The Three Badasses Who Want Me (2024)

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Transcript
00:00:00Ellen Musk, the only woman on the Forbes 30 under 30 list, arrives at Atlanta today.
00:00:12What a business tycoon is doing here in Georgia, a forgotten stage no one knows.
00:00:17Angela, my next door neighbor, still selling your hippie junk here?
00:00:21If your mother-in-law sees, she's going to throw a big fit again.
00:00:26Your mother-in-law was right about you.
00:00:29What's the point of watching the news all day about these moguls if you can't even apply
00:00:32it to your penniless self?
00:00:33And how do you know that this is none of my business?
00:00:37All right, everybody get out!
00:00:40We got an important guest coming!
00:00:45You!
00:00:46You deaf?
00:00:47I said pack up and scram!
00:00:52I paid the staff here already, and if you want me to leave, then fine, but you have
00:00:58to pay for today's losses.
00:00:59You want to say that again?
00:01:04You know who's visiting today?
00:01:06Ellen freaking Musk, one of the richest people in the world.
00:01:09Ellen Musk?
00:01:10Of course, a hick like you probably never heard of her.
00:01:13Just know that you can't afford to piss her off.
00:01:17Really?
00:01:18Ellen Musk is flying all the way to Atlanta just to come to some flea market.
00:01:23You don't think that she could be coming to see me?
00:01:30Coming to see you?
00:01:31All right, you know what?
00:01:32I'll play your game.
00:01:34If she does it so much as give you a glance, I'll eat dirt.
00:01:41Deal.
00:01:50Ellen Musk, get to the flea market within ten minutes.
00:01:53Or else, you're fired.
00:02:13Prepare the limo.
00:02:15Ms. Lockhart requires us immediately.
00:02:23Ah, your ten minutes is almost up.
00:02:25Good.
00:02:26Hope you don't wet your pants.
00:02:28Five, four, three, two, one.
00:02:40Ellen.
00:02:41Uh, I mean, Ms. Musk.
00:02:43Ellen.
00:02:44Uh, I mean, uh, I'm sorry that I, uh, sorry to frighten you.
00:02:49How's my boss bitch?
00:02:52Kick an ass, girlfriend.
00:02:54So how do you, like...
00:02:57She's my boss?
00:02:59Eh, I prefer business partner or best friend.
00:03:03No way.
00:03:08Well?
00:03:11No.
00:03:12No.
00:03:13No, no, I'm sorry for offending your boss.
00:03:15No, I won't do it again.
00:03:19All right, that's enough.
00:03:21We're not tyrants here.
00:03:28Sir, I found Angela Lockhart.
00:03:37You mean Angela Lockhart.
00:03:39I honor my pride.
00:03:42You made me lose one million dollars in just one game of poker.
00:03:46Who are you?
00:03:49Where is she?
00:03:51Atlanta.
00:03:52And you were right.
00:03:53It was secretly her propping up Ellen Musk.
00:03:55My clever bride.
00:03:57I will chase you to the end of the world if I have to.
00:04:04Max, prep the jet.
00:04:06I'm heading to Atlanta.
00:04:12Dr. Wilson.
00:04:13He's having Sterling's on the move.
00:04:14He's headed to Atlanta.
00:04:15Atlanta?
00:04:16The game is afoot.
00:04:18I'm going.
00:04:19Wait, Dr. Wilson.
00:04:20The Prince of Bhutan needs your medical attention.
00:04:22He can wait.
00:04:23I need to pick up my bride.
00:04:28Dr. Wilson.
00:04:35General Eisenhower reporting, sir.
00:04:38Douglas Sterling and Shane Wilson are headed to Atlanta.
00:04:41Atlanta.
00:04:43Where is that?
00:04:45Whatever.
00:04:46Prepare my warplanes.
00:04:47Those two are going after my fiancée.
00:04:49This is war.
00:05:07I've secretly allowed your husband, Jared Cooper, to win the bid on the Maple Plaza project like you asked me to.
00:05:12Thank you so much, Ellen.
00:05:14This is going to be the best anniversary gift ever.
00:05:17That project is worth billions.
00:05:19He can finally take his company public.
00:05:21But, Angela, my boss, I don't understand why you do so much for him behind the scenes without ever revealing your true identity.
00:05:32Without your backing, no offense, but he's nothing without you.
00:05:37Well, three years ago...
00:05:47You saved me.
00:06:04He saved me, and I fell in love with him instantly.
00:06:08I didn't want to reveal my true identity because I didn't want him to feel the pressure of being with a billionaire heiress.
00:06:15But now, with this contract, I feel like we'll be on more equal footing and then I can finally come out to the public.
00:06:23So that's why you have me secretly helping him.
00:06:26I'm sure he'll be moved when he finds out.
00:06:31But why work at the flea market?
00:06:33Are you disguising yourself to test him?
00:06:37Well, these exotic spices are incredibly rare and cost a fortune to find.
00:06:42Plus, I get to make the best dishes for my hubby and his mom.
00:06:46You seem happy being a housewife.
00:06:51Where the hell are you?
00:06:53Don't tell me you were selling junk at the flea market again.
00:06:56Get home, stat.
00:06:58It's a big day today.
00:07:01That was...
00:07:03My mother-in-law, Carol, she judges me because she thinks I come from a lower-class family.
00:07:09But she's going to be ecstatic tonight when I finally come out and tell her who I really am.
00:07:15You know, she even remembered our 30-year anniversary.
00:07:23Please spend more time with my son.
00:07:27Hi, I'm home.
00:07:29I have a big announcement I have to make.
00:07:31Finally, you're back. Now sign the divorce papers.
00:07:37Divorce papers?
00:07:39Is this some sort of misunderstanding, Mom?
00:07:43God, don't call me Mom again.
00:07:46We're ending that relationship.
00:07:48Just look at you. Dirt all over.
00:07:51You're selling the title of Mrs. Cooper.
00:07:54You don't deserve my son. You're way below his league.
00:07:58I'm below his league?
00:08:00That's right. You are.
00:08:02Jared is signing a $100 billion contract tomorrow with THE Ellen Musk.
00:08:09And then his company's going public.
00:08:11That's how much he's accomplished in three years.
00:08:14But you? You're still just a stinky, hippie peddler.
00:08:20Jared's like the king in the clouds. And you...
00:08:23You will always just be a pawn.
00:08:27Like dirt on our shoes.
00:08:32Dirt on your shoes?
00:08:35But Ellen Musk works for me.
00:08:38You're delusional. You will never upgrade to a queen.
00:08:42How dare you compare yourself to the real deal here.
00:08:48Resorting to lies is definitely not good enough for Jared.
00:08:52And who are you to come into my house and meddle with my family matters?
00:08:58You're nothing but a pathetic excuse for a wife.
00:09:04Jared deserves a queen like Kaylee.
00:09:07Not a lowlife dirtbag.
00:09:09Enough!
00:09:11Jared, I knew you wouldn't divorce me.
00:09:15But I am.
00:09:17Don't fight it, Angela.
00:09:20Here's $500,000. You'll never make as much as a hippie peddler selling spices.
00:09:25Now sign the papers, take your check, and leave. Don't embarrass yourself further.
00:09:32I've done so much for you these past three years.
00:09:37Did that not mean anything to you?
00:09:40Didn't expect you to be so greedy.
00:09:43Fine. Here's another $200,000.
00:09:46$500,000 is too much for her already.
00:09:49She's done nothing. Hasn't even contributed a grandchild.
00:09:55She just sells cheap grass all day.
00:09:58Is that really how much I'm worth to all of you?
00:10:02I took care of both of you these past three years.
00:10:06You think we can't just hire a maid to cook for us or something?
00:10:10And she wouldn't embarrass us with that permanent stench?
00:10:15A hippie peddler becoming the wife of a CEO? What a joke.
00:10:20If you actually love my son, you'll sign the damn divorce papers already.
00:10:25And leave!
00:10:29You really think that Jared would have gotten that Mabel Plaza bid without me?
00:10:33Let alone taking the company public?
00:10:36I did everything for you, Jared.
00:10:40Now you take credit for my son's success?
00:10:47It's all my work!
00:10:50Baby, we're going to be late for the auction if we keep letting this psycho stall us.
00:10:58You did say you would win me Princess Diana's tiara, didn't you?
00:11:03So, she's the reason for the divorce.
00:11:07She's worth more than you, Angela.
00:11:11Fine. I'll sign it.
00:11:15But don't regret it.
00:11:17Regret?
00:11:19Do you know who I am?
00:11:21Yeah, a cockroach that only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed?
00:11:25I'm Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter.
00:11:29Jared winning the bid on Mabel Plaza was because of my dad.
00:11:34Because he's business partners with Elon Musk.
00:11:38It's part of the power that I have as an elite.
00:11:43You can't do shit because you're poor.
00:11:47Social stratum matters.
00:11:49Yeah, social stratum does matter.
00:11:53And the Coopers are beneath me.
00:11:56And you really think Elon Musk would come to Atlanta if it weren't for me?
00:12:01Ha! You're delusional.
00:12:04Now sign the papers and scram!
00:12:10You owe me.
00:12:12You dirty bitch. You sicken me.
00:12:17You hit me.
00:12:22Now sign the papers, take a check, and get the fuck out!
00:12:40I don't need your pity money.
00:12:42I don't need your pity money.
00:12:46We're finished.
00:12:48You don't want the money? That's your loss.
00:12:51Your check is just pennies to me.
00:12:54But I would like my ring back.
00:12:58Mom?
00:13:07Have fun on your economy flight while I catch a ride on my private helicopter out of here.
00:13:18And I'm way out of your league.
00:13:21Isn't that the Winston Blue Diamond Ring?
00:13:26It's worth tens of millions of dollars.
00:13:30Oh, it's probably just cheap glass.
00:13:33Something she found at the flea market.
00:13:36You're right. She could never afford anything so expensive.
00:13:41Congrats, Jared Boo Boo, on getting rid of that dirt bag.
00:13:47Oh, my dad says there's going to be a secret big shot financial tycoon at tomorrow's summit.
00:13:54Bigger big shot than Elon Musk?
00:13:57Yeah. And nobody's met them, but I can introduce you.
00:14:02Everything's thanks to you, babe.
00:14:17Angela, Mr. Vanderbilt, the richest man in Georgia, wants to schedule a meeting before the bidding.
00:14:23Vanderbilt?
00:14:24Yeah, he's actually CEO of one of our companies. Basically, our employee.
00:14:28Oh, okay. I'll meet him at the summit tomorrow. It's fine.
00:14:31You're still going to the summit tomorrow? But you and Jared Cooper are already divorced.
00:14:35That's exactly why I'm going.
00:14:37Angela Lockhart, I finally found you.
00:14:43I've been looking for you for a while now.
00:14:44Oh, yeah.
00:14:47I'm so sorry, Angela, I'm so sorry.
00:14:50I'm sorry.
00:14:52You're fine.
00:14:55What about me?
00:14:56Me?
00:14:57Nothing's changed.
00:14:59I've been waiting for you for a long time.
00:15:02I know.
00:15:05Oh, really?
00:15:06I found you.
00:15:08Who is he?
00:15:10That's Devin Sterling.
00:15:12He's number one on Forbes 30 under 30 list,
00:15:14an early investor of crypto,
00:15:16CEO of Sterling Enterprises.
00:15:18Rumor has it he's worth trillions.
00:15:20And he's
00:15:22your fiancé.
00:15:24What?
00:15:26My fiancé?
00:15:28The one and only.
00:15:30So,
00:15:32after running away and leaving me single
00:15:34for three years,
00:15:36have you figured out how you're going to make it up to me yet?
00:15:38Babe?
00:15:46That tiara
00:15:48looks perfect on you.
00:15:52What is
00:15:54she doing here?
00:15:58You skank!
00:16:00My son just divorced you yesterday
00:16:02and you're already hooking up with another man?
00:16:04Divorced?
00:16:08That's right, so
00:16:10I guess this was never meant to be,
00:16:12Mr...
00:16:14Sterling. Devin Sterling.
00:16:16So she has to
00:16:18hide her marital status to find another man.
00:16:20Guess she's not just a forsaken
00:16:22woman, she's also a
00:16:24stinky, penniless
00:16:26whore.
00:16:28How dare you
00:16:30insult my boss like that.
00:16:32Who the fuck are you, bitch?
00:16:34Do you know who I am?
00:16:36They don't
00:16:38know who you are.
00:16:40You hide it well.
00:16:42X-Team!
00:16:44Teach these fools a lesson.
00:16:48Teach these fools a lesson.
00:16:54Sir, you were kind of in a rush when you flew to Atlanta
00:16:56and then to New York.
00:16:58You forgot to bring the security team.
00:17:04Mind if I
00:17:06borrow your men?
00:17:12Toss these ill-mannered apes out!
00:17:14Oh, you bitch!
00:17:16I'll have my son teach you a real
00:17:18lesson!
00:17:24A kiss
00:17:26is a reward, my lady.
00:17:28No.
00:17:36Guest list is very
00:17:38distinguished tonight.
00:17:40You've got Bill Ford,
00:17:42Harvey Buffett, Old Money,
00:17:44like me. Gentlemen,
00:17:46Harvey, Bill, this is Jared Cooper.
00:17:48Pleased to meet you all. Your families
00:17:50all started empires after the Industrial
00:17:52Revolution. What an honor.
00:17:54I heard you secured the Maple Plaza project.
00:17:56It's worth billions of dollars.
00:17:58Congrats. You'll be next.
00:18:02We haven't received the contract yet, but we deserve it.
00:18:04Oh, that's nothing. I introduced
00:18:06this kid to Ellen Musk.
00:18:08Vanderbilts and Miss Musk have always had a good relationship.
00:18:10So,
00:18:12thought I'd help the kid out, pull a few strings.
00:18:14Thank you, Mr. Manville.
00:18:16Now, we just have to
00:18:18impress Miss Musk's special guest of
00:18:20honor.
00:18:22I heard they're a very important and powerful
00:18:24guest, even
00:18:26wealthier than Ellen Musk.
00:18:28Now, if we can just secure
00:18:30a position with this big shot,
00:18:32we can feast for
00:18:34generations.
00:18:36I'll do
00:18:38my best.
00:18:42Excuse me.
00:18:44A second, gentlemen.
00:18:46What if it's the Prince of Bhutan?
00:18:48What?
00:18:50How did a hobo like you
00:18:52sneak in here?
00:18:54Me? A hobo?
00:18:56How did a cheating scumbag like you sneak in here?
00:18:58You sleep your way in?
00:19:00I told you, Angela Lockhart, don't bother stalking
00:19:02me. Nothing will come of it,
00:19:04and it only sickens me further.
00:19:06Don't flatter yourself.
00:19:10This is your
00:19:12ex-husband?
00:19:14What, were you blindfolded when you married him?
00:19:16Who the hell is this?
00:19:18You were cheating on me?
00:19:32Son, you have to avenge
00:19:34me and Kaylee. That wicked
00:19:36ex-wife of yours hired some thugs
00:19:38and a gigolo to beat us up.
00:19:40They even took
00:19:42Kaylee's tiara!
00:19:46You dare
00:19:48hurt my mom and Kaylee?
00:19:52Get your hands off of her!
00:19:58My lady.
00:20:16My queen.
00:20:32It's...
00:20:34It's him!
00:20:36He scammed a million dollars off me
00:20:38in a game of poker yesterday!
00:20:40Who are these peasants?
00:20:42These seats are reserved for
00:20:44Ellen Musk and her special guest.
00:20:46Oh, shut up, old man.
00:20:48You're disturbing the peace.
00:20:52Fuckers, you know
00:20:54who that is? That's Eric
00:20:56Vanderbilt. You have any idea how many
00:20:58generations of wealth he has? His
00:21:00ancestors built the railway and steamship
00:21:02empire of America.
00:21:04This civil war would not have been won without his family's
00:21:06involvement. Vanderbilt.
00:21:08The father
00:21:10of that skank,
00:21:12Kaylee Vanderbilt, who only
00:21:14knows how to crawl her way into a married
00:21:16man's bed.
00:21:18That lonely Vanderbilt
00:21:20family?
00:21:26Oh,
00:21:28goddammit, a stomachache now?
00:21:34Whatever. Angela can handle
00:21:36herself. She'll be fine.
00:21:42How dare
00:21:44you call one of us
00:21:46low? I'm
00:21:48Harvey F. N. Buffett, the most important
00:21:50investor in the entire stock market.
00:21:52I can wipe
00:21:54you out with a simple
00:21:56pinky only.
00:21:58And I can wipe you out with just a strand
00:22:00of my hair.
00:22:02Not with me around.
00:22:04I, Bill Ford, and the entire Ford
00:22:06auto empire stand with these
00:22:08gentlemen.
00:22:10You're all just peasants compared to who I
00:22:12really am.
00:22:14You're a fucking delusion,
00:22:16Angela. We've had enough of
00:22:18your games. Security,
00:22:20break their limbs and
00:22:22toss them out. Looks like
00:22:24the old guard's teaming up against you.
00:22:26Don't worry.
00:22:28You got new money.
00:22:32I can handle myself, thank you.
00:22:34Yes, my queen.
00:22:36You're all
00:22:38despicable.
00:22:40An insult to your family names.
00:22:44Now,
00:22:46it's my turn to rule.
00:22:48Destroy
00:22:50Jared Cooper. Cut
00:22:52off all business ties.
00:22:54And if you don't,
00:22:56I will
00:22:58take away all of your family's
00:23:00wealth and power.
00:23:02I knew it.
00:23:04You're here to fuck with me. You can't
00:23:06fool anyone here.
00:23:08How much money did you spend on that getup?
00:23:10And to hire that gigolo to make me jealous?
00:23:12You're an orphan
00:23:14who sells hippie spices at a
00:23:16flea market. You have nothing
00:23:18and you will always be
00:23:20nothing.
00:23:22She's a gold digger.
00:23:24Gold digger?
00:23:26Gigolo.
00:23:28Wanna try me for a night?
00:23:30Yeah, you're a little too pricey.
00:23:32Mr. Vanderbilt, we really shouldn't keep these bandits
00:23:34here any longer. They might upset
00:23:36Miss Ellen Musk and her special guest.
00:23:38Angela Lockhart is my spurned ex-wife. She's only
00:23:40here to try and ruin my bill in the Maple Plaza
00:23:42project. Oh, I'm gonna kill that
00:23:44sushi chef. Security!
00:23:50Security!
00:23:52You all don't realize
00:23:54that you actually all work for me.
00:23:56And now you're trying to throw a coup?
00:23:58You!
00:24:00Insolent fools.
00:24:02Let me guess.
00:24:04You're that special guest?
00:24:06I don't know.
00:24:08Throw them out!
00:24:10And not without some broken bones, too.
00:24:18Back to our next.
00:24:24I got this.
00:24:32Look.
00:24:42Hey!
00:24:44Hey, you!
00:24:50What the hell
00:24:52are you two doing here?
00:24:54I thought we were supposed to guard you.
00:24:56No, you're supposed to make sure Miss Lockhart is okay.
00:24:58Oh my
00:25:00God, we're so screwed.
00:25:10Angela!
00:25:12Don't hurt her. You bitch.
00:25:14I've always been sick of you. You just threw yourself
00:25:16at me. How dare you insult
00:25:18my boss like that. Boss?
00:25:20Did she say her boss?
00:25:22Miss Musk?
00:25:24That's Ellen Musk? That woman
00:25:26right there is Angela Lockhart.
00:25:28My boss and sole heiress to the Henry
00:25:30Lockhart's fortune. Their
00:25:32lineage is older than this country itself.
00:25:34Past the American Revolution?
00:25:36Back to the Renaissance.
00:25:38If she's your boss
00:25:40then that means Angela Lockhart is...
00:25:42That's Lady Lockhart to you. She's royalty.
00:25:44And since you're all subsidiaries
00:25:46she's your boss's boss.
00:25:48What the hell did you do?
00:25:50Kneel to me.
00:25:52Oh, your majesty.
00:25:54Welcome
00:25:56to the United States.
00:25:58We've always been your loyal subjects.
00:26:00Yes, your highness.
00:26:02Is it a queen
00:26:04or a princess? It doesn't matter.
00:26:06Other than my queen,
00:26:08please forgive our insolence.
00:26:10We didn't mean to offend.
00:26:12What are you doing, you idiot?
00:26:14Let go of the boss lady
00:26:16and beg for forgiveness.
00:26:26What rightfully
00:26:28belongs to you.
00:26:46She's a badass herself.
00:26:48He missed out on a good wife.
00:26:50You! You!
00:26:52You told me your wife was a hippie peddler.
00:26:54Turns out you were the freeloading scumbag
00:26:56this entire time.
00:26:58No, don't believe their lies. I worked hard for everything.
00:27:00You worked for everything?
00:27:06Hi, honey.
00:27:08So,
00:27:10our 30th anniversary is coming up
00:27:12and I thought that maybe we can do something special
00:27:14this year?
00:27:16I can't focus on anything trivial like that.
00:27:18I have to figure out this bid for the Maple Plaza project
00:27:20and if I get it, I can take the company
00:27:22public.
00:27:30You were nothing
00:27:32before me.
00:27:34All your achievements, all your glory,
00:27:36that's all mine.
00:27:38Including the Maple
00:27:40Plaza contract.
00:27:42I can take all of that away
00:27:44just like that.
00:27:46No, you can't take that away from me.
00:27:48That's why Ellen Musk was urging us to pass
00:27:50on deals to this nobody.
00:27:52Oh, and
00:27:54this antique wedding ring?
00:27:56Yeah, I forgot to tell you.
00:27:58It was Queen Victoria's and it's worth
00:28:00is equivalent to more than an entire country's
00:28:02GDP.
00:28:10I gave you back the ring?
00:28:12I divorced a royal heiress?
00:28:14No!
00:28:16Please, no!
00:28:18Please take me back, baby!
00:28:20I still love you!
00:28:24Oh man, looks like they've started
00:28:26the party without us.
00:28:28No one's allowed to start a fight without Cole Eisenhower!
00:28:36God, these two again.
00:28:38Did he say...is he Cole Eisenhower?
00:28:40President Eisenhower's
00:28:42descendant. After General Eisenhower won
00:28:44World War II, each of his descendants
00:28:46have all gone on to become five-star generals,
00:28:48the highest rank in the nation's military.
00:28:50Bloody buffoons know your history!
00:28:52Sorry I'm late, babe. I got lost trying to find
00:28:54Atlanta. Then lost again
00:28:56on my way back to New York.
00:29:02And that there is, that is
00:29:04the legendary boy genius
00:29:06Dr. Wilson. He's Dr. House's
00:29:08protege! Dr. House?
00:29:10I thought that was just a TV show.
00:29:12Oh no, that's based on a real figure.
00:29:14Yep, that's me.
00:29:16Son of James House. Dr. House?
00:29:18He's practically my uncle.
00:29:20I correctly diagnosed the Pope before him
00:29:22when I was just 12 years old.
00:29:24So he's been off carrying himself a waterfall
00:29:26somewhere in the Netherlands for the last
00:29:2815 years.
00:29:30And I'm late because I ran out of gum
00:29:32and had to make a pit stop.
00:29:38Hey Ellen, who are these weirdos
00:29:40and why are they here?
00:29:42They're all your fiancés.
00:29:44What?
00:29:46Fiancés?
00:29:48Plural?
00:29:50Fiancés? Plural?
00:29:52Watch it, nerds!
00:29:54I'm her fiancé!
00:29:56No, I'm her fiancé! You can both shut up!
00:29:58I'm her fiancé!
00:30:00It's you! It's me!
00:30:02Who the hell is he? I'm Spider-Man.
00:30:06How are all three of these
00:30:08men my fiancé?
00:30:10Your father had arranged
00:30:12these engagements years ago, but I didn't tell you
00:30:14because you decided to marry Jared Cooper
00:30:16at the time.
00:30:18She has three badass fiancés
00:30:20and she marries his dumb ass?
00:30:24Whatever.
00:30:26Since you're all here,
00:30:28help me finish him.
00:30:30Since you're all here,
00:30:32help me finish him.
00:30:36At your service!
00:30:38One down, two more to go.
00:30:40One down, two more to go.
00:30:42She's become queen!
00:30:44Bishop to G4.
00:30:46Bishop to G4.
00:30:48Bishop to G4.
00:30:50Ow! Ow!
00:30:52Ow! What is that?
00:30:54The most germ-infested water
00:30:56in the Nile River.
00:31:00Rook to A8.
00:31:02Rook to A8.
00:31:04Hello?
00:31:08I thought I was king.
00:31:10No, you wish.
00:31:12The king doesn't do anything, so
00:31:14Alan can be my king.
00:31:16Oh, fine.
00:31:20Bankrupt to four.
00:31:22It's right this second.
00:31:28I...
00:31:30I've been bankrupt!
00:31:32No!
00:31:34Rook to A8.
00:31:40I've been bankrupt!
00:31:42No!
00:31:44I told you I would remove all of you
00:31:46from status and power if you didn't cooperate.
00:31:48Well, guess what?
00:31:50Game over.
00:31:52Alright, boys, let's figure out this four-way engagement.
00:31:54Oh, that's serious business.
00:31:56I'm right with you.
00:31:58Wait for me.
00:32:00Wait for me.
00:32:02Nobody beats me to the finish line.
00:32:12Angela!
00:32:16You already have three fiancées?
00:32:18You can't accuse me of cheating.
00:32:20I...
00:32:22want compensation.
00:32:26You greedy SOB.
00:32:28My ex-husband.
00:32:30Wait, you were married?
00:32:32Yeah, and if that's a problem for you,
00:32:34then you can totally back out of this engagement.
00:32:36More for me?
00:32:38No, no, of course not.
00:32:40Just, do you want me to check your eyes for you?
00:32:42Don't steal my joke.
00:32:44I can make him disappear without a trace.
00:32:46All evidence of your past with him will be gone.
00:32:48What?
00:32:50Is there something on my face?
00:32:52Uh, yeah. Murderous intent.
00:32:54Let's remarry.
00:32:56Let's remarry.
00:32:58You still don't realize.
00:33:00I only fell in love with you
00:33:02because you saved me from drowning
00:33:04three years ago.
00:33:26Sir, it's an emergency.
00:33:28We need to wreck right away.
00:33:30Nicole Eisenhower and Shane Wilson
00:33:32are causing mayhem at the company warehouse.
00:33:34Okay, I'm on my way.
00:33:38She should be okay now.
00:33:44Hey, you!
00:33:46Watch over here.
00:33:48I'll be right back.
00:33:50I'll be right back.
00:34:00You saved me.
00:34:04Fuck.
00:34:06I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:34:08Fuck.
00:34:10I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:34:12You've cheated on me,
00:34:14you've hit me,
00:34:16and you've insulted me.
00:34:18I never want to see you again.
00:34:20I fucking hate you.
00:34:24Lady Lockhart.
00:34:26What now?
00:34:28Yes, we understand
00:34:30that you are a very busy person,
00:34:32but if you're not going to give your ex-husband
00:34:34the Maple Plaza project...
00:34:36How about us three?
00:34:38Yes, unlike that scumbag,
00:34:40we won't turn on you.
00:34:42Yeah, no. You're all fired
00:34:44for trying to throw a coup.
00:34:46This is your fault, you doofus.
00:34:48We never should have believed your bullshit.
00:34:50No.
00:34:52No.
00:34:54We can't lose our positions with Ellen Musk
00:34:56and the Lockharts.
00:34:58Oh, help me.
00:35:00I'll get you for this.
00:35:08I never should have listened to you.
00:35:10I'm ruined because of you.
00:35:16So,
00:35:18what's the situation here?
00:35:20I don't want to marry you.
00:35:30I don't want to marry you.
00:35:34Listen,
00:35:36I only met you guys a few hours ago
00:35:38and I'm not interested
00:35:40in your relationship.
00:35:42I don't want to marry you.
00:35:44I only met you a few hours ago
00:35:46and I'm not interested in flash marriages.
00:35:48But what if I told you
00:35:50that we've known each other
00:35:52for much longer than just a few hours?
00:35:54Much longer.
00:35:58Angela?
00:36:00Your parents would like to have a video call
00:36:02with all of you.
00:36:06My lovely princess,
00:36:08how are you?
00:36:10Look, your mother and I are in Italy.
00:36:12Absolutely stunning.
00:36:14Perfect for a wedding, wouldn't you say?
00:36:16I heard you
00:36:18finally divorced that
00:36:20good-for-nothing, blood-sucking
00:36:22freeloader husband of yours.
00:36:24Can't call his name, but
00:36:26anyway, congratulations!
00:36:28I've selected three prime
00:36:30young men for you to choose from
00:36:32to replace him.
00:36:34You must pick one of them to marry.
00:36:36Otherwise...
00:36:38Let me do it.
00:36:40You must choose one of them in seven days.
00:36:42Otherwise...
00:36:44We'll kill ourselves.
00:36:46Mom!
00:36:48Alright honey, that's it.
00:36:50Bye! Bye!
00:36:56So, who are you going to choose?
00:37:00Well, what if I
00:37:02want all three of you?
00:37:06Well, what if I
00:37:08want all three of you?
00:37:10That seems greedy.
00:37:16But...
00:37:18I can always remove
00:37:20the other two options.
00:37:22Hey! I may be a doctor,
00:37:24but I can take lives too.
00:37:26I know and have access
00:37:28to all the deadliest poisons in the world.
00:37:30Well, okay.
00:37:32No murder, please. I was just kidding.
00:37:34Just kidding.
00:37:36You have seven days to win her over.
00:37:40It's like The Bachelorette.
00:37:42I know. We'll start with challenge one.
00:37:46Welcome to the show,
00:37:48The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
00:37:50Today, we have
00:37:52our first challenge.
00:37:56What is all of this, Ellen?
00:37:58You'll see.
00:38:04Oh my god!
00:38:06Oh my god! Cockroaches!
00:38:08All women are afraid of cockroaches.
00:38:10And it is every man's job
00:38:12to save their beloved woman
00:38:14from this monstrosity of a creature.
00:38:16What will our three candidates do
00:38:18to prove their undying love
00:38:20for our single woman,
00:38:22but screaming her head off heiress?
00:38:24Looks like one of our contestants
00:38:26has already called it quits.
00:38:28It's up to the final two.
00:38:54Crunchy.
00:38:56That is sick cold.
00:38:58Hey, when you're stranded
00:39:00in the middle of the battlefield,
00:39:02you'll be glad to see one of these around.
00:39:04There are two more left.
00:39:06Want to try one?
00:39:08Oh my god, no!
00:39:10Oh my god, save me!
00:39:12Save you? You're going to save me!
00:39:14Ah!
00:39:16I'm a giant!
00:39:18I'm a giant!
00:39:20I'm a giant!
00:39:22Ah!
00:39:24I'm a germaphobe doctor.
00:39:26These hands can't get germs on them.
00:39:28They're for surgery and saving lives.
00:39:44Thank god you're here.
00:39:48Are you alright, honey?
00:39:50Angela!
00:39:54Alright, you won the first challenge,
00:39:56so your reward,
00:39:58you get to watch over her for the night.
00:40:00Just don't cross the line, if you know what I mean.
00:40:02I'm not her scumbag husband.
00:40:04You have nothing to worry about.
00:40:10Honestly, even if you guys fuck,
00:40:12it's not like it's against the rules or anything.
00:40:14At least my girlfriend gets some.
00:40:16I bet her husband has a small dick anyway.
00:40:20The cockroaches!
00:40:22They're gone, they're gone.
00:40:24There's nothing in this room except you and me, okay?
00:40:26I'm going to kill
00:40:28Ellen when I see her tomorrow.
00:40:34I need a drink.
00:40:42Whoa, easy!
00:40:44You're on an empty stomach.
00:40:46Oh, why do you care?
00:40:48Are you trying to drink away your sorrows, Angela?
00:40:52You guys were right.
00:40:54I was blind
00:40:56for marrying that asshole.
00:40:58You know,
00:41:00I wasted three
00:41:02whole years of my life with him.
00:41:04He never even loved me.
00:41:06And I gave up my entire
00:41:08career for him.
00:41:12Do you really think
00:41:14that you would still be number one on the Forbes
00:41:1630 under 30 list if I was around?
00:41:20You may not be
00:41:22number one on Forbes list, but
00:41:24you know what you're number one in?
00:41:26What?
00:41:30You're number one here.
00:41:38You know, we've known each other
00:41:40kind of a long time.
00:41:42Lies.
00:41:44You all just want something from me.
00:41:52Angela,
00:41:54I know it's hard to trust again,
00:41:56but I assure you
00:41:58I don't care
00:42:00what family you're from.
00:42:02I'm the richest man
00:42:04in the nation. I don't need your
00:42:06power, your status,
00:42:08your wealth, your connections.
00:42:10I just need you.
00:42:14I'll prove my love to you within six days.
00:42:16I promise.
00:42:28Screw the contest.
00:42:30I just want love.
00:42:34Angela,
00:42:36you're drunk.
00:42:38I'm an adult.
00:42:40Can't a girl just get what she wants?
00:42:42Okay.
00:42:48But love and sex aren't exactly the same thing.
00:42:52Oh, they're not mutually
00:42:54exclusive either.
00:43:04This is what you want.
00:43:08Okay.
00:43:32Nine-inch penis.
00:43:34Morning to you, too.
00:43:36You sure you were drunk last night?
00:43:38A girl remembers when she's had a
00:43:40nine-inch
00:43:42penis inside of her.
00:43:44Well, glad you enjoyed it.
00:43:46But don't tell
00:43:48Shane or Cole
00:43:50because then they would...
00:43:52Say that you were being unfair?
00:43:54Technically, us having sex doesn't break any rules.
00:43:56I won the first challenge
00:43:58and according to Ellen,
00:44:00my prize was to spend a night with you
00:44:02anyways.
00:44:04Don't make this any harder
00:44:06than it already is.
00:44:10You sure you don't want it pretty hard?
00:44:14Stop.
00:44:16Fine, fine,
00:44:18fine.
00:44:20I won't tell.
00:44:24But only on one condition.
00:44:26I won't tell.
00:44:30But only on one condition.
00:44:32You have to go out on a date with me.
00:44:34Fine.
00:44:40I've had a crush on you since college, Angela.
00:44:42You never noticed me.
00:44:48You should get dressed
00:44:50and get out of here before anyone sees you.
00:44:54It's only 7 a.m.
00:44:56She's still sleeping.
00:44:58I'm not sleeping alone.
00:45:00Another man for another second.
00:45:04Morning, gentlemen.
00:45:06Or shall I say ruffmen?
00:45:08Oh, don't mind him.
00:45:10What's up, guys?
00:45:12We're ready for the second challenge.
00:45:14No cockroaches this time.
00:45:16Yes, no more terrifying things.
00:45:18That was my bad, Angela.
00:45:20This better be a good challenge, Ellen.
00:45:22I'm sure you'll all enjoy this one.
00:45:24The second challenge is...
00:45:26The second challenge is...
00:45:28A date.
00:45:30Lane, I should have asked for something else.
00:45:32A date? That's it.
00:45:34What's the catch?
00:45:36No catch. Just who Ms. Lockhart
00:45:38enjoys spending her time with the most.
00:45:40As simple as that.
00:45:42I know what I want to do. Let's start with me first.
00:45:44Okay, who's up first?
00:45:46Me. Save the best for last.
00:45:48Ain't that right, Angela?
00:45:50Then it's decided.
00:45:54Please don't take my BMW away!
00:45:56Too bad.
00:45:58You pissed off the Lockharts.
00:46:00I have nothing left!
00:46:10It's that bitch who ruined me!
00:46:16It's that bitch who ruined me!
00:46:26General Eisenhower, sir!
00:46:28At ease, Lieutenant. This is my lieutenant.
00:46:30He also manages this boxing gym.
00:46:32Pleasure to meet you, Madam Eisenhower!
00:46:34He's so serious.
00:46:36But, hang on.
00:46:38Lieutenant, I don't know who I'm going to marry yet!
00:46:40Baby!
00:46:42I decided to take you here on our first date
00:46:44so that I can introduce you to my guns.
00:46:46Guns? Like murder weapons?
00:46:48Yes.
00:46:50Murder weapons.
00:46:56Guns.
00:47:10You like my guns, babe?
00:47:12Pretty rock hard.
00:47:14Yeah.
00:47:16Let me show you what I can do with them.
00:47:18Lieutenant! Come close!
00:47:20Wait!
00:47:22You're just going to hit him like that? He's not even going to fight back?
00:47:24If he's not fighting back, we'll be treason, ma'am!
00:47:26Treason? You guys are way too serious.
00:47:30Look, you Lockhart bitch! I caught you!
00:47:32If I'm going down, you're all going down with me!
00:47:34Lieutenant, here's your attack!
00:47:48You dare try to hurt my wife?
00:47:54I will make you pay!
00:47:58You don't need to keep beating him up.
00:48:00We could just take him to the cops.
00:48:02Not when he tries to hurt you!
00:48:08Zoe's a bit violent.
00:48:10Some might call it being protective.
00:48:12Poor anger issues.
00:48:14What if we get married
00:48:16and I forget to use a coaster on an antique table or something?
00:48:18Is he going to be, like, rough?
00:48:20Rough?
00:48:22Hey, some girls are into that.
00:48:24I don't know if I am.
00:48:26Well, maybe Shane will be your type.
00:48:32Your date with Shane starts
00:48:34now.
00:48:38Hey.
00:48:40Cool ride.
00:48:42A gift from the Chancellor of Germany
00:48:44when I saved his wife.
00:48:46Impressive.
00:48:48Your breath
00:48:50smells like peppermint.
00:48:52Refreshing.
00:48:54I got cool mint, too.
00:48:56Or do you prefer spearmint?
00:48:58What do you not have
00:49:00in this coat of yours?
00:49:02Fruit flavored gum. I can't stand those.
00:49:04So, where are you taking me?
00:49:06Let me show you.
00:49:14Dr. Wilson!
00:49:16Our VIP of VIPs!
00:49:18Right this way.
00:49:20VIP of VIPs?
00:49:22Ah, just some other guy I saved.
00:49:24I forget who.
00:49:26You saved a lot of people.
00:49:28I do what I can.
00:49:30Oh, my gosh.
00:49:32It's my gold-digging neighbor who just got dumped by her husband.
00:49:36Sandra Miller.
00:49:38What are you doing here?
00:49:40I just thought this was for the VIP of VIPs.
00:49:42Your mother-in-law told me all about the divorce
00:49:44and some gigolo to beat her and Kaylee Vanderbilt up.
00:49:48How low of you.
00:49:50What are you doing here, Sandra?
00:49:52Of course your bird brain wouldn't remember.
00:49:54I sell high-fashion jewelry pieces
00:49:56so high-end, you couldn't even
00:49:58afford even a few soldier organs.
00:50:00The auction begins.
00:50:02I'll deal with you
00:50:04later.
00:50:06I'll just be one second.
00:50:08Cameron,
00:50:10I have a task for you.
00:50:14Our next piece is
00:50:16absolutely extraordinary.
00:50:18Cleopatra's armband
00:50:20sold by our vendor,
00:50:22Sandra Miller
00:50:24for five million dollars.
00:50:26Excuse me.
00:50:28I'd like to donate
00:50:30this piece to auction.
00:50:32It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:50:34I'd like to donate
00:50:36I'd like to donate
00:50:38this piece to auction.
00:50:40It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:50:42What are you doing?
00:50:44Just watch.
00:50:50That is Queen Victoria's ring?
00:50:52Please.
00:50:54I'm an expert and that's a fake.
00:50:56She probably got it at the flea market she works at.
00:50:58You work at a flea market?
00:51:00Not this again.
00:51:02Cut the bullshit. That wouldn't even sell for five dollars.
00:51:04Oh yeah?
00:51:06Here, you want it? For free.
00:51:08Ew! I don't want that trash from a stinky hippie peddler.
00:51:10Ew! I don't want that trash from a stinky hippie peddler.
00:51:12Well, that's too bad then
00:51:14because you are the fraud.
00:51:16What are you talking about?
00:51:18Who the hell are you to accuse me?
00:51:20Throw them out!
00:51:22Dr. Wilson,
00:51:24I know you're a legend in medicine
00:51:26but we're professionals.
00:51:28Oh yeah?
00:51:30And that armband sells for five million dollars?
00:51:32Yeah.
00:51:34Mine is the real thing.
00:51:36You two are just upset because you're too poor
00:51:38to afford our luxury items.
00:51:40Why is that so?
00:51:42When a so-called expert
00:51:44failed to recognize Queen Victoria's ring then?
00:51:46Dear Lord,
00:51:48this is real.
00:51:50It's authentic.
00:51:52It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:51:56Karen,
00:51:58what have you found?
00:52:00Yeah, that picture of Cleopatra's armband you sent me?
00:52:02It's a replica.
00:52:06They have the same one right here at the flea market.
00:52:08So,
00:52:10you are the fraud.
00:52:12You just went to the flea market
00:52:14so you can buy some fakes.
00:52:16And Cameron, how much are these fakes being sold for?
00:52:18$150.
00:52:20Wow.
00:52:22Not even five dollars.
00:52:24Sandra.
00:52:26You've been duping us the whole time?
00:52:28Arrest her!
00:52:30No! Please!
00:52:32This is one time! Please!
00:52:34What's going on, Dr. Wilson?
00:52:36Uh, investigating lead poisoning
00:52:38from cheap jewelry for the Emperor of Japan.
00:52:40Bye.
00:52:42Black Callista from the jewelry industry forever.
00:52:52I had a really great time tonight.
00:52:54Me too.
00:52:56May I
00:52:58have a kiss?
00:53:12Something wrong?
00:53:14Do you always have gum in your mouth?
00:53:22Yep.
00:53:24Don't worry about stinky breath for me.
00:53:36You
00:53:38owe us a bunch of money, Cooper.
00:53:40I don't have any money.
00:53:42How did you pay for this hotel then?
00:53:46I guess you'll only pay up
00:53:50if I break your other leg.
00:53:52Mr. Vanderbilt.
00:53:56Mr. Buffett.
00:54:00This is the contract
00:54:02for the Maple Plaza project.
00:54:04That's right.
00:54:06Miss Musk wanted me to give it to you.
00:54:08I knew Angelo was still in love with me.
00:54:10I knew Angelo was still in love with me.
00:54:12No, no.
00:54:14Sorry about those injuries from earlier.
00:54:16It was all just a little misunderstanding.
00:54:18Yeah, we could be partners again.
00:54:22And then maybe you can
00:54:24tell Lady Lockhart
00:54:26to put in a good word for us?
00:54:28Angela still loves me.
00:54:30She's just throwing a fit.
00:54:32She'll be back to me soon enough.
00:54:34Yeah, do you need any help winning her back?
00:54:36We can give you jewelry to give to her.
00:54:38I was just sucking up
00:54:40to these pricks a few days ago
00:54:42and now they're all begging me to help them out.
00:54:44It feels so damn good to be in power.
00:54:46Sure.
00:54:48I'll put in a good word for you.
00:54:50I just need...
00:54:52Anything. You tell us, we'll give you anything.
00:54:54Once I take everything
00:54:56from these idiots,
00:54:58I'll go after Angela Lockhart
00:55:00for my revenge.
00:55:06I'm giving the contract to Jared Cooper
00:55:08just like you asked me to.
00:55:10Well done. He'll be fucked soon.
00:55:12Well done. He'll be fucked soon.
00:55:14I don't get it, Ms. Musk.
00:55:16That contract has a preliminary clause.
00:55:18It requires him to pay 50% of the costs
00:55:20upfront as a deposit.
00:55:22And if he can't, then what?
00:55:24He'll be bankrupt.
00:55:26So as long as he's greedy, I have to take it.
00:55:28I'm avenging my best friend.
00:55:30I want to show the world
00:55:32that without Angela Lockhart,
00:55:34he's nothing.
00:55:36I signed the Maple Plaza Project.
00:55:38We should celebrate.
00:55:40You did?
00:55:42You see, I know my son has it in him.
00:55:44That skank Angela is nothing
00:55:46next to you.
00:55:48And it's all thanks to you, sweetheart.
00:55:50Actually,
00:55:52it's thanks to Angela.
00:55:56What?
00:55:58What?
00:56:00What?
00:56:02What?
00:56:04What?
00:56:06You're trying to ditch me
00:56:08to go back to your wife?
00:56:10Oh, no, no, no, he's not.
00:56:12Jared, what are you doing?
00:56:14You have such a beautiful and bright future
00:56:16ahead of you.
00:56:18It's my decision, Mom.
00:56:20I'm the head of the house here.
00:56:22I'm telling my dad.
00:56:24Fine, go right ahead. He has enough problems himself.
00:56:26If you're obedient, I'll keep you around
00:56:28as a side piece, but if not, you can scram.
00:56:30Dad,
00:56:32Jared is being
00:56:34mean to me. Teach him a lesson.
00:56:36Kaylee, be a good girl, okay?
00:56:38Jared has the backing of some
00:56:40very powerful people now.
00:56:42Don't get on his bad side.
00:56:44We can't afford to piss him off.
00:56:46So do as he says.
00:56:48But Dad...
00:56:56I'm sorry.
00:56:58I'll be your side piece.
00:57:00Pretty good. I'm happy you've come around.
00:57:02Now let's go celebrate.
00:57:06I mean, do I
00:57:08really want to be with Mr. Minty Mouth
00:57:10forever, though?
00:57:12But that tongue action, though.
00:57:14Tongue is important in more than just one spot.
00:57:16Erin, we are in public.
00:57:18It's true.
00:57:20Oh, stomachache.
00:57:22Again? I have to run to the bathroom.
00:57:24Devin should be here to pick you up soon.
00:57:26Okay.
00:57:28It's late.
00:57:30Not a good sign for a date.
00:57:32This hotel
00:57:34restaurant has five
00:57:36Michelin stars.
00:57:38It's her.
00:57:40And she's alone with no one to save her.
00:57:44You whore.
00:57:46You seduced my son so he'd get back with you.
00:57:52Let me tell you.
00:57:54I would never go back even if your entire
00:57:56family got down on their knees and begged me.
00:58:00Hey, you guys can fight
00:58:02all you want, but you need to take this somewhere else.
00:58:04Whoever gets rid of her
00:58:06for me gets all this.
00:58:08What? Why do I have to leave? She's the one starting
00:58:10shit. Because I have
00:58:12money and you don't. You're just a
00:58:14stinky hippie peddler.
00:58:16And my son just signed a 100 billion
00:58:18dollar contract.
00:58:20He still got the contract?
00:58:22Hmm. Must be Ellen's
00:58:24doing. Even if he does sign it,
00:58:26he doesn't have the liquidity to pay the deposit
00:58:28up front. Oh, he's
00:58:30just gonna... Bet you've never seen
00:58:32this much cash before.
00:58:34Bet you've never seen this
00:58:36much cash before.
00:58:38You take
00:58:40my charity and toss it
00:58:42in my face as if it's your own.
00:58:44My maid wouldn't even
00:58:46pick up such a pitiful amount.
00:58:48One thousand dollars to take her away.
00:58:50Two thousand dollars
00:58:52to drag her away.
00:58:54Five thousand dollars to
00:58:56beat her away.
00:58:58Oh!
00:59:00Hey! Hey!
00:59:02Stop!
00:59:04You okay?
00:59:06Are you hurt?
00:59:08Ugh.
00:59:10Weakling.
00:59:12You! You!
00:59:14Just a few days ago, you found yourself a boy
00:59:16toy right after getting divorced.
00:59:18And now you have two more?
00:59:20What a whore. What a whore.
00:59:22Yeah. And Jared wanted
00:59:24to get back with her?
00:59:26What if she has an STD?
00:59:28Oh, like sleeping with a married man wouldn't
00:59:30give you an STD!
00:59:32Let's go. We'll expose her
00:59:34to Jared! Hang on.
00:59:36What do you want?
00:59:38I'll scream!
00:59:40I don't hit women.
00:59:42But I never said I don't kill women.
00:59:44But I never said
00:59:46I don't kill women.
00:59:48Oh God.
00:59:50He is a murderer.
00:59:52What if he murders me?
00:59:54Not him. Definitely not him.
01:00:00We're not afraid of you.
01:00:02That's enough. This isn't a war zone.
01:00:04You'll be removed from being a
01:00:06five-star general if you hurt a civilian
01:00:08without adequate cause.
01:00:10I was just messing with him.
01:00:12Was he though? We're not afraid of you!
01:00:14Jared!
01:00:16You have to avenge us.
01:00:18Look at this slut. She's found two more
01:00:20boy toys. She's cheating on you.
01:00:22Don't get back with her.
01:00:24Oh, Mr. Cooper, it's you. I apologize for this scene.
01:00:26I'll toss out the potty crashes
01:00:28immediately so that you can go to your
01:00:30salvation banquet.
01:00:32Who did you say you were going to toss out?
01:00:34The potty crashes.
01:00:40You have any idea who that is?
01:00:42That's my wife.
01:00:44You're the real skank over there.
01:00:46That's right. Know your place.
01:00:48Shut up.
01:00:50She's cheating on you.
01:00:52Know your place.
01:00:54You're just a side piece, if I still want you, that is.
01:00:56Eric, have you gone mad?
01:00:58This is Eric Vanderbilt's only
01:01:00daughter. You slap her for this whore?
01:01:02Mom!
01:01:04They really think they're something, huh?
01:01:06Angela's an heiress to a family whose wealth
01:01:08and status goes back to the Victorian age.
01:01:10She's richer even than Ellen
01:01:12Musk. I only got the
01:01:14Maple Closet Project because she gave it to me.
01:01:16What?
01:01:18You apologize
01:01:20right now or I will kick you and your
01:01:22father to the curb.
01:01:28I'm sorry.
01:01:30No.
01:01:32This can't be.
01:01:34I made you divorce...
01:01:38Go home.
01:01:40You're not suited to come with me to my
01:01:42celebration banquet.
01:01:48I apologize on behalf of my
01:01:50mother.
01:01:52Honey, I know you came here to celebrate
01:01:54my achievements. I promise
01:01:56no one will bother you anymore.
01:01:58I didn't come here for you.
01:02:00I'm on a date.
01:02:02A date with two
01:02:04men at the same time?
01:02:06She really is a whore.
01:02:08Angela, please forgive me.
01:02:10I really do love you.
01:02:14Oh ho! Lady Lockhart
01:02:16is here!
01:02:18Oh ho! Lady Lockhart
01:02:20is here!
01:02:22Yeah, yeah, we already know
01:02:24you beat Ford's ass.
01:02:26We're too old for that.
01:02:28They're here for my celebration banquet.
01:02:30Please, you gave me the contract
01:02:32so if anyone should go
01:02:34as my guest of honor, it should be you.
01:02:36Please, Miss Lockhart, join us.
01:02:38We'll all be one happy business
01:02:40family again.
01:02:42What the hell are you all doing here?
01:02:44Where were you?
01:02:46Stomach issues.
01:02:48Again? Would you like my diagnosis?
01:02:50No.
01:02:52Let me make myself
01:02:54clear, okay?
01:02:56I would rather die
01:02:58than be with you again.
01:03:00Seems that they're not actually
01:03:02on good terms.
01:03:04I can't lose face in front of these pricks.
01:03:06Otherwise they'll cut me off too.
01:03:08Angela, I know you're still mad but please give me a chance.
01:03:10I'll prove it to you.
01:03:12You want a chance?
01:03:14Angela, no. You have three great
01:03:16guys here who all want to marry you.
01:03:18Don't take him back.
01:03:20I'll give you two choices.
01:03:24I'll give you two choices.
01:03:28Me, or the contract.
01:03:30You're kidding me.
01:03:32No, I'm not kidding you.
01:03:34If you choose me,
01:03:36we can remarry this week.
01:03:38But,
01:03:40you don't get the hundred billion dollar contract.
01:03:42The choice is all yours.
01:03:44That's a choice.
01:03:46You think so?
01:03:48He either marries a royal heiress or gets a contract
01:03:50that takes his company to the moon.
01:03:52Either way, he benefits.
01:03:54Why can't I have both?
01:03:56You really are a greedy bastard.
01:03:58Angela, I saved you in the pool.
01:04:00Remember? I deserve the contract.
01:04:02Did you really?
01:04:08Look who's fashionably late now.
01:04:10He didn't save her
01:04:12at the pool.
01:04:14What are you talking about?
01:04:16I choose the contract.
01:04:18I knew it.
01:04:20You'll get what's coming to you.
01:04:22With this contract,
01:04:24my company's earning potential
01:04:26is limitless.
01:04:28Rockhart, you humiliated me in front of everyone.
01:04:30I will get you one day.
01:04:32Let me show you something.
01:04:46You saved me.
01:04:52You saved me.
01:04:54I'm sorry.
01:04:56Your lies led to you wasting
01:04:58three years of your life.
01:05:00But I promise you,
01:05:02I'm going to make it up to you
01:05:04with the rest of our lives.
01:05:06No, I wasn't lying.
01:05:08I just can't remember
01:05:10exactly what happened that day.
01:05:18Does that mean
01:05:20we both each saved her once?
01:05:22What? Me?
01:05:24Dr. Wilson? Losing at saving people?
01:05:26No way.
01:05:28You guys, one of you,
01:05:30do something life-threatening right now.
01:05:32You're crazy.
01:05:34And actually,
01:05:36they've all been doing horrible shit
01:05:38behind your back.
01:05:40What?
01:05:42Mr. Sterling had me investigate their company's dealings.
01:05:44Turns out they've been
01:05:46fudging the numbers on your shared accounts and contracts.
01:05:48Put it simply,
01:05:50they've been stealing from you.
01:05:52I can't believe I didn't realize.
01:05:54Ms. Lockhart,
01:05:56I'm so sorry. I should have had
01:05:58third-party accountants check thoroughly.
01:06:00No, it's not your fault.
01:06:02They're just too slick.
01:06:04You like me to punish them for...
01:06:06Oh, God, no. Not that again. Please.
01:06:08Max,
01:06:10you know what to do.
01:06:22The banks have pulled
01:06:24all of our funds.
01:06:26All business ties have been severed.
01:06:28We're bankrupt!
01:06:34How did you do that?
01:06:36Who are you? And don't say
01:06:38Spider-Man!
01:06:40I'll tell you
01:06:42who I am.
01:06:44I'll tell you who I am.
01:06:48I am
01:06:50Crypto Punk No. 2!
01:06:52What did he say he was?
01:06:54That's more bizarre than Spider-Man.
01:06:56You're Crypto Punk No. 2?
01:06:58Well,
01:07:00I'm Crypto Punk No. 1.
01:07:02See? You are No. 1 at something.
01:07:04The most expensive NFT collection
01:07:06in the world.
01:07:08Forget Forbes' list.
01:07:10It's all about young money now.
01:07:12So, how about our date?
01:07:14I'm not letting them
01:07:16one-up me on this one.
01:07:18I'll spy too.
01:07:34They forgot to cancel my contract.
01:07:36I still have the $100 billion
01:07:38project.
01:07:40Yes!
01:07:42Yes!
01:07:44I'm rich!
01:07:46I can make them all pay soon!
01:07:52What?
01:07:54Mr. Cooper, sir.
01:07:56The Maple Plaza contract requires us
01:07:58to provide 50% of the costs up front.
01:08:00Otherwise, it's a breach of contract
01:08:02and we'll have to pay for all financial repercussions.
01:08:04No!
01:08:06I'm bankrupt!
01:08:09I'm just a little odd card.
01:08:11You tricked me!
01:08:17Oh, allow me.
01:08:21I'm sorry I was late, my queen.
01:08:23I had to get some very
01:08:25important materials
01:08:27for our special date.
01:08:29Well, cheers.
01:08:31Cheers.
01:08:39This looks good.
01:08:45Did you use my spices?
01:08:47I know your ex-in-laws
01:08:49never appreciated you.
01:08:53You can have all the money and power
01:08:55in the world and you still can't
01:08:57force a man to love you.
01:08:59Couldn't even remember
01:09:01our anniversary.
01:09:03Hey.
01:09:07Angel.
01:09:09Your future
01:09:11with me
01:09:13is gonna be different.
01:09:15Come on.
01:09:17Upstairs.
01:09:34Wow.
01:09:36Devon, I can't believe
01:09:38this is what I've been missing out on
01:09:40these past few years
01:09:42just because of some silly mistake.
01:09:44Angela,
01:09:46I've known and loved you
01:09:48for three whole years.
01:09:50Actually, I've also loved you
01:09:52for three years.
01:09:54That's right.
01:09:56I fell in love with you three years ago, too.
01:09:58How is all of this possible?
01:10:00I didn't know
01:10:02I didn't meet any of you
01:10:04until recently.
01:10:06Well, actually, maybe Devon, but...
01:10:10I've had a crush on you since college.
01:10:12You were my motivation to go to business school.
01:10:16Despite who you were,
01:10:18you never judged me for being poor.
01:10:23Are you trying to get hired
01:10:25at Fortune 500
01:10:27in a suit like that?
01:10:30All you do is babble on and on
01:10:32about Internet money,
01:10:34Bitcoin, and shit like that.
01:10:38Are you trying to steal my spot?
01:10:42I'll teach you a lesson.
01:10:45Hey! Get away from him!
01:10:47Angela!
01:10:49Fancy girl.
01:10:51I like her.
01:11:00How is he?
01:11:02It's a rare poison
01:11:04made from a mixture of dried roots
01:11:06found in Africa.
01:11:08Can it be cured?
01:11:10I actually think I know that poison.
01:11:12It sounds really scary,
01:11:14but its cure can actually be found
01:11:16in any developed country.
01:11:18Household salt.
01:11:24I like her.
01:11:26I like her.
01:11:29There you go.
01:11:31What time is it now?
01:11:34Oh, shoot. I'm late for swim practice.
01:11:43I like her.
01:11:45We have been rivals ever since.
01:11:47So, that's how
01:11:49I... well,
01:11:51we all met.
01:11:53I barely remember.
01:11:55I never let you go to swim practice that day.
01:11:57Matthew Richards,
01:11:59the guy who poisoned me,
01:12:01attacked you out of revenge.
01:12:03You wouldn't have known.
01:12:05I did hear he dropped out and became a loan shark, though.
01:12:07If that makes you feel any better.
01:12:09Yeah, I think that suits him a little better.
01:12:11Angela, your seven days is almost up.
01:12:13Now that you know they all loved
01:12:15and fought for you for three years,
01:12:17who will you pick?
01:12:20How can that be?
01:12:22Angela Lockhart
01:12:24is an heiress?
01:12:29Kaylee,
01:12:31we've gone bankrupt.
01:12:33Bankrupt?
01:12:35The Vanderbilt's have gone bankrupt?
01:12:37Well, then,
01:12:39get out of here.
01:12:41You can't do this to me.
01:12:45Jared,
01:12:47Jared!
01:12:49Mom, it's me.
01:12:51What happened?
01:12:53Jared, I have carefully reconsidered.
01:12:55Angela is way better than this dimwit.
01:12:57You should get back with your wife.
01:12:59We're bankrupt.
01:13:01What?
01:13:05Jared Cooper,
01:13:07we're here
01:13:09to propose to you
01:13:11a long kiss.
01:13:13No one is going to save you now.
01:13:15What?
01:13:19What kind of an asshole
01:13:21throws his own mother to the dogs?
01:13:25Who will you pick?
01:13:29I...
01:13:35I brought you fried chicken.
01:13:37Hey, not all girls like sushi and caviar.
01:13:39Yeah, he's right.
01:13:41I did live in Atlanta for three months.
01:13:43Sucking up last minute.
01:13:45At least I don't speak like an AI robot.
01:13:47Hey, stop.
01:13:49Stop.
01:13:51Welcome back to the bachelorette.
01:13:53I mean,
01:13:55the three badasses who want me.
01:13:57I mean, Angela Lockhart,
01:13:59you know what I mean.
01:14:01Today,
01:14:03our heiress bachelorette will choose
01:14:05which one of our three badasses
01:14:07will she marry.
01:14:09Will it be Shane,
01:14:11the doctor?
01:14:13Cole, the general?
01:14:17Or Devin, the CEO?
01:14:23Looks like our bachelorette may need
01:14:25a little more time to decide.
01:14:27Oh, the suspense is killing me.
01:14:29But when she does,
01:14:31she will take this eternal rose
01:14:33made from glass imported from Venice
01:14:35and give it to our winner.
01:14:37Angela.
01:14:41Angela.
01:14:43Oh, I...
01:14:45I need more time to think.
01:14:51While our bachelorette
01:14:53takes a little time to decide,
01:14:55why don't we check in
01:14:57with each of our candidates.
01:14:59Let's check in with each of our candidates.
01:15:01Let's start with Cole.
01:15:03Cole.
01:15:07There's not much to say.
01:15:09Who wouldn't want a five-star general
01:15:11who has huge biceps,
01:15:13a massive chest,
01:15:15who would protect their
01:15:17wife.
01:15:19Okay.
01:15:23Shane?
01:15:25Muscles,
01:15:27money,
01:15:29they won't get you so far.
01:15:31But you need a well-balanced man like me
01:15:33that has more than one way to keep a lady happy,
01:15:35if you know what I mean.
01:15:39Okay, I think we do.
01:15:41And Devin.
01:15:43That was quite disgusting.
01:15:47I just hope Angela's okay.
01:15:49I know she's
01:15:51going under a lot of stress right now,
01:15:53a lot of choices to make.
01:15:55And she's my queen.
01:15:57I just really hope she's okay.
01:15:59And one more thing.
01:16:01What kind of a doctor
01:16:03brings fried chicken to a girl?
01:16:05That's a good point.
01:16:07Half of her heart.
01:16:09And then you!
01:16:11What? You know what they say about
01:16:13military men.
01:16:15They beat their wives.
01:16:21Enough!
01:16:23Stand up!
01:16:25Hey, you guys.
01:16:27Whoa!
01:16:29Break it up! Hey!
01:16:31Break it up!
01:16:33Ugh!
01:16:35Cut to commercial!
01:16:37Cut to commercial!
01:16:57This is the hardest decision I've ever had to make
01:16:59in my entire life.
01:17:01Who do I choose?
01:17:05Angela.
01:17:11Angela's marrying me.
01:17:13You're not stealing her from me.
01:17:15Oh yeah?
01:17:17I may be a doctor, but like I said,
01:17:19I know and possess the deadliest poisons
01:17:21in the world.
01:17:25What don't you have in that coat?
01:17:27Fruit flavored gum.
01:17:29I won't let you take Angela away from me.
01:17:31I'll fight you to the death.
01:17:33It's time I reveal my true
01:17:35identity.
01:17:39These stupid profile cards don't make
01:17:41any sense. They do not. They do not help.
01:17:43Who made these?
01:18:03It's time I reveal my true
01:18:05identity.
01:18:09I'm actually a part of the X-Men.
01:18:11And I have the
01:18:13power of telekinesis!
01:18:15Ugh!
01:18:29We may have to
01:18:31work together to take him down.
01:18:33Oh yeah.
01:18:43This battle within our heads is the most
01:18:45intense I've ever experienced.
01:18:47I may not be able to take them both down
01:18:49if they decide to team up.
01:18:51Hmm. Winterman or
01:18:53Coolman?
01:18:57You know,
01:18:59I've always really liked
01:19:01your hair. Really?
01:19:03I'm actually
01:19:05pretty self-conscious about it.
01:19:07So I appreciate that.
01:19:09Hey, hey, hey. And you know,
01:19:11cool, I've always
01:19:13really liked the way you talk.
01:19:15Really? Yeah.
01:19:19What do you got for me?
01:19:21I always
01:19:23really like the way you chew gum.
01:19:25Yeah? Yeah. It's fresh, right?
01:19:27Yeah.
01:19:29Yeah, yeah.
01:19:31You're actually a really good doctor.
01:19:33You need me to
01:19:35look at you? I got you.
01:19:37Angela's been kidnapped.
01:19:39Angela's been kidnapped.
01:19:41It was
01:19:43Jerry Cooper.
01:19:45That fucker! We have to find her.
01:19:47What, how? Her ring.
01:19:49Her dad installed a GPS tracking mechanism
01:19:51on her ring, just in case. Well, let's go then.
01:19:53Oh! My fiance!
01:19:55My fiance!
01:19:59Jared.
01:20:05What am I doing here?
01:20:07You destroyed me.
01:20:11I took everything.
01:20:13What?
01:20:15I have nothing left.
01:20:17It's not my fault
01:20:19you were too greedy.
01:20:21I wasn't greedy. I had sex
01:20:23with my wife.
01:20:25I'm not your wife anymore!
01:20:27Oh, yeah, I know. You wouldn't take me back
01:20:29now, not unless I get you pregnant with my child.
01:20:31This is illegal.
01:20:33You wouldn't want your child to be away from its father.
01:20:35You won't have me arrested.
01:20:37You will take me back.
01:20:39Ow!
01:20:41Oh, bitch.
01:20:43I'll settle you down
01:20:45a little.
01:20:47Oh, shit.
01:20:49Oh, shit.
01:20:55You will be begging me to fuck you soon.
01:20:59Hey!
01:21:01Angela, come back!
01:21:05We're too late!
01:21:07I drugged her. She'll be dead soon
01:21:09unless... Not yet.
01:21:11Have you forgotten who I am?
01:21:13He really does have everything he was supposed to.
01:21:15Everything except for fruit. Yeah, except for fruit-flavored gum.
01:21:17We get it already. Just save my boss!
01:21:21Here you go.
01:21:27You're all good now.
01:21:29Oh, thank God.
01:21:31But what do we do with that piece of shit?
01:21:33What? What are you gonna do to me?
01:21:35Hey, stop! No! Don't!
01:21:37Ow!
01:21:39Enjoy your erectile dysfunction forever.
01:21:41Forever?
01:21:47Glad we didn't actually have that fight.
01:21:49Turns out he's the most dangerous of them all.
01:21:57So who did you pick, sweetheart?
01:21:59We've invited the most important figures
01:22:01of the world to your wedding.
01:22:03The Prince of Bhutan.
01:22:05And remember, we will kill ourselves
01:22:07if you don't choose.
01:22:11Welcome back
01:22:13to the finale of
01:22:15The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:22:17We're down to the wire. Literally.
01:22:19The wedding day.
01:22:21But who's the groom?
01:22:33Welcome back
01:22:35to the finale of
01:22:37The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:22:39But who's the groom?
01:22:43Uh, seems our heiress
01:22:45still hasn't decided.
01:22:47Any input from the parents?
01:22:49Maybe that will help sway
01:22:51our bachelorette's choice.
01:22:53This is exciting.
01:22:55Who should my daughter pick?
01:22:57Let me think.
01:23:01I like the doctor.
01:23:03He's cute.
01:23:06But the general
01:23:08looks like a strong fellow.
01:23:10And we can't forget about
01:23:12Devon Sterling, the one who's loved her the longest.
01:23:14Isn't that right, Devon?
01:23:16Angela.
01:23:23You are all three
01:23:25very fine
01:23:27gentlemen.
01:23:29And I'm really grateful
01:23:31for all of your love.
01:23:33But this was a really
01:23:35hard decision and
01:23:37I decided to
01:23:39devise one last challenge.
01:23:41And
01:23:43I decided to devise
01:23:45one last challenge.
01:23:49I'm just kidding.
01:23:51I'm just as sick of this as you guys are.
01:23:57Each of our candidates have saved
01:23:59our main character.
01:24:01I mean, bachelorette, once.
01:24:03They've all proven their undying love.
01:24:05So who gets to unlock
01:24:07Angela Lockhart's heart?
01:24:09Literally.
01:24:11Could it be
01:24:13the sexy and protective
01:24:15general with a temper,
01:24:17Mr. Cole Eisenhower?
01:24:23Or the fun,
01:24:25wicked-minded, but
01:24:27kind of weird,
01:24:29Shane Wilson?
01:24:33And last but not least,
01:24:35could it be the richest man of them all,
01:24:37the man Angela would have married
01:24:39a long time ago,
01:24:41Mr. Devon Sterling?
01:24:45Gentlemen,
01:24:47it's been a pleasure getting to know you.
01:24:49May the best man win.
01:24:51May the best man win.
01:24:55Drum roll, please.
01:24:59How to make you understand
01:25:01Never gonna give you up
01:25:03Never gonna let you down
01:25:05Never gonna run around
01:25:07and desert you
01:25:09Seriously, Ricky?
01:25:17I choose...
01:25:29I need a powerful, strong man
01:25:31and I really feel like he can protect me.
01:25:35Who could resist those guns?
01:25:39Would it interest you in an
01:25:41NFD, Ellen?
01:25:43Take this!
01:25:57Shane, it's you.
01:25:59I'm lovesick for you.
01:26:01You like that minty flavor, don't you?
01:26:05It's that tongue action, ladies and gents.
01:26:09Ellen, be my new queen.
01:26:11Let's make love, babe.
01:26:25It's always been you.
01:26:35I'll always love you.
01:26:38Let's give it up for those nine inches, everybody.
01:26:42Would you like a full-body checkup?
01:26:44Have you seen my murder weapons?
01:26:46I need fruit-flavored gum for you.