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00:00["Toxic Crusaders Theme Song"]
00:14["Toxic Crusaders Theme Song"]
00:16Toxic Crusaders, Toxic Crusaders
00:20I had no friends, no girls that hugged me
00:22Till I got radioactive ugly
00:25Toxic Crusaders, Toxic Crusaders
00:29I live in a dump, cause the rent's real low
00:31Gotta let a man climb in, he loves it so
00:34Toxic Crusaders, Toxic Crusaders
00:39Now me and the boys fight against law
00:44Now we're hideously deformed
00:48["Toxic Crusaders Theme Song"]
00:58Hey, I'm sittin' on top of the world
01:02With my mom, choo-choo, and girl
01:05Wow!
01:06Toxic Crusaders, Toxic Crusaders
01:11Toxic
01:12["Toxic Crusaders Theme Song"]
01:20Good morning, Island City!
01:22This is radio station W-O-V-U
01:25Reminding everyone we've got a Stage 87 smuggler
01:28So wear your gas mask
01:29And remember, don't get caught outside during an acid rainstorm
01:32It's a horrible way to go!
01:34I love this town!
01:37Do you know why I love this town?
01:40Because you own it?
01:41Because it's the most polluted city in the world!
01:45And I, Dr. Kilimaw, made it that way!
01:49Behold my evil genius!
01:55If you love your puppy, give him wolf dog food
01:59The dog food that makes your puppy woof all over the place
02:04Ruff! Ruff!
02:05I gotta get another job
02:07This guy's a loser
02:08I have to get this stupid thing fixed!
02:17Ah, that's more like it
02:19Look, I know you're an evil genius, Doc
02:21What I don't know is where you want me to dump this Grosolium-90
02:25Ah, yes, Grosolium
02:28The deadliest toxic waste known to man
02:31Dump it in the last unpolluted city in New Jersey
02:35Tromaville
02:37I don't know if that's such a good idea, Doc
02:39What if some complete and hopeless nerd falls into the Grosolium
02:42And transforms into a hiddenly deformed creature of superhuman size and strength?
02:47Don't be ridiculous!
02:49A complete and hopeless nerd
02:52I wish I wasn't a complete and hopeless nerd
02:55Maybe then I'd have a girlfriend who loves me for who I am
02:59Or at least confuses me with someone else
03:02Hey, Bim-Bet, look at Melvin Junko
03:05What a complete and hopeless nerd
03:08Yeah, gawk me with a reich
03:10Melvin's a real nuclear pee-yooker
03:13How about if we have some fun with old Melvin
03:16Show everybody what a bogus geek he is
03:19That's a deaf idea, Bonehead
03:21What's the plan?
03:35Sorry
03:39You think he's stupid enough to fall for it?
03:42Ow!
03:44Never mind
03:46Yeah, catch you later, babe
03:48Hi, Melvin
03:50You look really, really cute today
03:53I do?
03:54Oh, yeah!
03:55In fact, I think it's time I dumped scuzzy old Bonehead
03:58And started dating a really cute guy like you
04:01You do?
04:02Would I lie?
04:03So, what do you do at night, huh?
04:05Well, at 7 o'clock I practice burping
04:08At 8, I wax my chicken
04:10Then from 9 to 10, I like to smell my armpits
04:14How about if you meet me at the pool after the club closes
04:18And we get to know each other better
04:20Know what I mean?
04:22No, but I'll be there
04:24Great
04:25Oh, would you also do me one big favor?
04:27You want to hear me burp?
04:29No, I want you to wear a special outfit on our date tonight
04:33A tutu?
04:34Oh, gee, I don't know
04:36Please, Melvin
04:39It would mean so much to little Bim
04:41Than a big, handsome, melty, welly, woody, cute, weirdo tutu
04:47Okay, if it means so much to you
04:50You sure you don't want to hear me burp?
04:52What a moron
04:55Oh, boy, this is my lucky day
04:58I got a girlfriend
05:03Sorry
05:09Gee, I hope Bim Bim thinks I look okay for our date
05:14Pink isn't really my color
05:16I hope my mop doesn't clash
05:29Yoo-hoo, Bim Bap, I'm ready
05:32Bim Bap?
05:35He fell for it
05:37Come on, let's go get him pink
05:39Oh, my goodness
05:41Get him, get him
06:01I just have the strangest feeling I made a mistake
06:04Sending that Rosolium to Trumaville
06:07A complete and hopeless nerd?
06:10Nah
06:15Please, help me
06:17I'm changing into something horrible
06:20I'm changing into a school teacher
06:26Oh, no
06:27I'm changing into something even more horrible now
06:31I'm turning into a movie producer
06:37Oh, no
06:38I'm changing again
06:40I'm changing into a...
06:42A hideously deformed creature
06:45Of superhuman size and strength
06:52What?
06:53Oh, I've got a big problem
06:59Mom, it's me, Melvin
07:02Melvin, my son
07:04Hi
07:05Hello
07:06Oh, what am I gonna do?
07:08Now that I'm a hideously deformed creature
07:10Of superhuman size and strength
07:12Where will I even live?
07:14Try the toxic waste dump
07:16Thanks, Mom
07:17I knew I could count on you
07:20My new home
07:22Oh, well, I guess it isn't so bad
07:24Look at the bright side
07:25How many people have a home that glows in the dark?
07:29Ha-ha
07:32Well, hi, little fella
07:34Why, you're a cute little blob
07:36Let's see, what'll I call you?
07:38I know
07:39How about Blobby?
07:45Well, Blobby
07:46Here's where I will live my life
07:48All alone
07:49With no one to love or care for me
07:51But you
07:53Hey, watch that beautiful sound
07:58Hmm
08:00La-la-la-la-la
08:03The wild is beautiful
08:06The wild is love
08:10We are brothers and sisters
08:12Of that I'm pretty sure
08:15Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha
08:18Hey, sweet thing
08:20You got something we want
08:22Wanna guess what it is?
08:24Gee, do I win anything if I guess right?
08:26I really could use a microwave
08:28Or maybe a waffle iron
08:29I'd love a waffle iron
08:31Oh, I know what I need
08:32How about a socket wrench?
08:34Your accordion, Dumbo
08:36Give it now
08:40Hey, this is weird
08:42Something bad is happening nearby
08:44I can feel it in my body
08:46Somebody help me, please
08:48Let go of my accordion
08:51Now I'm sure somebody's hurting an accordion
08:54Help!
08:56Hey, you punks, leave that girl alone
08:59Whoa, look, fellas
09:01It's Melvin the mop boy
09:03Your days of picking on nerds and accordion players are over, bonehead
09:07Let's get him
09:12This'll teach you to mess with a hideously deformed creature of superhuman size and strength?
09:25Hey, man, what's happening to me?
09:28I better get out of here
09:31Feel lucky, punk?
09:33Not really, no
09:40Are you okay?
09:42Fine, thanks to you
09:43I did lose my contact lenses, so I can't see too good
09:46Gosh, you're very handsome
09:48Boy, this really is my lucky day
09:54Help!
10:00Let go, let go, let go!
10:03Now I'm sure somebody's hurting an accordion
10:05Stop it!
10:11Yvonne, gee, that's a pretty name
10:14Thanks, it means pretty girl who walks in sunlight
10:17Or big rusty broken cougar, I forget which
10:19So what should I call you?
10:20Well, I used to be called Melvin
10:22Now that I've had a small accident with toxic chemicals, I think I need a new name
10:26How about if I call you Chemicals, or Misty Chemicals, or Bucky Ted, or how about...
10:30Toxy, that's it, you can call me Toxy
10:34Uh-oh, I'm getting that weird feeling again
10:37Something evil is happening, and it's happening real close
10:41Help, bad guys are gonna destroy our orphanage
10:44So they can build a poisonous chemical plant
10:47Hmm, where could that evil be?
10:50Huh? Hey, bad guys are trying to destroy that orphanage
10:54That's not right
10:57And my mop is alive
10:59I bet that happened when it fell into the toxic chemicals with me
11:02Okay, mop, let's you and me clean up this mess
11:14Have no fear, Toxy's here
11:16Let go of her, you creep
11:21Oh, thank you, Toxy
11:23You're welcome, sweetheart
11:25Now please step aside, a battle against evil is no place for a little girl
11:31Are you all right?
11:32I'm having a ball
11:47Hey, you shot my tutu
11:49Now I'm really mad
11:55Excuse me, but I need this vehicle to fight evil
12:02Whee!
12:04Whee!
12:21Toxy! Toxy! Toxy! Toxy!
12:26Can you tell our home viewers what just happened here?
12:29I'm not sure, but I think my new boyfriend talks to his mop
12:32Yeah, I'll tell you what happened
12:34My son, Melvin Junko, who is now a hideously deformed creature
12:38With superhuman size and strength
12:40Saved those poor orphans from being thrown out of their home
12:44We understand your name is Melvin Junko
12:46Not anymore, from now on my name is Toxy
12:49And I'm a crusader against pollution, crime, and other stuff
12:52So I guess we could call you the Toxy Crusader
12:56Hey, yeah, I like that
12:59The Toxy Crusader
13:01What?
13:02No! How can this be happening?
13:05I told you so
13:07What did you say?
13:08Nothing
13:09It must be stopped
13:11This Toxic Crusader must be eradicated
13:16All my plans to pollute the world will be destroyed
13:20Let me take care of this Toxic Crusader
13:23Why should I give you the pleasure of killing him?
13:26Because he did this to me
13:28All right, then
13:29Do away with him and you will be well rewarded
13:33No sweat
13:34You can say goodbye to the Toxic Crusader
13:38Goodbye
13:47I'm a hero
13:49I'm feeling warm and snuggly
13:51Got a girlfriend, although I'm also ugly
13:54I'm a hero
13:55I'm feeling warm and snuggly
13:57I'm a hero
14:01What's the matter, little girl?
14:04Toxy, my kitty got stuck in a tree
14:08Aw, don't cry
14:10I'll get your kitty down
14:11Mop, do your stuff
14:17Here you go, honey
14:18Have a nice day
14:20Thanks, Toxy
14:22You're the best
14:27I'm a hero
14:29Hey, what happened to the happy music?
14:32Oh, well
14:35Okay, Toxic Crusader
14:38Get ready to become the Crushed Crusader
14:47Uh-oh
14:48I got that old feeling
14:51Oh, no
14:52Look out, little girl
14:54Look out
14:57Are you okay, Toxy?
14:59Actually, I'm feeling a little run down
15:01He's moving in for the kill
15:03This is the end of the Toxic Crusader
15:07I don't know, Dr. Killamoff
15:09What if old Toxy jumps out of the way and defeats Bonehead with his super-powered mop?
15:13Don't be ridiculous
15:15Are you ready, Mop?
15:28What?
15:30Oh, no
15:32Bonehead has been defeated by the Toxic Crusader's cursed mop
15:37I told you so
15:39What did you say?
15:40Nothing
15:41I will have to put an end to this Toxic Crusader myself
15:45Psyduck, prepare my radiation rangers for battle
15:49While I prepare a special weapon just in case
15:53He's still my beater, so he's helped by other hideously deformed creatures with superhuman size and strength
15:58Psyduck!
15:59I grow weary of your ridiculous ideas
16:02Sorry, bad guys are so stupid
16:10Yvonne, it's me, Toxy
16:12Oh, Toxy, we missed you so
16:15Honey, where are you?
16:17I'm right here, Yvonne
16:18Oh, goody, I have a surprise for you
16:20I've got new glasses so I can finally see your gorgeous face
16:24Yvonne, no!
16:29Oh, I should have known this would happen
16:31How could a beautiful, intelligent girl like Yvonne ever fall for a hideously deformed creature such as myself?
16:37But I did fall for you, Toxy
16:39Huh? But the minute you saw how ugly I am, you screamed
16:43You're not ugly, you're very handsome
16:45It's your child that made me scream
16:47Now that's ugly! I mean more than ugly, it's gross!
16:50Okay, so she's just beautiful
17:07Ah, Toxy, honey, I don't think I can go out tonight
17:09I really have to wash my hair
17:13Can I help you?
17:14Say your prayers, Toxic Crusader
17:17Why? Am I going to bed now?
17:19No, you are going to die for standing in the way of my plans to pollute Tromaville
17:26But why do you want to pollute Tromaville?
17:28What good does it do anybody to poison the environment?
17:31I've always wondered that myself
17:33It may be poison to humans, but not to the people of my planet, Smogula
17:40Oh man, I'm working for a cockroach
17:44For the Smogulans to take over this planet, the air and water must be first poisoned to our liking
17:51But if you poison our planet, as if we can't do it ourselves, then all human and animal life will die
17:57What's your point?
17:59Oh, I'm definitely in the presence of some big time evil
18:03My point is this, Bughead, this is my planet
18:08Even though I don't look like I'm from it
18:10And this is my town, which means it's my job to keep it safe, beautiful and free from pollution
18:16Then prepare to die, Toxic Crusader
18:21Apocalypse, now!
18:27I sure could use some help
18:30Excuse me, but me and my friend are looking for a hideously deformed creature named Toxic
18:39Have you seen him?
18:40He's up there
18:42Oh yeah, that's him
18:46Desert Heights
18:51You little fools, get him!
18:53I hate this part
18:55It's clean up time!
18:57Sorry
19:00Excuse me, my name's No-Zone
19:02This is my friend Major Disaster
19:04We're both hideously deformed creatures with superhuman size and strength
19:09Really? Me too!
19:11Yeah, we know
19:12We saw you on TV and wanted to come join you
19:15Well, I have to warn you, it's a tough job
19:18There's no dental plan, and we don't get any piece of the merchandising
19:22That's okay, we just want to fight bad guys
19:25Great, you're hired
19:27What's Major Disaster doing?
19:29He has the power to control plants
19:31It takes him a few seconds to get going, though
19:37Hey, what's going on?
19:39Let go, let go!
19:42Hey, that's a cool superpower
19:45Release the loot
19:47Shh!
19:52Destroy the toxic crusader and his prey
19:59Look!
20:00It's some kind of living oil slick
20:02Mom, come back!
20:06Mom hates a mess
20:08Oh no, that thing ate my mom!
20:11What do we do now?
20:13I've got an idea, follow me
20:17Kitty litter? What are we doing with kitty litter?
20:20Toxie, we're not fighting Heathcliff
20:23Trust me, just empty the kitty litter onto the ground
20:26Now, Nozone, aim your schnozola at that thing and use your sneeze power
20:30You got it, buddy
20:41The kitty litter is drying up the oil slick
20:48Oh, mop, are you okay?
20:52This can't be happening!
20:54If it weren't for those other two hideously deaf old creatures helping the toxic crusader, I would have defeated him
21:02I told you so
21:09Oh, Toxie, I'm so proud of you
21:11You saved Dromaville
21:13Of course he saved Dromaville
21:15He's my son, he's a hero
21:17I'm no hero, mom
21:19I'm just doing my part to keep Dromaville beautiful, safe and free from pollution
21:24Gee, what an amazing coincidence
21:26All three of us were turned into hideously deformed creatures with superhuman size and strength by accident
21:32That's right, I was a soldier in the army when I fell into a radioactive swamp
21:37And I was a pilot when I flew through a hole in Nozone and crashed my plane into a silo of radioactive pepper
21:46Thank you
21:47Well, lucky for us, we were all hideously deformed
21:50Because now we're the Toxic Crusaders
21:55Sounds like a good name for a TV show
21:57I brought some dinner for you boys
22:01I made your favorite, burgers
22:03Guess what, everybody
22:05I wrote a new song about my brave handsome boyfriend and his two new buddies
22:08Listen
22:09Hideously deformed
22:11Superhumanly strong
22:14We are the Toxic Crusaders
22:16And they fight us against all
22:20A-one, a-two, a-three
22:22We are the Toxic Crusaders
22:25We are the Toxic Crusaders
22:28We are the Toxic Crusaders
22:31Of that we're pretty sure of
22:34Achoo! Gesundheit
22:35We are the Toxic Crusaders
22:37We are the Toxic Crusaders
22:40Of that we're pretty sure of