The Leather Funnel (A Sir Authur Conan Doyle Audio Drama)

Retrotari

Sir Arthur Ignatius Conan Doyle KStJ, DL (22 May 1859 – 7 July 1930) was a British writer and physician. He created the character Sherlock Holmes in 1887 for A Study in Scarlet, the first of four novels and fifty-six short stories about Holmes and Dr. Watson. The Sherlock Holmes stories are milestones in the field of crime fiction.

Transcript

00:00The Leather Funnel, by Arthur Conan Doyle. Performed by Patrick Horgan.

00:08My friend Lionel Dekker lived in the Avenue de Vargram, Paris. His house was that small

00:14one with the iron railings and grass plot in front of it, on the left-hand side as you

00:19pass down from the Arc de Triomphe. I fancy that it had been there long before the avenue

00:24was constructed, for the grey tiles were stained with lichens, and the walls were mildewed

00:30and discoloured with age. It looked a small house from the street—five windows in front,

00:36if I remember right—but it deepened into a single long chamber at the back. It was

00:41here that Dekker had that singular library of occult literature, and the fantastic curiosities

00:47which served as a hobby for himself and an amusement for his friends.

00:53A wealthy man of refined and eccentric tastes, he had spent much of his life and fortune

00:58in gathering together what was said to be a unique private collection of Talmudic, Kabbalistic,

01:04and magical works, many of them of great rarity and value. His tastes leaned toward the marvellous

01:11and the monstrous, and I have heard that his experiments in the direction of the unknown

01:16have passed all the bounds of civilisation and of decorum. To his English friends he

01:22never alluded to such matters, and took the tone of the student and virtuoso. But a Frenchman

01:28whose tastes were of the same nature has assured me that the worst excesses of the black mass

01:33have been perpetrated in that large and lofty hall which is lined with the shelves of his

01:38books and the cases of his museum. Dekker's appearance was enough to show that his deep

01:43interest in these psychic matters was intellectual rather than spiritual. There was no trace

01:49of asceticism upon his heavy face, but there was much mental force in his huge dome-like

01:55skull which curved upward from amongst his thinning locks like a snow-peak above its

02:00fringe of fir-trees. His knowledge was greater than his wisdom, and his powers were far superior

02:06to his character. The small bright eyes, buried deeply in his fleshy face, twinkled with intelligence

02:13and an unabated curiosity of life, but they were the eyes of a sensualist and an egotist.

02:19Enough of the man, for he is dead now, poor devil, dead at the very time that he had made

02:24sure that he had at last discovered the elixir of life. It is not with his complex character

02:29that I have to deal, but with the very strange and inexplicable incident which had its rise

02:35in my visit to him in the early spring of the year 82. I had known Dekker in England,

02:41for my researches in the Assyrian room of the British Museum had been conducted at the

02:45time when he was endeavouring to establish a mystic and esoteric meaning in the Babylonian

02:50tablets, and this community of interests had brought us together. Chance remarks had led

02:56to daily conversation, and that to something verging upon friendship. I had promised him

03:02that on my next visit to Paris I would call upon him. At the time when I was able to fulfil

03:07my compact, I was living in a cottage at Fontainebleau, and, as the evening trains

03:12were inconvenient, he asked me to spend the night in his house.

03:16"'I have only that one spare couch,' said he, pointing to a broad sofa in his large

03:22salon. I hope that you will manage to be comfortable there.'

03:27It was a singular bedroom, with its high walls of brown volumes, but there could be no more

03:31agreeable furniture to a bookworm like myself, and there is no scent so pleasant to my nostrils

03:37as that faint, subtle reek which comes from an ancient book. I assured him that I could

03:42desire no more charming chamber, and no more congenial surroundings.

03:46"'If the fittings are neither convenient nor conventional, they are at least costly,'

03:51said he, looking round at his shelves.

03:54"'I have expended nearly a quarter of a million of money upon these objects which

03:58surround you—books, weapons, gems, carvings, tapestries, images. There is hardly a thing

04:06here which has not its history, and it is generally one worth telling.'

04:12He was seated, as he spoke, at one side of the open fireplace, and I at the other. His

04:17reading-table was on his right, and the strong lamp above it ringed it with a very vivid

04:22circle of golden light. A half-rolled palimpsest lay in the centre, and around it were many

04:27quaint articles of bric-a-brac. One of these was a large funnel, such as is used for filling

04:34wine-casks. It appeared to be made of black wood, and to be rimmed with discoloured brass.

04:40"'That is a curious thing,' I remarked. "'What is the history of that?'

04:45"'Ah,' said he, "'it is the very question which I have had occasion to ask myself. I

04:50would give a good deal to know. Take it in your hands and examine it.'

04:55I did so, and found that what I had imagined to be wood was in reality leather, though

05:01age had dried it into an extreme hardness. It was a large funnel, and might hold a quart

05:06when full. The brass rim encircled the wide end, but the narrow was also tipped with metal.

05:13"'What do you make of it?' asked Dacre. "'I should imagine that it belonged to some

05:20vintner or molster in the Middle Ages,' said I. "'I have seen in England leathern drinking-flaggons

05:26of the seventeenth century, Black Jacks, as they were called, which were of the same

05:30colour and hardness as this fellow.'

05:32"'I daresay the date would be about the same,' said Dacre.

05:38"'And no doubt also it was used for filling a vessel with liquid. If my suspicions are

05:45correct, however, it was a queer vintner who used it, and a very singular cask which was

05:50filled.'

05:52"'Do you observe nothing strange at the spout end of the funnel?'

05:57As I held it to the light, I observed that at a spot some five inches above the brass

06:01tip, the narrow neck of the leather funnel was all haggled and scored, as if someone

06:06had notched it round with a blunt knife. Only at that point was there any roughening of

06:11the dead black surface.

06:13"'Someone has tried to cut off the neck. Would you call it a cut? It is torn and lacerated.

06:22It must have taken some strength to leave these marks on such tough material, whatever

06:26the instrument may have been. At what you think of it, I can tell that you know more

06:30than you say.'

06:31Dacre smiled, and his little eyes twinkled with knowledge.

06:35"'Have you included the psychology of dreams among your learned studies?' he asked.

06:42"'I did not even know that there was such a psychology, my dear sir. That shelf above

06:48the gem case is filled with volumes, from Albertus Magnus onward, which deal with no

06:53other subject. It is a science in itself, a science of charlatans. The charlatan is

06:59always the pioneer. From the astrologer came the astronomer, from the alchemist the chemist,

07:05from the mesmerist the experimental psychologist. The quack of yesterday is the professor of

07:11tomorrow. Even such subtle and elusive things as dreams will in time be reduced to system

07:17and order. When that time comes, the researchers of our friends in the bookshelf yonder will

07:22no longer be the amusement of the mystic, but the foundations of a science. Supposing

07:28that is so, what has the science of dreams to do with a large, black, brass-rimmed funnel?

07:33I will tell you.

07:35"'You know that I have an agent who is always on the lookout for rarities and curiosities

07:40for my collection. Some days ago he heard of a dealer upon one of the quays who had

07:46acquired some old rubbish found in a cupboard in an ancient house at the back of Rue Maturin

07:51in the Quartier Latin. The dining-room of this old house is decorated with a coat of

07:56arms, chevrons and bars rouge upon a field argent, which prove upon enquiry to be the

08:03shield of Nicolas de la Réunie, a high official of King Louis XIV. There can be no doubt that

08:11the other articles in the cupboard date back to the early days of that king. The inference

08:17is, therefore, that they were all the property of this Nicolas de la Réunie, who was, as

08:22I understand it, the gentleman specially concerned with the maintenance and execution of the

08:27draconic laws of that epoch. What then? I would ask you now to take the funnel into

08:34your hands once more, and to examine the upper brass-rim. Can you make out any lettering

08:39upon it? There were certainly some scratches upon it, almost obliterated by time. The general

08:46effect was of several letters, the last of which bore some resemblance to a B. You make

08:52it a B? Yes, I do. So do I. In fact, I have no doubt whatever that it is a B. But the

09:01nobleman you mentioned would have had R for his initial. Exactly. That's the beauty of

09:07it. He owned this curious object, and yet he had someone else's initials upon it. Why

09:12did he do this? I can't imagine, can you? Well, I might, perhaps, yes. Do you observe

09:19something drawn a little further along the rim? I should say it was a crown. It is. In

09:26a moment, in good light, you will convince yourself that it is not an ordinary crown.

09:31It is a heraldic crown, a badge of rank, and it consists, of an alternation of four

09:38pearls and strawberry-leaves, the proper badge of a Marquis. We may infer, therefore, that

09:45the person whose initials end in B was entitled to wear that coronet. Then this common leather

09:53filler belonged to a Marquis? Dacre gave a peculiar smile. Or to some member of the family

10:00of a Marquis, said he. So much we have clearly gathered from this engraved rim. But what

10:07has all this to do with dreams? I do not know whether it was from a look upon Dacre's face,

10:13or from some subtle suggestion in his manner, but a feeling of repulsion, of unreasoning

10:18horror came upon me as I looked at the gnarled old lump of leather.

10:24I have more than once received important information through my dreams, said my companion in the

10:30didactic manner which he loved to effect. I make it a rule now, when I am in doubt upon

10:35any material point, to place the article in question beside me as I sleep, and to hope

10:42for some enlightenment. The process does not appear to me to be very obscure, though it

10:48has not yet received the blessing of orthodox science. According to my theory, any object

10:54which has been intimately associated with any supreme paroxysm of human emotion, whether

11:00it be joy or pain, will retain a certain atmosphere or association which it is capable of communicating

11:08to a sensitive mind. By a sensitive mind I do not mean an abnormal one, but such a trained

11:16and educated mind as you or I possess. You mean, for example, that if I slept beside

11:23that old sword upon the wall, I might dream of some bloody incident in which that very

11:27sword took part? An excellent example! For, as a matter of fact, that sword was used in

11:34that fashion by me, and I saw in my sleep the death of its owner, who perished in a

11:39brisk skirmish which I have been unable to identify, but which occurred at the time of

11:44the wars of the Frondists. If you think of it, some of our popular observances show that

11:51the fact has already been recognised by our ancestors, although we in our wisdom have

11:57classed it among superstitions. For example, well, the placing of the bride's cake beneath

12:04the pillow, in order that the sleeper may have pleasant dreams? That is one of several

12:09instances which you will find set forth in a small brochure which I am myself writing

12:14upon the subject. But to come back to the point, I slept one night with this funnel

12:18beside me, and I had a dream which certainly throws a curious light upon its use and origin.

12:25What did you dream?

12:26I dreamed—

12:28He paused, and an intent look of interest came over his massive face.

12:32By Jove, that's well thought of, said he. This really will be an exceedingly interesting

12:38experiment. You are yourself a psychic subject, with nerves which respond readily to any impression.

12:45I have never tested myself in that direction.

12:47Then we shall test you to-night.

12:50Might I ask you as a very great favour, when you occupy that couch to-night, to sleep with

12:55this old funnel placed by the side of your pillow?

13:00The request seemed to me a grotesque one, but I have myself in my complex nature a hunger

13:06after all which is bizarre and fantastic. I had not the faintest belief in Dacre's theory,

13:11nor any hopes for success in such an experiment, yet it amused me that the experiment should

13:16be made. Dacre with great gravity drew a small stand to the head of my settee, and placed

13:22the funnel upon it. Then, after a short conversation, he wished me good-night, and left me.

13:29I sat for some little time, smoking by the smouldering fire, and turning over in my mind

13:34the curious incident which had occurred, and the strange experience which might lie before

13:39me. Sceptical as I was, there was something impressive in the assurance of Dacre's manner,

13:44and my extraordinary surroundings, the huge room with the strange and often sinister objects

13:49which were hung round it, struck solemnity into my soul. Finally I undressed, and turning

13:54out the lamp, I lay down. After long tossing I fell asleep.

14:00Let me try to describe as accurately as I can the scene which came to me in my dreams.

14:05It stands out now in my memory more clearly than anything which I have seen with my waking

14:10eyes. There was a room which bore the appearance of a vault. Four spandrels from the corners

14:16ran up to join a sharp cup-shaped roof. The architecture was rough, but very strong. It

14:22was evidently part of a great building. Three men in black, with curious top-heavy black

14:28velvet hats, sat in a line upon a red-carpeted dais. Their faces were very solemn and sad.

14:36On the left stood two long-gown men with portfolios in their hands, which seemed to be stuffed

14:41with papers. Upon the right, looking toward me, was a small woman with blond hair and

14:46singular light-blue eyes, the eyes of a child. She was past her first youth, but could not

14:52yet be called middle-aged. Her figure was inclined to stoutness, and her bearing was

14:57proud and confident. Her face was pale but serene. It was a curious face, comely and

15:03yet feline, with a subtle suggestion of cruelty about the straight, strong little mouth and

15:08chubby jaw. She was draped in some sort of loose white gown. Beside her stood a thin,

15:15eager priest, who whispered in her ear and continually raised a crucifix before her eyes.

15:20She turned her head and looked fixedly past the crucifix at the three men in black, who

15:25were, I felt, her judges. As I gazed, the three men stood up and said

15:30something that I could distinguish no words, though I was aware that it was the central

15:34one who was speaking. They then swept out of the room, followed by the two men with

15:39the papers. At the same instant several rough-looking fellows in stout jerkins came bustling in,

15:45and removed first the red carpet, and then the boards which formed the dais, so as to

15:50entirely clear the room. When this screen was removed, I saw some singular articles

15:55of furniture behind it. One looked like a bed, with wooden rollers at each end, and

16:01a winch-handle to regulate its length. Another was a wooden horse. There were several other

16:06curious objects, and a number of swinging cords which played over pulleys. It was not

16:10unlike a modern gymnasium. When the room had been cleared, there appeared

16:16a new figure upon the scene. This was a tall, thin person, clad in black, with a gaunt and

16:21austere face. The aspect of the man made me shudder. His clothes were all shining with

16:26grease, and mottled with stains. He bore himself with a slow and impressive dignity, as if

16:32he took command of all things from the instant of his entrance. In spite of his rude appearance

16:37and sordid dress, it was now his business, his room, his to command. He carried a coil

16:44of light ropes over his left forearm. The lady looked him up and down with a searching glance,

16:49but her expression was unchanged. It was confident, even defiant. But it was very different

16:55with the priest. His face was ghastly white, and I saw the moisture glisten and run on

17:00his high-sloping forehead. He threw up his hands in prayer, and he stooped continually

17:05to mutter frantic words in the lady's ear. The man in black now advanced, and taking

17:10one of the cords from his left arm, he bound the woman's hands together. She held them

17:15meekly toward him, as he did so. Then he took her arm with a rough grip, and led her

17:20toward the wooden horse, which was little higher than her waist. Onto this she was lifted

17:26and laid, with her back upon it, and her face to the ceiling, while the priest, quivering

17:30with horror, had rushed out of the room. The woman's lips were moving rapidly, and though

17:35I could hear nothing, I knew that she was praying. Her feet hung down on either side

17:40of the horse, and I saw that the rough valets in attendance had fastened cords to her ankles,

17:45and secured the other ends to iron rings in the stone floor. My heart sank within me,

17:51as I saw these ominous preparations, and yet I was held by the fascination of horror, and

17:57I could not take my eyes from the strange spectacle. A man had entered the room with

18:02a bucket of water in either hand. Another man had a bucket of water in the other hand.

18:05They were laid beside the wooden horse. The second man had a wooden dipper, a bowl with

18:11a straight handle in his other hand. This he gave to the man in black. At the same moment

18:16one of the valets approached, with a dark object in his hand, which even in my dream

18:21filled me with a vague feeling of familiarity. It was the leathern filler. With horrible

18:26energy he thrust it, but I could stand no more. My hair stood on end with horror. I

18:32writhed, I struggled, I broke through the bonds of sleep, and I burst with a shriek

18:36into my own life, and found myself lying shivering with terror in the huge library,

18:41with the moonlight flooding through the window and throwing strange silver and black traceries

18:46upon the opposite wall. Oh, what a blessed relief to feel that I was back in the nineteenth

18:50century, back out of that medieval vault into a world where men had human hearts within

18:56their bosoms! I sat up on my couch trembling in every limb, my mind divided between thankfulness

19:01and horror. To think that such things were ever done, that they could be done without

19:06God striking the villains dead, was it all a fantasy, or did it really stand for something

19:11which had happened in the black, cruel days of the world's history? I sank my throbbing

19:17head upon my shaking hands, and then suddenly my heart seemed to stand still in my bosom,

19:22and I could not even scream so great was my terror. Something was advancing toward me

19:27through the darkness of the room. It is a horror coming upon a horror which breaks

19:31a man's spirit. I could not reason, I could not pray, I could only sit like a frozen image

19:36and glare at the dark figure which was coming down the great room, and then it moved out

19:41into the white lane of moonlight, and I breathed once more. It was Daker, and his face showed

19:47that he was as frightened as myself.

19:50Was that you?

19:51For God's sake, what's the matter? he asked in a husky voice.

19:54Oh, Daker, I am glad to see you. I have been down, and to hell it was dreadful.

20:00Then it was you who screamed?

20:02I dare say it was.

20:04It rang through the house. The servants are all terrified.

20:07He struck a match and lit the lamp.

20:09I think we may get the fire to burn up again, he added, throwing some logs upon the embers.

20:15Good God, my dear chap, how white you are! You look as if you had seen a ghost.

20:20So I have. Several ghosts.

20:23The leather funnel has acted, then.

20:26I wouldn't sleep near the infernal thing again for all the money you could offer me, Daker

20:30chuckled.

20:31I expected that you would have a lively night of it, said he.

20:36You took it out of me in return for that scream of yours wasn't a very pleasant sound at two

20:40in the morning.

20:41I suppose from what you say that you have seen the whole dreadful business.

20:46What dreadful business?

20:47The torture of the water.

20:49The extraordinary question, as it was called, in the genial days of Le Roi Soleil.

20:56Did you stand it out to the end?

20:57No, thank God!

20:59I awoke before it really began.

21:01Ah, it is just as well for you.

21:04I held out till the third bucket.

21:08Well, it is an old story, and they are all in their graves now, anyhow, so what does

21:13it matter how they got there?

21:14I suppose that you have no idea what it was that you have seen.

21:19The torture of some criminal.

21:21She must have been a terrible malefactor, indeed, if her crimes are in proportion to

21:25her penalty.

21:26Well, we have that small consolation, said Daker, wrapping his dressing-gown round him

21:32and crouching closer to the fire.

21:35They were in proportion to her penalty.

21:38That is to say, if I am correct, in the lady's identity.

21:41How could you possibly know her identity?

21:44For answer, Daker took down an old vellum-covered volume from the shelf.

21:49Just listen to this, said he.

21:50It is in the French of the seventeenth century, but I will give a rough translation as I go.

21:56You will judge for yourself whether I have solved the riddle or not.

22:00The prisoner was brought before the Grand Chambers and Tournelle of Parliament, sitting

22:05as a court of justice, and charged with the murder of Master Dred de Aubray, her father,

22:12and of her two brothers, Messieurs de Aubray, one being civil lieutenant and the other a

22:16Councillor of Parliament.

22:18In person it seemed hard to believe that she had really done such wicked deeds, for she

22:23was of a mild appearance and of short stature, with a fair skin and blue eyes.

22:28Yet the court, having found her guilty, condemned her to the ordinary and to the extraordinary

22:34question, in order that she might be forced to name her accomplices, after which she should

22:38be carried in a cart to the Place de Grève, there to have her head cut off, her body being

22:44afterward burned, and her ashes scattered to the winds.

22:48The date of this entry is July 16th, 1676.

22:51It is interesting, said I, but not convincing.

22:56How do you prove the two women to be the same?

22:58I am coming to that.

23:00The narrative goes on to tell of the woman's behaviour when questioned.

23:05When the executioner approached her, she recognised him by the cords which he held in his hands,

23:10and she at once held out her own hands to him, looking at him from head to foot without

23:15uttering a word.

23:16How's that?

23:18Yes, it was so.

23:20She gazed without wincing upon the wooden horse and rings which had twisted so many

23:25limbs and caused so many shrieks of agony.

23:29When her eyes fell upon the three pails of water which were all ready for her, she said

23:33with a smile,

23:34All that water must have been brought here for the purpose of drowning me, monsieur.

23:39You have no idea, I trust, of making a person of my small stature swallow it all.

23:45Shall I read the details of the torture?

23:47No, for heaven's sake, don't.

23:50Here is a sentence which must surely show you.

23:54Yet what is here recorded is the very scene which you have gazed upon to-night.

23:58The good Abbé Pirot, unable to contemplate the agonies which were suffered by his penitent,

24:03had hurried from the room.

24:05Does that convince you?

24:07It does entirely.

24:08There can be no question that it is indeed the same event.

24:12But who, then, is this lady whose appearance was so attractive, and whose end was so horrible?

24:17For answer, Dacre came across to me and placed the small lamp upon the table which stood

24:22by my bed.

24:23Lifting up the ill-omened filler, he turned the brass rim so that the light fell upon

24:28it.

24:29Seen in this way, the engraving seemed clearer than on the night before.

24:33We have already agreed that this is the badge of a Marquis, or of a Marquise, said he.

24:40We have also settled that the last letter is B. It is undoubtedly so.

24:44I now suggest to you that the other letters from left to right are M, a small d, A, a

24:51small d, and then the final B. Yes, I am sure that you are right.

24:57I can make out the two small d's quite plainly.

25:00What I have read to you to-night, said Dacre, is the official record of the trial of Marie

25:04Madeleine d'Aubray, Marquis de Brunvilliers, one of the most famous poisoners and murderers

25:11of all time.

25:13I sat in silence, overwhelmed at the extraordinary nature of the incident, and at the completeness

25:18of the proof with which Dacre had exposed its real meaning.

25:22In a vague way I remembered some details of the woman's career, her unbridled debauchery,

25:28the cold-blooded and protracted torture of her sick father, the murder of her brothers

25:33for motives of petty gain.

25:35I recollected also that the bravery of her end had done something to a turn that all

25:39Paris had sympathised with her last moments, and blessed her as a martyr within a few days

25:44of the time when they had cursed her as a murderess.

25:48One objection and one only occurred to my mind.

25:52How came her initials and her badge of rank upon the filler?

25:55Surely they did not carry their medieval homage to the nobility to the point of decorating

26:00instruments of torture with their titles?

26:03I was puzzled with the same point, said Dacre, but it admits of a simple explanation.

26:10The case excited extraordinary interest at the time, and nothing could be more natural

26:14that La Réunie, the head of the police, should retain this filler as a grim souvenir.

26:20It was not often that a Marchioness of France underwent the extraordinary question.

26:26That he should engrave her initials upon it for the information of others was surely a

26:30very ordinary proceeding upon his part.

26:34And this, I asked, pointing to the marks upon the leather neck?

26:38She was a cruel tigress, said Dacre, as he turned away.

26:42I think it is evident that, like other tigresses, her teeth were both strong and sharp.

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