Four people go to great lengths to obtain the fortune left in a will by a very wealthy practical joker.
Source: IMDB
Source: IMDB
Category
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Short filmTranscript
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00:02:50Bloodlust by Jeremy Sinclair, chapter one, sweet meeting, paragraph.
00:02:57I paused inside the doorway and leaned against the black velvet drapes which covered the four walls of the room.
00:03:06The ceiling was one vast mirror and the floor was tiger skin all to all.
00:03:13In the middle of it stood Petal wearing an ermine bolero and PVC thigh boots.
00:03:23I strolled casually across to her and slapped her in the mouth.
00:03:28Delete mouth, Miss Wilcox.
00:03:30Oh, what would you prefer?
00:03:31Substitute kisser.
00:03:33And slapped her in the substitute kisser?
00:03:36No.
00:03:37Oh, yes, I see, kisser. It's beautiful.
00:03:44She hit the floor in a heap, then uncoiling like a snake, she sank her teeth gum deep in my ankle.
00:03:54She sure was a swell tomato.
00:03:59Oh, Captain Russell, what a beginning. This one's going to be fab.
00:04:02Well, it's rather disgusting, really. They seem to like the American touch.
00:04:05To proceed, with my free foot, I let her have it in the choppers.
00:04:11Oh, curse it.
00:04:13I beg your pardon.
00:04:18Captain Denniston Russell, Secretary?
00:04:22One moment, please.
00:04:24You.
00:04:25Her.
00:04:28Hello, my dear.
00:04:32Did I say six o'clock?
00:04:34Two minutes past... Oh, is it really?
00:04:37What?
00:04:38Oh, this and that, dictating, dictating letters and things.
00:04:45Yes, dear.
00:04:47Of course, dear.
00:04:48No, dear.
00:04:49Very well, dear.
00:04:51In about 30 minutes, dear.
00:04:53Goodbye, dear.
00:04:54Oh, dear.
00:04:55When are you going to tell her?
00:04:58Tell who?
00:04:59What?
00:05:00Tell your fiancée that you're a writer.
00:05:03Oh, good gracious me.
00:05:05She'd never approve.
00:05:07It's not as if I were a Bernard Shaw.
00:05:09Bernard Shaw? You're better than a Bernard Shaw.
00:05:12You're a Jeremy Sinclair.
00:05:14You're a Merton Somersby.
00:05:15You're a Gloria Trumpshaw.
00:05:18Any girl would be only too delighted to share her life with a writer of your genius.
00:05:27Back to work, Miss Wilcox.
00:05:29New paragraph.
00:05:31I became aware that I was not getting Petal's undivided attention.
00:05:37I turned round. I twisted round.
00:05:41Monty stood in the doorway.
00:05:43A string of obscenities burst from his evil lips and a trickle of saliva oozed down his ugly mouth.
00:05:48Oh, bother me.
00:05:54Dennis and Russell?
00:05:56Oh, just a moment.
00:06:00Here.
00:06:02Do, do, do, do.
00:06:05Tragic.
00:06:10Telegrams.
00:06:12Cousin Henry's dead.
00:06:14Murdered?
00:06:15Oh, it doesn't say so. I shouldn't think so.
00:06:18This is from the family solicitor. He wants me to go along tomorrow for the reading of the will.
00:06:21Was Cousin Henry rich?
00:06:23Disgracefully.
00:06:25Do you realize what this means, Miss Wilcox?
00:06:27It means that I shan't have to augment my miserable army pension in this way any more.
00:06:33No more hairy vengeance.
00:06:35No more blood in the vicarage.
00:06:37No more merton somerspin.
00:06:39No more glory at Shrub Shore.
00:06:42I shall now be able to forge a right under my own name.
00:06:45Good books. Great books.
00:06:47Books that'll live.
00:06:49Now, where was I?
00:06:52Saliva oozed down his ugly moush.
00:06:56Yes.
00:06:59Darling, it's absolutely shattering, I know.
00:07:02But it just can't be helped.
00:07:04But you promised.
00:07:05I know I did, and I'll make it up to you honestly.
00:07:07But poor old Arnettie.
00:07:10She comes up to town so seldom.
00:07:12I'm all she's got in the whole world.
00:07:14You silly boy.
00:07:16You're much too considerate for your own good.
00:07:19Yes. Yes, I suppose I am.
00:07:21Still, perhaps that's why you love me.
00:07:23Oh, darling.
00:07:24Darling.
00:07:25Darling.
00:07:27I can't bear to lose you.
00:07:29I really can't.
00:07:30You're lovely, darling.
00:07:32Oh, you're so lovely.
00:07:34Simon, darling.
00:07:35Darling, go quickly.
00:07:37I want to remember you just as you are.
00:07:39Don't look back.
00:07:42Lettie, darling.
00:07:44Simon, darling.
00:07:46I've been counting the minutes.
00:07:48I thought you'd never come.
00:07:50Darling.
00:07:51Darling.
00:07:52Darling.
00:07:53Darling.
00:08:00Oh, Benson.
00:08:02I thought I told you I wasn't to be disturbed.
00:08:04I'm extremely sorry, sir, but you are wanted on the telephone.
00:08:08A Mr. Endicott.
00:08:10I don't care if it's the Governor or the Bank of England.
00:08:12Do you think I'd let anything come between me and the only woman I've ever loved?
00:08:16The gentleman said that if you would speak to him,
00:08:19you would hear something to your advantage.
00:08:21Really?
00:08:22Don't cool down, love.
00:08:24I'll be with you in a minute.
00:08:26I've switched it through to the bedroom.
00:08:28Right.
00:08:31Simon Russell speaking.
00:08:35Endicott?
00:08:36Oh, Endicott, yes.
00:08:38I met you at Cousin Henry's place.
00:08:40Yes.
00:08:41What?
00:08:43Well, well, well.
00:08:45Poor old Cousin Henry.
00:08:47Oh, how tragic.
00:08:49Yes.
00:08:50How much did he leave?
00:08:52Yeah, but couldn't you give me a hint?
00:08:54All right, then.
00:08:55Yeah, tomorrow afternoon.
00:08:56Yeah, 2.30.
00:08:58Yes, yes.
00:09:00Better I'll be there.
00:09:02It's perfectly simple, Mr. Russell.
00:09:04One new halfpenny will be equal to 1.2 old pence.
00:09:08Therefore, the old shilling will be the new fivepenny piece.
00:09:11Ten times 1.2 being equal to 12.
00:09:14Any idiot can understand that.
00:09:15I know you can, sir.
00:09:17Oh, no, I'm sorry.
00:09:18I mean, you see, I haven't been abroad.
00:09:20What's that got to do with it?
00:09:21You can multiply, can't you?
00:09:22Oh, yes, sir.
00:09:23Of course, sir.
00:09:24Right, then.
00:09:25Now, what are 42 and a half pence in the new coinage?
00:09:2942 and a half new pence.
00:09:31Yes.
00:09:32Now, 6 is 5, and 10 is 12, and 1 is 1 and a fifth.
00:09:406 times 5 into 10 times 12.
00:09:44Multiply 5.2.
00:09:46Then move the decimal point up to the left.
00:09:51And push all the others there.
00:09:54So, I don't know.
00:09:57Well?
00:09:59Could it be 84 pounds 12 and a half?
00:10:05Come in.
00:10:07What is it?
00:10:08The afternoon paper, sir.
00:10:09You asked me to be sure to bring it in the moment it arrived.
00:10:12Well, you bought it.
00:10:13Now, get out.
00:10:14Yes, sir.
00:10:15Of course, sir.
00:10:16Thank you, sir.
00:10:19Russell, are you still with us?
00:10:21Sir.
00:10:23Good Lord, it's Cousin Henry.
00:10:25What?
00:10:28Good Lord.
00:10:30Henry Russell, your cousin.
00:10:32I don't believe it.
00:10:33I'm afraid it's true, sir.
00:10:34The greatest practical joker of modern times, a blood relation.
00:10:38Can I safely assume that this peculiarity is an isolated gene,
00:10:42unlikely to manifest itself in the local branch of the family?
00:10:45No, sir.
00:10:46I mean, yes, sir.
00:10:48I mean, after all, he was a very distant cousin.
00:10:52In fact, I believe there are only three of us Russells left in the world now.
00:10:56I'm very relieved to hear it.
00:10:58Yes.
00:10:59Still, we're all men, so I suppose one of us is bound to carry on the breed.
00:11:02It is.
00:11:03Oh, no, I was forgetting.
00:11:04There's Agnes, too.
00:11:05Agnes?
00:11:06She's a woman.
00:11:07You surprise me.
00:11:08It's a shocker.
00:11:09A real spinster.
00:11:10Genius.
00:11:11I'm not interested in your relations.
00:11:13I don't blame you, sir.
00:11:14Nor am I.
00:11:15Good.
00:11:16Well, in that case, you won't be requiring time off to attend the funeral.
00:11:18But, sir.
00:11:19My sincerest condolences on your sad loss.
00:11:21And now, get back to your counter and pray to heaven for divine guidance on decimal coinage.
00:11:25Thank you, sir.
00:11:2612 o'clock.
00:11:29That'll be my call to the city.
00:11:32An efficient bank manager must keep his finger constantly on the financial pulse of the nation.
00:11:36You may go.
00:11:37Yes, sir.
00:11:42Trumper and Bagstock.
00:11:44Wagstaff here.
00:11:45Yes, good morning.
00:11:47Now, look.
00:11:49I want ten bob each way on Sweet Lavender in the 330.
00:11:53Kempton Park, 330.
00:11:56I think I fancy Sourpuss.
00:11:59Williams!
00:12:01Oh, God.
00:12:02No need to back it.
00:12:03She's here in person.
00:12:05Good morning, Miss Russell.
00:12:06Williams, why was my early morning tea three and a half minutes late?
00:12:10Oh, well, the chambermaid was in some sort of trouble, miss.
00:12:13What?
00:12:14That's not what I expect from the staff of this hotel.
00:12:16Oh, no, miss.
00:12:18A fuse went on the electric kettle.
00:12:20Oh, I see.
00:12:22Well, I didn't ask you for a technical opinion.
00:12:24And at the rates I am paying in this hotel,
00:12:26I have not the slightest intention of allowing myself to die of thirst for the want of a bit of fuse wire.
00:12:32So see to it at once.
00:12:34And what's that you've got there?
00:12:36It's a telegram, miss.
00:12:38Oh. And when did that arrive?
00:12:40A few minutes ago.
00:12:41Williams, one of the first rules of any well-run hotel is
00:12:45telegrams should be delivered to guests immediately they arrive.
00:12:48Now deliver it at once.
00:12:50But, Miss Russell...
00:12:51At once, Williams.
00:12:52Very good, miss.
00:12:57Telegram, Miss Russell.
00:13:00Well, you took your time about it.
00:13:06Oh, really. How typical of Henry.
00:13:09No consideration.
00:13:11Not bad news, I hope.
00:13:13There's been a death in the family.
00:13:15Oh, well, that's life.
00:13:25Much pledged.
00:13:29Ah, there you are.
00:13:31There you are, all of you.
00:13:32There, yes.
00:13:34Mr. Endicott?
00:13:35Endicott?
00:13:36Oh, yes, yes, yes, I am he, yes.
00:13:39Yes?
00:13:40It's sad to think, yes.
00:13:42Poor Henry, very sad to think.
00:13:44Gone today and here tomorrow.
00:13:46Where the day after, hmm?
00:13:49Yes, well, we're all here today, so let's sit down and get on with it.
00:13:53We'll all be here tomorrow, won't we?
00:13:54Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.
00:13:56By all means, by all means, yes.
00:14:08Over here, please.
00:14:10Yes, yes, here, here, yes.
00:14:13Why couldn't he say so in the first place?
00:14:15What's going on here?
00:14:17Musical chairs.
00:14:20And, er...
00:14:24What's going on?
00:14:25I don't know.
00:14:26Maybe he's got some blue films.
00:14:37The Will, love.
00:14:38The Will?
00:14:39Aren't you going to read The Will?
00:14:41Oh, no, no, no, no.
00:14:42Henry.
00:14:43Chipper chap.
00:14:44Henry reads his own will?
00:14:46No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:14:47Thinking Ahead.
00:14:48Very scientific.
00:14:50Oh, oh, look, look.
00:14:56Ah!
00:14:59Greetings, my poor, bereaved relatives.
00:15:03Oh, don't look so disappointed.
00:15:05I'm dead all right.
00:15:07This is just a film I made.
00:15:11I didn't think you'd appreciate it.
00:15:13Never had a sense of humour.
00:15:15Any of you.
00:15:16Well, I suppose all you lot want to know is what you're getting.
00:15:21All right.
00:15:22Here it is.
00:15:24You're all on £150,000 apiece.
00:15:30£150,000?
00:15:31£150,000?
00:15:32The old devil.
00:15:33I thought you would have left more.
00:15:35Shut up and listen.
00:15:37Before you lay your hand on a penny of it,
00:15:39there are certain tasks I want you to perform.
00:15:43These tasks may not be divulged to anybody outside this room,
00:15:47and each of you must swear a solemn oath to that effect.
00:15:52You, First Agnes, my dear sister,
00:15:55spinster of this and every other parish.
00:16:00Trust him to bring sacks into it.
00:16:02If you treated a husband the way you treat hotel employees,
00:16:05you'd be a widow on your wedding night.
00:16:07They are there to serve.
00:16:09I just see that they do.
00:16:11Well, with your knowledge and experience,
00:16:14your tasks should be simple.
00:16:16For a period of not less than four weeks,
00:16:19you will get yourself a job in a hotel.
00:16:25I shall contest the will.
00:16:26Oh, by the way,
00:16:28if any one of you contests my will,
00:16:31my entire fortune goes to the Flat Earth Society.
00:16:36In that case, Cousin Aggie will not contest the will.
00:16:39That's right.
00:16:40Sit down and behave yourself, silly old bag.
00:16:44And now, my highly respected second cousin,
00:16:48Denniston Russell,
00:16:50Captain Royal Army Pay Corps, retired.
00:16:54Or should I call him Jeremy Sinclair
00:16:57or Merton Summersbee
00:16:59or Gloria Trubshaw?
00:17:03Gloria?
00:17:04Yes!
00:17:05Our gallant Pay Corps captain has found his niche in Civvy Street
00:17:09as a purveyor of paperback pornography.
00:17:13Well, well, well.
00:17:15You sly old dog, you.
00:17:17Written any good dirty books lately?
00:17:19They are not dirty.
00:17:20They're perfectly clean, straightforward crime stories
00:17:22in the modern vernacular.
00:17:24How you can write about crime
00:17:25when you've never so much as kept a library book
00:17:27beyond its time, I'll never know.
00:17:30But we are going to change all that, Denniston.
00:17:34Aren't we, old boy?
00:17:37Are we?
00:17:38For your £150,000,
00:17:40you will spend not more and not less than 28 days
00:17:44in one of Her Majesty's London prisons,
00:17:47properly sentenced for a genuine crime
00:17:50committed by yourself.
00:17:52Crime? Prison?
00:17:53But I'm to be married within the month
00:17:54and to the daughter of a magistrate.
00:17:56Perhaps I'll let you get married in prison.
00:17:58No, only if I were an expectant mother.
00:18:04You're next, Herbert.
00:18:06Me fourth cousin twice removed.
00:18:08Herbert Russell, the gutless wonder.
00:18:11Well?
00:18:12Don't sit there looking like a sheep, lad.
00:18:15Courage, boldness, a bit of swashbuckle.
00:18:18That's all I want from you for £150,000.
00:18:22You shall, on a day of your own choosing,
00:18:25but within two calendar months of today's date,
00:18:27march into your present bank manager's office
00:18:30masked and armed
00:18:33and frighten the living daylights out of him.
00:18:36But that's impossible.
00:18:37You don't know our Mr Wagstaff.
00:18:39I mean, not even a real gangster
00:18:40would dare point a gun at our Mr Wagstaff.
00:18:43Don't be an idiot.
00:18:44For £150,000,
00:18:46I'd point Cousin Agnes here at Mr Wagstaff.
00:18:49And finally, we come to Simon Russell.
00:18:53Oh, here comes my load.
00:18:55Let's hope it's got nothing to do with giving up women.
00:18:57Don't worry, my dear first cousin Simon.
00:19:00I'm not going to ask you to give up women.
00:19:02On the contrary,
00:19:03you shall marry the first unmarried woman
00:19:06of no matter what age
00:19:08to whom you speak after the reading of this will.
00:19:11Should your well-known charm
00:19:13fail to persuade the lady to accept you,
00:19:15then you won't get my £150,000 either.
00:19:17What a woman turned me down.
00:19:19It's in the bag.
00:19:20Good old Uncle Henry.
00:19:21I knew you liked me best.
00:19:23Well, that's it.
00:19:25Except for one thing.
00:19:27I want you all back here with your missions completed
00:19:30in two calendar months for a final word.
00:19:34Walter!
00:19:35They know what they have to do.
00:19:37You see they do it.
00:19:39Now, get on with the closing ceremony.
00:19:41Oh, yes, yes, yes.
00:19:43Thank you very much.
00:19:45Now, please to rise.
00:19:47Up, up, up.
00:19:48Yes, yes.
00:19:49A toast to our benefactor.
00:19:54Me!
00:19:57Ready?
00:19:58One, two...
00:20:00For he's a jolly good fellow.
00:20:02For he's a jolly good fellow.
00:20:05For he's a jolly good fellow.
00:20:11And so say all of us.
00:20:13Good old Uncle Henry.
00:20:24Oh, God.
00:20:25George, Sam again, will you?
00:20:27He needs it.
00:20:28What will Elizabeth say?
00:20:30We were to have been married in the fall.
00:20:32Now, instead of a honeymoon in Harrogate,
00:20:34I'm a prisoner in Pentonville.
00:20:35I shall lose her.
00:20:36Nonsense.
00:20:37She'll stand by you if she's any kind of woman.
00:20:39Elizabeth isn't any kind of woman.
00:20:41She's an officer and a lady.
00:20:43That is she.
00:20:45That is my Elizabeth.
00:20:48Oh, yes.
00:20:49Oh, yes.
00:20:50She's very, um...
00:20:52military.
00:20:53She'll never speak to me again.
00:20:55Cut off it.
00:20:56Tell her about the 150,000 quid.
00:20:58She'll be down every visiting day with a bunch of forget-me-nots.
00:21:00Sam, let me remind you,
00:21:01we gave her a solemn oath not to divulge the contents.
00:21:04Oh, yes.
00:21:05It's a court.
00:21:07That'll be 25 shillings, sir.
00:21:08Certainly.
00:21:09What have we got here?
00:21:14Well, it was your round, wasn't it?
00:21:18I must telephone her.
00:21:19With all that I've got on my mind,
00:21:21I couldn't face her tonight.
00:21:23I couldn't face her any night.
00:21:25There's the fan box over there.
00:21:33Oh, thank you.
00:21:35Now, that's for you.
00:21:37And, uh...
00:21:39that's for me.
00:21:41Yes, dear. I know, dear.
00:21:43Oh, really, Fluffy, this is too much.
00:21:47Well, you did promise to take me out tonight,
00:21:49and I've had a bath, especially.
00:21:51Well, well, you see...
00:21:53something occurred.
00:21:54What?
00:21:56Postponed?
00:21:58Her wedding?
00:22:00Oh, Fluffy, you are a rotter.
00:22:03Damn gigolo.
00:22:04Oh, you've just broken my heart, that's all.
00:22:09Explanation?
00:22:11It better be a good one.
00:22:14Very well, then.
00:22:1611 o'clock tomorrow morning.
00:22:18On the dot, mind.
00:22:19Dot, mind?
00:22:22Daddykins, did you hear that?
00:22:24A shifty customer.
00:22:25Always said so, always will.
00:22:27Never liked him, never shall.
00:22:28Sort of fellow who'll end up in the hands of the police.
00:22:31We'll be here all night unless we get these forms filled in.
00:22:34Yes, but it's not an easy job, is it, Sergeant?
00:22:36Well, make a start. It's getting late.
00:22:39How about Arsenal versus Stoke City?
00:22:43Never.
00:22:46What about Newcastle v. Manchester United?
00:22:48Good evening.
00:22:49You must be mad.
00:22:51I beg your pardon?
00:22:52Oh, not you, sir, him.
00:22:56Newcastle v. Manchester United.
00:23:00Can I help you, sir?
00:23:01Yes, I should like to go to prison for 28 days
00:23:03and I wondered if you had any suggestions.
00:23:05What have you done?
00:23:07Well, nothing.
00:23:10Hop it.
00:23:11That is not yet, but I'm willing to try anything, within reason.
00:23:15Hop it.
00:23:16Perhaps I haven't explained myself too clearly.
00:23:18For reasons which I cannot divulge, I have to go to prison
00:23:21and as I am a complete stranger to actual crime, I'd like your advice.
00:23:26My advice is to hop it.
00:23:28Now look here, my man, I asked a civil question.
00:23:30And you got a civil answer. Hop it.
00:23:32This is no way to talk to a member of the public.
00:23:35Answer.
00:23:38I am a taxpayer and a personal friend of the Commissioner
00:23:40and if I don't receive satisfaction here, I shall...
00:23:43Hop it.
00:23:48Try Derby County v. Crystal Palace.
00:24:05Good evening, sir.
00:24:07It is indeed, Benson, a splendid evening.
00:24:10Was it good reading, sir?
00:24:12The will?
00:24:13Only 150,000 smackers, that's all, Benson.
00:24:17How very nice for you, sir.
00:24:19And now, about my arrears.
00:24:21Well, it's money in the bank, Benson.
00:24:23I'll give you a raise, too.
00:24:25I'd rather have just the arrears, sir.
00:24:27I don't actually get the money for another month or so.
00:24:30Now, there's a condition, you see.
00:24:32I took a solemn oath not to divulge it to a living soul.
00:24:37I shouldn't think you can't.
00:24:39Thank you, sir.
00:24:40Now, the fact is, Benson, I've got to get married.
00:24:42Really, sir?
00:24:44How very careless of you.
00:24:46No, no, no, Benson, not that sort of got to get married.
00:24:49For 150,000 quid, I shall have to forfeit the whole damn lot
00:24:53unless I marry the first unmarried bird I speak to.
00:24:56Naturally, I won't take any notice of that.
00:24:58Naturally, sir.
00:24:59Well, who's to know?
00:25:01Who indeed, sir?
00:25:03I've got to choose very carefully, Benson.
00:25:05I don't want to get landed with some grotty little gold digger
00:25:07now that I'm rich, do I?
00:25:08Wise decision, sir.
00:25:10What I want is something young, beautiful,
00:25:13with the right vital statistics.
00:25:1636, 24, 36?
00:25:19No, no, with at least 200,000 pounds in her bank account.
00:25:22200,000?
00:25:24Yeah, or more. I'm not fussy.
00:25:25I don't want to stint myself, do I?
00:25:27Where am I going to find a bird like that?
00:25:29Knowing your propensity, sir,
00:25:31I'm sure that fate will provide you with your justice.
00:25:35I say, I'm most terribly sorry.
00:25:38I'm very glad to hear it.
00:25:40You're all right. I mean, you're all right?
00:25:42When you've finished gawping, if I may go, please.
00:25:45Well, certainly, but if fate sees fit to bring us together...
00:25:48I don't believe in fate.
00:25:50Oh.
00:25:51Good day.
00:25:52Ah!
00:25:54Oh, allow me.
00:25:56Mm, and you don't believe in fate?
00:25:59Look, please, hurry up. I shall be late for the office.
00:26:02Mm, certainly.
00:26:03You'll have to lift your foot out of the shoe, I'm afraid.
00:26:08That's better. There.
00:26:10Now we'll have it out in a jiffy.
00:26:15Oh!
00:26:17Would you believe it?
00:26:19Try me.
00:26:20Heels come off.
00:26:21Amazing.
00:26:22Never mind.
00:26:23We'll pop into my club and get it fixed.
00:26:25But what about my appointment?
00:26:27Well, accidents will happen. You can ring your boss.
00:26:30I am the boss.
00:26:31Oh, really?
00:26:33Well, come and have a drink, sir.
00:27:16Same again?
00:27:17Well, I...
00:27:18Er, George, two more dry martinis, please.
00:27:21I mustn't miss my board meeting altogether.
00:27:24Surely there's someone who can hold the fort until you get there.
00:27:27Yes, there is my uncle. He's in charge, really.
00:27:29Your uncle?
00:27:30Yes, it's a family business.
00:27:32He's very sweet.
00:27:33A little old-fashioned, though.
00:27:35You could see me now,
00:27:36knocking back drinks mid-morning with a perfect stranger.
00:27:40What would he do? Cut you off without a penny?
00:27:43Oh, no.
00:27:44No, he couldn't do that.
00:27:46Money's in trust, you see.
00:27:48Oh, good, good.
00:27:50How about joining me for another little drink after your meeting?
00:27:53Oh, I'm afraid I can't.
00:27:55I've got to go straight to my dressmaker.
00:27:57Oh, I'll come with you.
00:27:58I enjoy choosing dresses.
00:28:00They're bikinis.
00:28:01Bikinis, oh.
00:28:03Well, I don't mind.
00:28:06Oh, thank you.
00:28:08Your phone call, miss.
00:28:09Oh, thank you.
00:28:11Excuse me.
00:28:12Oh, of course.
00:28:13Of course.
00:28:14Hello, Lucille here.
00:28:16I'm afraid I got rather hung up.
00:28:18I hope you got on with the Thompson contract.
00:28:20Oh, good.
00:28:22Send it out as soon as you like.
00:28:24Yeah, I'll sign it later.
00:28:26Anything else?
00:28:27Yes.
00:28:29Yes.
00:28:31Oh, well, you'd better leave the hay wool business
00:28:33till I get there and hear the figures.
00:28:36Oh, no, we'll definitely make a bid for them.
00:28:40Well, tentative offer to begin with.
00:28:43One and a half minutes.
00:28:48Well.
00:28:49No.
00:28:50No, no, no.
00:28:51It's a jolly rotten trick, Denniston,
00:28:53and it will not work.
00:28:55What have we put away, the cad?
00:28:56In your language, Daddy Kims.
00:28:58After all, he is still my fiancé.
00:29:00Yes.
00:29:01Well, you are.
00:29:02And I will not postpone the wedding without a reason.
00:29:04You can't just fob me off like this.
00:29:06Oh, my dear, I wouldn't dream of fobbing you off.
00:29:09Nonsense.
00:29:10Clearest case of fobbing I've ever seen.
00:29:12You've been toying with me daughter's affections
00:29:13for the last 12 years.
00:29:15Only because I was desperate.
00:29:16What?
00:29:17No, I mean desperate financially.
00:29:19Ah.
00:29:20Gone bust, eh?
00:29:21That's your trouble.
00:29:22Lost all your pennies.
00:29:23Oh, no.
00:29:24No, nothing like that.
00:29:25Quite the reverse.
00:29:26I, I, I, I was only asking for a slight postponement
00:29:30of 28 days.
00:29:31Why?
00:29:33Well, I'm, I'm sure you'd understand, Sir Charles,
00:29:37when I say that I've given my solemn oath
00:29:39not to divulge the reason.
00:29:42I don't know.
00:29:43Can't get any sense out of the fella.
00:29:46Denniston.
00:29:48Do you remember that July night 12 years ago,
00:29:53behind the officer's mess at Aldershot,
00:29:55when I told you that we could become engaged?
00:29:58As if it were yesterday, my pet.
00:30:00Well, you swore a solemn oath then
00:30:02that there would never be any secrets between us,
00:30:05except official secrets, of course.
00:30:07Ah, well, that's it.
00:30:08This is sort of official in an unofficial sort of way.
00:30:11I have to go away for a month.
00:30:13For the government.
00:30:14Well, yes, you, you could, you could say that.
00:30:16It, it's certainly at government expense.
00:30:18I thought they kicked you out of the pay corps five years ago.
00:30:21Oh, I won't be in uniform.
00:30:23Or will I?
00:30:24Denniston, you're not,
00:30:27you've not gained behind the iron curtain.
00:30:31Well, I, I hope there'll be a little door in it somewhere.
00:30:35Daddykins, just think.
00:30:37My Fluffy's been with the Secret Service all this time
00:30:41and we thought he was doing nothing.
00:30:44Oh, good gracious, is that the time already?
00:30:46I, excuse me, I have to fly.
00:30:52Daddykins, will I ever see my little Fluffy again?
00:30:56God knows.
00:30:59If I lose him, I shall go into a nunnery.
00:31:03I doubt if you'll find him there.
00:31:15I'm in.
00:31:16I am in.
00:31:18I beg your pardon?
00:31:19I beg your pardon?
00:31:20I take it I'm addressing the manager.
00:31:22Yes, indeed, madam, but I really must ask you...
00:31:24Of course, because there's no point in dealing with intermediaries now to work
00:31:28because there's a great deal to be done.
00:31:30The ashtrays in the lounge, for instance,
00:31:32they really will have to be emptied the moment they've been used
00:31:34and they will have to be kept in exact alignment.
00:31:37The ashtrays, alignment, yes, I'll have them seen to right away.
00:31:40Oh, I'll soon sort that out for you.
00:31:42You see, there are even more shocking things going on in this hotel.
00:31:45As I came up, I passed three chambermaids
00:31:47smoking in one of the linen cupboards.
00:31:49Well, madam, they are allowed to smoke there
00:31:51during the approved rest periods, of course.
00:31:53Rest periods for chambermaids?
00:31:55Well, they'll have to go for a start
00:31:57and take the floral displays in the entrance hall.
00:31:59Actually, we think they're rather pretty.
00:32:01They're plastic. Plastic.
00:32:04And don't tell me that that is to save labour.
00:32:06A little less smoking in the linen cupboards
00:32:08and we'll soon have this place smelling like the Chelsea Flower Show on Members' Day.
00:32:12My dear madam, while it is the policy of this hotel
00:32:15to listen sympathetically to the suggestions of its guests...
00:32:17Oh, I'm not a guest.
00:32:19Please, madam, let me finish.
00:32:21While it is the policy of this hotel
00:32:23to listen sympathetically to the suggestions of its...
00:32:25You're not a guest?
00:32:26Certainly not.
00:32:27For one thing, I wouldn't dream of paying the ridiculous prices you charge
00:32:30when you can't even bother to empty your ashtrays.
00:32:32However, there is no cause for despair.
00:32:34I see from this trade journal
00:32:36that you have a vacancy on the managerial side.
00:32:39I will be prepared to consider it.
00:32:41So you're not a guest?
00:32:43It's more likely to be under your present standards of efficiency.
00:32:46Oh, it's not hopeless.
00:32:48This could be quite a good hotel.
00:32:50It only needs getting organised.
00:32:53Madam, in 14 years of hotel management
00:32:56I have interviewed a great many candidates for positions of responsibility.
00:32:59The decor is rather boorish.
00:33:01And I'm afraid there isn't very much we can do about that, you see,
00:33:03under the time I have available.
00:33:05For reasons which need not concern you, I can only give you 28 days.
00:33:09The most unsuitable applicant I ever came across
00:33:12was a retired agricultural labourer
00:33:14who claimed he could train chimpanzees to make beds.
00:33:16Of course, you see, it's the staff we have to concern ourselves with.
00:33:19Oh, I know all about hotel employees.
00:33:22You have to keep after them all the time.
00:33:24Now, I suggest that you make me an under-manager from the start.
00:33:28Madam, I would rather have the man with the chimpanzees.
00:33:31Of course, my main duties will be to keep the staff on their toes.
00:33:34And why do you keep talking about chimpanzees?
00:33:37I never realised until now what charming creatures they might be.
00:33:40Is there any sanity in your family?
00:33:42Not yet, madam.
00:33:43But if you remain here much longer, they might well be.
00:33:46Good day.
00:33:47You mean you're toning me down?
00:33:48And out.
00:33:49But I could do so much for this hotel.
00:33:51You can do it a great favour now. Leave.
00:33:54Well, it's your loss.
00:33:57And if you are so blind as to refuse my services,
00:33:59there are plenty of other hotels who will only be too delighted.
00:34:41Good morning, Sergeant.
00:34:43You remember me?
00:34:44Yes, indeed I do, sir.
00:34:46Hop it.
00:34:47Now, if I might bother you for just a moment, I would like to explain.
00:34:50You see, actually, I'm a writer.
00:34:53And it's one of my characters that has to go to jail for 28 days.
00:34:57I just wondered if you had anything that might suit.
00:35:00Oh, a writer, eh?
00:35:02Yes, yes.
00:35:03This is a little opus of mine, if you'd care to...
00:35:08Cup Final Massacres.
00:35:10By Jeremy Sinclair.
00:35:12About football, is it?
00:35:13Yes, yes. The whole Cup Final team gets poisoned on the eve of the match.
00:35:17Now, keep it. Keep it.
00:35:18Oh, thank you very much, sir.
00:35:20I'll do a bit of literature.
00:35:21Yes, I thought you might be.
00:35:23Now, if we could have a little chat about my little problem.
00:35:27Hmm?
00:35:28Oh, yes.
00:35:30This character of yours who wants to get himself nicked for 28 days.
00:35:34Bit of a yobbo, is he?
00:35:35Certainly not.
00:35:36He's a perfectly respectable, upright, honourable sort of chap
00:35:42who happens to have got himself caught up in a set of rather unfortunate circumstances.
00:35:48Well, let's see what the book says.
00:35:52Here we are.
00:35:53The Encyclopedia of Crime.
00:35:55It's a corker, this one.
00:35:57It's got everything in it.
00:35:58Do you know, if we were to let this loose on the bookstalls,
00:36:01we'd have to prosecute ourselves.
00:36:04It's a fact.
00:36:05Here, I'll show you.
00:36:06Just take hold of it.
00:36:08Go on, just take hold of it.
00:36:10Now, just let it fall open at the well-thumbed pages.
00:36:21See what I mean?
00:36:24You see what I mean?
00:36:26Well, of course, my chap wouldn't ever do anything sordid.
00:36:31There's trains, you see.
00:36:33You'd be surprised what you can get up to in trains.
00:36:36Most of them are good for about six months, though.
00:36:38Oh, that's rather higher than I meant to go.
00:36:40And besides, he's got to get the girl in the end.
00:36:43Oh, that's nice.
00:36:45I like happy endings.
00:36:47Ah, here's one.
00:36:49Nicking lead from church roofs.
00:36:51He'll get a month's easy for a first offence.
00:36:53Hope the train's back.
00:36:54Have a nice day.
00:36:55See you.
00:36:56Oh, well, I'm afraid he can't stand heights.
00:36:59How about stealing from cars?
00:37:00Now, that's a very popular line just now.
00:37:02Oh, cars.
00:37:03Yes, that's...
00:37:04Yes, that's worth thinking about.
00:37:05Ah, now, this might be what you're looking for.
00:37:08A nice bit of shoplifting.
00:37:10They're getting very down on that these days.
00:37:13Especially with the upper classes.
00:37:15Shoplifting?
00:37:17Yes, well, that's...
00:37:19That's definitely a possible, yes.
00:37:21But I'm afraid it's not.
00:37:23Yes, well, that's...
00:37:24That's definitely a possible, yes.
00:37:26Yes, I'd rather like that.
00:37:28Shoplifting.
00:37:43Watch it, you swine.
00:37:45One twitch and you're a goner.
00:37:48Why don't you do it?
00:37:50Watch it, you swine.
00:37:51One twitch and you're a goner.
00:37:55Watch it, you swine.
00:37:57One twitch and you're a goner.
00:38:00Watch it, you swine.
00:38:02One twitch and you're a goner.
00:38:04Are you all right?
00:38:05Watch it, you goner.
00:38:06One twitch and you're a swine.
00:38:07Buster!
00:38:08How dare you use such language in a bank?
00:38:10Oh, it'll stick.
00:38:11I've a jolly good mind to report what you said to Mr. Wagstaff.
00:38:14Oh, please, no, you mustn't.
00:38:15Not yet.
00:38:16What are you so jumpy about?
00:38:17Me?
00:38:18Jumpy?
00:38:19I'm not in any conditions.
00:38:20The hour of the maintenance returns.
00:38:22You take them in to Mr. Wagstaff.
00:38:24What?
00:38:25That's your job.
00:38:26Very well.
00:38:27And I shall tell him what you said.
00:38:30I'll take them.
00:38:50Watch it, you swine.
00:39:03One twitch and you're a goner.
00:39:06Eh?
00:39:07Hmm?
00:39:26All right, Tara. I'll look after this.
00:39:29Watch it, you swine.
00:39:31One twitch, and you're a goner.
00:39:36Now, look, I know you've got a gun in that drawer.
00:39:39Just try and go for it, that's all.
00:39:42Ah!
00:39:43Ah!
00:39:55Now, then. Now, then.
00:39:57One twitch and I'll miss it.
00:39:59Come on!
00:40:01Whatever you want to, Russell.
00:40:05What is all this about?
00:40:07A woodworm.
00:40:09A woodworm.
00:40:11In a tubular-framed steel chair?
00:40:14Steelworm?
00:40:16Yes, I thought so when I first came in.
00:40:18Don't you know one of the first signs of softening of the brain
00:40:22is talking to oneself?
00:40:25Oh, get out of my sight!
00:40:28Most extraordinary behaviour. I really must have him seen to.
00:40:31Did you say something, sir?
00:40:33No, no, just talking to myself.
00:40:35Get out!
00:40:39Get out!
00:40:54That will be £1.1911, please, sir.
00:40:59Oh.
00:41:09Of course.
00:41:50It's not raining, you see.
00:42:10Ah.
00:42:21Oh.
00:42:39Mmm.
00:42:40Mmm.
00:43:08Excuse me.
00:43:09Yes?
00:43:10Would you have any objection to coming with us and being searched, sir?
00:43:12Searched?
00:43:13No, no, of course not.
00:43:15Delighted.
00:43:16In fact, I think I might be able to help you there.
00:43:18I suppose this is what you're looking for?
00:43:23I've been robbed!
00:43:40Mmm.
00:43:59Mmm.
00:44:10Mmm.
00:44:20Ah, look what you've done, you stupid woman!
00:44:23Stupid? Me?
00:44:26You saw me trying to get out of that door, and you walked right into me.
00:44:29So what does that make you? A genius?
00:44:32How dare you speak to me like that!
00:44:34Fetch me the manager!
00:44:36I didn't come here to be attacked and assaulted by menials!
00:44:38Either she goes, or I do!
00:44:40And I didn't come here to...
00:44:42To be here? Could you have me fired?
00:44:45The manager? I have a choice. It's you or me.
00:44:48Oh, no. Not the sack.
00:44:50Oh, no, I mustn't get the sack.
00:44:51Why not? You're careless, incompetent, and utterly stupid!
00:44:54Yes, yes, but you see, I'll be much more careful in the future.
00:44:57I mustn't get the sack.
00:44:58Look what you've done to my suit!
00:45:00Yes, well, I cleaned it all up for you.
00:45:01And look at my shoes.
00:45:02Yes, well, I do them too. I mean, I'll make them shine just like new.
00:45:05Well, oh, please.
00:45:06Look, you won't know that anything has happened to them.
00:45:08Well, I'm not a hard woman.
00:45:10I'll give you a second chance.
00:45:11Oh, thank you. Thank you.
00:45:14Don't thank me yet!
00:45:15I want to see what sort of a job you're going to make of this suit first.
00:45:18You wait out here. I'll hand it to you.
00:45:20Take my suitcases in.
00:45:24And while you're waiting here, clear up all that mess.
00:45:27Yes, miss. I'm a madam.
00:45:29Indeed.
00:45:33Say that again.
00:45:35You stock-up stupid...
00:45:43Very nice. Very nice little touch.
00:45:46Your orchid, sir?
00:45:47No, not for me, sweetheart. It's for the lady.
00:45:50On the plate.
00:45:53Now, the champagne.
00:45:54I think we'll start off with a bottle of the good stuff.
00:45:56Then that 30 bob muck, you know, that fizzy stuff will do all right for seconds.
00:46:00Women never notice after the first bottle.
00:46:02You should know, Mr. Russell.
00:46:05Now, look, I'm relying on you, Ricky.
00:46:08It's a big night tonight, so lay it on thick.
00:46:11I need a drink.
00:46:15Ah, Simon, my dear fellow, there you are.
00:46:19What do you want?
00:46:20Your man told me I might find you here.
00:46:22Oh, did he now? Well, he shouldn't have.
00:46:24Anyway, why aren't you in jail?
00:46:25Ah, that's just what I want to see you.
00:46:27I think I'll find out how to do it now.
00:46:29Oh, how?
00:46:30Housebreaking! Housebreaking!
00:46:33Yes, I've got everything in here.
00:46:35You know, jimmies, wire cutters, the lot.
00:46:37Shut up. Shut up.
00:46:43What do you expect me to do about it, then?
00:46:45Drive the getaway car?
00:46:47Oh, no. No, that'd spoil everything.
00:46:49I mean, the whole point is that I shouldn't get away, isn't it?
00:46:51Look, old boy, I'm a very busy man.
00:46:53Yes, well, I won't take up much of your time.
00:46:54I just wanted to ask if I might burglar your flat tonight.
00:46:57What?
00:46:58Oh, it wouldn't take much.
00:46:59In fact, if you'd like to give me a list of the things you wouldn't miss.
00:47:01But why my flat?
00:47:03Oh, it wouldn't seem right to burgle a complete stranger.
00:47:06I'm sorry, I hadn't phrased it out of the question.
00:47:08I shall be using my flat tonight.
00:47:10I've a very important date.
00:47:12150,000 quid's worth of date.
00:47:15Oh, congratulations.
00:47:17Well, perhaps you could knock me down a little.
00:47:19I'm sure it would impress the young lady.
00:47:20Well, thanks for the offer, but I've got my own tried and tested ways of impressing young ladies.
00:47:25Well, I'm not too keen on the idea now, anyway.
00:47:28Try something else then, you know.
00:47:30Pinch a car, kick an old lady in the mouth or something.
00:47:33Anything, you know.
00:47:35OK, beat it.
00:47:36Here's my date.
00:47:39Lucille, darling.
00:47:44It just isn't possible.
00:47:45You look even more beautiful now than you did when I first saw you.
00:47:49And you haven't changed.
00:47:51You're still the most handsome man in the world.
00:47:59Who was that?
00:48:01Oh, some poor old crook down on his luck.
00:48:04I give him a little helping hand now and then, you know.
00:48:07You're too kind, Simon.
00:48:09That's your trouble.
00:48:14I am so very sorry, madam.
00:48:16Why can't you look where you're going?
00:48:18My abject apologies.
00:48:19I don't know what this place is coming to.
00:48:21An accident, I assure you.
00:48:23Fancy being drunk at this hour.
00:48:25I am stone cold bloody sober.
00:48:29I shall call the manager.
00:48:30No, please.
00:48:31You there, fetch me the manager at once.
00:48:33That ought to be worth 28 days.
00:48:38Naughty boy.
00:48:40Why didn't you say what you wanted?
00:48:42What do I want?
00:48:43I want 28 days.
00:48:45I'm game if you are.
00:48:47Come to mama.
00:48:50You there, manager.
00:48:51Manager.
00:48:56You know, you really shouldn't, Simon.
00:48:59You're spoiling me.
00:49:00Nonsense.
00:49:01I haven't spoiled you enough.
00:49:03From now on, I'm going to give you orchids with every meal we have together.
00:49:07Lunch.
00:49:08Supper.
00:49:09Breakfast.
00:49:12Would you like that?
00:49:13Well, that would rather depend on the circumstances, wouldn't it?
00:49:18My intentions are strictly honorable.
00:49:21How do I know that you're not just after my money?
00:49:25How do I know you're not just after mine?
00:49:46Come in.
00:49:48Come in.
00:49:52Oh, it's you.
00:49:53I've cleaned your things, madam.
00:49:55Well, bring them over here.
00:49:56Let's see what sort of a job you've made of them.
00:50:04Filthy.
00:50:05Take it away.
00:50:06Do it again.
00:50:07Now, just a minute.
00:50:09What's this?
00:50:10Insolence?
00:50:11Oh, no.
00:50:13I'll do them again straight away.
00:50:16Wait.
00:50:17Bring me a pot of tea.
00:50:19I'm sorry, madam.
00:50:20The kitchen's closed.
00:50:21Who said anything about the kitchen?
00:50:23There's an electric kettle in the staff room, isn't there?
00:50:28China tea, of course.
00:50:30Three slices of toast.
00:50:33Lightly buttered.
00:50:35You want jam on it, don't you?
00:50:37Yes.
00:50:38Raspberry.
00:50:40You want jam on it, don't you?
00:50:42Yes.
00:50:43Raspberry.
00:51:10Ah!
00:51:25Here you are, sir.
00:51:26No.
00:51:27Here's yours.
00:51:28Oh, yes, but I shan't be needing it any longer.
00:51:30You'd better take it home, sir.
00:51:32£5 fine for litter.
00:51:33No, no, really.
00:51:34I'm fed up with the thing.
00:51:35I'm fed up with the whole darn business.
00:51:37Come along, sir.
00:51:38No, you can keep the...
00:51:49Hello, hello, hello.
00:51:52Oh, dear.
00:51:53Yes.
00:51:55Look, officer, I can explain.
00:51:57You can do all your explaining down at the police station.
00:51:59You see, they're not really mine.
00:52:01I only borrowed them to...
00:52:03Station.
00:52:05Police station?
00:52:07Why, yes.
00:52:08Yes, of course.
00:52:10Nothing would give me greater pleasure.
00:52:19Here, just one little nightcap.
00:52:22Then I'll take you home.
00:52:25All right, Simon.
00:52:26You know, all those martinis on top of that champagne
00:52:29quite went to my head.
00:52:31How very sensible of it.
00:52:38Habit.
00:52:40In case of burglars.
00:52:42I mean, I don't want to get anything pinched.
00:52:47Neither do I.
00:52:56Oh, what a lovely flower.
00:53:00Just a little bachelor pad, you know.
00:53:02In my loneliness, I often long for someone
00:53:05who can provide that essential feminine touch.
00:53:11It's rather a huge sofa for a lonely bachelor, don't you think?
00:53:15What?
00:53:16I bought it to cover a rather huge burn in the carpet.
00:53:20Looks more like a bed.
00:53:22Yes, it does, doesn't it?
00:53:24May I take your coat?
00:53:25Oh, thank you.
00:53:26Yes, it is very warm in here.
00:53:28Too warm?
00:53:30Well, you know the dangers of overheated blood.
00:53:33Oh, I do.
00:53:35I do.
00:53:37I really do.
00:53:42Your blood will be all right now.
00:53:46The seal.
00:53:48The seal.
00:53:50Nightcap.
00:53:52Nightcap.
00:53:54Nightcap.
00:53:57Yes.
00:54:04Yes.
00:54:08Shampoos.
00:54:11Ice.
00:54:12No coffee.
00:54:14I was thinking of your blood.
00:54:16Voila, mademoiselle.
00:54:22You!
00:54:23If you don't mind, sir, after you.
00:54:25Ah, I see. Yes, of course.
00:54:27I might run away, might I?
00:54:33Oh!
00:54:36Got a right one here, Sergeant.
00:54:38Well, well, well.
00:54:44It's Mr. Jeremy St. Clair.
00:54:46Sergeant, I picked this man up in possession of a set of burglar tools.
00:54:50Oh, you have been a naughty boy.
00:54:52You ought to watch this local colour business, you know.
00:54:54You'll be finding yourself in clink.
00:54:56But that's exactly...
00:54:57Don't worry. I'll soon sort it out.
00:54:59All right, cafeteria. Forget it.
00:55:01This is Mr. Jeremy St. Clair, the author.
00:55:08I've made a start on your book, sir.
00:55:10Great stuff.
00:55:12Hey, I bet it was the referee who murdered the outside left.
00:55:15Am I right? I say, am I right?
00:55:17No, it was the goalkeeper's sister.
00:55:18She was secretly married to the centre half.
00:55:20Of course.
00:55:22I thought so.
00:55:23Well, if you don't want me any more...
00:55:25Not at all, sir.
00:55:26I'm sure there's plenty you'll be wanting to get on with.
00:55:28Eh?
00:55:32I say, success to crime?
00:55:42Oh, it's just like floating.
00:55:45On a million nylon feathers.
00:55:47Oh, nice.
00:55:52Simon.
00:55:55Moments like this, one thing is essential.
00:55:59It's all right. I've got a spare toothbrush in the...
00:56:02I meant truth.
00:56:04What?
00:56:06If you feel for me...
00:56:08Oh, I do. I really do.
00:56:10What I feel for you.
00:56:12Then we must be completely honest with each other.
00:56:16I promise you, darling.
00:56:18The only lying I've ever done is here, beside you.
00:56:22But I told you a lie.
00:56:24You're not married?
00:56:26No.
00:56:28Then don't tell me, darling.
00:56:30It was about the day we first met.
00:56:32I don't care.
00:56:34And I told you I was the boss.
00:56:36It's not important, darling.
00:56:38You mean you're not the boss?
00:56:40Oh, yes, I'm the boss.
00:56:41It's not important, darling.
00:56:43Well, I, um...
00:56:45I told you that I was going to my dressmakers.
00:56:47Mmm.
00:56:48Actually, I was going to meet my fiancé.
00:56:51You see, I told you it wasn't important.
00:56:54Fiancé?
00:56:56Only because he's the man that my uncle wants me to marry.
00:57:00You mean you don't really feel for him?
00:57:03Well, he's very handsome.
00:57:06Yeah?
00:57:07Very tall.
00:57:08Oh.
00:57:09Very rich.
00:57:10Oh.
00:57:12Looks and money aren't everything.
00:57:14He's a Viscount.
00:57:16Anything else?
00:57:18You've got to help me, darling.
00:57:20Mmm.
00:57:22What am I going to do?
00:57:24Do...
00:57:25Do...
00:57:27You silly, adorable little thing.
00:57:30You're going to tell this tall, rich, handsome, well-connected fiancé of yours
00:57:37to take a running jump.
00:57:40And then you're going to marry me.
00:57:42Oh, darling, yes, please.
00:57:45Mmm.
00:57:48Oh, my.
00:57:49Simon.
00:57:50Mmm.
00:57:51I'd be a lot happier...
00:57:54Yeah, in the bedroom.
00:57:56Oh, no.
00:57:57Oh.
00:57:58If I ran Gascoyne.
00:57:59Gascoyne?
00:58:00My fiancé.
00:58:02My ex-fiancé and told him.
00:58:04I'd be happier.
00:58:06Gascoyne.
00:58:07Extraordinary name.
00:58:09All right, darling.
00:58:10Anything to make you happy.
00:58:15Gascoyne.
00:58:18Uh, no, not there.
00:58:22Well, it is a private call, isn't it?
00:58:25Well, yes.
00:58:26There's an extension in the bedroom.
00:58:28Oh.
00:58:38You can sit on the bed.
00:58:56We can't drink this 30-bob nut, Benson.
00:58:58Where's the best?
00:59:00Do I understand a celebration is in order?
00:59:02You do, Benson.
00:59:04In positively record-breaking time.
00:59:06My future wife has not only been hooked and played,
00:59:08but landed.
00:59:10My heartiest congratulations, sir.
00:59:13I always knew you had it in you.
00:59:15Yes.
00:59:17150,000, Nicker.
00:59:19Oh.
00:59:21The best.
00:59:22Thank you, Benson.
00:59:26Happy, Nicker.
00:59:32Uncle Arthur.
00:59:35Just like selling drink to an alcoholic.
00:59:38My heartiest congratulations, dear.
00:59:40I always knew you had it in you.
01:00:05What do you want?
01:00:10Oh, I'm sorry, madam.
01:00:12I'll come back later.
01:00:13Oh, yes.
01:00:14Any excuse for dodging work.
01:00:15Oh, no, madam.
01:00:17It's just that I have no wish to disturb you.
01:00:19You should have thought of that before you assaulted me yesterday.
01:00:23You were going to say something?
01:00:25Me, madam?
01:00:26No, madam.
01:00:27Oh, I thought maybe you were going to thank me
01:00:29for the fact that you still have your job this morning.
01:00:31Oh, yes.
01:00:32That's it, madam.
01:00:33You're lying, woman.
01:00:34No, I really am most grateful.
01:00:36Why?
01:00:37Why?
01:00:38What why?
01:00:39Why what?
01:00:40Why are you so terrified of losing your job?
01:00:43I'm sorry.
01:00:44I can't tell you.
01:00:46You're a suspicious character.
01:00:47We can't have suspicious characters running about the hotel.
01:00:49I think I ought to report you to the manager.
01:00:52No.
01:00:54Wait.
01:00:55Well?
01:00:56Please don't be hasty.
01:00:57I'm not a suspicious character.
01:00:59I just want to get on with my job.
01:01:01Well, in the first place, then, you can run my bath.
01:01:03Yes, madam.
01:01:04I think I can manage to do that.
01:01:06Not too hot.
01:01:08And not too cold.
01:01:10Not too hot.
01:01:12And not too cold.
01:01:15And wait a minute.
01:01:16Bring me coffee and toast.
01:01:18Coffee and toast.
01:01:20And don't be all day about it.
01:01:21Unless you want to be an ex-chambermaid.
01:01:23Of course not, madam.
01:01:28I must speak to Mr. Rendicott.
01:01:34Mr. Rendicott?
01:01:35Who's that?
01:01:36Agnes Russell.
01:01:38Oh, good morning, Miss Russell.
01:01:39And how are you?
01:01:40Terrible.
01:01:41Good, good.
01:01:42Oh, shut up, you awful lesson.
01:01:44Hang on.
01:01:45The toast's burning.
01:01:54Hello?
01:01:55I want your advice.
01:01:56Regarding the toast?
01:01:58No.
01:01:59Regarding this ridiculous situation that Henry's put me into.
01:02:02It is utterly impossible.
01:02:04And I want to contest the will on grounds of insanity.
01:02:07Oh, my dear.
01:02:08I'm so sorry.
01:02:09Have they actually certified you?
01:02:11Not me.
01:02:12Him.
01:02:13As sure as eggs, the man was that.
01:02:15Oh, my God, the eggs.
01:02:23Now, about my problem.
01:02:26Quick.
01:02:27See to the Kittelketty.
01:02:28See to the what?
01:02:29Look, is there anything you can do about this ridiculous situation of Henry's?
01:02:33Oh, that.
01:02:34Oh, no, no, no.
01:02:35Not a thing.
01:02:36If you want that 150,000 pounds, you'll have to carry out the will to the letter.
01:02:40It's cast iron.
01:02:41Yes.
01:02:42Clever chap, Henry.
01:02:43Yes.
01:02:44Um, is there anything else?
01:02:46No.
01:02:48Nothing.
01:02:51Bad news, love.
01:02:54Disastrous.
01:02:55Oh, what is it?
01:02:58Oh, my God, the toaster.
01:02:59Don't I?
01:03:01Oh, don't do it to me.
01:03:13What's the holdup?
01:03:14Oh, don't.
01:03:15Oh, you clumsy oaf.
01:03:20No, no.
01:03:21Don't touch that.
01:03:22Let it go or I'll kill you.
01:03:26Would you be kind enough to lend me a hand?
01:03:28Yes, of course, Russell.
01:03:29At once.
01:03:56Ah!
01:04:05So this is the Secret Service.
01:04:07Hello, dear.
01:04:08Yes.
01:04:09You're supposed to be behind the Iron Curtain.
01:04:11No.
01:04:12Well, the fact is I haven't quite gone yet.
01:04:14Liar.
01:04:16What's in that parcel?
01:04:17Oh, this.
01:04:18It's a tape recorder.
01:04:20Vital information from a certain foreign embassy.
01:04:23Really, Denniston, I am not a fool, even though I may look it.
01:04:26I quite agree.
01:04:28You're not.
01:04:38It's a brick.
01:04:39Good God!
01:04:40The Red Swine.
01:04:42I've been double-crossed.
01:04:43So have I.
01:04:44Really?
01:04:45By whom?
01:04:46You, you rotter.
01:04:47I am going to apply to Commandant Borthwaite for a posting in the East.
01:04:51Clacton is very bracing.
01:04:53The Far East.
01:04:54Goodbye.
01:04:56Elizabeth.
01:04:57Darling.
01:04:58My pet.
01:05:01Blast you, Henry Russell.
01:05:02You can take your inheritance and...
01:05:16He did it.
01:05:17I saw you.
01:05:18You smashed my window.
01:05:19What are you going to do about it?
01:05:22Police!
01:05:23You smashed my window.
01:05:24What's this all about?
01:05:46Miss Heath, would you mind looking after my counter while I'm gone?
01:05:49How long will you be?
01:05:50It's, um, rather hard to say.
01:06:21Good morning.
01:06:22Good morning.
01:06:23We'd like to speak to Mr. Wagstaff, please.
01:06:25Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
01:06:26Mr. Wagstaff will not be available till 12.15.
01:06:28Oh, this is a very important matter.
01:06:29I really must insist.
01:06:30Anything the matter, Miss Heath?
01:06:32Well, I'm just trying to explain to this gentleman
01:06:34that he cannot see Mr. Wagstaff till 12.15.
01:06:36And we can't wait?
01:06:37Well, you'll just have to, won't you?
01:06:39Mr. Wagstaff insists.
01:06:40Inspector Foley, CID.
01:06:41Oh.
01:06:42This is Sergeant Foley.
01:06:43This is Sergeant Foley.
01:06:44This is Sergeant Foley.
01:06:45This is Sergeant Foley.
01:06:46This is Sergeant Foley.
01:06:47This is Sergeant Foley.
01:06:48This is Sergeant Foley.
01:06:49This is Sergeant Mason.
01:06:50I think you'd better take us in immediately.
01:06:52Yes, of course, sir.
01:06:53Immediately.
01:06:54We're always only too happy to cooperate with the police.
01:06:57One moment, please.
01:07:04This way, gentlemen, if you please.
01:07:14One moment.
01:07:17I'm busy.
01:07:20I'm so sorry to disturb you, sir,
01:07:22but these gentlemen are police officers.
01:07:24But these gentlemen are police officers.
01:07:48Watch it, you swan.
01:07:50You're a twitch and you're a gunner.
01:07:54Get back! Get back! Get back, you dogs!
01:08:01Well done, Russell.
01:08:02Damn good show.
01:08:03Don't mention it, Waggles.
01:08:04Funny enough, you know, it's only a water pistol.
01:08:07What?
01:08:08Yes, look.
01:08:09Get hands up!
01:08:10No, wait!
01:08:11Get him up!
01:08:12Get him up!
01:08:13What's all that racket?
01:08:14Don't worry, missy.
01:08:15Just a held-up.
01:08:16Put that damn thing away, will you?
01:08:18What's all that racket?
01:08:20Don't worry, missy.
01:08:21Just a held-up.
01:08:22Put that damn thing away, Russell.
01:08:48Here, why go to all this trouble for old vinegar guts?
01:08:54You're only to get a mention in her will.
01:08:56Oh, God forbid.
01:08:57Well, the way you pander to her, you must be after something.
01:09:00Well, it's not her will I'm after.
01:09:01Yeah, but I mean, this is...
01:09:02No, I have to tell you, I can't say anything at the moment,
01:09:04but I will in a day or two,
01:09:06providing I don't get the sack first.
01:09:10Oh, bluss.
01:09:11This iron's packed in again.
01:09:13Well, there's a spare one on the next floor.
01:09:14Shall I get it for you?
01:09:15No, I'll get it.
01:09:16It won't take me a minute.
01:09:17If you'll just watch me to bang the legs, please.
01:09:19Yes.
01:09:30All right, all right.
01:09:32I've only got one pair of hands.
01:09:37I'm coming.
01:09:47Well, I hope this one's all right,
01:09:49because Mrs. Craig wants this blouse when she...
01:10:01Kitty, where's the breakfast? What's happened?
01:10:04I took it in to her.
01:10:05She wasn't there.
01:10:06She just popped across the hall for a minute,
01:10:08so I left the tray in her room and scrammed.
01:10:10You forgot the sugar.
01:10:12And Mrs. Craig loves sugar.
01:10:13She smuggles everything in sugar, and you forgot the sugar.
01:10:15Oh, don't worry.
01:10:16I took the other sugar bowl.
01:10:29Terribly sorry, madam.
01:10:30I can't understand it.
01:10:31Oh, there you are, Russell.
01:10:33Did you try to poison Mrs. Craig?
01:10:36Poison her?
01:10:37Well, of course I didn't.
01:10:38She says she didn't, Mrs. Craig.
01:10:40Naturally, she denied it.
01:10:41But who else would put salt in the sugar bowl on my breakfast tray?
01:10:44Oh, there must be some mistake.
01:10:45We don't do room service.
01:10:47We can't get the staff, you know.
01:10:49Oh, graciously, you've got room service.
01:10:52How on earth did you manage it?
01:10:54Because the woman's a creeper.
01:10:56She's been tooting up to me ever since my arrival,
01:10:58when she deluged me with a bucket of water.
01:11:00Is this true, Russell?
01:11:02Well, the what of it, yes,
01:11:04but she pleaded with me not to report her.
01:11:06Well, I'm not a vindictive woman.
01:11:09But now she tries to poison me off by putting salt in the sugar bowl.
01:11:12Russell, how could you?
01:11:13Because she's a mean, ungrateful little skivvy.
01:11:16Skivvy?
01:11:18Yes, skivvy.
01:11:19I want her dismissed immediately.
01:11:21Oh, no.
01:11:22Ask her why she's so desperate to keep this job,
01:11:24and then perhaps you could ask the other hotel guests
01:11:27if they've lost anything lately.
01:11:29Are you accusing me of being a thief?
01:11:31If the cat fits, yes.
01:11:33You rotten old cow.
01:11:36Russell, collect your card and go.
01:11:38It's stamped up to the 19th.
01:11:39That was yesterday.
01:11:40We'll draw a veil over today and hope...
01:11:42Did you say yesterday was the 19th?
01:11:44I did.
01:11:45Then I've done my 28 days.
01:11:48I don't think that it makes any difference.
01:11:50Don't you?
01:11:51Well, stamp back and allow me to show you.
01:11:57She's gotten better.
01:12:00Russell, listen to me.
01:12:01Russell, listen to me.
01:12:02Russell, listen to me.
01:12:03Russell, listen to me.
01:12:04Russell, listen to me.
01:12:05Russell, listen to me.
01:12:06Russell, listen to me.
01:12:07Russell, listen to me.
01:12:08Russell, listen to me.
01:12:09Russell, listen to me.
01:12:10Russell, listen to me.
01:12:11Russell, listen to me.
01:12:12Russell, listen to me.
01:12:13Russell, listen to me.
01:12:14Russell, listen to me.
01:12:15Russell, listen to me.
01:12:16Russell, listen to me.
01:12:17Russell, listen to me.
01:12:18Russell, listen to me.
01:12:19Russell, listen to me.
01:12:20Russell, listen to me.
01:12:21Russell, listen to me.
01:12:22Russell, listen to me.
01:12:23Russell, listen to me.
01:12:24Russell, listen to me.
01:12:25Russell, listen to me.
01:12:26Russell, listen to me.
01:12:27I am, I am requesting.
01:12:31Ah!
01:12:33Ah, you sound cheerful enough, I must say.
01:12:35And why not?
01:12:36It's the best night's sleep I've had for years.
01:12:39You're going to need it, mate.
01:12:41Come on, you're next.
01:12:47I should wipe that smile off your face
01:12:49if you've got a new beak on the bench today.
01:12:51Ah, well, I must have my best for him then, mustn't I?
01:12:53Oh, I shouldn't bother, mate.
01:12:55He's up from an East End cold.
01:12:56He's bound to have it in for the upper classes.
01:12:58I'm not worried.
01:12:59I have absolute faith in British justice.
01:13:01And what is more,
01:13:02his daughter is sitting with the prosecuting counsel.
01:13:04She'll keep him up to the mark.
01:13:05Oh, bully for her.
01:13:06Up here.
01:13:07Huh?
01:13:26Number four on your list.
01:13:28Deniston Russell.
01:13:37Well, where do you think you're going?
01:13:39I've made a mistake.
01:13:40I've changed my mind.
01:13:41I didn't really mean to do it anyway.
01:13:43Get back there.
01:13:47James Deniston Russell.
01:13:49You are charged that on the 14th inst at number 38 Mayfair Street
01:13:53you did cause willful damage to a plate glass window
01:13:56valued at 85 pounds.
01:13:58Further that at the same place
01:14:00you did assault police constable Charles Baker
01:14:03in the execution of his duty
01:14:05and that you did resist the said constable
01:14:07in the execution of that duty.
01:14:09You plead guilty or not guilty?
01:14:11Ah, ah, well, now.
01:14:14How shall I put it?
01:14:16May I just say that unhappy
01:14:19and somewhat peculiar circumstances
01:14:22have forced me into a certain course of action
01:14:26which had I dreamed that they would have led me
01:14:30into this unfortunate situation
01:14:32I now find myself in.
01:14:35The prisoner pleads not guilty.
01:14:37Hmm?
01:14:42I swear by almighty God that the evidence...
01:14:45I demand a hearing.
01:14:46Let her out of here.
01:14:48Take it easy now.
01:14:51You can't put me off like this, you fascist hyena.
01:14:55I want to give evidence.
01:14:57That man is innocent.
01:14:58They all are, miss.
01:14:59Now, look.
01:15:00You hang on here nice and quiet
01:15:02and I'll see what I can do.
01:15:04Whereupon the accused laid his umbrella
01:15:06along the side of my helmet
01:15:08in a malicious manner
01:15:09at which point I apprehended him
01:15:11and escorted him to wit, the accused,
01:15:13to the police station
01:15:14where he was duly charged as heretofore.
01:15:16Yes.
01:15:18You heard the constable's evidence, Captain Russell.
01:15:21Have you anything you wish to say?
01:15:23Not at the moment, sir,
01:15:24but if you and your charming daughter
01:15:26would care to dine with me
01:15:27in, say, 28 days' time...
01:15:29Quiet!
01:15:30If you've anything to say,
01:15:31you'll damn well say it now, all right?
01:15:36Have you anyone to speak on your behalf?
01:15:39No.
01:15:40Unless the noble Portia over there
01:15:43cares to make any observation
01:15:45about the quality of mercy being not strained.
01:15:47Sure.
01:15:48Shakespeare, actually.
01:15:52Silence in court.
01:15:54Excuse me, sir.
01:15:55There's a lady outside
01:15:56who'd like to give evidence in this case.
01:15:58Well, call her, then. Call her.
01:15:59If there's any explanation
01:16:00of this extraordinary business,
01:16:01I'd like to hear it.
01:16:05Don't you worry, Captain Russell.
01:16:06I won't let them do anything to you.
01:16:08Oh, no, really. You're very kind,
01:16:09but you mustn't.
01:16:10This way, miss.
01:16:17Swear by mighty God,
01:16:18truth held true.
01:16:19It's nothing but sweat we got.
01:16:20Sheila Wilcox, 21, Juniper Drive, Ealing,
01:16:22secretary to the captain there,
01:16:23and it's all a pack of lies!
01:16:27But the fellow's admitted
01:16:28he threw a brick through the window.
01:16:30Temporary insanity, that's what it is.
01:16:32From overwork.
01:16:33Overwork?
01:16:34But I know this man.
01:16:36He hasn't done a stroke of work
01:16:37since he left the army,
01:16:38and I very much doubt
01:16:39if he did any before that.
01:16:40That man there
01:16:41is one of the greatest
01:16:42living English novelists.
01:16:44Nonsense!
01:16:45I read all the time.
01:16:46I've never even read a thing
01:16:47by Dennison Russell.
01:16:48But you must have heard
01:16:49of Merton Summersbee.
01:16:52Jeremy Sinclair?
01:16:55Gloria Trubshaw?
01:16:57Gloria Trubshaw?
01:16:58Is there another woman in the case,
01:16:59you damned philanderer?
01:17:00No, those are just some of the names
01:17:02the captain uses.
01:17:03Aliases, eh?
01:17:05Here's bloody justice for you.
01:17:06You watch your language, young woman,
01:17:08or I'll have you for contempt of court.
01:17:10It's a book.
01:17:12Bloody justice by Gloria Trubshaw.
01:17:15Did you write this, Miss Trubshaw?
01:17:18I mean, Captain Russell.
01:17:20Yes.
01:17:23Have you anything further to say, Miss Wilkert?
01:17:27No.
01:17:30Except that he's a very nice man,
01:17:31and he wouldn't hurt a fly,
01:17:32and if he did these things,
01:17:33then he shouldn't be here at all.
01:17:35He should be having medical attention.
01:17:37Or maybe just...
01:17:39Or maybe just someone who understands
01:17:41to look after him.
01:17:46That's all.
01:17:47Thank you, Miss Wilkert.
01:17:48You may stand down.
01:18:02I find the case proved.
01:18:04Anything known?
01:18:05No, sir.
01:18:06Hmm. Amazing.
01:18:09It is always a tragedy
01:18:10to see a man of your upbringing
01:18:12standing in the dock.
01:18:13Although, Mark, you in your case,
01:18:15I'd always half expected it.
01:18:17Had you offered any explanation,
01:18:19however ludicrous,
01:18:20for your remarkable behavior,
01:18:22I might have been able to adopt
01:18:23a different course of action.
01:18:25But you have left me with no option
01:18:27but to send you to prison.
01:18:29You may not realize it,
01:18:30but it lies within my powers
01:18:31to put you away for three months.
01:18:33However, for a number of reasons,
01:18:35half of which I don't understand myself,
01:18:37I shall send you to prison
01:18:39for a total of seven days.
01:18:41Seven days?
01:18:43Oh, no, I'm afraid that's no good at all.
01:18:45Did you say something?
01:18:46Yes.
01:18:48Seven days?
01:18:49For what I've done?
01:18:50That's ridiculous.
01:18:51If I may be permitted to say so, sir,
01:18:53you are a pompous ass.
01:18:55I'll show you who's a pompous ass
01:18:57at another seven.
01:18:58In case your tiny mind
01:18:59isn't too hot a tradition,
01:19:00that still only makes 14.
01:19:02My tiny mind make it another seven.
01:19:04Good show.
01:19:05That makes 21.
01:19:06Still not enough.
01:19:07Uh, well, I'm not surprised, really.
01:19:09The way you conduct this court is abysmal.
01:19:11You couldn't even conduct a 28 bus.
01:19:1328 days!
01:19:15Bingo! Thank you, Mr. Charleston.
01:19:17Oh, get him out of my sight.
01:19:19And you can consider yourself damn lucky
01:19:21they haven't brought back the cat.
01:19:23Oh!
01:19:26Oh!
01:19:28Well, chin up.
01:19:29It's only 28 days.
01:19:31Exactly.
01:19:32Then back to bloodlust.
01:19:33And Elizabeth?
01:19:34Elizabeth?
01:19:35Never.
01:19:36She fired her last salvo in court.
01:19:37Sank without trace.
01:19:38Really?
01:19:39She's gone out of my life for good.
01:19:40Miss Wilcott.
01:19:41Please call me Sheila.
01:19:42Namaste.
01:19:43That's against the law.
01:19:44No, it isn't.
01:19:45I can call her Sheila if I want to.
01:19:47Sheila.
01:19:49Deniston.
01:19:50Oh.
01:19:51How long, sir?
01:19:52See you in four weeks for bloodlust.
01:19:54By Deniston Russell.
01:19:57You seem very happy, sir.
01:19:58Uh, why not?
01:19:59It's the happiest day of my...
01:20:02La la la la la di la la la la di la la la di la
01:20:07Oh...
01:20:09I have to excuse myself.
01:20:10The solemnity of the occasion I'm quite overcome.
01:20:12Oh, dear old Benson.
01:20:14You shan't be forgotten.
01:20:15He's been a tower of strength.
01:20:17In fact, I guess if I was to say,
01:20:18if it wasn't for Benson,
01:20:19we wouldn't be standing here like this today.
01:20:22Oh, I believe you, darling.
01:20:24All right, Benson. Thank you.
01:20:26Excuse me, sir. Would you mind terribly if I left you for a short while?
01:20:29Not at all, Benson. You run along and enjoy yourself.
01:20:32I know we will.
01:20:34Come back in a couple of days or so, tidy up, make the bed.
01:20:38Very good, sir.
01:20:39Good-bye, sir.
01:20:40And madam.
01:20:41Good-bye, Benson, and thank you for everything.
01:20:43Oh, thank you, sir.
01:20:45And I'd like to say thank you for everything, too.
01:20:50A pleasure, I assure you, ma'am.
01:20:56Darling, I don't want to be the heavy-handed husband,
01:20:58but did you have to kiss Benson like that?
01:21:00Oh, why not, darling? After all, he is my uncle.
01:21:09Uncle?
01:21:11You said your uncle was head of the family business.
01:21:14Oh, yes.
01:21:16You said your uncle was head of the family business.
01:21:19Oh, just head of the family, darling.
01:21:22We've given you the business.
01:21:27Why don't you sit down?
01:21:29You look a bit shattered.
01:21:31Shattered?
01:21:33Do you realize what you are?
01:21:35A fraud?
01:21:36Yeah, that's it, a fraud.
01:21:38A mean, scheming, little confidence trickster.
01:21:41Yes, that about sums me up.
01:21:43What about you?
01:21:44I'm a poor, innocent lamb,
01:21:46led to the slaughter by the thought of possessing a beautiful woman.
01:21:50And one and a half million.
01:21:53We'll make a lovely couple.
01:21:55I was in love with you.
01:21:57I love you, too.
01:22:03How will I know?
01:22:05Try me.
01:22:07Huh?
01:22:14And there's more proof if you want it.
01:22:19I want it.
01:22:25Yes, well, now.
01:22:27I think everything's in order, yes.
01:22:29Now, yes.
01:22:31Marriage certificate.
01:22:33Oh, yes.
01:22:35Newspaper headline.
01:22:37Prison discharge.
01:22:40And employee's insurance card stamped for one month.
01:22:45If I may be permitted to say so, Miss Russell,
01:22:48I admire your achievement more than anyone else's.
01:22:51Thank you, Mr. Endicott. You're most kind.
01:22:53A bit too kind. You'd better watch him, Maggie.
01:22:56Mr. Simon, I hope you're not suggesting that I...
01:23:00Stop blowing your teeth about, old boy.
01:23:02Get on with the will.
01:23:04Oh, yes, the will. Yes, that's up to Henry.
01:23:07This way, please.
01:23:09Oh, roughly translated.
01:23:11Just a word from our sponsor.
01:23:15Oh, right.
01:23:24Hello again.
01:23:25Hello, Henry. Hello.
01:23:27I'll bet you were all cursing me two months ago.
01:23:31Oh, no.
01:23:33No, quite the contrary.
01:23:34Don't be so bloody hypocritical. Of course you were.
01:23:37Anyway, I hope you're all better,
01:23:40more complete and more understanding people
01:23:43as a result of your recent experiences.
01:23:48Yes, indeed.
01:23:49They've given me a branch managership.
01:23:51I've learned a thing or two myself.
01:23:54And I'm a far, far better woman than I ever was before.
01:23:58Well, let's just see if you are all better,
01:24:02more complete, more understanding.
01:24:05Here's a little joke to test your sense of humour.
01:24:09A joke? I like a good joke.
01:24:11Yes, I do.
01:24:13I died without a penny.
01:24:17Flat broke.
01:24:19Busted.
01:24:20And the funniest thing about this joke is
01:24:23it isn't a joke.
01:24:25None of you gets a blasted thing.
01:24:28You went all through that for nothing.
01:24:55Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha
01:25:26Oh, God.
01:25:27What's so funny?
01:25:30We haven't got a penny.
01:25:33What?
01:25:34He didn't leave us a bean.
01:25:37Nothing.
01:25:39Oh, God.
01:25:40Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha
01:26:10Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha
01:26:40Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha