Norbert Smith (1989) - A Life - Harry Enfield
Transcript
00:00So you've been here for quite a while, then, Sir Norbert?
00:05Yes.
00:06I think we moved here about 25 years ago or something, in 1960 or what not, you know.
00:14It is a lovely house, isn't it?
00:16Yes, it's a converted vicarage.
00:18Really?
00:19Yes.
00:20It used to be an old country manor house, but I just had it converted into a vicarage
00:24a few years ago.
00:27Hello.
00:28Hello.
00:29Sir Norbert Smith, actor, is 80 this week, and in this special television tribute, we
00:34look back on his distinguished career on stage and in films.
00:58Sir Norbert was born in 1909 in this South London house, in this room, the drawing room,
01:23about here, where this cup of tea is, although in 1909, this cup of tea probably wasn't
01:28here.
01:30His father was a man, and his mother, a woman, but not all his life is as well documented
01:36as this.
01:38Several of his old school friends at the time have some very amusing anecdotes about him.
01:45After school, most evenings, he would take himself down to the Peckham Empire, where
01:49he fell in love with the music hall.
01:53Yes, Mr Wilkinson and his amazing dog act, that was one of my favourites.
02:01I saw that a lot.
02:02Do you know, he used to have a different dog on stage with him every night.
02:06Now, come on, Rupert.
02:07What are you going to do for us?
02:08Good boy, Rupert.
02:09He used to blow them up, exploding dog act, marvellous but messy.
02:26Don't get acts like that anymore, illegal.
02:34His childhood love of the music hall was to stand him in good stead for his first major
02:38film role, as a sidekick to the popular comedian of the time, Will Silley, in the 1936 film,
02:44Oh, Mr Bankrobber.
02:45All right, all right, all right.
02:46Now, look, there's the safe.
02:47Now, we'll blow it open.
02:48Blow it open?
02:49Yes, yes, yes, we'll blow it open.
02:50We can't blow it open.
02:51Oh, why can't we blow it open?
02:52Look, it's locked, yes.
02:53No, no, no, you don't understand.
02:54You blow it open with the jelly.
02:55Jelly?
02:56Is it a party?
02:57No, a jelly night.
02:58Jelly night?
02:59I like parties.
03:00Oh, don't be so silly.
03:01Look, now, this is the jelly night.
03:02Is it safe?
03:03Now, there's the safe.
03:04Now, look, there's the safe.
03:05What's the charge?
03:06Robbing a bank.
03:07How can a charge be robbing a bank when we haven't even robbed it yet?
03:08Oh, you don't want to rub it.
03:09Rub it?
03:10Rub what?
03:11Oh, the charge.
03:12It'll go off.
03:13What'll go off?
03:14Cheese, if you leave it out.
03:15Who's talking about cheese?
03:16I like it.
03:17You like it?
03:18Oh.
03:19Oh, he likes it.
03:20You like what?
03:21Jelly.
03:22Oh.
03:23Look, here's the charge.
03:24What's that ticking?
03:25It's a clock.
03:26A clock?
03:27Yes, a clock.
03:28A clock?
03:29Yes, a clock.
03:30A clock?
03:31Yes, a clock.
03:32A clock?
03:33Yes, a clock.
03:34What's that ticking?
03:35It's a clock.
03:36Oh, I know it's a clock.
03:37What's it doing?
03:38Well, it's ticking.
03:39Well, I know it's ticking.
03:40What's it doing on the charge?
03:41I put a time fuse on it.
03:42You put a time fuse on it?
03:43Yeah.
03:44I timed it to go off exactly one hour after I left the house.
03:45But when did you leave the house?
03:46Well, three minutes after I got up.
03:47Well, what time did you get up?
03:48Well, six hours after I went to bed.
03:49But when did you go to bed?
03:50After I had my cocoa.
03:51And when did you have your cocoa?
03:52After the milk had boiled.
03:53But when did you boil the milk?
03:54Well, I was listening to the wireless.
03:55Well, what was on?
03:56I just told you.
03:57The wireless.
04:04Hang on, hang on, hang on.
04:05I've got it.
04:06You come home.
04:07You boiled your milk.
04:08You had your cocoa.
04:09You listened to the wireless.
04:10You went to bed.
04:11You got up.
04:12You went to bed.
04:13Come here.
04:14The dynamite should go off in exactly...
04:15Three minutes' time.
04:16Now, look what you've done.
04:17Now, I have to start all over again now.
04:18Now, where's the charge?
04:19What's the charge?
04:20Robbing a bank.
04:21How can a charge be robbing a bank?
04:22We haven't even robbed it yet.
04:23Now, come on.
04:24I've got it.
04:25I've got it.
04:26I've got it.
04:27I've got it.
04:28I've got it.
04:29I've got it.
04:30I've got it.
04:31I've got it.
04:33Sir Norbert, before you made your film debut in 1936,
04:37you had, of course, appeared in several notable stage productions, hadn't you?
04:42Yes, I had.
04:43Had I?
04:44Yes.
04:45Yes.
04:46Yes, I had, yes.
04:47In fact, you once performed with the young Sir John Gielgud.
04:51Yes.
04:52I performed with him before he was Sir John,
04:54when he was playing Larry Olivier.
04:57I was bottom to his front end of pantomime horse.
05:01In the Scottish pantomime.
05:03The Scottish pantomime?
05:04Yes.
05:05That's not his real name, of course.
05:07I never say it's real name.
05:09No?
05:10No, no.
05:11Oh, no.
05:12No, I never say it's real name.
05:13Because, you see, I can't remember it.
05:16Darling, go and have your bath.
05:20Would you like a bath?
05:22Norbert's success with Will Silly had disguised the fact
05:25that he was already an accomplished, serious actor.
05:27And his next film, Rebel Without a Tie,
05:30was to shock audiences,
05:31with its frank and accurate portrayal of juvenile delinquency
05:35in the 1930s.
05:37Oh.
05:38Oh.
05:39Oh.
05:40Oh.
05:41Oh.
05:42Oh.
05:43Why, hello, Barney, mate.
05:45Why, hello, belly old chump.
05:47What have you been up to?
05:49Why, I've been up to no good, Barney.
05:51Why, only this moment I'm callously mugging this dear old lady.
05:55And all for the sake of a mere sixpence.
05:58Why, that's the right rotten royal thing to do.
06:01Barishing well done.
06:02Thank you very much, matey.
06:05Come on, ducks, hop it.
06:12Shall we go and smash a few shop windows now,
06:14for no reason at all?
06:16What a smashing good idea.
06:18Fancy a brick?
06:20Thank you very much, matey.
06:25Blimey, here's the law.
06:27Quick, let's copper.
06:29Good thinking, Billy.
06:30Gotcha.
06:31Oink.
06:33Now, on your way.
06:35Why, copper.
06:37Up until now, I read in for a life of crime.
06:40What with having irresponsible parents
06:42and never not having done a decent day's work in me entire life,
06:45nor I ain't not nor nothing.
06:47But now you've given me that permit friendly clip round the lug hole,
06:51I'm a completely reformed character.
06:54I realise I done wrong, and why, I bitterly regret it.
06:58And I intend to repay me debt to society immediately
07:02by scampering off and finding work.
07:05It may be poorly paid, but at least it'll be honest.
07:09Ta-ta, copper.
07:11Ta-ta, sonny.
07:14The success of Rebel Without a Tie
07:17made Norbert realise that possibilities were opening up for him
07:21beyond the shores of England.
07:23And in 1938, he set sail for the Isle of Wight,
07:27where for nine months he was to appear in twice weekly rep.
07:31One of the actors he met there,
07:33who was to be a lifelong nodding acquaintance,
07:36was Sir Donald Stuffy.
07:38One of the most marvellous actors,
07:41indeed, possibly the most versatile, charismatic
07:45and selfie-facing actors I've ever had the pleasure of working with,
07:50is me.
07:52And the fact that Nobby knew me
07:55must have greatly improved his status
07:58with our audience at the Shankly and Hippodrome.
08:01Yes, Sir Norbert, of course, said of you,
08:05Yes, Sir Norbert, of course, said of you in his published diaries,
08:09and I'm reading from the entry for December 7th, 1938,
08:23Oh!
08:25Do you have any further comments?
08:27Ah, well, Nobby's always been most critical of his dearest friends.
08:35Then, in September 1939,
08:37the peace of the Isle of Wight was to be shattered
08:40by the outbreak of war in Europe.
08:43Not wishing to shirk his responsibilities towards his country,
08:47Norbert Smith set sail at once for America,
08:50where he felt he could best serve the war effort
08:53by making musicals in Hollywood.
08:55One of the first was Lullaby of London,
08:58written and choreographed by Jaime Rokaswicz and Karl Schwarzelberg.
09:05LULLABY OF LONDON
09:08Oh, London, London, I'm singing your song
09:12Because London's the town where I belong
09:15I'm eating blueberry labjacks
09:18They tell me I'm backjacking, oh, London
09:21London town
09:23There's the Tower of London
09:25Where the President of England
09:27Chopped off the head of his wife
09:30On Buckingham Palace, on Oxford Fowler Square
09:34Where the bluebirds gladly land in your hair
09:37And then there's Camden Town
09:39Where the dames all frown
09:41When the yellowcats pass them right by
09:44It's just a one-dollar bus ride
09:47To Burmans in Dockside
09:49Give me that little red bus, Mac
09:51In oh, London
09:53Ding, dong, ding, dong
09:57Ding, dong, ding, dong
10:00Yes, there's a one-way, subway straight
10:02Where my uncle got eaten
10:04By a crocodile that came out of the swamp
10:07He'll debacle a woman
10:09Just outside of the Dome
10:11In oh, London
10:13Good old London
10:15Good old London town
10:18This was it, I call London town
10:21There it lies
10:23Good old London town
10:26Good old London town
10:32Then in 1941, America entered the war
10:35And Sir Norbert decided to return to Britain
10:37And was invited by the government
10:39To front a series of important propaganda films
10:46Good evening
10:47Now, there are a lot of old wives' tales going around
10:51About how one can catch this condition
10:54So let me put the record straight
10:56As clearly, concisely, and frankly as possible
11:03Number one
11:05It cannot be contracted from lavatory seats
11:09Two, it's caused by all types of sordid frightfulness
11:14Three, and by ghastly horridness
11:18So what exactly are the symptoms of this condition?
11:22Well, firstly, feeling a little bit fragile
11:26Secondly, nasty messiness
11:29And finally, unpleasantness on the unmentionables
11:33So, what should you do to minimise the risk of infection?
11:39Well, it's perfectly straightforward
11:42First of all, you buy one of these
11:45I've got it in my hand there
11:47You take it out of the packet
11:49And slip it firmly over your...
11:53And then your...
11:55And finally, you dispose of it in a recognised place of refuse
11:59Well, good night
12:03Sir Norbert, it was of course your voice on the BBC
12:06That brought us the news of England's defeat of Germany
12:09Yes, it was
12:10Bunny
12:11Thank you
12:12Can you remember that commentary?
12:14Yes, I can
12:15Commentary?
12:16Yes, I can, thank you very much
12:21How did it go?
12:22Hmm?
12:23Oh, er...
12:25Yes, people on the pitch, they think it's all over
12:28Hearst, 4-2, it is now
12:30Hooray!
12:31I'm sorry, is he bothering you?
12:34After the war, Sir Norbert was to direct and star
12:37In a revolutionary series of Shakespearean plays and films
12:40Most notably Hamlet
12:42Which he adapted in collaboration with Noel Coward
12:46My Lord Hamlet
12:49Horatio, I do forget myself, the very same
12:52Tell me, my Lord, how was Denmark?
12:55Very rank, Denmark
12:56I rather thought it might be
12:58Tell me what else is new
12:59I'm longing to catch up on all the gossip
13:01Well, my liege, last night I saw the king, your father
13:05How is my father?
13:06Very dead, your father
13:07How was his ghost?
13:08Very white
13:09Will he appear again tonight?
13:10I rather think he might
13:11How very tedious
13:13Still, I do so love the battlements by moonlight
13:16Yes, they're rather grand, the battlements by moonlight
13:18Aren't they?
13:19Yes, like a biscuit box
13:20How are you, my liege?
13:21Very melancholy, me
13:23How very tedious
13:24I rather hope you won't soliloquize
13:26I do so detest soliloquies
13:28They're like precocious children
13:30Always demanding one's attention
13:32Yet they've rarely anything to say
13:34To be or not to be, that, my dear, is the question
13:37I rather feared it might be
13:39Whether it is nobler in the mind
13:41To suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
13:44Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
13:46And my opposing enemy
13:48To die to sleep
13:50Cigarette?
13:51Thank you
13:52There's the rub
13:57Sir Norbert's Shakespearean productions established him
13:59As one of the leading figures in British film and theatre
14:02Along with Olivier and Ralph Richardson
14:06I remember Ralph Richardson came to stay one weekend
14:09No, it was John Gilbert
14:10And I went to collect him off the train
14:13And he arrived with this enormous bloody great suitcase
14:17I said, Ralph, you're only here for the weekend
14:19What the hell have you got in there?
14:21When he says Ralph, he means John
14:23And he didn't say anything
14:25He just tapped his nose
14:26And gave that little giggle the way he does
14:28Never did that
14:29John did that, but Ralph didn't
14:31And then that evening at dinner
14:33They were just bringing the soup in
14:35It was a terry
14:36And he got this suitcase out
14:39Out of the table
14:40He put it on the table
14:42And he opened it up
14:43And there inside, would you believe it
14:46Was this most marvellous
14:48You're right
14:49It was Ralph Richardson
14:51I'm so sorry
14:56Can I plump your cushions for you?
15:00By now, Norbert Smith was so well known
15:02That he was offered one of the prize roles of the time
15:05One which many of the very highest in the acting profession
15:07Had auditioned for
15:12Oh, darling
15:13I feel so awful and ghastly and frightful
15:15And sordid and dirty
15:17Oh, darling
15:18You mustn't feel like that
15:19You mustn't
15:20But, darling, I do
15:22Can't you see I feel somehow branded
15:24With this terrible, indelible stain
15:25That'll never go away, never
15:27Darling, it needn't be
15:29No, it'll never come out
15:30Somehow this shirt will never be the same
15:33This stain will remain with me for the rest of my life
15:35And I'll always be awful and ghastly
15:36And sordid and dirty and nasty
15:38Stop it, darling, stop it
15:39I can't bear it
15:41Because there is something
15:45Nusatsu
15:47Just use it, darling
15:49For me
15:50And I promise you'll be clean and pure
15:52And white and lovely
15:53And heavenly and fragrant
15:54With an almost lemony freshness
15:56I can't
15:57Don't you see this is madness?
15:59Where will it lead?
16:00Trust me, darling, and be brave
16:01I can't
16:02For my sake, darling
16:05Try Nusatsu
16:11Oh, darling, you are right
16:13It is clean and white and soft and lovely
16:15Like you always said it would be
16:17I feel so silly
16:18So very, very silly for doubting you
16:20Goodbye, darling
16:23Don't ever forget me
16:25I may forget you, my darling
16:27But I'll never forget my Nusatsu
16:34Nusatsu
16:42Sudso, it washes clothes
16:44There was some speculation at the time
16:46Of a romantic involvement between Norbert
16:48And his co-star in the famous Sudso commercial
16:50Cecilia Johansson
16:52But in fact, he was shortly to marry Maisie Mitford
16:55The youngest of the famous Maisie sisters
16:58Yes, I was introduced to Maisie
17:00By a very dear friend of mine, Tumble Massey
17:03And I started walking out with her
17:05That seemed to be it, really
17:07I remember Tumble didn't really approve
17:10But then, you see
17:12He was married to her at the time
17:15Do you know how old this walking stick is?
17:17No
17:18No, I can't remember either
17:22At the time, Maisie Mitford, along with Diana Dawes
17:24And many other aspiring actresses
17:26Was a member of the rank charm school
17:29What was Maisie Mitford like then?
17:33Did you think she had a future as an actress?
17:37I suppose so
17:39And did you come across Sir Norbert at this time?
17:42Yeah
17:45What was he like?
17:47What?
17:49So, you taught people charm then?
17:56Thank you
17:59Their wedding was one of the social events of the year
18:03We were all there
18:06Except me
18:08There was Larry Olivier
18:10Ralphie Richardson
18:12Peggy Ashcrofty-Wofty
18:14Vivi Kinsley
18:16Anna Neagley-Weagley
18:19Rexy Pooh Harrison
18:22The young Bertie Lanky-Wanky-Ancaster
18:27And various other absolute sods
18:31In 1955, you opened your own studios
18:34Yes, Norbert Studios
18:37Would you like a cup of tea?
18:39Well, um...
18:40It's a bit cold, I'm afraid
18:42I made it out of my bath this morning
18:44But I forgot about it
18:46Yes, Norbert Studios
18:48Well, what we wanted to do, you see
18:50Was to revive the British film industry
18:53Unfortunately, everyone wanted to see American films
18:56So to start with, we had to make a whole lot of westerns
19:00Shall I have a cup of tea?
19:02Well, stranger, I guess we all misjudged you
19:06We're all mighty grateful
19:08And we'd like to thank you for ridding our town of these violent vermin types
19:12I don't suppose we can persuade you to stay
19:15Some of us have grown rather fond of you
19:18Shucks, no, I'm afraid I've got to be on my way
19:22I suppose I don't hold no store by no settling down
19:25You see, I'm a restless type of chap
19:28Who's just got to keep a-roamin' on
19:30If you should ever feel like popping in for a cup of tea
19:33You'd be most welcome
19:35Yes
19:36Why, gee, thank you, ma'am
19:38Three cheers for the stranger!
19:40Hip-hip!
19:41Hooray!
19:42Hip-hip!
19:43Hooray!
19:44Hip-hip!
19:45Hooray!
19:47Well, goodbye, everybody
19:49And the best of American to you all
19:51So long
19:54Right, Smudgy
19:55Shot on
19:58Bye!
19:59Bye!
20:00Bye!
20:01Bye!
20:04Come on, boy
20:05Let's go for a clear run
20:09Up, up, up
20:11Last one
20:12Gee, well done, Smudgy
20:14It's a sugar lump for you at the next town
20:17So, no, but that wasn't perhaps your best film
20:20No, no, no
20:22Do you think it could be said to be ahead of its time?
20:26Yes
20:27I don't think that English audiences were quite ready to see
20:30A group of such distinguished British actors
20:33Making such fools of themselves
20:35But I did enjoy making it
20:38In fact, it was on that film that I first met Jack Wilding, of course
20:42Who became a very good friend of mine
20:44In fact, of ours
20:45In fact, did you have an affair with him, no?
20:47Oh, yes
20:48He was a marvellous, imaginative lover
20:51Oh, he had a wonderful sense of fun like that, Jack did
20:55He really did
20:57Shall we?
20:58So Norbert was to enjoy greater success with a series of gentle comedies
21:02Such as Whimsy Galore and Passport to Puddlewich
21:06Which starred the comedian Dick Dottie
21:08You were fabulous, Nobby, fabulous
21:12You were always Nobby to me and I was always donkey to him
21:16I don't have to tell you why, do I?
21:22But seriously though, it wasn't all fun
21:25I remember one film, Nobby got ill with a glandular disorder
21:29He put on so much weight he just sat around his dressing room all day
21:33And when I say sat around his dressing room
21:35I mean sat around his dressing room
21:38He got so fat he used to kick-start jumbo jets for hobby
21:42When he walked on the set
21:43All the weigh machines used to jump back in the doorway
21:49Yeah, well, could you talk about the films you made together?
21:52I remember the first film I did with him was in Africa
21:55Firstly on the set there's Sir Norbert, surrounded by pygmies
21:59I said, chocolates
22:01He said, no, small geezers
22:04In a fabulous way
22:07Thank you
22:09There's Sir Norbert, an Irishman and a Scotsman
22:11They've all been captured by cannibals
22:13They're in this big pot and the Irishman turns to Norbert
22:16And he says, I'll tell you
22:18Look at her, isn't she a beauty?
22:21Yeah, terrific
22:22Ah, yes, she's an Austen, you know, Austen Martin
22:26Everybody loves her
22:28They all follow me, you know, when I go out for a drive
22:31They follow me down the road as I go along, 15 miles an hour
22:36They hit their horns and flash their lights and everything
22:39She's bound to fight
22:42Sir Norbert
22:46And then you starred in a series of historical costume dramas
22:49Beginning with your playing Wolfgang Mozart in Mozart, Man of Music
22:53Yes
22:54Despite the fact that when you played him
22:56You were already 20 years older than he was when he died
22:59Yes, remarkable bit of acting by me, that
23:04Shall we do a left, yeah?
23:05Yes, let's do a left
23:16Damnation and blast
23:17My new symphony opens tonight and I still haven't thought of a tune for it
23:21If only I could think of the opening lines, that would be something
23:26Cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo
23:30Terrible, that confounded cuckoo
23:32Singing all day long
23:34Cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo
23:40Cuckoo
23:49Cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo
23:54Cuckoo
23:58After Mozart, he was to play a very different composer
24:01The tormented but brilliant Beethoven
24:03In the film Beethoven, Man of Music
24:09Damnation and blast, Mrs B
24:11I've written fierce symphonies, I've got to be able to think of a font
24:16Damn it, if only I could think of the first lines, that would be something
24:19Oh, never mind, Ludwig dear
24:22Why don't you take a break?
24:24Look, it's almost lunchtime
24:31Why?
24:40No lunch today then
24:41Why?
24:49Many years later, he was to draw upon his experience as Mozart and Beethoven
24:52In his portrayal of a famous contemporary composer
24:55Andrew Lloyd Webber, Man of Music
24:58No, no, no, no
25:03No, that won't do at all
25:05Damn it, Sarah, we're opening Jesus Christ Superstore tonight
25:08And I still can't think of a tune for Mary Magdalene to sing
25:11You haven't appeared on stage since your memorable Uncle Vanya
25:14Which you gave, a little surprisingly, in the middle of George Bernard Shaw's Pygmalion in 1958
25:19Yes
25:21Is that because you prefer working in films?
25:23Well, you see, it's a different technique in films, isn't it?
25:26I mean, one only has to use one's eyes
25:29And a quick turn of the head
25:31Like that, you see
25:33And that's all done
25:34Whereas in the theatre, of course, you have to use your whole body
25:37And you have to absolutely catch the audience
25:40Whether they're down in the stalls or up in the galleries
25:43What's the rule?
25:44Concentration, concentration, concentration
25:47All the time, you see
25:48Do you have any particular memories of the stage?
25:52Well, it all seems so very far away now
25:55Well, there's something I seem quite close to
26:01Him, for instance
26:04In 1959, in recognition of the success of his studio
26:07His Shakespearean productions and his Sudser commercials
26:10He was to be knighted
26:14Perhaps surprisingly, his first film as a knight
26:16Was to be one of the gritty, new, socially realistic films
26:20It's Grim Up North
26:34There's your paper
26:36Now, bloody time
26:37Where's our Eileen with my tea?
26:39Eileen?
26:44There you are, Dad
26:45What's that under your arm?
26:47It's a baby, ma'am
26:48Oh, no, nothing of the baby
26:49Who's the father this time?
26:51I don't know, ma'am
26:52You were pitch black round the back of the chip shop
26:54Just the one, is it?
26:56No, ma'am, it's triplets this time
26:58Oh, I don't know how we're going to be able to cope
27:02What's he crying for?
27:03He's like a bloody baby
27:05He is a bloody baby
27:08Hello, ma'am
27:10What time do you call this to come home from school?
27:12I had to stay and see the headmaster
27:14Why was that, then?
27:16Because I was late for school because Dad gave me a belt
27:18And so I had to stay behind and get the cane
27:21Got the cane, did you?
27:22Right, I'm taking my bloody belt to you for that
27:24You do no such thing, you leave the kids alone
27:27Can't belt your own kids when you want to
27:29The whole world's gone soft
27:31Tell your father to take his feet off the chair
27:34Why don't you tell him?
27:35You do what your mum tells you, you feel the crack of my hand
27:38I'll really take your feet off the chair
27:40Don't tell me to take my feet off the chair
27:42I'll take my bloody belt to you
27:44You kids have all gone soft
27:46You don't know when you were born
27:48April 17th, 1951
27:50Don't be so bloody cheeky
27:55All right, you've decided to come home, have you?
27:57I'm not stopping up, miserable bloody house
27:59You'll come back down here and bully your brother, you will
28:01You're a bunch of miserable bastards
28:03I'll miserable bastard you if you're not careful
28:05All right
28:06All right, and don't talk back
28:08I'll talk the way I bloody like I bloody will
28:10Now I'm going upstairs to get changed into my smart gear
28:13I'm going out to get me a skinful and a bird
28:16I'm going upstairs and getting into my smart gear
28:18And going out and getting a skinful and a bird, you if you're not careful
28:21How will you do that?
28:22I'll take my bloody belt to you, that's how
28:24You couldn't take your belt to anyone
28:26You're not even wearing a bloody belt
28:28Who's taken my bloody belt?
28:30I'll find out, I'll take my bloody belt to them
28:32You poor sod, Dad
28:34You've no money and you're always bloody moaning
28:36You're a miserable bloody house, sod
28:38Oi, this is the old
28:43Ah, brother, can I have some money to buy some shoes?
28:46No, you can't be, you're going to have a clip around the ear, you little bastard
28:48Can I have fruit, please, to buy a packet of golf toppers?
28:51There you go, our kid
28:52Thanks
28:53That's not our kid, that's next door's
28:56Come back here, you little bugger
28:59When's that baby going to grow up and get a proper job?
29:02Oh, stop your whining, Dad
29:04Oh, that's it, I've had enough
29:06I'm going out to fly my whippage
29:08Aye, you know how to fly your bloody whippage
29:11If I had a proper home to come back to
29:12I wouldn't have to keep going out and flying my bloody whippage
29:15I'm fed up with this
29:16I'm going out to kill some more of our kid's pets
29:19No, Mum, don't let him kill my pets again
29:22Oh, and stop your whining as well, you little bastard
29:27Brian Beale, It's Grim Up North was your first film
29:30Yes, that's right
29:31Do you think the rather poor reviews harmed your career at all?
29:34No, no, I'm extremely happy with my career since then
29:38In fact, I've gone from strength to strength
29:39Waiter!
29:40Just...
29:41Another Perrier, please
29:42Just coming
29:43Excuse me
29:46But sadly, It's Grim Up North was to be the last production from Norbert Studios
29:53Like many of the films he was making
29:55It was deemed to be too English in its appeal
29:57And it was unable to compete with the international sophistication of current American movies
30:05For Sir Norbert himself, the parts started to dry up
30:08While he went in the opposite direction
30:10Yes, I suppose I did start to drink a bit
30:13I only came to realise it when I found myself drinking a bottle of vodka every morning
30:18Yes
30:19Before my bottle of whiskey
30:22Can I get out, please?
30:23It was very sad
30:25I suppose when Sir Norbert's studio died
30:28Part of him died with it
30:30So he's dead right
30:32He's at the gates of heaven
30:33The St. Peter
30:34Him
30:35An Irishman
30:36And a dwarf
30:37Cut!
30:38Like many actors, Sir Norbert had always had a problem of not knowing who he was
30:42But now he also had the problem of not knowing where he was
30:45How he'd got there
30:46Or why there were two of everything
30:52Some of Sir Norbert's weaknesses were to be subtly probed by Cyril Freebody
30:57When he appeared on his famous interview programme, Head to Head
31:04Sir Norbert, you've been an extremely prominent figure in the theatre and the cinema for 25 years
31:11I'd like to begin, if I may, by saying
31:14Why are you so hopeless?
31:16I don't think I am, really
31:19Forgive me for saying this, but you're a complete alcoholic and a lousy actor
31:23I've always thought I was a rather good actor
31:26I hope you'll excuse me for saying this, but you're useless
31:29All of the films you've been in have been total rubbish
31:32And the last three made me physically vomit
31:35I am very sorry about that
31:38Perhaps we could turn away, if we might
31:41From your career to your personal life
31:45Good, good
31:48Now, you're not very well endowed, are you?
31:50How do you know that?
31:52Because, if you'll forgive me, I'm having an affair with your wife
31:55Oh
31:57And you smell
31:58In fact, I can smell you from here
32:00So, with all due respect, sir
32:02Why don't you go and shoot yourself?
32:05Yes
32:06Sir Norbert Smith, it's been a great pleasure
32:09Thank you very much
32:10Thank you very much
32:12Determined to pull himself together by working
32:14Sir Norbert accepted an unlikely role as the father of Davy Throb
32:17The current teen pop idol
32:19Who'd taken over the mantle of the British Elvis from Tommy Steele
32:22In Keep Your Hair On, Daddy-O
32:25Peggy Morley, Peggy Morley
32:28Since you've left, I've felt so sorry
32:31Oh, Peggy
32:33Peggy Morley
32:35What do you young people think you're doing?
32:38Keep your hair on, Daddy-O
32:40Wow
32:42Keep your hair on, Daddy-O
32:44Stop that at once
32:46I was just sitting down to write my submission
32:48To the Human in Uniform column of the Reader's Digest
32:51When you started up with your awful pop
32:53Now, why don't you all just go away?
32:55Dad, can't you see?
32:57If we weren't in here playing our music
32:59We'd all be hanging around in the streets and getting into trouble
33:02Yes, that's right, Mr Wilton
33:04Sure know I'd never thought of it like that
33:06Why, you young people really are doing something creative with your lives after all
33:10That's right
33:12In fact, I'm afraid I've been a bit of a blinkered old buffer all round, really, haven't I?
33:16Never mind that, come on, make us a nice hot cup of tea
33:18No, I can't do that
33:20Why?
33:21Well, because I... I don't know how to
33:24Never mind, I'll teach him, won't we, kids?
33:27Yeah!
33:32You gotta heat the pot, you gotta heat the pot
33:36You gotta heat the pot, whether it's warm inside or not
33:39You've got to heat the pot
33:41That's the way, Daddy-o
33:43And then you put the water back down the kettle spout
33:46And wait for the kettle to boil a little before you pour it out
33:50You pop in the tea and water too
33:52And wait and wait for it to brew
33:54And get a couple of cuppers
33:56So nice for me and you
33:59So nice for me and you
34:02So nice for me and you
34:07And if you start again, what cannot be forgot?
34:10You've got to heat the pot
34:17Yeah!
34:18Yes
34:19Gerald!
34:24The film was such a disaster that it's been shown on peak time Christmas Day television ever since
34:30Well, there was a kind of generation gap between Sir Norbert and us young guys
34:36The girls, the all-night drinking, the drugs, the fast cars
34:42He was into all that
34:44We just used to go to church
34:48But worse was to come
34:50The success of the American Lassie films led to a series of poor British imitations with the Rover series
34:57Oh dear me, yes
34:59The Rover series
35:01Yes, I played Rover's owner, Mr. Crabshaw, in Rover Returns Home
35:08But at least he saw the first ever screen appearance of a young actor
35:12Who was soon to become famous for his chameleon-like versatility
35:15Michael Caine
35:16Crabshaw, Mr. Crabshaw!
35:18What is it, Billy?
35:19Quick, Mr. Crabshaw, Rover's coming
35:21I think he wants something
35:22Hello, Rover
35:23Anything the matter, old son?
35:25Wuff, wuff, wuff
35:27I want a drink of water
35:29Straight bowl
35:30If you don't get me one, I'll bite your bloody leg
35:34All right?
35:35His career was now at its lowest ebb
35:37And his off-screen drinking started to become his on-screen drinking
35:41When he was teamed with Richard Smashed, Dick Booze, Oliver Guinness and Peter O'Pissed in The Dogs of Death
35:47As a group of slightly over-the-hill commandos, they stormed a Nazi castle
35:51And drank their way through the budget in just under two months
35:54Sir, Professor Goodman
35:56Now we have the chance for a really civilized conversation
36:01I will ask you once again
36:03What is the formula for the bomb which is splitting the atom?
36:09Very well
36:10What is the formula for the bomb which is splitting the atom?
36:16Very well
36:41What is the meaning of this? Who are you?
36:47Major Cartwright of the Red Hairs
36:50Sir, I am impressed
36:52You are members of the Red Hairs, the crack elite commando unit
36:57Whose members are said to be the fittest soldiers in the British Army
37:00Your intelligence is good
37:02I congratulate you on your effort, Herr Major
37:05But regretfully, I cannot allow you to take the Professor off my hands
37:10I'm afraid I think you'll find you'll have little choice, Herr General
37:14On the contrary
37:16Hey, Lightman, how very good of you to drop in
37:19If you would be so good as to put your guns down
37:27Now step away from the table
37:31Well, well
37:33It is most convenient that I should be dropping in
37:36So, Major Cartwright
37:39We meet again
37:43Again?
37:44Yes
37:45We met four years ago
37:47In Berlin
37:52The 1936 Olympics
37:55Your athletic ability deprives the Reich of three gold medals
38:02I think you'll find it was four
38:05My apologies
38:07I was forgetting your decathlon
38:10You were fast then
38:12But today, not so fast, I think
38:15Goodbye, Herr Major
38:26Oh, God
38:51Right, we've just 30 seconds till the castle blows
38:54Come, Professor
38:55Let's go
39:02Finally, you decided to take treatment for your alcohol problem
39:05And it worked
39:06Yes, it did
39:08The cure's very simple, really
39:10They told me I had to give up completely all beer, wine and spirits
39:14And so I did
39:19Would you like a sherry?
39:21Yes, they drink
39:23Nobby had a very serious drink problem
39:26He couldn't get enough of it
39:28Stop it
39:30I remember
39:32I remember one night
39:34He came round to my house
39:35He was in such a terrible state
39:37A terrible state
39:39He was in Alaska
39:41Thank God
39:43Oh, no, no
39:44No, but seriously
39:46He looked awful
39:47A very, very sick man
39:49And a Scotsman
39:50And a Frenchman
39:51Cut!
39:52Are you an admirer of today's generation of actors?
39:55Oh
39:57Three chaps in particular
39:59Those nice men in white coats
40:02I like them, yes
40:04How do you do it?
40:06Oh, do it
40:07And they do that little dance, don't they?
40:10You do it, oh, do it
40:12You do it, oh, do it
40:14You can do it as well
40:17Yes, I like them
40:19Oh
40:20I'm so sorry to have hurt you
40:23In the early 60s, Sir Norbert joined the campaign for nuclear disarmament
40:27So when, after 20 years of hunger marches and after dinner speeches
40:31He was asked to star in a film about the British peace movement
40:34He readily agreed
40:36Despite some reservations about the script
40:50Bomb shell! Bomb shell! Bomb shell!
40:55Bomb shell! Bomb shell! Bomb shell!
41:05Now then, ladies
41:07What are you doing here?
41:09Blimey
41:11I thought all the bomb shells were inside the camp
41:14Oh, cheeky
41:15Now, listen
41:16We want you to put them down
41:18If you don't, we will
41:23No, silly
41:24Those unsightly erections of yours
41:26They're a danger to us all
41:29I should flip in cocoa
41:31Go on, stick them up all over the place
41:34If you don't withdraw them quickly
41:36Well, you're going to get us all into trouble
41:39Chance would be a fine thing
41:43Right, you rascal
41:44Come on, girls, charge
41:47Step further and you're liable to a heavy fine
41:51Now, girls
41:52Girls, girls
41:55Head of good men
41:58Now, ladies, please
42:00What on earth is going on here?
42:01That man there
42:03He threatened to give me a big stiff one
42:06Sergeant!
42:07Fine, sir
42:08No, it certainly is not fine
42:10Now, come along, girls, please
42:12Let's look at this thing rationally, shall we?
42:15Let us all have a little discussion
42:17Where you can all put over your points of view
42:19Yes, let's have a mass debate
42:23Sergeant!
42:26I only meant we should get it out and thrash it out in the open, sir
42:29That's what I thought you meant
42:31Now, look here, ladies, please
42:33These missiles here are completely safe
42:36I have absolutely no intention of dropping one
42:41I sure don't know
42:43Come on, girls, charge!
42:45Don't disagree with the government!
42:50Now, after an absence of nearly 40 years
42:52Hollywood was to call him again
42:54And like many other distinguished British theatrical knights
42:57He was to appear in over half a dozen films
42:59As a foul-mouthed, upper-crust butler
43:01Ah, Travis
43:02Would you bring me some more soap?
43:04Shut up, you bitch
43:07And get your laughing gear round this
43:11Passionate personal conviction, as with carry-on banging
43:15Has led to what is to date his final film
43:18A biography of the great African leader Nelson Mandela
43:22In which he cast himself in a title role
43:26When will the people of South Africa be free?
43:33I said to Botha
43:36What?
43:37I said to Vervoort
43:39Vervoort, ver...
43:41There's a few words to say
43:43Vervoort
43:44When the state give up their arms
43:47Then we will give up ours
43:53Very good scene, that
43:55You know, it's tremendously difficult to play an authentic black African
43:59The amount of research I had to do
44:01I must have seen Olivier's Othello
44:03Five or six times before I got it right
44:06Puffy, love
44:08More puffy
44:11Sir Norbert, a lot of people were upset
44:13That you chose to play Nelson Mandela
44:15Well, there's really no other choice
44:17Why was that?
44:18Well, Sir Alec Guinness simply wasn't available
44:27I'm so sorry
44:29I never smoked a pipe before
44:31Finally, how would people sum up Sir Norbert?
44:35A very, very jolly man
44:38And an Irishman
44:39And a Scotsman
44:40And a Jew
44:43So, Lady Norbert, you've been married now for 35 years
44:46Have you had many disagreements in all that time?
44:49Well, of course
44:50He's always very much believed that a woman's place is in the home
44:53And where do you think, as an actor, Sir Norbert's place is?
44:57His place is in a home
44:59What on earth do you think you're doing?
45:01I'm helping you, my love
45:03Well, you're not any help
45:04I'm trying to wash up
45:05Well, I'm trying to help you wash up
45:07Well, I don't think you're helping me very much
45:09Well, I'm trying
45:10If I wasn't helping you, I'd be in the living room, wouldn't I?
45:13So, Sir Norbert, finally, what are your own plans?
45:16Will we see you act again?
45:18Well, apparently there's a television company
45:21Making a documentary about my life
45:23And they've asked me to play myself
45:25But, you know, I don't think it's really me
45:55I don't think it's me
46:25Yes!
46:26Yes!
46:27Yes!
46:28Yes!
46:29Yes!
46:30Yes!
46:31Yes!
46:32Yes!
46:33Yes!
46:34Yes!
46:35Yes!
46:36Yes!
46:37Yes!
46:38Yes!
46:39Yes!
46:40Yes!
46:41Yes!
46:42Yes!
46:43Yes!
46:44Yes!
46:45Yes!
46:46Yes!
46:47Yes!
46:48Yes!
46:49Yes!
46:50Yes!
46:51Yes!
46:52Yes!
46:53Yes!