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00:00So, why do you think people would want to watch you survive when it goes iron?
00:09I think there'll be an awful lot of people who hope that I never come back.
00:12Goodbye, thank you.
00:14What happened if he got washed out to sea?
00:15Well, there we go.
00:16Right, okay, this is it now.
00:17This is what you waited for.
00:22In the last 18 months, my life has totally unravelled.
00:26Shamed, disgraced Phillip Stofield.
00:29I locked myself away from the outside world.
00:31This is such a chunk of my life that I've just been sad.
00:36But now, I want to see if the ultimate isolation can finally set me free.
00:41I'm on my own.
00:43As I'm marooned on a desert island for 10 whole days.
00:47What day do you start to go a little bit bonkers?
00:50Go on, get out of it!
00:54Just going through a bit of an angry, bitter stage, like some television presenter.
01:02Will this be my opportunity for reflection?
01:05Coming out's just given me more anguish.
01:08Or will I be consumed by my inner demons?
01:11There is definitely a noise in that direction.
01:17I know what I did was unwise.
01:20I think another TV presenter or two might have done exactly the same thing.
01:23There is so much more I could say.
01:28But can I turn a corner?
01:30This is another world.
01:31It's nice to discover new things about yourself.
01:35And unearth a new path for myself.
01:37I will find a way.
01:39I will not be defeated.
01:42I just feel my toxicity tanks emptying out.
01:48And being completely alone 24 hours a day.
01:51I'll be slammed for this.
01:53Philip Schofield, mad rant!
01:55Who knows what will happen?
01:57When you throw someone under a bus, you've got to have a really bloody good reason to do it.
02:11Now, Philip Schofield will be along to introduce Children's BBC.
02:15Hold on a second, I want to talk about the programmes today, Gordon.
02:18Just hold on.
02:19I love telly.
02:21I did it for 41 years.
02:23We'll race through the phone calls, we'll get as many done as we can.
02:26You know, I've lived ten lives in telly.
02:29You know, I've had a charmed life.
02:31And I loved every bit of it.
02:33Gordon, thank you very much indeed for the past six years, it's been fabulous.
02:36And then the theatre came along.
02:41And you end up standing on the London Palladium stage, more scared than I've ever been.
02:46My time in the theatre was just fabulous.
02:51No, you don't, you little pig, you've already had yours.
02:54And then along comes This Morning.
02:57Well, hello and welcome to your Thursday, This Morning.
03:01But what a treat, what a joy, what a privilege.
03:04OK, so obviously you might have noticed we're still wearing the same clothes.
03:08Having a laugh and having a cry.
03:10And when I came out on TV, the response was amazingly supportive.
03:14When you made that announcement, you came out,
03:16you didn't know what the reaction was going to be, and it's been so positive.
03:19It's been amazing.
03:21I mean, I know how lucky I am, I know how fortunate I've been.
03:24It's been a good career.
03:28When it all came to a sudden, very abrupt end,
03:31you know, one minute you're there and then the next minute you're gone,
03:34you know what it feels like to be cancelled.
03:36And to be coldly reported in headline news.
03:39The presenter, Philip Schofield, has resigned from ITV
03:43after acknowledging that he had an affair
03:46with a younger male colleague at This Morning.
03:49It is like...
03:52..the biggest...
03:54..grenade going off in your life.
03:57And you know you've let people down,
04:00you know you've let yourself down,
04:02and you know that, you know,
04:05it was an unwise and unprofessional thing to do.
04:10I'm...
04:12..will be forever sorry.
04:14You know, I screwed up.
04:16I made a mistake.
04:18I hurt the people around me.
04:23There's fish if I can catch any.
04:25Could you catch me?
04:27I've never seen you fish.
04:30This is the first time I've sat in front of a camera
04:33since the worst day of my life.
04:37I've spent so much time reflecting,
04:39but if you do it in four walls,
04:42then nothing changes.
04:45Oh, my God, that does look lovely.
04:48But I am not doing this as a poor me.
04:51I don't think I have a right.
04:53I don't have a right to a poor me.
04:56What will you do without alcohol on the island?
05:00I know, I know.
05:02The family think it's a great idea,
05:05and we've talked a lot about it.
05:07None of them are particularly happy with the limelight,
05:10especially not the limelight I've given them recently.
05:12What people don't realise is that they batter you,
05:15but then there are other people affected.
05:17But some families can adapt.
05:19Some families can't.
05:21Without them...
05:23..I wouldn't be here.
05:27I'm happy with that.
05:29Weirdly, everything that's happened recently
05:32has made us closer.
05:34If you're OK,
05:36then we're OK and I'm OK.
05:39Are you OK? Yes.
05:43We've seen him in his lowest times.
05:49But I've been so proud of him.
05:52So proud of him.
05:59And as a daughter, to see the love that people have for him.
06:03But when it's taken away, it's just heartbreaking.
06:09There's no question, by doing this,
06:12you're popping your head back up above the parapet
06:16for the very few horrid people that there are out there.
06:19Of course, of course.
06:21Well, there'll be a lot of people who would hope
06:23that I would suffer horribly.
06:25And stay there. And stay there.
06:29On a desert island.
06:31You can't fake it. This is the real you.
06:34So you can't hide anything.
06:37And I really hope that people see him how we see him.
06:42Because he is just...
06:44..amazing.
06:46Are you going to miss us as well as the dog?
06:49That's the hardest thing.
06:51Not having you guys at the end of the phone
06:54or just popping around.
06:56That will be very hard.
06:58I hope that I have a positive experience for me.
07:05And that I am given a fair crack of the whip.
07:12Hopefully.
07:14After some final preparations and heartbreaking goodbyes,
07:19the reality of what I've agreed to do is starting to set in.
07:24Just after two o'clock in the morning
07:27and my head is spiralling.
07:31Am I setting myself up
07:33and think that I'm more capable than I am?
07:37At what point is my...
07:40..inherent romanticism going to fail me?
07:47One of the toughest things about doing this island challenge
07:50has been trying to keep it out of the hands of the British press.
07:53Want it to be picked up?
07:55We are trying to keep this secret.
07:58I'm apparently four to one to do the other Jungle programme.
08:02Although my best mates host it,
08:06there are some channels you just won't work for.
08:09There are just some people you won't work for.
08:12I've just got to get out of the country now
08:14without anyone thinking,
08:16where the hell is he going?
08:18Not flying out of Heathrow or Gatwick,
08:20because that would be too obvious.
08:22I'm on my way to get the Eurostar.
08:24Wherever you're going, have a great time.
08:26I haven't even told Tony.
08:28How long have you been with me?
08:3021 years.
08:3221 years.
08:37I've got to head for London.
08:39I've got to head for London.
08:44From Paris, it's another three flights and nearly 10,000km
08:50until I arrive in Madagascar, ready for survival training camp.
08:54Thank you very much.
08:56I'm here!
09:01It's taken something like 33 hours to get here
09:05and that is 15 minutes away from what I'll call,
09:09if you don't mind, my island.
09:11I have zero survival experience.
09:13Hello, Philip. How are you?
09:15So luckily, I'm getting a day's in-depth training.
09:18Oh, thank you. A little gift for you, sir.
09:20Even better.
09:22From ex-military survivalist Kev Newton.
09:24So what we're going to do is open up the coconuts
09:26using the machete.
09:28I've got a lovely bunch.
09:30You have got a lovely bunch of coconuts, Phil.
09:32And at a steep angle, thumbs clear,
09:34I'm just going to start chipping on through.
09:37Yeah, so what you have here is four litres of fluid.
09:40It's beautiful, you know. Yeah.
09:42This appeals to everything that I want to do.
09:44Look after myself, cook for myself,
09:46find my own food, find my own water, explore.
09:49So what we're going to do next, establish your shoulder.
09:52Yeah, this is where the wheels are going to come off.
09:54No, you'll be fine.
09:56If something goes wrong, it's my own stupid fault.
09:58If I'm moving through the jungle, I want this sheet.
10:01If I trip and fall, automatic response
10:03is to put your hands out
10:05and that is going straight where I don't want it.
10:07Yeah, OK.
10:09The DIY I'm really nervous about,
10:11because he can't, he can't do it.
10:13He can do a lot of things, but he can't do DIY.
10:15Make sure he's nice and square.
10:17A loop through the hole.
10:20Happy?
10:22Yeah. Perfect.
10:24And for the first time in my career...
10:26Right, so we've got a few camera bits for you.
10:29It's just me, no crew.
10:32This is your main camera.
10:34Apart from the odd drone flying overhead,
10:36I'll be filming myself for the entire time on the island.
10:40Anyone who knows me will know that I love cameras.
10:45My coping mechanism over there will be to get shots,
10:49get the close-up, get the wide shot.
10:51That's what I want to do.
10:53You feel comfortable with all of that?
10:55I do.
10:57I'm as ready as I will ever be,
10:59but there's always time for some final words of wisdom
11:02from my favourite survivalist.
11:04Phil, this is Joanna Lumley.
11:06Oh, my God.
11:08Listen, Phil, these are the tips I've got.
11:10Keep your knives sharp.
11:12Spend much of the day trying to find wood,
11:14otherwise you won't be able to eat anything.
11:16When I was on the island, I made a pair of shoes out of my bra.
11:19I know.
11:21And I'd love to think that you could do something a bit like that,
11:24a little bit challenging, and bring it back so we can all look at it.
11:27I should be thinking of you all the time, Phil.
11:29And, actually, I'm a little bit jealous.
11:31Lots of love.
11:33Oh, you darling, thank you so much.
11:36That's amazing.
11:44Finally, my new island home looms ahead.
11:49It's quite emotional, seeing it.
11:52Anchorea Island,
11:54towering at nearly 300 metres above the Indian Ocean.
11:58Right, OK, this is it now.
12:00This is what you waited for.
12:02Life is full of surprises.
12:04You just never know what's around the corner.
12:06And how would you feel if you couldn't call Pat a quip?
12:09Oh, it is inconceivable that I would quit.
12:14I don't quit.
12:16I'm fired, but I never quit.
12:19Camera's on.
12:22Island there.
12:24Phil?
12:26Yeah?
12:30I'm looking forward to not having my phone.
12:35You look at the things that hurt you the most.
12:38OK.
12:40And the hat.
12:42And the...
12:44And the...
12:46And the hat.
12:48And the selfie.
12:53From this moment on,
12:55I'll be entirely alone for ten long days
12:58and nine solitary nights.
13:01See you, guys.
13:05God help me.
13:07OK.
13:13See you in ten days.
13:16That is the wildest feeling.
13:22Oh, my.
13:24Shit just got real.
13:27Oh, my.
13:43So many people have said,
13:45how do you think you'll feel?
13:51I mean, lucky.
13:53I think that's probably the big word.
13:56Lucky.
13:59I actually feel really,
14:01really lucky.
14:14OK, pull myself together.
14:20The realisation that I am completely alone
14:23is beginning to sink in.
14:25I'm...
14:27I'm on my own.
14:29I'm on my own.
14:33Survival. How are you feeling about it?
14:35I feel...
14:37really good.
14:39I grew up in Newquay in Cornwall,
14:41right by the beach.
14:43You know, I was a beach bum.
14:45By the sea is when I am at my absolute happiest.
14:51Run forward a few weeks
14:53and let's see
14:55whether or not
14:57my excitement
14:59crumbles on a beach.
15:01It is really hot.
15:03I can feel the sun burning
15:05the back of my neck.
15:07When I've got shade,
15:09I think I can, you know,
15:11relax a little bit.
15:13That's my priority.
15:15There's only six hours of daylight left
15:17but I can't think of food or water
15:19until I've set up camp.
15:21Oh, God!
15:23OK. OK.
15:25I've been given
15:27just the survival basics.
15:29Torch.
15:31Spoon.
15:33Saw.
15:35Machete.
15:37And I've also got this
15:39to boil stuff in
15:41which currently has
15:43my fishing reel.
15:45I've said, I want a fishing rod
15:47and I want to be able to fish.
15:49I've been fishing with my dad
15:51and he was always a lot more successful
15:53than I was.
15:55So, we'll see.
15:57And the thing that
15:59completely wrecks
16:01the intrepid explorer
16:03aspect of all of this
16:05is that I have one thing
16:07I have to have
16:09winter, summer,
16:11going out.
16:13The second I step out the front door
16:15the one thing I need
16:17I know, I know, I know.
16:19Now, let's see
16:21how much I
16:23remember.
16:25That's the centre.
16:27That's the seam. I know I've got to build a camp.
16:29That'll be a laugh.
16:31Oh, man, the dog's wrecked us out of that.
16:33Idiot.
16:35I am so bad at DIY.
16:37Oh, I thought so.
16:39Shit. Machete.
16:41No, saw.
16:43Idiot.
16:45This is hard work in the heat.
16:47Check for spiders.
16:49Check for scorpions in the holes.
16:51Nice. Get the angle right
16:53on this one.
16:55Okay.
16:57That is a lovely feeling
16:59of accomplishment.
17:05Oh, my goodness me.
17:07That is, like, absolutely knackering.
17:09The water.
17:11It's dripping
17:13off the inside of my hat.
17:15God.
17:17I'm ringing.
17:23Give me a minute.
17:35For some reason I don't seem to be able to
17:37sit completely still.
17:39Lighting a fire
17:41is crucial if I'm
17:43to last the next ten days.
17:45We'll just give it
17:47a go, shall we?
17:53Okay.
17:55Not quite.
17:57Okay, okay. Well, I'm going to say this right now
17:59and then we'll cut to
18:01I am
18:03really good
18:05with fire.
18:07That's not dry enough.
18:11Right.
18:13It's close.
18:17Oh, shit. There we go.
18:19There we go.
18:21That's what it needed.
18:23Ha, ha, ha.
18:25Fantastic.
18:27If only I had
18:29a big old crab or something to put on there.
18:31But there's time.
18:37Survivalist Kev
18:39told me that there are
18:41papaya and mango trees
18:43on this island.
18:45Trouble is, I don't know
18:47where to find them.
18:49So, what does a mango tree look like?
18:51Of all the bloody things
18:53I googled,
18:55I did not google
18:57the leaves of a mango tree.
18:59Idiot.
19:01Look up.
19:03Look up.
19:05Well, there's something on that tree.
19:09Oh my God, there's a mango tree.
19:15Just want those two at the end.
19:19Oh, that missed.
19:21Oh,
19:23shit.
19:25Sorry about that.
19:29Dad, I want those two.
19:31The big ones.
19:34My dad
19:36in his garage
19:38had everything, absolutely everything
19:40you could ever need.
19:42My dad was a brilliantly, wonderfully
19:44kind
19:46man.
19:48After he died,
19:50I used to go in that garage and say,
19:52Dad,
19:54I need a piece of wood
19:56about that long
19:58and there it would be.
20:00It worked every single time. It was extraordinary.
20:02So, Dad,
20:04I need a long,
20:06thin stick
20:08so that I can
20:10knock those feckers
20:12out of the tree.
20:14What do you think he'd say about you doing this?
20:16I think he'd burst out laughing.
20:18That'll do it.
20:20Thank you, Dad.
20:22He would say good luck
20:24and just remember
20:26what I taught you.
20:28So, we'll see.
20:30Ha!
20:32Gotcha, you bugger!
20:34Ha!
20:36That's the bigger one
20:38that I wanted.
20:40Thank you, Dad.
20:48Bollocks!
20:50They're not ripe.
20:54The bitterness
20:56sucks the inside of your cheeks in.
20:58Ripe and at home.
21:08My next best shot
21:10at an edible meal
21:12is from the ocean.
21:14If this isn't successful,
21:16I don't know what the hell I'm going to have
21:18to eat.
21:22Instantly caught.
21:24Straight on the rock.
21:26I knew it.
21:28My dad,
21:30he was a fly fisherman
21:32but he was really accurate.
21:34My dad is watching now.
21:36He would literally be
21:38pissing his pants.
21:42He died in 2008.
21:44He had a heart attack.
21:46He was so kind
21:48and so caring
21:50and so loving and so generous.
21:52My dad was my hero.
21:56Yeah.
22:00Anyway,
22:02so
22:04he'd still laugh
22:06as I was fishing.
22:08What a
22:10fucking fiasco.
22:12A lot's changed
22:14since then.
22:16There's a lot I'm glad he didn't see.
22:20This must be so
22:22embarrassing to watch.
22:24A little bit disheartened
22:26if I'm honest.
22:28I literally thought the fish
22:30was just going to jump into my arms.
22:34But
22:36yeah,
22:38that's the day.
22:40The first time
22:42I felt just a little bit
22:44downcast.
22:54So,
22:56what have I learned from today?
22:58Disaster at fishing.
23:00Not having
23:02much to eat.
23:06I'm going to catch a fish that makes me feel full.
23:14I am
23:16literally going to sleep as I'm holding this.
23:18So anyway, there we go.
23:20And
23:22I'll see you tomorrow.
23:32Bloody hell.
23:36Disaster has struck.
23:40Howling wind
23:42blowing through everything.
23:44And it's taken out
23:46all the front.
23:48This is about
23:50to tear itself to pieces.
23:54And there's still every possibility
23:56that it will.
23:58Wasn't expecting
24:00that.
24:02Dawn
24:04of Ankaria.
24:06I've given up on sleep.
24:08It is
24:10utterly beautiful.
24:12So stunning.
24:16After a night
24:18of
24:20fishing,
24:22it's time
24:24to go back
24:26to bed.
24:28And
24:30after a night
24:32wrestling to keep my camp grounded
24:34and the first night
24:36still alive,
24:38it's finally morning
24:40on my Madagascan island home.
24:42I'll make myself a cup of tea,
24:44a cup of coffee, some breakfast.
24:46Throw
24:48a few eggs in the pan.
24:50Or maybe I'll treat myself
24:52to a morning coconut.
25:00Oh,
25:02shit, I'm in.
25:06Nutritious, but
25:08it's going through a bit of a
25:10angry bitter stage.
25:18Like some television presenter.
25:24Today
25:26I've got to go and find
25:28the water.
25:30To survive on the island,
25:32I need a reliable water supply.
25:34That's the big worry.
25:36And in dry season, that's
25:38virtually impossible.
25:40There will be very limited
25:42water because of the time
25:44of year.
25:50Slow and steady, otherwise I will
25:52expend more
25:54than I actually find.
25:56Let's see if I find any.
26:02So in the wet season,
26:04this is the riverbed.
26:06So it stands
26:08to reason, if you try and follow it
26:10upstream,
26:12there's water.
26:16This is my plan,
26:18currently.
26:26Ooh.
26:30Apparently if you press
26:32the exact right button
26:34here,
26:36it's supposed to open up
26:38and lead directly to
26:40fast food.
26:44I knew it was a myth.
26:48I'm looking forward to
26:50being on my own.
26:52I just love the peace.
26:54I love the tranquility.
26:56I love the birdsong.
26:58And I'm completely
27:00on my
27:02own.
27:04And I love it.
27:06There was many, many times
27:08when I chose to be alone.
27:10I wanted to be alone.
27:12Years ago, I turned all the comments off
27:14on my social media.
27:16When you get battered,
27:18it hurts. It really,
27:20really, really hurts.
27:22I am
27:24going higher and higher
27:26and higher.
27:28Enough for you to think,
27:30I just don't want to do it anymore.
27:36Oh, shit.
27:40Didn't expect the vine to give way then.
27:44Oh, my God.
27:50Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit.
27:52Holy shit.
27:54Water.
27:56Bloody hell.
28:00I've got to collect it.
28:02I tell you what,
28:04there's nothing
28:06quite so mood lifting
28:08than finding the thing that you've been looking for.
28:12I brought this back.
28:16This replenishes
28:18every day.
28:20I
28:22am sorted.
28:24Okay, that's going to have to
28:26be guarded with my absolute
28:28life.
28:34If I can get this
28:36water safely boiled,
28:38who knows what I'm going to put it in, but anyway.
28:40Just thinking out loud
28:42in the jungle.
28:44A nice big fat
28:46fish for dinner would be amazing.
28:48My precious.
28:52What day
28:54do you start to go
28:56just a little bit bonkers?
29:04I know.
29:06I know.
29:08But it's got to stay off my
29:10neck.
29:12Anyway.
29:14So,
29:16I have
29:18one can of
29:20water.
29:22There we go.
29:24It's a very lovely
29:26shade of urine.
29:38There it is.
29:40There is
29:42absolutely nothing wrong with that at all.
29:50The water's
29:52sorted, which is good.
29:54Don't have to worry about that anymore.
29:58But having had almost nothing to
30:00eat since I arrived on the island,
30:02I can feel my energy
30:04draining away.
30:06Ah,
30:08that'll do it.
30:10Jesus,
30:12that's sapped my strength.
30:14I hope
30:16there are some calmer evenings
30:18when I can sit
30:20on the beach
30:22and just look out to see how much sun go down.
30:26Every day,
30:28I just feel
30:30my
30:32toxicity tanks
30:34emptying out
30:36all the
30:38shit along the way.
30:44And I've done it.
30:46You know, I did it when I came out.
30:48You know, all the wheels come off.
30:52I'm very proud of what I did.
30:54And I know that
30:56coming out for so many people
30:58is liberating
31:00and
31:02it's
31:04freedom on a plate.
31:08Absolutely be yourself.
31:10Live your life
31:12to the absolute full.
31:14It's the saying, just live your best
31:16life.
31:18But for me, doing it later
31:20in life,
31:22at the moment, it's just given me
31:24more
31:26anguish
31:28than joy.
31:32Because I'm fully aware of the damage
31:34that it leaves.
31:36Still have the love of
31:38my family
31:40never wavered.
31:44It's going to be weird
31:46for us though, right? Not having
31:48a single clue. Not having him
31:50reply and
31:52be there and be in the family
31:54WhatsApp group. When my dad
31:56came out, it was very hard for me.
31:58It was very hard
32:00for the entire family, mainly my mum
32:02of course. Everything was turned upside
32:04down, but we talked
32:06through it and over time it's got easier.
32:08Schofields is going to be
32:10so quiet.
32:12My mum, my sister, we're all the same.
32:14We will always continue to support
32:16him no matter what.
32:18I'm going to lose my word all straight with you.
32:22Oh, that's such a shame actually.
32:24Yeah, it is actually.
32:26And I never thought it would have gone the way
32:28it has, but to have
32:30my parents still best
32:32friends is just... I'm the luckiest
32:34person ever.
32:40And you think, you know, this is
32:42such a chunk of my
32:44older life
32:46that I've just been sad.
32:48Locked myself away.
32:50Put myself into
32:52my own personal lockdowns
32:54over and over and over again.
32:56You know,
32:58we're here for such a brief
33:00space of time.
33:04So tiny.
33:06What's the point in
33:08wasting it? What's the point in not
33:10being happy regardless?
33:26You have to give in.
33:28I'm staying here all night
33:30until you do.
33:38God, I'm knackered.
33:42My third day
33:44starts with more unripe
33:46fruit. They don't look like this when
33:48I get them from waitrose.
33:50But I'm not in a position to be picky.
33:52I cannot bear a sticky,
33:54sticky hand.
33:56Right, I'm going to
33:58wash the mangoes
34:00in the sea.
34:02At the moment they're just covered in shite.
34:04Right, let's go down.
34:10Camera's on.
34:12Like a full-on outside broadcast unit.
34:16I got into telly
34:18because I loved the nuts
34:20and bolts of telly.
34:22I wanted to be famous,
34:24not fussed about that.
34:26Hello dear, what are you watching?
34:28I'm just watching Cliff Schofield
34:30wash papaya in the sea.
34:32Oh lovely, that's nice.
34:34Oh no, no, no, no.
34:36Give that back.
34:38I miss parts of it.
34:40Um, certainly.
34:42I miss most of it, if I'm honest.
34:44I miss most of it.
34:46But there are bits that I really, really, really
34:48don't miss.
34:50You know a lot
34:52about people.
34:54But I don't miss that.
35:00Oh!
35:02You thieving swine!
35:04You know, when it all came to a sudden end,
35:06I'd spent days
35:08just in bed
35:10watching the news,
35:12just in days, going round and round and round
35:14at all their little jingles. I know all of them.
35:16I know every drumbeat of every jingle.
35:18Right.
35:20Cancellation is
35:22a funny old thing, because, you know,
35:24if you're cancelled, then that's it,
35:26I assume. You're dead. You can't do anything.
35:28You know, everything you do is wrong.
35:30You can't do anything.
35:32I would take Alfie for a walk
35:34and then you get papped like
35:36a sniper. Come on.
35:40You know, just bugger off
35:42and let me get on with the quiet life that you've all
35:44given me.
35:49In the last
35:5118 months,
35:53it got as dark as it is possible
35:55to get.
36:02A year ago,
36:04I got so, so
36:06close.
36:12I had everything in place.
36:14Everything was set up.
36:16Everything was ready.
36:20And it was Molly that was looking after me.
36:22Molly and Ruby, both looking after me at the time.
36:25And Molly said,
36:27do you imagine what this would do to us
36:29if you actually managed to pull this off?
36:32Imagine what would happen.
36:36Or can you imagine what it would do to me
36:38if you did this on my watch?
36:40And that was just enough.
36:43Just enough
36:45to take a step back from the edge.
36:47And I could have been hospitalised.
36:49I had the option to be hospitalised,
36:51but then I thought,
36:53that's going to get out.
36:56So I just raced to the family home
36:59and shut the gates.
37:02And I was in there.
37:06I was in there.
37:09And then my mum got sick
37:11and I had to get in the car.
37:13The first time I'd been out through the gates,
37:16I got the courage to get in the car
37:18and drive down to Cornwall to look after my mum,
37:20who was critically ill.
37:22And I walked into the reception
37:24of the hospital.
37:26And a big guy.
37:30Big red face and
37:32big arms and tattoos.
37:35And I walked into reception
37:37trying to find where the intensive care unit was
37:39and this guy said,
37:41Schofield.
37:43And I said, yeah.
37:45And I thought, oh shit.
37:47He said, can I give you a hug, mate?
37:51I said, actually, you know, you can.
37:53And he gave me a massive,
37:55massive hug.
37:57They're all shits, mate.
37:59They're all shits.
38:01I never in my wildest,
38:09wildest dreams
38:13thought
38:15that I would sit here
38:21and look at this
38:23and do this.
38:25Discover something new every day.
38:27It's nice to discover new things
38:29about yourself.
38:31Like, for you.
38:33For you personally.
38:37You don't look online and
38:43people tell you what they think you're like.
38:49And it's nice to discover
38:51new things about yourself.
38:53Like, for you.
38:55So,
38:57it's nice to discover things
39:01about you that you didn't know.
39:09Sorry.
39:11That came out of nowhere.
39:15Okay.
39:19Phew.
39:21Nice.
39:25Come on.
39:27There's too much to do.
39:37Hopefully the tide
39:39hasn't come in too far for the mussels.
39:45I can't miss these mussels
39:47because if I miss the mussels,
39:49it's like dinner.
39:51Like desperation, like a desperate race.
39:53I've got less than an hour
39:55before the tide comes in and covers
39:57what will be my first proper meal in days.
39:59I like little periwinkle things.
40:03I can feel I'm too hungry now.
40:05One coconut and a tiny mango
40:07is not enough in a day.
40:09There's not much to eat.
40:11Literally no idea
40:13what any of them are going to taste like.
40:15I just need to
40:17stop off at the
40:19supermarket and get some
40:21garlic, some shallots
40:23and some
40:25white wine.
40:33Shit.
40:35Oh.
40:43There's not a lot of meat on it.
40:59Well, it's no mussel.
41:01That's for sure.
41:03And the texture
41:05is not really made up for
41:07in the taste.
41:09I shall not be troubling
41:11the limpets again.
41:13I think it's crab supper this evening.
41:15I'm utterly buggered.
41:17If it goes dark on me,
41:19then I'm stuffed.
41:23But as I head
41:25towards Crabsville,
41:27I'm already losing my race
41:29against the night.
41:31Summer, unfortunately.
41:35It is now
41:37almost pitch black.
41:41I'm terrified that I'm going to
41:43walk around the corner and meet the
41:45aragog of crabs.
41:47Who gave you permission
41:49to enter my crab dwelling?
41:53Fuck me.
41:57Oh, fuck, fuck. Oh, it's a crab.
41:59Oh, shit,
42:01shit, shit, shit, shit.
42:03Shit.
42:05Fuck, I thought it was chasing me.
42:07Bloody hell fire.
42:11Oh, where's it gone?
42:13Shit, shit, shit, shit.
42:15Shit, shit.
42:17You're supposed to bite onto the machete.
42:19Bite onto it,
42:21for God's sake.
42:25I am so sorry, mate.
42:29Oh, God.
42:31Oh, God.
42:33Oh, God.
42:37Oh, I wish I could remember the
42:39clear way.
42:47I just suddenly realised that
42:49if my head lamp
42:51goes off, I haven't brought a spare.
42:53So I am
42:55screwed.
42:57If, um,
42:59if this goes out
43:01utterly,
43:03I can't hear the sea.
43:07There are black
43:09widows
43:11in these trees.
43:19I'm assuming
43:21that is
43:23what I think it is.
43:27Oh, God.
43:37No, I don't think I've been this way.
43:39I don't think that's right.
43:41It's so much different
43:43when it's pitch black.
43:47This is a
43:49sodding nightmare.
43:53I am screwed.
43:57I don't know where the hell
43:59I am.
44:01Next time.
44:03Oh, my God, I've got a fucking fish.
44:05I start to conquer my hunger.
44:07And I'm going to actually eat it because I'm so
44:09hungry. And as the island
44:11takes hold of me. It's rewarding
44:13and it gives you moments like this.
44:15It opens up
44:17old wounds. I know what I
44:19did was unwise, but when you
44:21throw someone under a bus,
44:23you've got to have a really bloody good reason
44:25to do it.
44:55you