With 48% of Australians still unclear about what consent actually means, First Nations community leaders Dr Anita Heiss and Dr Joel Wenitong have joined forces to encourage all Australians, including First Nations Australians, to have a yarn about sexual consent as part of the Australian Government’s Consent Can’t Wait campaign.
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00:00So, what is sexual consent?
00:08I don't know.
00:09Is it about saying yes or no to sex?
00:10Do I have to ask every time?
00:12What about if we're dating?
00:14Um...
00:15Hi, I'm Anita Heiss.
00:17I'm a Wiradjuri Yina and I'm here to talk about sexual consent.
00:21It feels like there's lots of talk about consent these days and everyone's got a different
00:25idea about what it is.
00:28So it's important we yarn about it and try and clear some things up so no one gets confused.
00:33So back to the question, what is sexual consent?
00:37Sexual consent is defined as a free, voluntary and informed agreement shared between people
00:43each time they take part in a sexual activity, which means that when it comes to getting
00:47it on, whether it's kisses, touching or anything more, nothing happens unless everyone agrees
00:52to it.
00:53It also means being okay with online stuff, like swapping nude pics, vids or racy texts.
01:00Basically, if it's about sex and others are involved, it's all about everyone giving the
01:05nod.
01:06There is only consent if you make the choice to do something sexual without anyone pushing
01:11or bullying you or making it a shame job.
01:14You make it clear you're keen to join in by saying it, showing it or, if you're sexting
01:19with someone, texting it, so everyone's on the same page.
01:23Everyone involved has to be okay with what's happening and having fun.
01:28You have to know exactly what's going on and be okay with it.
01:31So for example, you can't consent to sex if you're asleep.
01:36You have to keep saying or showing you're okay with what's happening before and during
01:40the sexual activity, not just once, but every time.
01:43No matter if you're just hooking up for the first time, been going out or been in a relationship
01:48for ages.
01:49And if you change your mind at any time before or during sex or decide you're not into it
01:53anymore, that's totally deadly and okay.
01:57You can stop or slow down at any time.
02:00So what does consent sound like?
02:03I really like that.
02:04Is this okay?
02:05Yeah, that feels good.
02:06I want to do this.
02:07Are you happy to keep going?
02:09It's all good if you want to stop.
02:11We're all different.
02:12We use different words, but you get the idea.
02:14Ah, deadly.
02:16So what doesn't consent sound like?
02:18I don't think I want to.
02:20No, not now.
02:21Let's stop, eh?
02:22I've changed my mind.
02:24This doesn't feel right.
02:25Wow, this is gammon.
02:27As you can see, there are a heap of ways to say no.
02:31But remember, even if someone doesn't say no or push back physically, or they stay really
02:36quiet, it still doesn't mean they're all okay with having sex.
02:40So keep checking in.
02:42And if you're not sure, just ask.
02:44That way everyone gets to feel good about what's going on.
02:48Can consent be withdrawn at any time?
02:50Hell yeah.
02:52But there's a point where there's no going back, right?
02:55Let's be really clear.
02:56It's okay to change your mind at any time, before or during doing anything sexual.
03:02When can't someone consent to sex, even if they say they do?
03:06That is a tricky one.
03:07I reckon if they've had too many beers.
03:09I don't know.
03:10When?
03:11Okay, so there's a few reasons why someone isn't able to give consent under any circumstances.
03:16First, if you're under a certain age, you legally can't consent.
03:21Because there's a thing in the law called the age of consent, and it's 16 or 17, depending
03:26on where your mob live and the age of the people involved.
03:30Second, if someone's off their head or out of it because of grog or drugs, they can't
03:35consent.
03:36Same goes if someone's asleep or passed out.
03:39No consent there.
03:41If someone doesn't understand what's going on, or if they've been bullied, conned or
03:45tricked, they can't consent either.
03:48Having sex without consent isn't just bad and not on, it's against the law.
03:54What is online consent?
03:56Like, sexting and sending nudes and stuff.
04:00Asking if she wants a spicy pic?
04:02Clicking like.
04:04Sex isn't just about having sex, it's any kind of sexual activity, which includes sending
04:10sexy texts, pics or vids to someone.
04:13Unless the other person's keen, don't hit that send button, and when it comes to photos
04:18and videos, don't share them around if the people in them don't want you to.
04:21If you're not sure, it's easy.
04:24Don't do it.
04:25Simple as that.
04:26What does power and control have to do with consent?
04:29You're gay, man.
04:30Yeah, no idea.
04:31Like, you shouldn't force someone physically?
04:33Do you mean having sex with someone because they pressure you?
04:36Saying no or stop to sexual activity can be hard, especially when there's what's called
04:41a power imbalance.
04:43That means one person has more power than the other.
04:47That could be because someone's older, like a family friend.
04:51Maybe they're in charge at work or got some authority, like a boss, a coach or a teacher.
04:55Or you might not understand what the person is asking you to do.
04:59Or they say they'll break up with you if you don't have sex with them.
05:03It can be really scary to speak up if this happens.
05:07The person with the power might not even realise they're doing something wrong, but they are.
05:12And that's why it's important to talk to someone you trust.
05:16There are people in our communities who really care and they know how to help out.
05:20So please don't keep it to yourself if it's happening to you or someone that you know.
05:25Having a good yarn about sexual consent makes things safer for everyone, which means a lifetime
05:30of deadly respectful, strong relationships.
05:32Remember, there's lots of great resources to help you.
05:37Head to consent.gov.au to find out where you can get more information about sexual consent,
05:44yarning to other adults and yarning to our young ones.
05:48Because consent can't wait.