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GamingTranscript
00:00:00Eliza what a pleasant surprise good day Amos do you have any crimes to report I
00:00:11do not want any surprises this close to the election nothing out of the ordinary
00:00:16van lost his pet rock and mrs. Roberts cat got stuck in a tree again is that
00:00:23really everything yep that's pretty much it then would you care to explain what
00:00:29that is on the wall behind you this it's nothing just a collage I've been
00:00:40working on a collage of wasted time maybe you are working on one of those
00:00:45hard-to-explain cases admit it those crafty chipmunks have been quiet for a
00:00:53while which means they're up to something oh no not the chipmunks
00:00:59anyway on to more meaningful topics I can count on you right of course you can
00:01:12wait for what exactly you will vote for me correct oh that's I don't know Eliza
00:01:23I feel like it might be time for a change around here it might be good for
00:01:28the town if someone younger and a little more in touch took over how interesting
00:01:33you say that Amos I was just thinking it might be time our chief of police was a
00:01:37bit younger and faster and you know what change is overrated who needs change
00:01:44anyway glad you came to that conclusion on your own how has life been treating
00:01:52you lately Amos I guess everything's okay I guess you said I guess twice well
00:01:59the situation lately has been less than ideal you know since since Gloria left
00:02:05you yes look I did not plan on broaching the subject but I think you are focusing
00:02:12on the chipmunks to avoid thinking about your real problems oh wow you're almost
00:02:17as observant as my big-shot brother-in-law with his fancy FBI job
00:02:22solving real cases I seem to have hit a nerve well if you ever would like to
00:02:30talk about it Thanks Eliza sorry for getting so heated there it's good to
00:02:35know I have your shoulder to cry on
00:02:39speaking of your ex-wife I did not know Gloria's brother was in the FBI oh you
00:02:49never heard of Jackson Ortega the best of the best of the very best the FBI has
00:02:55to offer most closed cases in the history of the FBI living legend
00:03:01Casanova has his own column in the food section of the Washington lampposts he
00:03:07sounds like a fine man I hope you are not considering joining him in the FBI
00:03:11of course not damn it Eliza you know I can't turn my back on Sheriff Garrett's
00:03:18legacy I can never leave this town it needs me Amos as much as I value your
00:03:24dedication to this town do not get too full of yourself we can handle a few
00:03:30rodents and the occasional cat stuck in a tree on our own
00:03:37maybe it is time for you to get over your breakup and move on it has been
00:03:44months and it does not seem Gloria is coming back get over it I know she'll
00:03:50come back she'll realize her mistake and come running straight back into my arms
00:03:58of course she will Amos just be patient very patient
00:04:04thank you Eliza since you asked let me give you some relationship advice I
00:04:12didn't ask irrelevant if you face the situation with the right attitude you
00:04:18can get over any relationship in minutes
00:04:28do you remember that thing Betty did to you when she was a toddler who how could
00:04:35I forget I thought I'd never walk again well perhaps she is to blame for your
00:04:41shortcomings what no besides if she hadn't done that I never even would have
00:04:49met Gloria if she hadn't sent me to the hospital and Gloria hadn't been working
00:04:54there exactly let that sink in for a moment Amos
00:05:00that little spawn of a mayor yeah that care to explain how you are blowing the
00:05:11budget this month I don't know what you mean no then let me ask you in a
00:05:16slightly different way how many hours of taxpayer-funded work went into
00:05:21constructing this ludicrous monstrosity okay I'll explain but get comfy this is
00:05:27gonna take a while then you had better start immediately so this all began with
00:05:35some abandoned packages in the mail they were addressed to a mr. McFurry McFurry
00:05:41there is no one in town by that name exactly McCord noticed these packages
00:05:47had been lying around unclaimed for a while so he opened one nobody found nuts
00:05:53regular old shelled nuts he thought so he ate a few I believe that is
00:05:58considered tampering with the mail officer tampered is right
00:06:02McCord barely ate three of them before he ended up in the hospital turns out
00:06:06those innocent-looking nuts were coated in hard drugs oh that is preposterous
00:06:12they probably just went bad after sitting around for so long yeah they
00:06:17went so bad that my deputy thought he was a glass of orange juice for 12 hours
00:06:21he kept crying thought someone would try to drink him anyway I contacted my
00:06:26inside guy at the postal service turns out every one of those packages was sent
00:06:31from the abandoned factory one night my postal worker friend calls me he sounds
00:06:37distressed wants to meet in person won't tell me why I get to the meeting
00:06:42spot-on time but my contact is already dead nothing left but a smear of blood
00:06:47what I did find was hamster Jay Garrick right by the bloody patch I tried to
00:06:53question him but I can't speak hamster so I called in my animal communications
00:06:58expert oh come on seriously well she understood a hell of a lot more than I
00:07:03could according to her that rodent had an airtight alibi so I had to let him go
00:07:08when I went back to the scene to investigate I stumbled across a hidden
00:07:12envelope you won't believe what I found inside a letter well what were you
00:07:19expecting 20 years worth of retroactive Christmas bonus checks I wish but no
00:07:25like I said it was a note it was only three words long follow the nuts the
00:07:33nuts Eliza the nuts that kind doesn't grow in North America so I went to ask
00:07:39at customs that's when I saw it the huge wooden box it looks sealed but it opened
00:07:45easy there was room for an entire person to fit inside and then I found it the
00:07:51first piece of evidence in this entire case a can of chef Mikhail's
00:07:56frikadelki wait you're telling me Michael had something to do with this
00:08:01well yes and no after some investigation it became apparent the Mikhail Kodak is
00:08:10Mike's third cousin from the USSR but Hamilton's thrown away shot how big is
00:08:16Michael's family that doesn't matter the important thing is those chipmunks
00:08:22somehow smuggled a Soviet spy into our country Amos this sounds like absolute
00:08:27hogwash and even if that is true it still does not explain your little
00:08:32project here what about it how does Mao even fit into all of this well nothing
00:08:41yet but I figure if the Russians are involved the Chinese can't be too far
00:08:45behind I'm just getting a jump on the inevitable reveal what does the black
00:08:52Dahlia have to do with any of this after she was murdered her favorite pet went
00:08:57missing her favorite pet chipmunk they never found her killer and they've never
00:09:03found her chipmunk coincidence I think not I see something named CIA there what
00:09:12is that oh that's a new intelligence agency opening in DC next year I'm not
00:09:18sure exactly why but it must have something to do with the chipmunk
00:09:21menace yes I am certain the government opened a top-secret organization just so
00:09:27they could investigate your rodent delusions why does it mention
00:09:33earthquakes the last seismic event in this county happened at the exact same
00:09:38time a store in Corona was broken into the thieves made off with a year's supply
00:09:43of nuts clearly they somehow caused the earthquake to cover up their crime of
00:09:49all the silly things you have said today this is by far the silliest can we just
00:09:58skip to the end after I opened the box things went quiet until last week that
00:10:04is those furry bastards know I'm on to them they're trying to throw me off the
00:10:09trail but I'm smarter than that what do you see right behind me a huge waste of
00:10:14taxpayers money and my time look at that ugly bastard on the right the untrained
00:10:20eye looks like an ordinary chipmunk but it's not that's eutanamous Sibericus
00:10:26which is definitely not a North American species look at its facial markings its
00:10:32thick pelt this is clearly a rare Siberian chipmunk and you know who he
00:10:38was Mick furry or should I say miss Chibiraskovitch and what do you think
00:10:44our comrade here was doing looking at the bank suspiciously just watch one of
00:10:50these days the bank is gonna get robbed blind and it'll be because of those
00:10:54double damn chipmunks famous I do not know if you are insane or merely a
00:11:00comedic genius either way abandon this cockamamie Soviet chipmunk theory
00:11:05immediately and go do your job yeah just you wait maybe not today maybe not
00:11:13tomorrow but it'll happen if there's no evidence then you have no case Amos stop
00:11:20draining the police budget in pursuit of your imaginary enemies I'll stop when
00:11:25they're furry butts are behind bars you're gonna feel real silly when I'm
00:11:29proven right Eliza I am NOT too concerned about that happening give me
00:11:38one good reason not to reduce your budget next fiscal year one reason heck
00:11:43I'll give you three the chupacos the avian espionage and the
00:11:50sasquatch what on earth is avian espionage what are all the birds in town
00:12:03secretly operatives for a shadow government or something of course not
00:12:07that's crazy not all of them just the pigeons oh I suppose it wait what
00:12:14haven't you noticed anything weird about them when you walk out of your house
00:12:19what do you see a pigeon when you walk out of your office when you park your
00:12:24car yes it's a pigeon they're always there Amos I understand that they made a
00:12:30mess on your new car but for the love of Ulysses S Grant speeding ticket get over
00:12:35it already come on Amos we talked about this no more Sasquatch there's about to
00:12:46be a huge breakthrough in the entire Bigfoot community is waiting for the
00:12:50news with bated breath are you sure it was not just some no way they found
00:12:54footprints that definitely belong to a teenage Bigfoot right here by crystalline
00:12:59Lake so big foot footprints but smaller exactly isn't that exciting
00:13:06Amos you gullible fool those were just regular human footprints classic Bigfoot
00:13:12denial tactic I won't fall for your government cover-up do you still believe
00:13:20the to Pavakis is real still believe still believe you saw it with your own
00:13:27eyes whatever you think we saw it was an illusion our eyes deceived us it was
00:13:33dark oh so now you're going to act like you didn't see Betty ride that thing
00:13:37into the woods I think I would remember watching my offspring ride a giant wolf
00:13:42into the woods Amos oh I see what's going on here but you won't be able to
00:13:48cover up Betty's tracks forever you know damn well what really happened I am sure
00:13:53that I do not know anything of the sort the worst part is that that thing's
00:13:59still out there ah never mind I need you to release a piece of evidence Hank
00:14:09Huckleberry's guitar sure let me just give rep that for you well that was easy
00:14:16it was a joke Eliza a joke and no you can't have it it's been confiscated for
00:14:23a reason fine Amos just know one thing when this is over I will have that
00:14:30guitar just remember that you had the chance to give it willingly Amos I will
00:14:36see you later sure thing you know where to find me
00:14:44Amos and McCord need to do their job and I refuse to go back to waving flags oh
00:14:55let him sleep Amos is probably running him ragged hunting cryptids or something
00:15:01equally not worth thinking about deputy McCord our newest recruit I do not pay
00:15:10him to sleep well I do not pay him at all but he enjoys all the benefits of
00:15:15prison life with no incarceration one cannot scoff at three meals a day and a
00:15:20roof overhead correct Oh let him sleep a missus prop
00:15:40why take anything from the med kit when you have top-notch insurance if I get so
00:15:46much as a blister a chopper descends to take me to the nearest hospital
00:16:05unless it involves me or my career no need to get involved with an ongoing
00:16:10investigation no chance I am drinking any of that you don't like water ah water
00:16:21he died without ever acknowledging you as his son yet you have followed in his
00:16:32footsteps he was my father and whether he thought so or not it doesn't make me
00:16:37any less proud of his accomplishments are you sure your mother was correct
00:16:41about your lineage she wouldn't lie about something like that and mr.
00:16:47Coltrane who raised you and gave you his name he never said anything either no for
00:16:53some reason my stepdad didn't talk to me about all my mom's ex-boyfriends where
00:16:59is all this coming from anyway nothing I just find it surprising how devoted you
00:17:04are to the memory of a man who rejected you the looks you give sheriff Garrett
00:17:09statue well I never even saw you look at Gloria that way that statue represents
00:17:15why I fight for this town mark my words Eliza you may think I'm exaggerating the
00:17:21chipmunk problem but I have the feeling those furry bastards are gonna be my
00:17:26William bonnie this town is too peaceful for all your vigilance Amos and honestly
00:17:32how much damage can chipmunks do we'll see about that if Garrett statue were to
00:17:44disappear it would undoubtedly get Amos's attention unfortunately for you I
00:17:49am NOT Houdini rattling the shutters is very noisy I would rather let Lorraine
00:18:30that I might be able to pick it up is amusing enough for me not to outright
00:18:33call you a numbskull look Eliza she's going to write about my bar I'll be
00:18:44famous the sky is the limit mayor Barrett please just a moment of your
00:18:54time typical Eliza Barrett always stealing the spotlight what can I say
00:19:00max the press adores me what can I do for you miss Peterson Nancy Peterson of
00:19:07the New Mexico Times New Mexico Times what happened to the old one oh that's a
00:19:16new one and she came all the way from Maine to ask about my bar isn't that
00:19:21amazing Eliza I'm gonna be on the front page of the paper I would like to ask
00:19:27you some questions if you have the time
00:19:32certainly who better to ask about our fair town let us begin with a personal
00:19:38question who is Eliza Barrett what's your story
00:19:51it all started with my ancestor Elijah Barrett he came to this land aboard the
00:19:56unsinkable after the ship sank his crew split up and he and those loyal to him
00:20:01established this town yes I have heard this tale the other group followed Juan
00:20:08Plata and their pets never crossed again ah you know our local history in any
00:20:15case my family remained and we have been leading the town ever since then you
00:20:21must be grooming your daughter to take over once you retire yes yes of course
00:20:28by Harding's wandering eye this town is doomed I seem to have struck a nerve
00:20:34let us discuss something else let us move on to the next question shall we
00:20:40let's chat a little bit about this town which you love and cherish so much what
00:20:47are some important landmarks well tell me what have you seen already not much
00:21:02to be honest I barely had time I spent the morning doing interviews then went
00:21:08to the diner you ate at Mike's da I've tried quite a few dishes I even sampled
00:21:15his latest creation do not worry ms. Peterson Town Hall was prepared for this
00:21:22eventuality take this the Michael Walker survival pack includes a timeline of
00:21:29what to expect in the next 24 hours it also includes a roll of military-grade
00:21:34toilet paper with 200 layers of extra absorbent tissue an acid resistant
00:21:39plastic bag for a vomit and other secretions and a direct line to our
00:21:43patron saint the Virgin of Guadalupe oh one more thing where should we send the
00:21:49body this seems excessive I actually feel fine of course you do for now oh I
00:22:00forgot to ask I'd like to take some pictures of the town to accompany the
00:22:04article do I need a permit of course not feel free to take as many pictures as
00:22:11you like just make sure you get my good side and don't forget to take a picture
00:22:16of my handsome smile as well it is quite handsome indeed mr. Powell tell me what
00:22:23is your secret oh these aren't my real teeth I lost them all when my superior
00:22:29officer slapped me for insubordination that one time these beauties are what's
00:22:33known as the Swiss Army dentures they've got everything a soldier needs cyanide
00:22:39pill short-range laser guided missile grappling hook fax machine Bluetooth
00:22:44speakers and they give me a smile to die for don't you think let's talk about
00:22:53something else yours is the only town of this size in the state with an
00:22:58operational military airfield could you tell me more about it please our airfield
00:23:08was built in 1792 by sir John Airfield himself who actually invented the
00:23:13concept but the airplane was not properly invented until 1903 well sir
00:23:21John was ahead of his time he was the first to anticipate the eventual need
00:23:25for such a place to be honest this is our second airfield the first was burnt
00:23:31down during the war of 1812 around the same time as the White House wait the
00:23:36what burned out what was it arson Canadians actually really Canadians
00:23:44world's going to hell I haven't been this stunned since that coconut fell on
00:23:49my head yes quite a shock no one expects the Canadian ignition right let's go
00:23:57back to the airfield for a moment this is starting to sound more like an article
00:24:01about the airfield than the town what are you miss Peterson a journalist or a
00:24:07Soviet spy what paper did you say you work for again the Santa Fe Herald I
00:24:17thought you said this interview is over I mean thank you miss mayor that will be
00:24:25all
00:24:31a little busy right now Eliza why don't you drop by later
00:24:41ridiculous a cardboard volcano cannot be following your movements stop being
00:24:47paranoid Eliza mr. Powell you are a veteran correct that's right I have
00:25:03absolutely no business with the water tower
00:25:17max about that free drink not yet Eliza the bar is not even open just the
00:25:33suggestion that I might be able to pick it up is a me
00:25:48I have no business at the bank right now must be careful with these alarms they
00:25:55are easily triggered
00:25:59for a limited time only you can buy one taco for the price of two and receive a
00:26:18second taco no extra charge
00:26:29don't let your vote end up in a landfill vote Barrett there must be a
00:26:42way we can use Amos's fondness for Sheriff Pat's to lure him outside the
00:26:46police station is Amos gonna give my guitar back highly unlikely Oh one fewer
00:27:02vote for Barrett look at that did you want something I will be on my way now
00:27:09have a good night miss mayor
00:27:40ah what a successful night I managed to shift every single meatball without
00:27:46anyone noticing they were mostly sawdust and I got enough leftovers in the
00:27:51storage out back to set up a buffet tomorrow yep everything's going my way
00:27:56nothing could ruin this good mood I'm in
00:28:02god damn it Mike why do you always talk so much ah now this is how I like to see
00:28:11the place you mean like clean no empty why are you in here bothering me isn't
00:28:20there a baby somewhere you need to steal candy from mom Michael did I spoil your
00:28:25evening just by showing up good
00:28:32I have had as much Michael Walker as I can stand for the day there must be a
00:28:51way we can use Amos's fondness for Sheriff Pat's to lure him outside the
00:28:56police station
00:28:58excuse me max but I need to borrow the reporter it will not be long what a
00:29:26surprise Eliza Barrett stealing the spotlight there are some things I would
00:29:31like to ask you miss Peterson Oh if you insist how is your article coming along
00:29:43very well thank you I must say I was really excited when they offered me this
00:29:50piece it is not every day you meet such a brilliant charismatic woman who will
00:29:55run the country one day Oh miss Peterson I am honored but sadly the mayor of
00:30:02Corona canceled I see mayor Barrett it was only a joke I am very happy to
00:30:09interview you of course when will the article be published as soon as I
00:30:20return to headquarters I will hand it over to my superiors they will make sure
00:30:26your town is on the cover of the next Albuquerque Journal excellent but I
00:30:31believe you said you work for the New Mexico Times Oh I am sorry I misspoke of
00:30:40course we are an imprint of the Albuquerque Journal and your town is so
00:30:45wonderfully charming that I think it will make the cover of both
00:30:49publications then I trust you have a good working relationship with the
00:30:57editor-in-chief correct could you tell me his name please I would like to send
00:31:02a gift basket of fine local products to show my appreciation of course it's
00:31:09Vladimir fake off what what happened to Ken parcel I spoke with him just last
00:31:16week and he did not say anything about leaving and he he retired yes retired
00:31:23very suddenly we even threw him a surprise party I see the thing is miss
00:31:30Peterson I just made that name up the editor-in-chief of the Albuquerque
00:31:34Journal is my good friend Edwig Minster he has no plans to retire hates parties
00:31:40with a passion and despises cake no comment I cannot help but notice your
00:31:49recording device I have been assaulted by multitudes of reporters but have
00:31:54never seen a machine such as yours Oh this little thing my mother made it for
00:31:59me he's really good at tinkering shiny
00:32:18anyway what I was trying to say was I need your recorder miss Peterson and I
00:32:24need some classified information perhaps we can arrange a trade you think
00:32:30a mere tape recorder is worth the price of confidential information I might
00:32:34possess as I mentioned this one is very special to me so it makes sense that I
00:32:42need something special in return yes perhaps there is something in my office
00:32:47that might satisfy her if you have the time miss Peterson why not pay a visit
00:32:56to our local high school principal peanut has recently arrived and I'm sure
00:33:01she would be an excellent interviewee actually I was planning to go there next
00:33:07I want to ask the principal how she feels about your plan to sell the
00:33:12coyotes to Corona for your own benefit
00:33:20that is how these silly rumors start a naive journalist unable to separate fact
00:33:25from fiction who told you such a lie I might have told her about your upcoming
00:33:32trip to Seychelles so you're willing to sacrifice the local sports team to
00:33:38finance your own vacation this town is in the middle of the desert miss Peterson
00:33:42we all need a way to cool off people's lives are at stake here think of the
00:33:48welfare of our children to say nothing of their mothers well that's the first
00:33:52time I've ever heard you refer to yourself as mother wait does that mean
00:33:57you're taking Betty with you oh are you going to miss her well I suppose I
00:34:03could leave her with you oh no that's okay you girls need anything towels
00:34:08beach hats the evidence is piling up miss mayor what do you have to say in a
00:34:14response to these allegations miss Peterson do we not all sweat under the
00:34:20harsh desert Sun do we not all wish we could refresh ourselves during the
00:34:25summer months criticize me if you want vilify me if you must place an effigy in
00:34:31the square and set it afire but you will take my mojito from my warm tanned
00:34:36hands bravo Eliza now let us change the subject all that grandstand I mean
00:34:44genuine concern for my community has parched my throat tell me how do you
00:34:55like our little town it's quaint but it has charm I think perhaps my favorite
00:35:02thing here is the food at Mike's diner I apologize I think I just hallucinated
00:35:07what did you say the meatable butcher broad is to die for that is not food
00:35:14miss Peterson that is nothing but a struggle against death itself I may go
00:35:22for another one later just remember in case you need it the hospital is fully
00:35:29equipped to deal with such an emergency are there any more questions you want me
00:35:35to answer now that you mention it it would be good to get an insiders view on
00:35:41your personal life on that note what can you tell me about your relationship with
00:35:47Lincoln Porter ace of the local airfield who says I have a relationship with
00:35:52mr. Porter I cannot confirm nor deny that information oh well if he is
00:36:03available maybe I should ask him out perhaps he could take me somewhere
00:36:08special like the airfield it is as they say a free country make all the mistakes
00:36:20you like miss Peterson perhaps he and I could have a private interview session
00:36:25after dining by candlelight of course and perhaps in the cockpit of his plane
00:36:31oh I've got a cockpit for you right here you nosy little harpy I'm good at Eliza
00:36:38calm down think of the votes this is beneath me best of luck with your date
00:36:50I must know how long are you planning to stay not much longer I'll gather
00:36:58information for a few days then take the first flight to Moscow I beg your pardon
00:37:03did you say Moscow oh yes Moscow Idaho what did you think I meant I suppose I
00:37:12thought you might return to Albuquerque is that not where your paper is based
00:37:16yes of course but I must give a special report in Moscow first the life of a
00:37:23journalist is very busy anything else you want to know you have taken a
00:37:32lawless poverty-stricken outpost and turned it into the beautiful town it is
00:37:38today to what do you owe your success to my father actually he was the first
00:37:44mayor to address the social issues and the hygiene but is his daughter a worthy
00:37:51successor I would say she is more than a worthy successor based on your daughter
00:37:58Betty's school performance do you think she will be a good mayor next question
00:38:04please all right it says here that your daughter has publicly stated that her
00:38:11dream is to be the assistant manager of a local diner next question well I'm
00:38:18afraid I don't have any more questions good then we are done that will be all
00:38:24for now miss Peterson certainly I'll be around if you need me
00:38:32please Eliza stop it I don't want to scare off the reporter Eliza why don't
00:38:40you go play with something there are some fireworks over there just go light
00:38:45them somewhere else is this because of that time I tickled you while you were
00:38:51having a phone interview is this your payback come on stop it or I will have
00:38:59to take extreme measures maybe we should just let him finish his interview in
00:39:35well well what a pleasant surprise to what do I owe this visit from such a
00:39:54distinguished figure Oh Sam you always know just what to say I came to see your
00:40:00new venture of course you know I take great interest in local business you
00:40:05can't fool this old wolf Eliza you're here to ask for my vote aren't you you
00:40:11can read people like a book I have always admired this about you you never
00:40:18told me who you plan to vote for well there's always room for improvement as
00:40:23they say perhaps it's time for a change in leadership oh no not you too relax
00:40:33Eliza I was joking although if someone put up a sign for the motel on the
00:40:39highway well that sounds simple enough but I would have done it without the
00:40:44blackmail one can never be too careful with you Eliza I am glad to see the
00:40:53motel up and running although I still think you should have opened a fine
00:40:56dining establishment it would be a great opportunity to to steal customers from
00:41:02Mike's and put him out of business right I told you before I'm telling you again
00:41:07keep me out of your squabbles with Mike well you cannot blame a girl for trying
00:41:15is something the matter you look particularly sad today hey don't you
00:41:22remember what day it is today is the 10th anniversary of the Great Fire it
00:41:28should be my son standing here today and talking to you not me I am so sorry Sam
00:41:35truly we all lost so much that day friends family and the most heroic bear
00:41:42the world has ever seen wouldn't be so much of a loss if you'd have let me cook
00:41:47him well if you need anything you can count on me you know that Thank You
00:41:55Eliza I'll make sure to fill out the right forms this time you sure I can't
00:42:03cook that bear it's been 10 years already you know aged meat is on the rise
00:42:09I'll even give you a 5% cut of the profits fine 10% 30% I would like to
00:42:22know more about this motel of yours ask away why a motel of all things it was my
00:42:30son's dream to build a place where weary travelers could rest from their journeys
00:42:35somewhere with good food great company and rooms at knockdown prices wasn't
00:42:42your son's dream to become a pilot well yes it was the motel was pretty far down
00:42:48the list but he was too clumsy for ballet and we all know what happens to
00:42:53aspiring chefs around here well while he may not have sought the motel owners
00:43:00life I know he would be proud of you tell me about your breakfast menu
00:43:06because I know you cannot cook to save your life well yeah about that I've had
00:43:13to bring the food in from the bistro in Corona please excuse me Sam my hearing
00:43:21must be failing me because I could swear I just heard you say Corona what
00:43:26alternative did I have Elisa order from Mike's God no I hate to say this but I
00:43:33suppose you had no other choice now keep it to yourself the last thing we need is
00:43:39for Mike to find out about this who knows what he'd be capable of hey man
00:43:51just the usual sir thing 50 gallons and my super flammable mix ready to go I
00:44:09would suggest finding another caterer the sooner the better how are the rooms
00:44:16the very best you'll ever find why not spend the night here and try it for
00:44:22yourself on the house I would love to but
00:44:36listen Sam I before you answer think about this a romantic night with Lincoln
00:44:42away from prying eyes and more importantly away from Betty you sly fox
00:44:49you had me the moment you said away from Betty besides my back could use a break
00:44:55from that coffin then it's settled a room for two next weekend you'll love it
00:45:04enlighten me as to your business philosophy simple affordable
00:45:10accommodation for everyone no pointless extra charges hmm define pointless would
00:45:16you with every booking I offer a free breakfast and complimentary toiletries
00:45:21no charge for things like parking cancellations using the ice machine I
00:45:27have heard enough Sam this cannot go on I will not stand idly while total
00:45:34blind oh not this again yes this again and pay attention this time in fact write
00:45:41it down start by adding the following to every bill booking fees cancellation
00:45:47penalties baggage handling water gas keys be reasonable I can't possibly
00:45:53charge people for using their room keys do you know how badly you could hurt
00:45:57your wrist every time you hand them over to a guest now considering the beautiful
00:46:02scenery surrounding this place you could easily charge for the view what
00:46:06view there's nothing but rocks and cacti here am I supposed to charge people just
00:46:12for arriving exactly you are beginning to understand now one last thing the
00:46:19most important one a calculation fee what the hell is that supposed to be
00:46:24what compensation for adding up the other feats of course you know what
00:46:32seems like my mind's been changed for me you wouldn't mind helping an old friend
00:46:37set this whole thing up right I'm not great with numbers of course I would for
00:46:44a fee oh relax I love paperwork too much to pass up this opportunity
00:46:54I should have it all drafted by the end of the week I must be going I have a lot
00:46:59of campaigning to do Eliza if you don't mind me saying you look like you slept
00:47:04poorly well I had some bizarre dreams but I am quite certain that the coffin
00:47:11my offspring replaced my bed with is to blame I had a strange dream myself what
00:47:17about a goose flew from its nest after nuzzling with its mate and soared it
00:47:22through the skies then suddenly the sky clouded lightning struck the bird and it
00:47:29fell like a stone spiraling until it crashed onto a newborn tree oh that is
00:47:35strange indeed but it was only a dream Sam you should not give it too much
00:47:39thought
00:47:53you bother me for a reason miss mayor I never bother anyone and actually yes why
00:48:02do you have a house on the hill if you spend most of your nights here even if
00:48:10neither of them is a house why don't you park your trailer somewhere safer than
00:48:15halfway off a cliff you can't take my property just cuz you want to build
00:48:22yourself a house with a nice view and don't you be going up there if I ain't
00:48:27around you hear bullocks I have heard quite a lot of stories about your time
00:48:35in the army I'm not a World War three veteran for nothing
00:48:39Benjamin there have only been two world wars lots of bombs in my lifetime miss I
00:48:45might have some mental gaps here and there but I still remember most of my
00:48:50time in Japan tell me more about your deployment what do you want to know did
00:48:59anything interesting happen during your deployment boy you have no idea I was
00:49:05young and inexperienced when I went there but Benjamin it's been two years
00:49:10since the war and you're over 50 exact young and inexperienced man it was an
00:49:18adventure the food the fat with the yuckers up my stint as a sports star how
00:49:27did you deal with the language barrier that was a pickle ain't gonna lie
00:49:31despite popular belief them Japs don't come in sometimes I suppose the next
00:49:37thing you are going to tell me is that you actually learn Japanese nice try but
00:49:44you probably read that on a package of noodles you became a sports star in Japan
00:49:54during World War two darn right I did I took the sumo championship by storm
00:50:01really Benjamin sumo wrestling with your build you couldn't take down a fly yeah
00:50:07well tell that to poor old courage chicken bastard threw me so hard and
00:50:12then he hit a plane on the way up that does not bring sports star to mind
00:50:17Benjamin yeah he left it up to but as the Romans said gravity favors the brave
00:50:23I cannot believe what I am hearing don't believe me well next time you're in
00:50:32Japan ask about the flying baby gadget tell me about your encounter with a
00:50:40yakuza I just met this guy who was missing a pinky so I thought I'd ask how
00:50:45that happened maybe cut it off peeling potatoes or something you know please
00:50:49tell me you did not ask it literally like that I sure did and he was so
00:50:55furious about it that he even challenged me to an honor do and I get it honors
00:51:00important so I took him up on that of course you did I'm pulling your leg
00:51:09miss mayor I ran the hell out of there Benjamin these people never let go of a
00:51:14grudge much less over in the front like that what if they come after you now
00:51:19they never find me here
00:51:32and even if they did we all look the same to them so I'm safe did you meet
00:51:42anyone interesting in Japan I might have done oh you rascal her name was
00:51:49Coggy she was the first person I met besides the boys in my unit now when we
00:51:54first got together I could have sworn she was a spy and we got to talking then
00:51:59flirting and before I knew it we was talking about getting it well it didn't
00:52:07work out at least I'll always have these beautiful memory what happens well
00:52:13you see that's the part I don't like talking about it was the beginning of
00:52:17August 1945 and I got recalled to the u.s. we were both excited that our first
00:52:24foreign was to be born on u.s. soil that was mostly me I left and she told me
00:52:31she'd catch up with me once you said goodbye to her parents on some island
00:52:34named Miyajima oh no and that's pretty much it once I arrived back here I never
00:52:42heard from her again Oh Benjamin I am sure that it was not your fault that
00:52:52time Benjamin thanks miss mayor what happened in the Philippines we got
00:53:01ambushed and captured by the enemy oh they tried to make us talk but we showed
00:53:06him that we were not gonna tell him anything not because we didn't want it
00:53:10because we didn't know nothing by Roosevelt's Rough Riders they tortured
00:53:15you torture you nothing so civilized no they took us out of our cages gave us a
00:53:23cold shower and suited us up suited you up yeah those bastards punished us by
00:53:30making us do our own intake paperwork paperwork as a punishment how
00:53:36interesting interesting no man had to carve a stamp out of my bunkmates foot
00:53:43could you not have found a piece of wood or something well yeah why do you think
00:53:48I chose peg leg Dave's foot don't worry he's fine he got a job in the barbecue
00:53:54seat Oh the bureaucracy wait are you talking about David Pierce in
00:54:00accounting the stamp dancer what a legend it was such a shame we lost him
00:54:06to Broadway couldn't you have come up with a better use for your veteran
00:54:12stipend than opening a gas station ever since I was a wee lad it's always been
00:54:18my dream to own an oil refinery but since that's pretty expensive a gas
00:54:23station is the next best thing Benjamin this town has a handful of cars you
00:54:29could have done something better maybe so but nothing compares to the fresh
00:54:34smell of democracy and freedom that oil emits I cannot argue with that nice
00:54:42talking with you Benjamin but I have places to be
00:54:53I feel my suit looks better without bullet holes and as a matter of fact so
00:55:00do I considering Benjamin is a bit trigger-happy it is best to be mindful
00:55:07of my movements around here I already got close enough when I cut the ribbon
00:55:18and I plan to keep it that way
00:55:40if Garrett statue were to disappear it would undoubtedly get Amos's attention
00:55:47unfortunately for you I am NOT Houdini
00:56:00I am sure the statue will be unaffected by this small explosion but it should
00:56:08cause enough commotion to distract Amos for a while
00:56:17you
00:56:30what's going on what was that noise
00:56:47well I finally managed to retrieve this accursed guitar mr. Huckleberry had
00:57:14better be grateful oh good evening I believe the sheriff is indisposed at the
00:57:24moment but he should be with you in an hour or two not so fast
00:57:29mrs. mayor I'm not here for the sheriff I'm here to make sure you don't get away
00:57:33with what you've done I have no idea who you are or what you are talking about
00:57:38but I am far too busy for this now if you will excuse me
00:57:43ms. Hart yes ms. Hart I'm the new mayor of Corona and I am more than willing to
00:57:51tell the sheriff who really blew up that statue ms. Hart I believe we got off on
00:57:58the wrong foot let us start anew would you care to explain why Corona's mayor
00:58:06is wasting her valuable time in my town you'd better get used to seeing my face
00:58:12around here because I'm running against you for mayor of this hellhole
00:58:25well then in the spirit of democracy may the best candidate win ms. Hart oh thank
00:58:31you ms. mayor I will of course you will buy a landslide even and you will go on
00:58:38to win the next election too of course I will and then we'll advance in your
00:58:43career becoming one of the most respected and important women in
00:58:47American history yes that's exactly and then once you have risen to heretofore
00:58:53unknown heights of success and influence you will open your eyes and realize it
00:58:59has all been a dream wait Corona's elections were just last month how can
00:59:07you be running for mayor here oh I didn't resign if that's what you're
00:59:12asking I plan to be in charge of both towns
00:59:18you cannot be mayor of two towns at once oh but I can see I recently passed this
00:59:26little piece of legislation that allows the mayor of Corona to take on additional
00:59:30responsibilities in the county without giving up their position convenient is
00:59:36it not still you will never win an election in this town the people adore
00:59:42me certainly not me see the people are ready for a change change I'd still
00:59:51rather vote for Eliza then for you sweetheart what was it you were saying
00:59:55ms. Hart since you are the new mayor of Corona how did you manage to get mr.
01:00:05Wiggins to cede the position of mayor oh he was only too happy to appoint me
01:00:10mayor and enjoy his well-earned retirement he would not have given up
01:00:14his chair even if it weren't flames what did you do you might enjoy this actually
01:00:21did you ever hear about operation altar boy what politician worth her salt is
01:00:26not but why oh no you did not oh but I did and did you yes twice actually and
01:00:37did he see the pardon me where were we again we should talk about the former
01:00:54residents of that raised orphanage oh so now you care about child welfare those
01:01:01children need a home and you are partly responsible for solving the problem
01:01:05well I'm sure we can resolve this in no time at all let's set a date and work
01:01:10together together you can't say it either huh I suppose the children are comfortable
01:01:23enough for now we can table this for the time being you could lift the band mr.
01:01:34Wiggins imposed on my offspring why would I do that a permanent band for the
01:01:39biohazard incident seems perfectly reasonable to me to be fair well my
01:01:44offspring may have brought that radioactive iguana to your town it being
01:01:48explosive was entirely Michaels fault I don't care your daughter is a menace I
01:01:54want her as far away from me I mean Corona as possible I will not argue with
01:02:01that but are the wanted dead or alive posters really necessary yes well let me
01:02:08just say I do not envy you oh but you will especially once I make your town
01:02:15part of Corona and force you to scrub the bathrooms with a toothbrush thank
01:02:20you for the insight miss heart now I know what to do with you once you lose
01:02:27how did you know I was here oh that was easy all I had to do was follow the
01:02:34trail of pain and suffering you leave in your wake I do not leave a point for
01:02:44Reuben did you blow up that statue just to get your hands on that piece of
01:02:49evidence this is not evidence miss heart it is called a guitar now you will stop
01:02:56making wild accusations or I will beat you senseless with it up to you will you
01:03:06be staying here long if so I know a place for you to lay your head silencing
01:03:13me will get you nowhere miss Barrett no you paranoid goose there are lovely
01:03:18rooms available if you can't lock me in one of your jail cells and expect that
01:03:22to shut me up your dictatorship ends here miss Barrett you might imprison me
01:03:28but you won't win what the hell go ahead lock me up and throw away the key do
01:03:35your worst but I will not be silenced no matter what you do to me I will rise
01:03:42above it and free this town from your tyranny are you finished yet no but you
01:03:49will be after this very public disturbance nothing like a little
01:03:53defiance to weaken the enemy's authority after all I cannot help but feel I know
01:04:00you from somewhere what did you say your name was oh I already told you
01:04:06everything you need to know if there's anything else I'm sure someone as
01:04:10brilliant as you can figure it out it would save some precious time if you
01:04:15just told me you'll have all the time in the world to figure it out once I
01:04:21kick your ass in the election that is is that how you want to play it by the time
01:04:26I am done with you watering Chuck will be the only job you will ever get Chuck
01:04:32the plant the one and only on second thought I tire of this conversation why
01:04:39do you not go back to Corona and admire my work from afar who knows you may even
01:04:44learn something what is there left to learn I've already studied everything
01:04:50there is to know about you every radio speech every TV appearance every article
01:04:56and book you've written I've seen it all oh I see what is going on here oh my why
01:05:04didn't you say so sooner to my most special admirer
01:05:09miss heart thank you for your support in the upcoming election there let it
01:05:15not be said that Eliza Barrett cannot recognize a fan when she sees one now
01:05:19off you go I have much left to do tonight
01:05:32he might need a while after all he was deeply attached to that piece of rock
01:05:40my baby out of sight ready to start recording I have yet to find any tape so
01:05:56no
01:06:39before I hand this to you you must promise to keep it safe it is for your
01:06:57eyes only do not mention anything in your article that could betray military
01:07:02secrets don't worry nothing I'll do with that information will damage my country
01:07:08in any way wonderful now if you would not mind pleasure doing business with
01:07:21wait where is the tape you asked for the recorder and you have it as for the tape
01:07:28well you strike me as a resourceful woman I'm sure you'll manage wait you
01:07:35had another one this whole time a reporter is always ready for any
01:07:40situation miss Barrett I have no time to waste on idle
01:08:05very well mr. Huckleberry let us get started
01:08:35now mr. Huckleberry I have upheld my end of the deal I expect you will do the
01:08:52same not so fast you got to send it to crooked deal records they'll do the rest
01:08:57excuse me why do I have to do that cuz it was your idea to put Amos in charge
01:09:04of the mail fair enough
01:09:21send this to crooked deal records it is urgent if you must but I may
01:09:34need a campaign promise to send this out today so cry quickly please all
01:09:48things considered today has been a good day for the Barrett administration time
01:09:54to head home and get some well-deserved rest
01:09:58well well well my offspring trying to sneak home after staying out too late
01:10:25what a surprise stop calling me that would you now what weak excuse do you
01:10:32have to offer me this time I was at the school library studying for finals there
01:10:38are no final exams in the middle of summer I was obviously studying for next
01:10:45year's finals duh everyone else does what they want why can't I if everyone
01:10:52else decided to jump off a cliff would you jump too I mean like everyone no the
01:11:01answer you are looking for is no wait what the hell was that enough Mary
01:11:13Elizabeth Anderson go to your room now nothing ever seems to get through that
01:11:29thick skull of hers
01:11:44hello John mr. president hello sir what can I do for you we have a situation in
01:11:55the southwest son are you familiar with a town called in New Mexico yes I know
01:12:03it quite well I need you to go down there tonight one of our birds just went
01:12:08dark after a midair collision usually that wouldn't be an emergency but there
01:12:13was an a-bomb aboard and if they crashed into what we think they did things could
01:12:18get complicated first you'll need to recover our cargo next find what hit our
01:12:24boys and bring it into our custody understood sir to ensure there's no
01:12:29chance of this getting out you'll be launching project tranquility once you
01:12:33arrive at the target location project tranquility last I heard that project
01:12:38was still under development Wexler and McGill assured me everything is ready to
01:12:43be tested with all due respect sir I don't feel comfortable field testing
01:12:48that equipment on our own people John the state of the nation demands gentle
01:12:53handling and this would cause one hell of an uproar whether you want to believe
01:12:57it or not project tranquility is our best option besides testing this now
01:13:02could prevent armed conflict in the future understood if I may sir the
01:13:08energy requirements of project tranquility are extremely high how do
01:13:12you suggest we address that sir we're in luck general the construction of the
01:13:17mammoth Butte Dam was completed just a few weeks ago it is scheduled to become
01:13:21the primary source of electricity for the area next year but it's already fully
01:13:26operational now this mission is of the utmost secrecy you'll be going dark I
01:13:33won't be able to contact you once you're in the field so plan accordingly yes sir
01:13:38well you have your orders general I look forward to your report when you return
01:13:43god damn it
01:13:52attention all personnel prepare to mobilize immediately move move move