Con Sisters - EP 1 # First Long MSA Series
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FunTranscript
00:00When the music kicked off and everyone started dancing, I escaped to the garden for some fresh air.
00:05As I sat down by the fountain and sighed, a soft object hit me squarely in the face.
00:10Then someone in black jumped down from the tree above me.
00:13Brought your favorite cheeseburger.
00:14Meredith, what are you doing here? And why would you hit me with a burger?
00:18Wait, are you dressed up like Catwoman?
00:20Yeah, it's been my look for weeks now.
00:22One, it shows off my fantastic figure, which is a service to humanity.
00:26Two, every vigilante hero needs a costume.
00:28And I've always found Catwoman classy.
00:30Three...
00:31Vigilante hero? You basically rob people.
00:35Uh, yeah, like Robin Hood. Stealing from the rich and giving to the poor.
00:39You steal for yourself!
00:41I am the poor.
00:43And what's all this you-you nonsense? Last time I checked, we were a team.
00:47But sis, what's taking so long with this mission?
00:49It's not that simple.
00:51It's pretty simple. You make this rich dude fall for you, get access to his vault, steal the painting, and we run off to Bora Bora.
00:57Are you having trouble making him fall for you?
00:59Maybe he hates your eyebrows.
01:01I don't know, but I feel like punching you in the face every time I see your eyebrows.
01:05Which is basically every time I see your face.
01:07Shut up, Em. Everything's going fine.
01:10Okay, but hurry up. This catsuit is giving me a butt rash, even though I use baby powder under it.
01:15I want to put it away soon and retire on a beach.
01:17In a bikini. Aren't you looking forward to it?
01:20Just take the stupid suit off. You're a con artist, not a cat burglar.
01:24And of course I'm looking forward to it.
01:26You should go before you blow my cover.
01:28And thanks for the burger.
01:29It's not a gift. Duh. You're gonna pay me back.
01:32I've noted it in my diary. See ya.
01:34I couldn't help laughing as I saw her clumsily climb the wall, then fall over to the other side.
01:40But as I turned away, I felt troubled.
01:42The problem wasn't about making this rich guy I had to rob fall for me.
01:46He already had.
01:47The problem was, I'd fallen for him too.
01:50Let's start from the start, okay?
01:52Hi, I'm Claire, originally from Connecticut.
01:54And yes, you might have heard some fun words being used for me.
01:58Deceitful witch, manipulative liar, and con artist might come up.
02:02None of which is an exaggeration.
02:04But people change, okay?
02:05Before I tell you my crazy story, please like and subscribe.
02:09My mother was born into what she always called old money,
02:12which basically means her family had been rich for a long time,
02:15and their wealth was passed down generations.
02:17Unfortunately, it skipped our generation.
02:20Apparently, my dad was extremely charming and swept mom off her feet when she was just 20.
02:25She married him against her parents' wishes, and they cut her off from their wealth.
02:29Then, two years later, mom gave birth to twins, dad met another woman, and he abandoned us.
02:34At least he left us the house in a nice neighborhood.
02:37But my grandparents refused to help mom out and said she had to live with her decisions.
02:41Mom, how are you feeling now?
02:43Like my organs are shutting down one by one.
02:46So, same as this morning then? Here's some chicken soup.
02:49There's no chicken in it.
02:51Well, you asked for chicken soup when there was no chickens in the fridge.
02:55So I guess we all have to use our imaginations, don't we?
02:58Oh, the soup at my parents' house always had chunks of chicken and big fat prawns.
03:03What has life come to now? I was raised as a creature of luxury.
03:07I'm like that fairy-tale princess who couldn't sleep because of a single pea under her mattress.
03:13So you say, but there's a bunch of sharp pebbles under your mattress,
03:16and you sleep like a log and snore like a bear.
03:19What? How could you put pebbles? I do not snore. Leave me to decompose, please.
03:26Well, you have to return to your waitressing job, so get well soon, mom.
03:29Shall not.
03:31I loved mom, but she was basically a spoiled, selfish child
03:34who just couldn't adapt to her change in fortunes and start acting like a freaking parent.
03:39My sister Meredith and I were twins, but we looked nothing alike.
03:43With her soft blonde hair and big baby blues,
03:46she looked like the kind of sweet soul who saved kittens from trees,
03:49helped old people across the road, and sang to birds.
03:52She didn't look like she had an ounce of evil in her, which wasn't true, like at all.
03:56But we'll come back to that later.
03:58From an early age, it was clear to me and Meredith that we had to be resourceful for money.
04:03I started doing odd jobs for our rich neighbors in the eighth grade,
04:06like breaking their gardens, walking their dogs, and babysitting their kids.
04:10But Meredith was always finding more creative ways,
04:13like taking stupid boys in her class on paid exclusive tours
04:17to an alien site she'd discovered in the nearby forest.
04:20I'd seen her digging up a crater where the spaceship had landed,
04:24or selling youth water to high school girls,
04:27claiming she'd traveled far to the Fountain of Youth over summer break and had a limited supply.
04:32They actually thought she was telling the truth because it tasted different.
04:36Yeah, that's because she was filling up bottles from the neighbor's gross jacuzzi.
04:40People eventually caught on and stopped buying from her,
04:43and that's when she started stealing from me.
04:45But whenever I'd confront her, she'd throw a tantrum and deny it like I'd accused her of killing someone.
04:50So the next time, I hid money in my diary and made my latest entry, Dear Diary.
04:55Guess what?
04:56What?
04:57When Mom took Meredith to the hospital for her sore throat the other day,
05:00the doctors made a shocking discovery.
05:03Meredith has a rare incurable disease.
05:06She only has a few more months with us.
05:08We've decided not to tell her so she isn't scared and lives the rest of her short life in peace.
05:14Yes, I'm sad, but not that much,
05:16because my baby sister is going to a better place and is leaving me all her stuff.
05:21I knew my trick had worked when Meredith came down one morning with swollen eyes.
05:26When Mom asked her what was wrong, she burst into tears about her incurable disease.
05:31Where would you get an idea like that?
05:33Yes, Meredith, please tell Mom where you got this idea from.
05:37You wrote it in your...
05:39Wait, you chubby witch!
05:41You made me believe I was dying!
05:43Meredith lunged at me and we went rolling all over the kitchen floor.
05:47But she ended up getting grounded for a month for stealing and invading my privacy.
05:52I soon started missing her at dinner time, though.
05:54So late one night, I snuck into her room with ice cream
05:57to find her playing darts with my face as the target.
06:00I'm sorry you're stuck here, but you did steal from me.
06:03I know we don't have a lot right now, but we'll work hard and make money in the future.
06:07But the future is in the future!
06:10What do I do now when I need money for mascara and gummy bears?
06:14Maybe we can think of some business idea.
06:16Oh, I thought you'd never ask.
06:18She pulled out a box from under her bed full of T-shirts.
06:22So you know my friend George, the next-door gardener's nephew?
06:25Apparently he volunteers at a mental institution every weekend.
06:28The owners got T-shirts made from all the patients,
06:31but they refused to wear them, blah, blah.
06:33So now the mental place has hundreds of these lying in storage.
06:36George said he can score them for me,
06:38and we could have our own T-shirt range with cute things written on them.
06:41Look, here's one I made for myself.
06:43I wanna go to Bora Bora, but I'm Bora Bora. Please help me.
06:48Funny!
06:49Very serious, actually. I'm gonna live in Bora Bora one day.
06:52So, are we selling these T-shirts?
06:54I'm in.
06:55I also made one for you.
06:56That'll be $10, thanks.
06:58Money can't buy happiness, but poverty can't buy anything.
07:01Please help me.
07:02Uh, you should pay me for wearing this.
07:05Meredith didn't have the best reputation in our neighborhood or school to sell things.
07:09So we decided to hit the other end of town and set up a T-shirt stall outside a private school.
07:14With my salesmanship and Meredith's flirting, we managed to sell quite a few on the first day.
07:19We started setting up shop at different locations, and one day as we were heading home,
07:23Meredith suddenly said she had to pee really badly.
07:27So we walked up to the closest house to ask if they'd let us use the bathroom.
07:31We rang the bell, but no one seemed to be home.
07:33I was peeking in through the window when suddenly I turned around to see Meredith already crawling halfway through one.
07:39Are you crazy? That's breaking and entering!
07:42I'll kick in your face so hard that you'll need plastic surgery, which we don't have money for.
07:47If you don't want to be ugly for the rest of your life, let me pee!
07:51I let her go and was standing guard at the door when, to my horror, a car suddenly pulled into the driveway and a snooty woman stepped out.
07:59Hey, you girl. What are you doing lurking around my house?
08:02Were you thinking of breaking in?
08:04What? No, of course not. I, um, I'm a Girl Scout. Selling cookies, yeah.
08:09I study in the, uh, Aston Bridge School for Girls.
08:13Oh, I see. It's a lovely school. I know many people whose children go there.
08:18Sorry for my mistake. I'll be happy to buy some cookies from you. Put me down for twenty boxes.
08:24Sure, sure, sure. It's, um, five dollars a box, so that'll be a hundred dollars.
08:30I'm putting your name down on my list and I'll drop them by tomorrow.
08:33That's perfect, sweetie. Here's the money. I'll see you soon.
08:36Just then, I saw Meredith slip out the window and as soon as the lady went in, we ran like crazy down the block and then collapsed on some grass.
08:44Look, I took some pastries from her kitchen. Perfect for a spontaneous picnic.
08:49That's stealing!
08:50Oh, you're one to talk. I heard the whole cookie conversation from inside.
08:54You took that lady's money and you're never gonna give her any cookies.
08:57I was just trying to distract her before she caught your butt.
09:00I didn't think she'd be dumb enough to actually give me the money. I can return it.
09:04Look, she didn't do it out of the goodness of her heart.
09:07She's a rich snob who was being really rude till she thought you were someone rich, too.
09:11You didn't force her to give you money at gunpoint.
09:14Oh, Claire, this has just given me the best idea.
09:17You're not serious.
09:18Yes, I am. Dumb people deserve to be tricked. And what does a hundred dollars mean to someone who has a gold toilet seat?
09:25I knew it was wrong, but it was also so easy.
09:29And before I knew it, Meredith and I were wearing private school uniforms and hitting different neighborhoods collecting money for Girl Scout cookies that we had no intention to deliver.
09:38We made $2,000 in a month.
09:40But one day, when we went up to a rich old lady's house, she invited us in and even offered us cake as we signed her up.
09:47How many boxes will that be, ma'am?
09:49Oh, none, thank you. You see, I don't buy imaginary cookies.
09:55Uh, what?
09:56I'd heard that there were two conning Girl Scouts in town, and I was ready for you.
10:03I've called the police, and you two will end up in a detention center.
10:08Just then, there was a loud bang, and the power went out.
10:11In the confusion, Meredith kicked the old lady and yelled,
10:14Run!
10:15As we were sprinting down the street, I suddenly noticed a nerdy-looking boy my age running beside us, too, grinning and waving at us.
10:22Hey, hold on. Who are you?
10:24I'm your new neighbor, Freddy. I'm the one who saved you from that old crow.
10:28What? I'm so confused right now. New neighbor? You moved into the house next to ours? Why are you here?
10:34I was bored and saw you girls leaving your house, so I followed you for fun.
10:39Don't worry, I won't tell anyone about your little cookie secret.
10:42When I heard that old lady threatening you, I went to the main circuit board and pulled out a wire with my tweezer, which I always keep handy.
10:51You could have been electrocuted. You're either incredibly smart or exceptionally dumb.
10:56My mom says the exact same thing, except for the incredibly smart part.
11:01Listen, you geek, what do you want? If you think you're gonna get a cut of our profits...
11:05No, no, my parents are well off. They're neurosurgeons. I just want to be friends.
11:09I swear, I don't have any siblings, and I don't know anyone here.
11:13What if we say no?
11:15I'll keep following you around until you say yes?
11:18Okay, fine. Congratulations, you got yourself two friends.
11:21Oh, I'm so happy! Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
11:26And from that day on, that goof really did become our best friend, especially mine.
11:31He was like the sibling I never had. I mean, the nice sibling who did my nails and watched the channel I wanted to watch on TV without arguing.
11:39He was also really generous. I didn't want to take advantage of it, but Meredith and Mom had no problem keeping all the gifts he was always getting us.
11:47We decided to lay low with our cunning activities, in case the old lady had actually told the police about us.
11:53But soon after we joined the 11th grade, a new drama unfolded in our lives.
11:57A family moved into the huge white house across the street.
12:00Apparently, the couple who'd bought the place was loaded, and they had five teenage boys.
12:06Finally, some eligible bachelors on our street!
12:09Thanks, my feelings aren't hurt at all.
12:12Oh, I'm sorry I left you out, sweetie. Maybe you'll find someone, too.
12:16I mean, they have five boys. There's a good chance one of them is gay.
12:19What? Why would you think?
12:21Okay, girls, here's a basket of goodies for you to take over as a welcome present.
12:25Now go, throw yourselves at those boys.
12:27Meredith and I rolled our eyes, but we decided there wasn't any harm in checking them out, and we were welcomed by the ugliest quadruplets ever.
12:35They were really sweet and really excited to see us, but with their orange hair, acne, and bug teeth, they were not a pretty sight.
12:42Man, I feel sorry for those parents.
12:44Like, you know, Mom got one average-looking kid, but God made it up by giving her me.
12:49But those parents, oof, God decided to use copy-paste on that ugly model.
12:54They must have done something terrible to deserve this.
12:57You are so rude.
12:59Oh, shut up, I know you're thinking the same. I just have the guts to say it out loud.
13:03But then a day later, I'd just woken up when the bell rang, and I opened the door to find the most gorgeous boy ever standing outside.