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00:00:30♪
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00:04:20♪
00:04:23What?
00:04:24♪
00:04:27Hi.
00:04:28♪
00:04:38♪
00:04:48♪
00:04:53Hey.
00:04:54♪
00:04:59♪
00:05:09What's your name?
00:05:11Why?
00:05:12Why?
00:05:14Why do you want to know my name?
00:05:16Just so I know what to call you.
00:05:19When...
00:05:21When what?
00:05:23When we talk.
00:05:25That's what I mean.
00:05:26Is that what you want to do?
00:05:28Talk?
00:05:31Maybe.
00:05:34Talking might be nice.
00:05:37I mean, we could do other things.
00:05:40You're hard of speaking quickly.
00:05:42♪
00:05:52♪
00:06:02♪
00:06:12♪
00:06:22♪
00:06:32♪
00:06:40Drink.
00:06:45Aren't you drinking?
00:06:47Yes.
00:06:49Later.
00:06:52Don't I get to order my own drink?
00:06:55No.
00:06:57♪
00:07:07♪
00:07:15Drink.
00:07:21I think I'd rather order my own drink.
00:07:24Drink it.
00:07:27I...
00:07:29I don't know you.
00:07:31What if...
00:07:33What if I...
00:07:35Drugged me?
00:07:37I did.
00:07:39What?
00:07:41I drugged you.
00:07:43Something very special.
00:07:46Now drink it.
00:07:48♪
00:07:53Wait.
00:07:55Hold on.
00:07:57Okay.
00:07:59I'm holding on.
00:08:03Now listen to me.
00:08:06You were meant to come here.
00:08:08To find me.
00:08:10That's all that matters.
00:08:13It's all you were ever born for.
00:08:16To be here with me.
00:08:18Right now.
00:08:22Now drink.
00:08:24♪
00:08:34Drink.
00:08:36♪
00:09:00What was in that drink?
00:09:03I was.
00:09:05My blood.
00:09:07Your...
00:09:10What?
00:09:12How'd you like it?
00:09:15I liked it.
00:09:17♪
00:09:27♪
00:09:37♪
00:09:47♪
00:09:57♪
00:10:07♪
00:10:17♪
00:10:27♪
00:10:33Is something wrong?
00:10:36Everything's perfect.
00:10:40Just like you.
00:10:42No!
00:10:44No!
00:10:46No!
00:10:48No!
00:10:50No!
00:10:52No!
00:10:54No!
00:10:56No!
00:10:58No!
00:11:00No!
00:11:02No!
00:11:04♪
00:11:14♪
00:11:24♪
00:11:34♪
00:11:39And now it's time for episode 225 of Alexander's Church of Chill.
00:11:51Watch in horror as we reveal ghosts,
00:11:57monsters,
00:12:00mutants,
00:12:02and a walking dead.
00:12:07Welcome to Alexander's Church of Chills, episode 225.
00:12:12Alexander Jarvis here, along with my grizzly gals Edwina and Juniper.
00:12:20Click like, subscribe, join our Patreon page.
00:12:24Smash those buttons.
00:12:26This episode?
00:12:28Death in the rat house.
00:12:30And?
00:12:32Haunted baby hands in Evermount Hospital.
00:12:34Ooh, and?
00:12:36The man who ate his family.
00:12:39With recipes.
00:12:41It's Church of Chills.
00:12:45Okay, and cut.
00:12:49Want to do another one?
00:12:51Why?
00:12:53For safety.
00:12:55Maybe we can make it better.
00:12:57Seriously?
00:12:59Who do I look like to you, Stanley Kubrick?
00:13:01No.
00:13:03Not even slightly.
00:13:05Thank God.
00:13:07Alright, finish it up, send it out.
00:13:09You check the feed.
00:13:11I'm going to start work on 226.
00:13:13After I take a piss.
00:13:15Because that's how I roll.
00:13:19Well, good luck.
00:13:31Okay, you girls ready?
00:13:33Yeah?
00:13:35Alright, let's get this down.
00:13:37Okay, Junie, start recording.
00:13:39Okay, this is Church of Chills.
00:13:41Episode 226.
00:13:43Segment 3.
00:13:45Pre-record rehearsal.
00:13:47The vile vivisectionist.
00:13:49And?
00:13:53The next terrifying tidbit
00:13:55straight out of Victorian history
00:13:57is called
00:13:59Dr. Jonas Hope, the vile vivisectionist
00:14:01of St. Pancras Hospital.
00:14:03Back then,
00:14:05doctors didn't know
00:14:07that they needed to wash
00:14:09their hands before surgery.
00:14:11And the most well-known butcher
00:14:13I mean surgeon
00:14:15was Dr. Jonas Hope.
00:14:21This guy loved nothing
00:14:23better than spending his days chopping off
00:14:25poor people's arms and legs.
00:14:27Well, everybody needs a hobby.
00:14:29But then,
00:14:31one day,
00:14:33a patient came in who had been freshly crushed
00:14:35by a falling brick wall.
00:14:37I'll say,
00:14:39the doctor proceeds to cut off
00:14:41both of this poor guy's
00:14:43arms and legs.
00:14:45Of course, without benefit of anesthesia.
00:14:47And he survives.
00:14:49And then, a demented light
00:14:51dawns on the doctor.
00:14:53Okay, hold on, hold on.
00:14:55Cut, cut, cut.
00:14:57Oh, come, Jesus Christ.
00:14:59Stop recording, Junie.
00:15:01First of all,
00:15:03I am the
00:15:05only one who gets to call cut here.
00:15:07That's not true. I call cut all the time.
00:15:09Yeah.
00:15:11Yeah,
00:15:13you sure do, but you're not supposed
00:15:15to, alright? The director calls
00:15:17cut. The director, me. I'm the
00:15:19director. And guess what? The director
00:15:21calls cut. Really? Since when?
00:15:23Since when? Since always.
00:15:25That's the rule. The director calls cut.
00:15:27No, she means, since when are you
00:15:29is
00:15:31this
00:15:33what you're doing here?
00:15:35Does this make you the director?
00:15:37That is what you mean, isn't it, Junie?
00:15:39Well, actually, I was referring
00:15:41to the general role of a director, but
00:15:43sure, yeah, whatever, let's go with that.
00:15:45Okay, well, why don't we go with
00:15:47my interpretation of your remarks?
00:15:49No, no, no. How about we go with the fact that
00:15:51I created the show, and my name
00:15:53is on it? Alex. Hm? And the fact that you
00:15:55two, you work for me. Alex.
00:15:57And I am the director, and I'm the one who
00:15:59gets to call cut. Alex!
00:16:01What? Why don't you just ask
00:16:03Eddie why she called cut?
00:16:05Because I know why Eddie called cut.
00:16:07Really? Yeah.
00:16:09You want to bet on that?
00:16:11Ha, ha, ha.
00:16:13What are you willing to bet, hm?
00:16:15The light of my life?
00:16:17The criterion and collection of your
00:16:19Jeff Sprango DVDs? Are you kidding me?
00:16:21I wouldn't bet that. Oh, damn it.
00:16:23Okay, so, how about this?
00:16:25No more calling cut.
00:16:29For this episode.
00:16:33Deal. Okay, great.
00:16:35Wait, what happens if I win?
00:16:37You girls can have everything I own.
00:16:39Okay.
00:16:41No, no.
00:16:43Wait, that's a trick. You don't actually own
00:16:45anything, you fucker.
00:16:47Okay, so what then?
00:16:49You've got to be nice to us.
00:16:51Ha, ha, ha.
00:16:55Wait, for how long?
00:16:57Forever.
00:16:59Seriously?
00:17:01A week.
00:17:06Okay, but just
00:17:08hold on a second, okay?
00:17:22What is this?
00:17:24That is why Eddie called cut.
00:17:27You're a
00:17:29independent arbiter.
00:17:31Smile when you call me that, stranger.
00:17:35You may proceed.
00:17:39Finally, thank you.
00:17:43I wanted to point out that
00:17:45there are around two paragraphs missing about
00:17:47how patients were treated in those wards. That was all
00:17:49great stuff. Yeah, yeah, it really is.
00:17:51As indeed
00:17:53all of your stuff is, Eddie.
00:17:55Brilliant.
00:17:57But the show, it's coming in long.
00:17:59And it's got to come in on time.
00:18:01And one of us has to be an adult here.
00:18:03Right?
00:18:05And you, my love,
00:18:07you don't make cuts.
00:18:11Junie, please.
00:18:17Eddie's going to bitch about the ward material being cut.
00:18:21There it is.
00:18:23So much for having to be nice
00:18:25to you two bitches.
00:18:27Don't give me that sourpuss
00:18:29look, Eddie.
00:18:31Now let's reset for take two
00:18:33without
00:18:35any calling cuts.
00:18:53And now
00:18:55And now
00:19:19And now
00:19:21it's time
00:19:23for Alexander's
00:19:25Church of
00:19:27Chills
00:19:29The next terrifying tidbit
00:19:31straight out of Victorian history
00:19:33is called
00:19:35Dr. Jonas Hope, the vile vivisectionist
00:19:37of St. Pancras Hospital
00:19:39See, back then
00:19:41doctors didn't understand that they needed to
00:19:43wash their hands before surgery
00:19:45and the most infamous
00:19:47butcher
00:19:49surgeon
00:19:51was Dr. Jonas Hope
00:19:53This guy loved nothing better than chopping off
00:19:55poor people's arms and legs
00:19:57Well, everybody needs a hobby
00:19:59One day
00:20:01a patient had come in who had been
00:20:03crushed by a falling brick wall
00:20:05I'll say
00:20:07Dr. Jonas
00:20:09proceeded to cut off
00:20:11both of this poor guy's arms
00:20:13and legs
00:20:15of course without benefit of anesthesia
00:20:17and he survived
00:20:19And then
00:20:21suddenly
00:20:23a demented light dawned
00:20:25on the doctor
00:20:27He began to wonder just how much he could
00:20:29remove from a human being
00:20:31and have that patient survive
00:20:35He had plenty of
00:20:37raw material
00:20:39a hospital full of it
00:20:41The good doctor
00:20:43selected patients to bring to his
00:20:45special ward
00:20:47There were chairs in his basement
00:20:49where he conducted his
00:20:51diabolical experiments
00:20:53And as for the screams
00:20:55well there were always screams coming from St. Pancras
00:20:57But all good things
00:20:59and some horrible ones
00:21:01come to an end
00:21:03About ten years later
00:21:05some busybodies started to ask questions
00:21:07and when they went to ask Dr. Hope
00:21:09these questions he
00:21:11disappeared
00:21:13So they cut the heavy locks of that door
00:21:15And what did they find
00:21:17down there?
00:21:19At first
00:21:21what they found
00:21:23didn't seem to be living at all
00:21:25let alone human
00:21:27They more resembled
00:21:29lines of
00:21:31damp leather bags
00:21:33with tubes coming from them
00:21:35leading to bottles
00:21:37Tubes to bring in food and remove waste
00:21:39What were in those sacks?
00:21:41Just a brain
00:21:43But no jaw
00:21:45No tongue
00:21:47No eyes
00:21:49No ears
00:21:51No skeleton
00:21:53No muscles
00:21:55Just a few essential organs laced together
00:21:57God knows what those brains
00:21:59were thinking
00:22:01And the doctor succeeded
00:22:03no less
00:22:05than thirty-three
00:22:07times
00:22:09But what about Dr. Hope?
00:22:11Where was he?
00:22:13As it turns out
00:22:15Dr. Hope had been using a cesspit
00:22:17to dispose of his discarded limbs
00:22:19When searchers closed in
00:22:21he'd attempted to use it
00:22:23as an escape route
00:22:25He didn't get very far
00:22:27They found him down there
00:22:29what was left of him
00:22:31And of course they couldn't explain
00:22:33the condition of the doctor's body
00:22:35The fact that it appeared
00:22:37as if it had been torn
00:22:39beaten
00:22:41strangled
00:22:43and
00:22:45by many groping
00:22:47hands
00:22:49Nor could anyone
00:22:51explain the look of stark terror
00:22:53on Dr. Hope's face
00:23:09What's the word
00:23:11that sounds like repugnant
00:23:13but it means
00:23:15you don't want to
00:23:17you know
00:23:19Reprehensible
00:23:21Rep
00:23:23re
00:23:25I would have thought of it
00:23:27but thank you
00:23:39What's the word
00:23:41that sounds like repugnant
00:23:43but it means
00:23:45you don't want to
00:23:47you don't want to
00:23:49you don't want to
00:23:51you don't want to
00:23:53you don't want to
00:23:55you don't want to
00:23:57you don't want to
00:23:59you don't want to
00:24:01you don't want to
00:24:03you don't want to
00:24:05you don't want to
00:24:07you don't want to
00:24:17Hey, Alex
00:24:19What?
00:24:21Take a look at this
00:24:23There's a video that has got over half a million hits
00:24:25since yesterday
00:24:27And growing
00:24:33Oh, yeah
00:24:35Good for them. Yours truly is not in the market of sending traffic to somebody else's bullshit website.
00:24:41Yeah, we've got our own bullshit website to worry about.
00:24:50She's got good taste, though. She is cute.
00:24:54What? We never put up anything that's fake.
00:24:58Of course we do. Bigfoot, found alien footage, all that shit is fake.
00:25:03This is different. It's viral marketing. You can tell.
00:25:14Yeah, see? There. How convenient.
00:25:17The name of the dumbass S&M club right there for everybody to see.
00:25:20A drink, a blowjob, and a moita.
00:25:24How scary.
00:25:27You ever been to one of these clubs, Junie? Seriously?
00:25:30It's like trying to go to a nude beach. You expect Sports Illustrated, but you get people like me.
00:25:41Ew. Yuck.
00:25:44Yeah, thanks. Point is, that's fucking staged.
00:25:48We could use some of those nice juicy hits.
00:25:51I'm telling you that this sort of thing flows the other way. It sucks our viewers to them, not the other way around.
00:25:57Now, sugar pie, honey bunch, can we please get back to work?
00:26:03And don't give me that sourpuss look.
00:26:57What?
00:26:58What?
00:27:24Eddie, go get Alex. I need you to go get Alex.
00:27:27He's asleep. What's going on?
00:27:32He's asleep. What's going on?
00:27:42Is this live?
00:27:46Alex!
00:27:49Alex! Get down here!
00:27:52Alex, wake up!
00:27:57Jesus fucking Christ!
00:28:01How many fucking times have I told you to stop doing that?
00:28:04Be nice!
00:28:05Fuck.
00:28:06Oh, what a piece of work is man!
00:28:12How noble in reason, how infinite in faculty, in form and movement, how expressed and admirable...
00:28:23Enough!
00:28:25Enough.
00:28:26What?
00:28:27Guys, guys, Alex, come here. Hellfire House is live streaming again.
00:28:32Are you fucking kidding me? That's why you woke me up?
00:28:36Just watch.
00:29:26Sorry.
00:29:33Must be giving him some sort of hypnotic drug.
00:29:36Oh, so you don't think it's actually his blood?
00:29:43Look, I don't know what this is.
00:29:45So, you don't think this is a real-life honest-to-gosh vampire live streaming his killings?
00:29:51Alex, there doesn't have to be a real-life vampire for killings.
00:29:54Okay, yeah, that makes sense.
00:29:56All the stuff where he's turning into a vampire, that's fake.
00:29:58But all the stuff where he's killing these chicks, that's real, that's what you believe? Seriously?
00:30:04I don't know, Alex. There's something about this.
00:30:24Interesting.
00:30:50Interesting.
00:30:52Always surprises.
00:30:55I'm impressed.
00:30:57Usually when a woman mocks herself in this way,
00:31:02the cap is a flash of what overwhelms the illustration.
00:31:15These...
00:31:19are quite lovely.
00:31:22Do you have any tattoos?
00:31:25I'd love to see them.
00:31:27I'm afraid not, my dear.
00:31:52Wait.
00:31:54Can...
00:31:56Wind it back.
00:31:57What?
00:31:58The part where he's biting her. Wind it back. I want to see something.
00:32:01Yeah, yeah, hold on.
00:32:07Did you catch it?
00:32:08Catch what?
00:32:09Just slide over.
00:32:10Jesus Christ, Alex. What the fuck?
00:32:13Yeah, this is getting weird, even for you.
00:32:15Just wait a second, okay? Fuck.
00:32:21There.
00:32:24You see it?
00:32:25See what?
00:32:26It's her jugular.
00:32:28No.
00:32:29No, Alex.
00:32:30No, Alex.
00:32:31No, Alex.
00:32:32No, Alex.
00:32:33No, Alex.
00:32:34No, Alex.
00:32:35No, Alex.
00:32:36No, Alex.
00:32:37No, Alex.
00:32:38No, Alex.
00:32:39No.
00:32:40God, no. Okay.
00:32:42The jugular is a vein in the neck, right here.
00:32:46What you're probably thinking of is the exterior carotid arteries, which are here and here in the neck.
00:32:53But this...
00:32:55That's the axillary artery.
00:32:59It runs under the collarbone and provides blood to the shoulder and the arm.
00:33:04He's never going to let us forget that he took a year of med school.
00:33:09Two and a half. Get it straight.
00:33:11Okay, so whatever the fuck this monetary...
00:33:15Axillary. Axillary artery.
00:33:17Okay, axillary artery. So?
00:33:20So...
00:33:22Why bother?
00:33:24If this is just viral marketing,
00:33:27why bother with this obscure anatomical detail?
00:33:31It makes more sense, dramatically, to just go for the throat.
00:33:35Okay, so...
00:33:38Doesn't that mean that somehow or other this is all real?
00:33:45Yeah.
00:33:48I guess it does.
00:33:51Oh, fuck.
00:33:53Okay, so what do we do about it?
00:33:59We're going to air it.
00:34:03On the next show.
00:34:04On the next show.
00:34:34And now, it's time for Alexander's Church of Jill.
00:34:50No!
00:35:03What is the point of this nonsense?
00:35:06Just watch, my lord.
00:35:10How did this happen?
00:35:12These dabblers.
00:35:15How did they find us?
00:35:17I don't know.
00:35:18I can't seem to track them down.
00:35:20They keep themselves hidden.
00:35:22Just as we do.
00:35:24No.
00:35:26Not as we do.
00:35:30They're close.
00:35:49No.
00:35:51No.
00:35:53No.
00:35:55No.
00:35:57No.
00:35:59No.
00:36:02In case you were wondering, the two Carnage House streams,
00:36:05they're both over 3.5 million hits.
00:36:08Go figure.
00:36:09Jesus, take a look at these numbers.
00:36:11780,000, 790,000.
00:36:14Well, they scored that high.
00:36:16That's not them, mastermind.
00:36:17This is us.
00:36:19Are you kidding me?
00:36:20Hey, guys.
00:36:22Take a look at this.
00:36:23Found another one.
00:36:24Another one what?
00:36:25Another Carnage House killing.
00:36:27This one's different.
00:36:29What do you mean?
00:36:30Different how?
00:36:31It's old.
00:36:32It's got to be the first one.
00:36:34Look.
00:36:35Okay, see one and two?
00:36:37They're both over a million hits.
00:36:39This one.
00:36:40It's only got seven.
00:36:42Why would they pull that back?
00:36:44It must be some kind of rehearsal.
00:36:48Maybe it wasn't meant for streaming.
00:36:50Or maybe something went wrong.
00:36:57Okay, well, that seems to be everything on the punch list.
00:37:04We should check the mirrors.
00:37:06Of course.
00:37:15Oh, the new sign isn't in place.
00:37:19But there's something there.
00:37:21Quir...
00:37:23Quirheim?
00:37:25Yes.
00:37:26It's the name of the home.
00:37:28But it's an old word.
00:37:30It means house of blood.
00:37:36I don't know.
00:37:37I don't know.
00:37:38I don't know.
00:37:39I don't know.
00:37:40I don't know.
00:37:41I don't know.
00:37:43Oh.
00:37:45Not my blood.
00:37:47Blood of my family.
00:37:53All right.
00:37:55Oh.
00:37:56Excuse me.
00:37:58Okay, well, it seems that everything's in order.
00:38:01So it seems.
00:38:03A little rough around the edges yet.
00:38:07I can see its final form.
00:38:10It's starting to peek through its crystals.
00:38:15Well, yes, I suppose.
00:38:20Okay, well, that is everything.
00:38:29What was I thinking?
00:38:31You have to sign the deed.
00:38:35Is this completely necessary?
00:38:40Yes.
00:38:53Great.
00:38:54Okay.
00:38:56Well, I think that's everything then.
00:38:59So I'm going to get going.
00:39:03I can't believe it yet.
00:39:05We have to christen the place.
00:39:08Oh, no.
00:39:10No, I really don't have time for that.
00:39:13Please.
00:39:27Well.
00:39:33Two extraordinary things.
00:39:35Yeah, two extraordinary things.
00:40:06Oh.
00:40:08Wow, that is some strong stuff.
00:40:14Yes, well, I found it necessary.
00:40:17Necessary?
00:40:19Necessary for creating a connection between us.
00:40:23Don't you feel a connection between us?
00:40:27Yeah, no, I really should.
00:40:31Well, I really should.
00:40:35I have to go.
00:40:37Oh, that would be a terrible waste.
00:40:40Wouldn't you agree?
00:40:44There we are.
00:40:46A sad house so much finer you appear without those rags wrapped around you.
00:40:53A sacrifice perfect for the gods.
00:40:58Ready to be laid on the altar.
00:41:04Yes.
00:41:06This is all meant to be.
00:41:09Take her.
00:41:11No.
00:41:15No.
00:41:17No.
00:41:23No.
00:41:25No.
00:41:27No.
00:41:30No.
00:41:43No.
00:41:45Please.
00:41:50No.
00:41:58No.
00:42:07Jesus.
00:42:09Some fucking rehearsal.
00:42:13Oh, my God.
00:42:30I've heard that name before.
00:42:32It's some big old stately home or something, isn't it?
00:42:36Beats me.
00:42:42What?
00:42:52You'll find that your machines no longer work for now.
00:42:58What the hell?
00:43:03Fuck, he's right.
00:43:05Yes, I am.
00:43:07So do I have your attention now, Mr. Jarvis?
00:43:12Ladies.
00:43:14Holy shit.
00:43:16Alex, if he knows our names...
00:43:18Okay.
00:43:21You have our attention.
00:43:24What can we do for you?
00:43:25What you can do for me?
00:43:27I was thinking more along the lines of what you've done to me.
00:43:32By making public what I've chosen to keep private.
00:43:37I suspect you have no idea to what extent your thoughtlessness has inconvenienced me.
00:43:44What do you mean, we made public?
00:43:47You live stream your thing to hundreds of thousands of people.
00:43:51Don't light that cigarette.
00:43:54In fact, I want you to stop smoking altogether.
00:43:58It's a sordid habit.
00:44:00A habit of weak men.
00:44:02And it pollutes the body.
00:44:05Dude, it's just a cigarette.
00:44:07Put it down.
00:44:13Okay, I'm sorry.
00:44:16Mr. Jarvis.
00:44:18I plant my seeds very cautiously.
00:44:21That's why no one outside of my circle knows about us.
00:44:25That is, until now.
00:44:27Because of you.
00:44:29You've chosen to imprudently scatter those seeds to the wind.
00:44:33I'm sorry, I didn't understand.
00:44:37I don't understand.
00:44:39I don't suppose you're willing to share why you want to do this seed scattering?
00:44:45No.
00:45:01Threaten us?
00:45:04I don't threaten people.
00:45:07If I considered you a danger to me, you would never have seen me coming.
00:45:13I don't know what to explain.
00:45:16Or...
00:45:20I don't know.
00:45:24I guess I'm done.
00:45:26I mean, I'm done guessing.
00:45:29Renfield.
00:45:32Jenny, what?
00:45:33I'm afraid I didn't quite catch that, young lady.
00:45:37Um...
00:45:40Renfield is a character in the novel Dracula?
00:45:45It's an awful job.
00:45:46Yes.
00:45:47I'm familiar with the work.
00:45:50Renfield is...
00:45:52How would you describe him?
00:45:55The groveling lunatic, servant of the vampire.
00:46:00I thought that...
00:46:03Maybe he thought about us like that.
00:46:06You're not far from wrong, Miss Colbert.
00:46:09But upon examination, it's obvious to me that you're all thoroughly trivial creatures.
00:46:17Not even useful to me as Renfield.
00:46:22As you put it.
00:46:25Of course, you agree.
00:46:30Don't you?
00:46:33I don't know.
00:46:35Don't you?
00:46:37Yes.
00:46:42Yes, I agree.
00:46:45I mean, I...
00:46:48I can see exactly.
00:46:58They're gone.
00:47:01The sunlight.
00:47:03Shit, that's why he's gone.
00:47:06For now.
00:47:08Fuck.
00:47:26Alex.
00:47:29Alex.
00:47:31What?
00:47:32So what the fuck do we do now?
00:47:35Uh...
00:47:38I'll tell you what we're gonna do.
00:47:40The footage of the contractor lady.
00:47:43We air it.
00:47:44Tonight.
00:47:45Are you fucking crazy?
00:47:47Haven't we pissed him off enough?
00:47:48He obviously didn't want it aired.
00:47:50There's clearly something on there that he didn't want anyone to see.
00:47:53So we're gonna let people see it.
00:47:55Seriously, Alex, you're fucking mental.
00:47:58Juniper, what are you doing?
00:47:59What does it look like I'm doing, Alex?
00:48:01You really think you're gonna be able to outrun this guy if he wants to find you?
00:48:05I think I have a better chance of outrunning him if I fucking run.
00:48:08God damn it, where are my shoes?
00:48:10Where are my fucking shoes?
00:48:11Juni.
00:48:12Can you please just calm down?
00:48:13I am calm.
00:48:16Okay.
00:48:20Alex, I want my money.
00:48:23I need my money.
00:48:24Jesus, Juni, we didn't even discuss...
00:48:26Cut the bullshit.
00:48:28You always said we were equal partners in this.
00:48:30We have money.
00:48:32I'm resolving the partnership.
00:48:35I need whatever part of the share that is mine, okay?
00:48:37So go get that cash box, Alex.
00:48:40I need my money.
00:48:42Juni, can we just talk?
00:48:44Talk about what?
00:48:46Fine, Eddie, fine.
00:48:47Yeah, go ahead.
00:48:48Talk.
00:48:49Talk about what?
00:48:50I just don't think that...
00:48:51That's right.
00:48:53There's nothing to talk about.
00:48:56Enough.
00:48:57Go get the cash box, Alex.
00:48:59Alex.
00:49:06Fine.
00:49:15Seriously, Alex?
00:49:17You keep the key in the lock?
00:49:19What do you want from me?
00:49:20I would have lost it otherwise.
00:49:21Jesus Christ, hurry up.
00:49:22Hey.
00:49:24I don't have time for this.
00:49:26We don't have time for this.
00:49:29Shit, I didn't realize how broke we were.
00:49:32Seriously, take a look around.
00:49:34Fine, fine, fine.
00:49:36Okay, $850.
00:49:38That's my share.
00:49:40I'm taking it.
00:49:42Juni, please.
00:49:44Juni, wait.
00:49:54Alex?
00:50:04Take care.
00:50:13I love you guys.
00:50:17Just do yourselves a favor.
00:50:21Just do yourselves a favor.
00:50:24And run.
00:50:38Eddie.
00:50:40So...
00:50:45So...
00:50:48So we do what I fucking said, okay?
00:50:50We air it tonight.
00:50:52And we try to figure out why the fuck he didn't want anyone to see it.
00:50:55And shit, I don't know.
00:50:56I don't know what the fuck else.
00:50:58I'm not fucking Van Helsing, Eddie.
00:50:59There are no more fucking Van Helsings.
00:51:01Jesus Christ, Alex.
00:51:02Why the fuck are you yelling at me?
00:51:05What did I do?
00:51:07What do you want from me?
00:51:09I don't know.
00:51:10I don't know.
00:51:11I'm sorry, okay?
00:51:12I know it's not your fault, but I'm just...
00:51:15It's crazy.
00:51:46Fuck.
00:51:59Shit.
00:52:06Jesus Christ!
00:52:08We're eating.
00:52:09Oh.
00:52:11Well, sorry if you scared us.
00:52:14You scared me to death.
00:52:15I'm so sorry.
00:52:16I didn't mean to creep up on you.
00:52:19It's...
00:52:20It's okay.
00:52:21I was just wondering if I might be able to help with this.
00:52:25I...
00:52:27I'm not sure.
00:52:31Oh, I'm so sorry.
00:52:33It's always getting tingled up and everything.
00:52:36Here, let me.
00:52:37It's...
00:52:38It's okay.
00:52:41Hmm.
00:52:42Cry?
00:52:43Yes.
00:52:45I'm trying to find local history.
00:52:47Hmm.
00:52:49I'm sorry?
00:52:50I think I can help you.
00:52:53Really?
00:52:54Yes.
00:52:55I'll be back.
00:53:14Here it is.
00:53:18Kurheim Vampire Cult.
00:53:20Holy shit, it's here!
00:53:22Got it!
00:53:24Seriously, thanks.
00:53:26I would have never found this on my own, I swear.
00:53:28You are a fantastic librarian.
00:53:31Who said I was a librarian?
00:53:35Christ.
00:53:37Why does stuff like this always happen to me?
00:53:42Christ.
00:53:44Why does stuff like this always happen to me?
00:54:11Jesus Christ, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
00:54:41Come on, you piece of shit, come on.
00:54:54Ow, God, damn it.
00:54:57Oh, please forgive me, please forgive me.
00:55:00Okay.
00:55:01Okay.
00:55:02Okay.
00:55:12Ow, God, damn it.
00:55:40Ow, God, damn it.
00:56:06Ow, God, damn it.
00:56:33Ow, God, damn it.
00:57:01Hey, Alex, I love what you've done with the place.
00:57:19Where do you go?
00:57:30That's the place.
00:57:32It was built in 1880.
00:57:34Whatever she's doing now, she was trying to do the same thing back then.
00:57:38She just couldn't make it work.
00:57:40Wait, what is this book?
00:57:43Death Cults Through the Ages.
00:57:44Let me read this to you.
00:57:47This is a quote.
00:57:50So speaks Senor Artur Valinor of the family Valinor.
00:57:56I have labored in the shadows for a very long time to bring forth a great change in the world.
00:58:01A change that will be forged in passion and blood.
00:58:04When the final sacrifice is performed before the great convocation of my followers,
00:58:10the world of the living will be overthrown and the lord of the eternal night will rule.
00:58:15Here, listen to this.
00:58:19Multiple reports, screams in the night, and horrible odors coming from the Krugerheim mansion.
00:58:25Right, that's that big closed up place out by Regency Park.
00:58:28It's right here in town.
00:58:30Police conducted a raid in the summer of 1892.
00:58:33In the basement, they found the torn, decayed, and partially devoured remains of over 200 women and children.
00:58:41Evidence suggested unholy ritualistic acts conducted both before and after death.
00:58:48Lovely.
00:58:50No trace was ever found of Valinor or his followers.
00:58:53Ownership of the mansion was passed to a single relative who had sealed up the property.
00:58:59It has been maintained unoccupied for over a century.
00:59:04Alex, look at this.
00:59:08Don't you see, Alex?
00:59:10It's them.
00:59:12All three of them.
00:59:14They haven't aged.
00:59:16Yeah, yeah, I see.
00:59:18This is what he's trying to do.
00:59:20It's what he's been trying to do since, since back then.
00:59:24This motherfucker isn't just looking for blood and tits.
00:59:28He's trying to destroy the whole fucking world.
00:59:31I mean, he hasn't had much luck though, right?
00:59:33Because it's been, what, like a hundred and something years?
00:59:35God damn it, don't you get it?
00:59:37They didn't have live streaming back then.
00:59:39Don't you see what he's doing?
00:59:42He needs some critical mass.
00:59:48That's what all this is about.
00:59:50Look, see.
00:59:53The stars, just right.
00:59:56The number of worshippers, just right.
00:59:59The sacrifices, just right.
01:00:01The rituals, just right.
01:00:06Jesus Christ, Alex.
01:00:09Don't give me that look.
01:00:12Don't tell me you suddenly don't believe it.
01:00:16This is what's happening right now.
01:00:18Okay, right.
01:00:19So what are we supposed to do?
01:00:21Go over there and stake him through the heart?
01:00:23They would kill us in two seconds.
01:00:25We can't just let them.
01:00:26Okay, listen.
01:00:27Let's just, let's just think about this, okay?
01:00:32He didn't want anybody to know this stuff, right?
01:00:35To know who he is, where he lives, what he's trying to do.
01:00:39So we do, like I said.
01:00:41We put it up and let people see it.
01:00:44And maybe, you know, maybe that screws the whole thing up.
01:00:47It blows up the ritual.
01:00:48Alex.
01:00:49No, no, come on.
01:00:50We've got to get this streaming before sunset.
01:00:52Jesus, I don't know if we have the time.
01:00:54It doesn't matter.
01:00:55It's fine.
01:00:56Come on, we'll get it streaming and just let it go.
01:00:57Come on.
01:01:13And now it's time for Alexander's Church of Chills.
01:01:27This is an emergency broadcast.
01:01:30Listen.
01:01:31This is Kruerheim, built in the 1800s.
01:01:36It has been the scene of nightmares and murders.
01:01:40It still is.
01:01:42This man is Arturo Valinor, only he's not just a man.
01:01:46He's something else.
01:01:50One of the undead.
01:01:51A vampire who feeds on human blood.
01:01:55He's there right now at Kruerheim.
01:01:57And what he was trying to do back then, he is still trying to do right now.
01:02:02He's trying to destroy the whole fucking...
01:02:06What the hell?
01:02:07Alex, a thief.
01:02:09What happened to the thief?
01:02:11How should I know?
01:02:14It's him.
01:02:16Some of you no doubt have been tuning in to Mr. Jarvis' Church of Chills.
01:02:22We here at Kruerheim have been enjoying it all evening.
01:02:26But now we have other business to attend to.
01:02:31We here, all of you, accept our invitation to take part in this ritual.
01:02:55Jesus.
01:02:57Alex, do you know how many people are watching this right now?
01:02:59Christ, Eddie, I don't think right now is the time for that.
01:03:01185.
01:03:03187.
01:03:04And that's just us.
01:03:05What the fuck?
01:03:08How did he even know that we were going to be...
01:03:10What are the numbers on his street?
01:03:12No good.
01:03:13He's locked us out again.
01:03:30God.
01:03:55Holy shit.
01:03:56The sacrifice.
01:03:57Fuck.
01:03:58It's Judy.
01:03:59Oh my God.
01:04:01Fuck.
01:04:02What do we do?
01:04:03Oh my God.
01:04:04Fuck.
01:04:05You fucking leave her alone, you asshole.
01:04:29Fuck.
01:04:46Oh my God.
01:04:49What do you want from us?
01:04:51What do I want?
01:04:54What does a cat want with a mouse?
01:04:58Come on.
01:05:25He's gone.
01:05:26What a terrible shame.
01:05:56Superb.
01:05:58And pure.
01:06:01Oh, if I had the time to truly enjoy...
01:06:08Your untouchable...
01:06:12Delights.
01:06:15Who are these?
01:06:17You belong to your threats.
01:06:52There's someone down there.
01:07:22Who's there?
01:07:51What?
01:07:58I thought I told you to stop smoking.
01:08:04I said...
01:08:08Put it out.
01:08:11Junie.
01:08:17Junie, what happened?
01:08:20Are you okay?
01:08:22Yes, I'm quite all right.
01:08:25Everything turned out just as I'd planned.
01:08:29I was worried for some time that you two fools wouldn't play your appointed roles.
01:08:35But in the end...
01:08:38You performed the final sacrifice.
01:08:41Admirably.
01:08:43I don't understand.
01:08:46What's going on?
01:08:48I was worried about that.
01:08:51Alex, you idiot.
01:08:52It's not Junie.
01:08:54What?
01:09:10Listen to them.
01:09:12The children of the night.
01:09:16When music can't play.
01:09:47When music can't play.
01:09:52When music can't play.
01:09:57When music can't play.
01:10:01When music can't play.
01:10:05When music can't play.
01:10:09When music can't play.
01:10:13When music can't play.
01:10:16When music can't play.
01:10:19When music can't play.
01:10:22When music can't play.
01:10:25When music can't play.
01:10:28When music can't play.
01:10:31When music can't play.
01:10:34When music can't play.
01:10:37When music can't play.
01:10:40When music can't play.
01:10:43When music can't play.
01:10:46When music can't play.
01:10:49When music can't play.
01:10:52When music can't play.
01:10:55When music can't play.
01:10:58When music can't play.
01:11:01When music can't play.
01:11:04When music can't play.
01:11:07When music can't play.
01:11:10When music can't play.
01:11:13When music can't play.
01:11:16When music can't play.
01:11:19When music can't play.
01:11:22When music can't play.
01:11:25When music can't play.
01:11:28When music can't play.
01:11:31When music can't play.
01:11:34When music can't play.
01:11:37When music can't play.
01:11:40When music can't play.
01:11:43When music can't play.
01:11:46When music can't play.
01:11:49When music can't play.
01:11:52When music can't play.
01:11:55When music can't play.
01:11:58When music can't play.
01:12:01When music can't play.