A 12-year-old boy finds that he can call up his ancestors for help whenever he needs to do so or when he is in trouble.
S2 E3 "Hassles with Castles". With Michael Jayston, Anthony Lewis, Samia Longchambon, Alex Carter, Jacqueline Naylor, Mark Hearne.
S2 E3 "Hassles with Castles". With Michael Jayston, Anthony Lewis, Samia Longchambon, Alex Carter, Jacqueline Naylor, Mark Hearne.
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
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00:40I spy with my little eye
00:42something beginning with
00:44T-W-P-T-G-A-Double-T-O-Double-T-H
00:46Do you give in?
00:48That wooden pole
00:50that goes across
00:52the top of the tent horizontally.
00:54I've already had that one.
00:56We could play indoor athletics!
00:58We could play indoor athletics.
01:01I think I'll see if it's raining yet.
01:03What for?
01:04I like rain.
01:05I mean, there's no point in camping if you don't.
01:17Oh, no!
01:18What?
01:19It's the grown-ups!
01:28La la la la la la
01:37Allez!
01:42On!
01:45To!
01:49Let's go!
01:53What did they say?
01:58I'm red!
02:08Come on!
02:20What balls!
02:28Come on!
02:38Come on!
02:58Well, what's it say?
03:02Norman Reenactment Society.
03:14Same time tomorrow then?
03:16I'll see what I can do.
03:24What you lost?
03:26Hank.
03:28Who?
03:29Hank.
03:30Oh, what, Hank is in your tortoise?
03:32He's gone workabouts again.
03:34Hank!
03:36I'd give you an hand, but I really need to think.
03:38Have you been attacked by the Normans again?
03:40I've told you, you should tell them.
03:42An Englishman's tent is his castle.
03:44Hank!
03:46Hank!
03:56Hank!
04:12Shh!
04:14Shh!
04:24Shh!
04:34Shh!
04:44Shh!
05:00Why?
05:02Shh!
05:06Just wait till tomorrow.
05:08Shh!
05:14Shh!
05:22No, no, no, no.
05:24No.
05:26Ah!
05:28Here we are.
05:30Nick the Mason.
05:32Castle builder.
05:34An Anglo-Saxon architect who, in his later years,
05:36was forced into early retirement.
05:38His castles, he claimed, were magnificent structures
05:40that stood the test of time.
05:43Unfortunately, none did.
05:47Have I spelled it right?
05:49Yep. H-A-N-K.
05:58Aw!
06:02Adam.
06:03Nick?
06:04The Mason.
06:06Castles to the gentry.
06:08So, what do you want, dear boy?
06:12You have been normand.
06:28Normans.
06:30What on earth is a reenactment society?
06:34Hmm.
06:36Well, it's a bunch of grown-ups
06:38who, like, dress up and act out battles
06:40when they're not at work.
06:42They're nothing but trouble.
06:44I mean, with it being the holidays,
06:46me and my mates are out camping.
06:48So every day we put up the tent
06:50and every day they come and flatten it.
06:52There's no talking to them.
06:54What is a norman?
06:56So, these aren't real normans?
06:59Oh, no. I think they're librarians.
07:02Well, thank the moon and stars for that.
07:04For if these were real normans,
07:06we'd be in real trouble.
07:09Nick.
07:11How come?
07:13I am a castle builder.
07:16For 40 years or more, I built castles.
07:19Magnificent structures that dominated the skyline,
07:22the length and breadth of this fair land.
07:24For 40 years, my life's work stood firm,
07:28stood proud.
07:30And then came the normans.
07:34Over the seas they came.
07:37Thousands of them.
07:39They came, they saw, and they conquered too.
07:49You call that a castle?
07:51They said.
07:53We don't like your castles.
07:55Why not?
07:57They are not big enough.
07:59Well, size isn't everything.
08:08It was no use.
08:10They wouldn't listen.
08:12And they destroyed every last one.
08:17And that, my dear boy, is a norman.
08:22They are black-hearted, murderous swine
08:26who will stop at nothing in their evil pursuit
08:28of money, power and conquest.
08:32So, what you're suggesting is
08:35that we put up the subs by Tuppence a quarter?
08:39You're going to make yourself very unpopular
08:42coming up with suggestions like that, Wilf.
08:46But I see your point, and I think it's a good one.
08:50Veronica!
08:52Can you stop knitting for a second?
08:55It's very disturbing.
08:57Can you stop knitting for a second?
09:00It's very distracting.
09:02Now, then, matters arising.
09:06I'd just like to say well done
09:09to everyone who took part in yesterday's attack.
09:13If that group of boys think they can pitch their tent
09:16on our sacred battle site, they've got another thing coming.
09:20We've been running up and down that hill
09:23every public holiday since 1971
09:26and, by golly, gumshoes, we intend to go on doing so
09:30as long as there's Norman blood coursing through our veins.
09:35And why's that, eh?
09:39Because...
09:41We are Normans!
09:44We are Normans!
09:46We are Normans!
09:49We are Normans!
09:51Hey!
09:53Where's Adam?
09:55He said he'd think of something.
09:57I've just thought of something.
09:59I bet we all get flattened again.
10:09Oh, they'll get flattened!
10:11Well, of course they will, and it'll serve them jolly well right.
10:14Look where you've chosen to build.
10:17You could not have picked a worse site.
10:19Could we not? No, of course not.
10:21You see, you're in a valley. Which means?
10:23You're in the most vulnerable position imaginable.
10:26You can't see your enemy, but they can see you.
10:30Looks a flimsy structure at best.
10:32And I should imagine if you so much as rolled a brace of turnips down there,
10:35they'd flatten it good and proper.
10:37Come on, let's move it, then. No, no, no, no, no, no.
10:39No? No, yes.
10:42First we must gauge the strength of our enemy,
10:46assess their tactics,
10:48pinpoint their weaknesses and...
10:51...hide them.
11:07I hear, with my little ear, something beginning with N.
11:15That doesn't begin with N.
11:22HE SCREAMS
11:25Watch out!
11:27I get it!
11:29Ah, me head!
11:37You know, I'm getting right sick of this.
11:40Where have you been?
11:42Sorry, lads. I brought help.
11:44Where? Behind the old bloke?
11:46No, it is the old bloke.
11:48Who's he?
11:49It's my Uncle Nick.
11:51What, the old bloke?
11:56Oh, dear.
12:09He is old, isn't he?
12:11Adam says he's 991.
12:14HE WHISTLES
12:16Listen carefully.
12:18If you wish to end these attacks,
12:21then consider the enemy.
12:24Let that be our starting point. Consider the enemy.
12:27There are five of them, five, and there are five of you.
12:31Seven if we count you.
12:34Ow!
12:36You are equal in number, but they are bigger than you are.
12:39Oh, are they? Didn't realise that.
12:41You see, we normally stay in the tent.
12:43Or sit with our heads in our hands.
12:45Or panic.
12:46Then calm yourself and arm yourself with the knowledge we have.
12:49Now, their tactics are these.
12:53We know they always attack from here in the north.
12:56And herein lies their weakness.
12:58They are predictable.
13:00So we move our position from here to a much stronger one there
13:04and defend here in the south.
13:06What about the tent?
13:08Tent? No, I don't think so.
13:11Today we were defeated.
13:13But now we build for tomorrow.
13:44Hi!
13:49Well, hello.
14:43To you.
14:53To you.
15:04Now, let's see them conquer that.
15:13Go!
15:25Allez!
15:40Another Norman conquest.
15:42What do we say?
15:45My word.
15:51Oh, Wilf.
15:53A tactical withdrawal is called for at this point, I think.
15:58Allez!
16:02Well, that's shown them.
16:04I was assured.
16:06Although the battle may be won, I fear the war is not yet over.
16:13We should be safe enough here.
16:16Well, that's that then, isn't it?
16:18I mean, a tent's one thing, a castle's another.
16:22Len!
16:24I can't see the point of me being up all night knitting chain mail
16:27if it's not going to get used.
16:29I mean, if there's no battle, there'll be no snagging.
16:32And if there's no snagging, there'll be no knitting.
16:35And if there's no knitting, there'll be no knitting.
16:38And if there's no snagging, there'll be no knitting.
16:41And if there's no knitting, I'll be out of a job
16:44and they'll send me back to that place.
16:50What?
16:52Bournemouth?
16:54Yes.
16:56Veronica!
16:58We're talking about what amounts to an impenetrable castle.
17:05Well, can't we just run round it?
17:07Run round it?
17:10Run round it?
17:12We can't run round it!
17:16Well, look, silly.
17:20For 26 years now, we've let nothing stand in our way.
17:26Run round it?
17:28It would be betraying everything we stand for.
17:31By golly, gumshoes, I might as well spend me holidays
17:35enjoying myself like normal people.
17:39No.
17:41We reconvene August bank holiday.
17:45I am the leader.
17:47And what I say goes.
17:49And I say we leave it.
17:52Wilf?
17:55Wilf?
17:58Wilf?
18:00We smash it!
18:02Wilf?
18:05Wilf?
18:12I spy, my little eye, something beginning with T.
18:18T?
18:19T.
18:20Oh, thanks.
18:21Always like a nice cup of tea before a battle.
18:23What's it made out of?
18:25Boiled worms, grass and nettles.
18:31Now, you know what to do.
18:34So, you sure they'll...
18:36Oh, yes, they'll attack again. Don't you worry about that.
18:39Only this time, I think, with a new and perhaps stronger leader.
18:45I have snapped a tree in half.
18:49This is ignorant.
18:52I also have many muscles and some teeth missing.
18:57This makes me a brute.
19:00A too, Brutus.
19:03The time has come for brute force and ignorance.
19:08That's right.
19:09Now, like true Normans, empty your minds.
19:15Pick up thy tree trunk and charge!
19:20Charge!
19:22Hark!
19:23Hark!
19:26Hark!
19:32Hark!
19:40Nick!
19:46Prepare for battle!
19:51I will!
19:55Steady. Steady. Steady.
19:59Now!
20:02Charge!
20:13Stand by catapult. Now!
20:29Stand by rope.
20:32Heave!
20:35Go, Adam.
20:41What the...
20:43This was a mistake.
20:47What's going on here?
20:54What's that?
20:56Go, Mr Davidson.
20:59Stand firm and hold the ground.
21:02They're buckling, Mr Davidson.
21:08A final surge, if you'd be so kind, Mr Davidson.
21:24I say.
21:27Hooray!
21:29Nice line, Johns.
21:31Hooray!
21:33Hooray!
21:35Go on to France.
21:37See you.
21:46You realise, of course, we're finished, completely finished.
21:49It's the end of an era.
21:51Good afternoon, madam.
21:53Oh, hello.
21:54Useless.
21:55You let a great balloon like him take the line!
22:02Well, congratulations, everyone.
22:04The Normans knocked down every single castle I ever built.
22:08But today, thanks to you, there's at least one that even they,
22:12albeit pretendy Normans, could not conquer.
22:15And you've no idea how happy that makes me.
22:18Thank you. Thank you all.
22:21Was it Tractor?
22:23Eh?
22:24When he said, I spy something beginning with T, was it Tractor?
22:27Oh, no. Tortoise.
22:30Where?
22:32There.
22:33Where?
22:34There.
22:35Where?
22:36There.
22:41Hello.
22:43Jane?
22:45Mum?
22:46Oh, that's nice.
22:48What is it?
22:49That, my dear lady, is a structure so sound and so sturdy
22:52that not even a Norman invasion could raise it to the ground.
22:56Hank!
23:05Sorry, what was that you were saying?
23:09Don't you run off like that again, do you understand?
23:17Well, never mind. Have a stick of celery.
23:22Come on, Nick.
23:24If it hadn't been for your castle, we'd never have beaten the Normans.
23:27Yeah, you can't legislate for tortoises.
23:29Ow!
23:31You're very kind, boys, and I know you mean well.
23:34But perhaps there's a lesson for me here.
23:37The bigger they are, the harder they fall.
23:42All is vanity.
23:44All is vanity.
23:46All is vanity.
23:48All is vanity.
23:50All is vanity.
23:54Only peaceful coexistence offers long-term security.
23:59No.
24:00Well, what then?
24:02Don't build castles out of hay and old tyres.
24:07Do you think Hank is French?
24:11Will it by any chance be one of my herbal love potions you're after?
24:16Nobody fancies me.
24:18Adam! Adam!
24:21Jason, the lass is one who kisses and the lad's one who whitters.
24:24I don't know which scares me the most.
24:26They look very serious, Adam.
24:29Adam! Adam! Adam!
24:32Safety, haven't you, Adam?