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FunTranscript
00:00Hey, killer.
00:01Ah!
00:02Ah.
00:03Hey.
00:04Hey.
00:05Morning.
00:06Morning.
00:07Do you want breakfast?
00:08Okay.
00:09Okay, cool.
00:10Pancakes?
00:11Yeah.
00:12Bacon?
00:13Yeah.
00:14Sit up high.
00:15Let you do that.
00:16Oh, you're still there.
00:17Um, yep.
00:18Just the, uh, bacon sounds good, too.
00:19Good morning.
00:30That was a hell of a punch, mister.
00:38I mean, it's not exactly in the lifeguard manual, but.
00:41Well, I told you I would learn better if I had a study buddy.
00:48Don't get ahead of yourself.
00:50Oh my God, did you just look at my dick?
00:54Now we're even.
01:07Oh my God.
01:08We're late.
01:09We have to go.
01:10Come on.
01:15We're tied.
01:19Over here.
01:21In the front.
01:22Fuck.
01:23There's a girl trapped in the front of the boat.
01:25There's too much fire.
01:28No way.
01:29Fire?
01:32CJ.
01:36Okay, guapa.
01:37If you want me, you can have me.
01:39Pero rápido, because the boat is on fire.
01:42Some other time.
01:43No.
01:48Are you kidding me?
01:49Are you all right, CJ?
01:51No, I'm not okay.
01:52Help me up.
01:54Help!
01:55Please!
01:57Come on.
01:58Help!
01:59In here!
02:04Do not go under that fire, Brody.
02:06Wait!
02:09In here!
02:10Please!
02:12Oh my God!
02:13Take my hand.
02:14Trust me.
02:18Are you hurt?
02:19No.
02:20Good.
02:21I'm okay.
02:22Hang on.
02:23What?
02:24CJ!
02:25Portside!
02:30Nick, are you okay?
02:31Help me!
02:32Are you okay?
02:48Brody!
02:54Brody!
03:05Are you okay?
03:07That was such a great plan, just to see fire and just swim right into it.
03:12You care about me.
03:13I care about you.
03:14Hey, I'm Matt Brody.
03:18And not a single fuck was given.
03:28Hey, Ronnie.
03:29Oh, hey, Steph.
03:30Welcome back.
03:31Thanks.
03:32Third time's a charm, right?
03:33Yeah, yeah, you know, I'm, um...
03:35I'm more motivated than ever.
03:41So you made me guess your name?
03:44Are you following me?
03:46I was actually just gonna ask you the same thing.
03:49Okay, look, you're hot.
03:52I may resist for a while, but we both know eventually I'll give in.
03:55So why don't we just skip that?
03:57Why don't you put baby in me?
03:59Now.
04:01You know, honestly, I was thinking dinner first.
04:05But we could try the baby thing if you want.
04:07You are trying way too hard.
04:09Trying's the best part.
04:10Summer.
04:11Hi.
04:12I was hoping we'd see you here.
04:13I couldn't sleep last night.
04:14I'm so excited for it.
04:19Why does she always look like she's running in slo-mo?
04:21You see it, too?
04:25She always looks wet.
04:27Not too wet.
04:28Right.
04:31That's just the reason I believe in God.
04:33Hey, how's your dick?
04:35Oh, uh, it's good.
04:36You know, it's better.
04:37You know, it's...
04:38It's just ready for action.
04:41Okay.
04:42I've got my dick stuck in a chair earlier.
04:44What? You did?
04:45Yeah.
04:46You haven't heard about this?
04:47Yeah, I heard.
04:48Everybody's heard.
04:49All right, welcome, everybody.
04:51You know, Baywatch proudly accepts
04:53only one new recruit every year.
04:55But the good news for you
04:56is that this year we've got three open spots.
04:59Now, without further ado,
05:00I'd like to turn it over to the man
05:02who has 500 career saves.
05:04Give it up for Lieutenant Mitch Buchanan.
05:06Yay!
05:07Yay!
05:09All right.
05:11Thank you, thank you.
05:13Baywatch is the elite of the elite.
05:16Our team's commitment to protecting the bay at all costs
05:19is the reason why the single mom behind me
05:21feels very comfortable letting her two kids
05:23run right into the water unaccompanied.
05:28Thanks, Mitch.
05:29That's right, and Baywatch works
05:30because we follow rules.
05:32We follow rules because if we don't, people die.
05:35You work in an office
05:36and you doze off at your desk one day,
05:38no big deal.
05:40You slack off here, say it with me.
05:43People die.
05:45So here's the thing.
05:46If you've come to Baywatch on your little motorcycle,
05:49thinking you're cool,
05:50trying to work on your killer tan,
05:52well, you need to find another beach to go to.
05:54But if you've come to sacrifice
05:56for something much bigger than yourself,
05:58this is the beach for you.
06:00But you're gonna have to get through this first.
06:03CJ?
06:04Yes, CJ?
06:05There are tons of qualities that make a great lifeguard.
06:08Today, we're gonna test all of them
06:10in a grueling obstacle course we like to call
06:12the absentee father.
06:14He's tough, brutal even.
06:16His presence in your life is brief,
06:18but it will scar you and instill a toughness in you
06:20that will carry you through birthdays,
06:22Christmases,
06:23and even bring your dad to school day
06:25when your mom has to put on a fake mustache
06:27just so you can fit in with the other kids.
06:32What you, uh, what you doing there, killer?
06:34Um, I, I don't know.
06:36I don't know.
06:38Okay.
06:39Honestly, I don't, I don't even know what I'm doing here.
06:42But you see something in you.
06:44And I see it, too.
06:46I do. I really do.
06:49What?
06:50What?
06:51Yeah.
06:52Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
06:54What?
06:55Very important lesson.
06:57That is the devil's urchin.
06:59One prick out of that thing will give you enough adrenaline
07:01to choke out a pissed-off bull.
07:03The only problem is, after that,
07:05you say some crazy-ass shit, and then you fucking die.
07:08Now pick that up and take it to Tower One.
07:10So these are just, like, laying around everywhere?
07:13Do you want me to help you?
07:15Okay, look, let's just be honest, all right?
07:17I mean, we've lost him.
07:19I don't know. It's not your fault.
07:21Hey! Hey!
07:22Why?!
07:23Why?!
07:24Why?!
07:25Why?!
07:26Don't you do this to me, kid!
07:28Don't you do this!
07:29I'm sorry.
07:30Okay, no, but seriously, I gotta help you
07:32because you are gonna kill someone with that techie.
07:35Ready?
07:36Wait, Summer, do you have time to study later?
07:38Yeah, um...
07:41Did you just, uh, look at my boobs?
07:43I was not my intention.
07:45I didn't, uh, stare directly at them.
07:48You're looking at them right now.
07:49Now I did.
07:51Because you were talking about them.
07:52Testing.
07:53Oh, failed. Oh, my God.
07:55Well, we're gonna be in swimsuits a lot, so...
07:57Yeah.
07:58If it's gonna be a problem for you...
07:59It's not a problem for me at all.
08:01Yeah.
08:02Cool.
08:03You just looked at them again.
08:04No, I didn't. I wasn't...
08:05You just did.
08:06I didn't.
08:07Well, when you point them out like that,
08:08it's a compliment if you think about it.
08:10Twice!
08:27Oh!
08:28Oh!
08:33Oh!