Walter Goodfellow (Rowan Atkinson), the vicar for the small English country parish of Little Wallop, has let his marriage to Gloria (Kristin Scott Thomas) go stale, and he is so detached from his family that he has not taken notice that his seventeen-year-old daughter Holly (Tamsin Egerton) is going through a succession of relationships with unsuitable boyfriends, and his son Petey (Toby Parkes) fears going to school, owing to being bullied. Out of desperation for affection, Gloria begins to fall for the advances of Lance (Patrick Swayze), an American golf pro who is giving her "private" lessons. The problems upsetting the family start to fade away after Grace Hawkins (Dame Maggie Smith), the new housekeeper, arrives and starts tending to matters as an older, and rather darkly mysterious version of Mary Poppins
Category
đ„
Short filmTranscript
00:01:00Thank you.
00:01:15You're welcome.
00:01:30You're welcome.
00:02:00You're welcome.
00:02:30Hello, boy.
00:02:52Miss Jones?
00:02:54Rosemary Jones?
00:02:55Rosie, please.
00:02:56I prefer Rosie.
00:02:57Is everything all right?
00:02:58Yes, fine.
00:02:59I was just checking the trunk, the big leather trunk.
00:03:00Is that yours?
00:03:01Yes, that's mine.
00:03:02Good.
00:03:03Thank you.
00:03:04Good.
00:03:06What's going on?
00:03:07Why are you doing that?
00:03:08What's going on?
00:03:09I want to know.
00:03:10I want to know.
00:03:11You sure?
00:03:12I want to know.
00:03:13I want to know.
00:03:14What's going on?
00:03:15Good. Thank you.
00:04:15Good morning, officers.
00:04:22Two dismembered bodies, Rosemary.
00:04:24Why don't you just tell me who they are?
00:04:31My husband and his mistress.
00:04:33They were planning to run away together.
00:04:35So you thought you'd just kill them instead?
00:04:37Well, I couldn't very well stand idly by now, could I?
00:04:45Rosemary Fadina Jones, you have been found guilty of the crime of manslaughter.
00:04:51Manslaughter, in that at the time you committed these heinous acts,
00:04:56you were suffering from such an abnormality of mind,
00:05:00it seriously impaired your responsibility.
00:05:04I therefore make an order for your detention
00:05:07in a secure unit for the criminally insane.
00:05:10Good morning.
00:05:11Not to be freed until such time as the Home Secretary decides
00:05:16that your continued detention is no longer necessary for the protection of the public.
00:05:22Thank you.
00:05:24Oh, I don't suppose there's any chance of a cup of tea, is there?
00:05:41Thank you for coming. Thank you very much.
00:05:52Very nice to see you again.
00:05:54Goodbye, Mrs. Barton.
00:05:56Marvellous servant, Vicar.
00:05:58That's very kind. Thank you.
00:06:00Thank you, Reverend Goodfellow.
00:06:03Oh, you're very welcome, Mrs. Parker.
00:06:05I just wanted to have a word with you about the flower arranging committee.
00:06:12Oh, ah, yes, of course.
00:06:14This afternoon.
00:06:18And Mrs. Goodfellow is not with you again?
00:06:22No, no, I'm sorry about that.
00:06:24She's been very busy, Mrs. Parker.
00:06:26Next week, perhaps?
00:06:28Perhaps, yes.
00:06:29Although she is incredibly busy at the moment.
00:06:36Oh.
00:06:42For fuck's sake.
00:06:44Jesus Christ.
00:06:47What does a girl have to do to get a decent night's sleep?
00:06:49Why are you ever crying out loud?
00:06:51Polly!
00:07:10Oh, PC.
00:07:18Fuck off.
00:07:20Polly, it's time to wake up.
00:07:34Polly.
00:07:45Polly.
00:07:46Polly, I know you're in there.
00:07:47Will you please come out right away?
00:07:48Mother!
00:07:50Don't think you want me to do that.
00:07:51I think you'll find I bloody well do.
00:07:57Is that you, Carl?
00:07:58No, this is Mark.
00:08:00It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Goodfellow.
00:08:04Polly, this is totally unacceptable.
00:08:06I'm 17.
00:08:07It's been legal for a year.
00:08:09Legal does not make it decent.
00:08:12Is everything all right, Mrs. Goodfellow?
00:08:15Yes, everything's fine, Mrs. Parker.
00:08:18Is that Holly I heard?
00:08:20Holly? No.
00:08:22Oh, morning, Mrs. Parker.
00:08:29Morning.
00:08:40You know the thing that pains me the most?
00:08:41No, but I get the feeling you're going to tell me anyway.
00:08:44You're an intelligent girl.
00:08:45An intelligent girl can't have a libido.
00:08:47No, an intelligent girl knows what to do with it.
00:08:49I know what to do with it.
00:08:52Oh, Holly.
00:08:56We used to be such friends.
00:09:00Now you just cross with me all the time.
00:09:02That's probably on account of you being a total lot of bitch.
00:09:06Ah, look at you two.
00:09:08Morning, sweetheart.
00:09:09Morning.
00:09:10It's sort of as we feared, the pond.
00:09:13I've been chatting with the chaps on the waterboard.
00:09:16Looks like it's algae.
00:09:18It could be one of two or three different types, apparently.
00:09:22Some of them poisonous.
00:09:24They're worried about the water table and, uh...
00:09:27Anyway, they say it'll get worse if it's not dealt with.
00:09:31And other things will get worse if they're not dealt with.
00:09:34They're going to come back to me with the details.
00:09:37Devil's in the details, Dad.
00:09:39Could we not say that word on a Sunday?
00:09:41What? Dad.
00:09:45Right.
00:09:46Where are you going now?
00:09:50Uh, I've got work to do.
00:09:52You've just been to work.
00:09:54I've got to write a speech for that convention.
00:09:57God's Mysterious Ways.
00:09:59And that's all I've got to show for it.
00:10:02A title.
00:10:05See? You're an utter bitch to him.
00:10:08Oh, no, I'm not.
00:10:10And I know why. You're not getting any.
00:10:13What?
00:10:14Same reason you're angry with me, Mark.
00:10:16Oh, in the van, in front of the house, on a Sunday?
00:10:19That might have more to do with it.
00:10:22I don't think so.
00:10:24Oh, you must be right, then.
00:10:26Well, I usually am.
00:10:28Well, I don't think so.
00:10:30Oh, you must be right, then.
00:10:32Well, I usually am.
00:10:36Can I get you any?
00:10:39Petey, how long have you been there?
00:10:41Holly says you're not getting any.
00:10:43Can I get you some?
00:10:45Oh, Petey, that's very thoughtful, but, um...
00:10:48No, no, you can't.
00:10:55Let's face it, I'm no good at this.
00:10:57Nah, you just need a little tweaking.
00:11:00A little lance adjustment.
00:11:02But that's another story.
00:11:05All right, now, Gloria,
00:11:08I told you that the key is in the swing, right?
00:11:11Yeah, well, I've never had a good swing, so...
00:11:13Oh, I disagree.
00:11:15I bet you, you could swing really well.
00:11:19Now, you grip that shaft gently but firmly.
00:11:23Uh-huh.
00:11:27Now spread your legs.
00:11:29A little more.
00:11:31Yeah.
00:11:33Now you bend to the ball slowly.
00:11:37Yeah.
00:11:39Now bend your knees.
00:11:44Yeah.
00:11:46Feel good?
00:11:48Yeah, it's fine.
00:11:52Okay.
00:11:54Now you just keep your eye on the ball.
00:11:57Okay.
00:11:59You let me worry about the hole.
00:12:01Right.
00:12:06That was quite good.
00:12:08Well, your ball is in the rough, but it's a good feeling, huh?
00:12:11Yep.
00:12:13One more?
00:12:18Okay.
00:12:25Mrs. Parker asked after you again this morning.
00:12:27Surprise, surprise.
00:12:29I think I'm beginning to run out of excuses.
00:12:31Well, then, don't make any.
00:12:33Now, you know what you can do?
00:12:35You can go down there and kill that bloody dog.
00:12:37Well, I'll put in a month of Sundays.
00:12:40Well, I'll put in a month of Sundays.
00:12:55Was that a brassiere over Holly's shoulder this morning?
00:13:02You're half a day behind the rest of us, you know that?
00:13:06We call it a bra nowadays.
00:13:11Why did she have it over her shoulder?
00:13:14She was doing the laundry.
00:13:35Mr. Brown?
00:13:55Mr. Brown?
00:13:59Mr. Brown, it's Mrs. Goodfellow about Clarence.
00:14:01It's about your dog.
00:14:05Your dog woke me.
00:14:06What did you say?
00:14:07I said your dog woke me.
00:14:11Well, he's found his voice, hasn't he?
00:14:13Yes, he has, hasn't he?
00:14:14And I was wondering whether we could perhaps keep him inside during the night time.
00:14:25Got your sandwiches?
00:14:26Yes.
00:14:27Got your sports bag?
00:14:28Yes.
00:14:29And Daddy's picking up this afternoon.
00:14:30But Daddy forgets.
00:14:31No, he doesn't, darling.
00:14:33That'll be fine because it's the new housekeeper and she's paid not to forget.
00:14:38Anyway, I thought you were going to be brave and take the bus this year.
00:14:40Next year.
00:14:41No, you said that last year.
00:14:42Come on.
00:14:43You're going to have a good day.
00:14:49See you around, Goodfellow.
00:14:53My shoelaces aren't done.
00:14:58Tell me about when you were a girl.
00:14:59Oh, Peter, you know already.
00:15:03Oh, all right then.
00:15:05When I was a little girl, I lived in a big, scary house.
00:15:09With the black women?
00:15:10No, they wore black.
00:15:11They were nuns.
00:15:13Mostly Irish and mostly evil.
00:15:16And you were there because you were orphaned?
00:15:18No, I was an orphan.
00:15:20Orphan, darling.
00:15:22Come on, off you go.
00:15:23Have a good day.
00:15:24Remember to make Daddy remember.
00:15:25Yeah, I promise.
00:15:34Oh, she's here already.
00:15:36Sorry?
00:15:37The housekeeper.
00:15:38No, no, just her trunk.
00:15:40They'd arrive while you were out.
00:15:42It's a lovely old thing, isn't it?
00:15:45Well, well, well.
00:15:47Look at that.
00:15:48Grace.
00:15:50Is it a sign, do you think?
00:15:52No, I think it's a trunk.
00:15:54In the books I used to read when I was a boy,
00:15:56there was always a trunk in every house.
00:15:58It's a sign.
00:16:00In the books I used to read when I was a boy,
00:16:02there was always a trunk just like this.
00:16:05Full of treasure.
00:16:06You will remember to pick up Petey, won't you?
00:16:08Hmm?
00:16:09I can't this afternoon.
00:16:11Oh, right, OK.
00:16:12Yep, I'll write it down.
00:16:13I've got to take Mrs. Appleby to the garden centre.
00:16:17Now, where's the pen?
00:16:18Where's that pen?
00:16:27Oh, look at this.
00:16:30You've made it really nice up here.
00:16:33Grace should be very happy.
00:16:35Do you know, Lillian and Brian have made love
00:16:38in every single room in their house.
00:16:43Their house is smaller.
00:16:44Yes, but they went round twice.
00:16:49I'm late for work already.
00:16:50Oh, it's half an hour.
00:16:53You take this off,
00:16:55and you're just a man, Walter Goodfellow.
00:17:01Don't forget Petey, then.
00:17:03Oh, Lord, yes.
00:17:05I think I wrote it down.
00:17:07Yep.
00:17:10Hello?
00:17:16Petey, Peter!
00:17:19Oh, no, no, no!
00:17:22Peter, Peter!
00:17:24Peter!
00:17:26I'm sorry, Petey.
00:17:29I'm sorry.
00:17:31I'm sorry.
00:17:34No, no, no, no.
00:17:35Petey, Petey!
00:17:38Petey?
00:17:43Petey?
00:17:47Walter?
00:17:50My darling, have you met Bob and Ted? We were just talking about the algae.
00:17:53Walter, where's Petey?
00:17:56Oh, Lord. I'm sorry.
00:17:58Mrs. Calloway rang me about her crisis of faith.
00:18:01She was on the verge of losing it.
00:18:03I know the bloody feeling.
00:18:09It's Godboy!
00:18:10Let's get him!
00:18:11Come on!
00:18:13No!
00:18:14God, no, please!
00:18:15Shut up!
00:18:16Please!
00:18:17No!
00:18:18This is really unnecessary!
00:18:19Shall I push him?
00:18:20Yeah!
00:18:21No, please!
00:18:22I'm going to count to three.
00:18:23No!
00:18:24Three!
00:18:25No!
00:18:26See you in the morning!
00:18:33Oh, dearie, dearie me, look at him.
00:18:36Give me your hand, let me help you up.
00:18:38You look so uncomfortable.
00:18:45No one has a clue where he is.
00:18:47I don't understand.
00:18:48No, well, I don't...
00:18:52Look, there he is!
00:18:58Who the bloody hell is that?
00:19:00It's Godboy!
00:19:01Godboy!
00:19:02Godboy!
00:19:03Godboy!
00:19:04Who the bloody hell is that?
00:19:06Right.
00:19:18Hey!
00:19:19What are you doing with my son?
00:19:21Hmm?
00:19:22Come here.
00:19:23Come on, quick.
00:19:25Oh.
00:19:26You must be Gloria.
00:19:28Are you going to get in the car?
00:19:30Oh, I'm so...
00:19:31Look, I think there might be
00:19:33a misunderstanding.
00:19:35You bet your life there's a misunderstanding.
00:19:42Grace Hawkins.
00:19:45You're Grace Hawkins?
00:19:47Yes.
00:19:48Miss Hawkins, welcome to Little Wallop.
00:19:50Thank you, Victor.
00:20:03I'm sorry about earlier, Miss Hawkins.
00:20:05Oh, no.
00:20:06Not at all, not at all.
00:20:07Under the circumstances,
00:20:08you did just the right thing.
00:20:09I could have been anybody,
00:20:10and please, please call me Grace.
00:20:13Reverend Goodfellow.
00:20:14Ah, Mrs. Parker.
00:20:15Reverend Goodfellow.
00:20:16Mrs. Parker, may I introduce you...
00:20:17May I introduce you to our new housekeeper,
00:20:19Grace Hawkins.
00:20:20And Mrs. Parker is chairman...
00:20:22Chair of the St. Michael's Flower Arranging Committee.
00:20:25Which I wanted to talk to you about.
00:20:27And we will talk about it, Mrs. Parker.
00:20:29We really will.
00:20:30But Grace has literally just arrived,
00:20:32and I was wondering...
00:20:33The tricks!
00:20:34I think I'd better go in.
00:20:35They'll be forever.
00:20:37And my whole experience in 43 years...
00:20:42I'm well aware of the problem.
00:20:49Oh, this is just...
00:20:53He's a persistent little fellow, isn't he?
00:20:56It's not what I call him.
00:21:00I've given it a good airing,
00:21:01but it's still a bit musty.
00:21:03Oh.
00:21:04Oh, no, it's perfect.
00:21:08It's just as I imagined.
00:21:11A perfect home for a perfect family.
00:21:15Well, let's hope they make us an offer.
00:21:18A sense of humor.
00:21:20I like that.
00:21:21Good, because you're going to need one.
00:21:23There you go again.
00:21:32How are we going to get that upstairs?
00:21:34Oh, we'll find a way.
00:21:36What do you think's in it?
00:21:37I don't know, and I didn't ask.
00:21:41Holly.
00:21:42I just want to know what's in it.
00:21:43Memories, dear.
00:21:47A lifetime of memories.
00:21:51And a few clothes.
00:21:54You must be Holly.
00:21:56My, you're tall.
00:21:59You must get that from your father's side.
00:22:01And they're old.
00:22:02Oh, this is David.
00:22:04Hi.
00:22:05Well, the women in this family
00:22:08certainly share a taste for good-looking fellas.
00:22:11Hmm.
00:22:14Hmm?
00:22:16Holly, are you taking the way?
00:22:18Really?
00:22:20Sharp left, darling.
00:22:22Watch it, watch it, watch it!
00:22:24Sorry, sorry.
00:22:25This door's very narrow.
00:22:28I'll take you down.
00:22:29Just here.
00:22:30It's fine.
00:22:31On your fingers, darling.
00:22:37Well, now, I don't think the occasion
00:22:39should go by without a few words.
00:22:41What, sir?
00:22:42Just a few words, Gloria.
00:22:45Lord, thank you for this day,
00:22:48and thank you for bringing us grace.
00:22:51Thank you for this day,
00:22:53and thank you for bringing us grace,
00:22:56who has joined our family today,
00:22:59and who we hope will be very happy here.
00:23:04And thank you also for Carl.
00:23:07Mark.
00:23:08David.
00:23:09David.
00:23:10David.
00:23:11Who we've also only just met, actually,
00:23:16but who seems to be a very nice young man, indeed.
00:23:22Amen.
00:23:23All right, who'd like a cup of tea?
00:23:24Yeah, we'd better get going.
00:23:27Right.
00:23:28Thank you for that, Walter.
00:23:30Vicar, sir.
00:23:31Oh, you're very welcome, Grace.
00:23:33I meant every word.
00:23:36Thank you.
00:23:47Oh, God, you drive me crazy.
00:23:51Oh, God.
00:23:54No, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
00:23:58Oh, God.
00:23:59I know the hotel five minutes away, okay?
00:24:01Not the Sheb.
00:24:02You know it?
00:24:03Of course I know it.
00:24:04Me, me, me.
00:24:05I'm the vicar's wife, Lance.
00:24:08Let's drive half a day before I'm not recognized.
00:24:10Why don't we just stay put?
00:24:12Let's drive half a day before I'm not recognized.
00:24:14Why don't we just stay put?
00:24:16You want our first time to be in a car?
00:24:18Honey, I just want a first time.
00:24:20I'm not doing it in a car.
00:24:22Now, women my age don't do it in cars,
00:24:24the sort of thing my daughter does, for fuck's sake.
00:24:26She does?
00:24:27No, look, I hear you.
00:24:28There's a time and a place, Lance.
00:24:30Like Mexico?
00:24:32Exactly like Mexico.
00:24:34We'll get exactly where we're gonna be.
00:24:36When?
00:24:37Soon, I promise.
00:24:39Oh, I just need a break.
00:24:41Just a couple of weeks, that's all I'm asking.
00:24:43And we're there in our heartbeat, sweetheart,
00:24:45naked and living off the fruits of love.
00:24:50Warm sun.
00:24:52And chilled tequila.
00:24:55God, I'm so sad.
00:24:57Well, that'll be the music of the food.
00:24:59I think it'll be the best, ain't it?
00:25:02Fuck's sake.
00:25:12Come on.
00:25:18Night, then.
00:25:19Whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:25:20We're gonna get a good night kiss.
00:25:21Are you crazy?
00:25:22They're all watching.
00:25:23Miss Parker.
00:25:24Who?
00:25:26Oh, come on.
00:25:27She probably can't...
00:25:29She probably can't even see.
00:25:31Just pretend you're a taxi and go.
00:25:34Come on.
00:25:38I'll call you.
00:25:40What the hell am I doing?
00:25:42I hope you know, because I have no clue.
00:25:49Whoa.
00:25:50Oh, my Lord.
00:25:56So you must be Holly.
00:26:04See you next time, sweetie.
00:26:11Oh, Jesus Christ.
00:26:15Can't we just have some good old-fashioned vengeful rot
00:26:18like smite the little fucker dead?
00:26:20I might start listening to you again.
00:26:26I'm sorry.
00:26:27Did I startle you?
00:26:28No, no.
00:26:29It's nothing.
00:26:30It's nothing.
00:26:31It's nothing.
00:26:32It's nothing.
00:26:33It's nothing.
00:26:34It's nothing.
00:26:35It's nothing.
00:26:36It's nothing.
00:26:37It's nothing.
00:26:38It's nothing.
00:26:39No, no.
00:26:40Is everything okay?
00:26:41Oh, yes.
00:26:42I just wanted to thank you.
00:26:44Thank you very much.
00:26:46Oh, me should be thanking you, really.
00:26:49Well, good night, dear.
00:26:51Good night.
00:26:54You know, my father was a minister.
00:26:57Really?
00:26:58That's a coincidence.
00:27:00So I know their little ways.
00:27:03Ah.
00:27:04Yes, I think you'll find Walter is rather set in his.
00:27:08You just leave him to me, dear.
00:27:11I think I might just do that.
00:27:13Shall I close the door?
00:27:15That'd be lovely.
00:27:16Okay.
00:27:17Good night, dear.
00:27:18Good night.
00:27:23All right.
00:27:38Night.
00:27:43Oh.
00:28:08Oh.
00:28:39Clara?
00:28:40Clara?
00:28:41Where's that bloody dolly?
00:28:42Wakey, wakey.
00:28:43I thought you deserved a lie-in.
00:28:44Breakfast is ready when you are.
00:28:45Oh.
00:28:46Oh.
00:28:47Oh.
00:28:48Oh.
00:28:49Oh.
00:28:50Oh.
00:28:51Oh.
00:28:52Oh.
00:28:53Oh.
00:28:54Oh.
00:28:55Oh.
00:28:56Oh.
00:28:57Oh.
00:28:58Oh.
00:28:59Oh.
00:29:00Oh.
00:29:01Oh.
00:29:02Oh.
00:29:03Oh.
00:29:04Oh.
00:29:05Oh.
00:29:06Oh.
00:29:07Breakfast is ready when you are.
00:29:12Slipped straight through.
00:29:14Hmm.
00:29:15Makes a change.
00:29:16Oh.
00:29:18Fantastic.
00:29:20Grace, this is absolutely wonderful.
00:29:22Thank you, Vicki.
00:29:23Here's a toast, dear.
00:29:25Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
00:29:28Did you know that, Holli?
00:29:30I vaguely remember Mum feeling John Rudd into me, Odette.
00:29:33Good morning.
00:29:35Such a big day for you, Vicka. I've given you extra.
00:29:39It's not such a big day, Grace. It's only a bit of fun.
00:29:42Can't I talk you out of it?
00:29:43No, sweetheart, you cannot.
00:29:45It's going to be the most embarrassing day of my life. Again.
00:29:49It's all in a good cause.
00:29:50It doesn't make it any less embarrassing.
00:29:52Oh, I think it'll be fun.
00:29:55She's new. She'll learn.
00:29:57Come on, Eric! Come on, Eric!
00:30:06Oh, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
00:30:09Chin up, chin up.
00:30:10I think I just need to warm up a bit.
00:30:23No, I just can't watch.
00:30:25Oh, please.
00:30:26Why hang around just to see him humiliate himself in front of the whole village?
00:30:30I don't get that enough every Sunday.
00:30:32Open up the gates!
00:30:41He's a handsome fellow, isn't he?
00:30:43What?
00:30:45Your husband.
00:30:47Come on!
00:30:51That's quite an athletic figure.
00:30:56Come on!
00:31:03Um, I'll be back in a minute.
00:31:08Well, let's cheer for your father, shall we? Perhaps that'll help.
00:31:11Come on, Dan!
00:31:12Come on, Vicka!
00:31:13Hi.
00:31:16Well, perhaps next time.
00:31:18I'm sorry. I was waving.
00:31:21Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
00:31:25Come on, Eric!
00:31:39Sorry. I'm sorry about that. Sorry.
00:31:42Well done, Eric!
00:31:43Well done, Eric!
00:31:47Eric!
00:31:53Don't move!
00:31:56Eric!
00:31:59That was only just it, that one.
00:32:04Sorry. Went right through.
00:32:09Sorry.
00:32:22You all right, Vicka?
00:32:23Oh, I'm fine.
00:32:24You all right?
00:32:25I think I'm just winded.
00:32:28I'm fine, I promise you.
00:32:30I'm sure I can carry on.
00:32:35You OK, Dad?
00:32:36Yes, I'm fine.
00:32:37I had luck, Vick.
00:32:38Oh, thank you, Grace. I did my best.
00:32:46Would you like a nice hot cup of tea?
00:32:48Oh, that sounds wonderful, Grace.
00:32:50Come on, let's get your father some tea.
00:32:52Thank you.
00:32:55Right there.
00:33:09That was some bad luck out there, Reverend.
00:33:12Oh, thank you.
00:33:13Well, I guess these things happen, huh?
00:33:15Yes. Yes, they certainly do.
00:33:18Well, they just did.
00:33:25But, uh, I got to hand it to you, Walter.
00:33:30You sure took it like a man, I'll say that for you.
00:33:39I'm sorry, I...
00:33:40Have we...
00:33:41Oh, sorry, Lance.
00:33:44I see your wife.
00:33:47I'm her golf pro.
00:33:49Oh, yes.
00:33:50Oh, yes, she takes her golf very seriously.
00:33:52Yeah?
00:33:54Always comes on time, too.
00:33:57Oh, yes, she's very good like that.
00:34:00Very good.
00:34:09Well, nice to meet you, Walter.
00:34:13Well, nice to meet you, Lance.
00:34:23Thank you.
00:34:30Are you trying to make this as awkward as possible?
00:34:33Well, we were just two guys shooting the breeze.
00:34:37Nothing to worry about.
00:34:39Besides, you can't blame a man for wanting to check out his competition, can you?
00:34:43Yeah, but that's not the competition, that's my husband.
00:34:46So, guess what?
00:34:49I talked to my travel guide last night.
00:34:51Really?
00:34:52And what did he say on the way leaving?
00:34:54It's all good.
00:34:56Come on, Lee, get that ball out!
00:34:58Come on, come on, Walter!
00:35:05Here you go, sir.
00:35:06Thank you.
00:35:15Thank you.
00:35:28I'll drive so I can show you the way and then you can drive.
00:35:30I can't.
00:35:31No, it's all right, you're on my shoulders.
00:35:32No, I can't drive.
00:35:35Oh.
00:35:37Well, it's never too late to learn.
00:35:39Morning.
00:35:41You haven't seen Clarence, have you?
00:35:43No, afraid not.
00:35:45It's not like him.
00:35:47Not like him at all.
00:35:50Oh, dear, oh, dear.
00:35:53Never mind.
00:35:54Best night's sleep I've had in a long time.
00:35:57Every cloud has a silver lining.
00:36:00Clarence!
00:36:02You little bugger, where are you?
00:36:04Clarence!
00:36:07Out of the way!
00:36:08Move!
00:36:16Tell you what, I've got to go in and order a new tracksuit.
00:36:19Would you like me to come in with you?
00:36:21Yeah.
00:36:22Is that a good idea?
00:36:23Yeah.
00:36:46So, in Mexico, they have these endless miles of perfect glistening white sand beaches.
00:36:54And what we're going to do for the rest of our lives
00:36:58is we're going to find our own little stretch, our own little private place.
00:37:03Just you and me.
00:37:06And then what I'm going to do
00:37:08is I am going to cover your body with coconut cream every day
00:37:13and I am going to start at your toes
00:37:17and I am going to lick my way up slowly all the way to your little...
00:37:21Well, that sounds lovely.
00:37:23When do we go?
00:37:31Fuck.
00:37:33Fuck.
00:37:49How was he?
00:37:50Petrified.
00:37:51Oh, crud.
00:37:56Hello?
00:37:59Hello, Lillian.
00:38:00Yeah, I can't really talk right now. Can I call you back later?
00:38:04Bye.
00:38:08Yes, that was Lillian, an old friend of mine.
00:38:14Clarence!
00:38:18Clarence!
00:38:21Clarence, where are you?
00:38:25And then once we broke into the boys' college in the middle of the night
00:38:29me and some friends and did a striptease for the lads.
00:38:32It wasn't any old college, either. It was religion and philosophy.
00:38:37Is that where you met Walter?
00:38:39That's where I met Walter.
00:38:42He was a postgrad, I was a first year, and he was...
00:38:47He was just different from the others.
00:38:51Still is.
00:38:53There aren't many like him around.
00:38:55Put your finger on here, will you?
00:38:57But why is it, when they eventually do find God, that they lose their sense of humour?
00:39:06Oh.
00:39:10Hello?
00:39:15Lillian! Again!
00:39:19Where are you?
00:39:21Where are you?
00:39:39That was Lillian, and I'm going to nip into town and meet her for lunch.
00:39:42Lillian.
00:39:44I'd so like to meet her.
00:39:47Yes, of course.
00:39:51I'll sort something out.
00:39:54Bye-bye.
00:39:55Bye.
00:40:09God's ways are mysterious.
00:40:12That's why we say, God's mysterious ways.
00:40:17I mean, look at Job, and all that befell him.
00:40:20He asked the Lord, why are you doing all of this to me?
00:40:26And God could have explained.
00:40:29But instead, he just said, trust me, Job.
00:40:34Now that's mysterious.
00:40:46God.
00:40:53God?
00:40:55Yes, Walter.
00:40:58How do you think it's sounding?
00:41:02Well, the title stinks for a start.
00:41:05Oh, I'm sorry.
00:41:07I can't agree with God about that.
00:41:09Goodness, Grace.
00:41:11I hope you don't mind.
00:41:12No, no, no, I was just practicing for the convention.
00:41:16It's very thought-provoking.
00:41:20Dry and boring, I think you mean.
00:41:23But that's me all over.
00:41:25Nonsense.
00:41:26I'm not the most vibrant of individuals.
00:41:30A bit serious, perhaps.
00:41:33You've hit the nail on the head there, Grace.
00:41:35Reverend Goodfellow!
00:41:37Reverend Goodfellow, I just wanted to speak to you about...
00:41:44Miss Hawkins.
00:41:45Mrs. Parker.
00:41:49Is it possible to have a word with you privately?
00:41:54It's about the flower arranging committee.
00:41:57It's taken a turn for the worse.
00:42:00I have never in all my life...
00:42:02Mrs. Parker.
00:42:03I have never...
00:42:05Mrs. Parker, the Reverend is practicing his sermon.
00:42:11Yes, I have a convention coming up.
00:42:16I see.
00:42:20Very well.
00:42:23Goodbye, Mrs. Parker.
00:42:27Oh, dear. I hope I didn't...
00:42:29Of course not.
00:42:30Of course not.
00:42:31For goodness sake, Vicar, you are a busy man.
00:42:34People should realize that.
00:42:36Right.
00:42:39Yes.
00:42:41Now, about your sermon.
00:42:47Yes.
00:42:50Do you like jokes?
00:42:56Jokes?
00:43:00Yes.
00:43:21So, you see, God is really tired.
00:43:24And he says to St. Peter, he says,
00:43:27I'm absolutely exhausted.
00:43:29I need a holiday. I really do.
00:43:31Is there any way you can suggest?
00:43:33So, St. Peter thinks for a bit.
00:43:36And he says, well, I know, I know.
00:43:38He said, what about the moon?
00:43:41And God said, no, I don't think so.
00:43:44Not the moon.
00:43:45There's no atmosphere.
00:43:48That's funny.
00:43:49Yeah, but I'm not finished yet.
00:43:51So then God says, I really want something different.
00:43:54I really want something different.
00:43:56So St. Peter says, well, I know, what about Earth?
00:43:59And God says, no.
00:44:01Now, I went there 2,000 years ago.
00:44:04I met this nice little Jewish girl.
00:44:06And they're still talking about it.
00:44:25I did good, huh?
00:44:30You look beautiful.
00:44:34After you.
00:44:39Fabulous, right?
00:44:40Oh, yes.
00:44:42And guess what?
00:44:44The tickets are on their way.
00:44:47Oh.
00:44:49Oh, baby.
00:44:51Oh, baby.
00:44:52Oh, my God.
00:44:56Oh, this is it.
00:44:57Oh, God.
00:44:58Oh, honey, you look beautiful.
00:45:00Wait.
00:45:01What?
00:45:02Let me take my clothes off first.
00:45:07Okay.
00:45:12Oh, my God.
00:45:14Oh, my God.
00:45:15Oh, my God.
00:45:17Oh.
00:45:32Oh, my.
00:45:33Oh, God, oh, my.
00:45:40Slow, slow, slow.
00:45:41Slow, slow, slow.
00:45:45Hey.
00:45:51Oh, yeah. Oh, God, away.
00:45:54You're making me crazy.
00:46:03Oh, God, what's that?
00:46:05What?
00:46:06That.
00:46:08This is my love.
00:46:10Oh, I know what it is, Lance.
00:46:12I thought you Brits liked this kind of thing.
00:46:14No, we don't.
00:46:15You do not think this is hot?
00:46:18No.
00:46:22You didn't turn your phone off?
00:46:33Hello?
00:46:34What?
00:46:36What?
00:46:38Who the hell's this?
00:46:41Oh.
00:46:43A girl?
00:46:44I don't know any girls.
00:46:46I got it.
00:46:47I'll just take it off.
00:46:49No, no, keep it on.
00:46:50In fact, you can put everything back on.
00:46:53I think we've had quite enough for today.
00:47:06Good Lord.
00:47:14Giggle with God.
00:47:20Oh, I know.
00:47:36Giggle with God.
00:47:51Is everything all right, Vicar?
00:47:55It's just so quiet, Grace.
00:47:58Lovely, isn't it?
00:48:02Have a good afternoon.
00:48:04And you.
00:48:21There you go.
00:48:34Thank you.
00:49:04Thank you.
00:49:06Thank you.
00:49:33You're not going to make me pray tonight?
00:49:35You're not going to make me pray to baby Jesus?
00:49:37You're not going to make me up?
00:49:40Run to Granny, you prat.
00:49:44Are you all right?
00:49:46Yeah.
00:49:59You know, I was wondering,
00:50:01if you had a magic word, what word would it be?
00:50:04I mean, what's your favourite word?
00:50:06Favourite word?
00:50:08Broccoli.
00:50:10Broccoli?
00:50:12Yeah, well, I don't know.
00:50:14Why not?
00:50:18It's all right, Petey.
00:50:20It's all right.
00:50:22You just close your eyes.
00:50:24Keep them closed.
00:50:26Now, say the magic word.
00:50:30Broccoli.
00:50:32Now open them.
00:50:35And see what happens.
00:50:43It's all right.
00:50:58My brakes aren't working!
00:51:00I can't stop!
00:51:16Who's that?
00:51:18It's Billy Martin.
00:51:20Well, good old broccoli.
00:51:22Shall we have some for supper?
00:51:31Hi, Mum.
00:51:34You know, flower can be so sensual.
00:51:42How long do you think it'll take me to find a lawyer?
00:51:45I like that. It's good.
00:51:47Gloria, you're back.
00:51:49This is Mark.
00:51:51David.
00:51:52There.
00:51:53Grant.
00:51:54Grant.
00:51:55And this is Billy.
00:51:57David.
00:51:58There.
00:51:59Grant.
00:52:00Grant.
00:52:02Oh, now, this is a good one.
00:52:04Holly!
00:52:05Holly, come and listen to this.
00:52:07Sit down.
00:52:09So, this vicar is stopped for speeding.
00:52:13And the policeman smells alcohol
00:52:15and sees an empty bottle of wine on the passenger side floor.
00:52:19And he says,
00:52:20Have you been drinking, Reverend?
00:52:22And the vicar says,
00:52:23All innocent, like...
00:52:25All innocent, like...
00:52:27And the vicar says,
00:52:29All innocent, like...
00:52:31Just water, officer.
00:52:33And the policeman looks over to the bottle and says,
00:52:35Well, that looks like wine to me.
00:52:38Wine, cries the vicar.
00:52:41Good Lord, he's done it again.
00:52:44That's funny.
00:52:46Yes, it's quite funny, isn't it?
00:52:50Mummy!
00:52:51Mummy!
00:52:53Billy Martin came after me!
00:52:55But Grace was there!
00:52:56And all I said was broccoli!
00:52:58And now he's dead!
00:52:59Billy Martin's dead!
00:53:00Woo-hoo!
00:53:01Oh, my!
00:53:02Aren't you a busy bee?
00:53:03Oh, Grace, this is Grant.
00:53:07Oh, is it Halloween?
00:53:10Jokes, Grace.
00:53:11Had lots of them.
00:53:13Oh, well done, you.
00:53:16Oh.
00:53:18Isn't this nice?
00:53:21Could we have a word?
00:53:23Billy Martin's dead.
00:53:24Oh, good Lord, no.
00:53:26No, he's not dead.
00:53:27It's just unconscious, if I'm any judge.
00:53:29But please don't tell Petey,
00:53:30because he's so excited.
00:53:34Grace, can you come and look at the pie?
00:53:36Yes, of course, dear.
00:53:37I've fucked up big time.
00:53:39I don't think she should use that language.
00:53:41I really don't.
00:53:42I wish I really did.
00:53:50Let me get this straight.
00:53:52My son's rid of his bullies.
00:53:56My husband has become a comedian.
00:54:00And my nymphomaniac daughter has discovered cookery.
00:54:06What's coming on?
00:54:13I'm sorry.
00:54:37Oh, I'm so sorry.
00:54:39I'm so sorry.
00:54:41did I wake you? no not at all.
00:54:44did I disturb you and Walter?
00:54:46chance be a fine thing.
00:54:48um
00:54:50good night.
00:54:52you know men do sometimes lose their way dear.
00:54:56Walter is a sweet soul but he's a bit slow-witted like the rest of them.
00:55:03I'm sure he'll find his way back to you in the end.
00:55:08so you were married too?
00:55:10yes I was.
00:55:12a long time ago.
00:55:14and did he lose his way?
00:55:16with a little help from another woman.
00:55:21oh
00:55:23completely lost his head over her.
00:55:27do you have a couple of minutes?
00:55:32you sit down. I've got something to show you.
00:55:38oh here it is.
00:55:46that's me when I was six.
00:55:50sweet.
00:55:52I was alive was.
00:55:54here he is.
00:55:56that's him.
00:55:59what was his name?
00:56:03Arthur.
00:56:07it's very dapper.
00:56:09I was a fool for a handsome fella.
00:56:13and I was young. I was young. I was very young. too young.
00:56:17and then he
00:56:19he dabbled
00:56:21and that was that.
00:56:24Walter only dabbles with God nowadays.
00:56:28in that case he'll come back to you.
00:56:32God would never stand in the way of such a beautiful young woman.
00:56:53will you find your way back to me?
00:57:11hmm
00:57:15could you?
00:57:23no.
00:57:41Barrett?
00:57:43is that you?
00:57:49Barrett?
00:57:53Barrett?
00:58:13oh my god. Barrett.
00:58:23Barrett?
00:58:49do you think he's found that bloody dog yet?
00:58:51oh mr. Brown's on holiday.
00:58:53is he? where's he gone?
00:58:55I think he said down under.
00:58:59oh.
00:59:01hey.
00:59:19so, um
00:59:21I have been up every night thinking
00:59:25if we only ever get one chance at true happiness in our entire lives, Gloria
00:59:31that nobody should ever die without having found it.
00:59:35I'm not alone.
00:59:37huh?
00:59:39I'm not alone.
00:59:49so, um
00:59:51talk to my guy
00:59:53and Mexico is on.
00:59:55and I got a date.
00:59:57tomorrow.
00:59:59what?
01:00:01I told you. when I move fast.
01:00:03oh, it's too fast. change it.
01:00:05I can't. the ticket's booked.
01:00:07well, change the tickets.
01:00:09honey, they're booked.
01:00:11you can't change them.
01:00:13Gloria
01:00:15this is everything we've been dreaming of.
01:00:17and the hotel?
01:00:19hotel's perfect.
01:00:21on the beach, like you said?
01:00:23of course.
01:00:25I mean, walking distance. I mean, seconds.
01:00:27the best hotels are on the beach, Lance.
01:00:29Gloria, this is so much better than a hotel.
01:00:33oh, for fuck's sake. it's a timeshare.
01:00:35here we are.
01:00:37oh, Grace.
01:00:39um, Grace, this is Lance, my golf instructor.
01:00:41and Lance, this is Grace, our housekeeper.
01:00:43it is very nice to meet you, Grace.
01:00:45Gloria's told me all about you.
01:00:47you're American.
01:00:49yes.
01:00:51that obvious, huh?
01:00:53I forgot.
01:00:55well, please, don't let me interrupt you.
01:00:57oh, sorry.
01:00:59we were just talking about our, um,
01:01:01our next session, our practice session.
01:01:03golf, weren't we, Lance?
01:01:05right, uh, practice session.
01:01:07we can talk about it later, though, can't we?
01:01:11well, actually,
01:01:13I kinda need to know now.
01:01:15you can't wait.
01:01:17it's all confirmed.
01:01:19well, I have concerns.
01:01:21what kind of concerns?
01:01:27I just want to make sure we have the right equipment,
01:01:29you know, the right kit.
01:01:31I'm not sure we have the right wood.
01:01:37hey, uh, you were talking to me here.
01:01:39you do not have to worry yourself about the wood.
01:01:47yes or no,
01:01:49Gloria?
01:01:53all right.
01:01:59okay.
01:02:01good.
01:02:05well, it's nice to meet you, Lance.
01:02:07it's a pleasure to meet you, too,
01:02:09Grace. um,
01:02:11what, uh, five o'clock?
01:02:13the place?
01:02:15the usual place?
01:02:17okay.
01:02:19okay, well, uh, you ladies
01:02:21have a lovely lunch.
01:02:27he's got a marvelous swing.
01:02:31has he?
01:02:33I visit 2,000 years ago,
01:02:35I meet this nice Jewish girl,
01:02:37and they're still talking about it.
01:02:39ah,
01:02:41but joking aside,
01:02:43it's true.
01:02:452,000 years later,
01:02:47and we are still talking about it.
01:02:49and that's because it's something worth
01:02:51talking about.
01:02:57oh, Grace.
01:02:59uh, these jokes,
01:03:01things come alive.
01:03:03they really do.
01:03:05excellent.
01:03:07you're doing really well, Vicar.
01:03:09thank you.
01:03:11have you thought about sex?
01:03:15uh,
01:03:17sex?
01:03:19yes.
01:03:21um, for the convention,
01:03:23or...
01:03:25the Bible is full of sex.
01:03:27haven't you noticed?
01:03:29the Bible?
01:03:31mm-hmm.
01:03:33the song of Solomon, for example.
01:03:35ah,
01:03:37ah, no, now that
01:03:39is a passionate declaration of love
01:03:41from a devout man to God.
01:03:43no.
01:03:45it's about sex.
01:03:49right.
01:03:51ah, you read it again, Reverend.
01:03:55and I'll make you a cup of tea.
01:04:10let him kiss me
01:04:12with the kisses of his mouth
01:04:14for thy love
01:04:16is better than wine
01:04:20his fruit was sweet
01:04:22to my taste
01:04:24his left hand
01:04:26is under my head
01:04:28and his right hand
01:04:30doth embrace me
01:04:34behold
01:04:36thou art fair, my love
01:04:40behold
01:04:42thou art fair
01:04:52thy lips
01:04:54are like a thread of scarlet
01:04:56thine eyes
01:04:58are as doves
01:05:00behind the veil
01:05:02and comely
01:05:04is thy mouth
01:05:07thy two breasts
01:05:09are like fawns
01:05:11feeding among the lilies
01:05:15thy navel
01:05:17is like a round goblet
01:05:19wherein no mingled wine
01:05:21is wanting
01:05:27thy belly
01:05:29is like a heap of wheat
01:05:31set about with lilies
01:05:36let thy breasts
01:05:38be as clusters on the vine
01:05:42and thy mouth
01:05:44like the best wine
01:05:50open to me, my dove
01:05:54for my head is filled
01:05:56with the drops of the night
01:06:01come, my beloved
01:06:03let us see
01:06:05the wine flourishes
01:06:07and the tender grapes
01:06:09appear
01:06:11and the pomegranates
01:06:13bud forth
01:06:35water
01:06:37water
01:06:43water
01:07:05water
01:07:35water
01:07:43showtime
01:08:05oh
01:08:07come on
01:08:09come on to Uncle Lance
01:08:13no, no, no
01:08:15come back
01:08:17oh, yeah
01:08:21oh, my lord
01:08:23they're just like little rose petals
01:08:35oh
01:09:05oh
01:09:07oh
01:09:09oh
01:09:11oh
01:09:13bingo
01:09:17oh, God, Lance, you're a lucky man
01:09:19good evening
01:09:21good evening, can I help you?
01:09:23uh, Grace, right?
01:09:25yes
01:09:27I've lost my
01:09:29have you seen my wallet?
01:09:31I seem to have dropped it here
01:09:35oh
01:09:41I've got my pen
01:09:43I've got my speech
01:09:45and I'm really rather nervous
01:09:47oh, you'll be fine
01:09:49and I'll be thinking of you
01:09:51good
01:09:53Jesus Christ, you two, put it away
01:09:57bye
01:09:59bye, Dad
01:10:01bye, Dad
01:10:03bye, Dad
01:10:11I've forgotten something, darling
01:10:15have you seen Mr. Brown lately?
01:10:17no, he's in Australia
01:10:23I hope the convention goes well
01:10:25yes, thank you, Grace
01:10:27goodbye, all
01:10:33Reverend Goodfellow
01:10:41Reverend Goodfellow
01:10:43Mrs. Parker
01:10:45about the flower arranging committee
01:10:47which I will be more than happy to talk to you about
01:10:49in a few days, Mrs. Parker
01:10:51when I'm back
01:10:53oh
01:10:55I see
01:10:57oh
01:11:01I noticed
01:11:03that your housekeeper was having
01:11:05a great deal of trouble
01:11:07with her car last night
01:11:09her car?
01:11:11mm
01:11:15that's not Grace's car, Mrs. Parker
01:11:17it's not
01:11:19oh
01:11:25I've seen it there
01:11:27often enough
01:11:29at first I thought
01:11:31it was a taxi
01:11:49well, goodbyes are never easy
01:11:51but it's not forever, dear
01:12:03hello
01:12:05it's me
01:12:07it's after five and I'm here and you're not
01:12:09so
01:12:11well, it's funny actually because I only came here
01:12:13to tell you that I'm not coming
01:12:15but I guess you beat me to it
01:12:17um
01:12:19perhaps you're already there with one of those girls
01:12:21you know, one of those girls you don't know
01:12:25have a nice life, Lance
01:12:43oh, there you are
01:12:45er, dinner's at eight
01:12:47he didn't show up then
01:12:49what?
01:12:51you're American
01:12:53a golf instructor
01:12:55your practice session
01:12:57no, no
01:12:59he, um
01:13:01he's sick
01:13:03oh
01:13:05he, um
01:13:07yeah, he calls it off
01:13:09yeah
01:13:15yeah
01:13:37mum
01:13:39yeah
01:13:41mum
01:13:43mum
01:13:45mum
01:14:09oh my god
01:14:13mum
01:14:21God's Mysterious Ways
01:14:23I think it's a good title, Reverend Goodfellow
01:14:25really?
01:14:27I really do, I like it
01:14:29well, thank you
01:14:31and they'll like it too, I'm sure
01:14:39I'm taking a look
01:14:41I don't know about it
01:14:43Holly, have you ever seen inside it?
01:14:45no
01:14:47exactly
01:14:49hang on
01:15:01Holly
01:15:03are you up there?
01:15:11shit
01:15:21hello?
01:15:23are you in here?
01:15:26well, that's just no way
01:15:39please be there, Lance
01:15:41who's Lance?
01:15:55who's Lance?
01:16:09oh, where is it?
01:16:11oh, here we are
01:16:13how does this work again?
01:16:15missed call, press green
01:16:25hello?
01:16:33this is Grace speaking
01:16:35would you like to come up from under the bed?
01:16:39coming
01:16:41and great to see so many new faces here today
01:16:43I know some of you have come a very long way
01:16:45so thank you, and some old friends
01:16:47Morgan, great result for the rugby at the weekend
01:16:49I thought
01:16:51now, down to the more serious business of the day
01:16:53our opening address
01:16:55I'd like to introduce
01:16:57the Reverend Walter Goodfellow
01:16:59from the parish of Little Wallop
01:17:23good evening
01:17:35good evening, gentlemen
01:17:37ladies and gentlemen
01:17:43it's an honour
01:17:45to deliver
01:17:47the opening address
01:17:49of the convention
01:17:51and my subject
01:17:53is
01:17:55Codd's Mysterious Ways
01:17:57God's
01:17:59God's Mysterious Ways
01:18:01I'm sorry
01:18:03I'm sure
01:18:05that Codd have mysterious ways
01:18:09but it's the
01:18:11mysterious ways of God
01:18:13that I wanted to talk about this evening
01:18:17Codd will just have to wait
01:18:19for her own convention
01:18:23so
01:18:25God's Mysterious Ways
01:18:29I'm so glad we can have this little chat
01:18:33what have you done with Lance, Rosemary?
01:18:35you know, I prefer Rosie
01:18:37takes me back to my childhood
01:18:41what have you done with Lance, Rosie?
01:18:43who the hell's Lance?
01:18:45ah
01:18:47yes, well, that's
01:18:49that's the question
01:18:51you see, Lance
01:18:53Lance
01:18:55liked to make films
01:18:57can you work this, dear?
01:19:05showtime
01:19:11who the hell is this guy?
01:19:13I'll kill him
01:19:15okay, that won't be necessary, dear
01:19:21what?
01:19:23not the type you would have been happy with
01:19:25in the end, dear
01:19:27don't change the subject
01:19:29you have a dead man in your trunk
01:19:31no, no, he's not in my trunk, dear
01:19:33he's in his car
01:19:35and that wasn't just
01:19:37any man, was it, Gloria?
01:19:39that was your lover
01:19:45that was your lover?
01:19:47well, you've got to understand, Holly
01:19:49your mother's been very unhappy
01:19:51and lonely
01:19:53well, you know, your father
01:19:55well, he's a busy man
01:19:57and along comes this handsome American
01:19:59with his accent and his swing
01:20:01not the type I would approve of
01:20:03at all
01:20:05you can't go around killing people
01:20:07just because you don't approve of them
01:20:09do you know, that's what my doctors used to say
01:20:11it was the one point we could never agree on
01:20:13anyway, I could see
01:20:15your affair was ruining
01:20:17the whole family, the whole family
01:20:19you can't expect me to sit back
01:20:21and do nothing about that, can you?
01:20:23yes, because it has absolutely nothing to do with you
01:20:25it has everything to do with me
01:20:27it's the least a mother can do for her daughter
01:20:31her daughter
01:20:37that's something else
01:20:39we need to have a little chat about
01:20:43about what?
01:20:51did send me photos now and again
01:20:53the nuns
01:20:55and this is one of your mother
01:20:57when she was your age
01:20:59wow, mum, you're gorgeous
01:21:03aren't we forgetting the small matter
01:21:05of dead bodies?
01:21:07how did you know about the other bodies?
01:21:13oh, you didn't know about the other bodies
01:21:15what other bodies?
01:21:19just Mr. Brown's dog
01:21:23and Mr. Brown
01:21:27you killed them too
01:21:31I did it for you, dear
01:21:39my mother
01:21:41oh, I've
01:21:43I've waited so long for you to call me that
01:21:53so
01:21:55what do we do now?
01:21:57and when I'm asked
01:21:59why do vicars always answer a question
01:22:01by posing another question
01:22:03I always reply
01:22:05well, why shouldn't we?
01:22:07but what
01:22:09in the end all this comes down to
01:22:11is how we deal
01:22:13in life
01:22:15with the problems that we have to face
01:22:17sometimes it's a question
01:22:19of just taking action
01:22:21of making decisions
01:22:23of involving others
01:22:25of finding your resolve
01:22:27and seeing it through
01:22:31but at other times
01:22:33it's about something much less
01:22:35tangible
01:22:37sometimes
01:22:39all it takes
01:22:41is a little
01:22:43grace
01:23:01a little of God's
01:23:03grace
01:23:05and all our problems
01:23:07seem to
01:23:09fade away
01:23:17now
01:23:19should we demand an explanation
01:23:21from our Lord?
01:23:23question
01:23:25his methods?
01:23:27or should we merely
01:23:29enjoy the benefits?
01:23:31well
01:23:33I don't think
01:23:35the good Lord
01:23:37wants us to question
01:23:39too much
01:23:41Isaiah
01:23:43chapter 55
01:23:45verse 8
01:23:47my ways
01:23:49are not your ways
01:23:51and I think what he basically
01:23:53means by that is
01:23:55I'm mysterious
01:23:57folks
01:24:00live with it
01:24:07thank you very much
01:24:09thank you
01:24:11thank you
01:24:21oh Jesus Christ
01:24:23I can't do it it's alright
01:24:25I didn't chop him up or anything grisly like that
01:24:27oh for God's sake
01:24:29where are you going?
01:24:31I'm not doing it
01:24:33but I can't drive
01:24:35I'm not getting in the car
01:24:37but I'm a learner
01:24:39officially I need someone with me
01:24:41I think under the circumstances
01:24:43the normal rules do not apply
01:24:49who is it?
01:24:51Mrs Parker
01:24:57I suppose I'll just have to
01:24:59use the pond again
01:25:01again?
01:25:03actually no I don't want to know
01:25:05I'm going to go inside and you just do whatever you have to do
01:25:09I thought being an orphan
01:25:11was a bad thing
01:25:13oh
01:25:25oh my God
01:25:27he's really stiff
01:25:29Holly do you have to?
01:25:31I've never seen anything like this before
01:25:33oh my God
01:25:35oh my God
01:25:39oh my God
01:25:41she's not fair
01:25:45other daughters get to
01:25:47plan weddings
01:25:49and bake cakes and go shopping with their mothers
01:25:51and what do I do?
01:25:53dispose of dead bodies
01:25:55I could say the same you know
01:25:59oh
01:26:01shall I put the kettle on?
01:26:05men have been the downfall of the Jones women
01:26:07for as long as there have been Jones women
01:26:09and that's why you have to be careful
01:26:11about the types you bring home dear
01:26:13wild and dangerous might be appealing
01:26:15now but believe me
01:26:17you're on the same road
01:26:19so what? you'd rather I get me a boyfriend like dad?
01:26:23oh my God you would wouldn't you?
01:26:25there's nothing wrong with your father young lady
01:26:29I knew you were a bitch to him but I always thought you loved him
01:26:33I do love him
01:26:35I do love him
01:26:37what about the ledge?
01:26:39I'm assuming dad doesn't know about him
01:26:45because I don't think he should
01:26:49I don't think he should know anything
01:26:53right Grace?
01:26:55mum's the word dear
01:27:07oh
01:27:21oh you're awake
01:27:23I brought you some tea. thank you
01:27:25Mrs Parker
01:27:27last night do you think she might have seen you something?
01:27:31no
01:27:33why?
01:27:35she's on her way over
01:27:41that doesn't mean to say she saw anything
01:27:43who?
01:27:45what are you talking about?
01:27:47Mrs Parker
01:27:49last night she might have seen something
01:27:51she did not see anything last night
01:27:53she saw you last night?
01:27:55no
01:27:57oh my God
01:27:59I'll see to her
01:28:01you won't you'll stay right here
01:28:03just keep calm
01:28:07Mrs Goodfellow
01:28:09did I wake you?
01:28:11actually yes
01:28:13I was hoping your husband would be home
01:28:15I need to speak to him
01:28:17no Mrs Parker he's away
01:28:19he's on a three day convention
01:28:21it's about the um
01:28:23it's about the flower arranging committee
01:28:27oh um
01:28:29well you'll have to talk to him really
01:28:31not me
01:28:33Cynthia Martin has been doing her level best
01:28:35to undermine my leadership
01:28:37I believe
01:28:39she's planning a coup
01:28:41a coup?
01:28:43behind my back
01:28:45yes
01:28:47if you don't mind
01:28:49I just need to sit
01:28:51oh
01:28:53behind my back
01:28:55and behind the reverend's back as well
01:28:57it's a disgrace
01:28:59I would even go
01:29:01as far as saying
01:29:03it is immoral
01:29:05and knowing what I know now
01:29:07I don't see how I can keep quiet
01:29:09she cries when she knows
01:29:13and when the reverend finds out
01:29:15he will be mortified I can assure you
01:29:17Grace
01:29:19Grace no
01:29:25well I'm sure Walter will have a quiet word
01:29:27with Cynthia Martin and it will all be sorted out
01:29:29but it's not just Mrs Martin
01:29:31that's the point
01:29:33they've all got their sordid little
01:29:35agendas
01:29:37in sixty years Mrs Goodford
01:29:39I have never known
01:29:41anything like it
01:29:43and in my condition too
01:29:45it's really affecting my heart you know
01:29:47I really do wish it didn't
01:29:49have to come to this but it does
01:29:51your husband must
01:29:53be told
01:29:55Mrs Parker
01:29:57out of the way please what on earth are you doing
01:29:59I will not have this family torn apart after all we've been through
01:30:01what she knows mum
01:30:03we heard she was going to tell dad
01:30:05about the committee the flower arranging committee
01:30:07this has nothing
01:30:09to do with anything else
01:30:13Mrs Parker
01:30:15oh dear
01:30:17Mrs Parker can you hear me
01:30:19is she
01:30:21yes
01:30:23I believe she is
01:30:25oh god oh god
01:30:27oh god
01:30:29she said herself she had a
01:30:31dicky heart
01:30:33I think you might have a dicky heart if someone came at you
01:30:35with a frying pan
01:30:37it was a simple misunderstanding it could happen to anybody
01:30:39this cannot go on mother
01:30:41I've had enough
01:30:43I understand you're upset
01:30:45too right I'm bloody upset I've got two dead bodies
01:30:47one in my pond and one in my sitting room
01:30:49in my pond
01:30:51no Grace I do not want to know
01:30:53this has gone too far
01:30:55and I mean it
01:30:57I understand
01:31:01it's not as though anyone is going to miss her
01:31:07mum
01:31:09dad's back
01:31:11hello
01:31:15hello
01:31:19hello sweetheart
01:31:21hi dad
01:31:23I tell you I've just had the best
01:31:27I was saying I've had the best convention
01:31:31hello everyone
01:31:33Mrs Parker how are you this morning
01:31:35oh she's fine
01:31:37darling I thought it was three days
01:31:39well it was going to be three days
01:31:41so lovely to see you
01:31:43hi dad
01:31:45well I delivered my sermon
01:31:47delivered my sermon
01:31:49and how did it go
01:31:51very well I even had them laughing
01:31:53oh gosh
01:31:55but you know what was really amazing
01:31:57was what happened afterwards
01:31:59because I was getting praise from everybody
01:32:01from the council and from my peers
01:32:03and normally that would be
01:32:05but do you know what I was thinking
01:32:07why am I here
01:32:11well you've always been a deep thinker
01:32:13when what matters most to me
01:32:17is back home
01:32:23oh darling
01:32:29so
01:32:31they made love in every room in the house did they
01:32:33Lillian and Brian
01:32:37and they went round twice
01:32:39twice
01:32:41I think we've got some catching up to do
01:32:43no
01:32:45Mr Parker
01:32:47oh gosh yes
01:32:49do you need me
01:32:51no no it's the flower arranging committee
01:32:53oh dear god that committee
01:32:55I swear it'll be the death of her
01:32:57Mrs Parker's sudden passing
01:32:59came as a dreadful shock to us all
01:33:01but as we well know
01:33:03God does move
01:33:05in mysterious ways
01:33:09which reminds me of a keynote address
01:33:11which I delivered recently
01:33:13of which I think
01:33:15Mrs Parker would have approved
01:33:17excellent servant
01:33:19thank you Mr Antrimus
01:33:21thank you goodbye
01:33:23it was you know it was very good
01:33:25Reverend Goodfellow
01:33:27I wonder if we might have a talk about
01:33:29the flower arranging committee this week
01:33:31er no
01:33:33but perhaps next week
01:33:35I'll let you know
01:33:37oh very well
01:33:40goodbye
01:33:42bye
01:34:09knocking
01:34:29who is it
01:34:31it's me
01:34:33oh come in
01:34:39come in
01:34:49I think this is for the best
01:34:51don't you
01:35:05my dearest Gloria
01:35:07it was a slice of heaven
01:35:09to finally meet you my dear
01:35:11you have made
01:35:13a mad old woman
01:35:15a very happy mad old woman
01:35:17I'll miss you
01:35:19and your beautiful family
01:35:21but I'll be visiting
01:35:23just you try and stop me
01:35:25love to you all
01:35:27mother
01:35:29dear mother
01:35:35dear mother
01:35:37how many months has it been now
01:35:39two three four
01:35:41yet still we talk about you all the time
01:35:43we're looking forward to your visit
01:35:45and lots planned for the whole family
01:35:47so what's new and exciting here in Little Wallop
01:35:49you may ask
01:35:51Polly's got herself a very nice new boyfriend
01:35:53and she told me to tell you that you'd be pleased with her choice
01:35:55he's not like the others
01:35:57I actually believe he might be a calming influence on her
01:36:01and Petey's doing very well
01:36:03turning into quite a confident young man
01:36:07it reminds me of the time
01:36:09an Englishman, an Irishman, a Scotsman, a vicar, a rabbi
01:36:11and a priest all walk into a pub
01:36:13and the barman looks up and says
01:36:15what is this some kind of joke
01:36:19Walt is a changed man too
01:36:21I'd even go so far as to say
01:36:23that our life here together is complete
01:36:25matters arising 3A
01:36:27the altar
01:36:29I'm by his side
01:36:31in all the ways he needs
01:36:33just like he's by mine
01:36:35in all the ways I need
01:36:49by the time you read this you'll have arrived at your new job
01:36:51good luck, I hope there are no hitches
01:36:53but something tells me wherever you are
01:36:55you'll do just fine
01:36:57well
01:37:19hi darling
01:37:21you remember Bob and Ted
01:37:23I'm afraid it's as we feared
01:37:25the pond
01:37:27algae
01:37:29blue green algae
01:37:31which apparently is quite serious
01:37:33it's very serious
01:37:35very serious
01:37:37so we're just discussing the options
01:37:39well as I explained to Reverend Goodfellow
01:37:41your pond is in the water table
01:37:43so the algae doesn't only affect you
01:37:45it affects the whole village
01:37:47and the blue green algae
01:37:49is one of the worst you can get
01:37:51so it's really just the one option
01:37:53yes as he says
01:37:55really there's just the
01:37:57just the one option
01:37:59which is
01:38:01drain it
01:38:13drain it
01:38:19shall I put the kettle on
01:38:24so between you and us
01:38:26I'd say life is good
01:38:28very good indeed
01:38:30no dramas, no crises
01:38:32just animals along in it's quiet merry way
01:38:34a couple of hiccups here and there of course
01:38:36like the pond
01:38:38which now they tell us needs draining
01:38:40it's a bit of a fuss as you can imagine
01:38:42but I'm sure we'll sort something out
01:39:54the
01:40:16let him kiss me
01:40:18with the kisses of his mouth
01:40:20for thy love
01:40:22is better than wine
01:40:26his fruit was sweet
01:40:28to my taste
01:40:30his left hand
01:40:32is under my head
01:40:34and his right hand
01:40:36doth embrace me
01:40:40behold
01:40:42thou art fair my love
01:40:46hold me tight
01:40:48I'll tell you it all
01:40:54through the night
01:40:58till the break of dawn
01:41:04close your eyes
01:41:08I'll be in your heart
01:41:12through the night
01:41:14through the night
01:41:18till the break of dawn
01:41:24I've been waiting to hold you
01:41:28run my fingers through your hair
01:41:32did you think that I didn't want you
01:41:38did you think that I wouldn't care
01:41:40did you ever
01:41:44ever wonder why
01:41:50hold me tight
01:41:54I'll tell you it all
01:42:00through the night
01:42:04till the break of dawn
01:42:06close your eyes
01:42:12thy lips are like a thread of scarlet
01:42:16thine eyes are as doves behind the veil
01:42:20and comely
01:42:22is thy mouth
01:42:24open to me my dove
01:42:28hold me tight
01:42:32I'll tell you it all
01:42:36through the night
01:42:40till the break of dawn
01:42:44close your eyes
01:42:50never ever
01:42:54never come upon
01:43:00never ever
01:43:02never come upon
01:43:06never come upon