2001 Is Harry On The Boat FULL HOT TEEN MOVIE
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#EnglishMovie #cdrama #drama #engsub #chinesedramaengsub #movieshortfull
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00So, what do you think?
00:00:07I can't believe you. That's the sickest thing.
00:00:14It was just a suggestion, you know, try something new, you know, something adventurous.
00:00:20You want me to have a threesome with my best friend? It's perverted.
00:00:25It doesn't have to be your best friend, you know, we could pick up a prostitute or something.
00:01:25So tell me, what happened?
00:01:39I told her I needed me space. I mean, I'm young, I need someone who's going to grow with me, try new things.
00:01:44She dumped you when you asked for a threesome?
00:01:46No, no, no, it was a mutual...
00:01:48She dumped you?
00:01:49No, we both felt that...
00:01:51Right, she dumped you, and you figured out you'd have more chance of a threesome in Ibiza, is that it?
00:01:56Well, with a busload of fanny turning up every two weeks, the chances have got to be better than a Saturday night down the local, ain't they?
00:02:02Ibiza, mate. I'm landing book for two.
00:02:04Three, two, one...
00:02:22Tell you what, Spanish birds are fit, bro.
00:02:25Yeah, how do you think they know we're holiday reps?
00:02:27Well, if not Mario, I'm sure you'll point it out to them, mate.
00:02:29Yeah, well, these shag tags, man, they're like a licence to fuck, bro.
00:02:33Hey, Mario, can you do us a favour, mate?
00:02:35Yes, mate, anything you like.
00:02:36Stop calling us bro.
00:02:40Yeah, look, here's the girls.
00:02:44Do you reckon they shag?
00:02:46Yeah, of course I do, I ain't much good to you, though, would I?
00:02:48Nah, I could have them no sweat.
00:02:50You can't screw the crew, Mario, it's instant dismissal.
00:02:52Yeah, yeah, I know that, but if you could, they'd be begging for it, bro.
00:02:58You're a rep, drinks are free, OK?
00:03:01She's great, innit?
00:03:02I know, I haven't been out of paper anything since I finished training.
00:03:04So she got the write-up, so I followed in after her and I said, you know, what's the matter?
00:03:08And she says, you called me stupid.
00:03:10And I said, no, I didn't, I said, I'm going to fuck you, stupid.
00:03:15Is there a gay dog watching?
00:03:17What?
00:03:19Don't cane it too hard tonight, just cos you've finished training.
00:03:22The client starts arriving tomorrow, so no hangovers, please.
00:03:28Well, it's to a great season, everyone, eh?
00:03:30Cheers.
00:03:31Yes!
00:03:39Going for a good time, mate?
00:03:40Yes, mate, this is what it's all about, when we're smoking.
00:03:43Buy the seat.
00:03:44Yeah.
00:03:46HE LAUGHS
00:03:49That's what I say, mate.
00:04:00Sorry, we have made a mistake. Come, we'll take you home.
00:04:09Cheers, mate, thanks.
00:04:11Erm, what's happening?
00:04:13Do you speak Spanish?
00:04:14SÃ.
00:04:15The guy at the bar told us that a white guy and a black guy were eating chicken and white wine and left without paying.
00:04:21Right, that is it, you are fired, you're on the next flight back to London.
00:04:24What?
00:04:25You're lucky not to be in jail, is all you care about that poor girl, Mr Thorpe?
00:04:27Hold on, what have I done?
00:04:28Exposing yourself to a white girl, making her look at your cock, you are disgusting.
00:04:31No, fuck, no, fuck, you don't realise.
00:04:33They were drinking wine and eating chicken, and they haven't been.
00:04:37It's OK, listen, you two are lucky I've convinced them not to press charges.
00:04:41Alison, I think you may have misheard.
00:04:43I know what he said, he said pollo, which is cock.
00:04:46He said pollo, which is chicken.
00:04:49Pollar, ah, is cock.
00:04:51Right, well, that might be so, but he said blanco, which is white.
00:04:54Vino blanco, Alison, which is white wine.
00:04:57So you didn't expose yourself?
00:04:58No, no, I did not.
00:04:59Two guys ran off without paying for some chicken. It was a case of mistaken identity.
00:05:05Muy bien.
00:05:06Buenas noches.
00:05:07Cheers, mate.
00:05:08Buenas noches.
00:05:10Well, obviously I'm going to have to go down to the police station in the morning and sort this little lot out.
00:05:14Brad, you're on airport duty in two hours' time.
00:05:16And you, I hope tonight's taught you something.
00:05:18God, the worst.
00:05:40What are you doing in my room?
00:05:42Um, this is my room.
00:05:44Room 121?
00:05:46That's room 112.
00:05:49Oh, is it? Oh, sorry.
00:05:52I, um, had a bit too much to drink tonight.
00:06:10Do you mind if my friend joins us?
00:06:21Jenny?
00:06:22Jenny?
00:06:23Jenny, what the...
00:06:34Come on, Brad, we've got to get moving.
00:06:36First touchdown's in an hour.
00:06:38Yeah, yeah.
00:07:03This is your first time at the airport, then?
00:07:05No.
00:07:06Yes.
00:07:07Yeah, is it that obvious?
00:07:09I'm afraid so.
00:07:11I'm Carmen.
00:07:12Brad. Brad.
00:07:13So what gave me away?
00:07:14Well, that's easy.
00:07:16It's at least 15 minutes till the passengers come through,
00:07:18but you've been stood here since they announced the flight.
00:07:21Right, so who do you work for then?
00:07:23I let you down a lot. I've got to go. Good luck.
00:07:25Yeah, thanks. Thanks a lot, yeah. Cheers.
00:07:37This way, the coach is just up here, mate.
00:07:39Look, go straight ahead and dodge. Straight down. Lovely. Cheers.
00:07:42Just follow him, mate.
00:07:43Excuse me, my mate's not feeling well. I think it's something she ate.
00:07:46All right, all right, hold on. Just give me one second.
00:07:48Greg!
00:07:52What's up, mate? Greg, Greg, look, this girl's feeling a bit sick.
00:07:55Couldn't sort it out for me, could you?
00:07:57Yeah, yeah, yeah, don't you? Just get her back onto the coach.
00:07:59I'll look after her.
00:08:00I'll look after her.
00:08:01I'll look after her.
00:08:02I'll look after her.
00:08:03I'll look after her.
00:08:04I'll look after her.
00:08:05I'll look after her.
00:08:06Get her back onto the coach. I'll look after her.
00:08:08Good man, good man.
00:08:09Let's get going straight up here, yeah?
00:08:11You're not feeling too good, no?
00:08:12All right, we'll look after you.
00:08:16My mate will be all right, won't she?
00:08:18Yeah, yeah, Greg's one of our oldest reps.
00:08:20She's in safe hands, mate, trust me.
00:08:30You all right, babes?
00:08:31Yeah, I'm just waiting on mine. She's feeling a bit sick.
00:08:33What happened in the sand?
00:08:35What?
00:08:38You all right, babe, yeah?
00:08:43Right, so...
00:08:46Where's the microphone?
00:08:50Right, so...
00:08:54Jesus, you burst my eardrum, you stupid Cockney wanker!
00:08:58Welcome to Mallorca!
00:08:59Right, we're meant to be in Ibiza.
00:09:01Now we know who the twat is, we can get on with it.
00:09:03Welcome to Ibiza, everyone.
00:09:05Next two weeks are going to change your lives,
00:09:07so let's get ready to party!
00:09:09Come on!
00:09:31We don't really need a crowd to have a party
00:09:35Just a funky beat and you to get it started
00:09:38And oh, oh, oh, oh
00:09:41We'll dance the night away
00:09:47We're having big fun
00:09:51The party's just begun, yeah
00:09:54Tell you what, there's some talent here today, mate.
00:09:57They don't let up to me.
00:09:58Well, they might look like a bunch of mingers to the untrained eye,
00:10:00but wait till the bar crawls.
00:10:01I tell you what, this thing can sniff out a shag at 30 feet, mate.
00:10:06Hope you took precautions at the airport.
00:10:07Yeah, yeah, I didn't give them my number.
00:10:09Brad, any chance of getting on with things, please?
00:10:11Yes, yes, I'm going, I'm going now.
00:10:16Right, my name's Brad
00:10:17and I'm your ever-friendly, ever-smiling rep
00:10:19from young, free and single,
00:10:20the most wildest holiday package in Ibiza.
00:10:24Now, raise your glasses
00:10:26and I'll teach you the Spanish for cheers.
00:10:28Salud, salud, salud.
00:10:32And there's plenty more where that came from.
00:10:34Now, this is Sid.
00:10:36Now, Sid's here to make sure that you pay attention.
00:10:39So that nobody echoes me.
00:10:40Anybody gets leery, he spits.
00:10:43Now, you have been warned.
00:10:45Now, some basic rules.
00:10:48Be polite to anyone that's serving you food,
00:10:50especially if it's a rep,
00:10:51because you never know which one of us has been tossing a salad.
00:10:54So watch out for the mayonnaise, wouldn't you?
00:10:56Most of the staff here speak English.
00:10:58Isn't that right, Frank?
00:11:00Yes, you're bloody welcome.
00:11:01On a serious note,
00:11:03I know that some of you are going to be tempted
00:11:05to use illegal substances while you're here.
00:11:07If any of yous are caught with anything,
00:11:09then you'll be made to share it with us, you greedy bastards.
00:11:15Seriously, though, do not risk getting in trouble with the police.
00:11:18Now, before we go any further,
00:11:20I'd better introduce you to the crew.
00:11:21We've got the super sexy Heather, if you like to party.
00:11:24Lorraine will help you recover the next day.
00:11:26Mario will only break your heart.
00:11:28Mikey will kiss it better.
00:11:30And Greg will kiss anything.
00:11:32You're all savages, every single one of yous.
00:11:34You've so come to the right place.
00:11:36Young, free and single, let's have it, love.
00:11:38Please, come on.
00:11:41Come on, let's have it.
00:11:43Let's have it.
00:11:52Everybody.
00:11:57We'll show you love all night.
00:12:03Right.
00:12:06Dad, you were brilliant.
00:12:07You know that bit when you got Frank to call you a wanker?
00:12:09That was wicked, wasn't it?
00:12:10Thanks a lot, mate.
00:12:11Really good for a first time.
00:12:12How are you holding up?
00:12:13I'm knackered. I've got a flight in two hours,
00:12:14then I've got a bar crawl,
00:12:15and then I've got a flight first thing in the morning.
00:12:17I just don't know when I'm going to sleep.
00:12:19I know they did really well explaining those excursions.
00:12:21How are the sales?
00:12:22About 85%.
00:12:23Well, there's room for improvement then, isn't there?
00:12:27Well, did well, didn't they?
00:12:28Yeah, actually, can you guys just leave me and him alone?
00:12:30There's a few things in the square.
00:12:31All right, see you later.
00:12:32Cheers.
00:12:34So, Brad, how do you think your part of the welcome meeting went?
00:12:37Well, I was nervous to start,
00:12:38but once a few jokes got laughed, so...
00:12:40By jokes, do you mean the soda siphon thing?
00:12:42I think it worked quite well,
00:12:43but I reckon I can improve it, right?
00:12:44What would you have done if someone had actually heckled?
00:12:47I suppose I'd have got squirted.
00:12:48Yeah, and then the place would have erupted,
00:12:50it would have been a free-for-all,
00:12:51everyone chucking drinks all over each other.
00:12:53No, see, if someone would have started heckling,
00:12:55I would have warned them, then I'd have put it to a vote.
00:12:57That way, if I did squirt someone,
00:12:59the group would have been on my side, see?
00:13:01Right, well, listen, Brad,
00:13:02you may have got top marks in your training,
00:13:03but I have got more experience.
00:13:04I've been in this job six years, OK?
00:13:06You're wrong. I don't want to see it again.
00:13:08It's got nothing to do with that.
00:13:09Jesus Christ, will you just do as you're told?
00:13:11Who's the manager here, you or me?
00:13:12You are.
00:13:13And another thing,
00:13:14why didn't you introduce me to the clients?
00:13:16Are you embarrassed because I'm your manager
00:13:18because I'm a woman?
00:13:19No, I just...
00:13:20Brad, you've got two ears and a mouth.
00:13:22Use them in that ratio, all right?
00:13:24Look, I don't say these things to arguments, Brad.
00:13:27I say them to help you.
00:13:28Just listen to what I've got to say,
00:13:30and one day you might be in my position, all right?
00:13:36Right, so, come on, let's go and have a walk.
00:13:38Come on.
00:13:39She'll be fine, don't worry about her.
00:13:41Yeah, I know.
00:13:43Hola, Maria.
00:13:44Hola, Greg.
00:13:45Maria, this is Bradley.
00:13:46Hola, Brad.
00:13:47Hola, mate, you all right?
00:13:48So, er, Brad will be playing with you.
00:13:51Yeah.
00:13:55Right, so, pick a car.
00:14:04Well, is this it, yeah?
00:14:05Is this the legendary competition?
00:14:08Come on, my son, they're savage, they're savage.
00:14:11Right, what's this one here?
00:14:12Er, that's YesterMartin.
00:14:13Well, it'll work with James Bond,
00:14:14it'll work with Bradley Street or Esquire.
00:14:16Right, what's the rules?
00:14:17Right, it's one point for the show.
00:14:19First to 50.
00:14:2150?
00:14:22So, we all in or what?
00:14:23Oh, that's a fucking loser.
00:14:25I'm not interested.
00:14:27That's not why I'm here.
00:14:28You'll soon change your tune, mate.
00:14:30Right, what about bonus points?
00:14:31Yeah, there's, er, one bonus point
00:14:33for missing a pink and pointing a brown, all right?
00:14:35What are you on about?
00:14:36I think Greg's referring to the rusty bullet hole, Mario.
00:14:38What?
00:14:39The chocolate starfish.
00:14:40Not Bill Gardner.
00:14:41Did you get it in a dirt box?
00:14:43What do you mean, shoving it up their arses?
00:14:44Are you all queer?
00:14:47Three singles, ladies and gentlemen!
00:14:52What about threesomes?
00:14:53Ah, the old menage a trois.
00:14:55The holy grail men have searched for
00:14:56ever since you could watch the dance porno movies.
00:14:58Now, listen up, you lot.
00:14:59If any of you can get enough drink down their necks
00:15:01to get them through the threesome,
00:15:02it's worth five bonus points, all right?
00:15:04Can't you guys talk about anything but sex?
00:15:07Like what?
00:15:08I don't know.
00:15:09Talk about the weather.
00:15:11Well, it's a nice night for a fork.
00:15:24So when do we start?
00:15:25We have started.
00:15:27You, however, Mario, are not invited.
00:15:28Why not?
00:15:29Why can't I play?
00:15:30Because the competition requires a gentleman's agreement
00:15:32to be honest about points scored.
00:15:34You're all like a cheating, lying arsehole
00:15:36who'd just say anything to make up his own end.
00:15:38And you've got a tiny penis.
00:15:40What the fuck are you on about?
00:15:42There ain't nothing small about my dick, mate.
00:15:44Come on, everyone thinks theirs is large.
00:15:46I've measured mine.
00:15:47It's a niner.
00:15:48Bollocks.
00:15:49It's a millimetres or centimetres.
00:15:51I'll prove it any time.
00:15:52All right.
00:15:53Why don't we all stand round
00:15:54and see if you can get it out
00:15:55and verify your claim?
00:15:56Come on, no-one's going to be able to see it.
00:15:58Get it out, get it out.
00:15:59Flop it out.
00:16:09What do you say now, department?
00:16:10Mario appears to be telling the truth.
00:16:12He still can't play, though.
00:16:13I believe this is Mario you're dealing with, eh?
00:16:19Fuck me.
00:16:39So I told him I wasn't going to do that anymore.
00:16:41You know, I'm just sick of it.
00:16:42All right.
00:16:43Hi.
00:16:45So you're working your way around
00:16:46all the girls in the bar, then?
00:16:47Only the ugly ones.
00:16:49Well, you can get lost
00:16:50because we're not pissed enough
00:16:51to take advantage of yet.
00:16:52Well, don't worry.
00:16:53I need at least another ten more pints
00:16:55before me standards will drop that low.
00:16:57And where exactly did you two meet?
00:16:59At the time they helped me out at the airport.
00:17:01Graham had a premature arrivals problem.
00:17:03Well, it happens when I get excited.
00:17:05Poor impulse control.
00:17:06Well, practice makes perfect, doesn't it?
00:17:07That's why God gave you a right hand, sweetheart.
00:17:09Well, maybe you two should get a room.
00:17:15Got to go. Nice to see you again.
00:17:16Yeah.
00:17:25So, you've known Carmen long?
00:17:28About two years.
00:17:29She's a family friend.
00:17:31So, what hotel does she work at, then?
00:17:33I can pass her a note of free time, if you like.
00:17:36What?
00:17:37Oh, back off.
00:17:43Oi, put that pint down.
00:17:44We've been here 40 minutes.
00:17:45Round everyone off and get them on to the next bar, all right?
00:17:48Oi, put that pint down.
00:17:49We've been here 40 minutes.
00:17:50Round everyone off and get them on to the next bar, all right?
00:18:00Everyone, listen up.
00:18:01Do we have anyone here from Young, Free and Single?
00:18:06Jesus Christ, me granny's bingo group makes more noise than that.
00:18:09I said, do we have anyone here from Young, Free and Single?
00:18:17If you don't like it, now get yourselves home to the Anders,
00:18:19where the party's really going to get going.
00:18:20Come on, move it!
00:18:25Greg, this place is a bit of a damp, isn't it?
00:18:27Yeah, well, we go where Alison tells us to, you know what I mean?
00:18:29What time do you call this?
00:18:30You're ten minutes late.
00:18:32Are we going to stay another ten minutes?
00:18:33Come on, mate, what's your problem?
00:18:35Don't worry, man, it's going to be rocking in five minutes.
00:18:37Look at that. Isn't it amazing?
00:18:39Quite a wonder Brian a bit of make-up can do, eh?
00:18:41Come on, son, let's get on the board early.
00:18:43Let's have it.
00:18:47Come on.
00:19:09Well, I'd like to get to know you a bit better.
00:19:11See another side of you.
00:19:13How about my backside?
00:19:14You can watch it while I walk away.
00:19:18SHE SIGHS
00:19:21She is gorgeous.
00:19:24Urgh, what would I do without her?
00:19:26Come too quickly, Mario.
00:19:28You watch, she'll soon be putty in my hands.
00:19:30Any soft thing in your hands tonight, mate, it'll be your dick.
00:19:33I'm not so sure, Brad.
00:19:34I mean, after all, Mario is a good-looking lad.
00:19:36Right, so he dresses a little strange.
00:19:38Yeah, well, it's an expression of his personality, isn't it?
00:19:41Yeah, just needs a little red nose to finish it off.
00:19:43Oh, fuck off!
00:19:44These trousers cost 120 quid.
00:19:46And if you paid more than the fiver, Mario, then you were done.
00:19:49Oh, and the fuck do you know about fashion?
00:19:52My cousin runs one of the best clothes shops in King's Row.
00:19:55So why don't you shop there?
00:19:57Yeah, well, at least I can change my clothes.
00:20:00What are you going to do about your skin?
00:20:03SHE SOBS
00:20:16MUSIC PLAYS
00:20:26It's Patricia, isn't it?
00:20:28Well, hello, Mikey.
00:20:31Did you come here to tell me how 3,000 people applied for 30 jobs
00:20:35and how thrilled any girl should be if a rep tries to chat her up?
00:20:40Listen, I apologise about Mario.
00:20:42He's what we call in the trade a bit of a wanker.
00:20:44A bit of a wanker?
00:20:45OK, you're right. Mario's a total wanker.
00:20:48We're not all brainless idiots.
00:20:50So you need brains for this job?
00:20:52Next you'll be telling me you need A-levels to be a rep.
00:20:55What were yours in, Mikey? Sunbathing in pots and drinks?
00:20:58No. I did my dissertation in those.
00:21:02My thesis was in making assumptions before you've got all the facts.
00:21:07Hey, listen up, we're going back to the old house to get your asses in gear.
00:21:10Come on, move it, people.
00:21:15Here we go.
00:21:17You all right, mates?
00:21:19So, you got a girlfriend, then, Brad?
00:21:22No, no. I haven't had sex for over a year.
00:21:25Really? Why's that, then?
00:21:27Brad, you've got to get over it, mate.
00:21:29I don't know, Mikey. I really don't think now's the time, is it?
00:21:31Some girl break your heart or something, then?
00:21:33Look, mate, you've got to move on.
00:21:40OK. I was in love with this girl.
00:21:42Everything was going great.
00:21:44And then she dumped me for this rugby player.
00:21:47Oh.
00:21:49I tried everything to get her back, everything.
00:21:51Two of his mates jumped me and they kicked the shit out of me.
00:21:55You poor thing.
00:21:57Do you know, I was in the hospital for ten weeks, ten weeks.
00:22:00They said I'd never be able to get another erection.
00:22:02So they put this bar in it.
00:22:04Keeps it standing to attention.
00:22:07It's stiff as a poker, night and day.
00:22:11So, how do you have sex?
00:22:13I haven't.
00:22:15I mean, what if they start laughing at me?
00:22:18What if I can't take it?
00:22:20Maybe it's all right.
00:22:22Excuse me, I'm really sorry.
00:22:25He's really sensitive, isn't he?
00:22:38Trav, I think I might be able to help.
00:22:41What do you reckon?
00:22:44I'm a nurse back home.
00:22:46I can help.
00:22:48I can help.
00:22:50I can help.
00:22:52I'm a nurse back home.
00:22:56Come on, let's just see what you're doing.
00:23:05Give me your hand.
00:23:09Can you feel that?
00:23:11Blimey, isn't that odd all the time?
00:23:14Yeah, yeah.
00:23:16All I have to do is just bend it forwards.
00:23:21Does it feel any different now?
00:23:23I don't know. It's hard to tell.
00:23:27Linda, could I just...
00:23:29No, I'm sorry.
00:23:31Could I ask you a huge favour?
00:23:33It's just...
00:23:35I haven't...
00:23:37It's just...
00:23:39I haven't come since the operation and...
00:23:44You bastard! I knew you were lying.
00:23:47I'm sorry.
00:23:50I'm sorry.
00:24:00We make a great team.
00:24:02It was like telepathy.
00:24:05Yeah, it was a laugh.
00:24:07Look, them birds was all over you.
00:24:09Why don't you come in on this competition?
00:24:11Brad, I've already told you, mate, I ain't interested.
00:24:14I'd just rather sleep with one girl 20 times than 20 girls once.
00:24:18I don't know why you've come to Ibiza, is it?
00:24:21Right now, all I want to do is have a laugh.
00:24:25And a threesome.
00:24:28I have a dream!
00:24:41All right, lads.
00:24:44You can turn that music out, please.
00:24:47I can't hear you, mate, it's too loud.
00:24:58Enough of that fucking shite.
00:25:00Right, listen up! The beach party starts pretty soon,
00:25:03so get yourselves down to the beach and sort yourselves out, all right?
00:25:06And as for you three, I'm going to throw that much fucking beer down your necks
00:25:10at this beach party cos you're going to be so fucking pissed
00:25:13you won't know the difference between Megadeth and the fucking Spice Girls.
00:25:17Hey!
00:25:37One point, Bradley. Nice one, Tom.
00:25:39I'm still in the lead, though, mate, you see.
00:25:41Put me down for a point.
00:25:43What do you think?
00:25:45I don't know, Greg, what do you think?
00:25:47It's much more fun watching them squirm, isn't it?
00:25:49Yeah, absolutely.
00:25:52Oh, come on, Greg, what's the matter with you?
00:25:54Are you afraid of some serious competition?
00:25:56I'm terrified, mate.
00:26:00Money on me also, and I'll tell you what.
00:26:02You make a bit of rain, you're on the board.
00:26:04Lorraine?
00:26:06A nanite? Look at her, I swear she's a nanite.
00:26:08I'd have more chance with a lesbian.
00:26:10Oh, well...
00:26:13Oh, just like that image there, you know.
00:26:17So, Lorraine, it is. Get your boots under the bed and you're in.
00:26:36Ah, Patricia, you'll come and play the game, won't you, babe?
00:26:39No. Come on, there's a bottle of wine. I'll even carry you.
00:26:41I'll carry you over. Come on.
00:26:43Come on, we'll go together.
00:26:49He is unbelievable.
00:26:51He thinks he can just snap his fingers
00:26:53and I'll fall back with my legs spread open.
00:26:55Yeah, well, Mario's harmless enough.
00:26:57He just wants to win this stupid competition.
00:26:59Competition?
00:27:01Yeah, you know, so he can sleep with as many girls as possible.
00:27:03And you're not?
00:27:05Definitely not.
00:27:08So, why are you here, then?
00:27:10Basically, I, um, got shafted on a business deal.
00:27:13Yeah, I lost all my money.
00:27:16Needed to get away.
00:27:19So I'm definitely not here to add notches to my bedposts.
00:27:22So you're saying you don't want to sleep with me?
00:27:25No. Well, yeah, no.
00:27:28Um, look, Patricia, can I take my foot out and start again?
00:27:31Give it your best shot, Mikey.
00:27:33Well, I'm attracted to you, but not in that sort of way.
00:27:36Oh, I get it.
00:27:38You want to get to know the real me,
00:27:40share thoughts about world hunger,
00:27:42become my soul mate in two weeks.
00:27:44Is that it?
00:27:49Shit.
00:27:51Patricia, look, I know I'm making a book of myself
00:27:53and all those things you said, they're all corny and crazy,
00:27:55but the long and short of it is that I do find you attractive.
00:27:58And even though sleeping with you isn't at the top of my agenda,
00:28:01I'd be lying if I said that it hadn't crossed my mind.
00:28:04Oi, Mikey, get your ass over here!
00:28:18Oh, cheers, Mary, eh? Right.
00:28:21We haven't really had a chance to chat, me and you.
00:28:23No, I guess we haven't. We've been a bit busy, eh?
00:28:26Well, it's not because I ain't wanted to. Yeah, me too.
00:28:29You've caught some sun.
00:28:31Makes you look sexy.
00:28:34Yeah, compared to most of the girls here,
00:28:36I don't look a right old scrubber.
00:28:38You shouldn't put yourself down.
00:28:40Now, listen, you're a beautiful, beautiful girl.
00:28:50Want some wine? That'd be lovely, babe.
00:28:52Yeah. There you go.
00:28:54Cheers. Cheers.
00:28:56Cheers.
00:29:00So how are you finding the job? Oh, I love it.
00:29:02You know, I figure a few years as this and graduate up to resort manager
00:29:05and then back to England to work at head office. That's great.
00:29:08Yeah, I really want to make a go of it, you know. I love... You see, Tiger...
00:29:12What? I thought, you know...
00:29:15You invited me up here. Yeah, yeah, I know. It's just, er...
00:29:18Well, I like to build up to things. You know, get in the mood.
00:29:22Sure, all right, yeah. That's all right. I understand.
00:29:26So is it true what they say about your, er...
00:29:29Absolutely.
00:29:31Would you get out for me and let me see it?
00:29:33What?
00:29:35Just, you know, let me see it.
00:29:38Yeah, all right.
00:29:50Yeah.
00:29:52Yeah.
00:29:54Er...
00:29:56Yeah, Mario, I want to sit over there, where I can, er...
00:30:00watch you touch yourself. What are you on about?
00:30:03Well, you know, touch yourself. It would really turn me on, watching you.
00:30:07I, er... Well, I'll join in later. I promise.
00:30:12You dirty bitch.
00:30:15You want a piece of me, do you? Yeah.
00:30:18You want a piece of Mario, do you?
00:30:21Oh, I bet you love it dirty, don't you?
00:30:24Dirty and sweaty and scratchy and...
00:30:28Dirty but nice.
00:30:30I'm a paradox. I'm like a... I'm a poet.
00:30:33I'm like, I can run hot and cold, hot and cold and soft and hard and...
00:30:37Mario, there's something else I want you to do for me.
00:30:40Can you put these on?
00:30:45Listen, Marks.
00:30:47Yeah? You like it like a wolf?
00:30:50For Mario.
00:30:52Oh, no.
00:31:00You did it.
00:31:02No, you must be kidding.
00:31:04I told him I was on. He was out the door like a flash.
00:31:07All right, that's two points for the underwear and one for howling like a dog.
00:31:12Right, who's next?
00:31:15Sorry.
00:31:19So, Greg, I've been thinking, mate.
00:31:21It ain't gonna be much of a competition, is it,
00:31:23if we keep scoring points off the same bird?
00:31:25What are you saying?
00:31:27What I'm saying is...
00:31:29is that once she's been done, she's off the board.
00:31:33What, so no-one else can get any more points off her?
00:31:35First one to her gets a gold nose second place.
00:31:41That young Bradley's genius, mate. It's him.
00:31:44It's him.
00:31:52Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like you all to give three cheers to Greg.
00:31:55He's at the back of the bus there.
00:31:57His wife just gave birth to a beautiful baby boy.
00:32:00Absolutely beautiful.
00:32:02Hip, hip.
00:32:04Hip, hip.
00:32:06Hip, hip.
00:32:09Right, we've got hot and cold running women,
00:32:12and you're stuck on this girl who doesn't...
00:32:14You know, excuse me for saying this, mate,
00:32:16really seem all that interested in you.
00:32:18Look, Brad, all I know is I'm not interested in mating a girl
00:32:21who I can't be arsed to talk to in the morning.
00:32:23What's the point?
00:32:25Two of you are clever. Five of you can talk her mate into it.
00:32:38SHE SNIFFS
00:33:01Oh.
00:33:03Sorry, didn't mean to scare you.
00:33:05Take more than that to scare me.
00:33:07What can I do for you?
00:33:09I need a quick word, but it's a bit delicate.
00:33:11OK, I'll come to my room.
00:33:13I think you do a great job.
00:33:15It must be really tough being a resort manager.
00:33:17Yeah, it can get hard.
00:33:19Has something come up?
00:33:21I mean, has anything popped up?
00:33:25What can I do for you, Maria?
00:33:27It's just, um, all I'll say, it is a bit delicate.
00:33:30Well, I'm probably just imagining it.
00:33:33Sit down.
00:33:35Now, listen, I'm not only your boss, I'm also your friend.
00:33:38Um...
00:33:40It's Lorraine.
00:33:42Lorraine? What's she done?
00:33:44Well, nothing yet, it's just that she's...
00:33:46She's coming on to me.
00:33:48I just ain't sure what to do.
00:33:50I can have a word with her.
00:33:52Oh, no, no, no, you don't have to do that.
00:33:54I just wanted to make you aware of it, just in case, you know, it gets out of hand.
00:33:58OK, well, if you're sure, but if it carries on, make sure you come and see me, all right?
00:34:02Will do. Cheers, Alison.
00:34:05Cheers.
00:34:13Good-looking and clever.
00:34:35Right, ladies.
00:34:37Hands up, straight up in the air.
00:34:39Ladies, lean forward a little bit more.
00:34:41You ready? Ready?
00:34:43Oh, God.
00:34:45Let's give it a go.
00:34:47Oh, goodness, Brad, tell me, what do you think?
00:34:49Don't get me wrong, you're definitely a four,
00:34:51but, I mean, here, we've got nice...
00:34:53Don't worry.
00:34:55Here, we've got nice balance, they're firm, they've got good dancing.
00:34:58I want to see you dance.
00:35:00I want to see you dance.
00:35:02I want to see you dance.
00:35:04Oh, I wobble a bit.
00:35:06And, you know, mate, I really do agree,
00:35:08but I think that your bra repeats a movement.
00:35:10I'm going to have to give you a 5.6.
00:35:125.6. I think you're better than that.
00:35:14Hold on a minute.
00:35:16Oh, God, that is so much better.
00:35:18The support was definitely swinging things.
00:35:20I'm going to give them an eight, ladies and gentlemen.
00:35:22Let's give it a go.
00:35:28How's it going?
00:35:30It's not... I've got every trick in the book here.
00:35:35MUSIC PLAYS
00:35:45Oi, you!
00:35:47Four out of ten? That is shocking, that is.
00:35:49I want another go.
00:35:51Well, I'm sorry, babe, but the judge's decision is final,
00:35:54do you know what I mean?
00:35:56Anyway, if I touch your tits, your mate's going to get jealous, isn't he?
00:35:59Trudie won't get jealous.
00:36:01Will you, Trudie? Yes.
00:36:04All right, all right. Well...
00:36:07I'm sorry, but both are neither of us.
00:36:10What's it going to be?
00:36:12Let's go.
00:36:23Looks like you've got your hands full, Brad.
00:36:25So you won't be coming to Pasha with the rest of us tonight.
00:36:31Listen, listen, girls,
00:36:33she's got enough tickets for Pasha, yeah?
00:36:35Just wait, wait, wait.
00:36:39He's got all of them.
00:36:41He's got everything.
00:36:43I'm telling you, he's got two of them on the go.
00:36:45I'm serious, man.
00:36:47I walked past him twice, didn't even look at him.
00:36:49Oi, oi, oi, oi, oi!
00:36:51Brad.
00:36:53Look at them!
00:36:55Leave her, man. She's a rep, she knows her score.
00:36:58Basically, every day you get a five point on your hand.
00:37:00Now, where's it? Come on.
00:37:02Yeah, have a dab of this whizzy.
00:37:04Get a bit of that.
00:37:07Right, now, get them blathered and do the business. Come on!
00:37:10Tell you what, I've got a bit of one, yeah?
00:37:12Except one of these, I'm all right.
00:37:14Come on, what's the matter with you?
00:37:16I've never done them before, have I? You what?
00:37:18He's having it, hasn't he?
00:37:20No, I just never really fancied it, that's all.
00:37:22No-one knows what they do to you, do they?
00:37:24Brad, Brad, trust me on this one, mate.
00:37:26Whizzy's much worse for you.
00:37:28And booze just fucks up your brain, your liver, kidneys, spleen, the lot.
00:37:30The whole body is like one big fucking erogenous zone.
00:37:33You can't come, but when you do...
00:37:37It's not going to make me a skit or anything, is it?
00:37:39No, look, I'll tell you what, take half.
00:37:41If you like it, have another half later.
00:37:43What was that bit about the sex, again?
00:37:45Yeah? Yeah.
00:37:47Yeah. Come on!
00:37:49Come on, pop it, let's have it. Come on!
00:37:51Let's have it. I've been wanting to do it for ages, anyway.
00:37:54Come on, let's have it!
00:38:01Al, Greg, Lorraine's in the bag, mate.
00:38:03What? That's right, I pulled her last night.
00:38:05Barlow? No, straight up!
00:38:07I'm going to need more evidence than that, mate.
00:38:09Sorry. All right, wait out.
00:38:21Al, Lorraine, Lorraine, come and dance.
00:38:23What? Come on.
00:38:30You'll love it.
00:39:00Come on.
00:39:30Oh, ouch! Oh, I felt that.
00:39:32It's amazing the number of people who catch themselves on the edge there.
00:39:36How's your head?
00:39:38I've never had any complaints, will you tell me?
00:39:40No, I won't.
00:39:43Oh!
00:39:45Oh!
00:39:47Oh, yeah, oh, that's good.
00:39:49Oh, that... Oh!
00:39:51Oh, oof, that is good.
00:39:53That's good.
00:39:55That's good.
00:39:57That's good.
00:39:59That's good.
00:40:01That's got 150 pesetas per person written all over it, baby.
00:40:05250.
00:40:07Mikey! There you are.
00:40:09What are you doing?
00:40:11Not wimping out, are we?
00:40:13No, I was, um, just learning about negotiating skills.
00:40:17All work and no play makes Mikey pay.
00:40:22How's it, mate, Mikey?
00:40:24Oh, confused.
00:40:26Nervous?
00:40:28You don't have to be nervous, Mikey.
00:40:30Not with me.
00:40:32Come on, let's take a walk.
00:40:36Five.
00:40:37Ah, 175. I can't go any higher.
00:40:39Ah!
00:40:41It's a shame. I've got to be the next one in a few minutes.
00:40:45Pay me 200.
00:40:47OK, final offer. 200 pesetas for every client I bring in.
00:40:50I'll go down to there.
00:40:52And you know how much I like going down?
00:40:56Oh, come on, baby, come on.
00:40:58Oh, it's so good. Oh, yeah!
00:41:00200 pesetas per person!
00:41:03He was just getting too possessive.
00:41:05I thought he owned me.
00:41:07How long's it since you split?
00:41:09A month. I mean, it was hard, but...
00:41:11Well, sometimes when the soul of a relationship dies,
00:41:14you've just got to let it go.
00:41:16You know, you are so right.
00:41:18Sometimes you just have to move on.
00:41:20Do something out of character.
00:41:26Come on, let's go in.
00:41:46I booked this holiday at the last minute,
00:41:49so I didn't know what to expect.
00:41:51When I first got here, I wanted to leave.
00:41:54How do you feel now?
00:41:56I've put stuff on you.
00:41:58Now I don't want to leave.
00:42:01Well, sometimes the things you least expect work out for the best.
00:42:06Oh, I hope so.
00:42:11Listen, I need some less food, mate.
00:42:15Lorraine! Lorraine!
00:42:16Listen, make sure you come and see me first thing in the morning, OK?
00:42:19What about?
00:42:21I heard a shit and I got the best start I've ever had.
00:42:24I'll prove to you, mate, I'll prove to you.
00:42:26I need that speed, I ain't got much time.
00:42:28Time? What?
00:42:29It's time, bruv.
00:42:30You know, I mean, this isn't a rehearsal, you know?
00:42:33You have to make time.
00:42:34I know, I know, I know, but what I'm saying to you is,
00:42:36look, I've got 20 minutes to get to my point,
00:42:38I really need that speed.
00:42:40You're a top, man.
00:42:42No, shit, yeah, listen.
00:42:43Listen, you, you are a top long time, you know that?
00:42:47You are.
00:42:48You and me are going to have a fucking blinding season out here.
00:42:50Do you know why? It's you, right?
00:42:52You're someone I can trust.
00:42:54Yeah. You are. Yeah.
00:42:56I mean, look, look, it's the fucking moon.
00:43:00I mean, isn't it amazing here, I mean, this island?
00:43:02I mean, it's sort of mystical and sort of spiritual in a way, you know?
00:43:08And the island's been here for millions and millions of years
00:43:11before we even existed.
00:43:13So, you know, just sat there like a...
00:43:15No, here, sat there like a rock, you know,
00:43:17just there in the middle of the ocean.
00:43:19Just there in the middle of the ocean of change.
00:43:21Don't I make you think?
00:43:23What about the birds? Birds?
00:43:25I could only wait for it all the time.
00:43:27Just love it when you get fat ones,
00:43:29you get thin ones, short and long ones.
00:43:31It's just fucking mental.
00:43:33Listen, when do you think I said I've got the other half?
00:43:35Well... Tom!
00:43:41SHE SCREAMS
00:43:43Oh, my God!
00:43:45Don't worry, don't worry.
00:43:50Step away. Step away.
00:44:00We're going to be there.
00:44:14Where are we supposed to go?
00:44:16I don't know.
00:44:18Let's go, let's go.
00:44:38There she goes. Out like a light.
00:44:40It's all right, cos, you know, we can wake her, can't we?
00:44:45No, you've got better chance of waking the dead.
00:44:47And if she's asleep, you can count me out.
00:44:49What? What do you mean?
00:44:51We only do this for the crack.
00:44:53I'm not into one-on-ones, we only do threesomes.
00:44:55Well, what does it tell me that for? Now, this is never going to go away, is it?
00:44:58Oh, don't worry, we'll just talk or something instead.
00:45:00This really reminds me, this time we went to a club.
00:45:02Me and all my mates. It was a really good club.
00:45:04Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:45:06All right, all right, that's enough of that. Let me tell you about this club.
00:45:08Really nice inside.
00:45:10Bit dodgy on the outside, but it was OK.
00:45:12We went with my mate, Mandy.
00:45:14And my mate, Mandy,
00:45:16every time she comes out, it's just like...
00:45:18we just get wasted every time.
00:45:20OK, just to kiss them.
00:45:22Let me tell you about Mandy, bruv.
00:45:24Oh, for fuck's sake!
00:45:26I said to her, you can't mix your drinks.
00:45:28So what does the Divvy girl go and do?
00:45:30She has a diamond white and white wine.
00:45:32I said, you can't mix them. She's like, why not? They're both white.
00:45:34Listen, listen, I'm sitting here with a raging hard-on, right?
00:45:37And all you can do is rabbit on
00:45:39about the drinking preferences of one of your Divvy mates.
00:45:41She ain't Divvy.
00:45:43Well, yeah.
00:45:45I remember when I met her, it was at the school.
00:45:47No, actually, I don't think it was.
00:45:49Oh, look, Claire,
00:45:51can we do something about this, please?
00:45:53Because it's just getting quite painful.
00:45:55Do you know what I mean?
00:45:57You men are so pathetic, once the blood drains from your head.
00:45:59If you're getting that desperate, or now,
00:46:01why not go and treat his back or something?
00:46:05Well, that's the sound of that.
00:46:15Come on.
00:46:21Come on.
00:46:25Come on.
00:46:31Come on.
00:46:35Come on.
00:46:41Alison, it's the rain.
00:46:45Fuck.
00:46:51OK.
00:46:57Alison?
00:46:59OK.
00:47:09Oh.
00:47:12I heard she stays.
00:47:18Sit down.
00:47:26I hope you realise you've not only shown yourself up,
00:47:28but also the company.
00:47:30Sorry?
00:47:32What made you think someone like Mario
00:47:34was going to see anything in someone like you?
00:47:36What are you talking about?
00:47:38Last night, Lorraine, everyone saw you.
00:47:40Saw me what?
00:47:42I'd say, Lorraine, it'd be so much easier if you just told the truth.
00:47:44You were kissing him.
00:47:46No, no, no, I didn't kiss Mario.
00:47:48You look that way to me.
00:47:50Look, I think he's a creep, Alison. I wouldn't go near him.
00:47:52Listen, love, I understand. He's a good-looking bloke,
00:47:54and someone like you's going to fall for him.
00:47:56I mean, he even told me.
00:47:58Told you? Tell me, what's the fucking bastard been saying about me?
00:48:00That fucking bastard, Lorraine, defended you.
00:48:02He told me you were coming on to him, and I believe him.
00:48:04Coming on to him? No, I don't believe this.
00:48:06Look, can we just get Mario up here, Alison?
00:48:08I'm going to have to let you go. What?
00:48:10You know the rules about fraternising with other reps.
00:48:12It leads to bad feelings and undermines working as a team.
00:48:16You bitch. What?
00:48:18You don't give a clue. I mean, you only care about the holiday, mate,
00:48:20cos you just want to stuff as much money into your own pockets as you can.
00:48:22You make me fucking sick, Alison.
00:48:32You all right?
00:48:34You all right?
00:48:36I'm a good rep, aren't I?
00:48:38Yes.
00:48:40What?
00:48:42Alison don't seem to think so.
00:48:44What? Why?
00:48:48She just sacked me, Brad.
00:48:50What's going on?
00:48:52She thinks I've been coming on to Mario,
00:48:54and I hate it.
00:48:56I told her she wouldn't listen to me.
00:48:58Look, this is ridiculous.
00:49:00Look, you know what she's like. Let's go and sort it out.
00:49:02No, Brad, I've got to go. It's no good.
00:49:06I've got to go.
00:49:20Mario is out.
00:49:22Yeah, I've got a second.
00:49:36OK.
00:49:42Yeah, I've just got to shower.
00:49:48I thought I'd let you know I've let Lorraine go.
00:49:50Shit.
00:49:52That's terrible.
00:49:54Mario, don't blame yourself. It had to be done.
00:49:56I know someone like you's going to feel bad about it,
00:49:58but it's my decision, so just try and forget it, OK?
00:50:00Do you think the other reps are going to take it badly?
00:50:02I don't care what the other reps think.
00:50:04I'm in charge.
00:50:06I really admire you, Alison.
00:50:08Well, that's a tough fucking job, keeping everything running so well.
00:50:10Shit.
00:50:12If anyone finds out about this,
00:50:14I'll deny it.
00:50:16Sack you.
00:50:20This has not gone to the score sheet.
00:50:34Would you like an experimental, Mario?
00:50:36Yeah, babe, anything you want.
00:50:50Ow!
00:50:52All right, boys?
00:50:54Someone died?
00:50:56Lorraine's been sacked.
00:50:58What's she done?
00:51:00Apparently she was coming up to Mario in a bar.
00:51:02Oh, no!
00:51:04Fuck!
00:51:06That wasn't supposed to happen.
00:51:08What? What wasn't supposed to happen?
00:51:10He's a lying fucking scumbag. He's taking the piss out of us.
00:51:12And if you're taking the piss out yourself,
00:51:14if you get sacked, I'm going to chill out.
00:51:16If you do Mario over now, forget getting fired.
00:51:18You might even end up in a nickname.
00:51:20Come on, son.
00:51:22It's just, he's winding me up.
00:51:24But you're right.
00:51:26It's better to hit him where it hurts most.
00:51:28I've just got to buy me time.
00:51:30Yeah.
00:51:54Greg! Greg!
00:51:56You know he said that yoghurt was a good cure for sunburn?
00:51:58Yeah, I'd offer some relief, yeah.
00:52:00Does it matter what flavour you get?
00:52:02Well, natural's usually the best.
00:52:04Oh, shit. I hate natural yoghurt.
00:52:06You're not supposed to eat it.
00:52:08What are you supposed to do with it?
00:52:10You're supposed to rub it round your balls and your armpits, aren't you?
00:52:12All right.
00:52:14Leave him alone, you twat.
00:52:16Don't listen to him, Nick. He's winding you up.
00:52:22Here's a ticket for you. Friday night, Eden.
00:52:24It's going to be a good night. You've got to get there early, get some drinks in.
00:52:26One for you. Ticket for you.
00:52:30I hope you realise it's a criminal offence to impersonate a YF&S rep.
00:52:32What gave me away? I talk without drooling.
00:52:34Better than the fact that you're far too ugly to work for us.
00:52:38Well, I swapped sides.
00:52:40What?
00:52:42Nothing, nothing. I'm just...
00:52:44I'm just seeing what images come to mind with that phrase.
00:52:46Heather set it up.
00:52:48They needed someone in a hurry to replace Lorraine,
00:52:50and, frankly, I was bored with dealing with snotty-nosed kids
00:52:52and calling out bingo numbers every Wednesday night.
00:52:54Well, are you trained?
00:52:56Oh, yeah, I can fart the national anthem and vomit over three feet.
00:53:00With you, darling, any bodily fluid is more than welcome.
00:53:08Hey, Mikey.
00:53:12Thanks.
00:53:14Dear Mikey,
00:53:16it seems so long since I saw you.
00:53:18What we had was great,
00:53:20and you'll always be a friend,
00:53:22but something needs me.
00:53:24I'm so confused,
00:53:26but I think I have to give it another try.
00:53:28Honest.
00:53:52Mike!
00:53:54You all right, mate?
00:53:56Is that a pleasant surprise,
00:53:58or are you genuinely interested?
00:54:00What's the matter with you?
00:54:04Facts.
00:54:06And it is so cold.
00:54:08That redhead you've been mooning over dumped you, I see.
00:54:10Come back to a boyfriend?
00:54:12Yeah.
00:54:14Let me guess.
00:54:16What we had together was special, yada-da-da,
00:54:18but my boyfriend's changed, yada-da-da.
00:54:20But we can still be friends. Good night, Vienna.
00:54:22How do you know that?
00:54:24That happened to me my first month.
00:54:26I mean, we work here. We get blasé about Ibiza.
00:54:28For the majority of Brits, it's a million miles away from their real world.
00:54:30I mean, sure, while they're here,
00:54:32it seems like love will find a way,
00:54:34but at the end of the day, they go on,
00:54:36back to their normal lives, you know?
00:54:38And when you think about what they've done
00:54:40or how people have turned into on holiday,
00:54:42it scares the fucking shit out of them.
00:54:44All they want to do is scurry back to their little comfort zones,
00:54:46and if that includes an old boyfriend,
00:54:49that's pretty deep for you, Greg.
00:54:51Yeah, well, don't go tell anyone.
00:54:53I've got a reputation to protect.
00:54:55Anyway, come on. Season's still young.
00:54:57Plenty more points to be had and all that.
00:54:59Yeah, come on. I'm going to put you down for a pint, mate.
00:55:01Mate, you'd better make that two.
00:55:03Oh!
00:55:05You dirty old man.
00:55:07But anyway, look, check this out.
00:55:09This is going to cheer you up, I guarantee you.
00:55:11Mary'll be lucky to get a shag off her blow-up door,
00:55:13whatever it is.
00:55:18Hello, sexy. How are you, all right?
00:55:38KNOCK AT DOOR
00:55:40Mary up!
00:55:48KNOCK AT DOOR
00:56:18KNOCK AT DOOR
00:56:22Two seconds.
00:56:49Phew!
00:56:52You're the man.
00:56:54You're the big man.
00:56:59You're the best.
00:57:02You're the best!
00:57:04Mary, hurry up!
00:57:06Yeah, I'm in a minute, bye.
00:57:12Phew!
00:57:18Phew!
00:57:28I want some of this.
00:57:33I'll bury this bone.
00:57:41Is that it?
00:57:43Yeah.
00:57:45Get your knickers on and get out.
00:57:48Bastard.
00:57:50I'm off on a sat on a washing machine.
00:57:52Shut up, you rabbit.
00:57:54Come on, get out, sling it.
00:57:56Come on, pack up, I've got to get moving.
00:57:58Come on!
00:58:18Come on!
00:58:48Come on!
00:59:18Come on!
00:59:36Bikini lion needs doing.
00:59:38Willy needs extending.
00:59:41Here, Brad, look.
00:59:48Listen up, everyone.
00:59:50OK, everyone that's going on the Boogie Nights porn star party,
00:59:54can you just gather round?
00:59:56I need to check your names off.
00:59:58Now, anyone that needs to be sorted out with 70s clothes and wigs
01:00:01can give your names to me now.
01:00:03So, count to me.
01:00:05Argh!
01:00:07LAUGHTER
01:00:09Woo-hoo!
01:00:19There's your engine, bro.
01:00:33LAUGHTER
01:00:49Well, boys, this competition's proven too easy for me.
01:00:52So I thought I'd give you two losers a chance to catch up.
01:00:55What's that, mate?
01:00:57Well, I've got a new competition.
01:00:59Why don't we get ten bonus points for going a wig without a shag?
01:01:02Don't you think that'll be a lot harder?
01:01:04Blasphemer. No.
01:01:06What I thought we could do is have, like, a phrase of the week.
01:01:09When you shag a bird, you get the bird to say it.
01:01:12And when you shag a bird, you get the bird to say it.
01:01:15Is that like a phrase of the week?
01:01:17When you shag a bird, you get the bird to say it.
01:01:19You know, jury.
01:01:21What sort of phrase?
01:01:23Well, I thought we could start with fluffy flops.
01:01:26What? Fluffy flops, you know.
01:01:29It doesn't matter how you get her to say it,
01:01:31as long as you don't mention the competition, all right?
01:01:34Fluffy flops, yeah.
01:01:37Greg, you're probably the sickest man around.
01:01:39Cheers, mate.
01:01:41Woo-hoo!
01:01:45..to be sure right from the start
01:01:49Yes, only love can break your heart
01:01:54But in your world...
01:01:56I want to see these points disappear, all right?
01:01:58One, two, three.
01:02:00Come on, boys, get them down.
01:02:02Get them down.
01:02:09WHISTLE BLOWS
01:02:11Right, listen up, everybody.
01:02:13Tonight, we are going to Eden,
01:02:15which is one of the maddest, baddest, loudest
01:02:17off-your-head clubs in Ibiza,
01:02:19and it is going to be a large one.
01:02:21So, if you haven't got a ticket, shake your stuff over to me.
01:02:24CHEERING
01:02:36I think he's had enough.
01:02:39Greg, what are you doing?
01:02:41He's had enough. And who are you, his mother?
01:02:43No, I'm... Listen, I don't want to hear it.
01:02:45Your job is to make sure these clients have a good time
01:02:47and buy a lot of drinks. Do you hear me?
01:02:52Where's my ticket?
01:02:54Do you think I should?
01:02:58Oh, here's all right. I'll go and get it.
01:03:00You can sort that.
01:03:02You all right? You good?
01:03:05Hello, darling.
01:03:08You all right, Jenkins?
01:03:10Yeah, you all right?
01:03:13Now, they are fit. Are they coming to Eden tonight?
01:03:16Probably. Are you up for it?
01:03:18Up for it?
01:03:20Listen, lovers, I've just got the pacemaker fitted, right?
01:03:23This could be my last ever holiday.
01:03:25So, believe me, I am up.
01:03:28For anything.
01:03:30See you later.
01:03:32See you later.
01:03:36Now, that's got to be worth a bottle at this point.
01:04:03You all right?
01:04:05Yeah, I am, mate.
01:04:07This club is fantastic. Them beats are great, man.
01:04:09You're the fucking best.
01:04:11Right, listen, listen.
01:04:13We're going to go and sit down. We're going to go over here.
01:04:15Come and follow me, yeah? Yeah.
01:04:23What's that? What's that?
01:04:25No, just a drop of water. Have a little drop of water.
01:04:28Then we're going to have a little dance.
01:04:30You're the captain first, yeah?
01:04:39All the best. I'll see you tonight.
01:04:41You're the man! You're the man!
01:04:43You're the man!
01:04:47Hello!
01:04:49Hey!
01:04:53It's wicked, man. It's liquid ecstasy.
01:04:56Well, share it out, then.
01:05:00Come on, then.
01:05:26So, what do you think of Brad?
01:05:29Yeah, he's a louse.
01:05:31Don't you fancy him, then?
01:05:33Brad? No.
01:05:35No, we're just good mates.
01:05:37Why are you asking me?
01:05:39Well, you and him are pretty tight.
01:05:41I thought that maybe... Brad, no, no.
01:05:43He's too much of a boy, if you know what I mean.
01:05:45He's a sweetie, though. I think he really cares.
01:05:50The only thing he cares about is winning that competition.
01:06:00She's pretty cool, isn't she?
01:06:02Oh, Mother Teresa. Who do you think?
01:06:05Carmen? Yeah, yeah, she's a good laugh, yeah.
01:06:08So you like her, then?
01:06:10No, I haven't really thought about it, you know.
01:06:12Anyway, you can't screw the crew.
01:06:14You know something, mate? You two are so into each other,
01:06:16you can't see past your noses.
01:06:18We're just good friends, you know?
01:06:20Screwed friends, right?
01:06:22You want to know what it is, mate?
01:06:24OK, Dr. Freud, enlighten me.
01:06:26She stimulates this and not Jeffrey.
01:06:28This and not just this.
01:06:30Bollocks.
01:06:32Truth is, we're just good friends,
01:06:34whoever laughed in the story.
01:06:36Well, I ain't got many mates that give me a 24-hour boner,
01:06:39that's for sure.
01:06:41And I thought I really meant something to you.
01:06:43HE LAUGHS
01:06:58MUSIC CONTINUES
01:07:28MUSIC CONTINUES
01:07:58MUSIC CONTINUES
01:08:05MUSIC CONTINUES
01:08:29HE LAUGHS
01:08:31HE COUGHS
01:08:35I'd better sort him out, he's had way too much, innit?
01:08:40All right, you all right, mate?
01:08:42I'm going to take you home, yeah?
01:08:46Cheers.
01:08:52You're fucking late.
01:08:55Oi, Brad, mate! Come over here, man.
01:08:57Brad, come see this, man.
01:08:59All right, keep the noise down, will you?
01:09:07Not fucking best, mate.
01:09:09The fucking best.
01:09:11Nick, I just need you to wait here, mate.
01:09:13I won't be a minute. Don't go anywhere. Wait here.
01:09:24What the fuck's going on?
01:09:26It was a little hard, mate. We were all shagging her, weren't we?
01:09:29Don't worry, mate. You're up next.
01:09:31What's she on?
01:09:33Booze, man. Bit of GHB, something like that.
01:09:35What? Makes them all his rabbits, mate.
01:09:37Did she mention anything that makes her different from any other girls?
01:09:40Oh, you're not telling me she's a sex change, man?
01:09:42Oh, no!
01:09:44She's got a fucking pacemaker.
01:09:46Oh, really, yeah? Fuck, no. You're having a laugh, aren't you?
01:09:50Oh, shit, no.
01:09:52No, Peggy. Peggy, wake up, love.
01:09:54Please. Peggy.
01:09:57Fucking hell.
01:10:03Oh, fucking...
01:10:05Fuck me, Peggy, wake up.
01:10:08Rod! Rod, are you in there, mate?
01:10:10Rod, it's the big one. Shit here, mate.
01:10:12What?
01:10:20Shit. Shit, shit.
01:10:22Shit, I can't feel anything.
01:10:24Fuck me, she's snuffed it, hasn't she?
01:10:26We need to get a doctor.
01:10:28We should have found her when we were doing it.
01:10:30She was drugged up and she's got a pacemaker.
01:10:32You were supposed to be helping her.
01:10:34I say we just fuck off, right, and we leave her here
01:10:36and then you can come and find her again in an hour or so, yeah?
01:10:38Don't be stupid. Apart from the fact that that's totally out of order,
01:10:41she's got all your Harry in her hair.
01:10:43I've just got her hair off.
01:10:45Greg, Greg, will you just think straight?
01:10:47Pitbull and all the boys saw you.
01:10:49Exactly. Exactly. They all shagged her.
01:10:51We need to get an ambulance now.
01:10:55Muchas gracias.
01:10:58I'm going to be here as soon as I can.
01:11:09This our room?
01:11:11Yeah, yeah, I'm sure it is, yeah.
01:11:15Hiya. What are you two doing here?
01:11:18You all right?
01:11:20Oh, fuck no, I feel terrible.
01:11:22God, I hope I didn't do anything bad last night.
01:11:25You don't remember?
01:11:27Er, just going out for a drink and then, er...
01:11:31I thought I did that stuff.
01:11:35Oh, shit! Shit!
01:11:37Don't worry about it, mate. Don't worry.
01:11:39Cos no-one else will remember nothing anyway, will they?
01:11:42No. Oh, God, I hope not.
01:11:44I couldn't look them in the face.
01:11:47I tell you what, you don't worry yourself,
01:11:49just try taking it a little bit easier next time, yeah?
01:11:51Yeah. Yeah? Yeah.
01:11:54All right. Yeah, yeah, cheers.
01:11:56See you in a bit. Yeah.
01:12:04Fuck, mate, it's just getting really out of hand.
01:12:06Oh, it's still going to be two points, though, huh?
01:12:09Where's the ambulance, bro?
01:12:11It's two fucking points, bro.
01:12:13Er, can you go away? It's a false alarm.
01:12:16Sorry, erm, you're not needed.
01:12:19No, no, no, you're not needed, OK?
01:12:21All right.
01:12:25What's happened?
01:12:31What's going on?
01:12:39What's happened? What's...
01:12:47Oh, shit.
01:12:49Shit.
01:12:51You found him in his room.
01:12:53He had choked on his own vomit.
01:12:57I tried to get him to go home.
01:12:59It's not your fault, mate.
01:13:01I told him to stop, I swear.
01:13:03I told him to stop, I swear.
01:13:17It's just so messed up.
01:13:23You happy now? I haven't got time for this, Brad.
01:13:25What, like you didn't have time for me last night?
01:13:27I told you them boys had had enough.
01:13:29Listen, I've had head office on the phone all day.
01:13:31Your boss might sue us.
01:13:33I hope you realise in my report I'll be telling them
01:13:35you made me get him so drunk he couldn't stand up.
01:13:37Oh, really? Well, newsflash, Brad,
01:13:39what you do as a rep in your hotel is down to you.
01:13:41And if you go out of state to company policy...
01:13:43Don't you care that a boy's dead because you forced me
01:13:45to pump him so full of booze
01:13:47just so he could get your little bran envelope?
01:13:52I'll make this simple for you.
01:13:54If you go to head office with allegations about me you can't prove
01:13:57and your arse is going to be on the next plane home,
01:13:59shut this and just do as you're told, will you?
01:14:07Listen, listen, me and Mikey have got a jeep.
01:14:09Let's go and get you away from this madness for a bit, eh?
01:14:11Come on.
01:14:13She's going to damp it all on me, I know it.
01:14:16We have to stop her.
01:14:18We? No, no, I've told you, mate, I don't give a toss what she does.
01:14:21I do my job, I suggest you do yours.
01:14:23We'll report her to head office.
01:14:25Yes, and we will all get fired.
01:14:27I can't even tell what the fuck she likes about the office.
01:14:29Yeah, but if we all... Forget it!
01:14:31I'm not having a laugh on you, I'll screw it all up.
01:14:33Well, she'd rather have fucked about until someone else does.
01:14:35What am I, a mug?
01:14:37All this just ain't worth it any more.
01:14:40Hey, guys, listen up.
01:14:42Alison's way too greedy not to write it all down in a book.
01:14:45Who owes what, who pays for what.
01:14:47All we've got to do is find that book.
01:14:50She probably keeps it in a safety deposit box at the hotel.
01:14:52And I've seen the key.
01:14:54She wears it round her neck.
01:14:56Let's cut her head off and we're sorted.
01:14:57You go straight at Alison, she's going to smell it a mile off.
01:14:59You've got to be smart.
01:15:01Greg, I need you in on this, mate.
01:15:04For fuck's sake, yes.
01:15:06What do you want to do?
01:15:09Just got to find her weak spot.
01:15:11One thing she just can't resist.
01:15:27I reckon one of us can do them both here, mate.
01:15:29You think?
01:15:31Yeah, I've just got this feeling about me, you know what I mean?
01:15:33I'm hardly ever wrong.
01:15:35Oh, God, come on, Greg, mate, let me have this one.
01:15:37I don't know, mate, Jesus.
01:15:39Oh, come on.
01:15:41All right, yeah, but it's going to cost you big time, I'm telling you.
01:15:45Er, ladies, I'm afraid I've got to head back.
01:15:48Oh, no, I thought you was going to walk us home.
01:15:51Yeah, well, I'm sure Mario here will be happy to advise.
01:15:54No problem at all.
01:15:56No problem at all.
01:16:26Oh, God.
01:16:57Hey!
01:16:59Get it off, Dom!
01:17:07I like that one bit,
01:17:09when the first geezer starts going down on you.
01:17:11He knew they were blokes.
01:17:13Come on, look, look.
01:17:15He was just curious.
01:17:17Mario, we understand.
01:17:19Yeah, mate, I mean, it's a shame, really,
01:17:21cos, you know, I doubled and a couple of bullet holes
01:17:23could have got you some nice points on.
01:17:25I ain't a fucking puff.
01:17:27Look, it's just that, you know, some people
01:17:29ain't as open-minded as us, that's all, it's just...
01:17:31One word, mate, and people might think
01:17:33that you're a stark raving queen.
01:17:35I tell you what we could do, we could make copies, you know,
01:17:37for his family and we could send it to him.
01:17:39OK, all right, I'll do it.
01:17:41Two conditions.
01:17:43Yeah?
01:17:45One, you give me that tape now.
01:17:47Yeah?
01:17:55MUSIC PLAYS
01:18:05Fucking hell, it's my tape!
01:18:17What's going on?
01:18:21That's Steph, that is.
01:18:23If you've got words in your mouth,
01:18:25why not try using them in that ratio?
01:18:27I'll have your fucking job for this.
01:18:29I don't say these things to win arguments, Alison.
01:18:31I say them to help you.
01:18:33All these names with money next to them.
01:18:35What can they mean?
01:18:37It means that you're standing up to your ears in shit,
01:18:39so you'd better not go making waves.
01:18:41So, Mario's not the only one getting shafted tonight.
01:18:44So, shut up...
01:18:47..and listen.
01:18:50And one day you might be in this position as well.
01:18:53Well, it is your investigation,
01:18:55and I've found that I must have made a mistake.
01:18:58No, I can deal with it here.
01:19:01No. No, Brad is outstanding.
01:19:06Yeah, I couldn't believe it either.
01:19:08Yeah, I'll get it all straightened out, no problems. Bye.
01:19:13You keep off everybody's backs till the end of the season.
01:19:16You give everybody a good rip-off...
01:19:19..and I'll give you back your cash
01:19:21and your little book.
01:19:26Oh, yeah, and, um...
01:19:29..there's just one more little thing.
01:19:44Right. Right. Come.
01:19:47We had a chance to talk about the other night.
01:19:51What about it?
01:19:53We're in the club. You know, when we...
01:19:55Oh, that. That.
01:19:57It's just the chemicals, right?
01:19:59Was it? Yeah, I was flying.
01:20:02Yeah, so was I, but...
01:20:05..I wasn't on anything.
01:20:09Well, I've handed in my notice, now Lorraine's back.
01:20:13You don't have to do that.
01:20:15Well, I prefer to work with kids who look their age.
01:20:17That way you know where you are.
01:20:19You know where you are with me, Carmen. I thought we was having a laugh.
01:20:21You know, there's plenty of season left.
01:20:23Plenty of season, plenty of points.
01:20:26Carmen, you've got me all wrong.
01:20:28Brad, you don't need to apologise.
01:20:30You like to be a winner. What's wrong with that?
01:20:32You were the blue-eyed boy of the training course.
01:20:34I mean, you've won against Alison
01:20:36and I'd bet my money on you winning the competition.
01:20:40So...
01:20:41..good luck to you.
01:20:43Yeah, but surely, you know... Brad!
01:20:45Brad, my friend's just been sick all over my floor.
01:20:47All right, look, can't this wait just one second?
01:20:49No, it can't. She's locked herself in the bathroom and she won't come out.
01:20:52Come on.
01:21:07So, Greg is in the lead.
01:21:10You think you can win?
01:21:13No.
01:21:14What would I win?
01:21:16Greg, you'll be the biggest dick.
01:21:23Are you ready?
01:21:47Good to be back, then.
01:21:49Oh, really?
01:21:50Well, you know, I just spoken to Carmen.
01:21:52She's great, isn't she?
01:21:53She's here, then?
01:21:54Yeah.
01:21:55Fantastic.
01:21:56Oh.
01:21:58Well, I've been talking to the skis, all right,
01:22:00and apparently, right, there's these two sisters on board, right,
01:22:02and they used to be lap dancers.
01:22:03They've got to be up for it.
01:22:04Well, maybe we can both do them.
01:22:06Both get the extra points.
01:22:07There's a special exception.
01:22:09Yeah, but only if the bullet hole's in play.
01:22:11I've heard they've booked their glennies.
01:22:13How many bonus points is that?
01:22:17I'm wrinkly starfish.
01:22:18Fuck that.
01:22:19What's the matter with you?
01:22:28He was too finesse for me.
01:22:30I thought he owned me.
01:22:33Sometimes you've got to move on.
01:22:37Come on, get your arse out of here.
01:22:38We've got to do the prizes.
01:22:39Yeah.
01:22:42Why did you bring me here?
01:22:44I'm not even a wire finesse rep any more.
01:22:46Will you just shut up for once, Carmen?
01:22:48You might actually like what you're about to hear.
01:22:55Let's talk about the prizes and have your attention,
01:22:57just for two minutes, please.
01:22:58The Champagne Diving Award goes to Crazy Lib.
01:23:01So where are you, Crazy Lib?
01:23:03Come up here, mate.
01:23:04Good, son.
01:23:05We'll sort you out.
01:23:07Yeah?
01:23:08Sorted?
01:23:09Lovely.
01:23:10Right, the first Top List Dive Award goes to Jennifer.
01:23:13Jennifer, wherever you are.
01:23:14Jennifer!
01:23:18Jenny, a kiss from you.
01:23:20Yeah, and to be honest,
01:23:21I don't think she's got any danger of drowning with them, do you?
01:23:24Yeah, that's right.
01:23:25The award for the sexiest...
01:23:27Yeah, actually, I got a special award of my own.
01:23:33But I don't know if there's going to be a prize at the end of it.
01:23:35That's down to Carmen.
01:23:37You're right, Carmen.
01:23:39I've always liked being a winner.
01:23:44And when I first heard about that competition at the training course,
01:23:47that's all that's been on my mind.
01:23:49But the other night, I had a kiss...
01:23:52..and I couldn't score any points for it.
01:23:54Why?
01:23:57Because it was off the scale.
01:23:59And so, Carmen, I want to award myself a prize
01:24:02for being the biggest dick of the season.
01:24:07Only a dick...
01:24:09..would think that winning a shagging competition
01:24:11is more important than losing a chance to be with someone like you.
01:24:15So, if it's not too late, and if you still have me...
01:24:21..I'm off the board.
01:24:23Sean, put some bloody music on!
01:24:25It's all right, mate.
01:24:40Are you sure this is what you want?
01:24:42Oh, come on, Carmen has let you come on his boat.
01:24:44It's only fair you let him come on yours.
01:24:46Oh, fuck off, Greg.
01:24:48Are you sure you mean this?
01:24:53Yes.