Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:01:00To be honest, I don't know all that much about art, but I did see your TV shows. I thought
00:01:20they were bloody good.
00:01:21I'm a librarian by profession. I have been now for 17 years, so naturally I'm familiar
00:01:31with your books. And not just because I've been stamping them out.
00:01:41I have a degree in history of fine art. Edinburgh University. Studied under Berners. Roger Berners.
00:01:50You know him?
00:01:52Well, I've read all your books. I especially like the one on Rembrandt.
00:02:08An amanuensis! What the hell's that?
00:02:50Who is it?
00:02:57Jane Ryder, you were expecting me?
00:03:09Close the door. Come in. That's it. Close it behind you. Come in.
00:03:25Sorry, I'm a few minutes late.
00:03:31Come in, come in. Close the door, would you? Just throw your coat anywhere.
00:03:37No problem.
00:03:38I'll sit here, shall I? And perhaps you would like to sit there? Feel free to smoke.
00:03:45Oh, and perhaps you'd like one of mine?
00:03:47No, thank you.
00:03:48I'm sorry, did my nonchalantly pulling it from my pocket put you off?
00:03:52No, not at all.
00:03:54I'm never quite sure what is the height of elegance or vulgarity.
00:03:58It's just that I don't smoke.
00:04:02So, shall we start?
00:04:09Yes, please.
00:04:12I'm curious to know why you answered my advertisement. You must have known I was expecting a man.
00:04:18No, you didn't specify that.
00:04:21No, I didn't specify it very much, did I?
00:04:24No.
00:04:25You'd obviously heard of me.
00:04:27Of course. I've read everything you've ever written.
00:04:31When I was at the Royal College of Art, you were kind of like a god to me.
00:04:36Aha! Go on, go on.
00:04:42Sorry, I'm not usually this dithery. I don't exactly know what I'm supposed to say next.
00:04:47How old are you?
00:04:48Thirty-eight.
00:04:52Your job? On the telephone you said something about stocks and shares.
00:04:55I work at one of the big banks in London.
00:04:58What happened to art school?
00:05:01Suppose I just didn't have it.
00:05:03Aha. So you have no idea what this job of mine entails?
00:05:08No, not at all.
00:05:10So, now we come to the nub.
00:05:13How good are your powers of observation?
00:05:15What?
00:05:16You heard me. How good are you at observing things and accurately describing what you've observed?
00:05:24I suppose, like most people, I consider that my powers of observation are quite good.
00:05:31All right. Describe yourself to me.
00:05:34My face.
00:05:35You consider yourself beautiful.
00:05:37I suppose, if I'm honest, I'm considered attractive, yes.
00:05:41And?
00:05:43And I have high cheekbones, bluish-gray eyes, full lips, blonde hair.
00:05:53Bespectacled?
00:05:54No. I'm sorry, what's up?
00:05:57Describe my face.
00:06:04Don't tell me that you have nothing to say. I know better than that.
00:06:10Let me tell you at once, Jane Ryder.
00:06:13You're worse than useless to me if you cannot, or indeed will not, describe my face.
00:06:21Okay.
00:06:25Your face looks as though it has been badly scarred in some kind of an accident.
00:06:31On your forehead and your right cheek you have these sort of bumps and bulges with red lines and a sort of a grayish-white color.
00:06:45The bottom half and left side of your face look perfectly normal and I can't describe your eyes because you have on dark glasses.
00:06:52Of course. Careless of me.
00:07:03Cat got your tongue?
00:07:06You have no eyes.
00:07:09Yes, I have no eyes.
00:07:13And I don't wear glass ones because I think that would be over-egging and already rather lumpy pudding.
00:07:20Congratulations, though, although I might have preferred that you described it with a little less gusto, although I did goad you into it, didn't I?
00:07:26I'm sorry if I...
00:07:27No, no, no, no. You did exactly what I asked you to do.
00:07:38I'm impressed.
00:07:41For a man who can't see, you certainly know your way around.
00:07:44Ah, yes. I've memorized this room. I've learned it by heart, like a poem by Walter de La Mer.
00:07:49But outside of here, my bedroom and the drawing room, I'm truly blind.
00:07:54But here, in this room, I see as well as you.
00:07:57You like my little bonner, hmm?
00:08:00Rather voluptuous, don't you think?
00:08:14And here is a first edition of Thackeray's Vanity Fair.
00:08:31And this ashtray I bought in Los Angeles because it reminded me of one of David Hockney's swimming pools, hmm?
00:08:39Yes, I see what you mean.
00:09:00I'm such a ham.
00:09:03Shall we go next door? It's rather more cosy.
00:09:06Not that one.
00:09:09No, this way.
00:09:20You'll come in.
00:09:23Please sit down.
00:09:26Just so that you'll know, I lost my eyes and half of my face in Thailand four years ago.
00:09:33My car skidded off the road. I went through the windscreen. The whole thing burst into flames.
00:09:37Oh, I'm sorry.
00:09:39Well, there we are. The good thing, of course, about having no eyes is that you never have to see what you look like without them.
00:09:45Of course, I still can feel these bumps and bulges that you so vividly describe and the two empty eye sockets.
00:09:58I didn't want anything to do with the modern world. I had no newspapers, television, radio.
00:10:04I came here and went to ground.
00:10:07Does all this belong to you?
00:10:09To my family, yes. I haven't lived here since I was a boy.
00:10:13That's magnificent.
00:10:14It's a monstrosity.
00:10:16Anyway, enough chit-chat. I expect you'd like to know what this is about.
00:10:19I have an idea. Is it that you want to write a book?
00:10:22Exactly, Jane. One last book. My re-entry to the world of the living.
00:10:26Of course, I'm going to need an amanuensis. It can be my eyes, my fingers.
00:10:30I see.
00:10:31Now, you are currently unattached?
00:10:33Yes, I'm single.
00:10:35Well, I would expect you to live here throughout.
00:10:37Seven days a week if you are so minded. Five if you want to spend your weekends in London.
00:10:42You may choose your own bedroom. Heaven knows how many there are. I certainly don't.
00:10:46Have as many as you like.
00:10:48In case you're wondering, I am offering you the job.
00:10:51Perhaps you'd like time to think about it.
00:10:53No, it's just that we haven't spoken about money.
00:10:55Of course. Remuneration.
00:10:57I would be prepared to pay you three thousand pounds per month.
00:11:00Does that sound reasonable?
00:11:02It sounds extremely generous.
00:11:03Plus board and lodging, of course. A year should do it.
00:11:07Then yes.
00:11:08Excellent. I know we'll work famously together.
00:11:17What exquisitely manicured fingernails.
00:11:20Thank you, Sir Paul.
00:11:21Not at all. I can still pay an attractive woman a compliment.
00:11:25And please, not Sir Paul. Paul will do very nicely. Just Paul.
00:11:30Paul.
00:11:31Now, there's something you ought to know.
00:11:33I am not looking for a nursemaid.
00:11:36I have a housekeeper, Mrs Kilbride.
00:11:39She's a Glaswegian, poor soul.
00:11:41She does all the cooking and cleaning.
00:11:45There's one other thing. It's rather embarrassing.
00:11:51I have a terrific fear of the dark.
00:11:54It is rather extraordinary for a blind man to fear the dark, but there we are.
00:12:00I'm also dreadfully claustrophobic.
00:12:04I'd be claustrophobic in the universe.
00:12:08That is claustrophobic.
00:12:10It's no laughing matter.
00:12:12Oh, I didn't mean to...
00:12:14No, no, I know, I know, I know.
00:12:16I insist on the lights being switched on in this house
00:12:19at exactly the same time as they would be in any normal house.
00:12:23Right.
00:12:38Also, I sleep with the nightlight on. Pathetic, I know.
00:12:42I promise not to leave you in the dark.
00:12:45Is that it?
00:12:46No, I walk downstairs backwards.
00:12:48Sir?
00:12:49I walk downstairs backwards. It's perfectly logical, if you think about it.
00:12:53If I lose my footing, I will not tumble headlong.
00:12:56There's one more thing I should like to know about you.
00:13:02I asked you earlier to describe yourself.
00:13:05I'd like to check how accurate that description was.
00:13:08I'm sorry.
00:14:10Only the west wing is heated.
00:14:12Everything else under dust sheets.
00:14:14For how long?
00:14:15All four years.
00:15:23Ah, Jane. There you are.
00:15:50Dinner will be served shortly.
00:15:52All settled in?
00:15:53Yes.
00:15:54Good.
00:15:56Have you set up your computer in the library?
00:15:59Yes.
00:16:01It's a Mac. I hope that's okay.
00:16:03Oh.
00:16:04Most people use PCs.
00:16:06Oh, listen, if what you're used to is a big Mac, then a big Mac is what you must have.
00:16:13Where is Mrs. Gilbride? She knows I like to be served at 7.30 promptly.
00:16:17What time is it?
00:16:1922.
00:16:2022.
00:16:21Hmm.
00:16:22She's probably late because of you.
00:16:25And she serves straight on to the table. Do you mind?
00:16:27Of course not.
00:16:28Good.
00:16:29Ah! Here she is.
00:16:32Dear Mrs. Gilbride.
00:16:35We were wondering what had become of you.
00:16:37Well, Sir and Miss Ryder.
00:16:39I'm sorry, but I'm no used to doing for two.
00:16:42I've had to change my whole way of thinking.
00:16:44Well, I'm sure you coped admirably.
00:16:47Well, seeing as it's a special evening, I made your favourite steak and kidney pudding.
00:16:52Ah, but everything you cook is my favourite.
00:16:55Here you are, Miss Ryder.
00:16:58And don't you fret. I know Sir Paul's only pulling my leg.
00:17:01I know how he talks about my cooking behind my back.
00:17:04He's just got to like it or lump it.
00:17:07Sir Paul didn't say anything.
00:17:09Oh, yes, he did.
00:17:10We go back a long ways, him and me.
00:17:13Don't we, you?
00:17:15Don't do that. You know I don't like it.
00:17:17Have we both been served?
00:17:19It's all there on the table.
00:17:21Good. Jane will call you when we're done.
00:17:23Don't you let him bully you, Miss Ryder, or else he'll become unbearable.
00:17:26Wheeshed woman! Off with you.
00:17:34Poor Mrs. Gilbride.
00:17:36In the tragedy that is my life, she's cast herself in the role of comic relief.
00:17:41Now, I have to teach you the clock method.
00:17:44I have in front of me, I know, steak and kidney pudding,
00:17:48probably roast potatoes and either Brussels sprouts or peas.
00:17:52Sprouts.
00:17:54Dear, dependable Mrs. Gilbride.
00:17:56Now, I know what's there, but I don't know where it is.
00:18:00So...
00:18:01Let me see if I have it.
00:18:03Potatoes at 12, steak pie at 3 and Brussels sprouts at 9.
00:18:08Well done, Jane. Well done.
00:18:10No problem. Would you like some salt or pepper?
00:18:13No, thank you.
00:18:14No problem. OK. Bread?
00:18:16No, thank you.
00:18:17No problem.
00:18:19And please, can we have no more no problems, please?
00:18:22It's a modern cliché that I absolutely abhor,
00:18:25is what I came down here to get away from, all that.
00:18:28I'm sorry.
00:18:30I'm sorry. I wasn't being rude. I've just been frank.
00:18:34Frankness is essential, you know, between collaborators.
00:18:37So now is the time to iron out any little wrinkles.
00:18:40If there's anything that I do or say which irritates you, then...
00:18:44Now that you mention it, there is.
00:18:46There is? Well, well, well.
00:18:49What?
00:18:51Poor.
00:18:52Poor?
00:18:53Yes, the word poor.
00:18:55I'm sorry, I don't follow.
00:18:56Well, just a moment ago, you referred to Mrs. Gilbride as poor Mrs. Gilbride.
00:19:00Did I?
00:19:02I've just never been able to stomach the word poor.
00:19:05It seems...
00:19:07patronising.
00:19:10I've offended you.
00:19:11No, no, not at all. I'm not offended.
00:19:14No, merely surprised. I didn't know I did it.
00:19:17If I had an eyebrow, I'd be raising it now.
00:19:20I shouldn't have spoken.
00:19:22No, no, no, not at all. I asked you and you spoke.
00:19:25Are there any other hang-ups that I ought to know about?
00:19:29No.
00:19:30Did I say something funny?
00:19:31What?
00:19:32You're smiling. Did I say something funny?
00:19:36You can hear me smile.
00:19:38I can hear you think.
00:19:44Bon appétit.
00:20:03What would you like me to call it?
00:20:05The what?
00:20:06The document. I ought to give the document a name.
00:20:09Oh, I...
00:20:11Does your testament have a title?
00:20:13Oh, I see. I was thinking of calling it a closed book.
00:20:17Oh. I like that.
00:20:19Do you? It is rather neat, isn't it?
00:20:22I'll call it book for short, OK?
00:20:24Oh, will you?
00:20:26All right.
00:20:30So how do we go about this?
00:20:32Well, it's not going to be easy because I need time to adjust
00:20:35because I'm not, you know... Of course.
00:20:40So why don't you just keep typing,
00:20:42no matter how confused it seems,
00:20:44and then we can clean it up afterwards.
00:20:46Sounds good. All right.
00:20:48So shall we start? Yes. Right.
00:20:54I'm blind. I realise that.
00:20:57No, no, that's the first sentence.
00:20:59Oh, I'm sorry.
00:21:01Sorry. Sorry.
00:21:04Blind, full stop.
00:21:06Well, of course, full stop. As I said, it was a sentence, didn't I?
00:21:09Don't bother me with punctuation, just use your instinct.
00:21:12Hopefully your education.
00:21:14Right. Sorry.
00:21:20Ready when you are.
00:21:22No, no, don't keep prompting me.
00:21:24When I know what it is I want to say, you'll be the first to be told.
00:21:28Sorry.
00:21:30Keep fucking saying sorry every two seconds.
00:21:33It drives me fucking bananas.
00:21:43And now it's my turn to say sorry.
00:21:45I humbly apologise. I'm deeply sorry.
00:21:47I'm so sorry. I should never have spoken like that.
00:21:49Please forgive me. Don't worry about it.
00:21:51I know this must be awkward for you.
00:21:53Thank you. Thank you very much.
00:21:56So I'll start again. Yes.
00:22:00I am blind. I have no sight.
00:22:04Equally, I have no eyes.
00:22:08Thus, I am a freak.
00:22:11Blindness is freakish, is surreal.
00:22:14Excuse me, do you want both is freakish and is surreal?
00:22:19Yes, is freakish, is surreal, full stop.
00:22:23Blindness is freakish, is surreal.
00:22:25Oh, God, that's absolute garbage.
00:22:27What am I talking about? This won't do at all.
00:22:29Bloody nonsense.
00:22:30Look, it's all right.
00:22:32Just you keep typing. Don't worry about my complaints.
00:22:38Blindness is freakish, is surreal.
00:22:41Even more surreal is that having been dispossessed
00:22:47of not only my sight, but my eyes.
00:22:53Not only of my sight, but of my eyes.
00:23:00Oh, God. Oh, my sight.
00:23:04Oh, my sight, but of my eyes.
00:23:08Work from 9 to 12.30, lunch.
00:23:11Revisions from 2.30 to 6.00.
00:23:14Dinner at 7.30, always.
00:23:17Followed by a walk around the gardens or else into the village.
00:23:20Right. Now, Jen, there is absolutely nothing
00:23:22too shepherding a blind man around.
00:23:24That's it. Just link your arm and mine. That's it.
00:23:27Good. Just a little tighter. That's it. Nice and snug.
00:23:30Yes, don't be alarmed.
00:23:32This is as intimate as we're ever likely to get.
00:23:35Now, if we approach something that I should know about,
00:23:37like the curb, just exert a little pressure.
00:23:40Like this?
00:23:41Well, perhaps not quite as tight as that.
00:23:43Just like reining in a horse. Do you ride?
00:23:45No, sorry.
00:23:46Right, well, use your imagination.
00:23:48Right, village. Clockwise, I think.
00:23:58Mrs. Kilbride arrives at 7.30 a.m. and leaves after serving dinner.
00:24:02Saturday after lunch.
00:24:04Doesn't come on Sunday.
00:24:07The house is alarmed.
00:24:30Chin-chin.
00:24:31Chin-chin.
00:24:37You know, having you here is the best thing
00:24:40that's happened to me for a very long time.
00:24:43Well, thank you, Paul. I appreciate that.
00:24:45How about you? Have you enjoyed it, to be honest?
00:24:49Yes, it's been as interesting as I hoped it would be.
00:24:52Mm. Good.
00:24:54We have worked well together, I think.
00:24:56Yeah, we have.
00:24:58So, what's today?
00:25:00It's Friday.
00:25:01So, off to London tomorrow?
00:25:03Yep.
00:25:04See the boyfriend, hm?
00:25:05There's no boyfriend, but I do have to get into town.
00:25:08Mm-hm.
00:25:10We did say that I would spend my weekend in London,
00:25:13but I'm afraid I can't.
00:25:15Mm-hm.
00:25:16We did say that I would spend my weekends in London.
00:25:19Oh, absolutely, absolutely.
00:25:21No, I was just wondering something.
00:25:23Wondering what?
00:25:24Well, if you had an hour or so to spare...
00:25:26I probably will.
00:25:27Well, there's a little reconnoitering job
00:25:29that I'd like you to do for me.
00:25:31If you did it at the weekend,
00:25:33then that would mean you didn't have to go off to London again
00:25:36in the week.
00:25:37What would it involve?
00:25:38Well, there's a painting, a self-portrait,
00:25:40by Rembrandt in the National Gallery,
00:25:42and I just happen to think that it's the best portrait ever,
00:25:45and I'd like to write about it next week.
00:25:48So, what I want is a detailed description of the picture,
00:25:53perhaps a postcard.
00:25:55I think you could get one at the souvenir shop.
00:25:58Actually, actually, what would be best of all would be a jigsaw.
00:26:03A jigsaw puzzle?
00:26:05Yes, yes.
00:26:06Yes, they have them of some of the paintings.
00:26:08I know they have the Holbein Ambassadors
00:26:11and the Sierra de Bethes.
00:26:13You know that one?
00:26:15Of course.
00:26:17I don't expect they'd have the Rembrandt.
00:26:21Who would want a jigsaw of a bulbous-nosed old codger in a smock?
00:26:27But only if it wouldn't spoil your weekend, of course.
00:26:31I've got errands to do anyway.
00:26:33So when shall I see you?
00:26:35I'll be back Sunday night but late, so don't wait up for me.
00:26:38I shan't.
00:26:41With a shake of his poor little head he replied...
00:26:51Hello?
00:26:59Hello, is someone there?
00:27:02Hello?
00:27:10Is someone there?
00:27:15Hello?
00:27:20Hello?
00:27:31Hello?
00:27:49Morning, Paul.
00:27:50Morning.
00:27:51Sleep well?
00:27:52No, I didn't.
00:27:54Sorry, I hope I didn't wake you coming in.
00:27:57When did you come in?
00:27:59Just after midnight.
00:28:00Had dinner with a friend at Bayswater, then I drove straight down.
00:28:02You're going to be here around eleven?
00:28:05Eleven last night.
00:28:06Well, of course last night.
00:28:07What the hell other night could it possibly be?
00:28:09Don't bite my head off.
00:28:10I told you not to wait up.
00:28:12I didn't wait up.
00:28:13I'm sorry.
00:28:14I'm sorry, Jane.
00:28:15I had a rather eerie experience.
00:28:18What happened?
00:28:22Probably my imagination.
00:28:24How did you get on in town?
00:28:29I got the postcard.
00:28:31Oh.
00:28:32And a puzzle.
00:28:33Oh.
00:28:34Oh, well done you.
00:28:36Very good.
00:28:38I was imagining you were going to have to snip bits out of the postcard.
00:28:41I don't follow.
00:28:43Well, what I want you to do is assemble the jigsaw but leaving out the eyes.
00:28:48You see, I have this theory that what distinguishes a truly great self-portrait is how the eyes are painted.
00:28:55There's something that may or may not work.
00:28:59For the cover.
00:29:00Where's my coffee?
00:29:01Mrs. Kilbride!
00:29:03Coffee is straight ahead at twelve but Mrs. Kilbride's already left.
00:29:07Left?
00:29:08What do you mean left?
00:29:09I told her to take the week off.
00:29:10You what?
00:29:11I told her to take the week off.
00:29:13Joe was sick with the flu and he had it bad so I...
00:29:16Well, I think that's all very well but I'm not angry but it's just I really ought to be consulted before you make that sort of decision.
00:29:23I didn't want to wake you.
00:29:24Well, couldn't it have waited until I was awake?
00:29:28Are you saying that I was wrong to tell her not to come in?
00:29:31No, no, no, no. I'd probably have done the same thing myself.
00:29:33It's just that I might have thought twice before burning my boats, our boats.
00:29:39If it's meals you're worried about, I'm happy to cook for the both of us.
00:29:43Really?
00:29:44I'm not a bad cook, you know.
00:29:47Oh.
00:29:48Oh, well.
00:29:49It might be a rather nice change from Mrs. Kilbride's perennial stodge.
00:29:54Are you sure you want to cook every day for a week?
00:29:57Sure, I enjoy cooking.
00:29:59Well, thank you very much.
00:30:02Before we start, I'd like you to make a telephone call for me, please.
00:30:07Sure.
00:30:08Where's the phone?
00:30:17Why on earth is it shut away like that?
00:30:20Well, as I told you, I hate modern gadgetry.
00:30:23I have to have a telephone, but I don't have to look at it, if you see what I mean.
00:30:27Who am I to call?
00:30:28Oh, my agent.
00:30:30We've rather lost touch over the years.
00:30:32I'd like to tell him about the book.
00:30:34His name is Andrew Bowles, and it's 020-7631-3341.
00:30:42What did I just say?
00:30:43What number did I give you?
00:30:45020-7631-3341.
00:30:49That's right.
00:30:50Oh, don't tell him it's me.
00:30:51I'd like it to be a surprise.
00:30:52How am I supposed to say that it is?
00:30:54Well, try not to say anything.
00:30:56Just...
00:30:57Ringing.
00:30:59Yes, Andrew Bowles, please.
00:31:03Hello, I'd like to speak with Andrew Bowles.
00:31:06He is.
00:31:08Okay.
00:31:10Can you tell me for how long?
00:31:13I see.
00:31:15No, no, I'll try back when he's...
00:31:17Yeah, thank you.
00:31:19Bye-bye.
00:31:22Out?
00:31:23Away.
00:31:24Lovely agent.
00:31:26Where the hell is he?
00:31:28Touring through Asia and then back through the States.
00:31:30I guess he won't be back till the end of the month.
00:31:32Ah, oh well.
00:31:33At least the book will have a real existence by then.
00:31:41Once a month, the gardeners arrive on the 25th,
00:31:45which leaves just two weeks, not long.
00:32:00Proving that with my eyes closed,
00:32:03I continue to see,
00:32:05even if what I see,
00:32:09even if what I see
00:32:13is...
00:32:16nothing at all.
00:32:19Right, that'll do for now, I think.
00:32:23Are you pleased with it?
00:32:25Well, I may tear it all off at the end of the day.
00:32:28What?
00:32:29No, I'm joking, I'm joking.
00:32:31How about some coffee, hmm?
00:32:33Maybe something stronger, a glass of wine?
00:32:37A writer never drinks, Jane.
00:32:39That would be as dangerous as drinking and driving.
00:32:42Drinking and writing.
00:32:44What about Charles Bukowski?
00:32:46Charles Bukowski? Rubbish.
00:32:48Hemingway?
00:32:50Is that the kind of writer you think I am, hmm?
00:32:53Hard-boiled, gussied, liquor-swinging, hmm?
00:32:59I'll make the coffee.
00:33:07Paul, you look so elegant.
00:33:09Oh, well.
00:33:11So few occasions to which one may rise.
00:33:15Do you mind?
00:33:16Oh, sorry.
00:33:18I forgot we were outside of your comfort zone.
00:33:20Ah, you're wearing heels.
00:33:22Yes.
00:33:23How elegant.
00:33:24What color is your gown?
00:33:26Red.
00:33:27Oh, splendid.
00:33:28Chair straight ahead of 12.
00:33:30Thank you, 12.
00:33:31I've got a head of 12.
00:33:33Chair straight ahead of 12.
00:33:34Thank you, 12.
00:33:36Good.
00:33:37Perhaps another log on the fire.
00:33:39One can't heat this bloody mausoleum.
00:33:41Sure.
00:33:57Careful, your plate's hot.
00:34:01This is definitely not Cuisine Kilbride.
00:34:04Pheasant at 12, sautéed potatoes at 3, and French beans at 8.
00:34:09Right.
00:34:20Is this the...
00:34:21Is this the Chambord Moussini?
00:34:23Good.
00:34:24Hope you don't mind.
00:34:25You said I could raid your cellar.
00:34:26Good choice.
00:34:28Is this the 1990?
00:34:30Right again.
00:34:32To us.
00:34:33To us.
00:34:37No eyes, but a hell of a nose.
00:34:46Now.
00:34:52Delicious.
00:34:53Thanks.
00:34:54It's been a long time since I've cooked for two.
00:34:56Oh, why?
00:34:58Sorry?
00:34:59Why has it been so long since you've cooked for two?
00:35:03Well, I think I...
00:35:07I live alone.
00:35:08Yes, but why?
00:35:10I mean, you're young, you're beautiful, so you told me.
00:35:14Why would you not want to be married?
00:35:17Does there have to be an answer to that?
00:35:19Well, I think there does.
00:35:21I don't know what it is.
00:35:24Don't you like men?
00:35:26You mean, am I a lesbian?
00:35:28Well, it makes absolutely no difference to me.
00:35:31But here you are, you know, in my house.
00:35:34I know nothing whatever about you.
00:35:36I may be a freak, but I'm as nosy as anyone else.
00:35:40No, Paul, I'm not a lesbian.
00:35:48You're not married. Are you a homosexual?
00:35:51No.
00:35:53Well, you asked me if I was a lesbian.
00:35:56All right.
00:35:58I still...
00:36:00I still find it difficult to believe
00:36:03that a young and beautiful woman would want to remain single.
00:36:07I mean, don't you want to have babies or anything?
00:36:11Can we please change the subject?
00:36:13Yes, of course. Yes.
00:36:15But should you ever want to talk, I'm happy to listen.
00:36:19Thank you. That's very kind of you.
00:36:23This is really extremely good.
00:36:26Mm. How's the bread sauce?
00:36:29Very good. Very good.
00:36:31It's quite an unusual flavour, but excellent.
00:36:34Mm.
00:37:04VINCERO
00:37:06VINCERO
00:37:08VINCERO
00:37:10VINCERO
00:37:12Hello?
00:37:14Hello?
00:37:16Is someone there?
00:37:18Hello?
00:37:20Is someb... Jane!
00:37:23Jane!
00:37:25Jane, will you come here?
00:37:28What's the matter?
00:37:30Jane, come here.
00:37:32Yeah, for heaven's sake, it doesn't fucking matter, I'm 110 years old, for God's sake, come in.
00:37:37Did... I really don't care, but I mean, if you came in by accident or what, but were you?
00:37:44No, Paul, I wasn't, I promise you.
00:37:49Did you see anyone outside?
00:37:50No one's gotten into the house, I locked the front door myself.
00:37:53What about the back door?
00:37:54It hasn't been open all day. What happened?
00:37:57I thought I heard someone turn the light off. It is on, isn't it?
00:38:00Yes, of course it is, Paul.
00:38:04Listen, I've heard that blind people can become overly sensitized,
00:38:09that their senses become hyper... hypertrophied, is that the word?
00:38:14That's the word.
00:38:16Well, isn't it possible that you...
00:38:19your senses have become so strong that you're hearing things, perfectly natural things,
00:38:24and you end up making too much of them?
00:38:26It's possible, yes, it's possible.
00:38:30Would you like me to stay?
00:38:32Oh, that's most kind of you, no, this can't be pleasant for you, no, thank you, thank you.
00:38:38What you need is a good night's sleep.
00:38:40Indeed I do, yes.
00:38:45Good night, Paul.
00:38:46Good night.
00:38:47The light is on, isn't it, you said?
00:38:50Yes, it is.
00:38:54No one sleeps
00:38:58Or a princess
00:39:02In your cold room
00:39:08Look at the stars
00:39:13Shivering
00:39:18In your cold room
00:39:31Jane?
00:39:33Oh, no, it's me, Sir Paul, it's Mrs Kilbride.
00:39:36Oh, hello, I thought you were having the week off.
00:39:39I know, but I forgot my sewing basket and I wanted to see for myself everything was running smoothly.
00:39:45Jane's a nice enough lass, I suppose, but I cannae see her being that handy round the house,
00:39:50so I thought I'd just pop over before either of you got up.
00:39:53I see, what time is it?
00:39:55Ah, it's just gone seven.
00:39:58Did you not hear the church clock?
00:40:00If I heard the church clock, would I be asking what bloody time it was?
00:40:05Someone got out of bed at the wrong time this morning.
00:40:08What are you doing up so early anyways?
00:40:10Long as I've known you, you've liked to lie in.
00:40:12No, no, just another bad night.
00:40:14You're not sleeping properly.
00:40:16No, how's Joe?
00:40:18Oh, Sir Paul, I'm that worried. I've never seen him so peely well, have I?
00:40:22Oh, dear, dear. I'm sure it's just a very bad bout of flu.
00:40:27Is there any coffee?
00:40:29Give it time. The water's not boiling yet.
00:40:33No, it's boiling.
00:40:35I don't know what you're talking about. You cannae see it anyways.
00:40:38No, sorry, no, I was miles away.
00:40:40Obviously.
00:40:42Would you like something hot for breakfast? Scrambled eggs?
00:40:46No, no, just toast.
00:40:52I was remembering a little girl.
00:40:55We were bathing together somewhere on the Suffolk coast.
00:40:59While she was bathing, I was dipping my toes in the water.
00:41:04I said, it's freezing.
00:41:07And she said, no, no, it's boiling.
00:41:11Isn't that adorable?
00:41:15I said, how can it be boiling? There aren't any bubbles.
00:41:19And she was too far away to hear me.
00:41:22You've been in. That's hard to believe.
00:41:26Huh? I wasn't always the gargoyle you see now.
00:41:30Do you know her yet?
00:41:33No.
00:41:36I was poking around next door and I saw that jigsaw on the table all joined up.
00:41:42Oh, really? It's finished? Oh, good, excellent.
00:41:46Something to do with your book, is it?
00:41:48Yes. I hope this is coffee.
00:41:51Here's your toast.
00:41:53Thank you, thank you, thank you very much.
00:41:56So what's it supposed to be?
00:41:58What?
00:41:59The jigsaw.
00:42:01Well, you've got eyes, haven't you?
00:42:03I know, but what's that funny thing between them?
00:42:06Well, hazarding a guess, I'd say it was your nose.
00:42:10Yes, yes!
00:42:13No, I mean that funny thing in the jigsaw.
00:42:15What funny thing?
00:42:17Well, it's sort of lying on the floor between the two men.
00:42:23What two men?
00:42:26Now, look at this.
00:42:29Look at it and tell me what you see.
00:42:32Well, there's these two men.
00:42:34How are they dressed?
00:42:37Like in olden times.
00:42:40The one of them looks a bit like Henry VIII,
00:42:43except he's a bit thinner, and the other could be a priest.
00:42:47Right, and this thing you're talking about, what is it?
00:42:51Well, that's just it.
00:42:53I don't know, I tell you.
00:42:55It's not like anything you can get a grip on.
00:42:58It sort of looks all squashed and stretched.
00:43:04Squashed and stretched?
00:43:06Uh-huh.
00:43:08Could it be a skull?
00:43:10A skull? No, never.
00:43:12Are you positive?
00:43:14Absolutely.
00:43:16Take my finger.
00:43:18Absolutely.
00:43:20Take my finger and place it in the centre of the thing.
00:43:24Your finger?
00:43:26Yes, take my finger.
00:43:28Place it on the centre of the...
00:43:30Is it in the middle?
00:43:32Uh-huh.
00:43:34Right, now let go.
00:43:37Now, bring your eyes to where the tip of my finger is.
00:43:41Here.
00:43:43And look back at the thing.
00:43:48There?
00:43:50Uh-huh.
00:43:52What do you see?
00:43:56Oh, my God, it is a skull.
00:44:00Thank you very much.
00:44:02Thank you, that's...
00:44:04That's all I wanted to know.
00:44:06Thank you, Mrs Goodbride.
00:44:18Morning.
00:44:20Morning.
00:44:22Morning.
00:44:24Morning.
00:44:26Morning.
00:44:28Morning, Paul.
00:44:30Morning.
00:44:32Sleep well?
00:44:34Not bad, you.
00:44:36So-so.
00:44:38I used to find you down here before me.
00:44:40No.
00:44:42You know I'm not.
00:44:44You been up long?
00:44:46About an hour.
00:44:48It was such a lovely morning, I thought it was silly to stay in bed.
00:44:51It's raining.
00:44:53What does that matter if you're blind?
00:44:55I'm going to go put on the kettle.
00:44:57Do you want some...
00:44:59What?
00:45:01Well, there's a pot already there.
00:45:05Did you make it yourself?
00:45:07Me? I'm totally helpless, as you know.
00:45:09No, if you want to thank someone, thank Mrs Goodbride.
00:45:12Mrs Goodbride was here?
00:45:14Yes, yes.
00:45:16She said she'd forgotten her sewing basket,
00:45:18but I suspect she just wants a little snoop around.
00:45:21Displaced woman syndrome, I think.
00:45:23Did you find anything not to her liking?
00:45:25Well, I'm not sure. We chatted about this and that,
00:45:27mostly about the jigsaw.
00:45:29I was going to tell you.
00:45:31Oh, really? What were you going to tell me?
00:45:33Well, you have to believe me.
00:45:35You deceived a blind man.
00:45:37It's a wicked thing to do, you know.
00:45:39Well, if you...
00:45:41I don't know what you expected to gain from this.
00:45:43If you would just listen to me, I was looking for the jigsaw.
00:45:45What, the Holbein ambassadors?
00:45:47Mrs Goodbride told you.
00:45:49Mrs Goodbride told me there'd been a Holbein at a whore's arse.
00:45:51Then how did you know?
00:45:53Because a jigsaw is in Braille, didn't you know?
00:45:55I felt it with my sensitive little fingertips.
00:45:57Did you?
00:45:59Oh, don't be a silly cow.
00:46:01Paul, listen, okay, you were right.
00:46:03There was no Rembrandt's jigsaw at the National Gallery,
00:46:05so I don't know why, but I bought the Holbein instead,
00:46:07but I had no intention of passing it off as a Rembrandt.
00:46:09But then I came home,
00:46:11and I told you I got a jigsaw,
00:46:13and you thought it was the Rembrandt,
00:46:15and so I didn't have the heart to tell you,
00:46:17otherwise we could...
00:46:19I asked you what it was like without the eyes,
00:46:21and you said that it was dramatic,
00:46:23but it diminished the pending,
00:46:25and I wrote about that!
00:46:27I wrote about it!
00:46:29I know, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.
00:46:31I didn't know what else to do,
00:46:33and it was stupid of me, okay?
00:46:35It was stupid, stupid, stupid,
00:46:37but I was just trying to please you.
00:46:39I...
00:46:47I'm at a loss.
00:46:55You want me to leave?
00:47:01Then you do want me to go.
00:47:03No.
00:47:13Can I trust you, Jane?
00:47:15Paul, I...
00:47:17Can I trust you never,
00:47:19never to humiliate me
00:47:21like that again?
00:47:23It was never my intention,
00:47:25I assure you.
00:47:33Look me in the eye,
00:47:35and tell me
00:47:37that I can trust you.
00:47:41You can trust me.
00:47:45Again.
00:47:47You can trust me.
00:47:59Right.
00:48:01One more thing.
00:48:03Get rid of the jigsaw.
00:48:05Not just from the table,
00:48:07but out of the house!
00:48:11I'll never mention it again.
00:48:13I won't forget it, but I'll never mention it again.
00:49:01Oh, God.
00:49:03No.
00:49:05No, no, no, no, no.
00:49:07Oh.
00:49:09Oh, no.
00:49:11Oh, Jesus.
00:49:15Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
00:49:17No, no, no, no.
00:49:19Oh.
00:49:21Oh.
00:49:23Oh.
00:49:25Oh.
00:49:27Oh.
00:49:31Oh.
00:49:35Oh.
00:49:51What's that tell racket?
00:49:53Jane!
00:49:55Jane! Jane!
00:49:57Jane! Yes, Paul. Sorry, what?
00:49:59Sorry, what's that excruciating noise?
00:50:01I mean, did you turn it off?
00:50:03Yes. Sorry.
00:50:05Right.
00:50:07Where's it coming from?
00:50:09Oh, I bought a little portable radio,
00:50:11didn't I tell you? No.
00:50:13Oh, well, I did. Does it have to be so excruciatingly loud?
00:50:15I'm sorry. I thought you were in the bath.
00:50:17No.
00:50:19No. What was it?
00:50:21Madonna. She's a singer.
00:50:23I know who Madonna is.
00:50:25Not a dinosaur.
00:50:27I actually once met the woman.
00:50:29Some grizzly do at Buckingham Palace.
00:50:31You two hit it off?
00:50:33Well, you could say our meeting was a semi-success.
00:50:35She hung on my every other word.
00:50:39This time I don't hear you smile.
00:50:41I'm sorry. I'm just trying to get my head around the idea
00:50:43of you and Madonna together. It's kind of a mind-boggler.
00:50:45Ah, yes.
00:50:47Would you like to pull the hem of my garment?
00:50:49No, thank you. Just the same.
00:50:51Would you like some coffee?
00:50:53Please.
00:50:55You must have been quite shocked
00:50:57to hear about her death.
00:50:59Who's death?
00:51:01Madonna's.
00:51:03Madonna's dead?
00:51:05Oh, you didn't know, did you?
00:51:07No, of course I obviously didn't know.
00:51:09What did she die of?
00:51:11She was murdered. Murder?
00:51:13Yeah. Of course you wouldn't have heard about it.
00:51:15Yeah, it happened just like a year ago.
00:51:17She was gunned down
00:51:19by some druggie outside the Groucho Club.
00:51:21It was front-page news.
00:51:23Well, I don't see the front
00:51:25or indeed any other page.
00:51:27Madonna dead?
00:51:29My God.
00:51:31I'm really rather sorry in a strange sort of way.
00:51:33You were a fan?
00:51:35Don't be grotesque.
00:51:37It's just that I didn't know, and that makes me feel stupid,
00:51:39and I refuse to believe that a blind man
00:51:41has to be stupid.
00:51:43Well, if you're afraid of feeling out of touch,
00:51:45I'm happy to read the paper to you.
00:51:47Do you have one?
00:51:49Yeah, sure.
00:51:51Then read it.
00:51:53Now?
00:51:55No, I just want the headlines.
00:51:57There's been an atrocity in Baghdad.
00:51:59It would be news if there wasn't an atrocity in Baghdad.
00:52:01O.J. Simpson committed suicide.
00:52:03Good riddance. Next.
00:52:09Donald Trump has become a Muslim.
00:52:11Never heard of it. Next.
00:52:13Princess Diana
00:52:15was sighted in Bhutan.
00:52:17What?
00:52:19Princess Diana was sighted
00:52:21in Bhutan. No kidding?
00:52:23No, apparently a
00:52:25group of American tourists
00:52:27spotted Princess Diana
00:52:29hovering over a temple
00:52:31in Bhutan, her hands cupped
00:52:33together in prayer.
00:52:35She graciously smiled and then
00:52:37slowly drifted away.
00:52:39That's what it says.
00:52:41What an utter
00:52:43tripe.
00:52:45Complete fucking garbage.
00:52:47Well, if that's what they think is fit to print,
00:52:49I'm almost glad I'm blind.
00:52:51Maybe not.
00:52:55Hold on, Paul.
00:53:03Hello?
00:53:05Oh, long time no see.
00:53:07Who is it? It's Mrs. Kilbride.
00:53:09Not too bad,
00:53:11considering. And you? When do we get you
00:53:13back?
00:53:15Oh.
00:53:17Well, I see. How is he?
00:53:21Oh. No, no, no, no.
00:53:23Mrs. Kilbride, I'm so sorry
00:53:25to hear that, but if you have to stay
00:53:27with Joe as long as possible...
00:53:29Is there anything I can do?
00:53:31That was Sir Paul.
00:53:33Did you hear that?
00:53:35Yes, of course, Mrs. Kilbride.
00:53:37Don't worry about it. We'll speak when you have time.
00:53:39Give Joe my very best.
00:53:41And mine.
00:53:43That was Sir Paul. Yes.
00:53:45Okay. Bye-bye.
00:53:47Is this
00:53:49serious?
00:53:51She's afraid it might be lung cancer.
00:53:53Oh, my God.
00:53:55Well, Joe, you know, he's a
00:53:5760-a-day man.
00:54:01I realize this
00:54:03means we're going to be on our own for longer
00:54:05than we expected.
00:54:07Are you all right for the cooking?
00:54:09It hasn't interfered so far, has it?
00:54:11No, no, no. Indeed.
00:54:13God knows what I'd do
00:54:15if you weren't here.
00:54:19But I am here, Paul.
00:54:21Yes.
00:54:23Yes, you are.
00:54:27I really feel quite sorry for Mrs. Kilbride.
00:54:29But now that
00:54:31means I have the freedom of the whole house.
00:54:35LAUGHTER
00:54:53BELL RINGS
00:55:05Who is it?
00:55:07Uh, oh, uh,
00:55:09I'm from the Conservative Party Association.
00:55:11Never seen a blind man before?
00:55:13Oh, yes, lots. Lots?
00:55:15I didn't ask for that. All right, come to the point.
00:55:17Uh, uh, well, I'm from the
00:55:19Conservative Party Association, and, uh,
00:55:21we're having a by-election in a few days,
00:55:23and I was just wondering... What do you mean, you dragged me all the way
00:55:25to the door to tell me of some wretched by-election?
00:55:27Oh, I'm so sorry, yes, sir. Obviously, I really
00:55:29didn't realize the situation. All right.
00:55:31Oh, wait, wait, wait. There's something you can do for me.
00:55:33Yes, come in.
00:55:35I'm going to catch my death standing here.
00:55:37Oh, well, I'd love to. Come in. Close the door.
00:55:39Thank you. Uh, just for a few minutes.
00:55:41Yes, of course. Absolutely.
00:55:43This way, please.
00:55:49Do come in.
00:55:51Please close the door.
00:55:53Oh.
00:55:57This is a lovely room.
00:55:59Yes, this is where I work.
00:56:01This is the library.
00:56:03It's lovely. I work here
00:56:05with my amanuensis. Excuse me.
00:56:15Now, tell me, this
00:56:17Conservative Party of yours...
00:56:19Yes? Do they have computers?
00:56:21Oh, yes. Oh, good.
00:56:23Good. Do you see this computer
00:56:25here? Yes.
00:56:27Do you know how to operate it?
00:56:29Well, I think so.
00:56:31It's not the same
00:56:33model as the one... But you can operate it?
00:56:35Yes, yes, of course.
00:56:37What exactly is it you want of me?
00:56:39Well, what I'd like...
00:56:41I'm so good. What
00:56:43is the perfume you're wearing?
00:56:45Oh, it's called
00:56:47Spectacular by Joan Collins.
00:56:49Ah. It has
00:56:51a pungent fragrance of mixturation
00:56:53to it. You can look it up
00:56:55when you get home. Now, this computer, can you
00:56:57switch it on?
00:56:59Just switch it on?
00:57:01Yes, I'm alone in the house, you see,
00:57:03so you'll be doing me a great favour. Well, you want it on now?
00:57:05Now would be excellent, thank you.
00:57:07Well, I presume it's all plugged in.
00:57:09Yes, seems to be.
00:57:11It ought to just switch on
00:57:13here.
00:57:15Yes, yes, that's it.
00:57:17It's on? Yes, on.
00:57:19So, I'm going to be on my way out.
00:57:21Oh, one more thing, if I may... Ah, ah!
00:57:23Excuse me, excuse me. You're hurting me.
00:57:25I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
00:57:27I do apologise. It was not my intention.
00:57:29Please sit down.
00:57:31You know, I'm terribly busy.
00:57:33For the merest of moments, please.
00:57:35I'd be so grateful.
00:57:39Can't be for long.
00:57:41What do you see?
00:57:43What? On the screen.
00:57:45What's on the screen?
00:57:47Um, just a list of documents.
00:57:49Is there one called Book?
00:57:51Yes.
00:57:53Would you open it, please?
00:57:55Ah, well, you know,
00:57:57I really fear that I... No, but please, please, there's nothing to fear.
00:57:59It's just not pornographic or anything.
00:58:01Please.
00:58:05Yes, it's open.
00:58:07Would you read it, please?
00:58:09What, all of it?
00:58:11No, no, just the first few lines.
00:58:13Ah.
00:58:15Ahem.
00:58:17I am blind.
00:58:19I have no sight.
00:58:21I have no eyes.
00:58:23I am thus a...
00:58:25Freak. Please don't be embarrassed.
00:58:27A freak.
00:58:29Ahem.
00:58:31I am thus a freak,
00:58:33for blindness is freakish,
00:58:35is surreal.
00:58:37Is surreal. Thank you. That's enough.
00:58:39Ah, well, glad to have been nice.
00:58:41Everything seems to be in order.
00:58:43Sorry? No, nothing.
00:58:45I'm a nagging anxiety.
00:58:47Thank you. Would you mind switching it off?
00:58:49Thank you very much. You've read it very nicely.
00:58:51Oh, thank you. Can I go now? Of course.
00:58:53I mean, I have a lot of other constituents to see and...
00:58:55Certainly. Yes.
00:58:57I take it you are a Conservative?
00:58:59Er, I've never voted in my life.
00:59:01Oh, really?
00:59:03You might have told me before.
00:59:05You've done a blind man a very good turn.
00:59:07Well, we're not the Girl Guides, you know.
00:59:09Oh, yes, you are, yes. So I can't count on your vote, then?
00:59:11Absolutely not.
00:59:13Oh! Oh! Ow, ow!
00:59:15Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
00:59:17Um...
00:59:19Madonna...
00:59:21was murdered, wasn't she?
00:59:23Who? Madonna.
00:59:25The woman whose photo's always in the paper?
00:59:27Well, I'm hardly likely to know that, am I?
00:59:33But she was murdered, wasn't she?
00:59:35Er, yes. Yes, yes.
00:59:37And O.J. Simpson committed suicide?
00:59:39Oh, absolutely.
00:59:41Absolutely.
00:59:43Oh, don't worry. It's really, er...
00:59:47Thank you so much.
00:59:49Er, what about Donald Trump?
00:59:51Is it true that he became a Muslim?
00:59:53What was he before?
00:59:57A Roman Catholic?
00:59:59Or was he a polyscientologist or something?
01:00:01Ah, stupid cow.
01:00:15Oh!
01:00:27Oh! Bastard!
01:00:29Fucking bastard!
01:00:31Fucking, fucking bastard!
01:00:37Bloody wooden bastard!
01:00:41What happened?
01:00:43Oh, this stupid,
01:00:45bloody latch thing doesn't work.
01:00:47This thing swings open and I walk into it.
01:00:49Bloody...
01:00:51Has it happened a lot?
01:00:53Oh, a few times.
01:00:55You're crazy.
01:00:57What?
01:00:59You're crazy not to have it repaired.
01:01:01Something like that I could fix in about ten minutes.
01:01:03Really?
01:01:05Yeah. You want me to?
01:01:07Yeah, well, why don't you? That's very sweet of you.
01:01:09Okay.
01:01:11Did you get to work?
01:01:13Yes. Today we're going to go on a bit of a jaunt. Oxford.
01:01:15Any particular part of Oxford?
01:01:17Yes. Hartford, my old college.
01:01:19Reckie for the book.
01:01:21So you're finally ready to start dealing with the past.
01:01:23Yes. Why do you ask?
01:01:25No particular reason.
01:01:27Let me know when you want to start.
01:01:29All right. Thank you.
01:01:42Bastard.
01:02:02So this is my old college.
01:02:04I haven't been here for 40 years.
01:02:06Have they torn it down and put up a plastic one?
01:02:09No.
01:02:11Very good.
01:02:13All right. Onward to our very own bridge of sighs,
01:02:15which should be here somewhere.
01:02:17Are we near the corner?
01:02:19Yes. Curb.
01:02:21Curb?
01:02:23Mm-hmm. Left to the left.
01:02:25Oh, I see. Right. All right.
01:02:27Right. Now, in the middle of this bridge,
01:02:31there should be a coat of arms of some kind.
01:02:33Is it? Can you describe it?
01:02:35There's two cherubs holding aloft a crest,
01:02:39a stag surrounded by stars,
01:02:41two other stags' heads and a crown on top.
01:02:43All right.
01:02:45That's vaguely what I remember, I suppose.
01:02:47All right. Now, next door...
01:02:49Next door?
01:02:51Yes.
01:02:53Next door, there should...
01:02:55There should be a...
01:02:57Is that a child?
01:02:59Yes.
01:03:01A little girl? Mm-hmm.
01:03:03Oh, nice.
01:03:05What is she wearing?
01:03:07A big woolly coat and a pink hat.
01:03:09With a bobble? Yes.
01:03:11Oh, good. Lovely.
01:03:13Mittens?
01:03:15Yes. Why?
01:03:17I just think it's very sweet.
01:03:19Mittens dangling down under their sleeves.
01:03:21And now, this house...
01:03:23There's a few of them.
01:03:25I dare say.
01:03:27This one was lived in by someone famous.
01:03:29Someone...
01:03:31I'm sorry. No, Halley.
01:03:33Halley. Halley of Comet fame.
01:03:35Are we here? Yes.
01:03:37I might have discovered Halley's Comet,
01:03:39but it's dedicated to a James Watt.
01:03:41James Watt?
01:03:43Inventor of the steam engine.
01:03:45But Watt was a Scot. So what?
01:03:47Are you sure? It's Watt.
01:03:49Sorry, Paul. No, no, no.
01:03:51It's not really that important.
01:03:53Never mind. Never mind what?
01:03:55Paul?
01:03:57Paul, are you awake?
01:03:59Yes. What is it?
01:04:01I'm going shopping. You need anything?
01:04:03No, no. See you later.
01:04:05Okay.
01:04:07He still seems uneasy about Oxford.
01:04:09Something tells me it's now or never.
01:04:25Stupid fucking bitch.
01:04:47Stupid fucking bitch.
01:04:51Stupid fucking bitch.
01:04:55Stupid fucking bitch.
01:05:25Stupid fucking bitch.
01:05:35Stupid fucking bitch.
01:05:37Stupid fucking bitch.
01:05:59I've done this before, so...
01:06:03Six, three, one...
01:06:05One, three, three...
01:06:09One...
01:06:11Aha.
01:06:15Andrew Bowles, please.
01:06:19It's personal.
01:06:21Just put me through, please.
01:06:25I can assure you
01:06:27that Andrew will want to speak to me
01:06:29if you just put me through. Thank you.
01:06:35As I have said,
01:06:37Mr Bowles will take the call.
01:06:39He knows me.
01:06:41Now, just please, madam, stop fucking about.
01:06:47It is none of your fucking business
01:06:49who's calling. Just put me bloody well through.
01:06:55Hello, Andrew.
01:06:57Good Lord, it is you.
01:06:59Paul, how are you?
01:07:01I really can't believe it's you.
01:07:03And you haven't changed a bit, you old devil.
01:07:05I'm sure you'd like to know
01:07:07I have one extremely distraught secretary on my hands.
01:07:09Oh, why, I was nothing more
01:07:11than my sweet, reasonable self.
01:07:13Yeah, I bet.
01:07:15Anyway, the important thing is here you are
01:07:17after all these years.
01:07:19I can't quite get over it.
01:07:21It has been a long time, Andrew.
01:07:23Paul, I did try to contact you.
01:07:25I hope you know that.
01:07:27I mean, I tried to call you several times,
01:07:29but I didn't have to.
01:07:31Yes, of course, I do know.
01:07:33And I'm sorry I didn't take that call,
01:07:35but, well, you can imagine.
01:07:37Of course I can imagine.
01:07:39But I want you to know that I have thought about you
01:07:41a lot these last four years.
01:07:43Thank you, I appreciate it.
01:07:45And Susan's dying to see you again.
01:07:47Well, she may think she's dying to see me,
01:07:49but I'm not British either.
01:07:51You never were, old boy.
01:07:53Listen, I don't suppose
01:07:55that the reason you're calling
01:07:57isn't the problem?
01:07:59Actually, yes, I am. My autobiography.
01:08:01Well, that's marvellous news.
01:08:03Well, don't get too carried away.
01:08:05I've only just started it.
01:08:07Well, you've already started.
01:08:09Of course.
01:08:11Paul, I'm hurt.
01:08:13Oh, come on.
01:08:15No, no, really, I'm hurt.
01:08:17I mean, why is it only now that I'm hearing
01:08:19about this new masterpiece?
01:08:21Well, I did try to call you about three weeks ago.
01:08:23So why didn't we talk?
01:08:25What? Out of the office?
01:08:27No, out of the country.
01:08:29I mean, I haven't been out of the country
01:08:31since the Frankfurt Book Fair last year.
01:08:33Oh, really?
01:08:35And what about your trip to Asia?
01:08:37Paul, I have never been to Asia.
01:08:39What?
01:08:41Never.
01:08:43Paul, what is it?
01:08:45Paul, what's that sound I'm hearing?
01:08:47It's the sound of scales
01:08:49falling from my sockets.
01:08:51Scales?
01:08:53I'm going to go now, Andrew.
01:08:55Paul, what's going on?
01:08:57Suddenly you seem...
01:08:59I'm going now, Andrew.
01:09:01Don't call me. I'll call you.
01:09:03Paul, wait.
01:09:05Goodbye. Goodbye.
01:09:23Goodbye.
01:09:53Oh, God!
01:10:23Get what you wanted?
01:10:25Eventually.
01:10:27Did you bump into that wardrobe again?
01:10:29Yes, I bloody well did.
01:10:31I can't imagine how it came to be open.
01:10:33I don't know.
01:10:35I don't know.
01:10:37I don't know.
01:10:39I don't know.
01:10:41I don't know.
01:10:43I don't know.
01:10:45I don't know.
01:10:47I don't know.
01:10:49I don't know.
01:10:51I can't imagine how it came to be open.
01:10:55Want a cup of coffee?
01:10:57Not unless you're having one.
01:10:59I got one in Chipping Camden.
01:11:01Ah, Chipping Camden.
01:11:03Something the matter, Paul?
01:11:07Who are you?
01:11:11Why do you ask?
01:11:13Well, I spoke to Andrew.
01:11:15Who?
01:11:17Andrew, my agent, remember?
01:11:19Before I got to Asia.
01:11:21And you told him all about me?
01:11:23No, no, I didn't, actually.
01:11:25I could have, but I wanted to know
01:11:27what this was all about.
01:11:31It makes me feel sick.
01:11:33What does?
01:11:35That I feel sorry for you.
01:11:37Do you? Why?
01:11:39Because now you truly are blind.
01:11:41What?
01:11:43Make yourself at home, Jane.
01:11:45Don't forget the semicolon, Jane.
01:11:47I can hear you smile, Jane.
01:11:49Who the fuck do you think you are, huh?
01:11:51Oh, God!
01:11:53God, what the hell?
01:11:55Shut up! God, I can't fucking stand
01:11:57the sound of your voice.
01:11:59I swear, if you say another word,
01:12:01I will stick my fingers down your throat and rip it out!
01:12:03Jane.
01:12:17Jane.
01:12:27Who the hell are you?
01:12:29I'm Jane Ryder.
01:12:31Renault.
01:12:33Mrs. Ralph Renault.
01:12:35Remember Ralph?
01:12:39Killed himself?
01:12:43You do remember.
01:12:45Somehow,
01:12:47I didn't think that you would.
01:12:49Of course, you've destroyed a lot of careers
01:12:51in your life, but not so many
01:12:53lives, right? I mean, you haven't
01:12:55actually left a trail of
01:12:57corpses behind you, have you?
01:12:59No.
01:13:01I think Ralph was special.
01:13:05That's probably
01:13:07what you hated about him the most.
01:13:09I mean, what an incredible
01:13:11honor it was for him to have
01:13:13his first major show
01:13:15at such a young age at
01:13:17Tate Gallery.
01:13:19Ingenious, surreal,
01:13:21disturbing.
01:13:23I compared him to Baltus Magritte.
01:13:25All the critics loved him.
01:13:27Except for you, of course.
01:13:31Then again, you hated everybody.
01:13:33For you, the history
01:13:35of art ended with Rembrandt.
01:13:39I told Ralph a good review
01:13:41from you would have been the case of death.
01:13:43No, no, just stop it. Are you deaf
01:13:45as well as blind? I told you, shut up!
01:13:47I was
01:13:49not enough for you to just destroy his
01:13:51career, huh?
01:13:53Why did you have to destroy it?
01:13:55I... Do you remember what
01:13:57you wrote? No, no.
01:13:59Child abuse by proxy.
01:14:01No, I didn't. I absolutely did. I absolutely did not.
01:14:03You might not have used those libelous words, but that's exactly
01:14:05what you insinuated, that he painted
01:14:07little girls because he couldn't fuck them!
01:14:09That's absolutely outrageous.
01:14:11Shut up! Do you know the police
01:14:13came and questioned Ralph?
01:14:15They confiscated his computer because
01:14:17they were looking for kiddie porn?
01:14:19I can't be responsible. My beautiful
01:14:21brilliant Ralph killed himself
01:14:23because of a review that took you, what,
01:14:25ten minutes to write?
01:14:29And then you moved on.
01:14:31But I couldn't.
01:14:33I read your books.
01:14:35I watched you on TV.
01:14:37I read all of your
01:14:39columns in the paper.
01:14:41You were a star, Paul.
01:14:43A national treasure.
01:14:45And then one day I read
01:14:47famous art critic
01:14:49in car accident, and you know what's so strange?
01:14:51You'd think that I would have been thrilled,
01:14:53right? But it wasn't what I called revenge.
01:14:55It might have been good enough for Guy, but it wasn't
01:14:57good enough for me. Except for you
01:14:59vanished. I couldn't find you. I didn't
01:15:01know where you were, what you were doing. You disappeared
01:15:03until I saw your ad in the
01:15:05New York Times. And then I realized
01:15:07that somehow I had to destroy you,
01:15:09Paul, the way you destroyed Ralph.
01:15:11I did a terrible thing to you which can't be undone,
01:15:13but I'm a wealthy man.
01:15:15I'm a wealthy man.
01:15:19It's curious, you know.
01:15:23Your mouth is covered and you have no
01:15:25eyes, but I can still see fear
01:15:27in your face.
01:15:29And one day I
01:15:31realized
01:15:33this wardrobe.
01:15:35You walked into it today, you've walked into it before.
01:15:37Even Mrs. Kilbride knows about your wardrobe
01:15:39door. And you walked into
01:15:41it from one of those silly silk ties that you
01:15:43always wear.
01:15:45And you got locked in. Paul and I
01:15:47was in London, it was my weekend off, and you were
01:15:49locked in like you'd be locked in the pages
01:15:51of a closed book!
01:16:03Walking straight
01:16:05like a heart of a
01:16:07cactus.
01:16:33Paul!
01:16:35Paul!
01:16:37Paul!
01:16:39Paul!
01:16:41Paul!
01:16:43Paul!
01:17:03Paul!
01:17:05Paul!
01:17:07Paul!
01:17:09Paul!
01:17:11Paul!
01:17:13Paul!
01:17:15Paul!
01:17:17Paul!
01:17:19Paul!
01:17:21Paul!
01:17:23Paul!
01:17:25Paul!
01:17:27Paul!
01:17:29Paul!
01:17:31Paul!
01:17:33Paul!
01:17:35Paul!
01:17:37Paul!
01:17:39Paul!
01:17:41Paul!
01:17:43Paul!
01:17:45Paul!
01:17:47Paul!
01:17:49Paul!
01:17:51Paul!
01:17:53Paul!
01:17:55Paul!
01:17:57Paul!
01:17:59♪♪
01:18:09♪♪
01:18:19♪♪
01:18:29♪♪
01:18:39♪♪
01:18:49♪♪
01:18:59♪♪
01:19:09♪♪
01:19:19♪♪
01:19:29♪♪
01:19:39♪♪
01:19:49♪♪
01:19:59♪♪
01:20:09♪♪
01:20:19♪♪
01:20:29♪♪
01:20:39♪♪
01:20:49♪♪
01:20:59♪♪
01:21:09♪♪
01:21:19♪♪
01:21:29♪♪
01:21:39♪♪
01:21:49♪♪
01:21:59♪♪
01:22:09♪♪
01:22:19♪♪
01:22:29♪♪
01:22:39♪♪
01:22:49♪♪
01:22:59♪♪
01:23:09♪♪
01:23:19♪♪
01:23:29♪♪
01:23:39♪♪
01:23:49♪♪
01:23:56Look at me, Jane.
01:23:59Kill me if you like.
01:24:01I really don't care.
01:24:05But am I worth the trouble?
01:24:08♪♪
01:24:18♪♪
01:24:28♪♪
01:24:38♪♪
01:24:48♪♪
01:24:58♪♪
01:25:08♪♪
01:25:18♪♪
01:25:28♪♪
01:25:38♪♪
01:25:48♪♪
01:25:58♪♪
01:26:08♪♪
01:26:18♪♪
01:26:28♪♪
01:26:38♪♪
01:26:48♪♪
01:26:58♪♪
01:27:08♪♪
01:27:18♪♪