BORDEA_ Teoria conspiratiei (2023)
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00:00:30Hi
00:01:00Oh
00:01:09But I said I should be able to go out of love there
00:01:11But if I can't wait to see us toss and feed a lot or the road and go out of love there for boy
00:01:16She can't succeed it stand-up comedy Romania
00:01:21Habana vets
00:01:23She is a little bit young to scuttle me a moment. Oh, it's not a big
00:01:27So they don't say that I'm this night
00:01:30Ha ha ha ha
00:01:32Yeah, I'm going to attack a kid a cop come on
00:01:36So this is we anxiety as the step we in front of public will you want me guys to let in a shy?
00:01:40Yeah, yeah, yeah
00:01:44We're gonna move a chamber pre-ordered on validare by female version of avion
00:01:49Oh
00:02:19In case the big the uncanny see them the LST
00:02:22I'm pretty single let's hurry can you see them the kids that I've got a teacher a burbo
00:02:27But as a woman can I use it's paloma
00:02:30Omega knows fuck do scotty my interest in a bubble that I think I've got this
00:02:35Style are in the yard. I shall
00:02:38Void caramel, it's awesome on
00:02:40Raptor
00:02:43Boboteaza my you know she's young she's young I've got some people Bonita's a glamour chamber be serious
00:02:56It's a pika la back to the cutie or to squeeze my son can't you can't it I am much a Kalia
00:03:02I
00:03:07Think I think it's the Vicky Romania because I got some decent because if I just scream
00:03:12And I'm federation Romania this cream. This is what the infatuation
00:03:19We visit interview Russia constance
00:03:25No more fuck
00:03:29Yeah, I'll walk with a long she
00:03:32I
00:03:34Did I did I
00:03:37Scream
00:03:38Melissa be adevarate Darcy interest on
00:03:41East a bombardier Karehike hi-hi-hi
00:03:45Initial patick talk I'm in casa. She put a tada cutacres criminology. Oh, I said the vote Friday as floretta. She hi straddle
00:03:54Yes, Floretta. Yeah, I'm a mother. Hi. That's good. Oh
00:03:58So sorry soon J
00:04:01I'll do she turn it on a push this turn it up a kite with a step it's a lunch in Poland
00:04:06I've got a car
00:04:08Sorry, I can't watch that
00:04:10Algeva when it's a tickle no money
00:04:13I've lost or near she let it
00:04:16Say, da copula screamer. She's a message
00:04:22She's not a lot I could take a lot in truncated to put it on guard
00:04:27It's in toya koi I'm apiculture. It's a summer. I'm awesome
00:04:30You're a boy. I've got an apiculture Kunak Lunga. She's fucking a toast, right?
00:04:35So druggies I'd react with us
00:04:37Don't you apiculture cosmonaut? No, but it's a hotel. I'm a lady peplasa. Yeah
00:04:43They're not a lot not a lot not a lot not in case the inundation possible to miss long beer to see a tree
00:04:53Algeva
00:04:56I
00:04:58Don't watch copies of you basically
00:05:05And I'll tell ordinary day-to-day no intramural shengen deshiki lm hunor la amenitza pio hannes chine chile me hunor nush to exact
00:05:12No, mam interesa
00:05:14Lomba Zola televizor anski un superhero magyar
00:05:19Superman kill a man declare
00:05:21one of our affairs faceture to school a cure to school a
00:05:24To
00:05:25Infractory sent a pre-adulterated pre-adulterated
00:05:28Possibly see if I take a zonac not a zonac. This is not a platoon. I say yes
00:05:33I cure to school a cure to school a
00:05:37Moet on a television shop or a key element for the nervous. She's in shanghai not I'm interest
00:05:44She's is Yohannes. She's not my intellect. I've got back at it. I got back at it
00:05:49So I know traduce
00:05:52So I'm sophisticated
00:05:55No, I'm a miko my garage. There's nothing for best to my garage. It's good. God. You must want to keep it scary. So I think you're a good
00:06:04No, I'm a boy
00:06:07That's the imagination
00:06:10She'll amenitza back at it back at it. Yeah, mama mama. She's a party. Oh honeys. I read this the dam
00:06:19Which I play cut
00:06:21And do temple a mea de stoic my kumasha cheva the dam lottery not
00:06:31When you put me on Safari honeys, I think
00:06:36The dam nice to respond replica a state in kiddie
00:06:40Replica a state fatality that a plane of argument a shintz
00:06:44invest to
00:06:46Maneu de ordeaz fee parques peorce loc de parkare vine a vecino zice smuts mashi laka a locu meu
00:06:53Vedeam lai termina de cap si pleci nu stai la sa vada si vedem
00:06:59The tsunami de la banca va platis ratele vedeam lai
00:07:03Sphere umare in banca
00:07:06Si, I think a vedeam
00:07:08Si vedeam nu stu vedem ce vede el nu stu cand
00:07:11De ce va vede mai incolo vedeam noi can vedeam
00:07:16Intra ma in Schengen mult romani nu stiu ce inseamna era o interviu pe la tara vreti in Schengen si era unul asa de la tara
00:07:25Cat e?
00:07:28Si se cauta de bani mai era cat e?
00:07:30Eu pentru nevastrea soacra mea si trei copii vrem 6 Schengen-uri de astea vrem
00:07:396 da da
00:07:42Da-i con sa intri in Schengen ma tara nu e gata daca calatoriti prin tara asta aia de la drumuri si poduri aia nu fac nimic
00:07:48Ei cred ca se multesc intre ei nu stiu daca ati observat
00:07:53Drumul nu e gata dar ia scate 8
00:07:57Dupa aia cand vii a douara 16 ma de unde pula mea ati aparut aia se futa intre ei in loc sa pun asfalt
00:08:03Aia stai asa stai Nicule stai ca mi-a dat-o Pariserul asta mancati aici gura ta
00:08:07Da berea da berea
00:08:11Nu avem nevoie de semafor uman mai facem unul daca dupa aia care fac verde unu-i verde si unu-i ros
00:08:18Si sapene asa erau
00:08:22Scuze scuze verde verde trece trece
00:08:25tara nu-i gata
00:08:27Si e bine asa cum e e bine mor pe romanii care zic vrem o tara ca afara vrem o tara ca afara noi am fost plecati in Italia
00:08:35doua saptamani
00:08:37si am vazut ce inseamna
00:08:39Civilizazione basta con esta corruzione hai co tara ca afara si sunt coaie
00:08:47Lasa asa
00:08:49Asta e tara in care te descurci tara in care merge tara in care taica tu a zis aaa stii cine e tata adica bunicu
00:08:58Si tot asa tu vrei o tara ca afara si te intelegi pentru ca frustrarea se aduna vrei infrastructura ca afara vrei scoala ca afara
00:09:04vrei vrei spitale ca afara dar vrei regul ca afara
00:09:09nu
00:09:17Pei de asta merge in afara pentru ca ea e drastic ea nu se uita la tine in germania daca o institutie
00:09:24publica s-a inchis la ora 8 doamna germana a bagat chea si a zis is vine nine
00:09:30si a plecat in schnitzel
00:09:33Degeaba se roaga hans cum zice hans
00:09:39That's a sin.
00:09:41In our country?
00:09:43It's a sin.
00:09:45The lady closed the door and there's another one behind her.
00:09:47Is it closed?
00:09:49It's big.
00:09:51It's 8 o'clock.
00:09:53Is it closed?
00:09:55It's closed, it's closed.
00:09:59What am I going to do with this million?
00:10:03I can't leave you on the street.
00:10:05How are you going to give your time back?
00:10:07Oh my God.
00:10:09It's ok.
00:10:11You want the rules?
00:10:13You have to stick to them.
00:10:15We don't stop him.
00:10:17He gives up.
00:10:19He saves your life.
00:10:21There are Romanians who give up.
00:10:23You know who my dick is.
00:10:25Mihai doesn't give up.
00:10:27And he passed.
00:10:29He did shit and then he was like this.
00:10:31I didn't know.
00:10:37There are people on a train in a car.
00:10:41The barrier went down, but there's still a place.
00:10:45And he's not the last idiot.
00:10:47He says,
00:10:49My car is in my head, but my dick is in front of me.
00:10:51Boom.
00:10:53And he's like this.
00:10:55It's the first time you pass a train.
00:10:59I thought it was a conspiracy theory.
00:11:01The train passes, the dick doesn't.
00:11:03Or the guys on the other side
00:11:05are preparing for me, Mihai.
00:11:09We are unpredictable.
00:11:11Romania, after the first world war,
00:11:13declared the war to go.
00:11:15Us.
00:11:23I'm serious.
00:11:25Everything ended on the planet.
00:11:27Everyone was dancing.
00:11:29Peace, peace, peace.
00:11:31And Romania
00:11:33sent a letter.
00:11:35Can you believe it?
00:11:37He's still coming back.
00:11:39He's on Prahova Valley.
00:11:49A letter.
00:11:51Who wrote it?
00:11:55I didn't recognize him the next day.
00:11:57I'm sure he was drunk.
00:11:59I don't know.
00:12:01The minister of Bucharest,
00:12:03after the first world war.
00:12:09Call the council.
00:12:11Give me a pen.
00:12:17Dear America.
00:12:21Fuck you and your bubblegum.
00:12:25I'll give you a balloon.
00:12:27Oh, I'm crazy.
00:12:29You're right.
00:12:31I ask myself.
00:12:33At Casa Alba.
00:12:35That man who reads
00:12:37Correspondenza.
00:12:41And he saw
00:12:43a stamp with Cusa.
00:12:47Or who was there at the time.
00:12:53I'm shaking.
00:12:55I do, I do, I do, I do.
00:12:57I do, I do, I do, I do.
00:12:59And he said, Romania.
00:13:01Another one asked, Ruat?
00:13:03Romania.
00:13:05What they say?
00:13:07Come down if you have a stamp.
00:13:13It's a fantastic country.
00:13:15I swear.
00:13:17I didn't declare war.
00:13:19Not that I didn't declare war.
00:13:21I didn't conquer.
00:13:23Our country never conquered a country.
00:13:25Fuck you.
00:13:27And now comes the third World Cup.
00:13:29Fuck you.
00:13:31Don't ask me.
00:13:33Who am I competing with?
00:13:39It doesn't exist.
00:13:41I didn't put up resistance.
00:13:43Two days maximum.
00:13:45Sorry, sorry, sorry.
00:13:47We lost.
00:13:49It doesn't matter.
00:13:51We didn't conquer a country.
00:13:53A land.
00:13:55Romania.
00:13:57They left.
00:13:59Like that.
00:14:05And they came back and said,
00:14:07Come here.
00:14:09We'll tell them winter.
00:14:13Or something.
00:14:15Saloriki.
00:14:17Nothing.
00:14:19Because we have beautiful women.
00:14:21Think about it.
00:14:23They didn't want us to leave.
00:14:25Nordics? Yes.
00:14:27Vikings? They left.
00:14:29You saw those faggots.
00:14:31Hans.
00:14:33Hans.
00:14:35Hans was a sheep.
00:14:37A boat.
00:14:39I don't know.
00:14:41We'll cross the ocean.
00:14:43Hans.
00:14:45To us.
00:14:47Our people.
00:14:49Where are you going?
00:14:51Even if you wanted to leave.
00:14:53Do you want a whip?
00:14:57Now you're panicking.
00:14:59There is a national panic.
00:15:01I don't understand why.
00:15:03There is a national panic about drugs.
00:15:05There are drugs in Romania.
00:15:07There were 6 people on TV.
00:15:096 houses.
00:15:11One of them was a lady
00:15:13with glasses that fell on her nose.
00:15:15She was looking here.
00:15:17She had one eye.
00:15:19And she was staring at the TV.
00:15:21There are drugs.
00:15:23In the country.
00:15:25And she was like...
00:15:31There are those faggots.
00:15:35And the other one was saying
00:15:37Where are you coming from?
00:15:43There are drugs in the world.
00:15:45I felt the need to fuck reality.
00:15:47Because in my ass there were aborigines
00:15:49that were licking pigs.
00:15:53And they were seeing things.
00:15:57Now my mother-in-law seems more friendly.
00:16:01There are drugs in the country.
00:16:03Of course there are.
00:16:05We have to stop with drugs.
00:16:09Bullshit.
00:16:11There is no way.
00:16:13This is too much.
00:16:15There is no way.
00:16:17I was watching a documentary from Dubai.
00:16:19It was a documentary on National Geographic.
00:16:21With the airport in Dubai.
00:16:23Where there is the highest security.
00:16:25It's on fire with drug trafficking.
00:16:27And there was a policewoman
00:16:29from Antidrog.
00:16:31Dressed as a policewoman from Antidrog.
00:16:33With a wolf dog.
00:16:37And a reporter that was following her.
00:16:39And she was very drunk.
00:16:41And she was very drunk.
00:16:43And she was very drunk.
00:16:45And she was very drunk.
00:16:47And the reporter asked her
00:16:49And the reporter asked her
00:16:51How are you doing?
00:16:53And she said
00:16:55We are looking at everyone that is passing by.
00:16:57And I was like,
00:16:59Fuck, they weren't expecting this.
00:17:01And the information that broke me
00:17:03was like this.
00:17:05And I was like,
00:17:07When we see you sweating a lot
00:17:09You have something to hide.
00:17:11And I was like,
00:17:13What?
00:17:15Cotabitza doesn't pass by Dubai?
00:17:19Where is Cotabitza?
00:17:23Has anyone seen him?
00:17:25Cotabitza and Antonescu.
00:17:27Listen to this.
00:17:29Cotabitza is now like this.
00:17:31Somewhere in the airport in Dubai.
00:17:33They are constantly looking for him.
00:17:35He has nothing but he sweats.
00:17:37He has nothing but he sweats.
00:17:41I've been sweating since I was a kid.
00:17:43People are crying.
00:17:45You have nothing to do.
00:17:47You need a legal one.
00:17:49A legal one.
00:17:51Leave us a legal one.
00:17:53How did you leave the drinking?
00:17:55Leave us a little bit of drinking.
00:17:57Leave us a thing.
00:17:59It's administered, it's imposed, it's controlled.
00:18:01I do it at home, I do it in a pot.
00:18:03Those chickens don't lie.
00:18:05When those chickens are like this.
00:18:11You have to put an egg on your mouth.
00:18:13Those don't beat, they kick.
00:18:15Leave us one.
00:18:17Give us marijuana.
00:18:19It's from the ground, it grows from there.
00:18:21It gets wet, the sky, it grows.
00:18:23There is no overdose of marijuana.
00:18:25At most you'll see one in the middle of the beach
00:18:27to protect himself from leeches, that's how it is.
00:18:33What are you doing?
00:18:35Are you laughing too much?
00:18:37Leave us one.
00:18:39Just one.
00:18:41We are the mother of shit.
00:18:43Or how?
00:18:45Romania.
00:18:47And this is what happens.
00:18:49What if I go to work with pleasure?
00:18:51To see a Romanian,
00:18:53from Albaiulea, going down.
00:18:55Where are you going?
00:18:57I'm going to pee.
00:18:59I can't wait.
00:19:01Leave them.
00:19:03It's a mess.
00:19:05It's going great.
00:19:07The Netherlands is going great.
00:19:09Some states in America, Spain.
00:19:11They are legalized.
00:19:13They are administered and legalized.
00:19:15It's a mess.
00:19:17I was in December,
00:19:19I was freezing.
00:19:21I was on my bike,
00:19:23in shorts,
00:19:25and I was like,
00:19:27it's December,
00:19:29and I was like,
00:19:31and we have a lot of women every year.
00:19:33Mayor, give us some heat.
00:19:35Give them a gram on the scale.
00:19:39Through the calorifer.
00:19:43And your grandmother is like,
00:19:45are you listening, Bob Marley,
00:19:47because I'm listening too.
00:19:49I'm hot, nephew, I'm hot.
00:19:51I took off my shirt, but I'm still hot.
00:19:53Leave them.
00:19:55The state,
00:19:57the state,
00:19:59the state that protects the citizen
00:20:01from himself.
00:20:05Because the citizen is like a little kid,
00:20:07he doesn't know what he wants.
00:20:09If you give him drugs, he drugs you.
00:20:11And now, if it's legal,
00:20:13and now, but...
00:20:17At least you're hiding.
00:20:19At least the lady with the glasses is surprised.
00:20:21There are drugs in the country.
00:20:23Leave him.
00:20:25A man has the right to fuck reality
00:20:27if that's what he chooses.
00:20:29You choose because you're aware.
00:20:31You don't give to kids, you don't give to teenagers.
00:20:33You go to school, what happens to you?
00:20:35At 38, leave me alone.
00:20:37I want next to, look here,
00:20:39dairy and marijuana.
00:20:41And to choose if I drink milk or see a cow.
00:20:51I'm not saying it's good.
00:20:53That's what I wish.
00:20:55You don't even come to drive.
00:20:57You smoke something, you get in the car.
00:20:59But you don't leave.
00:21:03You're like, but no, what the fuck?
00:21:07But I know what's in front.
00:21:11In front it's unknown.
00:21:13Here I know what it is.
00:21:15It's my car.
00:21:17I have electric windows.
00:21:19Disappears, appears.
00:21:21Disappears, appears.
00:21:23Disappears, appears.
00:21:25Something else.
00:21:27They caught me.
00:21:29They caught me.
00:21:31They thought they caught me.
00:21:33They stopped me in traffic.
00:21:35I was driving home one night.
00:21:37They hit me with a traffic light.
00:21:39I'm not talking about a traffic light.
00:21:41I didn't stop.
00:21:43Red, blue, red, blue.
00:21:45What the fuck is this?
00:21:47They were standing there.
00:21:49I hit them with my phone.
00:21:51White, white, white.
00:21:55They hit me hard.
00:21:57Pull to the right, pull to the right.
00:21:59And I said, God, this is God.
00:22:01What do you want?
00:22:03Pull to the right.
00:22:05I got scared.
00:22:07And then I had a choice to make.
00:22:09I have a defect.
00:22:11I make jokes.
00:22:13Good ones, bad ones.
00:22:15It depends on how the man responds.
00:22:19And I was sitting in the car.
00:22:21And half of my neurons said
00:22:23No.
00:22:25Let's go home.
00:22:27Let's watch Netflix.
00:22:29The other half said
00:22:31Come on, man.
00:22:35Come on, man.
00:22:37You'll stay with her in your head after that.
00:22:39And I saw with the corner of my eye
00:22:41how the policeman was approaching.
00:22:43I opened the window
00:22:45and I saw a portion of french fries
00:22:47and a beautiful hamburger.
00:22:53Are you laughing at Nars?
00:22:57He looked at me like a cyclist.
00:22:59He left like this.
00:23:01Get out of the car, you son of a bitch.
00:23:03I was like, fuck you, you're scaring me.
00:23:09Can't you see?
00:23:13It's not his fault.
00:23:15He can't see you.
00:23:17But you exist and you're beautiful.
00:23:19You have the coolest nipples I've ever seen.
00:23:21And your lips, two petals.
00:23:31Can't you laugh?
00:23:33A little bit.
00:23:35Get out of the car, you son of a bitch.
00:23:37Get out of the car, you son of a bitch.
00:23:39Get out of the car, you son of a bitch.
00:23:41Get out of the car, you son of a bitch.
00:23:45I got out of the car.
00:23:47A man stopped me in the back.
00:23:49A man.
00:23:51He was looking at me like this.
00:23:57What?
00:23:59I don't give him a fuck.
00:24:01He's not a whore.
00:24:03He was preparing that bastard.
00:24:05And I asked him,
00:24:07why did you stop him?
00:24:09Because he's a whore.
00:24:11He's 70 years old.
00:24:13What can he do?
00:24:15The best he can do is to function normally.
00:24:17To piss until midnight.
00:24:19Because that's not all.
00:24:21I'm 85 years old.
00:24:23I don't want a pension from the Romanian state.
00:24:25I'll give you a shitload of pension.
00:24:27You don't have anything to do with it.
00:24:29Give me marijuana.
00:24:31To beat up the postman.
00:24:33Get out of the car, you son of a bitch.
00:24:35What?
00:24:37Get out of the car, you son of a bitch.
00:24:39He's here, he's here.
00:24:47Tell me, nephew, what are you doing?
00:24:49I'm eating the penguins from the kitchen.
00:24:51Look how beautiful they are.
00:24:53I didn't take anything from you.
00:24:59He put that fly in my mouth.
00:25:01He took the fly out of my mouth.
00:25:03I took a bit after the fly,
00:25:05because I had a hard life.
00:25:09He said, give me the fly again,
00:25:11because I don't think
00:25:13I showed him what I can do.
00:25:19He put the fly in a remote control
00:25:21and looked at me like a cyclist.
00:25:23And he said, did you get high, Mr. Bordea?
00:25:27And I said, let's see.
00:25:33And he said, let's see.
00:25:41He's searching for the fly.
00:25:43It's that easy, I tell you.
00:25:47He said, I'm not giving up yet.
00:25:49I didn't even know what...
00:25:51I have work to do.
00:25:53He put that fly in a remote control
00:25:55and he didn't catch a single fly.
00:25:57He looked at me, he looked at me.
00:25:59And he looked at Camila,
00:26:01and he looked at Camila.
00:26:09And he said, do you really see me?
00:26:11Do you really see me?
00:26:15I think the remote control is broken.
00:26:17Don't tell me I gave a million
00:26:19on a package of Leustian.
00:26:21Don't tell me that.
00:26:23Don't tell me I've been smoking
00:26:25soup for a week.
00:26:27Don't tell me that.
00:26:29Don't tell me that.
00:26:33He's a piece of shit.
00:26:39He didn't get mad at the anti-drug filter.
00:26:41It's good, leave it there.
00:26:43Even though I said it, it's bad.
00:26:45You know what it means?
00:26:47First of all, it's Wednesday.
00:26:49Who drugs on Wednesday?
00:26:51Are we savages?
00:26:53I said, don't stand here, you'll catch me and this guy.
00:26:56Go in front of any girl's club in this country and wait, Mr. Policeman.
00:27:01They'll come to you.
00:27:03And don't beat them, you'll see, if they do...
00:27:08What do you think it is? It transforms from a full moon?
00:27:11It's...
00:27:12It's a kite, dressed in Balmain.
00:27:14If you see it, it looks like Balmain.
00:27:16And if you see it, it looks like Balmain.
00:27:18And if you see it, it looks like Balmain.
00:27:20It's a kite, dressed in Balmain.
00:27:22If you see it, it looks like Balmain.
00:27:24And if you see it, it looks like Balmain.
00:27:28If you see it, it looks like Balmain.
00:27:30And if you see it, it looks like Balmain.
00:27:36That guy's got it.
00:27:44I'm angry at the attitude of the policeman.
00:27:46Because the police in Romania has no authority.
00:27:48It's a shame.
00:27:49They have no authority.
00:27:50They don't have the authority to shit on them.
00:27:53You beat your wife.
00:27:54Your wife calls the police.
00:27:56The police is at the door, like this.
00:27:57What the hell did you take?
00:28:02And the lady is like this.
00:28:03Come in.
00:28:04We don't want to bother you.
00:28:07He's got a sword.
00:28:08We don't have the same energy.
00:28:12No!
00:28:13This was the message of the policeman from the police station.
00:28:17He was drunk, like this.
00:28:18No!
00:28:19They don't have it when they should.
00:28:21They caught me and my uncle.
00:28:22They put their moustache in my mouth.
00:28:23They scared me to death.
00:28:25And then they left.
00:28:27Bravo!
00:28:28While next to us, I think, there were cars with luggage
00:28:31full of drugs.
00:28:32Cops.
00:28:33Death.
00:28:34My ass.
00:28:35I caught my uncle and the bald guy.
00:28:37None of them were drugged.
00:28:41In this country, to be arrested, you have to have guillotine.
00:28:45You have to be evil.
00:28:47Either you have guillotine or you surrender yourself.
00:28:49You go and say, I can't stand the tension anymore.
00:28:52I've been arrested for three years.
00:28:55Pay attention, I'm the one who's shining.
00:28:57Budgetary, this champagne.
00:28:59Play with this.
00:29:09Case closed.
00:29:11Didn't you see that the neighbors are surprised
00:29:13when they see a masked man at 6 in the morning?
00:29:18How did you catch him?
00:29:21You, with your naked eyes, how?
00:29:24Did he call you?
00:29:26Did he say that he had a fight with his wife
00:29:28and that he would go anywhere?
00:29:29This is a bit drastic.
00:29:32Didn't you see the guy from Sibiu?
00:29:33He was stuck in my head.
00:29:35He was like an example.
00:29:36A guy caught on the wheel.
00:29:38Drunk, drugged and without a driver's license.
00:29:39They took him to the police station.
00:29:41In two hours he left.
00:29:45The police took his car because he didn't have a car anymore.
00:29:53And he filed a lawsuit all over Sibiu.
00:29:55Did you realize that?
00:30:02They caught him in a few hours.
00:30:04They searched him for an hour in the police station.
00:30:06How the hell did they search him in the police station?
00:30:08They were policemen.
00:30:10They were playing hide-and-seek.
00:30:12One, two...
00:30:14I won't count to a thousand.
00:30:17Come out!
00:30:19Come on, don't be a bully.
00:30:20I gave you coffee.
00:30:22How did you catch him?
00:30:23And now you think that he's stuck in the police station
00:30:25in Sibiu, naked, throwing kids with eggs in him?
00:30:29No, he's at home. Regret.
00:30:32He doesn't have the right to drive anymore.
00:30:33It's like he had it back then.
00:30:38They destroyed him.
00:30:39I can't believe that I can't drive anymore.
00:30:41I'm a drug addict. I drink without a license.
00:30:43You destroyed my life.
00:30:44Fuck you.
00:30:46I'm going to college now.
00:30:50You don't care about anything.
00:30:52You care about nothing.
00:30:54Because you're investigated.
00:30:55All the time you're watching the news.
00:30:57And now he's under judicial control.
00:30:59Or he's being investigated.
00:31:00And you say, what the hell are you investigating?
00:31:03Look at him.
00:31:05Baaa.
00:31:07I have a grandson in Botosan
00:31:08who used to come home drunk from a wedding.
00:31:10He used to drive in the morning.
00:31:12He used to come from the wedding.
00:31:13He didn't have both eyes.
00:31:15He was a cyclops.
00:31:16Look at him.
00:31:20He used to look in one direction and drive in the other.
00:31:23He could only see with this eye.
00:31:24His left eye was working.
00:31:27The police stopped him.
00:31:28When he opened the window,
00:31:29six Reveleons came towards him.
00:31:32And the policeman,
00:31:33even though he saw that he was...
00:31:38He had both eyes on him.
00:31:41He asked him, are you drunk?
00:31:44And he said, I'm like myself,
00:31:45but look what's behind me.
00:31:55He's at home, regretting it.
00:31:57Look at him.
00:32:00From now on, he has to drive with both eyes.
00:32:06It's not an unsafe state.
00:32:08It's not a state where...
00:32:10We're still lucky.
00:32:11I don't know if you see all this.
00:32:13We're lucky.
00:32:14The police, the way they are,
00:32:16it's a state where you're allowed to be like the police.
00:32:19I've seen what an unsafe state means.
00:32:21And you realize how unsafe it is
00:32:23depending on how the police are dressed there.
00:32:26I've been to Mexico.
00:32:27They were ready to die.
00:32:29They were patrolling the park,
00:32:30wearing anti-gloves.
00:32:31Helmet, hood,
00:32:33Arsenic in their mouths,
00:32:35or whatever they have.
00:32:37With a machine gun.
00:32:38Machine gun on the car.
00:32:39And they were like...
00:32:43At us?
00:32:46Look at the summer.
00:32:47In Medea, Sarad, Suceava, Botosani,
00:32:50Iasi, Huedin, Alba Iulia, Blasi,
00:32:53in the city center,
00:32:55the way he's dressed,
00:32:56he's fat like this,
00:32:59with that beard,
00:33:00you'd say he's never pooped in his life.
00:33:03You'd say he has state secrets.
00:33:08Sweating with two big panties.
00:33:11He has fish under his arm.
00:33:15With that blue ski shirt,
00:33:17up to that beard.
00:33:20Pantyhose...
00:33:21Pantyhose and pantyhose.
00:33:23Pantyhose and pantyhose.
00:33:24He's not a cop.
00:33:26He's a little father-in-law
00:33:27at a wedding.
00:33:30He protects you.
00:33:37The one who snores like this.
00:33:40It's traffic, it's traffic.
00:33:46It's not an unsafe state.
00:33:48Not at all.
00:33:49So...
00:33:52I like to do something from time to time.
00:33:54I don't recommend it.
00:33:56When I'm alone at home,
00:33:57now I spend a lot of time.
00:34:12In the next special.
00:34:15Sometimes, when I'm at home,
00:34:17I light a cigarette.
00:34:21If...
00:34:25Because it's going to be public.
00:34:29It has nothing in it.
00:34:31Just cigarettes.
00:34:32These are the cigarettes I collect for that.
00:34:35And I light it like this,
00:34:36and I put it on news posts.
00:34:37Especially those where I'm proud of the conspiracy theory.
00:34:40So when I catch a good conspiracy theory,
00:34:42I shit on myself.
00:34:43So I sit like this,
00:34:44and I say,
00:34:45give it, dad, give it.
00:34:46Come on, come on.
00:34:47Adults who eat shit.
00:34:48It's fantastic to shit.
00:34:49I saw one,
00:34:50it was Gadea.
00:34:51He was standing on his feet.
00:34:52When Gadea is standing on his feet,
00:34:53it's a big deal.
00:34:55When he's standing on his feet,
00:34:57his nose goes a little further back.
00:35:01And I said,
00:35:02oh, it's a big deal, it's a big deal.
00:35:04He's standing on his feet.
00:35:06On the plateau,
00:35:07a guy with a beard,
00:35:08like this.
00:35:09If he's free,
00:35:10he wasn't from prison,
00:35:11he wasn't free.
00:35:13A general,
00:35:14and at some point the general said,
00:35:15sir,
00:35:16aliens are coming.
00:35:17And I said,
00:35:18of course.
00:35:20Give it, dad,
00:35:21because I'm convinced that my mom will die.
00:35:24And he said,
00:35:25how do you know?
00:35:27It's obvious.
00:35:29And I was...
00:35:33And he said,
00:35:34haven't you seen those balloons on the planet
00:35:35that appeared so inexplicably?
00:35:37Yes.
00:35:39And then he got an ad.
00:35:42And I was smoking and I was...
00:35:48But he got me.
00:35:50He got me the next day
00:35:51and I started writing my script.
00:35:53It's obvious, man.
00:35:54Like the general said,
00:35:55it's obvious,
00:35:56now I'm convinced.
00:35:57It was the day of an alien.
00:36:00They had a party on the ship.
00:36:02One,
00:36:03the reptilian's ass got hit,
00:36:04it was shit.
00:36:06One,
00:36:07they left the window open
00:36:08and the balloons,
00:36:09the reptilian's ass got hit,
00:36:10it was shit.
00:36:12It's obvious.
00:36:15I got it, man.
00:36:17And then they came back to the set,
00:36:19and I felt bad,
00:36:20because he took that word,
00:36:21an alien,
00:36:22with a beard,
00:36:24and he said,
00:36:25let them come,
00:36:27because we'll receive them.
00:36:31The Romanian
00:36:32receives any species.
00:36:34We give them
00:36:35bread,
00:36:37salt,
00:36:39and hors d'oeuvres.
00:36:41We don't discriminate.
00:36:43And I was smoking and I was...
00:36:47We don't get along with the Hungarians.
00:36:52And they look exactly like us.
00:36:56No difference.
00:36:59It's like they're talking shit,
00:37:00that's not how it looks.
00:37:03Let's solve this.
00:37:06There's no such thing.
00:37:08Any species...
00:37:10I was drinking with a friend of mine,
00:37:12and we were having a little drink,
00:37:14and I asked him,
00:37:15if aliens come, what do you do?
00:37:17And he said, I'm leaving the country.
00:37:22And I said, but what's the problem?
00:37:23He said, think about it.
00:37:26If they come to our country,
00:37:28and I give them the government we have now,
00:37:31and I see them,
00:37:32Shoshuak appears.
00:37:35He's in it.
00:37:37He's holding the cord like this.
00:37:39And he's like,
00:37:40ALIENS!
00:37:42GO FUCK YOURSELVES!
00:37:53My arm hurts.
00:37:55I can't look him in the eye.
00:37:57He's been here for millions of years.
00:37:59He'll ask us, who is he?
00:38:01Hey.
00:38:04Oh, God.
00:38:09And what is he?
00:38:10Senator.
00:38:13And who chose him?
00:38:14Hey.
00:38:17It was autumn,
00:38:18they made wine.
00:38:20Do you want a horn?
00:38:24The Romanian isn't racist.
00:38:26Some of us are, unfortunately.
00:38:28We have a hidden racism.
00:38:30There are some golden boys somewhere,
00:38:32who will look at the aliens,
00:38:34and say, look!
00:38:35Look at them!
00:38:38Look, he has three heads,
00:38:39and none of them are gypsies.
00:38:40They're with a horn.
00:38:44My arm hurts.
00:38:52Artificial intelligence.
00:38:53Now there are groups with artificial intelligence.
00:38:56People on Facebook,
00:38:57whole groups,
00:38:58I would say,
00:38:59get the fuck out of here!
00:39:00You're making bunkers!
00:39:03Get oil and flour!
00:39:05I'm coming!
00:39:06Who?
00:39:07Artificial intelligence.
00:39:10Artificial intelligence,
00:39:11which will make robots,
00:39:12and will come and push us.
00:39:15You're laughing now,
00:39:16but you'll see.
00:39:17Invasion in the beach.
00:39:22Where are you going, robot?
00:39:23To the other bathroom.
00:39:24You see, you have three barriers up there,
00:39:25because I couldn't do it.
00:39:29You have to cross roads and bridges, Koay!
00:39:33You make the bridge,
00:39:35if you're smart enough,
00:39:36like artificial intelligence,
00:39:38and then you conquer us.
00:39:41No way!
00:39:42Artificial intelligence,
00:39:43which will make robots,
00:39:44which will fuck things up,
00:39:45you're a dumbass,
00:39:46you're a piece of shit,
00:39:47you're a terminator.
00:39:49Us, running.
00:39:50Wait, Koay, wait, wait.
00:39:52Do you know who your father is?
00:39:59I have a thermostat like you, man!
00:40:04Artificial intelligence
00:40:05will not make robots.
00:40:06Artificial intelligence,
00:40:07if it wants to exterminate us,
00:40:09you, right now,
00:40:10have a mobile phone
00:40:11that has a camera in front of it.
00:40:12It sees you.
00:40:13It sees your eyes.
00:40:14It sees your eyes.
00:40:15It sees those pupils
00:40:16that dilate,
00:40:18when you scroll.
00:40:19Because artificial intelligence
00:40:20will base itself
00:40:21on our biggest weakness,
00:40:22which is envy.
00:40:24When you, Mihaela,
00:40:25when you, Mihaela,
00:40:27look on Instagram
00:40:28at your former high school classmate,
00:40:29Andreea,
00:40:30fuck her in the mouth.
00:40:33Why?
00:40:34For fuck's sake!
00:40:38And you look at her,
00:40:39and you kiss her.
00:40:44Fuck the dead, man.
00:40:47All Andreea, man,
00:40:48look at her.
00:40:50And she took the car,
00:40:51because if she sucks,
00:40:52she's a whore.
00:40:56And I went to get a car,
00:40:57and they asked me,
00:40:58do you suck,
00:40:59and I said, no,
00:41:00because I have values,
00:41:01and they didn't give it to me.
00:41:05And you'll look at her,
00:41:06you'll look at her,
00:41:07you'll look at her like she's a whore.
00:41:08You'll look at her and say,
00:41:09she's your nature's goddess,
00:41:10she's your mother.
00:41:11She's your mother, Andreea.
00:41:12Fuck her in the mouth, Andreea,
00:41:13that's having fun,
00:41:14in my ass.
00:41:15Now she's at Sisaia,
00:41:16now she's at Susaila.
00:41:17She's going to my ass.
00:41:18Now she's with that guy,
00:41:19now she's with that guy.
00:41:20Look at her, she took her clothes,
00:41:21fuck her in the mouth,
00:41:22fuck her in the mouth.
00:41:23And she's going to sleep.
00:41:24And your artificial intelligence,
00:41:25on your phone,
00:41:26that you have at night,
00:41:27is going to give you a message.
00:41:29To fill your glass.
00:41:31When you sleep,
00:41:32it's going to say,
00:41:33Andreea is Maldives.
00:41:37You,
00:41:38the last whore in the country,
00:41:39you know?
00:41:44Or like this.
00:41:49And you'll kill yourself.
00:41:50You'll kill yourself.
00:41:53You don't believe in these shit.
00:41:54Conspiracy theories
00:41:55are fake news,
00:41:56and adult bedtime stories
00:41:57in my ass.
00:41:59Yes, I believe.
00:42:00The first conspiracy theories
00:42:01are stories,
00:42:02but you're 7 years old,
00:42:03and you're dreaming,
00:42:04or 6 years old,
00:42:05or 5 years old,
00:42:06and you're looking at your mom,
00:42:07and you're doing this,
00:42:08and the wolf ate the brush.
00:42:09And she was like,
00:42:10yeah,
00:42:11and she was like,
00:42:12aaaah.
00:42:13You see a forest,
00:42:14and you're like,
00:42:15I think there's a wolf there,
00:42:16I think there's a wolf there.
00:42:17After that,
00:42:18you believed in shit,
00:42:19and you got scared,
00:42:20and you became a princess,
00:42:21and you're like,
00:42:22aaaah,
00:42:23I'm doing a video chat.
00:42:24Or,
00:42:25I don't know.
00:42:26But now,
00:42:27you're adults.
00:42:28There are Facebook groups,
00:42:29there are shit news.
00:42:30On TV,
00:42:31you see shit in my ass,
00:42:32because you're an adult.
00:42:33Nobody wants to exterminate you.
00:42:34You're like,
00:42:35I want him to kill me.
00:42:36I want him to kill me.
00:42:37One guy,
00:42:38Mihai,
00:42:39from Popinciuc de Deau,
00:42:41has 3 cows,
00:42:43and he works at Provident,
00:42:44but,
00:42:46someone wants to kill him.
00:42:48And he got caught.
00:42:49I know, man.
00:42:52I put it in toothpaste.
00:42:55Look at Dorian Popa.
00:42:56Why did he put toothpaste?
00:42:57He knows something.
00:43:00Nobody wants to exterminate you.
00:43:01Absolutely.
00:43:02We kill each other like idiots.
00:43:03I don't give a fuck.
00:43:04Not even the conspiracy theory
00:43:05keeps up with the human libido.
00:43:07We're 8 fucking billions on the planet.
00:43:10We fuck each other,
00:43:11uncontrollably,
00:43:12and under any circumstances.
00:43:13Let his mother die.
00:43:14It can rain,
00:43:15it can snow,
00:43:16it can thunder,
00:43:17typhoon,
00:43:18until you fuck.
00:43:23You have nothing to eat,
00:43:24but you have to fuck.
00:43:25It's incredible.
00:43:27It's incredible how the body works.
00:43:28Look at this.
00:43:29I say,
00:43:30I remain...
00:43:33You have the energy
00:43:34to fuck.
00:43:35It's fantastic.
00:43:37The poorer you are,
00:43:38the more kids you have.
00:43:39How the fuck...
00:43:40I'm in Vaslui,
00:43:41who hasn't seen
00:43:42a bread for 8 months,
00:43:44and I see those kids
00:43:45eating two loaves of bread.
00:43:47They have 17 kids.
00:43:48From 8 months on,
00:43:49they don't even have a name.
00:43:52I tell my dad,
00:43:53hey!
00:43:57And I tell him,
00:43:58eat, daddy.
00:44:01Eat,
00:44:02clean.
00:44:04Clean.
00:44:05Go to your dad.
00:44:07Fuck her,
00:44:08under any circumstances.
00:44:09There's no more
00:44:10fucking species.
00:44:12When the forest burns,
00:44:13you've seen it.
00:44:14In Australia,
00:44:15the forest burns.
00:44:16The animals run away.
00:44:17There weren't two deer,
00:44:18like...
00:44:22You're stupid,
00:44:23the forest burns.
00:44:25But I burn you too,
00:44:26isn't that true?
00:44:28Who burns you more?
00:44:29The forest or me?
00:44:33Man,
00:44:34it's a fucking species.
00:44:36There are people
00:44:37born in 1944.
00:44:39Do you know what year 1943 was?
00:44:40The second fucking world war.
00:44:42And one,
00:44:43in Cluj,
00:44:46in a block,
00:44:48all naked,
00:44:49looking out the window.
00:44:51Oh,
00:44:52my God.
00:44:56The planes are coming.
00:45:01Yo,
00:45:02aren't you one of us?
00:45:03I'll give you a blitzkrieg,
00:45:04because I don't have time.
00:45:07At the end of the world,
00:45:08a man gets drunk,
00:45:09or he gets drunk,
00:45:10or he fucks.
00:45:11I swear on my mother.
00:45:12We drink or we fuck.
00:45:14Or at the same time.
00:45:17You get drunk and you fuck.
00:45:18One of us will walk aside,
00:45:19the other one will be like this.
00:45:22At the end of the world.
00:45:23Now?
00:45:26At the end of the world.
00:45:34Don't be crazy.
00:45:37Or be,
00:45:38but controlled.
00:45:40I realized I was crazy.
00:45:41I went to see a psychologist for a year.
00:45:43I didn't know I was crazy.
00:45:46I thought that's how I was.
00:45:48And that's when I realized I was crazy.
00:45:50I realized I had problems.
00:45:52When I was telling him
00:45:53about my childhood as a psychologist,
00:45:54he was taking notes,
00:45:55and from time to time he was like,
00:45:56oh, that's shit.
00:46:00Get the fuck out of here.
00:46:04But I'm surprised you're still walking on the street.
00:46:06His colleagues called him.
00:46:07You can't, you can't.
00:46:09Believe me.
00:46:10You can't.
00:46:11Why am I going?
00:46:12Because I'm crazy.
00:46:13I'm kidding.
00:46:14I'm not crazy.
00:46:15I'm a civilized man.
00:46:16I'm going to eliminate
00:46:17those programs from my childhood.
00:46:19Those programs that
00:46:20don't help you.
00:46:21They don't work properly.
00:46:22You have a voice in your ass.
00:46:23That voice when you left home.
00:46:25You, Alexandra,
00:46:26from the country,
00:46:27when you went to college
00:46:28and your mother said,
00:46:29don't make me laugh,
00:46:30don't make me laugh.
00:46:31And you were the one
00:46:32asking my ass.
00:46:33That's why Alexandra
00:46:34is 20 years old.
00:46:35She's young.
00:46:36All Alexandra wants
00:46:37is to drink shots,
00:46:38to suck cock.
00:46:39That's all she wants to do.
00:46:41What does she do to you?
00:46:42She makes you laugh.
00:46:46And you didn't live your life.
00:46:47You didn't live your life
00:46:48the way you wanted,
00:46:49to have fun,
00:46:50to dance,
00:46:51to go to the disco.
00:46:52I make my mom laugh,
00:46:53I make my mom laugh,
00:46:54I make my mom laugh.
00:46:55She came to you,
00:46:56hey, we're having sex,
00:46:57I make my mom laugh,
00:46:58I make my mom laugh,
00:46:59I make my mom laugh.
00:47:00And you're an old woman,
00:47:01you're old,
00:47:03but you're going to do it
00:47:04the way you feel,
00:47:05little one.
00:47:07She has a 6th sense
00:47:08that your mom sleeps like this,
00:47:11and you're like, hey!
00:47:14And you wake her up,
00:47:15like this.
00:47:17And she's like,
00:47:18fuck you, old man.
00:47:20And she's like,
00:47:21now suck my cock,
00:47:22old man.
00:47:23And she doesn't do it right,
00:47:24she makes me laugh.
00:47:33No, because I'm going,
00:47:34leave me alone.
00:47:36Leave me alone, Costele.
00:47:40The perfectionism of a cop,
00:47:41in which you have to be
00:47:42the best,
00:47:43the best in everything
00:47:44you do.
00:47:45I left home
00:47:46with my grandma
00:47:47and she was like,
00:47:48kid, you have to be the best,
00:47:49the best, the best.
00:47:50I got the first prize
00:47:51until 12th grade.
00:47:52Until fucking 12th grade,
00:47:53once I got the second prize,
00:47:54they didn't talk to me.
00:47:56They broke my cock in front of me.
00:47:58I took a cock,
00:47:59and I was like,
00:48:01that's how I vent,
00:48:02and I'm proud.
00:48:05And then they put wine in it
00:48:06and they drank it.
00:48:07No, I'm kidding.
00:48:09Be the best,
00:48:10the best, the best.
00:48:11That's why I don't have sex in groups.
00:48:14I tend to go out first.
00:48:20Two at a time.
00:48:21I go to the psychologist
00:48:22to educate myself,
00:48:23to understand the woman,
00:48:24to be prepared for the woman.
00:48:25And now I'm going to talk
00:48:26only to the guys.
00:48:27Dude,
00:48:28he's with 100,
00:48:29100 fucking years
00:48:30in front of us
00:48:31in everything
00:48:32about communication.
00:48:33Let my mom beat me.
00:48:36Go, daddy.
00:48:38I'm going
00:48:39because I don't want
00:48:40to be part of
00:48:41the millions of men
00:48:42who have been
00:48:43behind the millions of women
00:48:44for millions of years
00:48:45with only one question.
00:48:46But what do you have?
00:48:47But what do you have?
00:48:48But what do you have?
00:48:49But what do you have?
00:48:50But what do you have?
00:48:51Full of surprises.
00:48:54What does he have?
00:48:55What does he have?
00:48:58But what does he have?
00:48:59I don't know.
00:49:00I never found out.
00:49:01Neither the father
00:49:02nor the grandfather knew.
00:49:04The grandfather,
00:49:05before he died,
00:49:06said the last words.
00:49:07What the fuck was he saying?
00:49:11You'll never find out,
00:49:12dude.
00:49:14Because he doesn't know
00:49:15what to say.
00:49:16Nothing
00:49:17means to protect you.
00:49:18Your brain
00:49:19is not prepared
00:49:20for that information.
00:49:21And that information
00:49:22is updated,
00:49:23updated, updated,
00:49:24updated.
00:49:25You don't have a woman
00:49:26next to you.
00:49:27You have the whole woman.
00:49:29It's a whole universe.
00:49:30You know,
00:49:31a simple man,
00:49:32a simple man,
00:49:33with simple needs,
00:49:34like a sleeping baby.
00:49:36Like a sleeping baby.
00:49:38What do you have?
00:49:39Nothing.
00:49:40He tells you
00:49:41to protect you.
00:49:42Well, if he would tell you
00:49:43what he has...
00:49:44So, if you don't
00:49:45inform yourself
00:49:46and if you don't educate yourself
00:49:47and he calls you
00:49:48to tell you what he has,
00:49:49don't go into that kitchen.
00:49:51Because you'll go in there
00:49:52and he'll say
00:49:53I feel like
00:49:54I'm losing myself.
00:49:57Your brain will say
00:49:58let's get out of the balcony
00:49:59right now.
00:50:01Let me take your feet
00:50:02because I can see
00:50:03you're not moving.
00:50:05What the fuck
00:50:06does that mean?
00:50:10I'm losing myself.
00:50:11What the fuck
00:50:12are you losing?
00:50:14I'm walking like this
00:50:15through Cluj.
00:50:16What's wrong with me?
00:50:17I'm losing...
00:50:18He says he's losing
00:50:19his nerves,
00:50:20his nerves.
00:50:21Because he's a train,
00:50:22he's like that.
00:50:23He was playing with us
00:50:24in the dream.
00:50:28You're crazy!
00:50:29You're a responsible man
00:50:30who puts you at rest.
00:50:31What the fuck
00:50:32are you eating?
00:50:33It's like you're going to the gym.
00:50:34You're learning
00:50:35what questions
00:50:36to ask,
00:50:37what answers
00:50:38to get.
00:50:39When you get home
00:50:40you're no longer amazed
00:50:41because you put your hand
00:50:42on the bar
00:50:43and a wind blows you.
00:50:44And you're somewhere
00:50:45in the kitchen
00:50:46like this...
00:50:48And you leave.
00:50:50That's why there are more
00:50:51male housekeepers
00:50:54than female housekeepers.
00:50:57They have a place to stay
00:51:00but they don't go home.
00:51:03That one is dirty,
00:51:04his head is dirty.
00:51:05It's good in the park here.
00:51:07It's just raining here.
00:51:08I know the rain.
00:51:10Go away
00:51:11because you have a woman
00:51:12next to you
00:51:13and a woman needs you.
00:51:14A woman needs you.
00:51:15A woman needs you
00:51:16and a woman needs you.
00:51:17A woman communicates
00:51:18with other women.
00:51:19And it's not your fault
00:51:20as a man.
00:51:21It's not their fault
00:51:22as a woman.
00:51:23That's how we were built.
00:51:24That's how kids play
00:51:25when they're young.
00:51:26Girls communicate
00:51:27when they're young.
00:51:28They have puppies.
00:51:29Fucking puppies.
00:51:30And the puppy
00:51:31has a name.
00:51:32You're Andrea.
00:51:34And Andrea
00:51:35looks at Mihaela
00:51:36and says
00:51:37Fuck you, Mihaela.
00:51:39She has a house, Andrea.
00:51:40She has little rocks.
00:51:41Do you like rocks?
00:51:42She's two years old.
00:51:43You, boy,
00:51:44little car.
00:51:45Vroom, vroom.
00:51:48Vroom, vroom.
00:51:55What can you do?
00:51:57It worked.
00:51:58You were my father's boy.
00:51:59Look how he plays.
00:52:03You were my father's boy.
00:52:05In school.
00:52:06There are no psychologists
00:52:07to teach you,
00:52:08especially as a teenager,
00:52:09how to become a man.
00:52:10Nobody teaches you this.
00:52:12They teach you geography.
00:52:13They teach you.
00:52:14They teach you history.
00:52:15They teach you.
00:52:16They help you with this information
00:52:17at the age of 38.
00:52:18They fucking help you.
00:52:19Do you know where the man's peak is?
00:52:20You know.
00:52:21Do you ever go?
00:52:22No.
00:52:23Because you don't bother the man.
00:52:25But what does your wife have
00:52:26when she's quiet?
00:52:27Whaaat?
00:52:28Does she save the life?
00:52:29Puppies?
00:52:31It's something else.
00:52:32You prepare.
00:52:33You go like a man.
00:52:34You prepare.
00:52:35And even if you don't go
00:52:36to the psychologist.
00:52:37Although you should.
00:52:39But I'm not saying that.
00:52:40Let's do a test.
00:52:41Let's do a test.
00:52:42Let's do a test.
00:52:43Let's applaud the men here
00:52:44who feel judged at home
00:52:45when they're sitting in vain.
00:52:46Just them.
00:52:52Those who didn't applaud
00:52:53you have an excellent
00:52:54self-defense system.
00:52:57At this time,
00:52:58all the witnesses
00:52:59on the board were turned on.
00:53:01And they were like this.
00:53:02Danger, danger, danger.
00:53:03Look to the right.
00:53:07Hey!
00:53:09And he's standing like this.
00:53:10No, my mom will die from the head.
00:53:16Those who applauded,
00:53:17they have nothing to lose.
00:53:20Let's get them
00:53:21into your mouth.
00:53:23Because they know
00:53:24that a relationship is a fight.
00:53:26In a relationship,
00:53:27you become aware.
00:53:28Just like you played
00:53:29at Vlad Casino.
00:53:30You know what's there
00:53:31in my ass.
00:53:32It doesn't surprise you.
00:53:33I inform you
00:53:34and you do both
00:53:35the right way.
00:53:36We both have a special...
00:53:37You try again.
00:53:38But you become aware.
00:53:40And even if you don't go
00:53:41to the psychologist.
00:53:43Hey!
00:53:44Take books.
00:53:45But in secret.
00:53:46Like a man reads in secret.
00:53:49Like a ninja.
00:53:51So he doesn't see you.
00:53:54Take communication books.
00:53:55Psychology books.
00:53:56My ass.
00:53:59Erotic intelligence.
00:54:02And hide them in the bathroom.
00:54:05And when you sit
00:54:06for 45 minutes...
00:54:14Give me a page.
00:54:19Read it.
00:54:20Then wipe your ass
00:54:21because you're a man.
00:54:24And you're ready.
00:54:26I was talking to my grandpa
00:54:27when he was still alive.
00:54:28He was resting.
00:54:29My grandpa stayed
00:54:30for almost 40 years
00:54:31with my grandpa.
00:54:33It was like now.
00:54:34He would say,
00:54:36Did they catch him?
00:54:37Did he look ugly?
00:54:41He would look like this.
00:54:43And he would look at you
00:54:44and say,
00:54:49Now he looks at you
00:54:50and says,
00:54:52Don't look at me like that.
00:54:53You're handicapped.
00:54:56And I asked my grandpa,
00:54:57I said,
00:54:58What's the secret?
00:54:59And he said,
00:55:00There's no secret.
00:55:01And I said,
00:55:02But do you love your mom?
00:55:03And he said,
00:55:04Shut up.
00:55:06He said,
00:55:07The first years?
00:55:08Yes.
00:55:09And after that?
00:55:10For 35 years
00:55:11I want to kill her every night.
00:55:16I said,
00:55:17And why didn't you do it?
00:55:18Because she doesn't sleep.
00:55:21We stay eye to eye
00:55:22like two rabbits.
00:55:23You shut up.
00:55:24You shut up.
00:55:27When you're sitting at home
00:55:28for nothing,
00:55:29I found the perfect answer
00:55:30to get rid of the unpunished.
00:55:31It's a way of seeing.
00:55:34The president's way.
00:55:35When she comes from somewhere
00:55:36and you stand there
00:55:37staring blankly
00:55:38at the TV
00:55:39and she says,
00:55:40What are you doing there?
00:55:41And you say,
00:55:42I was thinking
00:55:43how to make you happy.
00:55:49What can I say?
00:55:51Stop.
00:55:52No.
00:55:53Keep going.
00:55:54Keep going.
00:55:55Shut up, Mihai.
00:56:00I had an absolutely fantastic experience.
00:56:02It changed me.
00:56:03It changed me a lot.
00:56:04America Express changed me.
00:56:06First of all,
00:56:07the experience was absolutely...
00:56:08You can't live like this ever again.
00:56:10You can't warm up
00:56:11in an active volcano
00:56:12and then a lady
00:56:13wakes you up
00:56:14in Colombia
00:56:15in a river
00:56:16naked.
00:56:17You can't do that.
00:56:18She did this to me.
00:56:19Hey, maybe catch the fish.
00:56:20Come on.
00:56:22You can't.
00:56:23You can't sleep
00:56:24in a hammock
00:56:25on a beach
00:56:26in Guatemala.
00:56:27You can't.
00:56:28You can't live like this.
00:56:29You can't smoke
00:56:30like an exorcist priest
00:56:31in Mexico.
00:56:33God at that moment
00:56:34said,
00:56:35I'll give you something
00:56:36and you'll follow it.
00:56:42You can't.
00:56:45I'll remember that man
00:56:46for the rest of my life.
00:56:48A priest
00:56:49in his seventies
00:56:50with a gray hair
00:56:51welcomed us there.
00:56:52He told us
00:56:53to get the hell out of there.
00:56:54He was handsome.
00:56:56And at one point
00:56:57when the rooms were closed
00:56:58he took out a jar
00:56:59full of grass
00:57:00and looked at me
00:57:01and said,
00:57:02Do you smoke?
00:57:03Don't look at me.
00:57:05And I said,
00:57:06Yeah.
00:57:09What?
00:57:12And the priest
00:57:13said,
00:57:14He doesn't smoke.
00:57:15And I said,
00:57:16He's the priest.
00:57:22How can you refuse
00:57:23a priest?
00:57:28And he was rolling
00:57:29and it was cool.
00:57:31And he smoked.
00:57:33And I smelled it.
00:57:35And I started
00:57:36panicking.
00:57:37My grandmother
00:57:38said,
00:57:39You're making me shit.
00:57:41He can see you.
00:57:42He can see you.
00:57:44And I look at the priest
00:57:45and I say,
00:57:46Perro Senior?
00:57:50And he said,
00:57:51Hey.
00:57:56And he said,
00:57:57Dios?
00:57:58And I said,
00:57:59Yes.
00:58:00And he said,
00:58:01Oh my God.
00:58:02He kicked me in the ass.
00:58:06I asked the priest,
00:58:07What's that?
00:58:08Grass?
00:58:09And he said,
00:58:10Believe me,
00:58:11I don't smoke.
00:58:12Leave it like that.
00:58:14It was like dying.
00:58:15And this changes you as a person.
00:58:16You can die.
00:58:17It's a fantastic feeling.
00:58:18It's not fantastic.
00:58:19It's bad.
00:58:21But it changes you.
00:58:22You're afraid.
00:58:23You're afraid.
00:58:24They told us
00:58:25when we got there
00:58:26some Mexicans
00:58:27said,
00:58:28Do anything
00:58:29Mexico
00:58:30hates America
00:58:31and America is the opposite.
00:58:32They hate each other.
00:58:33Do anything
00:58:34so you don't look American.
00:58:35The court.
00:58:36120 kilos.
00:58:37Transpilar under the arm.
00:58:39Tanned up to here
00:58:40like a tractor driver.
00:58:42With a hat
00:58:43on the top of his head.
00:58:44In shorts
00:58:45and shorts.
00:58:46It said Texas on it.
00:58:48Kentucky.
00:58:50And me.
00:58:52The asshole.
00:58:55Eating a banana
00:58:57on the highway.
00:58:58We were hitchhiking
00:58:59and a guy stopped
00:59:00in a black chair
00:59:01to smoke a joint
00:59:02and he said
00:59:03Gringo
00:59:04I'm going to kill you here.
00:59:05And at that moment
00:59:06I said
00:59:07I'm not Conell
00:59:08to die like this.
00:59:11I'm Panorama.
00:59:21I don't die like a stupid Mexican.
00:59:24I die at 97
00:59:25in an aviary.
00:59:26That's what a liar told me.
00:59:28I gave him a million.
00:59:34But it changes you.
00:59:35Your fear disappears.
00:59:37You gain new experiences.
00:59:38It humiliates you.
00:59:39It humiliates you
00:59:40as a man.
00:59:42In English it's humble.
00:59:43Women brought me to the ground.
00:59:44That's why
00:59:45any experience after this
00:59:46you have to take it the right way.
00:59:47You have to prepare yourself.
00:59:48You have to learn.
00:59:49You have to be careful
00:59:50how you answer them.
00:59:51It's something else
00:59:52because you're nobody there.
00:59:53And in general
00:59:54you have to behave
00:59:55like nobody else.
00:59:56You have to show
00:59:57that you deserve something.
00:59:59I wasn't the star of the show
01:00:00in Mexico.
01:00:01Here I'm the star
01:00:02because of you.
01:00:03Because you come to the shows.
01:00:04But if you don't come
01:00:05you're a dick.
01:00:07A dick somewhere.
01:00:09I was knocking on the door
01:00:10and someone opened the door
01:00:11and said
01:00:12What?
01:00:13And I said
01:00:14Can I sleep here?
01:00:15No.
01:00:16Fuck you.
01:00:18But don't come to Antol
01:00:19to see how hard it is
01:00:20to find a place to stay.
01:00:25It's hard.
01:00:26But beautiful.
01:00:27I tried.
01:00:28And this changes you.
01:00:29I tried because
01:00:30my colleague
01:00:31eats a lot.
01:00:34A lot.
01:00:35I don't eat
01:00:36in a normal way.
01:00:37I don't eat.
01:00:38I eat very little.
01:00:39I eat like a beggar.
01:00:40Like this.
01:00:41On my feet.
01:00:42In the house.
01:00:43I break things.
01:00:44I eat them.
01:00:45That's how stupid I am.
01:00:46I don't know.
01:00:47This guy
01:00:48eats a lot.
01:00:49He cries a lot.
01:00:50He wipes himself with bread.
01:00:51Like this.
01:00:52He wipes himself with bread.
01:00:53Like this.
01:00:57I was starving.
01:00:58I had never seen
01:00:59a man
01:01:00walking on the street
01:01:01and he fell on his feet.
01:01:03I said
01:01:04What's wrong?
01:01:05Brain attack?
01:01:06And he said
01:01:07I'm hungry.
01:01:10I said
01:01:11Get up and leave.
01:01:12What the fuck do you want me to do?
01:01:14Bite your mouth.
01:01:18And I was in
01:01:19a village in Mexico.
01:01:20All my life
01:01:21I remember it.
01:01:22And I'll make a small parenthesis.
01:01:23The people there
01:01:24from all the three countries
01:01:25I've been to
01:01:27are a bit like us.
01:01:28Or we are like them.
01:01:29I don't know exactly how.
01:01:30I have no idea.
01:01:31Regardless of the difficulties.
01:01:32Regardless of the cartels.
01:01:33Regardless of the guerrillas.
01:01:34Regardless of the mafia.
01:01:35Regardless of anything.
01:01:36People dance.
01:01:37They have fun.
01:01:38They drink beer.
01:01:39They enjoy it.
01:01:40And we do the same.
01:01:41We drink small amounts of mustard.
01:01:44It's hard.
01:01:45It's hard on the butt.
01:01:46It works.
01:01:48You have a
01:01:49Romanian Jodiu Vivru.
01:01:52It's ours.
01:01:55And they were like us.
01:01:56And we got to a village.
01:01:57And in the middle of the village
01:01:58there was a small artesian fountain.
01:02:00And people were dancing.
01:02:01Old people were dancing.
01:02:03Children were running around.
01:02:04Lights everywhere.
01:02:06People were drinking beer.
01:02:09And the court was blocking.
01:02:11And I said
01:02:12What's your brain attack?
01:02:14And he said
01:02:15No, no, no.
01:02:16Carnitas.
01:02:19And I said
01:02:20I thought it was Formasi.
01:02:21Because they sing carnitas?
01:02:23They sing carnitas?
01:02:24And he said
01:02:25You stupid grater in my ass.
01:02:28And there was a table
01:02:29with 7, 6, 6, 7 Mexicans.
01:02:31And he said
01:02:32Go ask them for something.
01:02:33Go ask them.
01:02:34Because they were eating tacos.
01:02:35They were dancing.
01:02:36They were all beautiful.
01:02:37Children next to them.
01:02:38They were all eating.
01:02:39They were eating my ass.
01:02:40And the court wasn't eating.
01:02:41And he said
01:02:42Go ask them for something.
01:02:43And I said
01:02:44Go ask them for something.
01:02:45And I said
01:02:46Go ask them if you have
01:02:47this face of a milog.
01:02:48Look at me.
01:02:50The court is fat.
01:02:51They were already eating.
01:02:52I don't believe it.
01:02:54And I said
01:02:55I died 7 years ago.
01:02:57I am wonderful.
01:03:00And I went
01:03:01It was like
01:03:02Jesus' way
01:03:03with a cross.
01:03:04Look at me.
01:03:09The court was behind me.
01:03:10It was like the fish.
01:03:11It was saying
01:03:12Andale, andale.
01:03:14A little faster.
01:03:19And I go
01:03:20I stare at him
01:03:21a Mexican at the table
01:03:22with a mustache
01:03:23and a cowboy hat
01:03:24and a taco
01:03:25in his hand
01:03:26as big as his face.
01:03:28And I stare at him
01:03:29I frown a little.
01:03:31I open my eyes
01:03:32to look bigger.
01:03:35And in a Spanish
01:03:36perfectly Moldovan.
01:03:39I say
01:03:40Hola, senor.
01:03:41I say
01:03:42Senor.
01:03:48I am Catalin.
01:03:50I got to know him.
01:03:51I wasn't hungry.
01:03:53From behind
01:03:54I could hear the court
01:03:55saying
01:03:56Come on, faster.
01:03:58I say
01:03:59Senor.
01:04:00I am from Romania.
01:04:01Do you know where you are in Romania?
01:04:02No?
01:04:03I say
01:04:04Haha.
01:04:05I didn't know how to say it.
01:04:06And I did
01:04:07Haha.
01:04:09I say
01:04:10Senor.
01:04:13Si puede
01:04:15un poco de comida?
01:04:19And the arrogant one
01:04:20looks down at me and says
01:04:21Por qué?
01:04:23And at that moment
01:04:24the Moldovan left me
01:04:25to die
01:04:26Mama.
01:04:27So at that moment
01:04:28all the soap operas
01:04:29that I saw with my mother
01:04:30when I was little
01:04:31came to me.
01:04:32Fiorella, The Wild Heart
01:04:33Betty the Ugly
01:04:34My neurones were singing
01:04:35La gente pasa
01:04:36pasa siempre
01:04:37tan igual
01:04:39And I say
01:04:40Por qué?
01:04:41Por qué estoy embarazada
01:04:42a futus morti, mati?
01:04:44And thank you very much
01:04:45good people.
01:04:49This was the show.
01:04:50This was me.
01:04:51This was you.
01:04:52Thank you very much.
01:04:53Thank you very much.
01:05:06Baby!
01:05:07I'm very fucking proud of you.
01:05:08I would have laughed my ass off
01:05:09if I didn't see you.
01:05:10I love you and bravo to you.
01:05:11Bravo.
01:05:24Oh, baby.
01:05:25Yeah, baby.
01:05:26Oh, baby.
01:05:28Yeah, baby.
01:05:32Yeah.
01:05:48Dick in my momma
01:05:49for foot sport
01:05:50If you're crazy, put your hand up If you're crazy, put your hand up
01:05:57From left to right, front to back Put your hand up, bro
01:06:04Crazy in the neighborhood, crazy in my area Call me Pataloni, I'm strong like Madonna
01:06:08Bro, I grew up alone, without money Crazy in the neighborhood, crazy in my area
01:06:13I'm crazy on stage, night in the party When I smoke, when I drink
01:06:16I know it's typical I don't play with losers, I have no guilt
01:06:20On the sad side, I'm like a car