Jaime Bennington Interview ( Chester Bennington son) Linkin Park Part 1
Jaime Bennington, son of the late Chester Bennington, is no stranger to public attention. Following his recent criticism of Linkin Park for allegedly undermining his father's legacy, Jaime sits down with Jonnyroobs for an in-depth interview. He tackles fan queries and offers unbridled insights, allowing listeners to gain a nuanced understanding of his personality. Jaime's fortitude, compassion, and intellect will undoubtedly leave a lasting impression, showcasing a remarkable individual who embodies resilience and determination
00:00 - Introduction and Setting the Stage
03:44 - The Complexity of Family Dynamics
09:29- Navigating Childhood and Loneliness
15:32 - The Legacy of Chester Bennington
21:35 - The Question of Legacy and Truth
27:35 - The Future of Linkin Park and Its Legacy
58:48 - The Journey of Self-Discovery Through Art
00:00 - Introduction and Setting the Stage
03:44 - The Complexity of Family Dynamics
09:29- Navigating Childhood and Loneliness
15:32 - The Legacy of Chester Bennington
21:35 - The Question of Legacy and Truth
27:35 - The Future of Linkin Park and Its Legacy
58:48 - The Journey of Self-Discovery Through Art
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NewsTranscript
00:00:00Let me introduce myself to you.
00:00:08My name is Jamie Bennington, I'm 27 years old.
00:00:11I am the firstborn son of Chester Bennington, and over the last six years I've gone from
00:00:16a firm supporter of his suicide to someone who's absolutely convinced that he did not
00:00:23take his own life, and that instead he was killed by something or someone for some purpose.
00:00:32And I will be investigating that.
00:00:34Welcome to the 2400 Block Podcast with your hosts, Johnny Rubes and Ken.
00:00:48Welcome to the 2400 Block Podcast with your hosts, Johnny Rubes and Ken.
00:01:12Hi everyone, I'm Johnny Rubes and welcome to episode number 0506 and I have Jamie Bennington,
00:01:39son of Lincoln Park legendary frontman, Chester Bennington.
00:01:43He is a filmmaker and a live streamer on the socials.
00:01:47He also watches anime, plays video games, sings some songs and creates art content.
00:01:52Now Jamie is our guest for tonight and we are delighted to have him here on the 2400
00:01:58Block Podcast.
00:01:59Firstly, I'll be doing a Q&A interview and afterwards Ken will take things to the next
00:02:04level.
00:02:05Now, thanks Jamie for taking the time to join us.
00:02:08Welcome to the block.
00:02:09Hi, thank you for having me.
00:02:10That was an awesome interview.
00:02:13Yo.
00:02:14Dude, having you here is awesome and I hope I don't call you Chester at some point in
00:02:19the conversation because the resemblance between you two is indeed uncanny.
00:02:25Now there was one occasion I called a guy Vince Vaughn because he looked like him.
00:02:30So anyways, Jamie, let's cut to the chase.
00:02:34Are you ready for this?
00:02:35I am.
00:02:36Just so you know, it's okay if you ask that.
00:02:38I'm not going to.
00:02:39Okay.
00:02:40Okay.
00:02:41I understand.
00:02:42Thanks.
00:02:43Thanks so much for understanding.
00:02:45All right.
00:02:48First question.
00:02:49What was it like growing up with a rock star dad?
00:02:52It must have been awesome.
00:02:55It can be.
00:02:56It can be awesome.
00:02:57I think the thing I'm coming to terms with as an adult is just how little of my dad I
00:03:03actually had because he was a rock star.
00:03:07I always try to put things into perspective for people in a simple way.
00:03:11So I'll just explain that each album has a production period and then has the touring
00:03:19period.
00:03:20Oh.
00:03:21Right?
00:03:22So it's a coin.
00:03:23You have an album.
00:03:24On one side you have making the album and on the other side you have playing that album.
00:03:28And Lincoln Park had an album in 2000 that was Hybrid Theory, 2003 Meteora, in 2006 Chester
00:03:39recorded Dead by Sunrise, had to re-record it, couldn't release it because of Minutes
00:03:42to Midnight.
00:03:43Then there was the 2007 Minutes to Midnight, 2009 was Dead by Sunrise, for real.
00:03:49And then 2010 was A Thousand Suns, 2012 was Living Things, 2014 was Hunting Party, and
00:03:55in 2013 there was that tiny Stone Temple Pilots EP.
00:03:59And then in 2017 there was One More Light, and he was already practicing for shows for
00:04:05Great Ace, also repurposing that music, which Sean Daldell has done over the years.
00:04:11And he was also about to play New Dead by Sunrise shows with Frank Zumo as the drummer.
00:04:16So it was like, in reality, there's only maybe two to three real years in between each album
00:04:22cycle.
00:04:23And half of that cycle is him out of the house or away doing the actual performing, and the
00:04:31other half of it is him spending countless hours in the studio.
00:04:35And then he has to come home and do everything.
00:04:37And so as an adult, I'm sitting here thinking, damn, was he okay?
00:04:42You know what I mean?
00:04:44That's so much.
00:04:45And he was a part of Kings of Chaos and Bucket of Weenies, and so he had all these things
00:04:50going on.
00:04:52So in my reality, it's become very clear to me, I didn't really get to have a dad.
00:04:57I got what I was allowed to get of him.
00:05:00And then on top of that, there were all these internal dynamics that prevented me from knowing
00:05:04the truth of my father, where he came from.
00:05:07I went to high school at the Electric Ballroom in Tempe, which was a famous venue that Great
00:05:14Ace used to sell out before Linkin Park.
00:05:17That's where they cut their teeth.
00:05:22And that was repurposed after being shut down into a charter high school, which became the
00:05:26new school for the arts and academics, which is my high school.
00:05:30I didn't even know about Great Ace or anything.
00:05:33Nobody told me.
00:05:34They kept it from me that I was going to school where my father cut his teeth when he wasn't
00:05:40in my life for whatever reason.
00:05:41Because I met my dad when I was, I want to say about eight, seven and a half, eight years
00:05:46old.
00:05:47I didn't know him from the top.
00:05:50My mom was a single mom for a long time.
00:05:52When I asked her about it, she gives me a lot of different answers as to what the relationship
00:05:56was or what the situation was.
00:05:59But usually it's a different answer every time.
00:06:02And that's unreliable.
00:06:05I take everything as a grain of salt.
00:06:08It's like, look, I understand there's a lot more going on here that I'm not going to get
00:06:11answers on.
00:06:13But what's really interesting is that as a rockstar son, a lot of my life was controlled
00:06:20by people for one reason or another, even as a child out of the industry.
00:06:24So when I started researching myself, which is how my picture pieces archive came to be,
00:06:29I found out, for example, I found out many things, but one of them was that I was thoroughly
00:06:34brainwashed three or four times.
00:06:36By the time that my dad died, I was telling stories about my life that weren't true at
00:06:40all.
00:06:41And my parents and friends and family were just letting me do it, those that knew knew.
00:06:46Those who didn't didn't.
00:06:47You know, they kind of used me as a way to smooth over some of the canonical inconsistencies
00:06:52in Chester's career and personal life.
00:06:57And so that was really interesting.
00:06:58I think it's just been a journey of mine to realize what it's like to have a celebrity
00:07:04parent.
00:07:05Because, you know, I was telling people that I never knew about Chester, that one day he
00:07:11just found out about me and popped up in my life.
00:07:13But five and a half, six and a half years old, I showed up to my mom and was like, hey,
00:07:17do I have a dad?
00:07:18That's how that happened.
00:07:19That's not it.
00:07:20He didn't just magically remember me.
00:07:21And it's not that he forgot about me the whole time, either.
00:07:27It's a very complex thing.
00:07:29He has two wives in the mix, or I guess not two wives, because my mom wasn't his wife.
00:07:34But he has my mother, who's incredibly difficult.
00:07:37And then he has his first wife, Samantha, who's also incredibly difficult, as buffers
00:07:44between him and me.
00:07:47So there's stories saying that he knew about me back when my mom was pregnant.
00:07:52There's stories saying that my mom never told him.
00:07:55There's stories saying that they had three DNA tests taken after I was born.
00:07:59There are people saying that there were no DNA tests ever taken.
00:08:04There's literally a million possibilities, and nobody can ever agree on anything.
00:08:10It's been a very confusing, wild ride.
00:08:12And some of it's fun, dude.
00:08:14Going on tour with the band was amazing.
00:08:18Being a kid and seeing 100,000 people packed into a stadium from side stage, all their
00:08:23hands up, going, N-D-A, that's insane.
00:08:29There's nothing that compares to it outside of religious worship.
00:08:34That's like being in the biggest megachurch, and everybody just being aligned to one wavelength.
00:08:43What I imagine some mega-preachers might feel.
00:08:47There are wonderful times I've had with the band, and then there are equally desolate
00:08:51times, for sure, as a child, especially in this situation.
00:08:55Because also, a lot of the band dynamic is shrouded in mystery and secrecy.
00:09:00It's very much so, little kids over here, and then big kids over here.
00:09:06And big kids, they don't interact with little kids, because they're just little kids, and
00:09:10they're doing big kid stuff.
00:09:11And it's always been that way.
00:09:15Where I thought I knew the band really well, I really didn't.
00:09:17Where I was calling people family, I shouldn't have.
00:09:20Where I was putting a lot of trust into people I didn't know.
00:09:24I should have been more careful with that, to be honest.
00:09:28And that's kind of where I'm at now.
00:09:30So it's like a 50-50 situation.
00:09:33Wow, it's so hard to find the truth, especially when you're that young.
00:09:40When you're that young, when everybody in your life is supposed to be the narrator,
00:09:44but they're unreliable.
00:09:45But also, when I was just doing research on myself, and I found that brainwashing.
00:09:50And I did my research on Chester, and I saw the same shiz going on.
00:09:54I was like, huh, huh, interesting.
00:09:59How did those two things end up being the same thing?
00:10:02Why did that happen?
00:10:04It's almost like I got Chestered.
00:10:07Which is very interesting to think about the implications of such a specific kind of bamboozlement.
00:10:15You know, despite that, were you still able to play with your toys, and have your own
00:10:20peace of mind, you know, having the TV to yourself?
00:10:23I was kind of.
00:10:26In my family, they were kind of like, I say kind of a lot for this right now.
00:10:31Because it's not really hard to set, you know?
00:10:34It's kind of dependent on how the parents are feeling when.
00:10:38But I spent a lot of time dissociating from video games.
00:10:42I grew up on PS2.
00:10:45I was playing The Cat in the Hat, and Monsters Incorporated, and things like that.
00:10:52But then I was also exposed to Max Payne, and other things.
00:10:57You go from this really weird kind of campy, cartoony nonsense to this super meta kind
00:11:05of like, Max wakes up in the middle of the game, realizing he's a video game character,
00:11:10kind of blowing your mind at five years old kind of stuff.
00:11:13I grew up with all the toys, you know?
00:11:15I grew up with.
00:11:16My cat is literally trying to claw through the door right now.
00:11:19They've never done that.
00:11:20What are you going to do?
00:11:21Firefly?
00:11:22Not right now.
00:11:23No.
00:11:24You're going to rip me.
00:11:25You're going to rip me.
00:11:26I'm just going to annihilate her.
00:11:27Hold on.
00:11:28No problem.
00:11:29Go.
00:11:30Yeah.
00:11:31No.
00:11:32You're getting out of here.
00:11:33No.
00:11:34You did this to me three times today.
00:11:35This is the cool part about being on a podcast, guys.
00:11:39You don't know what to expect.
00:11:42There's the demon that's trying to destroy the carpet.
00:11:45She's going to be released now.
00:11:48It's nice to see her there for a second.
00:11:51That's crazy.
00:11:52She's going to come do it again.
00:11:55She's like, hell, bet.
00:11:56She doesn't really like the kitten right now.
00:11:58She's like, you've been hanging out with him too long.
00:12:01Now he's fermenting.
00:12:02Okay.
00:12:03But, you know, I had toys.
00:12:05I was very interested in things like that.
00:12:06I was a big reader as a kid.
00:12:08I loved reading.
00:12:09I just like spending time with things, but I also realized that a lot of that zest for
00:12:13being in prolonged interactions with things that I enjoyed was actually a result of me
00:12:20either being shut in my room on discipline or just being lonely.
00:12:29It's not that the things I was doing I didn't like.
00:12:30I love reading.
00:12:31I've read, I think, 30-something Stephen King books.
00:12:38Anything that I really enjoy, I love to look into it.
00:12:41I don't just like consuming media.
00:12:43I like knowing how it's made.
00:12:44I like trying to do it myself.
00:12:46I like looking at all sorts of stuff around it, and I'm very brainiac that kind of way,
00:12:53which is kind of the reason that I'm such a troubling person at this point.
00:12:57I feel like the opps are like, fuck this guy.
00:13:00He is literally nonstop.
00:13:03He always is talking.
00:13:05He's always coherent.
00:13:06If he's not coherent, he's just likable.
00:13:09I just feel like there's a lot of like – I watch all my stuff back, so I can say that
00:13:13about myself.
00:13:14It's like I see what I was doing there, and I'm like, I appreciate that.
00:13:20I just spend so much time alone and talking to myself that at this point, I've turned
00:13:23it into a tool.
00:13:24I'm like, hey, you guys want to hear me talk to myself?
00:13:25I'll write a song.
00:13:26Hey, you want to hear me talk to myself?
00:13:27I'm doing a live stream.
00:13:28It's going to be six hours.
00:13:29At least it's helping you out.
00:13:30At least it is helping you out.
00:13:32It's experimental therapy.
00:13:33I created my own therapy for my own needs.
00:13:34Hey, there's nothing wrong with that.
00:13:35I understand myself.
00:13:36Being public is part of the process.
00:13:37I think that one of the things that made me even close to like able to be this way is
00:13:38that I love art the way I love it.
00:13:39I love my toys the way I love my toys.
00:13:40I've seen Twin Peaks season three like 20 times all the way through.
00:13:41It's like, oh, my God.
00:13:42I love it.
00:13:43I love it.
00:13:44I love it.
00:13:45I love it.
00:13:46I love it.
00:13:47I love it.
00:13:48I love it.
00:13:49I love it.
00:13:50I love it.
00:13:51I love it.
00:13:52I love it.
00:13:53I love it.
00:13:54I love it.
00:13:55I love it.
00:13:56I love it.
00:13:57I love it.
00:13:58I've seen Twin Peaks season three like 20 times all the way through as a full movie.
00:14:02I'll just watch it like 13 hours at a time like I don't care like I'm just I'm so enamored
00:14:08with things that draw my attention and you know, I used to have like I had like a flint
00:14:15from the Bugs Life movie.
00:14:19There's an old like toy.
00:14:20It's like a stuffed animal with a segmented body and the big old head and he's got these
00:14:24antlers that have like wire in them so you can gun them in shapes and stuff.
00:14:27I had that as like a like a little blankie for a while like a little safety net.
00:14:32I just like chew on the antennas all the time like I love Spy Kids like yeah all those movies
00:14:39are my childhood like Sharkboy and Lavagirl like I just kind of grew up in this like postmodern
00:14:46this this landscape of postmodern cannon fodder almost it's like so many things happen you
00:14:53know, I grew up watching Prison Break I watching my major TV shows like I just I've always
00:14:59been attracted to movies books.
00:15:01I used to have toys like I used to be a big I used to love Star Wars toys for some reason
00:15:06before I was even reading the old fiction and getting into their universe right around
00:15:11the time that Disney bought it.
00:15:14So I know what the old one was like and I know what the new one was like I was doing
00:15:16both at the same time and I was like, oh my god, what did you do and it's not like oh
00:15:21my god I can't believe they did this and you know I was really nerdy with it and I
00:15:25think I just I think I learned how to think big by becoming a creator in harmony with
00:15:33my resonating like my resonant love for the things I was experiencing because like all
00:15:39the King Kings sorry all of Stephen King's work is like connected all of the Star Wars
00:15:45stuff is connected you know it's like oh look at the Sith Lord from 2,000 years ago and
00:15:49then go look at the Jedi Republic falling under its own hubris it's like oh my god
00:15:53that's crazy you know it's like to even consider that like the Sith were actually a full-fledged
00:15:58army or like a full-fledged like school of mysteries with like thousands or hundreds
00:16:03of thousands of followers and then they became like the rule of two is like so interesting
00:16:07I see a lot of it in like our political landscape right now yeah but you know I I think I kind
00:16:14of became disheartened as like a someone who did love their art so much because where
00:16:21I was an artist and I was making all of these interconnected pieces of art you know making
00:16:25movies making literature you're writing literature making music I was putting my piece my pieces
00:16:31into all these other places and connecting them for myself so everything that I have
00:16:36is like one continuous mass I've always planned it that way but like for other people it's
00:16:40not like that it's so meta sometimes it's not even a reference you know sometimes it's
00:16:43like yeah no that's just that's just a square cheese but for me I'm like no no you don't
00:16:48understand where the cheese came from it's got like five videos and two short stories
00:16:53behind it that are all seemingly on non-connected and and I think that when I realized like
00:17:00I think honestly being someone who grew up in Star Wars you know the attack of the clones
00:17:06and Phantom Menace things like that they came out when I was a kid that stuff I saw in theater
00:17:11and then to see like my uncle grow up in someone I called my uncle for a long time
00:17:17his name is Jay he had a whole library he basically had every single book every comic
00:17:21all the action figures he's like a 30 year old man I'm like now at the time I started
00:17:25reading the books you know he was a lot older than that because they had already sold to
00:17:30Disney and I remember reading them side by side and reading about like Darth Bane which
00:17:35is one of my favorite Star Wars trilogies is that Darth Bane series and and then I'm
00:17:41like reading like the super bland like the oh I think the best thing about the reboot
00:17:46the reboot was the Darth Vader comic like that was amazing that run like I probably
00:17:52went through like the first I think I went through most of it but I went through like
00:17:56two-thirds of it in real time I was just like oh my god this is stellar writing and then
00:18:01it was like wait a second I'm watching the movies and they're terrible and I'm watching
00:18:05the shows and they're they're all right but I don't understand I'm following the clone
00:18:09wars I've seen all of that you know and I'm like you know what it kind of feels like they
00:18:14bought this and ruined it it kind of feels like they're trying to gaslight me right now
00:18:19and you know I kind of feel like really bad about it like I feel so bad for all of the
00:18:23people who will never know what it felt like to be in the minds with Bane before he even
00:18:28became Bane like his his rise to the dark side like that's so philosophical he's not
00:18:33even a bad guy at that point you know it's like I'm watching like Legend of Korra which
00:18:38is a one variant of the Avatar the Last Airbender series and I'm carrying Teheran and I'm like
00:18:45yo yo yo kill them all you know what I mean and I'm like damn it's because of Star Wars
00:18:50it's because of them that I was able to comprehend that not all bad things are bad people you
00:18:55know what I mean like sometimes peace is a boundary that needs to be reinforced all the
00:19:00time through uh resistant action and that's what it is like can't tell you how happy it
00:19:05made me to see that mofo fly like truly man through through all that you were facing you
00:19:11know like when you just you know said about trying to find the truth it's good that you
00:19:14at least found something you know found some sort of escape you know just by reading books
00:19:19the battle between good versus evil that's actually what I told my family in 2016 when
00:19:24Chester went to rehab I had made it clear this was pretty much everybody in my life like
00:19:28they were like you know some people were like you you've been through a lot you might want to
00:19:31like go to therapy like really take it seriously and I was like well I've seen the way therapy
00:19:36plays out in my family I've seen the way antidepressants play out in my family and in my
00:19:39friends both things in my friends and it doesn't work like you can't go to therapy just to pay
00:19:45someone to listen to you and never change like the reason you go to therapy is to change right
00:19:50you go to heal you go to dance you could do better but if you're going in just to throw that
00:19:54all away when you walk out and just be the same shitty person you were when you went in that's
00:19:58crazy that's so expensive that's so lame of like what a weird allocation of your energy and then
00:20:05on top of that it's like I'm not going to be drugged during in that environment like no way
00:20:10I'm not taking antidepressants with people like that around me no way and I told you know I said
00:20:16it from the heart I was just like you know I I won't do it because I'm developing therapy for
00:20:20myself through my art I write about what I need to talk about I yeah I embody my emotions as best
00:20:30as I can I'm writing full-length feature films about it and disguising it as small towns being
00:20:36invaded by alien body snatchers extraterrestrial body snatchers like okay that's literally my life
00:20:43but would you know unless you understand the metaphor probably not you know I there were so
00:20:48many scenes looking back I went over my I've been going over my work on and off throughout the years
00:20:52just I always like to do that I've always been that way just like eating what I make again again
00:20:57and again to see like as I grow like oh was that something is that a foreshadowing or oh what was
00:21:01that thought I didn't know I knew that at that time you know and it's like but it's so close so
00:21:05you don't even see it and then you know sometimes I'm like whoa like that was crazy I have a whole
00:21:12scene where we're talking about antidepressants and trauma and it's in 2016 I'm writing this you
00:21:19know this is at the time Chester's getting off his antidepressants after going to rehab in Utah like
00:21:24getting back into the Lincoln Park machine doing one more light getting that record and re-recorded
00:21:28and put out on the market like doing the tour and I have a whole last scene where they're talking
00:21:34about how and I wasn't even around people talking like this at the time I was just this was my
00:21:39creative mind this is what needed to be said you know you don't get to decide when you're sick and
00:21:44when you're not especially when you're someone who doesn't know you're sick like you have to
00:21:49believe in the consistency in order for it to work and you're hurting people by acknowledging
00:21:54by ignoring the consistency that's very real which is that you're losing your fucking mind still
00:21:59and it's getting more and more bad and you need to be careful of how that can actually break what
00:22:05you're trying to build and then everything happens the way it happens and I didn't even
00:22:09notice that for years and I went back and I was like whoa I didn't even talk to my dad like this
00:22:13at the time I'm seeing Chester in this I'm seeing other people in this I'm seeing patterns in my
00:22:18life congealed into one metaphor and that's when I started going I kind of want to write songs now
00:22:24you know I was never really a songwriter before that but then I realized wait I can say a lot of
00:22:28really cool stuff in a little little little words because I focus so often on how I speak
00:22:33and what why I speak I'm like okay well it took me 120 pages to say this now I'm going to try to
00:22:40say it in five lines and I think that that's kind of the gift and the curse of coping with media
00:22:47in my opinion for me you know because I also my father he didn't speak his truth unless it was in
00:22:53music that's primarily where he he inscribed his wisdom was in his career I have a I have a
00:23:03question here from uh from a podcaster uh his name is Dustin and he has a question for you sure
00:23:10what's up Jamie my name is Dustin uh I'm out of Florida with heard some good music
00:23:15and I've known Johnny for a couple years now so I I'm super stoked that you're you're on his
00:23:21podcast he's a good dude I would love to know if it's not too personal what your favorite your most
00:23:31just vibrant memory with your father is
00:23:36Linkin Park aside unless that's part of it but Linkin Park aside what is your most vibrant most
00:23:44amazing memory with your father I would love to hear about that thank you for asking you kind
00:23:49of sound like a little bit over the phone um wow I had a couple that flashed in my memory real quick
00:23:59but um I would say the most innocent version of it like the most like all context removed
00:24:07Chester brought me to Palo Verde where he was living with Samantha his first wife my brother's
00:24:14mother and we were in the convenience store like at a gas station and uh or maybe it was a grocery
00:24:23store maybe we're grocery shopping I don't have many memories of grocery shopping with Chester
00:24:26though uh that's not something we'd do uh like that um I wish but that's not something that
00:24:32happened um too often let's see we were checking out whatever it was we were checking out and so
00:24:40I'm like eight and a half nine years old I'm really little Meteora is just about to hit
00:24:46a little hybrid theory just happened Draven's in the picture he's a little tiny baby
00:24:51and I'm back at his house and he's trying to be my dad you know he's trying to bring me into the
00:24:57house and uh we're at this gas station store whatever we're doing and we're checking out and
00:25:02I grab he's like what do you want anything I'm like and he's like no for like what do you want
00:25:06like I'll get it for you and I was like uh you know I came from an incredibly impoverished
00:25:11situation like we couldn't even afford electricity okay so um you know candy or anything is like a
00:25:18big deal and so I was like I grabbed some Skittles and I put them down and he's like okay and I was
00:25:25like I don't know how much it is though and he like snatched him out of my hand and he's like
00:25:29you'll never have to worry about that again he's like it's fine and he put them down and then he's
00:25:35like that's what you're getting then I was like whoa that's crazy like I can't believe he said
00:25:39that like my mom wouldn't say that to me you know she might say something else but like to look me in
00:25:44the eyes and say you don't have to worry about this ever again but he acknowledged that I had
00:25:49that you could see on his face like I'm like I don't know how much it is and he's looking around
00:25:52like damn he's really been in it huh you know what I'm happy I'm here give me those Skittles
00:26:00and it was just such a genuine like I think just a realizing for him like
00:26:07you know I've heard many stories either he knew or he didn't but in the stories that he did
00:26:10but that he did know about me it's always that he was heartbroken about it like he just was not
00:26:17physically allowed to be in my life another genuine memory I have is I think he was actually
00:26:23sending me gifts before I even met him or around the time that I asked about him it's hard to tell
00:26:29but he sent me a fire truck of all things sent me like a two scale model fire truck with like
00:26:37the ladder and everything's like remote control like it was crap I don't know why he sent that to
00:26:41me but it was a gift he gave me and it was around the same time ish so like within two or three
00:26:48years of like being in PV with him for that Skittles incident and you know what's really sad
00:26:54is I think that he would actually be quite frustrated with the thing the way that this
00:26:57world has turned out for me because he definitely didn't get to follow through on that promise
00:27:04he definitely did not get to do that and in his passing I certainly didn't make anything out of
00:27:09that you know like there's no I there was no you never have to worry about money again
00:27:15I only have money now because I flipped my house in May you know my little brother was like wasn't
00:27:21it enough for you you get to sell the house and I was like I got to sell the house after gatekeeping
00:27:27it for seven years for people like you who don't understand or care to be here and in an honest way
00:27:32so no I'm selling it and since I don't get anything this is my inheritance my inheritance
00:27:36is I made out of my life what I made out of it because none of you would just give it to me I
00:27:41had to fight and scratch for it so here it is now I'm going to dedicate myself to being the most
00:27:46annoying consistent person on the internet and search for self-truth and also what the freak
00:27:52happened to my dad yeah all right this next question might be sensitive I know you're you're
00:28:00listening but um let me know let me know if you want me to uh you know skip it at any time okay
00:28:06take us through that day July 20th 2017 what was going through your mind after you heard the news
00:28:13of your father's passing I have been asked a similar question on the last interview and now
00:28:26I'm just feeling even more of what I said then which is that I'm trying so hard not to be fucking
00:28:30annoying about this oh there's so many I want to be such an empathy right now I want to I want to
00:28:35be like a fire starter but I know that right now that is not the best option at all for anybody
00:28:41so it's it's something I'm going to take a moment to breathe on because
00:28:45if not I might accidentally be a punk I want to be genuine um that day
00:28:59on that day I was going through a lot of stuff like mentally emotionally that I wouldn't even
00:29:05be able to process or unpack for years because I couldn't see it I've been so blinded by
00:29:13the sun that I was staring into um thinking that it would change somehow over time but really it
00:29:20just became worse it's like no no no stop staring at the sun you're supposed to look at it the light
00:29:26is indirect okay and burn your out your retinas out it's like yeah well I didn't know that that's
00:29:33not how I was raised um and learning from that's been a big thing so looking back and you know of
00:29:41course hindsight's always 20 20 and I can see that I was dealing with a lot of things that I
00:29:47didn't even have words for at the time at the time I was suicidal at the time I was uh accepting of
00:29:55Chester's reality but resistant to the way he conducted himself before he passed um I felt
00:30:05on one side I was a total supporter of him as the video said you know I still am I support him I
00:30:11think the only thing you can really do in life is take back your energy and claim it for yourself
00:30:16yeah no um and that if that was what he did that's what he did and that's okay
00:30:20no matter what caused it in my mind I'm okay with it I've always been okay with it
00:30:24I mean he did say that he related to what I was telling him in February of the same year
00:30:29and I said I was suicidal so if he knew how I was feeling I can only imagine that I can't imagine
00:30:35how he felt and so you know I'm pretty I know if I see myself in someone I can definitely resonate
00:30:41and therefore I am in support of it to a certain level you know like again okay you took back your
00:30:47energy good for you I watched how hard our lives were all right I'm not going to tell you that it
00:30:50wasn't that hard um but also like you didn't have to ghost me for six months you know like
00:30:56after I told you I was suicidal just to die by suicide like I understand that's
00:31:01allegedly of course um my investigation says that something may be greater happened but
00:31:06um you know and in that moment I'm just like yeah my dad died and I always tell people this you know
00:31:13when I got the call it was so strange because when they told me I already knew something was
00:31:19coming I had received a like a high volume of calls that I ignored because I was I was I wanted
00:31:24my summer it was it was junior year summer for me in college I was like I'm dodging everyone
00:31:29everybody I don't want to be in there I don't I want to be here I don't like these people I don't
00:31:35like doing things with them I don't like talking to them I don't like you know and uh I was dodging
00:31:40everybody and I just wanted to sit by the pool play some video games read a book watch a movie
00:31:46maybe 10 times you know work on my art just keep it to myself and and then I got the call
00:31:54and I was like oh okay and the craziest thing happened all of this heaviness that I didn't
00:32:00realize I was holding on to or attached to in some way I guess is a better way of saying it
00:32:06just lifted they're like he's gone and I was like who and they're like your dad's dead and I was like
00:32:12okay okay oh all right oh damn oh wow that might be the deepest breath I've ever taken
00:32:24and now it sounds kind of bizarre because it's like he's your dad
00:32:28he can't have been that bad to you it's not about him being bad to me
00:32:33it's about life being life it's about reality being real it's about being uh
00:32:39uh interacted with you know it's like that's as real as life gets you know your dad was a
00:32:46rock star and then he died by suicide in the middle of a tour on his one of his best friend's birthdays
00:32:52by under suspicious circumstances and all you can think is of your last conversation you had
00:32:58in February which was well I think I might want to die you know and uh so it just and then in
00:33:07hindsight of course there were so much more going on than that uh economically politically
00:33:15socially uh in terms of the industry I mean just go listen to Damn by Kendrick Lamar okay
00:33:24go listen to Sire by Jaden go listen to any number of albums that came out that year
00:33:30we were going through shit we were going through it everybody and uh you know presidential election
00:33:36had just happened FBI was investigating the DNC the John Podesta gmail leak which is pizza gate
00:33:41the frazzled ripped server uh issue with uh head of state uh Hillary Clinton running for president
00:33:50Donald Trump and saying like it was like bro what's going on this party is wild can it please
00:33:56quiet down and so that's kind of where you know if you to answer your question you know it's just
00:34:02there was there's so many things to say about it in retrospect but at the moment I was so
00:34:08behind I was behind this wall of like okay this is what my experience is and I don't
00:34:15know anything beyond this because at that point in my life I had specialized so hard
00:34:19out of survival that I only had what I needed I became like a master of fasting
00:34:28and so that included my mind and then when I got out of college I went and just knocked all
00:34:34those doors down like that and then I was like no this is who I want to be and then I was like
00:34:38damn by 2019 I was kicked out of the family and everything you know like it was wild
00:34:44wow sorry I have uh another question here from the same guy okay cool in your eyes in your
00:34:52family's eyes what is the best way to keep that legacy alive without slamming the door on it or
00:34:58do you slam the door on it is it just over is it something that you just let go and be done
00:35:03I would I would love to know in in your eyes how you keep that legacy alive how you keep the music
00:35:12alive if you continue with somebody else or you just say hey you know what it's over it's done
00:35:22that's a good question too those are genuine questions
00:35:32I think an important thing to say for me at this moment is that I'm not against Linkin Park
00:35:38I've said it just like as many times as I can possibly say it out loud they are extremely
00:35:44talented intelligent people that's why everything they're doing right now to me is just mind-boggling
00:35:49it's like it's got to be some bigger joke the last seven years have to be some big prank they're
00:35:53pulling on everybody for some special reason hopefully we get an answer soon they have yet
00:35:59to offer one but or at least to me a reasonable one and I think that when legacy is in question
00:36:10it's important to acknowledge where that legacy came from first
00:36:14because who made that legacy what legacy are you talking about because there are a couple of
00:36:21legacies that Chester left behind some of which were commandeered by colleagues
00:36:27and industry professionals and political parties converted from music into movement
00:36:35you know when Chester died there was a huge mental health movement that kind of came out
00:36:42of the wake of that and me too and all these other things going on and so it's like which
00:36:48part are you talking about because there's a legacy that Chester gave for himself throughout
00:36:54the years it changed and then there's a legacy that was determined for Chester in his passing
00:36:58by the people closest to him who frankly have a lot to gain by controlling a narrative like that
00:37:05um I've noticed that very little of the conversation around Chester's legacy
00:37:13involves his death very little of it involves the movement that came from
00:37:20his death as well as you know its correlation to a number of socio-economic and political happenings
00:37:27and I think that that fundamentally means that you have to make a choice about how you're
00:37:32interpreting legacy because if you're taking someone at their own word it then becomes
00:37:39something else to take someone at their word about what he could have felt or thought or
00:37:45done and so there are a lot of people saying things for him and there are a lot of people
00:37:50not saying things for him who could and actually could contribute quite a bit to the situation
00:37:55there are a lot of people not being held accountable for their interactions with what's
00:38:00going on like Anna Shinoda for example who was a big part of that I am the change movement
00:38:05like in part who helped fund give an hour which is a big part of that uh movement they used the
00:38:12funds from the uh Hollywood Bowl memorial show to do that so it's like you you literally raised money
00:38:19to do what you're doing right now in seven years time you gave it to a non-profit you were a part
00:38:27of the movement industry-wide and none of those people have to say anything and the band has no
00:38:34obligation to acknowledge any of that I mean Mike literally had a career off of that he had
00:38:40post-traumatic and the tour he had you know now he has scream he has all of his creative endeavors
00:38:48his community his his professional industry contacts but also like everyday people and I
00:38:53think that you know at the end of the day you know Mike could be someone who's holding the door
00:38:58open maybe there's one more thing left to say but it takes time and maybe he's got to be the guy that
00:39:05does that that's why I was like maybe he just kicked down the door I was like here we go you
00:39:08know we're just gonna confuse everybody because there's no point confusing anybody by being honest
00:39:14so let's be dishonest and play a game and at the end of it he'll go surprise and like who
00:39:20fucking knows maybe Chester will walk out on stage and be like I got the deets on Hillary and
00:39:25I got the deets on Chris and I got the deets on Puff you know you get a citation you get a citation
00:39:34you get a citation y'all going to jail give me back my money here's another Linkin Park album
00:39:41fuck you you know it could be possible and the thing is like witness protection is very real
00:39:46and I think that maybe it's important to acknowledge that in the industry witness
00:39:51protection is often a problem and also that you know because these cartels that call themselves
00:39:59musical agency do what they do in the way that they do it you know you can't just say anything
00:40:06you can't just decide one day oh I'm gonna flip out you know what if there are hidden things all
00:40:14over the place that tell us that some things aren't what they seem even though we're acting
00:40:18like maybe maybe again all of this is a big troll and so in that way it's like wait so when you talk
00:40:24about legacy you're talking about Chester speaking for himself versus people speaking for him after
00:40:29his death one may be witness protection while the other is a more honest understanding of what he
00:40:35wanted for himself and so there are many many layers that can be brought in through deductive
00:40:40reasoning just looking at the symbols of the music the interactions between the world and the
00:40:44people in the band and colleagues and all that and so you know to say what you know I said a
00:40:50couple of times now about what would have been appropriate in the real you know I guess like
00:40:57long trend scheme of the world it kind of would have probably been better if they were doing what
00:41:03they say they're actually if they were actually doing what they say they're doing which they're
00:41:06not actually doing and they're trolling us they would have done a paper cuts to it first
00:41:14they would have done a greatest hits tour a reunion with the band they could even they could
00:41:18have even used holograms they could have done maybe they could have rotoscoped out entire
00:41:24performances of those songs from other tours performed with the hologram said goodbye
00:41:31acknowledged the mental health movement acknowledged the closing of the chapter
00:41:35acknowledged chester maybe did a little featurette documentary maybe they could have scored it as a
00:41:39band as they like to do they tried to do that with them all you know pay tribute to their roots
00:41:45that'd be amazing johan could have directed it the band could have scored it could have been
00:41:49fucking beautiful one more light you could even call it you know you could even call it I do
00:41:54whatever who gives a shit you could do whatever you want and then you could then be like okay so
00:42:00now that we are done with lincoln park as the band zero we have this album that we want to give
00:42:05you a call from zero it's our goodbye letter it's our acknowledgement of everything that came before
00:42:09this moment and are stepping into that new chapter and we have people featuring on the
00:42:14album like emily armstrong and colin pertain and um we you know brad doesn't want to go to her
00:42:20anymore because he's an old man so um you know he's got someone standing in for him but we like
00:42:25being on stage we love this this is part of our dna and we want to be able to bring this to the
00:42:29people but i just by the way what did you yeah what did you thought about their concert since
00:42:35you went there to the kia forum yeah um well like thank you for asking uh no problem i'll
00:42:42go into a briefer version of it because i did do a um like a four hour live stream on it called
00:42:48the end of wow uh where i explained the everything leading up to it and then you know from the
00:42:53announcement to actually going to the show and then how i felt afterwards and processing all of
00:42:57that um so there's a much longer explanation of this but in case you don't know that what i just
00:43:06described didn't happen yeah that's not what happened um they blitz rushed the gate they
00:43:15they jumped in and in like three days or no within 24 hours they had not only confirmed the rumors
00:43:22that had been intentionally given to the industry throughout the years but they also
00:43:27just dropped a new album single tour merch line it was crazy and it was like what the hell is
00:43:35going on they raffled off tickets after six days to a lpu showcase where they performed
00:43:41the greatest hits and then performed the new single which i had predicted was going to happen
00:43:46and um it was just like so wild and then emily broke on stage and she said some crazy shit like
00:43:54mike taught me how to sing all this in eight months
00:43:58it's like what so in january you mean while you guys were throwing kyle kristner out of court
00:44:03you mean while you guys were like uh ignoring me and not acknowledging what i had been put through
00:44:09in the recent months when there were so many other things overlapping with that
00:44:14like it's kind of wild to think that the greatest hits record came right after that
00:44:18like that was right around friendly fire when it came out and it was like what is going on right
00:44:23now and then i think the interesting thing about all of that is that you know this is my last
00:44:27kind of thought it didn't happen is that mike has made it very clear that everything on the
00:44:33album was written before emily came in that she did have that initial 2019 uh interaction but
00:44:40she was called back in once they had completed everything he said whether she wrote the lines
00:44:44or not she sang them and then you know so in my mind it's like okay so are it is emily and colin
00:44:54the same thing as alex in that case if alex is a paid player a character he's a session musician
00:45:01standing in for someone else and colin is the same thing that he's a paid actor standing in
00:45:07for rob who hasn't said anything yet and is very mysterious and concerning and then you have
00:45:14emily standing in for chester but then you have mike standing having the audience stand in as
00:45:19chester and he's singing this is what you wanted heavy is the crown i just wanted to be part of
00:45:24something falling for the lies of the emptiness machine and it's like what are we all being
00:45:30pranked right now like for real this is crazy why would you name your world tour from zero
00:45:34when you haven't dropped the album yet like you have a from zero tour you're on
00:45:42yeah two months before the actual album that's kind of crazy to say that you showed up and you
00:45:48had no idea you were going to do any of this and then your second single be directly tied to an
00:45:52animated video and brand sponsorship for league of legends it's like what is you're lying to me
00:45:59you're lying right now why are you lying but with that being said the show is pretty intense because
00:46:05you know mike actually did respond to me in some form or another three or four times on stage
00:46:10knowing that i was there after refusing to take my seat my safety seriously when i was threatened
00:46:15by the church of scientology for saying i was going and that i did not support or consent
00:46:20to the new lincoln part um it was pretty wild and i was pretty annoyed you know i gotta i gotta say
00:46:27like i kind of laughed really hard when mike hit that mike stand he turned around and emily's mike
00:46:33stand almost bopped him in the face i got it from such an angle from the opposite side that it looked
00:46:37like he hit his face and i was like laughing and i was like oh shit this is bad i shouldn't be
00:46:41laughing like what if he really hurt himself and then and then he you know i a couple days later i
00:46:46saw like a video of him and he walks around he twisted like that and like you see it spin away
00:46:51from his face and i was like damn his spidey senses were on point right there holy like he
00:46:56almost took himself out on stage and he blindly just you know he was using the force right there
00:47:02and then they brought it up on jimmy fallon and i thought that that was a very interesting
00:47:06interaction i think i've had that the show was extremely cathartic because for seven years i've
00:47:11been kind of like wondering just how right i am about my own interactions my own analysis of the
00:47:15situation my own recent and then i was like oh i'm fucking right all right and then that's that
00:47:21was validating but also i didn't get to see any of those shows from like one more light era i don't
00:47:26think i got to see many from the hunting party era like i just it's been over seven years for me
00:47:32so like seeing them live was like closing a door because i didn't see the body either
00:47:37so i you know my dad literally phased out of my life and then disappeared
00:47:41forever they said he was dead i never got to verify that we had a weird funeral and then i
00:47:46went back to school and graduated and then went tried to be in the industry and turn away from
00:47:52that because that's evil and i knew that after only a year of circling the industry i didn't even
00:47:58make it in so yeah i don't know like i think that with the legacy conversation to tie that back in
00:48:05like there's so much that they are responsible for as a group um yeah and maintaining not only
00:48:13someone's memory but the integrity of their uh origin like they're a healing voice for so many
00:48:19people and for them to just completely discard my father and to not acknowledge him in any real
00:48:24way or have any of the new members actually say anything serious or coherent about not only emily's
00:48:31past or colin's past but also you know the situation at hand it's just very strange and i
00:48:37think that we're here in a moment again where legacy becomes a very important question it's like
00:48:41do we believe what they're saying chester wanted or do we believe what chester said he wanted
00:48:46and then mike chenote is saying but this is what he wanted it's like stop it stop it what do i got
00:48:54i i made a joke i was like you know what i think in reality what they're doing is something super
00:48:59meta and that they have to do it this way they have to kind of like burn the the ship viking style
00:49:04you know they lincoln park is the funeral pyre and they're over here like oh yep it's on fire
00:49:09now let's let it burn you know and they're touring that shit around the country around the planet
00:49:14and they're purposely building up this resentment for some reason or this
00:49:17confusion for some reason and it seems intentional it seems very intentional
00:49:21but i say as a joke like how much you want to bet we're on a 200 day timer
00:49:26and it started the day that the 100 timer 100 hour timer started and that in reality this is
00:49:33a 200 day cycle because the 100 hours went all the way down gave us a date and then it went all
00:49:38the way back up and then the show happened wow i was just by the way shinoda shinoda said this to
00:49:45the crowd it's not about erasing the past it's about starting this new chapter into the future
00:49:49and coming out here for each and every one of you do you think he's implying that to you
00:49:53oh yeah obviously i think he's applying that because then he literally said all of you are
00:49:58chester bennington but what's really interesting when you tie all those details together is you're
00:50:01like wait a second but he just said we're all chester bennington so he's saying we came out
00:50:06here for you chester heavy is the crown you're getting what you asked for motherfucker why did
00:50:14you have to go make cross off secretly you really put us in a pickle there at the end of the contract
00:50:20and you just couldn't wait so in my mind today i've actually seen the line in heavy is the crown
00:50:25that or emptiness machine maybe i think it's emptiness machine where she says um going around
00:50:33like a revolver it's been decided how we lose i'm like was chester the revolver oops oops chester
00:50:42couldn't stay quiet long enough all he had to do was finish the fucking tour that's all he had to
00:50:45do he was done it was like a animal in a cage going crazy and then he's like uh yeah we're
00:50:54making pop songs but i don't want to scream about my anxiety anymore because i'm like party and then
00:50:59like literally going to mark morton and screaming heavy is the finger that heavy is the hand that
00:51:04points the finger heavy is the heart that's filled with anger heavy are the words that go unspoken
00:51:09have you taken account of all that you've leaned to waste it was like have you learned to love the
00:51:14taste of the destruction in your wake chester bro come on bro you gotta chill we gotta get
00:51:21through this tour cycle that he did that in april he died in july
00:51:26wow so i'm wondering if witness protection has more to do with it than anything because it kind
00:51:32of sounds like everything in park album is about dissing predators in the industry
00:51:38and i have um i have um jesse from san diego he says hmm i would want to know if he knew
00:51:45about the conspiracy theory that chester was talking about before he passed and now with p
00:51:50diddy getting busted i'm really curious what he has to say about it personally i do i do not
00:51:55believe he committed suicide yeah um it's a fact they're all connected there is no well is it
00:52:04mike shinoda and because of mike shinoda lincoln park were heavily entangled with jay-z and beyonce
00:52:13they were chester used to walk around the house and go bro i fucking made it i'm going to dinner
00:52:17with bay tonight what the hell's going on he's like i keep hanging out with jay-z he's like jay-z
00:52:24is inviting me to these dinners and like i just keep hanging out with like you know the pinnacle
00:52:30of the this is this is it's jay-z and beyonce okay and that's how he was he'd be like you know
00:52:35walking around the house and then slowly stop talking about it oh interesting you know slowly
00:52:42it's like hey dad i want to meet will smith that's the only one i ever want to meet because i was
00:52:47raised on men in black and things like that you know will's energy is just unparalleled in that
00:52:51era like he's so light-hearted and funny and welcoming as like a energy i wouldn't say that
00:52:57now i don't like will now at all um i i like his kids i don't like him i don't like jay-z either
00:53:03but you know i think that i can't even watch red table talk it's so fucking annoying how
00:53:09shallow that shit has been i i and it makes me sad that the kids have to be involved or choose
00:53:13to be involved and then i realized lately that they're scientologists they were scientologists
00:53:17at some point oh and i didn't know that and so not only is scientology like deeply related to
00:53:24all of this but like here you have jay-z who's best friends with p diddy who's sean combs being
00:53:29you know caught out for doing all this shit and then they're all like they're saying jay-z's worse
00:53:35than sean they're saying jay's worse than sean what's his actual name his name isn't jay-z what's
00:53:40his name sean as sean carter they're both sean's great sean is supposed to be as bad or worse as
00:53:47sean okay and i'm not calling jay-z anymore he can suck it it's it's sean um i hate that people
00:53:55use monikers for celebrities as if they're not real people it's not p diddy it's sean combs
00:54:02you know what i mean okay yeah so um with that being said like yes mike and the group were
00:54:09involved with paul mccartney and the top one percent you know paul mccartney's in the higher
00:54:14level of things he's the beatles right like holy shit and that was a big influence of chester's
00:54:19they they were around um i've been showing photos of them with the clintons as late as 2014 i've
00:54:25been showing photos of mike embedded in like the one percent community he's out there with the
00:54:31burkles who's uh uh is their youngest son a film producer who allegedly met with diddy's adopted
00:54:38son with sean combs his adopted son before he died in 2020 um was about to make something and
00:54:45you know there's all these like interesting ties where you're like the deeper the deeper you dig
00:54:48and the more you look at who they're connected with it's like oh no you guys you guys probably
00:54:53know what the diddy party was uh yeah you guys did go to the after party for the grammys and
00:54:58that was hosted by somebody oh you know what i remember asking as a child i want to go
00:55:04i would ask like chester like can i go hey you want to you want to an oscar can i go
00:55:12and i i know i said oscar instead of grammy i get it but yeah it's a joke and uh you know
00:55:17you want an oscar chester you're undercover so well and uh you know can i go and he's like
00:55:22uh this is a mommy daddy kind of thing you know like okay that sounds kind of weird and then you
00:55:27know he's tweeting weird things about meeting kevin spacey and all this other shit like it's just
00:55:33crazy crazy crazy and the more you go into it the more you realize that um what you thought
00:55:38was an elephant in a dark room is actually a horse and you're like wait a second i'm not even
00:55:43looking at the thing i thought i was looking at what is going on right now and i think that it's
00:55:49interesting that there are so many people tied into this as well it's like again if mike is doing
00:55:56what i preach what i perceive he might be a big middle finger to the industry finally
00:56:02coming out and saying and doing exactly what lincoln park always set out to do in their final
00:56:05run then he's one hell of a prankster because this takes fucking i mean you have to go on every
00:56:16single you have to do the lpo showcase you have to release the singles and play them you have to
00:56:19play every single show on that tour that's constantly expanding drop the album then go
00:56:24continue to tour it until it's the time to do the thing you need to do and the whole time you
00:56:29have to smile and act like you're having the funnest time of your life while you know that
00:56:33you're just destroying lives like for real you're like really you're creating like massive tsunami
00:56:40waves in like many communities and like i always point this out to like emily is like almost not
00:56:45even trying you guys see that on stage she's like and i get this i get it i vibe with it i feel it
00:56:53but like when you watch chester playing and i guess she's doing her own thing but if you're
00:56:57going to go on greatest sister you better be fucking serving okay that's what i'm saying
00:57:01it's like if you're going to get all these people to pay you money to show up at your concert and
00:57:06you're replacing this man you better do it justice if you're not going to play your own album
00:57:11you better do it how are you how are you feeling when she performs your father's songs
00:57:15i think that it's a nice karaoke job i think that you know it sounds like someone having fun
00:57:20for sure i think that she's going to hurt her voice i think that i'm very worried that emily
00:57:24in the long run has hurt her voice um i i have a lot of respect for people as people
00:57:29i can understand art is art and that people are people and those are two different things
00:57:34so i can enjoy lincoln park as much as i detest some of their actions at the moment
00:57:38and um you know with emily i'm just kind of worried that she's pushing it a little hard
00:57:43i realize that there are people saying that they're using you know backing tracks but not
00:57:48just for backing for things that you can't simultaneously play but you're also just
00:57:53replacing the vocal just in case she gets drowned out or but i also noticed that her
00:57:57mic at the keo forum show and also it sounded like it on the lpu showcase on the 5th so the
00:58:025th and the 11th of september they seemed like they mixed her vocals really low like even in
00:58:10the in the arena it didn't sound like she was like she was nowhere near the amount the the uh
00:58:15level of intensity and clarity that chester was and it's weird it kind of sounds i know
00:58:21they changed the keys for songs so i know that they're accounting for her vocal range
00:58:25but it's very strange because even with that vocal range she's still cracking and breaking
00:58:31which i don't mean to crack smile there at all um it's just like i can hear it hurts
00:58:38i can hear that you can't do it i can see how many shows you've had to stop in the middle of
00:58:42songs that are already technically challenging and just pretend that you're letting the audience
00:58:46sing for like more than a minute you know what i mean like it's not it's not me hating it's just
00:58:53me being like an observer like i know how much effort it takes to put into a performance in
00:58:58the first place and i know what shoes you're stepping into as a performer and there are a
00:59:03lot of people who will buy it 100 there are a lot of people who don't care but the bleeding hearts
00:59:08out here we do care and we also it makes everything a lot more difficult to stomach
00:59:13when you're not offering true acknowledgement about anything that you are or have been or intend
00:59:19to be it's just like man you are i said i called mike and uh emily the king and queen of shutting
00:59:26the fuck up and then i was laughing because the billboard music director um lip shits
00:59:32he just released a book on the first and i was like it literally says lip shits
00:59:35i don't mean to make that guy feel weird at all i haven't read the book yet but it's coming
00:59:41i'm gonna do it now oh um got a question here from ezekiel in westmont illinois
00:59:49hi my name is esekiel ortega and i'm from westmont illinois what do you see yourself doing
00:59:57in 10 years do you think you'll be following along the side of your father's footsteps
01:00:04or do you think you'll be
01:00:10following your own footsteps yeah that's a good question i mean i'm kind of i'm embedded in it
01:00:19a long time ago i decided that i was only ever gonna
01:00:24give solutions i would never give a problem without a solution again
01:00:27and that thought came to me as a long evolution of a couple of things but in particular it was
01:00:38finishing my short film a chant that did that because i spent three years on that
01:00:44chant okay i was i wrote it directed it produced it funded it like i did everything i threw out
01:00:50all the shots beforehand like i i went i was basically trying to create a self-reflective
01:00:55piece of media that could be used as a mental health resource and then when i finished it i was
01:01:02like oh no i i literally made a movie about myself and i had no idea that that's the way i was seeing
01:01:10things and feeling things i thought that was just like oh i resonate with that energy because i'm
01:01:14creative but like i said with my art beforehand or like i said beforehand about my art like
01:01:20in retrospect everything's uh you know 2020 it's like oh oh yeah wow that's crazy i didn't even see
01:01:27that for three years and then i realized oh i wasn't using the term suicidal when i was talking
01:01:31about my suicidal ideation back in 2017 to never took that moment in time i was like i can't i
01:01:36couldn't even understand that i was suicidal like that's wild and so the movie is a direct reflection
01:01:42of all of the unspoken words the unformed uh perspectives uh or undefined perspectives
01:01:50that were trapped up inside me as part of my awakening and uh being able to say that all
01:01:56was part of the awakening and when i saw it i was kind of like wow like i don't even know
01:02:00what to say to this this looks like borderline personality disorder not schizophrenia
01:02:06and uh it was very interesting to have that yeah flip of consciousness but that awakening kind of
01:02:11burned a hole in reality you know for me because i was like this movie is all about the vibe of
01:02:18the moment it's about the collective emotional interaction that i was having over time it's
01:02:25basically a crystallization of my entire life up to that point and i was like but there's no
01:02:32solution there's no creative or even intellectual resolution to this problem what am i hiding
01:02:41what do i have tabs on what do i not remember why am i so uptight about this why am i so fearful
01:02:47who put that fear in me like i had to ask myself some serious questions and i decided
01:02:52that i would never do anything again until i was able to also provide an equal amount of solution
01:02:58or resolution to the problem that i was talking about in other words i needed to develop a voice
01:03:04and a perspective through which to voice and i started building the picture pieces archive way
01:03:11back then and uh even even in the process of making my you know my film my adaptation of that
01:03:18stephen king poem paranoid a chant i was building this i i've actually been on this path right now
01:03:25the one that i'm currently realizing in real time for 16 years now i decided to be here when i was
01:03:3212 that was the other big decision i said you know what there are two things i want for myself
01:03:38i want to have developed the perspective and the environment or the skill set necessary
01:03:44to authentically to authentically self realize and to through that process of self actualization
01:03:54hold space for others to do the same i want me and i want me to be represented in the people
01:04:02around me and i wanted that as a healing mechanism i wanted that as an expressive mechanism
01:04:09and i basically decided that at that point i had to starve i had to specialize i was like okay
01:04:16what avenues are most open to me whether i want them or not music industry career
01:04:24scholarly pursuits i was forced to go to college so it was like okay then i'm going to use this
01:04:29time to build the website build the music portfolio develop my writing and directing
01:04:37and producing capacities and stay only in that world only focus on the art that's it
01:04:43that's why i said i'll use my art as therapy and then it was like okay now chester magically
01:04:50disappeared from the fabric of reality and it seems like this time-space continuum has been
01:04:55ripped just wide open and now there's this portal that will go and allow me that will
01:05:01allow me to step through it and with the right discernment and negotiation if i hold my integrity
01:05:08now if i truly blossom the way that i wanted to and i truly may take those steps and then hold
01:05:13myself to the process of all of the sadness that comes with that because you're never going to get
01:05:18what you want exactly how you want it then you can have what you want in 10 years instead of 20
01:05:26or 30 and it was like damn all right and then literally just like that there were there's a
01:05:32that door is closed that door is closed that door is closed that as i'm walking through them
01:05:35just like naturally walking through them i'm like damn there were like 12 13 14 different moments
01:05:41where the world literally ended and then we started and ended and restarted it's like
01:05:45timeline jumping and i was like yeah you know in reality i was just sitting there like
01:05:51if i hadn't moved when i moved i would have been crushed by the falling piano you know what i mean
01:05:55yeah cartoon style and but it's just something that i keep doing oh well thanks jamie you know
01:06:03uh for the chat now it's round two i'll leave it to my buddy here take it away bro
01:06:08thanks for checking out this episode of 2400 block podcast don't forget to follow and subscribe