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00:00So I have spoken to people that have been in the porn industry before and one thing that they pointed to me
00:05Which I just think that if people know this I don't see how any person in good conscience could consume porn is
00:11how high the suicide rates are for women in the industry and
00:16How drugged a lot of these women are to give themselves the confidence to be able to do what they are doing
00:23yeah, and how drugged they are after they do these scenes to be able to try to numb the pain of
00:29Realizing what they have just done or what they have contributed to can you speak a little bit about that?
00:33Yeah, so in 2018 there was like back-to-back-to-back suicides. I mean it was every month
00:40I think there it was like five or six months in a row. Somebody was dying. I have
00:45Probably 15 friends that have died to either suicide or drug overdose
00:49I just lost somebody that I was very close to last year
00:54It's a very there's a very high death rate in the porn industry
00:59And as far as drugs, I mean I was one of those drug addicts
01:03I had left the industry at one point at my three and a half year mark because I was withdrawing from heroin
01:10And that's when I ended up meeting a pimp and he got me back into the industry for another three
01:15So talk about when you became a drug addict so you're in the industry for three years you left because of your addiction
01:21When was the first time that you did heroin and and what gave you that impulse?
01:24Okay, so well heroin. I mean there were other drugs that led up to that. So I was on set
01:30I was new in the entertainment or in the adult industry and I had I was I'm
01:37105 pounds 5 foot 1 inch. I'm not overweight, but a director tells me you're fat
01:43You need to lose weight and in high school, although I'd never like been a pot smoker
01:48I did try coke a few times and so I knew that it would make me not eat
01:53So I asked one of the models like hey, I mean apparently I'm fat and I need to lose weight
01:58like is there you know, do you have access to like any cocaine and she was like
02:03You know very suspicious as to why I was asking her
02:06I'm like, no, I really do just want to buy a cocaine and so she ended up getting me some and then from there
02:12I just kind of got hooked and I started using it every day
02:15And then I started dating a guy that introduced me to the Norcos
02:20Which are like Vicodin there for pain pain medication from there
02:25It went to Oxycontins and then from Oxycontin
02:28there was a girl that I was buying Oxycontins from that said
02:31Have you ever chased the dragon and I'm like, what does that mean?
02:34I thought she was talking about something important and she's like come over and I'll show you
02:38so I hung out with her and she pulled out this piece of foil put a piece of black tar with like
02:44It was like a plastic, you know, you could where you put your tampons in
02:48Yeah, it was like a plastic from that. Mm-hmm an applicator. Thank you
02:52And she just started smoking heroin in front of me and she's like it's better than Oxy
02:56So I tried it and used that for many months before I decided that you know what like I can't take this anymore
03:03I had called my grandma and told her hey if you don't come get me
03:07I honestly think I'm gonna commit suicide because I can't take this life anymore Wow
03:11Wow, so you became a heroin abuser started with Oxycontin cocaine and then it leads to something needing something stronger and stronger and stronger
03:17Now were you taking these drugs before scenes after scenes between you know between scenes?
03:22I I lived on drugs because what happens when you become addicted is
03:27Your body goes through intense withdrawals. So if you don't eat it what it needs you
03:33You're gonna lose control of your bowels your legs everything's gonna hurt you're gonna be in intense pain like far worse than the flu
03:40Like you just feel awful
03:42So I I mean I was on them every day when I was down to like my last 10 to 15 pills
03:47I'm like need to call the dealer because if they don't have them I need to figure it out
03:50Like I mean it was a vicious cycle of like I'd get paid from porn
03:54But then I'd have to go and chase the drug dealer
03:56Like I my net worth said was said to be like, I don't know three point four million dollars by the time
04:02I left the business. I left that industry with my last paycheck
04:06$1,500 you're making money and then you're spending the money to get drugs
04:09Yeah, Wow, and I do I only know one person personally that's ever been addicted to heroin what I've known from way back
04:17From middle school and I remember seeing her as she got clean and when she described to me in detail
04:23What the withdrawals were like to get off of heroin. She just said it was like dying
04:27Yeah, that's like dying every piece of your body. It's just you know, she and she was you know in the hospital
04:34And she said there's not you can't even describe that sort of pain
04:36It's awful and yet you were willing to go through that pain
04:39You call your grandmother and you say come get me and did she come get you?
04:42she did she drove up to Los Angeles moved me in with her into her home in San Diego and
04:48I mean I did get help from a doctor
04:50I went to a doctor got on what was called suboxone to kind of help alleviate the withdrawal a little bit
04:55But it was still pretty bad. Okay. Why didn't you call your mother or your father? You know what I at that time
05:01Had a very very hindered relationship with my mom
05:06she and I have a great relationship now, but she was the cause of a lot of
05:12The voids that that I had in life, you know, okay
05:15Okay, so your grandmother comes to the rescue and how long did you spend with her?
05:19I was with her for maybe three to five months before I
05:25Met a guy that I started dating. He was in a motorcycle gang. I had moved in with him
05:30He got stabbed to death in front of me
05:32And then from there I had nowhere to live and the pimp which was his friend
05:37Comes and kind of is like, oh, well
05:39I'll put you in a hotel for a few days and he's giving me meth and you know
05:42Cuz at this point I started using crystal meth
05:45And you get clean while you're with your grandmother. I did sort of yeah
05:49But it was a very short stint of being clean like it didn't last long. Obviously. Mm-hmm
05:53So you felt right back in you watch your ex-boyfriend get stabbed to death
05:58His friend he's the pimp. It says hey, I'll take care of you
06:02You need some worse place to stay and now he's supplying you with drugs. Yeah, methamphetamine. Yes
06:08Totally different drug from heroin totally different. Yeah, this one gets you wired. So I start hearing voices
06:13So he ends up taking me to a mental institution. I get clean there for a few days and then he brings me to his apartment
06:20He was actually a believer
06:22Backslidden believer, so he introduces me to the Bible and takes me and gets me baptized
06:28This is the same person that gave you the math. Mm-hmm, and he is a pimp
06:32Yes, but he's also a believer and after you go into a mental institution
06:36He says actually by the way, I forgot to mention that aside
06:39Yeah, I'm being a pimp and aside from supplying you with drugs. I also am a believer
06:44Yeah, because he was a meth addict at one point and found God and that's how God healed him
06:48But then he ended up going into this line of work if you want to call it that I'm not sure how God
06:53Yeah healed him, but he's also yeah, you're right
06:56Methamphetamine. He sounds like a conflicted Christian very much so which is you know, it's that's not to make fun of him
07:02It's just a point to the fact. No, it's true. You know, he clearly was still it's true struggling himself, but
07:08So after I get tells you about Christ. Yeah, so
07:12Yeah, so after I get
07:14Yeah, so after I get
07:16Clean and I kind of have like just a new almost like a new attitude because I'm reading the bible every day
07:21But I don't really understand it. He starts to explain to me that
07:26You know, Jesus loves prostitutes because of Mary Magdalene and very twisting
07:30Twisting the scriptures and then from there
07:32He's like, you know, I just think it's time
07:34I think that it's time for you to get back into the porn industry and you know, and I'm just like
07:40like I knew that he was a pimp but
07:42he because men were my weakness and I was
07:45I had grown attracted to him at that point and I thought like
07:48Oh, no, like he even gave me a ring proposed to me all of this
07:52So i'm thinking like I thought we were in love like I was very naive like why would you put me back in?
07:58You know, I don't know. I let him take advantage of me
08:00I didn't know I was vulnerable at that time in my life and how old are at this time? Uh, 21 so young
08:05Yeah, so young. Yeah, all this has happened. You've seen a lot of life up into this point
08:09Absolutely now you think you're in love and he says
08:13You know jesus loved prostitutes and I think it's time for you to go back to the porn industry
08:18And you I go back you went back back. I told him I said
08:23You know me thinking that we're in love like hey if uh, if I go back to the industry, we're not gonna last
08:29And he's like, oh, yeah, we're gonna be together forever
08:32so three years later
08:35You know, I had an encounter I actually had an encounter with god and I just felt like
08:39You know what? I need to leave this guy
08:41And so he'd been taking all my money for three years, but I prepared myself. I stashed money
08:47From an overnight escorting gig that I did
08:50In I think it was in miami and uh, he found out about the money that I stashed took it
08:55I was crazy called 911 threatened to turn him in and he gave me the money and
09:00I ended up getting away from him and that time it was actually with the help of my mom
09:04Really? So did you did you call her and I did a desperate moment in a desperate moment?
09:09Yeah, and what did what did you say to her? I told her mom. I need to get away from this guy
09:14I said, uh, he's no good for me. I'm sure you know that and I honestly I really need your help
09:19Wow, and what did she do? She showed up. She lived about 15 minutes away and she was there for me
09:24Okay, and so you were able to get that money back from him. Yes
09:28Okay, so that I could get my own apartment and a car at that point and it must have been a lot of money
09:34Yeah, he was taking all well. I mean he took all my money for three years
09:38Yeah, so I think I want to say I stashed around ten thousand dollars
09:41I got a little five thousand dollar car from craigslist and was able to get an apartment
09:45Then I had no money and I was gonna go back to what I knew
09:48So, um, I went and filmed my last porn scene before I had yet another god encounter
10:04So