LEAVE your social norms at the door, says Jay and Heather, who had been in a monogamous relationship together for a decade until a few years ago when they decided to explore the world of polyamory and began meeting with other women. Now they no longer want to see other people on a casual basis and want to have an emotional connection with another permanent partner. They devised a unique method from there: in order to be considered as their third partner you have to send an application. The couple then created their own club called The Playhouse, a place where they say new applicants can leave social norms at the door and come in to explore. After being inundated with hundreds of applications in their first week they realised they are not alone in their lifestyle choice and are excited to finally search for their new partner. Heather, said: "I feel like the three best things about a poly relationships is having open communication, being able to live the life that you want to live and making it how you want rather than how society says that you want and being able to connect with somebody that you are falling for as well as being connected with your partner." Jay added: "I feel like the biggest misconception about our relationship is just because we choose to love and connect with other people together that we don't love and connect with each other which is more than untrue. It's laughable. The level of communication, the love, the level of trust and love that you have to have for this to be able to work is so much more than what we had when we were a monogamous couple."
Category
🗞
NewsTranscript
00:00This is Heather. She fell in love with Jay.
00:05This couple initially enjoyed a monogamous relationship.
00:08Love him so much.
00:10Until a chance work encounter made them fall into the world of polyamory.
00:14From our first experience that sparked something and then we were like wow this is fun.
00:20From there we just decided to like explore more.
00:23We actually sat down one day and we defined our home rules.
00:27When this couple went public with their polyamorous lifestyle,
00:30they were so popular they even had to create an application form to filter potential dates.
00:35He's cute.
00:37Who's that?
00:38I would describe myself in bed as a freak, a receiver, a starfish.
00:42Which one would you describe yourself as?
00:44A freak.
00:45However, their hunt for a third hasn't always been the smoothest of journeys.
00:50Yeah we've definitely been catfished before.
00:58Hello.
01:00Welcome to the playhouse.
01:05Hi my name is Heather and this is my partner Jay.
01:08We met at a bar and I was with some of my friends and I asked one of the girls to come back with me
01:16so that we could all three of us be together but it turned out that it ended up just being me and Jay.
01:21And now nearly 11 years later here we are.
01:28This is the cinema room.
01:31This is where all the fun happens.
01:34This is just where we watch movies.
01:36Heather and Jay enjoyed a conventional relationship until a chance work encounter
01:41opened their minds to another sort of lifestyle.
01:44We didn't even know what polyamory meant at the time.
01:46The first experience we had is I was actually selling a car from home
01:50and the buyer who came around to look at the vehicle was a relatively good looking female about the same age.
01:55Being the salesman that I was, I was flirting a little bit trying to get the sale across the line.
01:59Just as she was about to leave, Heather walked through the front door.
02:02Five minutes later I got a text message on my phone from the potential buyer
02:06and she said is that your girlfriend?
02:08Heather and I communicated with her and the day that she picked the vehicle up
02:11was the first time that we experienced everything that polyamory had to offer so to speak.
02:18That like sparked something and then we were like wow this is fun.
02:22We started seeing couples just from having experience and trying different things.
02:28It just grew more and more and more.
02:30I decided to just put it out there on my social media.
02:33It can at first sort of come as a shock.
02:35And I didn't get great reactions from a couple of people.
02:39But yeah for it to be healthy with your relationship you've both got to be into it.
02:43In saying that though we had so many amazing responses as well.
02:51Overwhelmed with messages, Jay and Heather decided to create an application form to filter potential dates.
02:57Playhouse is basically a concept that Heather and I came up with together.
03:01We've also got interplayhouse.com which is our website where you can connect with us as well.
03:06Yeah I like how she's answered that. That's hot.
03:09Yeah for sure.
03:10She's cute.
03:12Oh holy.
03:14Who's that?
03:16Oh my god.
03:17Click on them.
03:18What was their compatibility like?
03:1989%. That's good because some of our questions are trick questions.
03:24Yeah that's pretty good.
03:25Yeah just change this bit to...
03:28You always make it way more flirty than me.
03:32We decided to do the application process because we were getting an influx of DMs.
03:40And we just wanted to find a fast track to sort through them.
03:43The applicants that stand out to us the most are the ones that actually put thought into their answers.
03:50They make it a little bit funny, a little bit quirky, a little bit sexy.
03:54Because we don't like bland and boring do we babe?
03:56No.
03:57So when you see the emails come through on the subject line it will say percentage.
04:01So we know if it comes from the 90s it's one that we'll check out.
04:05Where it's scary is if it comes from the 90s and it's from somebody called John or Bill.
04:10And then you remember some of the questions and you're like hmm.
04:13How do you make Jay happy?
04:16John you cannot do that.
04:18Yeah I feel like we do quite often get a few comments about why it's only girls that can apply through our application page on our website.
04:26The reason for that is I'm straight and...
04:30And I'm bi so I like getting with girls whereas Jay doesn't like getting with males.
04:36So for it to be a relationship with three people and there to be a male involved wouldn't work so well.
04:44I love this question.
04:45My sexual drive is?
04:46Answers.
04:47Not very strong.
04:48Pretty average I guess.
04:49I get turned on in the fruit section at Woolies.
04:53I would describe myself in bed as a freak, a receiver, a starfish.
04:58What would you describe yourself as?
05:00A freak.
05:02If we don't get 100% on our own quiz.
05:0494.
05:0594?
05:06What did we get wrong?
05:07I feel like there's a couple in there that you could go either way.
05:10Just a couple or else we'd get it wrong.
05:13When we see someone we like the next step for us is just having a conversation with them.
05:18Talking to them and seeing if we do build a connection that way.
05:24And then also I like to go out and meet the girl for like a nice dinner date.
05:28Even like a walk on the beach.
05:30Somewhere where we can talk and get to know each other a little bit more.
05:35And then yeah that's when Jay comes in as well if I do build a connection with her.
05:41I find poly really exciting because I absolutely love meeting new people and making fun and exciting connections with people.
05:51I like going out to dinners, having drinks and sharing that with my partner as well.
06:00Yeah that looks good.
06:06I don't feel like I get nervous meeting someone for the first time.
06:09She doesn't, it's like a party trick.
06:10No I don't.
06:11I get nervous.
06:12She does.
06:13I don't, I get excited.
06:16Have you had anyone try and catfish you both?
06:19Oh yes.
06:20Yeah we've definitely been catfished before.
06:22We have.
06:23Which is really awkward.
06:25Yeah.
06:26When you're sitting at the table and the person that you expect to turn up is not the person that turns up.
06:32Yeah.
06:33We still have fun.
06:34We do.
06:35We still have a good time.
06:36It just doesn't go where we were wanting it to.
06:45It's very similar to this when we meet a third and we bring them on a date.
06:49We take them out for like a nice drink and some food.
06:53We feel like we blow people's minds a little bit so sometimes when we're out on a date
06:57if we're all getting on very well I'll walk to the bar to get a drink for example with
07:02Heather and be sort of touchy feely and then the next time we'll walk to the bar to get
07:07a drink with the other girl.
07:09So we sort of, people give us some funny looks.
07:12The biggest thing that I think I have learnt about love since starting this lifestyle is
07:20that love is something that you can give to multiple people without taking it away from
07:27your one true love.
07:29What about you?
07:30People express love in different ways and people also receive love in different ways.
07:36Definitely.
07:37So I guess this has just sort of expanded our horizons as to how love works.
07:41We are currently still on the look for the perfect person that's compatible with both
07:46of us but we've definitely met some cool people and had some really cool experiences.
07:50We'll keep going until we find somebody permanent.
07:54It's something that we both find really enjoyable and fun.
07:57Why stop?
07:58Why stop?