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00:29Dad, Hazel's home from the football game.
00:32She is.
00:33I wonder who won.
00:34Believe me, son, if the Bulldogs ever win a game, you'll know it.
00:37Hazel will come through that front door dragging the goal post.
00:40Well, I better go out in the kitchen and collect that 50-cent bet.
00:55All right, Hazel.
00:57Do I get my 50 cents in cash or another I.O.U.?
01:01Oh, what makes you so sure you don't owe me 50 cents?
01:04Oh, Hazel, don't make me laugh.
01:06Those bums of yours haven't won a football game in years.
01:09Mr. B., are you calling the Bulldogs bums?
01:11Well, I'll admit it's not an accurate description.
01:13It's really a mild form of flattery.
01:15Well, like I keep telling Harold,
01:17it's not a matter of who wins, but how you play the game.
01:20How did they play?
01:22Well, right after the kickoff,
01:24the Bulldogs scored a touchdown,
01:26and then they converted, and we was ahead 7-0.
01:28Well, what was the final score?
01:30And we didn't make one single fumble.
01:32Well, what was the final score?
01:33And two minutes before the end of the game,
01:35the halfback broke loose and made a 50-yard run.
01:38Well, what was the final score?
01:40They won 58-7.
01:53¶¶
02:23¶¶
02:27Guess who told you to change that play?
02:31Oh, come on, you're a good quarterback.
02:34Was it one of the owners?
02:38All right, which one was it, Mr. Dempsey or Mr. Wheeler?
02:42Coach, if you'd run the team your own way,
02:44we wouldn't have any troubles.
02:45If you don't stand up to him, how do you expect us to?
02:48I suppose you think because I don't stand up to Wheeler and Dempsey,
02:50I'm afraid of losing my job.
02:52Well, they tell us what to do behind your back,
02:53and they tell us what plays to use,
02:55and they don't even speak to each other.
02:57Well, I'm not afraid of losing my job.
02:58It's just that I can't afford to lose it right now
03:00because I've got a boy still in college,
03:02and my wife has been very ill.
03:04Whoo-hoo! Everybody decent?
03:06Yeah, come on in, Hazel.
03:08Oh. Hi there, Murphy.
03:10Hi, Hazel. How's your wife?
03:12Well, I think she's doing a little better, thanks.
03:14Oh, good. Where is everybody?
03:16Oh, we knocked off a little early.
03:17I wanted to talk over some of the plays with Gus.
03:19Oh, well, what are you looking so droopy about
03:21if your wife's feeling better?
03:23Eh, Gus has been giving me some of your favorite advice.
03:26If I'd run the team my way
03:28and stopped listening to Mr. Wheeler and Mr. Dempsey, I'd...
03:30Well, that's the best advice you'll ever get.
03:32Oh, say, I got a new play for you.
03:34Oh, Hazel, we're having trouble with the plays we got now.
03:36Well, I was watching the Rams game on the TV last night,
03:39and they got a switcheroo on the run-pass-option play.
03:42I'll show you.
03:44Come on, Hazel, now cut it out, will you?
03:46I've got so many people telling me how to run the team now.
03:50My wife wanted to be sure and say thanks to you
03:52for the soup you sent over.
03:53Oh, well, I'm glad she liked it.
03:55I brought her over another job.
03:57Oh, and I got some brownies here for the team.
03:59Go on, help yourselves.
04:01I'm glad the other fellas left early.
04:02Thanks, Hazel.
04:03Oh, don't thank me. Thank Mr. Baxter.
04:08Baxter?
04:09Oh, sure, I baked them,
04:10but Mr. Baxter paid for the sugar and nuts and stuff.
04:15Why, what's the matter?
04:17He can have them.
04:20Hazel, there's a rumor around that Mr. Johnson,
04:22the president of the league, is in town.
04:24He wants to buy back the Bulldog franchise
04:26and dissolve the team.
04:27Dissolve the team?
04:29Yes, and your Mr. Baxter is handling it for him.
04:31Who said that? Who said that?
04:34Hazel, all I'm telling you is what I've heard around town.
04:36That's the most terrible thing I ever heard.
04:39It's worse than someone stabbing me in the back in person.
04:43Hazel, I...
04:44Oh, Mr. B's one of the kindest, sweetest people in the world.
04:46He no more think of selling out the Bulldogs than...
04:49than selling me out.
04:51Well, you mean to say then, Mr. Wheeler,
04:53you would be willing to sell the franchise?
04:56There's no point in holding on to a losing proposition.
04:59Well, may I say this meeting has turned out to be
05:01far more pleasant than I had anticipated.
05:04Well, I consider myself to be a reasonable man.
05:08And I'm delighted you understand how the league feels
05:10about the attendance problem.
05:12Hasn't done my bank account much good either.
05:15Mr. Wheeler, may I say that you are without a doubt
05:17one of the most intelligent, reasonable, sensible men I've ever met.
05:21Well, I... I try to be.
05:24And I only hope you're a partner. Mr. Dempsey.
05:26Dempsey?
05:27Don't you ever mention that chowderhead's name in my presence.
05:31Well, Mr. Wheeler, you both are equal partners.
05:35One can't sell without the other.
05:37Now, as a reasonable man, you must understand
05:39there has to be an agreement.
05:41Well, I'll tell you right now.
05:43If that mule-brain blockhead wants to sell, I don't.
05:46And if he doesn't, I do. And vice versa.
05:49Don't you ever mention his name to me again.
05:54Well, I know Mr. B.
05:55And he wouldn't be selling the Bulldogs.
05:57Now, don't get carried away, Hazel.
05:59From what you've told me, your boss isn't too enthusiastic about that team.
06:03I know, but he wouldn't do nothing to hurt the men.
06:06Now, you take Coach Murphy. He's a good coach.
06:09But after a three-year run of bad luck,
06:12how would he get a good job?
06:14And how about the other guys?
06:16Don't the men on the team have some kind of part-time job?
06:20Oh, sure, but part-time jobs don't pay no full-time bills.
06:27I want to call Mr. B. and tell him how we feel.
06:30Hazel, you better wait until he comes home.
06:33If this ever got out, you know, he'd lose a lot of good friends.
06:38Hi, Miss Williams. It's Hazel.
06:41Oh, you did? No kidding. She recognized my voice.
06:45I want to talk to Mr. B.
06:48He's busy?
06:51He's busy with who?
06:53Mr. Dempsey, I'm sure you're a reasonable man.
06:56Now, if we can approach this matter with calm, objective...
06:58This is his briefcase.
07:00With calm, objective logic...
07:02You talk to him first.
07:05You talk to him before you saw me.
07:08If you think for one minute that I am going to play second fiddle to that...
07:12Mr. Dempsey.
07:16Mr. Demp...
07:20I can't believe it. I just can't believe it.
07:22Oh, Hazel.
07:24Mr. B's selling him out.
07:25Now, Hazel.
07:26Well, he's selling him out.
07:28Hazel, I can't find...
07:29Don't bother her now, Harold.
07:34Why is she crying?
07:36I said, don't bother her now.
07:38Oh, Hazel, I know you love them.
07:40Love them? I helped them carry that ball through every game.
07:43Oh, I know you did, but you just must pull yourself together.
07:47Here, let me get you some coffee.
08:03What are you crying about?
08:05I don't know.
08:06It's just sympathy.
08:08He's crying because you're crying.
08:10So please try to stop.
08:12Oh, sure, I don't want to stop. No epidemic.
08:15No sport.
08:16You know what I told you to do when you feel blue?
08:19What?
08:20Well, you just, you stand in front of a mirror...
08:22And you give yourself a great big smile and you say, I'm happy.
08:26I am happy.
08:28I am happy.
08:30I'm happy.
08:33Here's your coffee, Hazel.
08:35No, I don't want none.
08:36I think I'll just go in my room and lie down for a little while.
08:51I'm happy.
08:53I... I am happy.
08:57I am happy.
09:00I'm happy.
09:02Well, maybe you are.
09:04But I ain't.
09:30Hello, darling. Dinner ready?
09:32I don't know, George. I haven't looked in the kitchen.
09:34I've sort of left Hazel to herself this afternoon.
09:36I imagine she'll be interested to know who was in my office today.
09:39I think Hazel knows pretty much what's going on, George.
09:42Well, if she knows what's going on, she knows more than I do.
09:45I've never spent such a dizzy day in all my life.
09:48Did Mr. Wheeler and Mr. Dempsey sell the franchise?
09:50No, and as far as I'm concerned, they can keep the franchise and keep their feud.
09:54I've washed my hands of the whole matter.
09:56You've what?
09:57Besides, I think the town needs a football team.
09:59It gives people like Hazel a place to blow their bugle.
10:02Oh, George.
10:04Oh, I love you. I love you.
10:07I love you.
10:12Is this our anniversary?
10:15No.
10:18No.
10:25Oh, Mr. Bailey.
10:27Oh, I love you. I love you. I love you.
10:29Now, wait a minute. Wait a minute.
10:31I stopped for a haircut on the way home.
10:33Could that barber sprinkle the love potion on me?
10:35Oh, you're the love potion. You didn't buy back the Bulldogs franchise.
10:39No. No, I didn't.
10:41Ain't he the sweetest sweet patootie in the world?
10:43So, Mr. Johnson will probably try to get another attorney to handle it.
10:47Another attorney?
10:49Oh, we're still up the creek then, huh?
10:52Well, I said try to get another attorney.
10:54Frankly, I don't think there's another one in the country who could settle that feud.
10:57George, what are they feuding about?
10:59Well, no one seems to know.
11:01Now, I had separate meetings with them, but I couldn't even get a clue as to what it was all about.
11:05That's the trouble.
11:06If someone could find out what they was feuding about,
11:09then maybe they could get the men together, and then the team would win some games.
11:13And...
11:17Oh, now, don't look at me, Hazel.
11:19I've had it. My policy is hands off.
11:22Oh. Well, maybe we can talk about it during dinner.
11:25And I don't care to discuss it at dinner either.
11:27Oh, well, we'll talk about it after dinner.
11:37Mr. B, I got a terrific idea.
11:39Hazel, now, don't you know better than to barge into a bedroom without knocking?
11:43I knock.
11:45But you never give me time to tell you to stay out.
11:47And when a man's in his pajamas, he...
11:49Oh, I'll look the other way.
11:51Mr. B, just think what a hero you'd be with the whole town
11:55if you was to get them two men together.
11:58Hazel, I told you at dinner, my policy is hands off.
12:02Well, you know, football is just as important to some people
12:05as the museum and the symphony is to others.
12:12Good night, Hazel.
12:13Oh, Mr. B.
12:14Good night.
12:15Good night, Hazel.
12:16Oh, Mr. B.
12:17Good night.
12:32Hello.
12:33Mr. B, I don't want to make a nuisance of myself, but...
12:36Hazel, where are you calling from?
12:38You haven't even had time to get next door.
12:41I'm calling from downstairs in the hall.
12:43That's ridiculous.
12:44This is an extension phone.
12:46You can't telephone yourself on your own phone.
12:48Well, there's a special number you call.
12:50I watched the repairman.
12:52Hazel...
12:53Mr. B, I don't want to make a nuisance of myself, but...
12:59Mr. B, I was thinking of Coach Murphy.
13:03Mr. B? Mr. B?
13:05Hazel, George isn't here. He just went into the bathroom.
13:08He says he's going to sit in the bathtub.
13:11Oh, taking a hot bath before he goes to bed, huh?
13:14He must be having trouble relaxing.
13:16Well, tell him not to worry. I know what to do.
13:19I'll bring him up a nice cup of hot milk.
13:23Come on now, Mr. B.
13:24Drink this.
13:26Thank you, Hazel, and good night.
13:28Oh, Mr. B.
13:29Do you remember how proud everybody was of you
13:32when you got the world's greatest conductor to lead our symphony?
13:35And all the pats that you got on the back
13:38when you arranged that King Tut exhibit at the Art Museum?
13:41Good night, Hazel.
13:42And everybody would be just as pleased
13:44if you did as much for the Bulldogs as King Tut.
13:47Because, Mr. B, in spite of what the sports writers say,
13:50the Bulldogs ain't as dead as Tut.
13:54Good night, Hazel.
13:59You know, I hate to admit this, but...
14:02Hazel does have a point.
14:04Well, I don't think I heard it.
14:06All I heard was you saying good night, Hazel.
14:08No, no.
14:09I mean, she has a point about getting these two men together
14:12for the sake of football in this town.
14:14Oh, George, do you think you could?
14:18No, no, I've washed my hands of it.
14:20Do you have any idea how to find out what the quarrel is about?
14:23Well, not yet.
14:25But I got a couple of quarreling litigants together last week.
14:28I invited them to dinner and...
14:30Well, if these two aren't speaking to each other, will they accept the invitation?
14:33That's the big problem.
14:36I know how you could do it, Mr. B.
14:38Hazel, were you out there listening at the door?
14:41Of course, if you was to invite Mr. Wheeler or Mr. Dempsey by themselves,
14:45they wouldn't accept a dinner invitation.
14:47But if you was to give a dinner party for the whole team, then they'd have to come.
14:51You mean invite an entire football team to dinner?
14:54Sure, they'd have to come because each one's afraid to leave the team alone with the other.
15:00George, where are you going?
15:02George, where are you going?
15:04I'm going back in and sit in the bathtub.
15:13I'm entering the punt, pass and kick competition.
15:16Good for you.
15:17How do you hold the ball when you go to pass?
15:19Well, like this.
15:22Gee.
15:23That way I get better control.
15:25Hazel's a pretty good punter, but I'll bet you're a better passer.
15:28I wish you'd tell that to Coach Murphy.
15:33Hazel, Hazel, do you realize this is an endless circle?
15:37By the time the end of the line gets here, the first ones are finished and are back for more.
15:41Psst, here comes Wheeler and Dempsey.
15:46Just leave them to me.
15:48Well, don't do nothing until Mr. Wheeler's had a chance to have some of this.
15:51What is it?
15:52Red cabbage with fresh roasted chestnuts.
15:55That's a new one.
15:56Oh, and boy, look.
15:58Wait till Mr. Dempsey sinks his fork into this.
16:01Oh, my favorite.
16:02Oh, yeah, banana cream pie.
16:04I called Coach Murphy, and he told me what their special weaknesses was.
16:08If you ask me, their special weakness is arguing with each other.
16:10Well, when they used to be friends, they had a lodge where they used to go fishing.
16:13And they had this Polish cook that used to fix all their favorite dishes.
16:21Aha, Mr. Wheeler and Mr. Dempsey.
16:23So glad you could both be with us tonight.
16:25I must apologize for my wife. She's not feeling well.
16:27And she's sure sorry to miss it all.
16:29This being a social occasion, now why don't we three relax and enjoy a wonderful evening together?
16:34Not with him.
16:36My sentiment's precise.
16:41I'm going to bring those two together or else.
16:43This thing is becoming a challenge.
16:45Oh, boy, when you get that look on your face, Mr. Bean, they better look out.
16:49Wheeler and Dempsey are as good as buddies.
16:52Really?
16:55Mr. Baxter.
16:56Yes?
16:57I understand you were an All-American quarterback.
16:59Who ever gave you that idea?
17:01Harold here just told me.
17:02I didn't know you were going to tally.
17:05I'm afraid that's just a little bit of youthful exaggeration.
17:08I did play college ball, but never made All-American.
17:13Well, maybe he wasn't All-American, but he was a team star kicker, weren't you, Dad?
17:18Well, actually, I think it was pretty good.
17:21In fact, in place kicking, I never used to use a kicking team.
17:24No?
17:25Well, most college men did, but I didn't.
17:27How'd you do it?
17:28Well, the same as a kickoff.
17:40You know, I'm glad you brought me out here in the kitchen, Hazel.
17:42I just don't like people watching me when I stuff myself.
17:45Oh, well, you just go ahead and stuff yourself.
17:49Another piece of pie?
17:51No, no. Two is my limit.
17:53Well, don't let me force you.
17:55But in about half an hour, I may want another piece.
18:00Is it as good as you used to get up at the lodge?
18:02No, it's better.
18:05How did you know about the lodge?
18:07Oh, well, I heard about you and Mr. Wheeler going fishing.
18:10Please don't ever mention that man's name in my presence.
18:14Well...
18:15You want to spoil a perfectly good piece of pie?
18:17No, but...
18:18Well, then just don't mention his name to me ever.
18:21Oh, well, I don't want to get nosy, but what are you and, uh...
18:24You know who, uh, Feudon about?
18:27Everything.
18:28Well, when did it start?
18:30You and Mr...
18:31You know who used to be good friends?
18:34When did it start?
18:37I never discussed that.
18:38Why?
18:40Well, because I don't care to discuss it.
18:42Oh, well, I don't want to force you.
18:44Oh, good.
18:45But how did it start?
18:47Hazel, I don't care to discuss it.
18:51I bet if I was a pretty little blonde I could get it out of you.
18:54But all I got is banana cream pie and good intentions.
18:58Hazel, I know your intentions are good and so is your pie, but...
19:03Well, there's nothing you can do about this because...
19:06Well, I don't know.
19:08You don't know what?
19:10How it started.
19:12I tell you, I have racked my brain and I just can't remember.
19:16You mean you don't know what you're mad about?
19:18Certainly I don't know what I'm mad about.
19:20Oh, I'm mad at a million things he's done since we've been mad at each other, but...
19:25I just can't remember what we were mad about originally.
19:29Wait a minute.
19:30I'll be right back.
19:32In the meantime, have another piece of pie.
19:43You mean you don't remember what you got mad about either?
19:47Either.
19:48You've been discussing my affairs with that...
19:50Oh, no, he ain't a perfect stranger. He owns 50% of the feud, too.
19:54Oh, come on, you don't want any more of that.
19:56Just a little bit left, Hazel.
19:58Well, if you want any more, there's plenty in the kitchen.
20:02Son, talk me the book.
20:05Now, the key block had to be made by the halfback who had to spring me loose.
20:09Bula, bula, bula, bula.
20:13Well, now that you're both calmed down, go ahead and eat your pie.
20:19Go on, hurry up.
20:23And you eat your cabbage, Mr. Wheeler, and let me do the talking.
20:28You two sitting here like this must be like a day up at the lodge after a good day's fishing,
20:33and you're caught more than the legal limit, huh?
20:36Well, I'll have to admit I sort of missed that.
20:40You too?
20:42Didn't you ever go up there by yourself?
20:45It's no fun by myself. Fisherman has to have somebody to lie to.
20:51What about you?
20:55No fun unless there's someone to call a liar.
21:00Sure, if you got to argue, it's better to argue about fish than football.
21:04There ain't nobody trying to liquidize no fish's franchise.
21:10You know, there's a lot to be said for that.
21:13There's plenty to be said for it.
21:18Yes, sir, I was always a very cool passer under fire.
21:21Son, center the ball for me.
21:25Hup!
21:26I'd rather be thrown for a loss any day than risk an interception.
21:29Mr. B!
21:30Mr. B!
21:31Excuse me, please. Mr. B!
21:33Hazel, I apologize, I got sidetracked here,
21:35but don't you worry, I'll get those two men together.
21:37Leave it to me.
21:38Well, I didn't want to spoil your Rose Bowl performance,
21:40so I went ahead and brought them together myself.
21:43You what?
21:44Sure, they decided to forget the five years and be friends again.
21:47Come on, fellas. Come on in here.
21:50Oh, excuse me, boys.
21:53Mr. Dancy Wheeler, this doesn't look natural.
21:57You mean to see us smiling at each other?
21:59I didn't think I'd ever live to see this day myself.
22:01But thanks to Hazel, here we are.
22:03Friends, just like the old days.
22:05Well, the team is off and running, nothing can stop now.
22:08Oh, that's what we wanted to see Mr. Baxter about.
22:10You know, we never had any real quarrels until we bought the Bulldozers.
22:14That's right, so we decided to get out.
22:16We're going to accept Mr. Johnson's offer.
22:18We'll sell the franchise.
22:31Yeah!
22:59I know just how you feel.
23:00I'm just as blue as you are. I couldn't even bear to watch.
23:04Blue? Hazel, we're not blue, we're numb.
23:07Just before the game ended, we kicked a field goal.
23:10Well, I'll get out of your way.
23:12Huh?
23:13And before that, we scored three touchdowns, so we won, 24 to 21.
23:17You won?
23:18Hazel, I finally took your advice and played the game my way.
23:25Gentlemen, gentlemen.
23:27I just talked to Mr. Johnson.
23:28If the Bulldogs play this way the rest of the season,
23:30I don't think the league will be at all interested in buying back that franchise.
23:34What do you mean if they play this way? Well, they're going to play even better.
23:37They're going to win every game.
23:39You just try buying back that franchise.
23:42Hazel, Mr. Baxter says it was your idea to give that dinner party last night and get us together.
23:46Tonight, I'd like to give a dinner party.
23:48Just a moment. Now I remember.
23:51Remember what?
23:52I remember what started our feud.
23:54You gave a dinner party for the team once, and you didn't invite me.
23:58When?
23:59Five years ago is when.
24:01The only dinner party I ever gave was a surprise party for you,
24:04and you gave me the cold shoulder. You never even showed up.
24:06And how could I show up when nobody invited me?
24:08Now, you...
24:09Well, how do I know you didn't invite me?
24:10Look, I'd like to have a little quiet in here.
24:11Now, I am coaching this team. I am the boss, and this is my office.
24:15Now, everybody out.
24:16Oh, now, listen, Murphy, just who do you think...
24:17I am going to coach the team from now on my way.
24:20Now, just...
24:21Hooray! Good for you, Murphy.
24:22Now, if you want to hold your...
24:23Now, believe me, you better...
24:24Listen, you've got a good coach. Why don't you let him do his job?
24:27Well, he can't talk to us like that.
24:28Willa, Willa, please, now don't...
24:30I'll argue with Hazel.
24:31We'll never get any more banana cream pie and red cabbage, man.
24:34Mr. B., I guess this calls for a toot from the fan club.
24:41Hooray!
24:52Hooray!
25:22A Screen Gems Production.