Kabaret Ani Mru-Mru - Czern czy biel - video Dailymotion

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00:00:30Kiedy dręczy Cię pytanie

00:00:36Co jest lepsze

00:00:39Czerny czy biel

00:00:42Z odpowiedzią

00:00:45Spieszę na nie

00:00:47Ja miałem pierwszą zwrotkę

00:00:48Tylko czarne

00:00:51Nosi się

00:00:52Akurat właśnie nie

00:00:54Biel to dobro

00:00:57Czernie nie bardzo

00:01:00Każde dziecko

00:01:01Nawet małe o tym wie

00:01:06Chcesz wyglądać

00:01:08No jak?

00:01:09Elegancko

00:01:10Ja cały czas wyglądam elegancko

00:01:12Zamiast bieli

00:01:14Załóż czerń

00:01:16Tak? No to uważaj teraz

00:01:18Białe mleko

00:01:21Czarna kawa

00:01:24Biały kruk

00:01:27Czarny koń

00:01:30Białe zęby

00:01:32Czarna dziura

00:01:35Jaka czarna dziura?

00:01:36Cały kosmos

00:01:37Cały kosmos

00:01:38Spada doń

00:01:39Kosmos jest nieważny

00:01:40Życie jest ważne

00:01:42No a w życiu

00:01:45Tak jak w szachach

00:01:46Zresztą w warcabach też

00:01:48Pierwszy ruch

00:01:49No kto?

00:01:50Ma zawsze biel

00:01:54Za to czarne

00:01:56Jest praktyczne

00:01:58Ciekawe dlaczego

00:02:00Bo praktycznie

00:02:02Nie brudzi się

00:02:04Chyba, że pastą do zębów

00:02:05Czarna polewka

00:02:07Dobre

00:02:09Biała flaga

00:02:12Czarny wtorek

00:02:14Biały miś

00:02:18Czarna owca

00:02:20Białe kozaczki

00:02:24Idź się przebierz

00:02:25Po prostu zapomniałem

00:02:26No nie rób się

00:02:30Każdy biały

00:02:33Cud natury

00:02:35Czymś lepszym, czarnym

00:02:38Się zastąpić da

00:02:42Nawet pyszne

00:02:45Białe wino

00:02:52Okej, przekonałeś mnie

00:02:54Czerń jest pęska

00:02:57Czerń jest seksi

00:03:00Czarny działa

00:03:02Na większość z pań

00:03:06I argument

00:03:09Najważniejszy

00:03:12Czerń wyższą dla

00:03:15I teraz Karolka pogotowia

00:03:18Ty puta

00:03:22Teraz porządno, teraz porządno

00:03:24Ooooooooooooooo

00:03:54Możesz pociąg na stacji

00:03:56Ciekawa była umowa, że ja z Michałem śpiewam pierwszą piosenkę

00:03:59Michał się idzie przygotować

00:04:00Ja zostaję, mówię

00:04:02Co, co?

00:04:03Idziecie razem, ja zostaję

00:04:04Nie, ja zostaję, mówię

00:04:05Dobry wieczór Państwu

00:04:06Wtedy jest gigantyczna reakcja

00:04:07Są brawa

00:04:08I program, nie teraz

00:04:10I program rusza z kopyta

00:04:11A nie wychodzisz ty i nic gruchy, nic pietruchy

00:04:13Nagle

00:04:16I się ludzie śmieją

00:04:19No i dobrze, śmieją się, bo po to tu przyszli

00:04:21Owszem, tak

00:04:22Ale rozmawialiśmy przed chwilą w garderobie

00:04:24I pytałeś mnie

00:04:25Czy ja w tym programie mogę wyjść i coś zapowiedzieć?

00:04:27No i co powiedziałem?

00:04:28Waltku, jeżeli tylko poczujesz potrzebę, żeby zapowiedzieć

00:04:31To sobie w dowolnym momencie wyjdź i zapowiedz

00:04:33Ale nie teraz

00:04:36To jest po prostu najgorszy moment

00:04:38Ty się nie możesz pojawić na scenie teraz

00:04:41Bo ty nie pasujesz do puenty piosenki

00:04:47A czemuż to?

00:04:48No jak

00:04:49A jaka jest puenta piosenki?

00:04:51Czerń wyszczupla bez dwóch zdań

00:04:56Kto może bardziej pasować niż ja?

00:04:57Wkładam czarny, widać, że działa od razu

00:04:59No stary, przecież każdy może bardziej pasować

00:05:02Chcesz, żebym ci to przy ludziach powiedział?

00:05:05Nie pasujesz do puenty piosenki, gdyż jesteś gruby

00:05:11Sam jesteś głuchy

00:05:14I ty mnie też

00:05:15Co?

00:05:16Jajco

00:05:17Dobry wieczór państwu

00:05:22Słyszałeś głuchy?

00:05:27Bardzo serdecznie witam państwa

00:05:30Strasznie mi miło

00:05:32Powiem więcej

00:05:33Witam państwa bardzo gorąco

00:05:37Witam państwa na najnowszym programie Kabaretu Ani Mru Mru

00:05:40Pod tytułem Czerni czy Bieli

00:05:42Idę o zakład, że większość z was zastanawia się w domu

00:05:44Albo zastanawia się teraz

00:05:45Skąd taki idiotyczny pomysł na nazwę programu kabaretowego

00:05:48Z dwóch powodów

00:05:49Po pierwsze ten program nazywa się Czerni czy Biel

00:05:51Bo od początku do końca od A do Z

00:05:54Jest programem czarno białym

00:05:57A to akurat nie jest zła reakcja

00:05:59Nie ma się co przywiązywać oczywiście do tych słów

00:06:01Jak ktoś się za bardzo przywiąże do moich słów

00:06:03To potem mondrala przychodzi do garderoby po występie i mówi tak

00:06:06Czarno biały, czarno biały

00:06:08A elementy kolorowe się ewidentnie pojawiły

00:06:12Te elementy będą się pojawiać również podczas tego spektaklu

00:06:14Ale nie oszukujmy się

00:06:15Ten program naprawdę jest czarno biały

00:06:17Naprawdę pochodzi z 1812 roku

00:06:20A wszystkie elementy kolorowe podczas tego programu

00:06:23Które Państwo możecie zobaczyć

00:06:25Zostały dorobione komputerowo 8 miesięcy temu

00:06:27To pierwszy powód

00:06:29Drugi powód jest jeszcze ważniejszy bowiem zajmujemy się w tym programie

00:06:32Odwieczną walką tych dwóch kolorów

00:06:34A więc bieli i czerni

00:06:36A mówiąc ogólniej

00:06:37Odwieczną walką dobra i zła

00:06:39No bo chyba zgodzicie się Państwo ze mną, że

00:06:41Przynajmniej w naszej kulturze już tak się utarło

00:06:43Że albo coś jest białe i dobre albo czarne

00:06:46I złe

00:06:49Może poza amerykańską koszykówką

00:06:51Ale to jest tylko wyjątek potwierdzający regułę

00:06:54Szanowni Państwo jest to też program specyficzny z innego powodu

00:06:56Otóż nie chcę się chwalić, ale

00:06:58Jest to jedyny program kabaretowy grany obecnie w Polsce

00:07:01Który jest programem w pełni interaktywnym

00:07:08Nie ma się czego bać

00:07:09Na czym polega interaktywność tego programu?

00:07:11Na tym, że każdy z Was

00:07:12Każdy z Was może wziąć czynny udział w tym programie

00:07:15Tak, każdy z Was

00:07:17Sposobów uczestnictwa jest mnóstwo

00:07:19Powiem o trzech najważniejszych

00:07:20Pierwszy dla osób, które być może dzisiaj przyniosły ze sobą aparaty fotograficzne

00:07:24Jeżeli są takie osoby

00:07:26Z tego typu sprzętu można korzystać przez cały czas trwania spektaklu

00:07:29Pod warunkiem, że bez lampy

00:07:31A tak to bez ograniczeń

00:07:32Dla mnie to zresztą nie ma żadnego znaczenia

00:07:34Zaczekam

00:07:41Dziękuję bardzo

00:07:42Śmiało, śmiało

00:07:43Jeśli się na tej scenie dzisiaj nie pojawi to gwarantuję

00:07:46Drugi

00:07:47Można, można jestem przyzwyczajony

00:07:52Drugi sposób uczestnictwa dla osób, które być może dzisiaj przyniosły ze sobą kamery wideo

00:07:56Otóż informuję, że korzystanie z tego typu sprzętu jest surowo zabronione

00:08:00I tego będziemy bardzo pilnować

00:08:02O i teraz myślicie pewnie

00:08:04W jaki sposób stoją na scenie, czego tam mogą pilnować?

00:08:07Bardzo proste

00:08:08Wśród Was w tej chwili jest 40 osób, które z nami współpracują

00:08:13Są przebrane za normalnych widzów

00:08:15Trochę mniej klaszczą

00:08:16Trochę mniej się śmieją podczas programu

00:08:17Ale są w robocie

00:08:18Obserwuj

00:08:19O, cześć

00:08:21Obserwują Was

00:08:22Jeżeli ktoś z Was wyciągnie kamerę wideo

00:08:23Zostanie przez to sobie wypatrzony, powalony na ziemię

00:08:25Wywleczony tutaj na Narutowicza

00:08:27No co tu dużo gadać

00:08:28Wiocha na cały Lublin

00:08:31I sposób trzeci

00:08:32Z doświadczenia wiem, że najbardziej lubiany przez widownię

00:08:35Bowiem sposób werbalny

00:08:37Otóż co jakiś czas

00:08:38Ja albo któryś z moich kolegów

00:08:39Będziemy się pojawiać tutaj na scenie

00:08:41Dyskutować z Wami

00:08:42Rozmawiać

00:08:43Zadawać Wam pytania

00:08:44Oczekiwać odpowiedzi

00:08:45I wówczas jest to Wasz czas

00:08:47Czas, kiedy każdy z Was może nie wiem

00:08:49Krzyknąć, gwizdnąć, powiedzieć

00:08:51Co mu tylko ślina na język przyniesie

00:08:53Ale

00:08:54Wiem też o tym, że są takie osoby

00:08:56Które przychodzą na występ kabaretowy

00:08:58Aby krzyknąć coś w najmniej odpowiednim momencie

00:09:02Zresztą sam tak robię jak oglądam inne kabarety

00:09:04Dwa najczęstsze okrzyki ze strony widowni

00:09:06W stronę artystów kabaretowych to

00:09:08Pierwszy

00:09:09Dawaj, dawaj tam

00:09:12No to akurat nie wiem o co chodzi

00:09:13A drugi

00:09:14Klasyka

00:09:15Dupa

00:09:18Podczas tego spektaklu te okrzyki są dozwolone

00:09:20Natomiast uprzedzam, że wszystkie osoby krzyczące

00:09:22Natychmiast dołączą do osób z kamerami

00:09:26To tyle drodzy Państwo

00:09:31Jeśli chodzi o słowo wstępne

00:09:34Zatem zaczynamy nasz program

00:09:35Czerni czy Biel

00:09:36Koledzy już są gotowi do pierwszego numeru

00:09:38Zaczniemy od takiej części interaktywnej

00:09:40Po prostu chciałbym wiedzieć

00:09:41Jakie nastroje panują teraz wśród widowni

00:09:43Pierwsze pytanie bardzo proste

00:09:45Można odpowiadać własnymi słowami

00:09:47Jak Państwo myślicie

00:09:48Co jest silniejsze

00:09:49Biel czy Czerni

00:09:50A zatem co za tym idzie

00:09:51Co jest silniejsze

00:09:52Dobro czy zło

00:09:53Czerni czy Biel

00:09:54Proszę bardzo

00:09:55No śmiało

00:09:56Czerni

00:09:57Dobro

00:09:58Kto powiedział dobro

00:10:02No więc właśnie tu jest ten problem

00:10:03Bo ja też bym chciał żeby

00:10:04Dobro i Biel rządziła na świecie

00:10:06Niestety w życiu jest tak, że

00:10:08Zło jest dużo silniejsze od dobra

00:10:10Dlatego tak często z nim walczymy

00:10:12Abyście Państwo to dobrze zapamiętali

00:10:13Pokażę Państwu prosty eksperyment

00:10:15Popatrzcie na mnie

00:10:16Ja jestem ubrany teraz na czarno, tak?

00:10:18A więc symbolizuje co?

00:10:20Brawo

00:10:21A światło, które mnie oświetla z przodu

00:10:22Jest jakie?

00:10:23Białe

00:10:24Więc co symbolizuje?

00:10:25Brawo

00:10:26No to co jest silniejsze?

00:10:28Poszedł stąd

00:10:30O, widzicie?

00:10:31Mało tego

00:10:32Światło się musi słuchać

00:10:33Biel się słucha Czerni

00:10:34Chodź do...

00:10:35Chodź do Pana

00:10:36Chodź, chodź

00:10:37No, no, chodź, chodź, chodź, chodź

00:10:39Chodź, chodź

00:10:40Ale na buzie, na buzie, na buzie

00:10:41Na buzie

00:10:42O

00:10:43Proszę bardzo

00:10:44Dlatego trzeba w życiu bardzo uważać

00:10:45Drodzy Państwo

00:10:46W pierwszym numerze już pokażemy Wam

00:10:48Że pod przykrywką bieli

00:10:49Może się czai czarny charakter

00:10:51Taki czarny charakter jak ja

00:10:53A jak czarny charakter znajdzie coś białego i dobrego

00:10:56Jak ta chusteczka higieniczna

00:10:59A że ona może nie jest za bardzo dobra

00:11:01Ale jest biała

00:11:03To jak czarny charakter znajdzie coś białego

00:11:05To próbuje to białe i dobre zniszczyć

00:11:07Stłamsić

00:11:08Zniszczyć

00:11:09Na śmierć

00:11:10A wtedy się może okazać

00:11:11Że dobro

00:11:13Wcale nie istnieje

00:11:15Zapraszam Państwa na skecz

00:11:26No ale szybciej, szybciej Panie Puchacz

00:11:28No co się Pan tak ciągnie jak gluty z nosa

00:11:30No za 15 czwarta ja muszę Pana wypisać

00:11:34Nie będę z Panem w szpitalu po godzinach przesiadywał

00:11:36No

00:11:37Raz, raz noga za nogą i wyżej głowa

00:11:39Bo sobie Pan szlafek posiłuje

00:11:41I jeszcze raz Pan mi tak kasznie

00:11:42To Pan będzie wszystkie panele w szpitalu wymieniał

00:11:44No już

00:11:45Ileż się można guzdrolić z jednym krzesłem

00:11:47Już, już, już, już, już

00:11:48Dziękuję bardzo

00:11:51Naprawdę

00:11:55Same problemy z Panem w tym szpitalu

00:11:57Same problemy

00:12:00Nowe panele i nowe buty

00:12:01Ostrzegam

00:12:03I niech się Pan przestanie chwiać, dobrze?

00:12:05To już naprawdę jest wstyd

00:12:07Godzinę temu uczestniczyliśmy w tej samej operacji

00:12:09Proszę bardzo

00:12:10Ja stoję prosto

00:12:11A Pan się chwieje

00:12:13Pan powinien być zrelaksowany

00:12:15Przypominam Panu, że ostatnie pół godziny

00:12:17Przesiedział Pan gdzie?

00:12:18Na basenie

00:12:22Niech Pan pozna moje dobre serce

00:12:24Proszę sobie spocząć

00:12:26Tylko nie na zawsze

00:12:29Gdybym wiedział, że aż takie problemy będą z Panem

00:12:31Pewnie nie zdecydowałbym się Pana otwierać

00:12:33No ale stało się

00:12:35To się nie odstanie

00:12:36Kończmy nasz romans, bo ten nic nie będzie czekał wiecznie

00:12:40Dobrze, karta wypisu

00:12:42Puchacz

00:12:44January

00:12:49A nie myślał Pan, żeby sobie zmienić imię na February?

00:12:55Ale halo, halo, Panie Puchacz

00:12:57Halo, wybudzamy się za 15 czwarta

00:13:01Bo za dodatkową narkozę policzę

00:13:15Gdzie ja jestem?

00:13:17No chyba nie w piekarni

00:13:19Co Pan nie widzi?

00:13:20Kitel, stetoskop, masa chorych?

00:13:23Jest Pan w szpitalu

00:13:24Ale radzę się tym nie podniecać, bo właśnie Pan wychodzi

00:13:27Sprawdzimy ostatnie badania

00:13:29Krew w normie

00:13:30Już, słomka

00:13:34No co ja widzę?

00:13:36Brawo, brawo, brawissimo

00:13:38Stolec był?

00:13:40Ale to nie wiem, bo spałem

00:13:43Spał Pan jak zabity

00:13:44A tyle było nerwów, tyle było narzekania

00:13:46A tu proszę, już po wszystkim, już po strachu

00:13:49Rachu, ciachu i po strachu

00:13:51Dokładnie, rachu, ciachu i po strachu

00:13:55A właśnie, a propos rachu, ciachu

00:13:57To sobie przypomniałem, że jednak powinienem Panu

00:13:59Bardzo serdecznie, w imieniu całego personelu medycznego

00:14:02Podziękować

00:14:04No to nie ma za co

00:14:06A za co?

00:14:07No jak to za co?

00:14:09Za to, że tak chętnie wziął Pan udział w naszej akcji

00:14:11Przeszczep, mała rzecz, a cieszy

00:14:15Niech Pan nie próbuje być skromny

00:14:17W generalnej klasyfikacji najlepszych dawców

00:14:19Jest Pan obecnie na trzecim miejscu

00:14:21Łee

00:14:23Co łee? Co łee?

00:14:24To jest typowo polskie zachowanie, łee

00:14:2775% ludzi w Polsce kibicuje

00:14:29A jak Kowalczyk dobiegnie trzecia

00:14:31To pół Polski by

00:14:32Łee, kuźwa, kończy się

00:14:35Ale pocieszę Pana

00:14:36Od dwóch godzin lideruje Pan w klasyfikacji ciągle żyjących

00:14:41Jest się z czego cieszyć?

00:14:43No

00:14:47Tak jest

00:14:49A jak się ogólnie czuje nasz czempion?

00:14:50Eee

00:14:52Panie Puchacz, niech mnie Pan nie załamuje

00:14:54Pozytywne myślenie

00:14:55Pozytyw...

00:14:56Bywało gorzej?

00:14:58Aha, no właśnie

00:14:59Bywało gorzej, jest lepiej, a będzie jeszcze lepiej

00:15:02Pozytywne myślenie

00:15:04I niech Pan nie zapomina, że jest Pan bohaterem

00:15:05Nie

00:15:06No jak to nie?

00:15:07Nie

00:15:08Jest Pan

00:15:09Jest Pan

00:15:10Jest Pan

00:15:12Pańskie narządy mogą ratować życie kilkudziesięciu osobom

00:15:14Nie

00:15:15Nie

00:15:17Eee

00:15:19Halo

00:15:20Słucham

00:15:21Pan ze mną tego nie ustalał

00:15:23A jak to miałem z Panem ustalić?

00:15:25Jak ja Pana pierwszy raz na oczy zobaczyłem, to już Pan leżał na stole

00:15:28Kompletnie unplugged

00:15:29Czyli bez kontaktu

00:15:31Zagłosowaliśmy z kolegami

00:15:32Siedem głosów za

00:15:33A ja?

00:15:34A Pan się wstrzymał

00:15:36Czyli praktycznie jednogłośnie uznaliśmy, że można Pana trochę

00:15:40Poczyścić

00:15:41Jak to poczyścić?

00:15:42Się upatrałem

00:15:43Już niech Pan nie udaje głupszego niż Pan jest, no

00:15:46Gąbką albo mydłem nie wyciąłbym Panu połowy płuc

00:15:52Bez przesady, bez przesady

00:15:55To jest tylko jedno płuco

00:15:57Gdybym Panu nie powiedział, w życiu by się Pan nie zorientował

00:16:00A tak proszę

00:16:01Nie ma Pan jednego płuca

00:16:02Ciągle Pan żyje

00:16:03I jest Pan bogatszy o 250 zł

00:16:05O

00:16:06Proszę bardzo

00:16:08Trafił się kupiec

00:16:09Poszło na pniu

00:16:10Nawet nie zdążyłem do siatki wsadzić

00:16:14A właśnie, a propos

00:16:15Pańska żona wydzwaniała

00:16:17Pytała, jak jest z nerkami

00:16:19Proszę jej powiedzieć, że z nerkami jest bardzo dobrze

00:16:21O

00:16:22Pierwsza poszła na Allegro

00:16:25A druga bezpiecznie czeka

00:16:27A przynajmniej tyle

00:16:28U mnie w lodówce

00:16:30No ale tu się musimy uzbroić w cierpliwość

00:16:32Jak nikt nie wciśnie kup teraz

00:16:34No to aukcja może potrwać jeszcze ze dwa tygodnie

00:16:36No ale ja chciałem tylko wyrostek

00:16:40Co Pan chciał?

00:16:41Wyrostek

00:16:42Wyrostek cały czas Pan ma

00:16:44Nie ciałem, bo chętnych nie było

00:16:46I za to na trzustkę

00:16:48Jak się hieny rzuciły

00:16:50Szkoda, jakby Pan miał z pięć sztuk

00:16:51Wszystkie byśmy opędzlowali

00:16:54Pan żeśmy wszystko wyharatał

00:16:57Przyszedł wolności

00:16:59I wyharatał

00:17:01Panie Puchacz

00:17:02Jak tak można?

00:17:03Panie Puchacz

00:17:04To się nie godzi

00:17:05Panie Puchacz

00:17:13Przypominam Panu, że jestem lekarzem

00:17:16Więc nie wyharatałem

00:17:19Tylko bardzo uprzejmie

00:17:20Zrobiłem Panu więcej miejsca w środku

00:17:23A to ciekawe po co?

00:17:25Jak to po co?

00:17:26Na

00:17:27Je

00:17:28Li

00:17:29Ta

00:17:30To

00:17:31Co Pan tu z liczbą nogą wyjeżdża?

00:17:32Ileż Pan masz tych jelit?

00:17:35No i jelito

00:17:37Jelito grube

00:17:38I

00:17:39I dalej niech Pan już nie szuka

00:17:42Nie

00:17:43A jelito

00:17:44A jelito cienkie o tej porze powinno lądować w Madrycie

00:17:47Śledź ona boli?

00:17:48Nie

00:17:52Taki lekarski żart

00:17:53No jak nie ma to jak ma boleć?

00:17:55Zobacz

00:17:57Dobrze

00:17:58A jak się Pan porusza

00:17:59Albo gdzieś dotyka

00:18:00To czuje Pan dyskomfort?

00:18:01Mhm

00:18:02Naprawdę?

00:18:03A gdzie?

00:18:04A tu

00:18:06No ale co dokładnie co

00:18:07Szlafrok Pana boli?

00:18:08Nie no koło dwunastnicy

00:18:10Koło czego?

00:18:13Dyfu

00:18:15Teraz to już koło dziesiętnicy

00:18:17Koło dziesiętnicy

00:18:18I jak się Pan przestanie dotykać

00:18:20To przestanie boleć

00:18:21Aha

00:18:22A najlepiej

00:18:23To jakby Pan nic łapskami przy sobie teraz nie majdrował

00:18:26Żyje Pan teraz dzięki zmyślnemu systemowi

00:18:28Drenów, woreczków, gumek

00:18:29I paru innych gadżetów

00:18:30O których nie mogę Panu powiedzieć

00:18:31No bo bym zdradził tajemnicę lekarską

00:18:33A potem bym musiał Pana zabić

00:18:38Wszystko pozazwywalili

00:18:41Jak takie zostało?

00:18:43Beksa Lala pojechała do szpitala

00:18:45A w szpitalu powiedzieli

00:18:47Takie Beksy nie widziałem

00:18:50Pan powinien ze szczęścia płakać, Panie puchać

00:18:52Po rękach całować

00:18:54Pan sobie nawet nie zdaje sprawy

00:18:55Jakim stał się Pan teraz bogatym człowiekiem

00:18:58Tylko na tej jednej, jedynej małej operacji

00:19:00Zarobiliśmy dziesięć tysięcy złotych

00:19:02Osiemset euro

00:19:03I pięćdziesiąt szwedzkich koron

00:19:05A to z kogo?

00:19:08Od oceanarium w Malmö

00:19:13Za oskrzewa i pękarz

00:19:16Połowa tej kwoty za materiał należy do Pana

00:19:18Połowa za robociznę oczywiście do mnie

00:19:20No i proszę, dotrwaliśmy do szczęśliwego końca

00:19:22I powiem Panu na koniec

00:19:24Że naprawdę bardzo się cieszę

00:19:26Że w przenośni

00:19:28Ale i dosłownie

00:19:29Stanął Pan wreszcie na nowo

00:19:32Proszę

00:19:33To są Pańskie badania

00:19:35Proszę zanieść do domu

00:19:36Żonie się pochwalić

00:19:38Proszę małżonkę ode mnie serdecznie pozdrowić

00:19:40To już będzie wiedziała o co chodzi

00:19:43A badania chowamy do siateczki

00:19:46No Panie Pucharze

00:19:47Niech Pan nie przesadza

00:19:48Wiatr zawieje

00:19:49Pan się zachwieje

00:19:50Zgubi Pan kartkę

00:19:51No chyba, że Pan przyjdzie jeszcze raz

00:19:52Nie, nie

00:19:55A co to jest?

00:19:57A gdzie to się wychodzę?

00:20:00Co to jest pytam?

00:20:03Pan do końca zwariował

00:20:05Z jednym płucem chce Pan papierosy palić?

00:20:07A to jednego

00:20:08Wykluczone

00:20:09Nie

00:20:10Palenie zabija, widzi Pan?

00:20:11Tak

00:20:12Tak

00:20:13I tym magicznym ruchem

00:20:14Uratowałem Pańskie życie

00:20:17O nie

00:20:18Nie, nie, nie

00:20:19O nie, nie, nie

00:20:20Nie, nie, nie

00:20:21Nie, nie, nie, nie

00:20:22Ja tylko wykonywałem swoje obowiązki

00:20:25Nie, nie

00:20:26Nie mogę, nie, nie

00:20:27Choćbym chciał

00:20:28Nie mogę

00:20:29Nie

00:20:30Zdecydowane nie

00:20:31Nie, nie

00:20:32Chyba

00:20:33Chyba, że to jest forma jakiegoś Pańskiego podziękowania

00:20:35O nie

00:20:37Wówczas byłoby trochę nie taktem

00:20:39I takim formą podziękowania mówię zdecydowane

00:20:41Nie

00:20:42Czemu nie?

00:20:45Nie

00:20:47O proszę

00:20:48A ja już miałem Pana za chama i gbura

00:20:52A to schował na dnie, schował

00:20:57Po co to się

00:21:03Aha

00:21:04Czyli aż tak się Pan wynudził u nas na oddziale, że zaczął Pan listy do rodziny pisać, tak?

00:21:10To teraz proszę posłuchać, Panie Puchacz

00:21:12Po pierwsze, nie pije Pan

00:21:13Po drugie, nie pali Pan

00:21:15A po trzecie

00:21:17Więcej radości z życia

00:21:21Się bawię

00:21:22Jest, kwestia wyobraźni

00:21:25Halo

00:21:26Słucham, czym się jeszcze mogę pomóc?

00:21:27No, te

00:21:29No słucham

00:21:30No nie pali, nie pije, przynajmniej może to tego

00:21:34Nie no, Panie Puchacz, spokojnie

00:21:36Gramy w jednej drużynie, nie będziemy się faulować, tak?

00:21:38Pić Pan nie może, palić Pan nie może

00:21:40Ale że tak powiem, w tych sprawach

00:21:42Cały czas agresywnie

00:21:44Do przodu

00:21:49W tych sprawach może Pan ciągle stawiać na atak

00:21:54Bo w tych sprawach się akurat niewiele zmieniło

00:22:01A zna Pan to?

00:22:02Co to za zagadka?

00:22:03Dwie kulki i armatka?

00:22:05To jakby Pan tą zagadkę chciał kiedyś opowiadać w jakimś towarzystwie

00:22:08To żeby nie wyjść na lajka

00:22:10Raczej niech się Pan trzyma wersji z jedną kulką

00:22:14Żegnam

00:22:23Pan tak nie cieszy, Pan jest następny

00:22:33Szanowni Państwo

00:22:35Czerń i biel

00:22:39Dwa kolory

00:22:40Jakże odmienne

00:22:43Czy Państwo znają takie zjawisko jakim jest biała noc?

00:22:52Tak, o, jedna osoba przynajmniej, dobrze

00:22:55Proszę mi uwierzyć na słowo

00:22:56Jest takie zjawisko

00:22:58Które nazywa się właściwie białe noc

00:23:02W naszym środowisku

00:23:04Tak zwanym artystycznym, kabaretowym

00:23:06Biała noc to jest taka chwila, czas

00:23:10Nierzadko cała noc

00:23:12Kiedy to spotykamy się wspólnie

00:23:15Z kolegami z innych kabaretów

00:23:17I spożywamy tylko i wyłącznie biały alkohol

00:23:21Wtedy to są białe noce

00:23:24Ostatnio troszeczkę

00:23:26Prawda w maju było ciężko, bo był biały tydzień, ale to

00:23:33Pali i zdrowi

00:23:37Proszę Państwa, biała noc

00:23:39Z tym, że przyjemny moment, czas

00:23:42Tylko po takich białych nocach

00:23:44Zawsze przychodzą czarne poranki

00:23:47To nie jest śmieszne

00:23:55Dzień dobry, dzień dobry

00:23:56Witam Was bardzo serdecznie

00:23:58Drogie dzieci, w naszej akcji

00:24:00Polska czyta dzieciom

00:24:02Bardzo się cieszę, że Was tak dużo przyszło

00:24:04O, widzę, że jest też trochę rodziców

00:24:06Tym bardziej się cieszę, bo mamy dzisiaj

00:24:08Naprawdę znakomitych gości

00:24:10Ja do tej pory nie mogę uwierzyć, że udało nam się ich zaprosić

00:24:12Bo kiedy wczoraj wieczorem do nich dzwoniłem

00:24:14Oni akurat byli na jakimś bankiecie

00:24:16Świętowali przyznanie jakiejś telekamery czy coś

00:24:19Trudno się z nimi rozmawiało

00:24:21Grała głośna muzyka, brzęk szkła, bardzo dużo ludzi

00:24:23Ja im tłumaczę, że fajnie by było

00:24:25Gdyby przyjechali do naszego przedszkola

00:24:26Przeczytali jakąś bajkę

00:24:28Oni powiedzieli, że dzieciom nigdy nie odmawiają

00:24:31Dlatego drogie dzieci, drodzy rodzice

00:24:34Przywitajmy ich bardzo serdecznie

00:24:36Bo oni pokonali bardzo długą drogę

00:24:38Bardzo trudne warunki atmosferyczne były

00:24:40Ale oni mimo wszystko do nas przyjechali

00:24:42Dwóch najśmieszniejszych braci w Polsce

00:24:44Bracia Głodzikowie z kabaretu Animrumru

00:24:46Po prostu, co za dzień!

00:24:48Oklaski

00:25:14Są, są! Dzień dobry!

00:25:17Żart, wiadomo, oczywiście, kabareciarze

00:25:19Proszę bardzo, siadajcie panowie

00:25:22Tutaj przesełka, bo widzę, że pan Michał

00:25:24Jeszcze roztańczony po bankiecie

00:25:27Albo zmęczony po podróży, proszę bardzo

00:25:29Bardzo panom serdecznie dziękuję, że tak

00:25:31Wcześnie zechcieliście do nas przybyć

00:25:33No ale proszę zrozumieć, przedszkole później by się nie dało

00:25:35Gratuluję, nagrody, naprawdę

00:25:39Drogie dzieci, drodzy rodzice

00:25:42Tydzień temu grupa Mocarci

00:25:45Dwa tygodnie temu Ireneusz Krosny

00:25:47A dzisiaj w naszej akcji

00:25:49Cała Polska czyta dzieciom

00:25:51Panowie z kabaretu Animrumru

00:25:53Postanowili przeczytać dla was wiersz

00:25:55Juliana Tuwima pod tytułem

00:25:57Lokomotywa

00:26:05Wczoraj przez telefon ustalaliśmy, że to będzie

00:26:07Ten tekst właśnie

00:26:10Tak? No tak

00:26:12To nie ma problemu

00:26:14Oczywiście, że tak

00:26:15Proszę bardzo, panie Marcinie, to jest tekst dla pana

00:26:18Po prostu nie mogę uwierzyć, że pan tu jest, naprawdę

00:26:20Ja też

00:26:22Panie Michale, proszę bardzo

00:26:29To całe szczęście, że wziąłem okulary, bo mała czcionka jest

00:26:34Znaczy taka standardowa, także

00:26:38Drogie dzieci

00:26:40Cała Polska czyta dzieciom

00:26:42A dzisiaj dzieciom czyta kabaret Animrumru

00:26:44Prosimy bardzo

00:26:46To za goście

00:26:54Tak?

00:27:09Ale dziwne, to jest pojedynek

00:27:11Naprawdę?

00:27:13A jak? Co za dzień?

00:27:15Drogie dzieci

00:27:17To nie jest koniec niespodzianek na dziś

00:27:19Panowie z kabaretu postanowili, że

00:27:21Pokażą ten skecz po swojemu

00:27:23To znaczy, że pan Marcin będzie

00:27:25Deklamował, a pan Michał będzie

00:27:27Pokazywał to, co pan Marcin

00:27:29Będzie deklamował, to jest po prostu nieprawdopodobne

00:27:31Ja jak halo, halo Mietku, halo Franku

00:27:33To mój ulubiony skecz

00:27:35Bardzo serdecznie panu dziękuję, naprawdę

00:27:37Co za ludzie, super

00:27:40Załatwiłem ci, że będziesz pokazywał

00:27:51To

00:27:53Musisz wstać

00:27:55O nie

00:27:57Ale na chwilę

00:27:59Żeby cię dziatwa lepiej widziała

00:28:01Nie

00:28:03Teraz

00:28:06O, mi podoba ci się

00:28:08Tak?

00:28:11O, dziękuję

00:28:13To uwaga, bo krzesło zabrałem

00:28:15Nie

00:28:18Czyli zaczynać, tak?

00:28:20Prosimy bardzo, tak

00:28:25Ale przepraszam bardzo

00:28:27W przedszkolu nie wolno palić

00:28:31A od kiedy?

00:28:34Od 15 listopada taka ustawa wyszła

00:28:36Także prosiłbym

00:28:38Nie ma problemu?

00:28:39Dziękuję serdecznie, dziękuję bardzo

00:28:44Czyli zaczynać, tak?

00:28:46Prosimy bardzo

00:28:49Tylko

00:28:51Bym jeszcze usta zwilżył

00:28:54Bo spałem koło klimakteryzatora

00:28:56I

00:28:58Mi się strzekły

00:29:00Naturalnie, oczywiście, że tak

00:29:04No ale świątkowski z bańką

00:29:06Nie wydurniajcie się, wyjdziecie zaraz

00:29:08Przepraszam

00:29:26Que tu est belle

00:29:34Hmm

00:29:40Julian Tuwim

00:29:43Lokomotywa

00:29:48Ale tytułu się nie pokazuje

00:29:53Co za dzień

00:29:55Stoi na stacji

00:29:57Lokomotywa

00:29:59Ciężka, ogromna

00:30:01I pod z niej spływa

00:30:04Tłusta oliwa

00:30:10Stoi i sapie

00:30:12Dyszy i dmucha

00:30:16Żal z rozgrzanego jej brzucha bucha

00:30:21Buf jak gorąco

00:30:24Buf jak gorąco

00:30:28A jeszcze do niej te wagony

00:30:30Pod oczy biali

00:30:32Wielkie i ciężkie

00:30:34I że z żelaza i ze stali

00:30:36Nie ma

00:30:39Lecz choćby przyszło tysiąc atletów

00:30:43I każdy zjadłby tysiąc kotletów

00:30:46I każdy nie wiem

00:30:48Jakby się nie natężał

00:30:51No to ni hu

00:30:56Ni hu hu

00:31:00Ni hu hu nie poddźwignie czegoś takiego

00:31:04Bo to taki jest duży ciężar

00:31:08Nagle

00:31:11Gwizd

00:31:15I nie ma problemu

00:31:18Bo nie rozumią

00:31:20Nagle

00:31:22Świst

00:31:25Parabuch

00:31:31Koła w ruch

00:31:35Koła

00:31:37Poszły koniec

00:31:41Najpierw powoli

00:31:45Najpierw powoli

00:31:48Jak żółw

00:31:51Ociężale

00:31:54Rozsyła maszyna

00:32:00Po szynach

00:32:03O spale

00:32:06Szarpnęła wagony

00:32:09I ciągnie z mozołem

00:32:11I kręci się, kręci się

00:32:13Koło za kołem

00:32:15I biegu przyspiesza

00:32:17Ignat coraz prędzej to dudnie

00:32:19I stukało moce i pędzi

00:32:21A dokąd, a dokąd, a dokąd

00:32:23Na wprost

00:32:25A dokąd, a dokąd, a dokąd

00:32:27Na wprost

00:32:39Po torze, po torze, po torze

00:32:41Przez most, przez góry, przez tunel

00:32:43Przez pola, przez las

00:32:45I śpieszy się, śpieszy by zdążyć na czas

00:32:49Do taktu turkocę i puka

00:32:51I stuka

00:32:53To, to tak, to, to tak

00:32:55To, to tak

00:32:57Jak gładko, tak lekko

00:32:59Tak toczy się w dal

00:33:01Jak gdyby to była

00:33:03Piłeczka, nie stal

00:33:05Nieciężka maszyna

00:33:07Zdziajalna, zdyszalna

00:33:09Ależ fraszka, graszka

00:33:11Zabawka blaszana

00:33:13A skądże, to jakże

00:33:15To czemu tak gna

00:33:17A co to, to, to, to, to, to tak pcha

00:33:19Że pędzi, że wali

00:33:21I że bucha

00:33:23Buch, buch

00:33:29To para gorąca

00:33:31Sprawiła to w ruch

00:33:37To, to para co skotła

00:33:39Rurami do tłoków

00:33:43A tłoki ruszają koła

00:33:47Z dwóch boków

00:33:49I gnają

00:33:55I gnają i pchają

00:33:59I pociąg się toczy

00:34:09Bo para te tłoki

00:34:11Wciąż toczy

00:34:13I koła

00:34:17I koła, turkocła i puka

00:34:19I stuka to tak, to tak, to tak

00:34:31Naprawdę wielcy artyści

00:34:33Wspaniała interpretacja

00:34:35Bardzo, ale to bardzo serdecznie im dziękujemy

00:34:37Ja wam dziękuję

00:34:39Drogie dzieci

00:34:41A was drodzy rodzice

00:34:43Zapraszam tutaj do korytarza

00:34:45Żebyście wzięli udział w akcji sprzątania świata

00:34:47Dziękuję bardzo serdecznie

00:35:07Szanowni klienci

00:35:09Pracownik działu sportu

00:35:11O numerach rejestracyjnych

00:35:13LU 5312H

00:35:15Proszę o podejście do informacji

00:35:19Pracownik działu sportu

00:35:21Proszę podejście do alejki z rowerami

00:35:39Pracownik działu sportu

00:35:41Pracownik działu sportu

00:35:43Pracownik działu sportu

00:35:45Pracownik działu sportu

00:35:47Pracownik działu sportu

00:35:49Pracownik działu sportu

00:35:51Pracownik działu sportu

00:35:53Pracownik działu sportu

00:35:55Pracownik działu sportu

00:35:57Pracownik działu sportu

00:35:59Pracownik działu sportu

00:36:01Pracownik działu sportu

00:36:03Pracownik działu sportu

00:36:05Pracownik działu sportu

00:36:07Pracownik działu sportu

00:36:09Pracownik działu sportu

00:36:37Yeah.

00:36:39Nyeh!

00:36:41Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

00:36:47Laughter

00:37:01Bell rings

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00:37:29Applause

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00:41:45who only has pessimistic thoughts and sees everything in black.

00:41:52But we have to be careful about one more thing,

00:41:55and we have to be very careful

00:41:58so that his black thoughts of the future

00:42:03don't turn out to be a clear vision.

00:42:07I cordially invite you.

00:42:09Thank you.

00:42:15It always seemed to me that my father was talking nonsense.

00:42:18But when I remember, ten years have passed.

00:42:22I'm sorry.

00:42:37Listen, Grzesiek.

00:42:39Damn it.

00:42:46The last time I asked you to make a soup.

00:42:48The last time.

00:42:49You can't wait.

00:42:50Very well.

00:42:53Pour your soup, father.

00:42:57Pour it thickly, thickly.

00:43:01I feel like not drinking.

00:43:09Pour it thickly.

00:43:18Thickly.

00:43:22Without the balls.

00:43:28Very well.

00:43:30Pour yourself some too.

00:43:32Thank you.

00:43:45The soup is so thick that you can hear it on the ground.

00:43:48What did you say?

00:43:50You can't hear anything because the soup is so thick.

00:43:53It's thick because it's hot like hell.

00:43:56Can't you wait, father?

00:43:57I can't.

00:43:58Because in the army they taught me to eat soup quickly.

00:44:01Not like this.

00:44:02You sit down and pray over every spoon,

00:44:04if you don't know who.

00:44:05God bless you.

00:44:11It's about the wolf.

00:44:13And the wolf always has to be late for the grandfather's dinner, right?

00:44:16The grandfather will forgive, but we have so much work.

00:44:19After all, we put Bethlehem in front of the parish.

00:44:22There's just so much work.

00:44:23The shop?

00:44:24Well, yes.

00:44:25Well, what doesn't the father say?

00:44:26If only I had good hands, maybe I could help.

00:44:30Oh, and can the grandfather carve in the tree?

00:44:33Well, not only in the tree.

00:44:35And what is to be done?

00:44:37The baby has to be done.

00:44:39The baby has to be carved?

00:44:40Yes.

00:44:41Oh, you see.

00:44:42And what is it carved in?

00:44:43Oh, oh.

00:44:44Well, I think in the oak it will be the hardest.

00:44:48Well, the hardest, but so that in the oak it doesn't darken later.

00:44:51Oh no, oh no.

00:44:52Well.

00:44:53Maybe it's better in the oak.

00:44:55In the oak.

00:44:56In the oak.

00:44:57Oh no.

00:44:58The hair has to be shaved.

00:45:00The easiest.

00:45:01You don't teach children to be fathers, okay?

00:45:05And let the father stop calling him father.

00:45:07And I always respect the priest.

00:45:10Oh, and what doesn't the father say?

00:45:14Son, you will always be a sylvek for me.

00:45:16Very good.

00:45:17For you sylvek, and for me father New Year's Eve.

00:45:20By the way, are you going somewhere with your mother for New Year's Eve?

00:45:24I would go.

00:45:25But my mother is afraid.

00:45:26If she's afraid, go to one without a petard.

00:45:30She's not afraid of a petard, but a virus.

00:45:33What, are you sick?

00:45:34Then don't push yourself right away with your tongue inside after 12 o'clock.

00:45:38No, no, grandpa.

00:45:39She's afraid of the millenium virus.

00:45:42Of who?

00:45:43Millenium.

00:45:44I don't know this man.

00:45:45It is rumored in the media that if the date changes to 2000, everything will go to hell.

00:45:50How do you express yourself in front of your father?

00:45:53That's what they write in the newspaper.

00:45:55Oh, that at midnight, when the date changes to 2000, the elevators will stop, banks will stop working, computers will go crazy.

00:46:02The end of the world will be.

00:46:04I don't believe that.

00:46:06Father New Year's Eve, how much did your grandmother have to eat snow to give birth to such a pig?

00:46:13People.

00:46:16Nothing will happen.

00:46:18Nothing will happen.

00:46:19You'll go to New Year's Eve, you'll stick up, you'll get up in the morning, your head will be fucked up, like every year.

00:46:24That's how much it will be.

00:46:25And how does your father know?

00:46:26Because I'm always right.

00:46:28Only with the martial law, your father made a mistake.

00:46:31But for three days I settled in the limit of error.

00:46:34And your grandfather was for or against the state?

00:46:37Who would remember that?

00:46:39I remember. He was for the state.

00:46:42Orma, Orma spoke.

00:46:44I was for the state, for the state.

00:46:46But for martial law, not for Tymiński, like you.

00:46:48For what Tymiński, because my father gave peace.

00:46:50For such Tymiński.

00:46:51Calm down!

00:46:53Hello!

00:46:54I remind you, we are on Sunday dinner.

00:46:56You should at least give yourself a moment of peace.

00:46:58A moment of peace.

00:47:00Let's eat.

00:47:02What's up, Sylwek, how are you?

00:47:04Oh, Harmider is starting big, because the news says that the Holy Father is going to Poland with a visit.

00:47:09Of course, as long as health allows him.

00:47:11Oh no.

00:47:13He's a great man, he's been lacking a little lately.

00:47:16What will it be when he's gone?

00:47:19I can't imagine my life without our Holy Father.

00:47:22Well, Grandpa, that's the church's way.

00:47:24There must always be the next one.

00:47:27I hope they don't choose Muzzyna.

00:47:30They won't.

00:47:32They won't.

00:47:33How do you know?

00:47:34Because I'm always right.

00:47:36If they took Muzzyna for the Pope, that would be the end of the world.

00:47:39Oh yes, oh yes.

00:47:40My father read enough of those newspapers.

00:47:42Muzzyna would be more of a US President than a Pope.

00:47:45Oh no, Grandpa, that's too much.

00:47:52Now that your father farted...

00:47:54He farted, and then he'll say I was right again.

00:47:56No, Holy Father, if they took Muzzyna for the US President, that would be the end of the world.

00:48:00Well, you're right.

00:48:02Sylwek, you're an expert.

00:48:04Tell me, who will remain after our Pope?

00:48:07Well, me. I just hope he'll be long-lasting and strong.

00:48:11Like a Mercedes.

00:48:13Dad!

00:48:19I'm sorry, Grandpa, does Grandpa have anything against the Germans?

00:48:22Absolutely not.

00:48:24I was only taught in the army that there are certain boundaries.

00:48:30Well, there are for now.

00:48:32But when we get to the EU, you know...

00:48:35When we get to the EU, I'll personally break all the personal barriers.

00:48:42I'm not in a hurry to go to the EU.

00:48:44Excuse me?

00:48:45I said I'm not in a hurry to go to the EU.

00:48:47Very good, very good.

00:48:49And wise and right.

00:48:51You should also buy a house in Włodaw over the Bug.

00:48:56And why would I need a house in Włodaw?

00:48:58Because if you have a house in Włodaw over the Bug, you'll be the last sheep to enter the EU.

00:49:10Dad, this EU doesn't suit me. Wouldn't you like to earn in the EU?

00:49:15It doesn't suit you because you're stupid from the countryside.

00:49:18You know what? That's a good idea.

00:49:20Yes.

00:49:21Earn in the EU, spend in zlotys.

00:49:23Very wise.

00:49:24Yes, that's very good.

00:49:25Very wise.

00:49:26When we get to the EU, we'll have everything.

00:49:28We'll be able to get everything, buy everything. Right, Grandpa?

00:49:31And I can't do without the EU.

00:49:33I go to the 10th anniversary stadium, I buy everything, I have everything.

00:49:37Dad, you should stop grumbling and going to those shitholes.

00:49:40It's the stench, the dirt and Tandetta.

00:49:43Tandetta, that's you.

00:49:45Tandetta, that's you.

00:49:46Tandetta, that's you.

00:49:47Tandetta, that's you.

00:49:48Tandetta, that's you.

00:49:49Tandetta, that's you.

00:49:50Tandetta, that's you.

00:49:51Tandetta, that's you.

00:49:52Tandetta, that's you.

00:49:53Tandetta, that's you.

00:49:54Tandetta, that's you.

00:49:55Tandetta, that's you.

00:49:56Tandetta, that's you.

00:49:57Tandetta, that's you.

00:49:58Tandetta, that's you.

00:49:59Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:00Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:01Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:02Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:03Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:04Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:05Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:06Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:07Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:08Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:09Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:10Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:11Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:12Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:13Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:14Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:15Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:16Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:17Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:18Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:19Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:20Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:21Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:22Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:23Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:24Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:25Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:26Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:27Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:28Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:29Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:30Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:31Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:32Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:33Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:34Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:35Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:36Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:37Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:38Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:39Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:40Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:41Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:42Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:43Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:44Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:45Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:46Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:47Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:48Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:49Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:50Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:51Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:52Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:53Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:54Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:55Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:56Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:57Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:58Tandetta, that's you.

00:50:59Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:00Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:01Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:02Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:03Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:04Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:05Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:06Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:07Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:08Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:09Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:10Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:11Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:12Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:13Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:14Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:15Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:16Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:17Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:18Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:19Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:20Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:21Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:22Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:23Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:24Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:25Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:26Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:27Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:28Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:29Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:30Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:31Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:32Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:33Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:34Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:35Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:36Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:37Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:38Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:39Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:40Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:41Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:42Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:43Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:44Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:45Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:46Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:47Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:48Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:49Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:50Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:51Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:52Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:53Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:54Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:55Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:56Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:57Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:58Tandetta, that's you.

00:51:59Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:00Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:01Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:02Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:03Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:04Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:05Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:06Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:07Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:08Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:09Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:10Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:11Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:12Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:13Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:14Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:15Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:16Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:17Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:18Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:19Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:20Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:21Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:22Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:23Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:24Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:25Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:26Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:27Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:28Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:29Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:30Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:31Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:32Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:33Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:34Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:35Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:36Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:37Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:38Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:39Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:40Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:41Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:42Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:43Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:44Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:45Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:46Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:47Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:48Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:49Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:50Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:51Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:52Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:53Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:54Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:55Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:56Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:57Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:58Tandetta, that's you.

00:52:59Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:00Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:01Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:02Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:03Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:04Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:05Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:06Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:07Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:08Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:09Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:10Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:11Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:12Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:13Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:14Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:15Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:16Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:17Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:18Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:19Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:20Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:21Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:22Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:23Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:24Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:25Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:26Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:27Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:28Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:29Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:30Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:31Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:32Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:33Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:34Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:35Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:36Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:37Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:38Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:39Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:40Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:41Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:42Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:43Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:44Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:45Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:46Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:47Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:48Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:49Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:50Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:51Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:52Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:53Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:54Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:55Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:56Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:57Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:58Tandetta, that's you.

00:53:59Tandetta, that's you.

00:54:00Tandetta, that's you.

00:54:01Tandetta, that's you.

00:54:02Tandetta, that's you.

00:54:03Tandetta, that's you.

00:54:04Tandetta, that's you.

00:54:05Tandetta, that's you.

00:54:06Tandetta, that's you.

00:54:07Tandetta, that's you.

00:54:08Tandetta, that's you.

00:54:09Tandetta, that's you.

00:54:28is full of surprising surprises.

00:54:32After all, even the most experienced amateur

00:54:36of the white madness

00:54:38must eventually hit his black route.

00:54:44However, this type of situation can be avoided.

00:54:49You just have to explain everything very carefully at the beginning.

00:54:54Or better yet,

00:54:56black on white.

00:55:02Nice jacket.

00:55:04I know.

00:55:07Are you going to buy some mushrooms?

00:55:12I like to have tattoos.

00:55:18But one day the schoolboys will take me to the garage

00:55:23and it will turn out that I will die.

00:55:28Knock, knock, good morning.

00:55:41Where are you going?

00:55:43Don't you recognize me?

00:55:47Should I?

00:55:50I beg you. I was at your place yesterday.

00:55:54You tattooed my back on the top.

00:55:56Oh, oh.

00:55:59You know, I don't remember faces.

00:56:02I don't understand.

00:56:03Because if I tattooed your face, it would be faster.

00:56:05I beg you, I beg you. I don't feel like these fresh jokes.

00:56:09We have a serious problem.

00:56:10We?

00:56:11Yes.

00:56:12We.

00:56:13Me and you, you and me.

00:56:15I come home yesterday, stand in front of the mirror,

00:56:18take off my bandage, look in the mirror and what?

00:56:21And this.

00:56:23Oh, what a beautiful thing.

00:56:25What beautiful thing? What beautiful thing?

00:56:28A naked woman.

00:56:31Yes.

00:56:32Yes. Yuck.

00:56:35What yuck?

00:56:36What yuck?

00:56:38Sir, I wanted an eagle.

00:56:40What did you want?

00:56:42And what did I say unclearly?

00:56:43An eagle, sir.

00:56:45An eagle.

00:56:46An eagle.

00:56:48An eagle.

00:56:51Are you sure?

00:56:52Yes.

00:56:53Yes.

00:56:54I'm sure, I'm sure, I'm sure.

00:56:56And now I want to remove this nasty tattoo.

00:56:58Hey.

00:57:02Sir, I can remove this tattoo.

00:57:04Hey.

00:57:05Then I beg you very much.

00:57:07But then you will have a painful scar.

00:57:10A painful scar?

00:57:11Yes.

00:57:12But certainly not in the shape of an eagle.

00:57:23I don't know what to do to turn this naked woman into an eagle.

00:57:27A naked woman into an eagle?

00:57:29Yes.

00:57:30Oh, sir.

00:57:31There is no such situation in nature to use a naked woman as a bird.

00:57:36I also don't like it, but how much work is it for a real artist?

00:57:39But then I would have to, I don't know, change the beaks.

00:57:43Yes.

00:57:44Cut the veins.

00:57:46Yes.

00:57:47The wings to the arms.

00:57:48Yes.

00:57:49I don't know if you can fit a branch at the bottom.

00:57:51Sir, these are my private secrets and please don't get involved in this.

00:58:03But, but, I don't want to get involved anywhere, I wanted a branch.

00:58:08If you can't turn a naked woman into an eagle, then let her turn into anything else.

00:58:13I really don't care.

00:58:15What do you usually tattoo?

00:58:20Backs.

00:58:22But nothing will be visible on the backs.

00:58:25Not really.

00:58:26Then we'll make the backs on the belly.

00:58:28No!

00:58:29We'll make the belly on the backs.

00:58:31Why?

00:58:32What do you mean why?

00:58:33Then you will have four boobs and two dicks.

00:58:36Do you know how many dicks you can put in there?

00:58:38What?

00:58:39Oh no, not that, please.

00:58:40We'll connect everything with chains, fingers, bells and we'll make an Arabian moon.

00:58:43Mistaken necklaces, cooks are fighting, no.

00:58:45Why not?

00:58:46I won't make any Christmas tree out of you.

00:58:49I wanted to help.

00:58:50If you want to help, then move your head.

00:58:52What do I have to do to make me look like a human again?

00:58:55Wow.

00:59:25Zodiac.

00:59:26Zodiac.

00:59:27Zodiac.

00:59:28Zodiac.

00:59:29Zodiac.

00:59:30Zodiac.

00:59:31Zodiac.

00:59:32Zodiac.

00:59:33Zodiac.

00:59:34Zodiac.

00:59:35Zodiac.

00:59:36Zodiac.

00:59:37Zodiac.

00:59:38Zodiac.

00:59:39Zodiac.

00:59:40Zodiac.

00:59:41Zodiac.

00:59:42Zodiac.

00:59:43Zodiac.

00:59:44Zodiac.

00:59:45Zodiac.

00:59:46Zodiac.

00:59:47Zodiac.

00:59:48Zodiac.

00:59:49Zodiac.

00:59:50Zodiac.

00:59:51Zodiac.

00:59:52Zodiac.

00:59:53Zodiac.

00:59:55Excuse me, but there is no Zodiac sign here.

00:59:57There are naked women everywhere.

00:59:59In the catalog with the naked women signs.

01:00:01I'm not blind, am I?

01:00:02Here you are.

01:00:03This is a sign of Zodiac.

01:00:04A naked woman with a penis.

01:00:06A shooter.

01:00:09And two naked women?

01:00:10A twin.

01:00:12And a naked woman with a butt?

01:00:13Cancer.

01:00:16I'm going crazy.

01:00:20And this fat one?

01:00:21A weight.

01:00:23I think overweight.

01:00:25A thicker line and that's it.

01:00:28And this naked woman with a stick?

01:00:30Sir, it's not a stick, it's a fishing rod.

01:00:32A diver.

01:00:34A box of fish.

01:00:37Sir, what sign are you from?

01:00:39Me?

01:00:40Yes, sir.

01:00:42Sir, right?

01:00:43Sir.

01:00:47Cuckoo.

01:00:52Sir.

01:00:54Let's look for it.

01:00:56Sir.

01:01:09Look, I don't think I'll have it.

01:01:12Please, sir, don't worry.

01:01:14I'll give it to you.

01:01:15Thank you.

01:01:16Thank you.

01:01:17Thank you.

01:01:19Thank you.

01:01:20Thank you.

01:01:21Please, sir, don't get so discouraged.

01:01:23You can still have a Pogmer.

01:01:27But it's in the catalogue.

01:01:30Did you have another idea?

01:01:31No.

01:01:33No.

01:01:34Well, it's in the catalogue.

01:01:35No.

01:01:37Oh, and according to the Chinese calendar, what are you?

01:01:41A pig.

01:01:42Oh.

01:01:43Well, hurry up.

01:01:44You'll find a neck.

01:01:45We'll make the wings.

01:01:46And you'll have this.

01:01:47What?

01:01:48Pig.

01:01:50Pig.

01:01:51Sir.

01:01:53I beg you.

01:01:55Please, stop joking.

01:01:56Please, hide this shabby naked woman.

01:01:58I just don't like naked women.

01:02:00You don't like them.

01:02:01Then maybe you should have a naked man right away.

01:02:03With a neck, of course.

01:02:04Without personal trips.

01:02:08But it was a joke.

01:02:11I got so angry that I have to move my hips.

01:02:16But I was joking.

01:02:17I'm sorry.

01:02:18I accepted it.

01:02:21I don't know what's going on with me.

01:02:22I've been walking like this since this morning.

01:02:24I feel like I'm in a cave.

01:02:29But it's probably because something terrible happened to me last night.

01:02:33What happened?

01:02:34Nothing.

01:02:38Okay, sir.

01:02:39I have a different catalogue.

01:02:40Famous characters.

01:02:43Excuse me?

01:02:44Famous characters.

01:02:45No way.

01:02:46You can have famous people?

01:02:47Yes.

01:02:48And there's Jacek.

01:02:52He would even hit me on the chest with this waffle.

01:02:58The first one.

01:03:01It's not like you can catch a man in a block.

01:03:05Although...

01:03:08Next.

01:03:09Next.

01:03:10Next.

01:03:11Next.

01:03:12Oh!

01:03:13Famous characters.

01:03:15Famous characters naked.

01:03:17What are they supposed to look like?

01:03:19This is Venus with Milo.

01:03:20Where?

01:03:21This is Venus with Milo.

01:03:22Of course.

01:03:23Which of these two do you think is Milo?

01:03:31The one next to Venus with bigger bottles.

01:03:33Yes.

01:03:35And this one naked?

01:03:37Kopciuszek.

01:03:38Kopciuszek.

01:03:39Of course.

01:03:40And why did you send him?

01:03:42Because he has one sandal.

01:03:45I didn't pay attention because it was in Turkish.

01:03:50Oh, and here...

01:03:51Adam and Eve.

01:03:53No.

01:03:54The lady lying down is Sleeping Beauty.

01:03:57Let's say.

01:03:58And the one above her, with a crown?

01:04:00Toncio Paluch.

01:04:11It's hard to guess just the name.

01:04:14Mozart.

01:04:15Oh, Mamunia.

01:04:16What happened?

01:04:17Are you such an old lady?

01:04:19Well, Baba Yaga.

01:04:21I guessed.

01:04:22By the broom between her legs.

01:04:23Where?

01:04:24Oh, this one.

01:04:25Sir, she is naked.

01:04:26She is.

01:04:27But she has to be naked.

01:04:28This is an elderly person.

01:04:30Could you at least have a penuar, a shawl, a leaf?

01:04:32Anything.

01:04:33No, sir.

01:04:34She has to be naked because this is a two-sided tattoo.

01:04:39Please come here to me.

01:04:40Turn Baba Yaga upside down.

01:04:43Baba Yaga upside down?

01:04:44Please.

01:04:52A lady with a crown?

01:04:55I can't believe it.

01:04:57How did you do it?

01:04:59The magic of the tattoo.

01:05:00You are a wizard.

01:05:02Let me cast a spell on you.

01:05:04Please.

01:05:05I can't walk around with a naked woman on my back.

01:05:08Sir, I wanted this eagle because I am from Gniezno.

01:05:14Congratulations, but what does it have to do with anything?

01:05:16Well, it's a symbol.

01:05:18A symbol?

01:05:19Yes.

01:05:20I am from Gniezno, I want an eagle.

01:05:22If I was from Krakow, I would want a dragon.

01:05:24From Gdańsk, a Neptune.

01:05:25From Warsaw, a mermaid.

01:05:26I don't care.

01:05:27From Poznań, a Scottish mole.

01:05:28I don't care.

01:05:29With a boat, I would have to think about it,

01:05:31because it's either a paddle or a pink hood.

01:05:33Oh, with a piglet?

01:05:37This is a symbol.

01:05:39Sir, forgive me, but I don't have a clearer one.

01:05:43You are a wizard, sir, but I won't let you steal from me like this.

01:05:47I wonder what you would do in my place with such a nasty naked woman on your back.

01:05:51What I would do?

01:05:52Yes.

01:05:53I would behave like a normal guy.

01:05:56How?

01:05:57I would go home and sleep with this naked woman.

01:06:14I have to admit, ladies and gentlemen, that I didn't know my colleagues from this side.

01:06:18But maybe it's for the best.

01:06:21The lady is laughing, but it's me who's driving with him.

01:06:25Ladies and gentlemen, let's go back to the topic of our meeting,

01:06:29which is black and white.

01:06:31Do you know such examples,

01:06:33cases,

01:06:34when black and white

01:06:36turn into black and white?

01:06:39Or cases,

01:06:40when black and white

01:06:42turn into characters?

01:06:45And then white becomes evil,

01:06:47and black good.

01:06:50Do you know them?

01:06:52A hint.

01:06:55Zorro, good.

01:06:57Another character?

01:06:59Good.

01:07:01Now white and evil.

01:07:04Snow Queen.

01:07:06Someone recently told me Lady Gaga.

01:07:10I think Lady Gaga is fine.

01:07:13Ladies and gentlemen, I will use the example of negative.

01:07:16Let's pay attention that in negative what is white is...

01:07:20Good.

01:07:21And what is black is...

01:07:25White, of course.

01:07:26And now, attention, I turn negative upside down and...

01:07:30Nothing changes.

01:07:32It's just a fun fact.

01:07:35It's just...

01:07:37In such moments, when white is evil,

01:07:39black is good,

01:07:40everything is upside down,

01:07:43in such cases,

01:07:45everything we would dream of, dream of, build,

01:07:48it can all splash like a soap bubble.

01:07:55Nice underwear.

01:07:57And socks are white and evil.

01:08:01Because there is nothing in life

01:08:03that can crush the copy

01:08:06of insignificant things.

01:08:09Work or lack of it,

01:08:11a car,

01:08:13or golden Swedish tables.

01:08:17I live from day to day

01:08:19and I don't care

01:08:22when something doesn't work out.

01:08:24I know that a better time will come

01:08:26and the bad luck,

01:08:29I get it again.

01:08:31And how?

01:08:32Because there is nothing in life

01:08:34and you have to believe

01:08:36that the card will turn upside down.

01:08:40Although I don't sleep in the card,

01:08:42I fall asleep.

01:08:44Poverty doesn't bother me.

01:08:48I have my little goal,

01:08:50an account full of zeros.

01:08:53I'm constantly striving for it,

01:08:55to throw in anything

01:08:57and make my GDP rise.

01:08:59Even in this quarter.

01:09:02Because I believe

01:09:05in magic,

01:09:09in money,

01:09:11in dollars

01:09:13and gold.

01:09:15How I love

01:09:17this job.

01:09:19Little magic,

01:09:22little magic.

01:09:25Salons, salons

01:09:27will open their doors

01:09:29to my golden door.

01:09:33Hey, ladies.

01:09:35Yes, it's me.

01:09:37I'm standing here.

01:09:39I like to stand here.

01:09:41I can play here today

01:09:43for every penny thrown in.

01:09:45Ladies.

01:09:47Kiss, kiss.

01:09:50Little magic,

01:09:53little magic.

01:09:56And flowers.

01:09:58I'm shooting for happiness

01:10:00because I believe,

01:10:02because I believe

01:10:04that I'm collecting it.

01:10:07Holy shit,

01:10:09one fourth time this week.

01:10:21Ladies and gentlemen,

01:10:23in the life of most people,

01:10:24there is only one,

01:10:26only one moment

01:10:28when black and white

01:10:30stand shoulder to shoulder

01:10:32on one side of the barricade.

01:10:34They stand to fight

01:10:36for a better,

01:10:38colorful future.

01:10:40Such a day

01:10:42is, of course,

01:10:44a wedding.

01:10:46I see that some people

01:10:48have their own thoughts

01:10:50about it.

01:10:51Before the wedding,

01:10:53everyone should seriously think about it

01:10:55because it may turn out

01:10:57that it's a decision

01:10:59for at least a year and a half.

01:11:01I found a different justification.

01:11:03Pay attention,

01:11:05if you don't pay attention,

01:11:07on the next occasion,

01:11:09a young man who is usually

01:11:11dressed in black

01:11:13and a young woman

01:11:15who is usually

01:11:17dressed in white

01:11:18may wear different clothes.

01:11:20More colorful.

01:11:22Why?

01:11:24Because they act subconsciously.

01:11:26On the first night of the wedding,

01:11:28they already feel it.

01:11:30They already know that

01:11:32in the later life of the bride

01:11:34this color may be missing.

01:11:36By the way,

01:11:38those who have been married

01:11:40know it very well.

01:11:42What?

01:11:44It's sad, isn't it?

01:11:46I know, I know.

01:11:48It's a funny story.

01:12:18Hey!

01:12:37Sit down, sit down.

01:12:39Let's think.

01:12:40Let's think.

01:12:48It's already 13 o'clock.

01:12:51That's how the police work,

01:12:53to find.

01:12:55There is a cashier, it will be good.

01:12:58Good.

01:13:00And another cashier.

01:13:10Orange.

01:13:11You have to look good at work.

01:13:20Here you are.

01:13:23Good morning, sir.

01:13:24Aspirant.

01:13:25Mr. Aspirant.

01:13:26Yes.

01:13:29My name is Bun.

01:13:30Oh, and one cashier for a bun?

01:13:36No, I don't think so.

01:13:37And which one?

01:13:39Good.

01:13:45Which bun is the easiest to hide on the beach?

01:13:49I don't know.

01:13:50The Wrocław one.

01:13:59No, the tart one.

01:14:02The tart one.

01:14:04The tart one.

01:14:09The tart one.

01:14:11And this one.

01:14:12Have you ever seen a car made of wood?

01:14:14No.

01:14:15How?

01:14:16Then you should go into a tree and look at the parking lot.

01:14:23I thought it was made of sheet metal.

01:14:27Both are good.

01:14:28Both are good.

01:14:29Both are good.

01:14:31So as not to burn.

01:14:39So this one.

01:14:45Why did you come here?

01:14:47Well, as I mentioned, my name is Bun and I came here because I'm looking for a wife.

01:14:54It will be hard, because only men work here.

01:14:57No, I already have a wife.

01:14:59I already have a wife, but she suddenly disappeared.

01:15:02How did she disappear?

01:15:03Like this.

01:15:04Like this.

01:15:07No, no, no.

01:15:08Maybe I didn't express myself clearly.

01:15:09More in the sense that she disappeared.

01:15:12Oh, oh.

01:15:14At least you calmed me down a bit.

01:15:16Yes?

01:15:17But there were cases that...

01:15:26Oh, no.

01:15:27I don't think this is enough UFO.

01:15:31I think she disappeared.

01:15:32Disappeared?

01:15:33Disappeared.

01:15:34Well, I'm listening.

01:15:35You tell me from the beginning how it was.

01:15:37And I'll tell you everything in a moment.

01:15:38How it was.

01:15:39It was like this.

01:15:40I woke up.

01:15:41I look.

01:15:43And she's not here.

01:15:46Strong.

01:15:48What time was it?

01:15:49Ten.

01:15:50Ten o'clock.

01:15:51You wake up and instantly notice that your wife is not here.

01:15:55I mean, not exactly.

01:15:57Because when I instantly noticed that my wife is not here, it was after twelve.

01:16:03And how?

01:16:04Well, that night I slept with my face to the parquet.

01:16:06And I said, I won't look around right away, because I'll break my nose.

01:16:11Oh, yes, yes.

01:16:12So when?

01:16:13When was the last time you saw your wife?

01:16:16Either four or five days ago.

01:16:18And only now you come?

01:16:20I thought I'd lie down to freshen up.

01:16:22And somehow it happened.

01:16:23Aha.

01:16:25In general, the technique is very good.

01:16:27But time-consuming.

01:16:28Something for something.

01:16:29All right.

01:16:30In this case, sir, we will arrange a protocol of disappearance.

01:16:34Great idea.

01:16:35Yes?

01:16:36I'm just asking.

01:16:37I care about time, you know?

01:16:38Huh?

01:16:39Washing up.

01:16:41In the sink there are so many pots that you don't have where to wash your feet.

01:16:45All right.

01:16:46Let's look for a name.

01:16:48Wives?

01:16:49Yes.

01:16:50Teresa.

01:16:51Te-resa.

01:16:52Name?

01:16:59Bułka.

01:17:00Oh, yes.

01:17:03Teresa...

01:17:04Bułka.

01:17:06Teresa Bułka.

01:17:07From home?

01:17:08No, from the block.

01:17:09Sienkiewicz from Wana-

01:17:11No, wife.

01:17:12I'm asking this question to get an answer in the style of a lady's name.

01:17:16Your husband's.

01:17:17That's what you're doing.

01:17:18I mean, here I have...

01:17:20All right, I didn't know.

01:17:21So again.

01:17:22Name?

01:17:23Teresa.

01:17:24Name?

01:17:25Bułka.

01:17:26From home?

01:17:30Siwek?

01:17:36Or Szarak?

01:17:41So you don't remember.

01:17:43I remember, but I got nervous and it came out.

01:17:46You know, nerves can come out.

01:17:47Maybe.

01:17:48Szczurowska.

01:17:51That's nice too.

01:17:52All right.

01:17:54Szczurowska.

01:17:56Hey, stop.

01:17:57Come back.

01:17:58Mysiak.

01:18:00Mysiak.

01:18:01I knew there was something to do with a mouse.

01:18:04Mysiak.

01:18:05Excuse me, I'm in the woods right now.

01:18:07I don't know.

01:18:08I'm sorry.

01:18:09I just remembered that her father is Mysiak.

01:18:10Interesting.

01:18:11Where from?

01:18:12It's written at the factory.

01:18:13Tapicer Mysiak.

01:18:14Tapicer Mysiak.

01:18:15The other way around.

01:18:16So, Teresa Bułka from home, Mysiak.

01:18:18Teresa Bułka from home, Mysiak.

01:18:20Yes, yes.

01:18:21Mysiak.

01:18:22Yes, yes.

01:18:23Yes, yes.

01:18:24We've got it.

01:18:25Yes.

01:18:26Happy birthday.

01:18:31I mean...

01:18:32It's definitely going to be either June or May,

01:18:34because we always have a barbecue then, right?

01:18:38I can see it won't be easy.

01:18:39No, no.

01:18:40Just a second.

01:18:41Just a second.

01:18:42And that's a joke.

01:18:44You don't remember your own wife's birthday?

01:18:47And you remember yours?

01:18:50I'm asking questions here!

01:18:53OK?

01:18:55I'm done here.

01:18:57And how many can you remember?

01:18:58Oh, you can't.

01:19:00Not really.

01:19:01It's at least a year.

01:19:041900...

01:19:111900, 500, 800.

01:19:12You can't.

01:19:13But what do you mean?

01:19:14Well, you can enter 1900 already, right?

01:19:18And there's already something.

01:19:19And there's already such a thing.

01:19:20And there's already something.

01:19:21And there's already such a thing.

01:19:24Actually, yes.

01:19:26OK, OK.

01:19:271900.

01:19:29That should be good.

01:19:33And...

01:19:37And...

01:19:41And I won't squeeze this loop tighter.

01:19:45So who can know?

01:19:46And I know.

01:19:47I don't know.

01:19:48And I know a lot.

01:19:50The mother-in-law will know.

01:19:52Stop it, sir.

01:19:53As usual, everything the mother-in-law sees.

01:19:54She probably had to be there.

01:19:55Well, yes.

01:19:58Well, yes.

01:19:59So if I ask her the date of birth of Teresa...

01:20:02Immediately.

01:20:04The idea itself was good.

01:20:06No, we don't risk that much.

01:20:07No, no, no.

01:20:08No, no.

01:20:14Ask her about Pesel.

01:20:17But the fox is sleeping.

01:20:21And how?

01:20:31Do you know the number of the mother-in-law?

01:20:32Of course.

01:20:34But I'm sure I have it in the undisclosed.

01:20:39Only that she would take it.

01:20:40If she doesn't take a quarter of the body, she takes it.

01:20:42I'm listening!

01:20:43I'm listening.

01:20:45I mean, no, no, I'm not listening.

01:20:46I'm saying.

01:20:47Good morning, mother!

01:20:48Stand up! Stand up!

01:20:49Dignity!

01:20:50Respectful mother!

01:20:51Respectful mother!

01:20:52Yes, sir!

01:20:53Mother of Teresa.

01:20:55I'm calling because I wanted to...

01:20:58I know, but I'm calling...

01:21:04No, but why...

01:21:08Cool.

01:21:15Yes.

01:21:18Yes.

01:21:21Yes.

01:21:24Yes, yes, yes, yes.

01:21:25No, but...

01:21:26Yes.

01:21:27Yes.

01:21:29And that's why I called my mother,

01:21:30to apologize to her for all of this.

01:21:34There's no need.

01:21:36Mutually.

01:21:37And by the way,

01:21:38my mother would give me Pesel of Teresa, right?

01:21:41Not a loan.

01:21:42Oh, yes, yes.

01:21:43A loan.

01:21:44A loan.

01:21:45Not a loan.

01:21:47What for?

01:21:48A surprise.

01:21:50What?

01:21:51Shit.

01:21:52When I say what,

01:21:53it won't be a surprise.

01:21:58She wants to buy a dishwasher for her rats.

01:22:02I know, I know.

01:22:07I know it's a good idea.

01:22:08I know, I know.

01:22:09My mother, she's a drunk,

01:22:10hands are wet,

01:22:11I can't even sew a sock afterwards.

01:22:12Well.

01:22:14Well, I remember,

01:22:15my mother was the first one

01:22:16to say it before the wedding.

01:22:17Who are you running for?

01:22:18Who?

01:22:19Well, she was stubborn, like an owl.

01:22:20I remember.

01:22:21I agree.

01:22:22She's got it.

01:22:23She's got it.

01:22:24But I take it all on myself.

01:22:27On myse...

01:22:28Yes.

01:22:29It's my fault.

01:22:30MY fault.

01:22:39But you really need this hairbrush, because the salesman here is very nervous.

01:22:45He has a pen as if he was writing invoices.

01:22:48Ready? You can, you can.

01:22:50Give it to me.

01:22:51720.

01:22:53120.

01:22:54105.

01:22:55105.

01:22:56234.

01:22:57234.

01:22:59And 31.

01:23:00And 31.

01:23:01Oh.

01:23:02And 31 is not the time. Do we have a calendar?

01:23:04No, no, no.

01:23:06I'm taking you to the tunnel. I'm losing you.

01:23:11That was very risky.

01:23:13But it paid off. We have PESEL.

01:23:15Yes, yes. PESEL is there. You can find a man for the job.

01:23:19Really?

01:23:20Of course.

01:23:21And how long will it take?

01:23:22No, no. We'll put it on the scale. It would be faster if I could use...

01:23:28Here you are.

01:23:29Yes, yes.

01:23:30But fast, because I don't have much on my card.

01:23:32Ah. With numbers, fast. Look how it's done.

01:23:35With numbers?

01:23:3798-00-0011.

01:23:43Like in Kojak, look.

01:23:48What, who?

01:23:52Kuśka from Ochota.

01:23:55Well, Kuśka!

01:23:56Hi, Bartek!

01:23:58Hi, Bartek!

01:23:59Oh, Bartek, Bartek! Wait, wait, wait!

01:24:01I have two riddles for you.

01:24:04This one is good. Listen, listen.

01:24:07Have you ever seen a car made of wood?

01:24:11I want to go to sleep and look at the parking lot.

01:24:15These are good.

01:24:17Why are you going to the parking lot?

01:24:20Come back!

01:24:22The second one is easier.

01:24:24You can do it, it's easier.

01:24:25Teresa Bółka.

01:24:27From Myszak's house.

01:24:28From Myszak's house.

01:24:29I'm giving you PESEL.

01:24:31720-105-234-31.

01:24:37Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:24:39Well, standard, hospitals, hospitals.

01:24:42If not, keep looking.

01:24:45Okay, keep looking!

01:24:47Keep looking!

01:24:48Smell, smell, keep looking!

01:24:50Take it!

01:24:54I have to go to work.

01:24:55You have to go to work, take it!

01:24:57Okay, we're on the phone.

01:24:58Call this number.

01:24:59Call this number.

01:25:00Wait.

01:25:02So what?

01:25:03So, according to PESEL,

01:25:04the wife is from January.

01:25:12So the grill got me wrong.

01:25:15You have to be careful.

01:25:16Yes.

01:25:17Okay, Wacek, sniff it,

01:25:18we'll quickly arrange the sketch.

01:25:20Do you need this?

01:25:21I have to put it in

01:25:22so they know who to look for.

01:25:24It's hard, let's take it with us.

01:25:25Yes.

01:25:26Where do we start?

01:25:27From the top, height.

01:25:28In meters?

01:25:30No, it's enough for me.

01:25:31High, low, medium.

01:25:32High!

01:25:34For sure.

01:25:35So I'm not this again.

01:25:37If someone hangs a curtain without a stool,

01:25:38then...

01:25:42It's a piece of kubit.

01:25:43Oh!

01:25:44Oh!

01:25:46Recently she cut her throat with a carnage.

01:25:51And you can not write it,

01:25:52it's such a curiosity.

01:25:55So high.

01:25:56High.

01:25:57What?

01:25:58Special signs.

01:25:59Lack.

01:26:00Oh, it's going fast.

01:26:03Lack.

01:26:04Lack of eyebrows.

01:26:10But so from birth?

01:26:11Well, where from birth?

01:26:13From starting a cigarette from the stove.

01:26:21Oh, it's an unpleasant situation.

01:26:23But there was a laugh.

01:26:27Oh, good.

01:26:30Then she had to repeat it once more,

01:26:32because the neighbor did not see it for the first time.

01:26:35Oh.

01:26:36But, but, but...

01:26:37Did you like it?

01:26:38She wrote four times.

01:26:41We write, bro.

01:26:43We write.

01:26:44But, sir, the face.

01:26:46Honestly?

01:26:47Well, yes.

01:26:48For two grannies in a rose.

01:26:50Because it's like this,

01:26:51when she is rested,

01:26:52she paints something there,

01:26:53she may even like it.

01:26:55Yes.

01:26:56I'm not saying no.

01:26:58Flirty, with a mustache.

01:27:01Really.

01:27:02People are trembling,

01:27:03blinking.

01:27:04Nice.

01:27:05She just has to be rested.

01:27:07If she is not rested,

01:27:08completely wrong face.

01:27:09Wrong face.

01:27:10He did not recognize the last song.

01:27:11Oh.

01:27:16Let's not talk about the face.

01:27:18Face.

01:27:19Face.

01:27:20Square.

01:27:21Oval.

01:27:23Continuous.

01:27:26Continuous.

01:27:32Continuous.

01:27:50Well, but...

01:27:57Strongly continuous.

01:27:59Delicately continuous.

01:28:02Jesus, so rather,

01:28:04so delicately continuous.

01:28:11Delicately.

01:28:12Continuous.

01:28:13Continuous.

01:28:15Eye color.

01:28:16Red.

01:28:17Well, red.

01:28:19And I do not know,

01:28:20in every photo she has red.

01:28:21Well, I think she has red.

01:28:22Oh.

01:28:23The camera does not lie.

01:28:24No.

01:28:26Red.

01:28:28Hair.

01:28:29Oh.

01:28:30And with hair,

01:28:31these are balls.

01:28:32Because she has...

01:28:33Well, yes.

01:28:34She has...

01:28:35At the very head,

01:28:36it has blonde,

01:28:37not?

01:28:38At the very head.

01:28:39But already further,

01:28:40it already has such

01:28:41short black.

01:28:44Or a moment,

01:28:45or the other way around,

01:28:46because she,

01:28:47with Kubana,

01:28:48sometimes sleeps in her legs.

01:28:49Moment, moment.

01:28:53Hello?

01:28:55Oh.

01:28:56Hands can not be cut,

01:28:57but something in this drawing.

01:29:00No, no, no.

01:29:01Sir,

01:29:03long or short?

01:29:04Oh.

01:29:05Long, short.

01:29:06No.

01:29:07Long, short.

01:29:08Well, no.

01:29:09She has such.

01:29:10From here

01:29:11to the back,

01:29:12she has long,

01:29:14but already as if

01:29:15from here

01:29:16to the front,

01:29:17it has short.

01:29:20Okay.

01:29:21Very short?

01:29:22Well,

01:29:23the same as with eyebrows.

01:29:24Oh.

01:29:25Well, yes.

01:29:26Well, yes.

01:29:27It's a smelly thing.

01:29:28Oh, yes.

01:29:30Education.

01:29:38And what are they?

01:29:42Basic,

01:29:43professional,

01:29:44medium

01:29:46and

01:29:50higher.

01:29:51Higher.

01:29:54Higher?

01:29:55There's a mistake here.

01:29:58Higher, higher, higher.

01:30:00Well, a lot of hell.

01:30:01Well, how much?

01:30:02She only has four.

01:30:03A lot?

01:30:04She must have studied something,

01:30:05because she was not at home all the time.

01:30:08She said...

01:30:09I know!

01:30:10What they do with the eye there,

01:30:11with the eyes.

01:30:12This one.

01:30:13This one, yes.

01:30:15Oculistics.

01:30:16No, no.

01:30:17Some shorter.

01:30:18Oculistics.

01:30:19No.

01:30:21Oculistics.

01:30:26Oculistics.

01:30:32Oculistics.

01:30:34But what about oculistics?

01:30:36She studied.

01:30:38But what?

01:30:40But what, what?

01:30:42But what, what?

01:30:44I'll write medium.

01:30:45Well, okay.

01:30:46And lower.

01:30:47And lower, okay.

01:30:49Medium.

01:30:50She was dressed like...

01:30:51When?

01:30:52Well, when you last saw her.

01:30:54Who would remember that?

01:30:55A man doesn't even look.

01:30:56And I can't accept a report

01:30:58without a description of what the person looks like.

01:31:01What, should I give the guys a blank sheet of paper?

01:31:03Take it out from the other side,

01:31:04see, oh, oh, oh, oh,

01:31:05are we looking for something?

01:31:07Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

01:31:10I remembered.

01:31:11Yes?

01:31:12Yes.

01:31:13I ventured, I remembered.

01:31:14Yes.

01:31:15You write.

01:31:16Come on, sir.

01:31:17You write.

01:31:18Come on, sir.

01:31:20In addition, a lily blouse, a shirt, a shirt,

01:31:22and on top of that, a double-cut mustard jacket

01:31:24with a collar on the inside.

01:31:25On the legs, a tights with a rhombus,

01:31:27a perfect design, and shoes.

01:31:30Uh...

01:31:32So, so, so...

01:31:34So...

01:31:37A dress and shoes.

01:31:41A skirt.

01:31:43Well, it's the same.

01:31:44Yes?

01:31:45Yes, she lifts up...

01:31:50Because I didn't look this way.

01:31:54She tricked me.

01:31:57She tricked him.

01:31:59Okay, a skirt,

01:32:01shoes.

01:32:02Oh, what shoes?

01:32:03Left and right.

01:32:05Sir,

01:32:06every detail will be helpful in the investigation,

01:32:08so maybe you have kindly noticed the brand.

01:32:11Do you understand the word

01:32:12brand?

01:32:14Versailles.

01:32:15Versailles.

01:32:22Oh, it's specific.

01:32:25It is.

01:32:27Let's take a look now.

01:32:41And how do you spell it?

01:32:43The way you read it.

01:32:45Versailles.

01:32:50Versailles.

01:32:56I'm putting in a corner.

01:32:59For me, a bomb.

01:33:00Okay.

01:33:06Employment.

01:33:07Oh, what a waste of ink.

01:33:08I have to write something.

01:33:09No, what's there to write?

01:33:11Last year,

01:33:12one of my friends on a farm

01:33:13was digging something,

01:33:14but it was

01:33:15seasonally unsuccessful.

01:33:17Unsuccessful.

01:33:18She even lost a chain.

01:33:19Oh, there you go.

01:33:20Now she rides a bike

01:33:21and pushes herself off the ground with her feet.

01:33:24That's stupid.

01:33:26Whee, whee.

01:33:27She has that...

01:33:28Whee, whee, whee.

01:33:29Whee, whee.

01:33:30Whee, whee.

01:33:31But does she do anything now?

01:33:33She doesn't do anything.

01:33:34She doesn't do anything.

01:33:35She doesn't do anything at all.

01:33:36She's a typical house hen

01:33:38who only watches TV shows.

01:33:41But how do you write it down?

01:33:43Coco Chanel.

01:33:52Does she have enemies?

01:33:54I don't know.

01:33:55Apart from me, probably not.

01:33:57You know,

01:33:58maybe someone threatened her husband.

01:33:59Maybe some...

01:34:01Threatened him non-stop.

01:34:02Non-stop.

01:34:04Bank.

01:34:05Treasury.

01:34:06ZUS.

01:34:07Telephony.

01:34:08Gas.

01:34:09Landlords.

01:34:10All of them.

01:34:13The worst landlords.

01:34:15I'll turn it off, I'll turn it off, I'll turn it off.

01:34:18I have it in my letter.

01:34:19I have it in my letter.

01:34:20Should I bring it?

01:34:21A lot of people.

01:34:22And how?

01:34:23No.

01:34:24We don't take them into account.

01:34:26And why not?

01:34:27Because they threaten everyone.

01:34:28What are those threats?

01:34:30What's that?

01:34:31I'm sorry.

01:34:32Where are you?

01:34:33Because I didn't shut up.

01:34:34Well, it's a bit of culture.

01:34:35Fuck.

01:34:36You could have gone deaf.

01:34:40You know what?

01:34:41I can't talk too much,

01:34:42because I'm at the police station.

01:34:44Exactly.

01:34:49What Wacek?

01:34:51Oh no, it's Wacek.

01:34:52He sniffed something.

01:34:53To me, to me.

01:34:54Aha, aha.

01:34:55Oho.

01:34:56So I know the deal.

01:34:57Yes, yes.

01:34:58I'm giving you a kiss.

01:34:59A kiss.

01:35:09Hello.

01:35:13Did I see a tree in the parking lot?

01:35:15No, I didn't.

01:35:17Why should I go to the car?

01:35:20Do you have something?

01:35:21Give it to me.

01:35:22Yes.

01:35:24Yes.

01:35:26Jesus Christ.

01:35:27Like this?

01:35:28Ok, thanks.

01:35:30Ok.

01:35:31Ok, I've got it.

01:35:33Ok.

01:35:34Thanks.

01:35:35Bye for now.

01:35:36So?

01:35:37It's here.

01:35:39Did she find it?

01:35:40She found it, sir.

01:35:42Is she alive?

01:35:43She's alive.

01:35:45But she's not in the best condition.

01:35:46And she has to go through a few more procedures.

01:35:48A few more procedures?

01:35:49That's something serious, right?

01:35:50Maybe I can help somehow.

01:35:51I'll visit her.

01:35:52No, no, no.

01:35:53No, sir.

01:35:54In this situation,

01:35:55it's best to be patient

01:35:56and have a lot of cash.

01:35:57No, no, no.

01:35:58Cash doesn't matter.

01:35:59What matters is that

01:36:00Tereska gets out of this quickly.

01:36:02She should get out of this quickly,

01:36:03because she's under very good care,

01:36:05so she'll probably get out quickly.

01:36:06Yes?

01:36:07At least, that's what the doctor says.

01:36:09That's good.

01:36:10Yes, yes.

01:36:11And what kind of doctor?

01:36:13Dr. Irena Eris.

01:36:17Sign it!

01:36:18Sign it!

01:36:19Come on!

01:36:27Ladies and gentlemen,

01:36:28we should actually end this program,

01:36:30but I have a special surprise for you.

01:36:32In a moment,

01:36:33the Ani-Mrum-Rum cabaret

01:36:34will play a special sketch

01:36:36in the program

01:36:37Black or White.

01:36:38It's a sketch that proves

01:36:40the superiority of white over black.

01:36:44In 2012,

01:36:47the Polish team will play

01:36:49the Polish national anthem,

01:36:51the national anthem of Poland.

01:36:54This year,

01:36:55the Polish team will play

01:36:57like never before

01:36:59and finally fulfill the dreams

01:37:01of all Polish fans.

01:37:25The Ani-Mrum-Rum Cabaret

01:37:29The Ani-Mrum-Rum Cabaret

01:37:34The Ani-Mrum-Rum Cabaret

01:37:39The Ani-Mrum-Rum Cabaret

01:37:44The Ani-Mrum-Rum Cabaret

01:37:49The Ani-Mrum-Rum Cabaret

01:37:54The Ani-Mrum-Rum Cabaret

01:37:59The Ani-Mrum-Rum Cabaret

01:38:04The Ani-Mrum-Rum Cabaret

01:38:09The Ani-Mrum-Rum Cabaret

01:38:14The Ani-Mrum-Rum Cabaret

01:38:19The Ani-Mrum-Rum Cabaret

01:38:24The Ani-Mrum-Rum Cabaret

01:38:29The Ani-Mrum-Rum Cabaret

01:38:34The Ani-Mrum-Rum Cabaret

01:38:39The Ani-Mrum-Rum Cabaret

01:38:44The Ani-Mrum-Rum Cabaret

01:38:49The Ani-Mrum-Rum Cabaret

01:38:54The Ani-Mrum-Rum Cabaret

01:38:59The Ani-Mrum-Rum Cabaret

01:39:04The Ani-Mrum-Rum Cabaret

01:39:34The Ani-Mrum-Rum Cabaret

01:39:39The Ani-Mrum-Rum Cabaret

01:39:44The Ani-Mrum-Rum Cabaret

01:39:49The Ani-Mrum-Rum Cabaret

01:39:54The Ani-Mrum-Rum Cabaret

01:39:59The Ani-Mrum-Rum Cabaret

01:40:04The Ani-Mrum-Rum Cabaret

01:40:09The Ani-Mrum-Rum Cabaret

01:40:14The Ani-Mrum-Rum Cabaret

01:40:19The Ani-Mrum-Rum Cabaret

01:40:24The Ani-Mrum-Rum Cabaret

01:40:29The Ani-Mrum-Rum Cabaret

01:40:34The Ani-Mrum-Rum Cabaret

01:40:39The Ani-Mrum-Rum Cabaret

01:40:44The Ani-Mrum-Rum Cabaret

01:40:49It's like at school, isn't it?

01:40:52If I don't look at him, he won't notice us either.

01:40:56He'll notice.

01:41:00And you know what's the most annoying?

01:41:02That they relaxed there, and I'm coming back.

01:41:07No, listen.

01:41:08I don't want to force anyone on stage.

01:41:11Someone who doesn't have a sense of humor,

01:41:13feels bad today,

01:41:14doesn't like the Ani-Mrum-Rum Cabaret,

01:41:16found himself here by accident,

01:41:17is Spanish and speaks French, for example.

01:41:20He doesn't speak Polish.

01:41:22There are different situations.

01:41:23To avoid such a situation, I'll say it straight.

01:41:25We need minimal help in the sketch.

01:41:27For the episodic role in the sketch,

01:41:29we need the help of a full-fledged man.

01:41:32Is there any guy here in Lublin,

01:41:34in the Osterwy Theatre,

01:41:35who would like to play the Ani-Mrum-Rum Cabaret on one scene?

01:41:38There is!

01:41:39Unfortunately, he was there first.

01:41:40I invite you to the stage.

01:41:47Great.

01:41:48Let's do...

01:41:49One more request.

01:41:50Let's do it like this.

01:41:51Stand here, next to the stairs,

01:41:52and I'll specially announce you.

01:41:54Okay?

01:41:55Ladies and gentlemen,

01:41:56in a moment, you'll be witnesses of Niela Dagradki,

01:41:58because the Ani-Mrum-Rum Cabaret

01:41:59will play the sketch with the help of the so-called civilian,

01:42:01that is, people outside the cabaret.

01:42:04Why did this sketch appear in our program?

01:42:06Someone who listened to my announcement could say,

01:42:08you could have made the four-person version into a three-person one.

01:42:12We could, but we didn't want to.

01:42:14We wanted to be fashionable.

01:42:15And what is fashionable in Poland?

01:42:16Now, in Poland, you know,

01:42:17there are programs like

01:42:18Cook with the stars,

01:42:19Eat with the stars,

01:42:20Wash with the stars,

01:42:21Sleep with the stars,

01:42:22I don't know,

01:42:23Dance with the stars,

01:42:24Sing with the stars,

01:42:25Ride on the ice with the stars,

01:42:26Ride on the gravel with the stars,

01:42:27Ride on the asphalt with the stars...

01:42:29Felicjańska and Stottinger had a nice idea,

01:42:31to ride on alcohol with the stars,

01:42:33but something didn't work out.

01:42:36And we,

01:42:38completely not feeling like the stars,

01:42:40share the boards of our scene

01:42:42to someone normal,

01:42:43to someone normal,

01:42:44to be able to play with the non-normals.

01:42:46And we found someone willing in Lublin.

01:42:48A big round of applause.

01:42:52Hi.

01:42:53I invite you from this side.

01:42:55What's your name?

01:42:56Tomasz.

01:42:57Tomasz.

01:42:59Oh well.

01:43:00Good.

01:43:01In a moment,

01:43:02Tomasz,

01:43:03in a moment, Tomasz,

01:43:04we will play a sketch about construction.

01:43:06Have you ever been to a construction site?

01:43:07Have you seen a construction site?

01:43:08Of course.

01:43:09Very good.

01:43:10Here I have a construction helmet,

01:43:11I will put it on right away.

01:43:13Go ahead.

01:43:15Just straighten it here,

01:43:16because it's...

01:43:17It's a bit crooked.

01:43:18Yes, it's a bit crooked.

01:43:19The head.

01:43:20Oh, it's the head that's crooked.

01:43:21A strip under the beard,

01:43:22so that it doesn't fall off during the salto.

01:43:24I was joking.

01:43:25And here I have a shirt for you too.

01:43:29You're a bit unlucky,

01:43:30because we wash it every hundredth performance,

01:43:31and today is the 92nd.

01:43:32Only...

01:43:34But think about the guy

01:43:35who will put it on after you.

01:43:36Okay.

01:43:37Tom, put on this shirt,

01:43:40and in the meantime,

01:43:41I will explain to you

01:43:42what the joke will be about.

01:43:43Well, in a moment,

01:43:44with Tom's help,

01:43:45we will play a sketch about construction.

01:43:46And now,

01:43:47a few things,

01:43:48before we start,

01:43:49you have to remember.

01:43:50Before the sketch.

01:43:51The first thing is that

01:43:52you are the most important person

01:43:53on this construction site.

01:43:54You are an engineer.

01:43:55Okay?

01:43:56You are an engineer on the construction site,

01:43:57and your name is Janek.

01:43:59This is easy to remember.

01:44:00You are Janek,

01:44:01we are your team,

01:44:02we are your subordinates,

01:44:03your crew.

01:44:04You are in charge, right?

01:44:05You will have your microphone,

01:44:06which I will bring to the stage.

01:44:07And now,

01:44:08the whole joke

01:44:09is that

01:44:10at any moment,

01:44:11when you just want

01:44:12to say something

01:44:13to this microphone,

01:44:14just do it.

01:44:15Okay?

01:44:16And if you are happy,

01:44:17I can see

01:44:18that you already have a plan.

01:44:19Let us talk a little too.

01:44:21But you will have

01:44:22a lot of possibilities.

01:44:23You know,

01:44:24we will move something here,

01:44:25for example.

01:44:26You, as an engineer,

01:44:27because you don't carry it,

01:44:28you know,

01:44:29so immediately,

01:44:30please move it here faster,

01:44:31right?

01:44:32Or something like that.

01:44:33Or we can't rule out

01:44:34that someone will laugh at you

01:44:35during this number,

01:44:36so you can immediately

01:44:37say,

01:44:38please be quiet,

01:44:39there is construction here.

01:44:40You know,

01:44:41immediately.

01:44:42We can agree on gags,

01:44:43that I will be walking

01:44:44and making

01:44:45and you can

01:44:46look around

01:44:47if it is not you

01:44:48by accident.

01:44:49People always play with it.

01:44:50People,

01:44:51one will do it,

01:44:52the other will stick it in,

01:44:53it is already fun.

01:44:54It is also important,

01:44:55Tomek,

01:44:56or I will say

01:44:57to you,

01:44:58Janek,

01:44:59so that you get used to it.

01:45:00Janek,

01:45:01so that you play

01:45:02the whole character.

01:45:03You know,

01:45:04the worst are the guys

01:45:05who will report

01:45:06to you,

01:45:07and we will be doing

01:45:08a lot of things here,

01:45:09so try to do

01:45:10more or less

01:45:11what we do.

01:45:12So you will see,

01:45:13that we are looking

01:45:14in that direction,

01:45:15so you are looking

01:45:16in that direction too.

01:45:17We are coming here,

01:45:18so you are coming too,

01:45:19you are interested.

01:45:20We are leaning,

01:45:21so you are leaning.

01:45:22We are waving at someone,

01:45:23so you are waving.

01:45:24If you will be doing

01:45:25more or less,

01:45:26it will be great.

01:45:27And the fourth thing,

01:45:28probably the most important,

01:45:29is that you will

01:45:30start this sketch.

01:45:31But it is nothing

01:45:32scary,

01:45:33I will just leave you

01:45:34alone with the audience.

01:45:35You won't have to do

01:45:36anything,

01:45:37you will be standing

01:45:38in one place,

01:45:39and the audience

01:45:40will start counting

01:45:41from 10 to 0

01:45:42to my signal.

01:45:43So you will hear

01:45:44from the audience

01:45:4510,

01:45:469,

01:45:478,

01:45:48etc.

01:45:49When they reach

01:45:500,

01:45:51and you will hear

01:45:520,

01:45:53the only thing

01:45:54you have to do

01:45:55is this hand gesture.

01:45:56Let's try it dry.

01:45:57Attention.

01:45:580.

01:45:59Great.

01:46:00And this is the signal

01:46:01to blow up

01:46:02this theatre in the air.

01:46:03No scene,

01:46:04I won't blow it up.

01:46:05Of course,

01:46:06it's a joke

01:46:07with a scene.

01:46:08There is a

01:46:09construction disaster,

01:46:10dust,

01:46:11rubble,

01:46:12we get together

01:46:13and start playing

01:46:14the sketch.

01:46:15What will we get to?

01:46:16It's hard to say,

01:46:17because I don't know

01:46:18about you,

01:46:19but we will improvise.

01:46:20I don't want you

01:46:21to stress

01:46:22too much

01:46:23with your role,

01:46:24because to make it

01:46:25funny and funny

01:46:26is in our interest.

01:46:27After all,

01:46:28people paid

01:46:29for us,

01:46:30not for you.

01:46:31So you have

01:46:32your freedom here.

01:46:33I will tell you

01:46:34that now

01:46:35the audience

01:46:36in Lublin

01:46:37loves you.

01:46:40Oh, oh, oh,

01:46:41I knew it,

01:46:42I knew it.

01:46:43They just

01:46:44applauded

01:46:45and that's it.

01:46:46You don't have

01:46:47anything to be proud of

01:46:48because it was

01:46:49just a joke

01:46:50on their part.

01:46:51They clap,

01:46:52they laugh,

01:46:53but they do it

01:46:54only because

01:46:55they are so happy

01:46:56that they are not

01:46:57standing here.

01:46:58I know them.

01:46:59Janek,

01:47:00are you ready?

01:47:01Yes.

01:47:02Well,

01:47:03we can't be

01:47:04not ready.

01:47:05Oh,

01:47:06did I say

01:47:07that this is

01:47:08the last number

01:47:09in the program?

01:47:10No.

01:47:11Maybe,

01:47:12because if Janek

01:47:13waves well,

01:47:14we'll see.

01:47:15Since we are

01:47:16all ready,

01:47:17I invite you

01:47:18to a special

01:47:19sketch with

01:47:20Tomek

01:47:21in the role

01:47:22of Janek,

01:47:23engineer Janek

01:47:24and the cabaret

01:47:25Ani Mrumro.

01:47:2610,

01:47:279,

01:47:288,

01:47:297,

01:47:306,

01:47:315,

01:47:324,

01:47:333,

01:47:342,

01:47:351,

01:47:360.

01:47:37Janek,

01:47:38it's time

01:47:39to go

01:47:40and see Janek.

01:47:41Science

01:47:42didn't go

01:47:43to the woods,

01:47:44so bravely,

01:47:45Janek,

01:47:46go and see

01:47:47Janek.

01:47:48Janek,

01:47:49go and see

01:47:50Janek.

01:47:51Janek,

01:47:52go and see

01:47:53Janek.

01:47:54Janek,

01:47:55go and see

01:47:56Janek.

01:47:57Janek,

01:47:58go and see

01:47:59Janek.

01:48:00Janek,

01:48:01go and see

01:48:02Janek.

01:48:03Janek,

01:48:04go and see

01:48:05Janek.

01:48:06Janek,

01:48:07go and see

01:48:08Janek.

01:48:09Janek,

01:48:10go and see

01:48:11Janek.

01:48:12Janek,

01:48:13blow up

01:48:14the candle

01:48:16Janek,

01:48:17sing

01:48:18Janek,

01:48:19now

01:48:20sing

01:48:21Janek,

01:48:22now

01:48:23sing

01:48:24and dance.

01:48:25I don't know

01:48:26if

01:48:27I am

01:48:28istent enough.

01:48:29It's a dance with your stars, dance and laugh

01:48:34Because as soon as you feel like it, don't turn your hips to sex

01:48:38Let our lives float in the air

01:48:42Dance and laugh

01:48:44It's a dance with your stars, dance and laugh

01:48:49Because when there are no women, this fact doesn't hurt us

01:48:53We'll manage on our own

01:48:57Janek, the song is ending

01:49:00Look, Janek, testosterone is on the rise

01:49:04That's why, Janek, you can't say no

01:49:08Danciado in the last refrain

01:49:15That's why, Janek, dance and laugh

01:49:18It's a dance with your stars, dance and laugh

01:49:23Because as soon as you feel like it, don't turn your hips to sex

01:49:27Let our lives float in the air

01:49:53We'll make it to every Cavaliers' song in Poland

01:49:56Ladies and gentlemen, this is bad news

01:49:58Unfortunately, we can't make it to the evening

01:50:02Dance and laugh

01:50:04It's a dance with your stars, dance and laugh

01:50:09Because when there are no women, this fact doesn't hurt us

01:50:13We'll manage on our own

01:50:23Thank you very, very much, ladies and gentlemen

01:50:26Thank you

01:50:27Let's bow

01:50:283, 2, 1

01:50:33Thank you very much

01:50:36Thank you very much

01:50:37Now you can go home

01:50:40It's good without music

01:50:42Without music, it's bad

01:50:43Demi Kapoda, we have a prize for you in the backstage

01:50:46Thank you very much

01:50:47We invite you to the backstage, the prize is waiting for you there

01:50:50Ladies and gentlemen

01:50:51I would like to say at the end

01:50:53that I congratulate you

01:50:55I congratulate you that you wanted to leave home today

01:50:58that you didn't spend time watching a newspaper like

01:51:01Super Express, Fact, Life on Hot, Stars on Cold

01:51:04that you gave up sitting in the back of a car

01:51:08and went to the movies

01:51:10and watched a movie

01:51:11and you didn't spend time watching a movie

01:51:13and watched a movie

01:51:14and you didn't spend time watching a movie

01:51:16and you didn't spend time watching a movie

01:51:18that you gave up sitting at the computer

01:51:21and clicking on Pudelek, Sandałek, Kozaczek

01:51:24because I know that a person has a nature

01:51:26that he wants to, he is interested

01:51:28rumors, who with whom, for how much

01:51:30it doesn't matter

01:51:31I hope you learned that it's worth leaving home

01:51:34Here, as a reward, you could see

01:51:36the real mechanism of the Polish show business

01:51:39Yes, on this stage

01:51:42Until today, it was an ordinary Tomek

01:51:45But it seems to me that from tomorrow

01:51:47he will be the king of the internet

01:51:49See you!

01:52:14Thank you!

01:52:32What an old trick

01:52:35Ladies and gentlemen

01:52:36As you have already noticed

01:52:38this is the end of our show

01:52:41Nothing more will happen here today

01:52:44However, from this scene

01:52:46someone told you

01:52:47Thank you

01:52:48This is the end

01:52:49Goodbye

01:52:51You can leave now

01:52:54It's not raining

01:52:56Please, go ahead

01:52:59No, no, no, no, no, no

01:53:00It was time to laugh

01:53:02So, although we can do it again

01:53:10Thank you

01:53:21I don't know if I told you

01:53:22that I like this job

01:53:25Alright

01:53:26Since there was this kind of situation

01:53:28that you are still sitting

01:53:31clapping

01:53:36So, you are asking for a kiss

01:53:39Good

01:53:40Good

01:53:41We have this kiss

01:53:43We are prepared

01:53:44We expected it

01:53:47The kiss that you will see in a moment

01:53:50will refer to the season of the year

01:53:52which is spring

01:53:53Beautiful season of the year

01:53:57Everything comes to life

01:53:59Colors, smells, animals

01:54:02And similar things will be happening on the stage

01:54:04I mean, not that my friends are here

01:54:05No, no, no, no, no

01:54:06No, no

01:54:07No, no, no, no

01:54:08Please, believe me

01:54:09It's not the album yet

01:54:10Anyway

01:54:12The situation related to spring

01:54:14One more thing that I have to say

01:54:16This sketch that you will see in a moment

01:54:19I want to dedicate it to all the men

01:54:23who are here

01:54:25in this room

01:54:28What's up?

01:54:29Who was squeaking?

01:54:30You?

01:54:32No

01:54:33Not now

01:54:34Alright

01:54:35So, for all the men

01:54:37and for you

01:54:49I don't love you

01:54:51You don't love me

01:54:53Aha

01:54:55Da, da, da

01:54:57Machu pa, machu pa

01:55:00Da, da, da

01:55:03Fuck

01:55:05Waldemar

01:55:07Oh no

01:55:08Marcin

01:55:09Old horse

01:55:10Hi

01:55:11I haven't seen you for a year

01:55:12A year?

01:55:13For how long?

01:55:14You're not at the shop

01:55:15You're not at the block

01:55:16You don't go to the ball

01:55:17You don't go to the vodka

01:55:18I haven't seen you at the girls

01:55:19What's going on?

01:55:20No, it doesn't matter

01:55:21What doesn't matter?

01:55:22It doesn't matter to go out with your friends?

01:55:24Man, the shops were near the shop

01:55:26So what?

01:55:27Well, Wojtek says

01:55:28He's probably sitting in the ass

01:55:29We'll figure it out

01:55:30I say, no

01:55:31He would write it

01:55:32And Marek says

01:55:33Maybe he was watching it on Saturday

01:55:34Someone killed him with a smile

01:55:37No, no, it's not that

01:55:38And what happened?

01:55:40I met a girl

01:55:43Oh my

01:55:44What oh my?

01:55:45No, nothing

01:55:46Am I saying something?

01:55:48But you know what a beautiful woman she is?

01:55:49No, for sure

01:55:50Old man, listen

01:55:51Fat

01:55:52For sure

01:55:53You know

01:55:54Where it's necessary

01:55:55Because there

01:55:56It all fits

01:55:57No, for sure

01:55:58Young

01:55:5921 years old

01:56:00Oh my, oh my, oh my

01:56:02What oh my?

01:56:03A very mature girl

01:56:04For sure

01:56:07You know how many common topics we have to talk about?

01:56:09And what common topics can you have?

01:56:11Well, I can

01:56:12Because we're interested in the same things

01:56:13For example, what?

01:56:15We read the same books

01:56:16We listen to the same music

01:56:17We watch the same movies

01:56:19Does she like porn?

01:56:20She does

01:56:21She likes it

01:56:22Watch out, the most important thing

01:56:23What?

01:56:24She plays with me on the Playstation

01:56:26What are you talking about, man?

01:56:27Of course

01:56:28No woman plays with her boyfriend on the Playstation

01:56:30You better watch out, because it can be a dressed up boy

01:56:33What boy?

01:56:34She plays with me on the Playstation

01:56:35Do you know why?

01:56:36Because she's special

01:56:37And we're not special?

01:56:38Your neighbors are not special?

01:56:40After all, you were the herring of our gang

01:56:42The alpha male of our herd

01:56:43Do you understand?

01:56:45You smelled like testosterone

01:56:46When we were walking around like cranes in a key

01:56:48You were in the front

01:56:50And what happened suddenly?

01:56:51Well, she stood in the way of my life

01:56:53Well, you had to trample her and go further

01:56:56No, no, listen

01:56:57Until now, I was also convinced

01:56:58That something like this will never happen to me in my life

01:57:00That a woman on the street will never meet you?

01:57:02But so special

01:57:03Do you understand?

01:57:04We found ourselves like those ...

01:57:06Like those two halves of an apple

01:57:08Oh, that's right

01:57:09Oh, take it, because you talk like a butcher in Bieszczady

01:57:11Please, man

01:57:13You were like John Wayne

01:57:15You were like John Wayne to me

01:57:16You were like John Wayne to me

01:57:17Because you walked alone through the prelude of your life

01:57:20You walked alone through the prelude of your life

01:57:22You went to the disco

01:57:23You took the girl

01:57:24To the house, woop woop, woop woop, in the morning

01:57:27And you calmly chased the cattle further

01:57:29Alone

01:57:31So what?

01:57:32John, don't give up the Oscars

01:57:34I'm able to give up everything for her

01:57:37Listen

01:57:38We're not even like those two halves of an apple

01:57:39We are like ...

01:57:40Like that one apple that no one has ever pricked with a knife

01:57:44You're right again

01:57:45I'm not kidding

01:57:46Yes, yes, yes

01:57:47I'm sick of this sweetness

01:57:48How old is she?

01:57:49Twenty-one

01:57:51Oh, there you go

01:57:52What?

01:57:53Nothing

01:57:54You're over two times older than her

01:57:59Well

01:58:00Well, thank you very much

01:58:01In matters of female-male relations

01:58:04You'd be surprised, great

01:58:05But I don't even want to listen to this anymore

01:58:06It's great

01:58:07I don't want to listen

01:58:08Perfectly

01:58:09No, listen, you've been talking all the time

01:58:10Now it's my turn

01:58:11Perfectly

01:58:12Do you understand?

01:58:13The precise modes of the Swiss machine

01:58:15It's perfect

01:58:16Just great

01:58:18He put some grease on it so that three screws wouldn't get stuck

01:58:22Listen

01:58:23You'd get to know her, see her

01:58:24You'd know what's going on right away

01:58:26I already know what's going on

01:58:27I don't have to get to know her

01:58:28Yes

01:58:29Yes

01:58:30Should I tell you?

01:58:31Yes

01:58:32Yes

01:58:33Yes

01:58:34Yes

01:58:35Yes

01:58:36Yes

01:58:37Yes

01:58:38Yes

01:58:39Yes

01:58:40Yes

01:58:41Yes

01:58:42But you know

01:58:43If you fell in love with some young man

01:58:44in the spring

01:58:45And that's it

01:58:47Yes

01:58:48Yes

01:58:49Yes

01:58:50Yes

01:58:51Yes

01:58:52Yes

01:58:53Yes

01:58:54Yes

01:58:55Are you so happy then?

01:58:57Of course

01:58:59I am so overwhelmed by this feeling

01:59:01That I want to shout it to the whole world

01:59:02You've already told your wife?

01:59:04What's wrong with you stupid?

01:59:12Waldemar Wilkołek, Marcin Wójcik.

01:59:23Waldemar Wilkołek, Marcin Wójcik.

01:59:29Waldemar Wilkołek, Michał Wójcik.

01:59:35Waldemar Wilkołek, Michał Wójcik.

Kabaret Ani Mru-Mru - Czern czy biel

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