes I just thought you might be
09:46My mother did want more
09:48But my father was called away unexpectedly just after I was born
09:53On business?
09:54Very likely
09:56My mother was never one to ask questions
09:59That's one double brandy, 60p
10:03Well that's very nice
10:05But you must let me get you one tomorrow night
10:13That's it, strike, strike, strike
10:15Oh Frank do you think you should?
10:17I don't want you to mess up the room
10:19I'm not messing it up, I'm making a few adjustments
10:23Well don't make too many will you?
10:25Now that's it, now off you get
10:27Right
10:31And put that in corner, that can go out in the morning
10:35And empty the wardrobe
10:46Perfect, perfect
10:47Oh Frank these boards look damp
10:50That's alright, this wardrobe will cover them
10:52Now give me a hand here, come on
10:54Legs apart, lift
11:03Push the
11:04Oh Frank look!
11:07What?
11:08Oh look it's going through the floor
11:10Well hold on to it, hold on to it, I'll get something to say
11:13It's going through the floor
11:14Well I'll need some wood to put underneath it
11:16We haven't got any wood
11:17We haven't got any wood
11:20Oh quick Frank
11:21I've got some, I've got some
11:22This one, how many?
11:27I need a pincher
11:28That can go out in the morning
11:34Frank, look, look, look
11:37It's steady
11:38Steady? It's half way through the floor
11:41Oh Frank what are we going to do?
11:43No! Don't kill yourself
11:47Don't be so silly, I was thinking
11:49We need a hammer
11:52Find it down there, take it
11:55Father which art thou
11:59What are you doing now?
12:01I thought you wanted to pray
12:04Don't be so silly, I'm looking at the floor
12:06I need a hammer
12:07Then I can knock this apart
12:09And I can put the strips of wood underneath
12:11And that'll steady it
12:12Oh no Frank, no
12:13You've already broken the floor, the lino, the mat, the picture
12:15And now you want to break the drawers as well
12:18As my mother said
12:20No man who never did nothing
12:22Never made any mistakes
12:33Yes
12:45Yes
13:16Frank, if you're going to keep on going on like this
13:19I think I'm just going to have to leave you
13:21We'll talk about that in the morning
13:24First of all I've got to get all these strips of wood underneath
13:26And then everything will be alright
13:28Now come and give me a hand Becky
13:30Hold this back up there
13:32Up in the air
13:33Oh I don't have to stand here all night do I?
13:35Stop complaining, just hold it
13:37Higher
13:39One minute
13:40Right
13:41That should be enough
13:43Right
13:45Try that
13:47Have a look
13:48No, one end's higher than the other
13:50I've just got a bit too much underneath, that's all
13:52Now hold it up again
13:54Back
13:55Oh Frank, now it's beginning to wobble
13:58No, go round the back
13:59Now it's wobbling
14:09Frank, are you alright?
14:14Hold it back
14:18There's another hole in the floor
14:22My God, this place is like a death trap
14:26The door's opening
14:28Shh, shh
14:29Someone at the door
14:30What?
14:31Someone here at the door
14:33They're coming out, I'm sorry
14:35I'm not coming
14:36Please get out
14:41Excuse me sir
14:42What exactly is going on?
14:47I fell out of bed
14:50Well look what you've made me do
14:55What's he saying?
14:56We made him wet his trousers
15:01Well he can't come in here and look at the place
15:03I mean I'll have to tell...
15:04Where's the bedspread?
15:06Here it is
15:08Oh Frank, it's filthy
15:11Let's just get out of here
15:13I can't, I've paid for the room
15:15Paid for it? You'll have to buy it
15:18Oh Frank, the door
15:20They'll sue us
15:22Look
15:23We could always change it
15:24You can't change a door
15:26Not the door, the wardrobe
15:29There's an empty room across the passageway
15:31They're bound to have a wardrobe in there
15:33We just do a swap
15:34Heads apart
15:36Frank, you haven't done this sort of thing before have you?
15:39Come on, one last effort then we can go to bed
15:41I'll just see if the clothes fit
15:44Yes
15:45Do you think I can change the bedspread as well?
15:47What do you like, what do you like? Lift
15:49Right, straight over
15:51Oh Frank, there's someone coming
15:53Where?
15:54Inside
15:55Inside?
16:05Oh Frank
16:23Mr Bedspread, Mr Bedspread
16:26Mr Bedspread
16:28Frank
16:30Frank, he's gone
16:32Right, lift this in there
16:36Swing round
16:37Legs apart
16:38Up
16:41What?
16:42It's locked
16:43Oh no
16:44And where's my hammer?
16:45Oh don't start smashing
16:49Wait a minute, there's a wardrobe in here
16:51No, we can't take his wardrobe
16:53He won't mind, he's most probably not using it
16:56No, but it's stealing
16:57We're not taking it off the premises are we?
16:59We're just moving it from one room to another
17:02And he can have ours
17:04Legs apart
17:05Legs apart
17:10Mr Bedbird
17:13I've just seen a wardrobe moving about upstairs
17:18Oh Frank, I'm, I'm worn out
17:20We're on the last lap now
17:23That's it
17:24Bedspread
17:25Bedspread
17:27It is bedspread
17:28Wait, there's somebody coming, I can hear them
17:30I wish he'd stay in one place for five minutes
17:32He's been wandering around all night
17:34Well he can take it in himself now
17:40It's moved again
17:41It was outside that door, now it's outside mine
17:44It seems to be trying to get into my room
17:47Isn't it?
17:48It's not your wardrobe then is it?
17:51No
17:56Excuse me sir
17:57Have you got a wardrobe?
17:58Yes thank you
18:02Look, the door's broken
18:04Yes, well I can see it's broken
18:06Well you can't leave it there, anything could happen
18:08Oh very well, well we'll just have to put it in the spare room
18:11And then sort it all out in the morning
18:14That is, if we're still here
18:16Well I'm not going anywhere
18:17No, but I might be
18:20Would you believe it, he didn't even want his wardrobe now
18:24Now, perhaps you can sleep safely
18:27Nothing like this has ever happened to me before
18:29It was really quite exciting wasn't it?
18:31Now it's all over
18:32Yes, well it is all over so I think you should go to bed now
18:36Goodnight, goodnight
18:37Goodnight
18:50Mr Bedford, Mr Bedford
18:53Mr Bedford, the wardrobe's gone
18:56Yes, we've just put it in the spare room haven't we?
18:58But that wasn't mine, that was the funny one
19:00There are no funny wardrobes in this hotel sir, only funny people
19:06Well where's mine gone to then?
19:08Well it didn't come past me
19:10Well how am I going to get to sleep?
19:12Well you don't sleep in a wardrobe do you sir?
19:15Well I want to know where it is though don't I?
19:17I don't want to have to lie awake all night worrying about it
19:19Wouldn't you worry if your wardrobe walked out?
19:22Look, this is the spot, this is where it stood
19:26I say, you don't think it's got something to do with the other side do you?
19:31The other side of what sir?
19:33The spirits, my grandfather always said he would try and come back to me
19:38What, in a wardrobe?
19:41He never said anything about a wardrobe, perhaps that's the only way he could manage it
19:46Yes quite, well I'll have a look round sir
19:52Here, he's left his clothes in there
19:55You said he wasn't using it, now they'll get the police in
19:59I'll just take his clothes back, there's no need to make a fuss
20:02He can always wrap himself in his bedspread can't he?
20:04He hasn't got a bedspread
20:06Oh
20:26Is there anybody there?
20:30Have you got a message for me?
20:34First of all he didn't want his wardrobe, now he doesn't want his clothes
20:38Is that you grandfather?
20:40What's he doing?
20:42I think he's trying to communicate
20:44With?
20:45His grandfather
20:47Is he staying here as well?
20:49He's dead
20:52You really will have to take something for your nerves
20:56I have, the next train home
20:58Look my clothes have come back but my wardrobe hasn't
21:02Now is there anything else missing?
21:04Well I don't think so
21:06The bed
21:07But your bed is still there
21:09The bedspread's disappeared
21:11Are you sure you had one?
21:13Oh of course I had one, it was blue, it went with the wallpaper, now it's gone with the wardrobe
21:18Where has it gone?
21:20He's got it, he must have
21:22Well what would he want with it?
21:24I've heard some very strange noises, it could be doing something very funny
21:30What with two wardrobes and a bedspread?
21:33Yes
21:35Very well
21:40I'm sorry to trouble you sir, you haven't taken this gentleman's wardrobe have you?
21:44I've only got one wardrobe
21:46He's got two
21:48I know it seems rather silly sir but this gentleman
21:50He's got my wardrobe
21:52I think my wife is trying to get to sleep
21:54Yes I do beg your pardon sir
21:55Well go on have a look
21:57Would you mind sir, he would settle things once and for all
22:01It's behind the door
22:03There was nothing behind the door
22:11Well I've seen everything now
22:13I knew there was something funny going on
22:15Have you disturbed these people enough?
22:17I thank you very much indeed sir
22:19It's alright I think they're gone now
22:21Oh what a mess, where am I supposed to put my things?
22:24On the floor
22:25We haven't got a floor
22:27Now all I want is something big enough to go over that hole
22:30If I had a bigger mat I could spread it out over there and lead it back across the bottom of the wardrobe
22:35There is no point in going on about it Frank, we haven't got a bigger mat
22:40Phew
22:44I wonder if he's locked his door
22:46I'm not going in that room again
22:49We don't have to go in there, he's got a mat just inside the door
22:52I could open the door sneakily, grab hold of the mat, pull, he won't miss an old mat will he?
22:57We'll wait till he's asleep then he won't notice a thing
23:00It's locked I think
23:02Don't make too much noise, you'll wake him
23:04You're the one who's making the noise Debbie
23:06I'll have a look here
23:07Wait a minute
23:09Is it there?
23:16It's the headphones! It's the headphones!
23:19It's the headphones!
23:21It's the headphones!
23:23It's the headphones!
23:25It's the headphones!
23:27It's the headphones!
23:29It's the headphones!
23:37I told you he wouldn't notice anything
23:40Right now spread it out, all the way
23:43That's it, perfect
23:45Yes it's a nice mat, pity we haven't got a floor underneath
23:50Betty, I know we've had a few harassments but it's all over now
23:56Oh Frank, I'm worn out, I just want to go to sleep
24:01No, tonight's a very special night, it's our second honeymoon
24:06I've been looking forward to it
24:09Well so have I but, well I'm so tired
24:13No you'll feel alright in a minute, just you relax, I'll take care of everything
24:17Oh Frank put me down, your eyes are watering
24:22I want to make this a night to remember
24:25Oh I will remember it Frank, I'll never forget it
24:30You're not sorry we came?
24:32Of course not
24:34Oh Frank
24:36Betty
24:38Betty!
24:40Get up there!
24:42Get up there!
24:45Oh God, this place should be condemned
24:51We'll be condemned if they catch us
24:55I've never seen anything like it, look at these floorboards, they're rotten
24:59Do you know if I had a chisel I could spin the cupboard
25:02Oh don't do it again
25:04What are you doing now?
25:05I'm going, I've had enough, I can't stand anymore
25:07Betty you can't go now, it's the middle of the night
25:09I have to
25:15Mr Bedford, Mr Bedford, Mr Bedford
25:19What is the matter now?
25:22Mr Bedford I've heard noises and that chair started to move, I couldn't stop it
25:26I want another room, I've never had a room like this before, everything on the move
25:30Well I suggest you stay awake sir, perhaps if you keep your eye on things they won't move about so much
25:35I'm not sitting awake all night watching the furniture
25:40Couldn't I, couldn't I move in with you?
25:43No you could not, this is a hotel not an introductory service
25:46Well I'm sleeping with the light on
25:48Yes and so am I
25:49Look couldn't you just keep watch outside?
25:51Oh very well then sir
25:56Maybe they'd think there was an earthquake, they couldn't blame us for that could they?
26:01You couldn't have an earthquake just under one room
26:04Well maybe I'll go and take a few things over on the way out, that might convince them
26:09You keep over a few things on your way in, we'll probably be prosecuted
26:14They've got to find us first haven't they?
26:17They've got our address in the register
26:19Not the real one
26:21You gave them a false address?
26:23Just in case
26:26This has happened before hasn't it, I knew it
26:29Well it happened a few years back with mum down in Bournemouth, it wasn't her fault she slipped
26:35The bed was rotten anyway, I had a terrible night, up all night flashing a mattress down the toilet
26:44Let's just get out of here
26:46Take my Mac
26:47Yes take that
26:48Right go
26:51There's a slight problem
26:53What?
26:55Oh lord, now what?
26:58What?
27:03No, no I'm not going down that hole
27:06It's the only way Betty, it's the only way
27:08No
27:09I'll lower you down first, then I'll throw the cases down, I can tie some sheets together like in coldies
27:15I'll pull you down and then you pull me
27:17It's too far
27:18It's not
27:19It is
27:20Get yourself together
27:21Mr Bedford, all quiet
27:24Right, now lower
27:29Go on, go
27:33I think I've got something
27:53Oh dear
28:15Oh Frank
28:16The basin
28:17Get out, come on, get your cakes, put it down
28:20Will you be aye
28:21Yes
28:23Thank you
28:24Thank you