Deadpool and Wolverine FuII Movie
Category
🛠️
LifestyleTranscript
00:00:00Right, I'm sorry. I just I'm excited to be here. It's been a while, you know for a long time
00:00:04I wasn't sure I'd ever be back Disney bought Fox
00:00:06There was a whole boring rights issue blah bitty blah bitty blah
00:00:08But then it turned out they wanted me the one guy who shouldn't even have his own movie much less a franchise
00:00:15Marvel's so stupid
00:00:17Look, we know the title of this thing. So I know what you're wondering. How are we gonna do this without dishonoring Logan's memory?
00:00:23And I'll tell you how
00:00:25We're not
00:00:27I'm gonna let you in on a little secret Wolverine. He's not dead sure
00:00:32It made for a perfect ending to a very sad story, but that's not how regenerative healing factors work
00:00:36You think I want to be out here in beautiful downtown, North Dakota digging up the one and only Wolverine. No, thank you
00:00:42But the fate of my entire world is at stake. You may not be living his best life, but he sure as hell ain't
00:00:47dead
00:00:52Bingo yahtzee
00:00:57Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes
00:01:02Damn it!
00:01:04Son of a bitch!
00:01:11Mother fucker!
00:01:13My world is fucked!
00:01:15That was weird. I'm much calmer now
00:01:18Look, I'm not a man of science, but you seem incredibly passed away
00:01:24But it's good to see you. I gotta be honest. I've always wanted to ride with you, Logan
00:01:28You and me getting into a Deadpool and a Wolverine just fucking shit up
00:01:32Can you imagine the fun, the chaos, the residuals?
00:01:36Good day, mate. Here's nothing that'll bring me back to life faster than a big bag of maddle cash
00:01:41Me too, Hugh. But no. No, no, no
00:01:45Oh, you had to get all noble and die for real. God damn it!
00:01:50I could really use your help right now
00:02:01Wait!
00:02:03I'm warning you, I'm not alone!
00:02:05Wade Winston Wilson, you are under arrest by the Time Variance Authority for too many crimes to list
00:02:10Come out and face the courtesy of...
00:02:12Death by day, player
00:02:21I don't wanna see you out that door, baby, bye-bye-bye
00:02:25I don't wanna be a fool for you
00:02:27Just wanna put you in what you're used to
00:02:29You may hate me, but it ain't no lie, baby, bye-bye-bye
00:02:34I don't really wanna make it tough
00:02:36I just wanna tell you that I had enough
00:02:38It might sound crazy, but it ain't no lie, baby, bye-bye-bye
00:02:44I don't wanna be your fool in this game for two
00:02:50So I'm leaving, bye-bye-bye
00:02:53I don't wanna be a fool for you
00:02:55Just wanna put you in what you're used to
00:02:57You may hate me, but it ain't no lie, baby, bye-bye-bye
00:03:02I don't really wanna make it tough
00:03:04I just wanna tell you that I had enough
00:03:06It might sound crazy, but it ain't no lie, baby, bye-bye-bye
00:03:11I don't really wanna make it tough
00:03:13I just wanna tell you that I had enough
00:03:15It might sound crazy, but it ain't no lie, baby, bye-bye-bye
00:03:24I am soaking wet right now.
00:03:29To be clear, I'm not proud of any of this.
00:03:31The wanton violence, the whiff of necrophilia.
00:03:33It isn't who I am. It isn't who I wanna be.
00:03:35Who I wanna be? Well, to help you understand that, I gotta take you back.
00:03:39On a little joyride I took through space and time to the day that changed everything.
00:03:53I can't believe I'm finally here. I've waited for this moment for so long.
00:03:57Thank you, sir, for seeing me.
00:04:00I firmly believe that my services could be of great use to your organization.
00:04:04Now, I know I was caught masturbating in the lobby of Stark Towers.
00:04:07Masturbating? I'm sorry. What was that?
00:04:09No, I'm sorry. That's when you get those toy pulp cans, right?
00:04:13And then you just look down and you just...
00:04:15You brace yourself and you ravage the midsection.
00:04:17I get it. Okay, thank you. The picture's painted.
00:04:19You get the gist.
00:04:20What exactly brings you here today?
00:04:22Why am I... Wow, okay. I care.
00:04:26I know I'm turning everything into a joke, but I...
00:04:29I care, and I wanna use that feeling for something important.
00:04:34I wanna matter.
00:04:37I hate to show my girl that I matter.
00:04:40And, you know, I feel like I'm wasting the good stuff here.
00:04:43Is the man not gonna be joining us?
00:04:45The man? Yeah. I should save this if he's gonna...
00:04:47As far as you're concerned right now, I'm the man.
00:04:49No. The man is me. I am the man in this circumstance.
00:04:53He doesn't do this kind of thing anymore.
00:04:55Cameos? Meetings.
00:04:56Entry-level meetings.
00:04:57Entry-level?
00:04:58Aren't you the chauffeur?
00:05:00Common misconception.
00:05:01I did begin my career as Mr. Stark's driver.
00:05:03I quickly pivoted to the head of security.
00:05:05Chauffeur. The head of security, of course. Yes, yes, yes, yes.
00:05:07And why I am vetting your resume.
00:05:09You seem to have left out whether or not you had any experience as a member of a team.
00:05:12Could you maybe add a little bit of perspective there?
00:05:14Oh, no, yes. Of course. I was special forces.
00:05:16But I was... Mainly, I was team leader, founder, really, of X-Force.
00:05:19Sadly, they all perished in action.
00:05:21Oh, how exactly did that happen?
00:05:22Well, the police say gravity, but if...
00:05:24Just between us, they didn't test well in the focus group.
00:05:26Particularly the cable.
00:05:27Whoa, whoa, whoa, look, I can see this isn't going well.
00:05:29Please stop writing. Look, I... I'm just gonna...
00:05:31I want to be an Avenger.
00:05:33I don't want to be an Avenger.
00:05:36Why do you want to be an Avenger?
00:05:38To look around you. I mean, they're the best of the best.
00:05:40And what they do matters.
00:05:42I need to be an Avenger.
00:05:44Sir, my girl is kind of had it with my shtick.
00:05:46If I don't, you know, turn things around and do something with my gifts,
00:05:49I don't think it's going to really work out for me, and I wouldn't blame her.
00:05:52Avengers are a very unique group of superheroes
00:05:56that stand for something more than just fighting and wearing costumes.
00:05:59I mean, people look up to us. Kids look up to us.
00:06:02I'm sorry, us? I wasn't aware that you were an Avenger.
00:06:05Avengers adjacent, technically.
00:06:06Oh, wow. What's your superpower? Is it parallel parking?
00:06:08I'm so sorry. That was cruel.
00:06:10I lash out when I'm nervous. Won't happen again.
00:06:12Let's cut to the chase.
00:06:13Please.
00:06:14You just said moments ago that you wanted to be an Avenger because you need it.
00:06:18Yes, sir, I do.
00:06:19But the Avengers don't do the job because they need it.
00:06:21They do the job because people need them.
00:06:24Do you see the distinction?
00:06:26Yes, sir.
00:06:28Please, Mr. Hogan, I don't want to spend the rest of my life like an annoying one-trick pony.
00:06:35All right.
00:06:36Oh, my God. You're standing.
00:06:38Yeah, now's the time we stand.
00:06:39Damn it.
00:06:40The problem might be that you're reaching a little too high.
00:06:43Aim for the middle, and you'll never miss.
00:06:45Right? I think you've got a good heart. I believe what you're saying.
00:06:47Not everybody's the world-saving type. I'm not. And I'm happy.
00:06:50Right? I found my place.
00:06:52Find your place.
00:06:54All right. Get back out there.
00:06:56We'll keep an eye on you. Good luck.
00:07:01Fetch the car. I want to hit Shake Shack.
00:07:03Rejection makes me hungry.
00:07:05No, no, no. Please. No, no, no.
00:07:07Okay. Thank you.
00:07:10You know what they say.
00:07:11When one door closes, your locker at work opens.
00:07:23Now, let's go sell some certified pre-owned vehicles and motherfuckers.
00:07:27Technically, the Carnival's not a minivan.
00:07:31It's an MPV.
00:07:32So how does the Kia compare to the Honda Odyssey?
00:07:34The Odyssey? That's a great question. It doesn't fucking suck.
00:07:37You know, you can answer the question without swearing.
00:07:39I'm sorry, Tammy. I don't have kids.
00:07:41Not that I haven't dreamt of that.
00:07:43I don't have a lot of vaginal sex.
00:07:47You'll get them next time, pal.
00:07:48And look, you can always go back to superheroing.
00:07:50I mean, I know I'd like to see you back in the suit.
00:07:52I don't keep it in my locker so that I can wear it.
00:07:54I keep it in my locker in case we need to saddle up again.
00:07:56Hey, hey, hey. What are you fucking doing in there?
00:07:59I'm done.
00:08:01I'm done.
00:08:03And I'm fine with being done.
00:08:04Look, is sales the best match? Probably not.
00:08:06Is this the life that I always imagined for myself?
00:08:08Fuck no.
00:08:10This is the right fit for me, Sugar Bear. It is.
00:08:12Okay, Mr. Wilson.
00:08:14I'm just saying, once a month, we could go on a little mission.
00:08:16We're human beings. We crave purpose.
00:08:18After all, we're Deadpool.
00:08:19Please stop saying that. We're not Deadpool.
00:08:21I'm not even Deadpool anymore.
00:08:23Well, if you're going to have a midlife crisis, go big.
00:08:25A few years ago, a friend of mine got his nipples pierced
00:08:27with a titanium chain that goes down and attaches to his Van Johnson.
00:08:34Are you feeling Grumple Stiltskin because it's your birthday?
00:08:38What?
00:08:40No.
00:08:42No.
00:08:45Surprise!
00:08:46Surprise!
00:08:48Hey, you guys are lucky I'm not armed.
00:08:50Get in here.
00:08:51If this were six years ago, you'd all be dead.
00:08:53So then, he gets out of the cab, and you would not believe it.
00:08:55I turn around, and what do I find?
00:08:57AirPods.
00:08:58AirPods!
00:08:59Come on. Crazy story. Every time. Come on.
00:09:03Make any sales today?
00:09:04You know, I didn't.
00:09:05Did you sell any Dreamcatchers on Etsy or whatever it is that you do?
00:09:08I'll run to do in three days' wait. I can't keep carrying it.
00:09:11Relax. I have the money.
00:09:12I sold some old blood pressure medication I found lying around.
00:09:15You trying to kill me, motherfucker?
00:09:16I'm not the one dousing everything in salt, motherfucker.
00:09:18I pray every day that fire finds your body and finishes the job God didn't have the nuts to do.
00:09:24That's hurtful.
00:09:25If you could hear the look on my face, you'd smell how sad I am.
00:09:27You watch anything good?
00:09:28The Great British Makeoff.
00:09:30Oh, goddamn.
00:09:31That show stood between me and suicide for ten years.
00:09:33Those are my feelings.
00:09:34On abortion, religious freedom, animal rights, privacy rights, vaccines, free market capitalism, global climate change.
00:09:38No, no speaking lines, Parker.
00:09:40Hi, Yukio.
00:09:41Hi, Reed.
00:09:42Nice fake o'clock shadow.
00:09:44It's a summer balayage from the French.
00:09:47It's meant to mimic the natural highlights of the sun.
00:09:50It's a two-pack.
00:09:51It's a hair system.
00:09:52I love your hair system, Reed.
00:09:54Want to do some cocaine?
00:09:55Hey, cocaine is the one thing that Viagie said is off-limits.
00:09:58What about Bolivian marching power?
00:10:00They know all the slang terms. They have a list.
00:10:01Even snowboarding?
00:10:02Even disco dust.
00:10:03White girl interrupter?
00:10:04Even Forrest Bump.
00:10:05Poker show?
00:10:06I wouldn't even try powdered gonads.
00:10:07Do you want to build a snowman?
00:10:08Yes!
00:10:09But I can't.
00:10:10Hole here.
00:10:11Here?
00:10:12Yeah.
00:10:14What happened?
00:10:15That's the fun part.
00:10:16Thanks for coming.
00:10:17Yeah.
00:10:18How's work?
00:10:19Oh, I got a promotion.
00:10:20No way.
00:10:21Yeah.
00:10:22It's my numbing middle management, but I'm happy.
00:10:24That's great.
00:10:26How about you?
00:10:27How about you?
00:10:28Um, yeah.
00:10:30A guy from work.
00:10:31Dermot.
00:10:32Dermot.
00:10:33He's kind.
00:10:34Good.
00:10:35Likes to go hiking.
00:10:36Hasn't gotten me shot yet.
00:10:37Well, it's the early days.
00:10:40How about you?
00:10:41You seeing anyone?
00:10:42No, no.
00:10:43I live in a one-bedroom apartment.
00:10:44Share a bed with a blind owl.
00:10:48All right.
00:10:49All right.
00:10:51Happy birthday to you.
00:10:54Okay, okay, okay, okay.
00:10:56Uh, birthdays.
00:10:58Boy, every spin around the moon is a new adventure indeed.
00:11:00Sunderman.
00:11:01Okay, round earther.
00:11:02Where was I?
00:11:03The adventure of life.
00:11:04Right.
00:11:05Um, it's been a challenging few years.
00:11:07I haven't seen you guys in a while.
00:11:08Been through a lot.
00:11:09Uh, change of life.
00:11:10Menopause?
00:11:11Bitch, are you improv-ing?
00:11:12Mm-mm.
00:11:13I'm sorry that you had to see that, Yu-Gi-Oh.
00:11:15Okay.
00:11:16Yeah.
00:11:17Ah, but I'm happy.
00:11:19You know, that's because of each and every one of you.
00:11:22I guess what I'm trying to say is how proud I am, how grateful I am to be standing in
00:11:26a room with every single person I love.
00:11:33I'm the luckiest man alive.
00:11:35Make a wish, buddy.
00:11:36Ten-four, good buddy.
00:11:38Going down.
00:11:44Wade Wilson?
00:11:45Oh, yeah.
00:11:46Dancers.
00:11:47The painter must have ordered you.
00:11:48Are those supposed to be cop costumes?
00:11:50Never mind.
00:11:51Take your clothes off, but leave the helmets, and this isn't Pretty Woman.
00:11:54We're kissing, all right?
00:11:55What song do you guys normally dance to?
00:11:57Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:12:00Is that supposed to be scary?
00:12:01Pegging isn't new for me, friendo.
00:12:03Is that supposed to be scary?
00:12:04Pegging isn't new for me, friendo.
00:12:05But it is for Disney.
00:12:06Look, I've never been a natural bottom, so we're going to take things real slow, and
00:12:11I want some crazy eye contact.
00:12:12Not you, you.
00:12:13I can't see your eyes through the mask, but I can feel them.
00:12:15We're going to move on down the hallway so we can spare a clean-up on Isle Astle.
00:12:18How's everyone feel about this plan?
00:12:19I don't like you.
00:12:20Yes, let's hold on to that attitude, and we're going to do it angry.
00:12:33Mr. Wilson, you appear to have soiled yourself while unconscious.
00:12:42I was unconscious.
00:12:43Who are you?
00:12:44I go by the name of Paradox, Mr. Paradox, and you're sitting here at the TVA, the Time
00:12:49Variance Authority.
00:12:50We're really a watchdog organization, except we're more lighthearted than that sounds,
00:12:54with a sort of throwback ironic twist.
00:12:57And we're in charge of defending what's known as the Sacred Timeline.
00:13:01Holy fuck, that is a shit ton of exposition for a threequel.
00:13:03Is this because I used Cable's time machine, brought a couple of people back to life, then
00:13:06I destroyed it?
00:13:07That was a long time ago.
00:13:08Yes, we're aware of your abuse of your timeline.
00:13:10You were so abusive of it.
00:13:12Uh, no, it has nothing to do with that.
00:13:14Walk with me.
00:13:20I brought you here, Mr. Wilson, to tell you that you're special.
00:13:24In fact, you've been chosen for a higher purpose, a purpose unclear even to me, but one that
00:13:30could save the entire Sacred Timeline from a possibly grisly fate sometime in the future,
00:13:35which may very well need to be avenged.
00:13:38The Sacred Timeline.
00:13:40I assume I'm going to marvel at how cinematic it feels?
00:13:45Gratuitous cameos?
00:13:47Indiscriminate use of variants?
00:13:48The whole package?
00:13:49You tell me.
00:13:56Cap.
00:14:00You are no longer lost, Wade.
00:14:04You can be a hero among heroes.
00:14:06We've been surveilling you for quite a while.
00:14:08Subway station.
00:14:09The TVA outpost, yes.
00:14:11And what is that?
00:14:12Hmm?
00:14:14Is that me?
00:14:15Is that Thor?
00:14:16Is he crying?
00:14:18Let's not get ahead of ourselves.
00:14:20That happens in the distant future.
00:14:21Why is Thor crying?
00:14:22Quick, tell me!
00:14:23Stop that. Eyes on me.
00:14:24I brought you here to offer you an opportunity, the opportunity you sought years ago, but
00:14:27for which you were not ready.
00:14:28We believe you're ready now.
00:14:29Ready for a chance to leave your timeline and join the greatest universe of all.
00:14:33I'm about to give you the thing you've always wanted.
00:14:35I smell what you're stepping in.
00:14:36The power in the Marvel Universe is about to change forever.
00:14:40I am a messiah.
00:14:43I am...
00:14:46Marvel Jesus.
00:14:48Excuse me.
00:14:53Suck it, Fox.
00:14:54I'm going to Disneyland.
00:14:55Get back!
00:14:59Where do I sign?
00:15:00Oh, it's in a need for paperwork.
00:15:01Good. Not to brag, but I do not read.
00:15:03There is one thing I will need, though.
00:15:09Fuck off.
00:15:10Adorn me, beardo.
00:15:29Fuckin' A!
00:15:30It's perfect!
00:15:31FYI, your tailor is a predator, but I love it.
00:15:34Snug, no camel toe, new car smell, and adamantium katanas?
00:15:38You shouldn't have.
00:15:39Go ahead. Take it in.
00:15:41And yes, your underwear is getting tighter.
00:15:43That guy knows what I'm talking about.
00:15:45His clothes say middle management, but his eyes say fucky fucky.
00:15:48Yes, you look very nice.
00:15:50Nice? Your buddy here is ready to throw it all away from me.
00:15:52You calling your wife?
00:15:53HR.
00:15:54Does your wife work in HR?
00:15:55I'm really glad you're taking this so well.
00:15:56Oh, I'm taking it well.
00:15:58I have never had a problem traveling for work.
00:16:00That said, we should talk vacation days.
00:16:02I'm more of a one-week-on, one-week-off kind of guy.
00:16:04I think it's what they do in Denmark.
00:16:05You'll never see a Danish flag on the moon, but goddammit, they're happy.
00:16:08Now, let's power up your little Amazon iPhone there
00:16:10and zip me back home so I can let my friends know
00:16:12that they've been upgraded to Disciples.
00:16:14Yeah. I don't think you quite understand.
00:16:16You will not be returning to your home
00:16:18because there will be no home to return to.
00:16:20Come again? This time in my ears?
00:16:23This is your universe, Mr. Wilson.
00:16:26That is what happens when a universe loses their anchor being.
00:16:30See how it decays from the inside?
00:16:32This is how a reality dies.
00:16:34What's an anchor being?
00:16:35An anchor being is an entity of such vital importance
00:16:37that when they die, their whole world slowly withers out of existence.
00:16:40You've just won the lottery because I didn't die.
00:16:42It was just a little midlife crisis. I'm better now.
00:16:44Oh, my God!
00:16:46Oh, I love to laugh.
00:16:47Can you imagine if you were the anchor being?
00:16:49Yeah.
00:16:51No, it isn't you, Mr. Wilson.
00:16:53Your anchor being died in an act of self-sacrifice so epic
00:16:57that it sent shivers down the timeline.
00:16:59I am referring, of course, to...
00:17:02Logan.
00:17:04The Wolverine.
00:17:08The Wolverine.
00:17:10The Wolverine.
00:17:12No.
00:17:15Don't be what they made you.
00:17:25Oh, this is what it feels like.
00:17:28Logan.
00:17:30Of course.
00:17:34Logan!
00:17:35The guy with forks for hands!
00:17:37That Wolverine!
00:17:39Yeah, I got it.
00:17:40I could turn your retro graphics of death off now.
00:17:42Make it stop.
00:17:43We're not doing it, Mr. Wilson. We certainly can't stop it.
00:17:46How long have we got?
00:17:47In most cases, a couple thousand years.
00:17:49Well, sweet.
00:17:50Most cases aren't fast enough. Not for me.
00:17:52What does that mean?
00:17:53It means that I have been tasked with overseeing the end of your universe,
00:17:57and regardless of what the pencil pushers upstairs would prefer,
00:17:59I will not waste my life watching it die slowly of natural causes.
00:18:03We used to just prune these things. Simple, elegant, efficient.
00:18:06But I'm told the TVA doesn't like to do that anymore.
00:18:08Well, I do. And no matter what my so-called superiors say,
00:18:10the multiverse does not need a babysitter.
00:18:12We need a mercy killer.
00:18:14And in this instance, I am the mercy killer.
00:18:21What in the muffin is that?
00:18:23That's a time ripper, Mr. Wilson.
00:18:25An accelerant. Once completed,
00:18:27it will allow me to destroy the space-time matrix of your universe.
00:18:30You see, I don't want to work for the TVA. I want to be the TVA.
00:18:33And the first step involves showing this organization
00:18:35how much more efficient it can become.
00:18:37To do that, I will be giving your universe a swift and compassionate end.
00:18:40And don't worry, your friends won't feel a thing. It'll be over just like this.
00:18:42Oh, what's that?
00:18:44Trust me.
00:18:55You're going to old yeller my fucking universe?
00:18:57In your parlance, yes. Two in the heart, one in the head.
00:19:00Look, Mr. Wilson, you have two choices.
00:19:02You can either rejoin your loved ones and collectively cease to exist in,
00:19:04I'd say, 72 hours,
00:19:06or you join the sacred timeline
00:19:09and you end your days of insignificance and mediocrity.
00:19:12Wade.
00:19:14Wade, you can finally, finally matter.
00:19:25That's all I've ever really wanted.
00:19:27I know. I know.
00:19:30And, you know, I'm nothing if not morally flexible.
00:19:34Yeah, yeah.
00:19:36I'll do it.
00:19:38Wise choice. The sacred timelines are happy to have you.
00:19:40I was talking about finding the wolverine and breaking your fucking nose.
00:19:53Find him. Find him!
00:19:55And, boy, did he ever.
00:19:58Which brings us back to this.
00:20:01The desecration of the sacred corpse.
00:20:04Oh, shit!
00:20:09Oh, my fucking arm!
00:20:13Oh, shit! Now we're talking!
00:20:15My fist!
00:20:18I'm sorry! Wolverining is hard!
00:20:20Make it stop!
00:20:21Mangled drive!
00:20:24You sick fuck!
00:20:26Logan was a hero.
00:20:27And the only thing worth a shit dab will come out of Canada.
00:20:35Get my country's name out of your fucking mouth.
00:20:39And my sword. Give me that.
00:20:43Oh, I gotta find me another Logan.
00:20:45An alive one.
00:20:47Don't get up, guys. I'll see myself out.
00:20:54Logan!
00:20:58I'm gonna need you to come with me.
00:21:00Who's asking?
00:21:03Well, look at this little hairy Lou Retton.
00:21:05Did you stick the landing, little guy?
00:21:07Yes, you did, comic-accurate short king.
00:21:09Such a cute widow wolvie.
00:21:11Cue the fucking montage, baby.
00:21:13Oh, boy! Everything seems to be on fire.
00:21:15Do you have a dragon?
00:21:17Ooh, you have enter being written all over.
00:21:27Patch.
00:21:29Now we're talking.
00:21:31Yeah.
00:21:32That's a whole goddamn package right there.
00:21:34Howdy!
00:21:35I'm just auditioning. I'm auditioning anchor beans.
00:21:37Oh.
00:21:38Yeah, that's gonna need some coconut oil.
00:21:43What in the fuck?
00:21:45Are you okay?
00:21:46Oh, yes, yes. Classic John Byrne brown and tan now.
00:21:49You fought the Hulk in this outfit, no?
00:21:53I'm Marvel Jesus, you dull creature, and I wanna...
00:22:02It's not you. We're just going in a different direction.
00:22:07You know, from behind, you look a little bit like Henry...
00:22:09Oh, my fuck!
00:22:11The Kavalryn.
00:22:12The legends are true.
00:22:14And may I say, sir, on behalf of all humanity,
00:22:16this just feels right.
00:22:18We will treat you so much better than those shitfucks down the street.
00:22:20You were just leaving.
00:22:21No, sir. Not while the fate of my universe is at stake.
00:22:26This one looks promising.
00:22:28Down you go.
00:22:30Again.
00:22:31I told you, you're not welcome here.
00:22:33You're not welcome anywhere.
00:22:34Now get the fuck out of my bar.
00:22:35Just give me one more drink and then I'll leave.
00:22:37That's not how it works.
00:22:39It does now. Leave the bottle.
00:22:41I know you, bub.
00:22:42Nope. But I know you.
00:22:44Everybody knows me.
00:22:46I'm the Wolverine.
00:22:47Yes, you are.
00:22:49And I'm gonna need you to come with me right now.
00:22:51Look, lady, I'm not interested.
00:22:53You're really getting into your cups here.
00:22:54Why would I go with you?
00:22:56Because, unfortunately, I need you.
00:22:58And even more unfortunately, my entire world needs you.
00:23:02You two gonna fuck or fight?
00:23:06You gonna take that from him?
00:23:08Yep.
00:23:09I can tell you if I sort of don't get too close, I'll only break your heart by going here.
00:23:12But every other Wolverine would have really hurt me by now.
00:23:14And I'm sort of on the tick-tick.
00:23:15So, Upsy-Daisy, here we go.
00:23:17I got you, big guy.
00:23:19Oh.
00:23:21Whiskey dick of the claws.
00:23:22It's quite common in Wolverines over 40.
00:23:23You don't want this.
00:23:24You're right. I don't.
00:23:25And you don't want this.
00:23:26Unless you want to take a deep breath through your fucking forehead,
00:23:28I suggest you reconsider.
00:23:30Let's go, Peanut.
00:23:34Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
00:23:36Watch this.
00:23:38All right.
00:23:39That will...
00:23:40Easy.
00:23:44Good God.
00:23:45Thirsty little honey badger, aren't you?
00:23:47It's okay. Keep going.
00:23:49Audiences are accustomed to long run times.
00:23:52Oh. Oh.
00:23:55Oh, I guess you'll have to do.
00:23:57Okay.
00:23:59Ooh.
00:24:00Look at those jammies.
00:24:01That only took 20 fucking years.
00:24:04One anchovy coming right up.
00:24:06On your left, baby girl.
00:24:08This Logan is the same. He can do anything.
00:24:09Even musicals.
00:24:10Look.
00:24:11And bonus, he's actually wearing a costume,
00:24:12like he's not embarrassed to be in a superhero movie for once.
00:24:14I don't understand.
00:24:15You said my universe is dying,
00:24:16because this sack of nuts got himself killed.
00:24:18Well, problem solved.
00:24:20My God.
00:24:21You actually think you can replace an anchovy with this?
00:24:26I wouldn't have accepted any other wolverine, BT-dubs,
00:24:28but you have outdone yourself and brought me the worst wolverine.
00:24:31What do you mean the worst one?
00:24:32Mr. Wilson, this wolverine let down his entire world.
00:24:36He's the stuff of legend, but not in a good way.
00:24:38And what he did, well,
00:24:40some things are just beyond forgiveness.
00:24:44Okay.
00:24:45How do I make this right?
00:24:46I can do anything.
00:24:48I gave you a chance at greatness,
00:24:50because my superiors deemed you special.
00:24:52Clearly not special in a good way,
00:24:53but apparently you have some important future purpose to serve.
00:24:56With Thor, he holds me.
00:24:57But I did my duty.
00:24:58I gave you the opportunity to be somebody,
00:25:00and instead of accepting my offering with humility and gratitude,
00:25:03you broke my nose.
00:25:04It looks great.
00:25:05And you decimated dozens of my men
00:25:06with the exhumed corpse of a hero,
00:25:07sonnering not only his remains, but his memory.
00:25:09What are you, the internet?
00:25:10Your world is dying.
00:25:12Thank you very much.
00:25:13And there's no stopping it.
00:25:16The main thing to do is to make it quick.
00:25:18Is the thought of vaporizing my universe making you peckish?
00:25:20I'm eating my feelings.
00:25:21I'm about to lose everything that I've ever cared about,
00:25:23because that hairy thundercunt from Down Under cunt
00:25:25finally dies, and he's standing right behind me, isn't he?
00:25:28Welcome to the MCU, by the way.
00:25:30You're joining at a bit of a low point.
00:25:31As for you, I want to talk to your boss.
00:25:33I want you to get him on the phone,
00:25:34and you tell him, her, or them
00:25:36that Marvel H. Christ isn't playing.
00:25:42Holy shit.
00:25:43I just heard a symphony of buttholes clenching all at once.
00:25:46You're off-grid.
00:25:47Your bosses don't know what you sick fucks are doing down here.
00:25:49Well, I'll tell you what.
00:25:50I have a black belt in Karen,
00:25:52and I'm going to go upstairs,
00:25:53and I'm going to tell them all about you.
00:25:55Oh, silence is nice, isn't it?
00:25:57Where the fuck did he go?
00:25:58To the trash heap. You'll fit right in.
00:26:02That was close.
00:26:14Fuck.
00:26:20Don't just stand there, you ape.
00:26:22Give me a hand up.
00:26:24Nope, I'm actually okay, thank you.
00:26:28Where the hell are we?
00:26:29I don't know. Looks kind of Mad Max-y.
00:26:31But that would be IP infringement, right?
00:26:32Fucking jokes.
00:26:37We're even listed back there.
00:26:39We don't make it back to that Mr. Paradox asshole.
00:26:41Everyone I know is going to die.
00:26:42Fucking crop.
00:26:43Is that all you got?
00:26:45Is that what you said when your world went to shit?
00:26:48Come again?
00:26:49Yeah, I heard all about you.
00:26:51You screwed up everything.
00:26:52You should be thanking me for pulling you out of that bed you shit in.
00:26:55You backstabbing son of a bitch!
00:27:01Are you ready to be calm now?
00:27:08Rest in pieces, boxer.
00:27:13Rest in pieces.
00:27:22I don't want to fight you, peanut.
00:27:24Doesn't matter what you did.
00:27:26I just need your help.
00:27:28I don't fucking care.
00:27:37Fuck, this is going to hurt.
00:27:42Guys, fuck it.
00:27:44Let's give the people what they came for.
00:27:46Let's fucking go.
00:27:48Get your special sock out, nerds.
00:27:50This is going to get good.
00:28:13Fuck!
00:28:32Ew.
00:28:34Gotcha.
00:28:40Maybe not.
00:28:43Let's see you grow your fucking head back.
00:28:46Wait, wait, wait, I can fix it.
00:28:47I can fix it.
00:28:48Fix what?
00:28:49Whatever it is that you did.
00:28:50Whatever made you so bad.
00:28:51Those, those pricks in the TBA.
00:28:54You heard them.
00:28:55They have the power to end my universe.
00:28:57But they also have the power to change yours.
00:29:00We get back there and we can fix your world.
00:29:03Together.
00:29:05I promise.
00:29:07They can fix it.
00:29:09Hey!
00:29:10We fight each other, we lose.
00:29:12Dear God, it's him.
00:29:13Who?
00:29:14The what?
00:29:15The superhero equivalent to Comfort Food or Molly.
00:29:17The white guy's answer to all the disappointments at another A-lister.
00:29:20Bear Ward, gorgeous.
00:29:21You're going to encounter some indelicate language, a smidge of ass play,
00:29:24but we've been prohibited from using cocaine.
00:29:26On camera.
00:29:27They're coming.
00:29:28Who's they?
00:29:34Oh, they're driving angry.
00:29:36I'll be seeing you
00:29:40In every lovely summer's day
00:29:44I'll find you in the morning sun
00:29:48And when the night is new
00:29:53I'll be looking at the moon
00:29:59But I'll be seeing you
00:30:06Now, like I said, we've got a three-year bumper-to-bumper warranty.
00:30:09I'm glad you gave us a second chance.
00:30:11And don't worry, Wade and I are a team, so I'll see he gets half the commission.
00:30:15That feels like a Kia.
00:30:17It's a fucking Kia Carnival, isn't it?
00:30:20Holy shit.
00:30:21That's Deadpool.
00:30:22That's Wolverine.
00:30:23You're damn straight it is.
00:30:24Fox killed him.
00:30:25Disney brought him back.
00:30:26They're going to make him do this until he's 90.
00:30:27Let's go.
00:30:29I'll clock you out.
00:30:30Forever.
00:30:31Forever.
00:30:36Wakey, wakey.
00:30:37God.
00:30:39Now, you put all these bullets in my belly,
00:30:41and I'm going to find out why.
00:30:43Whoa, whoa.
00:30:44I'll just say it.
00:30:46You don't have to stick your fingers in me.
00:30:47Jesus, just ask sometimes.
00:30:49Fine.
00:30:51Really?
00:30:52Hands in pockets.
00:30:54A guy named Paradox.
00:30:55He said he'd get me out of the void.
00:30:57All he knows, he works for the TVA.
00:30:58TVA?
00:30:59He had an agreement.
00:31:00I don't think this guy cares.
00:31:02Huh.
00:31:03He will.
00:31:04Hey, Paul.
00:31:05How much longer before the Time Ripper is active?
00:31:07We're running the final safety checks.
00:31:08Oh, okay.
00:31:09All right.
00:31:10Thanks for all your hard work, Ralph.
00:31:11Take your time.
00:31:12Really?
00:31:13No, you drooling boob.
00:31:14No.
00:31:15We have company.
00:31:16Cancel the safety checks.
00:31:17We need to be live now.
00:31:18Oh, I hate you so much.
00:31:19Oh, stop.
00:31:20Piss off.
00:31:21You're too late.
00:31:22You're fucking done.
00:31:23Why are we still crying?
00:31:24How dare you?
00:31:25No one comes back from the void.
00:31:26Tell that to Cassandra Nolva.
00:31:28Paradox, we have a problem.
00:31:29Paradox?
00:31:30When you are doughier than he looks in Pyro's head, you tried to kill me.
00:31:31I literally have no idea.
00:31:32You come from the King.
00:31:33You better kill the King.
00:31:34Oh, welcome to the Skull Fuck Club, Paradox.
00:31:35You know she doesn't wash that hand.
00:31:36Oh.
00:31:37What's this?
00:31:38The Time Ripper.
00:31:39The Time Ripper.
00:31:40I see.
00:31:41I see.
00:31:42I see.
00:31:43The Time Ripper.
00:31:44I see.
00:31:45I see.
00:31:46I see.
00:31:47I see.
00:31:48I see.
00:31:49I see.
00:31:50I see.
00:31:51I see.
00:31:52I see.
00:31:53I see.
00:31:54I see.
00:31:55I see.
00:31:56A time-wrapper. Naughty boy.
00:31:58Anna, we're on it. We're gonna head down and dismantle that thing now.
00:32:00We got you, boo. You just keep playing those keys.
00:32:02I don't want to destroy it. I want to use it.
00:32:05Now, shoo. Mummy and Daddy are having a conversation.
00:32:12You know, the funny thing is, I was happy in the void.
00:32:15You sent your trash to me, Liza and I cleaned it up.
00:32:18Everyone was happy.
00:32:20Then you had to go and piss on my side of the fence.
00:32:22And so now the fence must come down.
00:32:24I'm going to use a little time-wrapper,
00:32:26and I'm going to destroy this universe,
00:32:28and the next, and the next, and the next,
00:32:30until all that's left is the void.
00:32:33And I get to play God. Come on.
00:32:36Now, you're going to show me how to use this fancy gadget of yours,
00:32:38and don't worry, I've called some friends to make sure we're not disturbed.
00:32:44Sorry to bother, madam, but there's something you need to see.
00:32:46We're getting indications of an unsanctioned time-wrapper
00:32:48activating on Earth-1005.
00:32:50Whose district is that?
00:32:52Paradox.
00:33:01Well, thank you so much for your help, darling.
00:33:03God, good to get out of that head.
00:33:05What a mess.
00:33:12Stop.
00:33:13Let's give it a beat for the extras to clear it.
00:33:15Go, go, go, go.
00:33:16Oh, my God.
00:33:19Oh, my God.
00:33:27It's her.
00:33:29Come on, girl!
00:33:36Come on, girl!
00:33:49Oh, my God.
00:33:50We have to be apart ever, ever again.
00:33:52Never, ever.
00:33:53Sorry.
00:33:54Fuck!
00:33:55What's Cafe Gratitude doing here?
00:33:56Sorry about that.
00:33:57Tremble not, sweet Mary Puppins.
00:33:59I'll handle him.
00:34:00Come here, girl.
00:34:01Papa's here.
00:34:02Hey, do not insult this animal's autonomy.
00:34:03She can decide who her papa is.
00:34:05What's it going to be, girl, huh?
00:34:06Original recipe or Van Milder here?
00:34:08Ah, it's funny.
00:34:09I can gently tap the fourth wall, too.
00:34:11The proposal.
00:34:13What the fuck was that?
00:34:14Bitch, you think that's what I do?
00:34:15Both of you, shut up.
00:34:17You smell something?
00:34:18Yeah, you.
00:34:19A lot of you.
00:34:31Told you there were a lot of Deadpools over there.
00:34:42That's that.
00:34:48Huh?
00:35:00I take it they're not friendly.
00:35:01Goodness, no.
00:35:02Sorry about this, boys.
00:35:03Mission over.
00:35:04Cause of death, 100.
00:35:05Kill thirsty Deadpools.
00:35:06They're dumb, but they can fight.
00:35:07Not me, though.
00:35:08I'd love to get in the mix, but I have low bone density,
00:35:10and I have to keep my face safe.
00:35:12Hold, please.
00:35:13Oh, God.
00:35:14All right, look.
00:35:16Deadpool Prime here.
00:35:17Our fight isn't with you.
00:35:18Hey, when I want your opinion,
00:35:19I'll take Wolverine's dick out of your mouth.
00:35:21That's Kid Poole.
00:35:22She's the dirtiest.
00:35:23Can we just be done?
00:35:24Ooh, we're just getting started.
00:35:25No, no, no, no, no.
00:35:26With the whole multiverse thing.
00:35:28It's not great.
00:35:29It's just been miss after miss after miss.
00:35:33Look, the Wizard of Oz did the multiverse first,
00:35:35and they did it best.
00:35:36The gays knew it, but we didn't listen.
00:35:38Let's just take the L and move on.
00:35:41I think it's been steadily great since Endgame.
00:35:43What are you talking about?
00:35:44The multiverse is over.
00:35:45Sandy gonna destroy the fuck out of every town.
00:35:47Y'all can't do shit about it.
00:35:49Do you not get it?
00:35:50If we don't get out of the subway and stop her,
00:35:51we all die.
00:35:52Say, the boss lady don't want no disturbances.
00:35:53You wanna get down to the subway?
00:35:54You gotta go through us.
00:35:55Oozy time, baby.
00:35:56Oozy time, baby.
00:35:57Look alive.
00:36:05I think I'm hit.
00:36:06No shit.
00:36:07You did that on purpose.
00:36:08I did no such thing.
00:36:09Listen to me, gorgeous.
00:36:10How long does it take for you to regenerate?
00:36:11Regenerate?
00:36:15You really are God's perfect idiot, aren't you?
00:36:17I'm okay.
00:36:18How dare you, you insensitive son of a bitch.
00:36:20How was I supposed to know he doesn't regenerate?
00:36:22I'm not a medicine woman.
00:36:23Look, a donut cart.
00:36:24They're practically hospitals.
00:36:25They sell portable triage units.
00:36:26They don't.
00:36:27I'm gonna get you to safety.
00:36:28Deep breath.
00:36:35Hey!
00:36:36Why are we stopping?
00:36:37I'm just catching my breath.
00:36:38What, are your legs on vacation?
00:36:39You're dead weight.
00:36:40It's because I'm paralyzed.
00:36:41We all have problems.
00:36:42Listen to me.
00:36:43You're gonna live.
00:36:44Look at me, nice fool.
00:36:48You're gonna live.
00:36:50Say it.
00:36:51I'm gonna live.
00:36:52Say it with me.
00:36:53You're gonna live.
00:36:54I'm gonna live.
00:36:55I'm gonna live.
00:36:57Say it louder!
00:36:58I'm gonna live!
00:37:06Hold your fire!
00:37:08Sweet little puppy.
00:37:14You okay?
00:37:18God damn it!
00:37:19I don't think he's gonna make it.
00:37:20God, he loved his face.
00:37:22I could taste his final thought.
00:37:24He was so afraid.
00:37:25I thought he died a hero.
00:37:26He died for murder, you dumb fuck.
00:37:27And all I have to remember him by
00:37:29are these two gold-plated .50 caliber Desert Eagle pistol arrows.
00:37:33This is for him.
00:37:34Are you ready?
00:37:35I get to kill a hundred yous?
00:37:37Fuck yeah, I'm ready.
00:37:38Hey, you don't wanna see this, but...
00:37:40Yeah, you're a good girl.
00:37:44Life is a mystery
00:37:47Everyone must stand alone
00:37:50I hear you call my name
00:37:54And it feels like home
00:38:09Holy shit!
00:38:10You save the good stuff for special occasions?
00:38:12Normally, mostly.
00:38:13What's the wind resistance on those blowjob handles?
00:38:15Sorry.
00:38:16Just a catty bitch, but I'm jealous.
00:38:18All right, let's do this.
00:38:19Maximum effort.
00:38:29When you call my name
00:38:31It's like a little prayer
00:38:32I'm down on my knees
00:38:34I wanna take you there
00:38:36In the midnight hour
00:38:37I can feel your power
00:38:39Just like a prayer
00:38:40You know I'll take you there
00:38:42Life is a mystery
00:38:45Everyone must stand alone
00:38:48I hear you call my name
00:38:52And it feels like home
00:38:57Let the choir sing
00:38:59When you call my name
00:39:01It's like a little prayer
00:39:02I'm down on my knees
00:39:04I wanna take you there
00:39:06In the midnight hour
00:39:07I can feel your power
00:39:10Motherfucker!
00:39:12I'll go show her.
00:39:13Yeah.
00:39:39I blew it after all that the only thing you're gonna remember is that god-awful dismount
00:39:57I guess these ones regenerate
00:40:09Oh
00:40:13No, holy shit
00:40:15Fucking peter
00:40:21I'll be seeing you in every lovely summer's day. I'll find you
00:40:37I'll be looking at the moon
00:40:40Ooh, but i'll be seeing you
00:40:52Glad you gave us a second chance and don't worry wade and I are a team so i'll see he gets after
00:40:58That feels like a kia fucking kia carnival, isn't it? Oh
00:41:02Holy shit, that's deadpool. That's worried. You're damn straight. It is fox killed him disney brought him back
00:41:08They're gonna make him do this till he's 90. Let's go
00:41:11I'll clock you out forever
00:41:14forever
00:41:20Wakey wakey
00:41:23Now you put all these bullets in my belly
00:41:26And i'm gonna find out why whoa
00:41:29I'll just say it
00:41:30You don't have to stick your fingers in me. Jesus. Just ask sometimes fine
00:41:35Okay, really hands in pockets
00:41:39A guy named paradox
00:41:40He said he gave me out of the void. All he knows he works for the tva tva
00:41:44He had an agreement. I don't think this guy cares. Huh?
00:41:47He will
00:41:48Hey, paul, how much longer before the time ripper is active? We're running the final safety checks. Oh, okay
00:41:53All right. Thanks for all your hard work. Take your time. Really? No, you drooling boob. No, we have company cancel the safety checks
00:41:59We need to be live now. Oh, I hate you so much
00:42:01Oh
00:42:03Don't piss off you're too late. You're fucking done. Why was thor crying?
00:42:07How dare you no one comes back from the void tell that to cassandra. Nova
00:42:17Paradox we have a problem
00:42:21Paradox
00:42:24When you are doughier than you looked in pyro's head you tried to kill me I literally have no end
00:42:28You come to the king. You better kill the king
00:42:32Welcome to the skull fuck club paradox, you know, she doesn't wash that hand. Oh
00:42:36What's this?
00:42:38The time ripper naughty boy. Oh, no, we're on it. We're gonna head down and dismantle that thing now
00:42:42We got you boo. You just keep playing those keys. I don't want to destroy it
00:42:46I want to use it now shoo mummy and daddy are having a conversation
00:42:54You know the funny things I was happy in the void
00:42:58You sent your trash to me live and I cleaned it up everyone was happy
00:43:02And you had to go and piss on my side of the fence. And so now the fence must come down
00:43:07I'm going to use a little time ripper and i'm going to destroy this universe
00:43:10And the next and the next and the next until all that's left is the void and I get to play god
00:43:19Now you're going to show me how to use this fancy gadget of yours and don't worry
00:43:21I've called some friends to make sure we're not disturbed
00:43:24So
00:43:26Sorry to bother madam, but there's something you need to see
00:43:28We're getting indications of an unsanctioned time ripper activating on earth one triple zero five
00:43:33Whose district is that paradox?
00:43:44Well, thank you so much for your help darling god good to get out of that head what a mess
00:43:54Oh stop, let's give it a beat for the extras to clear it. Oh my god
00:44:03Oh my god
00:44:19Come on girl
00:44:23Radio up for that sweet town. Hold me close. Never. Let me go
00:44:32We have to be apart ever ever again never ever sorry fuck
00:44:36What's cafe gratitude doing here? Sorry about that. Tremble not sweet. Merry puppins. I'll handle him
00:44:42Come here girl. Papa's here. Hey, do not insult this animal's autonomy. She could decide who her papa is
00:44:47What's it gonna be girl? Huh original recipe or van milder here? Ah, it's funny
00:44:51I can gently tap the fourth wall too the proposal
00:44:55What the fuck was that bitch you think that's what I do both shut up
00:44:59You smell something. Yeah you
00:45:01a lot of you
00:45:13I told you there were a lot of deadpools over there
00:45:21So
00:45:24That's bad
00:45:42I take it. They're not friendly goodness. No, sorry about this boys mission over cause of death 100 kill thirsty deadpools
00:45:48They're dumb, but they can fight not me though
00:45:50I'd love to get in the mix, but I have low bone density and I have to keep my face safe
00:45:54Hold, please. Oh, all right. Look
00:45:56guys
00:45:58Deadpool prime here our fight isn't with you when I want your opinion. I'll take wolverine's dick out of your mouth
00:46:03That's kid pool. She's the dirtiest. Can we just be done? Oh, we're just getting started. No, no, no, no with the whole
00:46:09multiverse thing
00:46:11It's not great. It's just been miss after miss after miss
00:46:16The wizard of oz did the multiverse first and they did it fast the gays knew it
00:46:20But we didn't listen. Let's just take the l and move on. I think it's been steadily great since endgame
00:46:25What are you talking about? The multiverse is over sandy gonna destroy the fuck out of every time
00:46:30Y'all can't do shit about it. Do you not get it?
00:46:31If we don't get out of the subway and stop her we all die play the boss lady
00:46:34Don't want no disturbance. You want to get down to the subway? You gotta go through us. Who's he dying, baby?
00:46:38Who's he time, baby?
00:46:46I think i'm hit. No shit. You did that on purpose. I did no such thing. Listen to me gorgeous
00:46:51How long does it take for you to regenerate regenerate?
00:46:58You really are god's perfect idiot, aren't you? Okay, how dare you you insensitive son of a bitch
00:47:02How was I supposed to know he doesn't regenerate? I'm not a medicine woman. Look a donut cart. They're practically hospitals
00:47:07They sell portable triage units. I don't i'm gonna get you to safety. He's not deep breath
00:47:15Oh
00:47:17Hey, why are we stopping just catching my breath put your legs on vacation you're dead weight
00:47:22It's because i'm paralyzed. We all have problems. Listen to me. You're gonna live
00:47:27Look at me nice fool
00:47:31You're gonna live say it i'm gonna live say it with me you're gonna live i'm gonna live
00:47:39Say it
00:47:46Oh
00:48:00God damn it. I don't think he's gonna make it
00:48:02God, he loved his face. I could taste his final thought he was so afraid. I thought he died a hero
00:48:08He died for murder you dumb fuck and all I have to remember him by
00:48:12Are these two gold plated 50 caliber desert eagle pistol arrows, this is for him
00:48:16Are you ready?
00:48:17I get to kill 100 years. Fuck. Yeah, i'm ready
00:48:21Hey, you don't want to see this, but that's a good girl
00:48:26Life is a mystery everyone must stand alone
00:48:41So
00:48:51Holy shit, you saved the good stuff for special occasions killing mostly what's the wind resistance on those blowjob handles?
00:48:58Sorry, just a catty bitch, but i'm jealous. All right, let's do this maximum effort
00:49:11When you call my name exactly too fast
00:49:41When you call my name
00:49:54I wish I would
00:50:11Is
00:50:24Come on, I blew it after all that the only thing you're gonna remember is that god-awful dismount
00:50:32What's you laughing at little fucker
00:50:35Oh
00:50:39I guess these ones regenerate. Oh, come on. We don't have time for this
00:50:54Oh, no, holy shit, that's fucking peter
00:50:58Yeah
00:51:01Right
00:51:02You guys know peter. Are you kidding me? Every deadpool has a peter. She peter's a goddamn legend in every deadpool's world
00:51:22Enjoy my peter
00:51:28So
00:51:45Oh now you're here. Oh, well, you're too late. It's all over not yet. It's not well
00:51:48No, no, no, but we're very close homestretch folks. I promise quick. Let's have the steaks
00:51:52If she steals the time representative, she has the power to shred the fabric of all realities until there is nothing left
00:51:56But the void how do we shut it down?
00:52:00How about now the mask is really intimidating, huh, it's like batman except you can move his neck, okay
00:52:06The ripper is fed from a secured chamber below ground
00:52:08It is powered by twin matter and antimatter feeds converging inside the device now
00:52:12Cassandra nova is redirecting the rip's power to eliminate all timelines starting with this one
00:52:16Theoretically, you could stop her by short-circuiting the feeds in the chamber below
00:52:18One of you would create a circuit between the two feeds then the released power would destroy the machine
00:52:23Well, come on man, if you're not gonna swallow spit it out whoever formed the bridge would be annihilated I could live with that
00:52:29I could live with that too. Actually, you know, we survive anything we're like cockroaches not this time
00:52:33This is matter and antimatter. They do not play nicely with each other when they mix in your body. You will be atomized
00:52:39Trust the laws of physics
00:52:40If you don't trust me, even if you lived long enough to make the circuit you will die down there
00:52:54So
00:53:05Hold on hold
00:53:06You heard that asshole upstairs, even if we pull this off, we're dead
00:53:10Permanently, that's why it's gotta be me. What?
00:53:16Look man
00:53:18You didn't ask for any of this
00:53:19You were right
00:53:21I lied
00:53:22I lied right to your face just to get you to help me and you did you didn't lie
00:53:28You made an educated wish
00:53:32Come on you got a whole world to go back to I got nothing I got nothing
00:53:44Give me this
00:53:46You
00:53:50Hey
00:53:55I waited a long time for this team up, you know something you're the best wolverine
00:54:09Say hi to your friends for me
00:54:17Oh
00:54:21Open the door. I can't hear you over all the noble sacrifice. Why are you fucking doing this because i'm marble jesus
00:54:29Where's bach hard to say
00:54:32Foreign
00:54:42Sorry, i'm just stalling I think i'm nervous about dying
00:54:46This should be me
00:54:47Say hi to my friends for me peter. Why you want to be an annoying prick?
00:54:51You're gonna die
00:54:59Hey, you don't need to do this i'm not doing it because I need it i'm doing it because they do
00:55:21So
00:55:37He's not gonna make it
00:55:51Foreign
00:56:21Foreign
00:56:40The wolverine is a hero in my world
00:56:45Whoever you think I am you got the wrong guy
00:56:48You were always the wrong guy
00:56:51Until you weren't
00:56:54Wait
00:56:57Wait, you can finally finally matter
00:57:13Vanessa
00:57:21Is
00:57:30I am
00:57:51So
00:58:07Paradox
00:58:09You've been busy
00:58:11Well, somebody had me we had some strange readings from this location
00:58:13You wouldn't know anything about an unsanctioned time ripper, would you?
00:58:16Uh, no, no, I wouldn't know anything about an unsanctioned time ripper
00:58:19Maybe you should ask cassandra nova because I was assured that she was safely held in the void
00:58:23But no she was here and she fondled my brain. How did you let this happen?
00:58:26You weren't involved at all in stopping her. Yes. Yes, I was but not nearly enough
00:58:30Not as much as the men who went down there after her
00:58:33my men
00:58:34my friends
00:58:36I warned them that they would be completely obliterated if they went but they went anyway like
00:58:41Like heroes
00:58:43Because that's who they were
00:58:46They just did what they had to do
00:58:49With no concern for their own safety
00:58:53The fact that we are all still standing here is a testament to their heroism
00:59:01Anyway, there's nothing you or I can do to bring them back now he has risen baby girl fuck
00:59:16Is
00:59:22Found your new anchor being and we're doing just fine you piece of shit
00:59:27Fine in a all right put your greasy tits away you preening slut
00:59:32I don't understand. How are you two still alive? You're right
00:59:35One of us would have been killed, but you put a dead pool and a wolverine together
00:59:39Make them hold hands while listening to madonna
00:59:41Indestructible motherfucker, let's get this deadpool variant back to the void. Wait, hold on. What?
00:59:45No, actually this one's homegrown like me. He belongs here
00:59:49And you are peterpool, but you can call me peter
00:59:53And I hope that you do
00:59:59What the fuck is happening here you are under judgment for operating an unsanctioned time ripper take I was just doing what you don't
01:00:04Have the guts to do
01:00:07Me
01:00:09I'm grateful gentlemen
01:00:11Let's hold the bows. You led an omega level mutant to this timeline. You're welcome
01:00:15And you shouldn't even be near this time. He's welcome and you
01:00:19Look damn good in that suit. I'm, so sorry
01:00:25I'm gonna show you something
01:00:27Something huge. That's what scout master kevin used to say
01:00:31Do you see that?
01:00:32Your universe is regenerating
01:00:34Whatever you did here you not only saved your world you spared your timeline from extinction
01:00:41I'd rest up. I have a feeling your work is only just getting started till you're 90 wait, um
01:00:47We couldn't have made it out of the void without some help
01:00:50from
01:00:51Some people that the world kind of kind of forgot
01:00:54Is there any way that you could maybe find a way to bring them home?
01:00:58We'll see what I can do and uh
01:00:59I promised my friend here that the that the tva could undo some some pretty awful shit in his timeline
01:01:04What would you say to that change the past?
01:01:07No, he did help me save the world and his past made him the man who did it
01:01:11There's nothing to fix. Mr. Wilson
01:01:14logan
01:01:18Chorma I get eaten
01:01:20So
01:01:27You know the avengers discovered former they'd be lucky to have you
01:01:37Oh, come on
01:01:40Come here my little cunchkin. Yes. It's you. You're a survivor. No. Oh all is right in the world
01:01:48Yes, it is
01:01:50So what are you gonna do next?
01:01:52I'll figure it out. I always do
01:01:56So i'll probably see you around
01:02:01Probably not
01:02:05See you, bud
01:02:13Logan
01:02:15So
01:02:19Al i'm back
01:02:21About damn time you holding i'm all out of devil's dandruff and i'm shaking like an angry viper. Thank you al we have company
01:02:28althea, this is
01:02:30This is logan. Nice to meet you. Logan. Nice to meet you, too
01:02:33This little ancient anal shit knot is mary puppets or as I like to call her dog pool. Huh?
01:02:38You want to treat yourself to a stroke?
01:02:40Get the tongue. Oh my god, motherfucker, right?
01:02:43It's like an armadillo fucked a gremlin angrily in a bed of gonorrhea and didn't stop till the sun came up
01:02:50Everyone wants to matter
01:02:52Turns out that you don't need to be marvel jesus to do it
01:02:55You just need to open your eyes and look around
01:02:57And if you're lucky
01:02:59You'll find a few friends
01:03:00old friends
01:03:02and some new ones, too
01:03:07Give me the fucking dog talk to the girl
01:03:10Hey
01:03:24I did it for you, even if you don't want me yet. I did it for you
01:03:29Me
01:03:37Turns out I am the world saving titan just look around this table if you want proof
01:03:42the best part
01:03:43Sometimes the people we save
01:03:46Will they save us right back?