4 Life Changing Books to Read in 2024 - Ali Abdaal - video Dailymotion

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Transcript

00:00Hey friends, welcome back to the channel.

00:01If you're new here, my name is Ali.

00:02I'm a doctor turned entrepreneur

00:04and the author of Feel Good Productivity,

00:06which is a book about how to be more productive

00:08in a way that feels good.

00:08But in this video, I wanna talk about four books

00:10other than my own that can genuinely change your life.

00:13Now, before we go into that,

00:14this idea of books being life-changing or whatever

00:17is a bit of a clickbait thing that we often see on YouTube.

00:20And I've made videos in the past

00:21where I say this book has changed my life.

00:23And there are always people in the comments

00:24that are a bit cynical or sceptical about that.

00:26Like how could a book possibly change your life?

00:28So before we dive into these four books,

00:30which I suspect most of these books

00:31you've probably not heard of and you've probably not read,

00:33I wanna share a little bit of my thoughts and philosophy

00:35around what it means for a book

00:36to completely change your life.

00:37And this video is sponsored by HubSpot,

00:39but more on them later.

00:40So the way in which a book changes your life

00:42is that a book exposes you to a particular idea.

00:45Now that idea then leads to a decision

00:48and that decision then leads to action.

00:50And then that action then leads to result.

00:52And that result is the thing that changes your life.

00:54So for example, I would say that the book,

00:55The 4-Hour Workweek by Tim Ferriss

00:57completely changed my life.

00:58Why did it change my life?

00:59Because it exposed me to the idea

01:01that I could make passive income

01:02and that I could build a business

01:04that generates money while I'm sleeping

01:05so that I can then live life on my own terms.

01:07Broadly, that was the key idea

01:09that The 4-Hour Workweek exposed me to.

01:10It's got a couple of hundred pages,

01:12it's got a bunch of other ideas,

01:13but that was the key thing that I took away from it.

01:14Now it wouldn't have been a life-changing book

01:16if I didn't then make a decision based on that idea.

01:18And the decision I made after reading that book was,

01:20I am therefore going to spend my years in medical school

01:23building a business on the side

01:24that can generate passive income

01:26so that when I work as a doctor,

01:27I can do it for fun rather than because I have to.

01:29And that decision led to an action.

01:30It meant that while I was going through medical school,

01:32I was looking for ways

01:33that I could possibly make money on the side,

01:35I learned how to code,

01:35I improved my skills with programming,

01:37and I ended up building a business

01:38while I was going through medical school

01:39that was making me around $40,000, $50,000 a year,

01:41which is what I would have been earning

01:42had I been working full-time as a doctor.

01:44So that was pretty sick.

01:45And that business then morphed into this YouTube channel,

01:47which has completely changed my life.

01:48And so when I say that the book,

01:49The 4-Hour Workweek changed my life,

01:50it's because it gave me that particular idea.

01:52And so if you watch these sorts of videos about,

01:54you know, this book changed my life,

01:55please don't think that I'm just trying to clickbait you here

01:57with this fricking title.

01:58It's like, oh, every other day,

01:59Ollie's life is changed by a goddamn,

02:00but it kind of is.

02:02It's probably not every other day,

02:03but anytime I read a book,

02:04what I'm on the lookout for is an idea

02:06that could potentially change the course of my life.

02:07And so the four books that I wanna talk about in this video

02:10are books that I think if you were to read them

02:12and genuinely apply them,

02:13and they hit you at the right time,

02:14these books can give you an idea

02:16that causes you to make a decision,

02:17which causes you to take action that leads to results.

02:19And then you will look back on this video and say,

02:21wow, this video changed my life

02:22because it gave me the idea to read these books

02:24that I wouldn't have read otherwise.

02:25Now, this is quite a wide assortment of books.

02:26And so I'd recommend you skip around in the timestamps

02:28because realistically,

02:29you probably don't wanna read all four of these right now

02:31because like chances are one of these will resonate

02:35more with you than the other three.

02:37And that's totally okay.

02:38I would recommend reading that one

02:39and applying the insights from it

02:40and seeing if you can potentially make a decision

02:42which leads to action,

02:43which leads to results based on just that one recommendation.

02:45But because lots of people follow this channel,

02:46thankfully, thank you for that.

02:48I wanna kind of share a bit of a variety.

02:49And these are all books that I discovered this year.

02:51Number one is a book called The Practice by Seth Godin.

02:54And this book is aimed at anyone who does creative work.

02:57Basically, if the thing that you do

02:59or the thing that you'd like to do

03:00involves shipping creative work,

03:02then this book is for you.

03:03So what does shipping creative work mean?

03:04And here's a quote from the book that explains it.

03:05Shipping because it doesn't count if you don't share it.

03:08Creative because you're not a cog in the system.

03:11You're a creator, a problem solver,

03:13a generous leader who's making things better

03:14by producing a new way forward.

03:16And work because it's not a hobby.

03:18You might not get paid for it, not today,

03:20but you approach it as a professional.

03:22The muse is not the point.

03:23Excuses are avoided.

03:25And the work is why you are here.

03:27And the core idea that I've taken away from this book

03:28that I think can change your life

03:30if you take this idea and really apply it on board

03:32is the idea that, it's gonna sound cliche,

03:34but the process and the practice is what counts,

03:38not the output.

03:39Seth Godin writes,

03:40the practice is not the means to the output.

03:43The practice is the output

03:44because the practice is all we can control.

03:47The practice demands that we approach our process

03:49with commitment.

03:50It acknowledges that creativity is not an event.

03:52It's simply what we do,

03:53whether or not we're in the mood.

03:54Sculptor Elizabeth King said it beautifully,

03:56process saves us from the poverty of our intentions.

03:59And basically this whole book is just Seth Godin

04:02saying again and again and again

04:04in a bunch of different ways

04:05that when you are in the business of shipping creative work,

04:08you've got to focus on the process.

04:10You've got to not be attached to the outcome.

04:11And you've got to focus on just showing up for the process,

04:14showing up like a professional

04:15and getting better at that thing over time.

04:17And that itself is the reward.

04:19The reward for doing good work

04:20is the ability to do more good work.

04:22This morning I was going through my highlights of this book.

04:24I've made about 70 different highlights from this book.

04:27I'll put a link down below if you want to see them

04:28to my Notion page for the highlight.

04:29But this book resonated with me so much

04:30because as a creator,

04:32sometimes I struggle with the process.

04:34I know that when I was writing my book

04:35that the creative work was in showing up

04:37and doing the writing every day.

04:38I know that for making YouTube videos,

04:40the creative work is in showing up

04:41and filming the videos and preparing the videos.

04:43But I often let emotions and feelings

04:45and like, oh, I don't feel like doing this

04:47or I don't want to do it.

04:48Like, there are a lot of times

04:50where I don't treat it like a professional.

04:51But weirdly, on the times

04:52where I do treat it like a professional,

04:53where the reason I'm making the video

04:55is not for the sake of a sponsor deadline

04:57or for the sake of like some sort of external metric.

04:59But the reason I'm making the video

05:00is so that I can genuinely share from the heart,

05:03share with the intention of love and contribution and service

05:06and then show up and make the video.

05:09It just feels freaking amazing.

05:10It's sort of like, kind of like going to the gym.

05:11Sometimes you don't feel like going,

05:13but if you actually just push yourself

05:15and make yourself do the thing

05:16and just focus on the process

05:17and focus on showing up as your best self,

05:18at the end of it, there's no world

05:19in which you don't feel good having been to the gym.

05:21And it's the same with this sort of creative work.

05:23And the reason that I think this book is life-changing

05:25is because I know so many creators

05:26who struggle with having their self-worth

05:29too attached to the outcome of the process.

05:31They're not focused on the process,

05:32they're focused on the outcome.

05:33They feel bad if a video doesn't get that many views.

05:35I've been through this myself.

05:36They feel bad if the video gets negative comments.

05:38They feel bad if, for example,

05:39someone replies being like, oh, this wasn't that helpful.

05:41Whereas the creators who I know who are the happiest

05:43are almost the ones who detach themselves from the outcome.

05:46They're just showing up, they're focused on the process,

05:48and for them, it's a win if they get the video out,

05:51if they've spent the time filming the video,

05:52if they've spent the time writing the thing.

05:54Even if they've written 1,000 words

05:55and the next day they delete all 1,000 words,

05:57the fact is they're still proud of themselves

05:59because they showed up and they did the work.

06:01And when it comes to these sorts of nonfiction books,

06:03I would know having written one myself,

06:04often there are just like one to three key ideas

06:07in the book, and the rest of the book,

06:09some people would say very cynically, is just fluff.

06:11But actually, I could tell you right now,

06:12through this video, yeah,

06:13just focus on enjoying the process.

06:16You know that intellectually, but through experiencing it

06:19and through reading a book about it

06:21that tells you the same thing again and again and again

06:22in loads of different ways with loads of different examples,

06:24that is when it becomes more

06:26than just intellectual knowledge.

06:27That's when it starts to seep into your soul,

06:28into your body, into your heart,

06:30whatever terminology you wanna use.

06:31And this is why reminders are super helpful.

06:33This is why Atomic Habits is an amazing book.

06:35Fundamentally, the one thing he says

06:37is small habits lead to great results.

06:38But if you read the book, it's frickin' amazing.

06:40It's really, really, really helpful,

06:42even though he's just saying that one thing.

06:44So it's not filled with fluff,

06:45as cynics kind of sometimes say.

06:47It's almost like, for example,

06:48if you're watching a comedy show

06:49and they just gave you the punchline,

06:51that's not a very fun comedy show to watch.

06:52You kind of need the buildup to benefit from the punchline.

06:55Similarly, if you're listening to a musical performance

06:57and all you had was climaxes and the crescendos,

06:59that's not particularly fun

07:00because the buildup is what makes the crescendo

07:02and the climax worth it, in the words of Alan Watts.

07:04So I'd encourage you,

07:05if you take even one thing away from this video,

07:07please do not dismiss the value

07:08of nonfiction books like this.

07:10If the right book hits you at the right time

07:11and gives you the right idea,

07:12oh man, that can completely change your life.

07:15And the practice by Seth Godin

07:15is one that's completely changed my own creative process

07:18because now I'm less focused on myself,

07:20more focused on service,

07:21and more focused on showing up.

07:22Even if I don't feel like it, I will still show up.

07:24And maybe I won't film a video directly

07:26because I kind of feel like I want to film videos

07:28when I feel like it,

07:29but I'll at least show up, get myself to a coffee shop,

07:32drink a cup of coffee,

07:33and at least do some creative work,

07:35do some writing, get some highlights from a book,

07:37summarize what I think about it,

07:38write it for my weekly email newsletter.

07:40And the more I stick to this process

07:41and focus on the process,

07:42the better everything in my life becomes.

07:44So that is the first book,

07:45The Practice by Seth Godin.

07:47And if you're a creator in any form,

07:49I think you will get enormous value.

07:50And I think that book might just change your life.

07:52Now, this book is all about shipping creative work.

07:54But if you are like me and you ship creative work,

07:56and then you also want to create a business out of it,

07:58then you might like to check out HubSpot,

08:00who are very kindly sponsoring this video.

08:02HubSpot is powerful, flexible, and easy to use software

08:04that's built for growing your business.

08:06And we are actively using it in our business as well.

08:08We've been dreaming about having the perfect CRM

08:10for our part-time major book accelerator for years.

08:12And we finally switched to HubSpot,

08:13and it is such a breath of fresh air.

08:15And it's so magical to be able to connect all of our data

08:17all in one place.

08:18Through the platform, you get a ton of insight

08:19into your entire sales process

08:20by being able to track all of your leads

08:22all of the way from when they first sign up to something

08:24to when they're a loyal customer.

08:25And that is insanely helpful.

08:27And whether or not you're at the stage yet

08:28where you want to build a whole sales and marketing

08:30and customer success CRM,

08:31HubSpot actually has a bunch of quick, practical

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08:40They also have a great free template

08:41for being more productive at work,

08:42which has loads of information and tips

08:43about how to manage your day and your energy,

08:45which is the sort of stuff

08:46that I talk about in my book as well,

08:47as well as stuff about remote working.

08:49And actually the HubSpot resources on remote working

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08:52over the last few months as I've been traveling the world

08:54and switching to a remote lifestyle.

08:56You can check out HubSpot

08:57and get all of these resources completely for free

08:59by hitting the link in the video description.

09:01So thank you so much HubSpot for sponsoring this video

09:03and let's move on to book number two.

09:04Okay, the next book that we're gonna talk about

09:06that is a book that you've almost certainly not heard of,

09:08and it's called The Strangest Secret by Earl Nightingale.

09:11Now, Earl Nightingale is this American motivational speaker,

09:15author, coach kind of guy who was around

09:17in like the 1950s in the US on radio and on TV.

09:20Earl had this classic kind of rags to riches story.

09:22He was born during the time of the Great Depression

09:24and he grew up in poverty.

09:25And The Strangest Secret is actually a record

09:27that he recorded in 1956.

09:29It's like an audio program

09:30which has been converted into a book.

09:32And his whole thing apparently

09:33was that he was trying to figure out

09:34why is it that some people grow rich and prosperous

09:36and why do people like his family

09:37end up growing up in poverty?

09:38And so he did a bunch of reading

09:40and ended up becoming like this motivational speaker

09:41and stuff.

09:42And so this book, The Strangest Secret

09:43is like one of these OG from like the 1950s self-help books

09:47that has a core message.

09:49And the core message is gonna sound weird,

09:50it's gonna sound cliche,

09:51but I think if you take the idea on board,

09:53it can completely change your life.

09:54And that idea is the power of knowing what you want

09:58and writing it down.

10:00That's basically it.

10:00I'm not a huge fan of the second half of the book,

10:02but the first half of the book,

10:03I highlighted the absolute living daylights out of.

10:06And there's a quote here about the secret to success.

10:07He says, I'll tell you who the successful people are.

10:09A success is the school teacher who is teaching school

10:11because that's what she wanted to do.

10:13The success is the woman who is a wife and mother

10:16because she wanted to become a wife and mother

10:18and is doing a good job of it.

10:20The success is the man who runs the corner gas station

10:23because that's what he wanted to do.

10:25The success is the successful salesman

10:27who wants to become a top-notch salesman

10:29and grow and build with his organization.

10:31A success is anyone who is doing deliberately

10:34a predetermined job

10:35because that's what he decided to do deliberately.

10:38But only one in 20 people actually does that.

10:40And I actually really like this definition of success.

10:42He's not saying that success is trying to be rich.

10:44He's not saying success is trying to become famous

10:45or popular or whatever the thing is.

10:46He's saying you are successful

10:48when you are working towards doing the thing

10:50that you actually want to do.

10:51That's it.

10:52Whether it's being a mom or a housewife or a teacher

10:54or a businessman or entrepreneur or a YouTuber or author,

10:56you are successful if you are actively taking steps

10:58to work towards the thing that you actually want.

11:01And the problem is,

11:02very few people actually know what they want.

11:04For example, if I were to meet you

11:05in a coffee shop right now

11:06and we were having a conversation for whatever reason,

11:08and I were to say,

11:09hey, can you show me where you've written down your goals

11:11for the next year?

11:12You'd probably say, what goals for the next year?

11:15If you've thought about your goals,

11:16then you probably haven't written them down.

11:18There are very few people who A,

11:20know what they actually want to do

11:21and B, write it down somewhere.

11:23And Oh Nightingale and a lot of these books

11:25like Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill,

11:26Anything by Jim Rohn, Anything by Tony Robbins,

11:28like all of these self-help-y type people, including me,

11:31ultimately land on the conclusion

11:33that if you know where you are trying to go,

11:34then you'll figure out the how

11:36of how you're gonna get there.

11:37But so few people actually know where they're trying to go

11:39that like, they end up meandering around

11:41all over the place.

11:43And Earl's definition of success is,

11:44you're working towards the thing

11:45that you actually wanna do.

11:46So this is not actually that hard.

11:47The whole thing is just figure out

11:49what you actually wanna do

11:50and turn it into a goal and just write it down.

11:52Doesn't need to be a smart goal,

11:53doesn't need to be that specific

11:54or measurable or achievable.

11:55You just need to have some idea

11:56of where you're actually trying to go.

11:58And the way I think of goals is that setting a goal

12:00is like understanding where's the destination.

12:02And that's not to say that you are then fixated

12:04on the destination,

12:05but it is to say that you are then taking steps

12:07or moving in the direction of that destination.

12:09And given that you know roughly what the destination is,

12:12you can also then assess,

12:13am I on the right path

12:14to go towards that particular destination?

12:15If you know, for example,

12:16that you wanna write three books in the next 10 years,

12:18cool, that's really useful to know.

12:20That means on average, one book every three and a half years

12:21and so you can then assess,

12:23am I actually taking the steps to get there?

12:24This is not to say you're fixated on it.

12:26It's not to say that you're wedded

12:28to that particular timeline.

12:29Maybe it'll be 12 years, maybe it'll be eight years,

12:31but you're way more likely to write three books

12:33if you have set the intention of,

12:34I wanna write three books in the next 10 years.

12:36Here's another great quote from the book.

12:37People with goals succeed

12:38because they know where they're going.

12:39Think of a ship leaving a harbor

12:41and think of it with a complete voyage mapped out

12:43and planned.

12:44The captain and crew know exactly where it's going

12:45and how long it will take.

12:46It has a definite goal.

12:489,999 times out of 10,000,

12:50it will get to where it started out to get.

12:53Now let's take another ship just like the first,

12:55only let's not put a crew on it or a captain of the helm.

12:57Let's give it no aiming point,

12:58no goal, no destiny.

12:59We just start the engine and let it go.

13:01I think you'll agree with me

13:02that if it gets out of the harbor at all,

13:03it will either sink or wind up on some deserted beach,

13:06a derelict.

13:07It can't go any place because it has no destination,

13:09no guidance.

13:10And this book has had a major impact on me

13:12because it literally,

13:13in like the half an hour it took me

13:15to read the first half of this book,

13:16completely sold me on the idea of setting goals.

13:18In the past, if you've been following the channel

13:20for a while, you know I've had a bit of like,

13:21oh, I'm not really sure

13:22whether setting goals is worthwhile or not.

13:24And now I'm like, of course it is.

13:25It's useful to have a destination in mind

13:27because there is no journey without a destination in mind.

13:29Again, not to say you're gonna be fixated

13:31on the destination,

13:32but if you know where you're going,

13:33then you are far more likely to marshal resources

13:36and to find a way to get there

13:37and to enjoy the process of getting there,

13:39which is the whole thesis of my book,

13:40Feel Good Productivity.

13:41Like how do you find a way

13:42to make the journey itself feel good?

13:44Because sure, maybe you'll get to the destination,

13:46but you'll realize when you get there

13:47that the journey is what mattered in the first place.

13:49But crucially, even though the journey is what matters,

13:51you cannot have a journey without a destination,

13:52without feeling meandering

13:53and without feeling like you don't know

13:54where your life is going and all this kind of stuff.

13:56And the more clarity you can have

13:57on where you're actually trying to go,

13:58the more likely you are to actually get there

14:00and to enjoy the process along the way.

14:02So if you currently do not have goals

14:04and do not have them written down somewhere,

14:06perhaps you might enjoy reading

14:08The Stranger's Secret by Earl Nightingale.

14:09It will take you like half an hour to read.

14:11You can skip the second half.

14:11I don't really like the second half.

14:12Or, you know, I'm sure it's good,

14:14but it didn't vibe with me at this stage of my life right now

14:16but the first half completely vibed with me.

14:18I was like, oh my fricking God,

14:20this is bloody incredible stuff.

14:21And again, I'll put my highlights in a link down below

14:22if you're interested in just reading the highlights

14:24and then you can decide if the book is for you or not.

14:26All right, book number three

14:27that I think might have the potential to change your life

14:29is a book called No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover.

14:32Now, I agree.

14:33The title of this book is a little bit clickbaity

14:35and you might think, oh, No More Mr. Nice Guy,

14:37is this some book that's gonna teach men

14:38to become even more asshole-ish

14:39or like all that kind of stuff?

14:40It is not that at all.

14:41I've highlighted the absolute shit out of this.

14:43I actually read this like 10 years ago

14:44and I've been, every few years,

14:46I find myself rereading it

14:47and taking new things away from it

14:49because it's basically a book,

14:50if I were to sum it up in one sentence,

14:51it's a book that encourages men to be mindful of

14:54and express their own feelings.

14:56It's basically a book that says, as a dude,

14:58it's okay to have feelings, it's okay to have needs,

15:00and it's okay to express those feelings and needs

15:02and to love yourself for who you are

15:04rather than trying to perform

15:06and gain the approval of other people.

15:07Now, if you are a guy like me

15:09and you struggle like me to understand

15:11and express your own emotions and feelings and needs,

15:14then I think you will get enormous value from this book.

15:16Here's a fun quote.

15:17Consider this, if you did not care

15:19what people thought of you,

15:20how would you live your life differently?

15:22If you were not concerned with getting the approval of women,

15:25how would your relationships

15:26with the opposite sex be different?

15:28Nice guys seek external validation

15:30in just about every social situation,

15:32but their quest for approval is the most pronounced

15:34in their relationships with women.

15:35Nice guys interpret a woman's approval

15:37as the ultimate validation of their worth.

15:39Signs of a woman's approval

15:40can take the form of her desire to have sex,

15:42flirtatious behavior, a smile, a touch, or attentiveness.

15:45At the other end of the spectrum,

15:46if a woman is depressed, in a bad mood, or angry,

15:48nice guys interpret these things

15:50to mean that she is not accepting or approving of them.

15:52Nice guys have a difficult time comprehending

15:54that in general, people are not drawn

15:56to perfection in others.

15:57People are drawn to shared interests, shared problems,

15:59and an individual's life energy.

16:01Humans connect with humans.

16:02Hiding one's humanity

16:03and trying to project an image of perfection

16:05makes a person vague, slippery, lifeless, and uninteresting.

16:08I often refer to nice guys as Teflon men.

16:10They work so hard to be smooth, nothing can stick to them.

16:12Unfortunately, this Teflon coating

16:14also makes it difficult for people to get close.

16:16It is actually a person's rough edges

16:17and human imperfections

16:19that give others something to connect with.

16:21I've got so many highlights from this book.

16:22It's really, really good.

16:23Again, I'll share a link to my highlights down below

16:24if you wanna check them out.

16:25But basically, the whole book is about teaching guys

16:26that it's okay to have feelings,

16:27and it's okay to have needs,

16:28and it's okay to express them,

16:29and you don't need to have shame around the fact

16:31that you have feelings and needs and your own preferences.

16:33And actually, this narrative that we're taught as men

16:36that your job on this earth is to sacrifice yourself

16:39for the sake of the other people in your life.

16:41Maybe there's some truth to that,

16:42and we're gonna talk more about that in the fourth book.

16:44But it's like that thing in the airplanes.

16:47You put your own oxygen mask on first

16:48before helping other people with it.

16:49And I think this applies to me.

16:51This applies to basically most of my male friends.

16:53We really struggle to express our emotions

16:54and feelings and needs.

16:55And the exercises and journaling prompts and everything

16:57in this book, No More Mr. Nice Guy,

16:58are super, super helpful

16:59and could potentially change the course of your life

17:00if any of this sort of stuff has resonated with you so far.

17:03And now we're onto book number four,

17:04which is an amazing book called

17:05The Second Mountain by David Brooks.

17:08Now, the whole thesis of this book

17:09is that there are two mountains that we climb in life.

17:12The first mountain is the mountain of the self.

17:14It's the mountain of achievement.

17:16It's the mountain of freedom.

17:17It's the mountain of, I wanna make money.

17:18I wanna be successful.

17:19I wanna make something of myself.

17:21And then one of three things happen.

17:23Either we get to the top of the first mountain,

17:25scenario number one,

17:26or we get knocked off that first mountain

17:28and into the valley through someone close to us

17:30having a health problem or dying,

17:31or ourselves having a health problem or dying,

17:33or some kind of major life event

17:35that takes us off of the first mountain.

17:36And then we end up in this valley.

17:37And in the valley is when we realize that,

17:39oh, there is actually a second mountain.

17:41And the second mountain is the mountain of commitment.

17:44It's the mountain of service.

17:45It's the mountain of where your life is not just about you.

17:47It's about serving other people.

17:49It's about committing to something.

17:50It's about building a family.

17:51It's about contributing to something greater than yourself.

17:54It's about getting involved in your local community,

17:56getting involved in your local church or mosque

17:58or whatever the thing might be,

17:59like really going for your business

18:00because of the service that it provides.

18:01David Brooks argues that while the first mountain

18:03might make you happy and give you freedom,

18:05the second mountain gives you joy.

18:07And lasting joy is actually way better

18:10than momentary happiness.

18:11Now, if any of that resonates with you,

18:12if you're at a stage of your life

18:13where maybe you've been on the first mountain

18:15for a long time, as I have,

18:16and you might find, you know, in fairness,

18:19I've gotten to the top of the first mountain.

18:21I've got freedom.

18:22I've got success.

18:23I'm famous.

18:23People come to me on the streets

18:24and they say how much they love me,

18:25how much my work's changed their life,

18:26all this kind of crap.

18:27I've got loads of money, all this kind of stuff.

18:28This is all like first mountain crap.

18:29This is all like I'm optimizing for freedom.

18:31I'm focusing on myself.

18:33I want to be famous.

18:33I want to be rich.

18:34I want to be successful.

18:35But you get there and you realize

18:36that it's not all it's cracked up to be.

18:38And when you're at the top of the first mountain,

18:40it sort of feels a bit hollow.

18:41It sort of feels like,

18:41ugh, do I really want to continue working

18:43for more fame and more achievements

18:45and more accolades and more freedom

18:47and more like optionality

18:48and more like lack of attachment?

18:50Really?

18:51Is that really what I want?

18:52And when I read this book,

18:53I read it, I've been slowly reading it

18:54on and off over the last year.

18:55And again, so much stuff in this has resonated with me.

18:58I'm just gonna read out some highlights

18:59because I like reading highlights.

19:00There's a crucial way to tell

19:01whether you are on your first or second mountain.

19:03Where is your ultimate appeal?

19:04To self or to something outside the self?

19:06If the first mountain is about building up the ego

19:08and defining the self,

19:10the second mountain is about shedding the ego

19:12and losing the self.

19:12If the first mountain is about acquisition,

19:14the second mountain is about contribution.

19:16If the first mountain is elitist, moving up,

19:18the second mountain is egalitarian,

19:20planting yourself amid those who need

19:22and walking arm in arm with them.

19:24Oh, beautiful.

19:25Here's another one.

19:26People on the first mountain have lives

19:28that are mobile and lightly attached.

19:29People on the second mountain are deeply rooted

19:31and deeply committed.

19:33The second mountain life is a committed life.

19:35When I'm describing how second mountain people live,

19:37what I'm really describing is how these people

19:38made maximal commitments to others

19:41and how they live them out in fervent, all in ways.

19:44These people are not keeping their options open.

19:45They are planted.

19:46People on the second mountain have made strong commitments

19:48to one or all of these four things,

19:50a vocation, a spouse and family,

19:52a philosophy or faith and a community.

19:54Good stuff.

19:55I'm at the moment, like I'm currently in LA filming this

19:58because I'm in the middle of a digital nomad

19:59traveling around the world.

20:00And I know a lot of people who have done this sort of thing.

20:02And they usually say somewhere between six, 12, 18,

20:0524 months into the journey,

20:06you realize that actually all of this travel

20:08and all this freedom is no longer that fulfilling.

20:10I haven't done it before, so I'm doing it,

20:12but I kind of know full well,

20:14based on people I've been speaking to

20:15and based on reading this book,

20:16that the thing that's gonna bring me lasting joy

20:18is not the ability to just travel the world

20:20and do whatever I want.

20:21The thing that's gonna bring me lasting joy

20:22is getting married, having a family,

20:24committing myself to like a thing,

20:26really taking my job seriously and like sharing ideas

20:29and showing up in full service mode and full contribution

20:31with love and contribution and stuff,

20:33even and not worrying about the money.

20:35And I just know that if I just do that,

20:36it'll bring me lasting joy

20:37and it'll probably make loads of money as well.

20:38Here's another highlight.

20:39My first mountain was an insanely lucky one.

20:41I achieved far more professional success

20:43than I ever expected to,

20:44but that climb turned me into a certain sort of person,

20:47aloof, invulnerable and uncommunicative,

20:49at least when it came to my private life.

20:50But when I look back generally on the errors and failures

20:53and sins of my life, they tend to be failures of omission,

20:56failures to truly show up

20:57for the people I should have been close to.

20:59They tend to be the sins of withdrawal,

21:00evasion, workaholism, conflict and avoidance,

21:03failure to empathize and a failure to express myself openly.

21:06I have two old and dear friends

21:07who live 250 miles from me, for example,

21:09and their side of the friendship

21:10has required immense forbearance and forgiveness

21:12for all the times I've been too busy,

21:13too disorganized, too distant,

21:15when they were in need or just available.

21:17I look at those dear friendships

21:18with a gratitude mixed with shame.

21:20And this pattern, not being present to what I love

21:22because I prioritize time over people,

21:24productivity over relationship,

21:26is a recurring motif in my life.

21:27Oh, mate, there's another really good one.

21:30I felt really called out by this.

21:32He describes the sort of person

21:33who's on the first mountain.

21:35In centuries past, emerging adults took their parents,

21:37jobs, faiths, towns and identities.

21:39But in the age of I'm free to be myself,

21:41you're expected to find your own career path,

21:42your own social tribe, your own beliefs, values,

21:44life partners, gender roles, political viewpoints

21:46and social identities.

21:47As a student, your focus was primarily on the short term,

21:49but now you need a different set of navigational skills

21:51to the far horizon goals

21:53you'll begin to orient your life towards.

21:54And then he goes on to kind of describe

21:56this person who lives on the first mountain.

21:57This is an excellent way to begin your 20s,

21:59but the problem with this kind of life

22:01only becomes evident a few years down the road

22:03if you haven't settled down into one thing.

22:05If you say yes to everything year after year,

22:07you end up leaving what Kierkegaard lamented

22:09as an aesthetic style of life.

22:11The person leading the aesthetic life

22:13is leading his life as if it were a piece of art,

22:15judging it by aesthetic criteria.

22:16Is it interesting or dull, pretty or ugly,

22:18pleasurable or painful?

22:19And here is where I felt really called out.

22:21Such a person schedules a meditation retreat here,

22:23a burning man visit there,

22:25one fellowship one year and another one the next.

22:27There's swing dancing one day, soul cycle twice a week,

22:29Krav Maga for a few months,

22:30Bikram yoga for a few months more,

22:32and occasionally a cool art gallery on a Sunday afternoon.

22:34Your Instagram feed will be amazing

22:36and everybody will think you're the coolest person ever.

22:38You tell yourself that relationships really matter to you,

22:40scheduling drinks, having lunch,

22:41but after you've had 20 social encounters in a week,

22:43you forget what all those encounters

22:44are supposed to build to.

22:45You have thousands of conversations and remember none.

22:48The problem is that the person in the aesthetic phase

22:50sees life as possibilities to be experienced

22:53and not projects to be fulfilled or ideals to be lived out.

22:55He will hover above everything, but never land.

22:58In the aesthetic way of life, each individual day is fun,

23:00but it doesn't add up to anything.

23:02In the aesthetic way of life, each individual day is fun,

23:05but it doesn't seem to add up to anything.

23:06And if you feel like this concept, this metaphor,

23:09first mountain, second mountain resonates,

23:11if you feel like maybe you're like me

23:12and that you've been chasing your own selfish needs

23:15for success and freedom and fame and money

23:16and all that shit for way too long,

23:18and now you feel like actually

23:20there's something more to life,

23:21there's something, there's more joy to be found

23:22in commitment and attachment in settling down, as it were,

23:26and you settling down is not a bad thing.

23:28If you're at that stage of life,

23:29I think you're gonna love this book.

23:30It's really, really good.

23:31David Brooks, what a fucking legend,

23:32what a fantastic book.

23:33Now, if you got to the end of this video

23:34and you've been vibing with the way my philosophy

23:36on this sort of stuff,

23:37you might like to check out this video over here,

23:38which is a life update video that I did recently.

23:40It was very long, that shares some of these sentiments

23:42around this sort of second mountain stuff

23:44and some of the realizations I've had

23:45around kind of serving the self, serving other people,

23:47doing what I want, like chasing money,

23:49fulfillment, happiness, all that kind of stuff.

23:51That's in a video right over there.

23:52Thank you so much for watching and I'll see you next time.

23:53Bye-bye.

4 Life Changing Books to Read in 2024 - Ali Abdaal

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