Best Seller Romance Series Book 3 Part 6/6
Best Seller Romance Audiobook
Best Seller Romance Series Book 3
Best Seller Romance Series Book 3 Part 6/6
Best Seller Romance Series Book 3
Best Seller Romance Series Book 3 Part 6/6
Transcript
00:00:00Rejection had scarred Kyle as much as the wounds he'd received from Ray.
00:00:04But he was nothing if not loyal, and never once abandoned Jake, even when he'd not been afforded the same courtesy.
00:00:12Isolated and vulnerable, Jake left the door open for bullies to get a foothold.
00:00:17After only a couple of weeks, he was coming home with bruises, all while steadfastly refusing to rat out the culprits.
00:00:25It was almost as if Jake welcomed the fists.
00:00:28There was no fight left in him.
00:00:30He did what he was told without protest.
00:00:33Kyle, of course, did not subscribe to Jake's apathetic ways, and spent more time home on suspension for fighting than at school.
00:00:42Jake's final day came two months later, when an altercation in the boys' bathroom woke him up, and he rained fury down upon his tormentors.
00:00:50It took three teachers to pull him off, and two bullies were sent home battered and bruised.
00:00:56Had he been anyone else, Jake would have been expelled, but because of his special circumstances,
00:01:02my brother was given a one-week suspension,
00:01:05which turned into three when he refused to return, and then into an epic battle of wills with our beleaguered parents.
00:01:13In the end, Jake won the fight, resumed homeschooling, and returned our frazzled household to normal.
00:01:21It was during this time that music returned to the McAllister home.
00:01:25Once such a common sound in our musical family, the beautiful melodies had stopped the day Jake disappeared,
00:01:32and no one had thought to pick up an instrument since.
00:01:35But part of the deal Jake had made with our parents in order to resume his stay-at-home studies
00:01:39was that he would promise to begin practicing again.
00:01:43The day Mom dragged him to the piano was one I'd never forget.
00:01:47I was in my room when I heard those first few notes, and as if it were a beacon of light on the horizon,
00:01:53I followed its life-saving beam.
00:01:56Peeking into the family room, I saw Mom and Jake sitting side-by-side at the piano.
00:02:02She was coaxing him to play, but he was a wounded soul in need of guidance.
00:02:07I watched as her fingers pressed over his and they played a song together.
00:02:12The sight was so sincere and profound that I backed out of the room to give them the moment in private.
00:02:18Instead, I sat with my back against the wall,
00:02:22silent tears of relief and joy streaming down my face.
00:02:26That song you were playing yesterday, I addressed Jake under my bed tent.
00:02:31The one you played over and over. What was it?
00:02:35It was nothing. Just something I made up.
00:02:38That's not nothing, Jake. It was beautiful. You've always been so talented.
00:02:44I thought the music was helping you cope. What happened today?
00:02:48Why did you try to kill yourself?
00:02:51Because nothing can cure me, Emma. I'm doomed.
00:02:55Why do you say that? You didn't do anything wrong.
00:02:59You have no idea what I did.
00:03:03I saw something then, deep in his shattered gaze. Shame.
00:03:08Tell me. That was the deal.
00:03:11The silence lasted so long, I assumed this conversation would be like all others. Lots of stress with no resolution in sight.
00:03:19But Jake surprised me with the first bit of honesty I'd heard since his return.
00:03:24That day,
00:03:26he spoke so low that I had to lean in to hear him.
00:03:30When he took me and dumped me in that room, I wasn't alone.
00:03:35I didn't know it at first because Ray was such a fucking nightmare, you know.
00:03:39I was just focusing on staying alive.
00:03:42But when he finally left me alone for a few minutes, I saw him in a cage,
00:03:48cowering away from me.
00:03:50A boy? I asked, wide-eyed and disbelieving. How had this never come out?
00:03:57No, a dog.
00:03:59A dog, I repeated, still reeling from the information dump I was receiving.
00:04:05Ray had picked him up at the pound a week before,
00:04:08starved him, abused him. By the time I got there, the little thing was as traumatized as I was.
00:04:15He was this small terrier mix.
00:04:19Ugly, with coarse fur, and all folded up with his tail between his legs.
00:04:24He shook so hard I thought he'd stop his own heart.
00:04:27I tried talking to him, but he growled if I got near. It took a few days.
00:04:32But I finally coaxed him from the relative safety of the cage, and we bonded. I even gave him a name.
00:04:40Glenn. In honor of Dad's stupid pet names, you know.
00:04:45I nodded and smiled sympathetically toward him.
00:04:47I already knew where this story was going, and that it would not end well for poor little Glenn.
00:04:53As if acknowledging my fears, Jake messed it up before continuing.
00:04:58I never thought I'd see any of you again.
00:05:01Glenn became my world, and I loved him more than you could ever imagine.
00:05:06He was there for me during the worst of times.
00:05:09He tried to protect me, Emma.
00:05:12Snapping at Ray,
00:05:13even biting him a couple of times.
00:05:15But see, that's what he wanted.
00:05:18Glenn wasn't brought there to be my friend.
00:05:21He was brought there to be a pawn in this elaborate mind game Ray was playing with me.
00:05:26The whole point was for me to love the dog so he could then be ripped from my life like everyone else I ever loved.
00:05:33Everything was falling into place, or so I thought.
00:05:37How could I have known the deprivation ran so much deeper than my innocent mind could ever have fathomed?
00:05:44He used Glenn against me,
00:05:46delivering ultimatums.
00:05:48Him or me.
00:05:50I tried so hard to save him.
00:05:53I sacrificed myself.
00:05:54Took the pain so he wouldn't have to.
00:05:57Went without food so he could eat, but I knew. I knew the day would come when I couldn't protect him anymore.
00:06:04Jake took a moment to draw air into his lungs. He was shaking from the sheer force of the memories sweeping through him.
00:06:12None of this was your fault, I said in a weak attempt to ease his sadness.
00:06:17You did your best.
00:06:19You have no reason to feel guilt and no reason to punish yourself over this.
00:06:25You don't understand, Emma.
00:06:27Ray didn't kill Glenn.
00:06:29Jake dipped his head, a sob escaping him.
00:06:34I did.
00:06:36It took a minute to recover from his admission, but when it finally hit home,
00:06:41I burst into tears.
00:06:43I hadn't even known Glenn, and yet I'd become fully invested in that little dog who loved my brother enough to try to protect him
00:06:50from a monster.
00:06:52It got worse every day.
00:06:54The choices I had to make to save him.
00:06:57I knew at some point I wouldn't be strong enough to put Glenn first.
00:07:01The dog was going to die.
00:07:03It was just a matter of when and how much he was going to suffer.
00:07:07Do you understand, Emma?
00:07:10I had to do it. I couldn't let him have my dog. I owed Glenn that much.
00:07:16So I did it.
00:07:18I killed him, and when he died, so did I.
00:07:26Chapter 23
00:07:29Emma, Full Circle
00:07:33Finn and I mingled with the family in a light-hearted afternoon of food and good company.
00:07:38I was understandably fidgety, knowing what I had to say and expecting the reactions to swing the pendulum of emotions.
00:07:46I left the group behind to use the bathroom, as I was doing a lot lately.
00:07:51Five and a half months along, and I was now really beginning to show.
00:07:55Thankfully, the billowing shirt I'd worn hadn't seemed to raise suspicions just yet.
00:08:00In the next few weeks, though, there would be no hiding, nor did I want to.
00:08:05I rubbed my belly and smiled into the mirror. I could hardly wait to meet my baby.
00:08:11Coming back through the kitchen, I found Mom standing at the counter, cutting up fruit.
00:08:16Music from outside sounded through the open door, preventing her from hearing my approach.
00:08:22I stopped in my tracks as I took in her dreamy expression.
00:08:25Mom was peering out the window, watching her family with a happy smile on her face.
00:08:31Jake was right about her undying devotion to us.
00:08:34This had always been enough for my mother, her family, her children, and it was something I'd begrudged her for half of my life.
00:08:43Somehow, I'd always thought if she'd loved us more, she wouldn't have abandoned us in our time of need.
00:08:48But now I was finally realizing it was that undying love that had destroyed her in the first place.
00:08:55Oh, Emma! she jumped. You startled me.
00:08:59Sorry, I frowned, slipping onto a barstool.
00:09:03No need to apologize. I love the company.
00:09:06You look happy, I commented. She smiled.
00:09:10I like it when everyone is together. I think in a former life
00:09:14I was probably one of those sheepdogs who are only happy when they're herding everyone together.
00:09:19I can't believe how fast the years go.
00:09:22You're all grown up now.
00:09:24Does that make you sad? I asked.
00:09:26Mom's eyes filled with tears, but she smiled as she wiped them away.
00:09:31It does and it doesn't. I miss the younger years,
00:09:34but I love watching you all grow into the people you were meant to be. If you ask me, you're all pretty damn awesome.
00:09:42I nodded, suddenly nostalgic, though I felt a bit unworthy of the devotion.
00:09:47I'd done very little for her in the past decade to really deserve it.
00:09:51Mom, are you disappointed in me?
00:09:54What? she blurted out, looking horrified I'd say such a thing. Of course not. Why would you ask me that?
00:10:03I guessed because I would be if I were you. My throat clenched as I fought to hold back the tears.
00:10:10I haven't been a very good daughter.
00:10:12My mother came around the counter and settled onto the stool next to me. Her hand gently touched my arm.
00:10:19Emma, you know I adore you. Where's this coming from?
00:10:23It's just... I have a lot of regrets.
00:10:27Oh well, if that's the issue then get in line behind me. My regrets circle around the block.
00:10:33You have nothing to regret, Mom.
00:10:36Please, I'm not naive. I know what I've done. To you, to Kyle, to everyone, really.
00:10:42I have to live with those regrets because I can never take back the things I did and said.
00:10:48All I can do is try to make up for the terrible mistakes I made.
00:10:52You did the best you could under the circumstances.
00:10:55No, I didn't. I used to tell myself that, but now I know it was just a cop-out.
00:11:02I gave up, Emma. I gave up on Jake and you and everyone.
00:11:07Instead of fighting, I just abandoned you all. I was weak, devastated.
00:11:12I shudder to think what would have happened if we hadn't gotten him back.
00:11:16I don't think I would have survived.
00:11:19No, I don't think you would have either.
00:11:21The tears were freely flowing down Mom's cheeks now and I rounded the counter to get her a napkin.
00:11:27Mom dabbed at her eyes as I sat back down on my stool.
00:11:32I know I've apologized to you a hundred times, Emma, but I don't think you've ever really heard me before.
00:11:39I want you to listen now.
00:11:41I'm sorry.
00:11:42What you did,
00:11:44the way you stepped up to fill a role that wasn't yours,
00:11:47it was beyond what any 16-year-old girl should have had to shoulder.
00:11:51And I know that your experience has warped your views of love and family and I take responsibility for that.
00:11:58I genuinely wish my shortcomings hadn't affected you the way they did.
00:12:02I love you and only want the best of everything for my little girl.
00:12:07Mom stopped to gather her emotions and then continued.
00:12:11So to answer your earlier question,
00:12:13no, I'm not disappointed in you and I never have been.
00:12:17My concern for you has always stemmed from my own guilt.
00:12:20I just desperately want you to have a fulfilling life,
00:12:24something I fear I've robbed you of.
00:12:27We both sat quietly on the barstools, staring out the window at all the people we loved.
00:12:32My mother had always put us first and nearly died in the process,
00:12:37but look at what she had to show for it now.
00:12:40We were moving forward and her and dad's commitment was what had carried us through.
00:12:46I'd been blaming my mother for being weak when it was her strength that had kept us together.
00:12:51Maybe carrying a child of my own had finally opened my eyes to the sacrifices she'd made.
00:12:57I'm going to have a baby, mom, I whispered. I'm five months along.
00:13:03I could feel her shock. It was hanging in the air, electrified.
00:13:08Her eyes were on me, but I couldn't bring myself to meet them with my own.
00:13:13I'm just, are you okay? I know you've never wanted children.
00:13:18Emma, look at me.
00:13:20Slowly, I lifted my eyes.
00:13:23How are you feeling about this?
00:13:25I set my hand on my stomach.
00:13:28I'm scared. I don't know if I have it in me to be the mother.
00:13:32I stopped, choking up.
00:13:34To be the mother you were.
00:13:37My mom burst into tears.
00:13:38I wrapped my arms around her and we both cried.
00:13:43She'd suffered so much but had pulled herself out of hell and kept our family together.
00:13:48Instead of resenting her, I should have been hailing her for the incredible role model she truly was.
00:13:55My mother was strong and loving and loyal.
00:13:58She was who I wanted to be.
00:14:01I'm sorry, mom.
00:14:02The way I've treated you.
00:14:04I was so angry.
00:14:06What happened to Jake, to all of us.
00:14:08I was just so angry and I needed someone to blame.
00:14:12You were the easiest target.
00:14:14I knew I could hurt you, so I did.
00:14:17If it's any consolation, it never made me feel better.
00:14:21I know now you tried your best and really, you were, are, an amazing mother.
00:14:27And dad, he's my hero.
00:14:30You raised six healthy, happy children.
00:14:34And after everything we went through, that's nothing short of a miracle.
00:14:38Mom straightened up, wiping away her tears.
00:14:42Thank you, Emma.
00:14:44You have no idea what that means to me.
00:14:47And just so you know, it's perfectly normal to have fears about motherhood.
00:14:51When I was pregnant with Keith, I had dreams that I kept him in an aquarium and fed him fish food.
00:14:57So yeah, I guess you could say I was nervous about the type of mother I'd be too.
00:15:02But the moment you hold that baby in your arms, all your questions will be answered.
00:15:07I promise.
00:15:09I lay my head on her shoulder and she stroked my hair.
00:15:13Kyle walked in, took one look at our teary faces,
00:15:16and made an about face and hightailed it out of the kitchen.
00:15:20We both laughed.
00:15:22Such a guy, mom said, shaking her head.
00:15:25He acted like we were about to tie him up and dip him headfirst into a big gooey pot of feelings.
00:15:31I lifted my head, chuckling at my mom's very accurate assessment of Kyle's horrified face.
00:15:38Does Finn know? she asked.
00:15:41Yes.
00:15:42How does he feel about the baby?
00:15:45Oh, you know, he's loving the whole thing.
00:15:47Can't wait.
00:15:49Obviously, it was a huge shock for both of us,
00:15:51but we're committed to this baby and determined to give him or her a good life.
00:15:56Mom smiled, gazing out the window.
00:15:59Finn was playing a game of one-on-one with Keith on the basketball court.
00:16:04And what about the two of you?
00:16:06You seem happy.
00:16:08We are.
00:16:09It's just...
00:16:10What?
00:16:11I don't know if I told you, but we broke up for a while.
00:16:15I knew it was his dream to be a father, and I felt I wasn't the woman to give that to him.
00:16:20How ironic, now, right?
00:16:22He was totally committed to our relationship, and I really hurt him.
00:16:26And when I knocked on his door two months later,
00:16:29offering him everything he'd ever wanted, Finn dropped it all to take me back.
00:16:34But sometimes I can just feel his hesitation.
00:16:37I'm not sure he fully trusts me, and it makes me worry he's only staying for the baby.
00:16:43Oh, Emma, you're the wild card, not him.
00:16:46Finn's in love.
00:16:47He wears it on his sleeve.
00:16:49The way he looks at you with blinders on, like you're the only girl he sees.
00:16:54Every mother wants that for her daughter.
00:16:57All you have to do is love him back with that same intensity, and he's all yours.
00:17:02I do love him.
00:17:04And you tell him that?
00:17:05All the time?
00:17:07I... well, maybe not as much as I should.
00:17:11I think I'm subconsciously still trying to protect myself.
00:17:15You can't fully love if you don't give all of yourself.
00:17:19If you want my opinion, I think you're overanalyzing things.
00:17:23You think?
00:17:24I laughed.
00:17:25Huh.
00:17:26That's not like me.
00:17:28Mom grinned, then hugged me again.
00:17:30Believe it or not, falling in love is the easy part.
00:17:34Just let yourself go and enjoy it, because from time to time,
00:17:38real life will come along with some punishing blows and knock you on your ass.
00:17:43The more love you have surrounding you, the more cushion you have when you fall.
00:17:47Your father and I have weathered some gnarly plunges.
00:17:51If we hadn't had that strong foundation from the start, we never would have made it.
00:17:56I want that for Finn and me.
00:17:59From what I see, you already have it.
00:18:02The battle has been fought and you've won.
00:18:04Your prize is right out there waiting for you.
00:18:07All you have to do is relax, take a few deep breaths, and go claim him.
00:18:12Not for Finn, not for your baby, but for you.
00:18:16Because, my beautiful girl, you deserve it.
00:18:21After Mom and I carried out the food, I sought out Finn.
00:18:26He was sitting comfortably with the boys, discussing basketball.
00:18:30The fact that he had so easily blended in with my family was not lost on me.
00:18:34I could imagine us, wrangling our toddler, surrounded by family.
00:18:39Mom was right.
00:18:41I was in control.
00:18:42I could make it happen if I just opened myself up to the possibilities.
00:18:47Finn caught my eye, looking concerned.
00:18:50You okay?
00:18:50He mouthed.
00:18:52I nodded, smiling as I made my way over to him and perched on the edge of his chair.
00:18:57I put my arm around his shoulder, and he reached up to touch my hand as he gazed up at me with
00:19:02that look my mother said she saw in him.
00:19:05She was right.
00:19:07Our future depended on me letting go of my hang-ups and allowing myself to love.
00:19:12If I wanted Finn, I had to show him.
00:19:15Leaning down, I cupped his face in my hands and said,
00:19:19I love you, before pressing my lips gently to his.
00:19:23Surprised at first, Finn recovered quickly and peppered me with tiny kisses.
00:19:29Yes, my family was watching, and yes, it was a display of affection I wouldn't normally approve
00:19:33of, but I wanted him to know it wasn't just the baby I loved.
00:19:38Ew, Emma, Quinn complained.
00:19:40I just ate.
00:19:41I reached out and grabbed him, pulling him into the love circle.
00:19:46As Finn and I showered him with affection, Quinn squirmed like a rat tight in a trap.
00:19:52Only when I felt he'd been properly loved did I let him up.
00:19:56I don't like this new Emma, he grumbled as he wiped his face.
00:20:00You're too happy.
00:20:01It freaks me out.
00:20:03I am happy, I replied, grabbing Finn's hand and squeezing.
00:20:08We exchanged a knowing glance before I addressed the room.
00:20:12Finn and I have an announcement.
00:20:15We know.
00:20:16You're in love, Kyle said, rolling his eyes as he exaggerated each word.
00:20:22How gross for the rest of us.
00:20:25Kenzie grabbed him, wrestling him down and covering his mouth with her hand.
00:20:30Sorry, go ahead.
00:20:32I have him properly contained now, she panted.
00:20:36As I was saying, Finn and I have an announcement,
00:20:40I repeated, but this time I stretched out my leg and kicked Kyle with it.
00:20:45He groaned through Kenzie's hand.
00:20:48Every single member of my family looked at us expectantly.
00:20:52No doubt they were anticipating something less shocking than what I was about to tell them,
00:20:56but it wouldn't matter.
00:20:57We were family, and as such, supported each other through the good times and bad,
00:21:03and this, I'd decided, was the best.
00:21:07Finn and I are having a baby.
00:21:10Where are we going? I asked.
00:21:13You know I don't like surprises.
00:21:16I'm aware.
00:21:17Although, I have to say, I'm kind of bummed I wasn't there for the biggest surprise of your life,
00:21:22he said, reaching over to tap my belly.
00:21:25You're welcome for that, by the way.
00:21:27Oh, yes, thank you so much for impregnating me, Finn.
00:21:30I don't say it often enough.
00:21:32No, you really don't.
00:21:34I could almost see his smirk, but since he'd required me to close my eyes
00:21:38the last minute of the ride, I only had his voice to go on.
00:21:43Okay, you can open them now.
00:21:45I blinked in my surroundings and smiled upon seeing the surprise.
00:21:50Of course, I loved it.
00:21:52Ah, you're so romantic.
00:21:55We stepped out of the car and bought our tickets before taking a leisurely stroll over the dusty
00:22:00path. Up ahead was a Ferris wheel, and we took our place in line.
00:22:05What, no priority boarding?
00:22:07No, apparently your brother has no jurisdiction in this area.
00:22:12His power has its limits, unfortunately.
00:22:15No problem.
00:22:17No one really likes the Ferris wheel anyway.
00:22:19Too tame.
00:22:21I don't like the Ferris wheel.
00:22:24Then I didn't make it exciting enough for you last time,
00:22:27Finn said, nibbling on my neck.
00:22:29I'll be sure to remedy that tonight.
00:22:32Our turn arrived, and this time we both managed to embark on the ride with minimal hijinks.
00:22:38Finn wrapped his arms around me and I settled into his comfortable embrace.
00:22:43This time I knew what to expect, and I trusted the man with my life.
00:22:48When we came to a stop at the top of the ride,
00:22:51Finn unexpectedly slid down on one knee on the floor of the carriage,
00:22:55causing the carriage to swing and me to scream.
00:22:58What are you doing? I asked, digging my nails into his shoulders.
00:23:03Asking you to marry me, he answered, gritting his teeth in pain.
00:23:08Your what?
00:23:09I wasn't sure if I'd heard him correctly until he produced a box from his pocket
00:23:14and opened it for me to see.
00:23:16Suddenly the world around me ceased to exist.
00:23:19It was just Finn and I, and the white gold ring gleaming in the carnival lights.
00:23:25I know you're going to overthink this, so please hear me out.
00:23:29I love you, Emma.
00:23:30I've loved you since the day we met, and I realize we've only known each other for six months,
00:23:35and that we have a baby on the way, but this isn't about any of that.
00:23:39This is about you and me, and the really huge fact that we love each other.
00:23:45I don't want to wait another second to show you that I'm committed to you forever.
00:23:49So, Emma McAllister, will you marry me?
00:23:53I didn't mean to leave him hanging, but his proposal had taken me by complete surprise,
00:23:58and my voice had yet to catch up with my heart.
00:24:01Fear washed over his gorgeous face.
00:24:04Look, I know you probably have valid points why we should wait, but
00:24:08I stopped his sentence with a kiss.
00:24:10Yes!
00:24:13We barely made it back to my condo before the clothes came flying off.
00:24:18Finn guided me backward toward the bedroom,
00:24:20his mouth never leaving mine.
00:24:23Cynthia, hearing the ruckus, unsuspectingly strolled down the hallway to greet us.
00:24:29Out of the way, Finn yelled at him, as our entangled bodies nearly mowed him down.
00:24:35The cat shrieked as he scrambled away.
00:24:38Sorry, Cynthia, I called out.
00:24:41Theo, he corrected, between scattering my tingling skin with kisses.
00:24:46Seriously?
00:24:47Was he still challenging my authority on that?
00:24:50Finn turned me around, pressing up against my back,
00:24:53as one hand reached around and started caressing my breast.
00:24:57I moaned as his fingers found my nipple and circled the tip.
00:25:01I threw my head back.
00:25:03Okay, Theo, I conceded.
00:25:07Finn laughed, but didn't take his focus away from what mattered most to him at that moment.
00:25:12Engagement sex.
00:25:14Because of my rapidly growing belly, the poor guy was forced to get creative.
00:25:19Laying me down on the bed on my side, he glided in behind me like a runner sliding into home plate.
00:25:25I could feel his hardness pressed against me, and encouraged his efforts by grinding my hips.
00:25:31Finn groaned, rubbing his hand over my ass, as he entered me from behind.
00:25:36His strokes were unhurried and tender, as his hand rolled down from my breast to my stomach,
00:25:42twirling sensuously as he traveled below.
00:25:45Suddenly, Finn parted my thighs and I arched in response, as his finger danced over me.
00:25:51I could feel his breath heavy on my neck, as his hunger grew.
00:25:56Finn worked his fingers on me to the rhythm of his thrusts,
00:25:59bringing us both to the brink of rapture.
00:26:02I reached my hand to the bed and squeezed tight onto the sheets,
00:26:06trying to keep myself still as an orgasm taunted me.
00:26:10Finn gripped my hips tighter, and traded the gentle lover for an aggressive, powerful one.
00:26:16That was it for me. My legs shook wildly as shock waves of electricity traveled through my body.
00:26:22Finn was not far behind, bucking out a few final thrusts before he too was in the throes of ecstasy.
00:26:30Satiated, I turned my body to face my fiancé,
00:26:33and gently glided my fingers through his hair and kissed the tip of his nose.
00:26:38Feeling overwhelmed in the moment, I stared deep into his affectionate eyes.
00:26:43He was all I'd ever wanted, but never thought possible.
00:26:47And tonight, the words did not fail me.
00:26:50God, I love you.
00:26:55Chapter 24
00:26:58Finn, the Fixer
00:27:02It needed to be done, but that didn't make it easy.
00:27:05Emma had taken the step to make amends with her mother, and now it was my turn to confront my own.
00:27:11Emma sat beside me in the passenger seat as we drove down the street leading to Perryland.
00:27:16I had a plan, and she'd agreed.
00:27:18After all, the decisions we made now had to be joint.
00:27:21We'd learned the hard way what it meant to act alone.
00:27:25When are the dumpsters coming? she asked.
00:27:28Soon.
00:27:29How do you think Gigi will react?
00:27:31She'll be pissed, but I'm not going to give her the option.
00:27:35This has to be done.
00:27:37Emma leaned over and kissed me.
00:27:39Yes, for all the future Indiana Joneses out there.
00:27:43You ready for the fireworks? I asked, taking her hand in mine as we pulled up the driveway.
00:27:49In a few hours' time, Perryland would be getting a makeover,
00:27:52whether the adult occupants wanted it or not.
00:27:55I'd secretly been saving for years for this,
00:27:58and with the sudden influx of money from my first acting gigs in years,
00:28:01I finally had the cash necessary to make life better for the kids who lived here.
00:28:06First and foremost, the garbage had to go.
00:28:09Dumpsters and tractors were on the way, so were roofers and carpenters.
00:28:13Emma had insisted on pitching in some of her own money,
00:28:16and after the trash was removed, a playground would be erected in its place.
00:28:20This was my amends.
00:28:21Maybe I couldn't save them all,
00:28:23but at least I wouldn't leave them wallowing in filth as I had Rocky all those years ago.
00:28:28Part of being a pleaser was also being a fixer.
00:28:31The problem was that some people—my family, for instance—only knew how to be fixed,
00:28:36and by me always coming to the rescue, I was doing them no favors.
00:28:40I knew I needed to cut the cord, with a little upfront capital first, of course.
00:28:45My decision to dig Perryland out from a pile of trash,
00:28:49to buy Shelby a mechanically sound car, and to fix Gigi's crumbling walls
00:28:54was not to perpetuate the neediness, but to give my relatives a fighting chance.
00:28:58I had my own little family now,
00:29:00growing by one in only a month's time, to protect and support.
00:29:04It was no longer feasible or wise to drag the leeches with me.
00:29:08Don't get me wrong, I still wanted them in my life.
00:29:11I just no longer wanted to pay for the privilege.
00:29:14Emma and I stepped out of the car.
00:29:16She was eight months pregnant now and looking every inch of it.
00:29:19You okay?
00:29:21I asked upon witnessing her arched back and awkward exit from the vehicle.
00:29:25Do I look all right?
00:29:27I froze, instantly understanding that she was setting a trap for me to tumble into.
00:29:32Any answer I gave would be the wrong one.
00:29:35Discombobulated?
00:29:37I answered hastily.
00:29:39Her eyes narrowed in on me as her hands went to the spot where her hips used to be.
00:29:43You can't evoke the safe word every time I ask you a question, Vin.
00:29:48You said, and I quote,
00:29:49Whenever I get to be a scary bitch, call out the safe word.
00:29:52And you, my friend, are teetering on the edge.
00:29:55Well, it's a stupid safe word if you ask me.
00:29:58In an effort to thwart her protest, I paused my hand in front of her face.
00:30:02My safe word, my choice.
00:30:05My idea was way better.
00:30:07No offense, Emma, but if I'm running for my life, I hardly think butterscotch will save it.
00:30:12Indy! Indy!
00:30:15At least a dozen half-naked kids came rushing toward us.
00:30:18They were glistening in the sunlight and something told me it wasn't sweat.
00:30:22I caught sight of the slick substance on their chests
00:30:24and instantly pushed the crowds back before they could rub it off on Emma.
00:30:28As much as she was trying to be less phobic,
00:30:30Emma was still in the baby stages of recovery,
00:30:33and a group of slimy rugrats would be enough to set her back decades.
00:30:37What is this?
00:30:39I asked, gesturing to their soiled skin.
00:30:42Oil, a boy replied, without further explanation.
00:30:46My eyes narrowed in on several empty canola oil bottles lying in the dirt and a blue tarp.
00:30:52I'll slip inside, Nike said, confirming my suspicions.
00:30:56I've been practicing my back handspring, Indy. Watch.
00:30:59He then tried his luck at one and landed firmly on his behind.
00:31:03I helped him up.
00:31:04Looking good, you're getting closer.
00:31:06I'm going to be a stuntman like Indy when I grow up, he said proudly.
00:31:11Aw, that's so nice.
00:31:13I ruffled his hair.
00:31:14But you know, I stopped doing that. I'm acting again.
00:31:17Do you know what I want to be when I grow up?
00:31:20Another young boy asked.
00:31:22No, what?
00:31:24Emma bent down to the boy's level with a smile on her face.
00:31:27I want to be a professional Nerf gun builder.
00:31:31Oh, that's...
00:31:32She and I exchanged an amused glance.
00:31:35Great. I'm not sure what you'd major in, but awesome.
00:31:39I want to be a doctor, one called out.
00:31:42I want to be a pizza man.
00:31:45Posy peered up at us with wide, innocent eyes, then said proudly,
00:31:49When I grow up, I want to be an adult actress.
00:31:53Emma and I both choked out a laugh.
00:31:56That's great, I said.
00:31:59But sweetie, next time someone asks you what you want to be when you grow up, just say actress.
00:32:04Then trucks started rumbling down the driveway, carrying giant trash containers.
00:32:09Every little kid eye in the place quadrupled in size as three large bins were dropped off.
00:32:14Emerging from their dens, adults flooded into the driveway, squinting in the daylight sun.
00:32:19Shelby broke through the crowd and stomped over to me.
00:32:23What the hell's wrong with you, Indiana Jones?
00:32:25Spit from her irate mouth flew at me from all different directions and I ducked to stymie the
00:32:30flow. She stopped screaming at me the second she laid eyes on Emma.
00:32:35Oh, Emma, I didn't see you there. How are you? So gorgeous as always.
00:32:40A while back I'd broken the news to Shelby about who Emma's brother was,
00:32:43and since then my mother acted like my fiancé was some otherworldly saint.
00:32:48After a few moments fussing over Emma's belly, Shelby narrowed in on me once more.
00:32:53What the hell is this crap?
00:32:55This is your trash-free future. Say goodbye to the junkyard.
00:32:59Oh no, Gigi won't go for that.
00:33:02I highly doubt she wants to keep three thousand pounds of junk.
00:33:06Besides, she'll never know because she hasn't been outside in ten years.
00:33:10She was at the doctor's yesterday, and yes, she'll definitely notice this shit.
00:33:15I turned around to look at the bins and something struck me as weird.
00:33:19The kids had all just mysteriously disappeared,
00:33:21and their oily bodies were not skirting down the slip and slide.
00:33:25Oh crap.
00:33:27Posy? Nike?
00:33:29Here!
00:33:30Nike answered, like I'd been calling Roll.
00:33:33His voice sounded deep and hollow.
00:33:36Awareness slapped me in the face.
00:33:38He was in the garbage bin.
00:33:40Damn it.
00:33:41I scaled the side of the bin and peered down to find at least twelve greasy kids
00:33:44gliding along the bottom of the container,
00:33:47like a bunch of seals sliding around on a slippery surface.
00:33:50Are they in there? Emma asked.
00:33:53Yeah, like every single one of them.
00:33:55How did they get in there so fast?
00:33:57See, I told you this was a bad idea, Shelby said,
00:34:00as if I should have anticipated them using the bins as a frying pan.
00:34:04Guys, no, there could be glass in there.
00:34:06Bucky, help me out.
00:34:08Together, my cousin and I lifted every one of the kids out of the bin.
00:34:11Of course, the grease complicated the job,
00:34:13making it exceedingly difficult to get a proper hold.
00:34:16Exhausted by our efforts, Bucky and I were climbing back down
00:34:19when I looked up to see one of the Crisco kids that I'd just rescued
00:34:22disappear into another bin further down the driveway.
00:34:25Worse yet, Posy, in all her buttery wonder, was scaling up the side.
00:34:30Posy?
00:34:31I yelled out.
00:34:32Don't you dare!
00:34:34With a smile and a wave, my niece disappeared over the side.
00:34:38Emma and Shelby were struggling to contain the giggles that had overtaken them.
00:34:42They're wild. I can't stop them.
00:34:45The tractors are going to be dumping junk on top of their heads,
00:34:47and they're going to like it.
00:34:49I told you it was a bad idea, Shelby repeated.
00:34:53They don't need luxury. Look at you. You turned out fine.
00:34:55Fine for who? You?
00:34:57What does that mean?
00:34:59It means, Shelby, you've hit your credit limit.
00:35:01No more bailing you out, no more manipulation,
00:35:04no more money, no more swapping cars.
00:35:06I'm not going to be your parent anymore.
00:35:08I have a kid of my own coming soon,
00:35:10and that helpless little baby will take priority
00:35:12over my forty-one-year-old perfectly capable mother.
00:35:15Shelby sighed and rolled her eyes at me.
00:35:18Fine, pick up the trash if you want.
00:35:20Just stop with all this crazy talk.
00:35:22Oh, it's not crazy talk, Shelby.
00:35:24The Bank of Indiana Jones is now closed.
00:35:28Since I seemed to be on such a closure kick,
00:35:30it was obvious where my next stop would need to be.
00:35:33By the time I'd made it through the security checks and screenings,
00:35:35I was nervous and on edge.
00:35:37Rocky had been in prison for over a year now,
00:35:39and I hadn't come to visit him once.
00:35:41I wasn't sure what his reaction would be,
00:35:43but I was bracing myself for impact.
00:35:46When he finally entered the room,
00:35:47I had to blink back my shock.
00:35:49He was huge,
00:35:51muscles piggybacking on top of each other,
00:35:53stretching out over his wide shoulders.
00:35:55And where the hell was all his hair?
00:35:57He'd always worn it down to his shoulders,
00:35:59but now it was closely cropped to the scalp.
00:36:02As he drew near,
00:36:03I reached my hand out to shake his,
00:36:04and he shook his head,
00:36:05coming in for a hug instead.
00:36:08He'd always been somewhat of a teddy bear with me when we were young,
00:36:11but that all ended when I'd left him behind.
00:36:13As he slapped my back,
00:36:14his big body shuddered.
00:36:16Was he crying?
00:36:18Are you okay?
00:36:19I asked, suddenly worried.
00:36:22Rocky pulled back,
00:36:23grinning as he wiped away a few stray tears.
00:36:26Yeah, of course.
00:36:27I'm just so happy you came.
00:36:29When I saw your name on the guest list,
00:36:31I almost passed out.
00:36:33I'm sorry I haven't come sooner.
00:36:34I've just been...
00:36:35What could I say?
00:36:37Busy, preoccupied, angry, guilty.
00:36:40I don't care, Indiana Jones.
00:36:42I'm just glad you're here now.
00:36:44Me too.
00:36:44And stop calling me that, Rocky Balboa.
00:36:46You know I go by Finn now.
00:36:48Oh, right.
00:36:49Hollywood Finn.
00:36:51No, embarrassed that Shelby named me a stupid-ass name, Finn.
00:36:56At least you got something cool,
00:36:57an archaeologist explorer.
00:36:59I got named after the Italian stallion.
00:37:02And look at me, do I look Italian?
00:37:04No.
00:37:05I laughed.
00:37:07Rocky, with his fair hair and blue-eyed Scandinavian looks,
00:37:10was anything but.
00:37:12Yeah, you really did get the shit end of the stick.
00:37:14Well, at least I wasn't born in a toilet.
00:37:17The smirk on his face was wide and taunting.
00:37:20Right, because the backseat of a Pinto was so much more dignified.
00:37:24We grinned at each other.
00:37:25God, I missed him.
00:37:27Why had I waited so long?
00:37:29What happened to your hair?
00:37:31You think I was going to step foot in prison with girly hair?
00:37:34I may be a lot of things, Finn, but I'm no damn fool.
00:37:38I shrugged, not really knowing how to respond to that.
00:37:41Our lives were so different,
00:37:43and I had no idea what it took for his day-to-day survival in here.
00:37:47Speaking of that,
00:37:48you wouldn't last a day in here with those shiny locks, Finny.
00:37:51And that pretty face of yours,
00:37:52whee,
00:37:53your date card would be filled daily.
00:37:56And yours isn't?
00:37:58Rocky shot me his fiercest scowl,
00:38:00and honestly, I was sufficiently awed.
00:38:02At six foot five, with a mass of solid muscle,
00:38:05he was a force to be reckoned with.
00:38:07Gotta look tough, brother.
00:38:09If they sense weakness, they pounce.
00:38:11I've got everyone in here thinking I'm the goddamn Viking Prince Ragnar.
00:38:15They know to either worship the ground I walk on
00:38:17or get scooped up off it after I'm finished with them.
00:38:20Always the bully.
00:38:22I'm only a bully if need be.
00:38:24In here?
00:38:25Hell, it need be.
00:38:28Just don't get yourself in more trouble.
00:38:29You want out of here on good behavior.
00:38:32I know, I know.
00:38:34Rocky leaned in with a wicked grin.
00:38:36I heard a little rumor that my big brother knocked up some rich girl.
00:38:40And not just any rich girl, but Jake McAllister's sister.
00:38:44She's my fiancée, so be careful how you refer to her.
00:38:47His eyes widened,
00:38:49no doubt trying to assess if I was being real or not.
00:38:52Then he slapped his hands down on the table.
00:38:54Well, look at you moving on up.
00:38:57That was Rocky.
00:38:58Always trying to make me feel like some spoiled trust fund brat
00:39:01for wanting to have a better life.
00:39:03It's not like that.
00:39:05You're telling me you actually love this chick?
00:39:07That it's not just her bank account and famous brother that's got you all worked up?
00:39:12Years of pent-up anger began to bubble over.
00:39:14This was how he'd been with me since I'd left at fifteen.
00:39:18Just stop.
00:39:19I get it, Rocky.
00:39:20You think I'm some privileged prick.
00:39:21Whatever.
00:39:22But I'm warning you now.
00:39:24Leave Emma out of this, or you and I will never be brothers.
00:39:28Rocky studied me for a long while before his features softened
00:39:31and his shoulders drooped forward.
00:39:34Look, I'm sorry.
00:39:35I was being a dick.
00:39:36I know I don't always show it, but I'm actually really happy for you, man.
00:39:40And good for you.
00:39:41I'm glad you found someone.
00:39:43The tension faded as I relaxed once more.
00:39:47And a baby too, huh?
00:39:49Is it a boy or a girl?
00:39:51We don't know.
00:39:51We're waiting to find out.
00:39:53Oh, how upper class of you, he said, smirking.
00:39:57The twinkle in his eye told me he was just kidding, though, so I shook off the offense.
00:40:01You suck, I smiled back.
00:40:04I'm just jealous.
00:40:06You're banging a debutante and I'm surrounded by a bunch of hairy asses.
00:40:09It's been a while for me, if you know what I mean.
00:40:11I guess you heard that Tori and me split.
00:40:13She just up and left.
00:40:15Yeah, sorry.
00:40:17I mean, I could see her leaving my sorry ass, but to abandon the kids?
00:40:21Rocky shook his head, looking away in disgust.
00:40:24I just, I wish I could be there for them, you know?
00:40:27I mean, Shelby is their goddamn guardian.
00:40:29How scary is that?
00:40:31I laughed.
00:40:32Horror movie level scary.
00:40:34Anyway, if you don't beat anyone to a bloody pulp in the next six months,
00:40:37you should get out of here on good behavior.
00:40:40How likely is that?
00:40:41He asked with a glint in his eye.
00:40:44What, the bloody pulp part or the good behavior?
00:40:47Either.
00:40:48Rocky, just keep it together.
00:40:49If not for yourself, then for the kids.
00:40:52I know.
00:40:53He sighed.
00:40:55How are they, anyway?
00:40:57Wild, both of them.
00:40:58Nike's jumping all over the place.
00:41:00He says he wants to be like me and Posey.
00:41:02Oh, man.
00:41:04She gives me a run for my money.
00:41:06Well, shit, that must be a whole damn lot then.
00:41:10Rocky, this is why.
00:41:13I said, shaking my head in amusement.
00:41:15I realized there was no point in being offended by his privileged life,
00:41:19Diggs.
00:41:20If being rich was all he had to hold against me, I'd be damn lucky.
00:41:24My brother smiled, a far-off expression on his face.
00:41:28I know you probably won't believe me, Finn, but I really am trying to be better.
00:41:32I earned my GED and I'm learning a trade.
00:41:35When I get out of here, I'm done with all stupid illegal shit.
00:41:39I want to be a father to my kids like you're going to be to yours.
00:41:42In fact, I plan to find me some nice rich girl, too.
00:41:45Does Miss McAllister have any sisters?
00:41:47None for you.
00:41:49Although it was meant to be a joke, Rocky took immediate offense.
00:41:53Okay, I get it.
00:41:54Not good enough.
00:41:55Story of my fucking life.
00:41:57The mood shifted.
00:41:59This had always been Rocky's downfall.
00:42:01He was too sensitive to criticism, even if it was only perceived.
00:42:04Although he'd be the first to make jokes about someone else, he couldn't take the same in return.
00:42:09Under all that blustery bravado, the real Ragnar the Viking was not the badass he pretended to be.
00:42:14In many ways, Rocky was still that aimless little kid running wild
00:42:18and trying to find his place in a chaotic world.
00:42:20And I, at least, shouldered some of the blame.
00:42:24I'm sorry I didn't mean it that way.
00:42:26Yeah, I know.
00:42:28And I'm sorry I left you behind all those years ago.
00:42:30Maybe if I'd stayed, you wouldn't be behind bars now.
00:42:34That's bullshit and we both know it.
00:42:36If you want the truth, Finn, I spent a good bit of time being jealous as hell of you.
00:42:40You got everything.
00:42:41And I got shit.
00:42:42But I've come to realize something.
00:42:44No one handed you anything more than they handed me.
00:42:47You were just smarter and nicer and more diplomatic in your approach.
00:42:51You weren't afraid to take the chances offered to you,
00:42:53and you made a better life for yourself.
00:42:55Nothing wrong with that.
00:42:57When it comes right down to it, I have no one to blame but myself.
00:43:00I had the same opportunities you did.
00:43:02I was just too stupid to take what was being offered.
00:43:05And now I'm here and there you are.
00:43:07You can blame yourself all you want, but trust me, Indiana Jones,
00:43:11you didn't put me here.
00:43:12My piss-poor decision-making did.
00:43:15Emma gripped my hand, screaming as another contraction swept through her.
00:43:19Nine hours and counting.
00:43:21As a stuntman, I'd been shot by terrorists and hit by cars and chucked off roofs,
00:43:25but nothing compared to watching the woman I loved suffer.
00:43:29After the newest round of cramping eased, I locked eyes with Michelle,
00:43:32who was looking as flushed and helpless as I was.
00:43:35I think I spoke for all of us when I said this couldn't be over quickly enough.
00:43:40Watching Emma, the determination and pain in her eyes
00:43:43made me reflect back to my own mother and the day of my messy birth.
00:43:47As much as we poked at and made fun of her dubious decisions that day,
00:43:51the fact remained she'd been barely more than a kid,
00:43:54scared and alone, trying to deal with the secret that had just tumbled out of her.
00:43:58I couldn't imagine her going through such a thing
00:44:00without the loving support Emma and I were enveloped in now.
00:44:04Shelby was there in the waiting room, along with the entire McAllister clan.
00:44:08Although I'm sure she was eager to meet the new addition,
00:44:10she was even more excited to meet Jake.
00:44:13On a pee break, I'd caught her huddled in a corner with several members of Emma's family,
00:44:17including Jake and Casey, who were both laughing their asses off at something she'd said.
00:44:21Instinctively, I knew whatever it was had something embarrassing to do with me.
00:44:26Listening from behind a wall, I only caught the last part of her story.
00:44:30So then, Indiana Jones, enough with the action figure name, Mom,
00:44:35comes up to me with the computer.
00:44:37No, she's not. She wouldn't.
00:44:39And it's just filled with pop-up after pop-up of vanilla porn, right?
00:44:43No, no, no.
00:44:45And right smack dab in the middle of the screen was that damn fake FBI notice.
00:44:49The virus locked his computer, and there was this flashing warning box
00:44:53promising to send a team of federal agents over to arrest him
00:44:56if he didn't immediately submit a credit card payment for $500.
00:45:00Shelby!
00:45:01I mean, the poor kid had no choice but to show me,
00:45:03thinking he was going to the slammer and all.
00:45:06How was I supposed to know it was a scam? I was fourteen.
00:45:09And the best part was, not only did he get caught with his hand in the cookie jar,
00:45:13but he embarrassed the hell out of himself.
00:45:15For nothing. Classic.
00:45:18And just like that, the goodwill I'd been feeling towards Shelby was gone.
00:45:23This is it, Emma. The final push.
00:45:26Emma looked at me with both fear and excitement.
00:45:28In a few seconds, our lives were going to change.
00:45:31We'd prepared for this moment, but now that it was finally here,
00:45:34I wasn't sure I was ready.
00:45:36Emma shocked me from my doubt by strangling my hand with such force
00:45:39that I was actually forced to call out my safe word.
00:45:42Discombobulated! Discombobulated!
00:45:45Unfortunately, I learned the hard way that safe words didn't exist during childbirth.
00:45:50Right in the middle of the push, Emma looked over at me,
00:45:52and I swear she smirked just before saying,
00:45:55You should have said butterscotch.
00:45:57And with that, Emma made her final stand, bearing down with a guttural scream.
00:46:03I wasn't sure, but it was entirely possible that several small bones snapped in my swollen hand.
00:46:09A few seconds passed before we heard the first shrill cries.
00:46:13Emma? Finn? Meet your baby girl!
00:46:20Chapter 25
00:46:22Emma, 2005
00:46:25Summer of Healing
00:46:29Dad opened the door to the vacation house,
00:46:31and the eight of us piled over the top of one another,
00:46:34trying to get our first look at our home away from home for the next week.
00:46:38It was a modern four-bedroom place, and boasted opulent upgrades that would have
00:46:42turned my formerly selfish sixteen-year-old self into the snobbiest of snobs.
00:46:48However, that wasn't what was special about this particular abode.
00:46:52When people praised location, this clearly was what they had in mind.
00:46:57The view from the massive showcase windows was of sand and surf and nothing else.
00:47:02I could definitely spend a week here. If not the rest of my life.
00:47:07We'd been to this beach before many times, but never like this.
00:47:11Never congregated in the hallway of a multi-million-dollar home.
00:47:16Quinn undressed where he stood, no doubt perfectly willing to do a little
00:47:20skinny-dipping if Mom didn't hurry up and find his swim trunks.
00:47:23Grace was bouncing up and down like she was on a pogo stick,
00:47:27talking so loudly and excitedly that we all shushed her in unison.
00:47:32I glanced over at Jake to check his reaction, hoping he might be as impressed as the rest of
00:47:37us were. But my younger brother wore the same tired, emotionless expression he always did,
00:47:43that of a frown and furrowed brows.
00:47:46But then there was no reason to expect more from him on today, of all days.
00:47:50The one-year anniversary of the day that had destroyed his life.
00:47:54Because no one was sure how Jake would react to the notable date,
00:47:58the weeks leading up to it had been difficult on the entire McAllister household.
00:48:03Jumpy and on edge, we'd already accepted that things were about to get dicey and uncomfortable.
00:48:09So, when Dad arrived home from work last week beaming from ear to ear,
00:48:13promising us a surprise, the announcement was met with anticipation.
00:48:18It didn't matter what good news he was itching to share with us,
00:48:21we were prepared to buy whatever he was selling.
00:48:24In this case, it was a long overdue vacation.
00:48:28Mind you, not to anywhere exotic or far away. In fact, we wouldn't be more than thirty miles
00:48:33from our home. But because we lived near the ocean in California, those thirty miles were
00:48:39significant, and along some of the most beautiful coastline in the world.
00:48:44One of Dad's co-workers had talked to someone who talked to another,
00:48:49and suddenly a beach home was offered up free of charge by some kind soul whose only wish was that
00:48:54the week might be just a little bit easier on Jake. The fact that we'd arrived at the house
00:49:00on the actual day, one year removed, was bittersweet at best. All our lives had changed
00:49:06drastically in such a short time that it seemed almost unreal that the eight of us were standing
00:49:11here today alive and intact. Yes, we were fractured and scarred, but we were still kicking,
00:49:18and that had to count for something. And even though Jake wasn't looking any more comfortable
00:49:23or at peace here, at least he couldn't hide himself away in his room while the rest of
00:49:28us walked the halls and waited for the breakdown that was sure to come.
00:49:32Mom insisted on lunch before we were allowed to spend the rest of the day sunbathing, swimming,
00:49:37and playing on the sandy beach. While Kyle, Keith, and Quinn went shirtless,
00:49:42Jake kept a swimsuit firmly in place. We'd heard about his scars, but none of us kids had been
00:49:48allowed to see them. As with so much else in his life, Jake held on to those secrets with clenched
00:49:54fists. Why don't you take it off? my father urged, while tugging on Jake's sleeve. It's a beautiful
00:50:01day. You could use a little color on you. He shook his head and looked vacantly out over the
00:50:07ocean. Dad sighed. When Jake had first come home, he was so weak and injured that we'd all taken to
00:50:14nurturing him and catering to his every need. But as time passed, my brother seemed to settle into
00:50:21that routine of dependency. He'd become complacent with inactivity and boredom, two things my father
00:50:27hated. You can't hide all your life. Jake turned and glared at him before defiantly challenging,
00:50:35watch me. The glint in my father's eye could not be missed. He loved it when Jake showed signs of
00:50:42life. Fine, Dad grinned. Then I'll put mine back on, and you'll be responsible for my farmer's tan.
00:50:51He slid on his shirt and then made a huge scene of applying liberal amounts of sunscreen to the
00:50:56areas just below the sleeves. I glanced back at Jake, who'd been watching the entire spectacle,
00:51:03and was pleased to see the smile on his face. Dad's recently adopted, pity-free approach to
00:51:09dealing with Jake seemed to be working its magic, little by little, every day.
00:51:14I'm going out to the platform, Keith said as he took off toward the water's edge.
00:51:19Quite a distance out was a floating platform covered in bird crap and anchored to the ocean
00:51:24floor. It had always been a destination spot for those hardy swimmers eager for a challenge.
00:51:31Seeing as my siblings and I had all been nearly raised in the water, due to my dad's love of
00:51:36surfing, we'd all stood on that bobbing plank at one time or another. Even Grace and Quinn,
00:51:42who'd both been ferried out on inner tubes more than once.
00:51:45Wait up, Kyle called out, then turned to Jake and asked, Do you want to come?
00:51:51Jake perked up a bit, but before he could respond, Mom answered for him.
00:51:56It's not a good idea, Kyle. His knee isn't strong enough yet.
00:52:00What if he gets halfway out there and can't make it?
00:52:04Oh, okay. I didn't know. You want me to hang out here with you, then?
00:52:09Without even acknowledging Kyle's generous offer, Jake shook his head and lay back in the sand.
00:52:15Kyle stood there a moment, looking uncertain, before joining Keith in the water.
00:52:20I hung back with the others on the beach, sunbathing until I was too hot to stand another
00:52:25minute. Looking over at Jake, I nudged him and said, Let's go in the water. We can bodysurf.
00:52:32His arm was over his face, and he didn't immediately respond. Sometimes I wondered
00:52:37how much of Jake's attitude was due to his circumstances, as opposed to being a surly teen.
00:52:43Deciding to take a tip from my father's playbook, I poked him again.
00:52:48Emma, I swear to God, he grumbled. Stop being boring. Let's go. He removed his arm to glare
00:52:55at me, but in return got an eyeful of my happy, smiling face hovering directly over him.
00:53:01Please, I begged. That seemed to annoy him more, and he returned the arm over his eyes.
00:53:09Why don't you go with the others to the platform?
00:53:12Because I prefer to stay here and bother you.
00:53:15Well, then, congratulations. You've done it.
00:53:19Come on, Jake. How old are you, one hundred? I asked, as I took to pushing him.
00:53:25Ugh, fine.
00:53:26Begrudgingly, he stood and followed me to the water.
00:53:30Jeez, he didn't have to be such a grump.
00:53:32We waded into the cool water, and after letting our bodies adjust to the temperature,
00:53:37we ventured out further. Wave after wave came rolling in,
00:53:41but none strong enough to carry our bodies to the shore.
00:53:45After one failed attempt too many, Jake had completely lost his patience.
00:53:50This sucks, he huffed. It's like riding the kiddie roller coaster.
00:53:55They'll come. Relax.
00:53:58My brother stood there a moment, looking further out over the horizon before shaking his head.
00:54:03Fuck this. I'm going to the platform.
00:54:06No, Jake. Your knee, you can't.
00:54:09Then I'll drown. Either way, it's a win-win.
00:54:13Jake waded straight out and then began swimming.
00:54:16I frantically followed after him, but with his arms pounding into the waves,
00:54:20it only took him a few seconds to be too far away for me to catch.
00:54:24I stopped, treading water, and screamed out for my father, who was nearby with the youngest kids.
00:54:31It took him a moment to realize what was happening,
00:54:33but when he did, I'd never seen my father move faster.
00:54:38He sprinted into the water, and once it was deep enough,
00:54:41dove into the waves, swimming feverishly in order to catch Jake.
00:54:46Keith and Kyle heard my screams, and they too jumped into the water.
00:54:50We were all in hot pursuit of a kid who didn't want to be caught.
00:54:55Inevitably, Jake tired out about three-quarters of the way to the platform,
00:55:00but by then, we were there. Circling Jake like a pod of protective dolphins,
00:55:05we called out our support, but the more we pushed him forward, the quicker he slid back.
00:55:11I can't do it, he panted, flipping onto his back to ward off exhaustion.
00:55:17The bravado he'd shown moments earlier was gone,
00:55:20and now the clear beginnings of panic were taking hold.
00:55:24Yes, you can, Dad encouraged.
00:55:27No, I can't!
00:55:29Anger intensified every word.
00:55:31I walk like a gimp, I can't swim, I can't go to school,
00:55:36I'm fourteen and can't go out by myself, and I can't even take my shirt off at a fucking beach!
00:55:42His outburst silenced us all. Jake's frustration and anger was justified,
00:55:48especially today, but we were now in a perilous situation,
00:55:52floating in the middle of the ocean with a kid who clearly needed help but refused to accept it.
00:55:57I get it, Dad said, his voice aching in emotion.
00:56:02I do. What happened was awful. I mean, really, truly awful.
00:56:08And I know how hard it's been for you.
00:56:10I wish I could take away every bit of your pain, but I can't.
00:56:14This terrible thing happened to you, and now you've got no choice but to deal with it, Jake.
00:56:19So this is what's going to happen. This is where the self-pity ends.
00:56:24You're going to take back control, starting right now.
00:56:28You're going to calm yourself down, catch your breath,
00:56:31and then turn over and swim to the goddamn platform. No more excuses.
00:56:37The firm tone in Dad's uncompromising demand seemed to have the desired effect on Jake,
00:56:42and he did exactly as he was told.
00:56:45When the tip of his first finger touched the platform, we erupted in cheers.
00:56:50Keith grabbed Jake by the waist and swung him around, Dad tousled his sodden hair,
00:56:56I patted him on the back, and Kyle, already up on the plank,
00:57:00offered his hand to the brother he adored.
00:57:03We spent the next hour on that bobbing plank,
00:57:06all five of us jumping and doing flips into the ocean until we'd worn ourselves out,
00:57:11and then plopped onto our backs on the crusty surface, gazing up at the cloudless sky.
00:57:17It was a rare moment of peace, and I savored it.
00:57:20The solidarity I felt with my family was absolute.
00:57:24I knew, at that instant, out on the platform, I'd do anything for them, and they for me.
00:57:32As if to prove the point of our family bond, Keith said,
00:57:36Take off the swimshirt, Jake. Let us have a look at the scars.
00:57:40And then it will be done and over with.
00:57:43That will be one thing you can check off your list of can'ts.
00:57:47Well that, and I can't swim.
00:57:50To my surprise, Jake didn't shoot down the request straight off,
00:57:54or strike back in an aggressive way.
00:57:56He just lay there in deep thought,
00:57:59perhaps deciding whether he'd trust us enough to reveal something so intensely personal.
00:58:04Just when I thought he would ignore Keith altogether,
00:58:07Jake sat up and pulled the shirt over his head.
00:58:10The rest of us immediately shot up into a seated position,
00:58:14but were careful to seek Jake's approval before taking a peek.
00:58:18He met the eyes of each of us before wordlessly nodding.
00:58:22Dad grasped his arm, in a show of fatherly pride,
00:58:25as the rest of us circled around and got our first look at the scars Jake had spent so much time
00:58:31safeguarding. The skin was still raised and red in some areas, but fading in others.
00:58:37Truthfully, it wasn't as bad as I'd been expecting after all the buildup.
00:58:41Perhaps fearing our reaction, Jake sat with his shoulders slumped forward,
00:58:46cradling his shirt in his arms, and scrunching his eyes tightly closed.
00:58:51My brothers and I exchanged dismayed glances before getting hold of our emotions.
00:58:56Instinctively, we understood that how we handled this moment
00:59:00would define our relationship with him from that day forward.
00:59:04Okay, done, Keith said. Thanks for showing us. You ready for a swim?
00:59:10Jake kept his shirt off the remainder of the afternoon,
00:59:14and his and Dad's farmer tans were quickly fading as a bronzed glow began to take form.
00:59:20The dark circles under his eyes brightened, and he even seemed to stand up a little straighter.
00:59:25The real surprise came when he managed to keep his composure when
00:59:29Gracie gasped in shock at the sight of his marked back.
00:59:33Instead of snapping at her, Jake calmly related that he'd been injured,
00:59:37and those were the scars that remained.
00:59:40Whatever had happened out in that water seemed to have had a profound impact on him.
00:59:45It was as if he'd come to some sort of compromise with himself.
00:59:49And hopefully, just hopefully, that meant he'd decided to give life another shot.
00:59:56Later that night, the four of us stayed up late watching a movie on TV and talking.
01:00:01It had been a long time since we'd felt that level of comfort with each other.
01:00:05Our voices must have carried into the other room as Gracie came out dragging her blanket behind her.
01:00:11Emma, she groggily whispered.
01:00:14Build the tent.
01:00:16We don't need it anymore.
01:00:18Yes, I do, she whined.
01:00:21When we get home. I can't build it here.
01:00:25Why can't you? Jake asked.
01:00:28Well, I don't know. I guess we could.
01:00:31I smiled at him, rapidly coming to the conclusion that this was actually an awesome idea.
01:00:37Keith stripped the sofa bed. Kyle fetched some pillows.
01:00:41Jake, we need snacks.
01:00:43As the boys brought the necessary items, I built a bed tent three times bigger than at home.
01:00:49Not to brag, but it was a masterpiece of entwined sheets, with socks used to tie them in place.
01:00:55Once it was retrofitted to accommodate six, we piled in,
01:00:59Keith cradling a still-barely-awake Quinn.
01:01:03And there we stayed, talking, snacking, and bonding like we had so very long ago.
01:01:09At one point, Grace sidled up to Jake and wrapped her little arms around his.
01:01:14Surprised by her touch, he flinched, yanking his arm back.
01:01:18My sister immediately crawled away, frightened of him once more.
01:01:22Sorry, Jake apologized.
01:01:25I didn't mean that. Give me another chance.
01:01:29He opened his arms to her.
01:01:31Grace looked to me for guidance.
01:01:33I nodded, smiling my encouragement, and she went to him,
01:01:37tentatively propping herself up next to him.
01:01:40Jake lay his arm over her shoulder, and she shyly peered up at him, her face filled with joy.
01:01:47Whispers could be heard from outside the protective zone,
01:01:50and we all suddenly sealed our mouths shut.
01:01:53Busted.
01:01:54Mom and Dad would not be pleased.
01:01:56It was well past one in the morning, and we had Grace and Quinn out of bed.
01:02:01I couldn't stop the giggle that escaped my mouth,
01:02:04and Quinn flung himself into my arms, laughing so hard the sheets shook.
01:02:09Suddenly, the faces of our parents appeared in the opening, both sporting amused smiles.
01:02:15Is there room for two more?
01:02:20Chapter 26
01:02:23Emma
01:02:24Family Unit
01:02:27Waking with a start, my head swiveled to the bassinet beside the bed.
01:02:32She was gone.
01:02:34My groggy heart roared to life as I tore the covers off and gripped the sides of her bed.
01:02:39Instantly, the panic eased.
01:02:42Darwin, the shark-turtle-stuffed animal, was lying in the place our daughter normally slept.
01:02:47It was Finn's way of easing my anxiety and letting me know that he had her.
01:02:52Sinking back onto the bed,
01:02:54I took a few deep breaths and covered myself back up with the sheets.
01:02:58Although thankfully not a daily occurrence,
01:03:01these morning freak-outs were frequent enough that Finn and I had a plan in place to combat them.
01:03:06I was slowly resolving myself to the fact that I would need help to move past my fears.
01:03:12My daughter deserved a mother who was relaxed and didn't hover over her day and night.
01:03:17I wanted to be young and fun and allow my daughter to grow by doing and laughing and feeling.
01:03:23In other words, I wanted to be Finn.
01:03:26If ever there was a man made to be a father, it was he.
01:03:30There was no adjustment period or postpartum pouting from that guy.
01:03:34In fact, his only parenting lapse was the surgical masks he wore when changing the baby's diaper.
01:03:40No matter.
01:03:41Our daughter adored him with or without the protective covering,
01:03:45and though she was only three months of age,
01:03:47he already lit up her world as much as he did mine.
01:03:51I heard his footsteps coming down the hall,
01:03:54and unbelievable happiness revived my tired body.
01:03:58Never could I have imagined the joy this life would bring me.
01:04:01Finn crossed under the doorframe, cradling our daughter in his arms.
01:04:06"'Oh, hey, did you get my message?' he asked, referring to Darwin.
01:04:10"'I did. Thank you. How's our girl?'
01:04:14"'Yeah, you know, so damn needy. She's just me, me, me. Talk about a freeloader.'"
01:04:20It was a lot of tough talk coming from his mouth,
01:04:23especially seeing as his adoring smile told another story.
01:04:27Finn leaned down and kissed me before transferring the baby to my arms.
01:04:31And then, as if he couldn't quite get his fill of his little girl,
01:04:35he ran his finger over her smooth cheek and beamed.
01:04:39I take it all back. She's fierce, just like her mommy.
01:04:45"'Yeah, well, let's hope Junior here gets everything else from you.
01:04:48Except the curls, of course. Those you can keep.
01:04:52See, you say you don't like my locks, but your actions speak otherwise.'"
01:04:57"'Believe what you will,' I said, shrugging.
01:05:00It wasn't easy to portray such indifference when we both knew I loved his hair like no other.
01:05:05"'And stop calling her Junior,' Finn complained.
01:05:09"'You know I hate that. I still can't believe you talked me into it.'"
01:05:13"'Oh, quit your bitching. It's the perfect name, and you know it.'"
01:05:17Then gazing down upon the snoozing baby in my arms,
01:05:21I smoothed a few silky strands on her tiny head and whispered,
01:05:25"'Isn't that right, Indiana?''
01:05:30This has been Fiercely Emma. Cake Series, Book 3.
01:05:35Written by Jay Bengtsson. Narrated by Zachary Weber and Andy Arndt.
01:05:40Copyright 2017 by Jay Bengtsson.
01:05:44Production copyright 2017 by Jay Bengtsson.
01:05:47Zachary Weber and Andy Arndt are members of SAG-AFTRA.
01:05:55Audible hopes you have enjoyed this program.
01:06:05you
01:06:35you
01:07:05you
01:07:35you
01:08:05you
01:08:35you
01:09:05you
01:09:35you