Maude: The Flying Saucer

Movie Time
Movie Time
  • 2 days ago
Season 6
Episode 3
Transcript
00:00Lady Godiva was a freedom rider. She didn't care if the whole world looked.
00:10Joan of Arc was the lord to guide her. She was a sister who really cooked.
00:16Isadora was the first bra burner. Ain't you glad she showed up?
00:22And when the country was falling apart, Betsy Ross got it all sewed up.
00:28And then there's mud. Then there's mud. And then there's mud.
00:33And then there's mud. And then there's mud.
00:36And then there's mud. And then there's...
00:39That uncompromising, enterprising, anything-but-tranquilizer rider mud.
00:45Down by the Old Mill Street.
01:00Ah, I may be old-fashioned, but this is great.
01:05Sitting on the porch, sipping lemonade.
01:07People just don't sit out on their porches anymore. I wonder why.
01:11One thing, most of the porches in this neighborhood have been stolen.
01:17Anyway, think how lucky we are.
01:19All over the country, it's winter, and we're having a beautiful Indian summer.
01:23Well, I just hope the weather holds for the next few days.
01:25I'm trying to sell the old Farnsworth place this weekend.
01:29Oh, this weekend's not a good time, Maude. There's gonna be a full moon.
01:32A full moon?
01:34Oh, yeah. Oh, my grandmother Whitney always said when there's a full moon...
01:37Uh, Vivian, nobody wants to hear that junk.
01:41Arthur always gets uptight when I talk about my Grandma Whitney's special powers.
01:45Vivian, now stop it.
01:47Tell us. Tell us about your grandmother's special powers.
01:49Don't pay any attention, Vivian.
01:50No, really, I'm dying to hear it.
01:51Maude is just being polite.
01:52No, I think she's really interested. Maude's never polite.
02:00That's right, so shut up, Arthur.
02:03Now, tell us all about her special powers.
02:05Vivian, have a heart.
02:06Arthur, we all want to hear.
02:09Vivian, go ahead.
02:10Everybody be quiet, and don't interrupt her.
02:13Well, my grandmother had mystical powers.
02:16She could read minds and foretell the future.
02:19But I think the most amazing thing she did was to get rid of headaches.
02:23See, if you had a headache, she'd put a glass of water on top of your head.
02:28Then she'd hold a lighted match just in front of your mouth.
02:32She'd have you breathe on it.
02:34But not enough to put it out.
02:36And then she'd put the match in the glass of water.
02:41And she'd throw the water out the window onto the sidewalk.
02:44And you would feel fine.
02:45But whoever stepped into the puddle would get your headache.
02:51Why don't we all go inside?
03:04Now, you both of you, now sit down.
03:06You're both being very rude to Vivian.
03:08Oh, did you hear what she just said?
03:09Vivian, if you go around telling these kooky stories about your grandmother's power,
03:13what are people going to think?
03:14Oh, Arthur, who cares what people think?
03:16You know, that's the whole trouble with the world today.
03:18Nobody says what he really thinks because everybody is so afraid of becoming unpopular.
03:22Oh, sure. That's easy for you to say, Maude.
03:24You've always been unpopular.
03:34That is not true.
03:36I was very popular with the boys in the Sixth Fleet during World War II.
03:47Oh, Maude.
03:49No, but seriously, Maude.
03:52I really want to thank you for defending me.
03:55That's what I used to say to the boys in the Sixth Fleet in World War II.
04:03You know, there was another story about my grandmother that really shows her mystical powers.
04:07Oh, but Vivian, I think we've had enough.
04:08No, go ahead. Go ahead. I want to hear about it.
04:10What is it?
04:11Well, this is almost psychic, but whenever I would get on a trolley or a streetcar with my grandmother,
04:23she always had the exact change.
04:39Well, maybe we should go inside.
04:42Forget the lemonade and grab the cookies.
04:44It was just as true. I mean, it was amazing.
04:46You all go on. I'll finish cleaning up out here. Forget about it.
04:49Oh, you can't do that.
04:50It was complicated with cookies.
04:54Walter!
05:13What?
05:14Walter, come quickly.
05:15What's the matter?
05:16Walter, bring the camera.
05:18The camera?
05:20Okay. Well, here it is.
05:22But I've got to get the flash attached to it.
05:26Walt, bring the camera.
05:28Walt!
05:29What is it?
05:30What do you want the camera for?
05:31Watch out, Marty.
05:33Lord!
05:34Walt!
05:37Lord!
05:40What did you want to take a picture of?
05:45Gosh, look at her. She can't talk. She's speechless.
05:47I'd like a picture of that.
05:54I don't believe it. I don't, I don't, I don't believe it.
05:56Lord, what did you see?
06:01Nothing.
06:02Nothing, nothing.
06:04Nothing.
06:06Nothing.
06:08My gosh, I've never seen Maude like that.
06:10Boy, she must have seen something pretty awful.
06:14Maude, are you feeling better?
06:16Maude, can you tell us what happened now?
06:19Oh, Vivian.
06:21Vivian, what I saw tonight is something I'll never forget as long as I live.
06:26What?
06:27Here you are, honey.
06:28What, what, what?
06:29Oh, will you look at me? I'm shaking like a leaf.
06:32Arthur, can't you give her something?
06:34Yeah, I guess I could.
06:36Maude, try one of these.
06:39Thanks.
06:40Is it all right to take this with alcohol?
06:42Oh, sure. It's just a Tic Tac.
07:01Now, honey, tell us what you saw.
07:04Well, I was standing out on the porch and I heard this sound.
07:12I mean, didn't any of you hear it?
07:14No.
07:15No.
07:16You mean none of you saw anything unusual out there?
07:19No.
07:20No.
07:21No.
07:22No.
07:23No.
07:24No.
07:25No.
07:26No.
07:27No.
07:28No.
07:29No.
07:30No.
07:31No.
07:32No.
07:33There it was.
07:34There what was?
07:36A strange cigar-shaped object hovering just above,
07:42and then it started flashing yellow and blue lights,
07:45and then it just flew straight up at an incredible speed.
07:50Fluttering sound, incredible speed.
07:53Okay, Maude.
07:56Let's look at the facts.
07:58Now, you claim that you saw...
07:59I do not claim that I saw anything. I did see it.
08:02Okay. Cigar-shaped object hovering above, flashing colored lights.
08:07Yes.
08:10You saw the Goodyear blimp.
08:14Walter, I did not see a blimp.
08:16Maybe it was a police helicopter.
08:18It was not a helicopter.
08:19Wait a second.
08:21The other day I saw an airplane advertising a new Mexican restaurant,
08:25and it was towing a great big enchilada.
08:27Maybe that's what it was.
08:29Walter, I know a flying enchilada when I see one.
08:34Why don't we just come out and say it?
08:37You saw a flying saucer.
08:43Yes.
08:45Yes, I saw one.
08:47I saw one.
08:50I'm sorry, and I hate myself for having to say this, but...
08:54Yes.
08:55Oh, my God, I saw a flying saucer.
08:59I never believed these things existed.
09:02Well, if you saw it, I believe it.
09:04And I think you better report this to the police.
09:07The police?
09:08Wait a minute.
09:09If Maude saw a UFO, then a lot of other people in Tuckahoe saw it, too.
09:13Let someone else call the police.
09:15I agree with Walter.
09:16Arthur, what if it's an enemy spaceship?
09:19There are thousands of them out there.
09:21What if they're just waiting to attack us,
09:23killing every man, woman, and child as they take over our world?
09:26Vivian, I just don't think we should get involved.
09:31Vivian is right.
09:33It is my duty as a citizen to report what I saw to the police.
09:37Oh, they'll think you've got a loose top on your cookie jar.
09:41Walter, I do not care if they think I have a loose top on my cookie jar.
09:45I saw what I saw.
09:47I mean, I've always been a doubting Thomas,
09:49but obviously these things do exist.
09:52And if people are to take it seriously,
09:54then it is the respected members of the community who must be in the forefront.
09:58Maude.
09:59No, Walter.
10:00If the police hear this from Maude Findlay, they will take it seriously.
10:04Because if there's one thing I have in this community,
10:06it is the respect of my fellow Tuckahoeans.
10:10Oh, hello, Sergeant?
10:11Maude Findlay.
10:12You remember I ran for state senate last year?
10:18He voted for me.
10:21I went there when I was in high school.
10:23Oh, now, really?
10:26Sergeant, I am not one of the great women of the world.
10:33Oh, you were with the 6th Fleet?
10:39Well, that's very nice of you.
10:41Yes, it was a disappointment.
10:43But look, Sergeant, I really have something terribly...
10:46I have something terribly important to report to you.
10:49Sergeant, I have just seen a flying saucer.
11:03Yes, Tuggy, it's something that happened last night,
11:05and I'm just terribly excited and terribly upset about it,
11:07but I can't discuss it with you over the phone.
11:09I'll see you at 2.30.
11:11Right.
11:12Who are you talking to?
11:13That was Tuggy McKenna.
11:14He's probably the best television newscaster in Tuckahoe.
11:17When he gets here, I'm going to tell him all about the flying saucer.
11:20Boy, that's crazy.
11:21It is not crazy, Walter.
11:24One half hour ago, I was on the phone with a Mr. Jordan Hancock.
11:28And, Walter, he was most interested in what I had to tell him about last night.
11:31And do you know what Mr. Jordan Hancock does, Walter?
11:35Drink?
11:39It so happens, Walter, that Mr. Jordan Hancock
11:42works for an independent organization
11:45that investigates all reports about any unidentified flying object.
11:49And, Walter, he is on his way over here right now.
11:52Walter, you're getting in too deep!
11:56Maude, may I speak to you?
11:58Well, of course, Vivian.
12:00Sit down, dear.
12:04I mean, may I speak frankly?
12:07Well, of course, Viv.
12:09Very frankly?
12:11Yes, Viv.
12:13Well, it's about the flying saucer you saw.
12:16What about it?
12:18May I speak frankly?
12:20Yes, Viv!
12:23Well, half the neighborhood thinks you're crazy.
12:29Vivian, may I ask you a question?
12:31Of course.
12:32Do you think I'm crazy?
12:36May I speak frankly?
12:38No.
12:42Oh!
12:46Vivian, I might as well tell you, I do not care what anybody thinks.
12:49The police, the neighbors, anybody.
12:51I am going to stand up and tell exactly what I saw last night.
12:55It is my responsibility.
12:56I don't care how loose people think my cookies are,
12:59or whatever the hell the damn speculation is.
13:03Oh, I wish I had your courage
13:06to stand up and tell what I saw.
13:08Viv, you mean you saw the same thing last night?
13:11Oh, no, it was last winter.
13:13Vivian, why didn't you tell?
13:15Vivian, what did you see?
13:18Well...
13:20Well, one night...
13:21Yeah?
13:22I was standing outside, just...
13:25just looking up at the sky.
13:27Yeah?
13:28You know, the way people just like to look at the stars and stare.
13:32Of course, of course.
13:33So anyway, I was just looking up at the sky.
13:36Yes.
13:38I was sort of just staring.
13:40Yes.
13:43A light snow began to fall.
13:45And then, all of a sudden, there was...
13:48there was a big flash of light and...
13:51There it was.
13:54I just couldn't believe my eyes.
13:56Vivian, what did you see?
14:01Santa Claus.
14:10Santa Claus.
14:28Vivian, may I speak frankly?
14:32Go home, you're giving me a headache.
14:34Headache?
14:35Oh, you know, I told you about my grandmother's...
14:37Leave, Vivian!
14:38Mr. Glass...
14:39Out!
14:51Walter, I don't understand.
14:52I don't understand.
14:54The police laughed in my face.
14:57Vivian told me the neighbors think I'm crazy.
15:00Even crazy Vivian thinks I'm crazy.
15:04Oh, I wish Mr. Hancock from the UFO agency was here.
15:07I need the support of another person, Walter.
15:09I mean, I'm strong, but...
15:10I just don't know how much more of this I can take.
15:13Mort, I'd like to tell you something.
15:15Of course, darling, what is it?
15:16May I speak frankly?
15:17No!
15:25Hello.
15:26Just a second.
15:27Mort, it's for you.
15:29Jordan Hancock.
15:31Mr. Hancock, why aren't you here?
15:33I was expecting...
15:34What do you mean you need another witness
15:36who saw what I saw?
15:38Well, that's ridiculous.
15:39You know that I'm an extremely respected
15:41and responsible member of this commu...
15:43What's that?
15:44Of course you may speak frankly.
15:52You've already made a preliminary investigation of me?
15:57Yes, that's true.
15:58That's true.
15:59I am under the care of a psychiatrist.
16:03Who isn't?
16:06Now listen, if you do not think that I am credible,
16:08I am going to let my husband straighten you out.
16:11He is right here,
16:12and he can tell you what a credible person I am.
16:17Yes.
16:18Yes, that's true.
16:19He is an alcoholic.
16:24But he has not had one drink
16:26since he attempted suicide last year.
16:30All right, get another witness.
16:33Well, I hope you're satisfied.
16:35You just destroyed my credibility.
16:38Okay, Mort, that's it.
16:39The flying saucer joke is over.
16:41Listen, Walter, I...
16:42Walt, just give it up,
16:43or else you'll be the laughingstock of Tarkov.
16:45You're all alone, Mort.
16:46There's nobody on your side.
16:51Oh, Philip, what happened?
16:53You've torn the pocket off your brand-new shirt.
16:56Oh, I got into a fight with that Lao Mao Jerry Savio.
16:59He said you were off your rocker, Grandma,
17:01and I couldn't let him get away with that.
17:06Oh, Philip.
17:08Oh, Philip.
17:09I'll cherish this day for as long as I live.
17:13When I felt I was all alone,
17:16abandoned on all sides,
17:19my grandson, the bright light of my life,
17:23came to my rescue and gave me the courage
17:26to continue to stand up for what I believed.
17:29Oh, Philip, I'm very proud of you.
17:32Thanks, Grandma.
17:33Oh, I told Jerry,
17:34even if you are off your rocker,
17:36you shouldn't go around telling people about it.
17:44Gee, Grandma, you're in a bad mood today.
17:47I'm sorry, Philip, I'm sorry.
17:50I just have a terrible headache.
17:53Let's leave Grandma alone, Philip.
17:55I'll bring you down a couple of aspirin, Maud.
17:57In the meantime, think about that television reporter.
18:01Laughingstock, Maud!
18:24Laughingstock, Maud!
18:34Maud, what are you...
18:35What do you think you're doing?
18:37I thought it was perfectly obvious.
18:39I was just throwing water at you.
18:42Oh, I see.
18:43Listen, Maudie, I owe you an apology.
18:45I had lunch at the club today,
18:46and I ran into Judge Moffat.
18:48Now, I haven't seen him for quite some time.
18:49You know Judge Moffat, don't you?
18:50No, I don't.
18:51Oh, that's his car coming up now.
18:52I asked him to follow my hair.
18:53Right over here, Judge!
18:55Maud, Judge Moffat saw the flying saucer last night,
18:59just like you did.
19:00Oh!
19:01He told me so at lunch.
19:03Oh, he...
19:04He saw it? He actually saw it?
19:06Yes, that's why I want to apologize to you.
19:08Oh!
19:09Now then, I know that it's true.
19:11You see, the judge is a Republican.
19:12Oh!
19:15May I come in?
19:16Maud, this is Judge Leonard B. Moffat,
19:19retired justice of the New York State Supreme Court,
19:21Professor Emeritus, Columbia Law School.
19:23Oh!
19:24Oh, Judge, oh, Judge, it's...
19:25It's such a...
19:26Oh!
19:27A pleasure meeting you.
19:28Please, please, come in, come in.
19:30Oh, Judge.
19:31Oh, excuse me, Judge,
19:32you actually saw the flying saucer, too?
19:34Oh, yes, indeed, I saw it, all right.
19:36I could hardly believe my eyes.
19:37Oh!
19:38Cigar-shaped?
19:39Flashing lights?
19:41That's it, all right.
19:42Oh!
19:43Oh, thank you, God,
19:44for sending me a credible witness.
19:46Oh!
19:47Oh, I can't tell you
19:48what a relief this is.
19:49Oh!
19:50Uh, excuse me, Mrs. Finley?
19:52Yes?
19:53Tuggy McKenna, WBLT News.
19:54Oh!
19:57Tuggy, yes, come in, come in, come in.
20:00And Mrs. Finley,
20:01I know you didn't want to talk about it
20:02on the phone today,
20:03but I got some other calls.
20:05Some of your neighbors
20:06think you saw a flying saucer.
20:10Is that what this is about?
20:11It certainly is.
20:12Tuggy, I want you to interview me
20:14and my illustrious acquaintance,
20:16the Honorable Supreme Court Justice,
20:19Judge Leonard B. Moffat.
20:21That is, Judge,
20:22if it's all right with you.
20:23Oh, yes, indeed,
20:24we must step forward.
20:25Hey, dynamite!
20:27Okay, guys, let's set it up.
20:29What's going on?
20:30Walter, Walter,
20:31this is Judge Leonard B. Moffat.
20:33Judge, my husband,
20:34Walter Finley.
20:35Walter, the judge
20:36saw the flying saucer, too.
20:39You actually saw it?
20:41That's right.
20:42We're giving out an interview.
20:44Holy cow!
20:46Here's your aspirin.
20:47Walter, I don't need them anymore.
20:48My headache's gone.
20:50Walter, I could use a couple.
20:56Oh, Judge,
20:57I cannot tell you
20:58what a relief this is.
20:59I tell you, everybody doubted me.
21:01My neighbors thought I was crazy.
21:03Even my husband,
21:04my own husband,
21:05questioned me.
21:06I know what that's like.
21:07I went through the same thing myself
21:08the first time I saw one.
21:10I've just learned to ignore people.
21:12Okay, Judge, Mrs. Finley,
21:13you want to step over here
21:14on the landing.
21:15We'll be doing the interview from here.
21:16Okay?
21:17It's right over there.
21:18Um,
21:20the first time, you mean,
21:22you've seen flying saucers before?
21:25Oh, yes.
21:26I see them all the time.
21:29Usually on Thursday nights
21:30after I've taken my medicine.
21:33Sometimes I ride in them.
21:38Okay, Vince,
21:39we'll start with a two-shot,
21:40and then we'll zoom in
21:41to Mrs. Finley.
21:42Judge,
21:43you ride in them?
21:47Where?
21:48Where?
21:49I've been to all the planets.
21:50Venus,
21:51Mars,
21:53Pluto,
21:55Donald Duck.
21:58Okay, we'll be with you
21:59in just one second, folks.
22:00But now I only go
22:01in the flying saucers to Mars
22:02because they're the only ones
22:03that have seat belts.
22:06I've grown very safety conscious.
22:09You know what the Martians
22:10like to eat?
22:12Marshmallows.
22:17They call them marshmallows.
22:21This is Coggy McKenna,
22:22WBLT News.
22:23And I'm at the Elm Street home
22:24of Mrs. Maude Finley.
22:26With her is retired
22:27State Supreme Court Justice
22:28Leonardine Maude.
22:30There have been rumors
22:31of flying saucers
22:32in this neighborhood.
22:33Rumors that Mrs. Finley
22:34has seen these flying saucers.
22:36And I'm asking you now,
22:37Mrs. Maude Finley,
22:38what do you have to say
22:39about these reports
22:40that you have seen
22:41a flying saucer?
22:48I deny everything.
22:51My cookies are just
22:52as tight as anybody's.
22:58Of course, I cannot speak
22:59with a judge here,
23:00but then again, why should I?
23:01I mean, I have never met
23:02this charlatan before.
23:04It was my neighbor,
23:05Dr. Arthur Harmon,
23:06who dragged him over here.
23:07I say, there are no such things
23:08as flying saucers.
23:10At least, I have never seen
23:11a flying saucer.
23:12And I want to make that
23:13perfectly clear.
23:14There are no flying saucers.
23:16I have never seen
23:17a flying saucer.
23:18I have never seen
23:19a flying saucer.
23:20I have never seen
23:21a flying saucer.
23:22I have never seen
23:23a flying saucer.
23:24I have never seen
23:25a flying saucer.
23:26I have never seen
23:27a flying saucer.
23:28I have never seen
23:29a flying saucer.
23:30I have never seen
23:31a flying saucer.
23:32I have never seen
23:33a flying saucer.
23:34I have never seen
23:35a flying saucer.
23:37The pod was recorded
23:38on videotape
23:39before a studio audience.
23:40Oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo
23:46Oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo
23:50Oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo
23:52Oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo
23:55Oh, yeah!
24:06Oh, yeah!
24:07Oh, yeah!