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The Three Badasses Who Want Me ReelShort
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Transcript
00:00:00Sir, I found Angela Lockhart.
00:00:03Angela, still selling your hippie junk here?
00:00:06I don't understand why you do so much for him behind the scenes
00:00:09without ever revealing your true identity.
00:00:11Now sign the divorce paper.
00:00:14Baby, I'll sign it.
00:00:19You don't regret it.
00:00:23My lovely princess, I've selected three prime young men for you to choose from.
00:00:29I will chase you to the end of the world if I have to.
00:00:34You must choose one of them in seven days.
00:00:37I'm going. I need to pick up my bride.
00:00:49What's the situation here?
00:00:50I want to marry you.
00:00:59Ellen Musk, the only woman on the Forbes 30 under 30 list, arrives in Atlanta today.
00:01:10What a business tycoon is doing here in Georgia, a forgotten stage no one knows.
00:01:15Angela, my next door neighbor, still selling your hippie junk here?
00:01:19If your mother-in-law sees, she's going to throw a big fit again.
00:01:24Your mother-in-law was right about you.
00:01:27What's the point of watching the news all day about these moguls
00:01:30if you can't even apply it to your penniless self?
00:01:32And how do you know that this is none of my business?
00:01:36All right, everybody get out.
00:01:39We got an important guest coming.
00:01:43You.
00:01:48You deaf? I said pack up and scram.
00:01:51I paid the staff here already, and if you want me to leave, then fine.
00:01:54But you have to compensate for today's losses.
00:01:58You want to say that again?
00:02:02You know who's visiting today?
00:02:04Ellen freaking Musk, one of the richest people in the world.
00:02:08Ellen Musk?
00:02:09Of course, a hick like you probably never heard of her.
00:02:12Just know that you can't afford to piss her off.
00:02:15Really?
00:02:17Ellen Musk is flying all the way to Atlanta just to come to some flea market.
00:02:21You don't think that she could be coming to see me?
00:02:27Coming to see you.
00:02:29All right, you know what?
00:02:30I'll play your game.
00:02:32If she does this so much as give you a glance, I'll eat dirt.
00:02:38Deal.
00:02:39Deal.
00:02:48Ellen Musk, get to the flea market within 10 minutes, or else you're fired.
00:03:10Prepare the limo.
00:03:11Ms. Lockhart requires us immediately.
00:03:20Ah, your 10 minutes is almost up.
00:03:22Good.
00:03:22Hope you don't wet your pants.
00:03:25Five, four, three, two, one.
00:03:39Ellen, uh, I mean, Ms. Musk, uh, Ellen, uh, I mean, uh, I'm sorry that I, uh, sorry to frighten you.
00:03:49How's my boss bitch?
00:03:50Kick an ass, girlfriend.
00:03:52So how do you, like...
00:03:56She's my boss.
00:03:58I prefer business partner or best friend.
00:04:02No way.
00:04:06Well?
00:04:10No, no, no, I'm sorry for offending your boss.
00:04:13No, I won't do it again.
00:04:18All right, that's enough.
00:04:19We're not tyrants here.
00:04:27Sir, I found Angela Lockhart.
00:04:35You mean Angela Lockhart.
00:04:37My runaway bride.
00:04:40You made me lose one million dollars in just one game of poker.
00:04:45Who are you?
00:04:48Where is she?
00:04:50Atlanta.
00:04:51And you were right.
00:04:52It was secretly her propping up Ellen Musk.
00:04:54My clever bride.
00:04:56I will chase you to the end of the world if I have to.
00:05:03Max, prep the jet.
00:05:05I'm heading to Atlanta.
00:05:07Atlanta?
00:05:08The game is afoot.
00:05:09I'm going.
00:05:10Wait, Dr. Wilson.
00:05:12The Prince of Bhutan needs your medical attention.
00:05:13He can wait.
00:05:14I need to pick up my bride.
00:05:19But Dr. Wilson!
00:05:26Gino Eisenhower reporting first!
00:05:28Dr. Wilson, I need to talk to you.
00:05:30I need to talk to you.
00:05:31I need to talk to you.
00:05:32I need to talk to you.
00:05:32I need to talk to you.
00:05:33I need to talk to you.
00:05:34I need to talk to you.
00:05:35I need to talk to you.
00:05:37Devin Sterling and Shane Wilson are headed to Atlanta.
00:05:40Atlanta!
00:05:42Where is that?
00:05:44Whatever!
00:05:44Prepare my warplane!
00:05:46Don't sue going after my fiancée.
00:05:49This is war.
00:06:06I've secretly allowed your husband, Jared Cooper,
00:06:08to win the bid on the Maple Plaza project like you asked me to.
00:06:12Thank you so much, Ellen.
00:06:14This is going to be the best anniversary gift ever.
00:06:17That project is worth billions.
00:06:19He can finally take his company public.
00:06:21But Angela, my boss,
00:06:25I don't understand why you do so much for him behind the scenes
00:06:28without ever revealing your true identity.
00:06:31Without your backing, no offense,
00:06:34but he's nothing without you.
00:06:36Well, three years ago.
00:06:58You saved me.
00:07:04He saved me and
00:07:06I fell in love with him instantly.
00:07:08I didn't want to reveal my true identity
00:07:09because I didn't want him to feel the pressure
00:07:11of being with a billionaire heiress.
00:07:14But now with this contract,
00:07:17I feel like we'll be on more equal footing
00:07:18and then I can finally come out to the public.
00:07:22So that's why you have me secretly helping him.
00:07:25I'm sure he'll be moved when he finds out.
00:07:30But why work at the flea market?
00:07:32Are you disguising yourself to test him?
00:07:36Well, these exotic spices are incredibly rare
00:07:39and cost a fortune to find.
00:07:41Plus, I get to make the best dishes
00:07:44for my hubby and his mom.
00:07:45You seem happy being a housewife.
00:07:51Where the hell are you?
00:07:53Don't tell me you were selling junk at the flea market again.
00:07:56Get home, stat.
00:07:58It's a big day today.
00:08:00That was...
00:08:02My mother-in-law, Carol.
00:08:04She judges me because she thinks I come from a lower-class family.
00:08:07But she's going to be ecstatic tonight
00:08:09when I finally come out and tell her who I really am.
00:08:13You know, she even remembered our third-year anniversary.
00:08:21Please spend more time with my son.
00:08:25Hi, I'm home.
00:08:27I have a big announcement.
00:08:28A big announcement I have to make.
00:08:30Finally, you're back.
00:08:31Now sign the divorce papers.
00:08:36Divorce papers?
00:08:39Is this some sort of misunderstanding, Mom?
00:08:42God, don't call me Mom again.
00:08:45We're ending that relationship.
00:08:47Just look at you.
00:08:49Dirt all over.
00:08:50You're selling the title of Mrs. Cooper.
00:08:53You don't deserve my son.
00:08:54You're way below his league.
00:08:56I'm below his league?
00:08:58That's right.
00:08:59You are.
00:09:01Jared is signing a $100 billion contract tomorrow
00:09:05with the Ellen Musk.
00:09:07And then his company's going public.
00:09:10That's how much he's accomplished in three years.
00:09:12But you?
00:09:14You're still just a stinky, hippie peddler.
00:09:19Jared's like the king in the clouds.
00:09:21And you?
00:09:22And you?
00:09:23You will always just be a pawn.
00:09:27Like dirt on our shoes.
00:09:32Dirt on your shoes?
00:09:34But Ellen Musk works for me.
00:09:37You're delusional.
00:09:39You will never upgrade to a queen.
00:09:41How dare you compare yourself to the real deal here?
00:09:47Resorting to lies.
00:09:49Definitely not good enough for Jared.
00:09:51And who are you to come into my house and meddle with my family matters?
00:09:59You're nothing but a pathetic excuse for a wife.
00:10:04Jared deserves a queen like Kaylee.
00:10:06Not a lowlife dirtbag.
00:10:08Enough!
00:10:10Jared, I knew you wouldn't divorce me.
00:10:14But I am.
00:10:17Don't fight it, Angela.
00:10:18Here's 500k.
00:10:21You'll never make this much as a hippie peddler selling spices.
00:10:25Now sign the papers, take your check, and leave.
00:10:28Don't embarrass yourself further.
00:10:32I've done so much for you these past three years.
00:10:37Did that not mean anything to you?
00:10:39Didn't expect you to be so greedy.
00:10:43Fine.
00:10:43Here's another 200,000.
00:10:45500,000 is too much for her already.
00:10:49She's done nothing.
00:10:51Hasn't even contributed a grandchild.
00:10:54She just sells cheap grass all day.
00:10:56Is that really how much I'm worth to all of you?
00:11:01I took care of both of you these past three years.
00:11:05You think we can't just hire a maid to cook for us or something?
00:11:09And she wouldn't embarrass us with that permanent stench.
00:11:14A hippie peddler becoming the wife of a CEO?
00:11:18What a joke.
00:11:19If you actually love my son, you'll sign the damn divorce papers already and leave.
00:11:28You really think that Jared would have gotten that Mabel Plaza bid without me?
00:11:33Let alone taking the company public?
00:11:35I did everything for you, Jared.
00:11:39Now you take credit for my son's success?
00:11:44Wow.
00:11:46It's all my work.
00:11:49Baby, we're gonna be late for the auction if we keep letting this psycho stall us.
00:11:58You did say you would win me Princess Diana's tiara, didn't you?
00:12:02So, she's the reason for the divorce.
00:12:07She's worth more than you, Angela.
00:12:10Fine.
00:12:12I'll sign it.
00:12:15But don't regret it.
00:12:17Regret?
00:12:19Do I know who I am?
00:12:21Yeah, a cockroach that only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed.
00:12:25I'm Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter.
00:12:29Jared winning the bid on Mabel Plaza was because of my dad.
00:12:35Because he's business partners with Ellen Musk.
00:12:38It's part of the power that I have.
00:12:41As an elite, you can't do shit because you're poor.
00:12:47Social stratum matters.
00:12:49Yeah, social stratum does matter.
00:12:52And the Coopers are beneath me.
00:12:56And you really think Ellen Musk would come to Atlanta if it weren't for me?
00:13:01Ha! You're delusional.
00:13:03Now sign the papers and scram!
00:13:07You owe me.
00:13:08You dirty bitch.
00:13:10You're sick of me.
00:13:16You hit me.
00:13:21Now sign the papers, take your check, and get the fuck out!
00:13:36I don't need your penny money.
00:13:47We're finished.
00:13:49You don't want the money? That's your loss.
00:13:52Your check is just pennies to me.
00:13:55But I would like my ring back.
00:14:06Have fun on your economy flight while I catch a ride on my private helicopter out of here.
00:14:17And I'm way out of your league.
00:14:25Isn't that the Winston blue diamond ring?
00:14:28It's worth tens of millions of dollars.
00:14:32Oh, it's probably just cheap glass.
00:14:35Something she found at the flea market.
00:14:37You're right. She could never afford anything so expensive.
00:14:43Congrats, Jared Boo Boo, on getting rid of that dirt bag.
00:14:49Oh, my dad says there's going to be a secret big shot financial tycoon at tomorrow's summit.
00:14:56Bigger big shot than Ellen Musk?
00:14:58Yeah. And nobody's met them, but I can introduce you.
00:15:02Oh, everything's thanks to you, babe.
00:15:21Uh, Angela, Mr. Vanderbilt, the richest man in Georgia,
00:15:24wants to schedule a meeting before the bidding.
00:15:27Vanderbilt?
00:15:28Yeah, he's actually CEO of one of our companies.
00:15:31Basically our employee.
00:15:32Okay, I'll meet him at the summit tomorrow. It's fine.
00:15:35Well, you're still going to the summit tomorrow?
00:15:36But you and Jared Cooper are already divorced.
00:15:39That's exactly why I'm going.
00:16:01Angela Lockhart, I finally found you.
00:16:08Who is he?
00:16:10That? That's Devin Sterling.
00:16:12He's number one on Forbes' 30 under 30 list, an early investor of crypto,
00:16:17CEO of Sterling Enterprises. Rumor has it he's worth trillions.
00:16:22And he's your fiancé.
00:16:25What? What? My fiancé?
00:16:28The one and only.
00:16:31So, after running away and leaving me single for three years,
00:16:36have you figured out how you're going to make it up to me yet, babe?
00:16:48That tiara looks perfect on you.
00:16:54What is she doing here?
00:16:56Oh, you skank.
00:17:01My son just divorced you yesterday and you're already hooking up with another man?
00:17:06Divorced?
00:17:08That's right. So, I guess this was never meant to be, Mr...
00:17:14Sterling. Devin Sterling.
00:17:18So she has to hide her marital status to find another man.
00:17:21Guess she's not just a forsaken woman, she's also a stinky, penniless whore.
00:17:29How dare you insult my boss like that?
00:17:32Who the fuck are you, bitch?
00:17:36Do you know who I am?
00:17:38They don't know who you are.
00:17:41You hide it well.
00:17:43X-Team, teach these fools a lesson.
00:17:49Teach these fools a lesson.
00:17:52Sir, you were kind of in a rush when you flew to Atlanta and then to New York.
00:17:59You forgot to bring the security team.
00:18:06Mind if I, uh, borrow your men?
00:18:13X-Team's ill-mannered apes out.
00:18:15Oh, you bitch. I'll have my son teach you a real lesson.
00:18:21Tch.
00:18:26A kiss as a reward, my lady?
00:18:30No.
00:18:37Uh, guest list is very distinguished tonight.
00:18:40You've got Bill Ford, Harvey Buffett, old money like me.
00:18:46Gentlemen, Harvey, Bill, this is Jared Cooper.
00:18:49Pleased to meet you all.
00:18:50Your families all started empires after the Industrial Revolution.
00:18:53What an honor.
00:18:55Yeah, I heard you, uh, secured the Maple Plaza project.
00:18:58That's worth billions of dollars.
00:18:59Congrats, you'll be next.
00:19:02Thank you, but we haven't received the contract yet.
00:19:05We deserve it.
00:19:05Hard work.
00:19:06Oh, that's nothing.
00:19:07I introduced this kid to Ellen Musk.
00:19:09Vanderbilts and Miss Musk have always had a good relationship.
00:19:12So I thought I'd help the kid out, pull a few strings.
00:19:16Thank you, Mr. Vanderbilt.
00:19:18Now, we just have to impress Miss Musk's special guest of honor.
00:19:22Yes, I heard they're a very important and powerful guest.
00:19:27Even wealthier than Ellen Musk.
00:19:29Now, if we can just secure a position with this big shot, we can feast for generations.
00:19:39I'll do my best.
00:19:44Excuse me.
00:19:45A second, gentlemen.
00:19:47What if it's the Prince of Bhutan?
00:19:52How did a hobo like you sneak in here?
00:19:55Me, a hobo?
00:19:57How did a cheating scumbag like you sneak in here?
00:20:00You sleep your way in.
00:20:01I told you, Angela Lockhart, don't bother stalking me.
00:20:04Nothing will come of it, and it only sickens me further.
00:20:07Don't flatter yourself.
00:20:12This is your ex-husband?
00:20:13What, were you blindfolded when you married him?
00:20:16Who the hell is this?
00:20:18You were cheating on me?
00:20:31Son, you have to avenge me and Kaylee.
00:20:34That wicked ex-wife of yours hired some thugs and a gigolo to beat us up.
00:20:39They even took Kaylee's tiara!
00:20:53You dare hurt my mom and Kaylee?
00:20:58Get your hands off of her!
00:21:04My lady.
00:21:05My lady.
00:21:20My queen.
00:21:31It's...
00:21:32It's... it's him! He scammed a million dollars off me in a game of poker yesterday!
00:21:41Who are these peasants?
00:21:43These seats are reserved for thee, Ellen Musk, and her special guest.
00:21:47Oh, shut up, old man. You're disturbing the peace.
00:21:54Fuckers, you know who that is? That's Eric Vanderbilt. You have any idea how many generations
00:22:00of wealth he has? His ancestors built the railway and steamship empire of America. This
00:22:05civil war would not have been won without his family's involvement.
00:22:08Vanderbilt. The father of that skank, Kaylee Vanderbilt, who only knows how to crawl her
00:22:17way into a married man's bed. That the Lee Vanderbilt family?
00:22:24Oh, goddammit, a stomachache now? Whatever. Angela can handle herself. She'll be fine.
00:22:32How dare you call one of us low? I'm Harvey F. M. Buffett, the most important investor
00:22:39in the entire stock market. I can wipe you out with a simple pinky only.
00:23:04And I can wipe you out with just a strand of my hair.
00:23:08Not with me around. I, Bill Ford, and the entire Ford Auto Empire stand with these gentlemen.
00:23:15You're all just peasants compared to who I really am.
00:23:20You're fucking delusional, Angela. We've had enough of your games. Security, break their
00:23:26limbs and toss them out. Looks like the old guard's teaming up against
00:23:30you. But don't worry, you got new money here.
00:23:36I can handle myself, thank you. Yes, my queen.
00:23:41You're all despicable. An insult to your family names.
00:23:49Now it's my turn to rule. Destroy Jared Cooper. Cut off all business ties.
00:23:58And if you don't, I will take away all of your family's wealth and power.
00:24:05Ha! I knew it. You're here to fuck with me. You can't fool anyone here. How much money
00:24:11did you spend on that get up? And to hire that gigolo to make me jealous?
00:24:15You're an orphan who sells hippie spices at a flea market. You have nothing and you will
00:24:21always be nothing. She's a gold digger.
00:24:26A gold digger? A gigolo.
00:24:29Want to try me for a night? Yeah, you're a little too pricey.
00:24:34Mr. Vanderbilt, we really shouldn't keep these bandits here any longer. They might
00:24:37upset Miss Ellen Musk and her special guest. Angela Lockhart is my spurned ex-wife. She's
00:24:42only here to try and ruin my bill in the Maple Plaza project.
00:24:44Oh, I'm gonna kill that sushi chef. Security! Security!
00:24:55You all don't realize that you actually all work for me. And now you're trying to throw
00:24:59a coup? You! Insolent fools. Let me guess. You're
00:25:06that special guest? I don't know.
00:25:10Throw them out! And not without some broken bones, too.
00:25:20Back to that axe. I got this.
00:25:29What the hell are you two doing here? I thought we were supposed to guard you.
00:25:36No, you're supposed to make sure Miss Lockhart is okay. Oh my god, we're so screwed.
00:26:07Angela! Don't hurt her! You bitch. I've always been sick of you. You just threw yourself
00:26:18at me. How dare you insult my boss like that?
00:26:21Boss? Did she say her boss? Miss Musk? That's Ellen Musk?
00:26:28That woman right there is Angela Lockhart, my boss and sole heiress to the Henry Lockhart's
00:26:33fortune. Their lineage is older than this country itself.
00:26:37Past the American Revolution? Back to the Renaissance.
00:26:40If she's your boss, then that means Angela Lockhart is...
00:26:44That's Lady Lockhart to you. She's royalty. And since you're all subsidiaries, she's your
00:26:49boss's boss. What the hell did you do? Kneel!
00:26:53Get to me! Oh, your majesty. Welcome to the United States.
00:27:00We've always been your loyal subjects. Yes, your highness. Is it queen or princess?
00:27:07It doesn't matter. My queen, please forgive our insolence.
00:27:12We didn't mean to offend. What are you doing, idiot? Let go of the boss lady and beg for
00:27:19forgiveness.
00:27:21What rightfully belongs to you.
00:27:32She's a badass herself. He missed out on a good wife.
00:27:53You, you, you told me your wife was a hippie peddler. Turns out you were the freeloading
00:27:59scumbag this entire time.
00:28:00No, no, don't believe their lies. I worked hard for everything.
00:28:04You worked for everything?
00:28:10Hi, honey. So, our 30th anniversary is coming up and I thought that maybe we can do something
00:28:17special this year?
00:28:18I can't focus on anything trivial like that. I have to figure out this bid for the Maple
00:28:22Plaza project and if I get it, I can take the company public.
00:28:33You were nothing before me. All your achievements, all your glory, that's all mine, including
00:28:42the Maple Plaza contract. I can take all of that away just like that.
00:28:49No, you can't take that away from me.
00:28:51That's why Elon Musk was urging us to pass on deals to this nobody.
00:28:55Oh, and this antique wedding ring? Yeah, I forgot to tell you. It was Queen Victoria's
00:29:02and its worth is equivalent to more than an entire country's GDP.
00:29:12Oh, I gave you back the ring? I divorced a royal heiress? No, no, please take me back,
00:29:21baby. I still love you.
00:29:27Oh, man, looks like they've started the party without us.
00:29:30No one's allowed to start a fight without Cole Eisenhower.
00:29:39God, these two again. Did he say, is he Cole Eisenhower?
00:29:44President Eisenhower's descendant. After General Eisenhower won World War II, each of his descendants
00:29:49have all gone on to become five-star generals, the highest rank in the nation's military.
00:29:53Bloody buffoons know your history. Sorry I'm late, babe. I got lost trying to find Atlanta,
00:29:58then lost again on my way back to New York.
00:30:05And that there is, that is the legendary boy genius, Dr. Wilson. He's Dr. House's
00:30:11protege. Dr. House? I thought that was just a TV show.
00:30:15Oh, no, that's based on a real figure. Yep, that's me, son of James House. Dr. House,
00:30:21he's practically my uncle. I correctly diagnosed the Pope before him when I was just 12 years
00:30:26old. So he's been off carrying himself a waterfall somewhere in the Netherlands for the last
00:30:3118 months. And I'm late because I ran out of gum and had to make a pit stop.
00:30:40Hey, Ellen, who are these weirdos and why are they here?
00:30:44Uh, they're all your fiancés. What? Fiancés? Plural? Fiancés? Plural?
00:30:56Watch it, nerds. I'm her fiancé. No, I'm her fiancé. You can both shut up. I'm her
00:31:02fiancé. It's you. It's me. Who the hell is he? I'm Spider-Man.
00:31:09How are all three of these men my fiancé? Your father had arranged these engagements
00:31:16years ago, but I didn't tell you because you decided to marry Jared Cooper at the time.
00:31:22He has three badass fiancés and she marries his dumb ass.
00:31:28Whatever. Since you're all here, help me finish him.
00:31:35Since you're all here, help me finish him.
00:31:40At your service. Me too.
00:31:47One down, two more to go. She's become queen.
00:31:50Bishop to G4.
00:31:55Ow! Ow! Ow! What is that?
00:31:59The most German festin' water in the Nile River.
00:32:05Rook to A8.
00:32:11Hello?
00:32:12Hello?
00:32:15I thought I was king. No, you wish. The king doesn't do anything,
00:32:19so Alan can be my king. Oh, fine.
00:32:26Bankrupt to four. It's right this second.
00:32:33I... I've been bankrupt. No!
00:32:39Who is he?
00:32:43I've been bankrupt. No!
00:32:47I told you I would remove all of you from status and power if you didn't cooperate.
00:32:51Well, guess what? Game over.
00:32:53All right, boys. Let's figure out this four-way engagement.
00:32:57Oh, that's serious business. I'm right with you.
00:33:02Wait for me. Nobody beats me to the finish line.
00:33:13Angela!
00:33:17You already have three fiancés? You can't accuse me of cheating.
00:33:21I want compensation.
00:33:26You greedy S.O.B.
00:33:28Who the fuck is that?
00:33:29My ex-husband.
00:33:31Wait, you were married?
00:33:32Yeah, and if that's a problem for you, then you can totally back out of this engagement.
00:33:37More for me.
00:33:38Do you want me to check your eyes for you?
00:33:41Don't steal my joke. I can make him disappear without a trace.
00:33:44All I need is your password for him.
00:33:47What? Is there something on my face?
00:33:49Uh, yeah. Murderous intent.
00:33:52Let's remarry.
00:33:54Let's remarry.
00:33:56You still don't realize.
00:33:59I only fell in love with you because you saved me from the worst.
00:34:03You still don't realize.
00:34:06I only fell in love with you because you saved me from drowning three years ago.
00:34:33Sir, it's an emergency. We need to wreck right away.
00:34:36Nicole Eisenhower and Shane Wilson are causing mayhem at the company warehouse.
00:34:41Okay, I'm on my way.
00:34:45She should be okay now.
00:34:50Hey, you!
00:34:51Watch over her. I'll be right back.
00:35:03You saved me.
00:35:08Fuck.
00:35:09I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:35:13Fuck.
00:35:14I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:35:16You've cheated on me, you've hit me, and you've insulted me.
00:35:21And after all that, I never want to see you again.
00:35:25I fucking hate you.
00:35:28The lady lockheart.
00:35:30God, what now?
00:35:33Yes, we understand that you are a very busy person,
00:35:37but if you're not going to give your ex-husband the Maple Plaza project...
00:35:41How about us three?
00:35:42Yes, unlike that scumbag, we won't turn on you.
00:35:46Yeah, no. You're all fired for trying to throw a coup.
00:35:51This is your fault, you doofus. We never should have believed your bullshit.
00:35:55No. No.
00:35:57We can't lose our positions with Ellen Musk and the lockhearts.
00:36:02I'll get you for this.
00:36:11I never should have listened to you.
00:36:13I'm ruined because of you.
00:36:25So, what's the situation here?
00:36:28I want to marry you.
00:36:38I want to marry you.
00:36:41Listen, I only met you guys a few hours ago,
00:36:45and I'm not interested in flash marriages.
00:36:48But what if I told you?
00:36:51But what if I told you that we've known each other for much longer than just a few hours?
00:36:56Much longer.
00:37:00Angela, your parents would like to have a video call with all of you.
00:37:08My lovely princess, how are you?
00:37:11Look, your mother and I are in Italy.
00:37:13The views here are absolutely stunning.
00:37:16Perfect for a wedding, wouldn't you say?
00:37:18I heard you finally divorced that good-for-nothing, blood-sucking,
00:37:23three-letter husband of yours.
00:37:25Can't call his name, but...
00:37:27Anyway, congratulations.
00:37:29I've selected three prime young men for you to choose from to replace him.
00:37:34You must pick one of them to marry.
00:37:37Otherwise...
00:37:39Let me do it.
00:37:41You must choose one of them in seven days.
00:37:44You must choose one of them in seven days.
00:37:47Otherwise...
00:37:49We'll kill ourselves.
00:37:51Mom!
00:37:52All right, honey, that's it.
00:37:54Bye! Bye!
00:38:00So, who are you going to choose?
00:38:04Well, what if I want all three of you?
00:38:09Well, what if I want all three of you?
00:38:14That seems greedy.
00:38:21But I can always remove the other two options.
00:38:26Hey, I may be a doctor, but I can take lives too.
00:38:30I know and have access to all the deadliest poisons in the world.
00:38:36Okay, no murder, please. I was just kidding.
00:38:41You have seven days to win her over.
00:38:44Ooh, it's like The Bachelorette.
00:38:47I know. We'll start with challenge one.
00:38:52Welcome to the show, The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
00:38:56Today, we have our first challenge.
00:39:00What is all of this, Ellen?
00:39:03You'll see.
00:39:12Oh my God! Oh my God! Cockroaches!
00:39:15All women are afraid of cockroaches.
00:39:18And it is every man's job to save their beloved woman from this monstrosity of a creature.
00:39:23What will our three candidates do to prove their undying love for our single woman,
00:39:28but screaming her head off heiress?
00:39:34Looks like one of our contestants has already called it quits.
00:39:38It's up to the final two.
00:39:41Crunchy.
00:39:43That is sick, Klai.
00:39:46I'm gonna get you.
00:39:49I can't believe it.
00:39:51I just don't get it.
00:39:53Why did you get me?
00:39:55I'm not supposed to be here.
00:39:57I'm not supposed to be here.
00:39:59I'm not supposed to be here.
00:40:01Why did I get you?
00:40:03I didn't get you.
00:40:05I'm not supposed to be here.
00:40:07I can't believe it.
00:40:09is sick cold. Hey, when you're stranded in the middle of the battlefield, you'll be
00:40:13glad to see one of these around. There are two more left. Wanna try one? Oh my god, no!
00:40:19No! Oh my god, save me! Save you? You're gonna save me! I'm a germaphobe doctor. These hands can't get
00:40:31germs on them. They're for surgery and saving lives.
00:40:39Woooooo! Woooooo!
00:40:49Thank god you're here. Are you alright, honey? Angela!
00:40:59Alright, you won the first challenge, so your reward, you get to watch over her for the night. Just don't cross the line, if you know what I mean.
00:41:08I'm not her scumbag husband. You have nothing to worry about.
00:41:16Honestly, even if you guys fuck, it's not like it's against the rules or anything. At least my girl can get some. I bet her husband has a small dick anyway.
00:41:26The cockroaches! They're gone, they're gone. There's nothing in this room except you and me, okay?
00:41:32I'm going to kill Ellen when I see her tomorrow.
00:41:39I need a drink.
00:41:49Whoa, easy! You're on an empty stomach.
00:41:51Oh, what do you care?
00:41:54I'm trying to drink away your sorrows, Angela.
00:41:58You guys were right. I was blind from marrying that asshole.
00:42:04You know, I wasted three whole years of my life with him. He never even loved me. And I gave up my entire career for him.
00:42:19Do you really think that you would still be number one on the Forbes 30 under 30 list if I was around?
00:42:27You may not be number one on Forbes list, but you know what you're number one in?
00:42:32What?
00:42:36You're number one here.
00:42:43You know, we've known each other kind of a long time.
00:42:47Lies.
00:42:50You all just want something from me.
00:42:57Angela, I know it's hard to trust again.
00:43:02But I assure you, I don't care what family you're from.
00:43:09I'm the richest man in the nation. I don't need your power, your status, your wealth, your connections.
00:43:18I just need you.
00:43:22I'll prove my love to you within six days, I promise.
00:43:28Okay.
00:43:37Screw the contest. I just want love.
00:43:42Angela, you're drunk.
00:43:45I'm an adult. Can't I go just get what she wants?
00:43:49Okay.
00:43:54But love and sex aren't exactly the same thing.
00:43:57Well, they're not mutually exclusive either.
00:44:09This is what you want.
00:44:27Nine-inch penis.
00:44:29Morning to you too.
00:44:31You sure you were drunk last night? You wouldn't...
00:44:34A girl remembers when she's had a nine-inch penis inside of her.
00:44:39Well, glad you enjoyed it.
00:44:42But don't tell Shane or Cole.
00:44:45Because then...
00:44:47I don't know.
00:44:49I don't know.
00:44:51I don't know.
00:44:53I don't know.
00:44:54Shane or Cole.
00:44:56Because then they would...
00:44:58Say that you were being unfair?
00:45:00Technically, us having sex doesn't break any rules.
00:45:03I won the first challenge, and according to Ellen, my prize was to spend the night with you anyway.
00:45:10Don't make this any harder than it already is.
00:45:16You sure you don't want it pretty hard?
00:45:20No.
00:45:22Fine, fine, fine.
00:45:26I won't tell.
00:45:29But only on one condition.
00:45:32I won't tell.
00:45:35But only on one condition.
00:45:37You have to go out on a date with me.
00:45:41Fine.
00:45:45I've had a crush on you since college, Angela.
00:45:48You never noticed me.
00:45:52Fine.
00:45:55You should get dressed and get out of here before anyone sees you.
00:46:00It's only 7am.
00:46:02She's still sleeping.
00:46:03I'm not sleeping alone.
00:46:04Yeah, I'm not letting my fiancé be alone with another man for another second.
00:46:10Morning, gentlemen.
00:46:12Or shall I say ruffmen?
00:46:14Oh, don't mind him.
00:46:16What's up, guys?
00:46:18We're ready for the second challenge.
00:46:19The second challenge.
00:46:21No cockroaches this time.
00:46:23Yes, no more terrifying things.
00:46:24That was my bad, Angela.
00:46:26This better be a good challenge, Ellen.
00:46:28I'm sure you'll all enjoy this one.
00:46:30The second challenge is...
00:46:32The second challenge is...
00:46:34A date.
00:46:36Lane, I should have asked for something else.
00:46:38A date?
00:46:39That's it.
00:46:40What's the catch?
00:46:42No catch.
00:46:43Just who Ms. Lockhart enjoys spending her time with the most.
00:46:45As simple as that.
00:46:46I know what I want to do.
00:46:47Let's start with me first.
00:46:48Okay, who's up first?
00:46:49Ben?
00:46:50Me.
00:46:51Saved the best for last.
00:46:53Ain't that right, Angela?
00:46:55Then it's decided.
00:46:59Please don't take my BMW away!
00:47:03Too bad.
00:47:04You pissed off the Lockharts.
00:47:06I have nothing left!
00:47:08I have nothing left!
00:47:17It's that bitch who ruined me!
00:47:22It's that bitch who ruined me!
00:47:32General Eisenhower, sir!
00:47:34At ease, Lieutenant!
00:47:36This is my lieutenant.
00:47:37He also manages this boxing gym.
00:47:39Pleasure to meet you, Madam Eisenhower!
00:47:41He's so serious.
00:47:42But, hang on.
00:47:44Lieutenant, I don't know who I'm going to marry yet!
00:47:47Baby!
00:47:48I decided to take you here on our first date
00:47:50so that I can introduce you to my guns!
00:47:52Guns, like...
00:47:53murder weapons?
00:47:55Yes.
00:47:56Murder weapons.
00:48:08I like my guns, babe.
00:48:10Pretty rock hard.
00:48:11Yeah.
00:48:13Let me show you what I can do with them.
00:48:15Lieutenant!
00:48:17Come close!
00:48:19Wait!
00:48:20You're just going to hit him like that?
00:48:21He's not even going to fight back?
00:48:22Fighting back would be treason, ma'am!
00:48:24Treason?
00:48:25You guys are way too serious.
00:48:28Look, you!
00:48:29You're going to hit him like that?
00:48:30He's not even going to fight back?
00:48:31Fighting back would be treason, ma'am!
00:48:33Treason?
00:48:34You guys are way too serious.
00:48:36Look, you rock hard bitch!
00:48:37I caught you!
00:48:39If I'm going down,
00:48:40you're all going down with me!
00:48:42Lieutenant!
00:48:43Pistol attack!
00:48:56You dare try to hurt my wife?
00:49:01I will make you pay!
00:49:03If you don't need to keep beating him up,
00:49:05we could just take him to the cops.
00:49:07Not when he tries to hurt you!
00:49:15Zoe's a bit violent.
00:49:17Some might call it being protective.
00:49:19Poor anger issues.
00:49:21What if we get married
00:49:22and I forget to use a coaster
00:49:23on an antique table or something?
00:49:25Is he going to be, like, rough?
00:49:28Hey, some girls are into that.
00:49:30I don't know if I am.
00:49:33Well, maybe Shane will be your type.
00:49:38Your date with Shane starts now.
00:49:45Hey.
00:49:47Cool ride.
00:49:49A gift from the Chancellor of Germany
00:49:50when I saved his wife.
00:49:52Impressive.
00:49:56Your breath smells like peppermint.
00:49:59Refreshing.
00:50:01I got cool mint, too.
00:50:03Or do you prefer spearmint?
00:50:06What do you not have in this coat of yours?
00:50:09Fruit flavored gum.
00:50:10I can't stand those.
00:50:12So, where are you taking me, Shane?
00:50:14Let me show you.
00:50:22Dr. Wilson!
00:50:24Our VIP of VIPs!
00:50:26Right this way.
00:50:27VIP of VIPs?
00:50:28Ah, just some other guy I saved.
00:50:30I forget who.
00:50:32You saved a lot of people.
00:50:34I do what I can.
00:50:36Oh, my gosh.
00:50:38It's my gold-digging neighbor
00:50:39who just got dumped by her husband.
00:50:43Sandra Miller.
00:50:44What are you doing here?
00:50:45I just thought this was for the
00:50:46VIP of VIPs.
00:50:48Your mother-in-law told me
00:50:49all about the divorce
00:50:50and how you hired some gigolo
00:50:51to beat her and Kaylee Vanderbilt up.
00:50:56How low of you.
00:50:58What are you doing here, Sandra?
00:50:59Of course your bird brain
00:51:00wouldn't remember.
00:51:02I sell high-fashion jewelry pieces
00:51:03so high-end,
00:51:04you couldn't even afford
00:51:05even a few soldier organs.
00:51:08The auction begins.
00:51:10I'll deal with you later.
00:51:13Here, I'll just be inside.
00:51:19Cameron.
00:51:21I have a task for you.
00:51:24Our next piece is
00:51:25absolutely extraordinary.
00:51:28Cleopatra's armband.
00:51:30Sold by our vendor,
00:51:32Sandra Miller.
00:51:34For five million dollars.
00:51:37Excuse me.
00:51:39I'd like to donate this piece
00:51:40to auction.
00:51:41It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:51:44I'd like to donate
00:51:45this piece to auction.
00:51:47It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:51:49What are you doing?
00:51:50Just watch.
00:51:52Come on.
00:51:54Yeah, let's try this.
00:51:57That is Queen Victoria's ring?
00:52:00Please.
00:52:01I'm an expert and that's a fake.
00:52:03She probably got it
00:52:04at the flea market she works at.
00:52:06You work at a flea market?
00:52:07Not this again.
00:52:09Cut the bullshit.
00:52:10That wouldn't even sell for five dollars.
00:52:12Oh yeah?
00:52:13Here, you want it?
00:52:14For free.
00:52:15Ew!
00:52:16I don't want that trash
00:52:17from a stinky hippie peddler.
00:52:20Well, that's too bad then.
00:52:21Because you are the fraud.
00:52:25What are you talking about?
00:52:26Who the hell are you
00:52:27to accuse me?
00:52:29Throw them out!
00:52:30Dr. Wilson,
00:52:31I know you're a legend in medicine,
00:52:33but we're professionals.
00:52:35Oh yeah?
00:52:37And that armband
00:52:38sells for five million dollars?
00:52:40Yeah.
00:52:41Mine is the real thing.
00:52:43You two are just upset
00:52:44because you're too
00:52:45poor
00:52:46to afford our luxury items.
00:52:48Oh, is that so?
00:52:49We're a so-called
00:52:50expert fellow
00:52:51to recognize
00:52:52Queen Victoria's ring then.
00:52:54Dear Lord,
00:52:56this is real.
00:52:58It's authentic.
00:53:00It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:53:05Karen,
00:53:06what have you found?
00:53:08Yeah, that picture
00:53:09of Cleopatra's armband
00:53:10you sent me?
00:53:11It's a replica.
00:53:13They had the same one
00:53:14right here at the flea market.
00:53:16So,
00:53:18you are the fraud.
00:53:20You just went to the flea market
00:53:21so you can buy some fakes.
00:53:23And Cameron,
00:53:24how much are these fakes
00:53:25being sold for?
00:53:27150.
00:53:28Wow.
00:53:29Not even five dollars.
00:53:31Sandra.
00:53:33You've been duping us
00:53:34the whole time?
00:53:36Arrest her!
00:53:38No!
00:53:39Please!
00:53:40This is my time!
00:53:41Please!
00:53:42What's going on, Dr. Wilson?
00:53:44Uh,
00:53:45investigating lead poisoning
00:53:46from cheap jewelry
00:53:47for the Emperor of Japan.
00:53:48Bye.
00:53:49Blacklist her
00:53:50from the jewelry industry
00:53:51forever.
00:54:00I had a really
00:54:01great time tonight.
00:54:03Me too.
00:54:04May I
00:54:05have a kiss?
00:54:20Something wrong?
00:54:21Do you always
00:54:22have gum in your mouth?
00:54:29Yep.
00:54:30You never have to worry
00:54:31about stinky breath from me.
00:54:40Ha!
00:54:42You
00:54:43owe us a bunch
00:54:44of money, Cooper.
00:54:47I don't have
00:54:48I don't have any money.
00:54:49How did you pay
00:54:50for this hotel, then?
00:54:53I guess
00:54:54you'll only pay up
00:54:57if I break
00:54:58your other leg.
00:54:59Stop!
00:55:04Mr. Vanderbilt.
00:55:07Mr. Buffett.
00:55:12This is the contract
00:55:13for the Maple Plaza project.
00:55:15That's right.
00:55:16Miss Musk wanted me
00:55:17to give it to you.
00:55:19I knew Angela
00:55:20was still in love with me.
00:55:22I knew Angela
00:55:23was still in love with me.
00:55:24No, no.
00:55:25Sorry about those
00:55:26injuries from earlier.
00:55:27It was all just
00:55:28a little misunderstanding.
00:55:30Yeah.
00:55:31We could be partners again.
00:55:34And then maybe you can
00:55:35tell Lady Lockhart
00:55:37to put in a good word for us?
00:55:39Angela still loves me.
00:55:40She's just throwing a fit.
00:55:42She'll be back to me
00:55:43soon enough.
00:55:44Yeah.
00:55:45Do you need any help
00:55:46with the contract?
00:55:47We can give you
00:55:48jewelry to give to her.
00:55:50I was just sucking up
00:55:51to these pricks
00:55:52a few days ago,
00:55:53but now they're all begging me
00:55:54to help them out.
00:55:55It feels so damn good
00:55:56to be in power.
00:55:58Sure.
00:56:00I'll put in a good word
00:56:01for you.
00:56:02I just need...
00:56:03Anything.
00:56:04You tell us,
00:56:05we'll give you anything.
00:56:06Once I take everything
00:56:07from these idiots,
00:56:09I'll go after
00:56:10Angela Lockhart
00:56:12for my revenge.
00:56:17I'm giving the contract
00:56:18to Jared Cooper
00:56:19just like you asked me to.
00:56:21Well done.
00:56:22He'll be fucked soon.
00:56:25Well done.
00:56:26He'll be fucked soon.
00:56:28I don't get it, Ms. Musk.
00:56:29That contract
00:56:30has a preliminary clause.
00:56:31It requires him
00:56:32to pay 50% of the costs
00:56:33up front as a deposit.
00:56:35And if he can't,
00:56:36then what?
00:56:37He'll be bankrupt.
00:56:38So as long as
00:56:39he's greedy,
00:56:40I have to take it.
00:56:42I'm avenging
00:56:43my best friend.
00:56:44I want to show the world
00:56:45that without Angela Lockhart,
00:56:47he's nothing.
00:56:54I signed
00:56:55the Maple Plaza project.
00:56:57We should celebrate.
00:56:58You did?
00:57:00You see,
00:57:01I know my son has it in him.
00:57:02That skank Angela
00:57:03is nothing next to you.
00:57:06And it's all thanks
00:57:07to you, sweetheart.
00:57:09Actually,
00:57:10it's thanks to Angela.
00:57:11What?
00:57:13You're trying to ditch me
00:57:14to go back to your wife?
00:57:16Oh, no, no, no, no.
00:57:17He's not.
00:57:18Jared,
00:57:19what are you doing?
00:57:20You have such a beautiful
00:57:21and bright future ahead of you.
00:57:23Do it.
00:57:24It's my decision, Mom.
00:57:26I'm the head of the house here.
00:57:28I'm telling my dad.
00:57:30Fine.
00:57:31Go right ahead.
00:57:32He has enough problems himself.
00:57:33If you're obedient,
00:57:34I'll keep you around
00:57:35as his side piece.
00:57:36But if not,
00:57:37you can scram.
00:57:39Dad,
00:57:40Jared
00:57:41is being mean to me.
00:57:42Teach him a lesson.
00:57:43Kaylee,
00:57:44be a good girl, okay?
00:57:46Jared has the backing
00:57:47of some very powerful people now.
00:57:49Don't get on his bad side.
00:57:51We can't afford
00:57:52to piss him off.
00:57:53So do as he says.
00:57:55But, Dad!
00:58:03I'm sorry.
00:58:05I'll be your side piece.
00:58:07Very good.
00:58:08I'm sorry.
00:58:09Very good.
00:58:10I'm happy you've come around.
00:58:11Now let's go celebrate.
00:58:16I mean,
00:58:17do I really want to be
00:58:18with Mr. Minty Mouth
00:58:19forever, though?
00:58:20But that tongue action, though.
00:58:23Tongue is important
00:58:24in more than just one spot.
00:58:25Ellen, we are in public.
00:58:27It's true.
00:58:28Oh!
00:58:29Stomachache.
00:58:30Again?
00:58:31I have to run to the bathroom.
00:58:32Devin should be here
00:58:33to pick you up soon.
00:58:34Okay.
00:58:36Devin's late.
00:58:37Not a good sign for a date.
00:58:41This hotel restaurant
00:58:42has five Michelin stars.
00:58:46It's her.
00:58:47And she's alone
00:58:48with no one to save her.
00:58:52You whore.
00:58:53You seduced my son
00:58:54so he'd get back with you.
00:58:59Let me tell you.
00:59:01I would never go back
00:59:02even if your entire family
00:59:03got down on their knees
00:59:05and begged me.
00:59:07Oh!
00:59:09Hey, you guys can fight
00:59:10all you want,
00:59:11but you need to take this
00:59:12somewhere else.
00:59:13Whoever gets rid of her
00:59:14for me gets all this.
00:59:16What?
00:59:17Why do I have to leave?
00:59:18She's the one starting shit.
00:59:19Because I have money
00:59:20and you don't.
00:59:21You're just a stinky hippie peddler
00:59:24and my son just signed
00:59:25a $100 billion contract.
00:59:28He still got the contract?
00:59:30Hmm.
00:59:31Must be Ellen's doing.
00:59:33Even if he does sign it,
00:59:35he doesn't have the liquidity
00:59:36to pay the deposit up front.
00:59:38Oh, he's just gonna...
00:59:40Bet you've never seen
00:59:41this much cash before.
00:59:44Bet you've never seen
00:59:45this much cash before.
00:59:49You take my charity
00:59:50and toss it in my face
00:59:52as if it's your own.
00:59:54My maid wouldn't even pick up
00:59:55such a pitiful amount.
00:59:57$1,000 to take her away.
01:00:00$2,000 to drag her away.
01:00:03$5,000 to beat her away.
01:00:09Oh, oh, hey!
01:00:10Hey!
01:00:11Ow!
01:00:12Hey!
01:00:15You okay?
01:00:16Are you hurt?
01:00:21Weakling.
01:00:22You!
01:00:23You!
01:00:24Just a few days ago
01:00:25you found yourself a boy toy
01:00:26right after getting divorced.
01:00:28And now you have two more?
01:00:29What a whore.
01:00:31What a whore.
01:00:32Yeah.
01:00:33And Jared wanted to get back with her?
01:00:35What if she has an STD?
01:00:37Oh, like sleeping with a married man
01:00:39wouldn't give you an STD.
01:00:41Let's go.
01:00:43We'll expose her to Jared.
01:00:45Hang on.
01:00:47What do you want?
01:00:48I'll scream!
01:00:50I don't hit women.
01:00:51But I never said I don't kill women.
01:00:55But I never said I don't kill women.
01:00:58Oh, God.
01:00:59He is a murderer.
01:01:01What if he murders me?
01:01:02Not him.
01:01:03Definitely not him.
01:01:09We're not afraid of you.
01:01:11That's enough.
01:01:12This isn't a war zone.
01:01:13You'll be removed from being a five-star general
01:01:15if you hurt a civilian without adequate cause.
01:01:18I was just messing with him.
01:01:20Was he, though?
01:01:21We're not afraid of you.
01:01:24Jared!
01:01:25You have to avenge us.
01:01:26Look at this slut.
01:01:27She's found two more boy toys.
01:01:29She's cheating on you.
01:01:30Don't get back with her.
01:01:31Oh, Mr. Cooper, it's you.
01:01:33I apologize for this scene.
01:01:35I'll toss out the potty crashes immediately
01:01:37so that you can go to your salvation banquet.
01:01:39Who did you say you were going to toss out?
01:01:42Who did you say you were going to toss out?
01:01:44The potty crashes.
01:01:48You have any idea who that is?
01:01:50That's my wife.
01:01:51You saved that title for the real skank over there.
01:01:54That's right.
01:01:55No, you're playing.
01:01:56Shut up.
01:01:57She's cheating on you.
01:02:01I know your place.
01:02:02You're just a side piece,
01:02:03if I still want you, that is.
01:02:05Eric, have you gone mad?
01:02:07This is Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter.
01:02:09You slap her for this whore?
01:02:11Mom!
01:02:12They really think they're something, huh?
01:02:14Angela's an heiress to a family
01:02:16whose wealth and status goes back to the Victorian age.
01:02:19She's richer even than Ellen Musk.
01:02:22I only got the Maple Closet Project
01:02:23because she gave it to me.
01:02:26What?
01:02:27You apologize right now
01:02:29or I will kick you and your father to the curb.
01:02:37I'm sorry.
01:02:39No.
01:02:41This can't be.
01:02:43I made you divorce...
01:02:47Go home.
01:02:49You're not suited to come with me to my celebration banquet.
01:02:57I apologize on behalf of my mother.
01:03:00Honey, I know you came here to celebrate my achievements.
01:03:04I promise no one will bother you anymore.
01:03:07I didn't come here for you.
01:03:09I'm on a date.
01:03:11A date with two men at the same time?
01:03:15She really is a whore.
01:03:16Angela, please forgive me.
01:03:18I really do love you.
01:03:22Oh-ho! Lady Lockhart is here!
01:03:26Oh-ho! Lady Lockhart is here!
01:03:30Yeah, yeah, we already know you beat Ford to effort.
01:03:34We're too old for that.
01:03:36They're here for my celebration banquet.
01:03:38Please, you gave me the contract,
01:03:40so if anyone should go as my guest of honor,
01:03:43it should be you.
01:03:44Oh, yes, please, Miss Lockhart, join us.
01:03:46We'll all be one happy business family again.
01:03:50What the hell are you all doing here?
01:03:52Where were you?
01:03:53Where were you?
01:03:54Stomach issues.
01:03:56Again? Would you like my diagnosis?
01:03:59No.
01:04:02Let me make myself clear, okay?
01:04:05I would rather die than be with you again.
01:04:09Seems that they're not actually on good terms.
01:04:13I can't lose face in front of these pricks.
01:04:15Otherwise, they'll cut me off too.
01:04:17Angela, I know you're still mad, but please give me a chance.
01:04:19I'll prove it to you.
01:04:21You want a chance?
01:04:22Angela, no.
01:04:24You have three great guys here who all want to marry you.
01:04:27Don't take him back.
01:04:29I'll give you two choices.
01:04:33I'll give you two choices.
01:04:37Me or the contract.
01:04:40You're kidding me.
01:04:41No, I'm not kidding you.
01:04:44If you choose me, we can remarry this week.
01:04:48But you don't get the $100 billion contract.
01:04:51The choice is all yours.
01:04:53That's a tough choice.
01:04:55You think so?
01:04:56He either marries a royal heiress or gets a contract that takes his company to the moon.
01:05:00Either way, he benefits.
01:05:02Why can't I have both?
01:05:04You really are a greedy bastard.
01:05:07Angela, I saved you in the pool, remember?
01:05:09I deserve the contract.
01:05:11Did you really?
01:05:17Look who's fashionably late now.
01:05:21He didn't save her at the pool.
01:05:23Wait, what are you talking about?
01:05:25I choose the contract.
01:05:28I knew it.
01:05:29You'll get what's coming to you.
01:05:33With this contract, my company's earning potential is limitless.
01:05:36Angela Lockhart, you humiliated me in front of everyone.
01:05:40I will get you one day.
01:05:42Let me show you something.
01:05:51You saved me.
01:05:57You saved me.
01:05:59I'm sorry if his lies led to you wasting three years of your life.
01:06:04But I promise you, I'm going to make it up to you with the rest of our lives.
01:06:10No, no, I wasn't lying.
01:06:12I just couldn't remember exactly what happened that night.
01:06:17Does that mean we both each saved her once?
01:06:21What? Me?
01:06:23Dr. Wilson? Losing at saving people?
01:06:26No way.
01:06:27You guys. One of you.
01:06:29Do something life-threatening right now.
01:06:31You're crazy.
01:06:33And actually, this is a good idea.
01:06:37What is it?
01:06:39I don't know.
01:06:42You're crazy.
01:06:44And actually, they've all been doing horrible shit behind your back.
01:06:49What?
01:06:51Mr. Sterling had me investigate their company's dealings.
01:06:54Turns out they've been fudging the numbers on your shared accounts and contracts.
01:06:58Put it simply, they've been stealing from you.
01:07:02I can't believe I didn't realize.
01:07:04Ms. Lockhart, I'm so sorry.
01:07:06I should have had third-party accountants check thoroughly.
01:07:09No, it's not your fault. They're just too slick.
01:07:12You'd like me to punish them for that?
01:07:14Oh God, no. Not that again. Please.
01:07:17Max, you know what to do.
01:07:33The banks have pulled all of our funds.
01:07:35All business ties have been severed.
01:07:37We're bankrupt!
01:07:43How did you do that?
01:07:45Who are you? And don't say Spider-Man!
01:07:50I'll tell you who I am.
01:07:53I'll tell you who I am.
01:07:57I am...
01:07:59Crypto Punk Number Two.
01:08:01What did he say he was?
01:08:03That's more bizarre than Spider-Man.
01:08:05I am Spider-Man.
01:08:07You're Crypto Punk Number Two?
01:08:09Well, I'm Crypto Punk Number One.
01:08:12See? You are number one at something.
01:08:14The most expensive NFT collection in the world.
01:08:17Forget Forbes' list.
01:08:19It's all about young money now.
01:08:21So, how about our date?
01:08:29I'm not letting anyone off me on this one.
01:08:31Let's buy two.
01:08:36Come here.
01:08:46They forgot to cancel my contract.
01:08:49I still have the 100 billion dollar project.
01:08:52Yes! I'm rich!
01:08:55They'll make them all pay soon!
01:08:59What?
01:09:01Mr. Cooper, sir.
01:09:03The Maple Plaza contract requires us to provide 50% of the costs up front.
01:09:07Otherwise, it's a breach of contract and we'll have to pay for all financial repercussions.
01:09:11No!
01:09:13I'm bankrupt!
01:09:15I need to go to the law firm.
01:09:17You tricked me!
01:09:23Cool.
01:09:26Cool.
01:09:28Allow me.
01:09:31I'm sorry I was late, my queen.
01:09:33I had to get some very important materials.
01:09:37For our special date.
01:09:39Well, cheers.
01:09:41Cheers.
01:09:51This looks good.
01:09:56Did you use my spices?
01:09:59I know your ex-in-law has never appreciated you.
01:10:04You can have all the money and power in the world and you still can't force a man to love you.
01:10:11I couldn't even remember our anniversary.
01:10:17Angela.
01:10:19Your future with me...
01:10:24It's gonna be different.
01:10:26Come on.
01:10:28Upstairs.
01:10:46Wow.
01:10:48Devin, I can't believe this is what I've been missing out on these past few years.
01:10:53Just because of some silly mistake.
01:10:56Angela.
01:10:58I've known and loved you for three whole years.
01:11:01Actually, I've also loved you for three years.
01:11:05That's right. I fell in love with you three years ago, too.
01:11:09How is all of this possible?
01:11:12I didn't meet any of you until recently.
01:11:15Well, actually, maybe Devin, but...
01:11:19I've had a crush on you since college.
01:11:22You were my motivation to go to business school.
01:11:26Despite who you were, you never judged me for being poor.
01:11:32Are you trying to get hired at Fortune 500 in a suit like that?
01:11:38All you do is babble on and on about Internet money, Bitcoin, and shit like that.
01:11:45Are you trying to steal my spot?
01:11:49I'll teach you a lesson.
01:11:52Hey! Get away from him!
01:11:55Angela!
01:11:575C girl. I like her.
01:12:09How is he?
01:12:12It's a rare poison made from a mixture of dried roots found in Africa.
01:12:17Can it be cured?
01:12:20I actually think I know that poison.
01:12:22It sounds really scary, but its cure can actually be found in any developed country.
01:12:26Household salt.
01:12:34I like her.
01:12:38There you go.
01:12:41What time is it?
01:12:44Oh, shoot. I'm late for swim practice.
01:12:53I like her.
01:12:55We have been rivals ever since.
01:12:58So, that's how I... well, we all met.
01:13:03I barely remember.
01:13:05I should have never let you go to swim practice that day.
01:13:08Matthew Richards? The guy who poisoned me?
01:13:11I tapped you out of revenge.
01:13:13You wouldn't have known.
01:13:14I did hear you dropped out and became a loan shark, though.
01:13:16If that makes you feel any better.
01:13:18Yeah, I think that suits him a little better.
01:13:21Angela, your seven days is almost up.
01:13:24Now that you know they all loved and fought for you for three years,
01:13:28who will you pick?
01:13:31How can that be?
01:13:33Angela Lockhart is an heiress?
01:13:40Kaylee, we've gone bankrupt.
01:13:44Bankrupt? The Vanderbilt's have gone bankrupt?
01:13:49Well then, get out of here!
01:13:52You can't do this to me!
01:13:55Jared!
01:13:57Mom, it's me.
01:13:59What happened?
01:14:01Jared, I have carefully reconsidered.
01:14:04Angela is way better than this dimwit.
01:14:06You should get back with your wife.
01:14:08We're bankrupt.
01:14:10What?
01:14:14Jared Cooper.
01:14:17We are here to repose your belongings.
01:14:21No one is going to save you now.
01:14:24Mom!
01:14:27Mom!
01:14:29What kind of an asshole throws his own mother to the dogs?
01:14:35Who will you pick?
01:14:39I...
01:14:45I brought you fried chicken.
01:14:47Fried chicken?
01:14:48Hey, not all girls like sushi and caviar.
01:14:50Yeah, he's right. I did live in Atlanta for three months.
01:14:53Sucking up last minute.
01:14:55At least I don't speak like an AI robot.
01:14:58Hey, stop. Stop.
01:15:01Welcome back to the bachelorette.
01:15:04I mean, the three badasses who want me.
01:15:07I mean, Angela Lockhart...
01:15:10You know what I mean.
01:15:12Today, our heiress bachelorette will choose
01:15:15which one of our three badasses will she marry.
01:15:19Will it be Shane, the doctor?
01:15:23Cole, the general?
01:15:27Or Devin, the CEO?
01:15:33Looks like our bachelorette may need a little more time to decide.
01:15:37Oh, the suspense is killing me.
01:15:40But when she does, she will take this eternal rose
01:15:43made from glass imported from Venice
01:15:46and give it to our winner.
01:15:48Angela.
01:15:51Angela.
01:15:53Oh, I...
01:15:56I need more time to think.
01:16:02While our bachelorette takes a little time to decide,
01:16:06why don't we check in with each of our candidates?
01:16:09Let's check in with each of our candidates.
01:16:12Let's start with Cole.
01:16:14Cole.
01:16:18There's not much to say.
01:16:20Who wouldn't want a five-star general
01:16:22who has huge biceps,
01:16:24a massive chest,
01:16:27who would protect their wife?
01:16:31Okay, thank you.
01:16:33Uh, Shane?
01:16:36Muscles, money,
01:16:39they only get you so far.
01:16:41But you need a well-balanced man like me
01:16:43that has more than one way to keep a lady happy,
01:16:46if you know what I mean.
01:16:50Okay, I think we do.
01:16:52And Devin.
01:16:55That was quite disgusting.
01:16:59I just hope Angela's okay.
01:17:01I know she's going under a lot of stress right now,
01:17:04a lot of choices to make,
01:17:06and she's my queen.
01:17:08I just really hope she's okay.
01:17:10And one more thing.
01:17:12What kind of a doctor
01:17:14brings fried chicken to a girl?
01:17:16That's a good point.
01:17:18It's bad for her heart.
01:17:20And then you!
01:17:22What?
01:17:23You know what they say about military men.
01:17:26They beat their wives.
01:17:32Enough!
01:17:34Stand up!
01:17:37Hey, you guys.
01:17:39Whoa, break it up!
01:17:41Hey, break it up!
01:17:44Oh!
01:17:47Cut to commercial.
01:17:49Cut to commercial.
01:18:08This is the hardest decision I've ever had to make
01:18:10in my entire life.
01:18:13Who do I choose?
01:18:21Angela's marrying me.
01:18:23You're not stealing her from me.
01:18:25Oh yeah?
01:18:26I may be a doctor,
01:18:28but like I said,
01:18:29I know and possess the deadliest poisons in the world.
01:18:34What don't you have in that cup?
01:18:36Fruit flavored gum.
01:18:38I won't let you take Angela away from me.
01:18:40I'll fight you to the death.
01:18:42Don't forget about me.
01:18:44It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:18:49These stupid profile cards don't make any sense.
01:18:52They do not help.
01:18:54Who made these?
01:19:11It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:19:17I'm actually a part of the X-Men.
01:19:20And I have the power of telekinesis!
01:19:41We may have to work together to take him down.
01:19:54This battle within our heads
01:19:55is the most intense I've ever experienced.
01:19:58I may not be able to take them both down
01:20:00if they decide to team up.
01:20:01Hmm.
01:20:02Winterment or coolment?
01:20:06You know,
01:20:08I've always really liked your hair.
01:20:09Really?
01:20:11I'm actually pretty self-conscious about it.
01:20:14So I appreciate that.
01:20:17Hey, hey, hey.
01:20:18And you know,
01:20:19cool,
01:20:20I've always really liked the way you talk.
01:20:23Really?
01:20:24Yeah.
01:20:28What do you got for me?
01:20:29I always really like the way you chew gum.
01:20:33Really like the way you chew gum?
01:20:35Yeah, yeah.
01:20:36It's fresh, right?
01:20:37Yeah.
01:20:38You know?
01:20:39Yeah, yeah.
01:20:40You know, you're actually a really good doctor.
01:20:43Hey, hey, hey.
01:20:44You need me to look at you?
01:20:45I got you.
01:20:46I'll take care of you.
01:20:48Angela's been kidnapped!
01:20:50Angela's been kidnapped!
01:20:52It was Jared Cooper!
01:20:54That fucker!
01:20:56We have to find her.
01:20:57What, how?
01:20:58Her ring.
01:20:59Her dad installed a GPS tracking mechanism
01:21:01on her ring just in case.
01:21:02Well, let's go then!
01:21:04My phone!
01:21:05My fiance!
01:21:06My fiance!
01:21:12Jared.
01:21:16What am I doing here?
01:21:19You destroyed me.
01:21:22I took everything.
01:21:25What?
01:21:26I have nothing left.
01:21:28It's not my fault you're too greedy.
01:21:30Greedy?
01:21:32Is it greedy to have sex with my wife?
01:21:35What?
01:21:36I'm not your wife anymore!
01:21:38Oh yeah, I know.
01:21:39You wouldn't take me back now,
01:21:40not unless I get you pregnant with my child.
01:21:42This is illegal!
01:21:43You wouldn't want your child to be away from its father.
01:21:46You won't have me arrested.
01:21:48You will take me back.
01:21:52Come on, bitch.
01:21:55I'll settle you down a little.
01:22:00Shh.
01:22:05You will be begging me to fuck you soon.
01:22:10Hey!
01:22:12Angela!
01:22:13Come here!
01:22:17You're too late!
01:22:18I drugged her.
01:22:19She'll be dead soon unless...
01:22:20Not yet.
01:22:21Have you forgotten who I am?
01:22:24He really does have everything in his coat.
01:22:26Everything except for fruit.
01:22:27Yeah, except for fruit flavored gum.
01:22:28We get it already.
01:22:29Save my balls!
01:22:32Here you go.
01:22:38You're all good now.
01:22:40Oh, thank God.
01:22:42But what do we do with that piece of shit?
01:22:44What?
01:22:45What are you going to do to me?
01:22:47Hey, stop! No!
01:22:50Enjoy your erectile dysfunction forever.
01:22:52Forever?
01:22:58Glad we didn't actually have that fight.
01:23:00Turns out he's the most dangerous of them all.
01:23:08So who did you pick, sweetheart?
01:23:10We've invited the most important figures of the world to your wedding.
01:23:13The Prince of Bhutan.
01:23:16And remember, we will kill ourselves if you don't choose.
01:23:23Welcome back to the finale of
01:23:25The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:23:28We're down to the wire.
01:23:29Literally.
01:23:30The wedding day.
01:23:31But who's the groom?
01:23:45Welcome back to the finale of
01:23:47The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:23:50But who's the groom?
01:23:53Uh, seems our heiress still hasn't decided.
01:23:58Any input from the parents?
01:24:00Maybe that will help sway our bachelorette's choice.
01:24:04This is exciting.
01:24:05Who should my daughter pick?
01:24:08Let me think.
01:24:12I like the doctor.
01:24:14He's cute.
01:24:17But the general looks like a strong fellow.
01:24:21And we can't forget about Devin Sterling,
01:24:23the one who's loved her the longest.
01:24:25Isn't that right, Devin?
01:24:27Angela.
01:24:34You are all three very fine gentlemen.
01:24:39And I'm really grateful for all of your love.
01:24:44But this was a really hard decision.
01:24:47And I decided to devise one last challenge.
01:24:53And I decided to devise one last challenge.
01:25:01I'm just kidding.
01:25:02I'm just as sick of this as you guys are.
01:25:08Each of our candidates have saved our main character.
01:25:12I mean, bachelorette, once.
01:25:14They've all proven their undying love
01:25:17So who gets to unlock Angela Lockhart's heart?
01:25:20Literally.
01:25:23Could it be the sexy and protective, general with a temper,
01:25:28Mr. Cole Eisenhower?
01:25:34Or the fun, wicked-minded, but kind of weird,
01:25:39Dr. Shane Wilson?
01:25:42And last but not least,
01:25:44could it be the richest man of them all,
01:25:47the man Angela would have married a long time ago,
01:25:50Mr. Devin Sterling?
01:25:55Gentlemen.
01:25:57It's been a pleasure getting to know you.
01:25:59May the best man win.
01:26:02May the best man win.
01:26:05Drum roll, please.
01:26:12Understand.
01:26:13Never gonna give you up.
01:26:15Never gonna let you down.
01:26:17Never gonna run around and desert you.
01:26:21Seriously, Ricky?
01:26:30I choose...
01:26:31you.
01:26:41I need a powerful, strong man in my village
01:26:43to feel like he can protect me.
01:26:47Who could resist those guys?
01:26:51Would it interest you in an N.F.D., Ellen?
01:26:53Would you like a full-body checkup?
01:27:02No.
01:27:08Shane, it's you.
01:27:10I'm lovesick for you.
01:27:12You like that minty flavor, don't you?
01:27:14Yeah.
01:27:17It's that tongue action, ladies and gents.
01:27:20Ellen, be my new queen.
01:27:21I hope we can go together.
01:27:23Let's make love, babe.
01:27:24Come on.
01:27:31Come on.
01:27:36It's always been you.
01:27:46I'll always love you.
01:27:50Let's give it up for those nine inches, everybody.
01:27:52Miss Marilla, Ellen.
01:27:54Would you like a full-body checkup?
01:27:55Have you seen my murdering weapons?
01:27:57I need fruit-flavored gum for you.
01:28:01I need a full-body checkup.
01:28:32I, Selene Lovett,
01:28:34accept my role as Nightwind's pack Luna
01:28:37and your wife.
01:28:40I, Alexander Kane,
01:28:43fucking love you.
01:28:49Yes!
01:28:51Yes!
01:29:00Wow.
01:29:01Two alphas together.