A reflection on the bittersweet nostalgia and nuanced gratitude that arise while saying goodbye to home. | dG1fOEw4bXdpejRTS3c
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🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00I hate goodbyes.
00:13I try not to feel them if I can help it.
00:17Focus on the now, then when it's over I'll focus on then.
00:24But these past six months have kept me in a perpetual goodbye.
00:32Goodbye to the street I walk my dog along.
00:35Goodbye to my mom sitting in the other room while we work.
00:40Goodbye to my front porch made for afternoon reading.
00:44Goodbye to my room right next to my sister's.
00:48To nights on the deck and brewer games with my dad.
00:53To movies with grandma and having the grandparents over for Lisa's pizza.
00:59To 4th of July spent in South Dakota.
01:03To weekend trips to La Crosse, Duluth, Minneapolis.
01:10I've been swallowing my heavy goodbyes while simultaneously pining to make my next step a reality.
01:19Which has been a bit conflicting because I want to be grateful for every moment of my fleeting time
01:27left at home before I move across the country to take the leap and pursue my dreams.
01:34I want to be grateful when I notice how the sunlight sparkles as it hits the Lake Michigan waves.
01:42I want to be grateful for the flowers in the fields and on the trees.
01:49And floating along a little stream by my house.
01:53I want to be grateful for the sunsets, the eclipse expeditions and easily accessible hiking trails.
02:02For my dog as she sits under the table or barks at the neighbor's automatic lawnmower.
02:09I want to be grateful for painting flowers on my deck and
02:14being able to bring my sketchbook to the local cafe.
02:19And I am.
02:22But I've noticed that my gratitude can sometimes get a little messy.
02:29When melancholy creeps in and it's not just happy and simple.
02:38As I've learned to love my city, the people I've met along the way,
02:43the new places I've explored, the memories I've made.
02:47I've caught myself skipping ahead to nostalgia.
02:53To mourning the present before it's even gone.
02:58Asking myself how to be present without feeling afraid to let it go.
03:06I don't have many answers, unfortunately.
03:09Unfortunately, but as my end date approaches,
03:14a quote from one of my favorite Noah Kahn songs rings in my head.
03:19All lights turned off can be turned on.
03:25I don't know what is in store for me in this next chapter,
03:30but I'm ready to stop focusing on the vacancy left after my goodbyes
03:36and start looking ahead to what is illuminated once I turn that light back on.