Synopsis: When an eccentric practical joker dies, he divides his fortune among four heirs. But before they can collect the cash they must each do something which goes completely against their nature.
Genre: Comedy
Director: Mario Zampi
Top cast: Alastair Sim, Fay Compton, Beatrice Campbell, Guy Middleton, George Cole, A.E. Matthew,s Joyce Grenfell
Genre: Comedy
Director: Mario Zampi
Top cast: Alastair Sim, Fay Compton, Beatrice Campbell, Guy Middleton, George Cole, A.E. Matthew,s Joyce Grenfell
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:01:00Here, in this mansion in a quiet London square, a man lies dying.
00:01:30And as he dies, the world remembers the feats which made him famous.
00:01:34The outrageous pranks which time and again shook officialdom to its very foundations.
00:01:40Yes, Henry Augustus Russell will soon be joining the great majority.
00:01:46It's hard to believe that this frail, ghost-like figure was once the greatest practical joker of modern times.
00:01:54The dusky Eastern potentate who so nearly purchased the Albert Hall.
00:01:58The bronzed, red Indian chief, fated for swimming the Channel, complete with feathered headdress and tomahawk.
00:02:04Goodbye, Henry Russell. Your last practical joke is done.
00:02:11Or is it?
00:02:12Telegram for Miss Agnes Russell.
00:02:31Thank you.
00:02:33Oh, will you please wait here?
00:02:43Come in.
00:02:47Excuse me, ma'am. There's a telegram.
00:02:50That's no excuse to come in here looking like a chimney sweep. Go and put your apron on at once.
00:02:54Yes, ma'am.
00:02:56But the boy's waiting for a reply.
00:02:59Well, let him wait. That's what he's paid for.
00:03:02Yes, ma'am.
00:03:13Disgusting.
00:03:15Ethel, do you see this photograph?
00:03:18Yes, ma'am.
00:03:20Well, don't stand there. Come here.
00:03:26Yes, ma'am.
00:03:28It's my brother. He died this morning.
00:03:30Oh, I am sorry, ma'am.
00:03:32The photograph is smothered with dust.
00:03:34What if I'd known the poor gentleman had passed away?
00:03:36It should not be necessary for people to die in order to have their photographs dusted.
00:03:39No, ma'am.
00:03:42I'm ever so sorry about your bad news, ma'am.
00:03:45You have reason to be.
00:03:47Because I shall now be able to afford some servants who know their duty.
00:03:50You can take a fortnight's notice from today.
00:03:53Now, go!
00:04:01Mr. Russell, it is I.
00:04:04Mr. Russell, it's useless arguing.
00:04:07If every bank clerk in every bank in England was half a crown short in his calculations every week,
00:04:11do you know how much that would cost?
00:04:22If you'd like to let me have pencil and paper, sir, I'll work it out for you if you really want to know.
00:04:26I don't want to know. I want you to think about it.
00:04:29Oh, yes, sir.
00:04:31It's a very disturbing thought, sir.
00:04:33But sometimes, sir, it isn't easy.
00:04:35If it was easy, Mr. Russell, there'd be no need for bank clerks.
00:04:38Yes.
00:04:39Then no, sir.
00:04:40Come in.
00:04:41Sorry to disturb you, sir.
00:04:43There's a person in the bank asking for Mr. Russell.
00:04:46Let one of the other clerks deal with him.
00:04:48It's a personal visit, sir. A lady. A Mrs. Goodwin.
00:04:51Oh? Who might this lady be?
00:04:54Oh, no, sir. She's not a lady. She's my landlady.
00:04:57The bank, Mr. Russell, is no place for music hall repartee. Get rid of her at once.
00:05:01Yes, sir.
00:05:04Yes, sir.
00:05:08Sorry to have worried you like this, sir, but she was most insistent...
00:05:11Oh, my bad. Stick a frantic smile off your face.
00:05:15Hello, Mrs. Goodwin.
00:05:17Oh, Mr. Russell, I thought I'd better pop in.
00:05:19Just after you left, a telegraphic communication arrived for you.
00:05:23And I thought it might be urgent.
00:05:25I didn't open it, of course, so I don't know what there may be in it.
00:05:29But I think you should be prepared for some rather urgent letter.
00:05:33Rather sad news.
00:05:37Oh, Mr. Russell, was he very dear to you?
00:05:40Pray accept my heartiest condolences.
00:05:44Oh, thank you, Mrs. Goodwin. Thank you.
00:05:47Not at all, I'm sure.
00:05:49Well, see you at supper?
00:05:51Yes.
00:06:00Not bad news, I hope.
00:06:03Yes, in a way, Miss Heath.
00:06:05A distant cousin of mine has just died.
00:06:08Henry Russell. You've probably read about him.
00:06:12He was always telling me that I...
00:06:15I like push.
00:06:17Yes, push, I think it was.
00:06:19Nonsense.
00:06:21Why don't you go and ask Mr. Wagstaff for the afternoon off?
00:06:23Everyone does on these occasions.
00:06:25Oh, no, I couldn't.
00:06:27Go on.
00:06:29Show you've got some push.
00:06:31Go on.
00:06:33Yes, why not?
00:06:36Yes.
00:06:38I jolly well will.
00:06:39Come in.
00:07:01Come in.
00:07:09Come in.
00:07:19Yes?
00:07:24I...
00:07:26Well?
00:07:28A distant cousin of mine has just died, sir.
00:07:32How distant?
00:07:35Long way off, sir.
00:07:37What about it, then?
00:07:39Officially under his will, sir.
00:07:41Just because you've come into a few pounds
00:07:43doesn't mean that you can behave like a millionaire.
00:07:45You'll be asking for the afternoon off next.
00:07:50Oh, no, sir.
00:07:52Oh, no.
00:07:58No.
00:08:07A razor of fibre.
00:08:09Your five.
00:08:12And ten more, Russell.
00:08:14Ten, huh?
00:08:16I'll see you.
00:08:19Fours.
00:08:24Fours?
00:08:26Oh, aye.
00:08:28Four kings.
00:08:30If you beat that, I'll eat my cigar.
00:08:34Better start eating, old son.
00:08:36Four aces.
00:08:37Telegram, sir.
00:08:39Open it, Benson.
00:08:41Bad luck, old boy, but I did have the decency not to raise you.
00:08:43Very kind of you, Simon, I'm sure.
00:08:45Well, I hate feasting a pair in my own flat.
00:08:51What?
00:08:53This is fantastic.
00:08:57Well, you'll have to carry on without me,
00:08:59so make yourselves at home.
00:09:01There's plenty of whiskey.
00:09:03Well, I like that.
00:09:05You must pardon Mr. Russell, sir.
00:09:07He's had some very sad news.
00:09:09My heart bleeds for him.
00:09:13Hello, Mr. Endicott?
00:09:15Simon Russell here.
00:09:17I've just got your wire.
00:09:19Is it true?
00:09:21Oh, splendid!
00:09:23Yes, I thought it might have been another of those infernal practical jokes of his.
00:09:25See you on Wednesday for the celebration.
00:09:27Of course, I mean the funeral, I'm sorry.
00:09:29Goodbye.
00:09:31I'm happy as a lark.
00:09:33Benson, my leather jacket.
00:09:35I'm celebrating tonight.
00:09:37Ask her to meet me at the garter.
00:09:39She's always the certainty.
00:09:42Are you ready, Miss Wilcott?
00:09:44Yes.
00:09:46Good.
00:09:48Bloodlust, a novel by Jeremy Sinclair.
00:09:50Chapter one, entitled Sweet Meeting.
00:09:52Paragraph.
00:09:54I walked into the room and there stood Petal,
00:09:57her silken hair languorously caressing one fair cheek,
00:10:01her lips red and inviting.
00:10:04I walked over to her and slugged her in the mouth.
00:10:09No, no, no, change that, change that, Miss Wilcott,
00:10:12to slugged her in the kisser.
00:10:14Kitter.
00:10:18Before going down, she threw me a single glance
00:10:21of searing hate suffused with scorn.
00:10:26She was certainly a swell tomato.
00:10:30Oh, that's a beautiful beginning, Catherine.
00:10:32That's a beautiful beginning, Captain Russell, it really is.
00:10:36I'm afraid it's all rather disgusting, really,
00:10:39but well, they seem to like the American touch.
00:10:44Well, to proceed.
00:10:47I leaned over her as she lay on the floor,
00:10:50her green eyes half closed,
00:10:53her bruised lips curled in a slightly contemptuous smile.
00:10:58Petal, I whispered, I love you, I love you.
00:11:03Ah.
00:11:05I love you.
00:11:09Three I love you's.
00:11:11That's right.
00:11:13Then four dots and four asterisks.
00:11:16Ah, bother.
00:11:19Captain Denison Russell, Secretary.
00:11:22Who wants him, please?
00:11:25Oh, just a moment.
00:11:27It's your fiancé.
00:11:33Thank you.
00:11:36Hello, dear.
00:11:38Yes, yes, did I say that? Phone you at six.
00:11:41Well, it's only two minutes past, you know.
00:11:46Sorry, dear.
00:11:49Oh, just dictating letters, paying bills, you know.
00:11:53Yes, dear.
00:11:55Oh, dear, really, dear.
00:11:58Goodbye, dear.
00:12:00Well, now, where were we?
00:12:03Dot, dot, dot, dot, asterisk, asterisk, four asterisks.
00:12:08Oh, yes.
00:12:10A convulsive tremor shook her slender frame
00:12:13and Petal moaned.
00:12:16Miss Wilcott, Petal moaned.
00:12:20I know it's none of my business, but I think you ought to tell her.
00:12:24Tell who what?
00:12:26Your fiancé, about your being a writer.
00:12:29If you're getting married in a fortnight...
00:12:32I couldn't do that. Oh, dear good gracious, no.
00:12:35She'd never approve.
00:12:37I mean, it's not as if I were a Bernard Shaw.
00:12:40Oh, but she'd be proud of you.
00:12:42Not many people can get a book published at all,
00:12:44and look at you, scores of them.
00:12:46And under 15 different names, too.
00:12:49Yes, well, I'm afraid Elizabeth doesn't consider this sort of thing art.
00:12:53Well, if you ask me, I think she's a...
00:12:55But I didn't ask you, Miss Wilcott.
00:12:58Now, shall we proceed?
00:13:04A convulsive tremor shook her slender frame
00:13:07and Petal moaned.
00:13:09Petal moaned.
00:13:11Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.
00:13:13Hello, Denison Russell here.
00:13:15What, the telegram?
00:13:17Yes, yes, I'll take it.
00:13:19Right.
00:13:21Just a moment.
00:13:25Yes.
00:13:28Thank you, thank you very much.
00:13:34Well, well, well.
00:13:37Cousin Henry's dead.
00:13:39Murdered?
00:13:41No, no, no, no.
00:13:43It was very peaceful.
00:13:45He seems to have left me a lot of money.
00:13:47Oh, good.
00:13:49Good?
00:13:51No, I was very fond of Cousin Henry.
00:13:53He was a remarkable man.
00:13:55He was rich, he was very rich.
00:13:57And now I'm having to write this sort of stuff.
00:13:59Goodbye to Budlust.
00:14:01Goodbye to Merton Summersbee
00:14:03and Jeremy Sinclair
00:14:05and Gloria Trapasho.
00:14:08Captain Russell.
00:14:10You wouldn't give up writing
00:14:12just because you got a bit of money.
00:14:14It would be a crime, you couldn't.
00:14:16No, no, no, of course not, Miss Wilcott.
00:14:18But don't you see now,
00:14:20now I can afford to write under my own name.
00:14:22But good books, great books.
00:14:24Yes, books that will...
00:14:25Books that will live.
00:14:29As you all know,
00:14:31our old friend Henry
00:14:33scorned the use of a solicitor
00:14:35in drawing up of his last will and testament.
00:14:38Thank you.
00:14:40So he called upon me,
00:14:42his oldest and dearest friend,
00:14:44to help him.
00:14:46It was a melancholy occasion
00:14:48because he knew that his...
00:14:50End.
00:14:52Thank you.
00:14:53He knew that his end was near.
00:14:55With your permission,
00:14:57I will omit the preliminaries
00:14:59and merely read the essential...
00:15:01Points.
00:15:03Items.
00:15:05Good idea. Let's hear how much we get.
00:15:07To each of you,
00:15:09he has left a sum of 50,000 pounds.
00:15:14But before you become entitled to this money,
00:15:16there are certain tasks
00:15:18of a somewhat unusual nature
00:15:20which must be carried out by each of you.
00:15:21I might have known it.
00:15:23These tasks must be carried out to the letter
00:15:25and may not be divulged in any circumstances
00:15:27to anybody outside this room.
00:15:29And each of you must take
00:15:31a solemn oath to that effect.
00:15:33Well, what are these ridiculous provisions?
00:15:35I will now proceed to read them.
00:15:38My sister, Agnes Russell,
00:15:40who for many years
00:15:42has made life a purgatory
00:15:44for those whom she considers her inferiors,
00:15:46shall for a period
00:15:48of not less than one calendar month
00:15:49and within one week
00:15:51of the reading of this will
00:15:53obtain a post as a domestic servant
00:15:55in a middle-class home.
00:15:57How dare thee!
00:16:01Should she for any reason whatsoever
00:16:03be dismissed or resigned from this post
00:16:05before the end of this month,
00:16:07she shall forfeit her share in my fortune.
00:16:12I shall contest the will!
00:16:14I forgot to add
00:16:16that if any one of you contests the will,
00:16:17the whole fortune for all of you
00:16:19will be forfeited.
00:16:21In that case, Cousin Agnes will not contest the will.
00:16:23But I tell you that I...
00:16:25My second cousin, Captain Denison Russell,
00:16:27Royal Army Pay Corps, retired,
00:16:29whose hideous secret I must now reveal to you
00:16:31has become a writer of penny literals
00:16:33in the worst possible taste and style.
00:16:36How on earth did he find out?
00:16:38You, a writer?
00:16:40And in the worst possible taste, too.
00:16:43Are they a bit...
00:16:45Certainly not.
00:16:47He spent not less and not more than 28 days
00:16:49in one of His Majesty's London prisons,
00:16:51having been properly sentenced
00:16:53for a genuine crime
00:16:55committed by himself
00:16:57within one week of the reading of this will.
00:16:59Should he fail in this endeavor,
00:17:01he shall forfeit his share of my fortune.
00:17:05Crime?
00:17:07Prison?
00:17:09Oh, but I...
00:17:11I'm to be married in a fortnight
00:17:13and to the daughter of a magistrate.
00:17:15No, perhaps he'll marry you in prison.
00:17:17That's only if we expect another.
00:17:19My fourth cousin, twice removed,
00:17:21Herbert Russell,
00:17:23who will surely fail in the banking world
00:17:25owing to his determination to be bullied,
00:17:27shall, with the aid of a mask
00:17:29and a toy pistol,
00:17:31hold up his current bank manager
00:17:33in his own office
00:17:35in the manner of one of his cousin Denison's
00:17:37fictional gangsters
00:17:39and will force him to hand over the keys of the bank.
00:17:41Should he fail or be unmasked
00:17:43or overpowered before two minutes are up,
00:17:45his share of the fortune
00:17:47will be lost.
00:17:49But, but, but how?
00:17:51How could I?
00:17:53How could he?
00:17:56It's impossible.
00:17:58Not even a real gangster
00:18:00would dare to point a gun at Mr. Wagstaff
00:18:02or point anything at Mr. Wagstaff.
00:18:04My first cousin,
00:18:06Simon Russell,
00:18:08who has gone through life
00:18:10at the expense of others' hearts and pockets,
00:18:12shall marry the first unmarried woman
00:18:14to whom he speaks
00:18:15at his age.
00:18:18Should his well-known charm
00:18:20fail to persuade the lady to marry him,
00:18:22his share of my fortune
00:18:24will be forfeited.
00:18:26Easy!
00:18:28I always knew he liked me best.
00:18:30Thanks, Cousin Henry.
00:18:32Nevertheless, we must all stand together
00:18:34and contest the will.
00:18:36Perhaps you'd like to...
00:18:38You can tell Cousin Agnes
00:18:40that she's the last woman I shall speak to first.
00:18:42What's she grumbling about anyway?
00:18:43A proper mind would sack a servant
00:18:45for the present shortage.
00:18:47After all, 50,000 quid is 50,000 quid.
00:18:49Before we come to the taking
00:18:51of the solemn oath,
00:18:53there is one small formality to be carried out.
00:18:55We must all rise.
00:18:57Rise.
00:18:59All rise.
00:19:01Come along. Up the daisies.
00:19:03Step this way.
00:19:08And drink a toast
00:19:10to our beloved benefactor.
00:19:11While singing a verse to that popular melody,
00:19:13for he's a jolly good fellow.
00:19:17Exactly.
00:19:19Face our dear benefactor.
00:19:21Raise your glasses.
00:19:23Raise your glasses.
00:19:26And sing with me.
00:19:29For he's a jolly good fellow.
00:19:33For he's a jolly, jolly fellow.
00:19:36For he's a jolly, jolly fellow.
00:19:39And so say all of us.
00:19:43And so say all of us.
00:19:45And so say all of us.
00:19:48For he's a jolly good fellow.
00:19:51For he's a jolly good fellow.
00:19:53For he's a jolly good fellow.
00:19:55And so say all of us.
00:19:58Now drink to our dear departed.
00:20:05Ask Cousin Agnes
00:20:06if I can give her a lift
00:20:08to the nearest employment exchange.
00:20:10No?
00:20:12How about you, Herbert?
00:20:14Can I drop you at the gunsmith's?
00:20:16What for?
00:20:18You can't hold up a bank with a fountain pen.
00:20:20No, I'm going to get that at a toy shop.
00:20:22That's the least of my worries.
00:20:24It's where I'm going to find the courage
00:20:26that's puzzling me.
00:20:28Look, Herbert,
00:20:30there's a little work of mine called a bank bandit.
00:20:32It might give you a few pointers.
00:20:34I'll be glad to put it in a post for you.
00:20:36I'll hop in, both of you.
00:20:38No, I think I'll get my bus at the corner.
00:20:40Goodbye.
00:20:41Goodbye.
00:20:42Goodbye, Herbert.
00:20:43Come on, Edgar Wallace.
00:20:44I'll buy you a snifter.
00:20:46How on earth do you afford a vehicle like this?
00:20:50I don't, old boy.
00:20:51Got it on Afro.
00:20:52Just keep it a week, then send it back
00:20:53so you don't want it.
00:20:55I'll give you a dress if you want to try.
00:21:00Two more large whiskies, please, George.
00:21:02Certainly.
00:21:04Cheer up, old boy.
00:21:05It's only a matter of time.
00:21:09Everything seems so rosy this morning.
00:21:11The hope of money to come,
00:21:13marriage and a fortnight.
00:21:15And now, instead of a honeymoon in Harrogate,
00:21:17prison in Pentonville.
00:21:20I fear I shall lose my Elizabeth.
00:21:22Oh, nonsense.
00:21:23She'll stand by you if she's good, Scout.
00:21:27Elizabeth is an officer and a lady.
00:21:29Where?
00:21:30Well, just tell her it's worth 50,000 smackers
00:21:32and I'm sure she'll be delighted with the whole affair.
00:21:33I would remind you, Russell,
00:21:35that we have both taken a most solemn oath
00:21:37not to divulge the contents of the will.
00:21:39Oh, so we have.
00:21:41Oh, look here.
00:21:42If she does keep with the bird,
00:21:44what about palming her off on me?
00:21:46Certainly not.
00:21:48What a disgusting suggestion.
00:21:50To marry, I mean.
00:21:5430 shillings, please.
00:21:57Remarkable thing.
00:21:59Come out without my wallet.
00:22:00Lend me a fiver, old boy.
00:22:04Thanks.
00:22:06Better make it a tenner.
00:22:08Easy to remember.
00:22:10What on earth's that?
00:22:12That is Elizabeth.
00:22:14You're dead right, old boy.
00:22:16Not my cup of tea at all.
00:22:18I should hope not.
00:22:20Look, I must telephone her now.
00:22:22Box is over there.
00:22:23Oh, thank you.
00:22:25With all this in my mind,
00:22:27I just cannot face her tonight.
00:22:29Couldn't face her any night.
00:22:31Hello.
00:22:33Who wants a titty?
00:22:35Hello, sweetie.
00:22:37I was making cigars from now on.
00:22:39What about a date later on this evening?
00:22:41I feel like celebrating.
00:22:43Look, I don't want that old goat
00:22:45in the telephone box to see us talking.
00:22:47Why?
00:22:49Well, don't think me mad,
00:22:51but just for the moment,
00:22:53I'm not allowed to talk to women.
00:22:55Don't I count as a woman?
00:22:57You see, dear, something has occurred.
00:22:58You promised to take me out tonight
00:23:00and I've had a bath specially.
00:23:02I've got some splendid news for you
00:23:04about my wedding leave.
00:23:06Comin' down fourth way,
00:23:08it's givin' me 28 days.
00:23:1028.
00:23:1228 days?
00:23:14Oh, dear.
00:23:16I know...
00:23:18Yes, dear, of course, of course.
00:23:20It could be splendid.
00:23:22But you see...
00:23:24Well, she said you only get spliced once
00:23:26and might well enjoy it.
00:23:29Denny, postpone our wedding
00:23:31after 10 years.
00:23:33You're not serious.
00:23:35You don't mean it.
00:23:37Well, what am I to say
00:23:39to Commandant Walthwaite and the girls?
00:23:41They've bought us a toast rack and everything.
00:23:43You're breaking my heart, that's all.
00:23:46No, you can't explain.
00:23:48All right, then.
00:23:50Tomorrow morning at 11.
00:23:52On the dot.
00:23:55Daddykins.
00:23:56Daddy.
00:23:58Daddy, did you hear that?
00:24:00Did you hear it?
00:24:02I told you so, shifty customer.
00:24:04Always said so, always will.
00:24:06Never liked him, never shall.
00:24:08The sort of fellow who'd end up
00:24:10in the hands of the police.
00:24:12Now, you see, Scott's got the ball.
00:24:14He tricks the outside left.
00:24:16Lobster with a monster.
00:24:18Mr. Edge sits down to Compton.
00:24:20Compton chests it down.
00:24:22Passes it to Logie.
00:24:24Logie to Lewis.
00:24:27Good evening.
00:24:29Yes?
00:24:31Look, I'm most anxious to go to prison
00:24:33for 28 days, and I wondered
00:24:35if you had any suggestions.
00:24:37Well, have you committed any crime,
00:24:40felony, or breach of the peace?
00:24:42No, not yet.
00:24:44Though, within reason, I am prepared to.
00:24:47Now, get out of here.
00:24:49Can't you see we're very busy?
00:24:51Go on, Harry, rope around the ball, whatever.
00:24:53Wait, I don't think you quite understand.
00:24:54For reasons which I cannot divulge,
00:24:56I must go to prison,
00:24:58and I've come for your advice.
00:25:00You've had it, now hop it.
00:25:02Look here, my man, I'm asking a perfectly civil question.
00:25:04And you've got a civil answer, now hop it.
00:25:06I am a taxpayer.
00:25:08What is more, I am a personal friend of the Commissioner.
00:25:10Then I shall go see him,
00:25:12so you'll find that he's far less busy than we are.
00:25:14Good evening, Benson.
00:25:16Your Lord and Master is now a man of substance.
00:25:18Congratulations, sir.
00:25:20How much?
00:25:2250,000 smackers, Benson.
00:25:24Splendid, sir, splendid.
00:25:26In that case, we might have a little chat
00:25:28about my arrears of salary.
00:25:30Quite.
00:25:32But I shall have to borrow a few more quid
00:25:34just to see me through the testing period.
00:25:36Oh, in that case, we haven't been left anything at all,
00:25:38is that it, sir?
00:25:40No, it isn't, Benson.
00:25:42Now, sit down and listen to me.
00:25:44Now, I shouldn't be telling you this
00:25:46because I made a solemn oath not to do so.
00:25:48Sire, I have no discretion.
00:25:50Oh, honour among thieves, scouts honour and all that.
00:25:52Oh, carry on, sir.
00:25:54What unmarried girl I speak to.
00:25:56Of course, I shan't take any notice of that.
00:25:58Oh, naturally not, sir.
00:26:00Ah, but I must choose carefully, Benson.
00:26:02In fact, I'm just as keen to find someone
00:26:04with a tidy bank account of her own.
00:26:06After all, I don't want to get landed
00:26:08with a gold digger now that I'm rich.
00:26:10You listening, Benson?
00:26:12Oh, yes, sir, I see your point.
00:26:14Since hearing your bad news,
00:26:16several young ladies have telephoned
00:26:18their heartfelt sympathy.
00:26:20That's what I mean.
00:26:22You see, they're closing in already.
00:26:24The old boy hardly cold.
00:26:26Oh, quite, sir, quite.
00:26:28Well, if I might be allowed to offer some advice,
00:26:30why not leave town and spend a few days on the boat?
00:26:34Good idea, Benson. I'll go tomorrow.
00:26:36I'll take my car.
00:26:38We'd better send the other one back to Sports Cars Limited.
00:26:40Given the usual spiel, I wasn't satisfied.
00:26:42Then, boat the front door, disconnect the telephone.
00:26:45This is worse than the bailiff's, Benson.
00:26:48How right you are, sir.
00:26:50But don't worry, I'll look after you.
00:26:54Morning.
00:27:24Morning.
00:27:55Don't forget tonight.
00:27:576.30 sharp, best Bibb & Tucker.
00:27:59All right.
00:28:05Oh, Miss Heath.
00:28:09It's such a lovely day today,
00:28:11I wonder whether you'd like to come
00:28:13to the pictures with me tonight.
00:28:15Oh, I...
00:28:17There's a particular picture that I want to see.
00:28:19It's all about...
00:28:21Oh, I see.
00:28:22It's...
00:28:24It's all about a holed-up man.
00:28:26I'd love to, Mr. Russell.
00:28:28But unfortunately, Mr. Stewart has asked me
00:28:30to go out with him tonight.
00:28:32Mr. Wagstaff's mail, Mr. Russell.
00:28:34Oh.
00:28:36Oh, thank you, Mr. Stewart.
00:28:38Unfortunately, did you say?
00:28:40Of course, you'd rather go out with Hanson Herbert.
00:28:43Why are you always so nasty about him?
00:28:45Little twerp.
00:28:53Reach, reach for the sky.
00:28:58Come on, stick them up.
00:29:00No mucking about.
00:29:02Come on, I said no mucking about.
00:29:11Reach, brother, for the sky.
00:29:15Come on, stick them up.
00:29:17I haven't any time to waste.
00:29:19Apparently, you have.
00:29:20Apparently, you have.
00:29:26One of the signs of softening of the brain
00:29:28is talking to oneself.
00:29:30Watch it, Mr. Russell, watch it.
00:29:32Get back to your work.
00:29:34Yes, sir.
00:29:36Extraordinary behaviour.
00:29:38You said something, sir?
00:29:40No, I was talking to myself.
00:29:42Get out!
00:29:44Yes, sir.
00:29:46Get out!
00:29:51In your advertisement about a domestic,
00:29:53you mentioned references.
00:29:55I haven't done this sort of work before,
00:29:57so I'm afraid that I...
00:29:59Oh, don't worry about that.
00:30:01I'm sorry, I've forgotten your name again.
00:30:03Miss Agnes Russell.
00:30:05I'll be frank with you, Agnes.
00:30:07We've had quite a number of servants here.
00:30:09Some with excellent references,
00:30:11but none of them has lasted.
00:30:13But I'm sure you'll do us very well.
00:30:15That'll be my father.
00:30:17I expect he wants to see you.
00:30:18Come on, Bob.
00:30:22I'm getting impatient.
00:30:24You know, my father's a semi-impermanent little...
00:30:26Oh, but he's not really very ill.
00:30:28Please.
00:30:34Father, this is our new helper.
00:30:36An old run of stem.
00:30:38What's your name?
00:30:40Agnes Russell.
00:30:42Then it's Bertha from now on, my girl.
00:30:44All the others were Bertha and what a rotten lot they were.
00:30:46I'm sure Agnes will do us very well, Father.
00:30:48Yes?
00:30:50Then you can cook us supper tonight.
00:30:52There's a steak in the larder.
00:30:54Don't make a mess of it now.
00:30:56You have a sour face.
00:30:58I like happy people about me.
00:31:00Smile.
00:31:02Go on, smile.
00:31:07That's better.
00:31:13He likes you.
00:31:15He likes you very much.
00:31:16He does?
00:31:25I'm as happy as a lark.
00:31:27A lark, a lark.
00:31:30I'm as happy as a dog.
00:31:33Bom, bom, bom, bom.
00:31:47Hello there.
00:31:49I say, are you in difficulty?
00:31:52Don't bother, thank you.
00:31:54I can manage.
00:31:56It's no bother at all.
00:31:58What's the trouble?
00:32:00I don't quite know.
00:32:02It just stopped.
00:32:04Got any petrol?
00:32:06Oh, yes.
00:32:08My chauffeur filled it up this morning.
00:32:10Just stubborn, huh?
00:32:12Got far to go?
00:32:13Eton.
00:32:15My brother's at school there
00:32:17and I've promised to take him out.
00:32:19It's maddening.
00:32:21Leave it to me.
00:32:23Thank you.
00:32:25Do you know anything about cars?
00:32:27Nothing.
00:32:29Fine.
00:32:31Well, if you ask me,
00:32:33a circumventer on the ubiquitous praxile
00:32:36is fused or blown.
00:32:38You can tell just by looking at it?
00:32:40Oh, one gets the knack, you know,
00:32:41like doctors lifting your eyelid
00:32:43and knowing your great-grandmother was a dipsomaniac.
00:32:46Can I give you a lift somewhere?
00:32:48If you would, to a telephone.
00:32:50It's a pleasure.
00:32:52Come along.
00:32:56I'll ring my chauffeur
00:32:58to come and collect the beefy thing.
00:33:00Will he know about textile thingamajig?
00:33:05I doubt it.
00:33:07Very few people do.
00:33:09I hate that car anyway.
00:33:11I much prefer my big one.
00:33:13Your big one?
00:33:15Ah.
00:33:17Well, you'll have to forgive old Griselda.
00:33:19Both mine are in dock.
00:33:21This thing belongs to my butler.
00:33:23I think she's sweet
00:33:25and I'm very grateful to both of you.
00:33:37What did you say your name was?
00:33:39I didn't.
00:33:41Lucia Gracie.
00:33:43How do you do? Simon Russell.
00:33:45How do you do?
00:33:47I'm going to make a very impertinent suggestion.
00:33:49Instead of you singing the Eton boating song
00:33:51with your brother,
00:33:53why not come boating with me?
00:33:55My cruise is just along the road.
00:33:57On the water, of course.
00:33:59No, thank you. I couldn't possibly.
00:34:01My uncle would raise cane
00:34:03if he heard I'd be nice with strange men.
00:34:05Well, there's only one of me
00:34:07and I'm not all that strange.
00:34:09In fact, I behave pretty normally on the whole.
00:34:11Oh.
00:34:21Do you really know anything about cars?
00:34:23No.
00:34:25Nothing at all?
00:34:27Nothing at all.
00:34:29How clever of you.
00:34:31Do you like my little boat?
00:34:33Very much.
00:34:35Small, of course.
00:34:37Getting another one soon with a big funnel.
00:34:39Comfy?
00:34:41Are you here for things?
00:34:43Yes, I was here last weekend with a business bell.
00:34:45He left his lipstick behind.
00:34:48Odd.
00:34:50I wonder how that got here.
00:34:52I'm beginning to wonder how I did.
00:34:56Not regretting it, are you?
00:34:58Not yet, but I shall.
00:35:00My uncle wouldn't approve of this at all.
00:35:03Like all very rich men,
00:35:05he wants to run everybody else's life.
00:35:07The poor sweet. I know the form.
00:35:09I mean, you can't tell him to go to blazes
00:35:11No, he can't do that.
00:35:13The money's in trust for me.
00:35:15That's good.
00:35:18That's very good.
00:35:24No.
00:35:26No.
00:35:28No.
00:35:30Denison, I will not postpone our wedding without a reason.
00:35:32No, you can't fob me off like that.
00:35:34Fluffy, I wouldn't dream of fobbing you.
00:35:36Nonsense.
00:35:38This is the clearest case of fobbing that's ever come my way.
00:35:39I've been dilly-dallying with my daughter for 10 years.
00:35:41Only because of my financial situation, Sir Charles.
00:35:44What's happened to it now?
00:35:46Nothing, nothing, nothing.
00:35:48I only ask for a slight postponement of 28 days.
00:35:50Why?
00:35:52Well, now, I know you'll understand when I tell you
00:35:54that I have given my solemn oath
00:35:56not to divulge the reasons.
00:35:58But when we got engaged 10 years ago,
00:36:01you solemnly swore we wouldn't have any secret from each other.
00:36:05Except, of course, official ones.
00:36:06Oh, oh, but, but this is official, in a way.
00:36:11You see, Fluffy, in strict confidence,
00:36:14I have to go away for a month.
00:36:16Officially?
00:36:18Officially.
00:36:20For the government?
00:36:22Well, the government will be paying my expenses.
00:36:25What's that?
00:36:27Just a minute.
00:36:29I thought the EP Corps kicked you out five years ago.
00:36:32I shall not be in uniform, Sir Charles.
00:36:33At least, I don't think so.
00:36:35Well, look, will you excuse me?
00:36:37I really have to go out to catch my train.
00:36:39Denny, you're not going behind the Iron Curtain.
00:36:41Hmm?
00:36:43I suppose you could put it like that.
00:36:45Daddykins, he's in the Secret Service
00:36:47and all the time he thought he was doing nothing.
00:36:49Oh, Denny, my brave Denny boy.
00:36:53Fluffy, dear, look, I promise you
00:36:55that as soon as ever I am free, free to talk,
00:36:58I'll explain everything.
00:37:00Oh, no need to explain.
00:37:01When duty calls.
00:37:03Quite right.
00:37:05Now, don't go and land yourself in one of those filthy jails.
00:37:07No, but I, no, no.
00:37:09Well, will you excuse me, Sir Charles?
00:37:11I must catch my train.
00:37:13Well, good luck.
00:37:15I'm sorry I was a bit shoddy.
00:37:25I know you won't be able to write,
00:37:27but I shall be watching the newspapers
00:37:29and hoping so much there won't be any trouble.
00:37:31Any news of you?
00:37:33Oh, the newspapers.
00:37:35Oh, yes, hope that.
00:37:37Please, hope that.
00:37:39King's Cross Station, please.
00:37:41Good luck.
00:37:43And if they catch you, none of those confessions count.
00:37:45Goodbye, dear boy.
00:37:47Goodbye.
00:37:50Not the railway station, the police station.
00:38:02Good morning, Inspector.
00:38:04Do you remember me?
00:38:06Yes.
00:38:08Yes, I do remember you.
00:38:10Go on, get out of my way.
00:38:12Please, please, listen.
00:38:14You see, I am a writer,
00:38:16and it's necessary for one of my characters
00:38:18to go to prison for a month.
00:38:20I only thought that you might tell me a few crimes
00:38:22that would fit the bill.
00:38:24Look, here's a little opus of mine,
00:38:26if you'd care to...
00:38:28It's about football.
00:38:29I believe the match.
00:38:31Death and the FA Cup.
00:38:33Oh, no, no, please, keep it, if you'd care to.
00:38:36For me?
00:38:38Yes.
00:38:40Well, that's very kind of you, sir, thank you.
00:38:42Not at all.
00:38:44Well, you know, I'm always ready to support the arts, as it were.
00:38:46I dare say Archibald ought to be able to help us.
00:38:48Oh, who is Archibald?
00:38:50The Encyclopedia of Crime.
00:38:52Oh, look, I want it to be a very respectable crime.
00:38:54Nothing, nothing nasty.
00:38:56You see, he's a very upright and honorable man,
00:38:57and I can't possibly have my...
00:38:59his reputation soiled in any way.
00:39:02Besides, he has to get the heroin.
00:39:04Happy ending, eh?
00:39:06That's the stuff to give him.
00:39:08I'm so glad you understand.
00:39:10Now, let's see, there's trains.
00:39:12Now, there's lots of things happening in trains, you know.
00:39:14You'd be surprised.
00:39:16Most of them go for about six months, sir.
00:39:18Oh, no, no, no.
00:39:20Bag snatching ain't bad.
00:39:22You look, I'll take a note of one or two of these.
00:39:24Yes, do that, if you don't mind.
00:39:25I'll take a note of this.
00:39:27Bag snatching.
00:39:29Bag snatching.
00:39:31Then there's shoplifting.
00:39:33Yes, shoplifting.
00:39:35They're getting very down on that nowadays, you know.
00:39:37Especially among the upper classes.
00:39:39Then there's...
00:39:41Oh, I think I've got it here.
00:39:43Well, I may be wrong.
00:39:45How about stealing lead from churches?
00:39:47Just climb up on the roof and rip it off.
00:39:49Oh, no, no, no.
00:39:51He has no head for heights.
00:39:53Oh, that's a pity.
00:39:55Car stealing's very popular, you know.
00:39:57Yes.
00:39:59Yes, car stealing.
00:40:01Yeah, bang that down.
00:40:03That might be excellent.
00:40:07Oh, my.
00:40:15Oh, my.
00:40:17Oh, my.
00:40:19Oh, my.
00:40:26Shut the window.
00:40:28My feet are cold.
00:40:37Don't stand there, Gibber,
00:40:39or I'll spoil.
00:40:55All right, all right, all right.
00:41:26Have you got asthma?
00:41:28No.
00:41:30Then stop puffing like a train.
00:41:32It gets in my nerves.
00:41:34Left the door open.
00:41:36Shut it when you go.
00:41:38Is that all you...
00:41:40Go on.
00:41:55Oh, my.
00:42:26You're fired!
00:42:32Mr. Webb,
00:42:34I beg you to reconsider this.
00:42:36The only matter for consideration
00:42:38is whether I kick you out now or tomorrow morning.
00:42:43I'm willing to work for no wages.
00:42:45Still too expensive.
00:42:47In fact, I'm willing to pay you
00:42:49to let me work for you.
00:42:51I'm willing to pay you
00:42:53to let me work for you.
00:42:55If you let me stay.
00:42:57Eh?
00:42:58I only ask to remain a month.
00:43:00If you let me stay,
00:43:01I'll...
00:43:03I'll give you 1,000 pounds.
00:43:06What did you say?
00:43:071,000 pounds.
00:43:09You're off your head.
00:43:10I know it sounds insane.
00:43:11Don't come near me.
00:43:12But I mean it.
00:43:13Go, go, go and lie down.
00:43:14I'll put it in writing.
00:43:15Get out!
00:43:16I mean it.
00:43:18Potty.
00:43:20Completely potty.
00:43:48Oh.
00:43:57You rang for me?
00:43:58Yes.
00:43:59But not to appear looking like
00:44:00something out of a French farce.
00:44:01Away and put your clothes on.
00:44:03Never mind.
00:44:04You look terrible anyway.
00:44:06Take those flowers out.
00:44:07They're eating up the oxygen.
00:44:08And you dare to send for me
00:44:09just for that?
00:44:10Uh-uh.
00:44:11Keep a simple tongue in your head.
00:44:12Why should I?
00:44:13You've dismissed me, haven't you?
00:44:14I'll say what I like.
00:44:15And here and now,
00:44:16you say that you're the most
00:44:17detestable, abominable old man
00:44:18it's ever been my misfortune
00:44:19to encounter.
00:44:21Oh, pity.
00:44:22Because I changed my mind
00:44:23about sending you away.
00:44:25Anything to say about that?
00:44:26I...
00:44:27Mind you,
00:44:28it's not for your 1,000 pounds,
00:44:29which obviously doesn't exist.
00:44:31But it does, and I mean it.
00:44:32Nor for your beauty or efficiency,
00:44:34which don't exist either.
00:44:36But purely for my own convenience
00:44:38until I can find somebody better,
00:44:40which shouldn't be difficult.
00:44:42See the door closes when you go.
00:44:43Oh.
00:44:45Uh-uh.
00:44:47The flowers.
00:45:01Your handsome Herbert
00:45:02seems to be a little late
00:45:03this morning.
00:45:04He may not be handsome,
00:45:05but at least he's not a wolf
00:45:06at the Hammersmith Palace.
00:45:08Naughty, naughty.
00:45:13What on earth are you doing,
00:45:14Mr. Stewart?
00:45:15Leave that young lady alone.
00:45:17And in Mr. Wagstaff's office, too.
00:45:20I think Miss Heath is capable
00:45:21of looking after herself.
00:45:22Oh, no, she isn't.
00:45:23Not while I'm here to stop her.
00:45:24Thank you, Mr. Russell,
00:45:25but it's quite all right.
00:45:26Oh, no, it isn't.
00:45:27Now, you run along
00:45:28and leave this to me.
00:45:39Now, look here, Stewart.
00:45:40I'm not going to stand
00:45:41for any nonsense with Miss Heath.
00:45:42Go away.
00:45:44Go away, little man.
00:45:45All right.
00:45:46Little man I may be,
00:45:47but not for long.
00:45:48Let me tell you that
00:45:49one day I'll come in here
00:45:51in a Rolls Royce
00:45:53and I'll have an overdraft
00:45:54of 20,000 or more
00:45:56and you'll be calling me, sir.
00:45:59Oh, I'd like to see that.
00:46:01Oh, yes.
00:46:02Well, sometimes worms
00:46:03change their spots.
00:46:06And when I do,
00:46:07I'll march in here
00:46:08without knocking
00:46:09and I'll...
00:46:10I'll...
00:46:11I'll sit on the desk
00:46:12and I'll say,
00:46:13Hello, Wagstaff.
00:46:14How's the little...
00:46:20Fool.
00:46:21Look what you've done to my suit.
00:46:22Oh, I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Stewart.
00:46:24You'll pay for this.
00:46:25Oh, no.
00:46:26It was both of our faults, really.
00:46:27Oh, no.
00:46:29You wait until Mr. Wagstaff
00:46:30hears about this.
00:46:31No bother, Mr. Wagstaff.
00:46:33Mr. Wagstaff, Mr. Wagstaff.
00:46:36Come on, don't just stand there.
00:46:37Help me pick them up.
00:46:39Come on.
00:46:57And what are you doing now,
00:46:59Mr. Russell?
00:47:01It's your wife again, sir.
00:47:03She's...
00:47:04gone to pieces.
00:47:06Mr. Russell,
00:47:07how long you remain with us,
00:47:08I don't know,
00:47:09but I hope not long.
00:47:10But until you go,
00:47:11you won't set foot
00:47:12in my office again.
00:47:13Yes, sir.
00:47:14No, sir.
00:47:15Oh, but sir,
00:47:16I...
00:47:18That is an order,
00:47:19Mr. Russell.
00:47:32Father, what are you doing?
00:47:33That's in our belongings.
00:47:34What do you think I'm doing?
00:47:35Why, it's a dreadful thing to do.
00:47:36You mind your own business
00:47:37and answer the bell.
00:47:38That'll be the detective.
00:47:39Detective?
00:47:40Oh, father, not again.
00:47:41Just as we get someone good at last.
00:47:43Away you go.
00:47:44Oh.
00:47:51Aha.
00:47:53I thought so.
00:48:02I, um...
00:48:03I have an appointment with Mr. Webb.
00:48:05If you're from the police,
00:48:06you're wasting your time.
00:48:07Oh, I'm not from the police.
00:48:08I'm a...
00:48:09private inquiry agent,
00:48:10Mrs., uh...
00:48:11or Miss.
00:48:12Miss.
00:48:13What private inquiry
00:48:14there can be about death,
00:48:15poor soul, I can't imagine.
00:48:16Good morning, sir.
00:48:17You're a detective.
00:48:19That's young, aren't you?
00:48:21For what, sir?
00:48:23Never you mind.
00:48:24Listen to me.
00:48:26Last night I sacked my maid.
00:48:28Whereupon she offered me
00:48:29a thousand pounds
00:48:30to let her stay for a month.
00:48:31Did she now?
00:48:32Father, isn't that going a bit too far?
00:48:33Precisely.
00:48:34That's why I sent for you.
00:48:35Nobody in their right mind
00:48:36would stay in this house
00:48:37a minute longer than they need.
00:48:38I don't agree, sir.
00:48:39Aha.
00:48:40You're here to do a job of work,
00:48:41not to be flippant.
00:48:42Sit down.
00:48:43Sorry, sir.
00:48:44Now then.
00:48:45Either she's cracked
00:48:46and has escaped from some asylum,
00:48:47or she's a criminal lying low.
00:48:49I tend to think she's a criminal.
00:48:50This identity card,
00:48:51it's obviously false.
00:48:52Look at it.
00:48:53No 30 bob a week domestic servant
00:48:55would live in that neighborhood.
00:48:57Something looks a bit odd.
00:48:58What do you want me to do about it?
00:48:59Check up on her.
00:49:00Find out where she comes from,
00:49:01where she goes,
00:49:02everything about her.
00:49:03No.
00:49:04Gave her the afternoon off.
00:49:05Didn't want her spotting you.
00:49:06Well?
00:49:07Will you take the job?
00:49:08Certainly, sir.
00:49:09Good.
00:49:10It'll be a pleasure.
00:49:15Oh, ma'am.
00:49:16I didn't expect you.
00:49:18I just put my apron on.
00:49:19If I'd known I'd have put it on.
00:49:20It doesn't matter about the apron.
00:49:23Come here, please.
00:49:27Have you found another post?
00:49:29No, ma'am.
00:49:30You see,
00:49:31what with no references from you
00:49:32and...
00:49:33Ethel, I...
00:49:34I'm afraid I've been a little hard on you at times.
00:49:37One doesn't realize.
00:49:39If you care to stay with me, you can.
00:49:42I shall be away about a month.
00:49:45You could have a little holiday.
00:49:46Oh.
00:49:47Oh, no, ma'am.
00:49:48With pay, of course.
00:49:50I...
00:49:52I should like you to stay, if you will.
00:49:54Oh, thank you very much, ma'am.
00:49:56Oh, yes, I will.
00:49:57Good.
00:49:58Well, I'm going to have a little rest.
00:50:00I'm rather tired.
00:50:23Is Miss Agnes Russell in?
00:50:25Yes.
00:50:26Oh, but she's a slave.
00:50:27Is she?
00:50:28Good.
00:50:29I dare say you can help me.
00:50:30I'm a reporter.
00:50:33Shall we go in?
00:50:35I suppose.
00:50:39What's your name?
00:50:40Ethel.
00:50:41Sit down, Ethel.
00:50:44I know that face.
00:50:45It's Russell's brother.
00:50:46He passed away last week, poor gentleman.
00:50:48Henry Russell, the joker?
00:50:50That's right, the practical joking man.
00:50:52He left her a fortune, so they say.
00:50:55Did he now?
00:50:56How much did he leave her?
00:50:57Ethel.
00:50:58Who is this gentleman?
00:50:59What does he want?
00:51:01I'm glad to meet you, Miss Russell.
00:51:03I'm from the Chelsea Chronicle,
00:51:05and I wondered if you'd give me a line or two on your brother.
00:51:08I have nothing to say.
00:51:09Ethel, show the gentleman out.
00:51:11I don't wish to see him again.
00:51:13But, Miss Russell, I'd...
00:51:14Please.
00:51:28Thank you.
00:51:47Five pounds, please.
00:51:49No, no, you don't understand, I...
00:51:51Oh, it's all right, sir.
00:51:52Five pounds.
00:51:53Oh, yes, of course, of course.
00:51:55Five pounds.
00:51:57Thank you, sir.
00:52:01Five pounds.
00:52:02Excuse me, please.
00:52:33Yes, sir?
00:52:36Wrong tartan.
00:52:38Wrong tartan, sir?
00:53:02I'll be with you in a moment, sir.
00:53:32Thank you.
00:54:02Thank you.
00:54:12Thank you, partner.
00:54:13I wasn't looking where I was going.
00:54:29Excuse me, sir.
00:54:30Did you purchase anything in the store?
00:54:32No, no, no.
00:54:33Oh, yes, yes, sir.
00:54:34A pedigree pipe.
00:54:35Five pounds.
00:54:36Nothing else, sir?
00:54:37Absolutely nothing.
00:54:38Would you mind just stepping into the office?
00:54:40Oh, of course.
00:54:41I'd be delighted.
00:54:47Come in here, please.
00:54:48Thank you.
00:54:49Well, gentlemen, what can I do for you?
00:54:52Have you any objection to being searched?
00:54:54Oh, not at all, not at all.
00:54:55Where would you like to begin?
00:54:57This pocket.
00:55:01Thank you.
00:55:07I've been robbed.
00:55:08I've been robbed.
00:55:09My wallet.
00:55:10My wallet.
00:55:12I demand compensation.
00:55:13What have you done with it?
00:55:14My wallet's gone.
00:55:18I don't understand.
00:55:19I mean, it doesn't make sense.
00:55:21Why is she working here, then?
00:55:23Search me.
00:55:24Either Patrick O'Jack's running the family, or she's cracked, as your father suggested.
00:55:27Well, the doctor's with him now, but he won't be long.
00:55:29Will you wait?
00:55:30Better not.
00:55:31Agnes may return.
00:55:32She must have spot me.
00:55:33But there are some more questions I'd like to ask you.
00:55:35There isn't much time now, so perhaps we could have some food together tonight and discuss it.
00:55:40What questions?
00:55:41Oh, a few details.
00:55:43After all, one must go into details in details, you know.
00:55:46Mr. Godfrey, I don't often get invited out.
00:55:49But if you really want me to come and dine with you, do you mind asking me properly?
00:55:53Madam, would you care to dine with me tonight?
00:55:56I should love it.
00:55:58You promised not to discuss the case.
00:56:00Nothing was further from my mind.
00:56:02Good.
00:56:05Champagne, of course.
00:56:06A bottle of Kru 34 to start with.
00:56:09Keep a cheaper brand on the ice for later on.
00:56:11We may never know the second bottle.
00:56:13Yes, Mr. Stiles.
00:56:14Richie.
00:56:15Yes?
00:56:16This is a very important date, so pass the word around to the girls that I'm not on hello terms with them tonight.
00:56:22Yes, sir.
00:56:25Hello, darling.
00:56:26Oh, let's take that back.
00:56:32Russell.
00:56:33Russell, your man told me I might find you here.
00:56:36Well, he had no business to.
00:56:37Why aren't you in jail?
00:56:38That's what I've come to talk to you about.
00:56:39Oh, is it?
00:56:40Come and have a drink.
00:56:41No, no, no, no.
00:56:42Russell, Russell.
00:56:43I'm getting a little desperate.
00:56:44It may be easier for people like you, but I just don't seem to be able to get into prison.
00:56:48Oh, don't be silly.
00:56:49Anyone can.
00:56:50What's in there?
00:56:51Oh, burglar tools.
00:56:52Oh, don't.
00:56:53Keep your voice down.
00:56:54Burglar tools.
00:56:55Come and sit down.
00:56:58What are you going to do?
00:56:59Well, I...
00:57:00You see, I thought a little house breaking might do the trick.
00:57:03I wish you the best of luck.
00:57:04Yes, but the trouble is that some people are inclined to be a little rough with burglars, and...
00:57:08Well, I thought that, with your permission, of course, I might break into your flat tonight.
00:57:13What?
00:57:14It's quite out of the question.
00:57:15I shall be using it tonight anyway.
00:57:16All the better.
00:57:17All the better.
00:57:18Then you can catch me red-handed.
00:57:19Now, look here, old boy.
00:57:20I've got very important plans for tonight, and catching burglars isn't one of them.
00:57:24Why don't you pop off and burgle someone else?
00:57:26I couldn't possibly burgle somebody I didn't know.
00:57:28I wouldn't be playing the game.
00:57:30Yep.
00:57:31Do you mind?
00:57:32Go and pinch a car or something.
00:57:33Do you mind?
00:57:34Off with you.
00:57:35Quick as you can.
00:57:36Keep up.
00:57:44Lucille, darling.
00:57:45You look quite heavenly.
00:57:47Who on earth is that?
00:57:48Oh, he's some old crook with a hard luck story.
00:57:51Used to flog petrol coupons.
00:57:52Lives on charity now.
00:57:54Cost me a fiver every time I see him.
00:57:57You're much too nice, Simon.
00:57:59That's your trouble.
00:58:01Nonsense.
00:58:23Stop!
00:58:30Stop right there!
00:58:54Stop!
00:59:14These things yours, sir?
00:59:17No, no, no.
00:59:18I, um...
00:59:19Yes.
00:59:20Yes, they're my burglar tools.
00:59:22Burglar tools? What do you want with them?
00:59:24I refuse to say.
00:59:25Well, in that case, sir, I shall have to ask you to come along with me to the station.
00:59:29Certainly.
00:59:30I'll take the bag, sir.
00:59:32Yes.
00:59:33You take the bag.
00:59:49Sergeant, I picked this man up with a set of burglar tools.
00:59:51Oh, yeah. Name?
00:59:55So it's you, you naughty boy.
00:59:56Ha!
00:59:57After a bit of local colour, eh?
00:59:59You know, you want to be careful, sir, or you will land yourself in the clink.
01:00:01But I want...
01:00:02That's all right, sir, I quite understand.
01:00:04It's okay, Cafferty, I know this gentleman.
01:00:05Jeremy Sinclair, the famous author.
01:00:07Ha!
01:00:08You know, sir, I've been enjoying that book of yours very much.
01:00:11Very good stuff.
01:00:13On day 61, the referee murdered the outside left of my right.
01:00:17No, I'm afraid it was the goalkeeper's daughter.
01:00:19What?
01:00:20But that's impossible.
01:00:21Well, look, if you don't want me any more, I don't know.
01:00:23No, sir, you run along and drop in any time you're passing.
01:00:25Always welcome.
01:00:25Good night, sir.
01:00:26Good night.
01:00:27One moment, sir.
01:00:29Might I have your autograph, please?
01:00:41Miss you, darling.
01:00:42You know, I'm serious.
01:00:43This isn't just casual fun.
01:00:47Let's sit down, shall we?
01:00:51Come on.
01:00:56What did I do?
01:00:57Nothing.
01:00:58I swear to you, I only...
01:00:59Before you say anything more,
01:01:01I think I'd better tell you something about myself which you don't know.
01:01:04What?
01:01:06I've lied to you about myself.
01:01:09You mean you're not what you pretend to be?
01:01:11No, I'm a fraud.
01:01:12Mr. Simon?
01:01:13Now, hold it, Gustav.
01:01:14I may not be needing that.
01:01:16You'd better explain yourself.
01:01:19That first day we met,
01:01:20I wasn't going to Eton to see my brother.
01:01:22Why not?
01:01:23I haven't got a brother at Eton.
01:01:25In fact, I haven't got a brother at all.
01:01:28I see.
01:01:28So you've been fooling me.
01:01:30Why?
01:01:32I was on my way to meet the man...
01:01:34The man my uncle wants me to marry.
01:01:36He's rich, has a title, and everything a girl could want,
01:01:40but I didn't want him even before I met you.
01:01:43Then you came along and I...
01:01:45It's that all.
01:01:48Gustav, where's that bottle of champagne?
01:01:50But I haven't told my uncle yet, or the other man.
01:01:53I haven't dared to until I knew whether you were serious about me.
01:01:56Serious?
01:01:58I'm crazy about you.
01:01:59Lucille, darling, will you marry me?
01:02:03Oh, Simon.
01:02:04Yes, please.
01:02:05When will you tell your uncle?
01:02:07Would you like me to ring him now?
01:02:08Yes, do.
01:02:09I'll come with you.
01:02:10I've got a call to make to.
01:02:11Mr. Simon?
01:02:13Gustav, make that a magnum.
01:02:15Very well, sir.
01:02:15Come on, darling.
01:02:16Come on.
01:02:22Thank you.
01:02:30Darling.
01:02:31Darling.
01:02:46Benson?
01:02:48It's in the bag.
01:02:49Well, put a couple of bottles in the ice and go to bed.
01:02:52My heartiest congratulations, sir.
01:02:54A notable achievement.
01:03:05Aunt Latha?
01:03:06Lucille speaking.
01:03:08He's hooked.
01:03:09Open up a bottle of champagne and have one on me.
01:03:12Open up a bottle of champagne and have one on me.
01:03:15My heartiest congratulations, my dear.
01:03:17Oh, a notable achievement.
01:03:28These flowers have just been delivered.
01:03:30Who for?
01:03:31For you, I suppose.
01:03:32Why?
01:03:33I'm not dead yet.
01:03:36You sent me those.
01:03:37I did no such thing.
01:03:38You must have done.
01:03:39Nobody likes me enough to send me flowers.
01:03:42Without wishing to appear rude, Mr. Webb,
01:03:45I don't like you enough either.
01:03:47Oh, yes, you do enough to offer me a thousand pounds
01:03:49to let you stay here.
01:03:50But don't imagine that smothering me in blooms
01:03:52is going to do the trick.
01:03:53You leave where I want you to leave.
01:03:54I have no illusions about that.
01:03:59What lovely flowers.
01:04:00Give them to me and get a vase and some water, will you?
01:04:02Yes, Miss Webb.
01:04:03Where are they from?
01:04:05More bribery and corruption from that idiotic maid.
01:04:08Very old doll, not this morning.
01:04:10What are you grinning at?
01:04:11Flowers were meant for me.
01:04:13Who from?
01:04:14Your detective.
01:04:15Why is he sending you flowers?
01:04:16Because he likes me, I suppose.
01:04:18He's no business liking you.
01:04:19He's not paid to send you flowers.
01:04:21Well, it helps him to buy them.
01:04:23This must stop at once.
01:04:25He's a perfect right to send me flowers,
01:04:27and I hope he goes on doing so.
01:04:30I was out with him until midnight last night,
01:04:32and I expect to be much later tonight.
01:04:35You'll stay in your room.
01:04:36I'm sorry, Father.
01:04:37I won't.
01:04:38You successfully wrecked every chance I ever had,
01:04:41but it can't go on like that.
01:04:43It's no good, Father.
01:04:44You can't want me to waste my life and become
01:04:46something like that ridiculous pinkster out there.
01:04:56While the doctor's upstairs,
01:04:57I thought you might like a cup of tea.
01:04:59Thank you, Agnes.
01:05:00That was very thoughtful of you.
01:05:02Miss Webb,
01:05:03I couldn't help overhearing what you said about me upstairs.
01:05:06I'm very sorry.
01:05:07I was over-ordinary.
01:05:08Oh, don't apologize.
01:05:09Please.
01:05:10I know well enough what I am.
01:05:12It takes some people a long time to find out about themselves.
01:05:16And when they do,
01:05:17it's too late to do anything about it.
01:05:19It isn't too late for you.
01:05:25How is he, Doctor?
01:05:29Your father's an old humbug, my dear.
01:05:31He enjoys bad health more than anyone I know.
01:05:33And you see,
01:05:34the trouble with these hypochondriacs is
01:05:36they can make themselves just as ill as they want to be.
01:05:38He has a dicky heart, there's no denying,
01:05:40but it's not going to kill him.
01:05:42Unless he wants it to.
01:05:43What can I do?
01:05:44Be gentle with him.
01:05:45Try not to cross him in any way.
01:05:47That might be dangerous.
01:05:48There's not much else you can do.
01:05:50I see.
01:05:51Thank you, Doctor.
01:05:52I'll do what you say.
01:05:53You're bound, my dear.
01:05:54I'll look in again tonight.
01:05:56Yes, Doctor.
01:06:04Good night.
01:06:34Good night.
01:07:05Why, Captain Russell!
01:07:09I thought you were going away.
01:07:11Yes, yes, I am going very shortly now.
01:07:14What have you got there?
01:07:16A brick.
01:07:18A brick.
01:07:21I do hope you'll be back soon.
01:07:23I was longing to get on with bloodlust.
01:07:25The best yet to do.
01:07:27Dear Sheila.
01:07:29That's the first time you've ever called me Sheila.
01:07:32Who is it?
01:07:33Well, do forgive me.
01:07:34I'm not feeling very well.
01:07:36In fact, I'm not myself at all.
01:07:39Don't move, Sheila.
01:07:42Now listen, dear.
01:07:43Don't ask any questions and don't look back.
01:07:45I'll explain everything later.
01:07:46Please go away quickly, Sheila.
01:07:47As quickly as you can.
01:07:48Hurry, dear.
01:07:52Dennis!
01:07:54Oh, Fluffy.
01:07:56So this is your secret service.
01:07:58I haven't gone yet, Fluffy.
01:08:00Daddy was quite right.
01:08:01He warned me.
01:08:02Oh, please.
01:08:03Please listen, Fluffy.
01:08:04Don't call me that.
01:08:05How could you do it?
01:08:06You're supposed to be behind the Iron Curtain and look at you.
01:08:08Who was that woman?
01:08:09What were you giving her?
01:08:10Nothing, dear.
01:08:11Well, what's in that parcel?
01:08:12A brick.
01:08:13This is no moment to start being funny.
01:08:15You've humiliated me quite enough.
01:08:17I shall apply to Commandant Borthwaite for an immediate posting overseas.
01:08:19Elizabeth.
01:08:20No.
01:08:21Elizabeth.
01:08:31A woman, a woman.
01:08:36Did you do that?
01:08:38Yes, he did.
01:08:39I saw it.
01:08:48You?
01:08:49What are you doing here?
01:08:50Don't worry.
01:08:51It has nothing to do with you.
01:08:53Where's Joan?
01:09:01Now, what's all this about?
01:09:03Please go away.
01:09:05You've no right to come in here.
01:09:07I've every right to know why you're out every time I telephone.
01:09:10Why you lock yourself up in this dismal house as if you were terrified of the sight of me?
01:09:14I just...
01:09:15I just don't want to see you anymore, that's all.
01:09:18Liar.
01:09:19Roger, please go.
01:09:21Oh, no.
01:09:22I'm not going to stand by and watch you waste your life on that old fraud upstairs.
01:09:25I'm going to see him now.
01:09:27Roger, please try to understand.
01:09:33I'm the only one he's got and I...
01:09:35I can't leave him.
01:09:36I...
01:09:37Listen, you little fool.
01:09:38I want to marry you so badly that I'm even prepared to let your father live with us.
01:09:44Never seen one of these.
01:09:48It's for a special license.
01:09:51We're going to use it tomorrow.
01:09:52Oh, no.
01:09:53He'd never stand the shock.
01:09:54But, Jane, if you don't make up your mind, it'll be too late.
01:09:58Please, could you leave us alone for a moment?
01:10:04Just for a minute.
01:10:05I only want to help you if I can.
01:10:07Please.
01:10:08All right, but only for a moment.
01:10:14You've probably found out by now that I live alone on a small income and that I'm rather
01:10:19a friendless sort of person, but perhaps you don't know why.
01:10:24The answer's a simple one.
01:10:27I sacrificed my youth, as you are doing, for someone like your father.
01:10:31Like you, I receive no gratitude, no reward, only misery and loneliness.
01:10:39But someone must look after him.
01:10:41I will.
01:10:42You?
01:10:43Yes.
01:10:44I'll stay here with him for as long as it's necessary.
01:10:47Go and marry your young man tomorrow, then come back and worry about your father.
01:10:52He'd never stand...
01:10:53Yes, he will.
01:10:55Go on!
01:11:01Thanks.
01:11:19We are very late this morning.
01:11:21A hold-up, I suppose.
01:11:23A hold-up?
01:11:24On the trains?
01:11:27Train.
01:11:28Yes.
01:11:53Your hat.
01:11:57Thank you.
01:12:13Good morning, Mr. Russell.
01:12:15Miss Heath.
01:12:19Is Mr. Wagstaff alone just now?
01:12:23Yes.
01:12:24I was afraid he would be.
01:12:27Well, you know he never sees anyone between ten and half past.
01:12:30Oh, no.
01:12:31Well, I want to see him on rather a personal matter.
01:12:34Would you mind stopping anyone coming in until I've...
01:12:38until I've finished with him?
01:12:40Of course.
01:12:41Is something on your mind?
01:12:43Yes.
01:12:45I hope one day you'll let me take you out to dinner and explain.
01:12:48Ask me and see.
01:12:52I only hope you'll come after...
01:12:55after...
01:13:22But Mr. Russell has all day to badger Mr. Wagstaff.
01:13:24These two gentlemen have an appointment with him.
01:13:26I'm sorry, but there's nothing in the book about it.
01:13:28Then he must have forgotten to put it down.
01:13:30This way, gentlemen, please.
01:13:32Thank you.
01:13:38You no holiday yet, gentlemen?
01:13:40No?
01:13:41I'm going next week.
01:13:42Camping.
01:13:43Athletics.
01:13:44Yes.
01:13:45Bit of an amateur boxer.
01:13:46Two gentlemen to see you, sir.
01:13:48All right, put him up.
01:13:52Oh.
01:13:56Oh.
01:14:11Oh.
01:14:13Oh.
01:14:15Oh.
01:14:22Oh.
01:14:27Reach.
01:14:28Reach, one sky.
01:14:32Well done, Russell.
01:14:35Ha ha.
01:14:36Ha ha.
01:14:37Ha ha.
01:14:38Ha ha.
01:14:39Ha ha.
01:14:40Ha ha.
01:14:41Ha ha.
01:14:42Ha ha.
01:14:44Ha ha.
01:14:50Then I leveled the pistol at them and, well, after a brief sort of struggle, they capitulated.
01:14:57Unconditionally, eh?
01:14:58Ha ha.
01:14:59Absolutely terrific, Mr. Russell.
01:15:01Now tell me, what are your plans for the future?
01:15:04Well, I understand I'm to be offered a branch managership immediately.
01:15:09Absolutely terrific.
01:15:11Now tell me one last question.
01:15:13Why do you carry a water pistol?
01:15:17Oh.
01:15:18Oh, well.
01:15:19Oh.
01:15:20Ha ha.
01:15:21Well, well, it was a sort of a surprise for somebody.
01:15:27Absolutely terrific.
01:15:29Ha ha.
01:15:30Ah.
01:15:31Ah.
01:15:32Your family's getting up with some funny pranks these days, eh?
01:15:35I brought you the evening papers.
01:15:36Thank you.
01:15:37Where's that daughter of mine?
01:15:38She should have been back hours ago.
01:15:39She's here now.
01:15:41She wanted to meet her husband before they go away.
01:15:44Huh?
01:15:45What is she saying?
01:15:46She's just married that young detective you hired to spy upon me.
01:15:49She's married?
01:15:51Is she?
01:15:54This is your doing!
01:15:55No, it's yours.
01:15:56You brought him into the house.
01:16:02Oh.
01:16:03Oh.
01:16:04Oh, dear, you needn't put on a show for me.
01:16:06Because I shan't send for the doctor, even if you do.
01:16:09How dare you!
01:16:11Now, now, now.
01:16:12As far as you're concerned, there's no need to worry.
01:16:14Because I promised your daughter to stay here with you for as long as it may be necessary.
01:16:19Smile, Mr Ware.
01:16:21Look.
01:16:22Over there.
01:16:35Congratulations, my dear.
01:16:37I hope he makes a better husband than he does a detective.
01:16:41Oh, thank you, Daddy.
01:16:42I was so worried.
01:16:43Very foolish of you.
01:16:44You don't have to worry.
01:16:45It's poor Bertha who must bear the brunt.
01:16:47Oh, but it won't be for long, Daddy.
01:16:48And then you'll come and live with us.
01:16:49Live with a detective?
01:16:51I've never felt safe.
01:16:52We'll try to make you feel at home in spite of that, sir.
01:16:54That's remarkably kind of you.
01:16:55Daddy, we must fly.
01:16:56Our train leaves in half an hour.
01:16:58I'll look after it.
01:16:59You'd better.
01:17:00Thank you, Agnes, for everything.
01:17:02Good luck.
01:17:03Thanks.
01:17:11Touching little scene.
01:17:13Thank you for taking it so well.
01:17:15I've never wanted to shut the door after the horse has bolted.
01:17:18Though I'm sometimes liable to look a deft horse in the mouth.
01:17:21That was a noble gesture of yours, offering to stay indefinitely with an unpleasant old man like me.
01:17:27I've made few such gestures in my life.
01:17:29I was happy to do it.
01:17:31Aye.
01:17:32But it was only necessary for you to stay a month, wasn't it?
01:17:34Yes.
01:17:35Well, I don't think such uncertainty is a good thing.
01:17:38Well, I don't think such unselfishness should go unrewarded.
01:17:41I'm prepared to make a sacrifice too.
01:17:43And do without you and your thousand pounds.
01:17:46You're fired, Miss Russell.
01:17:48Pack your bags and go now.
01:17:51I might have expected that.
01:17:53Aye, I think you might.
01:17:55I don't know if it's a losing, but it was worth a lot.
01:17:58It was.
01:17:59But I think I've gained more in other ways.
01:18:03Goodbye, Mr. Webb.
01:18:08And congratulations.
01:18:20Enjoy your weekend.
01:18:21You're for the high jump.
01:18:22There's a new beak on the bench today.
01:18:24He's up from the East End Court, so he'll have a down on the upper classes.
01:18:38Number one on your list, Denison Russell.
01:18:49Elizabeth.
01:18:51Excuse me.
01:18:52Hey, what are you doing?
01:18:53It's all right, it's all right.
01:18:54I think I've changed my mind.
01:18:55I'm innocent.
01:18:56I know, I know.
01:19:02James Denison Russell.
01:19:05James Denison Russell.
01:19:06You are charged that on the 14th instant at number 121 Mayfair Street,
01:19:11you caused willful damage to a plate glass window valued at 15 pounds.
01:19:17You are further charged that you did at the same time, date and place,
01:19:20assault Charles Baker, a constable in the Metropolitan Police,
01:19:24by striking him with your umbrella.
01:19:28Do you plead guilty or not guilty?
01:19:31Hmm?
01:19:32Do you plead guilty or not guilty?
01:19:35Well, it's, uh...
01:19:36Yes, it's true that certain unfortunate circumstances did, well,
01:19:40force me into certain actions, but I mean,
01:19:42if I'd dreamt that I'd be meeting you, Sir Charles, or dear Elizabeth here...
01:19:46We shall take that as a plea of not guilty.
01:19:50I swear by almighty God that the evidence I shall give the court
01:19:53shall be the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
01:19:55Charles Baker, Police Constable 149...
01:19:57He didn't do it.
01:19:58He didn't do it.
01:20:00But I've got to tell him I...
01:20:02You mustn't come in here.
01:20:04You can't put me off like this.
01:20:06He's innocent.
01:20:07They all are, Miss.
01:20:08I won't give evidence.
01:20:09Well, if you'll just wait a moment, I'll see what I can do.
01:20:12Accused thereupon of assaulting me in the course of my duty
01:20:14by striking me with his umbrella, Your Worship.
01:20:17You heard the constable's evidence, Captain Russell.
01:20:19Do you wish to ask him any questions on it?
01:20:23Oh, no, no, no, no, thank you.
01:20:25Have you anything you wish to say?
01:20:27No, no, not at present.
01:20:29Although I'll be most happy to explain it all to you personally
01:20:32in 28 days' time.
01:20:34Now is the time if you want to say anything at all.
01:20:37Have you no witnesses you wish to call?
01:20:39No, no, no.
01:20:40Excuse me, sir.
01:20:41There's a lady outside who'd like to give evidence on his behalf.
01:20:44Call her, then.
01:20:45Call her.
01:20:46Yes, sir.
01:20:48Captain Russell, you poor dear.
01:20:50What are they doing to you?
01:20:52Don't you worry.
01:20:53I'll get you out of this.
01:20:54No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
01:20:57Take the book in the right hand and read what it says on the card.
01:21:00I swear by mighty God to tell the truth, the whole truth,
01:21:02and nothing but the truth.
01:21:03Help me God.
01:21:04Sheila Wilcock, 21 Juniper Drive, Ealing.
01:21:06It's the secretary to the captain here.
01:21:07I don't know what you think he's done, but it's all a lie.
01:21:09Hmm?
01:21:10Quiet!
01:21:11Hmm?
01:21:12It's a lie.
01:21:13Captain Russell admits throwing a brick through a shop window,
01:21:16Miss Wilcock.
01:21:17Oh.
01:21:18Well, then he's suffering from strain and overwork.
01:21:20I always said he would.
01:21:22It's medical attention he needs, not this.
01:21:24Just a minute.
01:21:26I understood he retired from the army five years ago
01:21:28and has had no employment since.
01:21:30Ah, that's because he's too retiring to talk about it.
01:21:34Captain Russell is one of the most successful writers of the age.
01:21:38Writers?
01:21:39What's he write?
01:21:40Books.
01:21:41Hundreds of them.
01:21:44I'll read a good deal.
01:21:45I've never heard of him.
01:21:46I know you wouldn't.
01:21:47Not by Captain Russell.
01:21:48But no doubt you'll have heard of Merton Summersbee,
01:21:51Jeremy Sinclair, and Gloria Trubshaw.
01:21:56Gloria Trubshaw?
01:21:59Who's she?
01:22:00What's she got to do with it?
01:22:02It's one of the captain's names, sir.
01:22:05It is, is it?
01:22:06Here's Bloody Justice for you.
01:22:10What's that?
01:22:11Bloody Justice.
01:22:13Give it to me.
01:22:15Thank you.
01:22:17Bloody Justice by Gloria Trubshaw?
01:22:20Do you admit to writing this, Miss Trubshaw?
01:22:23I mean Captain Russell.
01:22:31Thank you, Mr. Wilcox.
01:22:32I admire your spirit in coming here,
01:22:34but the fact that Captain Russell has written these things
01:22:39does not alter the fact of the case.
01:22:41Though my own private view is this type of literature
01:22:44encourages hooliganism and crime.
01:22:47You're wrong, just because...
01:22:48Thank you, Miss Wilcox.
01:22:49I'm much obliged.
01:22:50But you don't understand.
01:22:51I'm much obliged.
01:22:53I'm much obliged.
01:23:00Don't take any notice of them.
01:23:02I find the case proved.
01:23:03Anything previous?
01:23:04No, sir.
01:23:05He had an excellent record in the army.
01:23:06It's a tragedy to see a man in your position
01:23:08standing in this court.
01:23:09Had you shown the slightest desire to defend yourself,
01:23:12I might have been able to take a different course.
01:23:14However, I have no option but to send you to prison.
01:23:17You may not realize it, but it's in my power
01:23:19to send you away for at least three months.
01:23:23Oh, no.
01:23:24However, I'm inclined to think that a total of 14 days in jail
01:23:28will probably be enough.
01:23:3114 days?
01:23:33Oh, but that's not enough.
01:23:36Did you say something?
01:23:38Yes.
01:23:40Yes, I said that you were a pompous ass.
01:23:44Very well.
01:23:4514 days on the first charge and seven on the second.
01:23:4921 days in all.
01:23:52That's still not enough.
01:23:54Pompous ass, I said, and pompous ass, I meant.
01:23:58You're not fit to conduct a bus,
01:24:00let alone a court of justice.
01:24:02And a further seven days for contempt of court.
01:24:06The sentence is to run consecutively.
01:24:0928 days in all.
01:24:1128 days.
01:24:14Thank you. Thank you, Mr. Charles, very much.
01:24:16Terribly sorry.
01:24:18I suggest he's medically examined by the prison doctor.
01:24:22No, no, no. No need for that, Sir Charles, I assure you.
01:24:25Take him away!
01:24:26I'll explain.
01:24:27Take him away! Take him away!
01:24:35Elizabeth.
01:24:36Yes, Denison.
01:24:37I want to give you this.
01:24:41Oh, Elizabeth.
01:24:43I have permission to see you because there's something I want to say.
01:24:46Wait, wait. Please, please listen, Elizabeth.
01:24:48You have no idea what it cost me to be rude to your father.
01:24:52Or for that matter, what it would have cost me if I hadn't been.
01:24:54But look, I promise you that in one month,
01:24:56you'll understand the awful predicament I was in.
01:24:59I have no wish to hear your excuses now or at any other time.
01:25:04Apart from behaving like a complete frotter to poor darling Daddy Kims,
01:25:09I...
01:25:10I couldn't possibly marry someone who has deceived me.
01:25:13Deceived you?
01:25:15Oh, but I, I haven't.
01:25:17I mean about your profession.
01:25:19I, I could, I could never marry a man who earns his living in such a low way.
01:25:24If I found one of my girls reading such rubbish, I'd, I'd punish her.
01:25:27It's, it's, it's trash.
01:25:32All right.
01:25:33Trash it is.
01:25:36But at least it doesn't pretend to be important.
01:25:40Perhaps I'd be happier with someone who thinks that what I do is good.
01:25:44Even if it isn't.
01:25:46You'd better marry your secretary then.
01:25:57All right, Constable.
01:25:59I've finished with him.
01:26:01You can take him away.
01:26:02Yes, sir.
01:26:04I'm a man.
01:26:05Come along then.
01:26:14Keep your chin up.
01:26:16It won't be long.
01:26:17Of course it won't.
01:26:19And then back to bloodlust.
01:26:20Yes, bloodlust.
01:26:22We'll finish it together.
01:26:27What are you looking so happy about?
01:26:29Oh, why not?
01:26:32It's the happiest day of my life.
01:26:34It's the happiest day of my life, Mrs. Wright.
01:26:37I'm so happy.
01:26:39I'm so happy.
01:26:41I'm so happy.
01:26:43It's the happiest day of my life, Mrs. Russell.
01:26:50If I may say so, sir, it's an honor to be a witness on such a happy occasion.
01:26:55Dear old Benson, I wouldn't have had any other witness.
01:26:57You have no idea of the disgrace he's got me out of.
01:26:59If it hadn't been for Benson, I wouldn't be with you now.
01:27:01I can believe you, darling.
01:27:03See you in a couple of weeks, Benson.
01:27:04Thanks for everything.
01:27:05Thank you for everything too.
01:27:06Thank you so much.
01:27:09I wish you every happiness, Mrs. Russell.
01:27:11Au revoir.
01:27:13Goodbye, sir.
01:27:17Have a jolly good time.
01:27:19I hope.
01:27:22Don't think me fussy, old girl, but I shouldn't make a habit of kissing Benson.
01:27:26Why not, darling?
01:27:27He's my uncle.
01:27:29What?
01:27:30Benson's your uncle?
01:27:32Yes, my mother's brother.
01:27:33Didn't I tell you?
01:27:35But you, you cheating little fraud.
01:27:38Oh, we both are, darling.
01:27:41We're going to get on fine.
01:27:43You, I...
01:27:47Oh, ma'am.
01:27:48Yes?
01:27:50I'm going out now, Ethel.
01:27:51Will you be back for dinner tonight, ma'am?
01:27:53Yes, I'll be back.
01:27:55I have nothing to celebrate.
01:27:57Today I might have claimed a fortune, but I can't.
01:28:00All right, Ethel?
01:28:08What are you doing here?
01:28:11I, I thought I'd just walk round and see you.
01:28:16Why?
01:28:17I wondered if maybe you'd be so kind as to come and have a meal with me.
01:28:21Why?
01:28:22I call it a Celtic conscience.
01:28:24A notion you sacrificed a lot to put my girl on her feet.
01:28:27Yes, a fortune.
01:28:29So if you've any ideas about claiming that thousand pounds...
01:28:32Oh, good gracious, no.
01:28:33I've plenty of money.
01:28:34Nobody to spend it on but myself.
01:28:36You know, it's a gloomy discovery to make
01:28:38that there's not a soul in the world that wants to dine with you.
01:28:41Won't you help me out?
01:28:43Please.
01:28:48Is there any reason why I should?
01:28:50None whatsoever.
01:28:53Ethel?
01:28:54Yes, ma'am?
01:28:55I shan't be in to dinner tonight.
01:28:57Thank you.
01:28:59The deceased left a sealed letter
01:29:02with instructions that it should not be opened or read
01:29:05until you had all completed your tasks.
01:29:08I will now proceed to read it.
01:29:11I trust that you've all gained something from the tasks I set you,
01:29:15apart from the material consideration involved.
01:29:18I have always been a practical joker,
01:29:21but practically all my jokes have had some practical effect.
01:29:25I have always been a practical joker,
01:29:27but practically all my jokes have had some practical intent.
01:29:30Dear me, what a complicated sentence.
01:29:33As the one who has failed,
01:29:35I would like to say at once how deeply grateful I am to my brother
01:29:39for bringing me a measure of happiness
01:29:41I never dreamt of finding in this world.
01:29:43Well now, Cousin Agnes, I'd like to second that.
01:29:46It's true I win my fortune,
01:29:48but I also benefit it enormously
01:29:50in other ways.
01:29:52Hear, hear.
01:29:53I feel a new man, too.
01:29:55Well, jolly good luck to you all,
01:29:57but I don't mind saying that the cash is my one consolation.
01:30:00Knowing my dear wife,
01:30:02well, that's not going to last very long.
01:30:04If I might be able to continue, please.
01:30:06I sincerely hope that you've all gained a little something,
01:30:09for now comes the biggest joke of all.
01:30:12I died flat.
01:30:17Flat.
01:30:19Not broke.
01:30:21Broke. That's it.
01:30:23Flat broke.
01:30:25There isn't a penny for any of you.
01:30:53Good.
01:31:23Ha, ha, ha.
01:31:25Ha, ha, ha.
01:31:27Ha, ha, ha.
01:31:29Ha, ha, ha.
01:31:31Ha, ha, ha.
01:31:33Ha, ha, ha.
01:31:35Ha, ha, ha.
01:31:37Ha, ha, ha.
01:31:53The End
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