When Our ‘Feelings’ Become Our God | Khutbah Highlight | Nouman Ali Khan | Dublin, Ireland
When Our ‘Feelings’ Become Our God | Khutbah Highlight | Nouman Ali Khan | Dublin, Ireland
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00:00What used to be arrogance can now be called self-care.
00:05What used to be bad akhlaaq can now be called drawing a boundary.
00:09What used to be telling, you know, somebody is telling you a harsh truth,
00:14وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالْحَقِّ
00:16meaning you're telling somebody a truth that maybe they don't want to hear
00:19but they need to hear it.
00:21You say this is gaslighting, I'm being gaslit.
00:26So now what we do is we take psychology
00:29and we actually undermine some of the most important experiences in our lives
00:34because the biggest, the ultimate thing is I need to feel good.
00:38Anything that gets in the way of me feeling good is bad for my psychology.
00:51But I wanted to turn this conversation briefly towards something else.
00:56I wanted to turn it towards a new science
00:59that took hold of the world in the last 100 to 150 years
01:03and that's the science of psychology.
01:06Before psychology when a human being experienced difficulty emotionally,
01:10they went through a tough experience
01:12or they wanted to overcome their sadness and their grief, for example, right?
01:18They would turn towards religion before psychology
01:22or they would turn towards philosophy
01:24because philosophy asks the question what is pain,
01:27why is there suffering in the world, what is this world all about, right?
01:30Philosophers try to answer this question.
01:32So it doesn't matter what religion,
01:34people turn towards religion to answer their questions
01:38of the things that were troubling them in their heart.
01:41But then philosophy and even the spiritual study of psychology,
01:45spirituality, they basically got replaced slowly
01:49with this new thing we now call psychology.
01:53And a psychology is an attempt to understand ourselves,
01:56understand our deepest thoughts, understand our subconscious,
02:00understand our emotions, understand other people's behavior,
02:03our own behavior, right?
02:05You people go to a therapist and say,
02:07why do I get so angry all the time?
02:09Why can't I stop crying?
02:11You know, why do people treat me this way?
02:13Etc., etc.
02:14And, you know, I'm a student of psychology myself
02:17and I can tell you it's a very elaborate science.
02:20It's an exhaustive study.
02:22It's not just one subject.
02:24It's actually multiple departments, social psychology,
02:26personality psychology, abnormal psychology.
02:29These are worlds within worlds within worlds.
02:31And people have dedicated entire academic careers
02:34to exploring more and more areas of psychology.
02:36All of it, by the way, is connected to something in the Quran.
02:40Allah said,
02:41سَدُرِيهِمْ أَيَاتِنَا فِي الْأَفَابِ وَفِي أَنفُسِهِمْ
02:45We'll show them our ayat inside themselves.
02:47And what is psychology doing?
02:49It's an exploration of the self.
02:51That's what it is.
02:52But it removes, fundamentally removes God from the equation.
02:57Now, you know, like I said,
02:59science without purpose can give you chemical weapons,
03:02can give you addictive drugs.
03:04Psychology with the removal of purpose,
03:07removal of Allah from the equation,
03:09what does it give you?
03:11Something has to be there that is the ultimate truth.
03:14And for what happened in the world of psychology,
03:17what's even crazier is not just in the academic psychology,
03:20because of social media,
03:22something else happened before I get to my observations,
03:25and that is that in any subject,
03:27let's say physics,
03:29any subject, let's say mechanics,
03:31there are people that actually know mechanics,
03:34they actually know physics,
03:35and those are professors and PhDs and researchers,
03:38but they don't have a YouTube page.
03:41But there's an 18-year-old who's read a couple of books on it,
03:44and he's got 5 million followers on his YouTube page,
03:47and he's a much more popular content producer on physics,
03:51even though some of his physics is a joke.
03:54If academics actually looked at his work,
03:56they'd say, what is this?
03:58But he's got more followers
03:59because now you can present content in a more interesting way,
04:03even if it's not well-researched,
04:05and it will sound convincing, right?
04:07So what happened with the world of psychology?
04:09There is PhDs and research and analysis and books,
04:12and then there are people who come up with their own content,
04:16and they'll come up and say,
04:17let me tell you what a narcissist is,
04:20let me tell you what a toxic person is,
04:22let me tell you how to draw boundaries,
04:24let me tell you about trauma,
04:28and you've got these people that just became self-diagnosing,
04:33and now these terms became popular among even the Muslim community.
04:36Now you have a young man saying,
04:38you know my father is so toxic,
04:40he's always gaslighting me,
04:42I need to draw some boundaries between myself and my dad,
04:45because he's really getting in my emotional space
04:48and I need some healing,
04:50and I need to have some self-care.
04:52So what used to be arrogance,
04:55can now be called self-care.
04:57What used to be bad akhlaaq,
04:59can now be called drawing a boundary.
05:02What used to be telling,
05:05you know somebody is telling you a harsh truth,
05:07وَتَوَاصَوْ بِالْحَقِّ
05:09meaning you're telling somebody a truth
05:11that maybe they don't want to hear,
05:12but they need to hear it.
05:14You say this is gaslighting,
05:17I'm being gaslit.
05:19So now what we do is,
05:20we take psychology
05:22and we actually undermine
05:24some of the most important experiences in our lives,
05:26because the biggest, the ultimate thing is
05:29I need to feel good.
05:31Anything that gets in the way of me feeling good
05:34is bad for my psychology.
05:37So the ultimate goal
05:39is to keep yourself happy.
05:41Anything that gets in that way,
05:43it's toxic, it's narcissistic,
05:45this person is narcissistic,
05:46they're not drawing their own boundary,
05:48I'm being triggered,
05:50you're being triggered.
05:52What does the Quran say about that?
05:54What happens when you have,
05:55and by the way I'm not dismissing
05:57somebody having a traumatic experience,
05:59I don't dismiss that there's such a thing as narcissism,
06:02these things exist.
06:04What I'm saying is,
06:05we have turned them into weaponized terms,
06:08we don't even understand them ourselves,
06:10and it's actually starting to impact
06:12the way we think about our own religion.
06:15We're not even contemplating
06:17how many of these concepts
06:19violate principles of the Quran,
06:22direct principles of the Quran.
06:23I'll just give you one example.
06:25In Surah At-Tahabun,
06:27Allah Azzawajal said,
06:28and this is what I recited
06:29at the beginning of this khutbah,
06:30Allah said,
06:32Whatever calamity happened to you,
06:36whatever struck,
06:37any kind of calamity that struck,
06:40somebody got in a car accident,
06:42somebody got diagnosed with a disease,
06:44somebody's family member passed away,
06:47somebody lost a job,
06:49somebody got into a fight with their spouse
06:51and they're getting divorced,
06:53somebody ran away from home,
06:56somebody, you know,
06:57they don't want to deal with their family anymore,
07:00so they blocked every number
07:01and now they're just gone forever.
07:03You have a brother that doesn't talk to you,
07:05won't pick up your calls,
07:06won't respond to your text messages.
07:08You have a son who hates your guts.
07:11You have a mother
07:13who just walked away from the family.
07:14It happens.
07:16People experience different kinds
07:18of calamities in life.
07:19ما أصاب بمصيبة إلا بإذن الله
07:22The first thing Allah says,
07:23nothing struck anyone ever
07:26except that Allah allowed that to happen.
07:29Number one.
07:30But then the question is,
07:31why did Allah allow something so terrible to happen?
07:34Why would that happen?
07:36And Allah says sometimes in this ayah,
07:38there are many ayat on this,
07:39but this ayah Allah teaches us a powerful lesson.
07:42He says, وَمَن يُؤْمِن بِاللَّهِ يَهْدِ قَلْبَهُ
07:46Whoever truly has faith in Allah,
07:50Allah will guide that person's heart.
07:53Allah will guide their heart.
07:55And what is Allah saying?
07:56Allah is saying, my heart feels anxiety.
07:58My heart feels anger.
08:00My heart feels sadness.
08:01My heart feels frustration.
08:03My heart feels this person got away with something.
08:05They deserve justice.
08:07They got away with it.
08:08My heart feels that it was unfair.
08:10My heart feels unrest.
08:11My heart feels all of these things.
08:13But if I have iman in Allah,
08:15Allah will guide my heart
08:16through these negative emotions.
08:19Actually, some of those negative experiences
08:21are a test of my iman.
08:24And if I do have iman,
08:25Allah will guide my heart.
08:28In other words,
08:29I'm supposed to go through
08:30some of these difficult experiences
08:32to truly experience guidance.
08:35And this will be the way my iman gets secured.
08:38And iman is the greatest asset
08:40a human being can have.
08:42Because on Judgment Day,
08:43the only thing that matters,
08:45إِلَّا مَنْ أَتَ اللَّهَ بِقَلْبٍ سَلِيمٍ
08:47The only people,
08:48nothing will be of any benefit
08:49except people who come before Allah
08:51and they have a good heart.
08:52And the only way to have a good heart
08:54is to have iman in that heart.
08:55And the only way to have iman in that heart
08:57is Allah will guide that heart.
08:58And the only way that heart to be guided
09:00is to go through a tough experience
09:02and hold on to your faith anyway.
09:04And not let that be shaken.
09:07And you stay the course.
09:09So this is a remarkable thing Allah has said.
09:13In this ayah,
09:14Allah is telling us
09:15to face a traumatic experience,
09:18to face it,
09:19to deal with it,
09:20but deal with it with faith
09:21and not let it change you.
09:24And this is why the best people,
09:26the best people that ever lived,
09:28the prophets themselves,
09:29عَلَيْهِمُ صَلَاةٌ وَسَلَامٌ
09:31Every one of them are victims of trauma.
09:33If you wanna use psychological terms.
09:35Every one of them were surrounded by toxic people.
09:39Every one of them had their boundaries crossed.
09:42Every one of them.
09:44Every last one of them
09:46had to experience narcissism.
09:49Isn't it?
09:51Didn't Ibrahim Alayhi Salaam have a toxic father?
09:55Didn't Yusuf Alayhi Salaam have narcissistic brothers?
09:59Didn't they?
10:00You know, isn't he a victim of family abuse?
10:03Wasn't he being gaslit
10:05when he was being called a thief?
10:07Isn't this what was happening to them?
10:10Even Ibrahim Alayhi Salaam
10:12when he's being expelled from his own home.
10:15You know,
10:16he turns back to his father
10:18and he uses,
10:20my beloved father,
10:23he turns to his father and says,
10:24Dad, I still love you.
10:26You may not be good to me,
10:28but that doesn't mean I will no longer be good to you.
10:31And I'll still pray for you to be forgiven.
10:35I'll pray for you still.
10:38You know,
10:39because maybe Allah will turn your heart.
10:41I can't do anything about it.
10:43I have to leave now.
10:44That's okay.
10:45But I still care about you.
10:47He doesn't say, you know what?
10:49You are a narcissist.
10:51You are a toxic person.
10:52I'm glad now there's a distance between us.
10:54I need to keep you away from my own personal healing.
10:58This is not his attitude.
11:00This is not his approach.
11:02What we have done is we have created
11:05and these judgments,
11:06these labels,
11:08they are against the fundamental teachings of our Deen
11:11and I'll leave you one last,
11:13especially within our families.
11:16Okay, somebody,
11:17you could have an argument between husband and wife.
11:20Happens.
11:21Okay, don't raise your hand.
11:23But if you have an argument,
11:24husband and wife,
11:25and one of you says,
11:26you know, you're so,
11:27you're such an abuser.
11:29You're such a gaslighter.
11:31Instead of,
11:32what does the Deen tell us to say?
11:33وَقُلْ لِعِبَادِي يَقُولُن لِلَّتِي هِي أَحْسَنُ
11:36إِنَّ الشَّيْطَانَ يَنزَوُ بَيْنَكُمْ
11:38Allah says,
11:40tell my servants,
11:42say something that is better and more beautiful
11:45because shaytan will try to cause
11:47friction between you,
11:49chaos between you,
11:50discord between you.
11:51If there's an argument happening
11:53and you hear something painful,
11:55you could respond with something
11:56that will make things worse.
11:58You can also respond
12:00with something that can change the direction
12:02of the conversation towards something better.
12:04Allah is not telling you to walk away from the conversation.
12:07Allah is telling you to deal with the conversation.
12:10If the conversation is completely out of hand,
12:12Allah is saying,
12:13إِذَا خَاطَبَهُمُ الْجَاهِلُونَ قَالُوا
12:15سَلَامًا
12:16When the ignorant address them,
12:17they walk away peacefully.
12:18They say peace.
12:19They don't walk away stormed out.
12:21They walk away peacefully.
12:23But in this ayah,
12:24in Surah At-Taghābul,
12:25I learned something I was fascinated by.
12:26Being a student of psychology,
12:27I was fascinated by it.
12:29يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا
12:31إِنَّ مِنْ أَزْوَاجِكُمْ وَأَوْلَادِكُمْ
12:32عَدُوًّا لَكُمْ
12:34Those of you who believe,
12:36some among your children
12:38and among your spouses,
12:40there may be enemies for you.
12:43This is in Medina.
12:45The surah was revealed in Medina.
12:47Rasulullah ﷺ
12:48was living among
12:49the Jewish and Christian tribes.
12:51And he was also among,
12:52many among the Muslims
12:54were actually leading towards nifaq.
12:56They were leading towards hypocrisy.
12:58And you don't know in your family
12:59who really has iman,
13:00who doesn't.
13:01There was a mix.
13:02And Allah is that.
13:03Now the Prophet ﷺ says,
13:05get ready for Badr
13:06or get ready for Uhud.
13:07And some family member is saying,
13:08why are you gonna get yourself killed?
13:10Stay home.
13:11Just tell them you got sick.
13:13Just,
13:14I'll just say you overslept.
13:17Tell them later.
13:18And they're trying to hold you back.
13:20They're trying to, you know,
13:21because they don't want him to go.
13:22Why do you have to go
13:23every morning at Fajr?
13:25Can you just stay?
13:26You know.
13:27And they're having these conversations.
13:29And Allah عز و جل tells him
13:31that there may be among you
13:33people that the family is so extreme
13:36that they might even be enemies for you.
13:39That extreme.
13:40I mean you don't use this ayah
13:42and go home and say,
13:43now I know what you are to me.
13:45إِنَّ مِنَ أَزْوَاجِكُمْ أَوْلَادِكُمْ عَدُوًّا لَكُمْ
13:49No, it's not.
13:50This is an extreme case.
13:52These are extreme cases.
13:54The word عدو is not used lightly in the Quran.
13:56Okay, but this is the extreme case.
13:58Fine, an extreme case can exist.
14:00An extreme case where your own spouse
14:03and your own children
14:05according to Allah are what?
14:07An enemy.
14:08What do you do in the extreme case?
14:10Well, what you do from the
14:12pop psychology perspective,
14:14the Instagram psychologist can tell you,
14:16what you do in such extreme cases
14:18is you draw some boundaries
14:20and you walk away
14:21and you heal yourself
14:22and you, you know,
14:23declare them abusers
14:24and all this stuff.
14:26And what does the Quran say?
14:28وَإِن تَعْفُوا
14:29وَتَصْفَحُوا
14:30وَتَغْفِرُوا
14:32فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ غَفُورٌ رَحِيمٌ
14:34Okay, and if you can forgive,
14:36if you can overlook,
14:38you can cover their mistakes.
14:40Okay, at one point
14:41they became really aggressive
14:43but now they're really sorry about that.
14:45You know, don't bring it up again.
14:47تَصْفَحُ
14:48صَفَحَ
14:49means to turn the page,
14:50from صَفْحَ
14:51turn the page.
14:52You know what that means?
14:53I remember what you did last year.
14:54You remember?
14:55I still remember those words.
14:56Do you remember what you said?
14:58That's not تَصْفَحُ
15:00I'm still traumatized about that.
15:02Let me repeat it again
15:03as if it happened right.
15:04I didn't say it again.
15:05No, no, but it still hurts me though.
15:08I'm still traumatized.
15:10Therefore I need to do ذكر of that all the time.
15:12I need to give you a khutbah about that all the time.
15:15Allah says if you can just turn the page,
15:18then Allah is forgiving too.
15:20Maybe things will reconcile
15:21even in the worst case.
15:23There's room for reconciliation.
15:25There's room to make things better.
15:27But if the hearts are not,
15:29if you're too absorbed in yourself,
15:31you're not going to look for a solution.
15:33The only thing that you want to serve
15:35is your wishes.
15:37And so this is the last thing I will share with you.
15:40The direction that psychology is going in now,
15:43pop psychology,
15:44reminds me of the ayah of سنة الجاثية.
15:48أَرَأَيْتَ مَنَ اتَّخَذَ إِلَهَهُ هَوَاهُ
15:52وَأَضَلَّهُ اللَّهُ عَلَىٰ عِلْمٍ
15:55Did you see someone who takes their feeling,
15:58their empty feeling,
15:59and they turn it into their God.
16:03Their God has become their feeling.
16:06And Allah allows this person to be misguided
16:10even though they have knowledge,
16:12عَلَىٰ عِلْمٍ
16:13They can know, they can be a PhD,
16:15they can be a doctor,
16:16they can be a professional,
16:17but they are being led by their emotions.
16:20And they give themselves a new diagnosis
16:22and give other people a diagnosis
16:24depending on how they make them feel.
16:26Today you're a narcissist,
16:27tomorrow you're an abuser,
16:28the next day you're a toxic person,
16:29the next day you're this,
16:30the next day you're depressed,
16:31the next day you have attachment issues.
16:36You just throw out these diagnoses,
16:38label people.
16:39أَضَلَّهُ اللَّهُ عَلَىٰ عِلْمٍ
16:42وَخَطَمَ عَلَىٰ سَمْعِيهِ
16:45Allah says,
16:46and this kind of a person,
16:48Allah will put a ceiling on their hearing.
16:51You know what that means?
16:52That means it doesn't matter
16:53if you try to reason with them,
16:54you cannot reason with people
16:56who live by emotions.
16:58Many of you have experienced this.
16:59When people are living by their emotions,
17:01if you're trying to be logical,
17:03it's like talking to a wall.
17:05But I feel, but I feel, but I feel.
17:08The feeling is...
17:09That's the God.
17:10خَطَمَ عَلَىٰ سَمْعِيهِ
17:12وَجَعَلَ عَلَىٰ قَلْبِهِ رِشَاوَةً
17:14You know?
17:15Allah places a cover over their hearts.
17:18وَمَن يَهْدِيهِمْ مِن بَعْدِ اللَّهِ
17:20Who's gonna guide them after Allah?
17:22That ayah, that last part of that ayah,
17:24who will guide them after Allah?
17:26You know what that means?
17:27They replaced Allah with their own feelings.
17:31That's why there's no more guidance for them.
17:34Because their ilah is actually Allah,
17:36but their ilah became their hawa.
17:38So Allah says,
17:39وَمَن يَهْدِيهِمْ مِن بَعْدِ اللَّهِ
17:41Who's gonna guide them after Allah?
17:42After they remove Allah from their hearts,
17:44what guidance can they have?
17:46On the flip side,
17:47contemplate surah Al-Taghabun
17:49When a person experiences difficulty and trauma
17:52and actual difficulty in their life,
17:55whoever turns back to Allah in faith,
17:57يَهْدِي قَلْبَهُ
17:58Allah will guide that person's heart.
18:01وَاللَّهُ بِكُلِّ شَيْءٍ عَلِيمٍ
18:02Allah knows everything.
18:04There's nothing Allah doesn't know.
18:06May Allah Azawajal guide our hearts
18:08and not allow us to become,
18:10you know, worshippers of our own feelings
18:13and actually remain worshippers of Allah
18:15in the depths of our hearts.
18:17And may Allah not make us
18:18of those who easily pass judgment on others
18:21unjustifiably.
18:23You know, I know the khutbah is already over,
18:26but one last thing I will share with you.
18:28We cannot judge another person's heart in Islam.
18:31I cannot point at you and say you're a munafiq,
18:33you have nifaq in your heart.
18:34I can't do it.
18:36There's no way for me to know.
18:38Even Allah did not let Musa know
18:40if Firaun has kufr in his heart or not.
18:44لَعَلَّهُ يَذَّكَّرْ أَوَنْ يَخْشَىٰ
18:47Go talk to him nicely.
18:48قُولَ لَهُ قَوْلًا لَيِّنًا
18:50Both of you go talk to him nicely.
18:51Maybe he'll get reminder.
18:52Maybe there's some part of his heart
18:53that can benefit from a reminder.
18:55You don't know.
18:56Ya Allah, it's Firaun.
18:57He kills babies.
18:59Come on, come on.
19:00The guy's heart is made of
19:01some kind of special stone that will never crack.
19:03No, no, no.
19:04You don't know.
19:06You don't get to know.
19:08This is Allah telling Musa a.s. and Firaun.
19:10So I cannot judge another person's heart,
19:13but in this new psychology,
19:15I can easily judge another person's heart
19:17the moment I call somebody a narcissist.
19:19I'm judging them for their arrogance.
19:22The moment I call somebody one of these terms,
19:25I'm not actually judging their actions.
19:27I'm judging the state of their hearts.
19:29Be careful.
19:30This is not something our deen allows.
19:32But we've made this a normal practice
19:34because we're enamored by these terms now.
19:36If you're going to understand these terms,
19:38if you're not a student of the subject,
19:40don't do it.
19:41Don't misdiagnose yourself and misdiagnose others.
19:44You're only creating a problem in our society
19:47and in our families.
19:48May Allah bless you and me in the Qur'an
19:50and help me and you in the verses and the Qur'an.
20:14www.bayyinatv.com