Something_Remote_SD_4000Kbps

Combo Film

https://amzn.to/47oPglX

Transcript

00:00:00Good afternoon everyone, I hope you checked your inboxes.

00:00:20Yeah, you better have checked your inboxes.

00:00:22Because we left a memo regarding mandatory overtime by all employees.

00:00:25All employees better be doing overtime.

00:00:27Because the company benefits from every employee who's doing overtime.

00:00:30The company benefits and so will you.

00:00:32And we benefit from every employee who does overtime.

00:00:35Absolutely.

00:00:36I know it's the end of the workday, but I'm sure you'll all be willing to stick around.

00:00:39Stick around.

00:00:40Overtime.

00:00:57It's the end of the workday, but I'm sure you'll all be willing to stick around.

00:01:02It's the end of the workday, but I'm sure you'll all be willing to stick around.

00:01:07It's the end of the workday, but I'm sure you'll all be willing to stick around.

00:01:12It's the end of the workday, but I'm sure you'll all be willing to stick around.

00:01:17It's the end of the workday, but I'm sure you'll all be willing to stick around.

00:01:22It's the end of the workday, but I'm sure you'll all be willing to stick around.

00:01:27It's the end of the workday, but I'm sure you'll all be willing to stick around.

00:01:32It's the end of the workday, but I'm sure you'll all be willing to stick around.

00:01:37It's the end of the workday, but I'm sure you'll all be willing to stick around.

00:01:42It's the end of the workday, but I'm sure you'll all be willing to stick around.

00:01:47It's the end of the workday, but I'm sure you'll all be willing to stick around.

00:01:51Ve le spiegate sopra giorni abbandonati Salvati a bordo sopra un circo di pirati

00:01:57Sfantiti, fastidi, masserie e falsi miti Tuona invisibile la danza dei banditi

00:02:08Tuona invisibile la danza dei banditi

00:02:14Tuona invisibile la danza dei banditi

00:02:21Tuona invisibile la danza dei banditi

00:02:24Tuona invisibile la danza dei banditi

00:02:27Tuona invisibile la danza dei banditi

00:02:51Ve le spiegate sopra giorni abbandonati

00:02:54Salvati a bordo sopra un circo di pirati

00:02:57Sfantiti, fastidi, masserie e falsi miti

00:03:00Tuona invisibile la danza dei banditi

00:03:04Tuona invisibile la danza dei banditi

00:03:07Tuona invisibile la danza dei banditi

00:03:12La danza dei banditi

00:03:15La danza dei banditi

00:03:24Guys, wait. I'm tingling.

00:03:26You know you can get a cream for that.

00:03:28No, I mean, it's my ex-girlfriend.

00:03:30Look, I'm telling you, cream does wonders for any problem.

00:03:32No, it's not that at all. It's just...

00:03:34I get this sort of tingling sensation whenever my ex-girlfriends are around.

00:03:37It's like a sort of sixth sense.

00:03:39Lisa must be around here somewhere.

00:03:41Lisa?

00:03:42Guys, why are you so mean to her?

00:03:44She was always really nice to me. She probably came to apologize.

00:03:46Look, you just don't understand how girls work, all right?

00:03:49Look, once you realize that girls are predisposed to extract valuable time, energy,

00:03:52and most importantly, money, you'll understand where me and Neil are coming from.

00:03:55You've never had a girlfriend, Matt.

00:03:57Look, with girls, you've got to be ruthless.

00:03:59Well, maybe Neil doesn't want to be ruthless.

00:04:01What? What are you talking about? Of course he does. It's his ex.

00:04:04Look, now just go stand over by the tree. This is man talk.

00:04:07Bye.

00:04:08Go.

00:04:15Yeah. Yeah, ruthless.

00:04:17Can't let Lisa see that I'm still single.

00:04:19Yeah, you've got to save your face. Hey, hey, you!

00:04:21Me?

00:04:22Yeah, yeah, you. Want to make 20 bucks?

00:04:24Sure.

00:04:33What's with him?

00:04:34Oh, he lost his circle privileges.

00:04:36Right. So, about the 20 bucks.

00:04:39Oh, great. All right, 20 bucks to pretend to be this guy's girlfriend.

00:04:42This guy?

00:04:43You've got to be kidding me.

00:04:45Girls have got to have standards.

00:04:47Oh, for crying out loud. What's the big deal?

00:04:49I mean, no one would believe that a girl like me was going out with a guy like you.

00:04:54Like, just to think that...

00:04:56All right, all right, 40 bucks.

00:04:57Okay.

00:04:58Okay.

00:05:00Neil, give her the 40.

00:05:04Come on, come on, don't be cheap. Nice lady.

00:05:07She's doing you a good favor here.

00:05:08All right, you good? You good? Now let's do this.

00:05:13Sorry about all this.

00:05:16Guys, wait for me.

00:05:20Lisa!

00:05:21Neil!

00:05:22How did you get in here?

00:05:24Hi, Lisa.

00:05:25Eric, don't break rank.

00:05:28I thought you changed the locks.

00:05:29No, you changed them.

00:05:30No, guys, I did it. And I did it.

00:05:32Yeah, that's what I thought.

00:05:34Yeah.

00:05:35Yeah? Well, your windows are still made of glass.

00:05:38Our slumlord landlord isn't going to fix that.

00:05:40Yeah, neither are you.

00:05:41Hush, Eric.

00:05:42What are you even doing here?

00:05:43I, uh, I was just...

00:05:45Yeah, neither are you.

00:05:46Hush, Eric.

00:05:47What are you even doing here?

00:05:48I, uh, came here for my stuff.

00:05:51Like what?

00:05:52Like, uh, my hammer.

00:05:55Hey.

00:05:56That's it, you're done, Lisa. I'm calling the cops.

00:05:58Oh, and my cell phone.

00:06:00Fine, just take it and get out of here, Lisa.

00:06:04Who is this, Neil?

00:06:06This is, uh, my new girlfriend, Abby.

00:06:08That's not my name.

00:06:11Abby.

00:06:13Hi.

00:06:14Well, that's cool.

00:06:15Because I have a new boyfriend.

00:06:17I doubt that, you crazy psycho bitch.

00:06:19Who?

00:06:20Uh, him.

00:06:22Huh? Me? Really?

00:06:24That's my roommate, Lisa.

00:06:26Uh, I really meant him.

00:06:28I doubt that, you crazy psycho bitch.

00:06:30That's my other roommate, Lisa. You're all for two here.

00:06:33I really meant him.

00:06:37Hi.

00:06:39This is my brand new boyfriend.

00:06:43Isn't he...

00:06:44Fucking gross.

00:06:45Rugged.

00:06:46Oh, yeah? Well, if you're her new boyfriend, what's her name?

00:06:48Lisa, don't say a word.

00:06:50Ugh.

00:06:51But, Eric, shut up.

00:06:53Well? Hmm?

00:06:54Ugh.

00:06:55Ha! See? I knew it.

00:06:57I was just happy she noticed me.

00:06:59I knew you weren't a boyfriend.

00:07:00How much did she pay you to do this?

00:07:02She gave me $40 to stay with her.

00:07:04Paying someone $40 to be their boyfriend?

00:07:06Well, that's low.

00:07:08Well, that's funny.

00:07:09Abby over here sure doesn't look like your girlfriend.

00:07:12Oh, yeah? How do you figure?

00:07:14Well, first of all, a girl has to have some standards.

00:07:17Look at her, and look at you.

00:07:20Like trying to fit a small, square peg into a round hole.

00:07:25And B, she doesn't smell like you.

00:07:28You were smelling me?

00:07:30That's it. $40 is not worth putting up with you freaks.

00:07:34Ha ha ha! Who's winning the limbo contest now?

00:07:39What?

00:07:41Just leave. Get going. Now.

00:07:45I'm not done with you, Neil.

00:07:47I'll be back for my stuff later.

00:07:49I doubt that, you crazy psycho bitch!

00:07:54What a waste of $40.

00:07:57I don't know. I think she wants you back.

00:07:59Why would you even say something like that?

00:08:01Yeah, seriously, Eric. Why would you curse that upon him?

00:08:03He's better off now than ever.

00:08:05She doesn't want me back. She just wants to make my life miserable.

00:08:08Come on, Neil. It's not so bad.

00:08:10Hey, uh-uh. I buy a good first slice.

00:08:14I hope you got meat lovers this time, Matt.

00:08:16Yeah, you would say that you do.

00:08:22What the hell are you still doing here?

00:08:24She also said I could take whatever I wanted.

00:08:26What? No. Get the hell out.

00:08:28Um, these are ours. Sorry.

00:08:32Um, that too. Thanks.

00:08:35Well, hold it, hold it.

00:08:40We're good to go. You can never be too sure with hobos.

00:08:46Jeez. At least she's been such a bitch since I broke up with her.

00:08:50I thought she broke up with you. Is that what she's been telling people?

00:08:53Forget about her, Neil.

00:08:55Let's not be too hasty, Matt.

00:08:57I mean, breakups are a delicate situation.

00:08:59Like those Russian fabric eggs.

00:09:01It's Fabergé.

00:09:03No, no, it's not. He dumped her.

00:09:05That egg is smashed. Move on.

00:09:07I think you should re-examine the situation.

00:09:09I mean, it's been like two days since you guys split.

00:09:12About that, yeah.

00:09:14Right, so there's some heated emotions getting in the way of everyone's thinking right now,

00:09:17and you should probably just talk to her.

00:09:19Nah, she just wants to move on.

00:09:21Get her goods and go. I mean, she broke in here.

00:09:24Rash, yes, but if you look past all the raw emotion,

00:09:27you might be able to see what you actually want from all this.

00:09:30Nah, I don't think so.

00:09:32Why did you guys even break up? You two were perfect together.

00:09:36She was... too loud.

00:09:38Tell me about it.

00:09:40No, I mean, in bed.

00:09:42What?

00:09:44I wanted to liven things up, so I told her to be louder.

00:09:47Get into it.

00:09:49And...

00:09:50She took it way too far, started yelling and screaming,

00:09:53you know, really getting into it.

00:09:55Wait, so that's why you used to crank your music?

00:09:57Funny I like those tunes.

00:09:59I'll never listen to Rock You Like a Hurricane the same way again.

00:10:02I told her to tone it down, but she said it was only getting better for her,

00:10:05the louder and angrier she got.

00:10:07That's when we started to fight.

00:10:09But before all that, don't you miss being with her?

00:10:12Well...

00:10:13Neil, don't listen to him. Look, you got your own boob tube right here.

00:10:16Yeah, I guess you're right.

00:10:18I mean, I hadn't been spending that much time with you guys while I was with Lisa.

00:10:20Nothing like pizza and TV, right?

00:10:22Yeah, two pizza pies coming right up.

00:10:23Wait, you got pie?

00:10:25No, you douchebag. It's not actually pie.

00:10:27I'm just calling it pizza pie, like the gangsters of old New York used to do.

00:10:30I've never heard of that before.

00:10:32Yeah, me neither. Does anyone still call it that?

00:10:35Does it matter? It's cool, unique.

00:10:38Uncommon, and with good reason.

00:10:40No way. A grinder is a hoagie, it's a footlong, they're all tasty sandwiches.

00:10:44I'm just saying, pizza pie? It doesn't sound that appetizing.

00:10:48Excuse me, I like a pizza, put some whipped cream and cheese on it,

00:10:52ooh, and some sprinkles, yum yum.

00:10:54Yeah, it's like cheesecake, just doesn't sound like you'd ever want to eat it.

00:10:57What do you have against cheesecake?

00:10:59Yeah.

00:11:00Listen to it. Cheese. Cake.

00:11:03Sounds like someone took some fresh gouda and threw it on some crust.

00:11:06I mean, I like cheese and all, but a big honkin' slab of thick gooey just never really tempted me.

00:11:12You do know it's not actually cheese?

00:11:14Well, I know that now, but when I was little, the name was all I had to go on.

00:11:18No, he's right.

00:11:20Bullshit.

00:11:22I'm just saying, a whole cake full of cheese, it sounds a little...

00:11:28What the hell is that?

00:11:30I can't really describe it.

00:11:31You still haven't.

00:11:33I boiled it down to an action.

00:11:34What the hell is that? That doesn't say shit to me.

00:11:37Yeah, it does, it's like, uh, too sweet.

00:11:40No, not at all.

00:11:42Yeah, no, it's like when you wipe your brow because it's hot, or you keel over because you're sick,

00:11:46going like, saying it's too sweet or something.

00:11:50What the heck, that's ridiculous.

00:11:52Well, that's what I did.

00:11:53Dude, no wonder Lisa broke up with you. You can't communicate your own fucking thoughts.

00:11:57Hey, that was a low blow. I broke up with her, remember? She's the crazy one.

00:12:01And don't you forget it. I just had to refocus your anger onto her.

00:12:04We're all friends here. Let's get to that TV.

00:12:08Where the hell is Howie? We can't watch TV without him.

00:12:11Did we lose it?

00:12:12Get his whistle.

00:12:17Got it.

00:12:19Come on.

00:12:20I hear him. Again.

00:12:29Found him.

00:12:30Oh, Howie, thank God.

00:12:32Thank God.

00:12:33I thought it was going to be a long night.

00:12:35What do you mean?

00:12:36I thought it was going to be a long night.

00:12:38Yeah, I thought so too.

00:12:39I thought so too.

00:12:41I thought it was going to be a long night.

00:12:43I lost him.

00:12:44Oh, no, no, no.

00:12:45You lost him.

00:12:47Found him!

00:12:48Oh, Howie, thank God.

00:12:50How could we ever lose you?

00:12:52Good thing we attached this locator to him just in case.

00:12:54Oh, put this back, Eric.

00:12:58No, Eric, in its holder.

00:13:00If we lose that whistle and then Howie again, we're screwed.

00:13:03Okay, okay.

00:13:05Yeah, we'll be back to where we were before, Lisa.

00:13:08Remote-less.

00:13:10And thus TV-less.

00:13:11Remember when we broke a remote and got stuck in the Spanish Home Shopping Network?

00:13:14Ah, yes, yes.

00:13:16I buy Spanish every day, daily.

00:13:18We had to strip you of your TV remote.

00:13:21Ready to watch TV?

00:13:22Let's go, baby!

00:13:24I love you, Howie.

00:13:25Look how cute he is.

00:13:26So much better than that dog we wanted.

00:13:28I know.

00:13:29I stole him when I broke up with Lisa.

00:13:31She got him when we were still together.

00:13:33Said she needed something size-wise in her life.

00:13:39Well, fuck her! I stole her remote!

00:13:42Right.

00:13:44Well, anyway, like we said, good thing.

00:13:46It's been a good addition to our family.

00:13:48Jeez, girls are complicated.

00:13:50Yeah, but TV isn't.

00:13:54Or maybe it is.

00:13:56Damn it.

00:13:58Now, now, I'll fix it.

00:14:01Yeah, from the sound of it,

00:14:03girls never seem to say what they're thinking.

00:14:05It's like you need some sort of decoder ring to figure it out.

00:14:07Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, oh, oh, you got it.

00:14:10What were you saying, Eric?

00:14:12What were you saying?

00:14:13You seem like a good kid.

00:14:15I think you'll fit in just fine at the National Security Agency.

00:14:18Anyway,

00:14:22here's your first code to break.

00:14:25Did a girl write this?

00:14:27It looks like a breakup note.

00:14:29What?

00:14:31Yeah, it looks like she's trying to break up.

00:14:35Impossible.

00:14:37You've got a supercomputer working on that one for four months.

00:14:40I just read it.

00:14:42No, no, you did much more than that.

00:14:44You're good.

00:14:46Here.

00:14:48Try this one.

00:14:53Looks like she's avoiding sex tonight.

00:14:55It's a common avoidance maneuver.

00:14:57How could we be so blind?

00:14:59Quickly, come with me.

00:15:04Director.

00:15:06What is the meaning of this?

00:15:08The new guy. He's a crypto analysis prodigy.

00:15:10He can crack anything.

00:15:12Well, is that so?

00:15:14Let's see if he can crack this.

00:15:22It's a trick. It has to be.

00:15:24What do you mean?

00:15:26A yes or no answer will lead to disaster.

00:15:28This is a question not meant to be answered.

00:15:30Where did you get this?

00:15:32My wife.

00:15:36Well, that was weird.

00:15:38Yeah, it was almost like...

00:15:40The television is watching you.

00:15:44Okay.

00:15:46After that, I need something to drink.

00:15:50I'll have an MD.

00:15:52What?

00:15:54Oh, come on, Eric. You lost at the nose game.

00:15:56You're the last person to touch their nose after a request,

00:15:58so you've got to take the walk of shame.

00:16:00What? That's a stupid game. Who came up with that?

00:16:02It's been passed down from generation to generation.

00:16:04I think it started with Jesus and his apostles.

00:16:06You know who was heading into there.

00:16:08It's an invaluable tool for lazy people with quick hands everywhere.

00:16:10Yeah, you know Matt's got the quickest hands around.

00:16:12All those years of solitary practice.

00:16:14Yep, and now you're taking a walk.

00:16:16But I don't...

00:16:18Not sorry, Eric. It's the rules.

00:16:20I just got a no.

00:16:22Why the nose?

00:16:24Well, I think if you stuck your finger up your ass,

00:16:26it would cause a few problems after multiple attempts.

00:16:28Yeah, some real potential for a twisted tootsie roll.

00:16:30What?

00:16:33It is strange.

00:16:35I guess I can understand it, though.

00:16:37Your hand isn't normally near your face,

00:16:39so you've got to be quick if you want to avoid being the last one.

00:16:41Yeah, totally. Hey, don't think I'm going to forget.

00:16:43I'll have an M.D.

00:16:45Ugh, fine.

00:16:51Yeah, there's been a lot of weird, stupid things

00:16:53that have been invented over time.

00:16:55Like this thing.

00:16:57Seriously, who thinks of this shit?

00:16:59Someone missing a finger, I guess.

00:17:01Before the Internet, people were, like, dumb.

00:17:03I don't know.

00:17:05I guess people maybe did it at family gatherings

00:17:07in order to entertain each other,

00:17:09and then they passed it on or something.

00:17:11Maybe they read it in the newspaper.

00:17:13Yeah, but still, how did that first person figure that out?

00:17:15Luck?

00:17:17I'm not so sure.

00:17:19I think one guy was just puffing on some wacky weed,

00:17:21shoved his thumb between his fingers,

00:17:23and figured out pulling his finger off.

00:17:25I mean, people like that are really into weird, trippy shit like this.

00:17:27Yeah, tell me about it.

00:17:29One day when he was at his usual Chinese buffet,

00:17:31he thought he could understand what the workers were saying.

00:17:33He called me up and said,

00:17:35I can learn Chinese by smoking weed.

00:17:37What?

00:17:39Turns out the workers were trying to learn Spanish,

00:17:41and my friend was a fluent Spanish translator.

00:17:43Huh, people these days.

00:17:45Well, whoever figured that out, it was probably related to this guy.

00:17:47Yeah, that one's a classic, wherever it came from.

00:17:49At least I never knew about that one.

00:17:51Oh, God, not her again.

00:17:53Look, just let that slut go.

00:17:55Sorry, man, I've just been thinking about her.

00:17:57She's been acting really weird lately.

00:17:59I mean, I guess I can understand her breaking and entering,

00:18:01but bringing that smelly hobo in here?

00:18:03Dude, just let it go, alright?

00:18:05And once you realize you're better off living the life of a bachelor,

00:18:07you'll be living the high life, like me.

00:18:09You'll be getting drinks served to you,

00:18:11watch all sorts of great TV.

00:18:13You'll be one with...

00:18:15Don't say universe.

00:18:17I was gonna say couch.

00:18:19Yeah, I guess you're right.

00:18:21I mean, what do you think about her bringing that hobo in here?

00:18:23I mean, he could have left some germs behind or something.

00:18:25Did she try to make it seem like he was her boyfriend?

00:18:27I don't know. I thought it was weirder that we missed him.

00:18:29The second time.

00:18:31Eric, where's that drink?

00:18:33You can't have pizza pie without a cold MD.

00:18:35Yeah, it's coming.

00:18:37You gonna answer that?

00:18:39Nope.

00:18:41What if it's important?

00:18:43Well, if it's important, they'll call back.

00:18:45You're not even gonna screen it?

00:18:47Waste of time?

00:18:49I know I'm not gonna answer it.

00:18:51See? Problem solved.

00:18:53No way, dude.

00:18:55There's only two of us here.

00:18:57You can't do that.

00:18:59Besides, you're closer.

00:19:01Can't deny that.

00:19:03Jeez, remind me never to call you if I ever go to prison.

00:19:05Hello?

00:19:07Oh, hey, Scott.

00:19:09Yeah, we're all here.

00:19:11Nah, Lisa's on the prowl.

00:19:13I don't know.

00:19:15I don't know.

00:19:17I don't know.

00:19:19I don't care.

00:19:21I don't care.

00:19:23Yeah, okay, see ya.

00:19:27What did he want?

00:19:29He's on his way over.

00:19:31What for?

00:19:33I don't know.

00:19:35Does he want to watch TV?

00:19:37I don't know.

00:19:39When's he gonna be here?

00:19:41I don't know.

00:19:43What if Lisa sees him?

00:19:45I don't care.

00:19:47Jeez, what do you know?

00:19:49Those are collectible.

00:19:51And no, this is definitely a doll.

00:19:53It looks like some kind of voodoo doll.

00:19:57Ah, jeez, look at this thing.

00:19:59Lisa must have left it here.

00:20:01It looks kind of like Neil.

00:20:03Why would you even start something like that?

00:20:05Yeah, it does look like him.

00:20:07You too, Eric?

00:20:09No, really, it looks just like you.

00:20:11It's pretty beat up, too.

00:20:13What?

00:20:15It looks like the arms have been stabbed.

00:20:17It can't be.

00:20:19Right here where the heart used to be is now a Twizzler.

00:20:21Well, that's not that bad.

00:20:23It's black licorice.

00:20:25She is psychotic.

00:20:27I wonder if it works.

00:20:29Oh my god, it's working!

00:20:31It's gonna make him kiss his own ass.

00:20:33No, you schmucks, I was just messing with you.

00:20:35Do you think that thing actually works?

00:20:37Well, it might have.

00:20:39I mean, remember that one day we had to reattach her decapitated head?

00:20:41It's just like this voodoo doll.

00:20:43You can't be serious.

00:20:45It was just a dream I had.

00:20:47You dream about me?

00:20:49It's okay, Matt.

00:20:51I dream about you guys, too.

00:20:53I don't dream about you guys.

00:20:55Wait, what do you dream about?

00:20:57Just, you know, the three of us living together. Forever.

00:20:59I love it here.

00:21:01That's fucking creepy, dude.

00:21:03What, you dream about Neil's head being cut off?

00:21:05I don't dream about any of you!

00:21:07There, there, we weren't fighting.

00:21:09There, there, Howie.

00:21:11We're upsetting him.

00:21:13We're friends.

00:21:15It's not a real person, Eric.

00:21:17I'm just making the point that Lisa's a crazy psycho bitch with voodoo Neil dolls.

00:21:19What, by talking to the remote?

00:21:21By luring him back to the couch with the seductive calls of Howie.

00:21:23It's TV that'll never do you wrong.

00:21:25I'm sure she's just venting or something.

00:21:27You know, taking her anger out in non-harmful ways.

00:21:29I'm sure she's hurt that you guys broke up.

00:21:31She might even be trying to patch things up.

00:21:33Patch things up?

00:21:35What, like my head back to my torso?

00:21:37Eric, Lisa clearly wants this guy dead.

00:21:39I don't know about that.

00:21:41It's her form of communication.

00:21:43Unconventional?

00:21:45Yeah, but it's been consistent since the breakup.

00:21:47What I see is that she's planning something bigger.

00:21:49I keep thinking,

00:21:51she can't handle this breakup the way I can.

00:21:53I think I need to do something about this.

00:21:55See, there's a problem right there.

00:21:57You're thinking about things.

00:21:59We all know the cure for thinking, don't we boys?

00:22:01TV.

00:22:03It happens here every Friday night.

00:22:05Yeah.

00:22:07Ted over here is going to help us out with this operation.

00:22:09You ready, Ted?

00:22:11Yeah. Let's do this. Come on.

00:22:13Alright.

00:22:15They think it's some kind of game.

00:22:17Sick.

00:22:21Hey, guys.

00:22:23Ted, what are you doing here?

00:22:25Ted, your character died.

00:22:27Flagroth, the wizard mage, died and left the dragon.

00:22:29Go, go, go.

00:22:31Everyone freeze.

00:22:33What's going on?

00:22:35What? Nothing. I don't have anything.

00:22:37What do you want?

00:22:39Give me that.

00:22:41Dice. That's a felony, man.

00:22:43Oh, my God.

00:22:45You can't have them.

00:22:47I need them.

00:22:49Coming downtown with you, man.

00:22:51Coming downtown.

00:22:53Oh, my God.

00:22:55My mom's going to kill me.

00:23:01Well, that was interestingly bad.

00:23:03Man, TV's been sucking recently.

00:23:05Seems like our society is degenerating into a populace

00:23:07that's only interested in lower and lower forms of entertainment.

00:23:09That's perpetuating the de-evolution of our culture.

00:23:15Wow, that was really sophisticated of you.

00:23:17Yeah, right on the back of a cereal box.

00:23:19Wow, what kind of cereal do you eat?

00:23:21Philosophicos.

00:23:23Wow.

00:23:25I was kidding, you douchebag.

00:23:27I have to disagree with you, Matt.

00:23:29I'm sure he's a douchebag.

00:23:31I think he meant about the TV sucking, Matt.

00:23:33Here.

00:23:35Let me show you the TV's not completely down the tubes.

00:23:37Careful with them. Soft hands.

00:23:39There's got to be some quality stuff on here to watch.

00:23:41I wouldn't doubt it. TV's got all sorts of hidden gems.

00:23:43You probably won't find much, though. Most of it's pretty crappy.

00:23:45I don't know, Matt.

00:23:47We've had some great times in here together.

00:23:49Do us proud, Neil.

00:23:51Good luck.

00:23:53Balls, balls, balls. We've got all sorts of balls.

00:23:55Big balls, little balls, yellow balls, frisbee balls, black balls,

00:23:57blue balls, ugly balls, blue balls, salty balls,

00:23:59and I mentioned blue balls. Everyone loves balls.

00:24:01Have we got a deal for you.

00:24:03Buy a ball, get a ball.

00:24:05Come in for a pair today at Big Al's Big Balls Emporium.

00:24:09QED.

00:24:11Wow.

00:24:13Betrayed by our own TV.

00:24:15How could this be?

00:24:17It was pretty simple. People are subjected to many forms of entertainment.

00:24:19All the new forms have to push the risque limits

00:24:21in order to garner the most attention.

00:24:23It's a recipe for disaster.

00:24:25No, I mean about you being right.

00:24:27Everyone was never right.

00:24:29Especially about how your precious TV is losing its luster.

00:24:31Well, you tend to look past it and enjoy it for what it is.

00:24:33I don't know, guys. There's still some good stuff out there.

00:24:35Like this hit new superhero show

00:24:37my internet blogging sites keep talking about.

00:24:39This better not be another one of your stupid Asian cartoons.

00:24:41Jeez, Matt.

00:24:43It's called anime, and no, this isn't.

00:24:45Yeah, good.

00:24:47Because I don't think I could take another five minutes

00:24:49of anime lines, over-expressions, and senseless emphasis.

00:24:51What?

00:24:53Oh, come on. Every anime is,

00:24:55well, it's none of that.

00:24:57Yeah, we'll see.

00:24:59Heads up.

00:25:01Nice catch.

00:25:03Wouldn't want to hurt your precious baby.

00:25:05Hey, that's all of our babies.

00:25:07Okay, so...

00:25:09For Christ's sake.

00:25:17Hello?

00:25:19Hi.

00:25:21Yep.

00:25:23Right here.

00:25:27It's Lisa.

00:25:29Lisa!

00:25:31Yes, Neil. You still have more of my stuff.

00:25:33Don't play coy, Neil.

00:25:35I know you're there.

00:25:39It was a wrong number.

00:25:41It was Lisa.

00:25:45Is she seriously going to do this?

00:25:47How about that show, Eric?

00:25:49No way. I refuse to have my entertainment sphere be penetrated by this psycho.

00:25:51Either you settle this, or I will.

00:25:53Maybe it's not even her.

00:25:57See?

00:25:59Oh, that is it.

00:26:01Lisa, you're being permanently disconnected.

00:26:05Oh, man.

00:26:07I always wanted to have a bitch in one line like that.

00:26:09Oh, that settles that.

00:26:11That was extreme.

00:26:13Hey, she had it coming.

00:26:15Why do you always have to be the beaver in Neil's dam, Matt?

00:26:17You've been causing a lot of problems lately.

00:26:19When did you come up with this stuff, Eric?

00:26:21That was actually pretty...

00:26:25He never answers the first one.

00:26:27Just waiting it out.

00:26:29There.

00:26:33This is something else.

00:26:35I swear to God.

00:26:37Neil?

00:26:39What?

00:26:41No, wait. Lisa has my phone.

00:26:43Good call. I'm proud of you.

00:26:45Just turned it off.

00:26:47I hate when my dome is assaulted.

00:26:49This is why girls are the root of all evil.

00:26:51Let's just get to that show.

00:26:53Maybe you should just talk to her.

00:26:55She has been very forward.

00:26:57Eric!

00:26:59This is the College Crew!

00:27:01Fratman with a stomach of infinite capacity!

00:27:07Blaine with the power of social invisibility!

00:27:13Has a car, lad!

00:27:15Who has a car?

00:27:19And a mazo with the power of telekinesis!

00:27:29Wow, what an awful show.

00:27:31Yeah, why aren't any good superheroes made anymore?

00:27:33Because they can't be the classic superheroes.

00:27:35Like Batman.

00:27:37Please, are you kidding me? Batman?

00:27:39Come on, he wasn't that bad.

00:27:41I don't give a shit about Batman.

00:27:43He keeps a small boy in a cave.

00:27:45Well, that's true. He did keep a small boy in a cave.

00:27:47But he was a dark hero.

00:27:49Bound to service by the events of his childhood.

00:27:51That's not even the fucking problem.

00:27:53And he's basically Sherlock Holmes without the cool accent.

00:27:55I'm gonna fight crime by being a detective!

00:27:57Yeah, that's cool.

00:27:59Oh, please. Who's your superhero?

00:28:01Spider-Man.

00:28:03The semen slinger? Spider-Man's kinda cool.

00:28:05At least he actually has superpowers.

00:28:07Peter Parker's original conception was to make science cool

00:28:09and relate to other teenagers.

00:28:11He was a high school student and he dealt with everyday problems.

00:28:13I could totally see that happening.

00:28:15No, originally Peter Parker was a jock with brains.

00:28:17Totally not happening.

00:28:19At least Batman's a hero that you can go around saying

00:28:21with a little hard work and studying,

00:28:23I could be him someday.

00:28:25He wouldn't spend the rest of his life looking for a radioactive beetle.

00:28:27Radioactive beetle?

00:28:29Batman couldn't even keep his villains under control.

00:28:31It's a nice job security, if you ask me.

00:28:33What?

00:28:35A corporate entity such as Wayne Enterprises must have had a hand in sales

00:28:37such as security devices to shipping and construction.

00:28:39Making sure his villains weren't truly locked away forever,

00:28:41Batman had a pretty good guarantee

00:28:43that Gotham would be facing some tough times ahead.

00:28:45He'd be making profit repairing all the destruction

00:28:47caused by his publicly hated thorns,

00:28:49meanwhile ensuring a positive life for Batman

00:28:51and a financial foothold for Wayne Enterprises.

00:28:53So you're saying Batman actually expects his villains to escape?

00:28:55Totally.

00:28:57If he's so technologically advanced,

00:28:59how come each of his villains has escaped like a hundred times?

00:29:01Well, they have to keep the cast of characters relatively contained.

00:29:03People love seeing some of their favorite villains.

00:29:05Sure, and Bruce Wayne profits from it all.

00:29:07I mean, if you're here as the almighty dollar,

00:29:09then B-Money's your man.

00:29:11Well, what about Superman, guys?

00:29:13He's always been my hero.

00:29:15Okay, talk about lame.

00:29:17Yeah, totally, come on. Man of Steel,

00:29:19truth, justice, and the American way.

00:29:21The only real American way is Captain America.

00:29:23It's in his fucking title.

00:29:25Yeah, Superman's way too damn powerful to be a good hero.

00:29:27Plus, we should do what we do with all illegal aliens

00:29:29and throw them out of the country.

00:29:31Superman's character is all about the social struggles of being different.

00:29:33Yeah, but he looks great and can fly,

00:29:35that's totally a social outcast.

00:29:37Yeah, and yet everything is such a huge struggle

00:29:39for his super strength, too.

00:29:41Like, he can stop a meteor from falling at 500 miles an hour,

00:29:43but he has trouble lifting a fucking car?

00:29:45I mean, it's like super strength is the ability to be

00:29:47just strong enough for a given task.

00:29:49What a crock of shit.

00:29:51Yeah, totally. I kinda like your show, Eric.

00:29:53College kids don't really act like that.

00:29:57Yeah, though, I could use an M.D.

00:29:59I'll drive.

00:30:01Woo-hoo!

00:30:03TV to myself.

00:30:05Eric, hold the fort.

00:30:07And if Lisa comes around again, call the cops.

00:30:09Jeez, dude, why you gotta keep bringing her up?

00:30:11You can never be too careful.

00:30:13No one hangs up on me!

00:30:15Ah! She's still here!

00:30:17Shit, dude.

00:30:19What do we do? What do we do?

00:30:21Why didn't you feel her with your sense?

00:30:23I don't know.

00:30:25Shut up, Eric.

00:30:27We can't go out there now, not with her watching and waiting.

00:30:29What are you saying in front of everyone?

00:30:31You know what I want!

00:30:33No, I don't.

00:30:35That's why I asked you.

00:30:37No, don't.

00:30:39I, uh, I think she saw you guys.

00:30:41Neil, just open the door!

00:30:43Don't drop it.

00:30:45I'm alright, Neil.

00:30:47I'm alright. Open the door.

00:30:49I'm alright, Neil.

00:30:51Open the door.

00:30:53I just wanna talk. I'm alright.

00:30:55Open the door.

00:30:57I'm alright, Neil.

00:30:59Open the door. I just wanna talk.

00:31:01I'm alright.

00:31:03Come on, please?

00:31:05Neil?

00:31:07No way, man. I've seen this shit before. Don't do it.

00:31:09Neil, just open the door. I just wanna talk.

00:31:11I'm alright.

00:31:13If she's serious, what if she just wants to talk?

00:31:15No way, man. It's just a lure. All praying animals have one.

00:31:17She's just trying to lull you into a false sense of security.

00:31:19Then she's gonna put a fucking axe in your head.

00:31:21Come on, man. You don't need this. Let's go.

00:31:27Neil!

00:31:29Don't ignore me!

00:31:31I think I should go talk to her.

00:31:33No, no, no. You don't need to, alright?

00:31:35I don't think you should listen to him, Neil.

00:31:37Yeah? Listen to this.

00:31:49Hey there. I'm Steve.

00:31:51And this is Travels with Steve.

00:31:53On today's adventure,

00:31:55we're gonna tell you all about beautiful Wistermass.

00:31:57Get out of here.

00:32:03She's like a zombie or something,

00:32:05hanging around our door.

00:32:07No way. A zombie would be smarter. Better looking, too.

00:32:09Guys, zombies don't exist.

00:32:11Oh yeah? That's what the government wants you to think.

00:32:13Impossible.

00:32:15You know, Ignaz is a zombie's greatest ally.

00:32:17Knowledge, their worst enemy.

00:32:19So you're trying to tell us that the Walking Dead are real?

00:32:21Why wouldn't they be?

00:32:23There are hundreds of thousands of undiscovered plant and animal life out there in the world.

00:32:25What's to say the Walking Dead isn't one of them?

00:32:27Science.

00:32:29An organism that survives without the need for oxygen?

00:32:31Evolution at its finest.

00:32:33Animating a dead body?

00:32:35Shutting down a currently functioning one by attacking the central part of the brain.

00:32:37Restarting it as a shell of its former self

00:32:39using electrical impulses already hardwired in all of us.

00:32:41The craving for human flesh?

00:32:43A myth.

00:32:45A source of energy isn't needed by the virus.

00:32:47Though the hunt for living flesh is an unfortunate byproduct of it.

00:32:49No way. Zombies aren't threatening.

00:32:51I can power walk faster than them.

00:32:53Oh yeah? A zombie's power, unlike the mythical vampire or otherwise,

00:32:55is in its numbers, not the individual.

00:32:57Their tirelessness and their sheer volume

00:32:59is what makes them so terrifying.

00:33:01If you were confronted with one Zed,

00:33:03I'd hope you'd win, but now consider this entire block

00:33:05or even this whole city infested.

00:33:07What would you do?

00:33:09Where would you go?

00:33:11I'd go home.

00:33:13I live in the country.

00:33:15Okay. Now consider the psychological threat.

00:33:17What if your father, your mother,

00:33:19even your best friend became infected?

00:33:21How would you kill that?

00:33:23The constant beating,

00:33:25banging, barraging on the door,

00:33:27disturbing you while you eat,

00:33:29sleep, or watch TV?

00:33:31Stop it! You're scaring me.

00:33:33There, there, Eric.

00:33:35Just trying to save you now while I can.

00:33:37I'll take your mind off it.

00:33:49The most terrifying thing is happening

00:33:51in your bed.

00:33:55In the shower.

00:33:57No matter where you run,

00:33:59you're going to be

00:34:01f***ed

00:34:03by fear.

00:34:05You're not that scared

00:34:07for a chick.

00:34:09Summer 2012.

00:34:11The tall ones cough,

00:34:13and the bottom ones ring,

00:34:15and the rest are marbles.

00:34:17They're not turtles. They're marbles.

00:34:19The giant crabs are everywhere.

00:34:21Everyone, run for your lives. Run!

00:34:25I think that slut Lisa is

00:34:27infected or something.

00:34:29Isn't that the cram I mentioned?

00:34:31Hey, that's not nice.

00:34:33Hey, I'm just saying. Maybe she's some sort of demon zombie

00:34:35who craves pissing off her ex-boyfriend and his TV-watching friends.

00:34:37No. I mean calling her a

00:34:39slut.

00:34:41I don't think that's really nice of you.

00:34:43Sorry, dude, but it comes with the territory.

00:34:45If you ever decide to go all uber-bitch,

00:34:47you can take her title with her.

00:34:49Neil, I'm sure you don't think calling her

00:34:51his right next-girlfriend or not.

00:34:53I don't know. I think she slept with about

00:34:5512 guys. I think.

00:34:57I never really asked her that.

00:34:59I guess that's kind of slutty if you care about that sort of thing.

00:35:01Yeah, see? Total slut.

00:35:03It's not like she, I don't know, sucked 37 dicks or anything.

00:35:05Whoa, whoa, whoa. That's completely different.

00:35:07Come on, guys. This isn't right.

00:35:09What do you mean?

00:35:11You're saying that sucking 37 dicks isn't as slutty as sleeping with 12 guys?

00:35:13Totally not.

00:35:15No way.

00:35:17Eric, 37 dicks or 12 guys, which is sluttier?

00:35:19I don't feel comfortable talking about this, guys.

00:35:21Come on, douchebag. Man up and answer the question.

00:35:23Well, I mean,

00:35:25sexual intercourse is something

00:35:27special shared between two lovers,

00:35:29and it shouldn't be entered in too lightly.

00:35:31I think if a girl is just throwing herself around

00:35:33like that, well then, she's not

00:35:35a very good-willed girl.

00:35:37I can see what you mean.

00:35:39It's just,

00:35:4137 dicks is a lot of dick.

00:35:43I don't think the term slut should be thrown around

00:35:45like a nickname.

00:35:47You think slut? You think sex. 12 guys? Total slut.

00:35:49This is like what? 21? 22?

00:35:5123!

00:35:53Right, 23. So let's say she gets her first lay when she's 18.

00:35:55That's like three guys per year. Total slut.

00:35:57Well, by that method, let's say she was a teeny bopper

00:35:59and started experimenting when she was 15.

00:36:01With 37 dicks, that's 5D per Y.

00:36:03D per Y?

00:36:05Yeah, D per Y. Dicks per year.

00:36:07That's not even considering her relationship spans.

00:36:09Even if she wasn't sucking other dick during relationships,

00:36:11an average relationship span of, say,

00:36:13six months,

00:36:15the frequency of dicks has to go up when she's single

00:36:17in order to maintain that 5D per Y.

00:36:19Oh.

00:36:21I feel awful when I think of it like that.

00:36:23At least

00:36:25I never did anything like that, though.

00:36:27I was just saying that to prove my point.

00:36:29That was a mouthful.

00:36:31You guys are awful saying things like that.

00:36:33Man, that is a lot of dick.

00:36:35I'm gonna have to rethink this one.

00:36:37Man,

00:36:39I could use a drink.

00:36:41Yeah, me too.

00:36:43What are you doing?

00:36:45Not getting my drink.

00:36:47Yeah, but you started with your hand on your nose.

00:36:49That's the game.

00:36:51No, that's total disqualification. You can't start with your finger on your nose.

00:36:53What? Why?

00:36:55Because then you could just never have to get your own stuff.

00:36:57You get an advantage being the asker, but that's it.

00:36:59Sorry, dude.

00:37:01I'll have an MD.

00:37:03What?

00:37:05Humanity.

00:37:07Gonna make an example out of this one. Sorry, Eric.

00:37:09You know, Matt, it seems like I'm always getting you a drink.

00:37:11But someday,

00:37:13somebody else is gonna get mine.

00:37:15Gotta pick your battles, man.

00:37:27Hey!

00:37:29Hey, nothing.

00:37:31No, really. I think Lisa's gone.

00:37:33She can't really be gone.

00:37:35Why don't you go check?

00:37:37I can't.

00:37:39Why not?

00:37:41She might do something dumb when you sell the voodoo doll.

00:37:43Maybe you're overthinking the situation.

00:37:45Your fear seems out of place.

00:37:47I don't want to get my head cut off.

00:37:49Look, Neil, you want her gone, but you're concerned that she is.

00:37:51Why don't you reassess the situation

00:37:53and then talk to her?

00:37:55Neil, don't listen to this douchebag.

00:37:57Alright, we've had so much fun today, just kicking back and watching TV.

00:37:59It's like I said, girls are high maintenance and dangerous no matter who they are.

00:38:01It's for the better.

00:38:03Yeah, but...

00:38:05Yeah, but you can work, come home, and watch TV.

00:38:07We can make fun of Eric together.

00:38:09It's worked for me and life is great.

00:38:11Yeah, but don't you want more?

00:38:13Hell no. I know to go and get more just leads you down a troublesome trail.

00:38:15I'd rather stick with what works.

00:38:17Look, you tried to track down the love life path

00:38:19and now you're shitting bricks because of it.

00:38:21So you know what? Come back to the couch.

00:38:23Your seat's getting cold.

00:38:25Neil, just check. Lisa's been at this for some time now.

00:38:27Give her a chance.

00:38:29Don't even listen to Eric on this one, Matt, alright?

00:38:31It'll only be a minute.

00:38:33I'm telling you, dude.

00:38:35Security surrounds this couch.

00:38:37I know it for certain.

00:38:39See you in a bit.

00:38:41I'll wait here.

00:38:59Lisa!

00:39:01Neil!

00:39:03What the hell are you doing?

00:39:05You weren't going to cut that cord, were you?

00:39:07And why not?

00:39:09Do you want to shock yourself to death?

00:39:11At this point, I'd let you if it wasn't powering our TV.

00:39:13Oh, of course, your precious TV.

00:39:15Geez, Neil, you've really taken a turn for the worse without me.

00:39:17What the hell is wrong with you?

00:39:19You've still got some of my stuff in there.

00:39:21I don't care.

00:39:23I don't care.

00:39:25I don't care.

00:39:27What the hell is wrong with you?

00:39:29You've still got some of my stuff.

00:39:31I was getting to that. You'll get it.

00:39:33I just want to be alone.

00:39:35We are alone.

00:39:37That's not what I meant. We want to watch TV in peace.

00:39:39Is that it? Is that what you're going to do with yourself?

00:39:41Just get a decent job and sit and settle?

00:39:43I want more.

00:39:45You should know what my ambitions are.

00:39:47Then get more.

00:39:49It's not going to come to you in some song and dance.

00:39:51And those buffoons in there aren't going to help you.

00:39:53Well, Matt isn't at least.

00:39:55What do you mean, Matt isn't there?

00:39:57Well, you have to understand that there comes a time in life

00:39:59when you have to start making decisions for yourself.

00:40:01What choice are you going to make?

00:40:03You're not going to make me do this, are you?

00:40:05Dammit, Neil, if not now, then when?

00:40:07Well, I'm certainly not going to choose you.

00:40:09You're crazy.

00:40:11That wasn't the option. We're over, remember?

00:40:13Yeah, good thing, too.

00:40:15You say that like it was some sort of prison sentence.

00:40:17Well, I sure as hell feel free now.

00:40:19Dammit, Neil, why are you siding with them?

00:40:21I didn't even say anything about them.

00:40:23I'm here to talk to you.

00:40:25No, you came out here to save your precious TV time.

00:40:27What are you, just watching the Spanish shopping channel again?

00:40:29No, uh, we got a long stick.

00:40:31Well, I'm not leaving until I get what's mine.

00:40:33I know you're keeping them.

00:40:35We want you to leave.

00:40:37Why are you being such a bitch?

00:40:39Me?

00:40:41Didn't Matt send you down here to get rid of me?

00:40:43No, I came out here on my own.

00:40:45Liar.

00:40:47You can't make a decision for yourself, Neil.

00:40:49You've got to have someone lead you around

00:40:51or you'll just hang around and venge.

00:40:53Hell, you've got a poor reason for hanging around here.

00:40:55Dammit, I thought this was going to resolve something.

00:40:57Just give me my stuff and we'll solve this issue.

00:40:59You're so damn possessive.

00:41:01Don't just walk away from me.

00:41:03What do you want me to do?

00:41:05You want your stuff?

00:41:07You've already taken everything else that's mine.

00:41:09Isn't that good enough for you?

00:41:11No, not at all.

00:41:13What do you even want them for, anyway?

00:41:15You just want an excuse to stay here, don't you?

00:41:17Yeah, you wish.

00:41:19You're just trying to get me to lead through reverse psychology.

00:41:21Well, it's not going to work.

00:41:23What did I ever see in you?

00:41:25Don't sell a relationship so short.

00:41:27You couldn't enjoy it for what it was worth.

00:41:29Remember?

00:41:31Be louder.

00:41:33Yeah, you certainly took a liking to that, didn't you?

00:41:35God, you're an asshole.

00:41:37That is really rubbing off on you.

00:41:39Yeah, well, you're crazy.

00:41:41I told you, don't just walk away from me.

00:41:43Watch me.

00:41:45Go to hell!

00:41:49So, what do you think?

00:41:51Is it going to work out?

00:41:53I think I should get Matt a drink.

00:41:55Told you, dude. Total bitch, huh?

00:41:57Neil, don't give up on her yet.

00:41:59I've been trying to pass things up, Eric.

00:42:01You're a fool.

00:42:03You're just overly concerned with what everyone else thinks of her.

00:42:05She can't hate you.

00:42:07She's doing everything in her power to bug the hell out of us.

00:42:09She keeps a massacred doll of me.

00:42:11She must really hate me.

00:42:13Welcome back, dude.

00:42:15Damn it, Matt.

00:42:17Hey, I told you. Stability.

00:42:19I can assure you that she'll never treat you wrong.

00:42:21I don't know.

00:42:23I just can't help the feeling that Lisa's plotting something bigger.

00:42:25It's not like she's going to blow up the apartment with her brain or anything.

00:42:27I guess so.

00:42:29What do you think Eric's on to, anyway?

00:42:31Probably just some Asian love-hate theory of his.

00:42:33Like those animes he watches.

00:42:35Oh, look.

00:42:37Here comes the matchmaker now.

00:42:39How do they make it so green?

00:42:41How do they make it so green?

00:42:43What?

00:42:45Your drink. How do they make it so green?

00:42:47It's like the ooze from Ninja Turtles.

00:42:49You know, I always thought drinking MD would make me a turtle.

00:42:53A turtle.

00:42:55Not a martial artist.

00:42:57A turtle.

00:42:59Yeah, I think you'd be evolving the wrong way if you turned into a turtle.

00:43:01Well, then again, for you, that might be an improvement.

00:43:03Did you guys know that the creators of the Turtles

00:43:05took cheese graters and they put them on their hand

00:43:07and swung it around?

00:43:09That's how they came up with the idea for Shredder.

00:43:11Is that what your blogs tell you?

00:43:13Wiki.

00:43:15Oh, right, my second guess.

00:43:17You live on those websites, Eric,

00:43:19and yet you stay culturally ignorant and socially dense.

00:43:21Huh?

00:43:23I wonder if you went in a fight between the Power Rangers and the Ninja Turtles.

00:43:25Rangers?

00:43:27I'm just surprised you know who the Power Rangers are.

00:43:29Well, it did start out as a Japanese show called Super Sentai Series.

00:43:31That's right, you're an Asian kid stuck in an American body.

00:43:33How could I forget?

00:43:35You're such an Asia-erican.

00:43:37An American kid so enveloped in Asian culture

00:43:39that he forgets his own roots.

00:43:41It's people like you that allow the teriyaki flood to come rushing into our country.

00:43:43From food to fashion to entertainment.

00:43:45What, is America not good enough for you?

00:43:47You don't like our cheeseburgers and our fast cars?

00:43:49That's a bit harsh, man.

00:43:51It wouldn't be a fair fight anyway.

00:43:53I mean, there's only four Turtles and five Power Rangers.

00:43:55No, it'd still be a fair fight.

00:43:57They got two girls, but just basically one dude.

00:43:59Turtles would still win.

00:44:01No way, dude, the Rangers are way better.

00:44:03Dude, they're basically just different nationalities

00:44:05talking to a different colored spandex and talking to a giant fucking floating head.

00:44:07Oh, because talking to a giant rat is cooler than that.

00:44:09Hey, a genetically altered rat who knows martial arts?

00:44:11You can't beat that.

00:44:13They are better trained and more hardcore than the Rainbow Crew.

00:44:15Well, what about the Megazord?

00:44:17Alright, look.

00:44:19Every Power Rangers episode is the same damn formula.

00:44:21One, there's a normal human problem.

00:44:23Billy's got homework, or Kimberly chipped a nail.

00:44:25Oh no! Whatever.

00:44:27Two, some big beastie comes down from outer space and gets fought by the Power Rangers.

00:44:29Three, the creature gets fucking gigantic.

00:44:31Four, the Rangers call out the Megazord

00:44:33and they go all Godzilla on the city,

00:44:35causing millions in structural and collateral damage.

00:44:37And five, they finally get around to beating the monster

00:44:39and somehow manage to translate their success

00:44:41back to the problem at the beginning of the episode.

00:44:43Why do they always repeat?

00:44:45There's no way they can beat the better trained turtles.

00:44:47Well, the pattern is because the American show

00:44:49is comprised of footage from the original Japanese series.

00:44:51Ah, he's right.

00:44:53Bullshit.

00:44:55No, really, go back and watch the show.

00:44:57They were smart to use helmets to conceal the actors.

00:44:59The American show just cannibalized the footage from the Japanese one.

00:45:01The result of the Japanese audience is loving that man in a rubber suit type stuff.

00:45:03The Yellow Ranger was originally a dude in Japan.

00:45:05That's why she didn't wear a skirt.

00:45:07Whatever, they still couldn't beat the turtles.

00:45:09But they had the Megazord!

00:45:11Oh, so you're assuming they can use everything at their disposal?

00:45:13Of course they'd fucking win.

00:45:15They'd fucking stomp the turtles with their huge fucking robot.

00:45:17Turtles had a blimp?

00:45:19Shut up, Eric.

00:45:21It'd be like pitting a meat-covered baby against a...

00:45:23pit bull.

00:45:25So they would win.

00:45:27Shut up, Eric.

00:45:29What the hell?

00:45:31Oh, no, that's a midget knife.

00:45:33Yeah, that's a knife.

00:45:35Dude, it's a tower.

00:45:37Seriously, a tower.

00:45:39You don't see that every day.

00:45:41A tower.

00:45:43A medieval tower.

00:45:45Can you imagine this with cannons and knights and shit?

00:45:47Jesus Christ.

00:45:49How'd you ever become a doctor?

00:45:51Good boys in your veins.

00:45:53Yeah, yeah.

00:45:55Fight the fight.

00:45:57Yeah, live for nothing or die for cream.

00:45:59Cream!

00:46:01I gave you an Oscar-winning performance last time,

00:46:03and now you come around

00:46:05and chase me with a camera.

00:46:07Now I know what it feels like to have the paparazzi

00:46:09chase you around because you're so damn popular.

00:46:11This is XL.

00:46:13Yo, yo, yo, my main man Luke here

00:46:15sporting a 1960 pre-Cold War short stack.

00:46:17He's been suffering

00:46:19with his crude cue for some time.

00:46:21Watch what happens when we take his limb blocker

00:46:23and turn it into a pimp blocker.

00:46:25Pimp blocker.

00:46:27Is that my lock?

00:46:29Is that my lock?

00:46:31That is my lock!

00:46:33Oh my God!

00:46:35Mother!

00:46:37Check out the spinners!

00:46:39The spinners!

00:46:41Oh my God!

00:46:43Yeah!

00:46:45Yeah!

00:46:47Oh my God!

00:46:49Man, it's so beautiful.

00:46:51I just want to rub up against it.

00:46:53Oh, it's, oh, it's amazing.

00:46:55It's so, oh, geez.

00:46:57Oh my God, oh my God,

00:46:59all the honeys are going to be wanting to put their books in my locker.

00:47:01Oh, oh, yeah.

00:47:03Oh, yeah!

00:47:05That's the only way I can get through today.

00:47:17Geez, man, don't drop it on us.

00:47:19Yeah, what are you doing?

00:47:21I'm trying to see if Lisa's still here.

00:47:23Why?

00:47:25Anything?

00:47:27No.

00:47:29She must really be gone.

00:47:31I didn't want to embarrass you, Neil,

00:47:33but now I really don't care!

00:47:35I want my bras back!

00:47:37Guys, do you know what this means?

00:47:39To finally have the support you always dreamed of.

00:47:41No, that I can't sense her anymore.

00:47:43She must be getting around it somehow.

00:47:45Maybe you don't sense your ex-girlfriends,

00:47:47but you only sense people who think of you

00:47:49as an ex-boyfriend.

00:47:51Which would mean, if she's starting to like you again,

00:47:53you can't sense her.

00:47:55That's ridiculous.

00:47:57Get off the couch, Eric.

00:47:59But, no, no, no more ridiculous ideas.

00:48:01I don't know, guys.

00:48:03I think I'm onto something.

00:48:05If she's thinking of you as a boyfriend

00:48:07and all the mushy stuff that comes along with that,

00:48:09it could definitely explain why you can't sense her.

00:48:11It'd be like if she doesn't kill me,

00:48:13let alone while thinking of me as a boyfriend when she doesn't.

00:48:15Oh, God, this is divine.

00:48:17TV is so much nicer with luxury seating.

00:48:19You guys are so lame!

00:48:21All you do is watch TV!

00:48:23Neil, I'm leaving!

00:48:25Sure this time?

00:48:27Is she really going?

00:48:29This could be it, Neil. She might really be leaving.

00:48:31Who cares?

00:48:33Seriously, you gotta just chill out, man.

00:48:35Come on.

00:48:37Just relax. Be happy for once.

00:48:39Matt, will you just let...

00:48:43Oh, shit!

00:48:47She's coming in.

00:48:49Do something.

00:48:51What do you want me to do?

00:48:53Lock the door.

00:48:55It is locked.

00:48:57Come on, Eric, help!

00:48:59I don't want to repeat their luck.

00:49:01I thought you said this was locked.

00:49:03I thought it was locked.

00:49:05Guys, it is locked. I locked it.

00:49:07The door is clearly not locked.

00:49:09Fucking door!

00:49:11Fucking slumlord!

00:49:13Dammit, Lisa, just go away!

00:49:15Hey!

00:49:17Scott?

00:49:19Jeez, what the hell was that about?

00:49:21Sorry, I forgot you were coming.

00:49:23Why didn't you call?

00:49:25I did call. You weren't picking up your phone.

00:49:27I mean, we even called the house phone, too.

00:49:29We? Oh, great. That's it. I'm done.

00:49:31What's wrong, Matt?

00:49:33Shannon?

00:49:35Yeah, we had the double date tonight, remember?

00:49:37What's with the security?

00:49:39Lisa's got a bee in her bonnet.

00:49:41A bee in her bonnet?

00:49:43What did you do to her?

00:49:45Me? I didn't do anything.

00:49:47Well, you must have,

00:49:49otherwise she wouldn't be mad.

00:49:51Why do you have to say it like that?

00:49:53Because if you didn't start something or just listen to her,

00:49:55then she wouldn't be flipping out right now.

00:49:57She's crazy. Why would I...

00:49:59Dude, no. Don't.

00:50:01Sometimes it's just easier.

00:50:03Good boy.

00:50:05Now, shall we?

00:50:07I don't want to be a third wheel. I'm fine just watching TV.

00:50:09Come on, we have tickets already.

00:50:11Why don't you just beg Lisa for her forgiveness

00:50:13and smooth it over with some flowers and chocolate?

00:50:15Yeah, this can still work out.

00:50:17Um, you know what, Shannon?

00:50:19Maybe we can cancel tonight.

00:50:21I mean, there are other things we can do.

00:50:23No. No. We're not just going to...

00:50:27It's been like this all day, Eric.

00:50:29Yep. It's not so bad.

00:50:31I just think Lisa and Neil aren't completely over.

00:50:33Wait, they broke up?

00:50:35Supposedly.

00:50:37I think that right now,

00:50:39they're more concerned with what each other thinks of the other.

00:50:41What?

00:50:43Neil thinks Lisa wants to kill him.

00:50:45Oh.

00:50:47Would she?

00:50:49I think she still loves him.

00:50:51But Matt would say otherwise.

00:50:53Not, huh?

00:51:01Where the fuck are those guns?

00:51:03Ah.

00:51:05Here you go, Shannon.

00:51:09Thanks.

00:51:21Lost your couch privileges, huh?

00:51:23Yeah.

00:51:25You, uh, do know there were chairs here, right?

00:51:27We can't use those.

00:51:29That would break with tradition.

00:51:35So...

00:51:37This is it?

00:51:39Listen, I don't know how you slipped past our defenses,

00:51:41but you should be on some double trouble date with Neil and Lisa.

00:51:43But you screwed that up, and now you're sitting here with us.

00:51:45Enjoy the privilege.

00:51:47Well, I didn't mean to offend your child, Matt.

00:51:49I just wanted to shed a little light on this matter of obsession,

00:51:51and not a light coming from a box.

00:51:53No, you just wanted us to know

00:51:55that you're against our TV-watching ways.

00:51:57What's so wrong with this?

00:51:59What do you got here?

00:52:01Pizza pie. It's for a TV-watching experience. You want some?

00:52:03No, thanks.

00:52:05Don't you think you should see what Lisa's doing?

00:52:07He's fine right here, watching some top-notch programming.

00:52:09I was talking to Neil.

00:52:11Oh.

00:52:13I really don't think it's such a good idea.

00:52:15Besides, Matt says this is for the best.

00:52:17Well, Matt also thinks that toasted bread has fewer calories.

00:52:19A toaster burns some of them away.

00:52:21This is what I'm trying to say.

00:52:23That toasted bread has fewer calories?

00:52:25No, that Neil shouldn't be led around by Matt.

00:52:27I'm not leading him around.

00:52:29Oh, yeah? Well, then why doesn't Neil try getting back together with her?

00:52:31She told me things were really heating up between you two.

00:52:33Yeah, I bet they were heating up.

00:52:35What is that supposed to mean?

00:52:37Look, girls think every relationship is some kind of firework show.

00:52:39Like, every love is supposed to be a set of rose petal trails and palms.

00:52:41It's a fabrication by the media,

00:52:43depicting a world of rainbows and lollipops,

00:52:45making it real tough on guys everywhere.

00:52:47Sometimes guys just want to hang out with guys,

00:52:49kick it back, shoot the shit.

00:52:51What is so wrong with that?

00:52:53If guys worked a little harder at what they claim to love,

00:52:55then there wouldn't be trouble in love land.

00:52:57Guys are too preoccupied with what their next meal is

00:52:59or when the next TV show is on

00:53:01to give a damn about a relationship.

00:53:03Hey.

00:53:05Is that my Scott?

00:53:07That's because Scott is whipped beyond belief.

00:53:09No, he's not.

00:53:11He totally is. You got him whipped to be the boy you want him to be.

00:53:13Matt, you're just jealous.

00:53:15Yeah.

00:53:17Yeah, sure, I want to be dressed like Scott.

00:53:19I read your book the other day, by the way, The Whipping Boy.

00:53:21You don't read books, Matt.

00:53:23Good one, Eric.

00:53:25Scott, tell him you're not whipped.

00:53:27Scott.

00:53:29Scott, I'm not whipped.

00:53:31See?

00:53:33Wow. Yeah, you proved me wrong.

00:53:35That was kind of gross.

00:53:37What?

00:53:39You just bent over backwards for her, Scott.

00:53:41I thought you were going to put up a struggle or something,

00:53:43but you snapped like a twig bridge.

00:53:47I did not bend for her.

00:53:49Dude, you totally did.

00:53:51No, he didn't.

00:53:53Scott, stand up for yourself.

00:53:55I didn't, guys.

00:53:57Scott, stop.

00:53:59I'm sorry you have to see this, Eric.

00:54:01This is not a good model for a grown boy.

00:54:03Matt, you are something else.

00:54:05You think that you're the ringleader now that

00:54:07Neil is out of a girlfriend.

00:54:09Well, he didn't make her flip out.

00:54:11Yeah, well, he might as well have.

00:54:13Matt's sense of being in a relationship is that he's made out with a cup of MD

00:54:15more times than he needs to.

00:54:17You have no...

00:54:19Me what?

00:54:21It's sort of unsettling knowing that this couch

00:54:23has seen more ass than you ever will.

00:54:27You have no idea what you're talking about.

00:54:29Oh, no? Have I struck a nerve with you, Matt?

00:54:31I just want you to get a little taste

00:54:33of your own medicine.

00:54:35Shut up, Eric.

00:54:37Oh, that's original.

00:54:39Pick on a little guy to boost yourself up.

00:54:41Are you done yet?

00:54:43Do you like it?

00:54:45Like what?

00:54:47The satisfaction of making other people's lives feel broken and imperfect,

00:54:49thus completing your own.

00:54:53Come on, Shannon.

00:54:55I think we've had these tickets forever,

00:54:57and Matt's gone and ruined Neil's relationship

00:54:59for his own satisfaction.

00:55:01I didn't ruin anything.

00:55:03Well, you did tell him to start trying to lead his life without Lisa.

00:55:05I didn't make the decision for him.

00:55:07But you had a big influence.

00:55:09I'm just trying to bring that to light.

00:55:11That's what I've been hearing, but Matt over here

00:55:13is too deaf and dumb to take it to heart.

00:55:15Yeah, if I thought what you said made any sort of sense,

00:55:17I wouldn't do this.

00:55:19Do what?

00:55:21Now, you see, what we have here is the beautiful Wister skyline,

00:55:23but thanks to the saving grace of the Asian longhorn beetle,

00:55:25these god-awful obstructions will soon be gone.

00:55:27Forever.

00:55:29Come on, get out of here.

00:55:31I'm working on that damn thing.

00:55:33Anthony, you got the lowest score on the test.

00:55:35I'm afraid you'll never be a doctor.

00:55:39Okay, okay.

00:55:41I'll give you your diploma.

00:55:43You and that hot damn camera.

00:55:45Captain freaking video.

00:55:47All right, are you done now?

00:55:49Yo, this ain't your grandmama's show.

00:55:51It's Dope TV.

00:55:53Just call up, and we'll do s***.

00:55:551-800-DOPE-TV.

00:55:57What, that's not enough numbers?

00:55:59Put a pound sign in there.

00:56:01Anywhere. We'll figure it out.

00:56:03Dope TV!

00:56:05Hmm.

00:56:07Now's my chance.

00:56:09Scott and Shannon have never played this before.

00:56:11They won't know what hit them.

00:56:13What if I don't make it?

00:56:15I will.

00:56:17Let's do it.

00:56:19Here's a drink.

00:56:41What?

00:56:43How?

00:56:45Take the walk, Eric.

00:56:47Matt says it's the rules.

00:56:49I was the last one to touch my nose.

00:56:51Matt also says that dogs

00:56:53roll around in the dirt for minerals.

00:56:55Really? Well, then how do they get such nice, shiny coats then?

00:56:57The point is,

00:56:59you don't have to be listening to him.

00:57:01Yeah, maybe.

00:57:03But this is how it is.

00:57:09See? I didn't make that choice for him.

00:57:11Well, you could have influenced him to make the right decision.

00:57:13What is right, anyway?

00:57:15He's got you there.

00:57:17Scott, don't team up with him.

00:57:19Neil, haven't you had enough of this?

00:57:21I don't think this situation is improving.

00:57:23Why aren't you listening to Eric?

00:57:25Eric? I tried,

00:57:27and it just stirred up some old flames.

00:57:29Maybe I don't think Lisa's ever going to change.

00:57:31Besides, what's wrong with all this?

00:57:33This? This slump of mindlessness?

00:57:35Hey, watch it, alright?

00:57:37You're treading on thin ice. This is my sphere of entertainment you're talking about.

00:57:39Sphere of entertainment?

00:57:41Don't make it sound so regal.

00:57:43I'm going to perform at its peak level.

00:57:45You block the windows with posters.

00:57:47Well, there is a nasty glare without them.

00:57:49You have a giant-ass remote that you talk to.

00:57:51Hey, whoa! Don't talk about Howie that way.

00:57:53Yeah, he's family.

00:57:55I'm just saying that this sphere isn't offering an environment to grow.

00:57:57Come on, Shannon, this is kind of nice.

00:57:59You know, it's quiet, quaint.

00:58:01I mean, we don't really sit around like this that often.

00:58:03We're always doing stuff.

00:58:05Right.

00:58:07This is why I don't let you watch TV. It sucks you in.

00:58:09That's why I don't let you go back to Lisa.

00:58:11Hey, you are holding him back.

00:58:13She's just going to continue to hate and hurt until she gets her stuff back.

00:58:15Then why don't you just give it all back then?

00:58:17Yeah, lure her back here and just smack her.

00:58:19You want me to go to jail, dude?

00:58:21Hey, just don't call me, remember?

00:58:23Matt, you're terrible.

00:58:25I mean, aren't there equal rights nowadays?

00:58:27Oh, you would say that, you caveman.

00:58:29Hey, just saying.

00:58:31Well, you shouldn't.

00:58:33Say something, Scott.

00:58:35Uh, yeah. Yeah, Matt, don't say such things.

00:58:37I'm just saying.

00:58:39I'm just saying.

00:58:41If I had to deal with someone like Lisa,

00:58:43I could take a smack every now and then when they're out of line.

00:58:45Equal rights means equal opportunity to defend oneself.

00:58:47Yeah, I don't think it works like that.

00:58:49I mean, just because you, you know, spend time with your lover,

00:58:51you know, listen to her wants and needs,

00:58:53why don't you just put some tampons in your pocket

00:58:55for her once in a while?

00:58:57It doesn't give you the right to be a woman.

00:58:59Tampons in the pocket?

00:59:01Dude.

00:59:03What?

00:59:05There are just some lines that shouldn't be crossed.

00:59:07You put tampons in your pocket.

00:59:09You make him put tampons in his pocket.

00:59:11When we go hiking or wherever,

00:59:13a purse would be a burden.

00:59:15Well, don't touch them.

00:59:17Dude, that's not the point.

00:59:19That's a violation of your personal space.

00:59:21You're violating his personal space.

00:59:23What is the big deal?

00:59:25What if you get pulled over by the cops or something

00:59:27and they search you?

00:59:29You're gonna look like some kind of weirdo.

00:59:31You gotta defend your limits, dude.

00:59:33I mean, with girls, you gotta be ruthless.

00:59:35If you are, do tell.

00:59:37Happened back in Beantown.

00:59:39Shannon carries around dead dogs. You carry around dead dogs.

00:59:41It's more than just that.

00:59:43How can it be more than that?

00:59:45It has to do with my friend's dog.

00:59:47While I was dog-sitting it, it died.

00:59:49I put the dog into some luggage

00:59:51to take it to the vet, and

00:59:53as I was getting onto the subway,

00:59:55a guy stopped to help me because I was struggling.

00:59:57And why am I even telling you this?

00:59:59Oh, you're too far in. You can't stop now.

01:00:01I don't want Matt to hear it.

01:00:03I don't want Matt to hear it.

01:00:05Well, he asked me why I had such heavy luggage,

01:00:07and I told him it was computer parts.

01:00:09And when I got to my stop,

01:00:11I went to thank him,

01:00:13and he punched me in the face,

01:00:15and he took the luggage, and he ran.

01:00:17He punched you in the face?

01:00:19Damn it, Matt!

01:00:21He really punched you in the face?

01:00:23Yeah, he did.

01:00:25I couldn't believe it either.

01:00:27What did the guy seem like? Was he sketchy looking?

01:00:29No, the guy was in a suit and tie. It was totally unexpected.

01:00:31I think I must think you're some kind of freak

01:00:33carrying around dead dogs.

01:00:35Oh, my God. You're going to get remembered as the girl

01:00:37who carries around dead dogs forever.

01:00:39It just goes to show you that men are up to no good.

01:00:41No, it just goes to show you

01:00:43that you should have defended your limits and told your friends

01:00:45to go pick up their own damn dead dog.

01:00:47See, Neil, this is why you shouldn't be getting back with Lisa.

01:00:49She's just going to end up killing your dog.

01:00:51Well, I don't have a dog.

01:00:53Yeah, and you don't have tampons in your pockets either.

01:00:55That's true. I don't want that.

01:00:57Scott, let's salvage this night and go see that play.

01:00:59Do we have to?

01:01:01Yes, Scott. Look at this place.

01:01:03What does it have that makes you want to stay in this dump?

01:01:05The cave of entertainment.

01:01:07Come on, Scott. I'm done here.

01:01:09You're blocking the damn TV.

01:01:11Scott, we're leaving.

01:01:13You know what?

01:01:15I think I want to stay.

01:01:17Call a girlfriend to go out with you.

01:01:19Excuse me?

01:01:21Dude, reconsider.

01:01:23I don't know what you're trying to pull here, Matt,

01:01:25but I have worked too hard on this one

01:01:27to let some brain box

01:01:29pose a bigger influence on him than me.

01:01:31Just go.

01:01:33Save us. This could get worse.

01:01:35I just want to watch TV with the guys.

01:01:37Yeah, you want that?

01:01:39Yeah, I do.

01:01:41Yeah? Grab your ear, then.

01:01:43And you two,

01:01:45you better stop blocking this thing

01:01:47before you choke on stupid.

01:01:57Eric, we're leaving.

01:01:59What? Larry Singer is on next.

01:02:01We love him.

01:02:03Do you really like being here with them?

01:02:05You know, Shannon,

01:02:07sometimes it's just easier.

01:02:09Yeah, and cheaper sometimes, too.

01:02:11Scott, we're going.

01:02:13Yes, ma'am.

01:02:15Boys.

01:02:17We have a unique bond here.

01:02:19Maybe you just can't see it.

01:02:21I just know what works for me and Scott.

01:02:23But I want you to think about

01:02:25what you could be missing

01:02:27in the rest of the world.

01:02:29We're making our own memories here.

01:02:31What's so good about the rest of the world?

01:02:33What about

01:02:35starting a relationship

01:02:37and having a family?

01:02:39I have a family.

01:02:41One where their IQ passes their age.

01:02:43I like my friends.

01:02:45You like your couch spot, too.

01:02:47Yeah.

01:02:49I'm just saying,

01:02:51I think Matt's been shaken up

01:02:53by the woman on this turf.

01:02:55Maybe with his defenses down,

01:02:57you can get your point across to Neil.

01:02:59Eric, Singer's starting.

01:03:01Coming.

01:03:03Bye, Shannon.

01:03:05Hey, Eric.

01:03:07How's the M.D.?

01:03:09Just fine, Matt.

01:03:11Gotta pick your battles, man.

01:03:13So they gone or what?

01:03:15Yeah, they're gone.

01:03:17Man, I was getting worried.

01:03:19I hate having to defend my sphere from women.

01:03:21What's a chode?

01:03:23What?

01:03:25Before, you called me a chode.

01:03:27What's that?

01:03:29Oh, geez.

01:03:31Well, it's like a...

01:03:33It's a chode.

01:03:35It's like, um...

01:03:37It's sort of like...

01:03:39Kind of...

01:03:41Down here or something?

01:03:43Like, I guess...

01:03:45What the hell is that?

01:03:47That doesn't tell me shit.

01:03:49I can't pay attention to your book.

01:03:51You can't do that.

01:03:53I just did, you stupid chode.

01:03:55What do you even want to know, anyway?

01:03:57Because I keep a list of everything you call me on my blog.

01:03:59I can't even tell if you're serious or not.

01:04:01It almost kind of reminded me of a fish head.

01:04:03You know, a chode of a fish head.

01:04:05What?

01:04:07Thanks, Neil.

01:04:09You're always there to help me out.

01:04:11All right, look, I got it.

01:04:13You remember Brian from school?

01:04:15Who?

01:04:17You know, some rare deformation that's screwed with his bones?

01:04:19I don't know.

01:04:21Anyway, he's chodey.

01:04:23Huh.

01:04:25Well, I'm still not really clear on what a chode is,

01:04:27but I guess I'll just think of Brian whenever I hear it.

01:04:29Great.

01:04:31Poor guy can't go one day without someone using his physical deformations as an example.

01:04:33If it gets used as an example, it helps the learning process.

01:04:35He shouldn't always be painted in a negative light like that.

01:04:37Now Eric's going to think of Brian every time he hears chode.

01:04:39Sorry.

01:04:41Object association is the best way to remember it.

01:04:43It's how I do it.

01:04:45Do you have, like, knives or paint or something?

01:04:47No way.

01:04:49Above all that, my wallet.

01:04:51I just gotta remember how much girls I actually require.

01:04:53Unless you find one with a good rate.

01:04:55Of course.

01:04:57You ever think that letting a girl into your life might actually change it for the better?

01:04:59No.

01:05:01Couldn't picture a man with a significant other.

01:05:03Unless she was totally succumbing to his demands.

01:05:05Or unable to stay quiet.

01:05:07Unable to react quickly to changing circumstances.

01:05:09Like a computer.

01:05:11So you're saying I need a robot girlfriend.

01:05:13Oh yeah.

01:05:15I'm sure your thumb drive will fit her USB port just fine.

01:05:17At least I'm not like Brian.

01:05:19Chode?

01:05:21Come on.

01:05:23Look, all I'm saying is he's so short and squat.

01:05:25Reminds me of a dwarf.

01:05:27I thought he was a chode.

01:05:29Same thing. Just my thumb drive functions way better than his tunic and dick.

01:05:31What?

01:05:33Dwarves are so chodey and squat and short.

01:05:35They gotta have tunic and dicks.

01:05:37I'll never look at Gimli the same way again.

01:05:39Just a fact of life.

01:05:41It's gotta be tough handling a stubnose like that.

01:05:43He probably deals with it the same way

01:05:45we all deal with our small problems.

01:05:47Reading a book.

01:05:51Just kidding.

01:05:53You know what? Let's bring him out.

01:05:55Let's bring him out here.

01:05:57Yeah!

01:05:59Bullshit!

01:06:01Bullshit!

01:06:03He's my man.

01:06:05No, just cause you were born a man.

01:06:07Let's get a resolution.

01:06:09That's a resolution!

01:06:11That is a resolution!

01:06:13Oh, oh, oh!

01:06:15You can't do that!

01:06:17That's my dick!

01:06:19That's my dick!

01:06:21You can't do that!

01:06:23That's my dick!

01:06:25That's my dick!

01:06:27That's my dick!

01:06:29I'll beat you up.

01:06:31No, I'm throwing this chair.

01:06:33I'm throwing this chair.

01:06:35Now, we'll be right back.

01:06:39Wow.

01:06:41There's so much swearing on this show.

01:06:43Why do they have to beep it out?

01:06:45Yeah, I know. I mean, we know what they're saying.

01:06:47Why can't they just let it go?

01:06:49It's probably just a cultural preservation thing

01:06:51to keep the public away from it for as long as fucking possible.

01:06:53Yeah, but it cuts out the dialogue

01:06:55and it makes everyone sound like a robot.

01:06:57In that case, R2-D2 probably cusses like a fucking sailor.

01:06:59All it does is bloop and bleep.

01:07:01What?

01:07:03Think about it. If all the other bots could speak,

01:07:05why wouldn't they put voice modulators into the R2 models?

01:07:07He probably didn't need one.

01:07:09I mean, wasn't his job just to talk to the ships?

01:07:11The R2 models must have been programmed to cuss like hell

01:07:13and to preserve the culture of the galaxy.

01:07:15They were all bleeped.

01:07:17So you're saying that every time R2-D2 makes any noises,

01:07:19he's cussing like a truck driver?

01:07:21R2, shut down all the garbage compactors on the detention levels.

01:07:23No, shut them all down.

01:07:25Oh, hell no. I'm not sticking my fucking dick

01:07:27into another fucking computer.

01:07:29Last time I did that, I got a fucking virus, you son of a bitch.

01:07:31You hacked that shit yourself, you asshole.

01:07:33Wow.

01:07:35I'm leaving.

01:07:37Oh, right, R2.

01:07:39We'll take care of everything.

01:07:41Yeah, you better, you fucking...

01:07:43Seriously, what the fuck? I used to have my jets.

01:07:45Where the hell did they go? I want my flamethrower back.

01:07:47I can't do shit with this little fucking taser thing I got.

01:07:49I used to fucking fly. Can you believe that?

01:07:51You have any idea how fucking annoying that is

01:07:53to roll around when I could fucking fly at one point?

01:07:55God damn it. You tell them to suck my fucking little metal dick.

01:08:01If only you used your time for something more constructive.

01:08:03If I had 10% of the free time you have,

01:08:05I'd have, like, seven extra hours in my day.

01:08:07You're saying my days have 70 hours in them?

01:08:09Yeah.

01:08:11Yeah, you're that lazy.

01:08:13Okay, whatever.

01:08:15Can I get back on the couch now?

01:08:17Sorry, Eric. The couch is for winners.

01:08:19Nah, he's right.

01:08:21Bullshit.

01:08:23I am sick and tired of this, Matt.

01:08:25You are not right. Turn off the TV.

01:08:27Fuck no.

01:08:29Hey, hey, what the...

01:08:31Eric, turn the fucking TV off. Quiet!

01:08:33Do you hear that?

01:08:37No, it's completely quiet.

01:08:39Listen.

01:08:41God.

01:08:45It is quiet.

01:08:47Maybe Lisa's really gone.

01:08:49Exactly. They can watch TV in peace.

01:08:51No, Matt. I have to do this.

01:08:53Maybe she's still here.

01:08:55And maybe she's not.

01:08:57Maybe we should go check.

01:08:59I still think there's something here, Neil.

01:09:01You and Lisa have been longing for each other, but you express it through your anger.

01:09:03It's too dangerous. This could all be part of her plan.

01:09:05Or, in your case, it's paranoia.

01:09:07I listened to you before, Eric.

01:09:09What's going to change now?

01:09:11You, Neil. You have to change.

01:09:13You can't keep wanting what other people want you to want.

01:09:15You have to want whatever it is that you really do want.

01:09:17What?

01:09:19A life living theater is a life half-lived.

01:09:21It sounds to me like you don't want Lisa to be gone.

01:09:23Aren't you at least curious whether she wants you back or not?

01:09:25Or do you just want to watch some more TV?

01:09:27No way, Neil. Look, this is for the better, alright?

01:09:29You can watch way more TV without her.

01:09:31Don't you want more than that, Neil?

01:09:33I do.

01:09:35What if she's waiting for you right now?

01:09:37I have to go get her.

01:09:39Well, she's certainly not going to come to you.

01:09:41She's been trying, but you keep the door locked.

01:09:43Shittily.

01:09:45What do you want, Eric?

01:09:47It doesn't matter what I want.

01:09:49I just want to help you make the right choice.

01:09:51We should check if she's still here.

01:09:53Matt, go get the door. Eric, check that window.

01:09:55Nice.

01:10:01Clear!

01:10:03Clear.

01:10:09All clear here, too.

01:10:11I guess she's really gone.

01:10:13I wonder where she went.

01:10:15Who cares? Seriously, dude.

01:10:17It's probably just post-traumatic breakup residue or something.

01:10:19It'll pass.

01:10:21Look, we got a good thing here. Let's just keep it forever, yeah?

01:10:23She's on to something.

01:10:25Jeez, Bruce.

01:10:27Thanks for coming out here on such short notice to see me.

01:10:29I know you have that deadline

01:10:31for that new office building next Monday,

01:10:33and your car just got towed.

01:10:35Hey, I only had to take two buses and a cab to get here.

01:10:37You're worth it.

01:10:39Thanks. I just really needed to talk to someone.

01:10:41I can see that.

01:10:43You sounded distressed when I talked to you on the phone.

01:10:45Yeah, I don't really want to talk about that.

01:10:47I just want to talk to

01:10:49someone else about anything else.

01:10:51Okay, uh, how about politics?

01:10:53No way! Politics are terrible.

01:10:55It's about who has the most pool

01:10:57and the most money.

01:10:59It's not even a representation of the people anymore.

01:11:01Don't even get me started.

01:11:03Okay, fine. Um, how about superpowers?

01:11:05Oh, yeah?

01:11:07What about them?

01:11:09I've just always had this theory that

01:11:11everyone has a secret power hidden inside of them.

01:11:13You mean how

01:11:15Bruce Wayne is really Batman?

01:11:17No, even less than that.

01:11:19I think that everyone has something inside of them.

01:11:21Like a power or a talent.

01:11:23Besides, Batman isn't a superhero.

01:11:27So, it's something you're born with.

01:11:29Yeah. Maybe something trivial, like

01:11:31the ability to always know where your car keys are.

01:11:33Or maybe something so great

01:11:35that the government has to snatch you up

01:11:37and erase your existence.

01:11:39But I think everyone has something.

01:11:41Right.

01:11:43Surely you have some evidence to back this up.

01:11:45Well, take my power, for instance.

01:11:47Your power to make little babies cry

01:11:49by looking at them?

01:11:51No, silly.

01:11:53I have the power to instill desire in females.

01:11:59Oh, you're serious?

01:12:03Fat lad, that did you. You're still a virgin.

01:12:05That's by choice.

01:12:09Well, how come you've never used this on me?

01:12:11Because it goes against my superhero code of ethics.

01:12:13I would never enchant a taken woman.

01:12:15Let's not bring him into this.

01:12:17Sorry, I didn't mean anything by it.

01:12:19I was just trying to prove my power.

01:12:21Well, I'll be honest with you.

01:12:23You're not doing a very good job.

01:12:25It seems like all men think they have this power

01:12:27by force or wealth.

01:12:29It's not too attractive, if you ask me.

01:12:31I enjoy a man

01:12:33who needs his woman.

01:12:35Who can't sleep

01:12:37if she's not next to him.

01:12:39A pushover.

01:12:41Romantic.

01:12:43Hey!

01:12:45Aha!

01:12:47Did you notice anything strange about that?

01:12:49That people in the city would step on you

01:12:51as soon as they look at you?

01:12:53No. What we just saw was a byproduct

01:12:55of Homeless Al's superpower.

01:12:57His power?

01:12:59To live off baked beans and brandy?

01:13:01No.

01:13:03Judging by his survival rate,

01:13:05Homeless Al has the ability to survive hypothermia every night.

01:13:07Which is a pretty good superpower

01:13:09for a homeless guy.

01:13:11But it comes at great cost.

01:13:13Ooh, the plot thickens.

01:13:15Yep. No one seems to notice him as they walk by.

01:13:17To the point where they stumble over him

01:13:19because he's practically invisible.

01:13:21A tragic superhero flaw.

01:13:23So instead of proving that

01:13:25everyone has a superpower,

01:13:27you just proved that everyone in the city

01:13:29is an asshole. Congratulations.

01:13:31Alright, well, take Nelson here.

01:13:33Nelson?

01:13:35Ooh, does he share your power over women?

01:13:37No.

01:13:39Nelson has the ability to instantly transform

01:13:41his environment into a Kung Fu movie.

01:13:47I have yet to see it,

01:13:49but someday it will be a spectacle to behold.

01:13:51Okay.

01:13:53Let's say I believe you.

01:13:55What would my superpower be?

01:13:57I've always wanted to be in a musical.

01:13:59Or blow up my ex-boyfriend with my brains.

01:14:01Well, that's radically different.

01:14:03Um, but how about

01:14:05something more useful?

01:14:07Like the ability to move on.

01:14:09Let go.

01:14:11Let go? Like, let go of my hands

01:14:13around his throat?

01:14:15No, I mean, turn the other cheek.

01:14:17Look to greener pastures.

01:14:19Go out with someone who thinks you're smart,

01:14:21funny, and beautiful.

01:14:23That'd be like giving up without a fight.

01:14:25Well, maybe that someone is right in front of you

01:14:27and you haven't even noticed it yet.

01:14:29Huh? Sorry, I was thinking.

01:14:31God, I must have hit you hard when he dumped you.

01:14:33Is that what he's telling people? I dumped him.

01:14:35What? Are you kidding me?

01:14:37Then why are you still stalking the poor bastard?

01:14:39Um, I can't say.

01:14:41Look, Lisa, I mean this

01:14:43in the nicest way possible.

01:14:45You need psychiatric help.

01:14:47The only reason that you still pursue someone,

01:14:49someone that you dumped,

01:14:51is that you have serious mental issues.

01:14:53Or that you still seriously

01:14:55like the person.

01:14:57I think you need to move on.

01:14:59Hmm.

01:15:01You said it that way.

01:15:03You're right.

01:15:09Yeah?

01:15:11Yeah.

01:15:13I don't know how I could have been so blind.

01:15:15Lisa, I...

01:15:17It was never about getting my stuff back.

01:15:19Thanks, Bruce.

01:15:25Lisa, wait! I...

01:15:27Fuck.

01:15:57Lisa!

01:16:23Lisa!

01:16:25Take me back.

01:16:27You mean it?

01:16:29I knew there was a reason my ex-girlfriend sense wasn't tingling anymore.

01:16:31It must be because you really love me.

01:16:33How could I ever leave you?

01:16:35How could I ever let you go?

01:16:41No, dude, no!

01:16:43Eric, shut the fuck up!

01:16:49My remote!

01:16:51My remote!

01:16:53You're keeping this too?

01:16:57Steal my stuff?

01:17:05And this is for my bra?

01:17:07I haven't been able to change my channels, Neil.

01:17:13I thought you might have changed,

01:17:15but you still only care about TV.

01:17:17But I have changed. I'm choosing you.

01:17:19You're never going to change.

01:17:21I have done everything for you, Neil.

01:17:23And you just sit and be controlled.

01:17:25Well, not anymore.

01:17:31Lisa, no!

01:17:33Howie, no!

01:17:35Lisa!

01:17:37She took the remote.

01:17:39You can't change this shit.

01:17:41It's not even TV.

01:17:43Damn you and your TV.

01:17:45It's what got me in this mess in the first place.

01:17:47Shut up, Eric.

01:17:49Don't pass the blame around.

01:17:51You're the one who lost everything,

01:17:53so do something about it.

01:17:55If you want Lisa, go get her.

01:17:57Forget that. Go get Howie.

01:17:59Damn it, dude.

01:18:01I was just trying to show you

01:18:03that it's your decision to make.

01:18:05Come on, man. Now we got nothing.

01:18:07What kept us together is gone.

01:18:09You know, maybe Lisa is a little off-kilter,

01:18:11but I can't tell you if you love her or not.

01:18:13Forget this, man.

01:18:15Let's go.

01:18:37Me too.

01:18:45Me too.

01:19:15Me too.

01:19:17Me too.

01:19:19Me too.

01:19:21Me too.

01:19:23Me too.

01:19:25Me too.

01:19:27Me too.

01:19:29Me too.

01:19:31Me too.

01:19:33Me too.

01:19:35Me too.

01:19:37Me too.

01:19:39Me too.

01:19:41Me too.

01:19:43Me too.

01:19:45Me too.

01:19:47Me too.

01:19:49Me too.

01:19:51Me too.

01:19:53Me too.

01:19:55Me too.

01:19:57Me too.

01:19:59Me too.

01:20:01Me too.

01:20:03Me too.

01:20:05Me too.

01:20:07Me too.

01:20:09Me too.

01:20:11Me too.

01:20:35Stop the cab.

01:20:41I had to. I had a big choice to make, and you were a really big part of that.

01:21:00Damn it. I can't believe this. My sphere's been under siege all day, and now I'm ruined.

01:21:09I'm gonna miss the three of us hanging out.

01:21:12Why the hell did you spur him on in the first place?

01:21:15I felt like this was bigger than we could perceive.

01:21:18It'd be selfish to keep him here for our own reasons, and I wanted to help him make the right choice, whatever it was.

01:21:24Great. Now we're gonna have to find a new roommate from the look of it.

01:21:29I wonder what Brian's up to.

01:21:31Who? Chode?

01:21:33Oh, yeah.

01:21:35Matt, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to break up our trio.

01:21:39Whatever. Look, I just knew girls are more trouble than they're worth.

01:21:44You probably just have to find the right one.

01:21:46What, like Lisa? I have no idea what Neil even sees in her.

01:21:50God, why the hell did you put him up to this, Eric?

01:21:52That's what I've been saying. I don't think either of us knows what's best for him.

01:21:58Oh, look. Here come the lovebirds now.

01:22:10Crazy psycho bitch.

01:22:29All'orizzonte dell'illusione

01:22:32Oltre le falde della disinformazione

01:22:35Lamenti stolti, vuoti impuniti

01:22:38Mani assordati dalla danza dei banditi

01:22:42Ai piedi di una memoria ingrata

01:22:45Sveglia le storie di una terra liberata

01:22:48Caduta in mare, nell'incoscienza

01:22:52Spenduta al banco di una pieca indifferenza

01:22:59Done good, Neil.

01:23:02Now we can eat.

01:23:07Fuck.

01:23:28Fuck.

01:23:59Se voi accorrete, ho una storia da raccontare

01:24:03Io piango sogni indignati, non abbiate dimor di me

01:24:06Non ce li non parlo la storia, è il sogno vero che voglio parlare

01:24:09Guardate qui nelle strade, ritroverete il perché

01:24:14Scomparso negli sentieri, cammina per giorni e sere

01:24:17Tra lamenti del vuoto, nel tormento e la povertà

01:24:20Lo stegno in un'idea che si accende tra marcelle di basso e barriere

01:24:24Ernesto ha un sguardo sicuro e cresce con la verità

01:24:27Qui nelle città, grida e grida la gente

01:24:30Si ha arrabbiato con l'odio e con l'amore

01:24:33Si ha arrabbiato con l'odio e con l'amore

01:24:36Si ha arrabbiato con l'odio e con l'amore

01:24:39Si ha arrabbiato con l'odio e con l'amore

01:24:42Si ha arrabbiato con l'odio e solo è della verità

01:24:45Ma la vita da qui ancora non sa

01:24:48Qui c'è il piede di un uomo morto per la libertà

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