Roommate - Stand Up Comedy Ft. Anubhav Singh Bassi
Roommate - Stand Up Comedy Ft. Anubhav Singh Bassi
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FunTranscript
00:00Okay, let's go. The story is too long, listen to it.
00:07When I finished 12th, I had to come out of Meerut.
00:11I said I don't want to stay here anymore.
00:13So my family told me to drop out. I said yes, I'll go to Delhi.
00:16I won't stay here.
00:17So I came to Delhi and got admitted in KMC.
00:20So Sam came with me from Meerut.
00:22That too in KMC.
00:24We both took a room in a TG.
00:28It was a very luxurious room.
00:29There were two single beds.
00:30There was a matchbox on the wall in the name of the cupboard.
00:37And the architect...
00:44He was a little high.
00:46He had made two doors.
00:47One door used to open on the road.
00:50So if you opened it unknowingly, it would get stuck in someone's scooty.
00:54The man was going to the bathroom.
00:55He ran away.
00:56Someone opened the door.
00:58We didn't keep it closed because we were also drunk.
01:04We used to make tea in that room.
01:06Once the tea fell there.
01:09So I put a newspaper on it.
01:11So now the headline was stuck.
01:17So in the name of the news, we used to read every day that...
01:19Saryam Katlu has come to Ghaziabad.
01:20And when we used to leave Rohaj Maa, he used to say...
01:21There are a lot of murders in Ghaziabad.
01:27After a few days, we decided to drink alcohol.
01:31Because this was the main purpose of leaving Meerut.
01:34Because I used to see my father since childhood...
01:36What does this man get in the evening?
01:39That he gets happy.
01:41I said, I want this.
01:43And all the bottles of alcohol that came to the house...
01:45We never threw a single bottle.
01:46And all the bottles of alcohol that came to the house...
01:48We never threw a single bottle.
01:50We used to keep all of them carefully.
01:51I don't know why.
01:53This doesn't even get decided mutually.
01:55It just came and then we said...
01:56Is it ours?
01:59He started giving me cigarettes too.
02:00Saying it's sweet.
02:06Brother, drink it and see if it's sweet.
02:09He said, drink it and see if it's sweet.
02:10I said, okay.
02:12Those who smoke will know that...
02:13There is a lot of smoke from small gold.
02:16Those who don't smoke, I am telling you.
02:19Don't google it like this.
02:21It comes.
02:22I don't know if he has some disease.
02:23He smokes old cigarettes.
02:24I don't know what's wrong with him.
02:26So, in the room...
02:27By making clouds of smoke...
02:30And I used to sit and watch him.
02:34I used to ask him, what are you doing?
02:35He said, brother, look, I can see something in it.
02:39I said, what are you seeing?
02:40He said, look, I can see a dog.
02:42I used to see.
02:43I said, yes, I can see.
02:45Then we used to make another cloud.
02:47Then we used to make the two dogs fight.
02:53So, we were doing fine.
02:55Full on entertainment was going on.
02:57Then one day we decided that...
02:58Let's clean up after a while.
03:00We left home to get some stuff.
03:03By making clouds.
03:04By closing the room.
03:05By locking it.
03:06We went.
03:07There was a shop nearby.
03:08We went there.
03:09We forgot why we came.
03:10We started smoking.
03:14Then I remembered.
03:15I took the wiper.
03:16He said, don't take the wiper.
03:17Keep it back.
03:18I said, he is taking it to erase the marks of murder.
03:26He said, no need.
03:27I will do it myself.
03:28I said, okay.
03:29So, basically, we went to get something.
03:30Without buying anything.
03:32We wandered around for a while and came back.
03:34So, we had a gallery.
03:36There was a washroom here.
03:37Very far from the room.
03:38Architect.
03:40I don't know what would have happened to him.
03:42There was a washroom.
03:43There were keys.
03:44He came running and entered the washroom.
03:46I said, keys?
03:47He said, no.
03:49What kind of fetish is this?
03:52I said, I will keep the keys with me.
03:54I said, brother, you can call me inside.
03:56I also come to the bathroom.
03:58He said, no, no.
03:59I won't give the keys.
04:00I will wander outside until I come out.
04:02I said, and he is not doing anything inside.
04:03There is a sound of water.
04:06I don't know what is going on.
04:07He said, I will give you the keys.
04:09I don't know.
04:10The keys were drowning in the bucket.
04:13I said, give me the keys.
04:14I asked him a couple of times.
04:15He said, no.
04:16I said, okay, go to hell.
04:17I have some work.
04:18I came out.
04:19It was a little open area.
04:20I was wandering around.
04:21I was wandering around.
04:22I saw a man standing outside our room.
04:23He was carrying a bag.
04:25I thought he must be a salesman.
04:26He must be selling something.
04:30I said, hey.
04:31I got the time pass.
04:36Come.
04:38He said, yes.
04:39What are you selling?
04:41He didn't say anything.
04:42I said, tell me what are you selling?
04:48He turned around.
04:49He said, who are you?
04:50I said, I am a customer.
04:51Tell me what are you selling?
05:00He said, I am Sam's father.
05:01I said, I am Sam's father.
05:06He said, this is not something to sell.
05:11I didn't understand how to react to this.
05:13I turned around.
05:17He said, where are you going?
05:18I said, I am a customer.
05:19I am going to buy something.
05:22He said, tell me what do you do?
05:24I said, uncle, I teach dance.
05:29He didn't understand anything.
05:31I said, I was just practicing.
05:32You came suddenly.
05:37I ran a little far.
05:39He said, one second, one second.
05:40You are Anubhav, right?
05:44I said, now the matter is getting serious.
05:46He said, no.
05:50He said, Sam told me about you.
05:53And I was thinking,
05:54does he ask his son to make sketches?
05:57At that time, there were no photos.
05:59So he asked his friend to make a face.
06:04I could have run away from there.
06:07But then I suddenly felt,
06:09what is going to happen today?
06:13This man will come from the washroom.
06:18He will see his father.
06:24Then all three of us will see the room.
06:29And this world will watch the drama.
06:34I said, I don't want to miss this moment.
06:37So I said, let's tell him who we are.
06:39Because see, I was so scared.
06:41What will this man do?
06:42Anyway, he will beat me.
06:44What more?
06:45Will you call my house?
06:46Do it.
06:48Whatever the time is,
06:49my father will definitely pick up the phone and say,
06:50cheers brother.
06:52I didn't have any load.
06:54I calculated everything in my mind.
06:55I said, let's tell him.
06:57I said, yes uncle, I am Anubhav.
06:59I was just joking with you.
07:03I shouldn't have told him,
07:04that I was joking with him.
07:06Brother, absolutely father.
07:10My father is a father.
07:13He is a father's son.
07:15That boy has been a father since childhood.
07:17He is a father's son.
07:18He is a father's son.
07:20That boy has been a father since childhood.
07:24He won't smile,
07:25otherwise the child will ask for money.
07:28He was so serious.
07:29I said, okay.
07:30Uncle, I mean,
07:31you tell me.
07:32How are you?
07:33He said, where is Sam?
07:38It started.
07:39I said, uncle, he is here.
07:40Here he is.
07:42He is in the washroom.
07:43He said, call him.
07:44I said, let's call him.
07:46He went.
07:47He fell down.
07:48I said, sit.
07:51Your father has come.
07:59You fool.
08:02He said from inside,
08:03you won't get the key.
08:12I said, sit.
08:13Sit.
08:16Keep the key.
08:19Your father has come.
08:23He said from inside,
08:24why will my father come?
08:28I said, only this man will be able to tell.
08:33I said, brother,
08:34there is a person here
08:35who is claiming that
08:36he is your father.
08:40So to confirm this,
08:41you will have to come.
08:43I don't have any technology.
08:45He doesn't understand this.
08:48He thinks that
08:49I am making different excuses
08:50to get the key.
08:51He is happy in his zone.
08:53And this was for commerce,
08:54so he became new and cool.
08:55In Delhi.
09:01To become cool,
09:02he befriended some boys
09:03from Delhi.
09:04And,
09:05he started listening to Eminem.
09:07But, it wasn't for him.
09:10Do you understand
09:11Eminem from Meerut?
09:12The boys from there
09:13are still calling the memory card
09:14a chip.
09:19I told him again,
09:20I said, buddy.
09:27Please,
09:28agree.
09:31Your father has come.
09:34He is saying from inside,
09:35buddy.
09:37Love the way you lie.
09:42I said,
09:43no, no, no.
09:46I swear on my father.
09:48Not lying.
09:51I said,
09:52it will take just a minute.
09:53Come out and check.
09:55In a different feel,
09:56the uncle has come.
09:57What's going on here?
09:59When the uncle came,
10:00I said,
10:02I know,
10:03it's all my fault.
10:05It's all because of him.
10:06If he had come that day
10:07and said a word,
10:08he wouldn't have come.
10:09It's all because of him.
10:10If he had come that day
10:11and said a word,
10:12that boy would have listened.
10:13He would have come out.
10:14Everything would have happened.
10:16He is a father.
10:18Stay in character.
10:20He came here and said to me,
10:28I said,
10:29I am a mother.
10:30Why are you saying this to me?
10:33He is your son inside.
10:35Say it.
10:36No, he is standing quietly.
10:37I said,
10:39Bhaati,
10:41he has come.
10:48You know,
10:52it's all true.
10:56Suddenly, his merit came up.
10:57Eminem went down.
11:00And his patience level was over.
11:02He thought,
11:03now he is talking for a long time.
11:04So, now it's time for me
11:05to give an answer like this.
11:07He started
11:08cursing so badly from inside.
11:12I can't even do it
11:13on such a bad stage.
11:15A loop of such abuses went on.
11:18And I was thinking,
11:19this one has escalated a lot.
11:21And it went on and on
11:22and suddenly a line came.
11:23And you know,
11:24my father is such an idiot.
11:37See,
11:38I was in such a range
11:39that I could get slapped.
11:43But still I felt that
11:47this nonsense should go on.
11:51So, I said,
11:52how?
12:01He said,
12:02I don't know why he comes to Delhi.
12:04And whenever he comes,
12:05he gets a packet of potato fritters
12:06and four laddoos.
12:08Then he calls from the metro station.
12:09I have to go to the metro station.
12:10He said,
12:11this is not what I brought.
12:17I said, uncle,
12:18this is your culture.
12:21This is still going on.
12:23Now he is abusing
12:24something else
12:25which we can't see.
12:27Is there something inside
12:28that he is abusing?
12:31I said, uncle,
12:32let's go from here.
12:34Today's will be done.
12:35Let's go.
12:37Will you listen to everything
12:38before you go?
12:42He must have gone so far.
12:43He woke me up in the washroom.
12:44He threw the key from upstairs.
12:46He said,
12:47take it.
12:48What will you remember?
12:49I said,
12:50what will I remember?
12:55I said, uncle,
12:56come out once.
13:00What will you remember?
13:04But I had a doubt.
13:06The amount of abuse
13:07that uncle has taken,
13:09this man will not see
13:10whose child it is.
13:12Now he will start
13:13beating whoever comes.
13:17So I didn't want to
13:18take him inside.
13:20Because according to me,
13:21the biggest event
13:22of beating was
13:23our room.
13:25So much happened before that.
13:27So I thought
13:28we will show him the room
13:29when he comes.
13:30I am not going.
13:32Uncle said,
13:33pick up the key.
13:35I picked up the key
13:36and stood up.
13:38He said, let's go.
13:39I said, yes, let's go.
13:41I went in front of the gate
13:42and stood up.
13:43He said, open it.
13:44I forgot how to open it.
13:47That lock
13:48used to open in 20-25 bars.
13:49That day I put the key
13:50and it opened with a cut.
13:57The one upstairs
13:58is not helping today.
13:59I put the lock
14:00upstairs.
14:01I opened the lock
14:02and said, uncle, you open it.
14:05Uncle opened the gate.
14:07Clouds came first.
14:11Two German Shepherds
14:12came from upstairs.
14:18That man doesn't smoke.
14:19I said, what was this?
14:20He said, nothing.
14:22When you come inside,
14:23electricity is also working.
14:26Uncle went inside.
14:27There was a chair in front.
14:28I removed my clothes
14:29and asked him to sit.
14:30He said, sit.
14:33Dad.
14:35Turn on the light.
14:36I said, there's no light.
14:38There was an old switchboard.
14:39Didn't you have to put an indicator on it?
14:41That was working.
14:42He said, that's working.
14:43I said, where is this inverter working?
14:45A small inverter
14:46can only take this much load.
14:54He got up
14:55and turned on the light.
14:57I said, what did you do?
14:58What did you do?
15:00You see.
15:02I looked in the room.
15:05I saw a live heart attack.
15:11His hand touched my heart.
15:12I said, he'll die.
15:13Take my name.
15:15I said, I told you not to.
15:18Sit.
15:22He saw the whole bottle.
15:25At first, he didn't understand
15:26if he was drinking alcohol
15:27or working in a junkyard.
15:37He saw the bottle
15:38and asked a genuine question.
15:40You drink, right?
15:45I said, yes, I drink.
15:49And he saw
15:50how clean it was.
15:52He got up and turned around.
15:53I said, don't go there.
15:54It's dirty there.
15:56He saw our area
15:57and said, okay.
15:59Fathers
16:00don't value their kids
16:01because they are artists.
16:03They don't value art.
16:05We made such a beautiful pyramid
16:08with cigarette boxes.
16:11We broke it.
16:14We used to fan it
16:15so that it would fall.
16:17He came and broke it.
16:19Do you see the boxes?
16:20He picked up one box
16:21and heard a noise.
16:22There was a cigarette in it.
16:26He said, you don't even smoke?
16:32I said, no, uncle.
16:33I smoke after 2 at night.
16:34It's an emergency.
16:36You sell a lot of money anyway.
16:41He was a character man.
16:43Sam used to ask him for money
16:45and he used to send
16:46the same two books.
16:51We were roaming around
16:52with the books in the market.
16:53He said, take it.
16:56We don't even have a course.
17:03Uncle saw the whole atmosphere.
17:05He sat down.
17:06Now we have to wait.
17:08I said, uncle, have tea.
17:09He said, you guys have tea.
17:10I said, I don't want to see kids.
17:13Don't taunt me.
17:14If you want to drink, tell me.
17:15I said, I have been waiting for a long time.
17:16There is no one here.
17:18In the meantime, our
17:23our Mr. Sabinim
17:29This boy doesn't know
17:30what's happening outside.
17:33His world is somewhere else.
17:35He came out of the washroom
17:36with his hands like this.
17:39He came out like this.
17:41Oh!
17:43Oh!
17:44Oh!
17:45Oh!
17:46Oh!
17:54He went back to the washroom
17:55and closed the door.
17:59He was screaming from there.
18:00Dad, forgive me.
18:01I will never do it again.
18:05Uncle said, call him.
18:06I said, I will call him again.
18:09Why didn't you slap him
18:10when he just came?
18:13He went back.
18:14I said, it's done.
18:15You got slapped.
18:16Come.
18:20I said, dad has seen it.
18:21Come.
18:22Nothing can be done now.
18:23He came out.
18:24I said, brother, what will happen?
18:25I said, how would I know?
18:26He is your father.
18:27I said, don't look at me.
18:28Come quickly.
18:30He came to the room.
18:31Family values.
18:33He touched his feet
18:34before taking a bath.
18:36I said, you will get
18:37a good blessing.
18:41He sat down.
18:42Uncle said, what is all this?
18:43I said, I don't smoke.
18:46Uncle looked at me.
18:47I said, I don't smoke either.
18:49It's all from the landlord.
18:52I said, does this boy
18:53smoke sweetly?
18:55He is talking nonsense.
18:56I don't smoke.
18:58Uncle scolded me for a while.
19:00He said, you are bright students.
19:01This is for commerce.
19:08He said, son, what is the need
19:09to do all this?
19:10He was scolding me.
19:11I said, now we will hit.
19:13He got up.
19:15He went to the bathroom himself.
19:16He came back immediately.
19:18I said, what is going on
19:19in his family?
19:21Why is he not able
19:22to see his target?
19:24He is in front.
19:25Hit him like a bat.
19:28Then he said,
19:29you are talking to him.
19:30Why did you do this?
19:31Son, these are wrong things.
19:32He is looking at me
19:33and saying,
19:34stop living with these boys.
19:38I said, leave it.
19:39Now show me
19:40what I am waiting to see.
19:43I was roaming around
19:44and saw uncle's bag.
19:45He had kept one aloo-bhujia
19:47and four ladoos in it.
19:51I said, we won't take it out today.
19:55We will take it back today.
19:58While talking to him,
19:59he took out the aloo-bhujia.
20:00I said, oh man.
20:02I am not feeling shy.
20:03I just ate it.
20:05He kept the aloo-bhujia
20:06and four ladoos.
20:07He said, son, listen.
20:08Stop all this.
20:10And pick me up
20:11and I will talk to you.
20:13He picked up the bag
20:14and left.
20:15He said,
20:16I wasted my time.
20:19Why were you
20:20in such a character?
20:22If you don't know
20:23such easy things.
20:24He left.
20:25I said, what happened?
20:26Doesn't your father beat you?
20:28He said, my father
20:29beats me with a viper.
20:31I said, is that why
20:32he was stopping you?
20:34He said, yes.
20:35Since childhood,
20:36he only beats me with a viper.
20:38I said, isn't this
20:39a weird fetish of yours?
20:41You guys are very
20:42attached to the bathroom.
20:44I said, what else?
20:45He said, no.
20:46He only beats me with that.
20:47I said, what will happen now?
20:48He said, it's nothing.
20:49I will go to Meerut on the weekend
20:50and my father will bring
20:51a new viper.
20:53After that, I will come
20:54and show you.
20:55I said, what happened?
20:56He said, it's nothing.
20:57I will go to Meerut on the weekend
20:58and my father will bring
20:59a new viper.
21:01I said, I will show you.
21:04We sat for a bit.
21:05He got sad.
21:08He said,
21:10is it that we are
21:11doing something wrong?
21:14After 5-7 minutes,
21:15we realized
21:16that what was wrong?
21:18After 5-7 minutes,
21:19we realized
21:20that, what is wrong?
21:26It could be wrong for
21:27some people
21:28So, we had another quarter, we took it out, made one pack each.
21:37We had to use it too, so we made our own clouds.
21:45Our dogs were about to fight for their uncle to come back.
21:49Bhai, he had gone to the shop to buy a wiper.
21:59He bought a sweety for him, the one that he uses to sleep.
22:04He was roaming around like this.
22:08And my uncle said, love the way you lie.
22:15Thank you so much for watching the video.
22:17And the story that I told you is 10-11 years old.
22:20Now there are a lot of changes, we have matured a lot.
22:23We were together in the last lockdown and we have matured a lot.
22:26You can watch the lockdown in a video that I am showing you now.
22:29Enjoy it. Thank you.