4 Common Behaviors That Kill Relationships
Category
🦄
CreativityTranscript
00:00Those of us who are romantics at heart
00:03often fantasize about that perfect,
00:05if we were a movie love.
00:08Even if you're not a romantic,
00:09you might still want a special someone by your side
00:13to lean on, laugh with, cry to,
00:15and cuddle the heck out of at the end of a bad day.
00:19Remember Jim and Pam from The Office?
00:22Despite all their ups and downs,
00:23they still had a beautiful romance.
00:26They trusted each other, supported each other's dreams,
00:29and were lovers and best friends at the same time.
00:32Sickening, but like, I want that too.
00:35Sometimes real life relationships aren't very Jim and Pam.
00:39Sometimes they look more like a mild version
00:42of Ryan and Kelly, a little dysfunctional and pretty toxic.
00:46Toxic behaviors can creep in on your relationship,
00:49whether you mean to or not.
00:51What are some of those common behaviors
00:53that can kill a relationship?
00:55Keep watching to find out.
00:56Number one, I'm sorry.
00:59Sometimes partners can unintentionally hurt each other.
01:02Maybe a joke goes too far
01:04or their cooking gets criticized a little bit too much.
01:07When our partner is genuinely hurt,
01:09this should be a sign to apologize.
01:11Avoiding that apology or never giving one
01:13is one common behavior that can kill a relationship.
01:17Sometimes it can be a bit difficult to say sorry.
01:20On the outside, it may seem we're too proud to apologize.
01:24Beneath the surface,
01:25we may feel afraid to admit we made a mistake.
01:28It can be scary to feel like we're inadequate or guilty.
01:31No matter how hard it may be
01:33to utter that small but meaningful sorry,
01:37it can actually save your relationship in the long run.
01:40A 2017 study published in Frontiers in Psychology
01:44found that if you offer a sincere apology,
01:47the other person is much more likely to forgive you.
01:50Another research study from 2014
01:52showed that apologies reduce feelings of anger.
01:55Basically, a simple but sincere apology
01:58can help get rid of all of the negative tension
02:00between you two.
02:02Do you sometimes feel awkward apologizing
02:04even though you would like to?
02:06Try writing it out.
02:07No, not a text that says sorry.
02:10Pour your heart out and apologize with a letter
02:13or a small note on the fridge.
02:14We bet your partner will definitely appreciate it.
02:17Number two, attached to you.
02:20Ancient Greeks talked about the mysteries of love
02:23and gave it its own story.
02:25According to their mythology,
02:27humans were originally created with four arms,
02:30four legs, and a head with two faces, but only one heart.
02:34Zeus became afraid their powers would overcome his own,
02:38so he split them into two separate parts.
02:41Those parts then spent their lives
02:43in search of their other halves.
02:45This piece of mythology explains
02:47why romance is sometimes described as two bodies,
02:51one soul, but is that really the case?
02:54Sometimes those in relationships
02:56can develop an unhealthy dependency on their partners
02:59when they become emotionally attached
03:01or lose their sense of identity outside of the relationship.
03:04A 2018 study showed that emotional dependence
03:08in a relationship can be a sign of childhood trauma
03:10and preoccupied attachment.
03:12If you have developed this unhealthy attachment,
03:15you might neglect all of your friends
03:17and only hang out with your partner.
03:19You also might depend on your partner
03:20for emotional comfort instead
03:23of regulating emotions on your own.
03:25Do you feel like you don't know who you are
03:27without your partner or like you depend on them?
03:30This could be another trait
03:32that's killing your relationship.
03:34Number three, my crystal ball is broken.
03:37Communication is the key to relationships.
03:40This may sound a bit cliche,
03:42but numerous psychological studies over the years
03:44proved the importance of clear communication
03:47with your partner.
03:48For example, a 2021 study published
03:50in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin
03:53showed that your relationship may flourish
03:55if you avoid negative communication patterns,
03:58like making assumptions.
04:00When you and your partner don't communicate your needs
04:02and wants with each other,
04:03you're forcing each other to read each other's minds.
04:06You might assume what the other one is thinking
04:08or put incorrect labels on each other.
04:11For example, your partner might feel tired
04:14from a 12-hour shift at work,
04:15but you assume they're mad at you
04:17and uninterested in speaking to you.
04:19You say things like, what did I do to you now?
04:22Or, so you're just giving me the silent treatment?
04:25Now you're angry for no reason
04:26and your partner may now be confused or may get angry back.
04:30This whole situation escalated
04:32because communication didn't happen.
04:34To avoid putting yourself in such situations,
04:37make sure to communicate your wants and needs clearly.
04:41Maybe your partner tells you how exhausted they are
04:43when they get home.
04:44Maybe you ask why they're being so quiet.
04:48If you find yourself trying
04:49to assume your partner's wants and needs,
04:50just stop and ask.
04:52More times than not,
04:53your assumption will not be completely true.
04:56And number four, micromanaging.
04:59Okay, you found the love of your life.
05:01As your relationship starts to progress,
05:03you and your partner may start spending more time
05:05with one another.
05:06Sleeping over at each other's places
05:08may happen so often to where you end up moving in together.
05:12This can be when you start noticing little things
05:14about your partner that may just irk you.
05:17For example, they might leave their clothes
05:20all over the floor instead of putting them in the hamper
05:22or putting your cereal in the wrong cupboard.
05:25When that happens, how do you respond?
05:28One common response that can kill a relationship
05:30is micromanaging.
05:32This is when you try to control every aspect
05:35of another person, including their actions.
05:37Clinical psychologist, Karen Nemo said on Medium,
05:41that micromanagers often have extremely high standards
05:45so they struggle to trust their partners
05:46to do things as well as they do.
05:48This type of controlling behavior
05:50can drive the other side crazy.
05:53They might start feeling incompetent, resentful or anxious,
05:55wondering if they can ever do anything right.
05:58If you're micromanaging your partner,
06:00this could be a sign of other mental health diagnosis,
06:02such as anxiety or potentially obsessive compulsive disorder.
06:06If you feel like you're micromanaging,
06:08reach out to a mental health professional
06:09to help stop this behavior
06:11that could be killing your relationship.
06:13The list of toxic behaviors is kind of endless.
06:16If you wanna learn about
06:17five more relationship-killing behaviors,
06:19check out part one here.
06:21Do you know any other common behaviors
06:23that can make relationships fizzle out?
06:26Let us know in the comments below.
06:27Until then, please leave a like
06:28if you found this video helpful.
06:30Take care.